CHAPTER 1: LIGHT

Last night, I dreamt the same dream again. It’s my birthday. My family and friends gathered all around
me, wishing me a happy 15th birthday. With a huge smile and happiness written all over my face, I cut a
slice of the butterscotch cake as the cheery wishes got even louder.
I have been having this same dream since I was 10. I have never minded it though. It’s a happy dream. I
love sleeping but knowing that I will have this dream whenever I go to bed at night, just makes me want
to sleep even earlier.
It’s my 15th birthday. My family and friends gathered all around me, wishing me a happy 15 th birthday.
With a huge smile and happiness written all over my face, I cut the slice of the butterscotch cake as the
cheery wishes got even louder. And it hit. I have experienced this before. This same scenario. The
gathering of the same people, in the same arrangement, my huge smile, the happiness written all over my
face, the way I cut the butterscotch cake the same way I had cut it before… in my dream.
My mum told me that it’s a phenomenon called “déjà vu”. It’s when you feel like you have experienced
something you have experienced before. There’s no proper scientific explanation for this yet it’s a fairly
common occurrence among the masses. But what I felt wasn’t just a “feeling”. I HAVE experienced it
before, properly. I HAVE been experiencing this for 5 years. Nonetheless, I didn’t think much of it in the
end.
That same night, I saw a dream. It was Sunday. I was home alone. At 8:58, I went to the kitchen, took up
a knife, and inscribed a light scar on my left eye.
It was Sunday. I was home alone. At 8:58, I went to the kitchen, took up a knife, and paused. I felt scared,
but there was a feeling deep inside that I was supposed to do, I have to do it. My last dream came 100%
true, this one must come true too. Slowly but steadily, I raised the knife towards my left eye and inscribed
a light scar as I was supposed to. When my parents came home, I was scolded to oblivion. I told them the
truth, my dreams that it was supposed to happen but they didn’t believe me. So, I decided to keep my
dreams a secret from that day onwards.
I had a dream. I was standing on a podium giving a speech before an audience of students and teachers. It
was a high school graduation ceremony, my graduation ceremony. Three years later, after having the
same dream every night, I was standing on a podium giving a speech before an audience of students and
teachers, on my high school graduation day.
That day I knew there was more to it. I needed to know what it was. I needed to know what was wrong
with me if it was a boon or a bane. That’s when I chose the career of a psychiatrist to see if there were
more people like me.
After my graduation ceremony, the next series of dreams was about a woman, beautiful in every way
possible. I thought that I saw my future wife. Over the next years, I tried passively looking for that
woman. Even when I couldn’t find her, I didn’t stress it because I know my dreams would come true
eventually.
I was 31. I was alone drinking in a bar. It was my birthday but the people who were present on my 15 th
birthday were no longer around. That’s when I met her. No, not the woman in my dreams. Another
woman. She was sitting by me and suddenly wished me “Happy birthday, stranger.”
Surprised, I asked, “Wait, how did you know?”
“You were whining to yourself right now that birthdays are never the same to you, so I just guessed it”,
she the last few words with a smug face. “Imagine how awkward it would be if I was wrong”.
“Yeah, it would be,” I said with a smile, the first one of the day. “May I know your name?”
“Laurie. May I know yours?”
“Michael.”
“So, Michael, may I gift you a bottle of whiskey on your birthday?”
“I would never say no.”
That night, I had a new dream. I saw my wedding. I was walking along the long red carpet in a neat suit.
Laurie’s arm locked with mine. We walked up on the stage, interchanged our rings, and shared a lovely
kiss. The next morning, I realized that the future can be changed. Two years later, I experienced my
wedding for the 766th time.
My next series of dreams were about my daughter, Stephanie, who was yet to be born. After Laurie
announced her pregnancy, I started decorating my unborn child’s room with everything that a little girl
would love. I told my wife about the dreams. She seemingly agreed with everything I said, but I knew
that she didn’t believe me. I was fine with it since it was not something a person would easily believe.
Three years later, I was outside the Operation Room waiting for my daughter to be born into this world.
But to my surprise, the daughter of my dreams took the form of a son. I was fairly shocked, as my dreams
could change but this was something that I never dreamt before. My wife was happy to become a mother
and smug as I and my dreams came untrue. I don’t know how someone could physically express
happiness and smugness at the same time but that’s my Laurie for you. We named our son Steven, the
female counterpart of Stephanie.
My dreams turned into nightmares from that day onward.

