Step Brothers (2008)

1
00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:15,730
Hey, Brennan.
00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:20,073
Mom, I'm watching the thing
with the lady.
00:01:20,242 --> 00:01:22,142
I'm leaving. Okay?
I'll be home around 11.
00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:24,904
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Brennan.
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,312
Let's slowly get those hips up.
Good. Now, hold it right here. Great.
6
00:01:34,823 --> 00:01:36,017
Dale.
00:01:36,191 --> 00:01:38,159
Dale, I'm leaving for the conference.
00:01:38,326 --> 00:01:41,762
- You leave me money for pizza, Dad?
- Yeah, there's $20 on the hall table.
00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:44,160
Do not order pay-per-view, buddy.
10
00:01:44,332 --> 00:01:46,994
- But what if I want wings?
- You don't need wings.
11
00:01:47,169 --> 00:01:48,534
That's not enough, Dad!

12
00:01:48,703 --> 00:01:50,295
The RTI cochlear implant...
13
00:01:50,472 --> 00:01:53,032
...is the state-of-the-art
implantable hearing device...
14
00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:57,440
...due to its input processing of sound
via the speech processor.
15
00:01:57,612 --> 00:02:00,376
But the most exciting
new development...
16
00:02:00,549 --> 00:02:02,039
...is the external processor...
17
00:02:02,217 --> 00:02:04,447

...which fits directly over the ear...
18
00:02:04,619 --> 00:02:08,749
...which eliminates the need to put
your face between those breasts.
19
00:02:11,426 --> 00:02:15,863
I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm so lost.
And this never happens to me.
20
00:02:18,366 --> 00:02:21,460
My name is Robert, and I play
racquetball. I collect coins.
21
00:02:21,636 --> 00:02:23,365
Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food.
22
00:02:23,538 --> 00:02:26,371
I am Nancy Huff. I know
how to make tandoori chicken...

23
00:02:26,541 --> 00:02:28,634
...I contribute to NPR
every single year...
24
00:02:28,810 --> 00:02:30,801
...and I love the movies
of Rob Reiner.
25
00:02:30,979 --> 00:02:33,038
Pilates changed my life.
26
00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:36,378
I have a boat, and I wanna retire
and sail around the world.
27
00:02:37,052 --> 00:02:39,179
- I love the sea!
- And I drive a Mercedes...

28
00:02:39,354 --> 00:02:42,255
...and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale,
who still lives at home.
29
00:02:42,591 --> 00:02:45,583
- What did you just say?
- I knew I shouldn't have told you that.
30
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,625
I have a 39-year-old son
named Brennan...
31
00:02:47,796 --> 00:02:50,356
...who still lives at home with me.
32
00:03:00,442 --> 00:03:02,910
I would like to thank all of you...
33
00:03:03,078 --> 00:03:07,310

...for being here with us
on this fantastic, wonderful day.
34
00:03:07,482 --> 00:03:10,645
And I would like to raise my glass.
35
00:03:10,819 --> 00:03:14,755
Dale and I wanna welcome you
to our home with open arms.
36
00:03:16,758 --> 00:03:19,591
- Get a room, Dad.
- Oh, for chri... Dale!
37
00:03:20,528 --> 00:03:24,294
Well, as you all know, my youngest
son, Derek, couldn't be here...
38
00:03:24,466 --> 00:03:26,764
...because of an important
fishing trip.
39
00:03:26,935 --> 00:03:32,271
But my other son, Brennan, was going
to be moving into his own place...
40
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,534
...but he was recently let go
from his job at PetSmart...
41
00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:39,510
...so he is gonna be living with us.
42
00:03:39,681 --> 00:03:42,844
I wasn't fired from my job,
I was laid off!
43
00:03:43,018 --> 00:03:45,111
But you wouldn't
know the difference.

44
00:03:45,453 --> 00:03:49,856
I didn't want salmon!
I said it four times.
45
00:03:53,061 --> 00:03:54,961
This wedding is horseshit.
46
00:03:59,401 --> 00:04:02,302
Somebody's awfully quiet
back there.
47
00:04:03,338 --> 00:04:05,499
I'm not gonna call him Dad.
48
00:04:06,007 --> 00:04:07,804
Brennan, you're 39 years old.
49
00:04:07,976 --> 00:04:10,001

I would not expect you
to call him Dad.
50
00:04:10,178 --> 00:04:14,808
Well, I'm not going to, ever.
Even if there's a fire.
51
00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:18,512
Robert better not get in my face...
52
00:04:19,154 --> 00:04:21,349
...because I'll drop
that motherfucker.
53
00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:22,854
Jesus, Brennan.
54
00:04:23,158 --> 00:04:27,219
I'm just saying, I think
you gotta think about your options.

55
00:04:27,395 --> 00:04:30,262
I know that you are
technically married now...
56
00:04:30,432 --> 00:04:34,095
...but that does not mean
that they have to live here.
57
00:04:34,869 --> 00:04:39,465
Dale, I think it's time for a change
for both of us.
58
00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:43,340
Dad, we're men, okay?
59
00:04:43,511 --> 00:04:46,036
That means a few things.
60
00:04:46,214 --> 00:04:49,843
We like to shit with the door open.
We talk about pussy.
61
00:04:50,018 --> 00:04:53,419
We go on riverboat-gambling trips.
We make our own beef jerky.
62
00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:56,887
That's what we do.
And now that is all wrecked.
63
00:04:57,792 --> 00:05:00,693
We literally have never done
any of those things.
64
00:05:00,862 --> 00:05:03,092
Where did he go to medical school?
65
00:05:03,365 --> 00:05:05,799

He went to Northwestern
and Johns Hopkins.
66
00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:09,368
- Is that good enough for you?
- No, it's not.
67
00:05:09,604 --> 00:05:13,370
Well, Brennan, those are
very prestigious schools.
68
00:05:13,908 --> 00:05:16,308
I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
69
00:05:16,478 --> 00:05:19,072
You don't know anyone
named Johnny Hopkins.
70
00:05:19,247 --> 00:05:22,182
It was Johnny Hopkins

and Sloan Kettering...
71
00:05:22,350 --> 00:05:25,183
...and they were
blazing that shit up every day.
72
00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:28,754
All right, here's a scenario
for you, Dad.
73
00:05:28,923 --> 00:05:31,255
Suppose Nancy sees me
coming out of the shower...
74
00:05:31,426 --> 00:05:34,327
...and decides to come on to me.
I'm looking good.
75
00:05:34,496 --> 00:05:36,691
I've got a luscious V of hair...

76
00:05:36,865 --> 00:05:40,232
...going from my chest pubes
down to my ball-fro.
77
00:05:40,402 --> 00:05:43,166
And she takes one look at me,
and she goes:
78
00:05:43,338 --> 00:05:44,771
"Oh, my God.
79
00:05:44,939 --> 00:05:49,069
I've had the old bull,
now I want the young calf."
80
00:05:49,244 --> 00:05:52,839
- And she grabs me by the wiener.
- Shut the fuck up!

81
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,758
- Come on, Brennan.
- I'm fine here.
82
00:06:10,331 --> 00:06:12,595
- There you are.
- Hi.
83
00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:15,634
Oh, you look so cute
in your moving clothes.
84
00:06:15,804 --> 00:06:17,465
- How was it?
- It was easy.
85
00:06:17,639 --> 00:06:19,470
The movers did everything.
86
00:06:22,811 --> 00:06:23,937
Where's Brennan?
87
00:06:25,146 --> 00:06:27,341
He's still in the car.
88
00:06:27,515 --> 00:06:29,005
It was kind of a rough drive.
89
00:06:29,184 --> 00:06:31,311
Hey, Robert,
what's all the commotion?
90
00:06:31,486 --> 00:06:34,182
- Hey, Don.
- Is that your wife, Nancy?
91
00:06:34,355 --> 00:06:36,755
- Right here, Don.
- Can I come over this afternoon...

92
00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:38,825
...and touch your face?
- Sure.
93
00:06:38,993 --> 00:06:40,153
Thanks. Good luck, guys.
94
00:06:40,328 --> 00:06:41,420
We'll see you, Don.
95
00:06:41,596 --> 00:06:44,394
Let's go, Cinnamon.
Heel, Cinnamon.
96
00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:47,325
Heel! Cinnamon!
97
00:06:49,437 --> 00:06:50,461

Cinnamon!
98
00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:52,233
Hi, Dale.
99
00:06:52,407 --> 00:06:55,137
Hey, Nancy. Could you make me
a grilled-cheese sandwich?
100
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:56,800
- Sure.
- No.
101
00:06:56,978 --> 00:07:00,175
Dale just ate. He's testing you to see
how much he can get away with.
102
00:07:00,348 --> 00:07:02,077
- I see.
- I'm hungry.
103
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:03,808
Look in your right hand.
104
00:07:03,985 --> 00:07:06,351
- I sure don't mind a bit. I really don't.
- No, no.
105
00:07:06,521 --> 00:07:08,648
No, no. He's fine.
106
00:07:32,881 --> 00:07:33,973
Hey.
107
00:07:34,682 --> 00:07:35,774
Hey.
108
00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:37,546
I'm Brennan.
109
00:07:38,052 --> 00:07:39,417
I'm Dale.
110
00:07:39,921 --> 00:07:41,889
But you have to call me Dragon.
111
00:07:43,358 --> 00:07:45,588
You have to call me Nighthawk.
112
00:08:05,914 --> 00:08:06,938
Brennan.
113
00:08:09,284 --> 00:08:10,444
Please don't do that.
114
00:08:18,259 --> 00:08:21,319
Now, that's enough ketchup.
Come on. Dale.

115
00:08:22,797 --> 00:08:24,560
- I like it.
- That's enough.
116
00:08:24,799 --> 00:08:26,858
Dale, I don't know if you...
117
00:08:27,335 --> 00:08:31,965
You might wanna try this. I make
a sauce, we call it "fancy sauce"...
118
00:08:32,373 --> 00:08:33,567
For me.
119
00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:37,438
- that Brennan really likes
with his chicken nuggets.
120
00:08:37,612 --> 00:08:38,874
It's my fancy sauce.
121
00:08:39,047 --> 00:08:44,246
Well, when Brennan finishes,
I'll give you some of this, and it's...
122
00:08:44,419 --> 00:08:47,684
It's ketchup and mayonnaise
mixed together, so...
123
00:08:47,855 --> 00:08:49,652
It's so good.
124
00:08:49,824 --> 00:08:51,689
- I want some fancy sauce.
- Yeah.
125
00:08:51,859 --> 00:08:53,884
- I'm not done using it.

- Looks good.
126
00:08:54,062 --> 00:08:56,895
- Can I have fancy sauce?
- Of course. Of course.
127
00:08:57,065 --> 00:08:58,657
- I'm using it right now.
- Okay.
128
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,064
- So let's just let him try some.
- You wanna try it, Dale?
129
00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:04,500
Yeah, I really would like some.
130
00:09:04,739 --> 00:09:06,036
Just one last spoonful.

131
00:09:07,241 --> 00:09:09,675
Hey, I think you've got
enough there, Brennan.
132
00:09:10,111 --> 00:09:11,976
- So here you go.
- Thanks.
133
00:09:12,146 --> 00:09:13,511
It's ketchup and mayonnaise.
134
00:09:15,783 --> 00:09:17,774
- I don't like it. It smells weird.
- Okay.
135
00:09:17,952 --> 00:09:19,351
- I'll try some.
- You want some?
136
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,782
- Sure. Absolutely.
- Okay.
137
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:23,613
You don't mind, do you, Brennan?
No. Okay.
138
00:09:26,027 --> 00:09:27,688
- Brennan...
- I'm not comfortable...
139
00:09:27,862 --> 00:09:30,057
It's okay. It's probably
not good on fish anyway.
140
00:09:30,231 --> 00:09:33,132
My dad's king of the castle, so if he
wants fancy sauce, he should...
141
00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:35,861
- No, it's all right, Dale.
- He can make his own batch.
142
00:09:36,037 --> 00:09:37,231
So you know what?
143
00:09:37,405 --> 00:09:42,308
Today, when you were driving around,
Dale was telling me that he's really...
144
00:09:42,477 --> 00:09:46,880
...into kung fu, and I was telling him
that you're really into kung fu as well.
145
00:09:48,950 --> 00:09:50,941
I have a green belt.
146
00:09:51,686 --> 00:09:52,812
Read it and weep.

147
00:09:53,054 --> 00:09:54,885
I don't believe in belts.
148
00:09:55,156 --> 00:09:57,454
There should be no
ranking system for toughness.
149
00:09:57,659 --> 00:10:00,924
But one time I wrestled a giraffe
to the ground with my bare hands.
150
00:10:01,095 --> 00:10:03,188
That's not true, Dale.
Don't be ridiculous.
151
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:08,034
So, Dale, what have you been
working on recently?
152
00:10:08,302 --> 00:10:09,530
Well...
153
00:10:10,738 --> 00:10:12,501
...I manage a baseball team.
154
00:10:13,474 --> 00:10:16,637
- Little League?
- Fantasy league.
155
00:10:25,019 --> 00:10:26,884
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
156
00:10:27,055 --> 00:10:30,024
Why don't you stop
being so confrontational, Dale?
157
00:10:30,191 --> 00:10:31,818
I'm not the one staring at me.

158
00:10:32,527 --> 00:10:34,051
So, Brennan, how about you?
159
00:10:34,495 --> 00:10:38,090
I know you used to
work at PetSmart.
160
00:10:38,733 --> 00:10:41,497
- That's right, Mr. Doback.
- Call me Robert.
161
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:45,071
- That's right, Robin.
- Robert.
162
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,702
Robin.
163
00:10:47,842 --> 00:10:52,142
Actually, Brennan
is a really talented person.
164
00:10:52,547 --> 00:10:54,447
He's a very gifted singer.
165
00:10:55,083 --> 00:10:57,608
- I'm really, really good.
- How good?
166
00:10:58,953 --> 00:11:02,218
I've been called
the songbird of my generation...
167
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:04,517
...by people who've heard me.
168
00:11:04,692 --> 00:11:05,716
That good.
169
00:11:05,893 --> 00:11:08,293
The only trick is
is that Brennan's very...
170
00:11:10,131 --> 00:11:13,692
...particular about
who he sings in front of, so...
171
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:17,429
I'm his mom, for example,
I've only heard him sing twice.
172
00:11:17,605 --> 00:11:20,130
That's funny that you say that,
because I can sing too.
173
00:11:20,308 --> 00:11:22,003
In fact, I'll sing right now.

174
00:11:22,176 --> 00:11:25,304
If you wanna get down
On these hairy balls
175
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,812
- Hey!
- Why don't you jump right in?
176
00:11:27,982 --> 00:11:29,813
It's a crotch party right up in here
177
00:11:29,984 --> 00:11:32,179
- Stop it!
- Why don't you lick on this big joint?
178
00:11:32,353 --> 00:11:35,117
Stop it, Dale! Stop it! Stop it!
179
00:11:35,289 --> 00:11:36,381

That's cute.
180
00:11:36,557 --> 00:11:38,548
I remember when I had my first beer.
181
00:11:38,726 --> 00:11:41,058
That's so funny,
the last time I heard that...
182
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:43,220
...I laughed so hard
I fell off my dinosaur.
183
00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:46,264
Stop right now. All right?
Let's just back off.
184
00:11:47,068 --> 00:11:49,935
All right. Brennan, it's okay.
It's okay.
185
00:11:50,404 --> 00:11:51,803
Hey, hey.
186
00:11:51,973 --> 00:11:53,873
- Great, Dale.
- He said a mean thing first.
187
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:56,737
All right, just...
Look, you know what...? Hey, guys.
188
00:11:57,178 --> 00:11:59,976
Okay, sleeping arrangements.
It's gonna be different...
189
00:12:00,148 --> 00:12:03,777
...but because Dale refuses
to give up his office drum set...

190
00:12:04,952 --> 00:12:08,319
...that means that, Brennan, you and
Dale are gonna have to share a room.
191
00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:11,458
- But it's just temporary.
- Mom, we didn't talk about this.
192
00:12:11,626 --> 00:12:15,084
Well, it's gonna be
an exciting adventure.
193
00:12:15,263 --> 00:12:19,131
You wanna show him the room, Dale?
Show him where he can put his stuff?
194
00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:23,770
- That's nice, thank you.
- Good night, Nancy.

195
00:12:24,472 --> 00:12:28,704
Hey, listen, I like to have
a lot of fresh fruit around...
196
00:12:28,876 --> 00:12:31,743
...and chocolate chips
in my pancakes. Okay?
197
00:12:31,913 --> 00:12:34,177
- Write it so you don't forget.
- Show him the room.
198
00:12:34,615 --> 00:12:36,947
She's Mom now, so...
199
00:12:37,318 --> 00:12:39,149
- Good night, Mom.
- Good night, Brennan.
200
00:12:40,655 --> 00:12:43,920
- Good night, Mr. Doback.
- Good night, Brennan.
201
00:12:51,966 --> 00:12:55,060
So just a few basic rules
about the house.
202
00:12:55,236 --> 00:12:57,136
If there's any foods that you like...
203
00:12:57,305 --> 00:13:00,832
...I suggest you put your name
on them, or they will be thrown out.
204
00:13:01,008 --> 00:13:02,532
By me.
205
00:13:03,144 --> 00:13:06,375
House was built in 1825

by General Custer.
206
00:13:06,547 --> 00:13:08,742
I wanna show you this room.
207
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:11,011
Hold up.
208
00:13:11,853 --> 00:13:13,718
- You see this room?
- Yeah.
209
00:13:13,888 --> 00:13:15,753
Okay, here's the deal.
210
00:13:16,691 --> 00:13:20,092
This is my office
and my beat laboratory.
211
00:13:20,261 --> 00:13:21,751
Okay?
212
00:13:21,929 --> 00:13:23,988
And this is the one rule of the house:
213
00:13:24,165 --> 00:13:27,760
Don't ever, ever, ever...
214
00:13:27,935 --> 00:13:30,460
...touch my drum set.
215
00:13:30,638 --> 00:13:32,503
- You understand?
- Don't go in there and...
216
00:13:32,673 --> 00:13:34,766
- No touching!
- All right!
217
00:13:34,942 --> 00:13:37,240
There. I was at about six there.
218
00:13:37,411 --> 00:13:39,379
You don't wanna see me go to 10.
219
00:13:39,547 --> 00:13:41,981
Get your shit.
We're going to my room.
220
00:13:50,091 --> 00:13:51,251
Honey?
221
00:13:52,627 --> 00:13:55,858
I just found a chain of islands
that we can sail to after New Zealand.
222
00:13:56,030 --> 00:13:57,463
That's wonderful.
223
00:13:58,633 --> 00:14:02,194
You know,
I've been meaning to ask you...
224
00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:10,677
Why is it that Dale never left?
225
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:15,645
Well, Dale has always
coasted off my accomplishments.
226
00:14:15,816 --> 00:14:17,841
I mean, he left college
his junior year...
227
00:14:18,019 --> 00:14:20,647
...because he said he wanted
to join the family business.

