19th Annual Edition

December 4–17, 2023

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 DAV I DY U R M A N .C O M

S TA R B U R S T
Morgan Freeman

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 It takes time to become an icon

P L E A S E E N J O Y C H A M P A G N E R E S P O N S I B LY
HENRY TAYLOR B SIDE

Whitney Museum 99 Gansevoort Street whitney.org Henry Taylor: B Side is organized

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NOW AT THE WHITNEY

THROUGH JAN 28
Above: Henry Taylor, Untitled, 2022. Acrylic on canvas, 72 1/8 x At Left: Henry Taylor, Fatty, 2006. Acrylic and plastic tape on canvas, 65 x 54 in.
60 x 1 1/2 in. (183.2 x 152.4 x 3.8 cm). © Henry Taylor. Courtesy the (165.1 x 137.2 cm). Collection of R. Blumenthal. © Henry Taylor. Courtesy the artist and
artist and Hauser & Wirth. Photograph by Jeff McLane Hauser & Wirth. Photograph by Jeff McLane
 d e c e m b e r 4 –17, 2 0 2 3

REASONS
TO LOVE
NEW YORK
Because a boy from Queens can keep a former president in check (p.28) and a girl from Flushing can become the new face
of labor (p.30). Because even if they’re in your way in Soho, TikTokers have given us a new way of seeing the city (p.42).
Because if you try hard enough, you can walk out of Nobu with a martini (p.52). Because at least one-half of the former
First Couple is thriving (p.30) and so are the raccoons in Riverside Park (p.65). Because the boys in Merrily We Roll Along are
so damn charming (p.50). Because the coolest parties are happening in a sprawling Bed-Stuy mansion (p.32). Because you can
leave an Air Force officer and come back a baroness (p.66). And because, even here, a lost dog can find his way home (p.48).
27

The three boys who play Frank Jr. in Merrily We Roll Along.

Photograph by Gillian Laub d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 7

intelligencer
13
The National Interest
Why Nikki Haley
appeals to a party that
pretends its problems
don’t exist
By Jonathan Chait
16
Neighborhood News
The SUV that mistook
the subway for parking
By Paula Aceves
18
151 Minutes With …
America’s most divisive
Israel-Palestine scholar,
Norman Finkelstein
By Zak Cheney-Rice
22
Power
Henry Kissinger’s long
final act in high-society
New York
By Choire Sicha
strategist
75
Best Bets
A pleasingly
powerful toothpaste.
Plus: Nicer-looking
tote bags, actually
stylish snow boots,
and idiosyncratic
Christmas stockings.
78
Trust Me,
I Should Know
How to gift the
city itself
By Hilary Reid
79
The Look Book
Ventures into
an anime convention
82
Design Hunting
A Village apartment
where the
view is the point
By Wendy Goodman
86
Food
Matthew Schneier on
the rise of Fauxdeons;
a croquet club in
the Seaport
10 Comments
112 Games: New York
Crossword,
by Matt Gaffney;
the Vulture 10x10s
116 The Approval Matrix
8 n e w y o r k | nymag.com
the culture pages
91
d e c e m b e r 4 –17, 2 0 2 3 There’s Something
About Timothée
An exploration of what,
exactly, makes
the Wonka-to-be so
compelling.
Alison Willmore
asks whether he has “It,”
Nate Jones handicaps
when he’ll win an Oscar,
Allison P. Davis
wonders whether his
heartthrob days are
behind him, and more.
102
Every Celebrity’s
a Writer Now
How to navigate
this year’s glut
of memoirs
By Fran Hoepfner
104
Critics
music by
Craig Jenkins
André 3000’s solo
album trades
rhymes and
808 drums
for something
looser and lusher
movies by
Alison Willmore
Ridley Scott’s Napoleon
has the faltering
rhythms of a rough draft
tv by Jen Chaney
In its fifth season,
Fargo jars itself
out of complacency
108
To Do
Twenty-five
picks for the
next two weeks
CO V E R : S O U R C E I M AG E B Y B E T H S ACC A
on the cover:
Artwork by Na Kim
for New York Magazine.
this page:
Ashley Addison at Anime
NYC (see p.79). Photograph by
Frankie Alduino
for New York Magazine.
For customer service, call 800-678-0900

November 20–December 3, 2023
1 New York’s latest issue examined
how the Israel-Hamas war has caused
turmoil within the city (“The War and
New York,” November 20–December 3).
ProPublica’s Alec MacGillis said, “This is-
sue just arrived in the mail and it’s so well
done, exactly what you want from a city
magazine in this moment.” And Nick
Pinto, co-founder of the outlet Hell Gate,
wrote: “In its ambition, and, for the most
part, in its execution, the current issue … is
a really impressive example of a publica-
tion mobilizing its resources to meet a
moment.” Online, fights broke out among
readers with @sophiekpstone noting that
“this comment section is literally proving
the point made here (the only point being
that divisiveness is worse than ever).”
“Right? Is there a stupider, more useless
place to debate this than social media?”
added @reganwoodphoto.
2 As part of the issue, Simon van Zuylen-
Wood reported on the furor at 92NY
after it postponed—some said canceled—
an event with author Viet Thanh Nguyen
because he had signed an open letter criti-
cal of Israel (“92NY Digs In”). Justin Van
Wormer said, “What jumps out of this (very
good) piece is the extent to which the Y
(reasonably) wants to have a particular po-
litical identity around their personal identi-
ties but doesn’t seem to notice that a bunch
of the big names cancelling on them are
Jewish and POC people doing the same.”
The Nation’s Christopher Shay called the
story “cowardly” but added “it does some-
thing useful: It reveals hate at the top of
what was a beloved institution. The Y’s
10 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
Comments
THE WAR AND NEW YORK
FEARS, at workplaces and in restaurants, on university campuses and in playgrounds, over
Instagram and along lampposts, the war in Gaza has shifted something in the psyche
PROTESTS, of New York. Family members are confronting the vast distance between one another’s
POSTS, sense of justice. Friend-group chats that were once warm and boisterous are turning
FIRINGS, bitter and quiet. Some of our largest cultural institutions have been riven by accusations
DOXINGS, of intolerance and censorship. At the office, co-workers leave meetings frustrated and
LOST unheard, and high-profile statements of support for Palestinian rights have led to swift
FRIENDSHIPS, dismissals. Swastikas have been found graffitied on buildings. More than 11,000
VIGILS, AND Palestinians and 1,200 Israelis have been killed since October 7. This horror has been The water in the
Washington
refracted, here, into vigils and protests and moving gestures of support—as well as
BETRAYALS.
Square Park
fountain, dyed
acrimonious arguments over who is to be feared and who is in danger. There is a pervasive
THE CITY sense that everyone is hurting, aggrieved, and misunderstood and no longer pretending
red as part of
a pro-Palestinian
SINCE to share a common reality.
demonstration
on October 18.
OCTOBER 7.
18 n e w y o r k | n o v e m b e r 2 0 – d e c e m b e r 3 , 2 0 2 3 Photograph by Mackenzie Jamieson november 20–december 3, 2023 | new york 19
CEO compares being mildly critical of “Artists who create for fun and exploration,
ethnic cleansing to being pro-Covid— and art collectors interested in collectables
it’s almost laughably offensive.” and investments, are at either end of the art-
world spectrum—with galleries, critics,
3 Ryu Spaeth wrote about “The careers and studies muddying the colours
Fracturing of the Intellectual Left.” in-between.” And Kurt Newman said, “The
“I don’t think it’s fair to set up the two sides Art Front activists of the 1930s would have
so evenly like this,” wrote author Malcolm immediately called for collectivization of the
Harris. “If these are the best examples you galleries and elimination of the very position
can find of a Zionist intellectual left in the of rentier art collector/bully.” Many readers
US, it’s absurd to call that a fracture or a were incensed at the collector Stefan
split. A much better frame would’ve focused Simchowitz saying the artist Oscar Murillo
on Zionists realizing they’re totally unwel- “does not have the intellectual capacity or
come. I don’t think that would have played historical knowledge to understand the
better for the left necessarily, but it’d be complexity of the situation.” Writer Hanson
more accurate!” N+1’s Richard Beck cau- O’Haver found the quote to be “an unbeliev-
tioned, “When concern-trolling pieces like able encapsulation of the relationship
this tell you the left is ‘fracturing’ despite all between artists and the people who make
available evidence suggesting otherwise, money off them.” Critic Tobi Haslett tweet-
what they mean is that the part of the left ed, “I hope Oscar Murillo starts hanging out
they’re comfortable with is no longer in the with fewer psychotic racists.”
driver’s seat.” Brooklyn College professor
Corey Robin wrote, “Everyone’s pissed about 5 The Palestinian American author Zaina
this piece but I think it has two virtues. (1) It Arafat contributed an essay about the
gives a fair, full hearing to the anti-Zionist disorienting experience of watching the
side. (2) It reveals, inadvertently, the extent war play out over social media (“Witnessing
to which Zionist progressives depend on Gaza Through My Instagram Feed”).
debates from 100 years ago. I’ll take the Literary agent Caroline Eisenmann wrote
win.” Jacobin’s Benjamin Fogel, meanwhile, that it “beautifully articulates some of the
called the story “classic in the old tradition surreal, horrifying dissonance of the
of making a horrific world historic conflict moment.” Jim Duggan wrote, “This really
about the important issues: New York hit me. How do we turn our rage and
writers writing about each other.” sadness into something.” And Camille
Wallen said the essay helped “me to recog-
4Rachel Corbett investigated how an nise that the ‘news’ is too distant, that what
open letter in Artforum led to the firing we’re witnessing is real and daily life now for
of its top editor and weeks of art-world in- too many people.”
fighting (“Artists and Collectors Turn on Send correspondence to comments@nymag.com.
Each Other”). Adam Pelling-Deeves wrote, Or go to nymag.com to respond to individual stories.
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 inside: Car in your subway / Norman Finkelstein’s long crusade / Kissinger and the city

: the rise of nikki haley has energized the kind of

Republicans who at one time thrilled to the sight of Jeb Bush
and had begun to despair that they would ever see his like
again. “In recent weeks,” the New York Times reported,
“a number of chief executives, hedge fund investors and corpo-
rate deal makers from both parties have begun gravitating
P H OTO G R A P H : B R I A N S N Y D E R / R E U T E R S

Nikki Haley’s Rocket toward” Haley, the former governor of South Carolina.
The powerful Koch network has thrown its weight behind
Ride to Second Place her candidacy. JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon has made
supportive noises, and billionaire Kenneth Griffin is “actively

Her boomlet is the contemplating” a donation. (Wealthy people do nothing

passively, not even contemplation.) Health-data executive

GOP’s weakest challenge Jonathan Bush—yes, of that Bush family—gushed, “It’s

invigorating to be truly excited by a candidate again,” evoking

to Trump yet. the sensation of the wind rushing through his hair as he grips
the helm of his yacht for the first voyage of summer.

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 13
intelligencer
Haley’s rise is the most interesting
story in the Republican primary, the only
previous drama being the slow, painful
death of the Ron DeSantis campaign.
Haley has surged past DeSantis into
second place in some polls by consolidating
what remains of the party’s Establishment
wing: traditional conservatives, social
moderates, the large-donor class, and
other Republican voters who find Donald
Trump’s antics mortifying.
The trouble for Haley is that the faction
she is rallying is inherently bounded. The
Establishment wing is limited not only
in size but also by the intense hostility
it inspires among the party’s Trumpier
voters. She is following a formula that
can propel her into consideration for the
vice-presidency, or position her to step in
if Trump is felled by heart disease, but
gives her little chance to actually defeat
the party’s reigning cult leader and self-
styled president-in-exile. Whatever you
might say about the hapless DeSantis
candidacy, it is at least built upon a recog-
nition of the actual state of the Trump-
era GOP. Haley’s candidacy is less a way
of dealing with the party’s problems than
an attempt to pretend they don’t exist.
In April, Sarah Longwell of The Bulwark
wrote what is still one of the most insightful
reports about the Republican electorate.
Longwell, strategic director of Republican
Voters Against Trump, has sat through
hundreds of focus groups to understand
the mental state of the party. Her primary
conclusion is that most GOP voters see
the Trump era not as an interregnum but
as a kind of revolutionary event she calls
“Year Zero.”
“The Republican party has been irre-
trievably altered,” she wrote, “and, as one
GOP voter put it succinctly, ‘We’re never
going back.’” Such voters have bought into
Trump’s argument that the party leaders
who preceded him were weak losers. (This
argument conveniently absolves Trump
of blame for his own losses—he was sabo-
taged by the Establishment, you see.) “If you
forged your political identity pre-Trump,
then you belong to a GOP establishment
now loathed by a majority of Republican
primary voters,” she concluded. “Even if
you agree with Trump. Even if you worked
for Trump. Even if you were on Trump’s
ticket as his vice president.”
Longwell laid out a roster of Republican
politicians whom the voters could never
accept for this reason. The first name on
her list was Nikki Haley.
Haley’s relationship with Trump has
been characterized by endless reposi-
tioning. Like most of the party’s pre-
Trump governing class, she met his rise
14 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
with horror and disbelief. “I will not stop
until we fight a man that chooses not to
disavow the KKK. That is not a part of our
party. That is not who we want as presi-
dent,” she said in early 2016. And also like
most elite Republicans, Trump’s surprise
victory was enough to legitimize him in
her eyes, and she found her way into his
administration as U.S. ambassador to the
United Nations.
After Trump’s failed attempt to over-
turn the 2020 election result culminated
in a forcible invasion of the Capitol, Haley
depicted Trump as a victim (“They are
beating him up after he leaves office”). But
a couple of weeks later in an interview with
Politico’s Tim Alberta, Haley said Trump
“let us down.” She added, “And we shouldn’t
have followed him, and we shouldn’t have
listened to him. And we can’t let that ever
happen again.” In that same interview,
Haley defended his claim to have won
the 2020 election as his genuine belief,
blaming confidants for giving him bad
advice. Asked by Alberta if she had given
Trump better information, Haley admitted
she hadn’t. A couple of months after that,
she promised not to run against Trump.
She reversed that position, too.
Yet for all her efforts to smooth over
her disagreements with her former boss,
Haley has not done what Longwell believes
the base wants: Erase her pre-Trump his-
tory and remake herself in his image. Her
platform has a Romney-esque tinge with
staunch defenses of Ukraine and plans
to raise the Social Security eligibility age.
More important, Haley—unlike Trump
but like every other presidential aspirant in
history—talks about bringing the country
together rather than humiliating and sub-
jugating half of it.
Haley is following a very different strat-
egy from DeSantis. The Florida governor
has calculated that Trump skeptics are a
minority of the party and that his path to
victory requires him to envelop Trump from
both sides, grabbing both the critics and the
loyalists. Traditional ideology has limited
value here because the questions at stake
revolve around personality and power—
specifically Trump’s. DeSantis accepts the
premise that Trump’s presidency was sabo-
taged by a “deep state” cabal and that the
principle objective of the presidency is to
wage a political culture war by any means
necessary. He is running as a more effec-
tive instrument of revenge against Trump’s
enemies than Trump himself.
This is obviously a tricky message, and
DeSantis has turned the difficult into the
impossible by combining a lack of humor
and warmth with chronic mismanagement.
DeSantis outsourced his campaign strat-
egy to an external organization, Never
Back Down, which has been beset by
infighting. At a recent meeting, two leaders
of the super-pac nearly came to blows,
perhaps revealing the downside of an
organizational culture premised on never
backing down.
But just because he has failed to execute
his strategy doesn’t mean it’s the wrong one.
There simply aren’t enough votes in the
Trump-skeptical wing to overtake Trump.
If DeSantis can’t beat Trump, which appar-
ently is the case, nobody can. Haley is
having an easier time consolidating her base
because her potential constituency is more
internally coherent—because it is smaller.
Haley is currently on a rocket ride to
second place, where her support will crash
against a ceiling that sits well below 50 per-
cent. If you’re trying to imagine what a two-
person race between her and Trump would
look like, Haley is what Trump would call a
foil straight out of “central casting.” All her
traits—female, nonwhite, Establishment
darling, former Trump subordinate—make
her an ideal target for his bullying.
The outcome of such a contest seems
so obvious that one wonders if even Haley
thinks she can win. Does she have a plan
to actually defeat her former boss? Or is
she hoping he either offers her the vice-
presidency or drops dead? (Ideally, the
former followed by the latter.) Of all the
limp gestures the Republican Establish-
ment has made to rid itself of Trump over
the past eight years, the Haley candidacy
may be the most preordained to fail. ■
 TYNE DALY LIEV SCHREIBER

BY
JOHN PATRICK SHANLEY
DIRECTED BY
SCOTT ELLIS
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intelligencer

Neighborhood
News:
‘Sir, You Can’t
Park There’
A mishap in Washington
Heights highlights a bad
year for traffic accidents.
By Paula Aceves

of the thousands of vehicle collisions

in New York in November, only one ended
with an SUV the size of a studio apartment
half-swallowed by a subway entrance. “You
know, funnily enough,” says Marty Morua,
a real-estate agent whose TikTok docu-
menting the incident on 157th Street has
over 2 million views, “he was driving so slow
that I didn’t even hear the bang.”
After being escorted from the car, the
driver, 25-year-old Miguel Delacruz-
Martinez, sat idly in the back of an ambu-
lance, smiling sleepily, unharmed. The
NYPD Emergency Service Unit was called
to dislodge the black Nissan Rogue, and
a few pedestrians gathered around, some
taking videos or pictures, others watching
in a trance as the SUV emerged with barely
a scratch. Delacruz-Martinez was later
charged with driving while intoxicated and
reckless endangerment.
The viral video of the accident, narrated
by Morua over the dulcet tones of a “lil
nas x style horn trap beat,” inspired dozens
of commenters to make the same joke (varia-
tions on “Sir, you can’t park there”) as well as
P H OTO G R A P H : T H E O D O R E PA R I S I E N N E F O R N Y DA I LY N E W S V I A G E T T Y I M AG E S

more original quips (“Damn GPS be having

you go through tunnels”). In general, though,
“nobody was shocked,” says Morua.
Perhaps that’s because traffic mishaps and
near misses now seem more common, and
while no one was injured in this particular
Manhattan-meets-GTA incident, traffic
iolence across New York has seen a startling
jump in the past year. Lower rates of traffic-
related injuries and casualties were briefly
one of Mayor Adams’s (few) claims to fame,
but as of mid-November, 226 people have
been killed and more than 2,247 seriously
injured in traffic violence this year—a 26 per-
cent increase since 2018. The death count hit
the 100-person mark on June 7, the earliest
that milestone has been reached since 2014.
But there could be a more mundane
reason the incident didn’t draw more imme-
diate attention from pedestrians. “Come on,”
says Morua. “It’s New York.” ■

16 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 A black Nissan SUV sits in a 1-train
staircase at West 157th Street and Broadway
after crashing into it on November 24.

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 17
intelligencer

151 min u tes w ith …

Norman Finkelstein
A tirelessly cantankerous advocate for Palestinian freedom
takes a rare turn in the limelight.
by zak cheney-rice

orman finkelstein is Israel Is Coming to an End. The

crouched on the floor of
his apartment, running his
fingers along a bookshelf
so overcrowded that it’s
bending into a U-shape. “It has a
green cover,” he assures me before
landing on the spine of his tenth
book, Knowing Too Much: Why the
American Jewish Romance With
subtitle stands as a summation of
Finkelstein’s career, which has been
devoted to proclaiming to his fellow
Jews and others his disenchantment
with the Jewish state. But right now,
he’s thumbing through the book for
proof that Jeffrey Goldberg, editor-
in-chief of The Atlantic, was a guard
at Israel’s biggest prison camp during

18 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 Photograph by Tina Tyrell

 VI S I T OU R N E W B OU TI Q U E AT
B LO O M I NGD AL E’ S 5 9T H S T RE E T

L AG O S . C OM
intelligencer
the early 1990s, when many Palestinians
were tortured there.
I already know about this story (it’s in
Goldberg’s memoir), but Finkelstein, 69,
is not used to a world in which people are
inclined to believe him. As America’s most
divisive Israel-Palestine scholar, he spent
the past 40 years being ostracized by the
media and academia. Then the October
7 Hamas attack propelled him into the spot-
light and his 13th book, Gaza: An Inquest
Into Its Martyrdom, into the top-selling
spot in Amazon’s Middle Eastern History
category. True, there aren’t many books
about Gaza (“That’s like being the tallest
building in Wichita,” Finkelstein says), but
its success is being seen as a vindication by
both his longtime and newfound followers.
He hasn’t held a steady academic job
since DePaul University denied him tenure
under political pressure in 2007. Now, after
years of sporadic work and low pay as an
adjunct, Finkelstein is suddenly spending
ten hours a day fielding emails from people
clamoring for his insights. “It’s become a
complete nightmare,” he says, scrolling
through hundreds of new messages in his
inbox. His heavily trafficked X account
(380,000 followers) and Substack (over
15,000 subscribers)—both run by a three-
person technical staff that is paid from sub-
scription revenue—are a torrent of grim
facts and sardonic quips about the Israel-
Hamas war. (“IDF ‘Searching’ for Hamas
Command-and-Control Center Under
Al-Shifa Hospital,” reads a typical cap-
tion alongside a video of the Seven Dwarfs
singing “Heigh-Ho.”)
Finkelstein is five-foot-ten and fit with
the angular jawline of a retired drill ser-
geant. He has short white hair and dark eye-
brows and speaks in unhurried paragraphs
even when he’s debating Piers Morgan on
television—a man unafraid to be long-
winded. His warbling Brooklyn accent is
a relic from the days when he roamed the
halls of James Madison High School, which
counts Bernie Sanders and Chuck Schumer
among its alumni. He takes regular five-
mile jogs along Coney Island Beach and
keeps a desktop folder of photos of himself
posing in front of the sunset.
Finkelstein is reflective and slightly mel-
ancholic in private conversation, but his
public reputation is as someone who will
browbeat you into submission. (An X user
recently observed that he “comes off super
radical on basically the strength of being
very rude.”) One YouTube video shows him
at a 2003 talk at the University of Waterloo.
He’s berating an audience member over her
“crocodile tears” for Israel, declaring, “My
late father was in Auschwitz. My late mother
was in Majdanek concentration camp”—he
20 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
pauses to bark at a heckler to “please shut
up” before continuing—“and it is precisely
and exactly because of the lessons my
parents taught me and my two siblings that
I will not be silent when Israel commits its
crimes against the Palestinians.”
When he was a child, Finkelstein’s mother
would have visceral reactions to injustice,
especially to TV reports about violent con-
flict, which she’d experienced firsthand
growing up in wartime Poland. “She physi-
cally could not watch it,” Finkelstein says.
He inherited her indignation, and as a stu-
dent inspired by the civil-rights movement,
he dived into protests against the Vietnam
War. He became too involved, his mother
concluded. “She thought I was destroying
my life, and there was a feeling that she was
responsible for it,” he says.
He wouldn’t actually destroy his life until
several years later. In 1984, when he was a
doctoral student at Princeton, Finkelstein
investigated the sourcing of a celebrated
new book by the journalist Joan Peters
called From Time Immemorial. Peters
argued that Palestinians didn’t actually exist
and that Zionist colonization had lured non-
native Arabs into the region, where they
started waging war on the Israelis. It was
mostly a fabrication, Finkelstein discov-
ered, based on fudged demographic data,
but a consensus had already formed that
this was a monumental work; it was gushed
over by the likes of Saul Bellow and Elie
Wiesel. Initially, no U.S. publication would
touch Finkelstein’s findings (In These Times
eventually published them), nor would
any American academic except for Noam
Chomsky, who became his mentor. “You’re
going to expose the American intellectual
community as a gang of frauds, and they
are not going to like it,” Chomsky warned his
protégé. “And they’re going to destroy you.”
It was a frosty introduction to a
profession that still seems intent on
freezing Finkelstein out, even decades after
Peters’s work was widely discredited. He
kept writing books and papers that made
people angry—his most controversial work,
2000’s The Holocaust Industry, argued that
the memory of Jewish genocide was being
politically exploited by Israel—but landed
a full-time job teaching political science at
DePaul in Chicago. “DePaul wanted to get
rid of me from the get-go,” Finkelstein says
matter-of-factly. In 2003, he accused the
lawyer Alan Dershowitz of plagiarism for
lifting citations from Peters’s book for his
own polemic, The Case for Israel. Thus began
one of academia’s all-time bitter feuds:
Dershowitz even lobbied California’s then-
governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to stop
the publication of one of Finkelstein’s books.
(Schwarzenegger declined to intervene.)
Finkelstein denounced Dershowitz’s work—
“If Dershowitz’s book were made of cloth,
I wouldn’t even use it as a schmatta,” he
said—and dedicated himself to debunking
it until he went up for tenure in 2007. His
department and college at DePaul voted
to grant it, but the university-level tenure
board rejected him following a high-profile
campaign by Dershowitz. (The university’s
president denied that outside pressure had
anything to do with the decision.)
“I live a very simple life,” Finkelstein says
of how he survived the intervening years,
during which his annual income was some-
times less than $5,000. His apartment is
rent-stabilized—he took it over from his
father, who died, along with his mother, in
1995—and it doesn’t look like he’s bought
any new furniture since moving in. Hunter
and Brooklyn Colleges throw him a teaching
gig every so often. He admits that he was so
deep in the weeds on Israel-Palestine that
“even a specialist wouldn’t have been inter-
ested” in what he was writing. He learned
that his 2019 book—a granular indictment
of the International Criminal Court’s head
prosecutor—had sold just a few hundred
copies. “Why am I doing this?” he asked
himself. “Nobody cares.”
But caring about this conf lict—
stubbornly and single-mindedly, like so
many others devoted to this issue, and
not without errors of judgment—is the
rare constant in Finkelstein’s turbulent
life. After three years of saying relatively
little about Israel-Palestine, he resurfaced
on October 7 singing the praises of Gaza’s
“heroic resistance,” only to be sobered later
by the extent of the carnage Hamas had
wreaked. “Of course they changed,” he
says of his initial feelings, but not enough
to alter his unyielding beliefs about the
root of the conflict’s dynamics. “What,” he
asked days later, “were the people of Gaza
supposed to do?” ■
intelligencer

:
henry kissinger’s long and lucrative third act of dining out in New
York City began in January 1977, when he was 53, long after he’d left
academia (his first act) and then government (his second), exhausted by
years of global jet-setting and his endless aggressive manipulations. He
was in debt, he said, upon leaving government, and his evening clothes
P H OTO G R A P H : R O N F R E H M / A P P H OTO

were in tatters. He promptly signed a book contract with Little, Brown

The Devil at the and Company with a $2 million advance just for the hardcover rights,
keeping all the other rights for himself. He spent the weekends in

Dinner Party Westchester with the Rockefellers and began to write.

Even by the time he came here, in all the world there were fewer names

Henry Kissinger’s more hated than his. This did not slow anyone down. For years, he was
the darling of the dinner party, beloved by a now mostly dead army of

socialite years. regal, wealthy socialites. “Manhattan social life is more generous than
Washington political life,” Kissinger noted. “It’s not a blood sport.”