CHAPTER 2: DEEPER
Last night, I dreamt the same dream again. A man I have never seen before is sitting on the couch in my
room. He had only one pupil. His right eye was completely white. He numbly held a knife in his hand and
looked like a ghost in the moonlight. He was continuously murmuring, “Help me. Help me, please.” With
every word, the volume of his tone increased, his face became more expressive and contorted and his
pleas turned into screams. That’s when I woke up.
I don’t know how many times I have had this nightmare. I had stopped counting. I felt I was turning
insane every single night. I started sleeping less, got baggy eyes, and lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of
temper. Every day, I got into fights with my wife and son for no reason. The hospital where I worked,
kicked me out because every patient and staff filed a complaint against me regarding my temper. I was
forced to open my small chamber where I earn as a psychiatrist. Every day felt like a living nightmare.
One afternoon, I was sitting in my small office when I heard a knock on my door, “Sir, may I come in?”
It was my secretary. I let her in.
“Sir, your next patient is waiting.”
“Yeah, bring him in.”
A man walks in. Everything about him was normal, except the fact that he wore an eyepatch. He seemed
very familiar as well. Maybe, a bit too familiar.
“Here, come have a seat.”
“Help me. Help me, please.”
A tsunami of déjà vu hit me. I asked, “Tell me your name first.”
“Judas. Please, help me, doctor.”
He went for his pocket, brought out a small knife, and kept it on the table.
“Why are you carrying a knife?” I said, trying to hide my fear with composure. I took away the knife
from the table as gently as possible.
Judas justified, “Let me explain please, doctor.”
“Sure, go on.” Still keeping composure.
“I have been having these nightmares, where a woman tries to kill me. This is why I keep a knife with me
all the time.”
“All right, and how can I help you?”
“I don’t know how but I see you in my dreams too. I come to you to ask you for help. But just when you
are going to help me, I wake up.”
The more I looked at his face, the more it resembled HIS.
“Judas, could you tell me why you wear an eyepatch?”
“I have a rare kind of heterochromia. It scares people away.”
“Can you remove your eyepatch for me?”
“Okay doctor, but please don’t be scared.”
I was right. It was him. The man I see every day in my nightmares, who turned my life into a living hell.
The eye hidden under the eyepatch was completely white, just like the man in my dreams. I just sat there
and watched him, not knowing what to do. What am I meant to do now? Am I meant to help him? But I
don’t know how to help him. My dreams didn’t show me how to help him. Just then, a fear of uncertainty
enveloped me which I have never felt before. My inner questions took a new turn.
Should I help him? Do I want to help him? I could not sleep these past few years all because of him. My
life had taken a turn for the worse all because of him. His existence was the sole reason my life turned
upside down. Yes, that’s it. It’s his existence for-
“Help me. Help me, please.” He suddenly cut my trail of thoughts. With every word, the volume of his
tone increased, his face became more expressive and contorted and his pleas turned into screams.
I did not know what went through my mind in those few seconds. I took up the knife I had kept beside me
and went right for his pure white eye and stabbed the knife into his nimble skull.
Now, he would not have those nightmares. Neither should I. I helped him as well as myself.

CHAPTER 3: DEEPEST
At some time in the night, the guard right outside my cell would sleep-talk, “I will never let you outside,
and you shall suffer for your sins, you criminal.” The keys would be hanging loose in his right pocket. I
would slowly take it, unlock the cell, and then leave the prison through the door on the Far East side,
which lacked guards that night. I dreamt.
At some time in the night, the guard right outside my cell was sleep-talking, “I will never let you outside,
and you shall suffer for your sins, you criminal.” The keys were hanging loose in his right pocket. I
slowly took it, unlocked the cell, and then left the prison through the door on the Far East side, which
lacked guards that night.

