Change Your Words and Use Them - Adam Houge

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TABLE OF CONTENTS
If You Change Your Words It Will Transform Your Life!
Choosing Words That Heal
If You Change Your Words and It Will Transform Your Life™
Copyright © 2014 by Adam Houge
Published by Living Tree Publishing in Harrisonburg, VA
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If You Change Your Words and It Will Transform Your Life™ by Adam Houge
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by
Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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Also By Adam
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The 7 Spiritual Habits That Will Change Your Life Forever
The 7 Habits That Will Change Your Life Forever
Slaying Your Giants: How to Have Massive Faith
How To Memorize the Bible Fast and Easy
Table of Contents
The Healing Tongue
Overcoming the Negative Self-Image
“I’m a failure.”
“I can’t do that.”
“I can’t afford that.”
“I’m fat.”
“I’m worthless.”
“I’m stupid.”
“My life is meaningless.”
Words You Should Consider
Overcoming Negative Thoughts About God’s Capacity
“How can God forgive me?”
“How on earth am I supposed to do that, God?”
“I know that God can provide, and He says He will. But will He really?”
“Why would God do that?”
Words to Consider
Seeing Yourself Through God’s Eyes
Seeing Others Through God’s Eyes
Having Words That Heal
Ignoring Words That Don’t Heal
When Negative Words Are Necessary
I’d Love to Hear from You!
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About the Author
The Healing Tongue
The center of every relationship begins with the heart. The mouth communicates
the issues of the heart, thus keeping each relationship connected. If we remain
mindful of this, the words of our mouths ought to be watered with kindness and
grace.
A well-nourished plant is first planted in fertile, loose soil. Then it is watered
sufficiently, and over time it grows and bears fruit. Similarly, our relationships
need to be founded in love and watered with kindness.
Remember that if a man wants friends, he must first be friendly. Every
relationship grows and prospers with the foundation of love. If we want our
relationships to prosper, then we ought to focus on how we communicate our
hearts with others.
Communication is key. Love and trust are foundational to any relationship. We
learn to trust others through the integrity in their communication. And all love
begins with the mouth. For as we stated, the mouth communicates the heart.
Knowing this, we should always be looking for kind words for others. We should
be building them up with the things we say while resisting any negativity.
Negativity should only enter when the Spirit leads us to rebuke. Beyond that, our
words should be filled with love and peace.
Like a kiss on the ear, a beautiful word can truly bless a soul. But a bitter word
can crush a spirit. The words we use can hurt and are often taken seriously by
the one to whom we’re speaking. We ought not be caught saying things we don’t
actually mean but instead express sincerity with the heart of Christ.
In many relationships, words become swords. Friends are parted, and marriages
become broken. There is power in the tongue to give life or tear down. Satan
knows this and uses our own tongues against us through temptation.
Sometimes, in the heat of an argument, we say things we don’t truly mean.
Maybe in our wrath and the temptation of our heart, we did mean it; but after we
think about it, we regret it. A bitter word isn’t worth a broken heart.
If we aren’t mindful of someone else’s state of heart, our words can even kill.
Bitter word after bitter word can lead to a bitter, depressed heart. If we don’t
speak with love, a person won’t feel loved. Then such a person, who’s been torn
down by our mouth, can slip into the depths of depression. Yes, some have even
committed suicide over hurtful words. But if we love one another, we will guard
our tongues to communicate Christ’s true love.
If, then, we are Christ’s, we should show it by both our actions and the way we
communicate. If we are believers, the first fruit of the Spirit should be on
constant display through our words and works. As it is written,
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved
you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My
disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34–35
So let our mouths reflect the love of God in the way we speak to ourselves and
to each other. Build up with your words and choose to have a tongue that heals.
Negative thoughts. Everyone has them about themselves. Here are a few:
“I can’t do it.”
“I’m fat! I’ll never lose weight!”
“I’m stupid.”
“My life feels meaningless.” “I have no purpose.” “God, why did you bother
making me?” “What am I here for, anyway?”
But what would be the right heart to have when faced with these thoughts?
You’re not a failure. You’ve made mistakes, but these are lessons learned. The
only failure is when people learn nothing from their mistakes. I once lost $4,000
on an investment. But rather than calling myself a failure, I decided to treat it
like a college course. The tuition to learn that lesson was $4,000. Now, having
paid my dues, I will never make that mistake again.
While there may be times in your life when you feel defeated, they aren’t the
end. So don’t be discouraged! Remember that defeat is merely an opportunity
God has given you to succeed in the future. He’ll make a way for victory if He’s
called you down that path of life. But if He hasn’t called you down that path,
then try to get back on track with His plan for you.
This is one I hear often, especially when someone was called by God to step out
in faith. But believe it or not, it’s a great place to start! Because when you finally
realize that you can’t do something, it gives God the opportunity to show you He
can. So have faith and let Him work through you.
Sometimes it isn’t a matter of what He’s going to do through you but, rather,
what’s He’s doing now. You need to pray for open eyes to see the work of God in
your life. If He’s called you to do something, don’t say, “God, I can’t do that.”
But ask Him, “How can I do that, Lord?” and He will show you the way.

This is something that most commonly comes to Christians’ minds when God
calls them to give to someone poorer than they are. They don’t have anything,
and now God wants what they have left. But Jesus didn’t have anything, yet He
still found a way to show you mercy.
If you don’t have what it takes, then pray for the proper hands to come together.
Maybe God wants to use you to bring together the right people to help. But if He
has shown you to help financially when you don’t have any money, then He’s
calling you to have faith. The widow had faith when Elijah said her food would
not run out if she fed him before herself. First she had to show kindness through
faith, and then God gave her a miracle. Nothing is impossible for God. If you
can’t afford it, God can. So ask yourself, “How can I afford it?” Not in doubt,
but in faith, looking for a way. Perhaps God has laid the possibility at your feet
already and all you need is for Him to open your eyes.
“I’m fat.”
It’s one of the most self-destructive phrases with which people can attack
themselves. Satan loves to throw this at people to empty them of all God’s joy.
Such people try to lose weight but just can’t seem to do it, so they lose heart and
lose faith, finding that they hate the image in the mirror.
But God has a better plan for you—a plan to heal you and give you a future and
a hope. Did you know that 95 percent of all people who have a weight issue
could do something about it? So unless you have a medical condition barring
you from it, the only thing holding you back is your mindset. God can certainly
also provide a miracle in the midst of a medical condition, however. Nothing is
impossible for Him!
I personally suffered from obesity after developing issues with my heart. At one
moment of my life, I was well, working hard in a factory with a fit, healthy body.
Then, the next moment, my life fell apart. It happened all in one day, when I
collapsed and almost died in my living room. After a ride in an ambulance and
several visits to the ER, as well as to the top hospitals in the state, my life was
changed forever.
The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong, and for much of the time they
suspected cancer. At one point I was on four heart pills, and I almost died four
times from my symptoms. So there I was, bed-ridden, praying and hoping for the
best as I wondered where God was and why He was letting me die.
I was about to make my wife a widow, leaving her with no income and three
young children to take care of all on her own. I was devastated, grasping for
hope. Meanwhile, I was gaining weight from lying around so much. But after
several stress-induced seizures, the doctors discovered the source of my
problems.
I had mild brain damage from energy drink poisoning in the areas that controlled
my heart. My symptoms screamed adrenal cancer. But several scans at top-notch
hospitals, multiple tests, and thousands of dollars later, I was finally told I might
have hope. While I was no longer in danger of death, I could no longer function
like a normal human being. Being on four blood-pressure pills and having blood
sugar issues, insomnia, and a heart that didn’t work right, I was left with a recipe
for a miserable life. But the doctor said that if I were to lose some weight, I
might recover.
I was thinking at this point, “Yeah, right … I didn’t gain this weight until after
my medical issue. How could losing weight fix me?” But He reassured me that
being a few points away from morbid obesity was not a good way to recover.
The problem was that my health was so far down the toilet, I couldn’t lose
weight if I wanted to. Yet he insisted that, while exercise may be difficult,
forcing myself to move more could help me heal and stabilize my blood
pressure.
My blood pressure was not caused by my weight, but he felt that it was worth a
shot. I wasn’t sure how this would work since walking across a room could shoot
my heart rate almost as high as 150 beats per minute.
So that night I prayed, and I asked the Lord for a miracle. My heart issue was
definitely going to keep me from losing weight as fast as I needed to. So I asked
for God to amplify the results and then, with faith, applied everything I knew
about healthy dieting and weight loss. I had six weeks until my next
appointment, and my doctor gave me a goal of six pounds to lose. But by the end
of those six weeks, God gave me twenty pounds. Yes, I lost twenty pounds in six
weeks—all with a heart condition, blood sugar issues, insomnia, four heart pills,
and you name it!
Not only did God’s miracle astonish my doctor, but God also overwhelmed me
with a greater blessing: My blood pressure miraculously stabilized, and I was
able to go off of all the medicine. The next couple months were spent talking to
the doctor about what I was going to do with my new life as he tapered me off of
my meds.
God can do anything! There is nothing that can hold you back. What’s
impossible for you is simple for God. So just remember that the power of Jesus
is on your side. All you must do is believe. When the devil tells you you’re fat,
the real question is “What is God telling you?” Listen carefully to the Lord and
believe His words instead.
Say to yourself, “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me”
(Philippians 4:13). Exercise by faith, believing that God will build your body for
you. As you transform your image, you’ll begin to realize that it requires godly
character to do so. You will need to change your bad habits and replace them
with good habits. No more lusting over that new flavor of cookies. No more
gluttony. Self-control and self-discipline must overtake every other habit. But as
you practice these, you’re actually learning to practice some of the fruits of the
Spirit. As it is written,
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” Galatians
5:22–23
So walk with God while you sweat in faith. Use this circumstance as an
opportunity not only to exercise for fitness but also to exercise yourself toward
godliness. As it is also written,
“But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward
godliness. For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all
things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.” 1
Timothy 4:7–8
While this verse is not about physical exercise, you can use physical exercise for
godly exercise in temperance as you learn to be self-disciplined in Christ.
