Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma

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‘How Can I Love You if You Don’t Let Me Do this?’

Evaluating the Effects of the Red Pill Seduction
Community Experienced by Intimate Partners

Ian Zapcic, Megan Fabbri & Sharvari Karandikar

To cite this article: Ian Zapcic, Megan Fabbri & Sharvari Karandikar (05 Mar 2023): ‘How
Can I Love You if You Don’t Let Me Do this?’ Evaluating the Effects of the Red Pill Seduction
Community Experienced by Intimate Partners, Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma,
DOI: 10.1080/10926771.2023.2186302

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/10926771.2023.2186302

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JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA
https://doi.org/10.1080/10926771.2023.2186302

‘How Can I Love You if You Don’t Let Me Do this?’

Evaluating the Effects of the Red Pill Seduction Community
Experienced by Intimate Partners
a
Ian Zapcic , Megan Fabbrib, and Sharvari Karandikar a

a
College of Social Work, The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH, USA; bSchool of Social Work, West
Virginia University, Morgantown, WV, USA

ABSTRACT ARTICLE HISTORY

The Red Pill (TRP) is an online antifeminist seduction commu­ Received 21 November 2022
nity, which encourages its members to employ their beliefs and Revised 18 January 2023
manipulation strategies in offline relationships. Though pre­ Accepted 6 February 2023
vious studies have evaluated online TRP communities and KEYWORDS
their discourse, this study represents the first investigation of Courtship; gender
the impacts of TRP practices on intimate partners engaged in oppression; intimate partner
physical, offline relationships with TRP men. Six in-depth, semi- violence; media use;
structured interviews were conducted with women who had qualitative methods
formerly been romantic partners with TRP men. Analysis
revealed four primary themes: (1) technology use, (2) maltreat­
ment, (3) social beliefs, and (4) long-term effects, each with
multiple subcategories. TRP was used by male partners both
as a basis for controlling many elements of participants’ lives, as
well as a basis for their own beliefs about gender, sexuality, and
politics. Despite differences in ages, lengths of relationships,
and geographic locations of participants, commonalities were
found in their experiences of various forms of maltreatment. As
a result, participants expressed high levels of ongoing mistrust
toward dating and other men. Findings suggest that TRP exists
as a form of intimate partner violence spreading via the internet
while masking as a seduction or self-help system, and that its
risks are not limited to online spaces. Results may inform future
research in order to generate greater awareness and potential
prevention strategies for TRP-affected populations.

The “manosphere” is the term for a collection of websites, message boards, and
other online spaces associated with the men’s rights movement and similar
online-mediated antifeminist groups (Ging, 2019; Schmitz & Kazyak, 2016).
Manosphere discourse encompasses a range of topic areas including the
#Gamergate community, which garnered attention for harassment and threats
toward women involved in the video game industry, and the politically-
concerned alt-right, implicated in events such as the election of Donald
Trump for U.S. President and the Charlottesville “Unite The Right” rally
(Mamié et al., 2021; Massanari, 2017). Several manosphere groups are specific

CONTACT Ian Zapcic zapcic.1@osu.edu College of Social Work, The Ohio State University Stillman Hall, 1947
College Road, Columbus, OH 43210, USA
© 2023 The Author(s). Published with license by Taylor & Francis Group, LLC.
This is an Open Access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives
License (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/), which permits non-commercial re-use, distribution, and reproduction in
any medium, provided the original work is properly cited, and is not altered, transformed, or built upon in any way.
2 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