228
00:14:20,988 --> 00:14:24,890
- But you're a medical doctor.
- Believe me, I've told him that.
229
00:14:25,059 --> 00:14:28,290
But he just always says,
"It's all about who you know."
230
00:14:28,462 --> 00:14:30,896
I don't know where
he got this sense of entitlement.
231
00:14:31,165 --> 00:14:34,259
Maybe it was his mother passing.
What about Brennan?
232
00:14:34,435 --> 00:14:35,902
From what you've told me...
233
00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:38,504
...his younger brother Derek's
been quite successful.
234
00:14:38,673 --> 00:14:42,074
Well, certainly when his father
and I split, that was difficult for him.
235
00:14:43,311 --> 00:14:47,771
And this one time, when Brennan
was 17 and Derek was 14...
236
00:14:47,949 --> 00:14:50,850
...and Brennan decided
to enter a talent show.
237
00:14:51,953 --> 00:14:55,855
He sang a song
from an old pirate musical.
238
00:14:56,023 --> 00:15:00,926
But Derek got his football buddies
to replace the choir and sing:
239
00:15:01,095 --> 00:15:02,995
"Brennan has a mangina."
240
00:15:03,164 --> 00:15:06,622
Brennan has a mangina
Brennan has a mangina
241
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:13,331
Finally, the audience and even some
of the nastier parents started singing:
242
00:15:13,507 --> 00:15:15,168
"Brennan has a mangina."
243
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:19,602
And I have to admit, for a little while,

I sort of joined in as well.
244
00:15:20,181 --> 00:15:23,912
From that day on,
Brennan never sang again.
245
00:15:24,085 --> 00:15:28,021
Derek went on to win the contest
by lip-synching "Ice Ice Baby."
246
00:15:32,893 --> 00:15:35,384
- Oh, that's a great song.
- It is.
247
00:15:36,731 --> 00:15:42,226
- Hey, you awake?
- Yeah.
248
00:15:45,072 --> 00:15:50,135
I just want you to know I hate you.

So does my dad.
249
00:15:51,445 --> 00:15:53,538
Well, that's fine.
250
00:15:54,882 --> 00:15:56,543
Because guess what.
251
00:15:56,717 --> 00:15:58,878
I hate you too.
252
00:15:59,053 --> 00:16:02,420
And this house sucks ass.
253
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:04,683
Well, the only reason
you're living here...
254
00:16:04,859 --> 00:16:08,454

...is because me and my dad decided
that your mom was really hot...
255
00:16:08,629 --> 00:16:11,223
...and maybe we should just
both bang her.
256
00:16:11,399 --> 00:16:13,663
And we'll put up with the retard
in the meantime.
257
00:16:14,168 --> 00:16:16,636
- Who's the retard?
- You.
258
00:16:16,904 --> 00:16:19,566
- Hey, y'all don't say that.
- Shut up.
259
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:21,840

You'll wake up my dad
and get me grounded.
260
00:16:22,476 --> 00:16:23,909
Just shut up.
261
00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:26,978
You and your mom are hillbillies.
262
00:16:27,148 --> 00:16:32,017
- This is a house of learned doctors.
- You're not a doctor.
263
00:16:32,386 --> 00:16:34,946
You're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck.
264
00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:38,347
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
265
00:16:38,526 --> 00:16:40,517
- I'm a curly-headed fuck?
- Yeah.
266
00:16:40,694 --> 00:16:42,321
You better not go to sleep.
267
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:46,190
As soon as your eyes shut, I'm gonna
punch you square in the face.
268
00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:48,733
I hope you stay still
when you sleep...
269
00:16:48,903 --> 00:16:51,963
...because I'm putting a rat trap
between your legs.
270
00:16:52,139 --> 00:16:56,405
I'm gonna take a pillowcase
and fill it full of bars of soap...
271
00:16:56,577 --> 00:16:58,044
...and beat the shit out of you.
272
00:17:01,882 --> 00:17:04,373
I want you out of my fucking house.
273
00:17:04,552 --> 00:17:07,612
No way, kemosabe.
274
00:17:07,788 --> 00:17:10,348
This is my house now.
275
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,053
How do you like The Gilded Lady?
276
00:17:15,229 --> 00:17:17,288
I wish we could retire right now.
277
00:17:17,465 --> 00:17:19,399
Won't be long.
278
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:32,242
Oh, God! It's cold!
279
00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:36,144
Hey! Is anyone listening? Help!
280
00:18:22,563 --> 00:18:25,031
Fuck you, Dale! Fuck you!
281
00:18:25,199 --> 00:18:26,962
- obviously you guys are hot.
You know?
282
00:18:27,134 --> 00:18:30,160
Just revealed her cover.
I was like, "Wow, this is hot."
283
00:18:30,337 --> 00:18:33,306
A little girl-on-girl.
A little heaven, a little hell.
284
00:18:36,477 --> 00:18:38,570
- Hey.
- Hey.
285
00:18:40,881 --> 00:18:43,941
- Why you so sweaty?
- I was watching Cops.
286
00:18:44,451 --> 00:18:46,510
Not supposed to have
your feet on the couch.
287
00:19:10,578 --> 00:19:12,170
Hey, man.
288
00:19:12,947 --> 00:19:14,175
Did you touch my drum set?
289
00:19:15,683 --> 00:19:18,584
- Nope.
- It's just weird...
290
00:19:19,587 --> 00:19:23,216
...because seems like someone
definitely touched my drum set.
291
00:19:23,524 --> 00:19:26,425
Yeah, that is weird.
Because I didn't touch them.
292
00:19:26,927 --> 00:19:30,124
- Hey! Did you touch my drum set?

- Hey, knock it off!
293
00:19:30,297 --> 00:19:34,097
I know you touched my drumstick,
because the left one has a chip in it.
294
00:19:35,302 --> 00:19:36,769
You fucking crazy, man?
295
00:19:36,937 --> 00:19:40,839
You sound insane, do you realize
that? You should be medicated.
296
00:19:41,008 --> 00:19:43,476
Fuck you, Brennan.
I know you touched my drum set.
297
00:19:43,644 --> 00:19:45,407
I wanna hear that
dirty mouth admit it.

298
00:19:45,579 --> 00:19:48,446
You get out of my face,
or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass.
299
00:19:48,616 --> 00:19:51,107
You swear on your mom's life
that you didn't touch it!
300
00:19:51,285 --> 00:19:52,309
I don't swear to shit!
301
00:19:52,486 --> 00:19:54,750
That's because you fucking
touched my drum set...
302
00:19:54,922 --> 00:19:56,947
...because I know
Cops doesn't start till 4.

303
00:19:59,994 --> 00:20:03,157
- Where are you going?
- I'm going upstairs.
304
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:07,061
Because I'm gonna put my nut sack
on your drum set. Okay?
305
00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:10,465
Don't you do that.
I am warning you right now:
306
00:20:10,638 --> 00:20:15,268
If you touch my drums, I will
stab you in the neck with a knife!
307
00:20:15,676 --> 00:20:19,772
If you even go in the room,
I will go ape-shit, you hear me?

308
00:20:19,947 --> 00:20:21,574
Don't wanna miss a spot.
309
00:20:21,949 --> 00:20:23,974
John Bonham's playing
"Moby Dick" for real!
310
00:20:24,151 --> 00:20:26,676
I swear to God. I swear to God! No!
311
00:20:36,096 --> 00:20:37,290
I warned you.
312
00:20:37,631 --> 00:20:40,759
There's one rule in the house,
and you broke it!
313
00:20:50,944 --> 00:20:52,536
I didn't touch your damn drum set!

314
00:20:56,383 --> 00:20:57,611
I'm pre-diabetic!
315
00:21:02,856 --> 00:21:06,519
You fucking fucker! I'm gonna
rub my balls on your mom's face!
316
00:21:08,595 --> 00:21:09,619
Come back here!
317
00:21:14,668 --> 00:21:18,104
I'll kill you! You son of a bitch!
318
00:21:18,872 --> 00:21:20,635
Your drum set's a whore!
319
00:21:20,808 --> 00:21:23,003
I teabagged your fucking drum set!

320
00:21:23,177 --> 00:21:26,704
Well, my drum set's a guy,
so that makes you gay, you fucker!
321
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,314
I'll kill you!
322
00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:32,015
I think it's gonna go
generic soon, okay?
323
00:21:32,186 --> 00:21:34,416
- Line three.
- Oh, thanks, Miles.
324
00:21:34,588 --> 00:21:36,078
Yeah.
325
00:21:37,524 --> 00:21:40,186
Jules? Wait, what's wrong?
326
00:21:41,762 --> 00:21:46,324
- Back!
- You touched my drum set, you fucker!
327
00:21:47,368 --> 00:21:50,098
Stop it! Stop it!
328
00:21:50,270 --> 00:21:53,671
- Rape! Rape! Rape!
- Stop it! Stop! Stop.
329
00:21:53,841 --> 00:21:55,900
- Stay out of this, Nancy!
- Stop it, you guys.
330
00:21:56,777 --> 00:21:58,802
- Oh, my God, you're hurting him!

- No, Nancy!
331
00:21:59,513 --> 00:22:02,038
Cinnamon! Stop it!
332
00:22:02,716 --> 00:22:06,015
My mom is being eaten by a dog,
there's nothing I can do!
333
00:22:06,186 --> 00:22:07,778
- No, a story has a...
- Excuse me.
334
00:22:07,955 --> 00:22:10,389
Dr. Doback, the phone's for you.
I think it's urgent.
335
00:22:10,557 --> 00:22:11,581
Hello?
336
00:22:11,759 --> 00:22:14,091
Robert, they're like animals!
I can't stop them!
337
00:22:14,261 --> 00:22:16,729
Stop screaming. Please.
I'm on my way.
338
00:22:16,897 --> 00:22:19,058
There seems to be some
savage fight going on...
339
00:22:19,233 --> 00:22:21,428
...between my son and stepson,
so l...
340
00:22:22,936 --> 00:22:24,563
Family issues, huh?
341
00:22:24,738 --> 00:22:27,434
I don't believe in talking about
people's personal lives...
342
00:22:27,608 --> 00:22:28,905
...behind their back.
343
00:22:29,309 --> 00:22:31,209
You know nobody likes you, right?
344
00:22:31,378 --> 00:22:35,212
Rape! Rape! Rape!
345
00:22:39,153 --> 00:22:40,245
What's going on?
346
00:22:40,421 --> 00:22:42,685
Robert! They won't... They won't...
347
00:22:42,856 --> 00:22:44,847
- Stop it! Stop it!
- Dale, what...?
348
00:22:45,025 --> 00:22:46,959
- Stay out of it, Dad!
- Stop it!
349
00:22:55,302 --> 00:22:57,998
What the fucking fuck?
350
00:23:02,209 --> 00:23:04,200
Someone got some air. Snap.
351
00:23:04,978 --> 00:23:06,570
- I still hate you.
- Still hate you.
352
00:23:07,314 --> 00:23:08,804
Such power. It's raw power.

353
00:23:08,982 --> 00:23:10,779
What are you doing?
It's Shark Week.
354
00:23:10,951 --> 00:23:12,077
Okay, here's the deal:
355
00:23:12,252 --> 00:23:15,949
Number one, you will fix
the fucking drywall now.
356
00:23:16,123 --> 00:23:19,456
Number two, you have one month to
find jobs or you're out on your asses.
357
00:23:19,626 --> 00:23:22,322
I will arrange interviews for Monday,
and you will go!

358
00:23:22,496 --> 00:23:26,296
Dad, why are you talking
to me like this? I'm your son.
359
00:23:26,467 --> 00:23:27,991
I'm not buying that crap anymore.
360
00:23:28,335 --> 00:23:31,998
Today I saw my own son
use a bicycle as a weapon.
361
00:23:32,172 --> 00:23:34,902
You yelled "rape"
at the top of your lungs.
362
00:23:35,075 --> 00:23:39,409
Mom, I honestly thought
I was gonna be raped for a second.
363
00:23:39,580 --> 00:23:42,071
He had the craziest look in his eyes.
364
00:23:42,249 --> 00:23:44,740
And at one point he said,
"Let's get it on."
365
00:23:45,118 --> 00:23:47,951
That was about the fighting.
I'm so not a raper.
366
00:23:48,121 --> 00:23:49,918
I didn't touch your drum set, okay?
367
00:23:50,090 --> 00:23:55,221
I witnessed with my eyes
your testicles touching my drum set.
368
00:23:55,395 --> 00:23:57,920
All right, that's it! That's it!

369
00:23:58,131 --> 00:24:00,099
You two guys leave me no choice.
370
00:24:00,434 --> 00:24:01,901
No television for a week.
371
00:24:02,135 --> 00:24:03,159
- What?!
- What?!
372
00:24:03,337 --> 00:24:05,464
- We are so serious, guys.
- You're fucking high!
373
00:24:05,639 --> 00:24:06,867
Are you out of your mind?
374
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,873

This goes in Robert's wall safe
and it's gonna stay there.
375
00:24:10,043 --> 00:24:11,874
- No!
- Okay.
376
00:24:12,045 --> 00:24:15,708
- This house is a fucking prison!
- On planet Bullshit!
377
00:24:15,883 --> 00:24:19,114
In the galaxy of
This Sucks Camel Dicks!
378
00:24:49,583 --> 00:24:52,711
Hi! Aunt Carol. Aunt Carol.
379
00:24:54,354 --> 00:24:58,051
- Hey.
- You can't catch me.
380
00:25:02,796 --> 00:25:04,161
I gotcha.
381
00:25:04,331 --> 00:25:05,855
I gotcha.
382
00:25:11,972 --> 00:25:13,496
Aunt Carol's on fire!
383
00:25:30,657 --> 00:25:32,249
I don't know where you learned it.
384
00:25:32,426 --> 00:25:35,190
- Well, there's lots more where that...
- My God.
385
00:25:35,362 --> 00:25:38,854

- Oh, no. What happened?
- What the...?
386
00:25:39,399 --> 00:25:40,889
Oh, my God.
387
00:25:41,635 --> 00:25:45,127
Maybe Dale left the back door open
and raccoons got in.
388
00:25:45,305 --> 00:25:47,705
Nancy? Is this your purse
in the freezer?
389
00:25:48,241 --> 00:25:50,709
Yes. It's Brennan.
390
00:25:50,877 --> 00:25:54,369
He sleepwalks and he always
puts my purse in the freezer.

391
00:25:54,548 --> 00:25:56,175
Dale sleepwalks too.
392
00:25:56,350 --> 00:25:58,818
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm not. Look in the oven.
393
00:26:00,220 --> 00:26:03,087
- What's in the...? Couch pillows?
- Couch pillows.
394
00:26:03,256 --> 00:26:04,723
Yeah, Dale.
395
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:07,857
Come on.
396
00:26:08,395 --> 00:26:10,886

- It's okay.
- It's really hard.
397
00:26:11,064 --> 00:26:12,258
It's gonna be fine.
398
00:26:12,432 --> 00:26:15,924
They're gonna get jobs,
they'll be gone in a month. A month.
399
00:26:22,643 --> 00:26:23,667
Guys.
400
00:26:26,079 --> 00:26:28,877
- Guys. Guys!
- I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
401
00:26:29,049 --> 00:26:31,074
The clown has no penis.

402
00:26:31,785 --> 00:26:33,776
What kind of dreams
are you guys having?
403
00:26:33,954 --> 00:26:35,546
Hey, it's 12:30.
404
00:26:35,722 --> 00:26:38,452
Brennan, your brother's
coming today, so get up.
405
00:26:38,625 --> 00:26:39,956
- Today?
- Yep.
406
00:26:40,127 --> 00:26:43,426
- Shit.
- What's your problem?
407
00:26:43,597 --> 00:26:46,395
My little brother's even
a bigger asshole than you are.
408
00:26:46,967 --> 00:26:49,435
All right, let's really nail it this time.
Here we go.
409
00:26:49,603 --> 00:26:54,063
A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.
410
00:27:13,427 --> 00:27:16,760
All right, Tommy, you're the oldest.
I'm counting on you. Come on.
411
00:27:28,742 --> 00:27:31,768
Nice vibrato, buddy.
All right, all right, Alice, let's go.
412
00:27:34,147 --> 00:27:36,377

Flat. It's so flat.
413
00:27:36,550 --> 00:27:39,417
I can't even... You don't even
look good while you're singing.
414
00:27:39,586 --> 00:27:41,349
The worst thing I've ever heard.
415
00:27:41,521 --> 00:27:44,649
This is $ 1200 a week for
voice lessons, and this is what I get?
416
00:27:44,825 --> 00:27:46,588
Okay, I'm gonna save it
with this solo.
417
00:27:48,161 --> 00:27:50,095
I'm Derek
418
00:27:50,263 --> 00:27:54,893
And I can sing high like this
419
00:27:55,669 --> 00:27:58,763
And I can sing high
420
00:28:01,775 --> 00:28:03,140
Jesus!
421
00:28:17,758 --> 00:28:20,989
We were so sad you guys
couldn't come to the wedding.
422
00:28:21,161 --> 00:28:22,822
- But we completely understand.
- Yeah.
423
00:28:22,996 --> 00:28:24,896
You were busy fishing

with Mark Cuban.
424
00:28:25,065 --> 00:28:27,056
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, not just the Cubes...
425
00:28:27,234 --> 00:28:30,601
...but we had Chris Daughtry,
Jeff Probst, super-chef Bobby Flay.
426
00:28:30,771 --> 00:28:32,864
It was insane.
I mean, it was almost too much.
427
00:28:33,039 --> 00:28:34,370
My God, that's impressive.
428
00:28:34,541 --> 00:28:36,873
Yeah, we were down in the Gulf,
fishing bonito.
429
00:28:37,043 --> 00:28:40,012
Robert, have you ever been down
to the Gulf on the bonito run?
430
00:28:40,180 --> 00:28:41,977
Always wanted to.
I hear it's amazing.
431
00:28:42,149 --> 00:28:44,674
- It is. It's gorgeous.
- Are bonito fish big?
432
00:28:46,119 --> 00:28:47,143
What?
433
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,311
Don't interrupt
when he's telling a story.

434
00:28:49,489 --> 00:28:51,980
- It's fine, Robert.
- I was asking about the story.
435
00:28:52,159 --> 00:28:55,151
- What's this guy's deal?
- I don't know, son. It's okay.
436
00:28:55,328 --> 00:28:58,923
Well, Dale, they are
what's called a trophy fish.
437
00:28:59,099 --> 00:29:02,762
So, yeah, they're pretty big.
438
00:29:03,103 --> 00:29:04,400
I'm sorry.
439
00:29:06,773 --> 00:29:08,536

Anyway...
440
00:29:09,442 --> 00:29:11,910
Oh, God, I'm sorry,
I forget where my story was going.
441
00:29:12,078 --> 00:29:13,272
Damn it, Dale.
442
00:29:13,446 --> 00:29:14,674
- No...
- Robert.
443
00:29:14,848 --> 00:29:16,042
- What?
- What? I asked him.
444
00:29:16,216 --> 00:29:18,912
No, he can join in, Robert.
It's really okay.

445
00:29:19,085 --> 00:29:20,950
Well, I asked him twice
not to interrupt.
446
00:29:21,121 --> 00:29:24,921
Gang, don't be mad at Dale for ruining
the story. And possibly the evening.
447
00:29:25,091 --> 00:29:27,218
It's totally fine.
I have a lot more stories.
448
00:29:27,394 --> 00:29:30,693
- Derek, that you do. That you do.
- Yeah.
449
00:29:30,864 --> 00:29:34,459
- Guilty as charged with the stories.
- Oh, God, you're impressive.

450
00:29:35,368 --> 00:29:37,393
Come on. I love talking to you.
451
00:29:38,438 --> 00:29:41,271
From across the room,
I feel like we have a thing.
452
00:29:41,441 --> 00:29:45,537
You and me, man. You're my
new stepdad. You're unbelievable.
453
00:29:45,879 --> 00:29:49,815
- I never heard that laugh before.
- Dad, why are you acting so weird?
454
00:29:49,983 --> 00:29:52,417
Oh, hey, by the way, guys,
where's my bro, Brennan?

