Diary Extracts For the first ten years that | was at Ramanasramam (1928-38) Bhagavan made a point of keeping me busy all the time. If he ever saw that I had nothing to do he would usually think up new jobs for me, just to keep me occupied. Because of this I had very little leisure during this period. When 1 moved to Palakottu the situation was reversed: | had no work to do, except for my household chores, and almost unlimited free time. I decided to use this free time to meditate, to study the books that Bhagavan had prescribed for me, and to begin compiling a diary which would contain accounts of what Bhagavan had said or done. I began the diary in the second half of 1938 and made regular entries for about a year. Several of the stories in the preceding chapters were originally written in this diary in 1938 or 1939. Some of the other entries found their way into Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi (Talks 530-32 and 534-61). Since that still left many interesting dialogues unpublished, 1 decided to include most of the remainder of the entries in this chapter. The questions and answers given below do not purport to be a systematic account of Bhagavan’s teachings. Rather, they are a fairly representative sample of the types of dialogue that took place in the old hall in the late 1930s. 1 The following questions were asked by an aristocratic-looking American lady. Bhagavan’s answers are a succinct summary of his practical teachings. Question: What is the truth that I have to attain? Please explain it and show it to me. Bhagavan: What we have to attain and what ts desired by everyone is endless happiness. Although we seek to attain it in varicus ways, it is not something to be sought or attained as a newDiary Extracts 221 experience. Our real nature is the ‘I’ feeling which is always experienced by everyone. It is within us and nowhere else. Although we are always experiencing it, our minds are wandering, always seeking it, thinking in ignorance that it is something apart from us. This is like a person saying with his own tongue that he has no tongue. Question: If this is so, why did so many sddhands [spiritual practices} come to be created? Bhagavan: The sadhands came to be formed only to get rid of the thought that it [the Self] is something to be newly attained. The root of the illusion is the thought which ignores the Self and which thinks instead, ‘I am this body’. After this thought rises it expands in a moment into several thousand thoughts and conceals the Self. The reality of the Self will only shine if all these thoughts are removed. Afterwards, what remains is only Brahmananda [the bliss of Brahman). Question: I am now sitting peacefully without the thought ‘I am this body’. Is this the state of reality? Bhagavan: This state must remain as it is without any change. If it changes after a while you will know that other thoughts have not gone. Question: What is the way to get rid of other thoughts? Bhagavan: They can only be removed through the powerful effect of the enquiry, “To whom have these thoughts come?” The next day more doubts occurred to the American lady. She approached Bhagavan again and started to ask more questions. Question: What is the way to see God? Bhagavan: Where to see God? First, can you see yourself? If you can see yourself you can see God. Can anyone see his own eyes? Because they cannot be seen. can one say, ‘I have no eyes’? Just like this, though seeing is always there, we cannot see God. To give up the thought that we are alien to God is to see God. The first and foremost wonder in this world is the thought, ‘I am different from God’. There is no greater wonder than this. There is a story in Chandégya Upanishad which explains this. A man who was sleeping soundly in his house began to dream. In222 Living by the Words of Bhagavan the dream somebody came and put some drug in his nose and then, after blindfolding his eyes and tying his hands, left him in the middle of a forest and went away. Without knowing the path to get back home, he wandered for a long time among the thorns and stones of the forest. Eventually he began to cry. A déva [spirit being] appeared and asked, ‘Why are you crying? Who are you? Why did you come here?’ The blindfolded man gave the particulars of his name, village and so on. ‘Then he said, ‘Someone came and deluded me with drugs, blindfolded my eyes, tied my hands, left me in the middle of the forest and went away.” The déva freed him from his ties, showed him a path and told him, ‘If you follow this path you will reach your village’. The man followed the instructions, reached his village and entered his own house. At that moment he woke up from his dream. He looked at the door and saw that it was locked from the inside. He realised that he had spent the whole night lying on his bed and that he had never been to a forest or returned from there. He understood that the cause of all his suffering was his avichdra buddhi [his lack of discerning enquiry]. The idea that we are separate from God and the idea that we have to undergo some arduous sddhand to reach Him are as false as the ideas that this man had in his dream. While he was lying comfortably in bed his imagination led him to believe that he was suffering in a forest and that he had to make a great effort to get back to bed again. One attains God and one remains in the state of Self when the thought of wanting to attain stops. 2 The following questions were put by Maurice Frydman: Question: Sri Bhagavan has written [Ulladu Narpadu Anu- bandham, verse 38] that one should not show advaita in one’s activities. Why so? All are one. Why differentiate? __-—~ Bhagavan: Would you like to sit on the seat that I am sitting on? Question: I don’t mind sitting there. But if I came and sat thereDiary Extracts 223 the sarvadhikari and the other people here would hit me and chase me away. Bhagavan: Yes, nobody would allow you to sit here. If you saw someone molesting a woman would you let him go, thinking, ‘All is one’? There is a scriptural story about this. Some people once gathered together to test whether it is true, as said in the Bhagavad Gita, that a jnani sees everythirig as one. They took a brahmin, an untouchable, a cow, an elephant, and a dog to the court of King Janaka, who was a jndni. When all had arrived King Janaka sent the brahmin to the place of brahmins, the cow to its shed, the elephant to the place allotted to elephants, the dog to its kennel and the untouchable person to the place where the other un- touchables lived. He then ordered his servants to take care of his guests and feed them all appropriate food. The people asked, ‘Why did you separate them individually? Is not everything one and the same for you?’ “Yes, all are one,’ replied Janaka, ‘but self-satisfaction varies according to the nature of the individual. Will a man eat the straw eaten by the cow? Will the cow enjoy the food that a man eats? One should only give what satisfies each individual person or animal.’ Although the same man may play the role of all the characters in a play, his acts will be determined by the role that he is playing at each moment. In the role of a king he will sit on the throne and tule. If the same person takes on the role of a servant, he will carry the sandals of his master and follow him. His real Self is neither increased nor decreased while he plays these roles. The jndni never forgets that he himself has played all these roles in the past. 3 Question: Bhagavan, I have read much of the Védas and the sdstras but no Atma jnana [Self-knowledge] has come to me. Why is this? Bhagavan: Awna jnana will come to you only if it is there in the sdstras [scriptures]. If you see the sdstras, sdstra jnana [knowledge of the scriptures] will come. If you see the Self, Self-knowledge will shine. Question: How to see the Self?