in their efforts to teach men how to “pickup” or seduce women, such as the
Pickup Artistry community which focuses on confidence-building through
scripted attraction routines (Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019; Ging, 2019).
Another manosphere group, The Red Pill (TRP), teaches a different form of
seduction through espousing a specific type of hypermasculinity, reinforcing
stereotypical gender hierarchies, and encouraging men to manipulate women
to counteract feminism, which it refers to as women’s “sexual strategy” (Ging,
2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021).
The phrases “taking the red pill” or “becoming red-pilled” are references to
the 1999 film The Matrix, in which the main character swallows a red pill after
being informed that doing so will allow him to see the world in its true form
(Silver & (Producer)&The Wachowskis (Directors), 1999). Concordantly, the
term has taken hold in the manosphere, which believes the truth that men
must “wake up” to is that feminism harms them and robs them of their
masculinity (Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019; Ging, 2019). The TRP community
takes this imagery further, telling men that if they swallow the red pill they will
be able to overcome the obstacles that feminism uses to prevent them from
having as many sexual partners as they desire (Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019;
Van Valkenburgh, 2021). TRP philosophy suggests that men must adopt an
“alpha” male persona, because women are inherently attracted to high-status,
traditionally masculine men and will only date lower-status men if they wish to
exploit them financially (Ging, 2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021). As such,
scholars have observed that red-pilled ideologies and the manosphere at-
large may be radicalizing men who may go on to commit violence or harass­
ment (Baele et al., 2019; Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019; Marwick & Lewis,
2015; Massanari, 2017).
TRP content can be found across a variety of online platforms, but it has
been largely organized on the message board site Reddit (Ging, 2019; Van
Valkenburgh, 2021). The main sub-forum, or “sub-reddit” for TRP currently
has over 1.7 million subscribed users (Reddit, n.d.b), and has been observed to
host several thousand unique posts and replies published per week (Copland,
2020). Notably, Reddit “quarantined” TRP, meaning that in order to try to
reduce further spread of its influence on their site they made TRP content only
viewable to users who were already subscribed or who actively searched it out
(Copland, 2020; Cousineau, 2020). Research has observed that such restric­
tions can effectively curb the growth and spread of radical online communities
(Copland, 2020). However, this research has also suggested that these restric­
tions limit the diversity of perspectives in discourse and can result in a greater
level of radicalization among the user base, which remains active. Indeed,
these subscribed Reddit users continue to actively use TRP to spread their
beliefs on masculinity and exchange their seduction techniques that treat
women as commodities to be controlled for sexual gain (Van Valkenburgh,
2021).
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 3

TRP is similar to other online seduction communities such as Pickup

Artistry in that it advocates for a systematic application of certain princi­
ples, portrayed ostensibly as male self-improvement, in order to attract
intimate partners (Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019; Van Valkenburgh,
2021). What differentiates TRP ideology, however, is its assertion that its
core tenets are immutable truths based in Evolutionary Psychology and
similar scholarly traditions (Van Valkenburgh, 2021). TRP communicates
in highly structured ways which mimic academic writing, such as referring
to its philosophies as “theory,” and its statements about topics such as
men’s need for sex or women’s dating behaviors are typically universal
(e.g. “all women are like that;” Anahita, 2020; Van Valkenburgh, 2021).
Specific strategies often involve using rehearsed routines which aim to
obtain sex as quickly as possible, “maintaining frame” or remaining emo­
tionally detached, and creating constant “dread” or fear of abandonment in
women (Anahita, 2020). In addition, TRP operates through a form of
online-mediated social connection, which leverages features of sites like
Reddit to create information networks centered around mutual antisocial,
misogynistic interests (Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019; Massanari, 2017).
Taken in sum, TRP men could be potentially identified by their usage of
fear-inspiring or sex-obtaining strategies, their structured antifeminist
beliefs inspired by misguided beliefs about academic research, and/or
a frequent engagement with TRP media through social media or other
communication platforms.
Although it is nearly impossible to know how many men are actually
employing TRP strategies in their offline lives, it is an important component
of TRP that men highly encourage one another to actively practice it (Van
Valkenburgh, 2021). Despite the thousands of TRP users, and despite the
demonstrated threat that radical men’s groups pose, concern has been raised
that manosphere communities and their impacts are being overlooked by
researchers (Schmitz & Kazyak, 2016). One notable research gap is a focus
on how the ideologies and behaviors of TRP followers affect the romantic
partners who are on the receiving end. For example, prior studies have
examined the consequences of manipulation and coercive control in romantic
partnerships (see: Hamberger et al., 2017; Stark & Hester, 2019), but none so
far have focused specifically on manosphere or TRP-affected relationships.
This study sought to evaluate the lived experiences of people who had been in
relationships with TRP-involved men in order to determine how pervasive
TRP systems were in their relationships and the types of impacts they made.
Given the relative novelty and online-specific nature of TRP, it is necessary to
speak with survivors in order to determine if these communities are fostering
a unique form of intimate partner violence which is largely unacknowledged
and unexplored.
4 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

Method
Purpose and research questions

Given the substantial amount of TRP media and the large numbers of parti­
cipants who consume it, it is necessary to reflect on and evaluate how partners
on the receiving end perceive those ideas and behaviors. Though large
amounts of research have examined various dimensions of intimate relation­
ships, research that elevates the experiences of those in relationships with TRP
men has thus far not been undertaken. This qualitative research represents
a preliminary investigation into TRP and “red-pilled” relationships, and offers
key information that may be used to build future awareness of these relation­
ship practices.
The research was performed in pursuit of these research questions:

RQ1) What are the experiences of having a current or former intimate partner
who is involved with The Red Pill?

RQ2) How does involvement with The Red Pill impact relationships and the
other partners?