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intelligencer
The avatar and architect of the United
States’ desire to control the world left a
softer legacy of an entire generation raised
to view geopolitics as a clash between
America, China, and Russia, with all those
other pesky countries and entire continents
as opportunities for our strategic wins and
losses. His harder legacy is dead children
and the mass displacement of humans
from Bangladesh to Chile. “Every man in
a certain sense creates his picture of the
world,” he wrote in 1950.
A Rockefeller vault in Tarrytown is
where, in the mid-1970s, he took his
15,000 White House telephone-call
transcripts after leaving government—
he’d had a secretary transcribe every call—
claiming them as personal property. When
this was challenged, the Supreme Court
agreed that since he now physically had
them, they couldn’t be released under the
Freedom of Information Act. He initially
tried to keep them sealed until five years
after his death. Soon enough, he and his
towering second wife, Nancy Maginnes,
settled more permanently in New York
City. Also, he lost 20 pounds.
At this time, he was consulting for
Goldman Sachs and putting on seminars
for Chase Manhattan, where he was vice-
chairman of the international advisory
committee. He signed a talent contract with
NBC, on which he irregularly appeared. He
helped Heinz when it wanted to make baby
food in China. He bought an apartment in
River House, at 435 East 52nd Street, for a
bit more than $100,000. (The Sutton Place–
adjacent co-op had, the legend goes, at one
time rejected Richard Nixon as a resident.)
As the brains and muscle behind Kissinger
Associates, founded in 1982, he turned his
status as an international marvel and media
manipulator into cash.
He then commanded a lecture fee of
$15,000 (enormous for its time, though he
said he did one free for each one paid). He
took phone calls and wrote in a small home
office with a pillow emblazoned power is
the ultimate aphrodisiac. With Nancy
back at home happily smoking with their
blond Lab, Tyler, he spent his evenings of
these years with the society ladies: Mollie
Parnis, Brooke Astor, Shirley Clurman, first
Françoise de la Renta and then Annette
de la Renta, and Happy Rockefeller, just
then retired as Second Lady of the United
States. At Brooke Astor’s 100th-birthday
party in 2002, Kissinger made a speech:
“When I moved to New York 26 years ago,
Brooke introduced me to life here, bringing
together interesting people that she knows,
and prevented me from taking myself too
seriously, which is a formidable task.”
His empire as financial engine, in this
24 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
period, is more expansive even than his
adventures in U.S. global intrusion. He
goes on the board of 20th Century Fox.
He goes on the board of CBS. When
Disney is worried about China, Michael
Eisner hires him. He goes on the board
of American Express. At 58, he has the first
of his heart surgeries and then celebrates his
60th birthday at the Pierre with Lady Bird
Johnson and Alan Greenspan and Felix
Rohatyn and Stavros Niarchos and people
outside who scream “Murderer!” Notori-
ously, Kissinger Associates, eventually over
at 55 East 52nd Street, is so secretive about
its client list that, when the second President
Bush appointed him chairman of the 9/11
Commission in 2002, he chose to withdraw
rather than reveal his clients to Congress.
Constantly and regularly, this long,
lucrative stretch is interrupted by mani-
festations of his previous life. “How does
it feel to be a war criminal, Henry?” Peter
Jennings once asked him at a dinner party
thrown by Barbara Walters. “Nancy reacted
very strongly and hurt,” said Walters; Henry
said nothing at all.
A vicious book by Seymour Hersh is
published (“He lies like most people breathe,”
said Hersh). Mostly silence welcomes it.
“New Yorkers have been at a loss about how
to proceed. But only for a moment,” wrote
Charlotte Curtis in the New York Times
in 1983. “Then they invite the Kissingers
to another party where nobody mentions
the book.”
They get a country estate in Kent,
Connecticut—$470,000 for nearly 50 acres.
Niall Ferguson writes a bit of Kissinger’s
biography in the pool there. Another Lab,
this one named Abigail. (There is also
apparently a Lab named Amelia.) The leg-
endary newspaperman Harry Evans edits
his White House Years; legendary pot stirrer
Tina Brown has him for dinner. He receives
a handsome sum from AIG to help it with
China. The NBC contract runs out, and ABC
signs him to a new one. The Kissingers are
not just neighbors in Kent with Oscar and
Annette de la Renta but also run with them
each Christmas to the Dominican Republic.
New York City loves him, after a fashion,
but there they are, always. At yet another
book signing in Connecticut in 1999—at this
point, he has produced at least 3,800 pages
of memoir—they are outside holding signs
that say henry kissofdeath. “I’m used to
them,” he says.
Journalists loved him too, at least at
the beginning. When he was in the White
House, he would imply to them that he was
protecting the world from the evils that
Nixon might do unattended. He would also
ask their advice, a wonderful tactic. He told
reporters that Nixon was weak, or unpre-
dictable, or scheming, becoming the lens
through which the media saw the president.
Journalists bought everything he said in
part because he was an excellent source—
the real leaker—but soon enough they
tired of the con. The notable break with the
press came when Kissinger grew livid over
reports that he was involved in wiretapping
17 people (he was).
Still, he inserted that enormous sense of
self between America and the world at large.
This custom showed its limits at moments,
such as when he was awarded a shared
Nobel Peace Prize in 1973 for ostensibly
bringing to an end the Vietnam War. His
North Vietnamese counterpart in the nego-
tiations declined the medal owing to what
he reasonably saw as a lack of actual peace;
two members of the Nobel committee
resigned. Kissinger received the award solo.
In every American military affair since,
there is a trail that leads back to Kissinger.
In Obama’s expansive drone wars, there is
Kissinger going before him; in the secrecy
and financial dealings of Trump and
Cheney, there is Kissinger; without Kiss-
inger Associates, there could be no absurd
racket like Giuliani Partners. Kissinger is
the one great commonality between Hillary
Clinton and Donald Trump.
In May, Kissinger celebrated his 100th
birthday. Diane von Furstenberg, Larry
Summers, and Samantha Power attended
an enormous party at the New York Public
Library. Shortly thereafter, he visited China
yet again. He had by now outlived most
of his “eminent detractors,” his son David
wrote saltily in the Washington Post. These
extra years had given him time to offer his
thoughts on our newest wars. His refusal to
go away had kept him from disappearing
into history. His presence had served to
keep his name topmost in the minds of
young people today as the example of what
America should not be. ■
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the mayor had his phones seized by the fbi, rents
were never higher, and library hours and 3-K alike found
themselves in peril. Also, it rained for eight consecutive
weekends. It’s been a mediocre-to-poor year for New York.
But every December, this magazine puts out a “Reasons to
Love New York” issue, and even during this cursed year, we
found 37 particularly excellent reasons why we all should.
Did you know there is a Victorian mansion in Bed-Stuy
owned by an idiosyncratic hotelier from Georgia (the
country) who lets people live in it for free and hosts mud-
wrestling parties in the backyard? A modern-day folk-hero
couple are sticking it to landlords everywhere by refusing
to move out of their hilariously cheap 5,800-square-foot
loft? We have not one but two brassy Frans? Our appetite
for gossip only grows thanks to gripping romances (sure,
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are swooning on Bank Street,
but have you heard of the Air Force officer who fell in love
and became a baroness?) and breakups (we’re rooting for
you, Chirlane!). Here’s a heaping pile of tiny miracles that
will remind you that even if, yes, that was indeed a rat you
just stepped on, there’s still no other place anyone in their
right mind should want to live.

REASONS
TO LOVE
NEW YORK RIGHT NOW

Photograph by Emma Rose Milligan d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 27


s a rule,
judges don’t like to be the center of the story. New
York State Supreme Court Justice Arthur Engoron
has found that he doesn’t have much of a choice.
This is thanks mostly to one particularly belligerent
defendant, but the Bob Dylan–quoting, former
water Revival–covering drummer
and ex-cabbie’s unwillingness to be Donald Trump’s
punching bag doesn’t hurt, either.
The 74-year-old Engoron, who presides down-
town and lives on Long Island, has for three years
now been engaged in a low-boil back-and-forth
with the former president that’s only recently
turned into full-on tabloid bait. His displeasure
with Trump’s soliloquies has become obvious:
“Please, no speeches,” he warned the ex-president
in early November, before turning to one of his law-
yers and informing him, “This is not a political rally.”
But it’s Trump who cranked up the temperature—
calling the judge “extremely hostile” and a “political
hack” who “railroaded this fake case through a
[state] Court at a speed never before seen” earlier
this fall. Before long, Engoron had slapped a gag
order on the former president, and he expanded it
to his lawyers after they increased their public criti-
cisms of Engoron to include his clerk, whom the
ex-potus called Chuck “Schumer’s girlfriend” and
later accused of “co-judging.”
By the middle of November, Trump had
demanded a mistrial, which Engoron quickly
rejected, defending the gag order as necessary
given the volume of threats to his staff. When it was
lifted on appeal, Trump wasted no time sharing
his true thoughts once again: “His Ridiculous and
Unconstitutional Gag Order, not allowing me to
defend myself against him and his politically biased
and out of control, Trump Hating Clerk, who is
sinking him and his Court to new levels of low, is
a disgrace.” Trump’s contempt-of-court fine total is
now up to $125,000; the judge’s commute is now
under the protection of security, as credible threats
28 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
mount “exponentially,” in the words of one Public
Safety Department official. Engoron punctuated
a September footnote rubbishing a Trump team
argument with “As Chico Marx, playing Chicolini,
says to Margaret Dumont, playing Mrs. Gloria
Teasdale, in ‘Duck Soup,’ ‘well, who you gonna
believe, me or your own eyes?’”
Trump is by far the highest-profile defendant to
have come before Engoron just two years before
the judge reaches mandatory-retirement age.
He was born less than four miles from Trump
in Queens and has a résumé that doesn’t look
like most judges’. Thrice married, he drove a taxi
nights as an undergraduate student at Columbia.
A Vietnam protester and Woodstock attendee, he
struck out as a drummer in Berkeley before attend-
ing NYU Law, then tried again to make it as a musi-
cian before returning to the city’s courts for good in
his 40s. To maintain an image of impartiality, he
won’t do interviews or talk outside court while the
trial drags on. But he moonlights as the editor of
his high school’s alumni newsletter (go Wildcats!),
which offers some glimpses of his life off the
bench: Engoron is apparently not above sharing
gym selfies in it, and he’s mentioned working on a
screenplay—a Holocaust-era love story.
But this case is his legacy-maker. Engoron
seems especially aware of this, as his every move
is dissected not just by Trump’s supporters but
also by his anxious liberal critics, worried that any
clever jab will become more campaign-ad fodder.
The case isn’t just bleeding into election season;
it may be existential for the Trump brand. In the
wake of Attorney General Letitia James’s investi-
gations into the ex-president’s business fraud, he,
his sons, and their executives could lose control of
their real-estate empire, including their epony-
mous tower, and face a quarter of a billion dollars
in fines. Trump’s wallet is on the line; so may be
his self-conception as a swaggering real-estate
mogul–slash–billionaire with a golden tower that’s
taller than yours. That, and the possibility even
some of his fans might finally wise up to his con
if the fraud ruling is dramatic enough, are two big
reasons Trump’s allies have been ramping up their
complaints about Engoron, trying to destroy his
credibility with daily attacks on the Democratic
judge, accusing him of not just the crime of having
a personality but of being hopelessly biased.
In the past, Engoron has been pretty clear when
he’s run out of patience; in one 2018 ruling, he
wrote that the state’s process for reviewing new
housing “seems like Rube Goldberg, Franz Kafka,
and Marquis de Sade cooked it up over martinis.”
These days, that energy doesn’t feel far off.
gabriel debenedetti
Photograph by John Taggart
BECAUSE

QUEENS
GAVE US A
RABBLE-ROUSER
WHO MAY
JUST BE TRUMP’S
MATCH …
SAG-AFTRA’s
Fran Drescher
picketing in front
of Paramount
in August.

could a midwesterner have ended
the Screen Actors Guild strike? “Oh, I’m
sure that the right person certainly
could’ve,” Fran Drescher says. Her cheer-
ful unwillingness to entertain needlessly
divisive geographical hypotheticals
reflects the diplomatic spirit that made
Drescher so well suited to lead the union
through one of the most fraught Ameri-
can labor disputes of this century and to
a new deal. Over the course of the 118-day
strike, which, along with the Writers Guild
strike, effectively shut down a multibillion-
dollar industry throughout the summer
and fall, Drescher was cast as the fierce
negotiator sitting across the table from
the representatives of the one percent,
as the thoughtful shepherd of the
160,000-member-strong workforce, and as
the forceful yet friendly public face of a
movement, telling the execs to “wake up
and smell the coffee,” among other things.
It was, it’s been said, the role of a lifetime.
You could credit her skillful execution to
practicing Buddhism, to being a cancer
survivor, to being raised right, and all of
that would be true. But just as much or
more, there is the undeniable audible fact,
enshrined in a catchy theme song for all of
syndicated eternity, that she is the Flashy
Girl From Flushing. “I would walk into a
meeting without intimidation long before
I was a star,” she says. “I could hold the
room and command attention, and when
I didn’t get the part, I always felt like they
made a mistake. I adapted that self-
confidence and chutzpah that’s very New
York on behalf of sag-aftra’s member
body.” Drescher first appeared in New York
in 1981, long before The Nanny. She want-
ed to be the next Lucy, the story said, and
was hustling to make it happen. In the end,
she wasn’t the next Lucy. She was the first
Fran. “I feel grateful that I can proudly go
through my life as an individual, as a celeb-
rity, and as a president in leadership as a
proud New Yorker.” She adds in that famil-
iar rasp, “I stopped trying to change my
voice. And thank God I figured out how to
monetize it.” olivia nuzzi

3
4
IN SEPTEMBER, 25-year-old
knitwear designer and social
coordinator Alexis Dougé
discovered that her highly coveted
and extremely polarizing $1,000
in july, bill de blasio and Chirlane McCray announced Maison Margiela Tabi Mary Janes
a new arrangement. The couple who had captured our had been stolen after a Tinder date
fascination with their strong “We like your vibe” energy slept over. When she went to make
embraced another Park Slope hallmark: separating, dating contact, she found he had erased his
apart, still cohabitating. (Apparently too broke to move out, number and all prior communication
just like us.) The excitement here was not for him. Anybody from her phone. Dougé turned, as
who has dared to dance in the upper age limits of Tinder one does, to TikTok.
knew exactly what a tall, goofball, middle-aged white man The tale of the Tabi swiper rallied
was going to do with his freedom. But Chirlane, the cooler, millions. A photo was provided
chic-er, more lesbian one? The one who once, when asked of the alleged swiper’s alleged
if she was still attracted to women, told the reporter “I’m girlfriend wearing the Tabis. The
married, I’m monogamous, but I’m not dead.” Fuck yes. swiper admitted his crime. A shoe
De Blasio fulfilled his prophecy: He was spotted return was arranged. “I said, ‘You
blazerless, tieless, chugging white wine, and making out need psychological help, you need
with a mystery woman at a Lincoln Center rooftop bar therapy, and you should talk to
during a three-hour PDA session. Then another in Soho. someone about why you’re stealing
Real ones wondered: from people you just had sex with,’”
Whither Chirlane? Dougé says she told him during
Feeld and Raya pro- the shoe swap. “Then he rode off on
files? Unfindable. At the his bike and fell off of it.”
bars or BKLYN Clay? From there, a triumphant
P H OTO G R A P H : S A R A H B L E S E N E R ( M CC R AY )

No one’s seen her. She trajectory. Bestowed with the highest

responded to one text of all fashion-adjacent nicknames,
from me, then went dark. Tabi Girl was recognized on the street
In a city where everyone and subway alike. Her knitwear label,
can find a nugget of Maddi & Danii, sold out. Paid brand
gossip about your sex life, deals rolled in. In the ultimate tribute,
particularly when your a bar on the Lower East Side reached
ex is splashed all over the out to host a party in her honor.
pages of the Post, it turns We don’t all emerge victorious
out it is possible for a from a robbery; it’s great someone
woman to start her new does. Dougé is now, for the first time,
life out of sight. engaging a manufacturer to help
allison p. davis produce her designs. da n ya i s s aw i

Photograph by Mark Peterson d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 31


n june, it was mud wrestling in
the backyard—onlookers cheered
La Loca as she wrestled Bang Girl
down to the ground in a sludge-
filled inflatable pool. Before that,
in February, 300 people had hud-
dled on the coldest night of the year for
Ion Pack podcaster and musician Curtis
Pawley’s house show. Recently, on a Sunday
in mid-October, a Serbian gamelan group
played their metallophones for a crowd of
city planners, medical students, photog-
raphers, architects, artists, and models in
the parlor room.
The Hancock is a landmarked ten-
bedroom Victorian mansion in Bedford-
Stuyvesant. It was built for a water-meter
magnate; by the time Claudia Moran made
a $7,500 down payment on the house in
1986, it was an uninhabitable ruin. In 2018,
it was purchased for $6,275,000—the most
expensive sale for a single-family home
in the history of Bed-Stuy. The buyer, a
Georgian hotelier, splits his time between
Tbilisi and New York and made it a home
for a group of rotating Georgian artists and
family members, who live there rent free—
his wife, Nini Nebieridze, and their two
children among them.
“There’s all of this shock and surprise
that we don’t charge people to live there,”
Nebieridze says. “But in Georgia, no one
pays rent. We don’t have this ‘roommate’
thing. Our friends are struggling artists—
why would we make them pay money they
don’t have?”
The family fell in love with the place in
2016 after living in Soho for a few months.
Soho felt false: “Like living in a magazine,”
Nebieridze says. Moran’s only stipula-
tion when she sold the house was that the
32 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
5
Hancock remain as is—not broken up, not
razed by developers or renovated. “People
always say, ‘Oh, you live in a mansion,’ like
it’s fancy,” Nebieridze says, “but we only had
one working gas stove.”
Gocha Chkadua, affectionately known
as the Hancock handyman, moved into a
sprawling bedroom on the second floor.
His room filled up with a meadow of his
tropical-flower plastic sculptures in Sprite-
bottle green and Tide-detergent orange.
The mansion, which dates to 1887.
Elene Makharashvili has the room next
door. She moved to New York in 2016:
“I came here for a three-week-long mod-
eling job and never left,” she says. While
Chkadua makes sure that the drafty house
remains heated in the winter months,
Makharashvili is in charge of curating the
social calendar. She’s vague in her ambi-
tions for the space and avoids words like
events and programming.
Over the past year, Makharashvili and
Nebieridze have been making a concerted
effort to create more of a cohesive—dare
we say it—brand out of the Hancock.
Their Instagram has become a catalogue
P H OTO G R A P H S : A L E C S A I N T M A R T I N ; S A S H A F R U M I N ( 2 , 7, 8 ) ; M I C H K A B E N G I O ; CO U R T E S Y O F T H E H A N CO C K ( 4 , 6 ) ; C H R I S TO P H E R P E T R U S ( 5 , 9 )
of curated party photos and portraits of
scenesters. Bands including Porches, Bar
Italia, and Pretty Sick have found an audi-
ence there. In May, the roving dining series
known as Lev, run by Loren Abramovitch
and Daniel Soskolne, shifted operations
into its basement—ushering in a new sub-
set of scene-y expats.
Melody English, a musician, has per-
formed with a band at the Hancock and
remembers her first invitation: “We
drank wine by the fire and fell asleep,
each in our own bed. When we woke up,
they had prepared a beautiful meal for
us.” English, who’s from Idaho, says, “The
people who run the house remind me of
that small-town hospitality and a com-
munal feeling that I’ve been missing in
New York.” English has since spent many
nights there, even though her apartment
is only ten minutes away: “I should prob-
ably stop doing that soon.”
At a recent Lev dinner—a fundraiser for
Israeli and Palestinian farmers—a small
group gathered outside to protest, a first
for the Hancock. There have been other
complaints. On a recent Sunday evening,
the police showed up—“but they were con-
fused,” says Nebieridze, “because the music
was so low.” According to Nebieridze, the
officers laughed out loud while reading the
complaint to the room.
“The magic of the place lives in the fact
that it doesn’t feel like the Doritos stage at
some festival,” Pawley says. “There’s a truly
collaborative thing going on there—a spirit
of people coming together for the sake of,
well, art.” nora deligter
 The front Nini Nebie
hallway ridze
during the
Hancock’s
first
party in
February.

glish
Melody En
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with m d others
Voyeur an r.
in Novembe

Jack Powers
performing
Elene Mak in July.
harashvili
Curtis Ever and
ett Pawley.

Mud wrestling
in the backyard
in June.

rwin
Joe Ke a
hosting
a ll o w een
Guests at the H
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Shtick NYC Summer
Shabbat Party.

Kevin
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and so t
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Hanco
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rs.
 round six o’clock on a Tuesday
evening, fire-alarm dispatcher
Marlind Haxhialiu overheard a call
come into the 911 dispatch in Brooklyn
where he was stationed. Another dispatcher was
asking the caller, a young boy from the sound of
it, what address the child was calling from. “We
don’t know,” said the voice on the other end of
the line. “We’re like … we’re stuck in the sewers.”
It became clear that five children, ages 11 and
12, were lost underground somewhere near the
Staten Island Zoo, and though the dispatcher was
trying to narrow down their location, he wasn’t
having much luck. “The kids kept yelling ‘We’re
stuck in a sewer,’ ” Haxhialiu says. “And being
kids, you know, they’re being vague.”
Haxhialiu happened to have grown up in Staten
Island, not far from the West Brighton neighbor-
hood where the zoo is located. The area is mostly
residential, and it is bordered by Clove Lakes
Park, where about 200 protected acres of thickly
forested hills and trails wrap around a chain of
lakes. The park is an important ecological site full
of warblers and great blue herons. It is also a loca-
tion with a tendency toward flooding, surrounded
by steep hills and large storm drains like the one he
suspected the children had entered.
Within the first 30 seconds of listening,
Haxhialiu quickly put in an approximate address
so that the rescue teams could start moving. Then
he took over the call, putting his local knowledge
to use. He began asking the children a series of
questions in order to home in on where they had
entered the sewer system, but the information he
received was contradictory—the boys said they
had entered near the zoo, then from inside the
park. He has three kids of his own, and as he ques-
tioned the boys in the sewer, he tried to be firm
but nice at the same time, remembering that he
was speaking to children. “You’re taught to be stern
with some callers,” he tells me. “Just try to get their
attention and get the information because time is
crucial. But also, you know, you don’t want to be
indifferent to their feelings.”
He tried in his mind to see the area as he
remembered it from his own explorations as a
child. “I knew exactly where they’d been,” Haxhia-
liu says. “Growing up, I’d sneak through the zoo
and stuff like that. I had an idea where they would
be, where the entrance was, even though, back in
the day, those areas were kind of closed off.” He
continued to ask questions, trying to figure out
where they had started, how long they had been
crawling inside the sewer, whether they had
turned right or left once inside—knowing that as

Illustration by Patrick Leger

 The tunnel was “dark, long as they were responsive on the phone, they
lots of spiders, and really were not gravely injured or unconscious.
tight,” said one of the five
Haxhialiu had worked on complex rescues
boys who got lost in a
Staten Island sewer.
of all kinds—he had been a key participant
in the rescue seven years earlier of a British
tourist who had boarded an inflatable raft in
Newark in the hope of making it all the way to
Manhattan. After a collective effort identify-
ing the man’s position within the open water of
the harbor, he had been located and pulled out
near the Statue of Liberty. As the rescue teams
rushed to the area, he hoped that the children’s
location underground would be easy to pin-
point and that the cell-phone signal that was
allowing them to communicate with rescuers
would hold.

larger than manhattan but with the small-

est population of all five boroughs, Staten Island
contains forgotten stretches of land that would
be unlikely to linger where the use of space is
fanatically optimized. Packs of wild turkeys roam
suburban streets and parking lots; white-tailed
deer swim across the narrow channel that sepa-
rates New York from New Jersey. Not far from
the island’s southern tip, there’s a “boat grave-
yard” where people dump old ships. This past
August, a worker at a container terminal discov-
ered a fox carrying a human leg in its mouth. All
of which is to say it is a natural place to get lost.
As the dispatchers conducted a high-stakes
game of 20 questions, engines carrying officers
specially trained in confined-space rescues were
barreling toward the intersection of Martling
Avenue and Clove Road. In addition to handling
the bread and butter of fire departments every-
where (fires), the FDNY is prepared for “all
hazards”: everything from building collapse to
swift-water extraction.
“New York City is a big city,” says FDNY chief
John Hodgens. “We have every type of area that
we would need to respond to, such as subways,
buildings, on-the-river tunnels, construction
sites. Just so many places where things can
potentially go wrong.” Most confined-space
rescues involve industrial structures or construc-
tion sites, places where gases can build up and
special equipment is needed to protect against
environmental hazards. “A few times a year,
people get entangled in machinery,” Hodgens
tells me. “Sometimes they get trapped inside oil
tankers or chemical tanks. People fall in as they
construct them.” But a sewer rescue, Hodgens
says, is rare—and it was even rarer for children
to be the ones lost in a hazardous confined space.
As the units neared the park, Lieutenant John
Drew of Rescue 5 knew that he and the rest of the
team were bound to encounter unforeseen difficul-
ties. “Most of the time when we train, it’s a Disney
World scenario—there’s really no true hazards,”
Drew says. But in real-world emergencies like
this one, he adds, “I’m sending my men into the
unknown.” Communicating with dispatch on the
radio and drawing on his driver’s knowledge of the
area, Drew & Co. arrived at the location where they

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 35
guessed that the children had entered—and
saw the open mouth of the tunnel littered
with five sets of backpacks and jackets. “It
was pretty much like a scene out of a movie,”
Drew says.
Drew learned that the children had been
crawling for some 15 minutes through the
sewer system, 40 feet below street level—
they had scrambled up closer to a manhole
cover to get a cell-phone signal. But nobody
on the surface knew how far they could have
gotten within that time. The fact that they
had the children on the phone and were
actively speaking with them throughout
the rescue was comforting, but air within a
sewer is always changing and their situation
could have turned at any time.
Confined-space rescues always carry
risks, though sewers have dangers that
are uniquely their own: oxygen deficiency,
hydrogen sulfide—a rotten-smelling toxic
gas generated by anaerobic processes
within sewer slime—and any other hazard-
ous material that may have been dumped
7 found. “From my perspective, everything
A QUIET SPOT IN Flushing Meadows–
Corona Park is home to a concrete
aardvark, frog, camel, elephant, and two
dolphins. A small green sign next to them
states DO NOT CLIMB THE ANIMALS.
THEY ARE RETIRED! Their resting
place is safely a few hundred feet away
from where kids play. Born in the ’80s
when Parks commissioner Henry Stern
mandated an animal sculpture in each
and every new park, these animals have
been through it. Some of them show
clear signs of wear, such as the kneeling
elephant whose backside has been
degloved of paint. There are no children
to bother them any longer.
36 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
by careless people. Other difficulties, like
downward slopes within a pipe that could
cause children or even rescuers to slip and
fall, could only be guessed at. The rescue
team deployed specialized metering devices
that tested for oxygen deficiency and other
hazardous conditions and began remov-
ing manhole covers in the area one by one
as the dispatcher on the other end of the
children’s 911 call told them to make noise.
“I want all you guys to scream,” says the voice
of the dispatcher on the call recording. “Call
for help, guys. They hear you, call for help.”
As the main rescue team entered the
sewer, following the path the children
had taken, firefighter John Loennecker
was helping open manholes nearby.
When he heard the faint calls of the chil-
dren below him, he jumped into action,
lowering a light down through the hole.
“Can you see the light?” he asked. When
they answered that they could, he knew
he’d have to go into the sewer. Fitted with
a mask linked to a secondary air supply
As the Parks Department has
upgraded the city’s playgrounds and
removed some of the animals over
the years, the Bronx supervisor of
mechanics, Steve Yanolatos, began
saving the statues. “I started collecting
the animals and salvaged them from
parks throughout the Bronx instead of
throwing them away,” Yanolatos says. On
opening day of the park’s new area, the
Parks Department threw them a little
welcoming shindig—party hats included.
Flushing Meadows isn’t the only place
where they now reside, either: “Currently,
outside of my office, I saved two frogs,
a big turtle, and a beaver.” clio chang
in case he encountered toxic gases or a
low-oxygen area, as well as a rope system
so firefighters could pull him out if neces-
sary, Loennecker made his way through
the muck-covered pipes. As he crawled
toward them and they crawled toward
him, he called out, asking if anyone was
injured. They said there was one boy with
injuries. Finally, he saw all five of them by
the light of a single cell phone—1,300 feet
from the place where they had entered
nearly an hour earlier—and led them out
of the sewer system.
Only 32 minutes after the initial call, the
five children were rescued, one with knees
raw from crawling on the hard concrete.
They told reporters that they had been
playing in the area when one of the boys
entered the sewer and got disoriented,
so they all went in after him. They went
deeper into the tunnel and couldn’t find
their way out. That’s when they called
for help. Now that they were back above-
ground, the boys were rattled but okay—
and very nervous about getting grounded.
in the end, all five boys were taken to the
hospital, and no significant injuries were
went really well,” says Chief Hodgens. “We
responded, we figured out an unusual situ-
ation, we had to think outside the box about
how we would try to locate the children,
and while we’re doing that, dispatch is on
the line gaining information and relaying
that directly to us. So it was a really coordi-
nated operation.” Haxhialiu, the fire-alarm
dispatcher, recommends that individuals
who get lost look for landmarks that they
can communicate to the 911 operator on the
other end of the line and listen carefully to
what the dispatcher is asking. “I understand
when people are panicked, you’re trying to
put out as much information as possible,” he
says. “But that information is no good to us.
The information we ask for is needed. And
yelling and screaming is not going to help.”
In an interview with a local news station,
Kevin Reyes, one of the five kids rescued
that day, described the inside of the sewer
system as dark, full of spiders, and “really
tight.” “We were scared that we would not
get out because our legs were numb,” he
told the reporter. In the end, Kevin was,
in fact, grounded by his mother, who
described her feelings as frantic and then
relieved. When asked by the reporter
what he learned from this whole experi-
P H OTO G R A P H S : N YC PA R K S
ence, Kevin’s answer was simple. “Not to
go back,” he said. “Not to go in sewers.”
At Clove Lakes Park, at least, there’s one
sewer that’s now much harder to explore:
The entrance to the tunnel where the boys
got lost has been blocked off, secured, and
covered in chain-link fencing. ■
 8

the street-corner wire bin is on its

way out, and its replacement is better in almost
every functional way. It stacks for transport as
its predecessor did not, and it’s sleek and crisp-
looking (for a garbage can). The old one weighs
34 pounds empty and a lot more when full,
making it a fine means of sending sanitation
workers into midlife rotator-cuff surgery; the
new one has a lightweight plastic liner that is
a far easier lift. But let us offer a little aesthetic
appreciation, at least, for the visual toughness
and purity of the departing steel-mesh basket,
a version of which has populated our streets
for nearly a century. Once manufactured
upstate by Norwich Wire Works and more

christopher bonanos

Illustrations by Peter Arkle

 “PEOPLE THAT WORK in government
BECAUSE aren’t fun people,” says Chi Ossé, who is
25 and was just reelected to a second term
WE HAVE on the City Council, representing parts of
Bedford-Stuyvesant and Crown Heights.
A POLITICIAN “I’m in my 20s. I live in New York City. I’m a gay
man. I have to enjoy my life.”
WHO GOES But you won’t find him sandwiched
between Paris Hilton and Jonathan Cheban
OUT ALL on some unknown patron’s dime at Zero
Bond, the members-only club where Mayor
THE TIME Adams likes to hold court well into the
morning. Ossé instead sips Miller High Lifes
(NOT TO at Singers on Kosciuszko Street, a queer bar
in Bed-Stuy that hosts events like Twinks
ZERO BOND) vs. Dolls Olympics. (This year, the bar held a
wrestling match in an inflatable pool full of
Photograph by Jutharat Pinyodoonyachet
spaghetti marinara; Ossé pleads the Fifth
when I ask if he was there.) To enter the bar,
you often have to step on Kevin Carpet, a
middle-aged man wrapped in a rug who lies
supine at entrances waiting for you to trample
him. “I feel at home at Singers,” Ossé says.
Ossé’s brand of politics is accessible—on
TikTok, he both breaks down his effort to
pass legislation to keep broker fees from
automatically landing in the tenant’s lap and
posts cheeky videos, like the one in which he
glides down a fire-station pole after telling
a firefighter, “I slide down poles all the time.”
In his social life, too, he’s far from an
exclusive hobnobber—but he says people
still rarely come up to talk politics at the
bar. “It kind of makes me sad,” he says, that
most New Yorkers don’t know who their City
Council members are. Though he was once
prevailed upon to find a new spot for Twinks
vs. Dolls; happily, it was resolved without
his intervention: “It was one of the funniest
requests I’ve gotten as a councilmember.”
ben kesslen

