Chapter one

My name is Mariah, this is how it's written, but pronounced

Mahr-iah. However, they usually pronounce it wrong.
I was born on Lusca Island, a large area surrounded by the pale
blue ocean, during the day, the sky reflects the beauty of its
color in every atom of the ocean's water, becoming like
sparkling, compact pieces of crystal, and in the night, it turns to
dimness if it were not for the moonlight and the stars that fill the
sky like astral jewels dancing to the rhythm of the night
symphony, which reflects some subtle light on its surface. The
stunning views on this island make it an elixir rejuvenating
weary souls. However, only the residents of this island know the
suffering of living there, it is like hell for them. You may
wonder, what makes paradise feel like hell? This paradise
embraces in its lands gangs, sects, and cults that have their own
beliefs and traditions that they want to impose on everyone,
which makes it very difficult for the population to integrate with
each other. Also, the living requirements are difficult to provide,
which is why the poverty rate is high in this society.
This is my last year learning at high school. I do not know if I
am supposed to be happy because finally, I will start studying at
my dream university, or I should feel wretched because I will
never be able to enter that place. I always dreamed of studying
biochemistry at Rutherford University and I wasted every
minute in my life to be eligible for it, but every time I look at the
numbers of the fees, these dreams turn into a harsh truth that I
must accept. However, these wishes are not impossible anymore
after a new hope gate opened to me. My school provided a
comprehensive scholarship for the first time as a prize that goes
to the student who gets the highest mark in an examination
administered by the school itself. Everybody says that I am
exaggerating, but this is seriously a matter of life or death for
me.

1
My parents believe that I am one of god's favorites, since I was
born with a unique and extraordinary talent, it is actually a
medical condition which is called Eidetic memory or
photographic memory that gives me the ability to recall an
image from my memory with high precision after seeing it only
once. For me, sometimes it's a real grace and sometimes it's a
curse.

***
''Mom, I'm leaving'', I yelled.
''Okey honey, don't miss out your lunch", my mom said that with
desperate tone knowing well that I'm going to miss it like every
day and go to the library instead.
My school has a unique system, classes don't start at morning,
but afternoon, and end at 20:00 pm so we take eight lessons
daily. While we don't have any classes at Friday and Saturday.

***
The school bell chaos the hallways as the first class started.
''Students, please welcome our new classmate, it's her first day
at this school so I want you to make sure you treat her well'',
Mrs. Hannah said with her raucous voice like strings of a badly
toned violin. She continued, ''Introduce yourself to the class
please''.
''Hello everybody, my name is Sarah, nice to meet you''. She
said that while trying to escape from Mrs. Hannah's hand that
wrapped around her shoulder, she seemed to hate physical
touch.

2
''Sarah, take a seat next to that girl in there'', Mrs. Hannah
commanded Sarah while pointing at me.
Sarah was approaching while all eyes on her, she was so
stunning with that cherry red wavy hair and charming features.
Her face needs a whole poem to describe it. Amber eyes that
looked like a clear autumn sky, lifted to add some sharpness to
her features. A nose with a perfect subtle curve and luscious
cupid lips that took some of her hair color. Her body is slender
with an hourglass figure. Her beauty was literally divine.
Anyway, she sat next to me without saying a word.
While Mrs. Hannah was teaching, everybody was focused with
her unless Sarah that was literally in another world.
Maybe she's shy or anxious, I said to myself.
Cut my train of thought, Sarah asking, ''what's your name?"
''Mariah, my name is Mariah'', I said that while trying to write
notes at lightning speed. Mrs. Hannah was explaining like she is
in a competition against Eminem.
''Beautiful name, Mariah'', Sarah praised.
''Thanks Sarah''.

***
At the lunch break, while everybody was heading to the
backyard, where the cafeteria exists, I was taking the opposite
direction to the library.
It was empty, I was there alone eating my books instead of the
lunch like crazy.
''This is your last chance Mariah, you should win no matter how,
you can''. I was motivating myself with these words even though
they were giving me extra anxiety instead.