Design
This study used interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) in an explora­
tory research design. IPA positions itself as both an epistemology and
a research methodology, and supports the researcher’s ability to “make
sense” of the participants’ responses while the participants do the same with
their social experiences (Smith et al., 2009). In keeping with the IPA approach,
this study collected qualitative data from semi-structured interviews with
a small number of participants, inductively analyzing them and coding for
themes.
Purposive sampling was employed in order to collect responses from
a specific group of people with a shared particular experience (Padgett,
2016). Recruitment information was posted publicly in two subreddits,
which exist in reflection of TRP, The Blue Pill and Ex-Red Pill, with
moderator approval. These subreddits were selected in accordance with
prior guidance for Reddit recruitment which suggests that chosen subred­
dits must have proper fit (i.e., connection to the phenomenon) and reach
(i.e., adequate size for recruitment) without being so large or broad as to
inundate the researchers with ineligible or interloping community observers
(Zapcic et al., 2023 in press; Shatz, 2017). The Blue Pill is a subreddit where
members discuss or satirize elements of TRP or posts from their forum, and
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 5

Ex-Red Pill is a subreddit where members discuss leaving their participation

in TRP. In the recruitment text, potential participants were directed to reply
with private messages to the account that had posted the information,
which was a username created by the research team for the sole purpose
of supporting this study. The research team and the participants interacted
using Reddit’s messaging features to screen for eligibility, coordinate sche­
dules, provide clarity about the research process, and exchange contact
information for the semi-structured interviews.
Participants were eligible to participate if they were over the age of 18
and had been in a close or intimate relationship with someone they believed
or understood to have been using TRP during the course of their interac­
tions. Although participants were not required to have been aware of TRP
at the time of the relationship, they were expected to have a current
awareness in order to support their understanding that TRP strategies
and tactics had been employed toward them. Based on this awareness,
eligibility criteria was defined as having “believed” their partner used TRP
if the potential participants recognized the specific TRP patterns and tactics
in their own relationships, and “understood” their partner as having used
TRP if that partner had been observed consuming TRP media or explicitly
communicated his involvement. Recruiting from The Blue Pill and Ex-Red
Pill was undertaken in attempt to ensure that participants had a nuanced
familiarity with TRP ideologies and practices, and could therefore ade­
quately determine whether their relationship experiences qualified as eligi­
ble.Participants completed one-time, semi-structured qualitative interviews.
Interviews were conducted over the telephone or using Skype audio, and
lasted between 30 to 60 minutes. Data collection occurred in two periods,
one from March through April of 2019 and another from November
through December of 2020. An interview guide was developed prior to
data collection that contained questions intended to elicit responses sup­
porting the research questions. The guide contained four modules: a)
demographics and basic information, b) questions about the relationship
with the TRP partner, c) questions about the aftermath of the partner’s
discovery of TRP, and d) concluding and wrap-up discussion.
Interviews were audio recorded and transcribed verbatim. Transcripts were
coded by hand and with NVivo qualitative data management software. Two
coders independently coded the entirety of the transcripts separately, with
a third coder reviewing the transcripts for category-level data in order to
enhance rigor and settle any disputes between the first two coders. Over the
course of three coding meetings, major themes were established with sub-
themes and categories being established to support primary themes. Primary
themes were named and defined to support the data contained therein and its
relation to the research questions.
6 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

Results
Demographics

Six participants completed the in-depth interviews. All six participants identi­
fied themselves as cisgender, heterosexual women. Participants ranged from
the ages of 20 to 38 at the time of the interviews, and were between the ages of
18 and 32 at the start of the TRP relationships. Median age was 27.5 at the time
of interviews and 23.5 at the start of the TRP relationships. Relationship
lengths ranged from approximately 5 months to over 6 years. Four partici­
pants were located in the United States, one was located in the United
Kingdom, and one participant requested not to disclose her specific country
of residence but stated that it was in mainland Europe. Of the six participants,
all but one indicated during screening that their TRP partner had been
observed consuming TRP media during the relationship and/or had explicitly
introduced TRP topics into the relationship.

Themes
Four main themes emerged from the data analysis: 1) Technology use, 2)
Maltreatment, 3) Social beliefs, and 4) Long-term effects. Each of these themes
revealed several sub-themes and categories related to events, which occurred
during the relationships, and how the participants had processed them.

Technology use
This theme highlights the way in which internet use was fundamental to the
romantic relationships. Two categories fell into this theme, 1) formation and
sustainment of the relationship and 2) TRP/manosphere media consumption.

