657912

research-article2016
JIVXXX10.1177/0886260516657912Journal of Interpersonal ViolenceEstrellado and Loh

Article
Journal of Interpersonal Violence
2019, Vol. 34(9) 1843­–1863
To Stay in or Leave an © The Author(s) 2016
Article reuse guidelines:
Abusive Relationship: sagepub.com/journals-permissions
DOI: 10.1177/0886260516657912
https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260516657912
Losses and Gains journals.sagepub.com/home/jiv

Experienced by Battered
Filipino Women

Alicia F. Estrellado1 and Jennifer (MI) Loh2

Abstract
The present study aimed to describe and analyze the losses and gains experienced
by battered Filipino women as a result of their decision to stay in or leave an
abusive relationship. In-depth, semistructured interviews were conducted with 60
battered women, 30 of the women were still living with their abusive husbands/
partners and 30 have left their abusive husbands/partners. Results from the
phenomenological data analysis of the qualitative data revealed that the women
who stayed in and left their abusive partners experienced both losses and gains.
For the women who stayed in an abusive relationship, they lost a sense of self,
the opportunity for a better life, peace of mind, psychological well-being, and love
for their partners. However, these women had the benefits of having a complete
family and a partner to help raise their children. In contrast, despite not having a
complete family or a partner to help them raise their children, women who left
an abusive relationship gained back their sense of self, peace of mind, freedom,
inner strength, and hope. Implications for counseling practice were discussed.

Keywords
battered women, domestic violence, violence exposure

1De La Salle University, Manila, Philippines

2Edith Cowan University, Joondalup, Australia

Corresponding Author:
Alicia F. Estrellado, Faculty of Counseling and Educational Psychology Department, Br.
Andrew Gonzalez, College of Education, De La Salle University, 2401 Taft Avenue, Manila
1012, Philippines.
Email: alicia.estrellado@dlsu.edu.ph
1844 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

Intimate partner violence (IPV) or violence against women (VAW) has been
defined as a pattern of physical, psychological/emotional, sexual, and/or
financial abuse perpetrated by an intimate partner (Mechanic, Weaver, &
Resick, 2008). It is one of the most pressing problems women are facing in
the world (World Health Organization [WHO], 2013). Based on the 2013
global review conducted by the WHO, up to 70% of women worldwide have
experienced different forms of abuse in their lifetime in the hands of an inti-
mate partner (WHO, 2013). According to Rodriguez (2015), IPV or VAW is
both a crime and a violation against human rights. In the Philippines, mea-
sures have been done to protect the women from violence through the imple-
mentation of 37 Philippine laws, executive order, and resolutions. So far, the
most significant measure done to address IPV or VAW was the enactment of
“The Anti-Violence against Women and Their Children Act of 2004” or
Republic Act (RA) 9262. This Act protects the women and their children
from physical, psychological, economic, and sexual forms of abuse. Likewise,
this Act penalizes the perpetrator by imprisonment or fine in the amount of
not less than 100,000 pesos (Php).
Despite the initiatives taken to end IPV, prevalent data show that it is still
a big problem in the Philippines (Philippine Commission on Women, 2014).
The 2013 National Demographic and Health Survey reported that one out of
five women aged 15 to 49 years had experienced physical violence from her
partner (Philippine Commission on Women, 2014). In 2013, the Philippine
National Police (PNP) reported 16,517 cases of IPV, a 49.4% increase from
the 2012 report of 11,531 cases (Philippine Commission on Women, 2014).
Across a 10-year period from 2004 to 2013, cases under RA 9262 continue to
increase from 218 in 2004 to 16,517 cases in 2013. Although statistics do not
depict the total picture of the real prevalence of IPV in the Philippines, the
increasing trend suggests that either more women are coming forth to report
their abuses or that the media is reporting more of these cases.

Why Stay in an Abusive Relationship?

Abuse from an intimate partner is a major negative life event that causes
multiple effects across physical, personal, and social domains (Orzeck,
Rokach, & Chin, 2010). Aside from physical injuries such as cuts, bruises, or
dislocated arms/legs, women have been found to suffer a wide range of psy-
chological disorders, including anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
depression, and suicide (Estrellado, 2010; Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña,
2007, 2010; Montero et al., 2011; Pico-Alfonso, Echeburúa, & Martinez,
2008; Romito, Turan, & Marchi, 2005). Moreover, being a hostage in an abu-
sive relationship can drain women’s energy, undermine their self-esteem,
Estrellado and Loh 1845

