Pick 'N' Mix

Pick n Mix
Kat-Rose Martin
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METHUEN DRAMA
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First published in Great Britain 2022
Copyright © Kat R
ose-Martin, 2022
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and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as author of this work.
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Cover design: Ben Holden
Cover image © Carolyn Mendelsohn
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Leeds Studio presents
Pick n Mix
By Kat Rose-Martin
Cast
(in order of speaking)
Alisha Sonia Wrightson
Kim Natalie Davies
Olivia Charlotte Ellis
Jordan Morgan Scriven
Kash Mustafa Chaudhry
Creatives
Directed by Alex Chisholm
Designed by Madi Omatseone
Lighting Design by Tom Blackband
Music and Sound Design by Josh Depass
Associate Director Madiha Ansari
Stage Manager Lauren Cross
Originally commissioned by Freedom Studios

First performed at Kala Sangam Arts Centre,
Bradford 1st November 2022
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 3 05/10/2022 17:06

MUSTAFA CHAUDHRY (Kash) is an
actor and writer who has trained at
Rose Bruford College and with the
National Youth Theatre. He has
extensive experience in Verbatim
Theatre, having toured nationally in a
lead role in Lung Theatre’s Amnesty
Award-winning Play Trojan Horse.
Further projects have including
working with Bradford’s Freedom
Studios, the Playhouse Theatre Company and the Omnibus
Theatre in London. His most recent project was as the sole
performer in Soul City Art’s immersive theatre show
Waswasa, at the Birmingham Hippodrome.
NATALIE DAVIES (Kim) was born and

brought up in Bradford of mixed Asian
and English parentage.
Television credits include Casualty,
Doctors and Vicar of Dibley Christmas
special (all BBC), Coronation Street
(ITV). She will soon be seen playing
Tabani in Disney plus The Full Monty
Series, she also plays series regular
Ashley in the Channel 4 Comedy Hullraisers. Natalie played
Parveen in the award-winning feature film Eaten By Lions.
Stage credits include her own show Full English which won
BEST PRODUCTION at Asian Media Awards 2021. Jabala
and the Jinn (Turtle Key Arts), This Space is Occupied , Northern
School (Bent Architect ) North Country (Freedom Studios)
Radio credits include Bangla Bantems and The War After The
War (BBC Radio 4)
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CHARLOTTE ELLIS (Olivia) is a
Bradfordian actor, writer and poet. She
has recently written and starred in her
debut play ‘A Young Girl’s Guide to
Madness’, receiving 4 stars at the
Edinburgh Fringe 2022. Charlotte has
been mentored by Kat Rose Martin
(Bradford Producing Hub Mentorship)
and Tess Seddon (National Theatre
New Views) for both in her acting/
writing development. Her poetry was apart of the ‘I Am
Perfect as Me’ exhibition (Commonwealth Theatre) and was
a finalist for the ‘Make the Cut’ competition with Director’s
Cut Theatre at the Pleasance (London). Charlotte loves to
tell authentic stories through her work.
MORGAN SCRIVEN (Jordan) is an

actor and artist with experience in
theatre and screen. His credits include
Graduation (short film), which premiers
nationally at film festivals in 2023, The
Bench (2021) and Before It Rains (2019).
Scriven is also the co-artistic director of
Common People Theatre Company, in
which he performed in their recent
sell-out production of Doll at The
Edinburgh Fringe Festival (2022). As
well as acting, Scriven is an artist and musician; he
graduated in July 2022 with a first-class degree in Art and
Design.
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SONIA WRIGHTSON (Alisha) is a
mixed-race actress born and raised in
West Yorkshire. Since being a child she
has always had a passion for
performing. She trained at Anglia
Ruskin university graduating in 2015
with a BA Honours in performing arts.
Since graduating she has continued to
pursue her acting career, performing at
Leeds Playhouse and York Fringe
Festival. Sonia’s recent focus has been within tv and film
where she has been featured in the current women’s football
advert for EE. However, she is thrilled to be back on stage
playing Alisha in Kat Rose-Martin’s Pick n Mix.
KAT ROSE-MARTIN is a Bradford born and based writer/

actor and inaugural winner of the Kay Mellor Fellowship. In
2020 she was part of BBC Writersroom Northern Voices. In
2021 she was selected for SKY COMEDY REP – a writer’s
scheme with Birmingham Rep Theatre and Sky.
For screen, her TV Drama The Crossleys made the BAFTA
Rocliffe TV Drama Top 10 and is now in development in the
US. She has original TV projects in development, at
treatment stage, with Rollem, Warp, Dancing Ledge, Urban
Myths, Red Planet and APC. She has a pilot commission with
BBC3. Her script Ursula, developed with RED Productions,
made The Brit List 2021. Kat was in an LA writers’ room for
Day 1s (Matthew Vaughn, Doug Ellin, Hera Pictures). She
was also in the writers’ room for series two of Paul Abbott’s
Wolfe for Sky Max. Her first broadcast credit was the 2021
Christmas episode of Holby City.
Theatre work includes: Aphra Behn (Shakespeare’s Globe);
Jane Hair (Bronte Society); Shit but Mine (Paines Plough);
Children of War (Sheffield Theatres); Whooosh (Pilot Theatre);
Pick N Mix (Freedom Studios) and development of £1
Thursdays (Stockroom, formerly Out of Joint); and Cheap as
Chips (Leeds Playhouse).
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ALEX CHISHOLM is a freelance director and dramaturg.
She was Co-Artistic Director with Aisha Khan of Freedom
Studios in Bradford 2015 – 2022. For Freedom she directed
Aaliyah (After Antigone) by Kamal Kaan, Pashto Thriller by
Aina J Khan, and North Country by Tajinder Singh Hayer. As
freelance she directed Nine Lives by Zodwa Nyoni, and
Conscientious by Adam Z Robinson. Alex was appointed
Literary Manager at the Leeds Playhouse in December 2001
and Associate Director in January 2006. Productions for
Leeds Playhouse include Schoolboy/Lover by Richard
Cameron, Dust a community play by Kenneth Yates, Mela by
Tajinder Singh Hayer, Scuffer and Sunbeam Terrace by Mark
Catley, Tender Dearly and Non-Contact Time by Jodie Marshall,
Huddersfield by Ugljesa Sajtinac, English version by Chris
Thorpe, and two radio programmes in co-production with
the BBC: Night Lights and Writing the City.
MADI OMATSEONE is a Theatre Designer based in

Skipton. Since graduating Rose Bruford College, she has
worked as an assistant designer on Scaramouche Jones
directed by Ian Talbot. In 2021 she was the costume
designer for 2 youth productions High School Musical and
Bring It On and was assistant designer on Aaliyah (after
Antigone) by Kamal Kaan produced by Freedom Studios.
TOM BLACKBAND has worked on lighting productions

from a very early age. He has lit a variety of events from
concerts through comedy and pantomime to serious drama.
Highlights have included an album launch for “69” at the
LSE in London, La Cage Aux Follies and various pantomimes
at City Varieties Music Hall in Leeds, Bjorn Again in Cannes,
and The Parting Glass for Red Ladder Theatre Company.
Tom is delighted to be working on this new production with
an exciting new writer.
JOSH DEPASS known by his alias ‘Jae Depz’ has established

himself as a prominent Songwriter, Music Producer and
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Manager within the Music Scene, having developed and
supported incredible local artists such as Musumba, Blazer
Boccle, and BBC’s Rap Game UK winner, Graft. Josh built a
successful career in teaching song writing, music technology
and media to young people and adult offenders within the
prison service. After being awarded a BA hons in Music
Business, Josh has since worked on producing promotional
material for some of the most established figures in the
industry such as Stefflon Don, and collaborated with
Channel 4 on the 2022 TV show ‘Rosie Jones – Trip
Hazard’, having organised a live music event for the show.
Venturing into the world of theatre, Jae recently produced
the soundtrack and sound design for Kirsty Taylor’s debut
Cashy C’s The Musical, as well as his own story; Tale of 2
Estates, which is currently in development, funded by
Bradford Producing Hub.
MADIHA ANSARI is a Karachi born West Yorkshire based

theatre maker. As the founder of Bradford based Cultural
Ecology Project, she is keen to support Northern artists from
South Asian backgrounds. With an excellent track record in
delivering artistically excellent arts projects with various
companies including LUNG, Freedom Studios, Manasamitra
and 509 Arts, this year she made her producing debut at the
Edinburgh Fringe Festival with Dreamliner and launched
SONG-GEET; Bradford’s first South Asian Women’s Choir.
Acting credits include Vitamin D (Sahar Shah), Home-Sick
(North Park Pictures) and Royal Television Awards
Nominated Modern Day Slavery (Fettle). In 2019, she was
recognized by the British Council as 1 of 12 promising
emerging artists in the UK.
LAUREN CROSS graduated from the University of

Cumbria in 2020 with a specialism in performing arts and
technical theatre and has since worked on a variety of
productions in a range of different roles, from sound design,
touring sound operation to backstage crew. Recent shows
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ix
include Snatched (9 Venue Tour), Legally Blonde (University of
West London) and In this Smoking Chaos (Queens Theatre
Hornchurch) as well as working as a technical operator and
technician at the acclaimed Cowgate Underbelly Venue at
the 2022 Edinburgh Fringe.
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Pick n Mix is funded by Bradford Producing Hub and
supported using public funding by the National Lottery
through Arts Council England.
Thanks to: Lisa Mallaghan, Jenny Harris, the Creativity
Council and all at Bradford Producing Hub, all actors who
were part of the development of this play, especially Amy
Blake and Jas Chattha, Kamran Rashid and Impact Hub
Bradford.
LEEDS STUDIO
Alex set up Leeds Studio to support new artists and theatres
in Leeds. Leeds Studio’s first project was to produce the tour
of Nine Lives by Zodwa Nyoni – a one-person show about a
gay Zimbabwean asylum seeker and the people he
encounters in Leeds. Leeds Studio toured this play for over
two years, reaching over 2000 audience members, including
over 400 refugees & asylum seekers. The company is keen to
support new Leeds and Bradford artists in any way they can.
Directors: Alex Chisholm, Khadijah Ibrahiim, Madeleine
Irwin
@LeedsStudio
Facebook: LeedsStudio
leedsstudio.org
BRADFORD PRODUCING HUB

Bradford Producing Hub is a development project designed
to ensure that Bradford is a creative city where lots of
amazing live performance is happening all the time. They
do this through testing radical new approaches to producing
live arts, supporting creative talent, developing a local arts
workforce, and partnering with communities across
Bradford to reimagine the city as a thriving hub for
performance.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 10 05/10/2022 17:07

For information about their current funding, training,
mentoring, networking, and other support opportunities
head to their website bdproducinghub.co.uk or follow them
@bdproducinghub
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 11 05/10/2022 17:07

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Pick n Mix
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 1 05/10/2022 17:07

Bradford. Present Day.
The action takes place over 13 weeks.
Everyone lives in close proximity to each other in an area where most
people live under or close to the poverty line and teenage pregnancy
isn’t at all uncommon.
Characters
Olivia, Bradford school girl, 15, F
Kim, Olivia’s sister, 20, F
Alisha, Olivia’s bestie, 16, F
Jordan, hapless Bradford lad, 19, M
Kash, pizza delivery guy, 23, M
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 2 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene One – Bleeding Hell
Week 1.
The stage is set with three different toilets.
Stage Right: Kim in a toilet. Kim lives in leggings and often
commits the cardinal sin of wearing just a T
-shirt with s ee-through
Primark Leggings. 20 years old but can easily pass for late 20s.
Stage Left: Alisha, Indian girl with long gorgeous thick brown hair,
she wears little m
ake-up and is very comfortable in her own skin.
She’s 16 but looks and acts much older than her years.
Centre Stage: Olivia, with short or tied back hair. She favours sporty
clothes that don’t hug her figure. Wouldn’t be seen dead without her
Nike Air Max.
Alisha That pill is a nightmare, they didn’t say expect
Niagara Falls when you come off it.
Kim Fuck me sideways, these cramps, where the fuck is
that hot water bottle?
Olivia opens up a tampon and braces herself.
Olivia Hold, insert and push. Brace for impact.
Olivia pushes the Tampon through its applicator in front of her (not
down there). She’s horrified as it comes through the end.
Scene Two – Excuse Me But?

