First experience with ayahuasca.

What follows is an experience I had and I'm reporting here so I can remember as many details as
possible of what I lived. If someone else is reading this account, please read it with respect and an open
mind.

Thanks to my parents, I had contact with multiple religions since I was a child: Catholicism, Spiritism
according to Kardec, and Candomblé. The ex-husband of a paternal aunt was a "pai de santo" (a priest in
Candomblé) and I remember going to his house, which was a "terreiro" (a temple) too and spending the
day there. Currently, I have been frequenting an Umbanda temple.

Today, I am aware of how beneficial this journey between these worlds was. It made me create more
empathy, not only with other religions but also with other human and non-human beings. I have the
feeling that religions are just different ways of telling the same story.

Just like in school, where we have that chemistry teacher who explains the subject in a way that half of
the class understands, and the other half does not. But when we hear about the same subject from
another teacher or colleague, but in a different way, with another language, we finally understand.

For me, religions are just different languages for the same search of human beings to understand
themselves in the world, universe, and/or plane in which they live.

Regardless of religion, it is natural for human beings to seek understanding of the environment in which
we live. My search with ayahuasca was to try to understand more about who I am. To seek my
connection with the world I live in and the impact I have on the lives of the people close to me. To seek
God within myself.

Arriving at Espaço Nova Vida, it was explained that there, there is not only one religion, one language.
But several portals, different paths for what we seek.

I already felt more comfortable from there.

The team makes the people who are there feel at ease and do not need to limit themselves to the
dogmas and rules imposed by a religion. There, it is allowed that you be you. That your experience be
yours.

In about 30 minutes, there was an explanation of how the process works and preparation, leaving us
with complete confidence in the environment and people who were there.

And so it began.

I consecrated the first cup of medicine. Earthy and very bitter taste. And as instructed, I lay comfortably
on my mat to close my eyes and, if possible, meditate. It would be a great option, but as I don't have
that practice, I held onto keeping my eyes closed and thinking about why I was there. I used a technique
that a friend taught me to find my third eye. Focusing on a point between the eyes, in the middle of the
forehead. It started working from there.

I chose the Shamanic theme. I have always connected well with this theme, more connected to nature
and the elements. I have always been told that I am the son of Oxóssi, the King of the forests. This may
have an influence on my connection.
With this theme, indigenous music is used and I ended up being immersed in this world of forest and
village.

But something very subtle.

But nothing too much.

I felt a strong urge to go to the bathroom to pee. And so, I got up slowly and went.

When I returned to my mat, it was time for the consecration with the second cup of medicine.

The taste was more bitter this time

I returned to the mat and lay down with my eyes closed.

The scenery was complete this time. The world was already different compared to before.

I saw the image of a caboclo in the middle of the forest, with one knee on the ground, as if ready to run
the 100m dash. But he remained there.

Then I felt a strong urge to yawn, but for some reason I held back. And I stayed there, watching what
this caboclo was going to do. Nothing.

He was just facing away from me, as if waiting for me to run with him.

Then the urge to yawn was so great that I yawned.

A light that varied in shades of purple filled my vision completely while I yawned. When I stopped,
brightness... a lot of brightness.

Even with my eyes closed, they could hardly handle the light of the place I was in.

Then I saw, lean but strong, a black man of medium height, wearing only a white sack pants and with his
right hand in a sheath with his knife on his waist.

Something made me admire this man. I knew he wouldn't harm me. But he was on alert.

But the light was strong. Very strong.

So strong that my physical body covered my eyes with the inside of my elbow and then BAM, darkness.

Dark forest with a starry sky.

Not an intimidating darkness, on the contrary. An inviting, comfortable darkness.

Now I was lying in the forest, admiring a starry sky. A perfect night. There I was, contemplating the stars.

And from the dark forest, to my right, a gray wolf appeared.

A wolf with long legs and a thin, strong body.

I sat up.
His imposing face came towards mine. We stared at each other, not in a threatening way, but in an
excited way. Like an old friend, looking at you without words and you know what's about to happen, and
that made me very excited for it to happen soon.

I was sucked into the image of the wolf and now I saw the world through his eyes. The night was no
longer so dark and I could move quickly. And in this wonderful experience, the inevitable yawn came
again.

Purple lights again.

A place with a desert climate, with a cloudless sky, but with a bit of dust, the sun at its peak like at noon.
In this reddish-orange climate, I was lying face down on the dry but soft ground. Without time to
assimilate where I was, a medium-sized, brown-yellow and very fast snake passed by me and, just like
with the wolf, I was sucked into its image. I only had time to see what it looked like.

We launched ourselves through the desert and passed through almost dry bushes. Its fast eyes scanned
the ground and sky. And then, with a strong wind blowing up dust from the ground and this time,
without the purple light, I was carried away by an owl.

Like the other animals, I saw through its eyes. Very different eyes from what the snake had.

Calm and secure eyes. From up there, I saw ancient Egypt, with typical people and images from that
time and region. I saw everything from above. Sometimes flapping my wings, sometimes just gliding.

Late afternoon weather. A reddish sky and night coming in the background. I could see that from up
there.

From up there, like the Bifrost bridge, a multicolored light pulls me into the cosmos.

...

...

Everything that followed was so fast and new in my vision that I don't have the full ability to explain it in
words. But...

