Tips for college essay & personal statement:

- SHOW, DON’T TELL

- Don’t use the word passionate.

- Once the reader is finished with my essay they should not only know more about me but also
feel closer to me. You don’t have to be vulnerable but vulnerability would add some spice to
your essay.

*Ways of being vulnerable include: reveal something I might be judged for (e.g.: mistakes,
family stories, etc.); reveal something about myself that is in conflict with my other part/belief
(economic stability vs. my desire to be a mathematician/philosopher/scientist/human); talk
about something that I really like (Group Theory, videogames, history, philosophy, etc.) and
how it applies to my life.

- “So what” moments. I should show a personal quality of mine and give an insight that I got
from it.

- Engage the reader’s imagination using all five senses.

- Use jargon from the fields I am applying to (on why us and personal statements).

- Mention skills that are related to the field I am considering/ applying (personal statement).

- Link my experiences to my understanding of my course (personal statement).

- Have opinions on the books you read that are related to the course (personal statement and
why us).

- Make myself the focus of the essay.

- Avoid repetition (all types).

- The ending of my essay should feel surprising, but inevitable. There should be something in
the end that is unexpected but not out of reach (weird/ random). E.g.: the C. Nolan film “The
Prestige” gave a surprising but not unexpected. In other words, the plot twist should have been
foreshadowed.

- What are my essence objects (something that represents an important memory, relationship, or
quality in my life)? They can help me get essay topics. Essence objects are useful for describing
the world I come from. Because good essays describe the world/society I come from and how it
has shaped my dreams and aspirations.

* Pen and paper – I like to record in words the things I hear, see, and think. These two objects to
me represent the ability to freeze moments in time, just like pictures do.

$$ Shoes – I’ve always enjoyed running, going to different places and learning about different
routes to get there and once that was done I explored further. Shoes for me represent the ability
to adventure and explore locations unknown to me up to that point. They represent the freedom
to tap (no pun intended) unknown territory.
$$ Jerseys – jerseys (camisolas) have been with me for the longest time. They represent
coziness and being prepared for any type of temperature (within normal constrains of course). I
just really like jerseys okay!

- What are my values (don’t forget to give examples for both values and essence objects)?

* Flexibility/Adaptability – When Temple and I were studying for the trials we would wake
each other up and just be flexible with our time and circumstance. Being able to adapt to almost
all situations is a value I value.

$$ Family - The people you keep close to you end up shaping you and if they should be valued
just for keeping up with me.

$$ Fun - People that I spend my time with should understand that life is not just work or
slacking off but know when and how to have fun. And should I.

$$ Art – this value is related to the one above because for me someone is when they get art they
value art at least as much as I do.

$$ Second chances - I strongly believe in second chances because I’ve made so many mistakes
and there isn’t a day month I don’t regret them. This value reminded me of the conversation I
had with Davin Alhany about racism, transphobia, and second chances.

$$ Responsibility - Owning up to my mistakes or someone acknowledging their wrong doing is

a value. Accountability is really important to me. Don’t be dumb and do dumb thing and then
shrug it off.

$$ Freedom – I value this because I simply like the idea of exploration and discovery of all
types of things. Going anywhere, doing everything (not EVERYTHING you know), being what
you want to be, just being free is amazing to me.

$$ Close relationships – I have always been popular in school not because most people liked me
but because I have always been quirky. And as time passed I realized that many knew me but
few KNEW me. That made me start going in depth with friendships instead of breath. So,
basically I keep my good friends close, like normal humans do.

$$ Excellence - when I make connections I usually go for people that at least above average in
whatever they. I actually strive for friends and connections that can add value to my life (anyone
can, but people that are excellent in their fields tend to add more). Any field is good in my view.
I try to excel in something so that I can be proud and can also share with other people.

$$ Curiosity/Global awareness – I value knowing about my culture and history and also other
cultures and the interconnectedness. I value people that go beyond their biases and explore
territories that they would never have considered 10 years ago. Knowing what’s happening
around the world is cool though.

The 21 Details Exercise – In this exercise I write 21 random facts about me.

1 – I use to race cars. Like cars went by the road and I ran as fast as I could alongside them.
2 – I use to eat ants when I was younger. That might have lead to my weird obsession with
them.

3 – I like to eat carbohydrates while I work on something that requires some brain power.

4–

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

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- Choose an uncommon topic (when possible), make uncommon connections, and use
uncommon language

- I can change the essay topic whenever I feel like. YOU DON’T HAVE TO STICK TO ONE
ESSAY TOPIC.