Week 1. Weekday. 6pm.
Kim is sat on the bed in her bedroom with Jordan. They’ve been
kissing.
Jordan When’s your mam shutting shop?
Kim Not til 8. Why?
Jordan No reason.
Kim Oh really?
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4 Pick n Mix
Jordan Well, Maybe there’s a bit of a reason . . .

Kim Fucking come on then.
More kissing.
Jordan You look banging in that skirt.
Kim You think?
Jordan Yeh I think.
Kim Thanks.
Jordan Looks better on the floor though.
Kim (cringe) Really?
Jordan Sorry – I thought I was being –
Kim You weren’t.
Jordan Feels like it’s been forever.
Kim It’s been like 2 days Jordan.
Jordan I know but it feels like –
Kim Shh –
She kisses him again. She sits on top of him. BANG! The door opens.
Olivia enters.
Olivia Kim, what’s for tea?
Kim jumps off Jordan and grabs a book.
Kim Has your hand fallen off?
Olivia What?
Kim You could knock.
Olivia Soz. Alright Jordan?
Jordan Yeh. You?
Olivia Yeh. What’s for tea then?
Kim I don’t know, ask mum.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 4 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Two – Excuse Me But? 5
Olivia She’s in one.

Kim She was fine earlier.
Olivia The Cooper kids have been nicking again.
Kim Scruffy little cunts.
Jordan Kim!
Kim What?
Jordan Bit harsh. They’re only kids.
Kim What if they nicked from your dads van?
Jordan I know but still . . .
Kim When?
Olivia She said they come in around 5. She caught ‘em
and they point blank denied it to her face. I said she should
get some CCTV and catch them doing it. You can find owt
like that on Google. It’s just how much it costs.
Jordan Cheeky little –
Kim Cunts
Olivia So what’s for tea?
Kim Well, we’ve eaten so you’ll have to sort yourself.
Kim starts moving Olivia out the door.
Olivia Really? But I can only cook scrambled eggs and I’ve
had that twice this week.
Kim Google how to cook something new then. Enjoy!
Olivia exits, pushed out the room by Kim. Kim returns to Jordan,
who hasn’t moved an inch.
Kim That sorta killed the mood.
Jordan Doesn’t have to, if you still want?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 5 05/10/2022 17:07

6 Pick n Mix
Kim Oh sod it, go on then. Be quick though, it only takes

her 5 minutes to do scrambled eggs in the microwave.
Jordan Under 5 minutes? My speciality. One quickie,
coming right up.
Kim Jeez, Jordan, it’s a shag not a happy meal.
Kim climbs on top of him again and pushes him down onto the bed.
Jordan I bet you love it filthy, don’t you?
Kim Can you not?
Jordan You said you wanted me to practise my dirty talk?
Kim Let’s just leave that for now yeah?
Jordan Alright.
Kim grabs Jordan’s hands and plonks them on her boobs most
unsexily. The door opens. Kim jumps off Jordan and they both sit
startled. Olivia enters.
Jordan Was that 5 minutes?
Kim FUCKING KNOCK WILL YA!
Olivia Why? You up to summat?
Kim No. Well, yes. I’m helping Jordan with his coursework.
Olivia Written or practical?
Kim Fuck off.
Olivia I was actually hoping you’d help me with my Maths,
I’ve got Mr Bellding tomorrow and he’ll bray us if I don’t
bring my work in.
Kim Pretty sure he won’t bray you.
Olivia Will.
Kim Pretty sure that’s illegal.
Olivia Still. Just take a look. It’s about finding the area
of a cylinder.
Jordan That’s easy.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 6 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Three – IT Class 7
Olivia Isn’t.
Kim Why don’t you help her?
Jordan What?
Kim Liv, if you piss off for half an hour, Jordan can finish
his project, then he’ll come and help you with your maths,
alright?
Kim starts to show Olivia to the door again.
Olivia Ye. Alright. (Shouting over Kim’s shoulder.) Thanks
Jordan.
Jordan No probs.
Kim closes the door and goes back to Jordan.
Jordan (worried) Half an hour?
Kim Just give me the best half a minute you’ve got and let’s
be done with it.
She climbs on top of him and quickly undoes his pants. She puts her
hand up her skirt to readjust her own underwear. The door opens.
This time they just freeze. Olivia pokes her head in then sarcastically
knocks.
Olivia Kim?
Kim (raging) What?
Olivia Use a condom.
Olivia throws a condom into the room and runs off.
Kim FUCK OFF!
Scene Three – IT Class

Week 1. The next day.
Olivia and Alisha are sat at a school desk in front of computers,
they’re at the back of the classroom. Alisha giggles at a message on
her phone.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 7 05/10/2022 17:07

8 Pick n Mix
Olivia What?
Alisha Nowt, just some random from Tinder.
Olivia Oh right, cool.
Olivia clicks on her computer as Alisha messages back on her
phone.
Olivia You doing owt Saturday? I thought we could go
down town and hang out if you fancy?
Alisha Might be a bit busy Saturday. Our Aaron’s playing
in a concert and I’ve gotta go watch. Boring.
Olivia Ah right. No worries.
Alisha goes back to her phone again.
Olivia Walked in on my sister last night.
Alisha What?
Olivia With her boyfriend.
Alisha Doing what?
Olivia What do you think?
Alisha Ew.
Olivia I wanted to stay a bit.
Alisha Perv.
Olivia Not like that. I was just interested is all.
Alisha You’re not even into guys.
Olivia I know but it’s still intriguing isn’t it.
Alisha Watch porn if you’re that intrigued.
Olivia Think there’s a firewall up.
Alisha Not at school you creep. At home.
Olivia Do you?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 8 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Three – IT Class 9
Alisha What?
Olivia Watch porn?
Alisha Sometimes.
Olivia What like?
Alisha Dunno, there’s all sorts. My cousin had this one on
his phone, it’s proper old school, it’s called 2 girls one cup,
and the girl –
Olivia Shhh. Miss Laister.
The two girls stare at their computers and click aimlessly on the
screens.
Olivia We’re safe. Jack’s put his hand up.
Alisha She’ll be there til end of lesson now.
Olivia I swear he just asks dumb questions so she’ll have to
lean in and show him on the computer and he can get
creepily close and smell her or summat.
Alisha Ming.
Olivia So what about this girl and a cup thing then?
Alisha It’s too grim. I’ll get our Dan to send you a link. It’s
not tasteful at all. Don’t be getting your hopes up.
Olivia So do you . . . you know . . .
Alisha What?
Olivia Get off? To this stuff?
Alisha Not always, sometimes I just look cos, well, guess
I’m intrigued, like you say.
Olivia Oh. Right.
Alisha Most people watch it you know.
Olivia They do?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 9 05/10/2022 17:07

10 Pick n Mix
Alisha Yeh, it’s dead normal. Maybe not for the virgins, but
there’s only about three people in this class that still have
their virginity. Including you.
Olivia What does it actually mean to lose your virginity
though?
Alisha Eh?
Olivia Like if it goes in is that it, even if it’s only there for a
second? Or do you have to, you know, or is it if he goes? And
what if it’s something else like a cucumber or something?
Alisha Have you put a cucumber up there?
Olivia No but what if I did? Say Steph Crossley got her
frisk her on with a carrot, would that carrot forever hold her
virginity?
Alisha No way!
Olivia What then?
Alisha I’ve always thought it’s when he goes?
Olivia And if he doesn’t?
Alisha Then you’re still a virgin. I think.
Olivia Right.
Pause.
Olivia So if you’re into lasses and never see a penis your
whole life, then you’re a virgin forever? Even if you do all
sorts . . .
Alisha I don’t know. Maybe. I guess so.
Olivia Right.
Alisha Eyes down, look in. Laister’s on the move.
Olivia Jack’s finally opened his word document.
Alisha Creep.
The girls click aimlessly on their screens, pretending to do work.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 10 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Four – News Girl 11
Scene Four – News Girl

Week 2. A weekday. 4pm.
Kim and Olivia are working in their mum’s newsagents.
Kim I saw that.
Olivia What?
Kim You.
Olivia What me?
Kim And whatshername . . .
Olivia Anna?
Kim Yeh
Olivia I was literally telling her what usually happens
when there’s a missed paper in the round.
Kim And you offered to drop it off for her.
Olivia Yeh well, it’s not too far and it’s the opposite
direction for her.
Kim Usually we tell them they have to go back and deliver
it. They miss it, they redeliver.
Olivia I know but it’s her first time. Give her a break.
Kim You wouldn’t deliver a single paper for Sam and he
does three rounds for us.
Olivia Yeh but he’s older isn’t he.
Kim How old is she?
Olivia Same as me, I think
Kim Sam’s 14.
Olivia 14?
Kim Yeh.
Olivia He’s lanky for 14.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 11 05/10/2022 17:07

12 Pick n Mix
Kim You’re changing the subject. You were soft on her.

Olivia Wasn’t.
Kim Were.
Olivia I wasn’t
Kim I think you’ve got yourself a little crush.
Olivia Fuck off.
Kim How romantic – your eyes meet across a pile of papers
and you become childhood sweethearts.
Olivia I’m not a child!
Kim You didn’t deny the sweethearts bit?
Olivia She seems nice I guess.
Kim And she’s very pretty, you can’t deny that.
Olivia She is fit.
Kim You gonna ask her out then?
Olivia No.
Kim Go on.
Olivia NO!
Kim You can’t wait around forever. You gotta make the
first move.
Olivia Can we just leave it please?
Kim Oh my god you’ve already asked her haven’t you?
Olivia Like I’m gonna tell you.
Kim That means you have. Ha!
(Singing.) Livvy and – what’s her name – ANNA! Sitting in a
tree . . . Doing something they shouldn’t be . . . It begins
with S . . .
Olivia Shut up.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 12 05/10/2022 17:07

Kim Livvy and Anna! Or would you be Anna and Livvy?

