How To Sell The Way People Buy

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2 ©How to ‘Sell’ the Way People Buy! ©2024 Michael Oliver / Natural Selling
Contents - How To Sell The Way People Buy! - Part 1
Welcome. Introduction Page 4
Some History - 1996 - The Birth Of The New Model Of Selling Page 8
Chapter 1. The Supporting NeuroScience Page 11
Chapter 2: What Is The Greatest Fear? Page 16
Chapter 3. The Fear of Rejection is NOT The Problem! Page 22
Chapter 4. The 3 Main Causes of Rejection & Objections Page 24
Chapter 5. Remove, Reframe, Rebuild! Page 32
Chapter 6. Natural Selling Principle #1 Page 36
Chapter 11. What's Next Page 80
Support Page 89
Introduction
Hello, and welcome to this short and life-changing

introduction to “How To ‘Sell’ the Way People Buy!” - The
science of listening your potential buyers into willingly
want to listen to and buy from you!
Whether you’re brand new to selling or a seasoned veteran...This book might

well be the most transformational book on how to ‘sell’ the way people buy, you’ll
ever read.
You’re about to discover the reasons WHY standard sales techniques, STILL
mostly taught to THIS day… actually, cause the resistance that could be holding
you or your sales team back.
And as you do, you’ll easily become aware, as you understand WHY potential
buyers throw up the barriers of resistance and then become excited when you
learn and understand how you will reverse this 180 degrees!
You’ll also discover the latest in neuroscience that supports what you’re about to
find, so you don’t have to take my word for it, nor the word of all my students,
some of whom now earn as high as seven-figure annual commissions.
You’ll find that instead of trying to pressure and persuade your potential buyers...
They will actually influence themselves, you're the right person to do business
with, and willingly want to lean in and listen to what you have to say, as the
experienced and Trusted Authority!
And I know when you take action on what you discover, and approach and talk
with your potential buyers with a different intention anchored by a different
mindset you’ll discover in this book, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how
differently they will respond to you!
You’ll be relaxed, confident and your success will dramatically increase… Just
like my clients and students across the world whom I’ve trained, coached and
mentored for the last 27 years.
Here’s to that success!
PS - To get the most out of what you’re about to learn, read each page
thoroughly. Allow yourself to be absorbed in it to get the full benefit of this new
model of selling and approach I created based on this major Natural Selling
Mindset shift.
Acknowledgements
My first and foremost grateful acknowledgement is to all the earlier students and
clients around the world, since 1997, whose support and feedback helped me
reinforce the importance of the philosophy and thinking behind the Natural
Selling Principles during my workshops, seminars, and teleconference training
sessions around the world. Their unconditional feedback was invaluable. It still is!
To Deepak Chopra for his work and for asking me to present Natural Selling &
The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success at the Chopra Center in Carlsbad California in
2001, after being certified to do so. Also, for giving me the exquisite
understanding of the power of the Law Of Detachment which is the essence and
backbone of Natural Selling. To Mike Vandermark, my 7 Laws instructor for his
guidance and friendship.
My mentor, friend, and brilliant problem solver Jerry Federico, who was the
regional manager of Solar King in California, and whose knowledge and
encouragement fed my insatiable curiosity to want to find out more. He was
instrumental in my success when I first started selling apartment building hot
water solar systems in Southern California!
Bob Brandes, whose amazing unconscious competent ability to easily and

comfortably help more people buy and yet could never explain how he did it! I’m
grateful for his inability to do so as it set me on the path, as did Deepak and
Winnie the Pooh, to seek the answer to the dilemma, that there had to be
“another way”!
Larry Wilson who ‘serendipitously’ turned up and opened the door to another way
by asking questions! Also to Socrates, (The greatest salesperson of all!), Neil
Rackham, David R Hawkins, Ron Willingham, Kevin Daley and Emmet Wolfe,
Stephen Covey, AA Milne, Winnie The Pooh, Benjamin Hoff, Wayne Dyer, Eckart
Tolle, Geoffrey Lane, Ken Keis, KC See, Fredric Lehrman, Roger Fisher and
William Ury, Michael Losier, Peter Senge, Brian Klemmer, and the late Mike
Lewis whose unique and contrary approach to life and business paralleled my
own and from whom I never stopped learning. And Heather Trondsen who has
assisted, supported and put up with me for over 20 years to whom I will be
forever grateful.
Some History - 1996 - The Birth Of The New Model Of Selling
It was in 1996 when I had the “Aha” moment that established my own purpose
and took me on the path that continues to this day!
I was in the UK training a group of salespeople, one-on-one, while on the road