Jesus Christ gave His life for you. To God you’re worth more than life itself
because He can’t imagine living life without you. So embrace Him and His plan
for you. Listen to His voice, and He will show you how much of a treasure you
are to Him. As it is written,
“Now therefore, if you will indeed obey My voice and keep My covenant, then
you shall be a special treasure to Me above all people; for all the earth is Mine.”
Exodus 19:5
When you feel as if you’re not worth anything, God is there, loving you through
it all. So why don’t you embrace the one who cares most about you? You may
not mean the world to some people, but God sent His only begotten Son into this
world to die for you. You mean everything to Him. You always have and you
always will.
“I’m stupid.”
‘Stupidity’ can be best defined as knowing the right thing to do but choosing the
wrong thing. If you’ve made mistakes, then pray for God’s strength. Through
Jesus you can do anything! He’ll enable you and send you forward. All that’s
required of you is faith. So it isn’t that any of us are stupid, but that we must
learn to make Jesus our strength in our weakness.
If you feel as if you lack wisdom, then that’s a good place to be. It’s not the right
heart to beat yourself up over it, but it is good to recognize the need for wisdom.
The moment a wise man has said in his heart, “I am wise,” is the day he has
assuredly become a fool. For on that day, he has ceased from seeking wisdom,
and another will soon surpass him.
Grow a hunger for God’s wisdom. Pray for it and search for it with all your
heart, having faith God will give it to you. Even as it is written,
“My son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so
that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding; yes,
if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you
seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will
understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD
gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding…” Proverbs
2:1–6
And as it is also written,
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and
without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no
doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the
wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” James 1:5–8
Do not doubt! Pray for it and have faith! God intends for you to have wisdom.
You have purpose! You are a beautiful, well-thought-out creation of God. You
were made for more than this life can give you. Your purpose is so magnificent
that only God can give it to you.
He created you for the purpose of love—to love Him and be loved by Him. You
were made because He wants a relationship with you. If you focus on that
purpose and press hard into it, suddenly your life has a whole lot more meaning.
So pursue God’s plan for your life. Don’t stop searching for it until you have
found it. If you pray for wisdom to know your place in life, in God’s due time
He will show you what that is. Until then, serve the Lord and worship Him while
you wait for His answer.
So rather than saying, “I’m a failure,” you should say, “God, I submit to Your
plan, and I know that through You all things are possible.”
Rather than “I can’t do that,” you should say, “God can do that!”
Rather than “I can’t afford that,” you should say and believe in your heart, “God
will provide.”
Change “I’m fat” to “I’m a supermodel under construction”—or for men, “I’m a
work of art, but God is still chiseling me.”
Change “I’m worthless” to “God is everything to me, and I am worth everything
to Him.”
Change “I’m stupid” to “Lord, I pray you’ll give me strength and wisdom.”
Change “My life is meaningless” to “My life is defined by Jesus Christ and the
plan He has for me.”
Doubts—everyone has them from time to time:
“Why would God do that?” or “God worked like that in the Bible, but not
anymore.”
But let’s consider these for a moment.

It’s strange how many Christians beat themselves up for sin. If God were
anything like us, we’d all be toast. So thank Him that He’s not! It’s certainly
good to have the proper heart of repentance, and to be sorry for sin would
suggest we have sorrow for our conduct. But it’s wrong to wallow in constant
self-condemnation as if we were failures for missing the mark.
Even as Paul put it,
“Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to
repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer
loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to
salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For
observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it
produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what
vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved
yourselves to be clear in this matter.” 2 Corinthians 7:9–11
If you have truly repented, then this is how Jesus sees you: as cleared of the
matter. You’re beautiful to Him, and there is no fault in you at all. While you
were stained for your mistake, Jesus wiped that mistake away. Now if anyone
judges you for it, God will judge that person. If anyone is angry with you for
your mistake, then he or she is angry without a cause. And what does Jesus say
about that?
“But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be
in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in
danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell
fire.” Matthew 5:22
You are loved; you are cleansed. You are not a fool. You made a mistake, but
now use this opportunity to go and sin no more. Satan enjoys mocking us for our
mistakes. He stirs up that inward ridicule and self-condemnation so you will be
more focused on yourself than on God. When you stop focusing on God, you
will commit sin—like Peter, who fell in the water after he took his eyes off
Jesus. Your enemy knows this, so he will try to distract you from God to keep
you in the bondage of sin and self-condemnation.
The only way out is through abiding and walking in the Holy Spirit. It takes
effort on your part, as well as hatred for your sin—but not hatred for yourself.
The moment you abide in the Spirit, Satan will lose all His power, and bondage
will be eradicated instantly. When you learn to abide constantly, your bondage in
sin will be over forever. Yes, God has that power: power to remove the bondage
with which you have struggled for so long and to heal you forever, right here and
right now,. All it takes is faith and abiding in the Spirit.

There will be plenty of times when God will call you to step outside your
comfort zone. He does this purposely to help you to grow in faith. In order for
you to grow in faith, you must be given an opportunity for faith. The best kind of
faith is blind faith. God doesn’t require possibility to commit a miracle. He can
do anything for you if you are willing to believe.
If God has given you a giant to tackle or mountain to overcome, then pray for
wisdom. He will show you how to overcome, and if it doesn’t make sense to
you, then obey in faith. After He has committed a miracle through you, you will
know that God was working and you will have faith the next time.
If He gives you a situation that is overwhelmingly hard, then rest in His arms for
comfort and pray for strength. Then have faith He will give it to you.
But if you pray for strength, expect God to give you an opportunity for strength.
In order to become strong, a muscle must come up against resistance. Likewise,
you will be given resistance to overcome. And over eighty percent of muscle
growth happens after the rep you want to give up on. Those few extra reps that
you choose to push through, even though you didn’t think you could do so, are
what builds all the muscle.
Similarly, when you feel as if you have no more strength to stand, God will step
in and work for you. When you have reached the point of surrender, then you
have reached the point of God’s victory. The Lord will give you difficult
circumstances, and when you don’t think you can handle it anymore, you will
then begin to grow the most in Christ. Our growth happens through surrender as
we find comfort in His arms. Only when God carries us through the hardest
times of life does our faith build.
“I know that God can provide, and He says He will. But

will He really?”
That’s a thought straight from Satan. It’s a seed planted to cast doubt. God has
put me through some difficult financial trials. Some of them lasted for years. But
after He taught me obedience and to walk by faith through the circumstances I
suffered, He lifted that burden off of me. It happened all at once; within a day,
my trials ended in peace. It was so amazing and so miraculous that my wife
Megan and I decided to name our fourth son “Noah Matthew” for that reason:
His name basically means “I am consoled (or comforted) by the gift of God.”
God is a master at saving. No one can ever measure up to His skill level. There
is nothing that you’re going through that God cannot fix, that God cannot bless,
or amidst which He is incapable of creating good. He can and will provide. Look
at the fields and consider for a moment how much wheat or corn they can hold.
Look at the hills and try to figure out how many fruit trees can fit on them. God
created your stomach to have need, but He has created more food than you could
possibly eat in a lifetime.
Remember that the Lord made Eden for Adam and Eve. It was a place of
harmony where His children would never go hungry. God has always intended to
take care of you. But now, in this world of sin, the Lord allows suffering to teach
us our need for Him and to live by every word from His mouth. Hence it is
written,
“So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you
did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man
shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the
mouth of the LORD.” Deuteronomy 8:3
This Scripture makes it clear: Live by every word from His mouth, not only the
written word of God but the word of the Spirit as well. Do not listen to the
question “Can God provide?” Rather, live by His words, and you’ll see His
faithfulness unfold in your life.

This is the most common question I hear when people are told that the Lord can
commit a miracle for them. When you need a miracle, God will give it to you.
He gives you a need so He can fill it. He made food for your stomach and air for
your lungs. He wouldn’t give you a need He doesn’t intend to fill. The only
difference is that, when you need a miracle, He has given you a need that only
His hand can fulfill. That way you may see your need for His touch and be
blessed when you get to experience it.
The nature and character of God never change. Knowing this, why would He
stop doing the things He’s done before? God can work mighty miracles in your
life if you’re willing to believe. It would seem that the greatest hindrance for an
American Christian to experience the nearness of God through miracles is not a
matter of whether God can do it but a belief that He no longer works in such
ways. Or, as some have basically said, “He wouldn’t waste His time doing things
like that for me.”
But that’s the attitude that keeps believers from experiencing the full power of
God in their lives. God actually desires to commit miracles in your life—big
miracles and small miracles daily. But it would seem that most people think God
only does the little ones while the big miracles are all but gone in this generation.
This is only because people aren’t willing to pray for them anymore. They think
He either doesn’t work that way anymore or won’t work that way for them.
God makes it clear that He wants to give gifts to men—spiritual gifts that no one
else can provide. Miracles are one of those. When you need a miracle, God will
give it to you. When you need a word of encouragement, the Lord will send it.
Whether by another man’s mouth or by the word of God, He will lift your heart
up. So have faith in His faithfulness and a passion for His intimacy. Pray for the
gifts of God, and He will give them to you. Ask for miracles, dreams, visions,
prophecy, and every spiritual gift. Who knows what He will provide?
But if you don’t believe God will give these to you, He won’t. And even if you
believe He will give it to you, this doesn’t necessarily mean He will. Yet, seeing
that you do not know what God will give you, it is best for you to pray for every
gift. Then, as the Spirit sees fit, He will bless you with what is best for the body
of Christ and your own personal journey with God. As it is written,
“But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one
individually as He wills.” 1 Corinthians 12:11
Rather than asking in doubt why God would do something, let Him answer for
Himself whether He will or will not, lest we speak for God. And as it is written,
“Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him. Do not add to His words, lest
He rebuke you, and you be found a liar.” Proverbs 30:5–6
Words to Consider
Change “How can God forgive me?” to “God, I believe that You’re better than
me and that you’re able to love me even when I can’t love myself. Thank you,
Jesus.”
