Lol I made you a

powerpoint

A cheatsheet on what makes girls

happy
 Everyone- all ages and genders, especially young women and
men, need to know that they have the right and responsibility of
protecting themselves from unwanted physical activity or
attention. We need to understand the social pressures that put
guys and girls in problems that they regret

These are possible social pressures to be aware of:

Invisible
A girl or guy wanting to be loved or to belong

Someone needing money, food, or shelter

pressures Not feeling worthwhile or meeting expectations from the girl or

guy

Following in the footsteps of bad role models

A need to believe in someone even if that he/she's behavior is

uncomfortable

Believing that they owe sex to her or him in order to be respectful

It's no ones fault

Making mistakes and being pushed or seduced into intimate behavior that was
unwanted and uncomfortable does not make anyone a bad person!! People need
to be prepared to stop and think about whether their affection/physical activities
is going to have negative consequences for anyone – by being ashamed later,
damage to trust, or spreading infections. We all need to understand that it's the
man and woman's responsibility to not cross the sexual or physical boundaries
of others. It is destructive to force or pressure someone to be sexual for any
reason, including through emotional or social pressure.
For guys
How did it happen?
Young guys can learn about the special social
pressures that cause them to not see this reality
and do things that are destructive for others and
themselves including:
Having being sexual defined as being manly
Having being violent defined as being manly
Not knowing how to say “NO” to themselves
Being taught to see women and children as
property instead of as important unique
individuals
How about when??
No matter their gender, all teens and adults
need to learn how to control jealousy, since
fear of loss of a relationship can lead to
destructive behavior. Some people will
deliberately use jealousy to control the sexual
behavior of others, forcing them to do things
they don’t want to do to prove their love.
Jealousy can also lead to dangerous fights
and to undermining trust in a relationship.
 People are far more likely to do
what they have rehearsed than what
The Importance they have been told or what they
have just discussed.When you are
of exploding with feelings, you cannot
think clearly or make wise choices
Boundary-Settin for yourself. It is as if you are on

g Practices
‘automatic pilot’ instead of stopping
and thinking about what is best for
you.
 Knowing that you can feel one way
and act another is an essential
personal safety skill. It is normal to
want all kinds of things, but one can
Solution learn to stop oneself from doing
things that are hurtful to others.
Part of this is not getting triggered
and getting centered instead.
 QUICK TIP
STOP AND THINK – What is the
BEST that will happen if I do this?
What is the WORST that will
happen? Will anybody get HURT if
I do this? Will anybody get into
TROUBLE if I do this?
Horrible accidents
I've had friends who have experienced sexual
boundary crossings, including men who did not
know that what they did is againsts someone's
wishes because the person they had sex with
(usually a woman) did not say no.
It's just as important to say no as it is to listen to
a no.
The lesson: If you persist, and intensify the
request, a no becomes a yes. It makes sense: to
get what you want, you have to ask for it. “Don’t
take no for an answer” is a quality our society
values and reinforces in men.
Women are socially conditioned to please
others; to take care of others’ needs at the
sacrifice of their own. This is a virtue. It is what
maintains relationships. We can’t say no. And
this power dynamic contributes to unintentional
sexual violations.
Girls thinking

All or the majority of girls experience that they are not allowed to own or express
sexual desire – leaving men to guess at what we want and women to seek out
“dominant” men and “bad boys” who will initiate so we can “surrender” without
being a “slut”. This is nonsense and makes everyone unhappy eventually.

No wonder men are confused – am I supposed to be a man and “take her” or be

a nice guy and wait for a green light from her but never get any?

Why is this
important
In the back of our monkey brains, we know
that if a man really wants to he can
overpower us physically. And sometimes it’s
better to say yes than face that possibility.
Which brings me to a HUGE reason why
women don’t say no when they don’t want
sex: prior trauma has created a “freeze
response” in threatening situations.
When someone feels pressured to do
something they don’t want to do, and
feels like they can’t say no or escape (for
emotional reasons or fears, not just
physical force), they freak out inside so
they don't actually “no” out loud, hold the
boundary, or leave the situation, and they
go immediately into freeze. Then the guy
is happy fucking a woman who has very
likely dissociated – she is experiencing
a mental separation from her physical
sensations as a means of “numbing out”
for protection. What sounds and looks
like consent is actually the person
saying no physically and
psychologically, when they can’t say no
verbally.
Most men I know would be
horrified to discover they
had violated someone’s
sexual boundaries in this
way. Many men get angry
and feel blamed when a
woman tells them this has
occurred – “she should have
told me no!”
WTF DO I DO THEN??

So, the simple answer is express your desire and wait for a yes. If the answer is
no, back off a step from the current intimacy level or ask if what you’re doing
right now is ok and proceed with caution IF it’s a yes. If the answer is maybe,
back off. If the answer is “pause……pause…..yes?’ back off. If you are met with
silence, stop
Most importantly, cultivate your own
sense of worthiness to have love and
sex in your life and empowerment to
ask for sex and be ok if the answer is
no. A hookup is much more satisfying
when the person is a willing and eager
participant.