preyed 1Up aaey o1 ow pow eM sannRlaL Aueut eney no pue “1eo atau B aaey T'smnos Jo an OU WAL Y 3doa9e Ajqissod a,upmod I 3nq ‘esunoD jo snof arepoeadde | ‘ou uysnienc nos, ‘pres ay une “ym, - MOA 01 Jeo stUH aav8 01 BuFOB UH, pue ‘sFUNp aoqu sxeToeudde mo, \ieep sty eours 1 ut uopput Janou oxey 1, Anjos ples aus ud passed ay a1ojeq Apuoys aus 30] 189 1e4 3YBHog puegsny Avy, uuoripuos aun Ur = 3e> preypeg ® sem ‘sy0I9 wo dn poset ‘axou, oBere8 out OL ano uy Your ays “asnoy aun UfinosyA ~ yaw BuImous sayy reareys \youasy & ut Suny s0u0 poy rey souedesp ys pue ‘sBunyjed sJ7UD PUP Spaq YoUery “EUTYO poomapam ‘Is val USTIEUT, Pro ue ‘sjneys Aajsted ~ auinayt|® s9N0 poystiays ur dn peyoid pey oys somnsean mynneag aip 405 uonestuape Austay siy pessordxe oy pue ‘asnoy au noge ~ ¥ aH pamous aus - SoAjasno je af pauue|d 974, oomypTe| UE. 2x242,UPIP o”n FING o%4 a2038q szeaK 10} 3] 3nOge Paweaxp | PLE ueqsny Ay “2aoy ym ng sem asnoy SIU, “sauOUFaUL Japuar {aim Buneiqya 90108 ® ur pres ays ,"esnoy wrea4p ® Sf SIML, sopgowiome s1oyt ur inoge SuippeB off Says uayp pue ‘quounside Teuis ® si quem foup fy ‘sewsoy mpnneaq 40) areo 2,uop shee “MOU SHO} BuNCK ay, ‘Pooifie PEI plo aus ,ayBw ax.n04, -suowdue sosnoy ping 1,uop fain “mouy nox “Auiooy.IINq (jaan “TyAAESG ‘PIES Oy "UF WlOg sem | osnoy aYp Jo au spURLUOL 21, «mg sem 312804 otp Ajesypoud st veUp, ‘pandas aus ’sa, aumbur ay .i3|,useas ‘9681 InOge ING sem asnoy SIL, ‘amuspe Apsouoy pinoo ay TeUta 285 01 asroy ap punore payoo! ay og “Ape| Aapye aus LM Bupyen eouotiadxo opymuniom ousos ure pom oy aySnoys 2 “uoneroaidde Jo sojdiound oy paydde ay moy uo Ajjeuorssaxdid GOL ALLNY.LS2N 00 BOHN 57}.1024 D0 GL, MOH tbaads e aniB o1 pey uoos oy aouis "soapejar soBlumos aup Jo awios 15H 00 s[asroy Aq yo poysms udxA pus S104 Jo JUNE Pjo Ue JeYp 01 UY Yo] OUS “SoAMEfa! sei Jo aWIOS ¥SIA OD ap SIy pueis| Bu07 01 ax0up ~ Ws “asin09 ip BulUlof aye ApIOYS: (pouonuows owreu sty axey oF 0u srayeud ay soaneror ly 0 asnevaq) Aousone anouDeUUOD e Jo ase aM ayer §.197 sunser aiqenreuras unm saydiouud asaun paydde axey sasmoo uno Aus ut ofdoad ssoutsng soy nod 101 01 Buo8 ure 1 edaom sjaBue ayp oyeur syntoneay uBly aiojoq syoin onseruey yons seid ° /Aijioyne ‘ue pnord ‘ueur a1 nd axeedsoyeys sy ‘pruen 9400 pue rMusMM yo MOUS e Aq SOB tn dh Jaisjoq wwauroxatyoe Yo Buyoay ® soy uonRonsn! 3629] a4 Jo wed onowred ous puy yea Ut “Seq su0s ur soredns ‘fu st yoous | uous {200g :pres uosioUrg TeYM Jaquiowiog ‘yox00uNs 1 astuBooe4 pur “eoueodust soup ssyeas-nod rey Aes spans wos uy aster waYp 16} 2} suuB= tn 01 em ans e pue ‘Aem aut0s Ul nos o1 roads saxjaswoND [p9} aus nod ajdood ou ye ssowye YeUN st ypNn paysTuseALM ayL swresrodusy Ayenbe st eoey F yuepmas yoke rey, ow pupwar oy puE {228 04 [fe 40} woossse|D yp Jo rO¥ ap UY suey Us; SUNWISOdWL TYW NOA, Spear yorum UBis e epeut sa reRroy sao ows djoy OL “qurEHOduH, Fee 02 an1sp | deap ano ~ so80] 19A0u THM | Uosso] © aur ayBnes SITIO cpur|AoY “ay ‘nod yueys, ‘aojon annisod @ uj pres pue safe anig ifiag pew ow 3e payoos oy “s2ITe1 soYDUE oma A}BUNUIDS fep reyi seep Jo mo payrem spyD sy ‘sake Aur oF Suwsoo orem sivey asnevaq aujod Ye 3 aaeO] 02 PENT ‘0 33817 FIOM BMW GL SAYA X16 GOL110 x WAYS 10 1s PEOPLE LIKE vou “Relatives!” she exclaimed. “Yes, | have relatives who are just 1g tll I die so they can ger that car. But they are not going to “if you don’t want to give it to them, you can very easily sell it to a secondhand dealer,’ he told her. he cried. ‘Do you think I would think | could stand (0 see strangers riding up and down the street in that car ~ that car that my husband bought for me? I wouldn’ dream of selling it. I'm going to give it to you. You appreciate beautiful things.” He tried to get out of accepting the car, but he couldn't ‘without hurting her feelings, This lady, left all alone in a big house with her paisley shawls, her French antiques, and her memories, was starving for le recognition, She had once been young and beautiful and sought after. She had once built a house warm with ove and had collected things from all over Europe to make it beautiful. Now, in the isolated loneliness of old age, she craved a little human’ warm le genuine appreciation - and no one gave it to her And when she found it, ike a spring in the desert, her graticudé” couldn't adequately express itself with anything fess than the gift of her cherished Packard Let's take another case: Donald M. McMahon, who was superintendent of Lewis and Valentine, nurserymen and land- scape architects in Rye, New York, related this incident: ‘Shortly after attended the talk on “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” | was landscaping the estate of a famous attorney. The owner came out to give me a few instructions about where he wished to plant a mass of rhodedendrons and azaleas: ‘T said, “Judge, you have a lovely hobby. I've been admiring your beautiful dogs. I understand you win a lot of blue ribbons every year at the show in Madison Square Garden.” is car? Do you HOW 10 nie PEOPLE LIKE vou RISTANTLY 111 ‘The effect of this little expression of appreciation was striking, “"Yes,” the judge replied, “I do have a lot of fun with my ‘dogs. Would you like to see my kennel?” ‘He spent almost an hour showing me his dogs and the prizes they had won. He even brought out their pedigrees and ‘xplained about the bloodlines responsible for such beauty and intelligence. ‘Finally, turning to me, he asked: “Do you have any small fen?” @ puppy?” the judge inquired. ‘Oh, yes, he'd be tickled pink.” fe him one," the judge announced, ‘He started to tell me how to feed the puppy. Then he Paused. “You'll forget it | tell you, I'll write it out.” So the judge went in the house, typed out the pedigree and feeding tructions, and gave me a puppy worth several hundred dollars and one hour and fifteen minutes of his valuable time largely because Thad expressed my honest admiration for his hobby and -achievements." George Eastman, of Kodak fame, invented the transparent film teat made motion pictures possible, amassed a fortune of a hundred million dotlars, and made himself one of the most famous business men on earth, Yet in spite ofall these tremendous accom- blishments, he craved litle recognitions even as you and L * To illustrate; When Eastman was building the Eastman School of Music and also Kilbourn Hall In Rochester, James Adamson, then president of the Superior Seating Company of New York, wanted to get the order to supply the theatre chairs for these buildings. Phoning the architect, Mr. Adamson made an appointment to see Mr. Zastman in Rochester.ay SireyD 2 LosuepY Pomoys UeUsISeR “any "YOUR 19 | MOA MOYS 1] pu Bus YA} YOUNG aaey ue awoy Aus 3 dn ewog ry AY esieYp Bunuyed op wep {:qof Jo 30s ze4ym 998 0% anf nos pinomy ‘sosAur SuTeYD o¥p perured pue ed autos 2yfinoq pue Aep sayi0 a1p umoumMop 2u9M | OS ‘abTed 9u1 pajead uns aun na “Ysiod une Aus uj wro\ and pue ‘autioy wou ayBnouq ‘sureys autos 1ufinog 1 uedel Ut seis. aU 38k] au, "Pres pure UOsWHEpY O} pauum ueUITSeA 81080 *éjeuls ‘Bupyyes jyps arom Aoyp, uy “possed sunoy om uown ‘passed pey mnoy ue mq ‘seanuILU ang ‘wetp aio aye) Jou yer 94 JEU poLeM Uaaq peY pure WoAyTUM 1 so}yJo s,eunseg o1u} paroysn us9q peY uOsUTepY sourel upians @ 7e sano omrfusnes 10] sono siy ut Surdaoqs pue Bunjuom sat “Bupyiom azom sjearurayp aya aque sdeu youq Arwo Bupyes “uj le powuowiedxs sawnawos pue ‘Aep ye e0yjo ue uy payyom. 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They weren't worth more than a few dollars, but George Eastman, now a multimilionatte, was proud ‘of them because he himself had painted chem. The order for the seats amounted to $90,000, Who do you suppose got the order - James Adamson of one of his com- petitors? From the time of this story until Mr. Eastman’s death, he and James Adamson were close friends, Claude Marais, a restaurant owner in Rouen, France, used this principle and saved his restaurant the loss of a Key employee. ‘This woman had been in his employ for five years and was a vital link between M. Marais and his staff of twenty-one people. He was stiocked to receive a registered letter from her advising him of her resignation. M. Marais reported: ‘I was very surprised and, even more, disappointed, because I was under the impression that had been fair to her and receptive to her needs, Inasmuch as she was @ friend as well as an employee, | probably had taken her too much for granted and maybe was even more demanding of her than of other employees. “I could not, of course, accept this resignation without some explanation. | took her aside and said, “Paulette, you must under stand that I cannot accept your resignation, You mean a great deal to me and to this company, and you are as important to the success of this restaurant as I arn.” I repeated this in front of the entire staff, and I invited her to my home and reiterated my confidence in her with my family present, “Paulette withdrew her resignation, and today I can rely-on her as never before. | frequently reinforce this by expressing my appreciation for what she does and showing her how important she is to me and to the restaurant." “Talk to people about themselves,” said