Olivia and Annie?
Olivia Ew.
Kim Anna and Liv. That’s got a great ring to it.
Olivia What are you? Kim and Jordan? Jordan and Kim?
K and J? Kim J? Like Kim K.
Kim Fuck knows about that.
Olivia About what? The nickname or yous two in general?
Kim Dunno. He’s just a bit . . .
Olivia What?
Kim Awkward. He’s good looking and that but I want him
to sort of hold his own and he just lets me walk all over him.
Olivia In the bedroom?
Kim Nosey bitch! In general really. But ye, that as well.
Olivia Sounds shit.
Kim He’s a nice enough guy. He is . . . but . . .
They’re a knock at the door. Kim goes to open it. Kash stands in the
doorway. He’s got that swag that makes Kim’s fanny flutter. Time
seems to stand still until . . .
Kim Hey.
Kash Hey. Yalright?
Kim Yeh you?
Kash Yeh not too shabby.
A moment. Sparks fly. Kash gazes at Kim and she drinks in his
attention. Olivia clocks it but Kim and Kash are in their own
world as he hands over the pizzas.
Kash Two margaritas. Potato wedges. Spicy Chicken
strippers and a garlic bread.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 13 05/10/2022 17:07

14 Pick n Mix
Kim Thanks. How much is it?

Kash Pre paid on card.
Kim Oh yeh. Great.
Kash And I threw in a free garlic mayo dip for ya.
Kim Right. Cheers.
Kash See you around.
Kim Maybe.
Kim closes the door on Kash. She takes the pizza inside.
Olivia Didn’t know we were getting pizza tonight.
Kim Mum’s treat.
Olivia Score.
They tuck in to the pizza. Kim turns the closed sign on the door.
Olivia (with a mouthful) What about him then?
Kim Who?
Olivia nods towards the door.
Kim Are you on summat?
Olivia smiles cheekily as she takes another bite. Kim changes the
subject.
Kim Mum said Neil’s been in touch. Apparently he’s
gonna be back in the country for a bit.
Olivia When?
Kim I dunno. Next few months or summat.
Olivia She didn’t tell me.
Kim Because he’s a waste of space and she don’t want you
getting hurt again.
Olivia Don’t you wanna see him?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 14 05/10/2022 17:07

Kim Not my dad, not my problem.

Olivia Maybe I should ask mum about it.
Kim Go ahead, if you want her to bite your head off, I’d
love to see that.
Olivia Do you think I want to speak to him though? After
all this time.
Kim I don’t know do I? Jeez Liv, you’ve gotta make your
decisions for yourself sometimes.
Olivia nervous chomps down on a full slice of pizza.
Kim Oi greedy guts, leave some for me!
Kim tries to grab the box but Olivia pulls it back and hides it
behind her back.
Olivia I’ll do you a trade!
Kim You didn’t pay you cheeky cow.
Olivia I’ll give you an extra slice, if you help me –
Kim I am not waxing your downstairs, just shave it like the
rest of us!
Olivia Not that.
Kim What then?
Olivia My maths. It’s way harder than last time.
Kim Can’t help you there.
Olivia It’s just I don’t get it. Any of it.
Kim Neither do I. I practically guess the change coming
out of that till.
Olivia What?
Kim Don’t tell mum!
Olivia Help me out and I won’t.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 15 05/10/2022 17:07

16 Pick n Mix
Kim Honestly, if I could help I would but I’d rather wax

your nunny. Ask Jordan, he didn’t mind helping you out
last time.
Olivia I thought you weren’t getting on.
Kim You better bleed him dry of all he knows before I
dump his ass then eh?
Kim picks up her phone.
Kim There. I’ve sent his number. No gimme the extra
slice.
Kim playfully grabs for the pizza.
Olivia Shouldn’t I save it for Jordan?
Kim Fuck that.
Kim grabs the pizza box and rushes out, Olivia rushes after her,
mouth full of pizza. Sauce on face.
Scene Five – Do These Tits Look Underage To You?

Week 3. A weekday.
Jordan is sat on Kim’s bed. Olivia walks past. Spots him. Then
reverses back and stands in the doorway.
Olivia Jordan? Yalright?
Jordan Oh hi. Yeh am alright. You?
Olivia Yeh good thanks.
Jordan Kim about?
Olivia She’s been in town. Said she was gonna be back by 4
but she got caught up and missed the bus. Reckon it’ll be
another hour or two. Did she not tell you?
Jordan Nah.
Olivia Oh . . . I got 28 . . . Out of 30. Area of a cylinder.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 16 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Five – Do These Tits Look Underage To You? 17
Jordan Oh. Well done.

Olivia I proper understand it now as well. Not like just,
blagging stuff from class that has no meaning. I get it.
Jordan Good for you.
Olivia You sticking around?
Jordan Might as well.
Olivia Just cause, I’ve got another piece today, quadratic
equations. Can you do them?
Jordan Yeh. It’s a formula isn’t it? It’s a couple of years
since I did it. Something square root of a or b or something,
all over 2a.
Olivia Yeh. That’s it. I’ve got it written down. I’ll just go
get it.
Jordan Alright.
Olivia rushes out leaving Jordan to consider the uncomfortable
nature of things for a second until she reappears.
Olivia So if you look here.
She brings her book and sits next to him on Kim’s bed.
Olivia I got this far but then got stuck.
She shuffles towards him. Jordan looks at the homework.
Jordan You’ve done great so far but sometimes you’re
factorising and at other times you’re using the formula. And
when you use the formula it looks like it’s just getting a bit
messy.
Olivia Cos I’ve no idea what I’m doing.
Jordan Ok, so this number is A, this number is B and this
number is C. So wherever you see A in the formula just
replace it with the number you’ve got as A, then do it on a
calculator. Try plugging the numbers into the equation.
So A is?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 17 05/10/2022 17:07

18 Pick n Mix
Olivia 5.
Jordan B is?
Olivia 6.
Jordan And C is?
Olivia 1.
Jordan So just fill those in where those numbers were.
Olivia does the sum.
Olivia Like this?
Jordan That’s perfect. And then just plug that into your
calculator. And X is . . .?
Olivia –0.2
Jordan Or?
Olivia is stumped. Jordan explains.
Jordan Plus or minus – means there’s two potential
solutions.
Olivia Ahhhhhhhh. Minus 1?
The penny has dropped.
Olivia I actually get it. How do you know all this stuff?
Jordan Guess it sort of comes naturally. At college it’s sort
of a requirement that we’ve got the key skills nailed.
Although fuck knows when I’ll use the quadratic equation
when arresting someone.
Olivia You have the right to remain silent – unless you can
tell me the value of x.
Jordan Exactly
Olivia Have you always wanted to be a copper?
Jordan Nah. It kind of didn’t cross my mind. Especially as
my dad sees the law more as rough guidelines than a set of
hard and fast rules. But, I don’t know, I just think . . .I don’t
know.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 18 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Five – Do These Tits Look Underage To You? 19
Olivia Go on.
Jordan I guess I want to help people. When my mam, well
you know, it was a bobby that came to the door. And he was
so calm and although it was the shittest news to deliver, and
it was already weird because I don’t really know her that
well, he was sort of, I don’t know, he just made it seem like
everything was going to be ok. And I guess I liked him . . .
Catches himself talking about his emotions.
Jordan Sorry.
Olivia What for?
Jordan Not many folk ask me about, you know, stuff
like that.
Olivia I think it’s interesting.
Jordan Why don’t you have a go at the next question?
Olivia Remind me again.
As Jordan begins to explain the next question whilst writing it
down, Olivia keeps her eyes fixed on him.
Jordan So, we substitute each of the ‘values’ the ‘numbers’
in place of the letters. In this case, ‘A’ would be 6, ‘B’ would
be 2 and ‘C’ would be 4. So the sum would be X equals,
minus 2 plus or minus, the square root of 2 squared minus 4
times 6 times 4, all divided by 2 times 6.
Jordan notices Olivia staring at him.
Jordan What?
Olivia Shall we?
Jordan What?
Olivia Find X
Jordan Sorry?
Olivia Do it.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 19 05/10/2022 17:07

20 Pick n Mix
Jordan Are you? What the –? But you’re –

Olivia Kim’s sister, I know but –
Jordan Underage
Olivia Underage? Are you joking?
Jordan You are aren’t you?
Olivia Do I look underage?
She opens her top.
Olivia Do these tits look underage to you?
Jordan doesn’t quite know where to look. Olivia grabs his hands
and puts them on her tits.
Olivia See. They don’t feel underage do they?
Jordan (not a clue what to say) I guess not.
Olivia In my case, X is a 32B.
Jordan Erm . . .I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m not sure
that we should –
Olivia I won’t tell if you won’t. I can see you’re up for it.
Jordan covers his crotch and distances himself.
Jordan That doesn’t necessarily mean that . . .
Olivia You’ve got a problem. I can help you solve it.
Jordan Sorry, I –
Olivia Stop being so shy. Kim said it’s a turn off when
you’re so awkward about it all.
Jordan She said that?
Olivia Yeh and other stuff . . .
Jordan What other stuff?
Olivia Just that you always play it safe . . . and . . .
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 20 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Six – Does This Really Go On There? 21
Jordan What?
Olivia pulls Jordan close and whispers in his ear.
Jordan That’s not true.
Olivia Prove it.
Olivia has him cornered.
Olivia Show me your workings.
Olivia kisses him. Jordan doesn’t react and almost tries to pull
away but Olivia has him under her spell and eventually he starts
kissing her back.
Scene Six – Does This Really Go On There?

Week 4.
Olivia and Alisha are at school. In Sex Ed class. Once again
they’re at the back of the classroom.
Alisha Our Ade told me that they were all given dildos and
that in their class.
Olivia I thought it was gonna be bananas. You go first
then. Arm out.
Alisha No, you can do that first.
Olivia Ew. No.
Alisha I’ll save you twos on mi sarnies.
Olivia Deal.
Olivia sticks her arm out with fist clenched.
Alisha Right then . . .
(Picking up condom packet.) So tear open and be careful not to
rip. Then . . .
Alisha takes the condom out the packet.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 21 05/10/2022 17:07

22 Pick n Mix
Olivia – squeeze the teet and –

Alisha When did you become a fucking expert?
Olivia About 10 mins ago when Miss explained.
Alisha You hardly need to take notes. These ones don’t
apply for you.
Alisha puts the condom on Olivia’s arm.
Alisha You look a right dick
Olivia I think that’s the point.
Alisha What’s the idea – if you have a Johnny on your arm,
you won’t catch crabs.
Olivia Guess so.
Alisha Maybe it’s just to stop you itching.
They laugh.
Olivia Your turn.
Alisha Nah I’m alright.
Olivia If I’ve got cockarm, you’re getting one too.
Reluctantly Alisha puts her arm up. Olivia picks up the other
condom and tries to tear it open.
Olivia Kinda impossible to do this with one hand.
Alisha That’s why boys says it’s a moodkiller.
Alisha opens the packet for her and assists her.
When Olivia is rolling it onto Alisha’s arm, it proves to be a
struggle and Alisha has to push her arm towards Olivia to get
some traction.
Eventually they both have condoms on their arms.
Alisha (exhausted) Fuck me!
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 22 05/10/2022 17:07

Olivia I don’t think I’d have the energy for anything else
after that.
Alisha Need a red bull.
Olivia Or a cuppa.
Alisha We look like a right pair of twats.
Olivia I think they suit us actually.
Alisha They’re not exactly comfortable.
Olivia But they feel indestructible.
Alisha They’re like a super glove.
Olivia An infinity gauntlet.
Alisha (impersonating Buzz Lightyear) To TheFanny and
Beyond!
Olivia Beyond?
Alisha That’s grim.
Olivia (impersonating a pilot) The 354 Johnnyarm from
Vagland will shortly be arriving in Wombtown, please brace
for impact.
Alisha Ew.
Olivia Can that actually happen?
Alisha What?
Olivia Can it go beyond?
Alisha I dunno.
Olivia Cos I heard S arah-Jane Jacobs saying that she
shagged this guy in the park and his thing was so big it
nearly came out of her mouth.
Alisha I think you misheard that babe..
Olivia I definitely didn’t.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 23 05/10/2022 17:07

24 Pick n Mix
Alisha Then she’s definitely chatting shit.

Olivia I wonder if it can though.
Alisha I bet it has. In some extreme case or some shit
Olivia I heard some people can still get pregnant even if
he doesn’t go. Cos a tiny bit comes out.
Alisha Ye. That’s true.
Olivia Really?
Alisha Think so. Why don’t you ask Miss?
Olivia Ew. Wouldn’t dare.
A beat.
Olivia considers the idea that she could be pregnant.
Alisha Why? You been at it?
Olivia (defensive) No course not.
Alisha Fucking hell, you’ve been up to summat.
Olivia Haven’t.
Alisha Don’t believe you.
Olivia Why the fuck would I?
Alisha Because it’s fun. And you can’t blame anyone for
being curious. It’s nowt to be ashamed about! Who though?
Cos it can’t be anyone At school Cos we’d all know about it.
Olivia No. It’s no one. It’s nothing. It didn’t happen. Can
we just leave it?
Alisha Fine.
Pause.
Alisha Do you want kids?
Olivia Erm . . . Not really
Alisha Not ever?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 24 05/10/2022 17:07

Olivia Gusss not. Do you?

