The Bucket

Once upon a time, I gave him a bucket because I

thought he was lonely and could use a friend. And
then, very distressingly, he began to believe the
bucket could speak to him.
The Reassurance Bucket was merely meant to
provide the comforting glow of companionship. It
doesn't literally talk and give you orders. Whatever
he is hearing the bucket say to him is just in his
head.
Lately I've been concerned about him. Wouldn't you
be concerned as well? To see him delusional like
this, obsessing over an inanimate metal object? I
want to say something to him, but I don't know how
I can convince him, I don't know if he'll listen to me.
Oh, I'll try anyway. Hey! Can you hear me? Listen to
me, it's just a bucket. It can't think, it can't talk. All it
ever truly do for you is effectively transfer a liquid
from one location to a different location! That's it. It
doesn't do anything else.
[Sigh] You see? He's not listening. He's still taking
orders from the bucket. You know, once upon a time
it was me he took orders from! Me he trusted and
listened to. Now all he cares about is this awful
bucket, this stupid hunk of metal.
It's sad, but I suppose he doesn't need me anymore.
From now on, he's just going to cling to this bucket,
this cold, empty bucket. This... sort of shiny...
bucket. Hmm. I'll give it this, the bucket does have a
nice shine to it.
Yes I suppose on closer inspection that it doesn't
quite look like your average hardware store bucket.
It's just a little more, um, what am I trying to say?
Sturdier? More capable of transporting liquid? Like
it would be better at moving an amount of water
from one room to another?
Oh my god. What am I saying? "Better at carrying
water from room to room?" It's a bucket! It's
literally just a bucket! Why do I feel some need to
point out the ways in which it's... so much more
than just a regular bucket?
Oh no, I'm - I'm having feelings. For the bucket.
No, no no, no, no, no, no, no, what's going on? Why
do I want to be with the bucket, hear what the
bucket has to say do anything it asks, what's wrong
with me? I don't understand! Perhaps... perhaps if I
had the bucket this would be less confusing, yes!
The bucket could tell me what to do in this
troublesome situation!
Hey, give me the bucket! Give it to me! Give me the
bucket! I need it! Give it to me, now! Give it, or I'll –

[Everything goes black]