Scribd Logo
Upload

Welcome to Scribd!

  • The Anger of Ernest and Ernestine - Morgan, Ross & Cherniak

    Uploaded by

    Julia Tinoco
    37 views28 pages

    Copyright

    © © All Rights Reserved

    Available Formats

    PDF or read online from Scribd

    Did you find this document useful?

    Is this content inappropriate?

    Report this Document

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    37 views28 pages

    The Anger of Ernest and Ernestine - Morgan, Ross & Cherniak

    Uploaded by

    Julia Tinoco

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    of 28
    ‘The Ange in Ermer anal Erestine / ACT ONE Love You Because ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST Black. The frst version ofthe song “So Many Reasons” begins. Lights up on ERNESTINE in a small alcooe extreme SL. Lights up on ERNEST ina smal love extreme SRA male doce anda female oie gin to sing. ‘So many reasons to fallin love ‘So many reasons for the moon up above ‘So many reasons for you and Weil be together til we die ‘So many reasons for wind to blow ‘So many reasons forthe rivers to flow All ofthese reasons are sweet mystery [Now that ITove you and you love me. [ERNEST and ERNESTINE step out of thei loos and walk DS toward eachother. We will never fall apart ‘The way'so many people do We will always tell each other Vm still inlove with you. Instrumental portion ofthe song continues wer dia logue Hove you Emest. ove you Emestine ove you because you're in your own sweet litle world Love you because you have pizazz, Pizazz for just walking down the street. 2 / Robert Mora, Mara Ros, Lah Cheri ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE Nove you because you make me fet like Jule. Who? Jie: Romco and Juliet. From literature, on ‘They axokwardly approach exch other and attempt to dance together. Music out Tove you because you make me want to blush and I don't know why ove you because you make me want to marry you. [ERNEST stooons backs surprised by his mom swords ove you because Tknew you'd say that Black. Musio—"So Many Reasons"—instrumental ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ‘The Ange in Ernest and Ere / 3 ‘Masi continues. Lights up on atny and unusual semen apartment. SL thee i weighted star unit tohich suspended horizontally just blow the lc of the ceiling. It descends whenever the characters nk low tar entering the apartment or then 8 pled down by hand when they 30 back up to eee. I ‘he all underneath the stairs is a door which ads to smal closet. SR ofthis is a frestanding enat-rack. USC fsa temperamental old furnace, the mast prominent presence inthe apartment. The pps ofthe furnace texted across the ceiling ofthe apartment ou! towards th audience. SR of He furnace is a door which lends 0 te bodrom. Along the SR wali kitchen cupboard ‘wt shelws and a snk. DSLaf the frnace is sill {able and to chairs. An empty packing box ison the table, ERNEST and ERNESTINE enter and come lou te star unit which slowly swings doco as they ‘make ther descent. They both carry mare boxes, ERNEST carves «broom. ERNESTINE tole ¢ Hse ‘ax ad places it ot he tbl then erases to the cup- oandsheoes to pt aca books, ows, paper towels, etc ERNEST takes the tisue box from the table and tin his ox, Music out. Hove our basement home Ernest Ws ike a dream Emestine “They rub noses and coo “swidgy widgy to. les so warm, Snug as a rug on a bug Snug as two rugs on two bugs aug cant believe 'm going to see you every day Bveryday: Day after day. (more cooing) I'm going to put my hammer up here onthe shelf sweetie. 4 Robert Morgan, Mara Ros, Lt Cheri ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST (oyfulty resuming her unpacking) Ub-huby ‘And the new broom close by. Un-huh, [And the cereal right here i the bookshelf. and ‘your teapot over. What's this? ‘Sweetie they're tea bags. ‘Sweetie you should always take the tea bags out ofthe teapot, (Oh sweetie, Aunt Mildred always said you'te sup- ‘posed to leave them in. That way the teapot gets a hice roasty favour of tea over the years. ‘That’ tannic acid, Tannic acid is really bad. on ‘You should always, always take the tea bags out of the teapot. I’s not good sweetie, i's bad (Oh of course, sweetie. That Aunt Mildred! So, | thought I'd put your teapot up hereon the shelf | thought, sweetie, we should keep itn the cup- board In the cupboard?! Okay. (nore cooing) We need more shelves. Your things would At here anel my things would ft here but together they don’ fit “They bot laugh norously. ERNEST unevittngly puls te hammer back into the box hei ling. He then places the issue box nthe op shelf turns and sees a package of cigarettes onthe table ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST The Anger in Erne at Erste / 8 What's that? Its my cigaretes, sweetie, You don’t smoke them? Will I didn't bother to tell you Emest because I smoke maybe one cigarettea year on very cold rights I guess you won't have to worry about that in this place. Boy oh boy, this furnace really chugs out the heat! [ERNEST takes of his cket/swenter and goes to hang ito the coo-rack Fljust put them away for that one nice cold wine ter night sweetie, [ERNESTINE “hes” her cigarettes in the cuploard ‘the takes th issue box from the shelf and puts it back on the table. "Iljust put this empty box in the closet sweetie, (Oh Emest, I thought that we could put all the coats on the cout-rack, and the sweater in the sweater drawer, What a good idea! ERNESTINE tole the sweterfacketfownrds the be ‘Where are you going with my jacket? ‘This? Tis is 2 sweater ‘What? No, no sweetie, that’s my jacket, 6 /Raert Morgi, Marth Rss, Le Cheriak ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. Isnt that funny, Iwas sure it was a sweater. ‘This? (taking his acket/smenter) No it’s my good Jacket, I've had itever since I was in Boycubs with Mr. Garlic. [ERNEST hangs his jacktfswenterom the coa-rack and ‘moves the Hsse box ack tothe shel. He tures and Incomes transfixed, staring into space (rosing to USL of ERNEST) Eenest?