Formation and sustainment

Of the six participants interviewed, all but one described meeting their TRP-
affiliated partner through their internet use. These meetings included plat­
forms such as chat rooms, an event organized through Meetup.com, and a sale
through Craigslist, as well as through dating-focused applications. One parti­
cipant connected meeting her own partner via the online dating platform
Tinder to her overall perceptions of manosphere seduction communities,
calling that application “something that Red Pill and Pickup Artistry are
like, obsessed with.” The one participant who met her TRP partner in person
expressed that internet use was still foundational to their relationship as it
allowed her and her partner to communicate regularly via video chat when she
transferred to a distant college.
Multiple participants described the ways in which technology use not only
sustained their relationship, but also reinforced TRP behaviors their partners
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 7

subjected them to. One participant described being overly preoccupied with
her smartphone because her partner had mandated she answer all of his texts
and calls immediately or else he would end the relationship, while another
stated that every time she attempted to talk about her concerns her partner
would ignore her by going on his phone. Other participants told of the ways in
which their partners would repeatedly show them articles, blogs, videos, or
other internet media that supported their antifeminist opinions. It was sug­
gested that this content was being shown in order to demonstrate the alleged
rigor and legitimacy of TRP.

TRP/Manosphere media consumption

Participants also detailed the high levels of time and effort that their partners
spent using technology in order to consume and share TRP media. Partners
were observed to have frequented TRP and manosphere content on sites such
as YouTube, Reddit, and 4chan, as well as unnamed blogs and chat rooms.
Several participants described the amount of time their partners spent online
consuming or engaging in TRP content, with claims that these men spent “the
majority” or “90%” of it devoted to this media. Multiple participants also
claimed that the TRP community encouraged these levels of subscription and
media consumption. One participant remarked, “There’s like all of these books
that they’re supposed to read as well with their online Reddit literature,” while
another noted that “they always say ‘do your own research,’ which basically
means, ‘look at our subreddit’.”

Maltreatment
All participants described ways in which they had been subjected to various
types of mistreatment by their partners. These descriptions formed primary
categories of 1) control, 2) manipulation, and 3) personal maltreatment.

Control
Every participant described varied ways in which their partners had exerted
control over their lives in ways that they disliked or found harmful. Several of
these elements of control were related to the participant’s ability to grow
personally as an adult. For example, TRP partners attempted to control living
situations within the relationships, with multiple participants explaining that
their partners had pressured them into living together very early on. In doing
so, one participant strained her relationship with her family while another
ended up in a financial situation, which caused her to be further reliant on her
TRP partner for stability. The latter participant elaborated “I think he kind of
almost wanted to, like he wanted to financially dominate me. But I never liked
that. I never wanted him to do that.” Similarly, multiple participants enumer­
ated ways in which their partners discouraged, derided, or actively tried to
8 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

sabotage participants’ education and professional development. A participant

explained, “sometimes when I would be trying to study he would purposely
antagonize me and try to distract me.” According to participants, these
activities were connected to their partner’s TRP-instilled beliefs about gender
roles (e.g. that men are supposed to be financial providers and that women are
supposed to be mothers).
TRP partners were also described as having exerted control over who the
participants were able to maintain friendships or relationships with. Multiple
participants expressed that their personal relationships had become strained
due to the TRP partner separating the participants from others in their lives.
These separations were justified by TRP partners’ accusations that these
external parties were negative influences over the participants. For instance,
one participant stated that her partner insisted all of her friends were “sluts”
who would convince her to leave him so that she could have sexual relations
with other men. Another participant expressed that she had had a close
relationship with her partner’s sister, but that he forbade the participant
from spending time with his sister once she announced that she was forgoing
having children in order to focus on her career.

Manipulation
Every participant described the specific methods their TRP partners had used
to manipulate their behaviors, which participants identified as related to these
men’s TRP involvement. One participant described how her partner would
create messes throughout the house in order to prompt her to clean, and
would intentionally leave his clothes on the floor next to the hamper so that
she would have to pick them up and put them where they belonged. Another
participant described how her partner would insist that she reply to his text
messages as soon as he sent them, regardless of whether she was at work,
school, or otherwise indisposed. A third participant described that, on vaca­
tions, her partner would walk in on her in the shower or hide all of her clothes
so that she was forced to be nude. This type of manipulation was suggested to
be a reinforcement of TRP ideas about women’s roles as caregivers and sex
objects, as well as denying them autonomy.
Partners were described as leveraging these tactics to manipulate parti­
cipants’ emotions as well. Multiple participants stated that they were
“gaslit,” or made to doubt their own experiences and perceptions, by their
TRP partners (American Psychological Association, n.d..). One participant
articulated that her partner would frequently use “Dread Game,” a TRP
tactic in which a TRP man instills fear in his partner that he will leave her,
causing her to acquiesce to his whims to prevent him from doing so. She
elaborated that TRP men seem believe that this will strengthen a woman’s
connection to her partner, but “they seem to be absolutely oblivious that
this will annihilate any trust, connection, [and] intimacy in my
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 9

relationship.” For the participants described above, each instance of beha­

vioral manipulation came with a corresponding emotional manipulation.
When the participant who had been forced to clean voiced her frustrations,
her partner responded by telling her she was nagging and was merely upset
because she disliked the city where they lived. When the next participant
did not respond to texts or calls in time, her partner accused her of
infidelity and threw her belongings out of his house onto the lawn. When
the third participant tried to establish boundaries around her body and
nudity, her partner asked, “How can I love you if you don’t let me do this?”