devalue their identities, and create a sense of humiliation in their lives

(Crisostomo, Cruz, Cruz, & Cruz, 2012; Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña,
2007, 2010; Hague, Mullender, & Aris, 2003; Kim & Gray, 2008; Montero
et al., 2011; Orzeck et al., 2010).
Despite threatening risks on their physical health and psychological well-
being, the frequently debated question is, “Why do battered women stay in an
abusive relationship?” Theoretical explanations for IPV give emphasis on the
complex and multifaceted nature of abuse, which includes factors associated
with staying. Learned helplessness model may provide some answers as to
why battered women continue to stay in an abusive relationship (Walker,
2009). According to Walker (2009), battered women suffer from cognitive
motivational deficits that restrict their ability to seek help or information,
leading to a sense of a loss of control and the belief that there is nothing they
can do to escape from the abusive situation. Some battered women may even
internalize the abuse and blame themselves in the process, believing they are
at fault and should be punished (Walker, 2009).
Studies have moved away from “blaming the women” and examined bar-
riers to leaving (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003). Several factors have been
found to be associated with battered women’s decision to stay with their abu-
sive partners (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003; Arriaga & Capezza, 2005;
Bostock, Plumpton, & Pratt, 2009; Estrellado & Loh, 2014). Women who
stayed were found to be strongly committed and to have invested heavily in
their relationships (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003; Arriaga & Capezza,
2005; Bostock et al., 2009; Estrellado & Loh, 2014). Likewise, a battered
woman was more likely to stay if she was financially dependent on her part-
ner than if she were an independent woman (D. J. Anderson, 2003; Antai,
Antai, & Anthony, 2014; Estrellado & Loh, 2014).
Sociocultural factors are important obstacles that kept women from leav-
ing their abusive partners. For example, Few and Rosen (2005) noted that
IPV can be actively sustained through sociocultural withholding. The core
value in the typical Filipino family is family solidarity. Filipino women
believed it is their responsibility to keep the family intact (Estrellado & Loh,
2014; Shoultz, Magnussen, Manzano, Arias, & Spencer, 2010). In the
Philippines, where Catholicism is part of the national religion, religious val-
ues and codes (e.g., keeping an intact family) play a central part in defining
women’s role in their marriage and in how they conduct themselves in their
family lives (Gonzales, Greer, Scheers, Oakes, & Buckley, 2004). Hence, at
a young age, Filipino girls are taught highly valued Filipino values such as
pagtitiis (tolerance/endurance) and pagtitimpi (suppression). A large part of a
Filipina’s self-worth is dependent on her being the tagasalo (rescuer) or in
her ability to take care of others, particularly her family (Carandang, 1987).
1846 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

This implies that many Filipino women have been socialized and taught to
put the needs of their children and partners before their own needs, regardless
of IPV being present (Crisostomo et al., 2012; Estrellado & Loh, 2014;
Shoultz et al., 2010).
The cultural context within which the Filipino women have been defined
is embedded in a patriarchal system (Hindin & Adair, 2002). Filipino men are
socialized to be tough, aggressive, and in control. Filipino women have to
adhere to the superiority of men and comply with their dominant tendencies
to keep the harmony in the family.
Another cultural constraint that affects Filipino women’s decision to stay
in or leave an abusive relationship is the nonexistence of divorce law in the
Philippines. There are laws to declare the nullity of marriage but such laws
involve expensive and time-consuming legal procedures (Carcereny &
Soliman, 2010). Battered Filipino women are faced with such sad reality that
they have limited legal options to leave their abusive partners.

Leaving Process
Contrary to the notion that battered women are passive victims, a number of
studies have found that women are active negotiators in their interactions
with their partners (Estrellado & Loh, 2014; Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña,
2007, 2010). These women are highly persistent in trying to find strategies
and ways to cope with the abuse while maintaining their sense of identity and
dignity (Estrellado et al., 2015). Evidence revealed that battered women
made attempts to leave and return to their abusive partners many times before
they finally decided to end the relationship (P. K. Anderson & Saunders,
2003; Griffing et al., 2002; Koepsell, Kernic, & Holt, 2006). Consequently,
leaving has been described as a process rather than as a single event (P. K.
Anderson & Saunders, 2003; Enander & Holmberg, 2008). It is a process that
begins at the cognitive level, when women recognize that they are in an abu-
sive relationship and are victims in abusive relationships (Crisostomo et al.,
2012; Estrellado & Loh, 2014). Studies have also documented factors and
events that triggered women’s decision to leave an abusive relationship.
Increase in the intensity and frequency of abuse, loss of hope that the rela-
tionship will get better, witnessing the effect of abuse on the children and
material resources, or external influences from friends, family, and helping
professionals who offer support and alternative perspectives have been found
to be predictors of women leaving an abusive relationship (P. K. Anderson &
Saunders, 2003; Bybee & Sullivan, 2005; Davis, 2002; Estrellado, 2014;
Estrellado & Loh, 2014; Kim & Gray, 2008; Moe, 2009; Rhatigan & Axsom,
2006; Rhodes, Cerulli, Dicher, Kothari, & Barg, 2010; Sabina & Tindale,
Estrellado and Loh 1847