Disraeli, one of the HOW 10 uke PEOPLE LIKE vou INSTANTLY 115 shrewdest men who ever ruled the British impire, “Tal about themselves and they wi rs See ten for hours." o PRINCIPLE 6 Make the other person fee! important ~ and do It sincerely. «shyexeouls 4 op pue ~ ueyodu 199} uosed sey OM OnE 9 aidloniud “sysa10{u} 8,uosied 401 san yp 30 swu9y UW) HIEL Nid ‘sanjoswoun jnoge y1e) 0} sieyto BBesnoouy “seuarsy] Pood Beg 31d1ONIUd ‘efenGue] Aue uj punos queyoduy sou pue yseoons ayy wosiod ye) 0} 5] oweu s,uosiod & Jeyy JoquoWioY © a1d1oNtud ONDINIHL 310 z atone AVM UNDA “dod soo w pss Kounusb onooes OL 7 Id 0 7 d ! | aratontud NOA ANI F1dO3d INV OL SAVM XIS NIM OL MOH TIAHSLON V NI som ued soeYOu CAN’T WIN ‘AN ARGUMENT SHORTLY AFTER THE close of World War I, I learned an invaluable lesson one night in London. | was manager atthe time for Sir Ross Smith. During the war, Sir Ross had been the Australian ace out in Palestine; and shortly after peace was declared, he astonished the world by flying halfway around it in thirty days. No such feat hhad ever been attempted before. It created a tremendous Sensation. The Australian government awarded him fifty thousand dollars; the King of England knighted him; and, for a while, he was the most talked-about man under the Union Jaci. | ‘was attending a banquet one night given in Sir Ross's honour; and during the dinner, the man sitting next to me told a humorous “Story which hinged on the quotation “There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough-hew them how we ‘The raconteur mentioned that the quotation was from the Bible. He was wrong. I knew that. I knew it positively. There couldn't be the stightest doubt about It. And so, to get a feeling of ‘importance and display my superiority, { appointed myself as an Unsolicited and unwelcome committee of one to correct him, He Stuck to his guns. What? From Shakespeare? Impossiblet Absurdt ‘That quotation was from the Bible. And he knew it The storyteller was sitting on my tight; and Frank 119120 how WIN PEOPLE v0 YOUR WAY oF THINKING ‘YOU CAN'T ws ARGUMENT 121 Gammond, an old friend of mine, was seated at my left. Me | Gammond had devoted years to the study of Shakespeare. So:te storyteller and I agreed td submit the question to Mr. Gammon Mr. Gammond listened, kicked me under the table, and then said ‘Dale, you are wrong, The gentleman is right. It is from the Bible On our way home that night, | said to Mr. Gammond: ‘Frank you knew chat quotation was from Shakespeare.” “Yes, of coutse,’ he replied, “Hamlet, Act Five, Scene Two, But we were guests at aj festive occasion, my dear Dale. Why Prove toa man he is wrohg? Is that going to make him like yo ‘Why not let him save his face? He didn’t ask for your opinion. He avold the acute | never forget | not only had made the \storyteller uncomfortable, but had pl my friend in an embarrassing situation. How much better it would have been had | not become argumentative, It was a sorely needed lesson because I had been an invet erate arguer. During my youth, | had argued with my brother ‘bout everything under the Milky Way. When I went to college, | studied logic and argumentation and went in for debating con (ests. Talk about heing frorh Missouri, I was born there. I had to be shown, Later, I taught debating and argumentation In New York: and once, lam ashamed to, admit, | planned to write a book on the Subject. Since then, I have listened to, engaged in, and watched the effect of thousands of arguments. As a result of have come to the conclusion tat there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument ~ and that is to avol as you would avoid raitlesnakes and earthquakes, Nine times out of teri, an argument ends with each of the Contestants more firmly cohvinced than ever that he is absolutely ‘you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes ‘and prove that he is non compos mentis, Then what? Yo = fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph, And ~ A man convinced against his will 18 of the same opinion sti ‘Yeats ago Patrick J. O'Haire joined one of my classes. He had had litle education, and how he loved a scrap! He had once been a chauffeur, and he came to me because he had been trying, without much success, to sell trucks, A little questioning brought out the fact that he was continually scrapping with and anta- gonising the very people he was trying to do business with. If a prospect said anything derogatory about the trucks he was selling, Pat saw red and was right at the customer's throat. Pat won a lot, of arguments in those days. As he