LIMITLESS

The Abridged Script

contributed by

James B.

Movie:     
October 8, 2011

The Editing Room

https://the-editing-room.com/s#jfzbx
FADE IN:

INT. RESTAURANT

BRADLEY COOPER is having lunch with his girlfriend ABBIE

CORNISH.

ABBIE CORNISH
Good thing the first ten minutes
established in excruciating detail how
pathetic your life is. Makes breaking
up with you now less awkward.

BRADLEY COOPER
Wait, is this because I have writer's
block and can't get past the first
page of my novel?

ABBIE CORNISH
It's not really writer's block when
you stare at your computer screen for
three seconds, then spend the rest of
the day wandering the streets like a
homeless person.

BRADLEY COOPER
But I'm playing a troubled genius. Not
sure exactly what I'm troubled about,
but it definitely requires avoiding
showering and wearing clothes unfit
for the Salvation Army.

BRADLEY wanders off to rummage through trash behind a 7-11. On

the way, he runs into JOHNNY WHITWORTH.

INT. BAR

JOHNNY WHITWORTH
Hey man, try this new drug to help you
write better. It's totally FDA
approved and not suspicious. Did I
mention I used to sell cocaine?
 BRADLEY COOPER
Hmm, will this also improve my acting?

JOHNNY WHITWORTH
It's a drug, not an act of god.
BRADLEY COOPER
Any side effects?

JOHNNY WHITWORTH
Just mild nausea, headaches, and
potentially murdering people without
recollection.

BRADLEY COOPER
So, it's kinda like having to sit
through "The A-Team."

INT. APARTMENT

BRADLEY takes the pill and STOPS HAVING ATTENTION DEFICIT

DISORDER. T.V. CARPIO shows up, which is a real person's name.

T.V. CARPIO
Now that you have extreme focus what
crazy things are you gonna do?

BRADLEY COOPER
I'll start by writing parts of my
shitty novel and then cleaning my
apartment.

T.V. CARPIO
Uh, pretty sure no one wants to see
that.

BRADLEY COOPER
(washing dishes furiously)
I'M SO FOCUSED!!!!

T.V. CARPIO
Why didn't you just take an Adderall?

BRADLEY COOPER
This pill does so much more. It lets
me unlock the full potential of my
brain and predict things before they
 happen. It also causes me to develop a
shit-eating grin which never leaves my
face.

T.V. CARPIO
What happened to the person who gave
you it?

BRADLEY COOPER
Oh yeah, he told me the drug isn't
really FDA approved. Then got murdered
by people looking for his supply,
which I stole.

T.V. CARPIO
Holy shit. Maybe you should figure out
what's in that stuff.

BRADLEY COOPER
Don't be stupid. I'm just gonna double
the dosage and start convincing random
women to sleep with me.

BRADLEY uses his new SMUG-SENSE to predict stock trends, buy

expensive clothes, and talk like a rich asshole. Eventually, he
meets up with ROBERT DE NIRO.

INT. OFFICE

ROBERT DE NIRO
I'm a gruff, powerful businessman with
a dark side. It's completely unlike
every single role I've played for the
last twenty years. Let's use your
powers to complete the biggest
financial merger in history.

BRADLEY COOPER
(tripping balls)
Yeah let's do this! Let's merge the
shit out of it!

ROBERT DE NIRO
Or you could just use your powers to
solve world hunger. Or cure cancer. Or
pretty much do anything other than
 help another rich Wall Street asshole
make more money.

BRADLEY COOPER
(really tripping balls)
How about I help you while continuing
to plow through every supermodel in
the Tri-State area and occasionally
getting into violent, drug-induced
confrontations with innocent people?

ROBERT DE NIRO
That would literally be the most
irresponsible behavior possible.

BRADLEY COOPER
(seriously tripping balls)
How about I become President of the
United States too.

ROBERT DE NIRO
Uh, well, that just wouldn't make any
sense.

BRADLEY COOPER
And to top everything off I'll buy a
four million dollar steel-plated condo
to hide my illegal drugs because
that's the last place anyone would
ever look.

ROBERT DE NIRO
You're a moron.

INT. IMPENETRABLE CONDO

BRADLEY finally runs out of pills and loses his powers.

BRADLEY COOPER
Kinda regretting this purchase now
that I'm sober. Least it will slow
down any thugs trying to get in
looking for pills. There's absolutely
no way someone could easily break
through the front door seeing as I
 purchased this place specifically to
avoid that.

ANDREW HOWARD and GENERIC HENCHMAN break in the front door

within ten seconds.

ANDREW HOWARD
I've been in three scenes so far and
no one knows anything about my
character. So naturally this
confrontation is the climax of the
film.

BRADLEY COOPER
Since my powers are gone I'll finally
have to use my regular intelligence to
outwit someone. Just kidding, I'm
gonna stab you in the throat and drink
your blood to get high again.

He actually DOES THIS. Then kills everyone else in the room.

BRADLEY COOPER
(covered in blood)
President of the Mother Fucking United
States!

INT. RESTAURANT

BRADLEY meets up with ABBIE CORNISH again.

BRADLEY COOPER
Now that I'm the exact same person
except I use hair-gel, drive fast
cars, and have a crippling substance
addiction, can we get back together?

ABBIE CORNISH
Would have settled for you promising
to bathe once a week, but yeah.

BRADLEY COOPER
And maybe we can just ignore
everything that's happened so far like
me squandering millions of dollars and
 running around beating up random
people on the Metro.

ABBIE CORNISH
About that, are we still sure you're
actually the good guy in this movie?

BRADLEY COOPER
Have you seen my hair? This is not the
hair of a villain.

ABBIE CORNISH
Okay, but maybe you should at least
accomplish one noble act before this
is over. Like overcoming your drug
addiction through sheer willpower and
fortitude.

BRADLEY COOPER
What's that? Overcome my addiction
through a method requiring no self-
control or personal growth? Sounds
like a plan.

BRADLEY cures himself by manufacturing a new version of the drug

and learns zero life lessons in the process. DE NIRO shows up
twirling a fake handle bar mustache glued to his face as part of
a last-ditch effort to create drama.

ROBERT DE NIRO
I'm actually an evil villain who
totally did lots of evil things that
were never shown on screen or
discussed in any way prior to this
moment but they definitely happened.

BRADLEY COOPER
Um, okay. What evil demands do you
have?

ROBERT DE NIRO
You must do favors for me once you
become President. It's only fair
considering I basically hired you off
the street and paid you an ungodly
salary.
 BRADLEY COOPER
That actually sounds pretty
reasonable.

ROBERT DE NIRO
(fake mustache sliding off)
NO I'M VERY EVIL!

BRADLEY COOPER
Oh, I mean, I'll never bow to your
demands. To demonstrate my refusal, I
will now predict a traffic accident
before it occurs.

ROBERT DE NIRO
And then stop the collision just in
time?

BRADLEY COOPER
No I'll just predict it and then watch
as people get seriously injured.

ROBERT DE NIRO
You're the worst political candidate
in history.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Not even close.

END