2008; Tshifhumulo & Mudhovozi, 2013) . Faced with these predicaments,

many women had no choice but to seek what they believe would be the best
for them and their children—that is, to terminate their abusive relationships.
Studies have found that leaving an abusive relationship provided women
with the best chance to improve their quality of life (P. K. Anderson &
Saunders, 2003; Mertin & Mohr, 2001; Peled, Eisikovits, Enosh, & Winstok,
2000). In leaving, women established a profound sense of freedom and an
enhanced sense of control that further strengthened their decision to disen-
gage from their abusive partners (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003;
Crisostomo et al., 2012; Mertin & Mohr, 2001). However, other studies have
revealed that leaving an abusive relationship did not always improve the lives
of the women or their psychological well-being (D. J. Anderson, 2003;
Johnson & Hotton, 2003; Lerner & Kennedy, 2000), illustrating the complex-
ity of this issue. Although termination of an abusive relationship can be an
emotional relief, it can also fuel countless and dramatic changes in the wom-
an’s life situations. Evidences revealed that women who left were faced with
multiple stressors such as child custody fight, lack of secure housing, and
becoming a single parent (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003; Bybee &
Sullivan, 2005; Davis, 2002; Estrellado, 2014; Estrellado & Loh, 2014; Kim
& Gray, 2008; Logan & Walker, 2004; Moe, 2009; Rhatigan & Axsom, 2006;
Sabina & Tindale, 2008; Tshifhumulo & Mudhovozi, 2013; Wettersten et al.,
2004). Studies have also found that battered women who left their abusive
partners tend to manifest hostility, guilt, depression, PTSD, and other forms
of trauma symptoms that can equal or exceed those of women who stayed in
abusive relationships (Johnson & Hotton, 2003; Lerner & Kennedy, 2000).
As a result, these multiple losses and life transitions can lead to uncertainties
and reinforce a sense of vulnerability that can disrupt women’s functioning
capacity (D. J. Anderson, 2003; Logan & Walker, 2004; Wuest, Ford-Gilboe,
Merritt-Gray, & Berman, 2003).
The decision to stay in or leave an abusive relationship is a result of a
rational choice of decision-making process based on women’s perception of
what gains and losses are inherent in their relationship.
Therefore, it is important to explore this decision-making process to
understand more fully the reasons as to why women stay in or leave an abu-
sive relationship. Insights gained from this will enable counselors and health
professionals to tailor their services and interventions more accurately to help
battered women. There is currently a gap in the literature on what gains and
losses battered women sustained as a result of their decision to stay in or
leave. Therefore, the present study conducted in-depth interviews with bat-
tered Filipino women to address some of these gaps in the literature. To
achieve this, we proposed the following research question:
1848 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

Research Question 1: What are the losses and gains experienced by bat-
tered Filipino women as a result of their decision to stay in or leave an
abusive relationship?

Method
The study employed the qualitative phenomenological approach using in-
depth interview. Phenomenological approach is an open and flexible approach
to understand women’s experiences through their own perceptions
(Moustakas, 1994). Likewise, this approach aims to unveil the basic struc-
tures of human existence by describing themes that comprise the experience
being studied (Usher & Jackson, 2014). It was considered the most appropri-
ate method to address the aim of the study because it provided an opportunity
to study and describe the essential themes of the losses and gains experienced
by the women as a result of their decision to stay in or leave an abusive
relationship.