455
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:05,088
You're right about your brother.
Total dick.
456
00:30:05,265 --> 00:30:06,755
Told you.
457
00:30:06,933 --> 00:30:08,525
You know what? I still hate you...
458
00:30:08,702 --> 00:30:11,398
...but you got a pretty awesome
collection of nudie mags.
459
00:30:11,571 --> 00:30:14,096
Yeah, I got them
from the '70s, '80s and '90s.
460
00:30:15,108 --> 00:30:17,576

It's like masturbating
in a time machine.
461
00:30:17,944 --> 00:30:21,778
Anyway, so I figure by the summer
of 2010, we can probably set sail.
462
00:30:21,948 --> 00:30:24,815
But I think about it
every day of my life.
463
00:30:24,985 --> 00:30:27,249
Let me ask you this, Bob,
why wait two years?
464
00:30:27,420 --> 00:30:29,513
- Well, I gotta make more money.
- Okay, look.
465
00:30:29,689 --> 00:30:30,917

I hear you, believe me.
466
00:30:31,091 --> 00:30:33,958
But what if I were to tell you
that I could sell this house...
467
00:30:34,127 --> 00:30:35,856
...for 30 percent above market?
468
00:30:36,029 --> 00:30:39,521
- That'd be great. Could you do it?
- Yeah. In a heartbeat, Robby.
469
00:30:39,699 --> 00:30:42,998
Look, I got my real-estate license
a few years back for shits and gigs.
470
00:30:43,169 --> 00:30:44,830
I'd do it for four-fifths commish...

471
00:30:45,005 --> 00:30:47,269
...because you know what really
gets my dick hard?
472
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:48,702
Helping out my friends.
473
00:30:48,875 --> 00:30:51,708
That'd be fantastic.
That'd be fanta... Oh, my God.
474
00:30:51,878 --> 00:30:54,210
- No, it would be kick-ass, bro.
- Oh, man.
475
00:30:54,381 --> 00:30:56,008
Right there.
476
00:30:57,684 --> 00:30:59,117

What about Dale and Brennan?
477
00:30:59,286 --> 00:31:01,345
Because they haven't
even gotten jobs yet.
478
00:31:01,521 --> 00:31:03,955
God, change the record.
479
00:31:04,291 --> 00:31:05,918
Sweet!
480
00:31:07,460 --> 00:31:10,725
Robert. Don't talk to me like that
in front of my son.
481
00:31:10,897 --> 00:31:14,230
Oh, come on. We're talking about
our dream, the boat. Come on.

482
00:31:14,401 --> 00:31:18,269
Yeah, it's our dream, but I think it
all needs to be done in good time.
483
00:31:18,438 --> 00:31:21,999
I'm just saying give it some thought,
okay? That's it. That's all I'm saying.
484
00:31:22,175 --> 00:31:25,338
Holy shit, triplets.
485
00:31:26,079 --> 00:31:28,138
It's true, three's company.
486
00:31:28,315 --> 00:31:30,340
- It shows tons of bush.
- Hey, hey, careful.
487
00:31:30,517 --> 00:31:32,644

Careful with that. You're crinkling.
488
00:31:32,919 --> 00:31:35,888
That's a collector's item.
It's worth a lot of money.
489
00:31:36,222 --> 00:31:37,314
What's up, faggots?
490
00:31:37,490 --> 00:31:40,687
What's up, man? What, you're not
gonna come down, say hi to me?
491
00:31:40,860 --> 00:31:41,884
Hi, Derek.
492
00:31:42,062 --> 00:31:44,963
Whoa, calm down, man.
I'm just joking.

493
00:31:45,498 --> 00:31:48,092
You guys, I really like
your guys' setup up here.
494
00:31:48,268 --> 00:31:49,860
What is your problem, man?
495
00:31:50,170 --> 00:31:53,435
My problem? I don't know.
I don't have a problem, Dale.
496
00:31:53,606 --> 00:31:55,836
Actually, I have the opposite
of a problem:
497
00:31:56,009 --> 00:31:58,500
I made over 550 K last year.
How much did you make?
498
00:31:58,678 --> 00:32:01,169
- It's not about money.
- No, it's not about money.
499
00:32:01,348 --> 00:32:03,441
Well, for me,
it's a little bit about money...
500
00:32:03,616 --> 00:32:05,675
...and I made
that much money last year.
501
00:32:05,852 --> 00:32:07,319
I am the VP of the biggest...
502
00:32:07,487 --> 00:32:11,184
...executive-helicopter-leasing
company on the Western Seaboard.
503
00:32:11,358 --> 00:32:14,293

Okay? I haven't had a carb
since 2004.
504
00:32:15,295 --> 00:32:17,763
Check these out. See these?
See these boys?
505
00:32:17,931 --> 00:32:19,262
This is what I live with.
506
00:32:19,432 --> 00:32:21,923
Every day I lather this up
with Kiehl's in the shower.
507
00:32:22,102 --> 00:32:24,764
You wanna touch this shit?
You wanna touch these bad boys?
508
00:32:25,538 --> 00:32:27,130
Sorry, not gonna happen.

509
00:32:27,307 --> 00:32:28,706
Is there something you want?
510
00:32:28,875 --> 00:32:30,638
I promised Mom I'd offer you a job.
511
00:32:30,944 --> 00:32:33,742
I told her it'd count as her
Christmas present, so...
512
00:32:33,913 --> 00:32:35,778
No. I'm never gonna work for you.
513
00:32:35,949 --> 00:32:37,109
Fine. I don't care.
514
00:32:37,283 --> 00:32:40,741
The truth is I just smoked a J

out in my car a few minutes ago...
515
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,854
...so feeling a little spacy.
516
00:32:43,023 --> 00:32:45,082
Know what I'm say...?
What's up with you, man?
517
00:32:45,725 --> 00:32:47,352
What you looking at, kemosabe?
518
00:32:47,527 --> 00:32:48,858
You...
519
00:32:49,229 --> 00:32:51,527
You wanna punch me right now.
520
00:32:52,098 --> 00:32:54,931

You wanna punch me right now,
but you won't.
521
00:32:55,769 --> 00:32:56,997
You wanna punch me too?
522
00:32:57,170 --> 00:32:59,934
You guys both look like you might
wanna hit me in the face.
523
00:33:00,106 --> 00:33:02,233
You do, I can tell.
Well, why don't you do it?
524
00:33:02,409 --> 00:33:04,001
Why don't you punch me
in the face?
525
00:33:04,177 --> 00:33:05,804
Punch me in the fucking face!

526
00:33:12,552 --> 00:33:15,112
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my shoulder!
527
00:33:15,288 --> 00:33:16,516
That was awesome.
528
00:33:16,689 --> 00:33:18,680
Mom! Mom!
529
00:33:18,858 --> 00:33:21,224
Derek, know what's always good
for shoulder pain?
530
00:33:21,394 --> 00:33:23,692
- What?
- If you lick my butthole.
531
00:33:23,863 --> 00:33:25,660
Snap!
532
00:33:27,367 --> 00:33:28,959
- Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Bobby.
- Sure.
533
00:33:29,135 --> 00:33:32,468
Aside from that retard trying to punch
me, it was a pretty good evening.
534
00:33:32,639 --> 00:33:36,040
- It was our pleasure, son.
- Why are you calling him that?
535
00:33:36,209 --> 00:33:37,437
Oh, don't, don't.
536
00:33:37,610 --> 00:33:40,408
Bye, kids. I'll check out that stock

you recommended, Tommy.
537
00:33:40,580 --> 00:33:41,604
Excuse me.
538
00:33:41,781 --> 00:33:45,239
- Hi. I'm Alice, I'm Derek's wife.
- Hi.
539
00:33:45,418 --> 00:33:48,876
Is it true you struck Derek in the face
and he fell from the tree house?
540
00:33:49,055 --> 00:33:50,545
Yeah. He asked me to.
541
00:33:50,723 --> 00:33:53,021
Oh, that's the most amazing thing
I've ever heard.

542
00:33:53,193 --> 00:33:54,785
I want you to know that tonight...
543
00:33:54,961 --> 00:33:58,488
...I am gonna pleasure myself to
the image of you doing that to Derek.
544
00:33:58,665 --> 00:34:00,257
You know what I mean?
545
00:34:00,433 --> 00:34:02,060
Masturbate.
546
00:34:02,235 --> 00:34:03,896
I am.
547
00:34:04,070 --> 00:34:05,731
Oh, Dale.
548
00:34:05,905 --> 00:34:07,839
You are something.
549
00:34:08,408 --> 00:34:10,899
You are something.
550
00:34:12,178 --> 00:34:13,611
You're something too.
551
00:34:13,780 --> 00:34:17,307
I wanna roll you into a little ball
and shove you up my vagina.
552
00:34:18,151 --> 00:34:22,212
You could just live there.
It's warm and it's cozy.
553
00:34:22,388 --> 00:34:23,480
In your vagina?
554
00:34:23,656 --> 00:34:27,092
I wanna walk around with you
in there and just know that...
555
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:29,751
...whenever I feel a little tickle
or scratch...
556
00:34:29,929 --> 00:34:33,262
...that it's just your hair
up my vagina.
557
00:34:33,433 --> 00:34:35,492
Please, just do it for me.
558
00:34:35,768 --> 00:34:37,167
What's happening?
559
00:34:39,339 --> 00:34:41,136
Kiss me.
560
00:34:44,511 --> 00:34:47,674
I know. I know. It's too much.
561
00:34:48,014 --> 00:34:50,244
It's too much.
562
00:34:53,319 --> 00:34:55,947
I hate my life, Dale.
563
00:34:56,356 --> 00:34:59,587
Dale, I hate my life!
I have nobody to talk to.
564
00:34:59,759 --> 00:35:01,727
- Well, you seemed okay at the di...
- Please.
565
00:35:01,895 --> 00:35:03,795
Alice! Honey, come on!
566
00:35:04,063 --> 00:35:07,590
Dane Cook, pay-per-view,
20 minutes. Let's go!
567
00:35:07,767 --> 00:35:11,134
Coming, honey!
I'm just talking to Dale.
568
00:35:11,304 --> 00:35:13,829
This is so stupid.
569
00:35:14,941 --> 00:35:16,272
Call me.
570
00:35:16,442 --> 00:35:19,673
- I love you.
- Okay.
571
00:35:25,818 --> 00:35:28,286
- Hey. What'd she want?
- What?
572
00:35:28,788 --> 00:35:32,189
Nothing. Who's...? Who?
573
00:35:33,193 --> 00:35:34,217
Alice.
574
00:35:34,394 --> 00:35:38,421
We were just talking. Not...
It was not about sex or anything.
575
00:35:39,432 --> 00:35:41,798
I can't believe you hit Derek.
576
00:35:41,968 --> 00:35:44,596
I know. Did you see
the expression on his face?
577
00:35:44,771 --> 00:35:47,672
- That was cool.
- Listen.
578
00:35:48,074 --> 00:35:50,838
I know that we started out as foe.
579
00:35:51,244 --> 00:35:53,735
But after that courageous act...
580
00:35:53,913 --> 00:35:57,007
...that you showed me
against the one they call Derek...
581
00:35:57,584 --> 00:36:01,918
...maybe someday
we could become friends.
582
00:36:02,755 --> 00:36:06,452
Friends who ride majestic,
translucent steeds...
583
00:36:06,626 --> 00:36:09,789
...shooting flaming arrows
across the Bridge of Hemdale.
584
00:36:10,763 --> 00:36:13,960
I would follow you into the mists
of Avalon, if that's what you mean.
585
00:36:14,434 --> 00:36:17,460
Do you wanna see something cool
that only three people have seen?
586
00:36:21,941 --> 00:36:23,909
Okay, open your eyes.

587
00:36:25,511 --> 00:36:27,638
See that black smudge
right there on the blade?
588
00:36:27,814 --> 00:36:29,611
- Yeah.
- Look at it closely.
589
00:36:29,782 --> 00:36:32,250
- Pretty recognizable signature.
- No.
590
00:36:32,418 --> 00:36:34,852
Randy Jackson from American Idol.
591
00:36:35,021 --> 00:36:38,184
Why do you have Randy Jackson's
autograph on a martial-arts weapon?

592
00:36:38,358 --> 00:36:40,792
I bumped into him
and all I had was this sword...
593
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,724
...and you're not gonna not get
Randy Jackson's autograph.
594
00:36:44,130 --> 00:36:46,291
I would've done
the exact same thing.
595
00:36:47,567 --> 00:36:50,400
Now, do you wanna see
something really cool?
596
00:36:50,570 --> 00:36:52,697
- Of course.
- Turn off the lights.

597
00:36:54,974 --> 00:36:58,501
Industrial-strength
night-vision goggles.
598
00:36:58,678 --> 00:37:00,339
Holy Santa Claus shit.
599
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,571
Can you imagine if we had these
when we were 12?
600
00:37:03,750 --> 00:37:06,014
Even better.
We got them when we're 40.
601
00:37:06,486 --> 00:37:10,650
You know what's amazing? They're
not that noticeable on your face.
602
00:37:10,823 --> 00:37:12,586
- Right?
- Yeah.
603
00:37:14,093 --> 00:37:17,221
I can't believe I've been living here
for two weeks...
604
00:37:17,397 --> 00:37:19,228
...and I'm walking
around this place...
605
00:37:19,399 --> 00:37:21,993
...thinking I've got a huge doucher
for a stepbrother.
606
00:37:22,268 --> 00:37:24,498
Secretly, you're not a doucher.
607
00:37:25,038 --> 00:37:26,505

Let's play a game, all right?
608
00:37:26,873 --> 00:37:29,341
On the count of three,
name your favorite dinosaur.
609
00:37:29,509 --> 00:37:32,910
Don't even think about it, just name it.
Ready? One, two, three.
610
00:37:33,079 --> 00:37:34,569
- Velociraptor.
- Velociraptor.
611
00:37:35,114 --> 00:37:38,242
Favorite non-pornographic magazine
to masturbate to.
612
00:37:38,551 --> 00:37:40,746
- Good Housekeeping.
- Good Housekeeping.
613
00:37:41,187 --> 00:37:43,747
If you were a chick, who's
the one guy you'd sleep with?
614
00:37:44,057 --> 00:37:45,319
- John Stamos.
- John Stamos.
615
00:37:45,858 --> 00:37:47,792
- What?
- Did we just become best friends?
616
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:49,393
Yep.
617
00:37:49,762 --> 00:37:51,627
Do you wanna go do karate
in the garage?
618
00:37:51,798 --> 00:37:53,231
Yup!
619
00:38:12,752 --> 00:38:14,379
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
620
00:38:19,359 --> 00:38:21,486
I think they're starting to
like each other.
621
00:38:21,994 --> 00:38:24,087
I got a really bad feeling about this.
622
00:38:25,732 --> 00:38:27,222
- Sword fight!
- I know.
623
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:28,624
Sword fight!
624
00:38:32,772 --> 00:38:35,798
- Exactly the same!
- I know! That's so weird.
625
00:38:39,345 --> 00:38:40,505
Now you're in trouble.
626
00:38:42,682 --> 00:38:43,808
- Come on!
- No!
627
00:38:43,983 --> 00:38:46,281
They're betting against you,
but you can do it!
628
00:38:47,553 --> 00:38:48,918
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
629
00:38:50,656 --> 00:38:51,816
Is this a bad time?
630
00:38:51,991 --> 00:38:53,356
What the hell's going on?
631
00:38:53,526 --> 00:38:56,461
Ma, Mr. Doback, okay,
Dale and I were just...
632
00:38:56,629 --> 00:38:58,426
Please, stop calling me Mr. Doback.
633
00:38:58,598 --> 00:38:59,963
Sorry. Okay.
634
00:39:00,133 --> 00:39:02,727

Mom, Doback...
635
00:39:03,302 --> 00:39:05,634
...we think it would be very prudent...
636
00:39:05,805 --> 00:39:08,273
- Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?
- Yes.
637
00:39:08,808 --> 00:39:10,275
Why are you guys so sweaty?
638
00:39:10,443 --> 00:39:13,344
We've already figured out how.
The beds match up perfectly.
639
00:39:13,513 --> 00:39:16,778
It would give us so much extra space
in our room to do activities.

640
00:39:16,949 --> 00:39:17,973
Please say yes.
641
00:39:18,151 --> 00:39:20,415
You don't need our permission
to build bunk beds.
642
00:39:20,586 --> 00:39:22,816
You're adults.
You can do what you want.
643
00:39:22,989 --> 00:39:25,048
So?
644
00:39:26,225 --> 00:39:28,523
I'm not making myself clear.
645
00:39:28,694 --> 00:39:31,219
I don't give a fuck.

646
00:39:31,564 --> 00:39:33,794
Now, you both have
several interviews tomorrow.
647
00:39:33,966 --> 00:39:37,458
I would think you'd be focused
on that and not building bunk beds.
648
00:39:39,672 --> 00:39:42,232
- So?
- So?
649
00:39:42,408 --> 00:39:46,640
- We can? No?
- Yes. Yes, you can make bunk beds.
650
00:39:46,813 --> 00:39:49,077
- I knew it.
- Okay. You are not gonna regret this.

651
00:39:49,248 --> 00:39:51,045
We'll get so much more
activities done.
652
00:39:51,217 --> 00:39:54,152
This is the funnest night ever!
653
00:39:55,388 --> 00:39:57,686
This is so scary.
654
00:39:59,559 --> 00:40:02,221
- How you doing over there?
- Really good.
655
00:40:02,628 --> 00:40:03,652
Okay.
656
00:40:03,896 --> 00:40:05,887

Does your son know anything
about carpentry?
657
00:40:06,065 --> 00:40:08,625
No, not a th... Did I hear a drill?
658
00:40:09,202 --> 00:40:11,466
- Dale! Dale, no power tools!
- Power tools.
659
00:40:12,138 --> 00:40:13,799
- What?
- No power tools!
660
00:40:13,973 --> 00:40:17,636
- No, I forgot, I have to brush my teeth.
- That is not your toothbrush.
661
00:40:17,910 --> 00:40:20,310
Oh, okay. Well, I'm all done anyway.

662
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:21,811
- We did it.
- We did it!
663
00:40:21,981 --> 00:40:23,073
It looks amazing!
664
00:40:23,249 --> 00:40:26,309
Look at that! That looks like
what you'd buy from a store!
665
00:40:26,486 --> 00:40:29,148
- Should've been a bunk bed all along.
- Look at this space.
666
00:40:29,322 --> 00:40:32,223
- We could do aerobics in here.
- So many activities!
667
00:40:32,425 --> 00:40:34,416
- Do step class.
- It's making my head spin...
668
00:40:34,594 --> 00:40:36,858
...how many activities we can do.
- Play Army men.
669
00:40:37,029 --> 00:40:38,326
- Yeah.
- Come on.
670
00:40:43,302 --> 00:40:45,770
Hey, I never asked you.
Do you like guacamole?
671
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,206
Oh, Brennan! Oh, God!
672
00:40:50,376 --> 00:40:52,537
Brennan! Brennan!
673
00:40:53,112 --> 00:40:55,273
Dad. Nancy. It's bad.
674
00:40:55,481 --> 00:40:57,574
It's so bad.
There's blood everywhere.
675
00:40:57,750 --> 00:41:01,345
The bunk beds were a terrible idea.
Why'd you let us do that?
676
00:41:01,521 --> 00:41:02,783
It's so bad!
677
00:41:02,955 --> 00:41:04,252
How would you describe that?

