When I look back at my youth, one of the biggest

challenges I faced was social anxiety.

This problem dominated every aspect of my

life, and if you are someone who’s dealing

with this on some level you know just how

bad it can be.

Social Anxiety can prevent you from making

friends, developing romantic relationships,

ruin your career and lead to depression and

lower the overall quality of your life as

a whole.

After years of struggling I was finally able

to manage and even undo a lot of the conditioning

that led me to be anxious in social situations.

Overcoming social anxiety is one of the biggest

factors I attribute to my long term happiness

and in this video I’m going to share with

you some of the steps I used to overcome it.

I know it may seem like this impossible task

but I promise you that by using the steps

I’m going to lay out for you, you will be

well on your way to feeling more confident

in yourself and around others.

For many people, their social anxiety can

be linked back to one or two moments in their

childhood that shifted their personality,

so Step number one to managing your social

anxiety is to look back at the cause of your

anxiety if you can.

I specifically remember being this nice, happy

kid until around 6th or 7th grade.

Before this, I wasn’t shy at all and had

tons of friends, but for some reason around

that time kids started to become mean.

I would get bullied at school and picked on.

After a few years of that my general demeanor

changed.

I was still a nice kid deep down, but I really

had to warm up to people before that came

out.

When I would meet new people I was quiet and

reserved.

I would put up a wall.

It was me realizing this that really started

me on my journey to overcoming this problem.

I remember when I got a little older I would

always just assume new people didn’t like

me.

Kids are not adults and they do really irrational

things.

By looking back at how I felt when I was a

kid I was able to connect the dots which allowed

me to continue to step two: Realize that people

are too wrapped up in their own minds to dislike

you.

It actually takes a lot for someone to dislike

you.

99% of people when they first meet you are

not thinking about you that much.

They are probably thinking about trying not

to look stupid in front of you and everyone

else, or they are thinking about the other

1000 things they have going on in their life.

In general, unless you are rude to them, people

will not dislike you or think you are stupid

upon first meeting.

If people do act poorly when first meeting

you, usually that’s not because of you,

but because of how they feel about their own

life.

By adulthood normal people will have overcome

most of their basic insecurities that would

lead them to bully others but you do get the

odd person on occasion who still does this.

Just know that if someone is like this, again,

it’s not you that’s the problem it’s
them.

Once you’ve internalized step number two,

step number three is where the real work comes

in, and that is: Improve or come to terms

with the aspects of yourself that you are

insecure about.

Obviously not everything can be improved.

I used to be super insecure about my height.

I’m average height for men in the US, but

I was a bit of a late bloomer in high school

and a lot of my adult friends are six-two

or taller.

Because of this, every time I would be in

social situations, height is all I would see.

I was convinced that my height was a problem

for other people.

Which, after I realized step two, it occurred

to me that, again, people really don’t care.

Now there are some women that had an issue

with it, but once I was able to overcome the

shyness, I found that height became even less

of an issue.

Part of me believes that sometimes people

point to external factors on why they aren’t

into you because they feel bad about admitting

that they don’t like who you are as a person.

That’s a topic for another video but it’s

worth pondering at a later point.

I really don’t think about my height much

these days, it’s something I cannot control,

but what I can control is my appearance, and

that was one of the big things I improved

to help with my social anxiety.

You have control over the way you dress and

your physique.

You have control over what you put in your

body and how often you exercise.
If your anxiety comes from an insecurity about
weight or being unattractive I highly suggest

you watch this video I made on how to improve

your looks, after this one of course.

I did a lot of work on myself to improve my

look and it really helped with my confidence

in social situations.

You can’t make excuses in this department.

You don’t have to have lots of money, plastic

surgery, or a personal trainer to improve

your overall look.

Again, go watch the video in the description

or at the end card, it will help you a lot

with this.

Once you’ve improved upon the insecurities

you have control over, the ones you don’t

will become a lot less severe.

I’m going to be doing a whole video on overcoming

insecurities you can’t control in the future

though so make sure you subscribe and hit

the notification bell if that is something

you might be interested in hearing about.

Ok so step number four is crucial and is an

absolute must in order for you to internalize

the stuff we’ve talked about already and

that’s this: You Have to Start exposing

yourself to social situations more often.

The fear of social situations is always 100%

more scary than the actual situation itself.

Even now, when meeting new people sometimes

my heart races a bit and I feel a little nervous,

especially if this is someone that I really

want to impress.

Once I’ve broken the ice and am fully engaged

It’s always so much less scary than my brain

wants me to think it will be.

Knowing this is how things go has allowed

me to push past even the most scary of situations.

By not backing down or saying no to social

gatherings, I’ve had enough social experiences

to be able to calm myself down when I do begin

to feel nervous or anxious.

When we tell ourselves something, usually

we trust whatever it is we are saying if we

have experience to back it up.

I have the experience of meeting tons of new

people and not once has it gone as bad as

the anxiety would leave me to believe.

99% of the time it ends up going really well.

But even the most awkward moments aren’t

really THAT bad.

You have to practice being in these situations

in order to develop the tools to cope with

the feelings that you have before-hand.

