DONATE Menu ☰

H O M E / / A R T I C L E S / / PA R E N T I N G / / S O N S / / R A I S I N G YO U R S O N TO B E A L E A D E R N OT A F O L LO W E R

Raising Your Son to Be a Leader Not a Follower

BJ FOSTER Sons ! " # $

Around 130 miles southwest of Kabul, Afghanistan lies the small village of Sabray. In late

June of 2005 one of the villagers named Mohammed Gulab, a husband and father, went on a

patrol of one of the surrounding mountains. Over several days the people of Sabray were

hearing intense warfare between the U.S. military and Taliban forces. In terms of the war, the

village was split. Many in the small community had relatives Hghting with the Taliban, while

others hated Taliban brutality and hoped the United States would prevail. Gulab had issues

with either side as he roamed the mountains with his AK-47 that day. Then he made a

discovery that would change his life. He and the two men he was with came across a badly

injured Navy Seal. He was shot twice, had shrapnel wounds throughout his legs, had suffered

several broken vertebrae in his back, and was dying of thirst. He had to make a decision.

Should he help the American or not? Gulab decided to help the soldier, whose name was

Marcus Luttrell. His story was told in the book turned movie Lone Survivor.

Luttrell was fortunate to be found by Gulab, who lived by an honor code known as

Pashtunwali. Three of the most important tenets are that they show extreme hospitality to a

visitor regardless of their background, they offer protection to that person from their enemies

(to the death if needed), and show bravery by protecting their property against any invasion.

Luttrell was even more fortunate because Gulab, not only lived by that code of honor, but he

was also a Herce warrior and leader. At age eight he began Hghting the Russians when they

invaded in 1979. By age Hfteen, he was commanding troops and had earned the honored

nickname, “The Lion of Sabray.” He was now in his early thirties and when he made the

courageous decision to protect the wounded American soldier, the villagers of Sabray (also

known as Herce Hghters) followed his lead. The Taliban demanded that Gulab turn over

Luttrell. When they told him that he, his wife, and his children would all die if he didn’t comply,

The Lion replied with a snarl of deHance, “I will never give up the American.” Luttrell would end

up surviving because of Gulab’s protection and hospitality, but mostly because he chose to be

a leader not a follower.

Recently someone told me that he thought my son showed leadership potential. That has had

me thinking about my son and what to teach him about being a leader. My hope is to raise

him to have the same discipline, courage, and honor that Gulab showed. Here are 5 important

principles of leadership I am teaching my son (and daughter for that matter) to live out.

Be Willing to Stand Apart

The higher a person goes in leadership the heavier the responsibility they carry, the louder the

criticism, and the more lonely it gets. Strong leaders have an ability to step forward with

courage of conviction and a willingness to take a stand when others won’t. They set a

standard for others to chase. That’s the difference between a leader and the crowd. Being a

part of the crowd gives a sense of security. Leadership requires the bravery to step out where

it is unsafe. NFL Coach Tony Dungy, who will enter the Hall of Fame soon, would call it being

“Uncommon. ”

Be Trustworthy
In order to be an effective leader people have to be able to believe in you. A leader has to earn

trust. That means always following through on promises and telling the truth time and time

again. Your reliability should be scrupulous and predictable. When it’s not you lose credibility

and when you lose that you lose your voice.

Invest in, Care for, and Empower Others

In my opinion, no leader in history modeled this better than Jesus of Nazareth. Leadership is

not about empowering oneself, it’s about serving others. [Tweet This] The best way to inspire

people to a mission is to know their gifts and passions and then put them in a position to live

them out. If you want to be a person of ineuence you need to see what people are today, what

they could be, what they want to be, and then help them get there.

Define Reality
In his book The Art of Leadership, Max Dupree states that the Hrst responsibility of every

leader is to deHne reality. The truth can be difcult to confront, particularly the truth about

ourselves. If you don’t believe me then try playing a round of golf without taking a gimme putt

or a mulligan. You Hnd out really quick your actual level of play. A true leader is able to see

himself for who he actually is (the good and the bad) and not how he wishes to be seen.