on april 18, the center of a neglected
four-story parking garage on Ann Street
in downtown Manhattan caved in on itself,
swallowing tons of concrete and rebar and
dozens of cars. The collapse, first responders
would later learn, killed the garage’s
manager and injured five others. But when
FDNY firefighters arrived, a small secondary
collapse prevented them from getting close
enough to assess the damage. That’s when
they called in Bergh, one of two robotic dogs
the department acquired in 2022.
Bergh was unleashed, and his operator,
wearing a headset, evaluated the walls sur-
rounding the rubble to see if they were struc-
turally sound, also checking for gas leaks
and the state of electric-car batteries. This
garage collapse wasn’t just the dog’s debut;
it was a chance at redemption for Bergh’s
kind. A year earlier, the NYPD had given up
on its own robotic canine, called Digidog,
after backlash from people concerned about
surveillance, police violence, and the pos-
sibility that Digidog was more Terminator
than Roomba. Suspicion of Digidog reached
a crescendo when it was seen emerging
from a public-housing building in Manhat-
tan after accompanying officers during a
domestic dispute. A week later, the NYPD
canceled its lease with the dog’s maker,
40 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
Hyundai-owned Boston Dynamics,
though it has since acquired two new
Boston Dynamics dogs.
Captain Michael Leo of the FDNY
was determined not to repeat his
NYPD counterparts’ mistakes. As his
department’s head of robotics, Leo
had overseen machines with more or
less the same capabilities as Bergh;
they used cameras and sensors to
assist operators in assessing dam-
age in tight or dangerous spaces. An
analysis of the NYPD’s disastrous rollout in
Scientific American helped Leo understand
the public’s aversion to the robots. While the
old models rolled around on treads like the
lovable droids of Short Circuit and wall-E,
Digidog and its ilk had legs that let them
gambol, leap, and right themselves in ways
eerily similar to real dogs. (“Some of the
search dogs don’t like them that much,” Leo
said of the department’s Dutch shepherds
and Labradors.)
So Leo has worked to make the FDNY’s
robo-dogs more palatable. Instead of a
sci-fi name like Digidog, the department
went with Bergh, after ASPCA founder
Henry Bergh, a man Henry Wadsworth
Longfellow described as a “friend to every
friendless beast.” Leo then led Bergh a little
closer to the uncanny valley by painting
spots on its exterior to make the robot look
more like a Dalmatian. “I have a friend who
does body-shop painting, so we painted
the spots ourselves,” Leo said, though not
before checking with Boston Dynamics to
make sure a paint job wouldn’t damage
the $75,000 device. Leo understood, too,
that Bergh’s debut needed to convince the
public that it would be used for good, some-
thing he admitted was easier for the FDNY
than the NYPD. james d. walsh
11
roving dinner series aren’t a new
concept, and during the pandemic a dizzying
number were started by laid-off cooks and
servers. Many went dark after restaurants
returned, but in the past year, pop-ups have
only felt like more of a regular aspect of the
restaurant scene. And they’re where you’ll
find cooks serving food you just won’t find
elsewhere. Here, five new-as-of-2023 ones.
BAD LARRY’S Reid Webster and friends
create chewy sourdough crusts brushed,
outrageously, with compound butter and
toppings that verge on heretical (crumbled
chicken skin, bacon, ranch powder).
• Where to find: December 9
at Five Boroughs Brewing Co. (215 47th
St., Sunset Park); December 29 at Gertie
(357 Grand St., Williamsburg); previous
pop-ups at Other Half Brewing (195
Centre St., Carroll Gardens).
EGODEATH Shom Mazumder creates
hyperminimalist dishes (a recent
only-onion offering comes to mind) and
reasonably minimalist ones, like three
kinds of cabbage with chile oil and a thick
slab of shrimp toast with shrimp bisque.
• Where to find: December 13 at Lise
& Vito (126A Nassau Ave., Greenpoint);
previous pop-ups at Honey’s (93 Scott
Ave., East Williamsburg) and Prima
(147 Greene Ave., Clinton Hill).
EL TIANGUIS Roaming from their base
in Sunset Park to Ridgewood, brothers
Gio and Ivan Morales make messy
pambazos and standout mariscos
like octopus, shrimp, and ribbons
of cucumber in a tangy fish sauce.
• Where to find: Fridays and Saturdays
at 55th Street and Fifth Avenue
in Sunset Park; Sundays at El Mercadito
(163 26th St., Greenwood Heights);
monthly at Peg’s Cavalier (59-02 Norman
St., Ridgewood).
GUEST CHECK Winner pastry cook
Grayson Samuels makes photogenic
pastries and bakes, like a shortbread
tart, its core of pistachio frangipane
crowned with a split-open fig.
• Where to find: Monthly pastry
drops via @guestcheckbk and pop-ups
around the city.
P H OTO G R A P H : M AT T H E W M C D E R M OT T
XIN MOI At their Vietnamese supper
club, Trisha Do and Gui Trang mine family
recipes, like sticky-rice dumplings covered
in shrimp dust and fried shallots, and
recently offered a prix fixe featuring che
khuc bach, a silken-tofu dessert newly
trendy in Saigon.
• Where to find: Hosting pop-ups
in both private spaces and restaurants like
Mam (70 Forsyth St.). chris crowley
Photograph by Frankie Alduino
 BECAUSE ON A RECENT
FRIDAY, WE CLEARED THE
CITY OF ITS TIKTOKERS
AND BROUGHT THEM
TO BAD ROMAN

BUT
ALSO …
 2 9
3
20
1 21
37
49
51
1. James Harris, men’s-style bro,
one-half of @throwingfitspod
2., 3. Meg Radice and Audrey
Jongens, restaurant-gossip
queens, @theviplist
4. Emma Wahl, “What’s the
worst date you’ve ever been on?”
street interviewer,
@emmawahlburger
5. Mike Varshavski, extremely
hot doctor, @doctormike
6. Ted Zhar, “What do you do
for a living?” street interviewer,
@tedzhar
7. Simona Ruzer, hilarious and
stylish former TikTok employee,
@simonacruzer
8. Codey James, thrift-shop
tour guide, @codey_james
9. Tiffany Baira, on-the-street
matchmaker, @streetheartsnyc
10. Griffin Maxwell Brooks,
DJ and fashion plate,
@griffinmaxwellbrooks
11. Sabina Meschke, twin
comedian, @sabinalily8
12. Annabel Meschke, the other
twin comedian,
@annabel_meschke
13. Benton McClintock, funny
and aggrieved gay tour guide,
@bentonmcclintock
14. Kit Keenan, great outfits,
pools, and boats, daughter of
Cynthia Rowley, @kitkeenan
15. Aimee France, cake queen
and probiotic enthusiast,
@yungkombucha420
44 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
5 10
7
6 11
4 14
25
23
26
22 24
40
38
39
50
53
52
16. Nigel Roxbury, city-history
tour guide, Mafia obsessive,
@nigelroxbury
17. Lawrence Schlossman,
esteemed menswear
loudmouth, one-half of
@throwingfitspod
18. Gideon Issa, street
interventionist, @sidequestz
19. Serena Shahidi, advice-giving
podcaster on Let Me Ruin
Your Life, @glamdemon2004
20. Daniel-Ryan Spaulding,
comedian and writer,
@danielryanspaulding
21. Audrey Peters, high-end
fashion, style, and travel
influencer, @audreypeters
22. Jae Gottlieb, bewitching
downtown livecaster,
@jaegottlieb
23. Victoria Hiegel, singer,
songwriter, and personal
assistant, @victoriahiegel
24. Winta Zesu, model,
actress, and satirist,
@winta_zesu
25. Nicolas Nuvan, wholesome
man-on-the-street
interviewer,
@nicolasnuvan
26. Fabrizio Villalpando, home
cook, @theemoodyfoody
27. Kristina Avakyan, style
innovator, @subwaysessions
28. Ashley Hamilton, podcaster,
comedian, and one-half of
@celebritymemoirbookclub
8
12 15
19
16
13 18
28
30 17
27 29
31
32
33 35
42 36
41 34
43 44
45 48
46 47
54
55
29. Ashley Rous, fashion 43. Antoni Bumba, beauty
influencer, @bestdressed influencer and storyteller,
30. Lukas Battle, direct-to- @antonibumba
camera online personality, 44. Sabrina Brier, “That
@lukasbattle friend who is …” performer,
31. Rebeka Getty, bargain-loving @sabrina.cinoman.brier
tour guide, @nycforfree 45. Charles Gross, fashion,
32. Jack Coyne, New York City beauty, and luxury savant,
street-show host, @charlesgross
@publicopinionnyc 46. Shiloh Frederick, New York
33. Rian Phin, fashion historian history buff, @shilohinthecity
and critic, @thatadult 47. Kyle Gordon, comedian
34. Amber Flannery Field, and DJ Crazy Times,
political comedian and tour @kylegordonisgreat
guide, @americascomic
48. Kelsey Russell, she’ll read you
35. Caleb Simpson, “How much
the newspapers, @kelscruss
do you pay for rent in
New York?” street interviewer, 49. Brian Lindo, food-and-travel
@calebwsimpson creator, @briancantstopeating
36. Ryan Serhant, high-end 50. Morris Cornbread,
real-estate broker, wild-subway-passenger
@ryanserhant interviewer, @subwayoracle
37. Pooja Tripathi, makes jokes 51. Jahad Chris Carter, love-
about New York City, invested street interviewer,
@winnie_thepooj @hopelessromanticsociety
38. Jaeki Cho, mom-and-pop- 52. Meredith Hayden, former
restaurant hype man, Hamptons private chef and
@righteouseats soon-to-be cookbook author,
39. Alex Fitzgerald, design @wishbonekitchen
maven and self-care king, 53. Maya Acra, performer and
@alexpfitzgerald prankster, @mayaacra
40. Mark Little, funny recent 54. Kelsey Kotzur, accessible-
Brooklyn transplant, fashion enthusiast,
@ohsickmarklittle @kelsey_kotzur
41. Jake Cornell, very gay comic, 55. Gabriel DeSanti, “How much
@jakewcornell do you make a year in New
42. Anayka She, musician and York?” street interviewer,
monologuist, @anaykashe @gabriel.desanti
 emily fisher landau displayed
her tremendous art collection in her
own Long Island City museum until
2017. She donated lots of her art to
the Whitney, where she was a trustee,
but after her death earlier this year
at 102, many absolutely blockbuster
paintings she had retained came up
for auction. Before the Jasper Johns
Flags went to a new home for $41 mil-
lion, each of us could come gawk at the
pieces at Sotheby’s. When the company
The collection
relocates to the Breuer Building, the included works by
former home of the Whitney, the line Robert Indiana,
between museum and resale palace Jasper Johns,
will be blurred even further, but at least Pablo Picasso,
Ed Ruscha,
there will be more for more of us to see Cy Twombly, and
for free. choire sicha Andy Warhol.

Photographs by Brian Finke

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 47

ne sunday last winter,
Peter Fisher decided to take
his one-and-a-half-year-old
Boykin spaniel named Waylon
for a long walk across the Manhattan
Bridge. They often made this journey to
Fisher’s girlfriend Olivia McCausland’s
place in Chinatown. Waylon started out
from their home in Carroll Gardens in
his usual good spirits, fluffy hair blowing
in the breeze as he strutted the walkway
to Manhattan.
Waylon had never before noticed the
Mahayana Buddhist Temple, guarded at
its entrance by a pair of imposing stone
lions, just past the bridge. But on this day,
he saw the statues and, Fisher says, just
froze: “His little animalistic brain was like,
Predator alert! We’re about to be eaten.” To
make matters worse for him, someone
then began chanting through a mega-
phone beside one of the lions. The next
thing Fisher knew, Waylon had slipped
his collar: “His head went right through it
and then he’s running across Canal Street
and the lanes of traffic where everyone’s
entering and exiting the bridge.”
Waylon dashed down Bowery, away
from the noise, away from the lions, with
Fisher in pursuit. Passersby joined in, one
man going so far as to sprint along next to
Fisher. Just as Waylon was running across
the intersection where East Broadway hits
Chatham Square, a car sideswiped him.
“He just really took off then,” Fisher
says. In despair, he called McCausland.
She ran out of her apartment in pajamas
and some off-brand Crocs-style slippers
she would soon come to regret. Together,
48 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
they canvassed the area where Waylon had
last been seen, walking what McCausland
estimates was about 26 miles in circles.
Her shoes filled with blood; she was so
adrenalized she hardly noticed. They
brought in friends. “There was like a mas-
sive information-dissemination campaign,”
she says. “My whole family was paying these
companies. Basically, if you lose your dog,
they post on a bunch of different Facebook
accounts and call every shelter, every vet.”
Everything was closed because it was a
Sunday, and some scam artists had started
calling Fisher claiming to know Waylon’s
whereabouts and demanding he click
sketchy “verification” links.
The streets darkened. It began to rain
and then to sleet. Fisher’s phone was dying.
They took comfort in the fact that Waylon
is microchipped, so at the very least his
Waylon with Flora Cen the moment
he was reunited with his owners.
remains would be identifiable. Fisher swore
he would spend his life walking the streets
looking for his dog.
earlier that day, Flora Cen was
leaving a doctor’s appointment at 128 Mott
Street when she spotted a beautiful dog
wandering around with no leash. She
approached him gently, calling him “baby.”
Holding Waylon by the scruff of his neck
because he had no collar, Cen stayed with
him in the rain for about half an hour, scan-
ning the area for possible owners. All she
saw were “Chinese old ladies.” (Cen herself
is Chinese.) Soon, it was time to pick up
her sons from their kung fu class at the
nearby A&C Culture Center. She carried
Waylon there—no small feat as Cen weighs
114 pounds and Waylon is about 40.
Without other good options, she decided to
load him into the car with her family and
take him back to her home on 86th Street
in Bay Ridge.
She and her son gave Waylon a shower
because he was wet and muddy, dried him
off, and fed him. “He ate three times as
much as my own dog,” Cen says. Her sons
and husband were scouring Facebook.
By evening, they had found the paid post
and responded.
something about this call seemed
unlike the others Fisher had received. Cen
was able to send a photo, though even that
was strange. “We almost couldn’t tell it was
him. He just had such a different look on
his face, and, I don’t know, he was obvi-
ously confused,” Fisher says. They raced to
Bay Ridge. “Peter knelt down after we got
him, and Waylon put his paws on Peter’s
shoulders as a hug. Like, Sorry, Dad,”
McCausland says. Cen was offered the cus-
tomary reward; she suggested they make a
donation to the A&C Culture Center, which
had hosted Waylon briefly.
The next day, a vet gave him a clean bill of
health at an exorbitant cost. Finally, back at
home, “he just passed out immediately and
slept for two days,” Fisher says.
Cen says she sometimes thinks about
Waylon: “He’s such a good boy. Very good
dog, very loyal.”
Waylon now wears a harness for walks.
There are still a few things that spook
him, some more easily explained than
others. He doesn’t like crosswalks, loud
noises behind him, and certain types of
cars. On January 19, 2023, Waylon made
his first journey over the bridge since
his disastrous adventure. He walked tri-
umphantly past the temple lions, giving
them only the briefest sniff of assessment.
emily gould
Photograph by Hugo Yu
 Waylon with Peter Fisher,
Olivia McCausland, and Cen.
I
f you can manage to get tickets
to Merrily We Roll Along, you’ll be
charmed by its central trio of best
friends, played by Jonathan Groff,
Daniel Radcliffe, and Lindsay Mendez,
who fall apart over the decades. You’ll
also be charmed by a much younger
trio—or one member of it, depending
on the night you go. Three actors, Max
Rackenberg, 6, Brady Wagner, 6, and
Calvin James Davis, 7, share the role of
Frank Jr., the son of Groff ’s character,
a successful composer turned music
producer. The Franks Jr. have to sing a
few lines of Stephen Sondheim in front
of an audience of nearly a thousand,
but the boys are all more than game
to show off for the crowd. “My favorite
part is I like being onstage,” says Max.
“Because I love being with new people
and I love doing it over and over,
2 million and 50,000 times.”
The vibe backstage among the boys,
two of whom have not appeared on
Broadway before, is collegial and sweetly
rambunctious. For each performance,
one of them is scheduled to go on,
while another is set as his understudy
(the third can stay home for that
evening unless one of the other two
calls out sick). They spend their time
in a dressing room with their minder,
who entertains them with games
and occasionally oversees homework
assignments. The young actors are close
with their adult co-stars, including
Radcliffe, who they tell me in unison
prefers to be called Dan, not Daniel.
They all happen to have seen at least
a few of his Harry Potter movies—
some of the later ones, they remind
me gravely, are PG-13.
After the show (which ends around
10 p.m., well past their normal
bedtimes), the boys will occasionally
head off to the stage door to meet the
audience and sign a few Playbills,
a Broadway tradition best performed
while wearing your pajamas. “It feels
very good because everyone is cheering
for me,” says Calvin. “It’s just sometimes
I don’t want to because I’m ready to
go to bed.” jackson mchenry

50 Photograph by Gillian Laub

 BECAUSE

THE BOYS
FROM
MERRILY
WE ROLL
ALONG
SIGN
AUTOGRAPHS
IN THEIR
PAJAMAS

AND SO CAN YOU,
AT YOUR OWN
RISK
in november, Robert De Niro’s former “Bob” called. “And I told him I was at Nobu,
assistant Graham Chase Robinson success- and he asked that I bring a martini to him
fully sued the actor’s company for, among after I finished dinner … He asked me to
other things, De Niro asking her to scratch bring him a martini on my way home.”
his back and rescue his dogs from an incipi- Robinson did and “met him downstairs,”
ent fire, contacting her while she was at her ostensibly at one of his Manhattan resi-
grandma’s funeral, and calling her a bitch. dences, where “he was in his pajamas and
De Niro’s company unsuccessfully counter- slippers, and I handed him the martini in
sued Robinson, arguing that she used the a plastic container.”
company card for personal Uber rides and Can anyone just get a to-go martini from
watched too much Netflix on the clock. In Nobu and Uber it home? I arrived at its
an attempt to prove that the company-card downtown outpost on a Wednesday evening
argument held no water, Robinson’s around 9:30 to find out. I wore what I imag-
lawyer pointed out that De Niro once ined an assistant to Robert De Niro might
asked Robinson to Uber him a “particular wear: a pleated black skirt, knee-high boots,
martini” from Nobu, the restaurant he co- and a sense of nervous imperiousness. Both
owns, at 11 o’clock at night. the aboveground bar and the basement
Robinson had been dining at Nobu for dining area were packed with rich people
her friend’s daughter’s 21st birthday when celebrating their friends’ daughters’ 21st
52
birthdays. I took a seat at the bar and coolly
asked the bartender for a martini to go.
“No,” he said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said.
I studied him in an assistant-y way. “I’m
aware there’s precedent for getting a mar-
tini to go,” I said.
“Are you just finding another way to ask
me the same thing?” he said.
I conceded that I was but pushed once
more: “You never do that? Even for a
special guest?”
He sighed. “No. That’s a lot of ways of
asking the same question.”
I had no choice but to break cover. I asked
if he’d followed De Niro’s trial, and he had no
idea what I was talking about, so I explained
that I possessed legal knowledge that
De Niro had, at least once, ordered a martini
to go from Nobu. “If you’re the owner of the
place …” he trailed off, shrugging.
“Could you put it into a little to-go cup for
me?” I asked.
“How many ways can you ask me this?”
he said. He disappeared to tell on me.
A young woman sitting next to me
watched the interaction with great interest.
“I want this to happen,” she said. In 2022,
New York State passed a law that made the
sale and delivery of to-go cocktails legal for
three years, so it should be possible. How-
ever, it’s important to remember that at
Nobu, it’s still 2017.
The bartender returned, looking vaguely
homicidal. I apologized for being a nuisance
and asked him if he wanted to murder me.
“I didn’t say anything like that,” he said.
I attempted to confirm that only Robert
De Niro was allowed to get a martini to
go at Nobu. “I’ve never given anybody a
martini to go,” he reiterated.
“What about delivery?” I asked.
“No,” he said. I took a deep breath, looked
at my accomplice, and asked what would
happen if I got my own to-go cup and
poured the martini in it and left. “If I give it
to you in a martini glass, whatever you do,
that’s on your heart,” he said. “What I’m not
gonna do is pour it in a to-go container.”
I wondered if Nobu would be more
willing to respect me and treat me like a
to-go-martini girl if I were an actual diner
in its restaurant. Seated quickly at the sushi
bar downstairs, I studied the astronomically
priced menu and decided to order the third-
or fourth-cheapest appetizer, a few pieces of
salmon sashimi that came to $38 with tax,
so as not to draw immediate suspicion to
myself. I asked the waiter which martini
Robert De Niro preferred, and he said he
wasn’t sure but suggested it could be the
“signature” martini, the Matsuhisa, a $22
combination of Suntory Haku vodka, Hoku-
setsu Junmai sake, ginger, and Japanese
Illustration by Zohar Lazar
cucumber. I said I’d wait a few minutes to
order my drink.
She signed herself up for lessons
When he returned with my sushi, I leaned
on my theatrical training (the time I played
Slut No. 3 in my high school’s student-
written production). “I’m having a work
emergency,” I said, looking pained, imagin-
ing Robert De Niro calling me a bitch at my Goldberg, a London-
based agent who represents DJs
grandma’s funeral. “Can I get this to go?”
and venues here and abroad,
“Of course,” he said. on the roof of Soho House, she
I kept my face neutral. “And can I get a became a full-fledged pro. Goldberg
Matsuhisa martini to go?” connected her with some of her new
“We don’t have cups to go,” he said. “Sorry patrons—she and Duran Duran’s
about that.” He did actually seem sorry. manager go way back—but it’s
Mad Marj, Goldberg says, who wins
“What if I have my own cup?” I asked.
everyone over: “She bonded with
(I didn’t.) all the band members. She sends
“No, sorry about that,” he said. “I’ll get a thank-you notes. She’s as old school
to-go box.” as they come in that way. She
He packaged the sushi in a box and then MAD MARJ, née Marjorie remembers her manners.”
a stiff bag, as if it were an expensive perfume Gubelmann, a socialite with deep Gubelmann is, by her own
roots in Palm Beach, wasn’t an admission, not the DJ you call for
at a department store. I gently placed my
ingénue when she rose to DJ deep house at 3 a.m. “I play songs
sushi bag in my arms and stopped by the fame; she wasn’t even really a DJ. that people know the words to,”
downstairs host stand. “Do you ever do But New York welcomes second she says. “A lot of disco, ’80s, gay
martinis to go?” I asked the host. acts, and in short order, there was anthems.” Much of her business
“Unfortunately, no,” he said. “No alcoholic Gubelmann, 53, opening for Duran comes from abroad. She’s played
drinks to go.” Duran at Madison Square Garden. the Sydney Opera House; Dolce
“It could only have happened & Gabbana uses her often.
“Is it a legal thing?” I asked.
here,” Gubelmann says. The spectacle of one of their own
“Yeah,” he said, narrowing his eyebrows. Her DJ career began at 43. behind the decks seems to resonate
“You can’t have alcohol to go.” False. But he She was already well established with a certain stripe of party-
held all the power. on the New York social scene of thrower. None of her society friends,
I went back upstairs, darting past the a particularly uptown, slightly she says, has ever looked down
initial hosts and out into the chilly night. starchy type—Patrick McMullan on her new hustle, and she says
used to snap her arm in arm she is equally happy to use the staff
I ran across the moonlit street with my
with Jamie Tisch and Samantha entrance as she is to mingle with
sashimi slung over my arm like a very Boardman. She had been plying guests; it’s hosts’ choice. “I don’t
bourgeois cat burglar. I asked an employee some of the usual social joblets. have an ego,” she says. Recently,
at Gong cha for a to-go cup, and they gave But her luxury-candle company she DJ-ed Portugal’s first royal
it to me without question—more comrades. was snuffing out, and when a wedding in 28 years for Infanta
I ran back to the bar at Nobu. The bar- friend asked her to DJ his birthday Maria Francisca, Duchess of
party, she accepted almost as a Coimbra. I ask whether that
tender and I greeted each other silently,
bit. She’d been a college-radio had made her duchess for a day.
with begrudging respect, like pistoleros. DJ in 1987 and agreed to do it “I wish,” she says with a laugh.
I ordered the Matsuhisa, and we entered a with the help of an on-site aide- “I’d take any title.” matthew schneier
brief détente as he made it for me, agreeing
that martinis are good.
This one was especially delicious. I under-
stood instantly why Robert De Niro needed
it delivered to him at 11 p.m. at any cost. It
barely tasted like a martini; it was more like
the water they pour for you at a hotel spa.
As the bartender walked away, I stealthily
poured the rest of the martini into my to-go
cup, creeping out the door slowly so as not
to spill (there was no lid). Outside, I hailed a
cab and held the martini in my lap, breaking
New York’s open-container law but perhaps
repairing some kind of karmic fracture by
doing vaguely illegal things at Nobu, the
scene of De Niro’s own ethical missteps.
When I got home a half-hour later,
P H OTO G R A P H : M I C H A E L I P

I put on my pajamas and took another

sip. Shockingly, it was just as crisp and
refreshing as at the moment of its birth. I
had learned something new about what Opening for
Duran Duran in
was and was not possible in physics and September.
in New York City. I put the rest of it in the
fridge for breakfast. rachel handler

54 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 The couple at this year’s
New York City Marathon.

I L LU S T R AT I O N B Y ZO H A R L A Z A R . P H OTO G R A P H S : N E W YO R K R OA D R U N N E R S ( H O L M E S ) ; W O L F G A N G T I L L M A N S, ‘C A N A D I A N W I L D F I R E 1 0 T H AV E N U E N E W YO R K , ’ 2 0 2 3 .
20

CO U R T E S Y O F DAV I D Z W I R N E R , N E W YO R K / H O N G KO N G ; G A L E R I E B U C H H O L Z , B E R L I N / CO LO G N E ; M A U R E E N PA L E Y, LO N D O N ( S M O K E ) .
IT HASN’T exactly been a banner year
for New York City public schools. In
November, Mayor Adams announced
$547 million in budget cuts, even as
the system strained to serve more than
20,000 migrant students. But 2023 saw
at least one bright spot: In the fall, all
DOE schools adopted a daily mindful-
breathing practice. The program was
initially met with some groaning, but it
turns out that requiring children to close
their eyes and Zen out for a few minutes
is kind of nice. Brittany Barriteau, a third-
grade teacher at P.S. 5 in Bed-Stuy,
if you heard T. J. Holmes’s and Amy Robach’s names at all for most of describes the impact on her homeroom:
last year, you knew them as B-tier daytime talk-show hosts, co-anchors
One activity that’s really popular in
of the Good Morning America spinoff GMA3. Then, in November 2022, our classroom is “Butterfly Breathing.”
the Daily Mail revealed that Holmes and Robach, who were both It’s a guided meditation that requires
married to other people, had been “sharing much more than a mutual students to visualize a butterfly coming
to comfort them. It asks them to give
love of running and the great outdoors,” providing photo evidence of themselves a hug; they visualize the
post-work dates and a weekend trip. The resulting saga proved more butterfly floating away at the end of
gripping than any A-list-celebrity scandal as the internet pored over the meditation. But the meditation tells
the pair’s flirty GMA3 broadcasts. them how to breathe, how long to hold
the breath and how to release it, what
But just as their show became appointment viewing, ABC deprived us they should be doing with their hands.
of the hosts, benching and later firing them. Holmes and Robach separated And when it is time for the meditation
from and eventually divorced their spouses (which is just to say their exes to end, it prepares them to release the
likely don’t love this story as much as I do). All they had were each other. And butterfly as a way of flowing into the
next part of our day. There’s another
a year after the ’s bombshell, they are, against all odds, still together— one we do called “Melting.” It allows
they traveled to Mexico, rode motorcycles, and finally went Instagram official. them to kind of be silly; they melt on the
In August, Us Weekly (where the couple have remained a fixture) reported desk. And always, after melting, the kids
have something to share—they have
they wanted to get engaged. They then ran side by side in the marathon in some kind of story it brings up. They
November—their second time racing it together—and even cut 11 minutes love to talk about their feelings. Also,
off last year’s time for a finish at 4:14:39. Now, Holmes and Robach are in the morning, they’re usually at a ten,
co-workers once more: They’re partnering on an iHeartMedia podcast that and it’s like a whirlwind of energy once
they walk into the room. This has made
will finally turn their workplace affair into the content it deserves to be. for easier, smoother transitions.
Don’t you love a happy ending? justin curto as told to yolanda wikiel

56 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 in june, a loft in the Village
was listed for just $4 million. It was a
bargain—5,800 square feet and views of
Union Square Park in a building where
similar-size units have gone for nearly
$11 million. The price was due to one
small hitch: The apartment has two Loft
Law tenants with regulated rent and the
right to renew their lease for life.
“We’ve been offered a lot of money to
leave,” says Rob Mason, now 77, who lives
in the loft with his wife, Mary Jan, 69. They
pay a monthly rent that’s about the price
of the average Washington Heights studio.
“But we’ve looked all over the world for an
alternative, and you can’t find anything like
this.” He gestures around the apartment’s
spacious back room, in which not even a
brachiosaurus would feel claustrophobic.
When Mason arrived in 1976, it was
an abandoned commercial space, full
of asbestos, lead paint, and water dam-
age, with no plumbing, electricity, or
floorboards. Mason made the property