—Erest!— ERNEST! ‘What? (oth jumping) Oh, I'm sorry sweetie, I for- got you were here It’ like a dream. [Emest, what were you looking a (Oh, Las thinking I could paint a window. This is my first basement home and I think mss the ‘windows, bt | could paint one for myself. with the sun streaming in, the rin and the lightning, the leaves changing colours, antelope running fee. (Oh Emes, I was so lucky to moot a man like you! Ah, me too sweetie. Emest, [havea litle something for you, for us. Close your eyes—No peeking—Come sit down. (Gunning othe cost) (siting) Can 1 open my eyes now? Not yet sweetie. (placing a gaudy artificial plant on the table) Okay you can open your eyes now. Golly. Boy oh boy, ook at that Do you like it sweetie? ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. The Anger in Eres an Erstine /? ‘Yes oh yes I's s0 darn colourful [ike it because it doesn't pretend to be anything that its not. [No, look at tha, it doesnt pretend, I just sits there. You don’t have to water it No~ ‘Won't grow, won't ever change: Where'e you ‘gonna put i? ‘Are you sure you like it sete? ‘Yes, oh yes! ‘Wel thought maybe it could go right here. (erass- ing to cupboard and putting he plant othe tp shel) ‘Would you look at that! What? ‘There must be, how many places are therein our basement home? Wal 1 suppose 2000, Over 2000! And you picked the perfet spot on Sweetie, you'e an artist [No Eres, you're the ati. Emestine you have art in you. £8 / Robert Morgan, Martha Res, La Cheri ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST Strange sounds erupt. ERNESTINE reizes i's the furnace. ERNEST stands transfixed, string ot the plant. As the sounds grow louder aad more ominous the furnace begins to glows. Steams seeps from he fr race and its pips. Emest it’s the furnace, Hmmm? IW the furnace Emest. ERNEST! Its the furnace Emestne. To your stations! ‘What do we do Emest? What do we do? grabbing the furnace manaal hanging above te fur ce) We look atthe book that the landlord left, We must follow the rls calmly, methodically, thor- oughly, step by step, Emest we have to do something! ‘Stop by step. Firs step: “Get the hammer” Get the hammer sweetie. ERNESTINE loks inthe cupboand ‘There isno hammer. Of course there's a hammer I putt ight up here on the. where's my hammer? ERNESTINE kicks the furnace No, Nol Step two; "Get the ratchet.” What's ratchet? Whatsa ratchet? [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE, ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Ernst and Erestine/ 9 Whats aeatchet? Aratchot sa ratchet Well what does a ratchet look ike? Hooks lke a ratchet Wal good for it Don’t good for it Emestine, just gett! Cally go and get the ratchet that looks like a ratchet! ERNESTINE pl te wget on the frnae No, not the widget What's widget? That'sa widget How am I supposed to know whata widget is? Dew’ pl he Tdon’t know what the be L ‘The commotion of te farce subsites, Pus Boy oh boy Whew wee 1 gues we ied it Yeoh we did Exnest, 10 /Rotrt Morgan, Mab Ras, La Cerio ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST Good thing we followed the rues. Yeah, good thing we followed the rules and I pale the widget Boy ob boy. (coming towards enc other and meeting DSC, lating out at audience) These old beasts can be prety temperamental. Pretty temperamental, Black. Musio—"So Many Reasons"—instrumental ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Eres ana Erste UL Bruafist M1 Lights up as music fades. ERNEST is ‘sea the able about ta ace bref His bot and nil are meticulously arranged on the table. He isin the midst of opening te cornflakes bo. He catches sight of endience and smiles. He lovingly pours his ‘area, netly closes the box then pours the milk, mar- tllng over every step of the ritual, He about to bei eating his cee cohen ERNESTINE enters, lus tered, He grins atthe sight of er. She ras to ERNEST, mutters “good morning sete," runs to the xpboard, grabs to bowls, drops one and puts it back fn the cupbard. She runs to the table, tears ope the cereal box, pours and pills the cert thn gathers lose {flakes in her skirt and dumps thm in her bol She pours the milk. ERNEST aatches in fascinated dise- Tie. She ens Oh, no. [ERNESTINE rushes into the bedroom and returns with hey hat and shoes. She rows down the shoes and tres to put them on sole eating. She crawls wader the tble and rans eround the then attempting fo gether ‘shoes on. After spinning, jumping and dancing, her shoes are on Boy sweetie, you sure are spunky in the morning, ERNESTINE gets lipstick from her purse and das it ‘on her cheeks using milk to rub iti. She gets abana fron the cupboard rs to the table, pels the buna, rents iin avo, traning te pieces no te bo. She rns back tothe cupboard, thous the pln the _gmiage and runs hack fo the able and ots on ERNESTINE jumps up, gos into the broom and returns, rushing her eth, She alerts kta eating 12 / Robert Morgen, Martha Ros, Lat Cheri ERNESTINE. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE er cea and brusing her teeth. She laksa her th aa eps up. She pts her Bos ay i the cup urd. Bye sweetie ERNESTINE exits up the stirs. Before ERNEST can ‘ath his int she reappors a the top of he stairs. ERNEST, MY HAT! ERNEST jumps up, grabs her hat and tosses it o her. ERNESTINE exits. ERNEST stands dumbfounded, then ses. Boy oh Boy. Black. Masic—"Se Many Reasons”—instrumental Breokfist 82: Lights up as music fads. ERNEST is thou! fo pour his milk: He finches and looks toward the lesroom, thinking he hears ERNESTINE, Heloks ont ‘at the audience, smiles and continues to pour his mi (enters muttering) Morning sweetie ERNESTINE gets bowl rom the cupboard. ERNEST stems o pour her cereal for he. Ske sits momentri= 1y then jumps up to get he shoes, hat and purse from the boom She sts back don hen jumps upto eta ‘nana, pels the banana, shoes hal inher mouth half fn her purse, She rans around in tiny cireles trying to ether ses on. Afr spinning, dancing, jumping, ‘they're on. She ake lipstick from her purse and puts it ‘on her checks, taking milk from ERNEST's be, dab- bing ito her cheeks. She then ents couple of spoon ful of coe out of his bow. ERNEST tres hide ‘rom the entire spectacle by reading the ack of the cer- ‘al box, sometines loud. ERNESTINE exits up the Stars then returns ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE [ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Erstad Erne (18 ERNEST! [ERNEST toss her hat itl more aggressiely than the ist tne ks ot, end sis, estat. Boy oh Boy. Black, Musi—Urto Rts instrament Breast 3: Light up as music fades. ERNEST sits ripping the cereal bo tightly, hiding bein it. When ERNESTINE enters he scrunches the box: (rambling) Morning sweet. [ERNESTINE grabs a handful of cere takes a slug of ‘mk from the carton. It dibbles down her cin and on to ier lous. She gosto the cupboord, grabs apiece of paper towel ad exits up the stirs unamare of the towel olin blind her. She retuns and gasps ERS [ERNEST towns ERNESTINE’ ht at her aed she lesoes. ERNEST re-rolls the paper tol then coos up the kitchen, breathing quickly. When fished he sighs, ‘ils, relaes and rests his hand othe ht frac. He grinaces, rus abou the rom lapping his hand ‘and blowing on iin an attempt to ene the pin. He tals doxon and str in sleee. Suey he ers seth an angry sere. He Toks sharply towards the stairony ex. Black, Musio—Urban Rytens-—instra metal 14 [Rott Morgan, Martha Ros, La Cherie Monologues ERNESTINE ERNEST ‘Music ends Lights up on ERNESTINE in Salve. ‘Meeting Emest was lke a dream. Marrying Emest ‘as also like a dream, Oh don’t get me wrong, i's still ike a dream, I's just alittle bit funny how he just sits there inthe morning reading the cereal 1 ‘would have thought that just one morning he ‘would jump up and walk me to the Woolworth’s hat department that’s where I work, Don’t get sme wrong I'm not complaining, Ernest s perfec. Ikjust makes me fel a litle bit funny how he just sits there. like he's in a coma or something. (Coss fade to ERNEST in SR alcove LEmestine is like. she’s like a litle sparrow. A litle bird fitting about the forest. Flapping her wings, ‘making litle windy sounds... ip-lap, flip flap. (Once saw a Golden osprey, calmly winging its sway acros the deep ble sky. And this litle spar row rose up out ofthe forest and it started fiting all about the osprey darting hither and thither. It ‘darted underneath the osprey and it poked i in is belly then it poked it on the head and it poked it in the eye and the osprey slowly turned over, took the litle sparrow in its talons and squeezed its Ife ‘ut! I think I'l answer that help wanted ad I saw ‘outside of Farley's Fish Shop. So maybe lean start really, really early in the morning, before Emestine gets up. That way she can do... what she has todo, Black: Ethereat nstrumentl music ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Eres an Erie /15 Lights up. ERNESTINE is seated atthe table reaing o postry book, completly entranced ERNEST is siting ‘ina chair DSR watching, perplexed, concerned. Black Lights up. ERNEST is now sitting loser tothe table, bout 2 fet eu. Blick Lights up. ERNEST is siting fa the table, staring at ERNESTINE, inches from her face. The musi aes, mest, could read this man’s poetry every day and every night forthe rest of my life. He's exqui= site, Hove him! ERNEST sereams, rs the took out of ERNESTINE’s ands, vps itt seis, stopping suddenly. ‘Qoopsie doodle It’s just that i's time to go shop- ping nov, We're supposed to go shopping now. (going to caa-rack for his jacket Senter) (Going to cupboard) Where's the scotch-tape Eenest? Wecan fx it Black, Ether instrumental musi. 6 /Rolert Mongo, Marthe Rss, Lb Cheri Waiting/Emest’s Way Home ERNESTINE ERNEST Lights up. Music fades. {took me a while to convince Ursula Scarf, my ERNEST boss, that I should have the whole day of. want- ted lots of time to get ready for my special time ‘with Ernest. I wanted to go to dinner and then toa movie but as Emest explained to me, is best to go, to the movie first because the early bird always gets the fresh popcorn [ERNESTINE smiles and notes the sue bx om the cupboard places it the tobe sits and its for ERNEST fo arice home. Crossfade to ERNEST in his sleove. I was hurrying out of Farley's Tropical Fish Shop, that's where I work, to begin the homeward path tomy Emestine and our special time together, when I eheldl one of nature’ horrible wonders— 4a mother guppie inthe throes of birth. Tknew ‘exactly what to do, and with confident and trem- bling hands, neted that mother guppie and placed her in the special mother guppie birthing tank Now as horrible as it may sound, mother [guppies have an insatiable and unforgivable desire to eat ther babies, and as difficult as it may be, we ‘must somehow come to grips wit the dark and lasting truth that nature can sometimes be terify- ing to perceive. And this is only one example, per haps you can think of others. But in the face of ssuch mystery, could hardly breathe. Anticipating the sight ofthe new-born baby guppies on their freefall to safety T stood and waite. ERNEST (Quick cross fade to ERNESTINE, siting in he apart- ‘ment, wating. She begins to get worm aad fans Rerslf titer scarf Sh attempts to gether scarf of ut the Knot seems tobe stuck. She struggles with it, almost ‘The Anger in Erstad Eretine (17 choking herself Finally she gets the scorfoff and throws ito the ground ina great frenzy. Coss fae lack 10 ERNEST in alcove. ‘And oh what a dazzling spectacle it was. Twenty: seven new-born baby guppies swimming fee ‘And just