There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square.

The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square.

One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted
down next to his camel. "What time is it, sir?"

The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand, and raises them up
and down.

"It's about 2:00", he says.

The tourist can't believe what he just saw.

He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2:00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists
his story,

"The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals!"

One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing
happens!! It is 2:05.p.m.

He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done.

He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals.

The local says "Sit down here and grab the camel's genitals". "Now, lift them up in the
air.

Now, look underneath them to the other side of the courtyard, where that clock is hanging
on the wall."

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargements.

He told her, "Every day when you get out of the shower, rub the top of your nipples and
say, 'Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies.'"

She did this every day faithfully. After several months, it worked! She grew great boobs!

One morning she was running late, and in her rush to leave for work, she realized she had
forgotten her morning ritual.

At this point she loved her boobs and didn't want to lose them, so she got up in the
middle of the bus and said, "Scooby dooby dooby, I want bigger boobies."
A guy sitting nearby asked her, "Do you go to Dr. Smith by any chance?"

"Why yes, I do. How did you know?"

The man stood up and cupped his balls and said, "Hickory dickory dock..."

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and
she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of
your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."

Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"

Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your
legs."

The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.

"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God,I'm
coming!"

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it
would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one
syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"

"Does anyone know another word."

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"OK Mike, what is your word."

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says,
"O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her
composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a
red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my
boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard
sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl
comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest.
"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to
Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we
make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As
she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Let me guess, you have a
boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Washington State.
Why do you ask?"

A man went to see a doctor because of a very high, squeaky, annoying voice. The doctor
examined him, and told him that the only way would be to replace his extremely large
penis with a smaller one. The guy is desperate and decides to go through with the
operation. It's a great success and the man has a fantastic baritone. But after some time
the guy's sex life deteriorates and he decides to see the doctor to try get his original
equipment back. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, is there any way that you could get me
my organ back, my sex life has gone bad." "Not on your life!!" the doctor replies in a
high, squeaky, annoying voice.

A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his (also a
mute). In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied
(vocally!), "Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now." Intrigued, the mute pressed
him for details. It seems that he had gone to a specialist, who, seeing no physical damage,
had put him on a treatment program that had restored the use of his vocal chords.
Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. They got an
appointment that very afternoon. After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that there was
no permanent damage, that the mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy,
and that there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well. "Yes, yes" signed the
mute. "Let's have the first treatment right now!" "Very well," replies the specialist.
"Kindly go into the next room, drop your pants and lean over the examining table. I'll be
right in." The mute does as instructed and the doctor sneaks in with a broomstick, mallet,
and jar of Vaseline. Greasing the broom handle, he "sends it home" with a few deft
swipes of the mallet. The mute jumps from the table, screaming,
"AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa!!!" "VERY good," smiles the doctor. "Next Tuesday, we start
with 'B'"

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get
pregnant from anal intercourse?" "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think
lawyers come from?"

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a
tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a hotdog and a cookie with
him on his next visit. When he was being examined the doctor shoved the muffin, the
hotdog, and finally the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor
calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several
weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a hotdog and a cookie up his ass.
Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a hotdog
and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the
muffin and the hotdog up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared
out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

An old man and young man were talking at the bar. The young man tells the old man he
got his wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes for Christmas. The old man asks why
did he get her both, the young man tells him so if she didn’t like the ring she could drive
herself to the jewelry store and return it. The old man laughs and tells the young man he
got his wife a pair of flip flops and a dildo and the young man states why both, the old
man states that if she doesn’t like the flip flops she could go fuck herself