Facing the truth, however ugly it may be, is essential. A leader seeks out feedback to gain a

more clear picture rather than avoid it. Growth, change, innovation, and solutions are only

possible when there is a Hrm understanding and acceptance of the current reality.

Never Stop Learning

A good leader must Hrst be a follower. Find a person possessing the type of leadership

qualities you want and learn from them. Then never stop learning. NFL Coach Dick Vermeil

said that the time he spent as a broadcaster prepared him to be a better coach because he

was able to observe other coaches and see how they led. At that time he was already a

champion at the collegiate level and had taken the Philadelphia Eagles to the Super Bowl. Yet

he never stopped learning and growing. That enabled him to come back to coaching and win

a Super Bowl with the St. Louis Rams. In humility he embraced learning from others to reach

an even higher level of excellence.

HUDDLE UP QUESTION

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Who is a leader that you admire?”

L E AV E A C O M M E NT

FACEBOOK TWITTER PRINT EMAIL

More Resources

SONS PERSONAL GROWTH

Teaching Your Son How to Become a Man What Type of Person Are You Becoming?

READ MORE » READ MORE »

DAUGHTERS

Pillars of Character to Build in My Daughter

READ MORE »

5 Comments All Pro Dad !

1 Login

( Recommend 1 t Tweet f Share Sort by Best

Join the discussion…

LOG IN WITH
OR SIGN UP WITH DISQUS ?

Name

Tim
− ⚑
3 years ago

great thoughts on leadership. I try to teach my daughter to lead by example - her example is Christ, and to lead you need to follow Him. We have a
little saying in our family, Pray, do your best, and Let God take care of us.

God Bless and keep up the wonderful work.

1△ ▽ Reply

CDub71
− ⚑
a year ago

Although I agree that these are all good traits to have and develop, I don't think they're necessarily confined to leaders. More importantly, I don't
believe everyone is called to be a leader. Without followers, you wouldn't have leaders...only people out for a walk. There is a definite role for God's
follower people - they need to find the right leaders to follow. They need to be able to quickly and accurately identify people with the traits you've
shared here.

You say that "a good leader must first be a follower"; to me, that sounds like you're considering it a progression...a graduation. It's a good thing to
grow into being a good follower, too. Don't paint being a follower as a bad option or only as a first step.
△ ▽ Reply

Keith
− ⚑
3 years ago

Good article. I will share w my son and my daughter.

△ ▽ Reply

Sgpratt
− ⚑
3 years ago

Fostering leadership is so important in these days of peer pressure that can too easily turn deadly. Great points, BJ.
△ ▽ Reply

John Gray
− ⚑
3 years ago

"Being a leader not a follower".... got me thinking. As you say, sometimes it's appropriate to be a follower (following my children's lead sometimes, for
example!), but also in our communities, at work, in relationships. We need both - we (well, I at least) don't have time and capacity to lead everyone on
everything; and I know that's not quite what you're saying here.

For me, leader and follower refer to roles, not people - we swap roles according to circumstances and issues, rather than 'I'm always the leader and
you're always the follower'. We can swap roles, in a dance of co-creation if that's not too fanciful a phrase. And, of course, I can always aspire to
being more of a leader in my own life - self-leadership.
△ ▽ Reply

✉ Subscribe d Add Disqus to your site ' Disqus' Privacy Policy

∠ PREVIOUS NEXT ∠
Battling your Passive Behavior as a Husband Hard Work Pays Off

5509 W. Gray Street, Suite 100 QUICK LINKS

Tampa, FL 33609 ) Contributors
) Sponsors
) Book List
(813) 222-8300 ) FAQ

! Facebook ) Contact
" Twitter ) Press Room
' YouTube
( Instagram

* Search...

EMAIL SIGN UP

SUBSCRIBE

© 2018 Family First, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Family First is a 501(c)(3) nonproHt corporation and all gifts are tax deductible as allowed by
law.
TAX ID: 59-3043408 | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Site Design by Design Extensions