"I Killed Her"

I killed her because I do love her. These hands, these hands that gave life to many, killed
her because of my love for her.

Ladies and Gentlemen of this honorable court, please listen to me, listen to my story
before you give my verdict. I am Dr. Reyes, a cancer specialist. I was born in a slum
district of Batalon. My father oh! I don't know him for I am a child of faith. My mother
brought me up in such determination and my ambition was to escape the filthy and horrible
place of Batalon. I was nourished with hope that someday I might live a life different from
her. My mother had a burning faith that she turned the nights into days. All her efforts were
not in vain for I pushed through with flying colors. My mother who had given her whole life
to me had tears in her eyes as she pinned the gold medal on my proud chest.

Later on, I was sent as a scholar of the Philippines to the United States of America. I
embraced my mother… tightly as I've reached the plane….."Mother, mother,.." I
whispered. You will always be my best mother in the world.

After four years, I came back with laurels. I became a cancer specialist. I gave my mother
everything but I was too late. I who had used to ease the pain of many, came too late for
the life of my dying mother. I gave the best treatment but the grasp of death was so tight
around her. My God, what is the use of ten years of study if I couldn't even use it at my
mother's pain.

Then one night, I heard a strange cry. I run to her room. "Do you love me, child?"… she
asked, as I embrace her. " Yes, mother….. If only I could get all your pain and agonies…"

" Then….. if you love me, end my sufferings, kill me… Let me die."

"But, mother, I promise to give life and not to end it."

God…. She did not deserve the unhappiness. She deserves to be happy.

I run to my room and came back with a syringe.

"Mother, forgive me…. God, please understand me…."

"Mother, mother, you must not die….. Don't leave, I love you. It was only a distilled
water…..Mother…… Mother……. MOTHER……"

Now, Ladies and Gentlemen, give me your verdict. Yes, it was only distilled water which
ended the sufferings of my mother.

Judge me….. Punish me………

GO, punish me………….. Thy will be done!!

I hate it. I hate it so much. I hate that I have to do this. I hate that I have to do that. I hate that everyone is looking up
at me, expecting me to solve every problem they're facing. I hate that I have to sacrifice all of my time for them,
because of them and over them.

What did I do to deserve this? Am I not good enough? Am I not qualified to be pampered? Am I always the one who
has to give up all of my vacancy to please everybody?

Look at me! This? This! This is the face of a dying breed, the kind that will die pretty soon. I'm tired of everything. I'm
tired of all of you. I'm tired of my life.

I hate that I'm the one who always has to give an answer to a question that I don't even know. I hate that my
classmates are always copying my answers in every exam. And every time I say no, my gosh, they would always beat
me up.

IT'S INEVITABLE! IT'S INDESCRIBABLE!

I deserve so much.

None of you understand what I'm going through, where I'm coming from and why I act like this. When I'm in school,
all of my friends pick on me. They hurt me.

Physically! Mentally! Emotionally!

Wait! Should I even call them friends? Huh! Some friends they are. I hate them so much.

When I'm at home, I'm responsible for the siblings my parents coerce me to take care of. Don't get me wrong. I love
my siblings but my parents, my stubborn, inconsiderate parents, have turned me into a parent at such a young age. I
have to help my brothers do their homework. I have to explain to my sisters the difficulties and the necessities of
puberty. And how much sleep do I get when I'm done with them? Two hours! Two. Stinking. Hours.

That's not enough for someone who still has to study. I've got exams coming up. I've got projects that I need to pass. I
don't know what to do with my life.

I hate it! I hate that I have to do everything for everyone. I hate that my dad can't find a decent job. I hate that my
mom is so caught up with her "healing skills" that she doesn't want to take her driving test. And, just so you know,
she has missed over 36 driving tests simply because she sees her so-called "career" as a benison. Someone has to
drive! It sickens me!

It also sickens me when I have to rush around the streets at night to go look for my parents because I need them to
sign my permission slip for me to go on field trips and activities which aren't in the school campus. My gosh, I'm tired.
I'm stressed. I've been ran ragged. My classmates, my friends, the people around my school, even my neighbors for
that matter, aren't helping.

What kind of classmates would humiliate you in front of your teacher? What kind of friends would ruin your whole
school year because you told your teacher that they cheated?

It's the truth!

Why can't my neighbors leave us alone and stop gossiping about our lives? Why was I born to be this busy, this
frustrated, this boiled, this locked, this pressured and this hurt?

I can't do this. I can't take this anymore. I hate it so much! I hate it!
I’m Here

I'm here. I'm here. Can you hear me? I'm here.
I'm here because I was meant to suffer, meant to feel pain, meant to be hated by everybody.
My family's dead and I have no friends. All I have is... me.
My face has a scar. My life's been cursed and I don't have anyone who I can shed a tear to.
My heart's been locked and I can't find the key to unlock it.
Help me. Oh, please! Help me. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this at all. I mean, all I
want everyone to know is that I'm here. THAT'S ALL! That's all I want.
My voice is loud. I'm screaming to the fullest, yelling to the highest, shouting to the biggest
but sadly no one can hear me.
But I'm here! I'm here and I deserve to be heard. I deserved to be heard because no one
would ever listen to me. It's probably because of my skin, my hair, my attitude. It's probably
because of the way I speak, the way I listen, the way I understand yet that doesn't give
anyone the right to murder my family or to destroy my relationship with my friends.
I'm walking alone as a monster to my neighbors. I'm strolling around the park without
anyone to talk to. My world is a mess and I don't know why this had to happen and how it
happened.
Was it me? Or was I being gossiped? Was it me again? Or was I being punished?
Hello? Can you hear me? I'm here. I'm telling you. I'm here. I'm looking at you. I'm here. I'm
here, I'm here, I'm HERE!
You need to listen to me. You have to listen to me. You need to understand that I need
someone to understand me. I can't go on spending the rest of my life feeling abandoned,
feeling lost, feeling misinterpreted, feeling... feeling upset.
I deserve to get the attention that I do deserve. I need you to look at me. I need someone's
guidance. I need to be protected, to be taken care of, to be sheltered, to be loved. I need it
all.
Help me. I'm right here. Can you hear me? I'm here! I'm right here. I'm here!