Participants
The participants of the study were 60 battered Filipino women selected using
a nonrandom, purposive sampling method. At the time of their participation,
30 of the women were still living with their abusive husbands/partners and 30
had already left their abusive husbands/partners. They were identified for the
study by the social workers and coordinators of two shelter homes for women
and six community-based centers handling IPV cases in the National Capital
Region of the Philippines based on the following inclusion criteria: (a) the
women had been victims of abuse for at least 1 year, (b) the women had
already left an abusive relationship for at least 2 years, and (c) the women are
willing to share their experiences in audiotaped interview. The mean age of the
women who stayed was 38.47 years old (SD = 9.11) and 38.45 years old
(SD = 8.07) for those who left. Results from the t test, t(58) = 0.015, indicated
that there was no significant difference (p = .988) found in the age of the
women who stayed and left their abusive partners. Results from the t test indi-
cated that there was a significant difference found in the length of relationship
of the women who stayed (M = 16.93, SD = 8.19) versus those who left their
abusive partners, M = 8.43, SD = 5.83, t(58) = 4.632, p = .000. Likewise, t test
results showed a significant difference in the number of children for the
women who stayed (M = 4.23, SD = 1.81) and the women who left, M = 2.77,
SD = 1.38, t(58) = 3.524, p = .001. Using Fisher’s exact chi-square test, no
significant difference was found in the educational attainment (p = .180) of the
women who stayed and left their abusive partners. However, results indicated
Estrellado and Loh 1849

Table 1. Demographic Profile of the Battered Women Who Stayed in and Left an
Abusive Relationship.

Stayed Left t value p value

Age: M (SD) 38.47 (9.11) 38.43 (8.07) 0.015 .988
Years of marriage: M (SD) 16.93 (8.19) 8.43 (5.83) 4.632 .000a
Number of children: M (SD) 4.23 (1.81) 2.77 (1.38) 3.524 .001a
Educational attainment
Elementary 3 (10%) 0 (0%) .18
High school 19 (63%) 16 (53%)
College 8 (27%) 14 (47%)
Occupation
Unemployed 17 (57%) 3 (10%) .000b
Self-employed 3 (10%) 5 (17%)
Employed 10 (33%) 22 (73%)
aDifference between the means is statistically significant using t test for independent groups

(p < .05).
bDifference between proportions is statistically significant using Fisher’s exact chi-square test

analysis (p < .05).

that there was a significant difference in the occupation between women who
stayed in versus women who left their abusive relationship (p = .00). Table 1
shows the sociodemographic profile of the participants.

Procedure
The interviews took place from September 2013 to February 2014. Prior to
conducting the interviews, approval of research needed to be done, and the
constructed interview guide questions to be used were secured from the
Regional Director of the Department of Social Welfare and Development
(DSWD), the Executive Officer of Women’s Crisis Center (WCC), and the
coordinators of the community-based centers. As each woman presented her-
self for the interview, the aim of the study and the interview processes were
explained. Once the woman indicated that she understood what the study was
about, consent was obtained. All participants were asked to complete a per-
sonal information sheet that collected the participants’ sociodemographic
information. Pseudonyms rather than real names were used to protect the
identities of the women concerned. The focus of the interview was on the
losses (e.g., What are the losses that you have experienced as a result of your
decision to stay/leave your abusive partner?) and gains (What benefits did
you get or experience as a result of your decision to stay/leave your abusive
1850 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

partner?) experienced by the participants as a result of their decision-making

process. The interviews were guided by specific and follow-up questions on
the basis of answers that the participants provided. The interviews were con-
ducted in Filipino, which lasted from 45 to 60 min. With the participants’
consent, all interviews were recorded using digital voice recording. Interviews
were transcribed verbatim and translated into English by an assistant profes-
sor who has an MA in English.

Data Analysis
Phenomenological data analysis was done manually using a multistep proce-
dure. A research team, including the first author, conducted a careful analysis
of the transcripts. The first stage of analysis involved reading the entire tran-
scripts repeatedly for the purpose of immersing the researcher and the raters
into the participants’ world based on their narratives. The second stage of
analysis highlighted the words and phrases (e.g., neglect of self and broken
family) that were significant for the purpose of the study. The third stage
involved identifying similarities and differences in the responses that led to
the emergence of themes of similar responses. After initially coding all
responses using frequencies, the research team examined all data within a
particular theme. And the final stage was an arrival at a consensus by the
research team of the final themes of the losses and gains. Two independent
raters were recruited to be part of the research team. The raters were profes-
sionals who have knowledge of clinical counseling and have been involved
with battered women. The interrater reliability correlation score was .93
using a kappa.

Results
The main source of data for this study was the interview transcript as ana-
lyzed by the research team. The main objective of the study was to determine
the losses and gains experienced by battered Filipino women as a result of
their decision to stay in or leave an abusive relationship.