58 Photograph by Christopher Payne

habitable at his own peril and expense
and lived there during the two-year pro-
cess. He says he could have had the top-
floor unit upstairs as well and combined
the spaces into an 11,600-square-foot
duplex, but it was the ’70s and he
was worried about burglars coming
in through the skylights. New York’s 1982
Loft Law was enacted to protect the
tenants exactly like this.
But even among Loft Law tenants,
Mason’s story is unique. For decades, the
Masons’ apartment housed the recording
facility RPM Studios, where many classic
albums were made: Donald Fagen’s
The Nightfly, Spacehog’s Resident Alien,
the Beastie Boys’ Hello Nasty, and The
Miseducation of Lauryn Hill.
Mason funded the studio construction
with the proceeds from a mid-’70s deal with
Columbia Records. He had led the instru-
mental rock group Stardrive, in which he
played one of the world’s first polyphonic
keyboard synthesizers, an instrument he
may have invented. The studio’s superior
acoustics and expansive microphone collec-
tion soon attracted producer Phil Ramone
to record Billy Joel and Paul Simon.
The Masons’ apartment was overrun by
legends. Bob Marley, David Bowie, Tito
Puente, Burning Spear, Mary J. Blige, and
Tom Waits all tracked music there. Three-
quarters of Led Zeppelin rehearsed at RPM
before their 1985 reunion at Live Aid. The
Rolling Stones held all-night parties during
the making of 1986’s Dirty Work, requiring
the Masons to adopt the band’s nocturnal
schedule themselves. A few of Mason’s stu-
dio employees started a band, called them-
selves the Spin Doctors, and cut their hit
1992 single “Two Princes” at RPM.
At first, none of Mason’s clients thought
much about working in a studio that was
also somebody’s home. “When I opened
the place, I was a cool guy, I was in these
artists’ peer group, and I just happened to
be living there,” he says. “But eventually it
became a little awkward. You don’t want
to run into a guy who’s 30 years older than
you on the way to the bathroom.”
RPM shut down in 2004 after the New
York Department of Buildings decided that
running a commercial studio out of the
Masons’ apartment violated an extremely
uncool zoning regulation. Mason sold his
equipment to a Nevada billionaire who used
it to outfit his own studio on the Vegas Strip.
Now the control booth contains a king-size
bed where Mason sometimes takes naps.
Mason suspects the loft’s new owners—
it was bought by a California developer—
will split it into multiple units. How long
must they wait? The Masons are both
in good health and plan to age in place.
“We have plenty of space for caretak-
ers if we need them,” Mason says. Plus,
with all the money they save on rent,
they can afford to take advantage of the
latest medical breakthroughs. Mason
recently had a new tendon installed
in his ankle: “I’m doing everything I can to
live to 100.” lane brown
Rob and Mary Jan Mason in their
5,800-square-foot loft on November 8.
22

EAST WILLIAMSBURG’S
3 Dollar Bill is a venue
best known for messy gay
parties, but one night in
September, performers
mounted a re-creation
of Wicked, the iconic
green-and-pink musical.
It was done primarily via
lip-sync with elaborate
costumes and meticulous
mimicry of Joe Mantello’s
Broadway staging. The
show was part of the
mad-genius queen Baby
Love’s Fagtasia series of in september, Brooke Shields had been
tribute acts to queer (or preparing for her one-woman show at Café
just beloved by the queers)
pop culture—think Rocky
Carlyle by hydrating—and hydrating and
Horror, True Blood, even hydrating—until her body was so deprived
The Hunger Games. But of sodium that she had a grand mal seizure
with Wicked, specifically, at L’Artusi in the West Village the Thursday
Fagtasia produced a before her show was to open. The scene
theatrical coup de grâce. at L’Artusi was a blur, but Shields later
The show started after 11
p.m. and ran for four acts
learned the sommelier had called her
until around 2 a.m. It was assistant, who had tried Shields’s husband,
a delirious send-up and Chris Henchy, who was unavailable. The
a tribute to the desire assistant then tried Shields’s friend Bradley
to stand center stage, Cooper’s assistant, with whom Shields’s
whether in front of 1,900 assistant is also friends. Luckily, Cooper lives
tourists or one-fourth
that number of assorted in the neighborhood and was nearby, likely
girls and gays—a couple waiting by the phone to do a paparazzi
of whom I recognized as walk in lieu of promoting Maestro, and he
rushed over to accompany Shields in the
P H OTO G R A P H : M E T T I E O S T R O W S K I ( FAG TA S I A )

actors who had played

the Tin Man, Boq, in
Wicked on Broadway.
The only possible

celebration of theater
is gratitude for human

would take a cue from Maestro

a quick hit of poppers.

jackson m c

fran hoepfner

60 Illustration by Zohar Lazar

 24

it started, as so many New York trends do, with Chloë

Sevigny. An Instagram post announcing her “Sale of the
Century” proclaimed that she had gone through “the depths”
of her “perpetual cool girl closet” and would be selling her
used clothing in a Noho loft space on Mother’s Day. Genuine
pandemonium ensued; the line stretched around the block.
There was a think piece about it in The Paris Review. Influencers
25
with heaps of free clothes and other famous people looking to
unload their junk took note, and suddenly there seemed to be
a new “closet sale” every weekend. Here, some people-slash-
fans share what they scored. sasha mutchnik

JEMIMA KIRKE’S
CHLOË SEVIGNY’S
“I Used to Love These
“Sale of the Century”
Things” sale
P H OTO G R A P H S : G E T T Y I M AG E S ( S E V I G N Y, K I R K E , W I L S O N ) ; G A B R I E L L A W E AT H E R S B Y ( TA I LO R ) ; CO U R T E S Y O F T H E S U B J EC T S ( R E M A I N I N G )

in a garagelike space on Jane Street, ten women in their

20s and 30s are gathered in wedding dresses. Some are
wearing embroidered vintage veils and extra-large taffeta bows.
Others try on antique gloves from the 1800s. One slips into
towering plastic heels. The occasion: to marry themselves.
Well, not legally. Eva Joan, a mending studio under the
$250 auspices of Emma Villeneuve and Bjorn Eva Park, has
$80 become a kind of neighborhood clubhouse for the craftily
inclined. A ticket for this faux-wedding experience cost $375
(each attendee was told to bring in a wedding or formal dress
“I haven’t worn it yet, if you can “This skirt is so flattering.
believe it. Any dinner or I wore it to my weeks before the event for fitting and customization), and it
party I go to seems too basic Barbie-Oppenheimer party sold out just days after posting on the store’s Instagram. For
for Vivienne Westwood.” over the summer!” the two friends who founded the shop, standard tailoring
Raya DerBedrossian Julia Chong requests—say, patching the elbows of a sweater—become
(23, urban planner) bought (27, data analyst) bought opportunities for lacy, crocheted, bedazzled embellishment.
a Vivienne Westwood button-down. a corduroy skirt.
Park and Villenueve first opened Eva Joan (named after their
grandmothers) as a sliver of a shop on Eighth Avenue in June
JOHN WILSON’S 2021. In January of this year, they relocated to a bigger space.
Garage Sale The current store has a tailoring and alteration studio in the
back and shelves in the front bursting with cheerful quilts and
twangy ginghams. By the entrance, there’s a rack of remixed
vintage pieces—like a cream bed jacket whose original collar
was lopped off and replaced with a pink pony-hair one.
Since the move, the number of shoppers has doubled—
Linda Rodin recently picked up an embroidered tutu for her
$10 birthday—and Villeneuve and Park have hosted more events.
There was a varsity-clothing-themed shopping party with
the fashion historian Ruby Redstone and morning medita-
“By the time we got there, most of the garage looked like tions and Pilates, where attendees exercised in embroidered
it was cleared out. He had this huge X-ray thing that was comically large,
some posters, shirts, and this rug just thrown to the corner of the vintage boxer shorts. A class of Dalton students stopped by
room. He was really genuine and gave me a pretty good deal on it: $10. for a mending how-to.
We needed a rug, so it was kind of perfect that he had one.” “We really believe moths are keeping us in business,” says
Julian Gomez Park. The Eva Joan approach to a moth hole? “We’ve been
(26, operations specialist) bought a rug. doing a lot of exposing of the holes instead of hiding them,”
says Villeneuve. “So if there was a hole, we could stitch around
it—then turn it into a sun.” hilary reid

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 61
 t’s almost too perfect that
Harrison Patrick Smith, better
known by his electro-sleaze
stage name, the Dare, orders
his martini dirty. Very dirty.
At the Swan Room, where we
meet up, he also asks the bartender for
“whatever’s the cheapest gin.”
The Dare has built his budding
celebrity out of the cheap and dirty.
His first single, “Girls,” which he tells
me he wrote in 30 minutes in his East
Williamsburg bedroom, has been stuck
in my head since it came out in August
2022 and went as downtown viral
as a case of drug-resistant clap. As the
chorus goes, “I like the girls that do
drugs/Girls with cigarettes in the back
of the club/Girls that hate cops and
buy guns.” It rambles on like that
for 1:59 minutes, about the length of
the high you get from a huff of poppers.
The song became a post-pandemic
club-kid party anthem—it has been
streamed over 4 million times on
Spotify—and in the process, the Dare
became my generation’s non-nepo Julian
Casablancas, getting everyone’s panties
in a twist. “I like music that’s about sex,”
Smith says. “And I think a lot of music
right now is sexless and boring.”
“I don’t think there’s a lot of guys out
there talking about sex in this particular
way, I guess,” he continues. “My
intentions are really just to make fun
and funny music.” He’s inspired by the
post-9/11 electroclash scene. “The songs
were simple, the songs were fun, and
people were, like, going out, hanging
out together. There was an urgency
to it because horrible things had just
happened but also an abandon that was
exciting.” Never mind that, given he is
27, he was a toddler then.
In person, Smith doesn’t quite
exude the concupiscence he does
onstage (more from “Girls”: “They say
I’m too fuckin’ horny / Wanna put me
in a cage / I’d probably fuck the hole in
the wall”). Mostly, he’s polite. It tracks
that until recently he worked part
time as a substitute teacher and that
he grew up outside Seattle in “super- Performing at El Cid in L.A.

62
suburban” and “super-boring”
conditions. As a teenager, he
taught himself to play guitar while
obediently satisfying his parents
with violin lessons (“I totally hated
it”). He went to college in Portland
and, in 2018, moved to New York
to see what might happen.
But back to sex, as I try not to
fixate on the cute little gap between
his front teeth. The Sex EP, which
came out in May from Republic
Records, features four young
people humping one another on
the cover. It had four songs: “Girls,”
“Good Time,” “Bloodwork,” and
“Sex,” the last of which, he says, is
written as “an instruction manual
for aliens” curious about human
coitus. This seems almost too on the
nose given the reputation today’s
20-somethings have for having way
less sex than previous generations.
(Lyrics: “Sex … It’s what I’m
thinking of/Some people call it
love/I might even finish it way too
quick.”) “Good Time” includes such
rousing statements as “We’re all
on the brink of suicide” and “I’m
in the club while you’re online.”
As for “Girls,” he admits that not
all of the lyrics (“I like … girls with
dicks … girls who got so much hair
on they ass, it clogs the drain”)
are representative of his personal
proclivities. It’s almost cosplay.
Which may be one key difference
between the Dare and, say, the
Strokes. As Lizzy Goodman, author
of the aughts-rock history Meet
Me in the Bathroom, told me,
“Whatever they said they were
doing, they were definitely doing.”
The Dare’s go-to costume for
thrashing around is a black suit
and skinny tie. His phone’s lock
screen is a young Morrissey.
“I think there’s something cool
about dressing up to play really
dirty music, you know what I
mean?” Smith says. His suit used
to be “cobbled together” from
vintage-store finds (he also worked
Photograph by Wes Lachman
at Beacon’s Closet), but now he’s
sweating onstage in Gucci, gifted
by the brand after he DJ-ed its
after-party in Milan in January.
Anyway, he only has the one:
“I dry-clean it often.”
Not all of the press has been
great. Some critics have been
dismissive, and he started receiving
death threats in his DMs after that
saucy EP cover got him accused of
pedophilia in the Daily Mail.
“I knew it was going to come
because the hype of everything
was so intense that somebody was
gonna take a swing,” he says. “I like
pissing people off, though.”
Smith is now niche iconic—
drawing comparisons to LCD
Soundsystem’s James Murphy and
fostering a whole new New York
music scene filled with party kids
trying to nab a major-label deal
like he did. (In a sign that he one
day might find an audience outside
downtown, Smith shares a label
with Drake, Taylor Swift, and the
Weeknd.) Supposedly, there is now
an album coming, but Smith is, over
martinis, rather cagey about it. “It’s
all top secret,” he tells me. “There’s
definitely going to be music next
year, and I feel really good about it,
and I think it’s going to paint a more
complex picture than so far has
been painted. People have only seen
the bottom square-inch corner of
the painting.” In the meantime, our
hometown boy is testing his appeal
outside the city and has sold out
shows from Los Angeles and San
Francisco to London and Hamburg.
There have to be many perks
to being this droll zillennial
horndog rock star. After a drink,
I ask him if he’s getting laid a
lot. He only blushes. “Definitely
there are women coming into my
DMs saying the most heinous,
egregiously forward things,” he
says. “If it were the other way
around, it would be very bad. But
I find it funny.” brock colyar
IT’S IMPOSSIBLE to say exactly
what saved 65-year-old Tatyana
Koltunyuk’s life on August 7 when she
was bitten by a shark while swimming
in the Rockaways. The EMTs kept her
stable on the way to Jamaica Hospital;
the surgeons oversaw her seven-plus
operations; a thousand GoFundMe
donors helped pay for those surgeries.
First, though, there was the
makeshift tourniquet applied on
the beach. It was about two hours
before sunset when lifeguard Romeo
Ortiz heard Koltunyuk screaming
and then saw the shadow of blood in
the darkening ocean around her. He
swam what he estimated was 20 yards
with lifeguard Evan Sheridan to bring
Koltunyuk back to shore. “That’s when
I noticed that there was a huge wound
on her leg,” Ortiz says. “It wasn’t until
I saw the wound that I realized, Oh
my goodness, this might have actually
been a legitimate shark attack.”
Ortiz used a pair of neon-orange
Parks Department sweatpants as a
temporary tourniquet. Lifeguard Billy
McDonnell added rope from a buoy
to reinforce the sweatpants.
This was the first confirmed shark
attack in New York City since the
1950s. “Never in a million years
did we think this would happen in
New York,” McDonnell, a nine-year
veteran, says. “Never mind on our
beach in Rockaway.”
Although their gigs are seasonal,
most lifeguards stationed at city
beaches aren’t the sullen teenagers
P H OTO G R A P H : R O M E O O R T I Z
you’re likely to find at a suburban
community pool. Ortiz has been
a beach lifeguard for 14 years
and is a military veteran and trained
medic. “I was prepared for it,”
he says. “But then I got home
and I told my sister, ‘I’ve had a bit
of a rough day at work. I kind of
need a hug.’ ” l au r a t h o m ps o n
27
 ll Zoë Kravitz
Kenda d (seen with Laura
r trie
Jenne ntless Dern and Greta
pa
out the i
t I Sod Gerwig at Il Buco
trend a ne. Alimentari &
in Ju
Vineria) wears so
much of The Row to
dinner you have to
wonder who’s paying
the check.

P H OTO G R A P H S : J AC K S O N L E E / G C I M AG E S ( R I H A N N A ) ; M E G A / G C I M AG E S ( J E N N E R ) ; S H U T T E R S TO C K ( K R AV I T Z ) ; J O S I A H W / B AC KG R I D ( S W I F T ) ; G OT H A M / G C I M AG E S ( B I E B E R ) ; E M I L I A P E T R A R C A ( L E B O W I T Z )
28

while the spring-summer 2024 fashion shows

were happening in Europe this fall, it seemed all
anyone could talk about was what Taylor Swift and her
squad were wearing out to eat. Rather than scurrying
through the back door these days, many celebrities are
choosing to enter and exit through the front, turning
the small patch of sidewalk outside various restaurants
into something like a catwalk. emilia petrarca
3,
ctober -
e on O aga “panta
rbon
At Ca ore Balenci y covered
na w Ro c k s.
Rihan and A$AP 15 pearl clip
t
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ead
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yo
t for a own ne is em
The wait lis riel Just dress cod bracing t
av
Mansur G in an e. J
Augu d Hail ust look a r
hei
Swift
bag Taylor ne st vis
it to
ey B
iebe t
di
brought to Bar r
Pitti. ’s
be
with Phoe
at
Bridgers rn
Ta ve
Minetta
ber 3 is
on Novem nds.
sa
in the thou

29

four times Fran Lebowitz went to see the Liberty play, and three
times the Liberty triumphed. An internet commentator declared
Lebowitz to be the team’s good-luck charm. Her streak was broken
when she watched them lose the championship, but she’s unruffled:
“New York teams are the best. I don’t care if they’re winning or not.”
Knowing nothing about sports, by her own admission, doesn’t lessen
the pleasure of attending. “Everyone chanting together, singing
crazy songs. I do find it relaxing.” alice markham-cantor

64 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE 116th on Riverside

A RACCOON
college students with a friend; it was
had thrown and twilight, give or take.
abandoned a party, He took a picture,
drawing raccoons and two young

SOCIETY IS
up to the walkway women in Columbia
wall along Riverside sweatshirts started
Park, well known yelling that his flash

THRIVING IN
for its bountiful would damage their
animal population. retinas. “I was like,
Alex Hodor-Lee, ‘Oh my God, I’m so
a 31-year-old sorry. I don’t know

RIVERSIDE
photographer, anything about
was out for a walk raccoons, being from
between 100th and New York,’ ” Alex says

PARK
he told them, and
then he went home
and Googled and it
turns out that isn’t
true. His takeaway?
“Everyone here loves
pizza.” choire sicha

Photograph by Alex Hodor-Lee


at her day job as an Air Force officer,
it is appropriate to address Allison
Ecung as “Lieutenant Colonel.” But
after she married Freiherr (or “baron”)
Raban von Arnim in a lavish three-day
wedding in Potsdam, Germany, last
year—including a ceremony in a church
formerly used by the Prussian royal
family, followed by a black-tie reception
at the local castle—it is also correct to
call her “Baroness.”
The newlyweds made their debut as a
New York philanthropic power couple in
February at the 62nd annual Quadrille
Ball on Park Avenue alongside the city’s
German and Austrian consuls general.
Among her charitable works is her
service on the Young Fellows Steering
Committee of the Frick.
Joining the German aristocracy (still
popularly acknowledged even though
the government legally did away with
it in 1919) makes her one of very few
66 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
African American women to assume a
European title. The couple live part of the
year near the Ramstein Air Base for their
jobs (he is a legal consultant for Charité
hospital in Berlin), and here they stay in
a hotel when she is working in midtown.
Baroness von Arnim is from the
upstate city of Rome, and she later lived
on the Upper West Side and in Harlem.
This year, for Valentine’s Day, the baron
surprised his wife with a date night
combining many New York City faves.
“He took me to the Museum of
Natural History to see a show at the
planetarium and then he had one of
those pedicab drivers take us down to
Tavern on the Green to have a drink,” she
says. “Then we had dinner at the old Café
des Artistes”—now the Leopard at des
Artistes—“and after dinner we walked
over to Lincoln Center, and he had this
whole bit about seeing the stars,” which
was the setup to present her with tickets
to see Beyoncé in Amsterdam.
In turn, she introduced him to such
New York landmarks as Lady Mendl’s
Tea Salon in Gramercy, Patsy’s Pizzeria
on West 74th, and Gray’s Papaya on
West 72nd.
And how did he like Gray’s?
“It didn’t blow his mind,” she says.
“Which is true of most people who try
Gray’s Papaya for the first time. He was
like, ‘I don’t know how I feel about this.’”
ben widdicombe
32
DANIELLE AVISSAR’S New York City
breaking point came when a bus driver told
her that if she wanted to get on, she had to
collapse her stroller. Come again? Wake a
sleeping 1-year-old, gather his crap, and fold
the thing while somehow having a hand free
to tap her fare?
Avissar’s day job—helping creative
agencies land clients—is all about making
things happen, and she began recruiting
other stroller-pushing activists by lobbying
local Facebook groups and speaking at an
Upper East Side cocktail party. Members of
her army started showing up to MTA meetings
to explain their reality.
At monthly meetings, Avissar, MTA
executives, and other caretakers worked out
a solution with drivers and opponents—a
group that included some disability activists
who weren’t eager to give up their sliver of
hard-won accessibility. “People tried to make
it political and entitled and personal and
emotional,” Avissar says. “It was literally
just an engineering problem.” The solution:
a stroller-parking spot, created by taking out
two seats on older buses or grouping two
fold-down seats on newer buses.
This year, spots for strollers, marked with
signage, made it onto one in five buses in
the system. The response continues to be
“overwhelmingly positive,” says Rachel Cohen,
the MTA’s deputy chief accessibility officer.
There are still grumblings about blocked aisles
and fewer seats, but there’s an unexpected
positive: Stroller-pushers are getting
on and off faster, saving time for every rider.
adriane quinlan
P H OTO G R A P H S : A N G E L A G A U L ( B A R O N E S S ) ; Y U L I N OA M A ( AV I S S A R )
Danielle
Avissar and
her 1-year-old.
 FINAL PERFORMANCE FEBRUARY 4TH!
TONY WINNER, GRAMMY WINNER
® ®

ACADEMY AWARD & EMMY NOMINEE

® ®

LESLIE ODOM, JR.

NOW ON BROADWAY IN

WRITTEN BY DIRECTED BY

OSSIE DAVIS KENNY LEON

“BLAZING AND HILARIOUS.”
THE NEW YORK TIMES

FAST, FIERCE,
NEW YORK MAGAZINE

MUSIC BOX THEATRE • 239 W. 45

PHOTOS: MARC J. FRANKLIN

 Haden-Guest “laid to rest.”
on a sunday in May, the 86-year-old
art-world raconteur and man-about-town
Anthony Haden-Guest (he’s said to be the
inspiration for Peter Fallow in The Bonfire
of the Vanities) arrived at his friend Libbie
Mugrabi’s Upper East Side mansion for
his own funeral. The idea was hatched by
Mugrabi—the ex-wife of billionaire David
Mugrabi—who made headlines last year
for having allegedly threatened her former
housekeeper with a knife and mop handle
(Mugrabi denies this). In recent years,
Mugrabi has become Haden-Guest’s friend
and sort-of patron, encouraging him to
68 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
work on his art and commissioning pieces
from him. The two hit it off when she
threw a much-criticized 50-person dinner
party in Miami in December 2020, during
the height of covid. “For some reason,
I think too much wine,” Haden-Guest says,
“we both climbed up onto a Damien Hirst
unicorn sculpture in a hotel.”
Haden-Guest had told Mugrabi he
wanted to have a dry run of his funeral
one day, an “extinction party,” and when
Mugrabi offhandedly mentioned that fact
this past spring to a reporter from the
Daily Mail, Joanna Bell, she pounced on
it: “I told Libbie, ‘We’d love to cover that.’ ”
Which set Mugrabi in action. She quickly
hired the publicist R. Couri Hay to orga-
nize, sent out VIP invites (Haden-Guest’s
half-brother Christopher Guest and
sister-in-law Jamie Lee Curtis could not
attend, nor could Anna Wintour), and
locked in a date for that Sunday. That
Saturday, however, neither Mugrabi nor
Bell could get in touch with the guest of
honor. “We were saying, ‘Oh my God, I
hope he hasn’t died before his funeral,’ ”
Bell says. Finally, they got ahold of him.
“We were pretty sure he was drunk some-
where dozing on a friend’s sofa; he does
tend to go hard even in his tender years,”
she adds. (Haden-Guest remembers it
differently: “Maybe I lost my telephone.”)
He showed up, not fully understanding
what he had stepped into. “I was the
central figure there,” he recalls, “very
much in the sense that turkey is a central
presence at Thanksgiving.”
They had him lie down on one of
Mugrabi’s massage tables, which they had
covered with a sheet, and Hay put pennies
on his eyes. Bell surrounded him with pink
roses, and they rolled him onto the terrace.
Mugrabi had ordered $10,000 worth of
Cristal and some sandwiches. “Then I was
raised from the dead and enjoyed the party,”
Haden-Guest says. The guests—a motley
group that included the fashion designer
Frederick Anderson and various members
of the rap collective Dipset—stood around
and posed for the Daily Mail photographer.
“These weren’t my enemies,” Haden-Guest
says. “But also not people I knew very well.
But the whole thing was very amusing, very
diverting.” Mugrabi, recalling the bizarre
afternoon, says, “I’m telling you: It was a
moment.” The article ran the next day.
Many didn’t seem to register that the funeral
wasn’t real. “I’d run into people,” Haden-
Guest says, “and some of them seemed
rather offended to discover I was still alive.”
alexis swerdloff
Photograph by Stefano Giovannini
THE 2022 DRAMA DESK AND OUTER CRITICS CIRCLE AWARD-WINNING
BEST PLAY ARRIVES ON BROADWAY

DECEMBER 19 - FEBRUARY 4
Tickets on sale now | FrenchRepublicBroadway.com
Prayer for the French Republic is made possible in part by a generous grant from The Roy Cockrum Foundation.
 purview of the midwives: Sha-Asia Semple
died in 2020 after a botched epidural at the
hands of an anesthesiologist who later lost
his license, and this November, protesters
gathered outside the hospital following
the death of Christine Fields, who’d had
an emergency C-section.
Reynoso’s lessons continued at every
prenatal visit, he recalls: “Do you know
they think Black women have a pain
threshold that’s higher? Do you know that
coagulation is a historical health compli-
cation for Black women that they don’t
account for?” He tells me he has worked
his whole life to never feel like things were
hopeless; he has seen himself as someone
who is always fighting, who could show
up and fix something. “But knowing that
I can’t beat nine times the rate, right?
I can’t beat that disparity, that inequality,
as a husband sitting next to my wife.” They
came back to Woodhull for the birth of
their second son, too.
“I told Ms. Grant this: ‘If I ever have
the power or the influence or the resources
it was one thing for Antonio Reynoso, then a city councilman campaigning for the to be able to combat this crisis, I would,’”
Brooklyn borough president gig vacated by Eric Adams, to say he would do everything he says. Once in office, “I could have given
he could to help improve maternal-health outcomes. It was another thing for Reynoso to $5 million to these public hospitals
have to call up the leaders of the major local institutions who are used to receiving millions and made a difference at the margins and
in capital funding from the beep’s office—the Brooklyn Academy of Music, the Brooklyn been able to claim that I helped maternal
Museum, the Brooklyn Botanic Garden—and tell them they would get nothing this year. health,” he adds, fixing me with a direct
To his relief, few balked. It helped, Reynoso says, that “they were all run by women, most of gaze. “Then I would be doing exactly what
’em run by Black women. And they’re like, ‘Don’t worry about us one bit. We’ll see you next everybody does in this business. They did
year.’” One unnamed organization seemed doubtful, he adds, until he really did give every the bare minimum to say they did some-
penny of his $45 million budget to pregnancy care at Brooklyn’s three public hospitals. thing and didn’t effect meaningful change.”
Reynoso, 40, speaks thoughtfully, deliberately, and less like a politician than a commu- What does this money get? Among
nity organizer who knows how to take the temperature of the room. His awakening began other things, renovations on nicus, labor
in 2017, when his wife, Iliana, was pregnant with their first child. and recovery rooms, and a state-of-the-
Unsatisfied with the care they were getting at a private hospital art birthing center. It also seems to get
in Manhattan—“They had us in and out. If it was ten minutes, Mitchell Katz, who runs New York
it was a lot. And we didn’t feel comfortable asking questions. City’s public-hospital group,
There were no midwives,” he says—they found what they Health + Hospitals, to take
were looking for at Woodhull Medical Center, right in Reynoso’s calls. One day,

P H OTO G R A P H : CO U R T E S Y O F T H E O F F I C E O F T H E B R O O K LY N B O R O U G H P R E S I D E N T
his own district. He knew that Woodhull’s checkered he called to complain that
reputation, especially for its emergency room, wasn’t Kings County Hospital had
entirely unwarranted. He had gone himself a few times only one midwife. “I had
growing up in Williamsburg for stitches and emergency just given them how much?
care. But midwives were familiar to both of them, if Eighteen million dollars to
indirectly: Reynoso’s father had been born at home on a Kings County, or something
farm in the Dominican Republic. like that, out of the $45 mil-
By chance, their first appointment was with Helena lion,” Reynoso says. “I’m saying,
Grant, who was then the director of midwifery at what she ‘I feel very uncomfortable with
had renamed the Labor and Birthing department (because that. I just gave all this money, and
delivery implies a passive birther) and is now president of the state there’s no midwifery services.’ Katz
organization New York Midwives. What would have been ten minutes called me two hours later, and he said,
in Manhattan became a one-hour conversation. “And through that, she found out I was ‘Helena Grant will be coaching seven new
the local councilmember,” Reynoso tells me. “And she’s like, ‘Oh, I need to talk to you.’” At midwives, and they’ll be working very soon
their second visit, Reynoso says, Grant asked him, “‘Do you know anything about maternal in Kings County.’” Reynoso is looking over
health?’ And I was like, ‘I know it’s not good, but I don’t know much about it.’ And she said, renovation plans and critiquing initiatives
‘Do you know your wife is nine times more likely to die during childbirth than a white he thinks are too modest. Says the borough
woman?’” To be clear, that’s in New York City, where the racial disparity is far worse than president, “I want these to be places where
the one nationwide. The city doesn’t publish mortality data by hospital, but Woodhull somebody from Spain is like, ‘We got to go
itself has been the site of some of the most visible tragedies, each occurring out of the have our baby in Brooklyn.’” irin carmon

70 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
November 17, 2023 – March 31, 2024 Tickets at TheJewishMuseum.org 5th Ave at 92nd St, NYC

Marta Minujín: Arte! Arte! Arte! is made possible by The Andy Warhol Foundation for the Visual Additional support is provided by the Melva Bucksbaum Fund for Contemporary Art, the Barbara
Arts, The Kaleta A. Doolin Foundation, the Charina Foundation, The Knapp Family Foundation, S. Horowitz Contemporary Art Fund, the Dorot Publication Fund, and Ealan and Melinda Wingate.
Agnes Gund, the Goldie and David Blanksteen Foundation, the Jacques and Natasha Gelman
Foundation, Jerry Speyer and Katherine Farley, Estrellita and Daniel Brodsky, Dario Werthein, Digital guide supported by Bloomberg Connects.
Fundación Ama Amoedo, Helen Frankenthaler Foundation, The Imperfect Family Foundation,
Marley B. Lewis, Teresa A.L. Bulgheroni, Monica and Carlos Camin, Migoya Charitable and Family
Irrevocable Trust, Erica Roberts, and other generous donors.
Marta Minujín, Implosión!, 2021, installation with digital projections and sound. Collection of the The Jewish Museum is under the auspices of The Jewish Theological Seminary.
artist. © Marta Minujín, courtesy of Henrique Faria, New York and Herlitzka & Co., Buenos Aires.
THE LATEST AND currently
only iteration in a tradition of
newsletters that arrive after a New
Yorker issue with a shrewd guide
to the magazine is Last Week’s
New Yorker Review: You get your
must-reads, window-shops, and
guilt-free skips.
“I think in large part it works
because I’m not in media. I’m not
afraid of offending anyone. I don’t
make my money that way. But I
don’t have any qualifications,” says
the newsletter’s author, a married
26-year-old who publishes under
the name Sam Circle. Circle has
academic parents and went to high
school in Baltimore, worked briefly
at the collective Red Emma’s,
and now studies experimental
film as the only student in an
M.F.A. program at New Jersey public transport magazine started
City University that will end upon
because Al Mullen, a freelance writer and
Circle’s departure next year.
Fewer than 2,000 subscribe; video editor, decided that it wasn’t funny
of a small random sample of New to go to a comedy show to see comedy but
Yorker writers, most had not heard it is funny to experience funny things in
of it or did not read it, while another unexpected places. He took a cue from
said she read it in secret. Circle, the psychic Keano (you know her pam-
who spends free time enjoying
phlets, with the eye in the triangle, tucked
Manhattan’s art galleries and
television’s reality-competition into subway ad covers) and decided to
programming, has no greater make a magazine about the subway that
ambitions for the project at all: people could only find in the subway.
“I don’t ever want the newsletter to Issue No. 3, currently floating around the
expand or spin off. It is what it is. It system, is a nifty black-and-white zine with
does what it does. It comes on time.
jokes, drawings, and a punch-line contest.
It’s unambitious in the sense that it
does not want to grow.” (“If you swipe your metro card as you’re
When magazine editors read the exiting a turnstile, you’ll be refunded your
newsletter, they generally start to $2.90 deposit” was in a “Secrets and Tricks”
think about what assignments this section and easily becomes a lingering
P H OTO G R A P H : CO U R T E S Y O F A L M U L L E N

writer might take. Circle is open to intrusive thought.) He prints them as

the idea and also unbothered. “I
was on the bus the other day, and
the person in front of me had a
giant iPhone lock screen in giant
Helvetica letters that I took very
literally, and it said, ‘If it doesn’t
open, it’s not your door,’ ” Circle
says. “And I thought about it and
realized it must be life advice.”
choire sicha
needed and is, obviously, losing money
on the deal. “I show it to friends before-
hand and say, ‘Does this look terrible and
unintelligible?’ and they say ‘yes’ to both,”
Mullen says. He wrote the first issue himself
but now is taking submissions for an issue
No. 4, likely on the topic of “filth.”
Unwilling to wait for a lucky sighting?
Try the snake statue on the Eighth Avenue
L train platform. c.s.

