Sibling Rivalry Jealousy of a brother or sister may first become evident during the preschool period, partly because

this is the first time that children have enough vocabulary to express how they feel (know a name to call) and partly because preschoolers are more aware of family roles and how responsibilities at home are divided. For many children, this is also the time when a new brother or sister is born. A firstborn child is rarely allowed the privileges of a second child. The parents were untried, unsure of how far they should let a child venture or what level of responsibility a child could accept when the child was younger, or the firstborn serves as the trial run for all children who come after. This phenomenon can lead to sibling rivalry, because children as young as preschool can sense that a younger sibling is being allowed behavior that was not tolerated in them. They are little appeased by the explanation, Your brother is just a baby. To help preschoolers feel secure and promote self-esteem, supplying them with a private drawer or box for their things that parents or other children do not touch can be helpful. This can help defend their possessions against younger children who do not appreciate their property rights. Preparing for a New Sibling Introduction of a new sibling is such a major happening that parents need to take special steps to be certain their preschooler will be prepared. There is no rule as to when this preparation should begin, but it should be before the time a child begins to feel the difference the new baby will make. This is perhaps when the mother first begins to look pregnant. It is certainly before parents begin to make physical preparations for the new child. It is always less frightening for a child of any age to understand why things are happening, no matter how distasteful they may be, than to hear people whispering or having parents obviously evading the issue. The unknown is something to fear, whereas a definite event can be faced and conquered. P.901

Help parents not to underestimate the significance of a bed to a preschool child. It is security, consistency, and home. If the preschooler has been sleeping in a crib that is to be used for the baby, it is usually best if he or she is moved to a bed about 3 months in advance of the birth. The parents might explain, It's time to sleep in a new bed now because you're a big boy. The fact that he is growing up is a better reason for such a move than because a new brother or sister wants the old bed. The latter is a direct route to sibling rivalry and jealousy. If children are to start preschool or childcare, they should do so either before the baby is born or 2 or 3 months afterward, if possible. That way, children can perceive starting school as a result of maturity and not of being pushed out of the house by the new child. If the mother will be hospitalized for the birth, she should be certain her child is prepared for this separation in advance. As the mother is likely to go to the hospital during the night, it is unrealistic to expect a child in the morning to be happy about the arrival of a new sibling when he realizes the new baby has taken away his mother. Some communities offer preparation for birth classes for preschoolers, the same as for parents, or include children in adult preparation courses to help them master this new experience. Encourage women to maintain contact with their preschooler during the short time they are hospitalized for the birth. Some preschoolers may react very coldly to their mothers, turning their head away and refusing to come to them after even a few days' separation. This is a reaction not to the new baby but to the separation, the same phenomenon that may occur when a child returns home after being hospitalized (see Chapter 35). Ask pregnant women or couples what kind of preparation they are making for their older children; ask the mother of a new baby how everything is working out. Most parents find the problem of jealousy is bigger than they anticipated and welcome a few suggestions about how to provide more time for their preschooler during the day and which activities a preschooler would especially enjoy (Fig. 30.5; Box 30.8).