travelling up and down the country, attending set appointments with potential
clients.
Each day's format was that I would start the first appointment, to give the person
I was training the feel and taste of what to ask, when to ask it, etc.. Then he or
she would do the next, and so on, while I observed and stepped in when needed.
Invariably I would end up with more sales than my trainee at the end of the day,
including the ones I had salvaged when the trainee was struggling. I got used to
hearing the question “How come you get the easy ones?”
I knew it wasn’t because I was getting the ‘easy ones’ - There was something
else happening. It was then I had an epiphany!
It was - Detachment!
Unlike my trainees, whose mindsets were anxiously focused on and attached to

getting the sale - Mine wasn’t! What I was attached to was to enter into a
conversation with the intention to genuinely find out whether our service could do
a better job than what they presently had. If it did, I presented. If it didn’t, I didn’t
present. That was it!
It was that energy of intention our potential buyers immediately resonated with.
Any initial resistance they might have had was dissolved and replaced by leaning
in wanting to know more. What they originally thought was going to be a sales
pitch turned out to be an authentic one to one conversation about how their life
and/or business could become better.
That moment was the birth of Natural Selling and the birth of Natural Selling
Conversational Dialogue - The New Model Of Selling!
Chapter 1
Chapter 1. Natural Selling - The Supporting NeuroScience
Neuroscientists and behavioral researchers in the science of sales and marketing

discovered... There’s a “switch” inside the brain that, depending on the way you
approach and talk with your potential buyers… Will either flip one way and divert
you to the part of their brain that creates resistance… Or flip the other way and
gain you access to the part of their brain that immediately dissolves resistance
and accepts you as someone to be trusted.
The choice is yours as to which way that switch is flipped!
The Amygdala
The part of the brain that creates resistance, is called the Amygdala. The
amygdala is the old part of our brain where our fight, flight or freeze responses
are triggered. It activates when someone is suspicious.
To put it simply and in context, if you confront a potential buyer with pushy sales
behavior such as a sales pitch, or sales pressure, or use standard model sales
techniques you immediately get diverted to their Amygdala which lights up like a
firework display that says:
● I’m suspicious and don’t trust this person
● This person is a threat
● This person is going to deceive me
Their subconscious threat detection mechanism perceives the threat right from
the beginning, analyses it and sends a course of action to the conscious mind to
deal with it by resisting. And this happens long before their conscious brain gets
engaged!
So, if you’ve ever wondered why potential buyers get wary and go into a flight,
flight or freeze response, now you know why!
On the other hand… If you approach potential buyers with a different intention,
and different language based on the Natural Selling Mindset you’re about to
learn, by INVOLVING them with non-threatening behavior, and listening to and
responding to them respectfully… You’ll flip the switch to the other side, and a
very different part of the brain lights up. It’s the Prefrontal Cortex.
The Prefrontal Cortex
The prefrontal cortex has to do with personality expression, social judgments

based on reputation, and decision making. It’s the “thoughtful” and social part of
the brain based on inner values and needs.
In other words, if you want to ‘sell’ the way people buy… THIS is the part of
your potential buyers' brain you want to reach and communicate with. Flipping
the switch to this side immediately dissolves resistance, eliminates tension or
friction and has people willingly engage with you.
Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue
Talking with potential buyers using Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue,