Rather than saying, “How on earth am I supposed to do that, God?” you should
say, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
Change “I’m not sure if God will provide” to “I’m on the Kingdom finance, and
my dad has the tab—He’ll pay for it.”
Rather than “Why would God do that?” you should ask yourself, “Who am I that
I would know what the Lord would or wouldn’t do?” Then pray, “Lord, draw me
nearer to You. Let me experience You more intimately through Your working
hand. I believe in your gifts and miracles, Jesus! Let me have them in my life.”
You are a beautiful, well-thought-out creation of God. You are not an accident!
Before time began, God loved you, and when the time was right, He made you.
You have always mattered to Him; but for some reason, when we go through
hard times, we forget how cherished we are by our Maker.
Rather than seeing the dark moments of our life as God’s loving moments, we
reflect on the feelings we’re experiencing. But God teaches us through every
moment of life, whether good or bad. He may not desire evil things to happen to
you, but He sometimes allows this for your growth or to test your sincerity.
There are a few times, however, when God does bring difficulties on us to
rebuke us for the sake of repentance. This is not God’s wrath but, rather, His
loving hand gently breaking us. Like a master sculptor, He uses the hard
moments of life to chip away the unnecessary pieces of our hearts. But His
finished work is beautiful.
In everything He does, God loves you. If you reflect on His love for you rather
than on your disdain for something about yourself or someone else, it will edify
your heart to speak words that bring healing. Everything God says is spoken in
love. There isn’t a single word of His that isn’t founded on love in one way or
another. Even in condemning the evil at judgment, His words are yet spoken in
love—love for justice and love for you, the person He is setting free from the
surrounding evil.
When you’re struggling with faith or with self-condemnation, you need to
remember how the Lord sees you. Satan enjoys tearing us down, nagging us in
our thoughts with our failures and the things we can’t stand about ourselves or
others. But if we ignore his destructive words and focus on the Lord and His
love for us, God’s joy overtakes us instead. Every word begins with the heart. If
we allow the love of God to change and shape our heart, our words will follow.
If you’re struggling financially, will He let you suffer in need forever? While it
may seem like forever, if you are patient with God, He will provide for you in
His own timing. But whether you wait patiently or not, He will save you. He has
appointed a day on which your trial will be over.
If you’re looking at yourself with a negative self-image, you need to stop being
so critical and focus on the Spirit of God. When we look at our own issues, it
causes us to reflect on self rather on than the Lord. The only way to experience
His joy is through focusing on Him. But if we allow our thoughts to distract us
from Him, then darkness can establish a foothold in our hearts and minds.
If you have the ability to change what you don’t like about yourself, then lay it
before the Lord in prayer. Ask Him to keep you accountable, that you can
continue in confidence. If you ask God for change, He will give it to you.
But no matter where you’re at in life, and no matter who you are, what you’ve
done, or what you look like, God loves you. He cherishes you, and the only thing
He wants to change in you is your heart. So focus on the plan He has for you.
Embrace His purpose, and you’ll discover how much you’re really worth.
God once described to me how much He loves me, through a dream He gave me
to encourage me. I believe that this is how He loves you as well. I was about to
go through three trials that would leave me dried out and searching for Him. It
was going to leave me empty, wondering where He was in all my troubles and
why He wasn’t helping me. By my dream, He was telling me in advance that He
would be there, in the midst of it all.
In my dream I was running in a field. I was as fleet as a deer, and nothing could
stop me. Then, behind me in the sky, three bombs were flying after me. They
were not missiles but bombs, soaring through the clouds and guided by a
supernatural power. I later realized that they were guided by the power of Satan,
and these were the three trials I would soon suffer.
Then one bomb fell from the clouds and chased after me, but it couldn’t catch
me. So it fell to the earth twenty feet behind me and threw my body to the
ground in the explosion. But I got up as if it were nothing and kept running.
The other two bombs then followed hard after me. And an evil spirit spoke
through one and said to the other, “Let us work together, that we may destroy
him.”
This, again, was the enemy preparing trials for me. He was going to use the last
two trials to lead me to despair. Then the second one fell but couldn’t catch me,
so it clipped my heels. The explosion threw me to the ground as before, but
when I tried to get up again, I couldn’t run because my ankles were damaged.
Then the third bomb seized the opportunity and slammed into me with great
force, detonating like a nuclear weapon.
The fire from the explosion filled the field I was in and then the sky. It consumed
the mountains behind me, then the whole earth and all of creation. All creation
was ablaze, from the stars to the whole earth.
Then I stood in the Spirit and watched as heaven and earth passed away. The
earth was no more, and heaven was gone. Nothing was left except a brilliant
white light—a light of glory. The air itself was made of this light, and it stretched
forever. Its days had no end.
The light was so white that there is nothing on earth to which I could compare it.
It was perfect and untainted. This light was the light of glory, which consumes
the heavens and the earth. It was the glory of the living God.
As I stood in the Spirit, I looked down at my body and observed it floating in the
distance. It was broken, wounded, and naked. Seeing that my body was
unresponsive and immobile, I asked myself, “Am I dead?”
Immediately after my statement, the Lord appeared in the midst of the glory. He
was clothed in a brilliant white robe, and He had a long, white beard. His face
was beaming with a light that was brighter than a thousand suns. The light of
glory that I saw came from His body, but His face was the brightest. It was so
brilliant that no one could distinguish the features of His face.
All things will pass away, and heaven and earth will be consumed by His glory,
but He is the most glorious of all. It is His glory that fills the air and has no end,
and it will be seen forever and ever.
Then I watched as the Lord stretched out His hands toward my body as if to hold
it, and my body shrank immediately into a small infant. My infant body was
covered in hair, and it was detestable to me. I hated the hair I saw, and that hair
was my sin, my failings, and everything I hated about myself. But He ignored
these things and scooped me up into His hands, cradling me in His arms.
Then God let me see myself through His eyes. I was in Him, looking at myself
through His eyes as He held me. To Him I was a small, beautiful child in His
arms. I had hair all over me, but God said to me, “As you grow, it will fall out in
due time. Then you will be a beautiful, smooth-skinned baby for Me.”
He showed me then that I was still alive even though I thought I was dead. I was
merely exhausted to the point of death. But He was there to comfort me and heal
me. So He cradled me and swayed me back and forth as a father does his little
child. And my skin appeared smooth as He did so, and I slept in His arms. After
a moment, He held me against His chest and embraced me.
Then the Lord spoke to me again and said, “No one can take you from Me. You
are My child. You are My son and My baby. Heaven and Earth will pass away,
but My love for you shall never pass away!”
Then I woke up.
This is how God feels about you. You’re so precious to Him! You’re His
beautiful baby. He loves you so much, and nothing will separate you from His
love.
While you may see your failings, your shortcomings, and your sin, God sees you
as beautiful and altogether precious. He will heal you and cleanse you of all
these things. But the real question is: Will you let Him?
Run away from your past and straight into the arms of Jesus. Let it go, and
embrace God instead. Then let your words reflect a heart that’s wholly sold out
to God. If you constantly reflect on God and His love for you, how might that
change what you do and what you say? If you reflect on what you hate in
yourself, it will damage your heart, and your words will show it.
For Jesus said,
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil
man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the
abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
If you have a damaged heart, it will be evident through your mouth. So draw
near to God, that Jesus can heal your heart. Whether your heart is broken or not,
you must grow in Christ, drawing near to God always. Especially, let your heart
be conformed to His so you may speak the words of love and life that Jesus
would speak.
Grow in every facet of life. Study your Bible diligently, that the word of God
may be on your lips continually. If you want power in your words, then let your
mouth speak the word of God and the words of the Spirit. The only way to have
the word of God on your tongue is to study it. And the only way to have the
words of the Spirit is to listen intently to His voice. As it is written,
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and
admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with
grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in
the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”
Colossians 3:16–17
Before you say anything about yourself or someone else, consider how God
views each of us. Become the living example of His love and let your words
reflect it.
Knowing how much God loves you should compel you to love others as well.
Inspire someone’s heart today through the things you say. Each of us should not
only show random acts of kindness but also speak kind words randomly
throughout the day. Each of our words must be founded in love. If they aren’t,
then they will hurt one way or another—whether through a destructive statement
or by turning someone away from the Lord.
Pray that God would show you how He sees other people. Pray for open eyes
and an open heart to love them with His love. When you treasure others, they’ll
treat you like gold. If you treat them well, they will repay you with the same. But
if you bury them with coal, you’ll receive fire from them in return.
It’s a true saying that you reap what you sow. Even as it is written,
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will
also reap.” Galatians 6:7
Whatever you put in someone’s ear, you can expect to receive from that person’s
mouth and hands. If you will love others, they will love you. If your words are
contentious, expect theirs to be contentious in return.
This goes likewise for every relationship, whether a spouse, children, friends,
coworkers, or any family member. Remember the age-old saying “What would
Jesus do?” Well, before speaking, ask yourself, “What would Jesus say?”
If someone speaks contentiously toward you, don’t repay that person with the
same. Don’t let the person reap what he or she sows in you. Remember that if
you sow sin toward God, He still allows you to reap the benefits of repentance.
He does good to the evil person and commands you to do so as well. So learn
meekness. Just as it is written,
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to
those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute
you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise
on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Matthew 5:44–45
If Jesus loves His enemies so much that He would give His life for them, how
much more should we do likewise—especially if we are to do as Jesus would?
Go with the flow of the Spirit of God. As with a canoe in a river, let the rapids
take you as you learn to love as God would love. Before responding to another
person, ask yourself, “What does Jesus see when He looks at this person?”
If you love your enemies, you may have them as brothers and sisters in the end.
Everyone responds kindly to a kind person.
Change your words and choose to heal with them. Build a person up in Christ.
Be careful what you say, that you may turn others to the Lord with every word.
If you aren’t portraying the heart of Christ, then why are you speaking? That’s a
question to ask yourself always before you open your mouth.