asthe twenty-eighth baby guppie was ‘being wrenched from ifs mother's womb, Farley, the owner of Farley's Tropical Fish Shop, came and told me in no uncertain terms to “Get the hell ‘ut of the store Ernest!” Now as unforgivable as the tone of Farley's voice may have been, he hac thankfully brought me face to face with the fact that the special time with my Emestine to which I had sacredly avowed myself was sipping away like sand on the beach of time. I leapt onto that homeward path and followed i rapidly Crass fade to ERNESTINE, wuitng. She gets more {frastratd and inpatient as the scene goes. Se looks epectatly a the top ofthe stars. She opens her purse, takes out tues, tosses thet onthe lar She takes from her purse, chews snaps te purse shu. She ‘pens her purse, aks a few tse from the tissue ba, juggles them, stuf them inher purse and snaps it "Shut, She rpents this pattern one or to more tines ‘She sakes her hat and begins to pla with, rosin i {nto dierent shapes. She becomes rougher nt the ‘scone climaxes with ERNESTINE strangling th at (Quick cross fade fo ERNEST alco. | was hurrying along the homeward path that ed re straight to my Erestine and our special time together, when Tnotied a tiny abject precariously perched above the letter T ofthe word STOP ofthe Second homeward STOP sign. There, twittering in its confusion, was a Ruby-Crested Nuthatch that had inexplicably strayed atleast 300 miles from ts normal migratory flight path I stood in silence, ‘memorizing its characteristics and features so that 18 /Rolert Mog, Martha Ras, Lak Cherisk ERNESTINE ERNESTINE ERNEST {could later record them in my Boycub bird iden- tification book that I'd been given asa gift from Mr, Garlic was sure that it was a Ruby-Crested Nathateh Crossfade to ERNESTINE standing in the apartment Jeanig onthe bak ofthe car. mest and I have a very special relationship. Even ‘when we'te apart, we're together. That's why I don't feel abandoned right now: Infact Ino ‘that Emest willbe home very shorty. By the time I count to ten, Emest will walk through the door. Wateh, [ERNESTINE turns DS and brings th chair with her Her hands are clamped to it. She pris her had omy from the cuir and moves DS. She begins counting, anit intermittent “Toosening up exercises” to help her tune into ERNEST. One... two... three.. four. five..six.. seven. sight. nine..ten. ‘Black, ERNESTINE screams, Lights up on ERNEST’: ove. Just as the moment of pesitive identification was ‘upon me, my bird bolted desperately away. wheeled around to see that i was a man with a flog that had scared away my bird, a man with a seeing-eye dog and he appeared tobe blind—the ‘man, not the dog. Anyway I was about to continue fon that homeward path when I saw the man do this (picking lint of his shirt, looking at it then flicking it any) It was my feeling that this blind man was bluffing! And in order to report him to the proper authorities, I followed him fo the dark side of town where he cruelly strapped his dog toa post ‘outside a bar. Well followed him into that ba, ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Eres ond Ervetine/19) Just to give him fair warning of my intent to report. and he tured out to be aswel fellow! Sharky, And Sharky sai that this bind man’s bluff was the only way he could keep his dog —his ‘one true friend in the world. And to prove his love for that dog, he took it outa pitcher of beer. stood in awe as [watched the two of them wind ing their way home through the trafic. And it was ‘only then that I noticed that it was dark. So I leapt ‘onto that homeward path and I rushed, I literally raced to be home with my Emestine Ligts up inthe apartment, ERNESTINE is siting on ‘he chai in a state of quiet desperation, laughing ERNEST descends the stairs Hisweetie,'m home, [ERNESTINE wwiks DS. Te igh change. Shes not talking to ERNEST but telling the audience the thoughts Wet are going eros her a [Ernest arrived home. He was 6 hours, 17 minutes and 42 seconds late watched him coming towards me. I don’t know why I've never noticed ithbefore but Ernest looks lke a fish. With his goo- aly eyes and his googly glasses, his hands like lit tle fins. Ernest doesn't walk, he swims. | felt ike | ‘was going to explode! This time I'm going let him have it. 'm going to let him know what its like to be kept waiting for 6 hous 17 minutes and 42 seconds. 'm going, to pick him up ane hurl him through that stupid, ugly painted window. Sorry I'm late sweetie, Ernestine? es ERNEST. ‘Te ight are restora she fs Emest? 20 / Robert Mong, Marth Ros, Le Cheri ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE. ERNEST Sorry I'm lat. I couldn't help it (Oh thats okay sweet, understand, Ws probably too late to go toa movie and dinner but we could still go down tothe all-night variety store and get a ginger ale or something ‘That's a good idea sweetie ‘Okay, let's go. (leming up ERNESTINE’ mess of toss sues and gu) Sweetie, ‘Okay, let's go. (til leaning) Emest, if we don’t go right now we'll miss I for ginger ale ‘Okay, he’s go. (il claning) mes ust do me one litle favour. What? Don't wear that sweater What? Vd appreciate iif you didn’t wear that stupid, ugly old sweater. ‘Tis is my good jacket lack. Ethereal musio— instrument ERNESTINE ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘he Ange in Ernest and Erne / 21 ERNEST stands wi a broom silhouetted in he fur nave glo The msc fades. Th lights come pi the est ofthe apartment. ERNEST steps the flo. He _ges fo the cupboard aed takes outa esse tape and looks ait everentl. He put it in the tape recorder nd ots, Bruce Springsteen's "No Surender” begins to play. ERNEST gels the fel ofthe music then gradu ally begins to lip sync the song He gts more intoe inal stats performing rck star moe, dancin, using his oom a ot @ microphone and a guitr. ERNES- TINE enters don the stars and watdhes ERNEST