said to me afterward, ‘I often walked out of an office saying: “I told that bird something,” Sure Lhad told him something, but { hadin’t sold him anything. My first problem was not to teach Patrick J. O’Haire to talk. My immediate task was to train him to refrain from talking and avoid verbal fights Mr. O'Haire became one of the star salesmen for the White Motor Company in New York, How did he do it? Here is his story in his own words: ‘If | walk into a buyer’s office now and he says: “What? A White truck? They're no good! I wouldn’t take one if you 0 me. I'm going to buy the Whose «ruck,” J say, “The is a good truck. If you buy the Whose-t, you'll never, ‘make a mistake. The Whose-its are made by a fine company and ‘sold by good people.” “He is speechless then. There is no room for an argument, If ‘You can’t win an argument, You can’t because if you lose itey 94 spney saop 19) Wom sty noge auin Buoy bea 18 40 paye pues poure “neyo siy ul dn Peuerysrens so1adsuy SUL . TEM, i RRS | pion Avena aueaus | 1p TL sinc 5 Buk 2H a9F 8 peu T YsIM souinowtes 1 “aauauodes a For tie SOK BuEIeB a7 noA sH06q wow oBpermouy fa 388 ©) peY aA,t ing yresdw uo! 2XE} e JO Apmis & apews aa, 1°® I aye E2beimbes auf suoisnep agp pue zveodua hqeos ur Ya Uosuedwioo ur Jaieur Aned Azan & sy Sil asoddns 1, ‘pres . Uonwrooidde wy ani pur (Delans oun aBuey ‘wuowndie prone 01 papiap 1 og uncon HOggMSs aso aun ‘pongie am FeBuo] ayy. SIDE] aaM os a 215 7 4s “7 SPM Uosvay, ‘sse]> ay 07 Alors ayn pjor 98 Se pies suosieg IN -Wogaris put aueS0.e ‘pjoo sem acroedeul sry, ea, pag ee 2118, soredsu on pouois joke Aut gap pg eau Bho 41 "PetoI00 oq taney poi ty lop puesnowp auyu sta 2% nt Pou oti IN “RES Wee satop putsnoM ate eee Joroadsur xe) wwounwiono8 e 4M Noy Ue 203 BunjBueI pue Bu = : uN ind iP Noe ey aueasuoo xe ousoout We ‘suse yotopong ew Uoea pinom E2b ANAND Ny 1 v2 NOK to ttc Buoum aio nos st se olny se asnf oq Aiqeqoad jm nos ‘peuieouod 5) purus s,ioyioue BulBueyo se sey se ing auawinBse Jnok. uj Buoe pads nok se ‘2484 peep “wyBU oq Aew nog Buoam asa ay 3 se peop se Isnf soy mE ‘Buore pads oy se Sufix peop “TyB]s seas aH = Sem 30 248 stu Bi oun. “el useqiay 40 Apoq atp son 9191 oxeBBop ueayiuBis Jo iq sma paruud suo sduosun4r uoIsog au ‘spog sary wopjes ue MOA dIIVA pooB s.uosiod w 10 Asor9In yeowreayA “oRuapeoe ue ‘eney reyres nok pinom yoy ylesInOK 40j ano 4 uNBy os “THM poof sausuoddo snof 108 sonou 11M nod asneoaq Gow. Aaduio ve eq ve a ag isownewos Ar0D!n e ‘naqyse eur nof ‘soIpenuos pue apyuer pue onfise nox 31 ‘Aes 0} pasn UllyUetd USE PIO asim SV esKed ay mou mys vinous Aus dooy 1 BumBie pue Burddezos uy oy Aus yo sxead x50} 1 Suyadue 188 02 319 JON Sem | MOY JapUOM | MOU yoeG YOO! | SV, sonpoad s,rosntaduuoo Aus uo srosuary pjos ay ezou au ‘pane oy asous otp pue ‘11 Jo snoaey ur pene soadsord Aus a10ut ayy "1 ysureBe pane | a10ui ayy pue ‘a-asoum axp asureBe BumMBue ue} pmom | “aiue0 pue pai pue r9[7e9s 99s au pews axey Inors ouo 3815 sty oH] YrRUIEL e Lay owIA E sem BsOYL, ‘yorua aura ota Jo sturod poo au mnoge yer 07 ulfiaq ue a:-esoym Jo alans ot yo 298 uaYD ony “wry YIM BUjoouBE WL uoYra .159q otp sa}, ‘BuIMes uoowroye ye uO daay 3,Ue 8H ‘dois 07 sey ay ‘st auns Aes | pue 2saq st aF-asoyM aIp Shes 94 WIN oxH08 Zp ‘SNDINIHL20 AUS UNDA O12,124 vow To WIN EGPLE Te YOUR|WAY oF THINKING Budidiha said: “Hatred Is hever ended by hatred but by love," and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoi Lincoln once reprimanded a young army officer for indulging in a violent controversy with an associate. ‘No man who is resolved to make the most of himself, said Lincol ime for personal contention. consequences, including the vitiation of his temper and the loss of self-control. Yield larger things to which you show no more than equal rights; and yield lesser ones though clearly your own. Better ive your path to a dog than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite.” In an article in Bits and Pieces, some suggestions are made on how (o keep a disagreement from becoming an argument “can spare less can he afford to take the. Welcome the disagreement. Remember the slogan, ‘When ‘ovo partners always agrée, one of them is not necessary’ If there is some point you haven't thought about, be thankful if itis brought to your attention, Pertaps this disagreement 4s your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious mistake, : Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your best. Control your temper. Remeraber, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry. * Bits and Pieces, published by The Economics