72
 “he always wore this specific type a “distinguished old gentleman,” his younger
BECAUSE of black Levi’s and then a work jacket,” daughter, Melia, says. He started wearing
Mirabelle Marden says of her father, Brice, them all the time, no matter the heat. “The hat

BRICE the influential post-minimalist painter,

who died at 84 this summer. After a career
became a noticeable thing,” says Mirabelle,
despite a black beanie being about the most

MARDEN retrospective at MoMA in 2006, he added

pointedly functional beanies to the look.
anonymous garment a person can wear. When
a hat started to break down, he would repair

LIVED IN HIS The hats—which his daughters and his wife,

the artist Helen Marden, bought for him
it with masking tape; it would then become
a “studio hat,” as he called it. “Nothing was

BEANIES every Christmas at Steven Alan and later

Hermès—counterbalanced his new persona as
disposable for him,” Mirabelle says. “It’s a real
artist’s mentality.” emma alpern

Photograph by Hugo Yu d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 73
COAT DRIVES
ARE A
TEAM SPORT
JOIN THE TEAM!

For the first time, all of New York’s sports teams and the leagues are joining
with New York Cares and the Partnership for New York City for one cause:
collecting winter coats for New Yorkers in need. So show your love and help
make this Coat Drive the greatest one our city has ever seen.

Go to welovenyc.nyc
 STRATEGIST

➸ there’s a fairly simple

way to find out which
toothpastes are effective
enough, according to the
dentists writer Arielle Avila
spoke to on the subject.
If it has the American
Dental Association’s Seal
of Acceptance, they say,
it will capably clean and
protect against decay. But
Colgate’s Total Deep Clean
Toothpaste ($5) was widely
recommended to Avila
for its ascendancy above
the seal. Unlike an average
tube of Crest or even
other Colgate formulas,
it contains zinc
phosphate (which, per
Dr. Lana Rozenberg,
bonds to weakened tooth
enamel, “forming patches”
to strengthen the tooth)
and stannous fluoride (which,
per Dr. Golda A. Erdfarb,
helps fight bacteria that
causes bad breath, cavities,
and gum disease). Hearing
all this convinced Avila
to try it herself—now it’s
all she uses. It has
a pleasingly strong but
not overpoweringly minty
flavor, she says, and
“leaves my teeth feeling
squeaky clean.”

Photograph by Hugo Yu 75
 Best
please advise
a collection of expert-vetted,
spotted-around-town, or otherwise
just especially excellent products A Nicer-Looking
Bets
that recently appeared on
thestrategist.com. To shop all these Tote Bag
items—plus the toothpaste—in one
in his recent column, Chris Black
place, scan the QR code. gave one reader a few options
for a sturdy and durable upgrade.

celebrity shopping
Steele Natural Canvas
Tote, Large,
Glerups Wool Slip-on Rubber Outsole, $135
“These remind me of something my “Steele makes some
grandfather would have brought with him of the highest-quality
from Ukraine. They have a real homemade, tote bags in the world.
old-world style, and they actually keep The thick canvas will
my feet warm in the winter. They almost last forever, and the
look like they could be made out of straps are durable
the same industrial felted wool and long enough to
Marcel Dzama’s Joseph Beuys used to make Felt Suit.” go over the shoulder.
Slippers Think of it as a heavy-
duty version of the
classic L.L.Bean.”
Chanel Boy de Chanel 3-in-1 Eye Pencil, $38
“A friend of mine recommended this,
and I was very surprised not only by
Jil Sander Leather
the quality but by how affordable it is. It’s
Tote Bag,
a three-in-one. You could use it as a brow
pencil, an eye shadow, or as an eyeliner, “Leather tote bags are
which is what I mainly use it for. Some eye just expensive. That’s
pencils are too dry and stick when you’re how it goes. They feel
Marlo Thomas’s
drawing on liner, but this is very smooth.” more upmarket and
Everything Pencil
age a little more
gracefully than their
ToGoSpa Ice Water Eyes, $15 canvas brethren. This
“I’ve been wearing these since they came one from Jil Sander
out 14 years ago. It’s one of the reasons has handles and a
I’ve stayed natural my whole life. cross-body strap,
I wear them anytime I’m not in glam or which makes it great
➸ working. They make me feel great, and

P H OTO G R A P H S : G E T T Y I M AG E S ( DZ A M A , T H O M A S, H I LTO N ) ; CO U R T E S Y O F T H E V E N D O R S ( R E M A I N I N G )
for travel or the office.”
every time I get my makeup done,
if I’ve had them on just before,
Paris Hilton’s the makeup goes on so smoothly.”
Eye Patches Pacific Tote Company
International Orange Catalina
Beach Tote, Large,

this thing’s incredible

“If you want
something less
This Gregory Pack Is Like understated, there’s
this one from Pacific
a Clown Car for Personal Items Tote Company. The
open-top canvas
tote comes in
i used this pack as my only luggage item for an electric shade
a four-day trip to the East Coast last fall, and while of orange.”
I was there, it pulled triple duty as my luggage, a
commuter bag, and a hiking pack in the White
Mountains. I packed my laptop, notebook, sandals,
running shoes, rain jacket, jumpsuit, two pairs of A.P.C. JW Anderson Edition
leggings, two pairs of shorts, shirts, toiletries, socks, Tote in Blue,
undergarments, five pairs of headphones, and
snacks, then stashed my water bottle in the stretchy “Everything from this
side pocket. The pack fits under the seat of every collaborative collec-
airline I’ve flown (even Spirit!), and the round top tion was quite good,
lid unzips to the main compartment, which means but the tote bag stood
I can access everything without dragging the entire out. Done in a great
bag out from under the seat. Despite having tried shade of deep blue, it
dozens of packs in my decade as a gear tester, I can’t features a co-branded
imagine one replacing this. maggie slepian heavy-duty two-way
$130 zipper to keep your
stuff secure.”

76 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 ask a cool person

A Few Unusual Christmas Stockings

As recommended by editors, interior decorators, and artists.

Rise Home Collection Christmas
Stocking No. 2,
Interior decorator Leah Lane
first came across these stockings
made from antique Turkish
kilims while browsing for
vintage rugs. They’re “timeless,
classic, and just a bit elegantly
knackered,” she says.
Stocking, $50
This rainbow stocking is
made from deadstock yarn
woven through with metallic
threads. Caroline Vasquez
Huber, the co-founder
of Jones, describes it as
“MoMA Design Store meets
Christmas décor.”
Jiu Jie Faux-Fur
Stocking, $75
“It can double as year-round
décor,” says artist Yu Ling Wu
of this fuzzy silk-and-faux-
fur stocking by home-design
brand Jiu Jie. She likes that
it feels Christmasy but not
overly Christmasy.
Lorien Stern Everyone
Holiday Stocking, $48
Dusen Dusen founder Ellen Van
Dusen says she has already picked
up one of these sturdy canvas
stockings. “I love all things Lorien
Stern,” she says, “and I like that
these don’t have any religious
iconography or affiliations. It lets
it be more about the gifts.”

packing list ask the strategist

Some Highly Giftable Travel Minis Seeking Stylish

by ailbhe malone Snow Boots
perusing the travel-toiletries aisle is a very specific kind of joy, whether you’re A reader recently wrote in looking for
at a Duane Reade near your home or a pharmacy in the Fifth Arrondissement. a stylish but functional black winter
There’s the visual pleasure of something big made small as well as the chance to try a pricey boot. More specifically, they wanted
item for a fraction of the cost of the full size. So I’ve rummaged through the metaphorical something ankle-to-mid-calf length,
travel aisles to find minis from dozens of Strategist-approved brands—many of which low profile, and office-and-date-night
you might not have realized make travel-size products. appropriate with super-solid traction
for snow and slush. Our editor Ailbhe
Malone had a suggestion.
Nourishing Winter TSA-Friendly Perfume Two Wee Cloud Paints
Moisturizer Diptyque Eau Glossier Mini Cloud
Drunk Elephant Mini Lala Rose Refillable Solid Paint Duo, $23
Retro Nourishing Perfume, $70 Camper Milah Black
Whipped Refillable Leather Boots,
Moisturizer, $20

Real-Deal Toner Moisturizing ‘Stone’ Snail-Mucin Goo

Biologique Recherche Kate McLeod Mini
Lotion P50, $36 Daily Stone Solid Body
Moisturizer, $12
Travel-Size CosRx Advanced
$9 “I just bought these boots from Camper,
which I think are exactly what you’re
looking for: They’re mid-calf and leather
with a decent tread that easily stomps
through slush but aren’t dorky-looking
for a date. You can choose from brown,
black, or burgundy. Plus if you sign
up for the Camper mailing list before
purchasing, you’ll get 10 percent off.”

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 77
 trust me, i should know

by hilary reid

like many new yorkers (at least the sentimental ones), I started collecting specific
NYC merch over the past few years. There was the Frick baseball cap. The handbag-size
Citarella tote. The Café Loup T-shirt that I never bought and that now, four years of
eBay alerts later, is my greatest source of non-buyer’s remorse. You can own only so
many T-shirts and hats, though. Last spring, I sat on a bench in Central Park adorned
m.i. will you marry me? i love you, alan and thought giving a dedi-
cated park bench might just be the most romantic gift there is. So here, a thoroughly
researched guide to some obvious and not-so-obvious ways to
purchase pieces of the city itself. ➽Flora and Fauna Brynn Whitfield, a RHONY cast
member, adopted a willow tree in Central Park to honor her late grandmother.
“I can’t begin to describe how much it meant to me,” says Whitfield. Endowing a
mature tree in Central Park costs $5,000 and includes a dedicated granite paving
stone on the Literary Walk near 66th Street. (A sapling is a much more affordable
$500.) Snug Harbor, Staten Island’s botanical center, is also ripe with flora-gifting
opportunities. A flowering shrub—say, a peony or rosebush—goes for $500. And for
something less expensive, one can adopt a historic lamppost there for a lowly $150.
For fauna, through Dreaming of a Chance Bird Sanctuary’s pigeon rescue,

gift of being a Pigeon Protector by covering the cost of one day of care, food, and

donation to the Bronx Zoo, you can “adopt” a sloth, black-footed penguin, giraffe,
snowy owl, red panda, or bison, among other animals, and receive a plushie of
species, an animal-facts card, and a certificate. ➽Billboards You
could take inspiration from artist Cynthia Talmadge, who rented a Times Square

Garden “Dream Note”

$75.) ➽Infrastructure For $150, you can buy them

are also townhouses, low-rise apartment buildings, and small commercial buildings available—all come
with a “deed” to the property. For something full-size, book them a few hours with a truck from Nathan’s
Famous (starting at $2,500) or Mister Softee (starting at $2,000) through the New York Food Truck
Association. ➽Benches and Seats To dedicate a bench to someone in Central Park, go through the Central
Park Conservancy and be prepared to pay $10,000. Currently, there are benches available by the tennis courts
and in the North Meadow and at the Harlem Meer. Installing a new bench in Prospect
Park will cost you the same, but in Carl Schurz it’s $3,500 and in Flushing Meadows–
Corona Park $2,500. If the recipient prefers to recline, there are hammocks on Governors
Island for $7,500. For indoor seating, $2,500 will get their name or a short message etched
into a plaque attached to the back of a chair at Film Forum. Recently, says the theater’s
senior manager of individual giving and membership, Jesse Rose-Pulitzer, someone
requested this message: “From the first day we were here together to 50 years later.”

78 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 Illustrations by Naomi Otsu

 the look book goes to

An Anime
Convention
Cosplayers and gamers went
all out for Anime NYC’s three-day
event at the Javits Center.
interviews by kelsie schrader
and jenna milliner-waddell

MALIA NOEL
High-school student,
South Bronx
Tell me about the
character you’re
cosplaying. Celestia
Ludenberg from
an anime called
Danganronpa. She
wants to be known as
that person who’s very
elegant to people, even
though her personality
is the total opposite.
Really, she’s kind
of mean.
Where did you get the
costume? I got the
costume itself from
Amazon, but I made
the headpiece. I bought
this really long black
wig, and I cut it to make
bangs. Then for the
ponytails, I used wire
and duct tape. It took
a week because I got
the wrong-color wig
and had to dye it a bunch
of times and had to look
for a specific kind of dye,
which really took up
a lot of time.
And who did you go
with? I invited my friend
who is also into anime,
and my mom took us.
Did your mom enjoy
the convention?
Not really.

Photographs by Frankie Alduino 79

 the look book: cosplayers

Did you go alone?

My grandma drove
up with me because
she wanted to visit.
The whole day,
I felt comfortable,
like I could really
be myself. In Akron,
I don’t express
myself as much.
I’m not as eccentric
as I want to be.
Being here gave
me a feeling I will
always cherish.

PARKER WISE LILLIAN MACMILLAN JOSHUA JORDAN

College student, Upper West Side High-school student, Sharon, Connecticut Factory worker, Akron, Ohio

How did you

hear about this?
I actually work for
the convention.
When I was
a teenager, you did
not talk about this
stuff; you did not tell
people you were
a geek. That was the
quickest way to get
beat up. Now I get to
do this just for fun—
I have a full-time job
as an accountant.

CLAIRE SILVERTHORNE MISTY GATES ISAIAH HERRERA

High-school student, Riverdale Accountant, Kansas City, Missouri College student, Oyster Bay

How long did this

take to make?
It took roughly
half a year to find
a CCR-TV and three
months to assemble
it. Me and my father
hollowed it out,
then my friends
coded the lights.
I expected people
to take pictures of
me for a little bit,
but I was popular
all three days. The
Army recruitment
booth even had me
do a video.

ADRIAN MALARAN CHRISTOPHER PORTALATIN ROBERT CORDERO

Software engineer, Battery Park Customer-service associate, Fort Greene Park monitor, Bridgeport, Connecticut

80 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 Tell me about
the sword.
I 3-D-printed it.
It’s 60 pounds.
I woke up around
six o’clock to do
my makeup and
put my clothes on
and then I carried
my sword on the
PATH train to
Newark, and from
Newark to Penn,
and then on the
walk to Javits.
Not everybody can
hold a 60-pound
sword for 15 hours.

DIVA DOTSON SCHUYLER HOWLAND AL-SHEROD ROBINSON

Assistant teacher, Coram Sculptor, Leverett, Massachusetts Artist, Harrison, New Jersey

VAYLYN PETERSON SCOTT GRACE JOSEPH RIVERA

High-school student, Washington Heights Cosplay-store CFO, Kenosha, Wisconsin Supermarket porter, East Harlem

Who are you?

Black Cat from
Spider-Man.
Some people have
never seen it the
way I did it, with
an Afro. It just
made it more me.
I actually do have
a real Afro. This
is a wig, but I like
to incorporate that
into my cosplays
because I just
love my hair.

NAIJIA ZHONG ASHLEY ADDISON HARA MUNDAY

Master’s student, Jersey City Pet groomer, Highbridge Content creator, Jackson Heights

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 81
 design hunting
‘It’s All Abo

The Living Room

The fire escape faces
north. “It was my
COVID garden,”
Amanda Weil says.
“I spent so much time
on that hammock.”
The sofa is Vladimir
Kagan, and the
pair of swivel chairs
are from CB2.

82
ut the View’
After living in this apartment for nearly
18 years, photographer Amanda Weil
taught herself how to renovate it.
by wendy goodman

T
he first thing photographer Amanda
Weil asks “pretty much anyone” who walks
into her Village apartment is to stand, in
profile, before a translucent-glass door so
she can take a picture. Turned into silhou-
ettes, they are displayed on a wall in a grid.
“My life is so much about creating community,” she
says. “And whether it’s the UPS guy or whatever,
these are your people!”
Weil’s photographs mingle on the walls with art
made by her friends. Some of her photos, like the
seascape shower door, have been transformed into
architectural features by Weil Studio, founded in

Photographs by Stephen Kent Johnson

 The Living Room
“All the art is meaningful to me, made by somebody I know,”
1993, through which she collaborates with architects and
Weil says, including Adam Fuss’s photogram of her daughter, Samantha
designers to produce installations based on her work. Trans- (center right). At top left: A Is for Amanda, by Jack Pierson, and
parency and translucency have long fascinated her, and an Beloved George, by Weil. The dining table and chairs are by Saarinen.
early inspiration was stained glass: “Light is the embodiment
of the spirit,” she says, “and that just really spoke to me.”
She found the apartment by “kismet,” visiting it on a play-
date with her daughter, Samantha. Its parent owners were
thinking about selling, and she needed more space. That was
18 years ago. But it wasn’t until the pandemic that she decided
to renovate it. Her first move was to hire an architect whose
name she says she has forgotten, probably because “if he didn’t
like an idea I had, he wouldn’t draw it, so I fired him.”
Liberated, Weil felt she could do it herself, albeit with some
help from her contractor (from Worldkor Construction
Corporation) and guidance from one of her best friends, the
architect and production designer Kevin Thompson. It was
a learn-as-she-went process. “The funny part is that there
wasn’t an overarching idea,” beyond letting in more light. “It
was like problem solving, one thing after the other,” she says.
“I did so much of this with blue tape,” she adds gleefully,
mapping out where the walls would go on the floor. She had
a particular idea for her bedroom, though. “I am very into
boats, so I had this vision in my head of a ship captain’s bed
and then literally went on Amazon and bought a porthole
and told the contractor where to put it.”
When it came to the kitchen, she knew the five-foot wall
blocking the window had to go “because it’s all about the view.”
She visited other people’s kitchens to see what she liked. “I hid
the appliances as much as I could,” she says. “It was worth it
for me showing up here every day for three months because
I thought deeply about how I live, all those teeny details, like
how you live differently from everybody else. I rarely yearned
to come home, and now I do.” ■

84 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 design hunting

The Main Bedroom The Dining Area

“I put in this LED lighting in the cove,” Weil says, The silhouetted portraits of Weil’s friends
which her software-engineer friends programmed and other visitors fill the wall and the door,
for her. “At night, it’s amazing.” The blue art on which is laminated with dichroic glass
the wall (“It’s a fresco”) is by James Hyde. and has a photographic-film interlayer.

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 85

restaurant review
New brasseries strive to capture
some familiar magic.
by matthew schneier
here’s a nicotine light—a
warm, dim, dangerous flicker—
that suffuses a certain kind of
brasserie. Bad decisions are made
here gladly. It’s been years since
anyone smoked in New York res-
taurants, but bathe in that luminescence
and you can believe, for a second, that you
could, maybe even that you should. Never
mind that it’s usually the work of highly paid
lighting consultants. We flutter like moths to
char ourselves in it. If a martini with fries
has become the New York Happy Meal, as
my colleague E. Alex Jung wrote earlier in
the year, this is the New York Tan.
That light radiates at Cecchi’s (105
W. 13th St., nr. Sixth Ave.; cecchis.nyc),
which opened this past summer on the
ashes of the late beloved Café Loup, the
West Village stalwart where generations of
writers sloshed bucket-size martinis and
ate passable dinners. (“I threw up in the
bathroom several times,” one much-read
magazine journalist told me wistfully.) The
wolf may have been at the door for Loup,
which reportedly extended its loucherie
from its ambience to its tax bills, but Cecchi’s
has maintained the spirit of the original. It
has, in fact, maintained the spirit of several
progenitors, all of which have burned this
same sultry oil. Yes, these are restaurants—
where you can get a decent burger and
sometimes a fine steak and always a good
drink—but even more, they are haunts.
Their lineage goes back at least to Elaine’s in
the 1960s and Raoul’s, which opened in
Soho in 1975. The modern iteration begins
at the Odeon, Lynn Wagenknecht and the
86 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
food
McNally brothers’ decade-defining Tribeca
brasserie, which opened in 1980 and has
arguably been the most influential of the
three. Both Raoul’s and the Odeon are going
strong decades later, despite a marked criti-
cal skepticism of their cooking, and both
have spawned more imitators than many of
their compeers, which began with Wagen-
knecht’s Café Luxembourg, the proto-
Fauxdeon, and continued through about
half of Keith McNally’s latter-day empire.
But a Fauxdeon needs no family tie to its
patriarchs, and at the moment, New York
seems especially flush with new arrivals.
This is the season of the Fauxdeons.
Michael Cecchi-Azzolina, Cecchi’s owner
and namesake, has more claim to this line
than most. He is an NYC restaurant lifer
who ran the door for the Raoul brothers at
Raoul’s for 17 years and worked for Keith
McNally himself at Minetta Tavern after
that. He knows all too well the food has to be
good enough, but for this kind of joint, that
alone is not sufficient. “Raoul’s is failproof,”
he writes in Your Table Is Ready, his memoir
from last year. “It didn’t matter if the steak
was overcooked, the fish fishy, the escargot
cold. People want to be there, be in that
space, to see and be seen, to sometimes
(especially in the old days) fuck and do
drugs, and leave feeling like they’ve experi-
enced true New York.”
Cecchi may have gone from maître d’ to
owner, but he still patrols the floor like a
wiry general, kibitzing. “From Charlotte?
Glad to have you!” he crowed to a table near
mine on a recent Monday night, the kind of
democratic bonhomie that doesn’t neces-
sarily thrill the old Loup set. “The food at
Café Loup was bad,” an art critic I know
snarled as he left, “but the people didn’t
look like they came from Cleveland.”
To paraphrase Groucho, no one wants to
belong to a club that will have both him and
his midwestern cousins. But that’s gentrifi-
cation for you. In our cynical private-club
moment, I find it’s a relief that the gates are
not so staunchly kept. In any case, club-
houses are more often claimed than built.
They take years to accrue the bruises and
neglect of history—though the new ones are
designed to look patinated from day one. At
Cecchi’s, the pendants are Deco-ish and the
murals—of Pierrots and bellhops and
showgirls—Weimarian. (Framed on one
column is a solitary portrait that looks like
Anna Wintour as seen by Otto Dix.) The
food splits the difference between brasserie
classics and the stuff of a Chicagoland
supper club: soft, stretchy dinner rolls;
giant cocktail shrimp on ice; steaks both
frite’d and table size; and a thoroughly com-
petent burger with happily excellent fries.
They are skinny and golden, tasting more of
fast food than potato—artisanal they are
not. In fact, contra the provenance-spouting
ways of many of the city’s haughtier bistros,
they are frozen, Cecchi-Azzolina confirmed
when he plopped down in our booth. “We
tried them all,” he said, and these were the
best; the secret is the oil mix, which he
declined to share (it includes duck fat, is all
he would say). This, too, is tradition. “People
loved Raoul’s fries,” he recalled. “They were
the cheapest fucking fries.”
Cecchi-Azzolina isn’t alone in recasting
classic ideas for today. On Lafayette, just
opposite Indochine (founded by Brian, the
other McNally brother, after splitting from
the Odeon), Jean’s (415 Lafayette St.,
nr. E. 4th St.; jeans.nyc) has insider aspira-
tions: It takes no reservations—officially, at
least—and divides itself, like many before it,
into Promised Land and Siberia, the better
to assess your social standing instanta-
neously. Siberia, here, is a hallway opposite
the kitchen colorfully called “the Cafe.”
Make it to the inner room, lit by a crackling
fireplace (a diversion from the typical
Fauxdeon décor), and the world is, briefly,
yours. Jean’s bistro burger is agreeable
enough, especially at $28, a relative bargain
these days. Jean’s entire menu, to its credit,
is reasonably priced; it’s less focused than
Cecchi’s, though possibly catering to a more
eclectic dietary spectrum. Here, you can
bounce from a Thai chicken salad to a
French dip to a fluke meunière unlikely to
displace sole from the pantheon. Jean’s
naughtiness is of a slightly more teenage
Photograph by Hugo Yu
 Cecchi’s took over the former
Café Loup space this summer.
 food
kind. But no one at my table complained
about dessert: a single oversize chocolate-
chip cookie, served warm with a chaser of
bourbon-laced milk.
In Brooklyn, the Fauxdeon banner is
flown at Swoony’s (215 Columbia St., nr.
Sackett St., Columbia Waterfront District;
swoonys.com), a neighborhoody clanger in
a not terribly accessible neighborhood. The
locals may be grateful, to judge from the full
tables. I’m not sure I’d travel great distances
for Swoony’s half-innovated brasserie clas-
sics (shrimp cocktail served warm, short
ribs—rather than steak—au poivre) or its
burger, served, for no discernible reason, on
a squishy Portuguese bun. But the light
warms and the din cheers, and one of the
marks of a great Fauxdeon is its perilous
proximity to mediocrity. The last laugh
often belongs to the restaurateurs. In 1980,
Raoul’s earned damned-with-faint-praise
single-star reviews. The critics passed; the
restaurant remains.

They only feel like

they’ve been open forever.

CAFÉ CHELSEA
218 W. 23rd St., nr. Seventh Ave.
cafechelseanyc.com
The hotel location is un-Odeon, but
the menu hits a Franco-American
sweet spot: shellfish platters,
a textbook chef burger (topped
with Mornay sauce), and a wobbly
chocolate soufflé for dessert.

HOEXTER’S
174 E. 82nd St., nr. Third Ave.
hoexters.com
The “neighborhood brasserie”
is named for a spot from the 1970s.
With its low ceiling and tight
front-bar room, it looks the part— o pe n i n g s or as long as any millennial or
even if the mortadella plates nod to
current culinary trends.
zoomer can remember, ax-throwing,
trivia, and shuffleboard have been
the go-to activities for the subsect of
L’ABEILLE À CÔTÉ nightlife venues that might best be
412 Greenwich St., nr. Laight St.
labeilleacote.nyc called “competition bars.” Now, an entrant
It’s small—more “private in this increasingly crowded field has ap-
dining room” than proper peared on the southern tip of Manhattan:
restaurant—though the “teriyaki” Lawn Club (1 Fulton St., at South St.;
burger and garden salads thelawnclubnyc.com), a 15,000-square-foot
will appeal to Tribeca families in Lawn Club puts synthetic-turf indoor park devoted to any
the mood for “the Odeon a big green spin on kind of game you might play in a suburban
but not the Odeon, again.”
the sports bar. yard. That means patrons can, for $75 an
by tammie teclemariam hour, choose among bocce, cornhole, and

88 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 Photograph by Jutharat Pinyodoonyachet


the tailgating-standby Beersbee (try to
knock a bottle off a pole with a Frisbee).
Booking the secluded rear court, however,
grants access to the most superior lawn-
and-drinking game: croquet.
Lawn Club’s owners clearly know their
Sunshiny CQ16s from their Dawson 2000s,
as all of the equipment on hand meets regu-
lation standards, even if the green itself is
smaller than the usual nine-wicket setup—
a concession necessary when building a
court inside the Seaport. Lawncierges
(easily spotted in their green tracksuits)
maintain order and oversee play.
In my experience, croquet is mostly
about downing 30-racks of National
Bohemian beer, but Lawn Club’s drinks
lean toward country-club-Wasp favorites:
multiple gin-and-tonic riffs, a Pimm’s cup
fortified with Japanese gin and blood
orange, and a surprisingly pleasant bull
shot—vodka, beef broth, and a bracing
amount of hot sauce, garnished with a
pepper-crusted lemon wedge. My group
liked that last one so much that we
ordered a second round.
The food is as good as it needs to be, with
an emphasis on bar classics like smash
d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k
Lawn Club
opened
in November.
burgers (served quartered and speared by
toothpicks for easy sharing), pigs in a
blanket, and various-size piles of wings to
nibble while watching a game on one of the
24 televisions scattered around the space.
Late fall may seem like a strange season
to unveil a business devoted to summer
sports, but it’s tailor-made for holiday-
party buyouts. Management says tourna-
ments and leagues are on the way next year
(“elaborate” trophies are being designed
and cast). For now, the Club is open
Wednesday to Sunday, so there are plenty
of chances to practice in the meantime. ■
89
 IT’S A NEW YORK THING.

