Growing up at this age, I learned a lot of things.

I learned that even though we want things to work out,

If time doesn’t allow it, it will never happen.
I learned that there are two kinds of romantic love.
One is love that would make you happy, and the other is love that hurts you so much.
I’m in a certain situation where I am in love with a person who makes me happy.
And with a person who makes me feel pain in loving him.
I never thought this kind of situation existed.
Until I was in it.

Loving you is hurtful. Seeing you hurts.

I always say that I don’t care about you, but why it is hurting?
I wish I could erase you from my memory. I wish I didn’t know you.
But I also wish that I met you at another time.
A time when both of us are free.

I knew I called you a coward, but actually I was branding it to myself because I knew I couldn’t stand for
you either.
I hate this kind of feeling.
I am not accustomed to being stranded in a situation like this of not getting what my heart desires.
I always have ways to walk out of any situation.
But why it is hard to walk away from you, in this painful situation?

I even questioned HIM about why He had to put us in this kind of situation.
I knew both of us were suffering.
But I knew we were good people because we wanted to do things right despite the pain inflicted on us.
And I’m proud of you, but still, it hurts.

The eagerness to reflect on my feelings is intense.

The fact that it hurts to walk away from you.
It adds to the messy situation and the feeling that you didn’t freely and amicably agree on it.
It hurts me to see you try to avoid this by hating me.
I tried to understand you. Maybe you are just too young to attack a situation like this.
You see me as a threat. A threat that can destroy your wall with just a click.

Know that I never wanted to destroy you.

I also wanted to rebuild a wall after I allowed you to destroy it.
I never wanted to be vulnerable.
Yet I knew…
You and I would still be vulnerable to each other.