678
00:41:07,159 --> 00:41:09,957
- It's not so bad.
- Right. See?
679
00:41:11,764 --> 00:41:12,822
Put your beds back.
680
00:41:12,999 --> 00:41:15,126
Rumpus time is over.
681
00:41:15,301 --> 00:41:18,395
You got a big day tomorrow.
You need your eight hours.
682
00:41:21,474 --> 00:41:25,169
And although she was 88 years old,
she never stopped believing.
683
00:41:25,344 --> 00:41:27,073

It's 8:20 in the a.m.
684
00:41:27,246 --> 00:41:30,079
Coming up next, a recent study
by the American Council...
685
00:41:30,249 --> 00:41:32,240
Look at her. She's hot.
686
00:41:32,685 --> 00:41:36,678
Okay, guys, this is it.
Good luck. Don't be late.
687
00:41:36,856 --> 00:41:39,450
Dad, I need to borrow
some clothes for the interview...
688
00:41:39,625 --> 00:41:41,456
...since I don't have
any fancy clothes.

689
00:41:41,627 --> 00:41:44,892
You go in my closet, take whatever
you need. You guys gotta look sharp.
690
00:41:45,064 --> 00:41:47,055
This is the most important
day of our lives.
691
00:41:47,233 --> 00:41:48,700
- Okay.
- No pressure, no pressure.
692
00:41:48,868 --> 00:41:50,062
- All right? Relax.
- Okay.
693
00:41:50,236 --> 00:41:51,328
I gotta go. I gotta go.

694
00:41:51,504 --> 00:41:53,495
This is your day.
Remember that. You own it.
695
00:41:53,673 --> 00:41:55,538
- This is your one day!
- All right.
696
00:41:57,009 --> 00:41:59,807
Mr. Huff, Mr. Jeener
is ready for your interview.
697
00:41:59,979 --> 00:42:02,140
Actually, we'll be
interviewing as a team.
698
00:42:02,315 --> 00:42:04,545
We're here to fuck shit up.
699
00:42:09,188 --> 00:42:10,815
Move it!
700
00:42:19,332 --> 00:42:20,697
Hey!
701
00:42:20,866 --> 00:42:23,357
Well, Brennan, you certainly
have had a lot of jobs.
702
00:42:23,536 --> 00:42:24,901
I'm a bit of a spark plug.
703
00:42:25,071 --> 00:42:27,562
And, Human Resources lady,
when I think...
704
00:42:27,740 --> 00:42:30,641
- You know, it's... Actually, it's Pam.
- I'm sorry.
705
00:42:30,810 --> 00:42:33,745
- Well, Pan...
- No, my name is Pam.
706
00:42:33,913 --> 00:42:38,009
- Are you saying Pan or Pam?
- I'm saying Pam.
707
00:42:38,551 --> 00:42:41,520
Yeah, I'm sorry, who is this
gentleman sitting behind you?
708
00:42:41,687 --> 00:42:44,622
Hello, Ms. Lady. I'm Dale.
I'm Brennan's stepbrother...
709
00:42:44,790 --> 00:42:48,248
...and I think I might be able to help
with the Pan-Pam dilemma.

710
00:42:48,427 --> 00:42:50,361
- Yeah, that'd be great.
- Pam.
711
00:42:50,529 --> 00:42:52,156
- Pan.
- Pam.
712
00:42:52,331 --> 00:42:54,322
- Pand. There's a D on the end.
- With an M.
713
00:42:54,500 --> 00:43:00,029
- There's no D. It's Pam.
- It's like "comb," except P-A-N-M.
714
00:43:00,206 --> 00:43:02,902
- N-N. There's two N's.
- Two M's. That was the confusion.

715
00:43:03,075 --> 00:43:04,406
No, there's just one M.
716
00:43:04,577 --> 00:43:06,602
What do you say we interview you?
717
00:43:07,079 --> 00:43:09,946
All right. Yes, that's a
sometimes-useful exercise.
718
00:43:10,116 --> 00:43:11,515
Please put your hand down.
719
00:43:11,851 --> 00:43:12,875
Go ahead.
720
00:43:13,052 --> 00:43:16,385
How much money do you make

a year before taxes?
721
00:43:16,956 --> 00:43:19,254
Okay, I'm actually not comfortable
answering that.
722
00:43:19,425 --> 00:43:22,019
- Come on!
- We're doing the interview, not you.
723
00:43:22,194 --> 00:43:25,960
Here's a shot out of a cannon:
Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife.
724
00:43:26,132 --> 00:43:28,362
You gotta fuck one,
marry one, kill one. Go!
725
00:43:28,534 --> 00:43:30,161
I think we're done here. Thank you.

726
00:43:30,336 --> 00:43:34,170
Mr. Huff, under your references,
you listed Dale Doback...
727
00:43:34,340 --> 00:43:36,672
...which I know is this gentleman,
but you also listed...
728
00:43:36,842 --> 00:43:38,867
..."Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior."
- Yeah.
729
00:43:39,045 --> 00:43:41,639
Yeah, we are looking for people
we can contact.
730
00:43:41,814 --> 00:43:43,975
We wanna tell you the stuff
we're not good at.

731
00:43:44,183 --> 00:43:46,777
- Our weaknesses.
- So we're clear up front.
732
00:43:46,952 --> 00:43:49,921
- Okay.
- We're not generally comfortable...
733
00:43:50,089 --> 00:43:53,149
...in an office setting, I would say.
- I get cooped up.
734
00:43:53,325 --> 00:43:56,317
I won't go into an office
that's ever been used before.
735
00:43:56,495 --> 00:43:59,089
I am no good before 11 a.m.

736
00:43:59,265 --> 00:44:02,462
I also get headaches from computers,
so I can't be around them too long.
737
00:44:02,668 --> 00:44:04,033
I take stuff.
738
00:44:04,203 --> 00:44:06,535
I need someone to go up and down
with me in the elevator.
739
00:44:06,706 --> 00:44:09,698
I have a weakness for sweets.
740
00:44:09,875 --> 00:44:10,899
Other weaknesses?
741
00:44:11,077 --> 00:44:14,205
We're slow learners and we're

not particularly good listeners.
742
00:44:14,380 --> 00:44:18,111
- That'll be a huge problem.
- We're also slow learners.
743
00:44:18,284 --> 00:44:20,149
First of all,
I needed someone to work...
744
00:44:20,319 --> 00:44:22,082
Wait, shut your mouth.
Shut your mouth.
745
00:44:22,254 --> 00:44:23,551
I think we've had enough...
746
00:44:23,723 --> 00:44:25,748
- Shush up for one second.
- Shut your mouth.

747
00:44:26,158 --> 00:44:28,854
- Wait, shut your mouth.
- I'm sorry, what did you just say?
748
00:44:29,028 --> 00:44:31,553
- You're just coming off stupid.
- I'm coming off stupid?
749
00:44:31,731 --> 00:44:35,497
You're wearing tuxedos to a job that
requires you to clean bathrooms.
750
00:44:35,668 --> 00:44:39,399
- Please leave this office, we're done.
- Do we get any sort of souvenir?
751
00:44:39,572 --> 00:44:41,164
Get out of my office!

752
00:44:41,340 --> 00:44:45,071
I'm looking to hire guys I don't mind
hanging out with for 12 hours a day.
753
00:44:45,244 --> 00:44:46,711
You guys seem like cool guys.
754
00:44:46,879 --> 00:44:49,848
Got hair similar to mine,
you wear tuxedos to the interview.
755
00:44:50,015 --> 00:44:51,880
That's funny, it's ironic. I get that.
756
00:44:52,051 --> 00:44:55,680
Underplaying the whole formality of it.
I think that's funny as hell.
757
00:44:55,855 --> 00:44:58,722

So let's do this, you know?
You guys are hired. You're in.
758
00:44:58,891 --> 00:45:01,587
Unless you're the weirdest guys ever
and I don't see it.
759
00:45:01,761 --> 00:45:03,251
Great.
760
00:45:20,546 --> 00:45:23,276
- Was that a fart?
- I don't know.
761
00:45:23,449 --> 00:45:25,314
I can taste it.
762
00:45:25,551 --> 00:45:26,609
On my tongue.
763
00:45:26,786 --> 00:45:29,220
Okay, I'll be honest with you.
I did fart.
764
00:45:29,588 --> 00:45:32,421
Is that onion? Onion and...
Onion and ketchup.
765
00:45:32,591 --> 00:45:36,391
- It stinks. And this is a small room.
- Shit.
766
00:45:36,562 --> 00:45:38,928
Okay, now the tuxedos
seem kind of fucked up.
767
00:45:40,232 --> 00:45:43,861
God. We were so close.
768
00:45:44,270 --> 00:45:47,330
So, what do we do for jobs?
Is your dad really gonna kick us out?
769
00:45:47,506 --> 00:45:51,636
Listen, don't worry about my dad.
770
00:45:51,977 --> 00:45:54,468
Got him sewn up.
771
00:45:54,914 --> 00:45:57,815
We've gotta start thinking bigger,
though, Brennan.
772
00:45:58,684 --> 00:46:01,084
Listen, what are you really good at?
773
00:46:01,253 --> 00:46:03,915
Singing. I'm a world-class singer.

774
00:46:04,089 --> 00:46:06,819
See? Right there,
that's an amazing skill.
775
00:46:06,992 --> 00:46:08,425
Now, what am I good at?
776
00:46:08,594 --> 00:46:11,427
I can shred on the drums
and I'm a marketing wiz.
777
00:46:11,597 --> 00:46:13,428
Put all that together,
what do you get?
778
00:46:14,934 --> 00:46:17,926
- I don't know, a band?
- No, that's been done before.
779
00:46:18,103 --> 00:46:23,268
Even better: we are gonna start an
international entertainment company.
780
00:46:23,442 --> 00:46:25,637
The biggest and the best.
781
00:46:26,111 --> 00:46:29,137
And we're gonna call it
Prestige Worldwide.
782
00:46:29,682 --> 00:46:31,115
That sounds so cool.
783
00:46:31,483 --> 00:46:35,544
I feel like a lightning bolt
hit the tip of my penis.
784
00:46:35,721 --> 00:46:38,155
Yeah. Yeah.
785
00:46:38,557 --> 00:46:41,321
We're brothers. This is why we met.
786
00:46:41,493 --> 00:46:43,484
- To form this alliance, right?
- Right?
787
00:46:43,662 --> 00:46:46,153
That's why our parents met,
so this idea could happen.
788
00:46:46,332 --> 00:46:49,130
- Okay, what do we do?
- We get to work.
789
00:46:49,301 --> 00:46:52,634
And we hit the beat laboratory
right now. Let's go.

790
00:46:52,805 --> 00:46:54,363
- What?
- Wait.
791
00:46:54,540 --> 00:46:56,030
What time is it?
792
00:46:56,208 --> 00:46:57,698
- 4:30.
- 4:30.
793
00:46:57,877 --> 00:46:59,777
4:32.
794
00:47:02,047 --> 00:47:05,744
- I can't go down Whitworth right now.
- Okay.
795
00:47:06,485 --> 00:47:07,816

We should go this way.
796
00:47:09,121 --> 00:47:11,112
- What's up?
- Chris Gardocki.
797
00:47:11,290 --> 00:47:12,587
- What?
- He gets in my face...
798
00:47:12,758 --> 00:47:15,090
...and I just don't wanna
deal with the hassle now.
799
00:47:15,261 --> 00:47:18,059
- Are you this scared?
- Can we please go the long way?
800
00:47:19,765 --> 00:47:21,323
- Down Cutler?
- Yeah.
801
00:47:21,500 --> 00:47:23,263
But that's 45 minutes.
802
00:47:23,435 --> 00:47:25,198
You're gonna shame me
into doing this.
803
00:47:25,371 --> 00:47:27,839
- You sound stupid.
- You'll be sorry. Okay, I'm stupid.
804
00:47:28,007 --> 00:47:30,134
Oh, man.
805
00:47:30,876 --> 00:47:33,572
Oh, God, there they are.
806
00:47:34,947 --> 00:47:37,006
Oh, my God, is that Dale Doback?
807
00:47:37,182 --> 00:47:39,742
- Let's make him lick dog shit.
- Yeah.
808
00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:44,753
Hey, fag-stick. Long time, no see.
809
00:47:44,924 --> 00:47:47,552
Is that your boyfriend?
Is that your butt buddy?
810
00:47:47,860 --> 00:47:50,124
Look, Mr. Gardocki,
just leave me alone, will you?
811
00:47:50,296 --> 00:47:52,093
Shut your mouth, esé.

812
00:47:52,264 --> 00:47:55,427
You guys just go back and have fun
on your jungle gym, okay?
813
00:47:55,601 --> 00:47:57,796
Does butt buddy have a name?
814
00:47:57,970 --> 00:48:01,872
If you're referring to me as
butt buddy, yes, I do have a name.
815
00:48:02,041 --> 00:48:03,372
It's Brennan Huff.
816
00:48:03,542 --> 00:48:06,705
If you don't come over here
and lick that white dog shit...
817
00:48:06,879 --> 00:48:09,109
...l'm gonna plow into your nose
with my fist.
818
00:48:09,281 --> 00:48:13,149
- I'm not licking any white dog shit.
- I'll lick the shit if you leave us alone.
819
00:48:13,319 --> 00:48:16,482
Dale, you're not licking
dog shit, okay? They're kids.
820
00:48:16,655 --> 00:48:18,919
- Brennan, it's just dog shit.
- It's ridiculous!
821
00:48:19,091 --> 00:48:23,050
- Hello, how are...?
- Oh, God!
822
00:48:23,395 --> 00:48:25,989
Leave him alone! Leave him alone!
823
00:48:27,633 --> 00:48:29,157
Get them!
824
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,477
So maybe you don't
go down that way anymore.
825
00:48:44,650 --> 00:48:46,515
Maybe you go the long way home.
826
00:48:46,685 --> 00:48:49,586
That's what we talked about.
We'll take the long way home.
827
00:48:49,755 --> 00:48:52,519
You know in that one scene
in The Wizard of Oz...

828
00:48:52,691 --> 00:48:55,524
...when the flying monkeys
pull apart the Scarecrow?
829
00:48:55,694 --> 00:48:57,719
That's what it was like.
830
00:48:57,896 --> 00:49:00,387
- It's okay, it's okay.
- I'm so sorry.
831
00:49:00,566 --> 00:49:03,194
Is my dad mad about
the stuff that happened?
832
00:49:03,369 --> 00:49:05,963
Robert was very upset, yes.
833
00:49:06,138 --> 00:49:08,834
He knows that you interviewed
as a team.
834
00:49:09,008 --> 00:49:10,532
And he heard about the fart.
835
00:49:10,709 --> 00:49:12,643
- Oh, he did?
- Yeah.
836
00:49:12,811 --> 00:49:14,540
You just couldn't hold it, or you...?
837
00:49:14,713 --> 00:49:17,648
- No. I thought it was gonna be silent.
- It was not silent.
838
00:49:17,816 --> 00:49:20,478
Just kept going, and it made a sound.

It was embarrassing.
839
00:49:20,652 --> 00:49:21,676
It got louder.
840
00:49:21,854 --> 00:49:24,721
So listen, Bobby,
I'll get those keys made tomorrow...
841
00:49:24,890 --> 00:49:28,382
...and then we'll start setting up times.
- Thank you.
842
00:49:29,661 --> 00:49:31,094
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.
843
00:49:31,263 --> 00:49:32,457
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.
844
00:49:32,631 --> 00:49:34,861
- Always nice to see you.
- You too.
845
00:49:44,410 --> 00:49:45,570
Hey, guys.
846
00:49:45,744 --> 00:49:47,837
Looks like your
free ride's over, huh?
847
00:49:48,013 --> 00:49:49,810
Have fun living on the streets.
848
00:49:50,416 --> 00:49:52,907
Okay, cool. Good chatting, you guys.
Bye, Mom.
849
00:49:53,085 --> 00:49:54,313
- Bye.
- See you, buddy.
850
00:49:58,390 --> 00:49:59,789
What was he doing here?
851
00:50:00,059 --> 00:50:01,788
We're putting the house
on the market.
852
00:50:02,061 --> 00:50:05,497
- Where are we moving?
- Is the house haunted?
853
00:50:05,764 --> 00:50:08,324
Nancy and I are retiring...
854
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:11,264
...and sailing around the world

on my boat.
855
00:50:11,437 --> 00:50:13,735
We are living the dream.
856
00:50:13,906 --> 00:50:15,203
Well, what about us?
857
00:50:17,242 --> 00:50:21,611
I'm sorry. Robert... We thought that...
858
00:50:21,780 --> 00:50:25,580
...you should take responsibility
for your own lives.
859
00:50:25,751 --> 00:50:26,945
This is the exciting part:
860
00:50:27,119 --> 00:50:29,451

We're going to put enough
money in your accounts...
861
00:50:29,621 --> 00:50:31,589
...for a security deposit
on an apartment.
862
00:50:31,757 --> 00:50:33,054
What's this all about?
863
00:50:33,225 --> 00:50:37,685
More than just money, we're gonna get
you another kind of support as well.
864
00:50:37,863 --> 00:50:40,696
You're both gonna see therapists.
Nancy thinks it'll help.
865
00:50:40,866 --> 00:50:44,632
- Guys, that's nonnegotiable.

- Hold on. We're not going on the boat...
866
00:50:45,037 --> 00:50:48,131
...Derek's selling the house,
we have to go to therapy?
867
00:50:49,374 --> 00:50:51,274
- What the fuck happened?
- Hey!
868
00:50:51,443 --> 00:50:54,537
Look, I know this seems
really, really sudden...
869
00:50:54,713 --> 00:50:57,045
...and just sort of unfair
and cruel and...
870
00:50:57,216 --> 00:51:00,310
- But it's nonnegotiable.

- But it's nonnegotiable.
871
00:51:00,486 --> 00:51:02,920
I got a bellyful
of white dog crap in me...
872
00:51:03,088 --> 00:51:04,988
...and now you lay this shit on me?
873
00:51:05,157 --> 00:51:08,126
You're adults. It's time
you started acting like adults.
874
00:51:08,393 --> 00:51:11,328
- Mom.
- I'm not backing down, Brennan.
875
00:51:11,597 --> 00:51:12,928
Don't even try.

876
00:51:13,098 --> 00:51:16,158
I know it seems hard,
but it's the best thing for both of you.
877
00:51:16,335 --> 00:51:17,962
We do it because we love you.
878
00:51:18,137 --> 00:51:21,834
Dad, I'm doing this because
I love you: fuck you.
879
00:51:22,007 --> 00:51:23,998
- Anything else?
- No.
880
00:51:24,176 --> 00:51:26,576
Bon voyage! Have a great time!
881
00:51:27,579 --> 00:51:29,513

Hey, what's up, Derek?
882
00:51:29,681 --> 00:51:30,705
Yeah.
883
00:51:30,883 --> 00:51:32,180
- Know what?
- Look what I got.
884
00:51:32,351 --> 00:51:35,616
I'm sitting here thinking we finally got
a family together here...
885
00:51:35,787 --> 00:51:39,279
...and now it's about to be taken away
because they think we're losers.
886
00:51:40,159 --> 00:51:43,651
- Because they don't understand us?
- Yeah.
887
00:51:43,829 --> 00:51:47,321
They don't get that this lifestyle
is a choice.
888
00:51:47,499 --> 00:51:50,627
And all they think about
is that stupid boat.
889
00:51:50,936 --> 00:51:54,167
I swear, I'm so pissed off
at my mom.
890
00:51:54,339 --> 00:51:57,831
As soon as she is of age,
I'm putting her in a home.
891
00:51:58,110 --> 00:52:00,738
We have got to get
Prestige Worldwide going.