This is especially so when scolding a child, arguing with a spouse, or disagreeing
with a friend or coworker. Positive emotions tend to elicit positive words. The
only negativity they may produce is idle chatter on occasion. That is easy to
resist by paying attention to the direction of the conversation and trying to keep
it centered on Christ.
But negative emotions come with a slew of temptations. When you’re angry,
Satan will tempt you to say things to others you’ll regret. When you’re sad,
you’ll be tempted to have a destructive self-image. But the joy of the Lord can
fix all of that, and it is best obtained through abiding.
All of our words should be seasoned with salt. This can only be done by
allowing the Spirit to guide our words. As it is written,
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know
how you ought to answer each one.” Colossians 4:6
Salty words are more than words spoken in kindness; they are the words of the
Spirit.
In order to speak with the grace of the Spirit, first we need to become better
listeners. We need to listen more carefully to the Spirit in order to hear His
conviction as He guides our conversations. But if we ignore Him, our words will
depart into idleness.
You must become an avid listener of the Spirit, that you may convey the
messages of God. Listen for His beating heart, that you may share it. Listen to
the sound of His love in order to be motivated by it and to share it with others.
Satan likes to jump into our conversations when tensions arise. Rather than
being seasoned with salt in the love of God, we’ll be tempted through bitterness
to say things that stir up more division and strife. Truly, the devil is the author of
chaos and confusion! But if we compare our words with what Jesus would say or
what the Holy Spirit is convicting us to say, then the words that are necessary for
peace and edification will come forth. A bitter heart creates bitter words. By
contrast, a heart full of the Spirit has spiritual words. Even as it is written,
“Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things
ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same
opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus
no spring yields both salt water and fresh.” James 3:10–12
In order to season the tongue, first you must season your inner being with the
Spirit. Remember that every bitter word can create another bitter heart. Then that
person will respond bitterly toward you. I could never express enough that we
reap what we sow; and if we sow words of anger or bitterness in another, we will
reap a bitter relationship from him or her. But there is room for hope where love
abides. for love covers a multitude of sins, even as the love of Christ has covered
our sins and sets us free. As we read,
“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” Proverbs 10:12
Therefore, we are exhorted,
“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a
multitude of sins.’” 1 Peter 4:8
Consider these things and consider your own life. How have you been building
people up around you? How have you been edifying them? Has this been a
serious endeavor for you? Consider devoting yourself to maintaining a holy
tongue and committing yourself to words of love seasoned with salt.
Doing so will change how your children respond to you and how your spouse
treats you. That nasty coworker, whom you can’t stand, God will make to be at
peace with you. Even as it is written,
“When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at
peace with him.” Proverbs 16:7
Your friends and your family will see the difference in you, and your renewed
relationships will bless your life.
God’s words are Spirit and life. For the listener, they bring forth eternal life
through faith. For those who speak His words, they purify their tongues and their
souls.
Knowing this, we ought to be sincere about keeping our words centered on
Christ. Remember, for every idle word you may speak, you will ultimately give
an account. Therefore, Beloved, watch your conversations and pay attention to
the things about which you speak. If you find that your words are not edifying
but are coarse or idle, be diligent to bring them back to Jesus. As it is written,
“But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account
of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your
words you will be condemned.”” Matthew 12:36–37
Keep Jesus as the center of your conversations, that you can edify one another. If
grace isn’t on your tongue, then sin and idleness are. If Jesus judges you for your
idle words, what manner of conversations ought you have? Let the fear of the
Lord guide your mouth.
If you love your neighbor as Jesus does, you’ll bring forth good words. But
whether your words are good or bad, you will have to give an account of them.
Therefore, speak life to your neighbor through the love of God.
This holds true for fights as well. It is so tempting, when an argument grows
heated, to say those words you will later regret. But hold your tongue and walk
away if you need to. Never try to win a fight but, instead, try to create peace. In
martial arts you are taught to walk away from fight, even if you know you can
win it. Similarly, your ability to win the argument isn’t as important as your
ability to cool a situation down.
There is a time and a place for hard words. But before you say them, ask
yourself, “Is this what Jesus would say to this person right now?” And if it isn’t
what He would say, then hold your tongue. If it is, however, then speak the
words.
There is no easy way to rebuke. However, if at all possible, try to do so gently,
remembering that the Spirit convicts you gently. Yet there are times when a
person can be defiant and a harsh rebuke may be necessary. Let the Holy Spirit
guide your heart and mouth in these situations, and you will know what is right
to do and what isn’t.
Arguments ought to be discussions, in which two people can have opposing
opinions and come to a similar conclusion. If you’re married, then both of you
should conclude to have the mind of Christ. If you seek God together to conform
to His word and His leading in your marriage, peace will come naturally.
Because the closer to Jesus you are, the closer to each other you’ll be.
Try not to take it personally if others don’t speak through love. If they rebuke
you in anger, don’t be influenced to act as they act. Taking their words to heart
can ruin you.
Some will speak kindly with words that will steer you away from God’s plan for
your life. They may attempt to discourage you from taking the direction God
wants you to take. But don’t ever let anyone convince you to doubt God’s power
or plan for your life.
Sometimes we allow opinions to guide our decisions. This is most commonly
seen in the church through Bible study. Too many Christians say, “Hey, brother,
what’s your opinion on this scripture?” and if they like the interpretation, they
live by it. But God’s truth is all that matters.
Unsaved friends and unbelieving family members tend to steer us with their
words into decisions they feel are best for us but are contrary to the Lord’s plan.
They may not directly say, “Choose this path.” However, with subtle persuasion,
they may manipulate the conversation to steer you to the conclusion they think is
best. The reason they won’t directly tell you is because they know you won’t
listen if they do.
If their opinions matter to you, then you’ll be driven to obey their definition of a
successful life. A truly successful life is not merited by the achievements we
have had, for none of our works can compare to the Lord’s. But those who
submit to the Spirit of God, that He may work through them, are building an
eternally successful life.
Where opinions reign over a person’s life, success is only realized through a
social mirror. Rather than success being defined as a deeper relationship with
Christ, worldly achievement and comfortable living becomes our goals. The
purpose of life becomes wrapped around others’ opinions of us, their wants, their
needs, and their perceptions of achievement.
Thus, our dreams are in reality determined by the dreams of others. In this case,
the boundaries of self-actualization are not determined by self but by a socially
painted picture of achievement. Therefore, I do not proclaim that a man should
self-actualize but, rather, “God-actualize.”
Do not let the American dream determine God’s dream for you. For the Creator
of life has most assuredly established a purpose for the life He created. Indeed,
you have been created for meaning and for purpose—a meaning that cannot be
defined by the parameters of another man’s opinions but by the heart of One who
has cherished you in His thoughts since before He created time.
Rather than being driven by others’ dreams for us and for themselves, we should
be driven to love God. Yes, there are plenty of times when people’s opinions
matter. Yet we shouldn’t allow their opinions to be our driving factor in life.
Rather, God’s love should fill this role as He leads us through His Spirit.
If others are leading us to God’s love, then we should submit to that. This is
when opinions matter. Whenever the opinion leads you to love the Lord with
sincerity of heart, we should listen. But if a person has an idle dream for you to
achieve success in life, you should question the motive. Is it to live well in this
life or to do well in Christ? If it has nothing to do with a daily, personal walk
with God, you should question why you should pursue it. Won’t God choose the
best course of life for you? Why do we need men to do that?
If going to college is the right course of life for you, won’t God, who loves you,
lead you in His love and tell you the right decisions to make? If a well-paying,
comfortable career were the path for you, wouldn’t God communicate that to
you through His Spirit? Don’t live according to logic, as the world does, but
rather be led by the voice of God.
A person such as your pastor, elder, or brother or sister in Christ should be
listened to—if indeed the person is leading you to Christ. But if he or she tells
you to follow your heart or make your own way in this life, then you should
submit to God instead. Following your heart leads to foolishness. Going to
college, having good careers, and doing well in this life shouldn’t be our goals,
even if that college is Bible College and that career is being a pastor. Follow God
and honor Him through obedience, not through your own works. If God wants
you to be a pastor, then let Him lead you to it. It is His gift to give, after all. But
if He isn’t leading you in that direction, then pay attention to His voice and obey
it.
Only God’s words can truly heal. So learn to listen more carefully to His voice,
that you can receive His healing and offer it as well.
Speaking negatively can crush a spirit. However, there are times when it is
needed to heal a soul—consider a rebuke, for example.
Yet there are some who are afraid to use negative words. I once met a mother
who never rebuked her son after he moved out of her house. This boy was raised
to love the Lord, but through the process of time, he was tempted to do things he
shouldn’t. One night he had a beer with an unsaved friend. This seems harmless
enough; but on another occasion, he had more than one beer and didn’t pay
attention. The next thing you know, he was drunk.
After his mother heard this, she suggested in a rebuke he shouldn’t do it. But she
never did mention the need for him to remove the negative influences from his
life so he could live holy and free from that temptation. She wasn’t tough enough
on him. So he found himself at an unsaved friend’s party, thinking it was okay,
though he had sworn he’d never drink that much again. But as the party went on,
one beer led to a mixed drink, and again he didn’t pay attention.
Before he knew it, he had a drinking problem. Then he had a few drinks alone
with his girlfriend. I bet you can guess where that went. This boy went from
loving the Lord to drinking and fornicating. His mother rebuked him a handful
of times but left it at that. Before long, she stopped rebuking him because he
wouldn’t come over for holidays. She was afraid her little dose of negativity was
adding to his problem.
Now, some may ask if her son was even saved. According to every friend and
family member he had, he was. He just made a couple of stupid mistakes, which
led to a few more. No one spoke against it, except his mother once or twice. He
eventually lost conviction and fell into sin and bondage.
If everyone around him had been loving enough to reprimand him they would
have exhorted him to stay away from the influences that led him to sin. If tasting
a certain food or beverage tempts you, should it be in your house? If you are
tempted by it, should you go to where it is consumed? If that certain image
tempts you, should you allow it on your computer? As it is written,
“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those
who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22
At first this young man fled “youthful lusts” in his heart. But not wanting to
upset his friends, and because he enjoyed their presence, he would go to their
parties or bar nights when he shouldn’t even have been caught dead in that
atmosphere. He was too tempted by it, and for the sake of holiness, it would
have been better if his mother and father had exhorted him.
