Journal of Feminist Family Therapy

ISSN: 0895-2833 (Print) 1540-4099 (Online) Journal homepage: https://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wfft20

Girlfriend in a Coma: The Big Sick Resuscitates

Romantic Comedy
by Director: Michael Showalter. Writers: Emily V. Gordon and Kumail
Nanjiani. Production companies: Apatow Films, FilmNation Entertainment,
and Story Ink, 2017

Kyle Killian

To cite this article: Kyle Killian (2020): Girlfriend in a Coma: The�Big�Sick Resuscitates Romantic
Comedy, Journal of Feminist Family Therapy, DOI: 10.1080/08952833.2020.1735826

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/08952833.2020.1735826

Published online: 09 Mar 2020.

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JOURNAL OF FEMINIST FAMILY THERAPY

Girlfriend in a Coma: The Big Sick Resuscitates Romantic

Comedy

The Big Sick, by Director: Michael Showalter. Writers: Emily V. Gordon and
Kumail Nanjiani. Production companies: Apatow Films, FilmNation Entertainment
and Story Ink, 2017.

I percolate on germane themes and concepts before I write a film analysis, so when I was
asked to review this film, I Googled “women,” “medical illness,” and “cinema.” Ninety-
five percent of the hits were about depictions of mentally ill women in films, and all
related searches included terms such as “schizophrenia” and “mental illness.” This
signals Hollywood’s fascination with beautiful, tragically unhinged, female characters.
That’s not what this film review is about, but I thought I’d acknowledge the elephant in
the middle of the room: that there is a cinematic obsession with mentally ill women
that’s difficult to escape and reeks of sexism and male gaze.
Films focusing on serious illness and death have increased in number since 1991
(Drukarcyk, Klein, Ostgathe, & Stiel, 2014), and many feature an attractive, gravely ill
woman played by a famous actress (notice that I didn’t say “terminally ill woman;”
you’re welcome). I won’t say if the patient survives in movies such as Terms of
Endearment (Debra Winger), Steel Magnolias (Julia Roberts), and Wit (Emma
Thompson), though most already know who makes it to the end credits. Such films
are seen as tender and sad and are viewed nostalgically by people my age and older.
The stakes couldn’t be higher when we’re presented with a character who is likeable,
relatable and for whom we grow to care. In the Hollywood formula, the drama writes
itself, and we are swept up, watching a life hanging in the balance. For this viewer, at
this stage of life, my response is “been there, done that.” Frankly, I resent the
manipulation of a 20-sec commercial and frequently vow, echoing my paternal grand-
father, to never purchase the product being advertised. So you can imagine how I feel
about a 2-hr film slicing onions under my nose, trying to elicit the waterworks. This
brings me to The Big Sick.
I liked it. It’s a true story that manages to bring the genre of romantic-comedy back
from its own coma. Writers Kumail Nanjiani and Emily V. Gordon are a real-life
married couple who met, began dating, and then Emily fell seriously ill and was placed
in a medically induced coma to buy doctors time to figure out what was happening.
Kumail Nanjiani plays himself and Zoe Kazan plays his girlfriend, whom he meets at
his stand-up comedy gig. He’s an immigrant struggling with persistent parental
pressure to meet and marry a nice Pakistani girl. Kumail and Emily have sex, then
date, but just when things start to look promising, Emily discovers a box of photos of
potential Pakistani fiancées and becomes quite upset. Enter the mysterious, real-life
ailment, and Kumail is thrust into the most intimate setting: hanging out bedside at the
hospital with Emily’s parents (played with aplomb by Holly Hunter and Ray Romano).
Though this might sound hokey, it actually works because the script manages to toggle
adroitly among three sub-genres: I Just Met You (and This is Crazy), We Came All the
2 REVIEW

Way to America and You Want to Date Her, and Meet the Parents. Although it clocks
in at just over 2 hrs, it doesn’t waste time with superfluous improv or hanging out at
the club with a spotlight shining on a struggling, sweating comic. The story works
because it’s true, and all beats support the main storyline.
Cross-cultural couples undergo the same challenges and emotional tasks all
couples go through in each stage of a developing relationship, and the life cycle,
plus additional ones (Killian, 2019). Is there space (and adequate understanding of,
and appreciation for) the cultural legacies, identities and rituals each partner
brings to this relationship? Are there mutual respect and cultural inclusiveness?
And if partners attain a mutual respect, can the parents be won over to support
this relationship? Kumail’s parents are none too pleased with his dating a white
non-Muslim, and Emily’s parents are clued in to his dis-ease about choosing
someone his parents say they will never accept. But big hearts can win the day.
Kumail’s caring for Emily becomes self-evident, and Emily’s mom Beth, though
a bit of a bull in a china shop initially, begins to throw her tiny weight around in
ways that make a difference. (I thought her going toe-to-toe with a heckler at
Kumail’s show was a hoot, but then again, I like Hunter in nearly everything she’s
in.) Romano turns in another performance laden with anxiety and his trademarked
self-consciousness audiences have come to love. And Emily’s parents’ own trials
and tribulations as a couple bring home the point that relationships require work
if they are going to survive. You think comedy is tough? Try love. The Big Sick
does both extremely well.
While her condition is a mystery, and doctors are stymied as they try to pinpoint
what’s wrong, Emily represents the “perfect patient” while comatose: she doesn’t
complain, she doesn’t tell physicians and nurses too little (they won’t be able to help
if you do that), or too much (they’ll think you’re nuts). Emily sleeps, Sphinx-like, and is
spared walking this agonizing tightrope. The pervasive issue of medical professionals’
recalcitrance, even refusal, to trust women’s accounts of their symptoms and bodily
struggles are addressed elsewhere in documentary films such as Unrest. Moodie (2018)
highlighted the problems of gender and the medical establishment in her analysis of
Unrest:
popular culture and the mainstream media have begun to acknowledge the fact that women
have to monitor what they do and do not say to influence the outcomes of interactions with
medical institutions. Joe Fassler’s article about the sexism of ER doctors in the treatment of
his wife’s pain, which resulted not only in its unnecessarily long duration (nearly fourteen
hours waiting for a correct diagnosis) but in the trauma of having excruciating pain
minimized by hospital staff, was widely read and discussed in many social media circles.

That’s not what The Big Sick is about. It’s not really a medical drama. It’s a warm,
loveable, entertaining film about other things: the unknown and uncertainty when
encountering cultural difference, the ease with which one could subscribe to the principle
and discourse of homogamy and meet with less resistance from family and society for
one’s mate choice, and what it means to be committed to someone, even one you just
recently met, in sickness and in health. I am just nodding to a world of emotional and
physical pain out there, seen and not seen through the prism of gender, that demands
representation, and empathy.

References
Drukarcyk, L., Klein, C., Ostgathe, C., & Stiel, S. (2014). Life threatening illness in popular movies:
A first descriptive analysis. Springer Plus, 3, 411–417. doi:10.1186/2193-1801-3-411
 JOURNAL OF FEMINIST FAMILY THERAPY 3

Killian, K. D. (2019). Intercultural couples and families in couple and family therapy. In Lebow J.,
Chambers, A., & Breunlin, D. (Eds.). Encyclopedia of couple and family therapy. New York, New
York: Springer.
Moodie, M. (2018). Unrest: Gender, chronic illness, and the limits of documentary visibility. Film
Quarterly, 71(4), 9–15. doi:10.1525/fq.2018.71.4.9

Kyle Killian
Core Faculty, Marriage and Family Therapy, Capella University, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA
kyle.killian@capella.edu
© 2020 Kyle Killian
https://doi.org/10.1080/08952833.2020.1735826