Personal maltreatment
Beyond control and manipulation, all participants articulated a variety of
instances where their partners had generally disrespected or otherwise
mistreated them. Several participants described being personally insulted
by their partners. These insults included comments about their intelligence,
their appearance, or their age. One participant explained that her partner
would make comments about her crow’s feet and, when she stated she
would be open to having another child in her late 30’s, he said she was
going to be a “grandma-mom.” Another participant conveyed that she and
her partner typically had a relationship where they would make playful
jokes at each other’s expense, but that on multiple occasions her partner
became irate about the jokes and ceased communication for several hours.
The TRP partner to “maintain frame” and emphasize that TRP opinions
about how women should behave were the correct ones identified both
incidents as attempts.
Multiple participants also identified carelessness demonstrated by their
partners, such as agreeing to meet the participants for dinner or promising
to call at a certain time and then choosing not to do so. Two participants also
described harassing messages they received after their relationships ended,
with one adding that her ex-partner began playing TRP videos loudly anytime
he saw her after the breakup in order to antagonize her. Whereas the control
and manipulation efforts were identified by participants as related to their
partners’ involvement with TRP, participants expressed mixed feelings toward
whether or not these careless behaviors were part of their partners’ TRP
strategies.

Social beliefs
The next theme that emerged from participant data related to the social beliefs
of the TRP partners. This theme was comprised of categories including 1)
gender roles, 2) contradictions/double standards, and 3) connections to other
extreme beliefs.
10 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

Gender roles
Every participant enumerated the wide array of ways in which their partners
had communicated certain rigid beliefs about women. These particular beliefs
seemed to be rooted in TRP ideology surrounding Evolutionary Psychology
and women’s capabilities. Frequently, these beliefs were centered on the
alleged intellectual inferiority of women. One participant described her part­
ner expressing surprise that she was smart and funny, because he believed
women to be incapable of those qualities. Another participant elaborated her
partner’s beliefs as “Basically, women aren’t capable of thinking, that you’re
almost not human even, that women are not capable of forming thoughts.”
Multiple participants mentioned either being requested to take IQ tests or
having been shown sources which suggest that women have inherently lower
IQs than men. Participants who identified being academically inclined
asserted the opposition they received from their partners; in one case the
participant said her partner “thought that after I took a couple classes
I would get this ambition out of my system” and “he kept telling me ‘your
college degree is a waste of time.’”
Participants also frequently stated their partners’ strong beliefs about
women’s relationship and sexual behaviors. Partners were stated to have
informed participants of their beliefs that women are unfaithful or incapable
of authentic love, often portrayed with derogatory terminology such as “chea­
ters” or “sluts.” Instead of forming relationship bonds for love, then, partici­
pants outlined their partners’ beliefs that women seek out men based on high
social and economic statuses. One participant specified it as her partner telling
her “how all women are hypergamic or what’s the word, that we just want the
high achievers . . . that we just want to sleep around with the richest man we
can find.” Participants similarly pointed to their partners’ use of generaliza­
tions about these characteristics being endemic to women. As one participant
expressed:

For them, it’s very, it’s very all-or-nothing . . . all women are bad. There’s no in-between,
there’s no couple-of-okay ones, it’s they’re all bad. They’re all horrible. They’re all
cheaters.

Most participants also communicated ways in which their TRP partners had
oriented their relationships to be in line with stereotypically western relation­
ship gender roles, which are endemic to TRP ideology. Participants intimated
that, as women, they had pressures placed on them to be mothers, house­
keepers, and caretakers. Additionally, several participants mentioned their
partners’ belief that women and men could not be platonic friends, and that
friendship between women and men was merely pretense for romantic over­
tures. Any deviation from these sets of beliefs was entirely rejected or treated
hostilely. Regarding family construction, one participant indicated “his sister
was actually married and her and her husband, I don’t think they wanted kids
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 11

because the husband was planning on having a vasectomy. And so, I think that
that was one thing my ex was very sensitive about.” Regarding friendship
between sexes, another participant elucidated “he said something along the
lines of, ‘men and women can’t be friends.’ And I was like, ‘we were friends.’
And he was like ‘yeah, but now we’re dating.’” Participants frequently
expressed that the repetition of these narratives reinforced their own beliefs
that these conditions could be true.