Women Who Stayed in an Abusive Relationship

Losses. One of the main themes that emerged from this category was battered
women’s loss of their sense of self. Most of the women expressed the view
that their self-esteem deteriorated as a result of the continual abuse of their
partners. Aside from the physical abuse, the humiliation and degrading words
made them believe that they had little or no self-worth. They felt like slaves
Estrellado and Loh 1851

who needed to follow everything their abusive partners asked them to do.
One woman recounted, “It feels like I am of no use. I just follow whatever he
says. I’m just like a robot because everything I do is dependent on him. It
seems like he has a big hold on my life.”
Another woman recounted that when she was abused, she totally neglected
to take care of herself. The following words depict the finding:

One time my classmates in college saw me, they asked me what I have done to
myself. I looked far different now from then. Then, I was prim; now I cannot
even fix myself anymore. I thought I really neglected myself. I really lost my
self-worth. (P20, 28 years old, four children)

Related to the loss of self-esteem was a sense of weakened identity

described by some of the women. As women became confused of the con-
stant abuse, they felt they no longer were able to identify who they are. One
woman shared how her partner’s hurting words affected her identity. The
following retrospective testifies how the woman felt about her loss of
identity:

As if I do not know myself anymore. The painful words he has said to me, his
demands on me took away my identity. Now, I don’t know anymore who I am
and what I want to do with my life. I lost my identity. I feel like searching in the
dark looking for myself. (P26, 35 years old, three children)

Most of the women also believed that they have lost their opportunities for
a better life. They expressed regrets of letting go of their plan for themselves
because they were focused on taking care of their family. To quote one of the
women,

I regretted that I did not push through with my plan of going to Japan. I should
have not listened to him. I could have a better life then. I find it more important
to look after my family. I lost the opportunity of having a good life. (P26, 25
years old, three children)

Another important thing that most of the women lost is their peace of
mind. Most women expressed that it was difficult for them to keep calm in
the midst of an abusive relationship. One woman confessed,

Each day I live in fear. I have no peace of mind. I should feel better when he
leaves the house but I don’t feel that way. I don’t know what will happen again
when he’s back in the evening. He has a look that goes through me and that
terrifies me. (P28, 32 years old, three children)
1852 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

Some women shared that they felt like they were losing their mind. They
felt like they were going crazy. These women experienced feeling very ner-
vous for reasons they could not explain. As one woman puts it, “I became
nervous. Most of the time I cannot control myself specially when I see him
drunk. I feel I am going crazy.”
Initially, it was the women’s love for their partners that made them stay in the
relationship. However, the abuse made them lose the respect and love they have
for their partners. One woman shared, “I lost my love for him. Our relationship
did not seem to be the true nature of a husband and wife relationship.”

Gains. The women also reported some gains they have from staying in an
abusive relationship. The experience of having a complete family was appar-
ent in the responses of most of the women. This is expressed in the statement
of one participant:

That my family is complete; that my children have a father. I can’t imagine a

life without my family. I was already thinking of leaving my husband but I
need to consider my children who will grow up without a father. (P14, 43
years old, five children)

For some women who lack personal resources and social support, having
a place to stay and a partner who can help them in raising their children may
be considered as benefits for their decision to stay. One woman appreciated
that she has a partner in raising their children. She said,

You know I have four children and since I lived with my partner, I didn’t work
anymore. If I left, I was thinking of how to raise my children alone. I need
someone to bring up my children. Two of my children are still young that is
why I need a partner in bringing them up. (P26, 25 years old, four children)

Women Who Left an Abusive Relationship

Losses. Most battered women knew that when they decided to leave their
abusive partners, they had to give up as well some of the things that are
important to them. First in the list is the loss of an intact family. One woman
expressed that leaving meant giving up her childhood dream of having a
complete family. The following words are indicative of the finding:

I lost my dream of having an intact family. Since I was young, I’ve always
wished to have a complete family. I prayed hard that I would have a loving
husband and good children but given the situation I have now, this childhood
dream of mine is gone. (P56, 40 years old, three children)
Estrellado and Loh 1853

Part of losing a complete family is the reality that some women were
unable to take care of their children. As they have no financial support from
their partner, some women took the pain of sending their children to tempo-
rary foster care. To quote one of them,

It was painful to have my children away from me but they are better off to be
in the orphanage. If they stay with me, I am not sure if I can feed them three
times a day. I know that my earning is not enough for now. I hope this is
temporary. (P41, 40 years old, five children)

Most of the women also felt that leaving meant losing a partner in raising
their children. Many of these women also have to become the sole parent and
provide for their children.
Consequently, many of them experienced great psychological distress.
This finding was evident in the following statements:

I lost my partner in raising my children. It is quite difficult to be both a mother

and a father to my children. Sometimes, especially when my children were sick
and had to be taken to a doctor, I feel sad because of my thought wishing that
they have a father who could carry them, a father who could make them stop
crying. (P32, 30 years old, two children)

Most of the women also felt that they have invested much in the relation-
ship. They expressed that they have showered their partners with love, care,
and attention in spite of their partners’ lack of reciprocity and abusive behav-
ior. They felt that their huge emotional investment in the relationship was a
big loss. The following words supported this finding:

I invested so much for the relationship to work. I treated my husband with so

much love, care, and understanding but what did I get in return? I was really
hurt. I should have not invested where I wasn’t getting an adequate return. It
was a big loss on my part. (P58, 35 years old, three children)

Gains. Although leaving is a painful process, the women felt comfort in

thinking of what they gained as a result of their decision. The experience of
being free was apparent in the responses of most of the women. These women
have been dominated and controlled by their abusive partners that when they
left made them experience the joy of being able to do what they want. To
quote one of the women,

I am now free from the bondage of the many don’ts of my husband. I feel like
I am now free from a cage. This time I can already do what my husband
1854 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

prohibited me to do like visiting my mother or buying something that I want. I

don’t want to lose this again. (P45, 35 years old, three children)

Another precious thing they gained was their own peace of mind. Unlike
before when fear and uncertainty about their safety and that of their children
dominated the lives of the women, they expressed that they experienced inner
peace since they left their abusive partners. The following words exemplify
this finding:

I felt an inner peace. Before I had a husband but most of the time he was not
home. But now, I did not have to be frustrated anymore if my husband does not
come because I was already conditioned not to expect him. I do not have to feel
hurt anymore if my husband I expected to help me in meeting our expenses will
help or not because his priority was the other women in his life. I know that I
can only depend on myself. (P52, 29 years old, two children)

The women also shared that being in an abusive relationship damaged

their sense of self. Breaking free from that unhealthy relationship gave them
a chance to gain back their self-confidence and self-respect. The following
statements are self-explanatory in this regard:

I allowed my husband to take almost everything that I have including my

belief in myself. It is not too late to gain back my confidence. Now that I am
out of his shadow, slowly I start believing in my abilities. (P50, 37 years old,
four children)

Leaving an abusive relationship made the women realize many things that
they failed to see when their lives were controlled by their partners. One big
realization was their ability to manage their lives without their partners, that
they have inner strength to withstand the tests of time. These are some words
expressed by two of the women participants:

I felt relieved of a big load in my life. Because then, I felt my husband was
the big stone in my life. With my life already miserable, he still added to the
misery. Now, I have realized that I can live a life without him, that I have
strength within me. I could have left him earlier. (P48, 36 years old, two
children)

Before, I was almost weakened serving my husband and sacrificing for him.
Now that he is gone, I realized I have inner strength to survive not only for
myself for also for my children. Life is very challenging that you need to be
strong in every trial. (P58, 38 years old, three children)
Estrellado and Loh 1855

Finally, some women felt that hope is in their hands again. They knew that
ending the relationship signals the beginning of a new and better life. To
quote one of the women’s insightful words,

When I was with my husband, I was negative with life. I was hopeless because
the person who was supposed to love and take care of me was the one hurting
me. When I left my husband, I gained the feeling of being hopeful. Now I have
new hope that my life and that of my children would be better. (P35, 36 years
old, two children)

Discussion
The study aimed to identify and analyze the losses and gains experienced by
battered Filipino women as a result of their stay in/leave decision-making
processes. In line with this, the researchers were able to identify the losses
and gains experienced by the battered Filipino women as a result of their
decision to stay in or leave an abusive relationship. Previous research in this
area attested that staying in or leaving an abusive relationship was a process
whereby they negotiated with losses and gains in mind (P. K. Anderson &
Saunders, 2003; Enander & Holmberg, 2008).
Consistent with previous research, a dominant theme found was that
women’s identity and sense of self were adversely affected by IPV
(Crisostomo et al., 2012; Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña, 2007, 2010; Hague
et al., 2003; Kim & Gray, 2008). The bruises, insults, humiliations, and accu-
sations slowly ate away the women’s self-esteem and weakened their identity
(Crisostomo et al., 2012; Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña, 2007, 2010; Hague
et al., 2003; Kim & Gray, 2008; Montero et al., 2011; Orzeck et al., 2010).
Lack of peace of mind and poor mental health were two of the other losses
experienced by some women who stayed with their abusive partners. These
findings were consistent with previous research which found that battered
women tend to suffer from depression, suicidal attempts, anxiety, PTSD, and
somatic complaints (Estrellado, 2010; Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña, 2007,
2010; Montero et al., 2011; Pico-Alfonso et al., 2008; Romito et al., 2005).
Battered women also tend to view themselves as less healthy and having
more symptoms of psychological distress than women who have healthy
relationships with their partners (Brokaw et al., 2002).
Results of the study revealed that the women experienced the loss of
opportunities for a better life. In the Philippines, the power structure in mar-
riage seems to legitimize men’s use of force to control women and assert their
authority over their wives and children (Hindin & Adair, 2002). Coercive
control is an act of IPV that predominantly aimed at taking power away from
1856 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