3
''Are you nuts?''. This voice isn't strange, I raised my head and
she is Sarah standing with her hands on her waist, staring at me
as if she is seeing one of the seven wonders of the world.
''Do you always skip your lunch to read these silly things?'' she
added.
'' Silly things? You barely have no idea what is going on so you
better shut up and leave'', I yelled at her and unintentionally put
all my nerves on her.
Moments until I realized that I overreacted. '' I'm sorry I didn't
mean that, this really provoked me''.
''Nevermind, I apologize as well, I was a little bit rude''. She
continued, ''But, for real, like why you taking this so seriously?
It is just high school''.
At that moment I knew that she had no idea about the prize, so I
told her everything.
''Wow, my old school never did this'', Sarah said. A second of
silence occupied the place before she continued, ''By the way, I
heard something about you, I don't know if it's a good or a bad
thing for you. Someone told me that you are the nerd of the class
and you eat the books instead of your lunch like a geek, that was
so funny to hear, I thought it was a lie until I saw it myself''.
''Rachel, isn't she?'' I asked her even though I knew the answer
very well.
In amazement, she asked, '' How did you know that?".
I answered, ''She is the only one that creates fake rumors about
me, this girl hates me for no reason''.
'' Actually, I didn't like her, she is very arrogant'', Sarah claimed.
'' Well, she is the daughter of a well-known businessman that
donates yearly for this school and always supports it
financially''. I said.

4
School day went like every day. I gathered my things and left to
the bus station with Sarah.
In the bus, you can see many faces, every face has a story
behind it's emotions. One of them had fatigue etched into his
features, so he only fell asleep inadvertently. the other is eagerly
engaged in messaging someone, and another one is immersed in
his deep sea of thoughts, and Sarah, again, in another world.
I wanted to break this silence, so I spoke first to the absent-
minded Sarah. ''Sarah, you already knew a lot about me and I
only know your name, it's even just your first name, tell me
more about yourself''.
'' What do you want to know? tell me'' she asked.
'' I don't know, anything, like why did you leave your old
school?" I asked curiously.
'' I moved out to a new apartment recently, so I wanted to move
to a closer school, and this was the closest one'', she answered.
'' Wow, you live in an apartment with your fami….''.
''Alone, I don't have a family, they are dead''. She interrupted my
speech with this answer that was somewhat shocking to me.
'' Oh my god, I'm so sorry''. I continued, '' Don't you feel afraid
or lonely sometimes?''.
'' At the beginning, I felt that way, but I have adapted to it now.
You will experience this feeling soon''. I felt confused about
what she said. Did she mean that my parents would die soon?
Why would she give such a bad omen like this? I asked myself.
''Don't panic. I mean, you will start your academic studies soon,
so you will have to live in a dorm alone''. I felt relieved after she
said those words and also realized how dump I was.
'' Which university will you enter?'' I asked.

5
'' University? I'm not planning to enter any. Girl, I can hardly
afford a living. Do you want me to go to university as well? She
sighed and continued, ''People like me have no right to dream.
They were created to be miserable. I'm not Rachel, wake up''.
''I understand how you feel, we're in the same boat, but like my
mom always says, there's always a chance. Why don't you take
the test, may you win the prize''. I said.
She did not show any reaction other than that smile, which
reflected all the signs of despair on her face.
''Anyway, this is the stop I'm getting off at, see you tomorrow''.
She said that while waving her hand and getting off the bus.