Contradictions/Double standards
Participants universally conveyed ways in which their partners held beliefs or
engaged in behaviors related to TRP which contradicted themselves or estab­
lished a double standard. For example, multiple participants were subjected to
their partners’ belief that all women were inherently unfaithful while later
discovering that these same men were using dating and chat applications to
attempt to seduce other women. Further, one participant also explained that
her partner would frequently decry men who physically abused women
because that demonstrated their lack of control, and TRP dictates that men
control their emotional displays at all times. Nevertheless, on multiple occa­
sions her partner became physically violent with her. Yet another participant
noted that, in her viewing of TRP spaces online, moderators and adminis­
trators would stifle any conversations which brought light to these contra­
dictions and often mute the users.
Descriptions of contradictions and double standards often related to part­
ners’ sexuality. Partners were stated to have portrayed themselves publicly as
“normal” people, though they often fixated excessively on sex, watched exces­
sive pornography, or behaved sexually inappropriately with women. One
participant remarked that her partner had outwardly maintained an image
of being a “nice guy, like kind of a scout leader, took his kids to church,” while
he also wanted to hire a much younger secretary to flirt with and had posted
sexually explicit comments on women’s online fitness photos. Another parti­
cipant conveyed that her partner portrayed himself as a “dream husband”
while maintaining a borderline addiction to pornography and pressuring her
to engage in fetish-related sex acts, which made her uncomfortable. Multiple
participants also communicated that, despite their partners’ stated beliefs that
women were untrustworthy and inherently unfaithful; these men were in fact
engaging or attempting to engage in sexual behaviors with other women.
Participants specified a number of explanations their partners offered for
these behaviors, including acknowledging the double standard while implying
that as men they were naturally bound to philandering behaviors.

Connections to other extreme beliefs

The majority of participants asserted that, beyond their TRP participation,
their partners had also consumed and shared other media related to fringe or
12 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

extreme beliefs. This was often political, with all of these participants referring
to their partners as being conservative or holding conservative beliefs.
Although having conservative beliefs is not necessarily fringe or extreme,
participants identified specific elements or figures within conservatism that
they felt were particularly radical. For example, one participant stated that in
addition to TRP media, her partner would watch videos from prominent
conspiracy theorist Alex Jones or white nationalists, and would engage in anti-
Semitic hate speech. Another participant explained that her partner was an
avid fan of President Trump and would wear a “Make America Great Again”
hat, despite the fact that he was from a European country where such behavior
was far outside the norm.
These participants universally conveyed their belief that there is strong
feedback and member-sharing between TRP and other extreme or conspir­
atorial ideologies, particularly because TRP itself can be considered
a conspiracy ideology. These participants noted their beliefs that part of the
allure of TRP and other extreme groups is that they allow vulnerable or
frustrated men to feel empowered. Participants all shared examples of their
partners’ past traumas or disenfranchisements, ranging from examples of
having been ignored or abused by women to having experienced systematic
bullying throughout their lives. One participant stated her perception that the
tension of feeling like an outsider can push men into these groups, referring to
the manosphere and other associated fringe communities as “like, the White
supremacy area of nerds.”

Long-term effects
The interview guide elicited participant responses regarding the continued
impacts of their relationships with TRP men. Two categories emerged from
this theme: 1) lingering mistrust and 2) current and future relationships.

Lingering mistrust
All participants told of the ways in which their TRP relationships had caused
ongoing mistrust that they were still working on healing. This mistrust was
often directed inwardly, with a number of participants expressing that they felt
the need to evaluate themselves more cautiously as they had been unaware of
the warning signs, which their TRP partners had demonstrated, allowed
themselves to be influenced by these behaviors, or simply “didn’t take it
seriously enough.” One participant stated:

I now kind of am more aware of red flags and setting boundaries, whereas before
I wasn’t. I feel like if I had been the way I am now when I met him, we wouldn’t have
dated.
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 13

Participants also demonstrated inward mistrust by doubting their own recol­

lections of their experiences. For instance, one participant shared a chat log
she had found where her ex-partner had written intensely misogynistic things,
expressing that when she started to mistrust her own recollection of experi­
ences, she would read the chat log to remind herself of what types of beliefs
and actions he was capable of. Additionally, several participants stated that
their partners had been vulnerable during earlier phases of the relationship or
in conversations about past romantic histories, and these participants found
the often-abrupt shift to TRP behaviors to be very confusing.
In addition to inward mistrust, participants universally articulated that their
TRP relationships had made them extremely mistrustful toward men overall
due to fears that any future interactions would resemble the ones they had had
with their ex-partners. Most participants stated that they did not believe that
all men were capable of behaving in those ways, but that they had been so
deeply hurt by their experiences that it was difficult to let go of those fears. One
participant stated that in her line of work she mostly interacted with men, and
she felt the need to remind herself that these men were not like her partner and
were not necessarily trying to be sexually aggressive with her. Another parti­
cipant succinctly asked “It makes me wonder, you know, how many people do
I know that are, that are into this?”