the women and increasing the power of the abusive partners (Dutton &
Goodman, 2005; Few & Rosen, 2005). Coercive control can be manifested in
many ways. For example, many of the women lost their voice to express their
wants and needs. As a result, many of these women learned to become help-
less and blame themselves for the abuse.
Nevertheless, our findings suggest that women who stayed believed that they
had more to gain than leaving and some of these gains include having a com-
plete family or having a partner to help them raise their children. These results
are consistent with the social upbringing of Filipino women who were taught to
be self-sacrificing, enduring, and yielding (Crisostomo et al., 2012; Estrellado &
Loh, 2014), a belief that may be attributed to the strong Catholic tradition in the
country (Gonzales et al., 2004). This is especially true for the women who were
married longer. Waldrop and Resick (2004) also found that many battered
women were concerned at being perceived as having failed in their relationship
and in their role as a mother. This is because Filipino women believed that it is
their responsibility to keep the family intactand that they are willing to endure
the abuse if it maintains their family solidarity (Shoultz et al., 2010).
Importantly, many abused women were concerned about their inability
to financially support themselves and their children if they leave their part-
ners (Antai et al., 2014; Crisostomo et al., 2012). It is significant to note
that the women who stayed had more children and most of them were
unemployed. Consistent with past research, battered women stayed with
their abusive partners out of economic necessity—especially if they are
unemployed (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003; Bybee & Sullivan, 2005;
Davis, 2002; Estrellado, 2014; Estrellado & Loh, 2014; Kim & Gray, 2008;
Moe, 2009; Rhatigan & Axsom, 2006; Sabina & Tindale, 2008; Tshifhumulo
& Mudhovozi, 2013).
Results from the present study validated the findings from previous
researches that battered women who left have had to struggle to find work
and to take care of their children (P. K. Anderson & Saunders, 2003;
Estrellado, 2014; Estrellado & Loh, 2014; Kim & Gray, 2008; Levendosky,
Lynch, & Graham-Bermann, 2001). Likewise, they experienced the loss of
financial resources. The women in the study reported that leaving their abu-
sive partners left them scarce resources to support their children. However,
they were able to sustain their decision to leave because most of them were
employed. Studies revealed that the ability to find employment during and
after an abusive relationship is important to women’s decision to leave their
abusive partners (Antai et al., 2014; Crisostomo et al., 2012; Estrellado &
Loh, 2014; Wettersten et al., 2004).
The women who left also experienced the loss of emotional investment
that they put in their relationship. Studies indicated that the women who have
Estrellado and Loh 1857

invested time and effort to build their relationship tended to justify these
investments through efforts to save the relationship (Rhatigan & Axsom,
2006; Truman-Schram, Cann, Calhoun, & Vanwallendael, 2000). As evident
in previous research, Filipino women tried to be tolerant, enduring, and yield-
ing in their roles as wife and mother but when they realized the negative
effect of abuse on themselves and their children, there is no other choice but
to leave (Crisostomo et al., 2012; Estrellado, 2014; Estrellado & Loh, 2014;
Estrellado & Salazar-Clemeña, 2007, 2010).
Many women who left acknowledged that although leaving was a painful
process, they gained benefits from it. For instance, by leaving their abusive
relationship, many women regained their self-worth and self-respect. A num-
ber of women commented that the recovery of self is their key to their capac-
ity to remain strong. Reclaiming the self included completing educational
goals, engaging in a more satisfying career path that promised them advance-
ments and promotions, and building a relationship with another man. This is
consistent with previous research finding that reclaimed self-captured wom-
en’s engagement in managing their lives after leaving their abusive partners
(Wuest & Merritt-Gray, 2001).
In addition, extant research found that leaving also meant that battered
women regained their sense of freedom and sense of control, which enabled
them to strengthen their decision to leave their abusive partners (P. K.
Anderson & Saunders, 2003; Crisostomo et al., 2012; Ford-Gilboe, Wuest, &
Merritt-Gray, 2005; Mertin & Mohr, 2001). Consistent with previous
research, our study found that the women experienced a sense of freedom and
liberation. Violence silenced their voice and when they decided to leave, they
found their voice and learned to assert themselves when necessary. For these
women, leaving did not only mean being free from the bondage of the many
don’ts imposed on them by their partners, but it also meant having peace of
mind. Finally, women who left have had to struggle hard but it was during
this time that they realized they have the ability to make decisions on their
own, that life is a joy, that they need to love themselves and more importantly,
they can live a life without their abusive partners.
The findings of the present study indicate that the women’s decision to
stay in or leave an abusive relationship was based on a rational choice in
response to a wide range of conditions they need to consider. For the women
who stayed in an abusive relationship, they may have valid reasons for their
choice; they still have the capacity to endure despite the abuse. In contrast,
for the women who left their abusive relationship, they must have evaluated
their situation and reached a critical point where they were able to define their
experiences as unjust and abusive (Estrellado, 2014; Khaw & Hardesty,
2007). Consequently, many of them identified themselves as “survivors” and
1858 Journal of Interpersonal Violence 34(9)