Press, Paifeld, NJ. YOU CAN'T wo AN! ARGUMENT 125 Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk. Let them finish, Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to bulld bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding, Look for areas of agreement. When you have heard your ‘opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you agree Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say s0. Apologize for your mistakes. help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness. Promise to think over your opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be righ: fot easier at this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: We tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.” Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the sare things you are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your opponents into friends Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day ot the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear. In pre- paration for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions: Could my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position or argument? 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If arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start Itis dificult, under ever| the most benign conditions, o change people's minds. So why make it harder? Why handicap yourself? If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know It, Do it so subtly, so adroitly, chat no one wi doing it, This was expressed succinctly by Alexander Pope: you a thing or two and make you Men An st be taught as jf you taught them not ings unknown proposed as things Forgot. Over three hundred years ago Galileo said: You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself. [As Lord Chesterfield sald to his son’ Be wiser than other people if you can; but do not cell them so, Socrates said repeatedly to his followers in Athens: (One thing only 1 know, and that is that 1 know nothing Lean't hope to be any smarter than Socrates, so Ihave gut ig people they are wrohg. And Ira person makes a slatement that you think is wrong ~ yes, ven that you know is wrong ~ ian’ it better to begin by saying feel that you are | ASURE WAY oF, ENEMIES — 80 wow ro AViD IT 129 ‘Well, now, look. | thought otherwise b frequently am. And if 1 am wrong, I want to be put right. Let's exam facts.” ‘There's magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: ‘I may be wrong, | frequently am, Let's examine the facts.” Nobody in the heavens above or on the earth beneath or in the waters under the earth will ever object to yout saying: ‘I may be wrong, Let's examine the facts.” One of our class members who used this approach in dealing with customers was Harold Reinke, a Dodge dealer in \gs, Montana. He reported that because of the pressures of the automobile business, he was often hard-boiled and callous, when dealing with customers’ complaints, This caused flared tempers, loss of business and general unpleasantness, He told his class: “Recognising that this was getting me nowhere fast, I tried a new tack. I would say something like this: “Our dealership has made so many mistakes that f am frequently ashamed. We may have erred in your case. Tell me about “This approach becomes quite disarming, and by the time the customer releases his feelings, he is usually much more reasonable when it comes to settling the matter. In fact, several customers have thanked me for having such an understanding attitude, And two of them have even brought in friends to buy ew cars. In this highly competitive market, we need more of this, type of customer, and I believe that showing respect for all customers’ opinions and treating them diplomatically and courteously will help beat the competition.” You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent (0 be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. 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When the bill arfived, I was dismayed. A few days later, a fiend dropped in and looked at the draperies, The price was rhentioned, and she exclaimed with a note of triumph: ‘What? That's awful. 'am afraid he put one over on you : ‘True? Yes, she had told the truth, but few people like to to truths that reflect on thett judgement. So, being human, {0 defend myself. 1 pointeti out that the best is eventually the cheapest, that one can't ones to get quality and artistic taste at bargain-basement prices, and so on and on. ‘The next day another friend dropped in, admired the draperies, bubbled over with enthusiasm, and expressed a wish that she could afford such exquisite creations for het hore, My reaction was totally different. ‘Well, to tell the truth,’ I said, ‘I can't, afford them myself. [ paid to much. I'm sorry I ordered them.’ ‘When. we are wrong, we may admit it to ourselves. And if wwe are handled gently and/tactfully, we may admit it to others and even take pride in our frankness and broad-mindedness. But not if someone else is tryingito ram the unpalatable fact down out esophagus. Horace Greeley, the most famous editor in America during the time of the Civil War, disagteed violently with Lincoln's policies. He believed that he could drive Lincoln into agreeing shin bya campaign of argument cule and abuse He | ‘waged this bitter campaign rhonth after month, year after year, in * Adapted from 1960), pp. 180 Rogers, OniBecoming @ Peon (Bost SURE WAY oF fh ENEMIES ~ Aisi) wow vo AVOID IT 133 fact, he wrote a brutal, bitter, sarcastic and personal attack on President Lincoln the night Booth shot him But did all this bitterness make Lincoln agree with Greeley? Not at all. Ridicule and abuse never do. If you want some excellent suggestions about dealing with people and managing yourself and improving your personality, read Benjamin Franklin's autobiography ~ one of the most fasct nating life'stories ever written, one of the classics of American literature. Ben Franklin tells how he conquered the iniquitous habit of argument and transformed himself into one of the most able, suave and diplomatic men in American history, ‘One day, when Ben Franklin was a blundering youth, an old ‘Quaker friend took him aside and lashed hin with a few stinging truths, something itke this: Ben, you are impossible. Your opinions have @ slap in them for everyone who differs with you. They have become s0 offensive that nobody cares for them, Your friends find they enjoy themselves better when you are not around. You know so much that no man can tell you “anything, Indeed, no man is going to try, for the effort ‘would lead only to discomfort and hard work. So you are not likely ever to know any more than you do now, which is very litte, (One of the finest things 1 know about Ben Franklin is the way he accepted that smarting rebuke. He was big enough and wise enough to realise that it was true, to sense that he was headed for failure and social disaster. So he made a right-aboutface. He began immediately to change his insolent, opinionated ways. 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NIM cha EL1136, ow To WIN PEUPLE To YOUR) oF THINKING self-dignlty and making yolrself an unwelcome part of any discussion.” Lot's take another example ~ and remember these cases 1 am citing afe typical of the|experiences of thousands of other people. R.V. Crowley was a balesman for a lumber company in New York. Crowley admittedithat he had been telling hard-boiled jumber inspectors for yeats that they were wrong. And he had. won the arguments too. But it hadn't done any good. ‘For these lumber inspectors,’ said Mr. Crowley, ‘are like baseball umpires. ‘Once they make a decision, they never change Mr. Cfowley saw that’his firm was losing thousands of dollars through the arguments he won. So while taking my. course, he resolved (0 change tactics and abandon arguments. With what, results? Here is the story as he told it to the fellow members of his class “One morning the phone rang in my office. A hot and. bothered person at the other end proceeded to inform me that a car of lumber we had shipped into his plant was entirely unsatisfactory. His firm had stopped unloading and requested that we make immediate arrangements to remove the stock from their yard. After about one-fourth of the car had been unloaded, their lumber inspector reported that the lumber was running 55 percent below grade. Under! the circumstances, they refused to accept it. immediately started for his plant and on the way turned over in my mind the best way to handle the situation. Ordinarily. under such circumstances, | should have quoted grading rules and. tried, as a result of my own experience and knowledge as @ lumber inspector, to convince the other inspector that the lumber. was actually up to grade, ahd thet he was misinterpreting the rules in his inspection. However, | thought 1 would apply the principles learned in ASURE WAY ENEMIES AND now ro Av0i0 IT 137 “When 1 arrived at the plant, I found the purchasing agent and the lumber inspector in a wicked humour, both set for an argument and a fight. We walked out to the car that was being unloaded, and | requested that they continue to unload so that 1 could see how things were going, I asked the inspector to go right ahead and lay out the rejects, as he had been doing, and to put the good pieces in another “After watching him for a while it began to dawn on me that his inspection actually was much too strict and that he was ‘misinterpreting the rules. This particular lumber was white pine, and I knew the inspector was thoroughly schooled in hard woods ‘but not a competent, experienced inspector on white pine. White pine happened to be my own strong suit, but did { offer any objection to the way he was grading the lumber? None whatever. 