Current and future relationships

All participants identified that they were no longer dating their TRP partner.
Among the six participants, half identified that they were in a new romantic
relationship while the other half stated that they were not. For those who
identified being in a new relationship, all three commented on the difficulties
they had in forming their new relationships due to lingering issues related to
their past experiences. All three specifically articulated that they did not
believe all men to be like their TRP partners, but rather that they had felt so
hurt from their TRP partners that they were extremely cautious in order to
protect themselves. In addition, they all emphatically declared that their new
partners were extremely different from their TRP partners, and that they had
no desire to ever date men like their exes again.
The three participants who were not in active relationships at the time of
their interview likewise voiced their refusal to ever date anyone resembling
their exes again. However, these participants identified that they were still
struggling with the impact of their relationship with a TRP partner and were
therefore not in a comfortable space to date. One participant connected her
partner’s TRP behaviors to cultural norms of the Southern United States,
stating that “I am never dating or marrying anybody from the South. Ever.
Ever. No one. Because a lot of his beliefs, at the time, were hidden in quote-
unquote ‘Southern values.’” Another partner conveyed a much deeper level of
14 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

hurt, going so far as to say “I just want to peel off my skin, I want to – ugh. Just
to remove all traces of ever being touched by any man.”

Discussion
This research represents the first known exploration into TRP/red pill rela­
tionships as experienced by partners on the receiving end of these tactics. The
study sought to identify common characteristics, beliefs, and behaviors
observed in TRP men, as well as to evaluate the impacts that these beliefs
and behaviors had on the participants and their relationships. Because numer­
ous studies have noted the harmful sexism displayed within TRP systems, and
TRP acknowledges that their system employs manipulation (Bratich & Banet-
Weiser, 2019; Ging, 2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021), it is particularly important
to view how these systems have been implemented in the physical, offline
world. Further, the popularity of TRP’s online spread suggests that this is
a novel form of intimate partner violence, which is likely under-detected,
underreported, and warranting further investigation.
Descriptions of partners were in alignment with prior analyses of content
and discourse in TRP and other manosphere communities. First, descriptions
of partners’ online behaviors supported prior research identifying TRP beliefs
spreading through participation in manosphere channels on sites like Reddit
and YouTube (Ging, 2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021). Copland (2020) has
demonstrated the vast amount of content generated on some of these chan­
nels, and participants in this study offered support with their accounts of
partners spending overwhelming amounts of time engaging in this informa­
tion. TRP partners similarly exhibited stereotypically gendered ideas about the
role of women as wives and mothers with little personal, financial, or sexual
autonomy. Participants had their careers, social lives, and finances controlled
by their partners, consistent with observations that TRP requires men to
maintain “alpha” status (Ging, 2019). Partners’ negative beliefs toward
women transcended their relationship, substantiating analyses that TRP is
an ideology about retaining masculine power more than a seduction technique
(Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019; Ging, 2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021).
Additionally, multiple participants indicated their partners’ participation in
other groups with extreme social or political viewpoints, corroborating stu­
dies, which have suggested a pipeline between manosphere groups and other
radical online communities (Baele et al., 2019; Bratich & Banet-Weiser, 2019;
Marwick & Lewis, 2015; Massanari, 2017).
Participant accounts of TRP relationships were also consistently negative
across ages and geographic locations. For example, both the youngest partici­
pant and the oldest participant similarly described TRP beliefs dominating
conversations about the role of women as mothers and caregivers and the role
of men as providers who are naturally promiscuous. Similarly, participants in
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 15