Alisha Not really thought about but it just seems right
doesn’t it. Couple of years yet but ye.
Olivia I can’t imagine you with a kid.
Olivia has realised the severity of the situation now.
Olivia Would you ever . . . get rid of one?
Alisha Never.
Olivia So if you got pregnant now, you’d have it and that
would be it. Not finish school? And what if the dad doesn’t
give a shit. Or it’s some rat lad or summat.
Alisha I wouldn’t have a rat kid in a million years, it
wouldn’t have any teeth.
Olivia All babies have no teeth. At first. Anyway it’s just a
bunch of cells innit?
Alisha Your cells. Part of you. You wouldn’t just cut your
own arm off would you.
Olivia I might have to. This Johnny’s proper hurting.
Alisha Are you alright?
Olivia Yeh. Fine. Why?
Alisha You’re being weird.
Olivia Can I have a hug?
Olivia moves towards Alisha. Alisha studies her.
Alisha Get away. You’re all slimy and people will think
we’re getting at it.
Olivia I just want a hug. Please.
Alisha Come here then you daft get.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 25 05/10/2022 17:07

26 Pick n Mix
Alisha grabs a nervous Olivia and gives you a playful hug then
gets her in a headlock and rubs the condom arm in her hair,
laughing.
Scene Seven – Kim Cheats

Week 5.
At a bus stop. It’s dark. Kim is freezing her tits off. Kash
approaches. He has a moped and looks fit.
Kash Oi. Margarita!
Kim goes into ‘self defence’ mode.
Kim BACK OFF!
She holds up her keys between her fingers at him.
Kash Woah woah, chill out, margarita. I ain’t no mugger.
Kim Why’d you say Margarita?
Kash You don’t recognise me?
Kim Erm . . .
Kash You live above the corner shop on Bradbury Ave.
Kim seems worried. He takes his hood off.
Kash I deliver your Margarita on a Friday night. Literally
for the past 4 years.
Kim Oh god yeh! So sorry I just thought –
Kash We all look the same to you.
Kim No. Not at all. Its just, out of context, you know.
Sorry. Long day.
Kash I’ll carry a box with me everywhere I go shall I? So
strangers know who I am.
Kim breaks into a smile.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 26 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Seven – Kim Cheats 27
INTERCUT TO JORDAN AND ALISHA:

A park bench. Alisha looks at her phone. Jordan recognises her
and approaches.
Jordan Alisha?
Alisha Yeh, Who’s asking.
Jordan It’s me, Jordan. From Tinder.
Alisha Wow.
INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH:

Kash smiles at Kim smiling.
Kash That’s more like it. Usually you’re beaming when I
come round.
Kim Pizza innit.
Kash Bringing joy to Friday Nights since 1999.
Kim I’m Kim.
Kash I know . . . It says on your order. Promise I’m not
stalking you.
Kim Seems legit. Approaching me in the street. Know my
name, address, Friday night schedule and favourite food.
Kash Should be more careful with the type of folk you
invite to your doorstep then.
Kim Fair. You gonna introduce yourself then or shall I just
call you Pizza Guy?
Kash bows.
Kash Kashif Amin Nasir Akhtar Bradford’s friendliest
delivery guy. At your service. Everyone calls me Kash.
Kim Alright Kash, nice to meet you formally.
Kash Excuse me, I’d prefer it if you used my full title.
Kim Sod off.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 27 05/10/2022 17:07

28 Pick n Mix

Jordan Can I sit down?
Alisha Go ahead.
Jordan Thanks
Alisha Swept you off ya feet have I?
Jordan Maybe . . . I mean, like usually, on Tinder you get
cat-fished and the pictures are edited to fuck so when you
meet the girl in real life, it’s just like awkward cos they don’t
look as good but –
Alisha You saying I don’t look like my photo?
Jordan No, not that, the opposite, I’m saying that
sometimes it’s like that but with you it’s not like that because
– well – because it isn’t, because you’re like. You look like
your picture.
Alisha Take a bloody breath will you, you’re putting me
on edge.

Kash So what you up to then?
Kim What’s it look like?
Kash I don’t like to assume.
Kim It’s a bus stop mate. I think it’s pretty safe to assume.
What are you doing here anyway? Other than stalking me?
Kash Just that really. Been lurking behind that bush for
the past hour and got cramp so had to show myself.
Kim You’re a sarcy bastard aren’t you?
Kash You’re a mouthy cow aren’t you?
Kim smiles again.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 28 05/10/2022 17:07


Jordan Sorry, I’m better over messenger. And well, I didn’t
expect to see you?
Alisha Never planned to see me? I’m just a little sext every
now and again for a laugh am I? Nice.
Jordan No. Never. I just didn’t expect –
Alisha Hell, it says I’m less than a kilometre away, did you
really think you’d never even bump into me?
Jordan No. Well, yes but I didn’t –
Alisha Oh god
Jordan I didn’t expect you to be so beautiful.

Kim How long you gonna linger about then?
Kash How long til your bus comes?
Kim That’s it now.
Kash Where you going?
Kim Surely you know already, if you’re any good at this
stalking business.
Kash Course I know. Just trying to be mysterious and lure
you into a false sense of security.
Kim If your definition of mysterious is going up to girls,
shouting about pizza and asking them where they’re going,
you need to get a new dictionary.
Kash You’re beautiful.
Kim What?
Kash You are. You’re the type of girl that I’d want to whisk
away on an a ll-inclusive in Dubai and spoil rotten.
Kim You can afford that on a pizza boy wage can you?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 29 05/10/2022 17:07

30 Pick n Mix
Kash Not exactly. But one day.

Kim Got it all worked out have you? 5 year plan?
Kash Something like that.
Kim Good for you.
Kash Would that be summat you’d be up for? Private pool?
Sunset snaps for the gram? Bottomless cocktails? Sex on the
beach?
Kim Don’t you have your lads to go holidaying with?
Kash I’ve got mates, if that’s what you’re asking, but I’d
rather be sunning it up with a stunner like you.
Kim Bus is here.
Kim walks towards bus.
Kash I’ll give you a lift. Back of the moped.
Kim If you think for one second I’m getting on the back of
a scooter with a stranger who stalked me in the street –
you’ve got another thing coming. Bye.
Kash Kim!
Kim What?
Kash Wait!
Kim Why?
Kash Can I take you out?
Kim Don’t give in do you?
Kash No.
Kim Well, I don’t really have time for a two week all-
inclusive. I’ve got college on Monday.
Kash What about a Gelato then?
Kim When?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 30 05/10/2022 17:07

Kash Now?
Kim I’ve got a curfew.
Kash You’ll be back for 7. I know where you live!
Kim Creep.

Jordan I just can’t stop looking at ya.
Alisha Give over.
Jordan I actually deleted Tinder.
Alisha Ok . . .What do you want – a medal?
Jordan No, I’m just saying, that’s why I’ve –
Alisha Been blanking me?
Jordan No, I – It’s because – well – I – Bloody hell, it’s
weird this – actually seeing you in real life.
Alisha Is it?
Jordan You’re proper . . . wow. Just . . . wow.
Alisha Alright calm down.
Jordan Sorry, I’ll shut up.
Alisha No, don’t stop.

Kim Oh fuck it. Go one then.
She walks back towards him.
Kim You don’t fancy yourself as one of those bad boys with
that moped do you?
Kash You’ll have to wait and see.
Kim Got a helmet?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 31 05/10/2022 17:07

32 Pick n Mix
Kash Bit forward!

Kim Stop yourself!
She playfully shoves him as she walks off with him.
Scene Eight – Piss On A Stick

Week 8.
The stage is once again set with three different toilets. The girls
occupy the same toilets as before.
They are all holding pregnancy test boxes and instructions.
Kim Remove the plastic cap to expose the absorbent
window.
Alisha Looks like a shit pen this.
Olivia Point the absorbent tip directly into the urine
stream. Take the sample for at least 10 seconds, to ensure
that an adequate sample is collected by the testing device.
Kim 10 seconds?
Alisha downs a of a glass of water.
Alisha Re-cap the device and wait 5 minutes for the test to
finish processing.
Kim Negative Result: NOT PREGNANT – Only one
coloured band appears on the test region.
Olivia Positive Result: POSSIBLE PREGNANCY – Two
Distinct coloured bands appear on the Test region. Color
intensity of the bands should be . . .
Alisha Yeh yeh yeh. One Line – All fine. Two Lines – Run
and hide.
Kim Right, Step one.
All three girls remove the caps of the tests together.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 32 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Eight – Piss On A Stick 33
Kim Easy.
Alisha Step 2.
All three girls negotiate how they are going to piss on the stick.
Alisha can’t seem to position it right so urinates into the glass that
she’s just drunk from.
Kim has 3 different tests which she tries to navigate all at once, she
tries to hold them like Wolverine claws to begin with and then puts
them all under at once moving her bottom to make sure she covers
each one.
Olivia takes a deep breath and counts to 10 whilst she pees.
Olivia 1 elephant, 2 elephants, 3 elephants, 4 elephants . . .
I’ve only got 7 elephants in me!
All three girls remove the tests and place the caps on.
Olivia Step 3 – the waiting game.
Kim Right 5 minute timer.
Kim reaches for her phone but realises her hand is wet
Kim It didn’t say, wear gloves – you might to piss all over
your hands.
Alisha Hey Siri, set a 5 minute timer.
Sound effect of a Countdown style timer.
Kim My pees a bit yellow – I should drink more.
Alisha This is stupid, I’m probably just a few days late –
coming off the pill has radged my hormones.
Kim and Alisha are trying to amuse themselves to fill the time.
Olivia is dead still, counting the seconds to herself.
Alisha I swear the sex didn’t even last this long.
Kim I need to remember that this one is a few seconds
behind this one. Should’ve labelled them.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 33 05/10/2022 17:07