***
It's the weekend already. The days go by quickly. Only a week
remains until the day that will determine my fate comes. In fact,
I'm not worried that I won't succeed. I studied hard like no one
has ever done before. I prayed so much, but none of this will
stand in the face of a predetermined fate, and I'm afraid that my
fate had chosen a path opposite to what I wanted.
'' Do you have any plans today?", Sarah asked me while walking
to the bus station.
'' Yes, I plan to continue studying''. I answered.
'' Do you call this a plan?", she said that sarcastically and added,
'' why don't come to my apartment to hangout, it's the weekend,
all the friends are going out together ''.
Did she think we are friends already? After only two days of
meeting each other? I asked myself.
'' I'm sorry Sarah, I really have to study more, next week, I
promise ''. I answered her.
'' No, you will come today. Please Mariah, you can study
tomorrow and you have already studied enough ''.
6
I didn't understand why she was so persistent, but maybe she
was feeling lonely and finally found someone to spend time
with, so because of her insistence, I agreed.
When I asked my parents to go to her, they were surprised. ''
Hangout with a friend? A friend? I thought you didn't have one''
my dad said.
'' Me too, you never talked about her. anyway, I am glad that you
have one, and yes you can go. Leave these books for a day''. My
mom added.
My parents have never refused anything I asked for, but to be
honest, I wished they would refuse at that moment.
She sent me the location and surprisingly, she lives so close to
my house. The neighborhood she lived in was full of luxury
apartments with luxury cars lined up everywhere so that only
people from the upper class lived there. This surprised me, as it
was quite the opposite of what Sarah had portrayed her
economic situation. It was not as surprising to me as when I
entered her apartment.
High-end apartment with porcelain flooring, high ceiling, high-
quality finishing, huge chandelier hanging on the ceiling carved
with luxurious patterns at the entrance with shiny crystal pieces
hanging on it, many huge windows, and a small bar arranged
with the finest types of wine and beer. Her apartment was on the
53rd floor, so I will not describe how beautiful the view was
from the balcony there, I will let your imagination take care of
that.
''It's called screaming eagle'', Sarah said to me after I was staring
at one of the wine bottles. ''Beautiful, isn't she? She is my
favorite". Sarah carried it and flirted with it as if it was a
charming woman.
She asked, ''Do you want some? It is one of the finest types of
wine''.

7
''No thanks, I don't drink''. I answered.
We sat on the balcony. It overlooked a large part of the island.
The view was truly wonderful. Sarah brought a bottle of beer
and poured her first glass.
She was wearing a white, sleeveless dress embroidered with
blue roses. It was short above the knee, short enough to reveal
the tattoo engraved on her right thigh. It was a strange symbol
that I saw for the first time as if it was a letter of alphabet
belongs to a specific language.
'' I liked your tattoo, what does it mean?", I didn't like it at all
but I just wanted to know, curiously, what does it mean.
'' Really? Do you know Japanese?'' she asked.
'' No''. I answered.
'' It's pronounced sei-jit-su and means sincerity'' Sarah
explained.
'' Sincerity? for what or who?" I felt that I was a little bit rude so
I immediately added, '' Actually, you don't have to answer,
excuse my curiosity''.

Vague features have appeared on her face that I could not read,
but they definitely reflect bad feelings. She brought a pack of
cigarettes from the kitchen, pulled a cigarette, lit it, then
followed it with a second cup of beer. This girl destroys her
young body, I wondered, what had passed her through her life
making her so desperate? What made an 18-year-old look like a
single mother who can't afford a living for her children? I didn't
think much until I found the answer effortlessly.
''Three years ago, I got this tattooed with my parents, I always
liked Japanese and that's why I chose it to be in Japanese, me,
my mom and my dad have the same tattoo at the same place.
When we got it tattooed, we promised each other to be loyal to
8
each other forever, loyal to our memories, our love and our trust
even after we die. I was young at that time, and it was illegal to
get tattooed, but a family friend did it for us as a favor''.
That made me look at a red bracelet in my left hand that me, my
mother and my father wear as a token of love. my dad brought it
when I was ten. It is a common tradition we have on this island
for all family members to have something symbolic in common
with them believing that this increases their closeness and keeps
bad luck away from them. I wanted to share Sarah that I have
something similar as well but she continued,'' I didn't know that
they would really die so quickly, and that this tattoo is what will
remain with me''. She took a deep breath and continued, ''I came
from a wealthy family. I was 'the spoiled brat' to my parents.
They did everything for me. My mother was my best friend, my
sister, and my everything. My father, my hero, was wise, smart
and aware about everything but blindly trusted his younger
brother. He loved him so much that he would do anything for
him. One day my uncle proposed an investment deal with my
father, he had to pay a huge sum to make that deal. My dad was
not convinced of it at first and considered it as a serious risk. His
brother somehow convinced him, but that deal didn't work. My
father drowned in debts. We had to sell literally everything, even
our house. We then lived in a small apartment with a kitchen,
bathroom, and two bedrooms. Unfortunately, my father fell into
the grip of some rich people who did not know what mercy is.
They did not care about a family, a man, a woman, or a child.
Their only concern was paying off the debts twice as much as
you borrowed...or...or they would do exactly as they did to us.''
'' continue… what did they do?''
I ordered her while curiosity almost exploded inside me. I
wanted to know what was the fate of her family and what
changed her life from her parents’ spoiled child to a miserable,
lonely girl.