not as “victims”; survivors who can take steps to stop the abuse and to
empower themselves to make the necessary changes (Burnman, 2003). For
many of them, leaving provided a way for them to end the abuse and a way
to regain their control (Rusbult & Martz, 1995).
The study contributes several points of interest to the study of battered
women’s decision-making process. The women’s perceived losses and gains
by staying with or leaving their abusive partners gave us a glimpse of where
they are coming from and of what guided them in making crucial decisions.
The losses are what they need to give up while the gains are the things they
can hold on and help them decide as to whether they have to continue or end
the abusive relationship.

Implications for Counseling Practice

Results of the study showed that the women who stayed believed that they
gained a more important thing, a complete family. These women stayed to
keep an intact family at the expense of their psychological well-being. There
is the need to enhance public understanding and consciousness of the nega-
tive impact of violence on the person, family, and society as a whole. This
concern may be addressed at the barangay level as to what should be done
and where to go. Community-based centers should continuously do advocacy
work for more coordinated responses.
Lack of peace of mind and poor psychological well-being were two of the
losses experienced by the women who stayed in an abusive relationship. In line
with this, government and nongovernment organizations may provide crisis
intervention services such as hotline counseling more accessible to survivors
and victims of violence. Aside from knowing that the development of a trusting
relationship may take longer time to establish, counselors need to also recognize
the importance of nonjudgmental attitude and assurance of confidentiality.
The women who stayed expressed that they experienced the loss of self,
particularly that of self-worth and self-respect. The counselors can assist the
women to modify their thoughts and feelings caused them by the abuse they
experienced. This way, the counselors will be able to help the women learn to
refuse the responsibility of shouldering the abuse and to feel the need of bring-
ing back their self-worth and dignity. In other words, whether the woman is
contemplating on staying in or leaving an abusive relationship, the counselors
can help her acquire decision-making skills by highlighting the possible
choices inherent in the unique circumstances of her life and the importance of
weighing the losses and gains associated with her choice.
According to Herbert, Silver, and Ellard (1991), leaving an abusive relation-
ship can be a long and difficult process. Therefore, it is important for counselors
Estrellado and Loh 1859

to point out to women who left their partners that they have many challenges
ahead of them, including financial and emotional challenges. Therefore, the
focus should be on how to get battered women to realize their potentials and
resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity (Rutter, 1985)
and can be effectively taught to women to help them pick up the pieces of their
lives after leaving their abusive partners. In doing so, the interventions would be
about empowering women to take control of their lives and, according to
Herman (1997), this is important because the “first principle of recovery is the
empowerment of the survivor. She must be the author and arbiter of her own
recovery” (p. 133). In other words, battered women do not have to remain a
victim. Rather, women can validate their experiences, including abusive ones.
But the main thing for them to achieve after validation is to plan a course of
action that would slowly eliminate the nightmares of their past so that they
become powerful and strong women who have a say in their lives and destiny.

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research,
authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publi-
cation of this article.

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Author Biographies
Alicia F. Estrellado is an associate professor in the counseling and educational psy-
chology department at De La Salle University. She holds a PhD in counseling psy-
chology, major in clinical counseling, from De La Salle University. She is a registered
psychologist and a registered guidance counselor in the Philippines.
Jennifer (MI) Loh received her PhD from the University of Queensland, Australia,
and is a senior lecturer of psychology at Edith Cowan University.