THE KNICKERBOCKER AND NEW YORK MAGAZINE COLLECTION IS NOW AVAILABLE

IN STORE AT KNICKERBOCKER’S FLAGSHIP AT 357 CANAL STREET IN
NEW YORK AND ONLINE AT KNICKERBOCKER.NYC.

PHOTO BY WADE SCHAUL

The CULTURE PAGES

There’s
Something
About
Timothée
Six years ago,
he became
the most
in-demand
young actor in
Hollywood.
What makes
him so
irresistible?

Illustration by arn0 91
 ée
h
ot
m But no one can play the ingénue forever.
ti
t
ou
ab
1.
The Boy
King
He could be our next great
leading man—if he can figure out
what kind he wants to be.
by alison willmore
I
t was Miss Stevens that convinced me Timothée Chalamet
was going to be a movie star. I’d seen him onscreen before—
he had a recurring role in the second season of Homeland—
but Julia Hart’s 2016 indie about a high-school drama
competition was the first time I’d lingered through the credits
to confirm his name. I had a feeling I’d be hearing it a lot.
He plays a kid named Billy, the most
talented and most troubled of three
students being chaperoned by the titular
young teacher. At 19, Chalamet was able to
put the childlike softness his face still had to
great use, coming across as one of the adults
or collapsing into boyishness. The movie
withholds the sight of Billy performing until
late, when he blows the roof off the audito-
rium with a monologue from Death of a
Salesman. The material is comically mature
for a teen, but when Chalamet directs his
heavy-lidded gaze toward the camera, he
doesn’t look like a kid playing dress-up. His
conviction leaves you as worried about Billy
as you are impressed by him—he’s not sup-
posed to be able to relate to those themes of
accrued disappointment so deeply. Not yet.
Movie stardom has always seemed to be
a quality separate from acting talent. The
latter can make you believe a performer
could do anything. Stardom, though, is
an alchemy of beauty and magnetism
that convinces you that you’d be content
to watch the performer do nothing at all.
I was sure Chalamet had that elusive qual-
ity in spades, and a year later, he would
certify it as the moody, precocious Elio in
92 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me by Your Name.
His performance is inextricably youthful—
a re-creation of the way a summer can
stretch out forever and still feel too short.
Seventeen-year-old Elio exudes an aware-
ness of Armie Hammer’s 24-year-old Oliver
from his every pore, so attuned to the older
man that a casual hand on his shoulder is
enough to stop him in his tracks. In the
film’s famous last shot, Chalamet crouches,
teary-eyed, by a fireplace, reflecting on first
love as the credits roll. He holds the screen
for three and half minutes, just himself and
his character’s heartbreak.
The queer romance earned Chalamet an
Oscar nomination and established him as
cinema’s sensitive, simmering new prince.
He most resembles
a rebellious aristocrat
who may or may
not step into the title
he’s poised to inherit.
Does Chalamet have what it takes to be a
leading man five, ten, 20 years from now?
Or, in a world where the film industry would
rather invest in franchises than stars, is that
even the right question to be asking?
Besides Guadagnino, the director who has
most defined this era of Chalamet’s career
may be Greta Gerwig. She has the best grasp
on his mix of the dashing and the juvenile:
In Lady Bird, their first collaboration, she
cast him as Kyle Scheible, with whom Lady
Bird (Saoirse Ronan) is immediately smit-
ten. Kyle smokes and reads Howard Zinn
and corrects Lady Bird’s pronunciation of
his band’s French name—the callow heart-
throb designed to be hilarious to adults in
the audience while devastating the young
women onscreen. (When Lady Bird finds
out that he lied about the circumstances
under which he relieved her of her virgin-
ity, he retorts, “Do you have any awareness
about how many civilians we’ve killed since
the invasion in Iraq started?”) Two years
later, Gerwig cast Chalamet opposite Ronan
again as Laurie in Little Women. He’s a very
different character, the well-to-do boy next
door whom Jo (Ronan) realizes destiny
is conspiring for her to marry, though
she won’t.
Chalamet is an ideal Gerwig ensemble
player in that he has a gift for playing the
kind of young men her protagonists will
grow beyond. But he’s not the only actor
capable of that. The monster hit Barbie,
in which Ryan Gosling’s Ken feels like an
oversize caricature of Laurie, hinted that
Chalamet may need Gerwig more than she
needs him. Or maybe it’s just that if he’s
looking for parts that demonstrate his chops
as a leading man, he should not be waiting
on a director whose focus is women. Could
he take the route of another actor who
debuted as a baby-faced heartthrob—say,
lingering A-lister Leonardo DiCaprio?
Like Chalamet, DiCaprio started off on
TV before staking out his serious-actor
bona fides in films such as The Basketball
Diaries. Like Chalamet’s, DiCaprio’s early P H OTO G R A P H : V E R A A N D E R S O N / W I R E I M AG E ( U P P E R L E F T )
fame was as much about his lissome beauty
as his talent. Also like Chalamet’s, DiCaprio’s
personal life has been scrutinized, beginning
with the ’90s nightlife habits that earned
him and his friends the “Pussy Posse” label.
But there’s a lot about the older actor’s career
that looks exotic in 2023.
DiCaprio has rarely had to choose
between meaty roles and big paychecks.
When he was young and felt his career was
at an inflection point, he worried he would
be seen only as a romantic lead after star-
ring in Romeo + Juliet and Titanic, a con-
cern that’s downright alien today. In 2000,
he was able to take a high-profile gamble

2.
How French
Is He, Really?
Chéri, if you
have to ask …
by jasmine vojdani
➽ timothée chal amet would
like you to know he’s French.
He brings it up in interviews,
attributing to his Frenchness both
his curls and his passion for the
Saint-Étienne soccer team. You may
have seen the video of him rapping
in high school: “It’s time to do my
dance/Timmy Tim, pull up your
pants/Voulez-vous coucher avec
moi/Oui, je suis from France.” Or
maybe you witnessed him years
later, at the Paris premiere of Little
Women, carrying one of those mini
Eiffel Tower keychains.
But do the French claim him?
Chalamet has never lived in France
full time, nor has he acted in a
French film, though he would like
François Ozon to please give him
a call. When the actor appears
on French TV, news, or radio, he
is almost always described with
the epithet “Franco-American.”
(His mother, Nicole Flender, is the
American half; his father, Marc
Chalamet, was born in Nîmes.)
Still, the French press loves him,
P H OTO G R A P H : S E A R C H L I G H T P I C T U R E S
calling him the “ultimate Gen-Z
sex symbol” and saying Tim looks
drawn by a “manga artist obsessed
with young Werther.”
But I needed to know more. To
help me litigate Timmy’s Frenchness,
I consulted a panel of experts and
critics—my French friends, whom
I met while attending high school
in Angoulême, the town where Wes
Anderson shot The French Dispatch
(a film in which Chalamet does not
speak French).
“I think this new category of
fuckable guy, like Timothée or
Harry Styles, it’s so trendy,” said
teacher and artist Aude Anquetil
in French, holding her hand-rolled
cigarette aloft. “In France, we prefer
dudes a bit more random. It’s very
American to have tastes in men that
are on trend.” Has she heard him
speak French? “Ridiculous. Almost
humiliating.” Does she consider
him French? “Not at all. This is
someone who is missing substance
underneath a French veneer.”
Another friend, medievalist
Lucien Dugaz, said there are non-
French actors who are much more
French in their approach—the
Australian Cate Blanchett, for one:
“She has an artistic engagement,
a manifesto, that Timothée is
very far from having.” He added,
“France isn’t doing well. We need
politically engaged actors. We don’t
need Timothée.”
According to my former French
teacher Marie-Christine Ricci,
Chalamet appears to have a “perfect
accent and fluency” in French-
language interviews, but errors
emerge “as speech becomes more
elaborate.” What she noted above
all was a lack of confidence. She
would place his spoken French at a
C1 or C2 level per the CEFR, which
would allow Tim to begin a master’s
degree in letters at the Sorbonne.
But does competent French a
Frenchman make?
“I don’t particularly see him
as French,” said Inès Ollivier, a
lawyer and podcaster. “If someone
asked me to list French actors,
I wouldn’t say Timothée Chalamet.
We kind of don’t care.” He does look
French, though, right? “I think in
the USA, he must have a French
face,” she said, “but in France, he’s
kind of got the face of … a dude
smoking cigarettes in front of a
high school.”
d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k
on Danny Boyle’s The Beach, a project that,
if made this year, would be a niche FX-on-
Hulu miniseries and not a fascinating mis-
fire that nevertheless earned $144 million at
the box office.
Two years after that, DiCaprio starred in
Gangs of New York, his first film with Martin
Scorsese, giving a feral performance that
staked out territory for his future as a multi-
faceted leading man. Scorsese and DiCaprio
have now made six films together, most of
which have achieved an increasingly rare
mix of awards attention and commercial
success. The closest Chalamet has gotten to
working with Scorsese has been starring in
the director’s Chanel perfume commercial.
Nonetheless, Chalamet definitely seems
to want to be a movie star in the DiCaprio
vein. It has been a decade since he took a
TV role. He has also, pointedly, yet to give
in to the gravitational pull of superhero
fare, which puts him ahead of the curve—
strapping on the spandex now looks like a
Faustian bargain in which an actor entan-
gles their public identity with a masked
character that could outlast or overshadow
their own appeal. Tom Holland may make
for an endearing Spider-Man, but when he
made an Apple TV+ series, the movies’ audi-
ences didn’t exactly flock to it.
As the lines of Chalamet’s face have
become more defined, his cheeks hollowed
and his jaw squared, what he most resem-
bles is a rebellious aristocrat who may or
may not step into the title he’s poised to
inherit. This quality has informed so many
of his roles; he even played a princeling
back in those TV days as the coddled son
of the vice-president on Homeland. Then
there was the part of Nic Sheff in the film
Beautiful Boy, which presented the addic-
tion battles of a young man growing up in
the all-organic comforts of Marin with the
aestheticized reverence given to depictions
of the death of St. Sebastian. In the forgetta-
ble Shakespeare-adjacent historical epic The
King, he played the bratty Henry V, attempt-
ing to out-intensify co-star Robert Pattinson
but being out-weirded by him instead.
The most prominent of these is his part
in Denis Villeneuve’s Dune. It’s a block-
buster but a prestige one, and a franchise
film but a strange one, based on Frank
Herbert’s feverish space opera about
galactic factions warring over a mind-
altering, interstellar-travel-enabling nar-
cotic. Chalamet is genuinely good as Paul
Atreides, a space lord’s son who has been
engineered to be a messiah but is deeply
ambivalent about the prospect. Chalamet
understands that the part is half-posing;
two of the movie’s most enduring images
are of the knife-handed salute he gives
before a duel in the desert and of him
93
 ée g
h in
ot th
m e
ti om
wearing a futuristic trench coat as
t s
ou e’s

he takes one last walk along the beach

ab er
th

on his home planet. But he brings an

emotional realism to an otherworldly con- 3.
text, homing in on the small beats rather
than emphasizing the character’s more
swashbuckling aspects. Early in the film,
They Discovered
he and Oscar Isaac, who plays his father,
walk among the graves of the Atreides
Timmy
ancestors and discuss their doubts about
leadership. Chalamet’s open, vulnerable
Chalamet’s earliest
expression as Paul’s father reassures him
that he’ll always have his love sets up the directors on all
weight of the loss he will later experience.
It’s easy to consider Chalamet’s potential the signs he’d be a star.
but difficult to predict what he’ll be able to by matthew jacobs
do with it. Even if Chalamet has the stuff,
it’s useless without the buy-in of a blink-
ered and unadventurous industry, which he bounded into the room wearing a backpack and a
has spent recent years strategizing to turn baseball cap. He shook people’s hands. He told them how
franchises, rather than stars, into the thing much this opportunity meant to him, a gangly teenager with
that lures people out to theaters. Celebrity a viral rap about statistics under his belt and his sights set on the big
persists, but movie stardom—the state of leagues: Broadway, Hollywood. Everyone was smitten with Timmy.
being someone people want to see on a
Timo. Here came a guy who could communicate like an adult, then
big screen because that’s the only screen
size that fits—seems more and more like a
slip seamlessly into the unpolished charm of the kid he was. Today,
kingdom that’s closing off. There’s no bet- Timothée Chalamet is the figurehead for a cohort of sensitive actors
ter evidence of that than Wonka, in which who competed for supporting parts in the 2010s and now have top
Chalamet becomes the third actor to play billing. If he was auditioning, there’s a good chance Lucas Hedges and
chocolatier Willy Wonka onscreen. A musi- Tom Holland were, too. But Chalamet became the generational icon,
cal prequel to Charlie and the Chocolate the golden god of couture, the cinephile charting a career that evokes
Factory isn’t an obvious next step for one of James Dean’s. Here, directors and casting agents who collaborated
the industry’s anointed heirs, even though with Chalamet before his star-making role in 2017’s Call Me by Your
the director is Paul King of the universally Name look back at his early promise.
beloved Paddington films. The trailers
play strangely coy about Wonka being a
musical, and it’s clear the studios feel lost,
whether Chalamet knows what he’s doing
Judy Henderson THE ROLE: The spoiled but
fetching son of the U.S.
CASTING DIRECTOR, vice-president who romances
or not. Homeland (2012) the daughter of a war hero.
Back in February, National Research
Group conducted a survey about the
finn walden had to feel like he was educated but not a goody
actors people would come out to see
two-shoes—and that he had empathy for people. He was likable but
in theaters, and the only performer
with an edge. I called Timothée in because I had met him at La Guardia
under the age of 40 who ranked in the
High School. He did an excellent audition. He read three scenes, all of which
top 20 was the then-39-year-old Chris
were with Dana, the character’s girlfriend. There were no chemistry readings
Hemsworth. Chalamet was way down
needed with Morgan Saylor. He was smart, good-looking, able to take
at No. 94, a rank that feels less impor-
direction, and the right age. He was everyone’s first choice. But he had a little P H OTO G R A P H : S H O W T I M E ( H O M E L A N D) ; J E N S K A L A E N E /
tant than the fact that he was one of only
habit we had to call his attention to because it took away from what he was
four actors on the list under the age of
P I C T U R E A L L I A N C E V I A G E T T Y I M AG E S ( U P P E R L E F T )

doing: He would say a

30. Hollywood has shown so little inter-
word and then put his
est in cultivating movie stars that actors
lips together. We had to
have taken the task up themselves—like
say, “Don’t do that
Glen Powell, who has “It” and knows it
because it looks like
and who basically staged his 2023 as a
you’re making a visual
defense of the thesis that he should be the
comment.” He was not
next great leading man. Chalamet seems
aware of it. I saw him at
far less certain of the kind of leading man
La Guardia after he left
he sees himself becoming, going from
Homeland, and
Wonka to a young Bob Dylan in James
we hugged and said hello.
Mangold’s upcoming biopic. What he
He was dating Madonna’s
needs, more than anything, is his answer
daughter at the time. He
to Scorsese—a creative partnership with
was a kid, and so was she!
someone who sees him as more than
a repository for untapped promise. ■

94 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 Jessie since so much of the part was about this John Patrick THE ROLE: A volatile
student from the Bronx
Nelson passionate, delicious, disastrous first kiss Shanley who finds his poetic
DIRECTOR,
with Molly Gordon’s character, I needed someone DIRECTOR, purpose at a New
Love the Coopers who could be really free and playful. When Timmy Off Broadway’s Hampshire prep school
(2015) came in for his audition, his interpretation of the Prodigal Son (2016) in the 1960s.
character was unapologetically adolescent. Those
THE ROLE: A kissing scenes were some of the oddest things I’ve
moody teen who ever directed because you’re asking people to kiss because the kid character
explores his first really poorly. Sometimes it would be like, “That’s was so young, we were able to
romance while
surrounded by his fantastic. Maybe a little less saliva, Timmy,” audition all the incredibly talented
dysfunctional because he would throw himself into it. He didn’t but as yet unknown people who are
family at give a fuck if his choice was a disaster.
Christmastime. going to be the next wave of American
acting talent, and chief among them,
it turned out, was Timothée Chalamet.
He had this X factor. He’s like
a character that escaped from
A Midsummer Night’s Dream and
is visiting us here for a while.
In rehearsals, he was so far over-the-
top—but it was a good over-the-top.
There was a little drunk scene, and he
was doing amazing physical things
with it. I took him aside and said, “Ya
know, he’s just drunk.” He was grateful
for that because he was like, “I thought
I had to make everything interesting.”
Andrew even as a 16- or 17-year-old, he had a great
sense of style. He wore things in an interesting
Droz way, like tucking sweatpants or joggers into his socks.
Palermo He has that casual-cool vibe. He’s also a bit of a
DIRECTOR,
prankster. We were at the Getty Museum together,
One & Two
looking at some classical paintings and catching up,
(2015)
and he walked all the way over to a painting and
THE ROLE:
nearly put his nose on it. I think he genuinely wanted
A rural Christian to look at the painting, but I remember this total
with teleportation disregard for the boundaries you’re supposed to give
powers who these things. The guard immediately came over, like,
battles his
controlling father.
“Sir, excuse me!” He totally acted aloof, like, What’s
the big deal? and walked away. He’s self-confident,
and he liked to push people’s buttons a little bit.
P H OTO G R A P H S : L I O N S G AT E ( LO V E T H E CO O P E R S ) ; M A N H AT TA N
T H E AT R E C LU B ( P R O D I G A L S O N ) ; I F C M I D N I G H T (O N E & T W O)

I said, “No, it’s actually important that

some things aren’t interesting.” He
showed up at my apartment a couple
of years ago after he was huge. He
was overstimulated. He wanted to go
someplace safe where he could spill on
what was going on because so much
was going on for him. I feared for him
with that level of celebrity. But we
stayed in touch, and he asked me to
come to Saturday Night Live with his
mother when he was on. He’s trying
to survive and flourish in a world that
chews people up and spits them out.

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 95
 ée
h
ot
m
ti
t
ou
ab

It’s His Red Carpet to Lose

Few stars have put more energy
into redefining the suit.
by erin schwartz

K R I E G E R ) ; W I R E I M AG E ( J O H N S H E A R E R , M A X C I S OT T I , DAV E B E N E T T [ 2 ] ) ; J A M E S D E VA N E / G C I M AG E S ; A X E L L E / B A U E R- G R I F F I N / F I L M M AG I C ; A N D R E A S R E N T Z / G E T T Y I M AG E S ( U P P E R L E F T )
P H OTO G R A P H S : G E T T Y I M AG E S ( E R N E S TO R U S C I O, K A R WA I TA N G , M A R I A M O R AT T I , S H I N I S H I K AWA , R O B L ATO U R , C H U N G S U N G -J U N , PA S C A L L E S E G R E TA I N , K E V I N M A Z U R , K U R T
2018 2019 2020

at the Golden
Globes

premiere of

Virgil Abloh’s No. 1 Fan
Chalamet was a loyal wearer of the late
designer, whom he followed from Abloh’s
own brand, Off-White, to Louis Vuitton’s
menswear. The black bib-cum-harness he wore
to the Golden Globes was a recurring style in
Abloh’s first Vuitton collection—one that never
really took off beyond this one famous outfit.
Playing the Artist
Chalamet is not a truffle pig for emerging designers
like Julia Fox or ’90s Chloë Sevigny, patron saints
of fashion students working at their kitchen tables.
Instead, he has the taste of a person who got into
fashion once they were already famous. For him,
an artsy fit is a pair of overalls made by Gagosian-
represented artist Sterling Ruby’s clothing brand.
Playing the Worker
The Oscars at which he wore the Prada suit
would not be the first time he was lightly
roasted for donning designer workwear
on the red carpet. When he went to the
Independent Spirit Awards in 2018 in an Off-
White jacket, Nick Kroll joked that it made him
look like a gas-station attendant.

96 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 chalamet began his rise to boy of the Zeitgeist around 2018, riding the success of the gay
movie that fashion people loved and caught in a snowmelt river of clout for publicly straight
cisgender men wearing gender-expansive clothing. But even as the clout freshet ebbed, Timothée
kept dressing—and it became easier to appreciate that he had been an interesting dresser all along. He’s
revealed himself as a sensualist with an appreciation for glossy fabrics and monochrome, the kind of
fashion consumer who loves being close to designers. The lore is that Timothée does not have a stylist,
which isn’t true; he’s been working with Erin Walsh since 2021. But some of his best, most distinctive
looks are pre-Walsh, including that silver Haider Ackermann suit he wore to the premiere of The King,
cinched around the waist with a loop of two-faced satin like a cummerbund, glossy on one side and matte
on the other. It has become clear that he loves to dress to a prompt—complicated tailoring and smooth
surfaces for his Dune press tour, slutty little tops for Bones and All, latex and brown leather for dating
Kylie Jenner—but the theory behind it is coherent, the same ideas and shapes recurring, tweaked or
refined each time. This is a fashion monster evolving into a fashion adult.

2021 2022 2023

premiere of

premiere

His Designer, His Friend
Haider Ackermann is a standby and confidant.
As the French designer explained it: “We
understand one another like old souls—people
with the same sensibilities always find one
another.” Chalamet wears his Ackermann
shoes over and over: cowboy Chelsea boots,
black and curvy with a thick slice of heel.
We Love to Watch Him Go
Male celebrities dressing in anything but traditional
menswear have historically gotten strong reactions;
see 1990s Dennis Rodman and his tiny tank
tops. Chalamet doesn’t share Rodman’s natural
comprehensiveness—it’s sort of charming how
bland his street style can be compared with his
bravura dressing for events, like this red halter top.
The Tao of Tim
Over the past five years, we have seen common
elements—the matching shirts and pants, the stiff and
glossy with the flowy, the deliberately artless rolled-up
pant cuff—that show a private sensibility at work: an
appreciation of balance and the heft of fine materials,
the need for a bit of patina. His most recent press tour
adds a new element in a Wonka-ish purple.

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 97
 ée g
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5.
The End
of His
Heartthrob
Era
An assessment of Chalamet’s sex appeal
as he steps into the role of Willy Wonka, one of
the most sexless characters put to screen.
by allison p. davis
I
n 2017, E. Alex Jung declared
that “Male Stars Are Too Buff!” On
the heels of that, a young Timo-
thée Chalamet entered the popular
consciousness via Call Me by Your
Name. The public appraised him; people
took in his long, lean limbs, his “alabaster
skin” (Vogue’s phrase), the alien angularity
of his facial structure, and, rather than say
“Wow, this kid should 100 percent be cast
as Colin in a remake of The Secret Garden,”
they said, “This is the heartthrob we’ve been
waiting for.” He was the antidote to the
Marvel-led glut of synthetic, bulging mus-
cles that looked like CGI but were real and
the brute brand of masculinity associated
with that type of body.
Blended with Chalamet’s otherwise
standard-issue heartthrob characteristics
(white, cis, floppy ’90s hair, pouty lips), all
this led to an explosion of heartthrob idola-
try: Vogue declared that he was “ushering
in a new era of masculinity”; I-D magazine
hailed him as “the Perfect Heartthrob for
2018”; another headline singled out his eyes,
stating “Timothée Chalamet’s Sex Eyes Are
the Spice of Life.” It took no time at all—he
was the Internet Boyfriend Supreme by
the end of 2019. The fandom materialized
and grew to full “Chalamania.” Fans made
slow-motion memes of his open-mouthed,
98 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
torso-winding dancing in Call Me by Your
Name and Photoshopped his face onto
great works of art on the ChalametInArt
Instagram account. The overwhelming
allure wasn’t just his looks. It was, as one
megafan who waited hours to spot him on
the red carpet of the 2022 Venice Film Festi-
val put it, his gentle personality. “It feels nice
to have a Gen-Z star who seems genuinely
nice, whom we can all look up to,” she told
Variety. Fans were drawn in by his emo-
tional intelligence and seeming sweetness
and sensitivity. It felt like they could rely on
him to always make the interesting choice
(in love interests, famous friends, roles, red-
carpet fits).
His fandom was so successful in making
him a “heartthrob” that the label is impos-
sible to extract from his brand. But does a
horde of die-hard stans anointing someone
an Internet Boyfriend make him an actual
sex symbol with all the onscreen heat, eye-
fucking, and innate ability to seduce an
entire audience that comes with it? Now,
Chalamet is poised to star as Willy Wonka,
perhaps one of the most sexless characters
ever put to screen. Any actor who dares to
don the chocolate-maker’s top hat knows
there is no way to make the character
fuckable; the role becomes a stress test of
their sexiness. (One might argue the slight
menace Gene Wilder injected into his
1971 version almost got us there, but one
is arguing that in private with her thera-
pist.) Is Chalamet enough of a sex symbol
to engage in earnest singing, dancing, and
candy-making and continue to make loins
throb? Is his sex appeal strong enough to
withstand bathing in this vat of cringe, or
will the role reveal he was never truly a sex
symbol to begin with?
In his early parts, Chalamet represented a
variation on the boy you might have wanted
to date in high school. He so naturally
embodied Elio in Call Me by Your Name
it was hard to imagine he wasn’t just like
him—sensitive and intellectual, stumbling
through a life-shifting sexual coming of age
on colt’s legs; a tender soul willing to have
his heart broken just as long as he got to
love. He had a horniness so potent it could
lead him to defile fruit (the fact that we
debated eating “the peach”—you can’t teach
that kind of fuckability). Elio simultane-
ously embodied the man everybody wants
to fuck and the overlooked manic pixie
dream boy who never gets the guy (except
this once), sexy and relatable at the same
time. In the movies that followed, Chal-
amet continued to play the object of some-
one’s affection, and it’s in these roles that
his sex appeal is clearest. In Lady Bird, he
was the thinking woman’s moody, preten-
tious high-school crush, built for someone
to yearn for and just dismissive enough of
said yearning that it only begot more yearn-
ing. In Little Women, he was the thinking
woman’s period-piece crush but also a clas-
sic romantic who longed for “our Jo” with
such determined focus that, of course, we
swooned for him with equal fervor. In each
P H OTO G R A P H S : K A R WA I TA N G / G E T T Y I M AG E S ; K A R WA I TA N G / W I R E I M AG E ( U P P E R L E F T )
movie, his tendrils fell dreamily. In each, he
was pined for by a woman, and the audi-
ence vicariously pined for him, too.
But as Chalamet has become a bigger
star, he’s moved further away from roles
that hinge on his being a love interest. It’s
easy to project fuckability on an actor as
they dry-hump pillows against the back-
drop of the sun-soaked Italian countryside.
It’s harder to maintain that illusion in a film
like The King, in which Chalamet played a
Henry V coming of age amid medieval filth
and politics. Were there sex scenes? Sure,
but his bowl cut and dreary Middle Ages
pallor did little to stir up the same lusty
feelings his first major roles had. His role
in The French Dispatch further shifted the
focus away (even the hottest person alive
would have to be flattened to blend in with
the Wes Anderson aesthetic), putting the
emphasis on his quirkiness and facility with
a zany one-liner. As ducal heir Paul Atreides
in Dune, Chalamet became a full franchise
star, and his character’s romance with
Illustration by Humberto Cruz
 ée g
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Chani (Zendaya) is poised to take
t s
ou e’s
center stage in part two of the series.
ab er
th
The romance, however, is prophetic, not
born of sex or longing. Chalamet as Paul
feels distant amid the spectacle; he’s seri-
ous, internal, sometimes cold. Yes, he stalks
the dunes looking like a Rick Owens model,
but sex appeal is so not the point.
No movie made Chalamet’s waning
status as a sex symbol clearer to me, though,
than Bones and All, a film about a pair of
young cannibals on the run. It was his
return to the Luca Guadagnino universe
that made him the Internet Boyfriend of
our fantasies. His character, Lee, seemed
like a darker variation of Elio—artistic and
sensitive, feral and sexual, kinky, a little bit
of a fuckboy but also one who just needed
love. Yet something no longer fit. The role
called for heat. To turn a cannibal into a
heartthrob requires a sort of boiling pas-
sion he didn’t embody—the romance was
so restrained, the chemistry so dampened,
it all became sort of dull. I didn’t feel com-
pelled to shout “You could eat me!” as
I’d imagined I would.
I’d argue it’s often the features that
contribute to the idea of Chalamet’s sex
appeal that can make him sexless in
reality. Real World Timmy and Internet
Boyfriend Timmy infamously clashed in
2019 when images surfaced of him raven-
ously making out with Lily-Rose Depp
on a yacht. Suddenly, all those things that
made him “sexy” (alabaster skin, elegant
long limbs, alien angularity) became wet,
pale, skinny arms awkwardly akimbo. Off-
screen, his fans have tended to turn on him
in moments when they’re faced with images
that puncture the romantic ideal of him as
a sensitive high-school crush. Consider the
reactions to the Chalamet and Kylie Jenner
union, which led to a stan meltdown of stag-
gering proportions. In the days after they
attended a Beyoncé concert together, fans
couldn’t believe their relationship wasn’t a
practical joke or a mass hallucination. At
the root of this disbelief was the idea that
our Timothée would not want to date Kylie.
Kylie was the choice a regular man, not a sub-
versive male celebrity, would make. In some
ways, his appeal was always less about what
he did on- or offscreen and more about what
electing him as an Internet Boyfriend said
about our cultural progress. It felt good to be
part of a hive mind that was evolved enough
to thirst after a feminine, twink icon whose
heart broke just like ours.
So perhaps Wonka is coming at the
perfect time in his evolution as an actor. It
might just be Chalamet’s sledgehammer to
the whole Internet Boyfriend enterprise. If
so, I say go forth, Chalamet, and leave your
heartthrob days behind. ■
100
6.
So When’s He
Getting an Oscar?
The key year
may be 2027.
by nate jones
➽ in january 2018, Timothée
Chalamet did something almost
unthinkable for a 22-year-old
actor: He got nominated for an
Academy Award.
The Oscars, as a rule, don’t go
for young men. While we’re used
to seeing ingénues like Jennifer
Lawrence, Brie Larson, and Emma
Stone take home a trophy in their
20s, their male counterparts struggle
for recognition against more
seasoned stars. The day he made the
final five for Call Me by Your Name,
Chalamet became the youngest
Best Actor nominee since Mickey
Rooney in 1940. Since then, he has
not cracked another Oscar lineup.
He was almost certainly sixth place
in Supporting Actor in 2019 for
Beautiful Boy, showing up in all the
major precursors before losing out to
Vice’s Sam Rockwell on nomination
morning. A year later, he had some
preseason buzz for Little Women,
and though his performance was
well regarded, he never gained
traction in a Supporting Actor field
stocked with former winners. What
is it going to take for Timmy Tim to
win his first trophy?
Chalamet has two projects in
the can: Wonka and Dune: Part
Two. The chances of the chocolate-
loving twink overtaking formidable
contenders like Oppenheimer’s Cillian
Murphy and Maestro’s Bradley
Cooper are slim. And no matter how
ably Chalamet rides that sandworm
in Dune, the stars of effects-driven
blockbusters typically don’t factor into
the acting races. More promising is
the film Chalamet was about to start
shooting before the SAG strike hit,
James Mangold’s Bob Dylan biopic,
A Complete Unknown. If you’re
hoping to overcome Oscar’s bias
against young men, a music biopic is
the surest way to do it. Last season,
31-year-old Austin Butler finished as
the consensus runner-up for Elvis.
The key date for Chalamet
may be 2027: the year he’ll turn
32, which Oscar history suggests
is when voters stop thinking of
you as a “young actor.” That’s
how old Daniel Day-Lewis, Nicolas
Cage, and Daniel Kaluuya were
when they won their first trophies.
If we look at the career of Leonardo
P H OTO G R A P H S : S T E V E G R A N I T Z / W I R E I M AG E ; A L B E R TO E . R O D R I G U E Z / G E T T Y I M AG E S ( U P P E R L E F T )
DiCaprio, a couple of lessons jump
out. First, it takes a long time for a
young heartthrob to be considered
Oscar worthy—DiCaprio had to
wait 22 years after his Gilbert Grape
nom to finally win. Second, you
really don’t want to be pretty. Leo got
nominated as a Hollywood playboy,
a bare-chested mercenary, and a
Wall Street cad, but he didn’t land
an Oscar until he’d caked himself
in dirt and eaten raw bison liver.
That’s going to be a tough task for
Chalamet, who remains even more
porcelain than Leo was in his ’90s
prime. But in certain circumstances,
Chalamet’s avian delicacy could be a
plus. Unlike Leo, who felt too modern
for anything set before the invention
of the automobile, Chalamet’s
resemblance to an 18th-century
Frenchman means he can
believably inhabit all manner of
period pieces. Another remake of
Dangerous Liaisons? A film about
young Abraham Lincoln? All I know
is that a starched collar and morning
coat could be invaluable.
 IT’S A LOVELY AND BEAUTIFULLY SUNG
TRIBUTE TO SISTERLY ADMIRATION.”
Juan A. Ramírez,