9
She poured the third glass of beer and continued, '' Four months
after I got this tattoo, I still remember that night. I got back
home after a hard day at school, opened the door and said, “I’m
back.” Neither my mother nor my father answered me. I thought
they had gone to the market, or maybe they had gone out to get
some air. Or maybe they went to visit some friends. I thought
about everything except the truth, the truth that did not
disappear from my mind for a single minute, the truth that
destroyed everything beautiful. I heard a groaning sound from
the basement, and because I was alone in the house as I thought,
I felt terrified and did not dare to go and check its source. I
thought it was one of the ghosts like the ones that appear in
horror movies, and I did not know that the thing in the basement
was more terrifying than just a ghost. I waited for too long, but
my parents did not come back. I was so tired that I fell asleep
unintentionally. I woke up early the next morning to go to
school, expecting to see my mother preparing breakfast and my
father sitting at the table waiting for it to be ready. But the
kitchen was empty, and even the whole house was empty. A
strong, stinking smell filled the house. I did not pay attention to
it because I thought that some of the food had just spoiled. I
started to feel worried, so I decided to call my mother. The
sound of her phone was far away. I walked around the whole
house looking for it but did not find it. actually, not the whole
house. The basement is left. I approached the basement door,
and every time I went closer, the sound of the phone became
louder, the smell became stronger, my body temperature rose,
and my heartbeat increased. I don't know if that fear was
because I thought there was a ghost inside or because the fact
that my mother's phone was there. I gathered my courage,
grabbed the door handle while shaking, and opened the door.
My heartbeat stopped for a moment and I did not gather my
strength, so I fell to the ground from the horror of what I saw, it
was horrible. I screamed a lot and felt that no sound came out of
my mouth. It was like a lake of blood. The smell of a
10
decomposing corpse filled the place. My father was lying on the
ground. I would have thought he had fainted if there wasn't a
long red line on his neck. His body was clean despite the
ugliness of what happened to him. As for my mother, she was
stabbed many times, like my age number at that time, fifteen.
there was a third body, completely mutilated, without a head,
and this was the last thing I saw before I fell unconscious. After
several months of living with nightmares every night and being
treated from the trauma, I began to adapt slowly, but I am no
longer the old Sarah, the cheerful girl, the ''spoiled brat''.
'' Since I had become an orphan. I went to an orphanage until I
turned eighteen. One of my father’s close friends is the manager
of this building. He gave this apartment to me as a form of
loyalty to my father, for free, I think he's trying to keep me
pampered like before, but he doesn't know that I'm nothing
without my parents''.
Sarah had been trying to hold back her tears since the beginning,
and it appeared from her voice trembling and sparkling eyes, but
she was unable to hold them back for long after she became
drunk, so she burst into tears like a baby. She made me cry with
her, I hugged her until she fell asleep between my hands, I took
her to her room and left quietly. I couldn't sleep that night and
kept thinking about her all night, how small our worries are
compared to the worries of others.