- If I write about a challenge don’t focus only on the challenge. Make the challenge relevant by
answering “so what?” That means “what did you do about it?” and “what did you learn?” If I’m
writing about a challenge I should split the essay into three parts:

*1. Challenges and effects. 2. What I did about it. 3. What I learned
- There are two types of college essays:

* Narrative essays – tells a story where the events are causally linked.

* Montage essays – “jumping around in space and time and talking about lots of different
things/parts of me”. The events are thematically linked. For a montage essay to work I must
reallyyyyy brainstorm, go wide (there and there, that are thematically linked also called the
focusing lens).

- The thesis of the essay can go at the end or not “show up” but imply. Don’t tell the
ending/spoil it instead, foreshadow it throughout.

- Don’t pack the essay with information because there are other places where I can put
information. For example: the activity list is where I can “brag”; in the additional info section is
where I can talk about my bad grades and problematic circumstance like health issues, etc.

- Don’t put metaphors that I don’t intend on explaining. Also the metaphors must be personal.
Don’t be too direct (I’ve always dreamt of being a doctor; since I was a kid I wanted to be an
engineer, DO NOT). Include a catalyst to the action/value of the essay (what are the causes
of the change? Remember that the catalyst must be personal).

- Spend more time on the why us essay. What is it about the school that I like, what are their
values and how do my values coincide with the school. In the why us essay I should spend
going back and forth on what I have and what they have. Show that the school and I are a
perfect match.

Stuff I have Stuff the school has

List of all the things I want to show the List of opportunities on the campus/school
college

- In the why us essay don’t screw up: school name, school color, school traditions, school
mascot.

- Cut the adverbs and descriptors if they are not relevant.

The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic
and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of
your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose
the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than
650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650
words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel
obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful

they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you,
then please share your story.
The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later
success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it
affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or
thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?
Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal
growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all
track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want
to learn more?
Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written,
one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

- DON’T PROCRASTINATE ON COLLEGE ESSAYS AND PERSONAL

STATEMENTS.
College Essay #1 Theme: expectations and my dreams using ants, or subverting expectations

It was a bright sunny day when the monster witnessed workers carrying what were once
lively green leaves, some body parts, and what remained from breakfast, away from the
stairs and into their home. That was the day the monster learned a secret that would
change their perspective on the world. I learned that the king was missing.

Growing up in a world that wants big changes in how we consume commodities,

economic inequality, among other issues is overwhelming. And when overwhelmed,
following my role model’s footsteps helps to ground myself. That role model being my
grandmother, which despite not having any formal education had managed to raise all
seven children and give them access to higher education and not only that she defied
expectations by doing all of that and still owning a small business. With her the so
called monster learned that if everyone makes a small change they add up. Her life
philosophy and a USSR mathematician called Israel Gelfand inspired me to start writing
academic focus books to those less fortunate – people that don’t have constant access to
the internet – than me. Sometimes those small changes lead to big changes.

It is an understatement that the implied monster was shocked. Ants have no kings; their
societies are based on classes that optimize their utility to the betterment of their
community. But what was truly mind-blowing was the fact that ants can change their
bodies and become the queens of their colonies. That fluidity subverted my expectations
on how communities can work without having the need for a one-above-all to exist. I
took that approach when I made my first videogame and still do when doing projects
with family, friends or colleagues. Too bad ants might still see me as a monster.

When the one accused of monstrous activities was younger they ate many, many, ants,
leaving the colony that lived besides the house without a dozen or more ants. In the
defense of the supposed monster, it was not their fault because they hadn’t developed a
sense of what was right and what wasn’t. But it is interesting nonetheless that defining
what a monster is, is extremely hard. Using the Oxford dictionary definition, a monster
is “an animal or imaginary creature that is very large, ugly and frightening”. I only
check two of the requirements – three if someone sees me waking up. This definition
does not include all monsters and exclude all non-monsters because the worms in my
backyard are small and a bit ugly but they aren’t monsters, I think. So the definition of
monster from the dictionary falls for the mistake Ludwig Wittgenstein called “the
philosopher’s craving for generality” a concept he introduced in his work the
Philosophical Investigations. In his work he rejected the idea that definitions must be
based on a set of requirements but rather on “family resemblances” that “overlap and
criss-cross”, that is, defining by example. So Cthulhu is a monster, werewolves are
monsters, Stalin was a monster, I am not a monster.

Conclusion: Although…
College Essay #1 version 2
College Essay #2

There is something comforting about piggyback riding

Personal Statement #1