1 kept on watching and gradually began to ask questions as to why certain pieces were not satisfactory. I didn’t for one instant insinuate that the inspector was wrong. I emphasised that my only reason for asking was in order that we could give his firm exactly what they wanted in future shipments. "By asking questions in a very friendly, cooperative spirit, and insisting continually that they were right in laying out boards not satisfactory to theit purpose, I got him warmed up, and the strained relations between us began to thaw and melt away. An occasfonal carefully put remark on my part gave birth to the idea in his mind that possibly some of these rejected pieces were actually within the ‘rade that they had bought, and that their requirements demanded amore expensive grade. I was very careful, however, not to let him think 1 was making an issue of this point. ‘Gradually his whole attitude changed. He finally admitted to ime that he was not experienced on white pine and began to ask me questions about each piece as it came out of the cat. 1 would explain why such a piece came within the grade specified, bute sGuosm a1,no,, ‘Kes JOAN “Sud}UIdo s,uOssed JayjO a4 105 Joedsa1 mous z a1aIONIYd + ‘Aaewiojdip amyl B asp) “dn pasins wow 108 2.uop ‘Buoum are Aauy wiatp yo} 14uoq “Aresiaape anof 40 asnods GEL AI OiGAY aL Now RW ~ SAINANA D vi 30 AAR ANS ¥ sno J0 Jouoisno anod yum anBse a,uop ‘sp1om 19420 UL sufod sno upeB nok aie , Bung 242 portesunod ,‘sHewioldip ag, “Aepor papoou ‘Ajau0s 5] eu: aa{ape - sorApE paaiys autos uos sty aneB 1dABa 30 loupiy Bun “Uiog sem ist a:ojaq suRek QOZ'z PUY «Appmb: Auesienpe ounn wits oarBy, :pres snsof ‘oBe saved puesnouy omy vendeyo sit ut mou Sunyakue Buyjeanas ou wre | “hem aun Ae, ‘au Jo uoturdo sty 10) yse 20u pap oY ‘uy Jo Uoyy}do Aut poyse auopiseid ay ing, ‘907 jes9ue9 pandas ,'saq, ,znod uBjjeus 01 Ayumoddo ou sassiui oye sanuuaUD isozomIq snok 430 U0 S| AiuBly os yeads nok woym Jo ueUr oY wey MoU OU res oY ,[es0Us0, ‘poystuoise sem eouepuaNe UI Ja9],0 Jeyjouy “puRWWOD siy JapliN JeoTJO UteUaD e mage susie) Bul -moff 1s0u! aup UT ‘sie UossoYaf “AoeLapazuoD oy) Jo Uepisesd ‘aun 01 ayods souo aa7 -g aqoy [eiouan ‘Kem sels © UL sumo Aur £q 104 ~ sajdoutd umo siayp £q aydood ‘inf 1, ‘perides Suni “aq oo1yo yor BunjuerasoyBiy s,uoneu otp usin ‘souref oiddeyo, jaruec resousp ao1og ary jo seujwupe ue 8g pinoo ay ‘isyized e se “Moy payse sem Buly somNT UREN, y ‘ONDINIHL +9 AVAN MMOA 01272032 NIM GLMON BELiF YOU'RE WRONG, ADMIT WITHIN A MINUTE'S walk of dny house there was a wild stretch of virgin timber, where the blackberry thickets foamned white the springtime, where the squirrels nested and reared their young, and the horsel weeds geew as tall as a Horse's head, This unspoiled woodlehd was called Forest Park — and it was a forest, probably not much different in appearance from what it was when Columbus discovered America. 1 frequently walked in this et wi Boston bulldog. He was a friendly, harmless little hound; and since we rarely met anyone in che park, I took Rex along without a leash or a muzzle, ‘One day we encountered a mounted policeman in the park, @ policeman itching to show his authority. “What do you mean by lrg tat dog run lose inthe park without a muzzle and leash?! he reprimanded me. ‘Don’t you know it’s against the law?" “Yes, I know itis,’ replied softy, ‘but I didn’t think he would do any harm out here. “You didn’t think! You didn't think! The law doesn't give a Linker's damn about what you think. That dog might kill a squirrel ‘or bite a child. Now, I'm going to let you off this time: but if catch M0 | when nobody is around, YOU'RE y onic T 10 this dog out here again without a muzzle and a leash, you'll have to the judge.” I meekly promised to obey. And I did obey ~ for a few times. But Rex didn’t like the ther did 1; so we decided to take a chance muzale, and n Everything was lovely for a while, and then we struck a snag. Rex and | raced over the