I would reach a brick single-storied house by taking the road south for about 2 km. I would enter the
house from the already unlocked back door. I would take a knife from the kitchen, enter the room on the
left, and cut the jugular vein of the little girl sleeping soundly on her bed. I dreamt.
Taking the road south for about 2 km, I reached a brick single-storied house. I entered the house from the
already unlocked back door. I took a knife from the kitchen, entered the room on the left, positioned my
knife above her jugular vein, and paused. I cannot do this. I cannot take an innocent life. She should be
the same age as my son by now. No, I can’t kill her. But I dreamt about this. This is meant to happen. I
have to kill her, even if I don’t want to. I repositioned my knife and reluctantly cut her jugular vein.

Similarly, I dreamt about taking two other innocent lives.

Similarly, I took two other innocent lives.

I would travel west for 3 km. I would reach a two-storied house. It would be on the right side of the road.
It would be painted green. There would be a window on the backside. I would break in. I would go to the
kitchen. And I would see my son, standing before me. I would move closer to him. I would stab him right
through his heart with my knife. I woke up. Gasping for air and confused. I felt terrified of my future
more than ever.
I was on my way, traveling west for 3 km. I had done a lot of things against my wishes, thanks to my
dreams which also happened to be my future. I never wanted to kill that man, I never wanted to kill those
three children, and I would never want to kill my child. But if that’s my inevitable future, so be it.

CHAPTER 4: AWAKE
I traveled west for 3 km. I reached a two-storied house. It was on the right side of the road. It was painted
green. There was a window on the backside. I broke in. I went to the kitchen. And I saw Steven, my son,
standing before me.
I couldn’t help but smile. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him that his father is back and is happy
to see him after god knows how many years. But I didn’t converse with him in my dream. That meant I
was not supposed to say any words to him. But looking at him made me realize how much I loved my son
and how much I missed him.
It made me think. What if I don’t follow what happened in my dreams? What if I don’t kill the son I love
so much? The more I thought, the more it became clear that I couldn’t stab a blade into my son. I couldn’t
kill him. In that instant, I forgot all about my dreams and what I was supposed to do.
I stepped towards my son, not to stab a knife through his heart but to wrap my arms around him, hug him
tightly, and say how much I loved him and missed him. But then he suddenly started swinging the knife
in his hands toward my direction.
Why does he have a knife? Why is he swinging it towards me? Is he trying to scare me with it? Or is he
trying to kill me? Shouldn’t he be happy to see his father after all those years? Shouldn’t he come closer
to me and hug me just like I was trying to do? I felt myself losing my temper and line of reasoning. My
brain stopped and I started swinging my knife too.
Does he not love me anymore? Does he hate me? But I am his father. How could he? Does he not
remember me? Is that it? I should tell him who I am. Where is Laurie though? Is not she home? We were
still amidst our duel when I heard a door open.
That must be my wife, Laurie. She must have come home, to her family. I needed to see her. Oh, how
much I have missed her. I stepped away and went straight to the main door, to the love of my life, hoping
at least she would accept my hug.
And there she was, standing at the doorstep, looking as beautiful as ever. The words “Laurie, I have come
back for you and Steven!” were just coming out of my mouth when-
“Stop!”
I turned back to face a knife slowly closing in toward my right eye. Time slowed down for me and it felt
like I had all the time in the world to think. Is this what people experience right before they die?
The knife was still moving at a negligible speed. I started to wonder-
What went wrong? I followed my dreams from start to finish. What went wrong? Is it because I did not
marry the woman who appeared first in my dreams? Is it because I had a son instead of a daughter? Is it
because I killed the man that day? Is it because I didn’t kill my son as I was supposed to?
I couldn’t help but realize that my son might be an anomaly in my dreams and life. I loved him but it is
the only reason I can come up with. He was not supposed to be born in the first place and even now I was
supposed to kill him, but it’s me who’s going to die in his hands.
Also, Judas said that he had dreamt of the unfortunate scene, just like me. Did that mean he also
experienced future dreams like me? Why did I have those dreams? What were those dreams anyway?
Since I became a psychiatrist, I have been surveying and researching this phenomenon but couldn’t reach
a proper conclusion. Looking back on my life, I think I finally know the truth. My dreams were nothing
but-

I stabbed the knife in his head, through his right eye.