Here I have spoken against the mother, but the father didn’t say anything at all,
whether good or bad. He left it up to his wife. How can a parent do that? As a
father myself, I’m too convicted to allow my children to make foolish decisions.
I certainly can’t force my decisions on them, but I have the capacity to give them
a firm rebuke and guide them to the right decisions.
When you don’t use negative words properly throughout a child’s life, you’ll end
up having a falling out with him or her in the end. Rebukes rarely should be
harsh. The boy in this example needed some harsh words, however. At times,
harshness is merited if it is done through love, but most often fleshly wrath
dominates the scene during a harsh rebuke. If a rebuke cannot be spoken in the
love of God, then it shouldn’t be said until it can be.
I know a man who never rebuked his daughter properly. When she moved out,
she made a couple of bad choices—not too different from mistakes she had made
before—and he was irate with her. Rather than lovingly rebuking her with gentle
firmness, however, he harshly rebuked her in anger. As a result, he had a falling
out with his daughter that never healed. Now that her daddy wasn’t in the picture
to guide her to the right decisions, she made mistake after mistake until, several
years later, she became like the drunk, fornicating boy.
It is better to use harsh words to steer a person toward the Lord’s will for his or
her life. I once knew a mother who thought she knew God’s will for her son. So
she steered the man with harsh words in the direction she thought he should go.
But the Lord had different plans for him, and she mocked him for it.
Even as a parent, I know that I don’t know God’s plans for my children. He has
something in store for each of them that is beyond my understanding. As it is
written,
“A man’s steps are of the LORD; how then can a man understand his own way?”
Proverbs 20:24
If we can’t understand our own way, how can we possibly understand another’s?
Unfortunately, this young man had a falling out with his mother. She thought he
needed to go to college, but God told him to become a pastor. When he obeyed
the Lord, she called him false. Needless to say, he doesn’t speak with his mother
anymore.
His mother was using “God’s will” as an excuse to lead her son to her own will.
This is dangerous spiritually and for a relationship. Negative and positive words
should point those to whom we speak, through love, toward the Lord. If we can’t
say anything through love, and if it is not said with regard to the conviction of
the Spirit of God, then it shouldn’t be said at all.
We need to allow God the opportunity to convict us and to guide our words
down wholesome, Christ-centered paths. If we don’t, then they will lead to
idleness or to roads of regret if they are spoken in harshness.
Let love guide your heart. Examine yourself before you speak in order to
determine that your words are spoken through Christ. If they are, then they will
bless your relationships and transform your life. What you say outwardly is an
indication of who you are inwardly. So change your words; it will force you to
change yourself.
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Also By Adam Houge

Adam Houge has over 100 titles on the Christian faith. You can search through
them on his Amazon author page, located on the following link:
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The following is a list of his bestselling titles, which may interest you.
The 7 Most Powerful Prayers That Will Change Your Life Forever
The 7 Spiritual Habits That Will Change Your Life Forever
The 7 Habits That Will Change Your Life Forever
Slaying Your Giants: How to Have Massive Faith
How to Memorize the Bible Fast and Easy
About the Author
Adam is a preacher, teacher and #1 internationally bestselling author of over 100
books on the Christian faith. He is a devoted husband and father of three boys.
Through his travels, he’s seen the need for a new awakening and a new revival: a
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CHOOSING WORDS THAT HEAL
Choosing Words That Heal™
Copyright © 2014 by Adam Houge

Published by Living Tree Publishing in Harrisonburg, VA
All rights reserved worldwide. Permission is granted for quotations in all manner
of religious assembly.
Portions of the text may be reprinted for use in small groups, church bulletins,
orders of service, Sunday school lessons, church newsletters, and similar works,
in the course of religious instruction, or services at a place of worship or other
religious assembly with the following notice:
Choosing Words That Heal™ by Adam Houge
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by
Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Bitter Words, Bitter Heart
Chapter One
Words That Gives Life
Chapter Two
Healing With Positive Words
Chapter Three
Healing With Negative Words
Chapter Four
The Battleground of the Tongue
I’d Love To Hear From You
Also By Adam Houge
About The Author
Introduction
Bitter Words, Bitter Heart
The words we use can have a tremendous impact on a person’s life. With them
you can build up or break down. You can edify or putrefy, bless a life or take a
life. Words can bless and words can crush, but if they’re not founded in love,
they’ll always be harmful in one way or another.
The fruit of our tongue needs to be taken with the utmost sincerity. For by our
words we are judged. Even as Jesus said,
“But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account
of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your
words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12:36–37
Now, beloved, let’s consider for a moment: what justifies a man and fulfills the
law? Love, no doubt. Seeing then that we will be justified by love and judged
according to our words, it would stand to reason that we must learn to speak our
words continually with love.
This is easier said than done. Consider arguments, coarse jesting, and all those
words you regret. Praise God for our Savior! But even though we have grace, we
ought to grow in having words seasoned with salt spoken in love with all purity.
Remember that every bitter word can create a bitter heart. It’s a true saying that
we reap what we sow, and if we sow words of anger or bitterness in another, we
will reap a bitter relationship from them. But there is room for hope where love
is. For love covers a multitude of sins, even as the love of Christ has covered our
sins and set us free. And as we read,
“Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.” Proverbs 10:12
Therefore we are exhorted,
“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a
multitude of sins.’” 1 Peter 4:8
Consider these things and consider your own life. How have you been building
people up around you? How have you been edifying them? Has this been a
serious thing for you? Consider devoting yourself to having a holy tongue and
committing to words of love seasoned with salt.
Indeed, our words are always seasoned with something. Whether with salt, bitter
herbs, oil, or honey, there’s always something we’re pouring in someone’s ear,
and our words go straight to the heart. Therefore if we’re not careful with the
things we say, we could be speaking volumes of hurt for someone else and not
even knowing it. But if we truly love our neighbor as ourselves, we will consider
their state of heart and guard our mouths to treasure their hearts.
Love has always been expressed first through the lips. Before every romantic
relationship begins, words of love come first. We communicate our hearts
through our mouths, and whatever is bubbling over from our hearts spills forth
from the mouth.
Like a kiss on the ear, a beautiful word can truly bless a soul. But a bitter word
can crush a spirit. The words we use can hurt and are often taken seriously by
the one we’re speaking to. We ought not to be caught saying things we don’t
actually mean but instead expressing sincerity with the heart of Christ.
In many relationships, words become swords. Friends are parted, and marriages
become broken. There is power in the tongue to give life or tear down. Satan
knows this and uses our own tongues against us through temptation.
Sometimes, in the heat of an argument, we say those things we don’t mean.
Maybe in our wrath and the temptation of heart, we did mean it, but after we
think about it, we regret it. A bitter word isn’t worth a broken heart.
If we aren’t mindful of someone else’s state of heart, our words can even kill.
Bitter word after bitter word can lead to a bitter, depressed heart. If we don’t
speak with love, a person won’t feel loved. Then such a person who’s been torn
down by our mouth can slip into the depths of depression. Yes, some have even
committed suicide over hurtful words. But if we love one another, we will guard
our tongues to communicate Christ’s true love.
If then we are Christ’s, we should show it by both our actions and the way we
communicate. If we are believers, the first fruit of the Spirit should be on
constant display through our words and works. As it is written,
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved
you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My
disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34–35
The world is a dark place devoid of the love of Christ. If we are truly living in
Jesus, we’ll endeavor to act like Him. Remember the saying “What would Jesus
do?” (WWJD) Maybe we should also consider “What would Jesus say?”
(WWJS). Rather than trying to figure out how He would leave a thoughtful
reply, would it hurt to ask Him how He would talk and what He would say?
Consider praying for a godly, loving, and edifying tongue that you may speak
words of life even as He does. Let the Spirit guide your mouth even as He guides
your hands while you meditate on Him daily.
His love gives life. It encourages a person and lifts up a soul. If Christ’s heart is
in us, then truly our mouth should show it. Consider yourself at this time: How
have your words been giving life? Consider devoting yourself to words of life
that edify in the love of Christ. Let Him raise up your heart to express His.
Chapter One
Words That Gives Life
Our words have power. Power to give life and power to kill. They can give life
to those who hear and to us ourselves. Even as is written,
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its
fruit.” Proverbs 18:21
For by our mouths we make confession, and through our tongues we find
salvation. As it is also written,
“For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth
confession is made unto salvation.” Romans 10:10
If our word has power, how much more does the Word of God have power over
life and death? In His word, we read that He created the heavens and the earth,
and by His mouth, life was breathed into mankind.
God’s words are Spirit and life. For the listener, it brings forth eternal life
through faith. For those who speak His words, it purifies their tongues and their
souls.
Knowing this, we ought to be sincere about keeping our words centered on
Christ. Remember that for every idle word you may speak, you will give an
account of it. Therefore, beloved, watch your conversations, and pay attention to
the things you’re talking about. If you find that your words are not edifying but
are coarse or idle, be diligent to bring it back to Jesus.
Let’s keep our mouths pure and clean. When we speak the things of Christ, it can
encourage a brother and lead an unbeliever to salvation. Although we must show
all men acts of loving-kindness, these works are meant to augment our words. If
we are not sharing Christ and giving the gospel, then we are not being loving. A
man is not saved by our kind deeds. A man is saved by the gospel of Jesus Christ
and faith in it. Therefore we must be diligent to share Christ with all men, both
the believer and the unbeliever. Believers are lifted up and edified through the
Lord, while the unbeliever needs words for faith that they may find salvation.
And as it is written,
“How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how
shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear
without a preacher?” Romans 10:14
Beloved, be the one who shares the good news of salvation. You do not need to
be a “preacher” as we understand one to be in order to share the gospel. God
calls us all to evangelize. Even Jesus commanded us,
“And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me
in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am
with you always, even to the end of the age.’ Amen.” Matthew 28:18–20
Every one of us are called to be a little bit of an evangelist. Therefore, as God
leads you, share the gospel. Let Him give you words that you may know what to
say.