***
On a cold morning, not cold outside, but cold inside my
shivering body, it is the day that will determine my fate, the day
of the exam. My feelings merged to create a new feeling, just
like a painter combines his colors to produce a new different
color. A bad feeling despite the positivity and hope inside me.
One hour left until the exam starts, I sat outside to get some air.
The weather was fresh, and I sat praying with my eyes closed,
wishing for success. As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw
11
someone waving from afar, running towards me. This crazy girl,
her actions are always unexpected, just like her truth.
''Good morning my friend, I came to give you some
encouragement by staring at my beautiful face'', Sarah said this
with her hand under her chin, looking up while blinking her
charming eyes, just like the beauties of the nineties. '' Tell me,
how do you feel?'' she asked.
''I feel full of optimism. I have great hope that I will succeed.
For the first time, I find myself fully prepared for an exam, but
there is a strange and bad feeling that comes over me''. I
answered.
''It's just a delusion, don't let it control you. you have studied a
lot and worked hard for this moment. I believe in you, I trust
you, and I am confident in your abilities. You can do it, my dear,
do not worry''. She said that encouraging me. I didn't know that I
actually needed those words, she was the first one to tell me
that. Does she believe in me? That is great. Her words warmed
the cold inside me until I felt settled.
Sarah insisted on waiting for me outside until I finish the exam.
I entered the hall. The air was stuffy despite the opened
windows, unlike the air outside. Is this because it is an exam hall
or because of those yellow faces? I looked at the surrounding
faces. Each of these people had a chance of winning. Each of
these people had big dreams built on the columns of their hopes
in passing this exam. I wished I could make everyone in the hall
win this prize, except for one person. I did not know why she
was there. She does not need money; she is the one who gives
money. She's Rachel.
I have always believed that rich people, despite the money and
wealth they own, remain incomplete. Although their money fills
all their needs, they have a huge void inside them that money
cannot fill. Therefore, they are always selfish and try to steal the

12
opportunities of those who are lower than them, as they think. I
think my belief in this thing is now confirmed.
The timer started counting, the papers turned over, pens were
held between trembling and sweaty hands, the exam began.
Everyone was busy with solving the exam. Some of them found
it difficult and gave up, so they ended up the exam early. Some
of them wasted the exam time by crying instead of trying. A few
of them relied on cheating among each other, and two of them
were calmly solving the exam, me and Rachel. I don't know why
she is taking this seriously. Is she challenging me? However, I
will not let her beat me. I don't like to be arrogant, but I am the
smartest in the class. I am stronger than her, educationally, so
she does not pose a problem for me.
Four hours passed as if it were four minutes. The exam is over. I
feel very dizzy, but I am happy, very happy.
'' How was it?'', Sarah asked eagerly.
'' It was very good Sarah, I'm very happy''. I asked while seeing
two Sarahs in front of me.
'' Now you can rest '', Sarah said.
'' Rest? No sleeping this night. The results are tomorrow ''. I said
and followed it with a desperate sigh.
However, I went back home, took my dinner after a fresh
shower and went to sleep.

***
Morning came, laying on the bed, scrolling once on social
media and twice on mail waiting for one specific message.
Friday, august 3rd, 16:06pm, rain is pouring, wind is blowing,
my room is spinning, sky is falling, my blood is running and my
heart skipped a beat…it started to beat again with more
noticeable beats than ever, but time stopped.
13
'' Hello, Mariah Wilson, you took the scholarship qualification
exam on the date of agust,2nd. We regret to inform you that you
are not qualified to win the scholarship.''
Sudden freeze of disbelief, an electric jolt ran through my body,
the room fell into stunned silence.
These astonishing words hit like a thunderclap, leaving me in
the room wide-eyed for moments. I refused to believe what I
just read, so I read it again and again, and every time I read it, I
feel a piece of my heart falling, carrying with it a big dream that
was lost in the crowd of these little words.
'' Mariah, haven't you received the results yet?'', my mom asked.
I felt heaviness in my tongue. What should I answer her?
Sometimes, our fear of failure lies not only in the results of that
failure, but also in betraying the faith of someone who has
placed his hopes in you.
My mother noticed this, so she went to the phone screen herself
and read what was written.
'' oh god, are you okey honey?'', she asked in a worried tone.
The silence was louder than every sound.
'' Mariah please answer me, don't make me afraid''. She added, ''
It's not the end, there is always a new opportunity''.
I am tired of my mother's symphony that repeats the same words
that carry false faith. I left the house without a specific
destination, I just wanted to get away for a bit.
I walked and walked until my feet led me to a neighborhood
lined with luxury cars, in a building containing the most
expensive apartments for rent, in front of the door of an
apartment on the fifty-third floor. I rang the bell.
'' Mariah, thanks god that you came, I called you several time,
get in'', Sarah said.

