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Toledo, Gwenyth

Dr. Warwick

Writ 2

3 March, 2024

My Story

This class has been a journey for me. When I signed up for Writing 2, it was because I

had to. I had been putting it off since I got to college. Every time I picked my classes, I would

come up with some excuse as to why I should hold off on taking a writing class.

Funny enough, I used to love writing. I actually wanted to become an author one day. My

family would tell me how amazing of a writer I was, and I would write journals and poetry in my

free time. Ever since high school, that dream died. I wanted to write emotional pieces. I wanted

to write with passion, something from the heart. Dramatic, sorrowful writing has always spoken

to me. But after being assigned endless essays about things I didn’t care about, like a summary of

some U.S. history chapter or a book report on a novel I hated, writing felt tedious.

I couldn't incorporate my writing style into any of my assignments, and I expected the

same in this class. Then, we got assigned Project One, where we were to contribute to a scholarly

conversation. When Dr. Warwick told us we could pick our own topic, I was filled with

excitement. I immediately started searching for topics in my area of interest. That was when I

came across the concept of therapeutic writing. I knew right away that this was the topic I was

choosing. Reading about how writing can heal really hit home for me. As I was researching, I

came back to those times as a young girl when I would write my heart out. I wrote for myself, for

no one to see but me. I was thrilled to start this project and reconnect with that side of me.
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That was when things took a turn. In week three, I got diagnosed with Borderline

Personality Disorder. It felt like everything went silent. I would sit in class and not be able to

hear what Dr. Warwick was saying. I felt numb and unmotivated. It felt like my world had

stopped. Work felt impossible to do. I was burning out, not even halfway into the quarter.

For our Project Builder 1.3, we were assigned a worknet. We were told to take all of our

sources and link them together. I felt tired and frustrated. I was angry at myself for struggling to

backward and forward chain. Why couldn’t I just find an article? None of my sources were

saying what I wanted them to say. I told myself I couldn’t do this, especially after my diagnosis. I

didn’t think I was skilled enough for this class. I lost all confidence in Project One, and just

wanted to quit.

That was when the mindfulness activities really stuck out to me. At first, I thought they

were simply fun little activities to do so we could get warmed up for class. It wasn’t until what

happened to me that I realized I desperately needed them. It was my outlet. I was excited to do

them every week. Honestly, I think it’s what kept me going to class. I wanted to write a letter to

Dr. Warwick at the end of the quarter. I wanted to thank her for these five minute practices, to tell

her how much they meant to me.

I needed that self awareness, that moment of peace. It’s what pushed me to keep working

on my project, because it was a real life example of how writing can heal. I now had personal

experience in this topic. I truly felt like a part of this discourse community. As an aspiring

psychologist, I wanted to learn about a new method to help people feel better. As someone with

borderline personality disorder, I needed a new method to feel better. I felt like I was meant to do

this project. I was meant to contribute to this conversation.

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In my Weekly Reflection assignment for week five, I wrote, “I did not feel good or bad

about this week, I only focused on my rough draft”. I started to use my work in this class as a

distraction. When I started drafting my first project, I felt motivated and determined to make

something good after feeling surrounded by bad. I realized that was the first time I felt motivated

in a long time. Using the reading assigned that week, I followed Peter Elbow’s, “Teaching Two

Kinds of Thinking by Teaching Writing”, as a way to start my writing. I first did a free write,

then the ideas started flowing through me. The ideas came to me so quickly, I was even

impressed with myself. I felt like a kid again, writing stories on my laptop in my room. That girl

who loved to write had come back.

After getting my Eli Peer Review on Project One back and seeing the compliments other

students had given me, I felt so reassured. Students were complimenting me and telling me they

hoped I got a good grade. Part of that confidence had come back. I felt like a good writer again.

Of course, there were some revisions I needed to make, but I didn’t let it get me down. I held my

head high and got ready to make those edits.

In week six, we got assigned a new project. I sank in my seat when I realized there was

so much more for me to do. Yes, I was feeling better, but I didn’t feel like I could handle more

than one thing at a time. I was trying to heal while trying to get straight A’s. It once again felt

impossible to do. Weeks six through eight felt nothing but anxiety inducing for me. I started

almost every Weekly Reflection with, “I felt a bit anxious about this”. This was an

understatement. I would leave class feeling like I was about to cry, convincing myself I was

going to fail. I wasn’t good enough to do this. I didn’t have the skills or motivation to write like

this.
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That was until I actually started working on the Wikipidea project. I realized this was

only a simple addition to Project One. I was putting my sources together and adding on to

something that was already created. I was actually looking forward to publishing this. To tell the

world about this topic I’ve been researching for weeks now. I get to spread awareness about the

importance of writing. It took me one day to finish the entire project.

It made me laugh. I actually laughed at myself for being so anxious over this. It finally

registered. All this worrying and dread was in my head. I really am a good writer. Writing comes

easy to me, and it always has. I let the build up for these projects get to me. I let my insecurities

get the best of me, and spent most of the quarter worried over small assignments.

When I got assigned Project Three, I wasn’t scared. I was relieved. It felt like Dr.

Warwick was reading my mind about wanting to write that letter. I finally get to say what I’ve

been thinking about for almost ten weeks now. Watching the TedTalk, "Overcoming Shame

Using Black Studies and Autoethnography", really inspired me. I saw how Dr. Dieter told her

story, the good and the bad, without shame. Now it’s my turn to shamelessly tell my story. I sat

down, smiling with pride, and started to get to work.

Looking back at all of these weeks, I first thought I would talk more about my diagnosis.

About how that held me back the most. However, as I write this, I find that isn’t the case. I

hadn’t written in so long, I forgot I was even capable of doing it. I thought back on the first week

of class, when we read Well’s, “Disposition Towards Learning”, and learned about how

mentality can affect academic performance. It was self efficacy that held me back. I didn’t think I

could do this. I didn’t think I was a writer. Now that I think about it, this fear has been in my

mind for years. It’s why I stopped writing. This class showed me how untrue those thoughts are.

This class reminded me that writing, while it is a journey, can have passion.
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Work Cited

Elbow, Peter. “Teaching Two Kinds of Thinking by Teaching Writing” The Learning

Process, 1983.

Dieter, Katie. “Overcoming Shame Using Black Studies and Autoethnography”.

YouTube, uploaded by Ted’s Talks, 9 November 2022.

https://youtu.be/ifcH91tjIgQ?si=Bpn61gyDogQitTbx

Wells, Jennifer. “Dispositions Toward Learning” Writing Spaces, (n.d.).