34 Pick n Mix
The girls are now getting impatient and restless. Music plays as they
wait. Eventually –
Olivia 300 ELEPHANTS!
A timer goes off.
Olivia opens her eyes. She slowly and carefully takes the cap off the
test and looks at it.
Olivia Fuck.
Alisha takes the cap of her test, and looks from the instructions to
the test repeatedly.
Alisha FUCK!
Kim takes the cap off test 1, checks it, then off test 2, checks it, then
off test 3.
Kim FUUUCK!!!!
Scene Nine – Mega Awks

Week 8. A weekday.
Kim’s bedroom. Jordan stands uncomfortably in the middle of the
room.
Jordan Y’alright
Kim Yeh. You?
Jordan Yeh.
Silence
Jordan It’s our Drew’s 30th on Saturday. He’s having a do
at the club. You wanna come?
Kim I’m working.
Jordan Oh right. Do you mind if I go?
Kim You can do what you like. I don’t own you.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 34 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Nine – Mega Awks 35
Jordan I know but –

Kim Go, you’ll have a good time.
Jordan Alright.
Olivia enters, unaware of Jordan
Olivia Kim, I need to tell you something – Oh Jordan.
Kim What?
Olivia Erm. Right. Nothing.
Olivia goes to leave.
Jordan How was the test?
Olivia (horrified) What?
Jordan Maths? Quadratics?
Olivia Oh. 93%.
Jordan Wow. Bet you’re chuffed with that.
Olivia Erm – yeh . . .
Olivia leaves. A silence.
Kim What was that?
Jordan What was what?
Kim That. You. Her.
Jordan Nowt.
Kim Okay.
Jordan Are you alright?
Kim I’m fine.
She’s not fine.
Jordan It’s just you seem –
Kim What?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 35 05/10/2022 17:07

36 Pick n Mix
Jordan I don’t know, just –

Kim Spit it out. If you’ve got summat to say?
Jordan Is it time of the month?
Kim What?
Jordan Are you, you know, on your whatsit?
Kim Are you joking?
Jordan You’re just a bit –
Kim Fuck off.
Olivia appears at the doorway again, she’s holding a nail varnish
bottle. Her left hand is already painted.
Olivia Kim, are you busy?
Kim Sort of.
Olivia Will you do my right hand? I just smudge it.
Kim What?
Olivia Just 5 minutes. In my room? Please.
Kim Are you shitting me? Just do it yourself.
Olivia Please
Kim Not now.
Olivia Stroppy bitch.
Olivia disappears. Kim’s phone starts to ring.
Kim You can fuck off and all. You can all just fuck the
fuck off.
Silence.
Jordan Who’s Kash?
Kim Don’t
Jordan Are you –
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 36 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Nine – Mega Awks 37
Kim Really? Don’t you dare.

They sit in silence.
Jordan When I said about your, you know, I didn’t mean –
Kim What did you mean?
Jordan Nowt. Well. Just that you’re being sort of cagey.
Kim So that means I’m on my period then does it? I can’t
just be having an off day? It couldn’t possibly be that there’s
clearly something going on here that we’re just not talking
about?
Jordan looks away
Silence.
Has he been caught out?
Kim Anything to say?
Anything at all?
Fine. I don’t think this is working.
Silence.
Kim We’re not really, very, you know . . .
Silence.
Kim Ok. I think you should go.
Jordan gets up to leave.
Jordan Are we – is this – over then?
Kim What do you think?
Jordan starts to gather his things, he opens drawers to get out boxer
shorts.
There’s a card blue tacked to the wall that he takes.
Olivia enters, she’s holding a tampon behind her back.
Olivia Got you a present.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 37 05/10/2022 17:07

38 Pick n Mix
Kim What?
Olivia Can we talk first, please?
Kim We’re talking aren’t we?
Olivia Without (She nods towards Jordan.)
Jordan Don’t worry, I’ll be gone soon.
Kim That better be a Fry’s Turkish Delight behind your
back.
Olivia holds out a tampon
Kim A tampon? I’m not on my fucking period! A fucking
Tampon?!? I don’t need to see another fucking tampon for 8
fucking months for fucks sake.
A beat.
Jordan What?
Kim Get out.
Olivia Kim?
Kim Get the fuck out both of you.
Jordan Shouldn’t we talk about this?
Kim Oh now, you’ve found your tongue. Take your sweaty
boxers, your shitty tampon and get the fuck out now.
Olivia Kim!
Kim Out.
Kim pushes both of them out the room and closes the door. She wants
to punch something. Olivia throws a tampon into the room.
Kim Fuck off!
She picks up her phone to call Kash.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 38 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Ten – Meet the Boyfriend 39
Scene Ten – Meet the Boyfriend

Week 8.
Outside the Liberal Club – Smoking area. 9PM.
Patience by Take That is blaring out in the background with
just-off-key vocals. Alisha and Olivia exit the Liberal, they’ve been
dancing and are sweaty.
Alisha Corrr, that’s better. Thought I might overheat for a
second.
Olivia What do you think of the tribute?
Alisha Yeh, they’re not bad. That Mark isn’t as fit as you
made out. If you had one guy that would turn you, it
shouldn’t be him.
Olivia Yeh, you’re right. I saw the Gary looking over at
you though.
Alisha Ew. He looks about 55.
Olivia Pushing 42 maybe . . .
Alisha Almost triple my age!
Olivia Silver fox! Didn’t think it bothered you.
Alisha It doesn’t but I’m not gonna cheat for a guy whose
42 and plays in a Tribute band.
Olivia You’re properly smitten with this guy aren’t you?
Alisha Yeh.
Olivia What does he even do?
Alisha He’s at college, he’s 19, and he’s saving to move out.
Olivia Lush, a little shag pad! When am I going to meet
him?
Alisha Tonight.
Olivia What?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 39 05/10/2022 17:07

40 Pick n Mix
Alisha He’s texted earlier, said he might pop in.

Olivia You joking?
Alisha Do I look like I’m joking?
Olivia Oh em Gee. This is so exciting. Alisha’s got a
boyfriend!
Alisha Don’t say boyfriend, it’s still sort of awkward
because we haven’t had the chat!
Olivia He’s not even properly asked you out yet?
Alisha Not officially.
Olivia Taking his time.
Alisha Well it’s sort of a bit complicated
Olivia Why? I thought you said that he said that he
thought he was falling for you.
Alisha He did
Olivia Bit full on that if you’re not even going out. And
you’ve not even shagged.
Alisha Well –
Olivia You have?
Alisha Only a few times. Once ages ago, not long after we
first met but that was more of a spur of the moment thing
and then once last week and once Monday night. It was
really romantic. His parents were out. He lit a candle and
everything.
Olivia OMG. What would your dad say?
Alisha He’d lay him out. Literally. Promise you won’t
tell anyone.
Olivia Promise.
Alisha Best friend Secret Swear?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 40 05/10/2022 17:07

Olivia Best friend Secret Swear!

Secret handshake. Alisha starts singing along to the Take That Song.
Alisha Cos . . . IIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiii . . . Need Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime
Olivia If I tell you something, will you best friend Secret
Swear not to say anything to anyone ever?
Alisha Well, obvs that’s sort of what a Best Friend Secret
Swear is. I’m not expecting that you’re gonna just dial up
my dad now and start blabbing about my sex life am I?
Olivia Suppose not.
Alisha Out with it then. Hurry up, cos this tune is a belter.
I . . . Neeedd . . . Tiiiimmmmeee
Olivia I–
Alisha You better not be blagging some shit to wind me
up again.
Olivia I’m not. I . . . The other week, I . . .
Alisha What?
Olivia I think I might –
Jordan enters.
Jordan Oi oi!
The girls turn. They see Jordan. Alisha goes all coy.
Alisha Hey hun!
Jordan marches over.
Olivia Jordan?
Alisha Eh?
Jordan What are you –?
Olivia What the fuck are you doing here?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 41 05/10/2022 17:07

42 Pick n Mix
Alisha Liv, bit rude? Jordan’s my – well we’re seeing

each other.
Olivia Your fuck buddy is Jordan?
Alisha He’s not my fuck – he’s –
Olivia Shit the bed!
Jordan Is this a joke?
Alisha If it is, I don’t fucking get it.
Olivia You’re shagging my sisters ex.
Alisha What?
Jordan That was all done with ages ago.
Olivia If ages ago is a couple of weeks then yeh. Fuck me
– Jordan.
Alisha I thought your sister was dating the pizza guy?
Olivia She is but –
Jordan She’s what?
Olivia Jordan?! Really? Of all the people.
Alisha We really like each other . . .
Jordan Who’s the pizza guy?
Alisha Why do you care?
Olivia Because it’ll make him feel less guilty for shagging
you behind my sister’s back. Fucking snake.
Alisha You told me it was all done with your ex.
Jordan It was, weeks ago.
Olivia It was last week!
Jordan Why would you –?
Alisha What the fuck? Last week? We slept together last
week. You lit the candle –
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 42 05/10/2022 17:07

Jordan It was over long before that. Just not officially – But
listen to us. I really like you Alisha, I properly do. You’re
different from Kim – honest. You and me – we actually click.
Alisha Oh fuck off.
Jordan We do! I’ve honestly never had that with someone
before. I – I – think I love you.
Alisha Oh Jordan! Don’t pull out the big guns just because
you’ve been putting it about. Bloody hell, you’ve made me
look like a proper skank. Kim!?
Jordan It’s not what you think.
Olivia It’s exactly what you think.
Jordan You shut up.
Olivia Don’t tell me to shut up.
Alisha This is – I can’t believe this.
Jordan She’s no fucking better.
Olivia Don’t you –
Jordan She was more than happy to go behind her sisters
back! She’s the real snake.
Alisha What are you on about?
Olivia Jordan, no!
Jordan Whilst Kim and me was together, she forced me to
sleep with her.
Olivia I didn’t force anything.
Alisha Sorry what?
Jordan Well, it wasn’t my fault
Olivia Takes two, Jordan.
Alisha Hold on. Rewind. You two have shagged?
Olivia Yes. Big mistake. In the past.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 43 05/10/2022 17:07

44 Pick n Mix
Alisha You’ve shagged her and her sister? And me?

Jordan No. Well yes, but it’s not like that – Anyway, I’m
seeing you, aren’t I? All this doesn’t matter.
Alisha It definitely does.
Olivia Fuck this mess. I’m gone. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Olivia leaves.
Jordan Babe, babe, babe, can we just talk about this calmly?
Alisha No. We can’t. Not tonight. Piss off.
Jordan Text us won’t you?
Alisha Just leave us the fuck alone.
Scene Eleven – Airing Your Dirty Knicks in the Street

The street outside the Pick N Mix Shop. Alisha chases Olivia.
Alisha Oi! Liv!
Olivia What?
Alisha Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?
Olivia I’m hardly proud of it am I, and – and – I didn’t
know you were – you know!
Alisha Still! Your sisters boyfriend?
Olivia I know! And clearly I massively regret it, but I was
– I was confused and wanted to know if – and he was the
only lad that I know. Kim was gonna dump him anyway –
It’s not an excuse, I know.
Alisha So he’s the –
Olivia Yeh! It’s fucking dark.
Alisha Oh shit! Why? Why me! Does Kim know?
Olivia Yes, cos that will go down well.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 44 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Eleven – Airing Your Dirty Knicks in the Street 45
Alisha What? So you’re just not going to tell her?