14
'' Girl, I was so worried, and your parents too, are you okey? ''.
she added.
''I'm not okey Sarah, I'm not''. I said that to myself and remained
silent.
'' I know this was shocking news, not only for you but for all of
us. I also know that it is very painful that you worked hard for
this dream, but not everything we wish for always comes true.
Sometimes fate chooses other paths for us that we would never
have taken. Maybe you are not in the right place, or maybe you
are, but you are not on the right path to reach your goal.
Everything happens for a reason. We humans are very
superficial. We do not look into the depth of things and we do
not have enough ability to do that. If we had that ability, we
would become crazy, and for this reason, The unseen is
unknown, please Mariah, don't do that to yourself, God will
compensate you with the best, do not object to the fate He has
chosen for you''.
'' As long as you are satisfied with what God has chosen for you,
why do you drink every day to forget what happened to you?
Please do not be complimentary to me. You do not know what
this dream meant to me. It was worth my entire life. I did not
dream of getting a Birkin bag, or a house with a pool in front of
it, or a luxurious car, or a true love. I just wanted to enter that
university and achieve my dream there, only there. My dream is
simple and I have prayed a lot for it and strived even more, so
why would heaven refuse and return it to me with
disappointment? Don't I deserve it? What did others do to be so
favored by God? What did I do to be pushed outside the circle of
mercy? I'm tired, Sarah. There's nothing else I can do. I just
want to die''.
Those words came out of my mouth as my tears fell four by
four.

15
'' This is what I want. Cry Mariah, I really want you to cry. Just
as medicine heals the wounds of the body, crying heals the
wounds of the soul''. She cuddled me until I became better.
Sarah went to the kitchen came back with a bottle of beer and
two glasses.
''Did you know, Mariah? When I'm happy, I drink wine, and
when I'm depressed, I drink beer. With each shot, my brain
becomes more and more foggy until it becomes completely
foggy, so I take a break from thinking and feel ecstatic. This
absolves me of your misconception. I don't drink because I
object to fate, but because I want to escape the truth, even if
temporarily. Try it.'' She said that while extending her hand
holding a glass filled with beer.
'' I don't drink'', I said as I slowly pushed her hand back.
'' Don't worry. One shot does not cause addiction''. Sarah handed
the cup back to me.
My desire to truly escape from the bitter reality and my lack of
acceptance of the truth, along with Sarah’s insistence, was a
combination of enough excuses to make me grab a cup of beer
beer and drink it for the first time in my life.
And I don't have to describe how bitter it tasted, I felt like I had
drunk a horse urine. How could this fool drink it in one gulp?
'' Don't worry, the first one is always bitter, but the second one is
better'', she was laughing at me and filled another cup for both
of us.
My feeling of dizziness and euphoria at that moment made me
crave more. I drank the second cup... the third... I missed the
opportunity to win the fourth.
Its effect was similar to an algebraic law: a negative with a
negative produces a positive. So was the beer, bitter, with my

16
bitter feelings together, turned them into the euphoria that made
me fall into a coma-like sleep.

****
I woke up the next morning, with a headache. I remembered that
I had not informed my mother about spending the night at
Sarah's, so I quickly picked up my phone to call her.
'' Relax, I told her ''. Sarah said while making breakfast.
I never believed in true friendship, so I never made any friends
in the past. However, I think that Sarah will be the reason for
weakening this belief in me or even abandoning it.
We took our breakfast and then Sarah accompanied me until I
went back home.
'' Mom, dad, I am sorry, I really tried my best to make you
proud, but I couldn't make it'', I apologized, bowing my head.
'' Did you know, Maria? When your mother and I got married,
the doctors told us that it was impossible to have a child, but
after six years of uncertainty and lack of hope, the greatest thing
for us came into this world, and God gave us the most beautiful
gift that we never expected to have: you. Therefore, you have
always been the sun of hope that broke the clouds of our despair.
You are hope, Mariah, you are happiness, you are pride and
everything to us. No matter what happens, we will be proud of
you as our daughter forever''. My dad said.
'' See? you yourself were a miracle, so will that prevent miracles
from happening? Do not apologize over something beyond your
control. We were witnesses to the efforts you made and we are
proud of that. I don't want you to feel discouraged. Everything
happens for a reason, and every fall is a new beginning of the
road to success. There is always an opportunity waiting for you,
my dear daughter''.

17
I hugged them and cried a lot that day to replenish the energy I
had lost. I really needed those words; they comforted me a lot.
My parents have always been my first and biggest supporter and
that's why I always wanted them to see their success in me.

