Signs that you take things personally.

1. You are sensitive to what people think of you

2. You find yourself feeling guilty often
3. You don't take criticism well
4. You feel attacked, when people disagree with you
5. You are hyper sensitive to personal comments
6. You believe that often people say something, and mean
something else
7. You feel that people don't understand you
8. You try to figure out other people's motives
9. You tend to be guarded and defensive
10. You are vigilant of other people and their behaviour
11. You have the need to constantly explain your actions and
intentions
12. You often feel irritated or angry

Why this happened in this way?

You’re a social perfectionist

Social perfectionism is when you can’t stand the thought of other
people seeing your flaws or mistakes.

When you believe you have to be perfect in other people’s eyes, it

drives you to constantly worry about what other people think of
you. And when you’re in the habit of always worrying about what
others think about you, taking things personally is almost
inevitable.

We’re fundamentally social creatures. Caring about what others

think is part of the package.

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 You use negative self-talk as motivation
Most of us grow up learning that the only way to be successful in
life is to be tough on ourselves. And inevitably, this leads to a
subtle but powerful habit of negative self-talk.

You’re afraid to be proud of yourself

But simply acknowledging your own strengths, goodness, and
virtues… I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing!

And while I can’t speak to the spiritual side of things,

psychologically it’s actually very beneficial to have a healthy sense
of pride in yourself.

You don’t know how to be assertive

Most of us are taught from a young age that it’s important to be
nice, kind, and agreeable and to put other people’s wants and
needs before our own.

And then we get so reinforced for this that we end up taking it to

an extreme where we’re chronically taking care of other people
but never addressing our own wants and needs.

This is not sustainable long-term. And one of the many symptoms

of constantly denying your own wants and needs by being overly-
accommodating of others is that you end up taking things
personally more often than you should.

If you are constantly setting aside your own wants and needs and
taking care of others, what are you teaching your own brain
about the relative importance of yourself vs other people?

The solution is to be assertive. Assertiveness is the ability to ask for

what you want and say no to what you don’t want in a way that’s

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honest to your own wants and needs and also respectful of other
people.

You get lost in your own stories

Taking things personally usually happens after we’ve been
criticized. And while it’s tempting to see the other person’s words
as the thing that hurt us, that’s not technically true…

Cognitive mediation is the idea that things in the world don’t cause
emotions. Instead, it’s our thoughts about things that affect how
we feel.

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How it works ?

Taking things personally is about the stories you tell

yourself, not the stories other people tell you.

A great way to stop taking things so personally is to pay attention

to the stories you tell yourself when you’re criticized. And if
possible, change those stories to be more realistic — or even
better, refrain from telling stories at all.

Easier said than done, of course, but fundamentally our tendency

to tell stories to ourselves is a habit. And habits can always be
modified with practice and patience.

You spend too much time with the wrong people

As adults, the people we spent the most time around influence us
more than we’d like to admit.

As human beings we are incredibly sensitive to the influence of

other people in our lives, especially the ones we spend the most
time around.

Spend all your time around people who disrespect you

and you’re going to end up treating yourself the same
way.
One of the best (but sometimes hardest) things you can do to stop
taking things personally is to make a big change in the type of
people you regularly spend time with.

Making new friends, ending an unhealthy relationship, or putting

boundaries on toxic family members is never going to be easy. But
that doesn’t mean it isn’t important .

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How to come out of this ?

Question your own perfectionism.

There is a straight line between hypersensitivity and perfectionism.
Individuals who take things personally often work really hard to be
blameless, flawless, or excellent precisely so no one will criticize
them.

Question Your Beliefs.

Realize that it’s not about you.

When I take things personally, I’m always convinced that their
actions are about me. When I see someone looking at his phone
when I’m speaking, I feel offended and think, “Hey I’ve put so
much effort and time in this presentation. I want respect.”

Break your chronic worry habit

One of the patterns I noticed was that these people also tended to
be chronic worriers.

Once I started seeing this pattern and paying more attention, I

realized it wasn’t just a coincidence: Chronic worry was actually
fuelling people’s habit of taking things personally.