Olivia ‘Hey Kim! Thanks for lending me your shoes, oh
and by the way I also borrowed your ex boyfriend because I
was having a mini-sexuality crisis and now he’s your baby
daddy.’ Yeh – sounds great.
Alisha He’s what?
Olivia Kim – she’s, you know – having a kid. His kid.
Alisha Fucking hell! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Olivia What?
Alisha You do realise that I actually love this guy. I’ve
fallen for the very moron that has put a bloody baby in my
best mate’s fucking sister.
Olivia How could you fall for him? You’ve only known him
a few weeks.
Alisha Well I have. And I didn’t fucking know did I? To
me, he was just sweet and charming and lovely and I dunno
– I sort of saw something in him. A future.
Olivia Kim said he’s dull as fuck.
Alisha I don’t think that. Didn’t think that! Don’t think
that. He’s still my –
Olivia What? Fuck buddy? He’s not even asked you out!
Alisha Like those boundaries matter to you – your sisters
boyfriend?!?? Bloody hell, Liv, that’s one hell of a Best
Friend Secret Swear!
Olivia That’s not actually – I can’t do this –
Olivia goes to the door but out bursts Kim and Kash arm-in-arm.
Kim is showing subtle signs of pregnancy.
Kash Liv!
Kim Where are you going?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 45 05/10/2022 17:07

46 Pick n Mix
Olivia My room.
Kim What about the tribute?
Olivia They were shit.
Kim They always are. Nevermind. Why don’t we nick
some choccies and stick a movie on? Alisha?
Alisha I think I might just head home to be honest.
Kim But it’s Saturday night –
Olivia I’m not feeling too good.
Alisha HA! Okay. I think she might have something to
tell you.
Olivia Alisha, please, not tonight.
Alisha When though? Because you have to say something.
Olivia When I’m ready.
Alisha There’s never going to be a right time, you know
that don’t you?
Kim What does she need to tell me?
Alisha Go on, Liv. Now’s your chance. If you don’t say
something I will!
Olivia You wouldn’t dare.
Alisha You know you’re well –
Gestures the bump.
Kim Who told you?
Olivia Alisha – drop it.
Alisha You know Jordan?
Kash (referring to Kim) Her ex?
Alisha Well, they’ve had it off haven’t they!
Kim What?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 46 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Eleven – Airing Your Dirty Knicks in the Street 47
Alisha Yeh.
Kim Liv?
Kash Isn’t she into girls?
Alisha Who fucking knows anymore?
Kim Liv . . . How could you –
Olivia I’m so sorry, It was a big mistake – I didn’t – I was
going to tell you. I just didn’t know how. I’m sorry, Kim,
please –
Kim When?
Olivia Does it matter?
Alisha It was in your bedroom apparently.
Kim I think you should leave now Alisha.
Alisha She’s a dirty fucking tramp who can’t keep her
hands off other people’s fellas. You better watch it Kash.
Kim I said, leave. Now!
Alisha heads off. Kim’s head is a shed. Olivia looks at her big sis.
Olivia Kim, I’m sorry.
Kim Don’t come at me with your fucking Sorrys. Jordan?
What the actual fuck? Him, that doesn’t shock me. Men are
sly cunts.
(Noticing Kash.) Most men are sly cunts. But you. You’re my
fucking sister. And you’re putting it about for help with your
homework. Eurgh, that’s low fucking grade.
Kash Kim, maybe you should take a couple of deep
breaths.
Kim Who do you think you are with your fucking deep
breaths? I’m here knocked up to fuck and you want me to
take deep fucking breaths. Oooh yeah one deep breath and
magically, my sister hasn’t fucked the scum-piece who put a
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 47 05/10/2022 17:07

48 Pick n Mix
bleeding baby in me. A baby that’s gonna change my whole

fucking life. A baby that means I can kiss goodbye to college
and join the mile-long list of girls in this family who’ve had
kids before they were twenty-fucking-one. To dad’s who toss
off their maintenance for a fucking Stella or summat. This
was not meant to be my fucking life!
Kash It won’t be.
Kim You’re not it’s fucking dad Kash.
Kash Don’t you think I know that? But I’m here aren’t I,
so don’t tar me with the same brush as that idiot. You can
still have a good life. It might not be Dubai and cocktails but
this might be the best thing that’s fucking happened to you.
To us. So right now I think we should go inside and have a
warm blackcurrant and take a second. Okay?
Kash wraps his arm around Kim but she flinches at his touch. Can
she really trust this guy?
Kim . . . Okay.
Kim heads inside with Kash. Olivia follows.
Olivia Kim, wait –
Kim turns back to her sister. Cold as ice.
Kim I can’t have you around right now.
Olivia I just want to apologise.
Kim I don’t want to hear it.
Olivia You can’t just kick me out – what will mum say?
Kim When I tell her you fucked Jordan in my bedroom? I
don’t know, but I’d love to find out, wouldn’t you?
Olivia Kim –
Reaches for her.
Kim Get the fuck away from me.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 48 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Twelve – Happy Now? 49
Olivia recoils.
Olivia I’m sorry, I really am, but don’t – please – I don’t
know where to go.
Kim Why don’t you go crawling to my ex? I’m sure he’ll
look after you. Or your little loudmouth mate, don’t know
why she’s sticking her nose in.
Olivia Because she’s been seeing him for the last 6 weeks.
Kim What?
Olivia It’s true. I couldn’t believe it but –
Kim You’re pathetic.
Kim and Kash go into the shop. Olivia is left alone. Then she
heads in the direction that Alisha left in.
Scene Twelve – Happy Now?

Olivia chases Alisha.
Olivia Happy now?
Alisha What?
Olivia She kicked me out.
Alisha I don’t get why you’re playing the victim. You slept
with her ex, whilst they were still together. What the actual
fuck? She’s having my bloody boyfriend’s baby. And now I’m
gonna pop a little fucker out as well!
Olivia WHAT?
Alisha You heard!
Olivia He’s a fucking joke!
Alisha We all are. I’m going home.
Olivia Alisha – wait –
Alisha You’re a fucking wrong ‘un.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 49 05/10/2022 17:07

50 Pick n Mix
Olivia Can we just talk?

Alisha What more is there to say?
Alisha starts to walk off.
Olivia I’m pregnant too.
Lights go dark before we know if Alisha heard or not. Interval.
Scene Thirteen – We’ll Get Through This

Week 9. Midday.
Stage Right: Kim’s bedroom. Kash and Kim are sat on the bed.
Stage Left: Alisha’s House. Jordan and Alisha are sat on the bed.
Centre stage: Olivia’s Room. Olivia is sat on the floor throughout,
trying to paint the right hand of her fingernails. She continually
messes up and has to restart.
Kash Right margarita, I gotta get to work. Save the world
from hunger and all that.
Kim Don’t go.
Kash And miss work?
Kim Please.
Kash And get the sack? No can do my Primark Princess,
your Pepperoni Prince has a job to hold down.
Kim throws a cushion at Kash.
Kim Don’t call me that. I hate it when you call me that.
Kash It’s true though. You live in their leggings.
Kim Still.
INTERCUT TO JORDAN & ALISHA:

Jordan You going to call her then?
Alisha Don’t know.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 50 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Thirteen – We’ll Get Through This 51
Jordan I think you should.

Alisha Why?
Jordan You’re mates, and I know it’s weird but you’re
going to need her to back your corner soon – might be better
to make amends now. She can’t possibly keep it, so she
might, you know, then we can focus on ours.
Alisha Don’t say that.
Jordan It’s true though.
Alisha It’s awful.
Jordan Sorry.
INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH :

Kim Hey, why don’t you ask my mum for a job?
Kash Babe, look at me. If I wanted to work in corner shop,
I’d be running a franchise by now!
Kim I just don’t like it when you work nights. I get lonely.
Kash What happened to the fiercely independent ball
breaker bitch I fell for?
Kim She got fat.
Kash Not fat, just clingy.
Kim Shut up.
Kash Gimme a Kiss. I’m off.
INTERCUT TO JORDAN & ALISHA :

Jordan Does she know?
Alisha What?
Jordan That we’re, you know, official?
Alisha Not yet.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 51 05/10/2022 17:07

52 Pick n Mix
Jordan When are you going to tell her?

Alisha I don’t know. I don’t know when’s a good time. She
knows that we’re speaking.
Jordan What did she say about that?
Alisha Not much really – she’s hardly in a position to judge
is she?
Jordan I know but it’s still weird.
Alisha This whole situation is your fault as much as anyone
else so point blaming anyone, we’ve just got to make the best
of it.
INTERCUT TO KIM & KASH :

Kash is by the door.
Kim Kash, why are you here?
Kash Hold on, a second ago you wanted me to stay.
Kim No, I mean why are you sticking around? I’m getting
chunky and I’m cranky and I’ve no idea what to do about
this old mess I’ve got myself in. It’s not your baby, not your
problem. You should walk. Fuck, you should run while
you’ve got the fucking chance.
Kash Oh stop it.
Kim Don’t get aggy with me.
Kash Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself. So what if
you’re knocked up. I want to stick around so I am.
Kim You can say that now, whilst I’m still able to lift my
arse out of bed but in 6 months I’ll be all ballooned and have
a swollen neck and be getting stretch marks in places that
you wouldn’t even think you could get stretch marks.
Kash So?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 52 05/10/2022 17:07

Kim And what about after that? Don’t pretend this isn’t
happening, Kash. If I keep this thing, then I’ll have a
spewing shit machine to deal with 24/7, there won’t be
anymore quiet nights in watching Black Mirror. You don’t
want to be a part of that picture. It’s not exactly
Instagrammable!
Kash Will you shut up?
Kim But you don’t – so don’t string me along for 6 months
until you get the fear and break my heart because I haven’t
got time for shit like that.
Kash Can I make my own decision please?
Kim But I can see how this is going to pan out and it ends
up with me being hurt and I can’t take being hurt again.
Kim is on the edge of breaking down. This pregnancy has really
taken it’s toll on her emotions.
Kash Kim, Kim, Kim, Stop, please, you’re spiralling.
You’ve gotta stop this. Listen to me, please. This baby stuff –
I’m excited for it. All of it. Ok maybe not the shit and the
sick, but the rest of it, yes. It might not be mine but we can
figure all that out. And no, it’s not gonna be perfect. It’s not
sunshine and cocktails but I like you. A lot – I know it’s soon
but I’m falling for you, Kimberley. Cankles or no cankles.
And I want to give you and this baby, my everything. The
all-inclusive package deal, that’s me. So stop stressing please,
whatever happens we’ll figure it out. Let’s just take one day
at a time. Yeh? It’s all going to turn out just fine.
Kim You don’t know that.
Kash I do actually. I believe it. I believe that you and me
are good together. And I know in my heart of hearts that we
are right where we are supposed to be.
Kim is moved by sure he is. She looks at him for a moment.
Kim Softie.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 53 05/10/2022 17:07

54 Pick n Mix

Jordan Do you still love me?
Alisha Yeh, course, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t
would I?
Jordan It’s just I was thinking about asking your dad if we
should, you know, get engaged and that, so that we can do it
all properly for when then little one comes.
Alisha I think you’re meant to ask my dad before you ask
me . . .
Jordan I would, but he’s shit scary.
Alisha Yeh, I’m not sure he’s gonna approve.
Jordan Because I’m not Hindu?
Alisha Because you’ve got 3 girls pregnant.
Jordan Oh.
A pause.
Jordan Will you ask him for me?
Alisha You want me to ask my dad for permission for to
you to ask him for permission to ask me to get married?
Jordan Yeh.
Alisha It’s a bloody good job I love you Jordan.
Jordan So will you?
Alisha Yeh, I suppose so.