892
00:52:00,913 --> 00:52:02,938
It's the thing that's
gonna save this family.
893
00:52:03,115 --> 00:52:05,948
I was thinking we should
have a investor presentation...
894
00:52:06,118 --> 00:52:07,380
...like on The Apprentice.
895
00:52:07,553 --> 00:52:09,714
We gotta start
with some capital somewhere.
896
00:52:09,888 --> 00:52:11,788
Here's the thing, though:
897
00:52:11,957 --> 00:52:15,154
If we're gonna start
a huge multinational corporation...
898
00:52:15,327 --> 00:52:16,851
...I have to hear you sing.
899
00:52:17,029 --> 00:52:19,725
Can't you just trust that
I'm a really, really good singer?
900
00:52:20,132 --> 00:52:23,533
Just one song, so I know
what your voice sounds like.
901
00:52:23,869 --> 00:52:25,803
Yeah, yeah. I'll just do it.
902
00:52:25,971 --> 00:52:30,135
No big deal. I'll just dive into it

and just start singing.
903
00:52:33,879 --> 00:52:37,246
Jesus, my heart is beating
so fast right now.
904
00:52:38,016 --> 00:52:40,143
Okay, just do it. Just do it.
905
00:52:40,319 --> 00:52:41,377
Just...
906
00:53:30,869 --> 00:53:31,927
You know, I don't know.
907
00:53:32,104 --> 00:53:35,369
I didn't sing too loud, because I don't
wanna wake up Robert and Nancy.
908
00:53:35,540 --> 00:53:38,976
My throat's sore. I've had
a sore throat for a month and a half.
909
00:53:39,244 --> 00:53:41,974
And this is not an acoustic
environment that's suitable...
910
00:53:42,147 --> 00:53:44,206
...to request this from me.
911
00:53:44,383 --> 00:53:47,648
You gotta know,
I'm not just some guy.
912
00:53:47,819 --> 00:53:51,311
Brennan, that is
the voice of an angel.
913
00:53:52,991 --> 00:53:55,721

Brennan, I can't even make
eye contact with you right now.
914
00:53:55,894 --> 00:53:58,658
Your voice is like a combination
of Fergie and Jesus.
915
00:53:58,830 --> 00:54:00,695
Why can't you do that
in front of people?
916
00:54:00,866 --> 00:54:02,697
Are you messing with me right now?
917
00:54:03,135 --> 00:54:05,797
It's me, Dale.
918
00:54:07,072 --> 00:54:08,096
You're good.
919
00:54:08,740 --> 00:54:11,140
- I know.
- This is gonna sound weird...
920
00:54:11,310 --> 00:54:16,407
...but for a second, I think
you took on the shape of a unicorn.
921
00:54:16,581 --> 00:54:20,415
I felt like I was hovering
above my own body...
922
00:54:20,585 --> 00:54:22,177
...watching myself sing.
923
00:54:22,354 --> 00:54:24,117
Now, let's move on
to other business.
924
00:54:24,289 --> 00:54:27,781
First thing tomorrow, we gotta get
cracking on this investor presentation.
925
00:54:27,959 --> 00:54:30,894
And guess what else.
This just came to me.
926
00:54:31,063 --> 00:54:34,499
- We're making a music video.
- Yeah!
927
00:54:35,634 --> 00:54:37,499
What do we do about Derek
and the house?
928
00:54:39,338 --> 00:54:41,272
Don't worry about him.
929
00:54:52,017 --> 00:54:53,245

Oh, it's a great "nabe."
930
00:54:53,418 --> 00:54:55,318
Frank Gifford
used to live down the block.
931
00:54:55,487 --> 00:54:58,615
- The Giff?
- Yeah, the Giff. Right down the block.
932
00:54:58,790 --> 00:55:01,350
I'm getting
a really good feeling about this.
933
00:55:01,526 --> 00:55:02,550
I am so glad.
934
00:55:02,728 --> 00:55:05,390
You get us that 10-year
interest-only loan, we got a deal.

935
00:55:05,564 --> 00:55:08,556
Hey, fuckers!
Welcome to the neighborhood!
936
00:55:08,734 --> 00:55:12,534
- My name is Craig.
- The neighbor is a Nazi?
937
00:55:12,704 --> 00:55:16,572
You guys ever need fertilizer,
I've got a lot of it. Close to 80 tons.
938
00:55:16,742 --> 00:55:20,644
Hey, folks! How you doing?
You're gonna love this neighborhood.
939
00:55:20,812 --> 00:55:22,473
Every single house here recycles.

940
00:55:22,647 --> 00:55:24,581
- Okay, we're done here.
- Yeah, okay.
941
00:55:24,750 --> 00:55:27,719
Hey, Derek, sprechen sie dick.
942
00:55:28,053 --> 00:55:30,487
Dale, I don't know how much
you know about therapy...
943
00:55:30,655 --> 00:55:33,852
...but it usually starts by you
telling me something about yourself.
944
00:55:34,393 --> 00:55:36,452
I work at a college as a janitor...
945
00:55:36,628 --> 00:55:39,256

...even though I'm smarter
than most of the people there.
946
00:55:39,431 --> 00:55:42,332
Sometimes I see an equation
written on a blackboard...
947
00:55:42,501 --> 00:55:45,493
...like half an equation,
and I'll just figure it out.
948
00:55:45,670 --> 00:55:48,002
- Is this Good Will Hunting?
- No.
949
00:55:48,340 --> 00:55:51,173
It sounds a lot like the plot
of Good Will Hunting.
950
00:55:51,343 --> 00:55:55,074

Yeah. Anyway.
My best friend is Ben Affleck...
951
00:55:55,247 --> 00:55:58,341
So I thought we'd begin
talking about your parents' divorce.
952
00:55:58,650 --> 00:55:59,674
Okay.
953
00:55:59,851 --> 00:56:01,876
How old were you
when they got divorced?
954
00:56:02,053 --> 00:56:04,180
- Fifteen.
- That's a hard age.
955
00:56:04,456 --> 00:56:07,289
- Yes. Yeah.
- Do you wanna talk...
956
00:56:07,459 --> 00:56:09,586
...about some of those feelings?
- I love you.
957
00:56:09,761 --> 00:56:13,197
- Obviously, you don't know me.
- I love you so much.
958
00:56:13,365 --> 00:56:16,766
Thank you. And I will take that
as a feeling that you have...
959
00:56:16,935 --> 00:56:19,301
...of comfortability with me.
960
00:56:19,471 --> 00:56:21,132
It's more than comfortability.

961
00:56:21,306 --> 00:56:24,503
- I mean, I fucking love you.
- Okay. I th...
962
00:56:24,676 --> 00:56:26,576
I'm just thinking
about our life together.
963
00:56:27,145 --> 00:56:29,113
I feel like I'm walking on a cloud.
964
00:56:29,281 --> 00:56:31,408
My penis is tingling right now.
965
00:56:31,683 --> 00:56:35,278
- That is so off-putting.
- You're not feeling this?
966
00:56:35,620 --> 00:56:39,386

In no way, shape or form do I feel
any feelings of intimacy towards you...
967
00:56:39,558 --> 00:56:41,549
...in any way whatsoever.
968
00:56:41,726 --> 00:56:43,557
You got a really dope
front lawn here.
969
00:56:43,728 --> 00:56:45,662
You and your homeboys
can play on that.
970
00:56:45,831 --> 00:56:47,799
- You can just say "It looks good."
- Yeah.
971
00:56:47,966 --> 00:56:48,990
No, that's how I talk.

972
00:56:49,167 --> 00:56:52,500
Oh, you got a really fresh
entryway here. Pretty awesome.
973
00:56:52,671 --> 00:56:55,333
- show you the front of the house,
which is actual...
974
00:56:55,507 --> 00:56:59,568
Will you vultures please give us some
privacy? He just died last night.
975
00:56:59,744 --> 00:57:01,268
What is going on here?
976
00:57:01,446 --> 00:57:03,744
It was the asbestos in here,
that's what did it!

977
00:57:03,915 --> 00:57:05,382
I've seen too many dead bodies.
978
00:57:05,550 --> 00:57:07,950
- I can't be in here. I can't.
- No, no, no.
979
00:57:10,856 --> 00:57:13,882
- Not bad.
- Eat shit, Derek.
980
00:57:14,259 --> 00:57:17,695
- Awesome B-day party, broheisens.
- You the man, Derek.
981
00:57:17,863 --> 00:57:20,229
Okay, who's this from? TJ?
982
00:57:20,398 --> 00:57:22,366

Where are
the rest of my gifts, dude?
983
00:57:22,534 --> 00:57:24,365
Totally joking around, TJ.
984
00:57:24,536 --> 00:57:25,798
All right.
985
00:57:25,971 --> 00:57:30,340
Oh, yes! Yes! Callaway 3-wood.
986
00:57:30,509 --> 00:57:31,771
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
987
00:57:32,677 --> 00:57:33,701
Yeah.
988
00:57:34,145 --> 00:57:36,443
- Bomb it down the fairway, bitches!
- That's right.
989
00:57:39,251 --> 00:57:41,719
Hi, my name is Jim.
Wanna suck my dick for money?
990
00:57:42,287 --> 00:57:44,517
- It's just me. Hi.
- Oh, my God.
991
00:57:44,689 --> 00:57:46,987
What are you doing?
This is the men's bathroom.
992
00:57:47,158 --> 00:57:48,989
Happy anniversary.
993
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:51,492

- It's our second date.
- What?
994
00:57:51,663 --> 00:57:55,599
Listen, I'm sick of being
all coy and bashful, Dale. Okay?
995
00:57:55,767 --> 00:57:58,634
- We're in the bathroom.
- This'll just take a minute.
996
00:57:58,803 --> 00:58:02,068
There's really little you can
do about it. Let me just hop on.
997
00:58:03,642 --> 00:58:05,610
It's all slippery.
998
00:58:06,578 --> 00:58:07,602
Oh, my God!
999
00:58:13,084 --> 00:58:15,814
It's getting tingly.
Something's gonna happen, Alice!
1000
00:58:24,195 --> 00:58:26,129
Oh, we just had sex.
1001
00:58:26,298 --> 00:58:29,665
- Just the way I imagined it.
- I like you.
1002
00:58:30,702 --> 00:58:31,862
I love you.
1003
00:58:32,037 --> 00:58:34,198
- Stay golden, Ponyboy. I gotta pee.
- Okay.
1004
00:58:36,207 --> 00:58:38,334
Oh, my God.
1005
00:58:38,577 --> 00:58:40,602
You're incredible.
1006
00:58:40,779 --> 00:58:43,179
Say hello to my little friend.
1007
00:58:45,317 --> 00:58:47,751
- Just kidding. It's from Scarface.
- Scarface.
1008
00:58:49,721 --> 00:58:51,086
Shut the fuck up!
1009
00:58:51,890 --> 00:58:53,949
- Sweet-ass gift, Teej.
- Yeah, not bad.

1010
00:58:54,392 --> 00:58:55,859
- I got it all mapped out.
- Okay.
1011
00:58:56,027 --> 00:58:59,360
- I'm following your lead, though.
- I'll get all eyes on us.
1012
00:58:59,531 --> 00:59:00,896
- Okay.
- Just like we planned.
1013
00:59:01,066 --> 00:59:03,159
And then we'll drop the hammer.
1014
00:59:03,368 --> 00:59:07,236
What were Dale and Brennan doing
with my video camera, do you know?
1015
00:59:07,405 --> 00:59:10,067
I have no idea. And frankly,
I really don't care. So...
1016
00:59:11,109 --> 00:59:12,633
I would like to say a few things.
1017
00:59:12,811 --> 00:59:16,076
Derek, you are an outstanding
young man, son.
1018
00:59:16,247 --> 00:59:18,772
And I would like say that
this is the image I have:
1019
00:59:18,950 --> 00:59:22,147
That sometimes when I'm making love
to your mother and I realize that...
1020
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,754

...this is where you came from,
that I'm so moved...
1021
00:59:24,923 --> 00:59:28,154
...that I talked to my lawyer,
and not only are you going to be...
1022
00:59:28,326 --> 00:59:31,386
...in my heart forever, but you're
going to be in my will, young man.
1023
00:59:31,563 --> 00:59:33,121
- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?
1024
00:59:33,398 --> 00:59:35,525
- Robert, that was fucking awesome.
- Thank you.
1025
00:59:35,700 --> 00:59:38,464

You got a lot of this, buddy.
And you got a lot of these.
1026
00:59:38,670 --> 00:59:39,898
Thank you.
1027
00:59:40,071 --> 00:59:42,471
Everyone, if I could have
your attention, please.
1028
00:59:43,475 --> 00:59:44,965
For those of you
who don't know me...
1029
00:59:45,143 --> 00:59:46,576
...my name's Dale Doback.
- Check. Check.
1030
00:59:46,745 --> 00:59:49,578
I'm Robert's other son,

the biological one.
1031
00:59:49,781 --> 00:59:51,646
Check. Check.
1032
00:59:51,816 --> 00:59:54,512
Probably wondering
why we gathered you here tonight...
1033
00:59:54,686 --> 00:59:56,483
...besides Derek's birthday.
1034
00:59:57,055 --> 01:00:00,047
We got a special surprise for you,
Derek, and everybody here...
1035
01:00:00,225 --> 01:00:01,317
- Check, check.
- Check.
1036
01:00:01,493 --> 01:00:03,461
- Dale. No, please.
- Don't interrupt them.
1037
01:00:03,628 --> 01:00:05,619
- I'm begging you.
- You wanna shut this down?
1038
01:00:05,797 --> 01:00:07,765
- Just hold on.
- Derek, for your birthday...
1039
01:00:07,932 --> 01:00:09,331
...we thought we'd roll out...
1040
01:00:09,501 --> 01:00:11,696
...a once-in-a-lifetime
business opportunity.
1041
01:00:11,870 --> 01:00:12,996
Happy birthday, Derek.
1042
01:00:13,538 --> 01:00:14,800
Music.
1043
01:00:18,343 --> 01:00:23,474
Prestige Worldwide,
wide, wide, wide.
1044
01:00:23,648 --> 01:00:25,912
Prestige Worldwide.
1045
01:00:26,084 --> 01:00:28,882
- The first word in entertainment.
- First word.
1046
01:00:29,187 --> 01:00:31,121
- Management.
- Financial portfolios.
1047
01:00:31,289 --> 01:00:33,086
- Insurance.
- Computers.
1048
01:00:33,258 --> 01:00:36,591
- Black leather gloves.
- Research and development.
1049
01:00:36,828 --> 01:00:39,729
Putting in the man-hours to study
the science of what you need.
1050
01:00:39,898 --> 01:00:42,890
Last week we put Liquid Paper
on a bee...
1051
01:00:43,068 --> 01:00:44,365
...and it died.
1052
01:00:44,536 --> 01:00:45,901
- Security.
- Security.
1053
01:00:46,071 --> 01:00:47,333
- And...
- And.
1054
01:00:49,808 --> 01:00:51,241
- Possibly you.
- Possibly you.
1055
01:00:51,509 --> 01:00:54,535
- Oh, this is classic. This is...
- We'd like to present...
1056
01:00:55,380 --> 01:00:58,975
...the world premiere of Prestige
Worldwide's first music video...

1057
01:00:59,150 --> 01:01:03,314
...by our first act, Huff and Doback.
1058
01:01:03,488 --> 01:01:06,457
- Roll it.
- Roll it.
1059
01:01:06,991 --> 01:01:10,757
Pay close attention, Dad.
It's gonna look familiar.
1060
01:01:10,929 --> 01:01:13,864
- This is... This is perfect.
- Is that my boat?
1061
01:01:14,032 --> 01:01:16,296
Yes, it is.
1062
01:01:16,668 --> 01:01:18,067

What are you doing on my boat?
1063
01:01:18,236 --> 01:01:20,727
The Niña, the Pinta
The Santa María
1064
01:01:20,905 --> 01:01:23,430
I'll do you in the bottom
While you're drinking sangria
1065
01:01:23,608 --> 01:01:26,042
Nachos and Lemonheads
On my dad's boat
1066
01:01:26,211 --> 01:01:28,236
You won't go down
'Cause my dick can float
1067
01:01:28,413 --> 01:01:30,973
We sail around the world

And go port to port
1068
01:01:31,149 --> 01:01:33,743
Every time I come
I produce a quart
1069
01:01:33,918 --> 01:01:36,216
That is offensive. Brennan, Dale.
1070
01:01:36,387 --> 01:01:38,821
I gotta have me my boats and ho's
1071
01:01:38,990 --> 01:01:41,151
Deadliest Catch without the crabs
1072
01:01:41,326 --> 01:01:43,954
We're almost out of gas
Call the Arabs
1073
01:01:44,129 --> 01:01:46,393
Pull up the anchor
'Cause we're leaving dry land
1074
01:01:46,564 --> 01:01:49,055
Get below deck
With a dick in your hand
1075
01:01:49,234 --> 01:01:51,464
Boats and ho's
1076
01:01:51,636 --> 01:01:54,434
I gotta have me my boats and ho's
1077
01:01:54,606 --> 01:01:56,801
Are you ready for some
world-class vocalization?
1078
01:01:56,975 --> 01:01:58,636

- Get a partner.
- Wait a minute.
1079
01:01:58,810 --> 01:02:01,438
- Who's steering the boat?
- Dad, please shut up.
1080
01:02:01,613 --> 01:02:02,841
Please shut up!
1081
01:02:12,624 --> 01:02:14,421
Yeah!
1082
01:02:20,064 --> 01:02:21,497
So...
1083
01:02:21,666 --> 01:02:23,930
...big question is:
1084
01:02:24,502 --> 01:02:27,960
Aside from the damage to the boat,
which we will fix...
1085
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:30,871
...what'd you think
of the presentation?
1086
01:02:31,042 --> 01:02:37,140
Brennan, I think that what you did
to Robert's boat was horrid.
1087
01:02:37,315 --> 01:02:39,647
Having said that,
I think that both of you boys...
1088
01:02:39,818 --> 01:02:43,276
...showed a lot of enthusiasm
and inventiveness.
1089
01:02:43,454 --> 01:02:45,513
Yes. Thank you.
1090
01:02:45,824 --> 01:02:47,815
You gotta be kidding me.
1091
01:02:48,693 --> 01:02:51,321
They destroyed our dream
and you're calling it inventive.
1092
01:02:51,496 --> 01:02:54,090
- No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that.
- Yes, you did.
1093
01:02:54,265 --> 01:02:55,493
Come on, you did.
1094
01:02:55,900 --> 01:02:59,233
It's gonna be four years, at least,
before we can sail anywhere.

1095
01:02:59,404 --> 01:03:02,805
- And you could care less, admit it.
- I will not admit that...
1096
01:03:02,974 --> 01:03:05,374
...because it is not true.
- Oh, yeah.
1097
01:03:05,543 --> 01:03:08,603
But, you know,
I do think that you could show...
1098
01:03:08,780 --> 01:03:12,841
...a little bit more attentiveness
to your son and your stepson...
1099
01:03:13,017 --> 01:03:14,678
...who obviously need you.