We do not know the hearts of every individual. Although we can assume the
state of mind and state of heart, we can never really discern a person’s thoughts.
But God knows all things and what each person needs. Why then shouldn’t we
seek Him for wisdom? We should pray for words to share and open doors to
share the words we’re given. Some people make a habit of forcing Jesus down
people’s throats without actually being led. If you suggest to them that they
should be led in sharing the gospel, they will recite Matthew 28 as their
commission. Yes, the Lord gave us a commission, but the Holy Spirit interprets
to us how and when to apply His Scriptures on a day-to-day basis. We need to be
sensitive to His voice and live by it.
Remember that it is His word that gives eternal life and not our own. His word is
communicated to us on a moment-by-moment basis through the Holy Spirit.
Then as we read the word, it is His Spirit who interprets the Scriptures to us that
we may know and understand what He meant when He wrote the Bible. Even as
it is written,
“These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but
which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual.” 1
Corinthians 2:13
And also, as Paul put it,
“And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human
wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should
not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 2:4–5
Unfortunately, many men seek to speak of themselves without the inward voice
of the Spirit leading them. It’s as if they believe that God doesn’t have the ability
to guide our mouths. But indeed He does, and He also intends to. Even as the
Lord said to Moses,
“Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall
say.” Exodus 4:12
The Old Testament was not written merely as a historical document. All
scriptures are good for faith and salvation. Every scripture is meant to edify us in
our walk with the Lord. Even as it is also written,
“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for
reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may
be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16–17
Again the Scriptures were not given to us merely for a historical account but
rather that we may be made complete in Christ—thoroughly equipped for every
good work. Every good work is established through the voice of the Spirit as He
teaches us how to apply the written word.
Knowing this, we must become better listeners. Remember that we are given two
ears and one mouth. We must learn to do more listening and less speaking. But
the listening we need to do is toward the Lord and not our own hearts. Although
we should listen to one another as well, we should listen to God as to how we
should respond to one another. The Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth
come knowledge and understanding. As we also read,
“For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and
understanding.” Proverbs 2:6
Therefore it is good to listen to God that we may gain wisdom. The more we sit
in His presence and the more attuned we are to His voice, the wiser we will
become. Why is this? Because the Holy Spirit leads us in our walk and teaches
us how to apply the Scriptures daily. But that He leads us is evident. For we also
read,
“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” Romans
8:14
Now, if we’re diligent to be led by the Spirit and we seek His voice, then His
words will come from our mouths naturally. He will teach us what to say and
how to say it. Then after practice listening to God, sharing His words and
responding with the heart of Christ will become like a reflex. In order to do
otherwise, it would require us to meditate on anything but Christ.
His words give life. If then we are attentive to His voice, His life will be at work
in us for eternal life. Then as we share His words, it will lead others to eternal
life as Jesus commanded us to do in Matthew 28.
Be accustomed to listening more than speaking. A listener becomes a wise
person. When we listen, we learn; when we learn, we become wise as we
discover how to accurately apply the knowledge we gain. But if we are
continuous talkers, not conscious to the words we share, then we make ourselves
fools. As it is written,
“A fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart.”
Proverbs 18:2
and again,
“Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather
than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. Do not
be rash with your mouth, And let not your heart utter anything hastily before
God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; Therefore let your words be few.
For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool's voice is known by his
many words.” Ecclesiastes 5:1–3
Beloved, be diligent to listen to the Spirit. Discern His voice and what He’s
saying. What we have to say pales in comparison to His words. Although there is
nothing wrong with sharing our hearts with others, we should be more concerned
with sharing Christ’s heart. He will speak to your heart the things you should say
and how you should reply. If you’re listening to Him, He will convict you before
you say something wicked.
He will remind you of holy speech before you say something unedifying. The
Spirit will guard your heart and your tongue if you let Him. But if you ignore
Him or don’t listen intently to Him, you may miss these warnings. Beloved, be
swift to hear and slow to speak; only speak when the words of life are on your
mouth.
Consider the plight of Ezekiel when he was called to prophesy and suffered
many trials for the sake of those to whom he spoke. God laid on him a burden,
keeping Him from speaking anything but what the Spirit gave Him. He was not
allowed to talk except for the words God granted Him. As we read,
“Then the Spirit entered me and set me on my feet, and spoke with me and said
to me: ‘Go, shut yourself inside your house. And you, O son of man, surely they
will put ropes on you and bind you with them, so that you cannot go out among
them.
I will make your tongue cling to the roof of your mouth, so that you shall be mute
and not be one to rebuke them, for they are a rebellious house.
But when I speak with you, I will open your mouth, and you shall say to them,
“Thus says the Lord GOD.” He who hears, let him hear; and he who refuses, let
him refuse; for they are a rebellious house.’” Ezekiel 3:24–27
This was burden laid on Ezekiel for the sakes of those who passed by that God
might prophesy through him. Now, to some, they may consider it a cursing in
that they couldn’t share their own heart. Although this scripture is regarding
prophecy if God were to be the only one opening our mouths, during ordinary
conversations, how would our speech be different? We all need to take this to
heart! Examine yourself right now, and consider how you’d speak differently.
Consider that if God laid a similar burden on you as Ezekiel, it wouldn’t be a
curse if you’re already constantly sharing Christ’s heart. You’d already be saying
the things you ought to! If you’re judged by your words and your mouth was full
of love, grace, and the gospel, what would be the outcome? This is what Jesus
desires for each of us. Not that we shouldn’t have free will or the ability to freely
express our hearts but that we would learn to do so in a godly manner.
If our words are the Lord’s, we will have a pure mouth and a pure heart. For our
words come from the heart. Even as Jesus said,
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil
man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the
abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
But that our mouths either make us perfect or lead us to condemnation is
evident. As it is also written,
“For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a
perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’
mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body.
Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds,
they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.
Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a
forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The
tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on
fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.” James 3:2–6
There is no greater healing that can be found in words than in the words of Jesus
Christ. When we’re broken, He comforts us. When we’re sinning, He convicts
us. He gently leads us in the way and is quick to love and slow to wrath.
Therefore we must be quick to listen to Him that our words may be from Him.
Even as we also read,
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,
slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19–20
So what then produces righteousness of God? What is righteousness? Faith in
motion no doubt. Therefore righteousness is produced by whatever creates faith
and our acting on it. What creates faith?
“…faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17
Therefore if we desire to produce the righteousness of God both in ourselves and
others, we must be attentive to the voice of the Spirit. We ought to speak what
He gives us, sharing His heart with others and applying His words in our own
walk.
The nearer to His voice we become, the more righteous we will be. If we are
accustomed to listening to God that we may have a proper reply, it will create
righteousness in us. Why? Because we will be more sensitive to His voice, and
He will also speak to us personally as to how we should walk and act in Christ.
The more sensitive we are to His voice, the better we will hear His conviction
that we can walk in love, in truth, and in all godliness.
If then you desire to heal a person, cherish them with the Lord’s heart. Surrender
your heart to God. Trust your heart to the one who created it. Let Him speak to
you that you may learn how to communicate through love and edify others in the
Spirit of God. Let us be as one’s who heal and bring life with the words we
speak.
Let’s be diligent to bring our conversations back to Jesus. If there’s anything
unedifying that we’re saying, if we’re attuning our hearts to the Spirit, His
conviction will turn us back around.
He knows the hearts of people better than we do. He knows what actions would
bless a person the most and what words are the most needful for them to hear. If
they’re an unbeliever, they must hear from Jesus to be drawn to the Father. Let
them hear the Lord through you that they can be drawn to Him and find
salvation. Let them find love through you as you become the image of the love
of God.
If there is anyone hurting that we need comfort, God knows how to comfort
them the best. Is it so wrong to pray and ask the Lord to guide our hearts and our
mouths? Is it wrong that he should speak to us that we may know how we ought
to talk? Is it wrong to be attentive to the conviction of the Spirit that we can
speak holy, edifying, and loving words that lift up? We ought to pray and ask the
Lord to be with our mouths and teach us what to say, as He did with Moses. We
should pray that He would make us more sensitive to His voice that we can hear
Him and that He would grant us wisdom to understand Him.
Let God season your mouth with salt. May your words always be with grace in
the love of God. Comfort the broken; uphold the weak. Open your mouth, and
let God guide your speech. Be as one who heals, and pay attention to what you
say that you may not break down.
The words we say can turn someone from the Lord or turn them to Him. His
words bring life and comfort to all who put their faith in Him. Let us seek the
words that heal and remember that there are no greater words that heal than the
words of Jesus Christ.
Chapter Two
Healing With Positive Words
The center of every relationship begins with the heart. The mouth communicates
the issues of the heart, thus keeping each relationship connected. Being mindful
of this, the words of our mouths ought to be watered with kindness and grace.
A well-nourished plant is first founded in fertile, loose soil. Then it is watered
well, and through time, it grows and bears fruit. Similarly, our relationships need
to be founded in love and watered with kindness.
Remember that if a man wants friends, he must first be friendly. Every
relationship grows and prospers through the foundation of love. If we want our
relationships to prosper, then we ought to focus on how we communicate our
hearts with others.
Communication is key. Love and trust are foundational to any relationship. We
learn to trust others through the integrity in their communication. And all love
begins with the mouth. For as we stated, the mouth communicates the heart.
Knowing this, we should always be looking for kind words for others. We should
be building them up with the things we say while resisting any negativity.
Negativity should only come in when the Spirit leads us to rebuke. Beyond that,
our words should be filled with love and peace.
Everything we say should benefit the purpose of peace and growth in our
relationships. Granted, there are idle topics we talk about, but how we
communicate our hearts during our conversations is the secret to a prospering
relationship. Knowing this, it is good to consider how we treat one another.
Be mindful of your own heart, and watch the way you talk. Continually focus on
the things you say. If you think before you speak, how often will you say
something foolish? Therefore, beloved, I like to encourage you to pay attention
to what you’re saying before you speak it.