brow of a hill one afternoon and there, suddenly ~ to my dismay ~ [ saw the majesty of the law, astride a bay horse. Rex was out in front, heading straight for the officer | was in for it. I knew it. So I didn’t wait until the policeman started talking. I beat him to it. I said: ‘Officer, you've caught me red-handed. I'm guilty. I have no alibis, no excuses. You warned me last week that if | brought the dog out here again without a muzzle you would fine me.” “Well, now,” the policeman responded in a soft tone. “i know a temptation to let a little dog like that have a run out here jon,’ I replied, ‘but itis against the law.” that isn’t going to harm anybody,’ the “Sure it’s a tem “Well, alittle dog man remonstrated, ‘No, but he may kill squirrels,” I said. tell you what you do, You just let him run over the ll there where I can’t see him — and we'll forget all about, That policeman, being human, wanted a feeling of importance; so when I began to condemn myself, the only way he could nourish his self-esteem was to take the magnanimous tude of showing mercy. But suppose I had tried to defend myself ~ well, did you ever argue with a policeman? 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In order to do have to obtain his supervisor's approval. ‘And this’ 1 knew; Teported Harvey, ‘would result in a boss-type explosion. While tying to decide how to hanidle this situation better, { realised that the whole mess was my fault and | would have to admit it ta my boss. ‘Twalked into his office, told him that | had made a mistake and then informed him of the complete facts, He replied in an explosive manner that It was the fault of the personnel depart ment. | repeated that it wag my fault, He exploded again about cafelessness in the accounting department. Again I explained it ‘was my fault. He blamed two other people in the office. But each time I relterated it was my faut Finally, he looked at me and said; “Okay, it was your fault. Ndw straighten it out.” The error was Corrected and nobody got info trouble. | felt great because I was able to handle a tense situation and had the courage not to seek allbis. My boss has had. moré respect for me ever since." ‘Any fool can try to defénd his or her mistakes ~ and most fools do ~ but It raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exxultation to admit one's mistakes. For example, one of the most beautiful things that history records about Robert E. Lee Is the way he blamed himself and ‘only himself for che’ fallure of Pickew’s charge at Gettysburg Ficket’s charge was undoubtedly the, most brilliant and Picturesque attack that ever occurred in the Western world. General George E. Pickett hintself was picturesque. He wore his halr so long thar his auburn locks almost touched his shoulders; and lke Napoleon in is itaah campaigns, he wrote ardent eve Harvey explained, he would | rank pressing rank, with banners flying and bayonets gleaming in the sun, It was a gallant sight, Daring. Magnificent. A murmur of ‘admiration ran through the Union lines as they beheld Picket’s troops swept forward at an easy orchard and cornfield, across a meadow and over a ravi ime, the enemy's cannon was tearing ghastly holes in their ranks, But on they pressed, grim, irresistible. ‘Suddenly the Union infantry rose from behind the stone wall ‘on Cemetery Ridge where they had been hiding and fired volley after volley into Pickett’s onrushing troops. The crest of the hill was a sheet of flame, a slaughterhouse, a blazing voleano. in a few minutes, all of Pickett’s brigade commanders except one were down, and four-fifths of his five thousand men had fallen. General Lewis A. Armistead, leading the troops in the final plunge, ran forward, vaulted over the stone wall, and, waving his, ‘cap on the top of his sword, shouted: ‘Give ‘em the steel, boyst ‘They did. They leaped over the wall, bayoneted their ‘enemies, smashed skulls with clubbed muskets, and planted the battleflags of the South on Cemetery Ridge. The banners waved there only for a moment. But that moment, brief as it was, recorded the high-water mark of the comes cage bln, hele ~ wes neve he beginning of the end, Lee had failed. He could not penerrate the North, And he knew it ‘The South was doomed. Lee was so saddened, so shocked, that he sent in his tesignation and asked Jefferson Davis, the president of the Confederacy, to appoint ‘a younger and abler man.” If Lee had wanted to blame the disastrous failure of Pickett's charge on someone else, he could have found a score of alibis. 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