1100
01:03:14,853 --> 01:03:16,115
It's true, Dr. Doback.
1101
01:03:16,287 --> 01:03:19,154
You've been very cold
and unsupportive of our dreams.
1102
01:03:19,324 --> 01:03:21,121
You wrecked my fucking boat,
you goon!
1103
01:03:21,292 --> 01:03:23,351
Don't speak to my son like that.
1104
01:03:23,528 --> 01:03:26,053
Your son's costing me $80,000.
1105
01:03:26,231 --> 01:03:29,462
We could bicker about this all night,

but what's done is done, Dad.
1106
01:03:29,634 --> 01:03:32,467
- Are you guys gonna invest or not?
- That's it! That's it!
1107
01:03:32,637 --> 01:03:34,400
- What are you doing?
- Grab the wheel!
1108
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,003
I can't believe
you're being so stingy.
1109
01:03:37,175 --> 01:03:39,666
- Robert, come down.
- It's a simple business decision.
1110
01:03:39,844 --> 01:03:41,505
You jackaloons!
1111
01:03:41,679 --> 01:03:45,115
You're failures! Failures!
1112
01:03:45,283 --> 01:03:48,150
And you're embarrassing yourself,
you geriatric fuck!
1113
01:03:48,319 --> 01:03:49,752
- Brennan.
- Two things:
1114
01:03:49,921 --> 01:03:52,719
You keep your liver-spotted hands
off my beautiful mother.
1115
01:03:52,891 --> 01:03:53,949
She's a saint!
1116
01:03:54,125 --> 01:03:57,686
Then you sit down and you write Dale
and Brennan a check for $ 10,000.
1117
01:03:57,862 --> 01:03:58,886
Oh, stop it.
1118
01:03:59,063 --> 01:04:02,931
Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake
hearing devices so far up your ass...
1119
01:04:03,101 --> 01:04:04,864
- Brennan!
...you can hear the sound...
1120
01:04:05,036 --> 01:04:07,869
...of your small intestine
as it produces shit!
1121
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:10,301

- All right, here we go.
- Oh, my Lord.
1122
01:04:10,475 --> 01:04:13,535
Somebody should've done this
a long time ago, and I'm gonna do it.
1123
01:04:13,711 --> 01:04:15,178
- Robert.
1124
01:04:15,346 --> 01:04:17,177
There are consequences
for your actions.
1125
01:04:17,348 --> 01:04:20,044
- No! Robert!
- Dad!
1126
01:04:20,218 --> 01:04:22,311

- This is not the answer.
- You're next, mister.
1127
01:04:22,487 --> 01:04:23,613
- You understand me?
- Yes.
1128
01:04:23,788 --> 01:04:26,848
- Certain behaviors...
- Let go of me.
1129
01:04:27,091 --> 01:04:30,151
...will not be tolerated!
- My ass is on fire!
1130
01:04:40,405 --> 01:04:44,967
Wow, the tree looks great, Nancy.
Really tasteful.
1131
01:04:45,143 --> 01:04:48,670

Thank you, Dale. That's a very nice
sweater you're wearing.
1132
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:52,447
It was my mom's.
I took the shoulder pads out.
1133
01:04:52,617 --> 01:04:54,517
Oh, and, Brennan? Denise called...
1134
01:04:54,686 --> 01:04:57,246
...and she said she can't go out
with you on New Year's Eve...
1135
01:04:57,422 --> 01:05:00,289
...because she's not your girlfriend,
she's your therapist.
1136
01:05:00,458 --> 01:05:01,789
- Is that what she said?

- Yeah.
1137
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:03,018
She's a rascal.
1138
01:05:03,594 --> 01:05:05,528
Hey, Dad, Nancy?
1139
01:05:05,697 --> 01:05:10,760
Would it be cool if Brennan and I
opened just one present each...
1140
01:05:10,935 --> 01:05:13,096
...since it's Christmas Eve?
1141
01:05:13,271 --> 01:05:16,138
I'm gonna go down to the
Cheesecake Factory, have a drink.
1142
01:05:18,810 --> 01:05:21,904
But it's Christmas Eve.
1143
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:23,843
Merry Christmas.
1144
01:05:24,615 --> 01:05:26,446
- Yes.
- Yeah.
1145
01:05:26,617 --> 01:05:28,812
I had my eye on one.
1146
01:05:29,253 --> 01:05:31,153
I hope it's what I think it is.
1147
01:05:31,322 --> 01:05:33,517
Oh, my God. Hulk Hands!
1148
01:05:33,691 --> 01:05:35,181
Wait, Dale got Hulk Hands?
1149
01:05:40,365 --> 01:05:43,732
Well, you reek of Scotch
and cheesecake.
1150
01:05:44,702 --> 01:05:46,192
You know...
1151
01:05:47,005 --> 01:05:51,772
...tonight at the Cheesecake Factory
was the happiest I've been in months.
1152
01:05:52,176 --> 01:05:55,577
- Well, then I feel very sorry for you.
- Well, just...
1153
01:05:55,747 --> 01:05:59,683
Nancy, I don't know if I can ever

forgive them for wrecking my boat.
1154
01:05:59,851 --> 01:06:02,547
- Why are you giving up?
- I'm not giving up. I'm not.
1155
01:06:02,720 --> 01:06:06,713
- You are. You're giving up on our boys.
- But they're 40.
1156
01:06:06,891 --> 01:06:09,860
I don't care how old they are.
They're still our children.
1157
01:06:10,028 --> 01:06:13,088
Well, sometime it's got to matter
how old they are.
1158
01:06:13,264 --> 01:06:15,994
That's all we do, is...

Oh, sweet Jesus.
1159
01:06:16,167 --> 01:06:19,728
Oh, it...
You know, they'll go back to bed.
1160
01:06:20,571 --> 01:06:22,334
See? They're sleepwalking.
1161
01:06:22,507 --> 01:06:24,498
No. No.
1162
01:06:24,675 --> 01:06:26,905
See, back to bed.
1163
01:06:27,078 --> 01:06:28,340
They'll be fine.
1164
01:06:28,746 --> 01:06:31,214

Just nonsense.
I'm gonna wake them up.
1165
01:06:31,382 --> 01:06:34,840
- No. Why would you do such a thing?
- Well, because it's...
1166
01:06:35,019 --> 01:06:37,419
- Never, ever wake up a sleepwalker.
- See, that's it.
1167
01:06:37,588 --> 01:06:39,055
- We can't ever do anything.
- No.
1168
01:06:39,223 --> 01:06:41,691
But they could do real harm
to themselves or others.
1169
01:06:41,859 --> 01:06:44,419

- Oh, the Christmas presents.
- No, guys... No, no, don't...
1170
01:06:44,595 --> 01:06:46,961
- No. But...
- I think we should take control.
1171
01:06:47,131 --> 01:06:50,362
- It's always about them.
- How do you propose to do that?
1172
01:06:50,535 --> 01:06:52,696
- Oh, Jesus.
- Whatever you do, don't wake them.
1173
01:06:52,870 --> 01:06:55,896
They might do real harm
to themselves or others.
1174
01:06:56,074 --> 01:06:58,907

- Not everybody does know that.
- Oh, the Christmas tree!
1175
01:06:59,077 --> 01:07:02,240
Oh, not the... No, don't...
All right, that's it!
1176
01:07:02,413 --> 01:07:04,074
- I'm waking them up!
- No! No!
1177
01:07:04,248 --> 01:07:05,875
- Don't wake them up!
- That's a myth!
1178
01:07:06,050 --> 01:07:07,540
- Wake up, both of you.
- Don't.
1179
01:07:09,620 --> 01:07:12,214

I told you! I told you!
1180
01:07:12,990 --> 01:07:15,481
Stop it! Don't hurt him!
1181
01:07:15,927 --> 01:07:19,124
The pictures! Nancy!
1182
01:07:23,501 --> 01:07:25,366
Robert!
1183
01:07:32,110 --> 01:07:34,772
I mean, I was driving around
with a buddy of mine, Topher.
1184
01:07:34,946 --> 01:07:36,345
You guys remember Topher, right?
1185
01:07:36,514 --> 01:07:38,914

Driving around, he has this
brand-new Testarossa, right?
1186
01:07:39,517 --> 01:07:43,078
We hit this four-point buck. Dead.
Lying in the road.
1187
01:07:43,354 --> 01:07:45,481
Long story short,
we sue the state of Michigan.
1188
01:07:45,656 --> 01:07:50,184
I end up getting 125 G's. Okay?
You know what I spent that money on?
1189
01:07:50,361 --> 01:07:52,625
Sniper rifle to hunt deer.
1190
01:07:55,066 --> 01:07:57,296
Either way, the deers lose,

my friends.
1191
01:08:02,940 --> 01:08:05,465
Good riddance.
Eat all the damn flowers, anyway.
1192
01:08:05,643 --> 01:08:07,076
If you'll excuse me...
1193
01:08:07,245 --> 01:08:11,045
...I think I'm going to go into
the other room to check my hair.
1194
01:08:11,516 --> 01:08:13,245
- Excuse me.
- Sorry, everybody.
1195
01:08:13,417 --> 01:08:15,317
If you'll excuse
my space-cadet wife here.

1196
01:08:15,486 --> 01:08:17,647
Let's just say the meds
aren't helping.
1197
01:08:18,556 --> 01:08:21,753
I'm kidding. Kidding. But not at all.
1198
01:08:21,926 --> 01:08:24,224
I have to get some more gravy.
1199
01:08:24,395 --> 01:08:26,363
- Oh, Dale, it's right there.
- Oh, no.
1200
01:08:26,531 --> 01:08:29,295
Shush up, Nancy.
I have to get some more bread.
1201
01:08:30,201 --> 01:08:32,226
What did I do to deserve that?
1202
01:08:36,507 --> 01:08:38,372
What do any of us do
to deserve anything?
1203
01:08:38,543 --> 01:08:42,570
I pay enough taxes to support
all these lazy goddamn liberals.
1204
01:08:44,649 --> 01:08:49,586
Get off me! Off!
Get back. Get back! Back!
1205
01:08:57,195 --> 01:08:59,254
- What do you want?
- Merry Christmas, darling.
1206
01:08:59,430 --> 01:09:02,194

- Merry Christmas.
- Oh, that was torture.
1207
01:09:03,834 --> 01:09:07,292
I couldn't eat another bite of turkey
without thinking of you inside of me.
1208
01:09:07,471 --> 01:09:09,200
Come on, let's try something illegal.
1209
01:09:09,574 --> 01:09:11,701
So, Tommy, what did you
get for Christmas?
1210
01:09:11,876 --> 01:09:17,109
Well, Santa brought me the Bowflex
and $ 1000 in fresh-minted $50 bills.
1211
01:09:17,281 --> 01:09:21,945
Wanna know what I got

for Christmas? A crushed soul.
1212
01:09:25,723 --> 01:09:27,714
- Alice, please.
- Sing along, Santa.
1213
01:09:27,892 --> 01:09:29,052
You know this song.
1214
01:09:29,227 --> 01:09:31,422
What is that noise?
1215
01:09:32,263 --> 01:09:33,730
It's... This is the ghost.
1216
01:09:33,998 --> 01:09:36,899
- Just try to be quiet. Okay.
- You're right. You're right.
1217
01:09:37,068 --> 01:09:39,502
- We've got to be discreet.
- All right.
1218
01:09:39,670 --> 01:09:42,730
No, no! Oh, hey.
1219
01:09:43,140 --> 01:09:46,303
Are you all still talking in here?
1220
01:09:46,477 --> 01:09:47,501
What are you doing?
1221
01:09:48,879 --> 01:09:51,939
Alice was moving a chair from the
living room into the dining room...
1222
01:09:52,116 --> 01:09:55,483
...for an extra chair
and her back went out.

1223
01:09:55,653 --> 01:09:59,851
And I just did the best thing,
which is get right on the muscles...
1224
01:10:00,024 --> 01:10:01,685
- Muscles.
...so they don't seize up.
1225
01:10:01,859 --> 01:10:04,453
Just add some heat to it.
1226
01:10:07,331 --> 01:10:08,730
Damn it, Dale, sit down.
1227
01:10:08,899 --> 01:10:12,426
It's just a real deep, tight muscle.
1228
01:10:12,603 --> 01:10:14,366

Hey, sweetie,
can you grab me a beer?
1229
01:10:14,538 --> 01:10:16,267
- I'll get you another Heineken.
- Yeah.
1230
01:10:16,440 --> 01:10:18,431
Merry Christmas.
1231
01:10:18,909 --> 01:10:21,742
And how about you, Tiffany,
what did you get for Christmas?
1232
01:10:21,912 --> 01:10:24,472
I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace.
1233
01:10:24,649 --> 01:10:28,050
But next year I'm gonna ask
Santa for breast implants...

1234
01:10:28,219 --> 01:10:30,119
...because I'm impatient
with my body.
1235
01:10:30,288 --> 01:10:33,689
Hey, Tiffany. Wanna know
what I got? A crushed soul.
1236
01:10:33,958 --> 01:10:35,425
You mentioned that earlier.
1237
01:10:36,894 --> 01:10:38,384
- So good.
- Oh, gosh!
1238
01:10:38,562 --> 01:10:42,396
It's gone into a real bad spasm,
so I put a yoga move on her.

1239
01:10:43,968 --> 01:10:47,096
- grant me this one,
because I was pretty wasted.
1240
01:10:47,271 --> 01:10:48,898
So I put my lips
around that breathalyzer...
1241
01:10:49,540 --> 01:10:51,838
...and I saw those numerals pop up:
1242
01:10:52,009 --> 01:10:56,275
0.079.
1243
01:10:56,981 --> 01:11:01,418
So I started going to Chad
Michael Murray's Christmas party.
1244
01:11:01,585 --> 01:11:03,678

I think that was the year.
And just driving...
1245
01:11:03,854 --> 01:11:07,415
I have to interrupt you. Robert, while
the children are in the living room...
1246
01:11:07,591 --> 01:11:10,526
...I think this would be a good time
to make our announcement.
1247
01:11:10,695 --> 01:11:13,596
- What's going on?
- It's over.
1248
01:11:14,332 --> 01:11:17,096
I'm gonna be moving in
with my friend Jack Handle...
1249
01:11:17,268 --> 01:11:19,759

...and Nancy found a townhouse
in the city.
1250
01:11:21,038 --> 01:11:22,630
What is this? What's happening?
1251
01:11:22,807 --> 01:11:26,243
What Robert is trying to say
is that we are getting a divorce.
1252
01:11:26,644 --> 01:11:29,306
- Don't do this.
- No. No!
1253
01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:31,175
- I could've called this one.
- No.
1254
01:11:31,349 --> 01:11:33,214
- Yeah.
- Is it our fault?
1255
01:11:33,384 --> 01:11:35,409
- Is it because we were bad?
- No. No.
1256
01:11:35,586 --> 01:11:38,578
The main thing that
Robert and I talked about...
1257
01:11:38,756 --> 01:11:41,316
...is that we did not want you two
to blame yourselves.
1258
01:11:41,492 --> 01:11:44,859
- What can we do to fix it?
- Dale, honey, are you okay?
1259
01:11:45,029 --> 01:11:47,930
- Why are you calling him "honey"?

- I cannot stress this enough:
1260
01:11:48,099 --> 01:11:51,694
- It is not your fault.
- Whose fault is it?
1261
01:11:51,869 --> 01:11:54,269
- Fuck it, I wanna fucking know!
- Let's cut the shit.
1262
01:11:54,438 --> 01:11:58,033
- It is directly your fault.
- Robert.
1263
01:11:58,209 --> 01:11:59,676
You destroyed my boat.
1264
01:11:59,844 --> 01:12:01,402
You beat me up in your sleep...

1265
01:12:01,579 --> 01:12:05,606
...and worst of all, you made
Nancy and I resent each other.
1266
01:12:05,783 --> 01:12:10,482
- It is absolutely 150 percent your fault!
- Of course it's their fault.
1267
01:12:10,654 --> 01:12:14,055
They're the world's biggest dickheads,
and they're living in your house.
1268
01:12:14,225 --> 01:12:16,785
- Shut up, Derek.
- I'm sorry, but that...
1269
01:12:17,762 --> 01:12:21,163
Please don't cry like that.
Please don't, Brennan.

1270
01:12:25,002 --> 01:12:29,029
- Mommy!
- Dale!
1271
01:12:29,206 --> 01:12:32,073
I told you that they would feel
completely to blame.
1272
01:12:32,243 --> 01:12:36,009
- Oh, let's grow up.
- I think I'm going to throw up.
1273
01:12:36,180 --> 01:12:38,580
- I think I'm gonna throw up...
- Don't throw up.
1274
01:12:38,749 --> 01:12:41,650
...all the nice dinner that I had.
I'm gonna throw it up.

1275
01:12:42,820 --> 01:12:45,084
- You're not gonna throw up.
- He's gonna throw up.
1276
01:12:46,157 --> 01:12:48,990
- Come on.
- My God, he threw up. Oh, this is ugly.
1277
01:12:49,160 --> 01:12:51,219
- Hey, guys. Guys.
- This is not nice!
1278
01:12:51,395 --> 01:12:54,364
- All right, dipshits. Right here.
- Stop it, Derek.
1279
01:12:54,532 --> 01:12:59,731
- One, two, three...
- I don't want my picture taken now.

1280
01:13:05,776 --> 01:13:08,973
Good luck, and remember, I need you
out of this house by tomorrow.
1281
01:13:09,146 --> 01:13:11,307
No exceptions.
1282
01:13:19,957 --> 01:13:22,721
If there's anything you need,
anything that you boys need...
1283
01:13:22,893 --> 01:13:25,589
...you just give me a call. Okay?
It's all right.
1284
01:13:31,769 --> 01:13:35,466
Hey. Are you awake?
1285
01:13:35,806 --> 01:13:37,467

Yeah.
1286
01:13:39,977 --> 01:13:43,708
I can't believe we actually
have to move out of this house.
1287
01:13:44,348 --> 01:13:46,714
I know. I feel bad.
1288
01:13:46,984 --> 01:13:49,509
Hey, you know,
we don't have to whisper anymore.
1289
01:13:49,687 --> 01:13:51,052
Mom and Dad aren't here.
1290
01:13:51,222 --> 01:13:53,247
Yeah, but can we keep
doing it, though?

1291
01:13:53,424 --> 01:13:55,585
It helps me pretend that they are.
1292
01:13:55,759 --> 01:13:58,592
You must feel just terrible.
1293
01:13:59,330 --> 01:14:02,493
- I mean, I know I feel bad.
- Yeah.
1294
01:14:02,666 --> 01:14:04,998
But I can't imagine how you feel...
1295
01:14:05,169 --> 01:14:08,104
...after my dad looked
right at you and said...
1296
01:14:08,272 --> 01:14:10,740
...it's all your fault

that they broke up.
1297
01:14:10,908 --> 01:14:14,776
That's funny, because my mom said:
1298
01:14:14,945 --> 01:14:17,379
"If that curly-headed fuck Dale
wasn't here...
1299
01:14:17,548 --> 01:14:19,982
...everything would be perfect."
1300
01:14:20,784 --> 01:14:24,015
- You take that back.
- No way. It's your fault.
1301
01:14:24,421 --> 01:14:26,184
You know what your problem is?
1302
01:14:26,357 --> 01:14:29,121
You live in a fantasy land.
You refuse to get a job...
1303
01:14:29,293 --> 01:14:31,989
...and you don't know what it's like
to work for something.
1304
01:14:32,162 --> 01:14:35,757
You don't take responsibility for
your actions. This is all your fault!
1305
01:14:35,933 --> 01:14:38,993
Well, you're a mama's boy
who's too chicken to sing in public!
1306
01:14:41,105 --> 01:14:42,333
Yeah, that's right.
1307
01:14:42,506 --> 01:14:44,804

Run away, little boy,
because you know it's true.
1308
01:14:44,975 --> 01:14:46,533
Just avoid everything.
1309
01:14:47,912 --> 01:14:49,573
What are you doing?
1310
01:14:50,514 --> 01:14:53,347
- Dale broke up Mom and Dad
- Motherfucker!
1311
01:14:53,517 --> 01:14:57,317
Dale broke up Mom and Dad
Dale broke up Mom and Dad
1312
01:14:57,488 --> 01:14:59,353
- Dale broke up Mom and...
- Brennan!
1313
01:15:05,162 --> 01:15:08,325
Get up, Brennan,
I know you're faking. Get up!
1314
01:15:08,632 --> 01:15:10,293
Get up!
1315
01:15:16,540 --> 01:15:17,564
Brennan?
1316
01:15:17,741 --> 01:15:21,108
It's just like Cold Case Files.
1317
01:15:21,278 --> 01:15:23,143
1318
01:15:23,647 --> 01:15:25,808

People die every day.
1319
01:15:26,183 --> 01:15:30,313
Give him a proper burial
in an unmarked grave...
1320
01:15:34,391 --> 01:15:36,916
- Brennan! You're alive! Oh, my God.
- I know.
1321
01:15:37,094 --> 01:15:38,425
I'm alive.
1322
01:15:41,031 --> 01:15:44,694
- You were dead. I saw you die!
- I was faking.
1323
01:15:44,868 --> 01:15:47,336
I used ninja focus
to slow my heart rate down.