“DIRECTED WITH GRACE AND FLAIR BY GRACIELA DANIELE, THIS TOUCHING

NEW MUSICAL IS ARGUABLY MICHAEL JOHN L A CHIUSA’S FINEST.”
Robert Hofler,

“ALL KINDS OF ENCHANTMENT ARE AT WORK

IN THIS SPARKLING, MOVING NEW MUSICAL.”
Elysa Gardner,

“A TOP-FLIGHT CAST.”
Jackson McHenry,
★★★★
Ò

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!”
David Finkle,

THE GARDENS
OF ANUNCIA

THE GARDENS OF ANUNCIA is generously supported by Celso Gonzalez-Falla and The Gilman & Gonzalez-Falla Arts Foundation.
LCT gratefully acknowledges generous support for THE GARDENS OF ANUNCIA from The Ted & Mary Jo Shen Charitable Gift Fund.
The 2023-2024 Newhouse season is made possible, in part, with support from the Samuel I. Newhouse Foundation.
Special thanks to The Harold and Mimi Steinberg Charitable Trust for supporting new American work at LCT.
T h e C U LT U R E PAG E S

most specifically Babs

taxo no m y and Elliott Gould in that
little bed: “Elliott is six
foot three, and I can’t
believe the two of us slept
together in my narrow
twin bed,” she writes.
“As he told me years later
when we were reminiscing,
‘Now that’s intimacy.
I’ve never slept better
in my life.’ ”
it’s never been a better time to ship a voice-memo
series of playful or traumatic anecdotes to a ghostwriter
and let ’er rip. The year kicked off with the release of Prince Relevancy
Harry’s explosive Spare, then everyone whom you could conceivably Ploys
call a legend for one reason or another, from Paris Hilton to Werner A bookstore endcap
isn’t the comeback they
Herzog, Barbra Streisand to Julia Fox, got their last autobiographical hoped for.
word in—for now. Here, a brief guide to 2023’s overflowing library
of celebrity memoirs (and memoirishes). fran hoepfner
Sonic Life,
by Thurston Moore
Moore’s ex-wife Kim
Gordon’s memoir, Girl
in a Band, is a beloved
text among alt-rock fans.
His, however, is nearly 500
pages, eight years too late,
and close-lipped on not only
the affair and his
subsequent split from
Gordon but much of their
relationship altogether.

Rick Ross in Rolling you to make you realize Bad Mormon,

Headliners
The ones that
had TMZ and “Page Six”
salivating.
Spare,
by Prince Harry
This becoming-a-civilian
bombshell detailed
everything from Harry’s
cold upbringing after
his mother’s death to the
drama that surrounded
his marriage to Meghan
Markle, including a story of
a physical fight with his
brother, William, and
skepticism of his father’s
relationship with now–
Queen Consort Camilla.
Worthy,
by Jada Pinkett Smith
So she and Will Smith
aren’t married but are
also not divorced. So she
did ayahuasca. To quote
Stone: “What’s next?!
And to be honest,
we’re not interested!”
Love, Pamela,
by Pamela Anderson
Her stories of repeated
mistreatment in
Hollywood—including an
incident of alleged sexual
misconduct by Tim Allen,
which he denies—are
difficult to digest in their
totality, but of all the
“wronged woman” texts
published this year,
hers is the most clear-eyed
and thoughtful.
Pageboy,
by Elliot Page
The actor’s memoir
reckoned with his self-
identity and freedom
since coming out as trans
in 2020. It’s also filled
to the brim with blind
items like the A-list actor
who once told Page at
a party, “I’m going to fuck
you aren’t gay,” plus
the revelation that he
had a brief affair with
Kate Mara in 2013
when she was dating
Max Minghella.
The Woman in Me,
by Britney Spears
In this triple-ghostwritten
memoir, the audiobook of
which is read with gravitas
by Oscar nominee Michelle
Williams, what we learned
beyond what we already
knew about Spears is
brutally sad—most notably
that Justin Timberlake
encouraged her to have an
abortion in 2000. People
are allegedly already lining
up to adapt the book;
the Britney Spears
trauma-industrial complex
marches on.
My Name Is Barbra,
by Barbra Streisand
It’s impossible not to come
away from Babs’s 1,000-
word tome thinking
about, well, Babs, but
Paris,
by Paris Hilton
The Paris Hilton
reevaluation campaign
has gone on far too long,
only furthering her lore
without having much
to say about it. Her book
oscillates wildly between
stories of abuse endured
at her Utah boarding
school and claims that
she’s the “original
influencer”—of course
it has already been
optioned by A24 as
a TV series.
If You Would Have
Told Me,
by John Stamos
The Full House nostalgia
train is an industry unto
itself, but no one was
waiting by the door for
Stamos’s memoir, which,
while often candid about
his struggles with his
physical appearance and
addiction, is mostly
Hollywood fluff about
either being too famous
or not famous enough.
by Heather Gay
As one Amazon review puts
it, Gay’s book is a recap of
Mormon rules, information
already plain and clear to
those who keep up with
The Real Housewives of Salt
Lake City, and offers little-
to-no tell-all.
AARP
Monthly
Picks
Your aunt
is having a blast
with these
in her book club.
Making It So,
by Patrick Stewart
The actor examines a self-
made life with a working-
class upbringing. The most
damning—and gossip
worthy—event in the book
involves Stewart scolding
his Star Trek castmates
for having too much fun.
“We are not here to have
fun,” he reprimanded
them, though his memoir
proves otherwise.

102 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3

Being Henry:
The Fonz … and Beyond,
by Henry Winkler
Between his acclaimed
late-career run on
Barry and this gentle,
funny memoir—he is
still waiting for a call from
Paul McCartney, who
once passed along his
number and said, “Let’s
hang out,” before ignoring
Winkler’s calls—it’s clear
Winkler’s second act is
only beginning.
Chita,
by Chita Rivera
The 90-year-old theater
legend’s memoir is full
of sharp, insightful
humor. While Rivera has
everything from celebrity
gossip (John Lennon was
rude!) to musings on how
the industry pigeonholed
her as a “sassy” Puerto
Rican, it’s mostly a
positive reflection on
a career well spent.
Advice
Columns
That didn’t
need to be a book.
Honey, Baby, Mine:
A Mother and
Daughter Talk Life,
P H OTO G R A P H : CO U R T E S Y O F F X
Death, Love
(and Banana Pudding),
by Laura Dern and
Diane Ladd
A measured series of
conversations that covers
everything from Dern’s
burgeoning career as a
child actor to Ladd’s
industry resentments.
While sometimes prone to
indulgent name-
dropping, the book is
most telling and evocative
when showing how two
people who have shared
a life can open up, argue,
and forgive.
I Am Debra Lee,
by Debra Lee
The BET network’s former
CEO has seemingly done
the impossible: written
a Fortune 500 memoir that
may actually be useful to
more than the one percent.
It’s less about surviving
corporate America and
more about making it a
better, more equitable place
for women of color to thrive.
Thicker Than Water,
by Kerry Washington
While it was undoubtedly
shocking for the actress
to learn that her father
is not her biological
father, her coming to
terms with the fact that
she loves him the same
amount doesn’t feel like
quite enough to hinge
a whole memoir on.
Every Man for Himself
and God Against All,
by Werner Herzog
The filmmaker’s prose—
“Occasionally, I watch
trash TV because I think
the poet shouldn’t avert
his eyes,” he writes—will
make you feel smart,
regardless of the
absurdity of what he’s
actually saying.
Heavy
Stuff
The pop
page-turner is dead;
long live the
trauma dump.
Tell Me Everything,
by Minka Kelly
Not a typical Hollywood
confessional, Minka’s
memoir focuses instead on
her strained relationship
with her working-class
single mother—not unlike
Jennette McCurdy’s I’m
Glad My Mom Died. This
one’s a brutal read for
anyone thinking they’ll just
get some Friday Night
Lights gossip.
Pretty Boys Are
Poisonous: Poems,
by Megan Fox
Fox’s words are getting
mocked by poetry M.F.A.’s
near and far—one poem,
for instance, is called “a
beautiful boy is a deadly
drug”—which ignores that
much of the collection
details the actress’s
personal experiences with
domestic abuse and a
miscarriage.
When Your Back’s
Against the Wall,
by Michael Oher with
Don Yaeger
For years, Hollywood
and the Tuohy family
profited off Oher’s story:
His “adoption” (which was
actually a conservatorship)
and success in the NFL, as
depicted in 2009’s The
Blind Side, made everyone
money but him. His memoir
finally allows him to speak
for himself, his successes
reclaimed as his own.
Leslie F*cking Jones,
by Leslie Jones
The comic is best known
for her tenure on
Saturday Night Live,
where her brash and
thrilling sense of humor
made even the sharpest
cast members break,
but her memoir is an
exhaustive recounting
of hardship, abuse, and
loss. Though she comes
out of it smiling in
the end, readers may
struggle to do the same.
Damn
Good Reads
Add these to your
holiday wish list stat.
Great Falls, MT:
Fast Times, Post-Punk
Weirdos, and a Tale of
Coming Home Again,
by Reggie Watts
Watts’s sharp voice and
loving portrait of his
upbringing in Montana
make for engaging,
wonderful anecdotes.
He avoids the pitfalls
of typical comedian
memoirs—pithy lists, easy
jokes—instead using his
hometown to explore a life
lived creatively.
Thank You
(Falettinme Be
Mice Elf Agin),
by Sly Stone
The making of Sly and
the Family Stone’s band
feels like one of the great
d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k
“get the gang together”
montages in a heist film.
When in need of a
drummer, he writes,
“I had rhyme, I had
reason, I needed rhythm.”
Down the Drain,
by Julia Fox
Her memoir is undeniably
Julia Fox: no ghostwriter,
no hemming, no hawing,
just an honest depiction
of her years of drug use
and her time as an actress
and model. Fox’s offbeat
sense of humor and
dogged persistence set her
apart from other “It” girls.
My Effin’ Life,
by Geddy Lee
The Rush bassist goes
long and hard on himself,
his time with the band,
and the ups and downs
of rock-and-roll life. This
is both the year’s best
musician memoir and
the most classic-rock:
cocaine, women, and
deep dives into Rush’s
recording process,
including the advice to
never trust an audio
producer who says they’ll
fix it in the mix.
Black Friend,
by Ziwe
“I do not exist just to
move plot,” Ziwe writes.
Move plot she does not—
rather, the television star
and comedian wends her
way through a journey of
self-establishment and
self-assertion. The book
is funny, sure, but also
insightful and engaging
as Ziwe cements herself
as the Dick Cavett of the
Instagram age.
103
 m u s i c / m o v i e s / t v

T h e C U LT U R E PA G E S

Craig Jenkins on André 3000 … Alison Willmore on Napoleon … Jen Chaney on Fargo.

album—it sounds very different. P-Funk

from any time sounds different. Those are
M U S I C / CRAIG JENKINS
the people that inspired us to blow nig-
Breath Control gas’ minds.” Across later OutKast works,
André seemed driven by an appetite for
André 3000 fans have waited this interdisciplinary respect, as the gritty
metacommentary on fame, rap clichés,
decades for a solo rap album. and industry politics guiding “Ova da
He offers flute instead. Wudz” and “Return of the ‘G’” took a back
seat to the restless experimentation of
2003’s The Love Below.
As OutKast’s steady stream of ground-
since the 1993 release of OutKast’s debut single, “Player’s Ball,” André breaking releases slowed to a trickle in
P H OTO G R A P H : K A I R E G A N

3000 has cultivated a powerful distaste for easy wins. Resistance was always the mid-aughts, fans began pining for an
core to his duo with Big Boi, and OutKast’s wide web of interests yielded dense, unpre- André solo album. They took whatever
dictable American pop music, cementing the group’s reputation as one of the most they could get in those years, poring over
gifted songwriting teams in any musical tradition. André in particular seemed to delight the zany children’s songs populating the
in scrambling normies’ circuits. “It’s the people who take whatever music they doing soundtrack of his Class of 3000 cartoon.
so far to the left of what was going on,” he gushed while naming influences in a 2000 Meanwhile, his rhymes relayed a dwin-
Rolling Stone profile. “Put on any album from goddamned 1966 and put on a Sly Stone dling interest in the very act of rapping in

104 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
front of audiences. “I hated all the attention the human voice first attracted him to the Nala Sinephro are blending jazz and soul
so I ran from it/Fuck it if we did, but I hope instrument, and it’s kismet for a rapper to aesthetics and merging electronic and
we ain’t lose no fans from it,” he admitted find himself swept up in a second musical acoustic sounds.
on T.I.’s 2012 single “Sorry.” “I’ve stumbled venture involving breath control. It doesn’t It’s an incredible achievement, taking
and lived every word,” huffs the jarring feel labored like the left-handed guitar the heat off André’s chops as a soloist by
kicker to his verse on “Solo (Reprise)” from drills he put himself through to play Jimi letting him drift where a more traditional
Frank Ocean’s 2016 album, Blonde. “Was I Hendrix in 2013’s Jimi: All Is by My Side. jazz bandleader would have to drive.
working just way too hard?” (He must have Instead, New Blue Sun’s second surprise But sometimes New Blue Sun takes too
understood the absurdity of the question. is the sparseness and the digital character long to get to shore. It is impressive that the
André was one of the catalysts in the of the playing. Tiptoeing into the sound swelling, psychedelic climaxes of “Ants to
chain reaction of Black male creativity bath prepared for him in “ ‘Rap’ Album,” You, Gods to Who?” and the shimmering
that nudged us from the pointed callous- André toots on an uncanny oboe, effecting “BuyPoloDisorder’s Daughter Wears
ness of 50 Cent to the public introspec- a timbre resting somewhere between the a 3000® Shirt Embroidered” happened
tion of Drake. Would we have granted Ye pomp of a symphony orchestra and the sil- spontaneously, that this album offers a
the space to hang the sharp left he pulled liness of the incidental music in cartoons. succession of musical knots methodically
on 808s & Heartbreak without André His arsenal of flutes includes digital wind and satisfyingly untied. The best bits aim
riskily sidelining the raps on The Love instruments, and he has admitted there for the reassurance and rejuvenation of a
Below? Would Young Thug get to talk are points in the recordings where he’s massage and nail it. The conciseness of
shit and wear dresses without this other feeling it out. Are the dark, understated “Beyoncé,” a reprieve for listeners alien-
notable ATL dandy providing a frame of notes in “The Slang Word ‘P(*)ssy’ Rolls ated by the absence of four-minute songs
reference?) To follow André 3000 was Off the Tongue With Far Better Ease Than and melodies, raises the question of what
to love the player while resenting the the Proper Word Vagina. Do You Agree?” this thing might have sounded like if these
game, a reality he addressed on Devin the deliberately or accidentally approximating performances had been reined in a little.
Dude’s 2007 gem “What a Job”: “We work the keyboard noodling you would expect It must have felt more important to relay
nights, we some vampires/Niggas gather to encounter in Roy Ayers and Herbie a bit of presence, to open a window on
round the beat like a campfire / Singing Hancock works of the mid-’70s? On “That the chemistry igniting in this group. The
folk songs, but not no ‘Kumbaya, My Night in Hawaii When I Turned Into a meandering “Panther” and “Ghandi, Dalai
Lord’ / You download it for free, we get Panther and Started Making These Low Lama, Your Lord & Savior J.C. / Bundy,
charged back for it.” Register Purring Tones That I Couldn’t Jeffrey Dahmer, and John Wayne Gacy”
So it shouldn’t be an earth-shattering Control … Sh¥t Was Wild”—a meditation grate; it also feels as though the informal
surprise that André’s first major post- on an ayahuasca trip where, again, the nature of the sessions is the only reason the
OutKast enterprise, the ambient-jazz thing in the song title really happened— album exists.
album New Blue Sun, would trade rhymes the winding contrabass exhalations mimic We make it to the end of these 88 min-
and 808 drums for something looser the low voice of bamboo nose flutes of the utes not once having heard the voice of
and lusher. Like OutKast’s success in Pacific Islands. the artist. There’s a certain closure in
deprogramming men’s style during the New Blue Sun largely succeeds as that. Some have waited 20 years—since
homophobic aughts, New Blue Sun is ambient music because it soothes and Speakerboxxx/The Love Below landed
low-key punk as fuck, a bold and entices on a tactile level while with only three rap performances from
pure creative gesture that centers lending itself to deeper consid- Stacks—for an orderly presentation of
André’s newfound love for the NEW BLUE SUN eration of the history and musi- the rhyme skills that made “Ms. Jackson”
flute. It manages to upset and ANDRÉ 3000.
EPIC.
cology informing it. It’s engag- a household name. New Blue Sun may
confound while fitting into a deep ing when it is allowed to float not be their cup of tea. But because it sits
and vital Afrofuturist tradition into a room, occupying space on the necessary axis of inner peace and
not nearly as removed from the without overpowering it, like musical challenge needed to get André
sound and spirit of his past work as the spritzes from a time-release air fresh- 3000 to commit to recording and sharing
most annoyed responses to it have ener, and when it’s turned up to parse new work, it’s a net win. (Now he has to
suggested. The mounting atmospheric what’s being played to the extent that perform.) This isn’t the esteemed return to
tension in its instructively titled opener, this is possible. Throughout the album, form those who bristled at the ubiquity of
“I Swear, I Really Wanted to Make a ‘Rap’ the woodwind instrument carrying “Hey Ya!” held out hope for. The promise of
Album But This Is Literally the Way the a song (or stalking its margins, depending new scriptures from the southern-mystic
Wind Blew Me This Time,” with its wave on the mood of the flutist) is flanked by rhyme technician who spit “the hardest
of mournful keys and delicate percussion, drummer and utility player Carlos Niño’s shit since MC Ren” dances on the hori-
calls back to the milky air that announces expansive palette of percussive textures, zon while we poke around on a different
“You May Die (Intro)” from OutKast’s ephemeral guitar and synthesizer accom- planet. And if he never does make the
1996 album, ATLiens, and “Hold On, Be paniment from Nate Mercereau and Surya album people want him to, he’ll have ambi-
Strong” from 1998’s Aquemini. “Ninety Botofasina, breathy vocals from Mia Doi ent-pilled untold masses of hip-hop heads,
Three ’Til Infinity and Beyoncé” delivers Todd, and other sedate but impactful con- and maybe the most eventful bits of this
the precise brand of contemplative riff that tributions from musicians in André’s and record will echo across future rap songs
Atlanta poet Big Rube shines on. Niño’s orbit. New Blue Sun taps a colorful the way “SpottieOttieDopaliscious” took a
New Blue Sun is a produced collection succession of ’70s and ’80s antecedents proggy Genesis riff and transformed it into
of long improvisations documenting the like Laraaji’s explorations on Casiotone a funk-rap classic. Your heroes don’t need
moment an incredible groove shows face, and zither, Stevie Wonder’s songs for to travel ahead of you, leaving detailed
rather than of the concise compositions plants, and Jon Hassell’s anthropologi- instructions behind. Their only job is to
rappers like to build around. André has cal endeavors. But it still feels at home in provide the inspiration you need to be
suspected the flute’s subtle resemblance to the decade when players like Sampha and more purely and courageously you. ■

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 105
 with his wife. When, after the catastrophe
that was his invasion of Russia in 1812,
Napoleon is exiled to Elba, it’s staged as
M O V I E S / ALISON WILLMORE though he were a wayward 20-something
returning to parents who have finally tired
Charging in Without a Plan of his constant partying and packed up his
shit as a sign that it’s time to move out.
In Ridley Scott’s Napoleon, The battles are fine, by the way,
a clown claims the crown. though they become numbing as the film
progresses—all those hordes of men on
foot and on horseback hurling themselves
at one another and at artillery that tears
them up in gruesome fashion. The Battle
all of Napoleon’s best moments up on trying to carve a good film out of of Austerlitz is easily the most exciting, per-
are about how the brilliant mili- what actually ended up onscreen. haps with the aid of some embellishment:
tary commander at its focus is a buffoon. Napoleon begins with Phoenix’s Napo- We watch from Napoleon’s perspective on
The Napoleon Bonaparte of the film, played leon witnessing a frizzle-haired Marie high ground as he lures the allied Russian
by Joaquin Phoenix, dozes off with his eyes Antoinette, played by Catherine Walker, and Austrian forces into a trap, send-
open while Directory head Paul Barras getting her head lopped off in front of a ing them onto a frozen lake that breaks
(Tahar Rahim) tries to talk to him about jeering crowd. To parse the film’s politics beneath them and plunges soldiers and
a matter of political urgency. When Napo- would be a fool’s errand. The few times it horses to their deaths. The sequence, shot
leon’s gestures at peacemaking are brushed gets to street level, the public inevitably from above and from below, has a brutal
off by a British ambassador, he yelps back, coalesces in the form of a bloodthirsty mob. beauty, blood unfurling in plumes around
“You think you’re so great because you have Napoleon sees his place as being among the bodies as they sink into the icy water.
boats!” Presented with a mummy while an elevated crowd while being aware that And sure, it’s funny that the movie’s version
on a campaign in Egypt, he climbs onto a he’s looked on as an uncouth arriviste of Napoleon fires cannons at the pyramids,
crate to get as close as possible to its desic- from Corsica who, as he puts it but it doesn’t amount to more
cated face, as though expecting it to whisper in a letter to his brother Lucien than a lark. This Napoleon is a
advice in his ear. And during a fight with (Matthew Needham), has to NAPOLEON
DIRECTED BY
horny hobbit of a man who is only
his wife, Joséphine (a wonderfully bemused prove he’s fit for higher office. But RIDLEY SCOTT. really at home on the battlefield,
COLUMBIA/APPLE.
Vanessa Kirby, who facilitates what have to any attempt to cast him as a popu- R. whose cuckolding gets mocked
be the year’s most indifferent sex scenes), list strongman, an upstart soldier on the front page of the tabloids,
over her failure to conceive, he describes who crowns himself emperor, is and who has to put the woman he
the changes in his own body by declaring undermined by the choice to seal off wider loves in cold storage in order to produce an
his appetites to be a matter of providence: perspectives on the country. We’re shown heir. Scott, never one to be bothered about
“Destiny has brought me this lamb chop!” Napoleon’s rise to power without ever see- historical accuracy, has attracted criticism
Phoenix is, at five-foot-eight, slightly taller ing him, you know, rule. Napoleon gives for playing fast and loose with the accepted
than the man famously portrayed as dimin- you the impression that its main character details in the film, but the fudging matters
utive, and he is, at 49, disorientingly mature spends his life compulsively fighting battles less than what it’s in service to—which is
to be playing someone who’s around 24 with the occasional pit stop home to tangle nothing in particular. ■
when the film begins, but he is unfalteringly
weird in a way that is its own reward.
It’s likely that Ridley Scott has never
even heard of memes, but his new film
is perfectly primed to live on through
them. It would be better off consumed
that way than in its turgid entirety. Napo-
leon, which was written by David Scarpa,
alternates between epic battles and scenes
from its protagonist’s oddball marriage
and, despite this, manages to become a
drag. Although Scott obviously knows his
way around a historical epic, this attempt
is less Gladiator (his sword-and-sandal
epic that launched Phoenix to fame) and
more 1492: Conquest of Paradise (his
bloated Christopher Columbus biopic).
We watch Napoleon’s rise to power,
P H OTO G R A P H : A P P L E T V +

his wedding to and eventual separation

from Joséphine, and his fall, all re-created
without any animating idea beyond the
juxtaposition of clownishness and battle-
field prowess. Napoleon is not, thank God,
a hagiography. But it has the rhythms of a
rough draft—it plays as though Scott gave

106 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 FBI agents that his constituents love him
because “I say what I want and I do as
I please and I know the difference between
right and wrong”—all of which he says after
sitting buck naked in an outdoor bathtub.
When Roy does wear clothes, he looks like
he just wandered out of a Taylor Sheridan
series and is really pissed that he can’t fig-
ure out how to get back. Hamm drops all the
charm he once wore so easily as Don Draper,
becoming nothing but sharp edges. Roy is
a libertarian who wants the government to
stay out of everyone’s business, a misogynist
who believes that a wife is the property of
her husband, and a father with a failson
on the force named Gator (Joe Keery) who
hangs don’t tread on me flags on his walls.
The most intimidating thing about Roy
is the palpable sense that, at any moment,
he could make things even scarier than they
already are. That’s the prevailing mood in
T V / JEN CHANEY season five—that the situation is bad and
about to get worse. The series evokes its
It Could Always Be Worse time frame with a light touch; TVs playing
in the background remind us that the first
Fargo finds new foes for its impeachment of Donald Trump was then
gaining traction. This is the first season of
cast of formidable women. Fargo set in the post–Me Too era, and an
undercurrent of resentment toward women
bubbles beneath the surface. Indira’s use-
less husband, Lars (Lukas Gage), spends
the first scene of this season early ’50s. In season five, for the first time his days working on his golf game instead
of Fargo zooms right in on the in Fargo’s run, its cultural context is right of actually working and complains that his
dichotomy that has always defined the now—or as close to the present moment fully employed spouse is not supportive
series: the matter-of-fact decency of folks as possible without actually existing in it: It enough. “I want a wife who takes care of
in flyover country versus the dark, weird is set in the fall of 2019. Even as the show my … needs,” he says with a straight face,
shit that some of these same people get up continues to do what it always has—recycle even though he knows full well that he’s the
to when they’re not exchanging pleasantries and reimagine elements from the broader one incurring huge debts.
over a cup of joe. Noah Hawley, who created Fargo universe—there’s a renewed urgency Fargo the series, as well as the film, is
the anthology series inspired by the Coen to the storytelling that suggests the focus on populated with formidable women—law
brothers’ film, kicks things off with a title something closer to the present has given enforcers like Indira, Frances McDormand’s
card that lists the definition of “Minnesota the series a shot in the arm. Marge Gunderson, and Allison Tolman’s
Nice”—“an aggressively pleasant demeanor, Temple’s housewife, Dot, seems about Molly Solverson from season one, or ruth-
often forced, in which a person is chipper as threatening as a 12-year-old Swiftie less bosses along the lines of Jean Smart’s
and self-effacing, no matter how bad things handing out friendship bracelets. But as Floyd Gerhardt and another significant
get”—then immediately cuts to a massive the first episode reveals, she has secrets that character who enters the picture in season
brawl at a middle-school fall-festival plan- she hasn’t shared with anyone, not even her five, Lorraine Lyon (Jennifer Jason Leigh),
ning meeting in Scandia, a suburb of the tween daughter, Scotty (Sienna King), nor the savvy and extremely wealthy mother
Twin Cities. The implication: Everyone in her milquetoast car-salesman husband, of Wayne. But these characters haven’t
this town, and maybe the whole country, has Wayne (David Rysdahl). Those secrets lead always confronted misogyny as directly as
been pushed so far that they can’t even pre- to two masked guys showing up at their they do in these new episodes. As firm and
tend to be nice anymore. “What’s the world home in the middle of a Tuesday, intent on fascinating as its women often are, Fargo
coming to, is all I’m saying,” remarks Deputy kidnapping Dot for reasons Fargo takes its has seemed most interested in exploring
Indira Olmstead (Never Have I Ever’s Richa time to fully explain. But the intruders don’t masculinity. It feels significant that Hawley,
Moorjani) as she takes a local housewife, realize this woman is as skilled at fighting via his female characters, is blasting bullets
Dorothy Lyon (Juno Temple), to the station and sliding out of thorny situations as a into the concept of modern manhood.
to be arrested after Dot impulsively Tases well-trained ninja. Dorothy’s plight, as a woman fearful
an officer during that middle-school mêlée. We don’t know right away exactly why of her past as well as of what might be
“Neighbor against neighbor.” she’s like this. But we do learn coming for her in the immediate future,
The Coen brothers’ film, which that, as is so often the case when is unmistakably a Fargo story. But it also
came out in 1996, was set in 1987. a woman feels endangered, a man captures something new: the tension of a
P H OTO G R A P H : F X

FARGO
Each of the first four seasons of FX.
the series takes place during a
different decade: the mid-aughts,
the late 1970s, the early 2010s, the
is responsible—in this case her place where men with guns, badges, and
ex-husband, Roy Tillman (Jon cowboy hats think they make the rules,
Hamm). He’s a corrupt sheriff in leaving smart women with no choice but
North Dakota who tells a pair of to prove them wrong. ■

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 107
 4. 8.
17.