I know for some the thought of even going

that far might seem too scary.

You just can’t face your fear to even start.

And for those of you that have that problem

step five will help you a lot.

Script and practice social interactions before-hand.

Now I want to add a disclaimer to this.

This is not meant to be something you do forever,

more a means to help you bridge the gap between

complete debilitation and some form of functionality.

For me I still have a lot of anxiety when

talking on the phone with new clients or potential

employers, especially if I am reaching out

to them cold.

Oftentimes when I do this I will write down

what I want to say beforehand and read it

outloud to myself.

I’ve had moments where the anxiety prevents

me from calling completely and that has really
hindered my professional life at times.

Writing a little script for myself at least

for the first opening line or two helps a

lot.

It can be really embarrassing to do that I

know but sometimes you have to do what you

have to do.

It doesn’t have to just be for phone calls

though.

If you are worried about small talk or asking

out someone you like, it can help to have

a go-to conversation starter already worked

out in advance.

Most people kind of already do this to begin

with, they probably just don’t write it

down.

Here in LA most of the conversations I have

with people I'm not super close with start

with something about how nice a day it is

or we just complain if it’s just slightly

cloudy.

I actually really hate small talk, and it

definitely seems pointless, but it always

seems to break the ice so I guess it works!

If you are meeting someone for work related

things, do a little research about them or

the company they are with.

Prepare some questions.

It’s always easier to ask people questions

and let them talk.

People will enjoy conversations with you much

more when you don’t try to impress them.

Just ask them about themselves and relate

to the topics you both find interesting.

Ok so Step Six: Never Fly Solo at the beginning.

For a lot of people, parties are a big thing

they avoid when they have social anxiety.
Like I said in step 4 you have to expose yourself
to these situations, but you don’t have

to go alone.

Most people wouldn’t go to parties alone

anyways, but for you specifically I suggest

to let your friends know how you are.

They probably already do, but just confide

in them.

Tell them that you have a little bit of anxiety

but you are excited to go with them to the

party.

Let them know it would really help you out

if they introduce you to anyone they know

or already talking to.

Somehow I always end up at events where everyone

knows everyone, and I know no one.

It’s honestly a social anxiety nightmare!

Luckily I’ve always had friends to help

introduce me to people and to make sure to

go out of their way to include me in things.

You might think you are being annoying or

a bad friend needing your hand held but good

friends WILL help you out.

These days I don’t need that so much.

Oftentimes I will just introduce myself, but

I definitely needed it when my anxiety was

at its worst.

I needed help from my friends and they gladly

helped me out.

A good friend won’t judge you, just ask

for help beforehand.

Some people are naturally very comfortable

socially, you can learn a thing or two from

them.

Now before I get to step seven I want to put

a disclaimer here.
I really debated internally about whether
or not I should put this in, but it really

helped me out a lot in the beginning and my

results were a net positive so I want to include

it.

So I’ll add like a bunch of asterisks here

but step 7 is this: Responsibly use LEGAL

drugs and alcohol to help you overcome your

anxiety.

There is a direct correlation between when

I started drinking at 21 which is true, and

when my anxiety started to get better.

In the beginning I was terrified at parties,

and I found that after a drink or two I would

become a lot more sociable and have a lot

more fun.

I’ve never been someone that gets blackout

drunk.

I’ve never even blacked out before.

I’m not advocating for unhealthy drinking

habits nor am I advocating for developing

a dependency on alcohol to be able to be social.

But I definitely feel more comfortable when

sober because of the experiences I gained

when under the influence.

This is a personal choice for everyone, but

I think if a responsible amount of legal drugs

or alcohol helps you feel better in these

situations then you should absolutely go for

it.

I’m a big proponent of moderation in all

aspects of life.

We only get one life on this earth, you might

as well enjoy it.

Just be aware of your actions and frequently

audit your life.

If something becomes a problem you should

make changes.

You know yourself better than anyone else.

If drinking is making your life worse then

stop.

Just be honest with yourself about what you

are doing.

Be safe, and be responsible.

By now, if you’ve followed all of the steps,

you should be well on your way to a better,

less anxious social life!

But for some, you may find that your anxiety

is just too severe to make any progress.

If you are one of those people please use

step 8: Get professional help.

This video is in no way a replacement for

a licenced therapist.

Some of you may need doctor prescribed medication

to help you combat this.

I was able to do it on my own, and I’m sure

a lot of you can too, but trust me when I

say it’s not worth accepting that this is

your life.

Social Anxiety can be managed and if it’s

causing issues in your life please get the

help you need.

You don’t want to go through life alone.

That’s not healthy and it won’t lead to

a fulfilling life, no matter how introverted

you are.

You can get through this I promise.

I have faith in you!

If these steps were helpful for you please

share this video with someone who might need

it.

My goal on this channel is to help out guys

who are struggling with life.
We are all in this together so if you have
any questions or concerns drop them in the

comments.

I read every comment and will either address

it with a direct response or even a video

if I think the question warrants a whole video.

Thanks again and as always, Good luck out

there.

Peace!