1324
01:15:48,372 --> 01:15:50,567
- I'm burying you.
1325
01:15:50,741 --> 01:15:54,199
- I'm alive. Brennan, I'm alive.
- You're waking the neighbors!
1326
01:15:54,378 --> 01:15:56,676
- Shut up!
- No. No.
1327
01:15:57,948 --> 01:16:00,746
- Now I'm gonna play your drum set.
- Help me.
1328
01:16:00,918 --> 01:16:03,716
Close your eyes.
Let the dirt just shower over you.

1329
01:16:04,822 --> 01:16:06,949
This is your fault.
1330
01:16:07,558 --> 01:16:12,052
Oh, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna sleep good tonight.
1331
01:16:14,832 --> 01:16:17,357
- Don't you touch my drums!
- Zombie!
1332
01:16:17,835 --> 01:16:20,702
Zombie! Zombie!
1333
01:16:22,306 --> 01:16:23,534
Get off me, zombie.
1334
01:16:25,609 --> 01:16:26,701

Get off.
1335
01:16:39,156 --> 01:16:40,384
I'm late for school.
1336
01:16:40,557 --> 01:16:44,084
I will kiss you right on the mouth,
Kenny Rogers.
1337
01:16:45,062 --> 01:16:47,622
- Just get off me.
- Hey.
1338
01:16:51,068 --> 01:16:52,729
So I guess it's really over.
1339
01:16:52,903 --> 01:16:55,770
I'd say you trying to bury me alive
pretty much did it.

1340
01:16:55,939 --> 01:16:58,169
You know what I just realized?
1341
01:16:58,342 --> 01:17:00,503
You've been the one
dragging me down.
1342
01:17:00,678 --> 01:17:03,772
Now I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna
get a job and an apartment...
1343
01:17:03,947 --> 01:17:06,916
...and then I'm gonna get Mom
and Dr. Doback back together.
1344
01:17:07,084 --> 01:17:09,814
I'm gonna be the hero,
and you can suck on it.
1345
01:17:13,090 --> 01:17:15,957
My life was perfect
before you came here.
1346
01:17:16,126 --> 01:17:20,153
Me and my dad had a perfect setup,
and you wrecked it.
1347
01:17:23,701 --> 01:17:25,066
Hey.
1348
01:17:25,936 --> 01:17:28,131
We're no longer brothers.
1349
01:17:28,505 --> 01:17:32,305
We never were.
We were stepbrothers.
1350
01:17:45,222 --> 01:17:47,782
- That was one of your best.

- These balls fucking suck.
1351
01:17:48,792 --> 01:17:50,054
All right.
1352
01:17:50,694 --> 01:17:52,719
Well, well, well,
look who's here, boys.
1353
01:17:53,263 --> 01:17:55,857
Can you give me a job, please?
1354
01:17:56,967 --> 01:18:00,232
TJ, get an office pool going.
1355
01:18:00,604 --> 01:18:03,368
Give Ken-Doll Crotch here
two weeks, tops.
1356
01:18:04,041 --> 01:18:06,339
Dr. Angel Face,
I just wanted to say thank you...
1357
01:18:06,510 --> 01:18:10,207
...for meeting me
on such short notice.
1358
01:18:10,380 --> 01:18:12,712
- Don't call me Angel Face.
- I apologize.
1359
01:18:12,883 --> 01:18:17,547
I'm very alone right now, and the thing
I wanna ask you to help me...
1360
01:18:18,055 --> 01:18:20,819
To show me how I can be
a grown-up.
1361
01:18:20,991 --> 01:18:23,016
Do I carry my
high-school diploma around?
1362
01:18:23,193 --> 01:18:24,592
What do you do with your hair?
1363
01:18:24,762 --> 01:18:26,889
What happens if there's
inclement weather?
1364
01:18:27,064 --> 01:18:28,725
Where do you...?
What do you wear?
1365
01:18:28,899 --> 01:18:30,696
Can you wash clothes
in the dishwasher?
1366
01:18:30,868 --> 01:18:33,837

I notice that there's a long gap
in your job history...
1367
01:18:34,004 --> 01:18:37,804
...and it said for 22 years...
1368
01:18:37,975 --> 01:18:41,069
...you went Kerouac
on everyone's ass?
1369
01:18:41,245 --> 01:18:43,509
I'm gonna be honest with you.
I really need a job.
1370
01:18:43,680 --> 01:18:46,843
And I will take any position,
as long as it doesn't involve...
1371
01:18:47,017 --> 01:18:51,044
...having sex with old ladies

for money or bear traps.
1372
01:18:51,221 --> 01:18:53,781
- Those are my two bugaboos.
- All right, got it.
1373
01:18:53,957 --> 01:18:56,721
There's a catering business,
there's a temp job open.
1374
01:18:56,894 --> 01:18:59,362
And you get to play with fire.
1375
01:20:11,668 --> 01:20:14,000
What do you want?
This is my online-poker time.
1376
01:20:14,171 --> 01:20:16,469
I'm ready to take on
the Catalina Wine Mixer.

1377
01:20:16,640 --> 01:20:18,540
Slow down there, Speed Racer.
1378
01:20:18,709 --> 01:20:21,041
I know what it entails,
and I'm ready to nail it.
1379
01:20:21,211 --> 01:20:23,771
I want it, okay?
I want the Catalina Wine Mixer.
1380
01:20:23,947 --> 01:20:25,710
- Yo, yo.
- Hey, D-man.
1381
01:20:25,883 --> 01:20:27,578
- You tell him what's up?
- I sure did.
1382
01:20:27,751 --> 01:20:29,275
- Hey.
- Hey.
1383
01:20:29,453 --> 01:20:31,887
Your brother wants a shot
at the Catalina Wine Mixer.
1384
01:20:32,055 --> 01:20:33,215
I'm ready, walking tall.
1385
01:20:33,390 --> 01:20:35,119
You're ready to run with the bulls?
1386
01:20:35,292 --> 01:20:39,194
I've been earning and burning,
snapping necks and cashing checks.
1387
01:20:39,663 --> 01:20:42,291

Screw it, let's let him do it.
It's a win-win for me...
1388
01:20:42,466 --> 01:20:44,696
...because if you fuck up, Brennan...
- Yeah?
1389
01:20:44,868 --> 01:20:49,032
...I get to fire your ass. But if you pull
it off, I look like a genius to the board.
1390
01:20:50,007 --> 01:20:51,372
- Okay?
- I get it.
1391
01:20:51,541 --> 01:20:52,838
Brennan, here's the thing.
1392
01:20:53,010 --> 01:20:55,843
It's the Catalina fucking

Wine Mixer, okay?
1393
01:20:56,113 --> 01:20:58,172
Are you saying "pow"?
What are you saying?
1394
01:20:58,649 --> 01:21:02,107
It's the biggest helicopter-leasing
event in the Western Hemisphere...
1395
01:21:02,286 --> 01:21:04,311
...since 1997.
1396
01:21:04,821 --> 01:21:07,449
- Why does he keep doing that?
- I have to sell or lease...
1397
01:21:07,624 --> 01:21:09,717
...at least 80 choppers
to make my nut.
1398
01:21:09,893 --> 01:21:14,557
And you mess with my nut, Brennan,
Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
1399
01:21:14,731 --> 01:21:17,222
Like Kobayashi.
1400
01:21:18,869 --> 01:21:20,097
I've seen him do it.
1401
01:21:20,270 --> 01:21:21,737
You've seen him eat a penis?
1402
01:21:21,905 --> 01:21:24,772
It was in international waters,
so they couldn't prosecute him.
1403
01:21:24,942 --> 01:21:27,433

I tell you now, I'll nail it.
I'll pull it off, okay?
1404
01:21:27,611 --> 01:21:29,602
Wait a second,
why do you want this so bad?
1405
01:21:29,780 --> 01:21:32,271
Trying to get Mom and Dad
back together or something?
1406
01:21:32,449 --> 01:21:33,677
- Why do I want this?
- Yeah.
1407
01:21:33,850 --> 01:21:38,719
Because I wanna make bank, bro.
I wanna get ass.
1408
01:21:38,889 --> 01:21:40,618

And I wanna drive a Range Rover.
1409
01:21:40,791 --> 01:21:42,281
Okay, well, you better, Brennan.
1410
01:21:42,459 --> 01:21:44,552
This is the fucking
Catalina Wine Mixer.
1411
01:22:03,180 --> 01:22:04,943
Nancy. Hi.
1412
01:22:05,115 --> 01:22:08,607
Hi. What are you doing here?
1413
01:22:08,785 --> 01:22:10,719
Well, Dale's working the function.
1414
01:22:10,887 --> 01:22:13,754

Guys, this is supposed to be jicama,
not bok choy.
1415
01:22:13,924 --> 01:22:14,948
Sorry, folks.
1416
01:22:16,360 --> 01:22:18,726
And I got an invitation from Brennan.
1417
01:22:18,895 --> 01:22:22,023
Can you believe
Brennan put all this together?
1418
01:22:24,735 --> 01:22:27,329
And now here we all are in Catalina.
1419
01:22:27,504 --> 01:22:31,167
- It's funny, huh?
- Yeah, it's funny.

1420
01:22:31,341 --> 01:22:33,673
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey.
1421
01:22:34,878 --> 01:22:36,971
Not bad. You're nailing it.
1422
01:22:37,147 --> 01:22:39,377
- Thanks, Randy. That means a lot.
- Yeah.
1423
01:22:39,549 --> 01:22:40,743
I don't know what it is...
1424
01:22:40,917 --> 01:22:43,750
...but I wanna deliver one of these
right in your suck hole.
1425
01:22:43,920 --> 01:22:47,014

- Is there anything I can do?
- No. Not really. It's your face.
1426
01:22:47,190 --> 01:22:49,750
Again, you're doing great, man.
The Catalina Wine Mixer.
1427
01:22:49,926 --> 01:22:51,826
We're all having a great time,
having fun.
1428
01:22:51,995 --> 01:22:54,520
You pulled it off.
But if you don't change your face...
1429
01:22:54,698 --> 01:22:56,825
...l'm gonna change it for you.
- Okay. Okay.
1430
01:22:57,000 --> 01:22:59,127

All I can do is take that in,
consider it...
1431
01:22:59,302 --> 01:23:02,567
...and I'll just do my best version
of whatever I think that would be.
1432
01:23:02,739 --> 01:23:05,503
I don't even hear you,
your face is driving me nuts.
1433
01:23:05,675 --> 01:23:07,734
- Thanks again, though.
- Oh, tits. Hold on.
1434
01:23:08,178 --> 01:23:11,545
- Hey. Hello, Catalina Wine Mixer.
- Hi.
1435
01:23:11,815 --> 01:23:14,249

How are you? We are Uptown Girl.
1436
01:23:14,418 --> 01:23:18,218
We are California's preeminent
1980s Billy Joel cover band.
1437
01:23:18,388 --> 01:23:20,151
"Piano Man"!
1438
01:23:20,323 --> 01:23:22,257
What did I just say, man?
1439
01:23:22,426 --> 01:23:24,189
All right, we don't play that...
1440
01:23:24,361 --> 01:23:26,886
...so let's keep it in the '80s
and let's keep it fun.
1441
01:23:27,064 --> 01:23:28,190
You having a good time?
1442
01:23:28,365 --> 01:23:30,765
I hope you are,
because sometimes life can be tough.
1443
01:23:32,469 --> 01:23:35,961
And I know that sometimes
it's hard to "Keeping the Faith."
1444
01:23:46,416 --> 01:23:48,316
You guys seem to be hitting it off.
1445
01:23:48,485 --> 01:23:49,782
Oh, honey.
1446
01:23:49,953 --> 01:23:51,853
Oh, my God,
this is the greatest party.

1447
01:23:52,022 --> 01:23:53,216
- Hello, Robert.
- Way to go.
1448
01:23:53,390 --> 01:23:55,950
- Brennan, this is fantastic.
- Way to go.
1449
01:23:56,126 --> 01:23:57,855
So impressed.
1450
01:23:58,028 --> 01:24:00,053
- Hi, Dad. Hi, Nancy.
- Hi, Dale.
1451
01:24:00,230 --> 01:24:01,959
- Hey, Brennan.
- It's good to see you.

1452
01:24:02,165 --> 01:24:04,258
Thanks for hiring
our catering company.
1453
01:24:04,434 --> 01:24:07,335
Easy decision. You guys have
a outstanding track record.
1454
01:24:07,971 --> 01:24:10,667
- Just like old times, huh?
- Right, it really is.
1455
01:24:10,841 --> 01:24:12,706
You still have your
night-vision goggles?
1456
01:24:12,876 --> 01:24:16,778
No, no. No, I had to sell those
to pay for car insurance.

1457
01:24:17,347 --> 01:24:19,315
How about you?
You still breaking boards...
1458
01:24:19,483 --> 01:24:21,474
...or kicking holes in pumpkins
or anything?
1459
01:24:21,651 --> 01:24:23,209
No.
1460
01:24:23,887 --> 01:24:27,152
But I did start taking baby aspirin
to reduce my risk for heart attack.
1461
01:24:27,324 --> 01:24:30,122
That makes sense.
Gotta keep an eye on it, you know.
1462
01:24:30,293 --> 01:24:33,319
- Knock off the sweets.
- Thank you.
1463
01:24:37,567 --> 01:24:40,661
It's a truly funny observation.
1464
01:24:40,837 --> 01:24:42,031
Yeah.
1465
01:24:42,205 --> 01:24:44,696
Dale, the empanadas
are starting to sweat.
1466
01:24:44,875 --> 01:24:47,036
Okay. I better run.
1467
01:24:47,210 --> 01:24:49,075
- It's good to see you, Brennan.
- You too.
1468
01:24:49,246 --> 01:24:52,374
- Take care, be well. Take care, Dad.
- Okay, buddy.
1469
01:24:52,549 --> 01:24:54,949
- It's great to talk to him.
- Yeah.
1470
01:24:55,652 --> 01:24:56,812
I gotta go too.
1471
01:24:56,987 --> 01:25:00,150
We should do this again.
I think it was very constructive.
1472
01:25:04,394 --> 01:25:06,726
- Maybe grab a bite to eat?
- Sure.
1473
01:25:06,897 --> 01:25:08,660
- Go to Outback Steakhouse.
- Okay.
1474
01:25:08,832 --> 01:25:10,527
I've grown very fond of that place.
1475
01:25:11,935 --> 01:25:13,835
Thank you for coming.
1476
01:25:14,004 --> 01:25:15,767
Great to see you.
1477
01:25:17,207 --> 01:25:19,675
It was very nice to see you, Robert.
1478
01:25:20,177 --> 01:25:25,638
I think Brennan organized this
whole thing to get us back together.

1479
01:25:27,551 --> 01:25:32,250
You have to excuse me.
I think that I just might cry.
1480
01:25:32,422 --> 01:25:35,983
It's the funniest thing. Bye-bye.
1481
01:25:39,963 --> 01:25:42,363
"Start the Fire," buddy!
1482
01:25:42,933 --> 01:25:46,130
Come on, man. Play something
from The Stranger!
1483
01:25:46,369 --> 01:25:49,133
We strictly do '80s Joel music, sir.
1484
01:25:52,409 --> 01:25:54,377

'80s Billy Joel doo-wop sucks!
1485
01:25:54,544 --> 01:25:57,104
Hey, listen, motherfucker,
we only sing '80s Joel!
1486
01:25:57,280 --> 01:26:00,078
So take your skank hooker wife
and get the fuck out of here!
1487
01:26:02,018 --> 01:26:03,042
Shit.
1488
01:26:03,220 --> 01:26:05,279
- What's wrong?
- All right. "What's wrong?"
1489
01:26:05,455 --> 01:26:07,650
Get him out of here.
Get his ass out of here!

1490
01:26:07,924 --> 01:26:09,118
Hey.
1491
01:26:09,292 --> 01:26:12,921
Hey, great job, fuck face. You just
busted my nut. This party's shot.
1492
01:26:13,096 --> 01:26:15,621
Just relax. I didn't realize
he would say these things.
1493
01:26:15,799 --> 01:26:17,562
You know what?
You cost me money.
1494
01:26:17,734 --> 01:26:20,225
So this isn't even
a judgment call, man.

1495
01:26:20,403 --> 01:26:23,304
- You're Audi 5000, my friend.
- Derek, can't we talk about this?
1496
01:26:23,473 --> 01:26:24,633
No.
1497
01:26:24,808 --> 01:26:26,571
- Hey.
- Shit.
1498
01:26:26,743 --> 01:26:29,576
- Is everything okay?
- No. He just fired me.
1499
01:26:29,746 --> 01:26:31,008
What happened to the music?
1500
01:26:31,181 --> 01:26:33,945

The band left. The guy freaked out.
1501
01:26:34,117 --> 01:26:35,277
Derek fired me.
1502
01:26:35,452 --> 01:26:37,716
- It's no big deal.
- Robert, you don't get it.
1503
01:26:37,887 --> 01:26:39,445
It's the Catalina Wine Mixer!
1504
01:26:39,623 --> 01:26:41,853
People have killed
to be in the position I'm in.
1505
01:26:42,025 --> 01:26:44,289
- He's right. It's a big deal.
- Here's a thought:
1506
01:26:44,794 --> 01:26:47,024
I see an empty stage.
1507
01:26:47,197 --> 01:26:49,927
I see drums, I see a drummer.
1508
01:26:50,100 --> 01:26:52,500
I see a microphone,
and I see a singer.
1509
01:26:52,669 --> 01:26:54,102
- Dad, come on.
- What?
1510
01:26:54,271 --> 01:26:56,205
- We gave that stuff up.
- We don't do that.
1511
01:26:56,373 --> 01:26:58,841

Listen to me.
Dale, look, when I was a kid...
1512
01:26:59,009 --> 01:27:02,103
...when I was a little boy,
I always wanted to be a dinosaur.
1513
01:27:02,279 --> 01:27:05,043
I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex
more than anything.
1514
01:27:05,215 --> 01:27:08,184
I made my arms short
and I roamed the backyard...
1515
01:27:08,351 --> 01:27:11,946
...and I chased the neighborhood cats,
and I growled and I roared.
1516
01:27:12,122 --> 01:27:13,987

Everybody knew me
and was afraid of me.
1517
01:27:14,157 --> 01:27:15,624
And then one day, my dad said:
1518
01:27:15,792 --> 01:27:19,694
"Bobby, you're 17. It's time
to throw childish things aside."
1519
01:27:19,863 --> 01:27:20,921
And I said, "Okay, Pop."
1520
01:27:21,097 --> 01:27:25,056
But he didn't really say that, he said,
"Stop being a dinosaur and get a job."
1521
01:27:25,235 --> 01:27:28,602
But, you know, I thought to myself,
"I'll go to medical school...