Consider nice things to say to someone. For example, in marriage, men ought to
compliment their wives continually. Multiple times throughout the day, you
should be building them up and building their self-esteem.
Speak well of their heart, of their integrity, and of their beauty, and tell them
what you like about them most. Take the time to notice what they do, and thank
them for it. If they spend much time taking care of the house, then open your
eyes to see what they’re doing. Pay careful attention to what they do, and
compliment them often. If the sink looks extra shiny, tell them they did a good
job on it. If you notice the microwave was cleaned, tell them how good it looks.
If they did the dishes, thank them for it. Take the time to notice what they’re
doing—not once a month, not once a week, not once a day, but several times a
day every day.
Think about it in terms of flowers. Although a girl loves a dozen roses, she’d
prefer to receive 12 different roses throughout the month, thoughtfully picked for
her as you go about your day. “I was at such and such a place and saw this pretty
field of flowers. It made me think of you and how much I appreciate you. So I
picked one for you!” When she asks you why looking at a flower made you
think of her, tell her, “Well…the flower looked pretty. And every time I see
something beautiful, it reminds me of you. And I was thinking of you, so I
stopped to get you one because I thought you’d like it.”
A girl prefers a thoughtful action over a paid for action. Don’t buy a flower or
buy a bouquet except on proper occasions. Take the time to pick her a flower
instead. Give her something that says, “I was thinking about you!” But don’t just
pick any flower; look the plant over for the nicest one possible. Then let her
know that you looked for the best one because she means that much to you.
Words are like flowers. Don’t give her a bunch of gushing words once a month,
once a week, or once a day. But show her—continually—how much you care for
her with your words several times a day. Be affectionate, and be real. Don’t joke
about her or her appearance –never pick on her at any time! A woman is for
cherishing and holding, not breaking. Always be thinking of something
thoughtful you can say or do.
Make sure you compliment her several times a day! Only after creating a
foundation with words that cherish her can you pour your heart out to her. A girl
is a tender and emotional creature. Of all people who would care about your
heart, your wife would be number one. Around another man, you may be afraid
to share and show your emotions. But she will always embrace you and admire
you when you show her your tender side.
Women, likewise, ought to constantly build up their husbands. Stop and think for
a moment about what you admire most in your husband. Then, from your heart,
share it with him. Let him feel built up even as you desire to be built up.
Compliment him on how smart you think he is, compliment his looks, and lead
him to honestly believe that his strength impresses you.
Tell him what various strengths you see in him, and he will admire you for it.
Dogs like having their ears scratched; likewise, men like to hear good things
about themselves. While a woman may want to be cherished, a man wants to feel
cool. So let the women show the men how awesome they think their husbands
are, while giving God the glory first of course.
For those who have children, you should often look for something positive to say
to them. Friendships are built with actions and words and can be broken through
the like. When a child’s heart is broken due to something we may have said, we
should quickly seek to heal that situation. Hurtful words break a friendship. A
broken friendship with a child can ruin all hopes of proper parenting.
Parents, through God-given talent, tend to see where every child falls short and
needs growth. But if all we do is reprimand them, they’ll grow to despise us. Yet
if we are good to point out their strengths, it can build up their hearts.
Consider that teenagers take words very seriously. Not being fully developed in
emotion, they can take a harsh statement very hard. So practice gentle rebukes.
Only be harsh when absolutely necessary.
Fathers, be sensitive to your young daughter’s heart. Be gentle with her. If she is
comfortable enough to share her “boy crush” with you, you’re on good ground.
If you have something negative (yet constructive) to say about it, tread softly,
and think before you approach the situation. Pray for guidance lest you break her
heart and you lose that close connection.
Always keep close communication with your children, and let them know how
much you appreciate their friendship. Make them feel wanted and important.
Have heart to heart talks with them, not merely about things they need to grow
in, but be willing to have a heart to heart about anything that interests them.
Connect with them through their interests and so build a friendship with them.
Remember that friends do a lot of talking. Get to know their heart, and share
yours with them.
Teenagers are at a stage where they want to understand everything. If it doesn’t
make sense to them, they’ll resist you. But if through patience you stop what
you’re doing to give them understanding, they’ll respect you. What kind of
parent would you rather be? One your children honor and respect or one they
loath because of constant disagreements and misunderstandings? Proper
communication is a foundation to every relationship. So grow in how you
communicate with them, and help them to understand you.
In friendships, we should be careful of the things we say. Our words should point
everyone back to Christ, and if we aren’t acting like Christ, then what are we
doing? We need to be more thoughtful toward the other person and attentive to
their state of heart. If they look broken or hurt, then try to get it out of them, and
have a tender heart. Lift them up, and be an open ear. Some people need an open
ear, and some need a shoulder to cry on. We should be that person and show the
image of Christ through our conduct. Sometimes the best words are spoken only
after we’ve heard someone else out.
We should always be looking for someone who needs a lift, whether we know
them or not. We need to keep our eyes open to others and be sensitive to their
state of heart. We should be good to encourage them, build them up, and speak
kind words. Now, this isn’t a call to pour oil in someone’s ear. This is a call to
speak truthfully, sincerely, and continually in the love of Christ.
Chapter Three
Healing With Negative Words
Negative words can crush a spirit. But there are some times when something
negative needs to be said, such as when someone is sinning.
There are times when certain people we know choose to do the wrong thing and
walk without regard for repentance. A “negative word” in this example would be
a loving rebuke. Some people need a little rebuke to help them heal.
When a person is sinning, sometimes they don’t even realize that they’re broken.
We can’t speak positively about sin, as there is nothing positive about it. Rather,
we should lovingly bring a sinner to repentance.
Now, a negative word shouldn’t be spoken with harsh criticism. Rather, it should
be constructive and loving. If not, it is sure to tear down a spirit. But if spoken in
love, a negative, yet constructive, statement can heal.
However, there are some who don’t want to say anything harsh, so they refrain
from rebuking. Some claim, “I don’t want to be a judge lest I am judged.” We
aren’t judging, we’re discerning rightly and turning a brother back to the right
course of life as we are commanded to do. God didn’t call us to cast off
discernment when He said, “Do not judge lest you be judged.” The original
Greek says, “Do not condemn lest you be condemned.” The form of judgment
this Scripture is talking about is an unloving, condemning judgment. Sadly, even
knowing this, there are some Christians that aren’t afraid to condemn.
But we are called to lovingly rebuke. As we read,
“Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.” Proverbs 27:5
And also,
“Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him
back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save
a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:19–20
With this Scripture in mind, if we love our family in Christ, we will lovingly turn
them to truth. This Scripture isn’t talking about the world but the Church in that
it says, “Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth.” This verse is
talking about those among the brethren, who have the truth then wander from it.
Knowing this, we should be diligent to care for each other’s state. Yes, we
should be more focused on our own walks, but if anyone has stumbled into a pit,
we should lovingly help them out of it. Indeed, God calls us to pull the plank out
of our own eyes first. As we read,
“Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see
clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5
But what does the word say after we remove the plank? That we will see clearly
to help our brother with their speck. But even if you struggle, there is nothing
wrong with humbly approaching those who refuse to repent in saying, “Brother,
you shouldn’t be doing that! I realize it and that’s why I’m seeking to grow, and
you should as well.”
But those who can truly see clearly to work on others’ specks are teachers of the
Word, having removed their specks through the power of God, faith in that
power, and knowledge in the faith. Such a person is called to purify their
brethren and be the example to them. But we don’t need to be teachers to
humbly approach one another in love.
We can all be supporting one another’s walks. We can brace each other up as a
body is called to. Therefore seek to do so with love and discretion. Do not be
swift to speak negatively, but pursue constructive speech.
Those who are parents are called by God to constructively build their children in
Christ. When rebuking a child, try not to be harsh. If you’re a family who
practices spanking, then spank out of love, not anger. For it is written,
“…the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:20
If you want to produce righteousness in your children, then discipline them in
love, not wrath. Be calm while you do it, and do not let them hint a tone of
aggression in you. Remember that your Father in heaven sweetly breaks you of
your sin. If He were wrathful on you, where would you be now? Now, I’m not
saying that we shouldn’t discipline our children but rather that we should and
that we should do it in constructive love, not heated wrath. For God disciplines
us with this in mind: love and eternal life. Lead your children to the same.
Now for those who are approaching elders to rebuke them, rather exhort them
lovingly as fathers. For it is written,
“Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as
brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.” 1
Timothy 5:1–2
Think for a moment. How would you rebuke your dad? Do the same with an
elder, whether an elder in the Spirit or an elderly person. Be respectful, speak
truth, and above all, be loving. A spiritual elder already knows the right thing to
do, and a simple reminder should convict them to the core. An elderly person in
the flesh, or someone who’s clearly old enough to be your dad, should be
approached with respect. If you don’t respect them, they won’t have respect for
your words. How then are you achieving that constructiveness that we’re
speaking about?
When rebuking older women, treat them like a mother. How would you rebuke
your own mother? Be respectful and be loving. For men rebuking a woman of
like age, do so with purity. I would say that we should rebuke them like a sister,
but how brothers treat sisters in the American culture is generally contrary to
what Christ would call us to do. This is a shame and should be changed that
children raised together in Christ would love one another.
Ultimately, use discernment when speaking a negative word. It should always
build up and edify, not break down. Anything that tears down isn’t what Christ
calls us to. Rather, He said, “Condemn not that you be not condemned.”
As we read,
“Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be
condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
The Greek word for judgment here is “krino,” which means to give a
condemning judgment. This is similar to the judgment a judge would give a
criminal in determining the manner of prison sentence they deserve. The word
for “condemn” here is “katadikazo,” which means “a condemning guilty
verdict.” Or that is to say, the end result of the condemning judgment.
So we shouldn’t put other people before us to condemn them like a judge.