different areas of the United States as well as Europe shared experiences of

having their intelligence demeaned and being exposed to White supremacist
media content supporting TRP viewpoints. Findings suggest that TRP is not
a phenomenon relegated to men of a particular age or geographic area, and its
adherents across those categories have understood and employed a common
set of standards. Such results echo prior research suggesting that the mano­
sphere leverages the affordances of internet communication technology in
order to make content appealing across cultural boundaries (Ging, 2019;
Massanari, 2017).
The range of personal, geographic, and cultural differences present across
participants also suggests that there is not necessarily one type of woman
targeted by TRP men or susceptible to their tactics. Participants repeatedly
expressed shame toward this susceptibility and their perceived failure to
recognize the harm that was being done to them. Participants also recognized
the harmful and controlling behaviors being performed by their partners but
often felt powerless or incapable to stop them. As a result, participants uni­
versally conveyed that they were completely opposed to the idea of dating men
who behave like their ex-partners. Whereas TRP positions itself as a system
designed to empower men to seduce any woman they choose (Bratich &
Banet-Weiser, 2019; Ging, 2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021), this research indi­
cates that actual offline application of TRP tactics only serves to make women
averse to these men and others like them. Unfortunately, the distress that
participants acknowledged to still experience shows TRP instills lasting effects
which can impede healthy social and emotional interactions.
It should also be reiterated that TRP is a seduction system based in hege­
monic masculinity (Ging, 2019; Van Valkenburgh, 2021), and certain aspects
of participants’ experiences may therefore resemble patterns of dating or
intimate partner abuse observed in non-TRP relationship violence. The
unique and novel aspects of TRP are not necessarily its advocacy for sexual
manipulation, emotional detachment, or coercive control, but rather that they
are being repackaged under the guise of scientifically approached male
empowerment for men online seeking social connections. This study demon­
strates a need for greater awareness of these misogynistic practices, and future
research into relationship violence may wish to incorporate investigation into
TRP or the manosphere as a dimension of perpetration.

Limitations and future directions

There are several limitations to this study. First, due to the small sample size, it
is impossible to conclude any generalizable findings from this research.
Instead, the information contained herein should be considered
a preliminary reflection of the experiences and impacts that may occur as
a result of being in a TRP relationship. Next, it should be noted that there are
16 I. ZAPCIC ET AL.

those who may be previous or current partners in TRP relationships who

interpret an entirely different meaning from the types of behaviors described
by this study’s participants. There is a TRP-parallel subreddit called Red Pill
Women which advocates, among other things, for women to choose partners
who are dominant and Red Pill-like (Reddit, n.d.a). Though the interviews did
search for negative case results by probing to what degree participants agreed
with TRP, it may still be considered a limitation that recruitment did not
attempt to target pro-TRP partners. Finally, since this study did not include
any actual participants of TRP, responses regarding motivations, ideologies, or
thought processes of TRP men are speculative and ungeneralizable.
These limitations, however, provide ample opportunity for future research
into TRP and other manosphere communities. Future research may benefit
from evaluating women who believe TRP to be beneficial in comparison to the
results of this study. Further, a participant of this study indicated her partner
used both TRP and a splinter community specifically catering to marriages
and long-term relationships called Married Red Pill. She indicated her belief
that there were potentially important differences between the two groups’
systems worth examining. She also happened to be the oldest participant,
and expressed her anecdotal observations that Married Red Pill had an older
participant base and would therefore be important to evaluate in separate,
targeted research.
TRP, its associated communities, and the manosphere itself produces
a tremendous amount of written, audio, and visual content. In order to gain
further knowledge about these communities and ideologies, qualitative ana­
lyses have been and should continue to be performed on these materials. In
addition, during the recruitment phases, the research team received a number
of messages from users identifying themselves as either current or former TRP
members. Many of these messages suggested that the research team would
gain richer or more rigorous results from speaking with current or former TRP
members directly. Though such conversations were outside the scope of this
study, these messages demonstrate that there are men involved with TRP who
are willing to participate in future research into their own experiences.

Conclusion
This study discusses the existence, implementation, and impact of a highly
specific type of manipulative seduction, which is being spread via men’s
communities on the internet. Though these experiences of women with TRP
partners may not necessarily be unique among survivors of various forms of
coercion, exploitation, or control, they are unique in the way that their
partners have gained, shared, and implemented these strategies. Findings
highlight the fact that specific manosphere ideologies such as TRP should
not be considered internet-only phenomena, and members of these
 JOURNAL OF AGGRESSION, MALTREATMENT & TRAUMA 17

communities should likewise not be underestimated in their willingness and

ability to actually enact these behaviors on people in offline settings.
Additionally, findings can be used to help relationship counselors, advocates,
therapists, and other practitioners identify warning signs for potential TRP-
type behaviors. These practitioners may wish to become familiar with what
TRP is, what it advocates, and what communities interact with TRP in order to
better inform client populations and increase awareness. Future interventions
surrounding dating violence should incorporate information about TRP and
similar communities, as well as teaching vulnerable populations about the
risks associated with both participating in and experiencing TRP strategies.

Disclosure statement
No potential conflict of interest was reported by the authors.

ORCID
Ian Zapcic http://orcid.org/0000-0001-8505-1023
Sharvari Karandikar http://orcid.org/0000-0002-4010-618X

Ethical standards and informed consent

All procedures followed were in accordance with the ethical standards of the responsible
committee on human experimentation [institutional and national] and with the Helsinki
Declaration of 1975, as revised in 2000. Informed consent was obtained from all patients for
being included in the study.

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