1522
01:27:28,772 --> 01:27:32,003
...l'll practice for a little while,
and then I'll come back to it."
1523
01:27:32,208 --> 01:27:34,073
- Dad...
- How is that a skill?
1524
01:27:34,244 --> 01:27:35,802
But I forgot how to do it.
1525
01:27:35,979 --> 01:27:37,207
You're human.
1526
01:27:37,380 --> 01:27:39,575
- You could never be a dinosaur.
- Yeah.
1527
01:27:41,084 --> 01:27:43,314
Hey, I lost it.
1528
01:27:43,486 --> 01:27:45,477
- Dad, what's the point?
- Yeah.
1529
01:27:45,655 --> 01:27:48,453
The point is
don't lose your dinosaur.
1530
01:27:48,925 --> 01:27:51,758
Yeah. You know, I hated
the way you guys were before.
1531
01:27:51,928 --> 01:27:53,156
I mean, I hated you.
1532
01:27:53,330 --> 01:27:58,097
But it just kills me to see you

so crushed and normal.
1533
01:27:58,268 --> 01:28:00,099
Listen to me, don't listen to me...
1534
01:28:00,270 --> 01:28:03,501
...Prestige Worldwide,
that's what you gotta do.
1535
01:28:03,673 --> 01:28:06,107
- You're saying we should go for it.
- That's what I'm saying.
1536
01:28:07,711 --> 01:28:09,372
What do you think, Brennan?
1537
01:28:09,546 --> 01:28:11,980
I'm so scared right now.
I'm gonna do what's sensible:

1538
01:28:12,148 --> 01:28:13,740
I'm gonna file for unemployment...
1539
01:28:13,917 --> 01:28:16,715
...and I'm gonna try to get a job
at Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
1540
01:28:16,886 --> 01:28:19,684
Because they got
a excellent corporate structure...
1541
01:28:19,856 --> 01:28:22,848
...and they give you the tools
to be your own boss.
1542
01:28:23,026 --> 01:28:24,926
My dad's right.
1543
01:28:25,095 --> 01:28:26,619

This isn't me.
1544
01:28:26,796 --> 01:28:29,959
I'm fucking miserable.
I had to get up at 10:00 this morning.
1545
01:28:30,133 --> 01:28:33,967
And even though
I just got a tidal wave of nerves...
1546
01:28:34,137 --> 01:28:35,832
...l'm going up on that stage...
1547
01:28:36,005 --> 01:28:38,530
...and I'm gonna make beautiful music
for a sad world.
1548
01:28:38,708 --> 01:28:41,040
- Dale...
- That's the boy I know.

1549
01:28:41,211 --> 01:28:43,304
This crowd's gonna eat him alive.
1550
01:28:45,615 --> 01:28:47,082
Wait, what's he doing up there?
1551
01:28:47,250 --> 01:28:49,616
Somebody get him
off the fucking stage!
1552
01:28:49,786 --> 01:28:51,879
Hi. How you doing?
1553
01:28:52,055 --> 01:28:55,422
My name's Dale Doback,
and I hope you like to kick it.
1554
01:28:55,592 --> 01:28:57,321

Oh, go get them, Dale!
1555
01:28:58,795 --> 01:28:59,819
1556
01:28:59,996 --> 01:29:01,861
Get off the stage, you dick!
1557
01:29:02,232 --> 01:29:03,790
Stop yelling at him.
1558
01:29:05,835 --> 01:29:07,530
- Terrible!
- Terrible.
1559
01:29:07,704 --> 01:29:09,103
He's a human being.
1560
01:29:09,272 --> 01:29:13,606

Dale has a mangina
Dale has a mangina
1561
01:29:13,777 --> 01:29:14,869
No.
1562
01:29:15,044 --> 01:29:17,171
Gotta have me my boats and ho's
1563
01:29:17,347 --> 01:29:19,713
He's up there alone, Brennan.
He's up there alone.
1564
01:29:21,050 --> 01:29:24,247
Gotta have me my boats and ho's
1565
01:29:24,421 --> 01:29:26,252
- You suck!
- What are you doing, Brennan?

1566
01:29:26,423 --> 01:29:27,515
Gotta have me my...
1567
01:29:27,690 --> 01:29:29,954
Brennan, no!
1568
01:29:30,960 --> 01:29:32,587
- What did you do?
- Oh, Jesus, Nancy.
1569
01:29:32,762 --> 01:29:35,196
I couldn't stand to see him like that.
I miss my son.
1570
01:29:35,465 --> 01:29:39,868
All right. Let me go for a few bars.
Come in soft, but then finish strong.
1571
01:29:40,036 --> 01:29:42,004

- Okay. Hey, Brennan?
- Yeah.
1572
01:29:42,172 --> 01:29:45,232
- Thanks for coming up.
- You got it, Dragon.
1573
01:29:45,675 --> 01:29:47,233
We got a little change coming up.
1574
01:29:47,644 --> 01:29:49,805
It's my main man Brennan.
1575
01:30:46,202 --> 01:30:47,533
1576
01:31:05,989 --> 01:31:07,547
1577
01:31:55,071 --> 01:31:58,165
- You did it, Derek.
- I made a kite fly.
1578
01:31:58,341 --> 01:32:01,833
Brennan, you're the best
big brother ever!
1579
01:32:10,486 --> 01:32:14,183
- floor mats. The ones that match
the seats, and I kind of wanted...
1580
01:32:14,357 --> 01:32:16,825
I traveled 500 miles
to give you my seed.
1581
01:32:17,160 --> 01:32:19,185
Lumberjack!
1582
01:32:59,636 --> 01:33:01,831

Rock the fuck
out of those drums, Dale!
1583
01:33:02,005 --> 01:33:03,267
I'm sorry.
1584
01:33:44,580 --> 01:33:47,344
- We're Prestige Worldwide!
- Prestige Worldwide!
1585
01:33:47,517 --> 01:33:51,510
- Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
- It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
1586
01:33:51,688 --> 01:33:54,589
It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
1587
01:33:54,924 --> 01:33:56,289
Brennan, that was sublime.

1588
01:33:56,459 --> 01:33:58,757
Amazing.
We are so proud of you both.
1589
01:33:58,928 --> 01:34:00,452
- Thank you.
- Incredible.
1590
01:34:00,630 --> 01:34:01,790
- Thank you so much.
- Hey.
1591
01:34:01,964 --> 01:34:05,866
So I made my quota.
Yeah, we sold a shit-ton of copters.
1592
01:34:06,035 --> 01:34:08,128
- That's so good.
- Yeah.
1593
01:34:08,304 --> 01:34:11,762
Look, I'm not great at
this Hallmark stuff...
1594
01:34:11,941 --> 01:34:14,273
...but, Brennan,
when I look at you now...
1595
01:34:14,444 --> 01:34:16,844
...I don't wanna kick you
in the head quite as much.
1596
01:34:18,347 --> 01:34:19,644
Thanks, man.
1597
01:34:19,816 --> 01:34:21,340
- That was beautiful.
- That was nice.
1598
01:34:21,517 --> 01:34:22,882
Yeah.
1599
01:34:23,753 --> 01:34:26,085
- What do we do now?
- We could hug.
1600
01:34:26,255 --> 01:34:28,314
Yeah, you'd like that, faggot.
Sorry. I'm...
1601
01:34:31,127 --> 01:34:32,651
Okay.
1602
01:34:45,308 --> 01:34:47,242
- It's okay.
- Okay.
1603
01:35:01,090 --> 01:35:04,082
- That's what we've been looking for.

- That's the ticket.
1604
01:35:04,494 --> 01:35:05,791
It's fantastic.
1605
01:35:05,962 --> 01:35:09,420
We've never done anything like that,
so you can't expect it to be perfect.
1606
01:35:09,599 --> 01:35:10,623
It was good.
1607
01:35:10,800 --> 01:35:12,529
- Felt good.
- Gotten close to a hug.
1608
01:35:12,702 --> 01:35:16,900
- Hello, Brennan. Hi.
- Denise. Hey.
1609
01:35:17,073 --> 01:35:19,837
Robert, Mom, Derek,
this is my girlfriend, Denise.
1610
01:35:20,009 --> 01:35:23,103
- Hi. How are you?
- Actually, I'm his therapist.
1611
01:35:23,279 --> 01:35:26,305
- We are in absolutely no way dating.
- Right.
1612
01:35:26,482 --> 01:35:30,282
Brennan told me he was going to
hurl his body off a helicopter...
1613
01:35:30,453 --> 01:35:32,648
...into shark-infested waters...
1614
01:35:32,822 --> 01:35:35,222
...so I had a legal obligation
to be here.
1615
01:35:35,391 --> 01:35:36,551
I get it.
1616
01:35:36,726 --> 01:35:40,685
Don't wanna appear too eager,
and that is a good strategy too.
1617
01:35:40,863 --> 01:35:42,990
You are an enabler.
You think you're helping...
1618
01:35:43,166 --> 01:35:44,895
...but you're not.
- And you are a keeper.
1619
01:35:45,067 --> 01:35:46,864

What'd you think?
1620
01:35:47,804 --> 01:35:52,173
Brennan, I thought
you were incredibly brave.
1621
01:35:52,341 --> 01:35:53,365
And I mean that...
1622
01:35:53,543 --> 01:35:56,842
...in strictly the most clinical
and professional sense possible...
1623
01:35:57,013 --> 01:36:00,449
...with no emotional,
intimate, sexual...
1624
01:36:00,616 --> 01:36:03,244
...or any other undertones
that you could possibly infer.

1625
01:36:03,452 --> 01:36:06,182
God, you're gonna make me cry.
1626
01:36:06,756 --> 01:36:10,317
What poem is that from?
Is that James Joyce?
1627
01:36:10,526 --> 01:36:12,187
Alice...
1628
01:36:13,095 --> 01:36:15,154
...I like making sex with you.
- Yeah.
1629
01:36:15,331 --> 01:36:19,097
I do. But you're also married.
1630
01:36:19,502 --> 01:36:21,197

It's over.
1631
01:36:22,205 --> 01:36:23,570
This is crazy. I'm a mother.
1632
01:36:23,739 --> 01:36:26,435
I have two children,
I have a husband, a beautiful home.
1633
01:36:26,609 --> 01:36:29,737
- I can't be fucking around with you.
- It was fun. It was fun, right?
1634
01:36:29,912 --> 01:36:33,177
- It was fun while it lasted.
- I'm glad. All right, well, good luck.
1635
01:36:35,418 --> 01:36:39,252
- No.
- Oh, my God, Dale!

1636
01:36:39,422 --> 01:36:42,414
- Please don't leave me.
- Oh, my God. Look at that whale.
1637
01:36:42,592 --> 01:36:44,116
Where?
1638
01:36:47,263 --> 01:36:48,662
Dale!
1639
01:36:54,637 --> 01:36:55,831
So I was with Seal...
1640
01:36:56,005 --> 01:36:59,463
...and we were just taking a chopper
up to Everest base camp...
1641
01:36:59,642 --> 01:37:01,803

...and the plot to my Sherpa...
- Derek. Derek.
1642
01:37:02,511 --> 01:37:04,809
- Sorry. Okay.
- Remember, we talked about this.
1643
01:37:05,314 --> 01:37:07,908
Dale, Brennan.
Tell me about the karaoke business.
1644
01:37:08,251 --> 01:37:11,084
Really great, Dad.
Yeah. We call it Karaoke 'n' Roll.
1645
01:37:11,787 --> 01:37:14,813
We got six bars, three restaurants,
and two more wanna sign up.
1646
01:37:14,991 --> 01:37:16,982

- So it's booming.
- Fantastic.
1647
01:37:17,159 --> 01:37:18,888
Most karaoke it's,
"Open to everyone.
1648
01:37:19,061 --> 01:37:21,291
- Hey, just get up and have fun."
- Not you guys.
1649
01:37:21,464 --> 01:37:23,796
If you can't sing, just sit down.
That's our motto.
1650
01:37:23,966 --> 01:37:26,594
- It's the big leagues.
- You guys are doing so great.
1651
01:37:26,769 --> 01:37:30,796

Guys, I have a little Christmas
surprise for Dale and Brennan.
1652
01:37:31,807 --> 01:37:33,331
- You wanna see it?
- Yes!
1653
01:37:33,509 --> 01:37:35,909
- You bet!
- Let's go look at it! Come on.
1654
01:37:36,078 --> 01:37:37,670
- Don't peek.
- I smell cookies.
1655
01:37:37,847 --> 01:37:39,712
Be patient. No, no. No, no.
1656
01:37:41,083 --> 01:37:43,916
- Just a piñata, isn't it?

- Be patient. Be patient.
1657
01:37:44,086 --> 01:37:45,986
- Be patient.
- Did you get me a tiger, Dad?
1658
01:37:46,155 --> 01:37:47,213
Okay, open your eyes.
1659
01:37:47,623 --> 01:37:48,647
Merry Christmas.
1660
01:37:48,824 --> 01:37:50,485
Holy shit!
1661
01:37:50,927 --> 01:37:54,158
Dad, I can't believe
you put the boat in the tree!
1662
01:37:54,330 --> 01:37:55,456
This is amazing!
1663
01:37:56,632 --> 01:37:59,931
- It's The Gilded Lady. She lives!
- I can't believe it.
1664
01:38:00,102 --> 01:38:04,232
- How'd you get it up here?
- Oh, Robert, it's so great.
1665
01:38:04,740 --> 01:38:06,605
- Pirate hats!
- Pirate hats!
1666
01:38:10,079 --> 01:38:11,706
- Hustlers!
- Hustlers!
1667
01:38:11,981 --> 01:38:14,074

Dad, that was so thoughtful!
1668
01:38:16,218 --> 01:38:18,914
- Crossbows!
- Crossbows!
1669
01:38:19,088 --> 01:38:22,023
You guys finally came to your senses
and got us something cool.
1670
01:38:22,391 --> 01:38:24,655
You both know this is
completely fucked up, right?
1671
01:38:24,827 --> 01:38:26,294
- Yeah.
- Of course.
1672
01:38:26,595 --> 01:38:30,429
But Brennan sure can wear the shit

out of that pirate hat.
1673
01:38:30,599 --> 01:38:33,466
- Chewbacca masks!
- Chewbacca masks!
1674
01:38:37,106 --> 01:38:40,200
It's okay that mine's
not movie-quality.
1675
01:39:06,268 --> 01:39:09,704
But he's like, "No, because you drove
my car last week, so I can't get it."
1676
01:39:09,872 --> 01:39:13,831
So I'm like "You're gonna buy it for me
or I'm gonna sock you in the mouth."
1677
01:39:22,084 --> 01:39:24,314
Oh, shit.
1678
01:39:30,159 --> 01:39:33,788
Well, if it isn't Dale Doback
and his little butt buddy.
1679
01:39:33,963 --> 01:39:35,988
Sticks and stones
may break my bones...
1680
01:39:36,165 --> 01:39:39,657
...but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly
in the balls, Gardocki!
1681
01:39:39,835 --> 01:39:42,235
Let's get them!
1682
01:40:28,684 --> 01:40:31,414
- Where do you think you're going?
- Home.
1683
01:40:31,587 --> 01:40:34,647
- We got something to show you.
- Come on.
1684
01:40:35,357 --> 01:40:38,485
- You see that white dog crap?
- Do you see it?!
1685
01:40:38,761 --> 01:40:41,025
- Yeah.
- Not too fun down there, is it?
1686
01:40:41,197 --> 01:40:42,425
- No.
- You see?
1687
01:40:42,598 --> 01:40:44,361
Your actions have consequences!
1688
01:40:44,533 --> 01:40:49,402
When you oppress people,
they rise up in a fiery anger!
1689
01:40:49,939 --> 01:40:51,167
Go home.
1690
01:40:52,875 --> 01:40:56,174
We're not like you.
We're grown-ups, motherfucker!
1691
01:40:56,345 --> 01:41:00,338
Say hi to your dad.
We went to high school together.
1692
01:41:06,255 --> 01:41:08,621
The cops'll be here soon.
1693
01:41:09,492 --> 01:41:12,017
I guess this is what it feels like

to be grown up.
1694
01:41:12,194 --> 01:41:13,684
Hey.
1695
01:41:14,196 --> 01:41:15,959
Can I ask you something?
1696
01:41:16,132 --> 01:41:17,599
Yeah, of course.
1697
01:41:17,766 --> 01:41:19,495
You know back when
you first moved in?
1698
01:41:19,668 --> 01:41:20,692
Yeah.
1699
01:41:20,870 --> 01:41:23,464

- Did you touch my drum set?
- No, I didn't.
1700
01:41:23,639 --> 01:41:25,766
No, really, I won't get mad.
I just wanna know.
1701
01:41:25,941 --> 01:41:27,841
No, I know.
You said you wouldn't get mad.
1702
01:41:28,010 --> 01:41:30,706
I'm saying I didn't do it.
I didn't do it, I never did it.
1703
01:41:30,880 --> 01:41:32,711
- Then I owe you an apology.
- No.
1704
01:41:32,882 --> 01:41:34,007

No, you don't, at all.
No.
1705
01:41:34,683 --> 01:41:37,151
Why wouldn't you take an apology
if you didn't do it?
1706
01:41:37,319 --> 01:41:40,152
Just because I'm cool.
It doesn't matter.
1707
01:45:20,843 --> 01:45:22,276
You got my passport.
1708
01:45:23,412 --> 01:45:24,436
I'm good.
1709
01:45:28,250 --> 01:45:31,219
Don't worry, not gonna be late.
Don't worry.
1710
01:46:31,220 --> 01:46:32,221
Subtitles by LeapinLar

Step Brothers (2008)

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Step Brothers (2008)

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1

00:01:14,536 --> 00:01:15,730

00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:20,073

Mom, I'm watching the thing

with the lady.

00:01:20,242 --> 00:01:22,142

I'm leaving. Okay?

I'll be home around 11.

00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:24,904

00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,312

<i>Let's slowly get those hips up.</i>

<i>Good. Now, hold it right here. Great.</i>

00:01:36,191 --> 00:01:38,159

Dale, I'm leaving for the conference.

00:01:38,326 --> 00:01:41,762

- You leave me money for pizza, Dad?

- Yeah, there's $20 on the hall table.

00:01:41,930 --> 00:01:44,160

Do not order pay-per-view, buddy.

00:01:44,332 --> 00:01:46,994

- But what if I want wings?

- You don't need wings.

00:01:47,169 --> 00:01:48,534

That's not enough, Dad!

00:01:48,703 --> 00:01:50,295

The RTI cochlear implant...

00:01:50,472 --> 00:01:53,032

...is the state-of-the-art

implantable hearing device...

00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:57,440

...due to its input processing of sound

via the speech processor.

00:01:57,612 --> 00:02:00,376

But the most exciting

00:02:00,549 --> 00:02:02,039

...is the external processor...

00:02:02,217 --> 00:02:04,447

00:02:04,619 --> 00:02:08,749

...which eliminates the need to put

your face between those breasts.

00:02:11,426 --> 00:02:15,863

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm so lost.

And this never happens to me.

00:02:18,366 --> 00:02:21,460

My name is Robert, and I play

racquetball. I collect coins.

00:02:21,636 --> 00:02:23,365

Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food.

00:02:23,538 --> 00:02:26,371

I am Nancy Huff. I know

how to make tandoori chicken...

00:02:26,541 --> 00:02:28,634

...I contribute to NPR

every single year...

00:02:28,810 --> 00:02:30,801

...and I love the movies

00:02:30,979 --> 00:02:33,038

Pilates changed my life.

00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:36,378

I have a boat, and I wanna retire

and sail around the world.

00:02:37,052 --> 00:02:39,179

- I love the sea!