****
The next day, I went to school as usual. I was curious to know
who won the prize. Was he from our class or from another class?
Anyway, I envy that person.
'' You didn't know who won the prize?", Sarah asked.
'' Not yet, and you?''
'' Me too. I don't think he's someone from our class, they are all
dumb''. She said while the teacher was approaching.
'' Good morning students''. ''Congratulate your friend on winning
the award. You are an asset to the class and the entire school,
Rachel. Congrats''!
A paralyzing realization washed over me, making my limbs feel
heavy as if anchored to the ground. Did I hear that correctly?
Rachel?
Not just me who was shocked, a time-stopping hush fell over the
classroom when the name was unveiled.
She was shaking her head with arrogance and pride, sometimes
looking at me and sometimes at Sarah.
Three classes passed in which I was present only physically, but
my mind was in another world.
I went with Sarah to the cafeteria and we started eating lunch.
''Do you know guys, sometimes some people work hard for their
goals but in the end, it means nothing to everyone''.
Rachel said that and followed it with a loud laugh with her
sycophantic friends.

18
A fire is burning inside me, but I am trying to calm myself
down. I do not want to cause problems when the school year is
about to end.
Rachel was approaching to our table, she stood in front of it
with folded hands and said sarcastically: '' Well done Maria, you
did a great job but I hope this was a lesson for you to learn that
you are not the best, there are always people at the top who are
better than you''.
''Get lost! We don't want to cause problems. Everybody knows
that your money is your anchor in the sea of your stupidity, but
they are cowards who don't want to admit it. Everyone around
you is hypocrites''. Sarah said in a provocative tone.
''It is better for them to be cowards than to be like you... What
was your name, ah, Sarah. You shouldn't interfere in what does
not concern you, otherwise, you will suffer a fate similar to what
happened to your foolish family''. These words of Rachel
awakened a dormant volcano inside Sarah. Oh, those beautiful
eyes, the whites of which became red, as if the blood from all
the veins in her body had gathered in her eyes. I was not at fault,
but I was horrified by Sarah’s expressions.
Sarah pushed Rachel hard, cornering her, and began punching
her with that fist that looked delicate on the outside, but its
impact reflected its strength. Rachel was also fighting back, they
were both good fighters, despite how soft they looked, but Sarah
was noticeably stronger. There was screaming filling the
cafeteria over the horror of what was happening, but Sarah
continued to hit Rachel until she punched her in the face, which
was enough to knock Rachel unconscious on the ground, her
lips bleeding, and her face as red as Sarah's eyes.
Sarah was still agitated, while the principal and some teachers
ran to check what had happened.

19
In the principal's room, she was scolding Sarah harshly while
Sarah stood there without any reaction and with features that
reflected nothing.
''You are expelled from school, and this is the least punishment
you deserve'', the principal said to Sarah.
Sarah left the room without objection or even saying a word.
I later heard that Rachel had been taken to the hospital for
treatment. As for me, I couldn't stop thinking about both of
them. What Sarah did was indeed exaggerated for some, but for
me, Rachel deserved it, and if I was in Sarah's place, I might
have done the same thing, or, if I was as strong as her.
Where is Sarah now? What is she doing now? I asked myself
even though I was completely aware of what she was doing.

****
Days passed. I went to school every day without Sarah. I felt so
empty and didn't think I would miss her this much. However,
every day I went to her after school and taught her what we had
learned so that she could take the exams and obtain her diploma.
There is a special system on our island. Even if you do not
belong to a particular school, you have the right to apply, take
exams, and obtain a diploma.
Days passed and the school year ended. We graduated with
honors and obtained diplomas worthy of pride. It was a beautiful
day in my life, but I would have been happier if I had been
confident of getting into that university. Pursuing a path that I
knew was closed at the end was very difficult.