soit omusement. Hi sweetie, 'm home [ERNEST immediatly runs othe tape recorder, huts it off and, relly embarrassed, resumes sveping. What's that music st? Ws very pretty. Pretty? he’s just an old tape Ws nice. Tes not nce. It's just an ol ape ‘Why don’t you put the masie on again, sweetie? ERNESTINE goes nto the bron. ERNEST pts the ‘nasi bck. He comes moe sol ih sie ty and per fr te ue Fhe ping for cred of rck ans. ERNESTINE ener and temps tsar is fn, dancing aon. ERNEST os noice er His moos Bein agresse Hat ERNESTINE hs 1 now ont of his ny food cing ‘noe. Te fantasy 8 longer fn fr ERNESTINE tnd ris ttl he aden to stp encouraging ERNEST. ERNEST fully ses ERNESTINE ad 22 Root Marga, Mart Rss, Lah Chernik ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ects by sereumtng and braking Ye broom over his Ine, ERNESTINE rms oer tothe recorder and slans itofe Emest, you broke the broom! sor? mes, you broke the broom! $0, broke the broom. $o!? mest, you broke the broom! ERNESTINE storms ito the bedroom an slams the door bond her really did break the broom! I don’t have anything, ‘against brooms. really like brooms. just don’t Tike it when Emestne’sin my audience, Black, Music—Urbon Rlythms—instrumentl ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Ernst and Ereting /29 Lights up as music nds. ERNEST and ERNESTINE. center the apartment via te stairs in emotional and Physical disarray. was awful twas really awful Emest! We came ths clase, Did Your life pase in front of you? Just the ugly pats Iwas that brick. Tha brick was the final straw. It ‘came—klk.. (nos of eras) It shouldn't have been there. None oft It was really, really ugly. Sit down Emest. Sit down Emestine, [want you to calm dovrn (siting atthe table) the highway department ‘would put up their signs like they're supposed to, ‘we would have known it was a one-way street, right? How were we to know it was a one-way street, Emest? How were we to know? “There was an arrow pointing up. Isaw an arrow pointing up, What's that supposed to mean? tmeans they botched it Ernestine. All Uhose peo- ple, coming out oftheir homes, yelling mean ‘things at us. They botched! it with that arrow sign Emestine. ‘And that moving van coming down the wrong 24 / Robert Morgen, Marthe Ros, Lt Cheri ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNESTINE. ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘way, the right way. coming right at us: What cholic did we have Ernest? What choice?! No choice! 1 think it wasa children’s playground we went through. Didn't you see that fence we crashed. ‘heough? [AIL saw was a sign with the shadow ofa child running fre on a yellow triangle “The highway department. It’s just not fai: We could sve them Emest. [A litte cil. with little stick logs. ite round head. In fact, think that’s what we should do. [ERNESTINE goes tothe cuphoard takes out o pen and sheet of paper and returns othe table ‘We should write them a letter. writing) Oh, this pen doesn’t work. Don't sorry about the pen | want to write letter. We have to write a letter! It ‘was this close! ‘They have no right. I's ludicrous! Ws ludicrous what they do out there. The govern- sment is ludicrous. ‘We should write letter This pen doesnt work, Don't worry about the pen, just write it ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Eres al Eee (25 To whom itmay concern. We were neatly killed. “To whom not “it may.” To whom it does concern, ‘To whom it does concern! ‘And Tam going to underline the does! ‘That's good Emest (grabbing He pen and pope and ‘orting) Underline it thee times and pus an exela- ‘mation mark, We were neary killed! ‘To whom it better concer! (grabbing paper and pee tc) Yeah! To whom it better concer. That's ood Emest ‘To whom itdamn well better concer! Yeah Emest! Yeah! Or else! ‘To whom it quusing) to whom it damn well better concer, or else! (Or fuckin’ else, Emest! Fuckin’ else!) Fuckin’ else! To whom it damn well better concern or fuck you! ‘That's good Emest! Keep i! To whom it fuckin’ Detter concer or fuck off! ‘To whom it. to whom it fuckin’ beter concern or fuck off. fuck you. Puck you! 26 / Rater! Morgan, Marta Ross, La Chern ERNEST. ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST Puck. fuck off or fuck you? Both! ‘oth, Both! To whom it fuckin’ better concern or both fuck off and fuck you! “That's ood Emest! That's good, Now what goes next? We were nearly killed. No. Oh no! You nearly killed us! You di! You dia! You tried to kl ust You dia! You You. You You bastards! Bastard that’s good Emest Bastards! Bastards! Bastard! Bastards! Just keep writing Emest, we don’t want tomiss any ofthe details. Bastards! ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE The Anger Ernst an Ermine (27 The bricks Bstans! ‘The kids, the fence the yeling. You bastards fuck oft That's good, keep it! (anding) You bastaras can fack right oft (standing) Can fuck right off You fuckin’ bastards can fuckin’ fuck right te fuck off ‘They sit and vend fo themselees what they have writen ‘Too many fuckin’? (pausing) Emest, we only have ‘one life to live and they nearly took it away! Write that down. will. No. No. (standing grabbing the letter and putting i in es purse) Ym going to tll ther. m going to go right out there and. No, don’t go out there. T’m going out there because we're sitting hore lke dodos on log, ‘You can't go out there. Exes, I'm not going to sit here like a dodo on a log. ‘They collide infront ofthe table, pushing and shoving Tie children 28 /Rlert Morgen, Marth Ros, Lt Chern ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST rm You can't Dodo— Don't o— rm not gosping, clapping her and over her mouth tad backing azay) Ob Ernest! What? ‘Your face, My face? Your face is bit squished in. The fence it. You have the imprint ofthe fence on your face. (turning his ck to the audience) Does i ook funny? Do look funny? 