Aham Brahmāsmi

Sitting by himself in his room, Ravi Shankar had decided these would be
the last few hours of his life. Sweating profusely, limbs trembling, and heart
pounding he started scribbling on a crumpled paper. Experiencing a train of
emotions, he had apologies to say and gratitude to be expressed. He had a lot
of scores to settle before bidding adieu to life, so he tabulated the details of his
bank accounts and insurance policies too. Ravi’s suicide note was finally ready.
Contemplating his half-hearted decision, he stared at the ceiling fan and
imagined himself hanging from it. Placing the note in his pocket, he twisted his
bed sheet into a rope. Anxious and disillusioned, he could feel his soul
shrinking inside him. All of a sudden, he hears banging on his door. ‘Dhud
thud’, the banging continued in the typical rhythm his roommate Naresh
Acharya knocked.
Ravi’s anxiety grew manifold; he was about to exercise a life and death
choice and here comes disruption. His shoulders dropped and with heavy feet,
he opened the door. Here stood a five foot nine lean, eccentric, Naresh – his
roommate.
Naresh (enters the room past a shelved Ravi): Hey, what took you so long?
Ravi (baffled): You weren’t supposed to come home tonight.
Naresh (chuckling): That’s quite a welcome. I cancelled the party plan. Is
everything alright? You seem distraught (holds Ravi by the shoulders
reassuringly).
Ravi (teary-eyed, hesitatingly): I need to tell you something important.
Naresh (faking ignorance): Is there still something about you that I don’t know
(guides Ravi to the balcony)?
Ravi and Naresh are diametrically opposite characters. Only God knew
how both of them came together. He was wise for his age, witty, carefree, but
weird and a misfit. He wore the clothes he wanted, donned the hairstyle he
wished and was distant to everyone in an inexplicable way, so much so that he
didn’t even own a phone. He was a free soul!
Naresh: Go on.
Ravi (hands over the suicide note, sits on the floor and sobs): I have certain
concerns but if I ever express them, people say that my problems ‘are simply
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concocted out of thin air'. I was to end this misery today but you wouldn’t
allow even that. Why is my life this way? Why is it easier for others?
Naresh (note in hand, reads it): Calm down, man! I can sense you are hurt and
people don’t see it. You shouldn’t strive to make them see or feel what you
feel; you can’t always live for people.
The conversation continued deep into the night. As dawn approached,
the situation began to settle, and Ravi was beginning to lighten up. The rising
sun meant a rebirth for him and he would live to see another day.
Naresh (pointing at the note): By the way, could anyone be more meticulous
than this? Bank account details, insurance policies and what not? Ha ha... (Both
burst into carefree laughter, Naresh’s energy was indeed contagious).
The next day, Ravi woke up lighter, took a day off work and decided to
go to the Sharada Peetham (temple of Goddess Saraswathi). The moment he
entered the temple, his heart was flushed by a great sense of purity and
reverence. He sat in a corner of courtyard to meditate. He heard some noise
and upon opening his eyes, was surprised to see Naresh sitting right beside
him with closed eyes.
Ravi: What are you doing here? You at a temple! Unbelievable!
Naresh (slowly opening his eyes): You think I am not a man of faith. Isn’t it?
Both of them engaged in a heartfelt discussion. Though both of them
had lived together for long now, they hadn’t really been this close. Mid-
conversation, Naresh pointed to one of the temple walls.
Naresh: I want you to see something. Read what’s written on that wall
(pointing to the wall).
Ravi (reading aloud): ‘Aham Brahmāsmi – Shankaracharya’. You know this is a
philosophy I was always crazy about ever since my childhood. But I always
wondered as to what it really means.
“It means I am Brahman, the God,” said a junior priest who stopped by Ravi.
Ravi (nodding as thanks): But my friend has something to say too (turns to
Naresh; but Naresh wasn’t there).
Priest: There’s no one around.
Ravi: Maybe he left. That’s what he usually does. Thank you!

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 Ravi went circum-ambulating the temple and realised that his wallet was
missing. He rushed to seek help from the priest who took him to the CCTV
security cabin. As the CCTV footage played, instead of finding his wallet, Ravi
found out something startling. Naresh wasn’t there at the temple that day at
all. That long conversation in the courtyard didn’t happen. Ravi left the temple
in a state of quandary.
Later that day, Ravi enquired about Naresh in all possible ways. No one
had any clue about this man whom only Ravi seemed to know. Days and weeks
passed by, but Naresh didn’t return. Ravi slowly realised that Naresh was
indeed just his own inner voice. This was the troubling voice that made him
question his state of affairs but also calmed his nerves, rendering him alive
with a mindful conscience.
With time Ravi again falls back to his old ways of being confused and
clueless in life. He even sought medical help but to no avail. One day he got
back from work, entered the house only to see Naresh back. He was lying on
the bed and seemed completely relaxed.
Ravi (stunned): How are you back?
Naresh: you invite me and you ask this! What a shame?!
Ravi: what are you saying? is this what i am thinking right now?!
Naresh: you‘re absolutely right. You were living your life for a while. Yet again
you drifted back to a meaningless life I suppose. Hence, here I am!
Ravi (relief of Naresh‘s return was showed as he smiled): so what do you offer
now? A meaning to my life?
Naresh (usual confident tone): you see life is empty and meaningles. (pauses..
both of them burst out laughing at the expected lengthy and abstract
conversation that would follow.)
Ravi started living as he liked. He wished for a Naresh in all those
minds who think of taking their precious lives away. Surviving that day resulted
in a lot of revelations and awakenings for Ravi. The awakening call of Aham
Brahmāsmi remained forever. He realised that Brahman (Naresh Acharya) was
the life in him, as the man himself (Ravi Shankar)!