6. 10.

COMEDY
coverage and
streaming 8. Watch Leo Reich:
see Literally Who Cares
Youth humor.
T h e C U LT U R E PA G E S Max, December 16.
It’s a slow month for TV but a great month for
comedy! Leo Reich’s is a notable special from a
newcomer, a Gen-Z Brit with a bone-dry sense of
sarcasm and a habit of yelling at his audiences if
they seem too primed to break into applause.
kathryn vanarendonk
ART

9. See Cecily Brown

and Jutta Koether
Two exceptional mid-career painters.
Bortolami Gallery, 39 Walker St.; through
December 21.
The title of this show, “Good Luck Spot,” is an apt
descriptor for the updraft and serendipitous sur-
prise of the pairing of painters Cecily Brown and
Twenty-five Jutta Koether. Brown’s semi–Abstract Expression-
things to see, ist mash-ups of sexy oil paint play off Koether’s
hear, watch, cooler conglomerations and nets of color.
and read. jerry saltz
TV
DECEMBER 6–20

10. Watch Such

TV PODCASTS
Brave Girls
1. Watch The Crown 5. Listen to Another British show to fill the post-strike void.
Season Six, Volume Two Keys to the Kingdom Hulu, December 15.
A24 brings over this British series from creator
The royal drama comes to a close. Magical working class.
and writer Kat Sadler about a mother, her two
Netflix, December 14. Independent. 20-something daughters, and their messy
After watching the first part of The Crown’s final Ever wondered what it’s like to work behind the romantic relationships. The dark comedy, in
season, my big question is, Will the ghosts of scenes at Disneyland? You can probably guess it which the women joke “Trauma’s all we’ve got,”
Diana and Dodi reappear? jen chaney ain’t pretty, but Amanda Lund and Matt Gourley’s evokes the dryness of The End of the F***ing
MUSIC series tells you exactly how strange, tough, and World and the emotion of I May Destroy You,
peculiar the magical underbelly can be. two other works from the U.K. that hit big with
2. Hear Jeremy Denk nicholas quah American audiences. r.h.
TV
A tribute to female composers. MOVIES
Merkin Hall, December 7.
6. Watch In the Kitchen 11. See Days of Heaven

The MacArthur-winning pianist Jeremy Denk
plays a program of music by women, both current
and historical: Missy Mazzoli, Phyllis Chen, and
Fanny Mendelssohn. justin davidson
BOOKS
3. Read Prophet Song
The latest Booker winner.
Atlantic Monthly Press.
In an unnervingly realistic Dublin of the near
future, a far-right faction seizes control, disman-
tling civil liberties and arresting its political ene-
mies. Caught in the crisis is Eilish Stack, a mother
of four who struggles to understand when and
how she should flee her home. emma alpern
MOVIES
4. See Origin
It’s all connected.
In select theaters December 8.
Ava DuVernay’s film is wildly ambitious: a fic-
tionalized dramatization of Isabel Wilkerson’s
nonfiction book Caste, framed like an anthropo-
logical mystery. Not to be missed. bilge ebiri
With Harry Hamlin:
A Holiday Special
Everyone can cook.
AMC+ and IFC, December 13.
If you’re a celebrity, whether you can cook or not
is irrelevant to your chances of getting a cooking
show. The Veronica Mars villain Harry Hamlin
joins a long list of actors who’ve hopped into the
kitchen. His niece and classically trained chef
Renee Guilbault and other family members,
including Lisa Rinna, help whip up festive dishes.
roxana hadadi
THEATER
7. See Prayer for
the French Republic
Confront the present and the past.
Samuel J. Friedman Theatre, in previews December 19.
For a reflective tack, try Joshua Harmon’s play,
about a family facing antisemitism, split between
the late 2010s and post-WWII France—a large-
cast, three-hour epic. jackson mchenry
P H OTO G R A P H S : A M C + ( H A M L I N ) ; H U LU ( B R AV E ) ; F X ( A N D O R ) ; N E O N (O R I G I N ) ; H B O ( R E I C H )
Get into (early) Gere.
Film Forum, December 8 through 21.
Terrence Malick’s 1978 romantic drama is just
about the most gorgeous thing ever committed to
film, and this new 4K restoration promises to be
the best way to appreciate its magic-hour land-
scapes as well as the impressive spectacle that is a
26-year-old Richard Gere. Brooke Adams, who
plays the woman caught between Gere’s character
and the dying farmer she marries for money, will
be at the opening-night screening for a Q&A.
alison willmore
CLASSICAL
12. Hear While
Shepherds Watched
The Christmas story through their eyes.
Church of St. Mary the Virgin, December 9.
The Tallis Scholars, the paragon of high-gloss,
English-style choral ensembles, celebrates 50
years of performing sacred music from the
Renaissance with shepherd-themed masses and
hymns, presented by Miller Theatre. j.d.

108 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
TV

13. Watch A Grammy

Salute to 50 Years
of Hip-Hop
The genre’s now old enough to join AARP.
CBS, December 10.
This concert special, filmed in L.A. in early
November, features performances from legends
and new artists across the rap and hip-hop
spectrum, including De La Soul, Latto, LL Cool J,
Queen Latifah, 2 Chainz, and Cypress Hill. j.c.
PODCASTS

14. Listen to Radical

An investigative biography.
Campside, Tenderfoot TV, and iHeartMedia.
The independent journalist Mosi Secret traces
the story of Imam Jamil Al-Amin, formerly H.
Rap Brown, a Black Power activist who got
caught up in an early-aughts Atlanta murder case
with deep roots in American history—and a long
shadow over the present. n.q.
THEATER

15. See Buena Vista

Social Club
Meet the band.
Atlantic Theater Company, opens December 13.
A musical inspired by the 1997 album—the
making of which was documented in a Wim
Wenders film—by Cuban musicians revisiting the
songs they recorded in the ’50s before the revolu-
tion. The show has brought together a top-flight
group of musicians of its own as well as David
Yazbek as a musical consultant and Justin Peck
and Patricia Delgado as choreographers. j.m.
MUSIC

16. Hear
The Kaleidoscope
Chamber Collective
Diverse and changing.
Merkin Hall, December 12.
The London-based ensemble with a roster that
re-forms around the music’s needs, introduces
itself to American audiences with an eclectic pro-
gram of early-20th-century music by Samuel
Coleridge-Taylor, Ernö Dohnányi, Puccini, and
Florence Price. j.d.
TV

17. Watch Archer:

Into the Cold
The animated spy series comes to an end.
FX and FXX, December 17.
For 14 seasons, Adam Reed’s series about super-
spy Sterling Archer dipped into neo-noir and sci-
Test your pop culture knowledge and everyday
fi and gave an emotional send-off to cast member wit with the New York Crossword, now online.
Jessica Walter, who died in 2021. Can spies ever
do good? This three-episode finale event ponders
m .com/crossword
that question with H. Jon Benjamin, Aisha Tyler,
Judy Greer, Chris Parnell, Amber Nash, Lucky
Yates, and Reed himself voicing their characters
for the last time. r.h.

d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 109
 SOUNDS OF
THE SEASON

Erotic
Craig Jenkins selects live music shows for
Home for every kind of holiday reveler.

the HolIdays! Holiday Cheer Fordham University’s FUV

for FUV, is a light in local radio. The
Give the Gift of Great Sex with Liberator love loungers, positioning Shapes,¨
waterproof throws, and more. Beacon Theatre, lineup for the independent
December 6. operation’s benefit is
stacked, including roots
rockers the Gaslight
Anthem, Grace Potter,
Iron & Wine, and doo-
wop and R&B revivalists
Thee Sacred Souls.

Big Freedia’s Louisiana bounce-music

Christmas icon Big Freedia’s joyful
in Central show offers a lively holiday
City Tour, twerk sesh. Also along
Brooklyn Bowl, for the sleigh ride are
December 8. New Orleans singer
Anjelika “Jelly” Joseph
and Australian dance-pop
trio Haiku Hands.

Mariah Carey: The queen of vocals and

Merry yuletide cheer rouses from
Christmas her slumber to beckon
One and All! the masses to the warmth
MSG, December and wonder of the holidays
9 and 17. at this joyous revival of
Aria Convertible Chaise
Carey’s pre-pandemic
winter concert residency.
Scan to shop www.liberator.com
Madonna: The Although not explicitly tied
Celebration to the holidays, Madge’s
Tour tour commemorating
Barclays Center, the 40th anniversary
ga me s December 13, of her 1983 self-titled
Reinforce Your Brand 14, and 16. debut is reason to
R I D G E T A G S C O D E S P J S celebrate. Expect an
A W I L L S E T O N H U R R Y R O I abundance of hits,
V I S A I M P R O V I S A T I O N O K S covers, remixes, outfits,
E N D S R A M P P A R T B C A P E S
and iconoclasm.
A S W I R L L E G O A L L E G O R Y

The Babs Puzzle S L I C E S I G O R E I D E R

C A N A L I M A C H E P T A T A P ART
M Y N A M E A R C A V I S L A V I S H N E S S R E T I N A

18. See Karla Knight

L I N E S E T S O R T A S A R O N G
I M O N I T P A R
E N G O H H T E A K S R E N E E
S C O N C E P I E I K E A L I K E A B I L I T Y Magic carpets of signs and symbols.
A U D R A D E R I V I S H T R I
C A N I E L M S Andrew Edlin Gallery, 212 Bowery; through
T R O O P S M A T E D O D E M E I N
S E E A T E I T M I N N I E U B E R E X U B E R A N C E December 22.
S S N E C R U S P I T Y A R N I E
S A L E If any artist knows the secret language of aliens
A G I T A C O V E I N K I N D
I S B A R B R A N I K E M O N I K E R S R I N S E S
and seems able to channel them via intricate semi-
S O D O I N A I L I N A L L T R I T E L M N O R S V P geometric, almost hard-edged painting, it is Karla
F D R O R E O C H O R E O G R A P H E R Knight. Runes and letters spell out something
T R E N D A L S O T I A S H E N K L E T S A G E O D E about modernism via deep blue pigment that
U S A G E L I K E Y E N T O N Y S E G O T O N T A P
sings the music of the spheres. j.s.
The Royal Puzzle The Estate Puzzle MOVIES

T H E C R O W N B O O S T A B E T 19. Go to Women
D O T H E D E
S M A R T E N S U P
E D O R T H O
B A R R Y
L O B O
L O O K
Dressing Women: From
E L I E T S A R A L O E T I T L E Runway to Screen
S L O A L Y K E O G H A N Silver-screen chic.
E T C L B J A M S E T A Metrograph, December 8 through 17.
S O U R L E N S L O C A L T A I L Inspired by the Costume Institute’s exhibition of
P O T A T O S O U P I R A N W O R S E
the same name, this Metrograph series celebrates
the big-screen work done by acclaimed female
L E M O N T R E E V A R Y G R E E N
fashion designers, from the mod outfits Mary
R I N G S I Z E E L F A S S E T Quant created for Claire Bloom’s character in The
Haunting to Leaving Las Vegas, with its costumes
Find new puzzles daily at nymag.com/games. done by no less than Vivienne Westwood. a.w.

110 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
COMEDY
LUCILLE LORTEL AWARD WINNER
20. Watch Local Act
Life as an L.A. stand-up.
Comedy Dynamics, December 12.
Maria Bamford is one of the greatest comedians
of our time, and her book Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult
is a best seller; you must buy this new special
directly from her website or a video purveyor.
Hard to imagine money better spent! k.v.a.
THEATER

21. See Kiki & Herb

A kooky, Christmasy cabaret.
Town Hall, December 7 and 8.
The wild Kiki & Herb (Justin Vivian Bond and
Kenny Mellman) perform their own takes on “ YOU’LL
standards and recent classics while telling absurd “ THE GREATEST
stories from their lives. It’s a holiday tradition to
LAUGH YOUR
PIECE OF THEATER
see them put on a show. j.m. ICEBERG OFF” I HAVE EVER SEEN!”
Dave Quinn
ART people
Kevin Fallon
The Daily Beast

22. See Katherine

Bradford
A show that sings.
Canada, 60 Lispenard St.; through December 22.
The spiritually inflected deep colors and intelli-
gent brushwork of Katherine Bradford illuminate
her large paintings of strange beings and places.
Figures are otherworldly yet embodied with a
deeply human believability and striving. j.s. Nothing on Earth Could Come Between Them.
TV Except Céline Dion.
23. Watch BOOK BY

Under Pressure:
The U.S. Women’s MUSICAL ARRANGEMENTS BY
Nicholas Connell
CHOREOGRAPHED BY
Ellenore Scott
World Cup Team DIRECTED BY
Behind-the-scenes of a tough journey.
Netflix, December 12.
The members of the U.S. women’s soccer team did
not have the kind of World Cup experience they DARYL ROTH THEATRE TELECHARGE.COM
were hoping for in 2023. Still, fans will be inter- 101 EAST 15TH ST, NYC 800-447-7400
ested in this four-episode documentary about
their experience as they try and fail to dominate
once again. j.c.
TITANIQUEMUSICAL.COM
COMEDY

24. Watch Born

on 3rd Base
A coming-of-age tale.
Max, December 21.
Gary Gulman’s comedy is some of the most

Get Lost
reliably thoughtful social commentary in the
stand-up space. k.v.a.
MUSIC Every day,
delivered right
25. Hear The Little
to your inbox.
Match Girl Passion

One Great Story

A choral epic.
Church of the Intercession, December 8, 11, and 12.
David Lang’s quiet fairy tale gets a performance
in the one location sure to heighten its intimacy, sign up now
creepiness, and mournfulness: a church crypt.
A wintry classic about death presented by Death
of Classical. j.d. nymag.com/ogs
d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 | n e w y o r k 111
 ES the new york crossword
M
GA

11Desert land
12 Granny
By Matt Gaffney 13 Joke around
14 School of thought
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
15 Like “das” words in German
19 20 21 22 16 Liquid-measuring tool
17Put on ___ (entertain)
23 24 25 26 18 Rooney or Gretzky
24 Former submariner, say
27 28 29 30 25 Comedian Gillis
26 Firstborn Beatle
31 32 33 34 35
32 Tall tale
36 37 38 39 40
33 Cover a canvas
34 Northanger or Downton
41 42 43 44 45 46 47 35 Concrete strengthener
36 Soup with scallions
48 49 50 51 52 53 54 37 Swim-meet unit
38 Comic Wong
55 56 57 58
39 Cider serving
59 60 61 62 63 64
40 Haggard of country
45 “Right?”
65 66 67 68 69 70 46 Acted sketchily, in a way
47 Emphasize
71 72 73 74 49 Donated
50 “You sure about that?”
75 76 77 78 79 80
51 Sign in a store window
81 82 83 84 85 86 87
52 Walk heavily
53 Morning pastry
88 89 90 91 92 56 Carly Simon’s “___ Got Time
for the Pain”
93 94 95 96 97 98 57 “Next Goal Wins” director
Waititi
99 100 101 102 103
58 Period
104 105 106 107 108 109 110
59 Statements of belief
60 Giant with 511 home runs
111 112 113 114 115 61 It has one cell
66 Word after photo or special
116 117 118 119 67 Hawk or Orlando
68 Go ballistic
120 121 122 123
69 Pharmacist’s option
70 Lack of hassle
The New York Crossword now posts online on Saturday mornings. 72 Move stealthily
73 Spanish for “the river”
Across 51 Bookie’s calculation 99 Body part that “fires” 76 Shakespearean title general
1 NYC-based show now in its 54 It may end 7-5 or 6-0 102 Like ___ to a flame 77 Superman portrayer
49th season; you may recall 55 What people said about 103 Fragrant tree 78 Tech company named for a
some of the cast members Gilda’s Roseanne 104 Nary a soul Scandinavian king
4 Meryl Streep’s trio Roseannadanna? (1975–80) 105 Spanish for “okay” 79 Planet visited by Mork
10 Became accepted as reality 59 Annual Nashville event, briefly 106 Take all of, as bedcovers 80 “Absolutely!”
16 Hound hand 62 Hertz alternative 107 Thought-provoking 85 100 percent
19 “Tic-Tac-Dough” win 63 Lotion component 111 Apologies for trying to 86 Find a job for
20 Arizona county 64 Our, in Arles impersonate Maya? (2000–7) 87 Put (down)
21 Give props to 65 Takes away 116 ___ Plaines (Chicago suburb) 89 ___ large (mostly)
22 “That ___ lie!” 67 Put forth effort 117 Congo River tributary 91 Sty sound
23 Two features of Eddie’s 69 Immortal types 118 ___ Alla Scala (Milan stage) 92 Former M&M’s color
Nativity sketch? (1980–84) 71 Marry in a hurry 119 “Fantasy Island” prop 94 Become available
27 Fey in films 72 Enjoy a Jacuzzi 120 Ron who played Tarzan 95 Classic arcade game
28 Design on your arm, say 73 Swift-tour word 121 They get sauced at dinner 96 Yemeni’s neighbors
29 Delhi diner 74 Pats and Bucs score them 122 Awesome people 97 Portugal’s second-largest city
30 Attach, as a bow 75 Forgets to call John for the 123 Long swimmer 98 Calculate
31 “___ and Niki” (kids’ show) cast-reunion show? (1975–79) 99 Mocking, as a remark
33 Jen on MSNBC 81 Gambling parlor, briefly Down 100 Sing from peaks
34 “Isn’t that true about us?” 82 Trippy shirt design 1 Like cotton balls 101 Like some lousy neighbors
36 Demand that Andy rehearse 83 Colossal 2 “Me neither,” more poshly 105 Word on pennies
“Lazy Sunday” one more 84 Fictional lawyer Goodman 3 Shark’s weapon, in a way 106 Catch word of
time? (2005–12) 88 Guesstimate 4 Acorn-maker 108 Mag for fashionistas
41 Split 50-50 90 ___ Aviv 5 Show extreme contempt for 109 Olympic weapon
42 Theme-park annoyance 91 TomKat kid 6 Nunavut’s nation 110 Nike founder Knight
43 Fall back 92 City near Oklahoma City 7 Bank abbr. 112 Scheduling letters
44 Some are essential 93 Admonishment when a cast 8 Baseball box-score letters 113 It’s more in Mexico
48 Andy’s kid, in 1960s TV member copies Chris’s 9 Brings about, as a state of shock 114 Hive buzzer
49 Fairy-tale creature physical comedy? (1990–95) 10 Uses one’s larynx 115 Advisable behaviors

112 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 The solutions to last issue’s puzzles appear on page 110.

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Across Down
1 Showtime black 20 “Avatar: The Way 1 Hashtag on a post 15 Kiss, in Spanish
comedy chronicling of ___” By Malaika Handa of an old picture 16 Spoken
an HGTV show 21 Female pig 2 ___-haw 17 Sneaker style

address changes to New York Magazine, P.O. Box 37130, Boone, IA, 50037. Canada Post International Publications Mail Product (Canadian Distribution) Sales Agreement No. 40612608. Canada returns to be sent to The Mail Group, P.O. Box 25542, London, ON, N6C 6B2. Subscription rates in the United States and
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possessions: 26 issues, $70. For subscription assistance, write to New York Magazine Subscription Department, P.O. Box 37130, Boone, IA, 50037, or call 800-678-0900. Printed in the U.S.A. Copyright © 2023 by Vox Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction without permission is strictly prohibited. Founding
gone wrong 22 It has a hole 3 Org. that encases 18 “Definitely”

December 4–17, 2023. VOL. 56, NO. 25. New York Magazine (ISSN 0028-7369) is published biweekly by Vox Media, LLC, 85 Broad Street, New York, N.Y., 10004. Periodicals postage paid at New York, N.Y., and additional mailing offices. Editorial and business offices: 212-508-0700. Postmaster: Send
9 “Soon, soon” with a tree with 9 10 Springfield under 20 Materials for
11 Some a branch with a giant dome felters
whistleblowers? a limb with a nest 11 12
in “The Simpsons 22 Short cuts?
13 Period of time with a bird with Movie” 24 “One Kiss” artist
14 “Monsters, ___.” an egg, per an 4 Apply thickly, like Lipa
13 14
15 Bear voiced by Irish folk song foundation 25 “you’re telling me a
Bill Murray in the 23 Pet that doesn’t 5 “In ___” (Nirvana ___ teen built this
15 16 17 18
2016 “The Jungle stay inside album) chapel?”
Book” remake 28 Beverage that 6 Dolla-___ 26 Springfield
18 Rae who beeradvocate.com 19 20 (notoriously cheap resident with a
announced says should be Applebee’s drink) Ph.D. in computer
“I’m rooting for “hop-centric” 21 22 7 Certain volleyball science
everybody Black” 29 Skips pass 27 Card payment
at the 2017 23 24 25 26 27 8 Sign up option
Emmy Awards 10 Present or perfect
19 “Businessman” 28 12 “The Lion King”
Musk who seems character based on
to be addicted to 29 King Claudius
losing money

chairman, Bruce Wasserstein; chief executive officer, Jim Bankoff. New York Magazine is not responsible for the return or loss of unsolicited manuscripts. Any submission of a manuscript must be accompanied by an SASE.
Across Down
1 With 17-Across, 21 Bar seating, often 1 ___ Roach 17 Hawn of “The
former Genesis 24 Paid player By Stella Zawistowski (“Scars” band) First Wives Club”
front man with the 25 “For Whom the 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
2 Pitcher in a still 18 Pro Max device
2023 album “i/o” Bell ___” life 19 Film in which
6 “American ___” 26 Defrost 3 Good skill when Arnold says,
10 11
(Neil Gaiman 27 Extra, extra dry negotiating “If you drop your
novel) 28 Like Tony 4 Stat for Sonny gun now, I promise
12 13
10 Clued in Soprano’s morals Gray I won’t kill you”
11 Solo for Raehann 29 Shankar 5 FashionPass 20 Turns down,
Bryce-Davis 14 15 16 offerings
of the sitar as the volume
12 Butter ___ ice 30 Word before circle 6 Florida footballer 21 Word on a maze
cream or spring 17 18 19 20 7 “Catan” resource 22 Bat-mitzvah
13 Trendy dental 31 “Respectfully I say 8 Annoyingly loud text source
start-up to ___, I’m aware 21 22 23 24 noise 23 Gibson : onion ::
14 Faith Ringgold’s that you’re 9 “Music’s Too ___ martini : ___
specialty cheating” 25 26 Without You” 26 The T in EGOT
15 Path of Eastern 32 Mike who played (Kylie Minogue 28 “S.W.A.T.”
philosophy Linda Richman 27 28 song) actor David
17 See 1-Across 16 Improbably ripped
29 30
features of many
video-game
characters
31 32

Across Down
1 New Disney F***ing World” 1 Aces’ org. 15 “… You get the
film starring 20 Gun, like an engine By Malaika Handa 2 Song that opens, idea”
Ariana DeBose 21 Controversial Best 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 “Stop— 18 ___ Lanka
5 ___ mi (sandwich Picture winner of collaborate and (setting of
topped with 2006 9 10 11 listen” Amanda
cilantro) 23 “Pleeeeease!” 3 Carnitas Jayatissa’s book
9 Org. that coined 25 Like an image of 12 13 accompaniment “You’re Invited”)
the term Alaska on a map of 4 Rebecca and Daryl 20 Costa ___
“student athlete” the United States 14 15 16
5 Pellets in a small (country with
10 Prop for the 27 ___ Lalli Music gun no military)
Wicked Witch (“That Sounds So 6 Space 22 Halle Bailey
17 18 19
of the West Good” author) 7 “Totally fine if you single with the
12 Actress who 29 “The Love ___” can’t!” lyric “If we fall,
20 21 22
starred in (Mike Myers 8 Nelly song that we fall on clouds”
“The Good Place” movie with a 13 instructs the 24 Arts-and-crafts
13 Org. that manages percent Rotten 23 24 25 26 listener to “take off item
Philly’s buses Tomatoes rating) all your clothes” 26 Kevin Smith body-
and trains 30 Early “American 27 28 29 11 Nonprofit that horror movie
14 Desirable plane Idol” judge Paula some have 28 Key that doesn’t
seat 31 Makes a mistake 30 31 compared to the exist on a Mac
16 Like the climate 32 Chuck out temperance
on Arrakis 33 Common 32 33 movement
17 Movie rosters ingredient in
19 “The ___ of the potato soup

114 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3 Find new puzzles daily at nymag.com/games.

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 THE APPROVAL MATRIX Our deliberately oversimplified guide to who falls where on our taste hierarchies.
compiled by dominique pariso and chris stanton

highbr ow

M E T R O C A R D) ; OT T E N H E I M E R P U B L I S H E R S ( K I P L I N G ) ; C A N A L P R OJ E C T S ( L I N ) ; H A R P E R CO L L I N S ( S O) ; N Y LO N ( P R I N T ) , S AV E U R ( P R I N T ) ; FA R R A R , S T R A U S A N D G I R O U X ( W I M A N ) ; M E R R I A M -W E B S T E R ( A U T H E N T I C ) ; T H E W H I T E H O U S E ( B I D E N ) ; T H E C U L I N A RYG E E K / F L I C K R ( D E AT H ) ; M A X ( AG E ) , N E T F L I X ( M AY, P I LG R I M ) ; A P P L E
Mayor Adams is Do not harass our Songs on Endless
spending his time halal-cart guys. Repeat, an emotional,
bothering our rando NYC law now bans

P H OTO G R A P H S : G E T T Y I M AG E S ( H A L A L , C H R I S T I E , T H U G , D E N I R O, C A R E L L , K I M , G R I F F I N , LU DAC R I S, A S S A U LT, CO O P E R , H A L , D R A K E ) ; A N T H O N Y Q U I N TA N O / F L I C K R ( A DA M S ) ; N E E TA L I N D / F L I C K R ( D R U G ) ; S T E V E J U R V E T S O N / F L I C K R ( M U S K ) ; P O P U L A R S C I E N C E ( M AG A Z I N E ) ; S P O R T S I L LU S T R AT E D (A I ) ; M TA ( F,

discrimination incisive collection by the
based on height or late Anthony Veasna So.
weight.
Elon Musk goes to
Israel after endorsing Candice Lin’s
antisemitic frightening replica
conspiracy theory. of a lithium-battery
factory at Canal
Projects.

Trump is ready to and the Gotham

repeal Obamacare Awards for editing his
if elected again. anti-Trump speech.

Steve Carell
announces Broadway
An AI company Popular Science … But Nylon and debut in
generated fake author magazine is no Saveur are back in
pages for terrible more … glorious print.
AI-generated articles
in Sports Illustrated. Zero at the Bone, poet
Christian Wiman’s form-
breaking interrogation
Chris Christie, of existential despair.
humiliation
You knew it: The fetishist, insists

F train has been the
most-delayed
subway in 2023.
T V + ( S COT T ) ; F O C U S F E AT U R E S ( H O L D O V E R S ) ; LU N A PA R K (C YC LO N E ) ; D I S N E Y (C H A R M ) ; I S L A N D R E CO R D S (C H U R C H ) ; S O LO S TO V E ( D O G G ) ; KO WA R S K I / F L I C K R ( H O R S E ) ; T E S L A ( H O O D) ; G O O G L E M A P S ( F O R T )
he’ll stay in the
GOP primary until
his bitter end. Workers at cocktail
bar Death & Co are

Prosecutors in the Trump says he is being Authentic is Merriam-

sarcastic, not senile, Jill Biden’s overly tasteful
Young Thug trial quote Webster’s word of the
des picable

when he calls Obama holiday décor will make you

bri lliant
hysterical racist year, suggesting we’re miss Melania’s menacing
Rudyard Kipling. the current president. feeling a lack. Gesamtkunstwerk.

We wish Disney’s A deadline to file A Williamsburg

100th-anniversary sexual-assault Todd Haynes’s first
Catholic church comedy feature, May
movie wasn’t allegations netted held a Mass of
completely suits against Eric December, actually
Reparation after stars award-winning
charmless. Adams, Diddy, Sabrina Carpenter
Terry Richardson, Riverdale breakout
filmed a mildly Charles Melton.
and others. naughty music “Were you there?”
video there. You don’t have Ridley Scott rides
to hate-watch or dies for his take
The Gilded Age, on Napoleon.
though many do.
Bradley Cooper will
wear increasingly
garish outfits until
he has an Oscar.
It’s seasonal to see
The Holdovers, the
Hall suing Oates Paul Giamatti–led
A carriage horse is the opposite of Christmas movie.
briefly tasted making our dreams
freedom on 12th come true.
Coney Island’s
Avenue before crashing winterized Luna
into four parked cars. segue to (Netflix) Park means you can
movie stardom with ride the Cyclone now.
The Fifth Wheel.

Never trust Snoop Dogg

again; he claimed he was
“done with smoke,” but it was
just some dumb ad campaign.
back on the road with
her My Life on the
PTSD-List tour.

Drake got a tiny face

tattoo that could mean Keep your tongue in for
“poor” or “pathetic” the limited-edition
in Arabic. Red Hook’s beloved Ludacris fulfills destiny, KISS MetroCard.
Fort Defiance, which performs “Move
That angular waited over a year for Bitch” while
Cybertruck hood a liquor license, has descending from the Scott Pilgrim Takes Off
will be the last shuttered. Falcons’ stadium roof. breathes animated life
thing you see. into the source material.
lowbr ow
116 n e w y o r k | d e c e m b e r 4 – 1 7, 2 0 2 3
 EVERYONE LOVES THE
TONY AWARD WINNER
FOR

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WAITING FOR?

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