I was taken through space and lived in various other forms of life. Floating beings that practice
something like photosynthesis to live. Shapeless beings that appeared to be lifeless.

I was energy that flowed through the cosmos and was a pulsating geometric shape.

There, I had certainty of life. A different life. A life felt and not just lived. Everything lives.

I laughed with pure joy. Being able to see all of this and feel the whole, filled me with a joy that I hadn't
felt in a long time, if ever.

Until I saw myself, as something difficult to explain, something like a large tardigrade in a place
illuminated by the sun. It was warm and inviting in the sun.

I lay down at the foot of a mountain and stayed there. With my eyes closed and feeling the warmth of
the sun warming me in an almost maternal way.
...

That's when one of the guardians who were taking care of my physical body informed me that the
medicine door of Rapé was open and asked if I wanted to enter.

Still in a state of comfort and joy in experiencing a cosmic experience, I nodded my head in a positive
sign. After all, I was there to surrender to the experience and at the same time grow in knowledge.

I was lying down and he instructed me to sit. So I did. He instructed me to breathe through my mouth
and hold my breath while he blew the rapé. I focused on my breathing.

First on the left nostril. I supported the conical cylinder and waited. The blow was gentle and brief. It's
hard to explain what happened next. But as I was still in the cosmic experience, it was as if something
shook me. My physical body was calling me.

When I supported the cylinder on the right nostril and he blew, it was as if the planet earth called me
back.

I returned to Earth abruptly. It was the first shock I felt during the experience.

When I returned, I saw myself again in the dark forest scenario. But something was different. There was
no longer the same darkness as before. There was a simple fire, not too big.

I saw myself as an Indian. An old Indian with the weight of life on his shoulders. He was sitting. Looking
at the fire with a certain sorrow.

I stayed there, sitting and looking at the fire, but I was looking inside the fire. As if there was something
inside that needed to be seen. And that's where, just like I went into the animals at the beginning of the
experience, I was sucked into the fire.

This was the heaviest part of the whole process.

The word was CHAOS.

An earthy red scenario with many lost images and many loud and disconnected noises. Chaos. I couldn't
focus on anything.

That's when I started to see like in a tunnel, where I could focus on the center and the sides outside the
focus were still formed by those chaotic images.

Lots of noise. Lots of images. A lot of discomfort.

The old Indian told me - Remember who you are, go back to your center - and so I did.

In my physical body, I straightened my posture, seeking physical, psychological, and spiritual balance.
And then finally, that chaos tunnel was gone. But what remained was the heaviest experience I felt.

Blood. Lots of blood.

Blood that I felt I had caused.

Except for a brown chicken, everything was soil and blood. Including me. The blood was on my hands. I
could feel the warmth of the viscous liquid. I felt a deep disgust for where I was at that moment.
I felt that I needed to clean myself of it. That's when the uncontrollable urge to vomit came.

I grabbed the bucket next to me in the physical plane and purified myself there.

Before we began the consecration of ayahuasca, we were told that the body often needs to purify itself
in various ways. Whether by number 1, number 2, vomit, and spit.

Meanwhile, in the force I was in, I was also vomiting. As if the urge came from the tips of my toes to my
mouth.

Blood.

My vomit was pure blood.

I could smell the rusty and rotten smell of what was coming out of me.

Now I was soaked in this liquid. Bathed. It was on my face, beard, and all over my body.

I felt like nothing else would come out and I left the bucket next to me again.

Now I couldn't see anything else. I just watched how filthy I was. I needed to clean myself. And so I did.

Passing my hands where it was dirty. It was as if my hands could really take all that liquid out of me.

I squeezed my beard and it dripped. It ran through my fingers. But I cleaned it.

So I did all over my body, passing my hands where there was still blood. My body was a mixture of some
human bodies. As if I had already been those people who were cleaning themselves.

When I cleaned myself, I felt extremely light. Relieved. I returned to the body of the old Indian.

I was fine. I was light.

It was daytime in the forest.

I let go of my body in relief and lay down. So I stayed for a while, with my eyes closed. When I opened
them, I saw myself being part of a huge tree.

I was hanging upside down by my feet. I was a seed of that tree. I was stuck there. Waiting to fall.

But nothing happened.

I stayed there. Admiring the tree and the nature around it. Some time passed while I contemplated
everything around me. Until I felt the urge to open my physical eyes, I opened them, saw the white
ceiling of the space where I was and thus ended my experience.

I stayed like that, looking at the ceiling for a long time, returning to my earthly consciousness.
Assimilating everything I had just experienced there.

I was amazed by everything. All the places I've been. All the feelings I could feel. Everything was within
me.

I lived all that.

Not in my physical body. But I lived that.

It's difficult to understand that my experience, my universe, is not only what my body lives. My dreams,
delusions, travels and feelings. All of this is experience.

I am alive. For years. For ages.

We live, even in different states of matter. We have been alive since the beginning of time. We are part
of the whole. Always have been.

We only play different roles over time. Our journey is long.

Even for those who don't believe in other lives and energies, they believe in matter. In physics.

Even in physics, matter changes. It fulfills a cycle that never ends. Always changing.

It takes on different meanings. Fulfills different functions.

Today my function is one. Tomorrow, it may be another.

But we always seek evolution. An evolution that will lead us back to the unity of the whole.

God.