Rather, we should put people before Christ to edify them in love, lest such a
person utterly refuses to repent. Then for the sake of love, to convict them of sin,
we are to put them out of the Church only to receive them back when they repent
from the heart. As Jesus said,
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you
and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not
hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three
witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it
to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a
heathen and a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15–17
Today we say, “Well, I’d witness to and love on that tax collector!” But in Jesus’
culture at the time, they refused to associate with them. Jesus is calling the
believer to refuse to associate with the unrepentant sinner for the purpose of
shaming them into repentance.
As we also read,
“It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such
sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his
father’s wife!
And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this
deed might be taken away from among you.
For I indeed, as absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged (as
though I were present) him who has so done this deed.
In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, along with
my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, deliver such a one to Satan
for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the
Lord Jesus.
Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the
whole lump?
Therefore purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly
are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us.
Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice
and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. I wrote to
you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I
certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with
the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of
the world.
But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a
BROTHER, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or
a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. For what
have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those
who are inside? But those who are outside God judges. Therefore ‘PUT AWAY
FROM YOURSELVES THE EVIL PERSON.’” 1 Corinthians 5:1–13
Remember that the Holy Spirit wrote the Scriptures. It is God telling us to do
this and not Paul himself. Taking this to heart, we see that there is a time to truly
be negative, when an unrepentant sinner may still walk in Christ. For this
Scripture we quoted previously said,
“deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be
SAVED in the day of the Lord Jesus.” 1 Corinthians 5:5
This was written not to condemn someone to the hellfire but to rebuke them in a
manner that drives them to repentance. And did this person Paul talks about
repent? Yes. For he wrote to the Corinthians again about this man. As we read,
“This punishment which was inflicted by the majority is sufficient for such a
man, so that, on the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest
perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow.
Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him.
For to this end I also wrote, that I might put you to the test, whether you are
obedient in all things.” 2 Corinthians 2:6-–9
This type of “condemnation” isn’t condemning at all. Really, it is meant for
repentance that their soul may be saved in the Day of the Lord.
Although we are called to negative words at times, we should only do so with
love and discretion. The point is to lead to repentance. Then after such a person
has repented, we ought to lovingly receive them back, putting their sin into a sea
of forgetfulness.
Let’s be faithful to turn all men to Jesus, being the example of His beating heart.
Commit to words that edify, and seek to be constructive through the leading of
the Holy Spirit.
Chapter Four
The Battleground of the Tongue
There are times when we let slip words we never mean to say: sometimes hurtful
words and sometimes crude or ungodly words. When battling our own hearts to
speak uprightly, surrounding ourselves with godliness is key.
If we surround ourselves with unedifying things, they will influence us to speak
and act inappropriately. If you watch inappropriate movies or shows, play
inappropriate games, or spend quality time with ungodly people, it will influence
you to do wrongly. Even as it is written,
“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’ Awake to
righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I
speak this to your shame.” 1Co 15:33-34
What we choose to spend our time with dictates what manner of person we’ll
become. If we choose to surround ourselves with godliness, it will assist us in
our efforts to become godlier people. But if we surround ourselves with negative
influences, negativity will come from our mouths.
Yes, we should attempt to be a light to ungodly people, but spending too much
time with them can stomp out our light. We need to focus on the things that
benefit our walks in Christ.
The first being the time we spend with the Lord. We ought to spend more alone
time with the Spirit, learning how to meditate on His presence and understand
His voice. The nearer we draw to Him, the more like Him we will become.
If we want to have holy, edifying words that heal, we need to surround ourselves
with the things of Christ, allowing God to influence our conduct and behavior. If
there is anything in your life that isn’t benefitting your walk, maybe you should
consider abstaining from it to glorify the Lord.
No matter how hard we try to build up others, if we ourselves are torn down, it
won’t profit us in Christ. It isn’t about how much we pour out but about how
much Christ pours in us and through us as we walk in discernment.
The only place you learned an unedifying word from was an unedifying person
—or else you’d never know how to talk like that. This is similar to “monkey see
no evil, monkey hear no evil, monkey speak no evil.” If we see godliness and
hear from God, we’ll act like God through obedience.
Now, as Christians, there are many ways that we can struggle with our words.
Some struggle with being crude, speaking rashly when angry, coarsely jesting,
speaking idly, and speaking self-condemning words.
As believers, we press hard to please the Lord. We strive to increase our
character and become better people. While we strive, sometimes we become too
hard on ourselves. We have high expectations of ourselves and get mad at
ourselves when we fail.
Although it is good to have some disappointment with ourselves that we can
strive to do better, it isn’t right that we should wallow in self-condemnation. The
truth is that we need a Savior. We could never do it ourselves in the first place.
So why would we become so angry with ourselves when we find out that we
can’t do it? We already knew this when we came to Christ. Let’s remember our
foundation and return back to the One who strengthens us to overcome things.
Rather than having negative self-talk or a heart full of self-condemnation, we
ought to be set free in the love of Christ.
As we continue in the Spirit, rather than being caught up by our failures, we
should learn from them. If we wallow in self-pity and self-condemnation, we are
being too focused on “self” and not rightly putting our focus on the Lord. Yes,
our failures are our fault, but our successes are God’s. Knowing this, rather than
focusing on the things that make us fail, we should press on toward the One who
makes us succeed. Focus on what gives you victory, which is the Holy Spirit.
When we fail, the first words that heal us are those of confession and repentance.
The next words that heal come from prayer as we ask the Lord to be our
strength. Then as we put our faith in Him, He will be.
Every human being tends to have polarized thinking at some point in their life.
We feel as if “either I’m a success or failure.” Yet we need to remember that in
Christ, we are a work in progress.
When we fail, there’s nothing wrong with being upset about it. We ought to be
because we made a mistake. If a person doesn’t feel bad for the things they do,
they’ll never learn from them. Remember that every sorry begins with “sorrow.”
In order for us to repent, first we must be broken of our sin.
But if we continue to sit in sorrow rather than seeking the freedom found in
Jesus, we sin. Our eyes need to be focused on the Lord and the strength He
gives. Although we need to hate our sins, hate doesn’t fulfill the law, love does.
Therefore we should focus on the love we have for God and continue to walk in
it as we seek to be intimate with His Holy Spirit. If we love the Spirit, then we
need to be intimate with Him. Therefore as we seek to be intimate with God and
express our love toward Him, we will fulfill the law. How so? Because as we
meditate on the Spirit and His voice to obey Him we walk in the Spirit. As we
walk in the Spirit, we fulfill the law and overcome all things.
Likewise, if we struggle with being idle, we can fix this by filling our time with
Jesus. Rather than focusing on the things that fill our own desires, we should fill
ourselves with Christ. If we aren’t filling ourselves with Christ, our mouths will
prove it.
If you are the type of person who gets caught in arguments, speaking things
which you ought not, then you can correct this by stepping away from the
argument and meditating on the Spirit. If you are arguing with your spouse, or a
brother or sister in the Lord, agree with them to step into another room and seek
the Lord.
They should seek the Lord in one room, and you should seek Him in another.
Then as you feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and give God your anger and let
go of it, approach one another to make amends.
If we allow a heated argument to continue, it’ll only turn into an explosive one.
Every argument is like a bomb waiting to explode, and when you heat it up long
enough, it can be expected to. But if you want to diffuse the situation, go cool off
in the Holy Spirit.
Both of you should agree to do this. Then when you come out of your prayer
closet, your mouth will be seasoned with salt. Be sensitive to the Spirit, obeying
Him, and your mouth will be properly seasoned to reflect the love and
righteousness of God.
The things we spend our time around will influence us. Rather than spending our
time in a heated argument, if we surround ourselves with Christ, He will
influence our hearts to speak convicting, loving words that unify. Therefore let’s
be dedicated to seeking the Lord. If we can’t have God’s words when we argue,
then maybe we should step away from the argument, get out of the heat of the
battle, and go rest in the Holy Spirit.
Similarly, we ought to be people who turn others to the Lord. When you’re in an
argument, turn the other person to God. Don’t try to be right—don’t even worry
about being right—but turn them to Christ.
When that person gets “in the Spirit,” or that is to say, focuses on the Spirit, the
Lord will convict them to speak lovingly. God fixes everything! So turn the
person to the Lord, and He will fix their heart and heal the situation. Likewise,
when you turn to the Lord, He will fix your heart to speak rightly to them.
In this, we will speak more lovingly and choose words that heal rather than
divide. The real trick to having a holy mouth is to fill yourself with Christ and
continually meditate on His Holy Spirit. Spend much time in your secret place
with Him. Grow sensitive to His conviction, and obey it always.
By so doing, your words will be spoken with love. Remember that the Holy
Spirit’s first fruit is love. Therefore if you want to speak with loving words that
heal, fill yourself with the things of the Holy Spirit. Meditate on His presence,
and seek to practice His love.
By practicing His love while meditating on Him, you will hear His convictions
clearly that you can hold those around you more dearly. Always speak with love,
and pay attention to the state of your own heart.
If your heart isn’t right, then sit alone with Spirit. After your alone time with
God, carry the message with you and continue to meditate on His presence and
on the message. In time, you will grow to have an upright heart that chooses
words that heal.
I’d Love To Hear From You
As an author I regard the feedback of my readers highly. When considering a
book many people weigh reviews in the balance.
If you enjoyed this book please consider helping others make an informed
decision. Leaving a review can help spread the message of the gospel, increase
other’s faith through these books, and would be a great way to support this
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About The Author
Adam is a preacher, teacher and Christian author. He is a devoted husband and
father of 3 boys. Through His travels he’s seen the need for a new awakening
and a new revival: A revival of the heart. Come join Adam on this journey of
redemption and experience God like never before!
Table of Contents
If You Change Your Words It Will Transform Your Life!
Choosing Words That Heal
The Healing Tongue
“I’m fat.”
“I’m stupid.”
Words to Consider
Want Free Books?
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About the Author
Introduction. 1
Bitter Words, Bitter Heart 1
Chapter One. 1
Words That Gives Life 1
Chapter Two. 1
Healing With Positive Words 1
Chapter Three. 1
Healing With Negative Words 1
Chapter Four. 1
The Battleground of the Tongue 1
I’d Love To Hear From You. 1
Also By Adam Houge. 1
About The Author. 1

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