Kash grabs some bits and bobs for Kim.
Kash Right there’s your flannel and a bowl in case you feel
sick again. Here’s a fresh box of Rhubarb and Custards. And
here’s a fresh sponge for you to sniff, you absolute freak of
nature.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 54 05/10/2022 17:07

Kim takes the sponge and smells it. Why does it smell so damn
good?! Pregnancy is bang weird. Kash chuckles and kisses her head.
Kim Why are you so good to me?
Kash Don’t be silly. Right, get a box set on because your
Pepperoni Prince is late and he’s got to go save the world
from starvation and save some pennies whilst he’s at it. Ok?
Kim Ok.
Kash Really?
Kim Yeh.
Kash You’re not going to spiral as soon as I leave and flood
the room with tears until I get back?
Kim Might do.
Kash Better get your bikini on then and prepare to tread
water.
Kash goes to leave.
Kim Kash?
Kash Yeh?
Kim Thanks for being you.
Kash Shut up.
He leaves. Kim tucks into a box of Pick N Mix Sweets – the ones
you get from Cash & Carry.

Jordan I want to do all this right and proper. I know it’s
not an ideal scenario, and we’ve not been together long. And
it’s going to cost a bleeding fortune. I spoke to college, they
can put my course on hold for a year so I’m going to pick up
a couple of jobs and work my ass off to pay my way. I don’t
want to be a dole dosser or nothing. I’ll do my copper
training when the little one’s here. And if we get married –
nothing fancy or nothing – it will be like a fresh start for us.
As a family.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 55 05/10/2022 17:07

56 Pick n Mix
Alisha (she considers it) Alright then.

Jordan Great.
Alisha So you’re not going to get down on one knee or
anything then?
Jordan Don’t. I’ll do that after you’ve asked your dad?
Alisha Kind of loses the element of surprise a bit,
doesn’t it?
Jordan I guess.
Alisha Bloody hell Jordan, what are you like? I guess I’m
going to have to tell Liv now aren’t I?
Jordan What about?
Alisha I dunno – the wedding!
Jordan You’re not gonna ask her to be bridesmaid or owt
are you?
Alisha That’s not got anything to do with you.
Jordan Alright. – Fuck it’s all a bit full on isn’t it.
Alisha Yes it is Jordan, yes it is.
Alisha gives Jordan a peck on the cheek and leaves. Jordan and
Kim are both terrified.
Scene Fourteen – I’m Not Sure About That Though

Week 10.
School. Alisha and Olivia are sat at different desks. They aren’t
speaking.
Olivia Pssst.
Alisha ignores her. Olivia scribbles something on a scrap of paper
and launches it. THWACK! It hits Alisha in the face. She’s
fuming. Glares at Olivia.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 56 05/10/2022 17:07

Scene Fourteen – I’m Not Sure About That Though 57
Olivia Read it. Please.

Alisha reads the note. She softens. The bell goes. They both grab
their bags and meet each other outside the classroom.
Olivia Hi.
Alisha What do you want?
Olivia You ok?
Alisha Sort of. You?
Olivia Yeh. Not too bad. You know, muddling through
and that.
Alisha Out with it then.
Olivia Sarah Jane Jacobs said you’re getting married.
Alisha Eurgh. Sarah Jane Jacobs should keep her trap shut.
Olivia Are you?
Alisha Might be.
Olivia Why?
Alisha Because I love him, and he asked, so yeh . . .
Olivia You made any plans for it then?
Alisha Some.
Olivia Who’s your bridesmaid?
Alisha Don’t know yet.
Olivia waits for Alisha to say more. But she doesn’t.
Olivia He doesn’t mess about does he?
Alisha Well we’re having this baby, and we want to make a
fresh start, so we might as well crack on and get it out the
way with.
A beat.
Olivia And you’re dad’s ok with it?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 57 05/10/2022 17:07

58 Pick n Mix
Alisha Don’t ask! But it’s what I really want so he’ll just
have to suck it up. As will everyone else.
A moment.
Olivia Bloody hell, Kim’s gonna piss when she finds out.
Alisha If she’s anything like me, she’s pissing all the time
anyway.
Olivia I can’t believe this! You’re a nutter you are!
Alisha Says the underage pregnant lezza.
Olivia We’re gonna be the talk of the estate.
Alisha Already are.
A small smile. Maybe they’ll walk home together. But then . . .
Alisha Look I need to be getting off –
Olivia You free on Tuesday next week?
Alisha Why?
Olivia Are you?
Alisha Probably. Why?
Olivia Can I ask a favour?
Alisha You can ask but I aren’t making no promises.
Olivia I . . . erm . . .
Alisha Look who’s lost for words. Never thought I’d see
the day.
Olivia I just wondered if you’d be able to take me to the
clinic. To, you know, get rid . . .
Alisha What?
Olivia Of it. Her. Him. This thing. I need to get rid. I
think it’s the right thing to do.
Alisha An abortion?
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 58 05/10/2022 17:07

Olivia Yeh.
Alisha Right.
Silence.
Alisha How does that even work? It’s not actually a
coat-hanger is it?
Olivia No. I googled it. It’s just two different tablets now.
Or a surgical thing but I don’t think I’ll need that.
Alisha Right. And it’s just gone?
Olivia Yeh I think so.
Alisha So you’d just kill it, just like that?
Olivia It’s not killing it, because it doesn’t live yet. I’m not
a murderer.
Alisha It’s still living.
Olivia I know but not like you and me.
Alisha So at what point is it murder?
Olivia I don’t know, when it comes out, I guess?
Alisha But it has a soul before then. It has a soul now.
Olivia Surely, if every soul is reincarnated then if there’s
one in waiting for that life to happen, but then it doesn’t, the
soul just gets bumped along to the next thing that’s about to
be born.
Alisha It’s not the collection points at Argos.
Olivia How do you know?
Alisha I don’t – but I guess I do, inside me.
Olivia Imagine being in line to come back as something
awesome like a Falcon or something and then you get
bumped along and come back as a slug.
Alisha It definitely doesn’t work like that.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 59 05/10/2022 17:07

60 Pick n Mix
Olivia But imagine if it did.

Alisha You’re nut shit crazy you.
Olivia Yeh, I know.
A beat.
So will you come?
Alisha I’m not sure.
Olivia Please.
Alisha I don’t know what my mum and dad would say.
Olivia Just say we’re staying back. Doing some homework
in the library or something.
Alisha Cos they’d really believe that.
Olivia Say you’re at mine then. Or Jordan’s. Whatever.
Please.
Alisha I don’t know Liv.
Olivia Please. I need someone.
Alisha Isn’t there anyone else?
Olivia There’s never anyone else.
Alisha What about Kim?
Olivia Really?
Alisha I’m just not sure I’m the right person.
Olivia You knew me before you met him.
Alisha It’s not that, it’s – are you sure this is what you want?
Olivia I’ve not just made an impulsive decision.
Alisha Wouldn’t be the first time.
Olivia That’s not nice.
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Alisha Sorry. I – I just don’t know if I can-. Are you even

old enough?
Olivia Am I old enough to bring up a child? I don’t
fucking know. Are you old enough to be on Tinder?
Alisha That’s different.
Olivia And yet here we both are.
Alisha I know, but you’re not even 16. At least I’m legal.
Olivia Are you joking?
Alisha It’s actually called statutory rape.
Olivia What?
Alisha Someone over 16 with someone under 16.
Google it.
Olivia It’s your boyfriend you’re talking about.
Alisha And he could go to prison.
Olivia Hardly. Besides, he knew I was younger.
Alisha He told me everything. Said you didn’t say. Said it
was all you, going for him.
Olivia He still chose to. I swear I didn’t force him.
Alisha Still he said –
Olivia Is it Team Alisha and Jordan now? You two having a
good old bitch about me? Saying I’m too young, immature?
There’s 10 months between us Alisha, you’re hardly drawing
your pension.
Alisha I never meant –
Olivia It’s fine. I’ll go on my own.
Alisha I can’t help my opinion, Liv. If I don’t believe in
abortion, I don’t believe in it, that’s that.
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62 Pick n Mix
Olivia You have to believe in it, it exists, it’s not the fucking
tooth fairy.
This was meant to make you happy.
Alisha What? Why?
Olivia Cause you were so mad, and now everything with
you and him getting married and – I dunno, I just thought
you’d prefer if things weren’t so messy.
Alisha Yeh I would. But they’re not. So I have to put up
with it. This is my shitshow of a life whether I like it or not.
Olivia I said I’m sorry like a thousand times.
Alisha I know . . .
I know. Look you need to figure this out on your own. I
can’t – I just can’t –
Silence.
Olivia When did it stop being me and you against the
world?
Alisha It didn’t.
Olivia Then how did we end up like this?
Alisha –
Olivia Alisha?
Alisha –
Olivia Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.
Alisha I’ve got to go.
Olivia Don’t delete me. I can’t – I need – I don’t want to be
on my own.
But Alisha has gone. Can Olivia really do this on her own?
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Scene Fifteen – 3 Girls 63
Scene Fifteen – 3 Girls

Week 12. Thursday.
The shop. Kim is stacking newspapers. Alisha enters. First time
they’ve met since everyone finding out.
Alisha Hi.
Kim Hi.
Alisha Where is she?
Kim Her room. Want me to get her?
Alisha It’s fine. I’ll text her.
Alisha texts on her phone.
The 2 pregnant girls stand in uncomfortable silence.
Kim Well, this is weird.
Alisha Bang weird.
Kim So you’re?
Alisha Yeh.
Kim Wow.
Kim Definitely his?
Alisha Who else?
Kim Shit the bed.
Alisha It was the first time we met, -honest – dead early on.
I didn’t know he was – that you – I wasn’t gonna but we got
caught up in the moment. It was dead quick, didn’t even last
3 minutes and he pulled out. I guess we were just unlucky –
or lucky as I see it.
Kim Bloody hell! Nothing wrong with his swimmers then
is there? You want to lock him up before half of Bradford
has a baby.
Alisha He says I’m the only one for him now.
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64 Pick n Mix
Kim Yeh..well . . . I wouldn’t be getting a joint bank

account any time soon, if I were you.
Alisha I don’t really need life advice from you thanks very
much
Kim Fine
It’s painfully awkward. The stand in silence.
Olivia bounds in. Pregnant.
Olivia Hey hey, baby buddies!!!
Alisha Wow.
Olivia Pregnancy suits me doesn’t it? Am I glowing?
Alisha You look well.
Olivia How is my baby’s half sister/brother?
Alisha That’s going to take a bit of getting used to.
Kim Yep.
Alisha So far so good, I think
Olivia How’s Jordan?
Alisha Yeh. He’s – well – yeh bricking it. About everything.
Money. How it’s all going to work. My dad. Mostly my dad.
Olivia Not surprised.
Kim He’s still got a lot to answer for in my eyes.
Alisha That’s not exactly fair is it?
Kim You do realise he got us all pregnant? And he
knowingly slept with my sister when I was with him.
Alisha Not really all down to him.
Olivia Not just me either though
Alisha Majority you
Kim Whose side are you on?
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Alisha What?
Kim Are you with us or what?
Alisha I don’t want them to be any Us and Them. I get it,
it’s shady what Liv did, but she had her reasons. And you’re
probably still a bit caught up because I got with your ex.
Kim Oh no love, you’re welcome to him. He trims his
pubes over the toilet and leaves the strays all over the seat.
It’s grim as fuck.
Olivia She freebleeds so they’re a good match
Kim Freebleeding ain’t grim. There’s a whole trend for it
now. It’s e co-friendly. They have special knickers and
everything.
Alisha Told ya.
Olivia Fine.
A beat.
Olivia can’t work out who is mad at who.
Alisha How’s your new fella?
Kim softens.
Kim Kash? He’s fine. About everything. Cool as a
cucumber. It’s almost annoying. I’m losing my shit every day
and he’s just chill about it all. I swear there’s something
wrong with him. Twat.
Alisha What about that lass, Liv, what’s her name?
Kim ANNA! The paper girl! Yeh, Liv, have you actually
had a proper conversation with her yet that’s not about
papers.
Olivia Nah! She’s so out of my league.
Kim Hardly!
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66 Pick n Mix
Olivia I think I’m just going to focus on myself for a while.