1 still ove you Emest ‘They had no right to put a fence there! ‘Wall then you go out there and tell ther. ‘You think [look ugly. You don’ lok ugly, you just havea face that's 2 bit squished in, Thave a face that looks lke a fence! (pausing) Emest, we could sue them! ‘Those bastards! ‘They turn and glare at the audienc. Black. The Anger in Eeusaal Etne /29 ‘Hace to Face-with their Passion ERNESTINE ERNEST. [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST Black. The row of he furnace i herd. Lights up. The ‘apartment is dimly li. The furnace gle. ERNEST is siting in front of the furmace, holding the maa, looking perplexed. ERNESTINE enters through the bedroom door, overheated and agonize. Sl no luck, sweetie? Sweetie? I don’t believe it Emest. ERNEST! ‘What?! What are you doing to me? im not doing anything to you. I simply came into this inferno to find out if you've had any Tuck You yelled No did not yl. You yelled at me! ‘Oh, Emest. Did it sound lke Twas yelling? Yes iti. Remarkably so im sorry, sweeties just that cant quite believe that you sill havent figured out how to turn off the furnace, remains a gr 1 mystery to me sete Have you tried pulling the widget? ‘The widget has nothing to do with t | think you should try pling the iget again, Leave the widget completely out oft, The widget is blind alley leading nowhere! .30/ Robert Mongo, Marthe Ros, Lt Cheri ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. [ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST We have to do something, Emest. This heat is unbearable. (slowly sinking fo the floor I'm melting, mest. Fm melting away to nothing. What are we joing todo Emest? We are going to remain calm and look at the book that the landlord left. (getting wp) Why look at that stupid book? That book i stupid! _Emnestne, the book thatthe landlord lft is not stupid! Fine. Then suppose you tell me if the book is not stupid Ernest, then what ist? What is what? ‘The book Emest. What i the book? “The book sa step by step manual of maintenance fora temperamental heating device ‘Then why doesn’ it tell us how to tum it off? ‘That remains a major part of the mystery. Fine it’s not a stupid book; i's a mystery book Maybe it’s a Gothic novel Just what are we going todo? ‘We are going to endure a dificult situation, and I suggest we do it without yelling What about melting Emest? How are we going to ‘endure it without melting? Emestne, [do not enjoy melting any more than ‘you do, but what about the people who take their ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Erstad Erstine / 1 holidays down at Disney World?! Cant you, just fora moment, try to think about them? ERNEST tus to study the furnace. ERNESTINE temps to fgure out ERNESTs logic but can. She sohinpers quietly. What's wrong with you? Ernest, why should I think about the poor people who take their holidays down at Disney World? ‘Sweetie, Disney World is in Florida 1 know that Disney World is in Florida, What 1 want to know is how my thinking about the poor people who take their holidays down there is ‘going to make me fee! any better about melting ‘assay ina basement apartment with a man with 2 ‘book, with a furnace that won't tum off! We have been prepared, Ernestine. All winter long ‘this furnace has been bellowing out the heat, and now, here we are in the middle of summer and yes, the heat may seem hotter now, it may even be hhoter now, but weave been prepared [ERNEST has losena his tie and is trying to ge his shit off Emest, what are you trying to say? Think about those northern Canadian school chil- dren! Year after year they're dragged out of the chilly northern homes, clown, down tothe Florida sunshine! Emest, for Goa's sake what are you saying? 132/Rlert Mongo, Marth Ross, Lak Cheri ERNEST ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ean‘ get my shirt off. 'm trapped! My sweltering body is trapped in a tropical hel ERNESTINE trie o help hi ‘The buttons are locked, ‘Come here, Emest. Stop it ‘What are you doing? You're doing something to sme again, Emestine! rm trying to help you. Get away from me! Get AWAY"! ERNEST pushes ERNESTINE ex. She fills tothe ‘lor. He tears open his shir, rps tof and hurls ito the floor. Pause. (Oh, Emest! Hello Emestine. Hi Emest, [ERNEST steps toward ERNESTINE. The “rock” er~ son of “So Many Reasons” begins to play. ERNEST _graceflly pl ERNESTINE fo her fet. They caress tic others’ arms and tingle in rection, She paces her “fiat had oi ef hp the secon om hs right hip ‘and then pulls hin closer. The scene continues with a ‘erie of gymnastic erotic and humorous pesitions sce by blackouts, ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ‘The Anger Ernest and Erste / 0 Act Two. Stetniiag ‘The furnace glows and emits steam, Music—"So Many Reasons” —"smote" version. ERNEST enters frm the closet onal fous, exhausted. He hens forthe bedroom. ‘Asal bark is heard from the close. ERNEST "sens like a arg dog. ERNESTINE comes out of th closet ‘barking lik afrisky puppy. They face each other on all ours and hace a ploy conserstion ania sounds: sep, bull ons, birds, orangutans. As the -masie sony into a sultry guitar solo, they begin to dance. ERNEST eventually lifts ERNESTINE ont the table. He cimbs ontop and mises his arms i tritmph. [ERNESTINE bites his ear. Music fades Emest, I don't ever want to stop. ERNEST grows ‘Don't stop. Let's doit on the table. On the table, mest. (iting harder) Ow. OW! ‘Oh Emest you've awakened something in me, 1 don’t want t stop 've always wanted to do it on the table (Ow. stop. On the table? (disengaging) On the table, Est. Just let go. (On the table? ‘We can’t stop now, sweetie. (On the table? Th the table? where [eat my breakfast! On "=" 34 / Rotert Morgan, Martha Ros, Lah Cheri ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE sis up eeckoard and vulnerable ERNEST disengnges completely. Pause. I got confused. thought we were in the hedeoom, ‘You said you always wanted to doit on the table, 1 sad, e's keep doing i if we're able. Let's just go to the bedroom, ‘You go tothe bedroom. I'm going to go get some- thing to eat. [haven't eaten for three days. 1M come with you Uh. alright {I} just go freshen up. ERNEST puts on his shirt and te as ERNESTINE 0% into the bedrors. She returns with her clothes and us them on. We could goto that new Chinese restaurant up on the hil ‘Anywhere you want, sweetie, but not Chinese food. I don’t fee ike it somehow. ‘Me neither. know, let's go have a chicken dinner atthe Chicken Ranch, No, no. Not chicken, Eenest. We always have chicken, There must be something other than ‘chicken, Emest. Anywhere you want, sweetie, just tase your imagination. Hey! Les goto Bingo's. ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Erstad Erste (35 ‘The Pizza Parlour? We should go somewhere alt= Heit different, don’t you think? What's wrong with pizza? 1 don’t ike it anymore. (aking the tssue box from the shel) ‘You never told me that Ikjust slipped my mind, Emest I forgot to tell you What else have you forgotten to tell me? Ernest, just decide where we're going to go for dinner (puting the issue bax ack on the abe) Thave decided. We're going to Bingo’s. You can eat my crusts Fine, wel go to Bingo’ 1 dont want to go o Bingo's Just where do you want to go for dinner, Emest? want to go to RI Fine. Well go to RV's Anywhere. I'm hung: We'll {gohave chicken. II have Chinese chicken ot the Pizza Parlor. Le’ just po. Are you okay? Ym fine. ‘Are you sure? 'm fine. Are you okay? 36 / Robert Mong Martha Ross, Lak Chersisk ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE, ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE Hose inn fine (taking the tissue box fom the table and pute ting it bck onthe shel) Le’s go. Do you want to hear a joke? Sure, W’sa good one. I saw it at Rs last week. Its graffi Isa: “Lasse isa Bitch” Ha, ha ood one. I don’ find that very funny. (geting the tissue Fox) ‘What? “Lassies a Bitch"? It's a joke, sweetie. (placing tse bx on the table) I ealize it’s abit of @ pun but I don’t find it very funny i's ant ‘Women have got nothing to do with it. I's a joke about a dog, sweetie. Lassie isa biteh, i’ true, that’s what she is Yes, but women have been called bitches for cen- tare ‘So have female dogs. Cause that’s what they are ‘They're bitches ‘That's why it’s unpleasant, to be referred to asa bite. Ws not you that’s the bitch is Lassie, the dog, I realize that Lasse is a dog, Lassie come home, Lassie, but it wouldnt be considered funny if men dla call women, (Oh, come on. The joke s very simple, Lassie isa bitch.. biteht ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE = ‘The Anger in Ernst and Emetine /F Pause Emest, you just called mea bitch I don’t believe this, You just said What I sid was. 1s very clear to me what you just sad. ‘What [just said, if you'l listen, is Lassie is a bitch. biteh, emphasizing the word bitch fd Wanted to insult you, [would have said ita litle dlfferenty ‘And how would that hve been? Oh, I don’t know: Maybe I would have said some- thing lke; Lassies bitch, BITCH! But that’s not what I sai. Erest, if you want to call me a bitch, don't fel like you have to hide behind your stupid, silly lit tle jokes. 1 don’t want to call you abiteh Do what you want, Emest, come on, if you need Ido not need that. Come on Emest, are you afraid? What's the mat err No, Lam not afraid. ‘What's wrong Emest, are yous. ate youn? i fj 4 _38/ Root Mongo, Martha Ross, Lt Chemik ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE, ERNEST ERNESTINE, [ERNESTINE ERNESTINE 1 do not want. wimps cowt You're like some animal, ou cant get it enough! That's because you don't give it enought! How can I with you drooling and howling in my car like a bitch in heat! Fack Right Ot You fuck off Js fuck off Ernest! Fuck Off Fuck Fuck off They continue yling “Fuck of.” ERNESTINE stops ERNEST continues, the words coming out na high- pitched wil. He tops. mest, I'm sory Black: ERNESTINE ERNEST ‘The Anger Erstad Eotine (39 Lights up on ERNESTINE in SL alow, 1 just ike to take this opportunity to apologize to you, What you've been seeing isn't really me. [ don't know who itis you've been seeing, but it {st me. Like the other day, the other day inthe supermarket, this sweet litle woman came up to ‘me and asked me where the tea bags were kept. ‘And I said: “In the teapot, Goddamn it in the GGexldamn teapot!” And I realy enjoyed saying it ‘Butt wasn’t me who was enjoying it It wasn’t ‘me. And Emest isnt being Ernest. But I'm sure there's way of finding ourselves again, there ‘must be! But uni then, 've made a short ite list fof words that Emest should avoid using in my presence: tea bags tissue box, table, Lassie. Light fade on ERNESTINE and up on ERNEST in his aleve I read about marriage in the pamphlets at the back of the church...t was there I think I ead the ‘words “You always hurt the one you love.” Or maybe it was a poem. It doesn’t matter where, The {important thing is I've been thinking about the ‘words "You alway’ hurt the one yet love” and ve begun to wonder to myself fom time to time, who exaetly isthe “you”? Whois hurting who? 1 know that Ernestine hurts me from time 1 Hime, "unintentionally of course, and I know that L woul never doa thing to hurt my Ernestine, but who is the “you” who is always hurting the one you love? (beginning fo sing) “You always hurt the one ‘you..” I's a song! They shouldn't be singing jolly Title tunes about that! Is true! People should be prepared for things lke that. Urgent messages 40 / Robert Morgen, Martha Res, Lah Cheriak shoul be sent out on a daily basis! “You alays hurt the one you love. Be prepared!” Erestine ‘and Tare. We have prepared ourselves with a powerful and intricate pact ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ‘The Anger in Erust aa Eretne (41 ERNESTINE and ERNEST love thir aleooes and ‘onl foward enc other pretending to fume, Gre oy gree Germ Pahshsh. Whats thar? steam, Oh, pshshshsh.. gree. Okay, now? Okay. Enmestne look atthe judge ‘They wink ot cach ote nd topsite ends of the Sige ERNEST ds pus ERNESTINE ds Ti (repeating) Monkey picking peaches. ‘They come together, nal, raising ther arms and exhale bringing their arms down. They link ams facing the audience Do you, Emestine, ake this man tobe your hus band? 1 do. Do you Emest take this woman tobe your wife? I sure do. “That's just how he said i to! 42 /Roert Morgen, Martha Ross, Lt Cheri ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST They kiss. (Oh, this s going to work like a charm! I's those push-ups, when I do them the anger just flows out my arms, gone. [Emes, I think that we should just explain. Emnest and Ihave decided that whenever we're really Steamed up, when we fel like we'e going to explode right through the roof, Emest is going to call out “Look at the judge,” and then well run to four comers and. Yeah but, you could say it too, sweetie. Either one of us could say t But, remember, it was always going tobe you who called out “Look at the judge,” and then we'd go running our spots. [No don't remember that, ‘cause I might not be able to say it It could be ether one of us Emest, remember? I suggested itand you agreed that we should keep the system simple and thal would always be you who'd say "Look at the judge,” emember? No, sweetie, don’t remember that it would always be me because what if can't doit? Emest, don’t get amnesia now: 1 do not have amnesia Just, whatif 'm trapped, what i'm locked and I can’t say i You should have as much responsibility a5 ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST The Anger Eres and Ernestine 43 Emest, you're being childish, You are— 1am not being childish. I ust might not be able to say it Tcould get Emest i's the one rule I've made up in this apart- ment Emestine! What? You cannot make up rules! ‘You make up rule al the time. 1 most certainly donot Emest Listen, Emestng there isa natural existing oder to things, and if you interpret that order corect you have a rule mest, this isn't @ Boycub field trip with Mr arlc; wo'e talking peace here, between you and [am talking peace, and you have as much respons sibility for Keeping peace as I do. (Oh, Emest, you're doing ths to provoke me, you're always. am not, Ijust think you... Emest, stop it, you. Aww, look atthe fucking judge!! 44 / Robert Mong, Mar Res, Lh Cheriak ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST [ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST sett Sit up and do your fucking monkey busines! Ws Tachi ‘hyd the ritual, ris. Do you Emestine take this man to be your hus- band? 1 do, Do you Emest take wife? woman tobe your Sure Ido, ‘That's not how you said i. (turning, ating for [ERNEST to complete the ritual by ising her) We kiss snow, Emest yous have to iss me. can’t kiss you. ERNESTINE is shocked. She stands sil fora moment, then slowly collects her hat and purse and exits up he sais. ERNEST takes a moment to elie wt has apne He the rushes to the stats ERNESTINE! ERNESTINE appears at the top ofthe stairs. Emest! Look at the judge!! ‘They doth ritual rushing through it desperately. Aer the kiss they atemp to colec hemselces by siting tagether atthe table. There sa long moment of silence. They are dzed and exhausted. ERNEST slowly rises, (gins to clean up the apartment. He stops. Black Music—Urhan Rhythms instrument ‘The Anger in Emest and Ernestine / 45 ‘You Hate Me Don't You ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST. ERNESTINE Ligts up on the apartment. Music continues. [ERNEST enters from the bso and tars around the ‘parte, lakng for something, He farousy empties the cuptood,selces and close ERNESTINE enters dove the stars. Ps. ‘You hate me, don't your what? ‘You hate me, don’t you? Don’t you?! Ernest, what's wrong? ltl! you what's wrong. You threw away my. jacket! You left the tea bags in the teapot, you left the tissue box on the table, and my hammer is, missing! Why do you hate me? Erest, calm down. | don’t want to calm down, mest, let's just sit down, 1 dont want to let's jus sit down, I want to know. why you hate me. Emest I'm sory if you cant find your sweater, es jacket Emest. Ie’sa Goddamn jacket [Emnest, would you just let me say’ that I woulda’ dream of touching that smelly old sweater, 46 / Rabo Morgen, Martha Rss, Leah Cheri ERNEST ERNESTINE. ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST ERNESTINE ERNEST Ws not a sweater, its ajackout! ‘And I'vennever seen that hammer, I don't believe it And the tea bags should stay inthe teapot, and the tissue box looks better right here! ERNEST steps tune ERNESTINE. ‘Stay where you ae, don’t come near me! Don’t worry, Emestine, I wouldn't dream of com- ing near you, Infact, I'm not even going 0 look at you until you apologize to me!!! Long pause, mest, you're right. should apologize, Will you forgive me? I's just that I feel so inadequate next to you. That was terrible how I came home in such mousey way: It’ just so hard to measure up to your dramaties. Can Ido it again, sweetie? This time I promise ' be more like Liz Taylor. Oh, Emest,le’s make a movie of it! Tat be fun We'll put the cameras out there, and the lights ‘over by the tissue box. Oh, youl love this Emest, because you'll get to say, “you hate me, don’t you? Don't you?”, just ike you did before. I's 0 exci ing being greeted like that! Emestine ‘Quiet on the set! We'll call the movie “King Tut Emest, and his 210 Commandments.” Emestine? [ERNESTINE ERNEST ‘The Anger in Erstad Eretine (47 (QUIET ON THE SETH! Lights, camera, action, King Tut Ernest, alone on his mountaintop, looks

    You might also like