Sarah and I decided not to enter university that year, but rather
the following year. We chose to work until we earn some money
that would enable us to pay university fees, even for at least the
first year. So, we found work as waitresses in one of the well-
20
known and luxurious restaurants on the island. When our work
day ends, we provide private lessons to high school students in
exchange for a sum of money. However, when calculating the
annual profit, it will not be enough to pay the fees, but it is still
better than nothing.
While working in that restaurant, I saw many types and faces of
rich people. They had many faces, but their attitude was the
same. Every day, I imagined myself sitting with my family at
that table covered with a red tablecloth, on which were placed
crystal candelabras filled with candles, eating the most luxurious
dishes, which often included wagyu beef steak or salmon with
caviar. I wished I could be like them for just one day, financially
and not behaviorally. I wanted to buy a black satin asymmetric
slit dress, with the elegant Tommy Choo heels, and wear my
favorite diamond necklace that my father got me as a birthday
gift. The tape of my fantasies and daydreams is interrupted by
the sound of a customer asking for more wine.
While we were working hard, my father was working hard too.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, my father works as a cook, but his
monthly income is almost enough for the basic household needs.
he works every day from seven in the morning until seven in the
evening. My father hates the man that he works at his home. His
name is Chris McCarthy, one of the richest people on the island.
My father calls him “The bastard”. He treats him like a slave
and not like a cook. He always accuses him of false accusations,
such as theft. Although my father is a skilled chef, Chris turns
the table upside down when he is not in a good mood, scolding
my father, claiming that the food is not well cooked or spoiled.
One day, he lost money, so he accused my father of stealing it.
He called him the worst words and fired him. However, he
found them a short time later in his office, so he brought my
father back to work for him in exchange for a raise in wages.
My father's need for money made him continue working for
him, but he always said, '' I will kill that man if he continues to

21
treat me like this''. My father arrives home every day with his
red sore eyes, every step he takes is a colossal effort and his
movements lacked their usual precision and grace, replaced by a
clumsy and uncoordinated demeanor. I pity him and consider
him my hero. Despite his small income, he tries to make me
happy with symbolic gifts whenever I pass an exam with a good
grade.
As for my mother, she is a housewife. Her priority is me and my
father. All the neighbors love her, they have to. She is a sacred
statue of kindness and tolerance. She is always cheerful.
Although she did not attend university, she is brilliant and
knowledgeable. I think I inherited my intelligence from her.
Thank you, Mama. Her famous phrase and greatest principle is,
“Everything happens for a reason. A sun always rises after the
dark of the night''.
I have no idea how these two got together, but I believe that love
is blind.

****
On one of the cold December days, when the ground was
dressing white, it was the first snowfall since the beginning of
winter. Not many people came to the restaurant. All those who
were there were a couple in the prime of their youth holding
hands and watching the snow fall from the large window.
Friends celebrating the birthday of one of them eagerly and a
handsome young man with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, and a
masculine appearance, sitting quietly reading a book.
That atmosphere felt warm to the soul despite the bitter cold of
winter.
Sarah and I were discussing a book we had planned to read
together. We had different opinions about the characters until it
turned into a discussion between us. Our voices were hidden
behind the sounds of celebrations and laughter, but soon this
22
noise turned into deafening silence. I looked at the people there
in wonder. Some of them were staring at their phones, covering
their mouths in amazement, while others were bringing their
phones closer to the person next to them to show them
something.
That handsome young man came to pay, so I took the
opportunity to ask him what was going on. He pulled his phone
out of his pocket, scrolled a little, then gave it to me. It was a
news bulletin broadcasting a heinous crime that had occurred in
one of the houses. There was no other information about the
victim or perpetrator. This was not unusual on our island, where
crime abounds, but the ugliness of the crime was the center of
attention.
I brought my phone out of the bag to watch the live press
broadcast. The broadcast showed a garden that was not filled
with trees but rather filled with policemen and some curious
neighbors. During the broadcast, two policemen came out,
grabbing the perpetrator, dragging him to the police car. They
had put a mask on his face and covered his hands, but despite
everything, his eyes were familiar to me. I tried to zoom in on
the screen as much as possible so I might recognize him, and
suddenly, I noticed something that made me jump out of my
skin, run with all my energy in my work clothes, and head
somewhere.
I arrived at my destination, and the quick looks of my scanning
eyes checking the place were faster than my heartbeat, which I
felt as if it was going to burst out of my chest.
Garden… police… press… shocked faces… criminal… Chris’
house … handcuffs …red bracelet … my father.

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