Me and the little one, I think we’ll be just fine figuring it out
on our own for the time being.
Alisha I didn’t think you’d decide to keep it.
Kim You know how she can’t bear to be left out.
Olivia It’s not that, it’s – I thought about what you said and
I just don’t want to regret it. If I can’t have one later, then it
would break my heart, and in a weird way I’ve sort of grown
attached to it. It’s about the size of cherry right now!
Kim and Alisha both look at Olivia. She’s 15. About 2 months
pregnant. And she couldn’t be happier.
How is she still so naive?
Olivia Didn’t that app say that yours is the size of a plum
now, Kim? I’m hoping it grows really fast so I can have all it’s
hand me downs. Then I can pass them onto you, can’t I
Alisha?
Alisha I don’t know if that’s a good idea . . .
Olivia Why not? This next year is going to be weird for all
of us, so we might as well stick through it and help each
other out where we can.
Kim Don’t be expecting me to rub anyone’s back or any of
that shit.
Olivia I’m not saying it’s gonna be all flowers and roses
straight away. But you know, baby steps. Literally.
Kim and Alisha take deep breaths. A beat.
Olivia I’m scared.
Alisha You’re not on your own there, Liv. We’re all scared.
Olivia It’s a bit mental innit?
Kim Just a bit.
Olivia But hey, at least we’re all in it together right?
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She looks to them both for reassurance. It’s a mixture of tense and
awkward.
Olivia Why don’t we grab a load of goodies and stick a
movie on?
Silence.
Alisha I should really be getting off.
Olivia Kash can bring us a couple of pizzas.
Kim He can’t just get free food whenever he fancies you
know. He’ll lose his job.
Olivia You’ve had pizza every other night since you’ve
been seeing him. Your little baby’s gonna come out begging
for a meat feast.
Both Alisha and Kim hear how wrong that sounds.
Alisha I’ve got tea waiting back at home. I just wanted to
see you were ok.
Olivia What about another day then? Saturday?
Alisha Maybe.
Olivia You’re free Saturday, aren’t you Kim?
Kim I’m not sure to be honest.
Olivia Well, find out and then let me know and I’ll get
everything planned.
Kim nods.
Alisha Bye Liv. Bye . . .(Kim). Bye.
Alisha exits.
Kim quickly busies herself in the shop.
Olivia isn’t sure how this is all going to work out.
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68 Pick n Mix
Scene Sixteen – Toilets

Week 13. 2PM
The stage is once again set as three separate toilets. Focus shifts
between them.
Stage Right: Kim is sat on the floor, she has her hair tied back, she’s
been throwing up, Kash is cuddling her.
Stage Left: Alisha and Jordan are kissing and giggly, we see that
maybe they could get their happily ever after.
Centre Stage: Olivia is alone.
Jordan I thought I’d be pretty grossed out by this whole
pregnant thing but it’s weirdly sort of sexy.
Alisha Shhh . . .
Kim Morning sickness – how about fucking all day every
day sickness!
Kash Just take deep breaths.
Kim You’ll be fucking needing deep breaths in a minute.
Kash Alright Rocky Balboa!
Olivia looks uncomfortable and is struggling to take off a pair of
dungarees.
Alisha and Jordan are about to get at it.
Jordan And did I mention your boobs look banging!
Alisha You’re so sweet!
Jordan starts kissing Alisha’s neck.
Kim I’m meant to look glowing! Why am I not glowing?
Kash You’re beautiful. Properly beautiful. And she will be
too. Look at her. She’ll be the queen of my Insta.
Kash holds photo of the scan. He strokes Kim’s head and kisses it.
Olivia What the fuck?
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Scene Seventeen – What Now? 69
Alisha Fuck! Shh!! My dad’s back! Fuck!

Kim Don’t kiss me, I’m gonna throw. Fuck!
Olivia slowly looks down the toilet, she is horrified. And terrified.
The lights fade on the other two toilets.
Olivia I’m bleeding . . . I think I bleeding? Kim?
Olivia touches the blood, there’s lots. It covers her hands.
She’s devastated. The lights go out on the toilet.
Blood fills the stage.
Scene Seventeen – What Now?

A few hours later.
Kim’s bedroom. Olivia sits on the bed huddled under a blanket.
Kim and Alisha sit beside her.
Olivia It was mine. Mine. Fucking mine. Why?
Alisha and Kim hold her.
Olivia My little cherry. Poor little cherry. Do you think it
loved me? I loved it so much. I didn’t tell it enough. Do you
think that’s why it’s gone, because I didn’t speak to it or sing
to it? Do you think it knew about the clinic stuff and –
Alisha Come on, now. Deep breaths
Olivia You said. You told me. How could I ever have even
considered – I booked an appointment. I actually booked to
– it knew, it knew. I’m a monster.
Kim You’re 15. And you’re anything but a monster.
Olivia I was ready you know. I know everyone thought
‘Oh she’s too young’. ‘Oh here’s another thing she’ll fuck
up.’
Alisha No one thought that
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70 Pick n Mix
Olivia I heard them. ‘Look at her, barely out of nappies

herself ’. ‘She’ll never manage on her own, she’s just a kid’.
Am I still a kid now? Does this make me a fucking woman
now? Have I passed the fucking test? Cos I want to resit. I
want to rewind. I want – I want – I want –
It’s too much. They hold her for a long moment.
Olivia I bet Jordan’ll be over the moon
Alisha He won’t be. He’d sort of gotten used to the idea.
Olivia I can’t tell him. I don’t want to say it – It makes it
too real.
Alisha Don’t worry – I’ll sort it.
Olivia I just – I wish I had someone.
Kim You’ve got us.
Olivia Hardly
Alisha We’re here aren’t we?
Olivia For now, yeh. But soon you’ll have – and then’ll
you’ll be –
Kim We’re not going to just disappear
Olivia No, but you’ll be too busy wiping arse and
squeezing milk out your titties to bother with my nonsense.
Alisha Oh Liv, my life would feel empty without your
nonsense.
Olivia It won’t be empty with a screaming kid and Jordan
. . . lingering . . .
Alisha He doesn’t linger.
Kim throws Alisha a look.
Alisha Maybe sometimes . . . but it’s cute.
Kim One woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure.
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Scene Seventeen – What Now? 71
Alisha Fuck off.

Kim I’m only messing.
Alisha Better be
Kim See, Liv, you won’t get a moment’s peace and quiet if
we’re always at each other’s throats.
Olivia You can’t promise that.
Alisha Ok fine, we can’t promise that. But I will Best
Friend Secret Swear that if you need me and I’m not knee
deep in baby shit, I’ll come running.
Kim Me too. Although I don’t get any of this secret swear
bullshit.
Alisha You just might have to deal with my hair which
won’t have seen a brush in a year . . .
Olivia I had it all planned out.
Kim I know, love.
Olivia We were meant to be a little duo. Me and it. My little
team mate. Now you two are gonna be baby buddies and I’ll
be . . . nothing.
Alisha I don’t want to be anyone’s ‘baby buddy’ thanks
very much.
Kim Me neither.
Olivia But we were gonna do everything together.
Kim I know what we can do together. Get a load of pick
and mix, a couple of pizzas and stick a movie on – how about
that?
Alisha Sounds like a plan.
Olivia Don’t you have to rush back to your boyfriends to
do ‘parenty’ stuff.
Alisha Not tonight.
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72 Pick n Mix
Kim If I spend another hour with that perfectly sweet

gentleman, I think I might strangle him.
Alisha Tonight we’re all yours. I know what we need.
Alisha pulls out her phone and plays Take That – Patience on
Spotify.
During the first verse, Kim and Alisha wrap the blanket around
Olivia.
They get popcorn and switch the telly on.
Alisha sings into the TV remote.
Alisha Cos I . . . Need Tiiiiiime
Kim/Alisha (singing) My heart is numb, has no feeling, so
while I’m still healing. Just try and have a little . . .
They look to Olivia to finish the line, but she just can’t. Not this
time.
Kim Come here darling.
Kim cradles her.
Alisha We got you. We got you baby.
Kim I love you, you know that don’t you. So so much.
Olivia looks up.
Alisha Every little thing about you. We love it.
Maybe there’s a tiny smile.
Olivia I’ll miss this.
Kim Me too.
Alisha Me three.
Take That plays out. The girls hold each other.
Three young women.
Connected forever.
Pick 'n' Mix.indd 72 05/10/2022 17:07

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Pick n Mix

Pick 'n' Mix.indd 1 05/10/2022 17:06

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Originally commissioned by Freedom Studios

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NATALIE DAVIES (Kim) was born and

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MORGAN SCRIVEN (Jordan) is an

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KAT ROSE-MARTIN is a Bradford born and based writer/

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MADI OMATSEONE is a Theatre Designer based in

TOM BLACKBAND has worked on lighting productions

JOSH DEPASS known by his alias ‘Jae Depz’ has established

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MADIHA ANSARI is a Karachi born West Yorkshire based

LAUREN CROSS graduated from the University of

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BRADFORD PRODUCING HUB

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Scene Two – Excuse Me But?

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Jordan Well, Maybe there’s a bit of a reason . . .

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Olivia She’s in one.

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Kim Oh sod it, go on then. Be quick though, it only takes

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Scene Three – IT Class

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Scene Four – News Girl

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Kim You’re changing the subject. You were soft on her.

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Kim Livvy and Anna! Or would you be Anna and Livvy?

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Kim Thanks. How much is it?

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Kim Not my dad, not my problem.

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Kim Honestly, if I could help I would but I’d rather wax

Scene Five – Do These Tits Look Underage To You?

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Jordan Oh. Well done.

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Jordan Are you? What the –? But you’re –

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Scene Six – Does This Really Go On There?

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Olivia – squeeze the teet and –

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Alisha Then she’s definitely chatting shit.

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