As evident as it may have been for quite some time, writing is the only way with

which I can indiscriminately profess my thoughts without them being subject to the scrutiny
of others unless I choose on my own accord to disclose this very text thereby placing my
innermost thoughts in the public sphere from which many opinions I venerate - particularly
those belonging to those I hold dear.
A plethora of thoughts plague my mind insofar that even the darkest of nights proved
to be insufficient for sleep and most logical thoughts now seemed incoherent. I felt reality
was beginning to dissociate from my body. As I lay on my bed, the feeling of welcoming an
uneasy death consumed the pit of my stomach and I acknowledged the great discomfort that
commonly comes with longing. Through the late hours of the night, voices began to echo
inside my head and it was not long before the realisation struck that these very resonating
voices were recounts of my thoughts assuming a verbal form. First time experiencing that
kind of phenomenon personally and a refreshing one to feel indeed.
Perhaps suppression is only bound to lead to consummation when the extremities of
one’s conscience has been attained and it synthesises with a pre-existing qualm to unveil it’s
true form. I was not anticipating all my withholdings of emotional outcry to strike me
simultaneously, culminating in my mind scrambling to maintain its structure and grasp on to
some semblance of meaning. It had in fact been, figuratively speaking, shattered - words to
that effect.
Even if death was to embrace my soul and force me to part ways with the wonderful
world with which I remain devoted to fully experience - as there are so many things yet to be
experienced, witnessed, and accomplished - I could confidently claim that now I have truly
felt with every fibre of my body with its entirety being shaken to the core that I did in fact
love someone.
Never was it my intention nor within my realm of possibility that I would end up
loving this particular individual in the manner I did and still do. Never did it also cross my
mind that I would display so much benevolence towards another without any material
benefits to myself. Note the specific mention of material benefits as I do not deny that human
nature can truly commit an act without some benefit to the self in one form or another. While
I do not denounce altruism, the definition of mutual beneficiaries and altruism is an intricate
one and is a topic that is better reserved for another philosophically inclined individual to
discuss. I did gain something - an emotional bond with which I could project my feelings on
the individual in question. Seeing this individual truly enjoy the goodness the often trivial life
has to offer and discover much more in it was enough for me to commit myself.
 To reflect on the events that have been unfolding as of late, I have speculated and
pondered what ramifications these such events may hold. Perhaps there are ulterior motives
underlying each encounter? Or am I simply applying non-existent implications to what might
be genuine conveyance of companionship? Tending to see misdeeds from all angles due to
past events that I nor anyone else could have foreseen, I and this habitual act of assigning
such negativity to otherwise pure and authentic acts must refrain from overreaching its
mechanisms. I do not seek to undermine anyone or anything unless a sufficient reason has
been warranted but the paranoia nonetheless lingers in the background. I have yet to truly
establish a solid relationship with the current individual in question but I hope to uncover a
bond - one not identical in nature to the previously mentioned but nonetheless one bordering
on the same degree of intensity and camaraderie - and pave a road on which I can tread
discovering new joys of life deeply embedded in territories I have yet to unearth but not
expecting to relive the very same sentiments previously claimed by the former friend and
merely embellish the multitude of emotions with an additional minute personal differences.