which is based on 5 Natural Selling Principles, will do this for you. It’s a
neuroscientific supported foundation where your new Natural Selling mindset
thinking and new approach;
● Lights up their prefrontal cortex
● Dissolves resistance before it happens!
● Acknowledges and motivates their unique inner values and needs
● Evokes emotions and feelings at the same time
● Has them looking favorably at you as a person to be trusted
It lets you communicate at a level where;
● REAL and immediate rapport and relationship building takes place
● REAL positive change takes place, for both you and your potential buyers
It’s the SECRET to understanding how to let your potential buyers actually
influence themselves to want to listen to and do business with you. It’s the KEY
to getting down to business quickly, and IMMEDIATELY establishing the know
and trust foundation so necessary to be successful.
Instead of being regarded cautiously as a salesperson - You’re looked on and

respected as the Trusted Authority right from the beginning, sitting side by side
with your potential buyers working together in mutual collaboration.
And when you do, and when you experience it… It will be like turning on a light
switch in a dark room and seeing things that were always there that you never
noticed before.
So, how do you attract your potential buyers’ prefrontal cortex? There are 3
steps;
1. Being aware that it’s your subconscious that is the driver behind your
behavior and that it is you who causes any resistance
2. Identify, teach and train your subconscious to replace whatever
retrogressive thinking and techniques you’ve accepted in the past, and
instead use as your foundation 5 Universal Natural Selling Principles and
approach that dissolve resistance
3. Continually take action on what you learn
So, what would it mean to you to teach your subconscious to unlearn your
present behavior that doesn’t serve you nor others, and become instructive
instead of destructive?
Chapter 2
Chapter 2: What Is The Greatest Fear?
When I ask salespeople and networkers…
“What is the greatest fear that holds you back from talking with or following up
with potential buyers?” most give the answer... “The fear of Rejection!”
Now, think about this…If this in any way reflects you and your experience… How
does it make YOU feel when you get rejected or even think about rejection?
Tense? Tight? Feeling inadequate? Fearful - Perhaps? Holding back from

making calls…? Regardless of what you might have been told, such as “rejection
is part of selling, to accept it and get over it”, it’s a real feeling, isn't it?
And while the feeling is different for all of us, the end result is the same… Most of
us don’t like the tension and the way it can hold us back from talking with or
following up with potential buyers, losing us sales.
You might have been taught that rejection is part of selling…To expect it, deal
with it, get over it, and that every ‘No’ gets you closer to a ‘Yes’, and so on? If
you have, you might also have been taught or learned techniques like;
● Talk about or present the features and benefits of your product or service
as soon as you can
● ABC - Always Be Closing
● Close soon and close often
● The more objections you can overcome the more successful you’ll be
● Getting rejected is not personal - It’s only a potential customer asking for
more information
● Selling is a numbers game
And it’s true… With this kind of standard fear-based sales model, it does make
selling a numbers game! A game of plowing through as many potential buyers as
you can… Using sales techniques to pressure them until you get a sale.
Well, I don’t subscribe to that way of thinking and approaching people! Never
have - Never will!
The sad thing about the numbers game is the heavy toll in emotional time, effort
and money - Which is too much for many salespeople and networkers. They
either hold back from making the calls and connections they should be making to
succeed, or… Just won’t do it!
It’s not that they can’t do it… They won’t do it! And there is a reason for this. It
has to do with the unintended consequences of a standard sales model based on
an approach that works for a very small number of people (about 15-17% of the
population) who have a certain personality and style. These are the same people
by the way, who made this model up many years ago!
So, what about the other 83-85%?
For them it’s a fundamentally flawed approach that is inadvertently designed to

fail most of the time! It would be like flying from London to Los Angeles in a plane
that has an 85% chance of NOT getting to its destination! Would you take that
chance? I doubt it!
And yet many salespeople do just that every day when connecting with potential
buyers. Unknowingly they set themselves up for failure by using sales models
that create the resistance they don’t want. Sales models that are adversarial,
inadvertently fear based and uncomfortable for both the salesperson and the
people they’re calling.
If this looks, sounds or feels like what is happening to you… The good news is…
You don't have to accept this anymore! Because while it might be someone
else’s truth or idea of selling… You don’t have to make it yours!
“There has to be another way!”
From when I started selling apartment building hot water solar systems, and
energy conservation retrofits such as residential attic insulation and office
building alternative lighting to reduce energy costs in Southern California in early
1980… These standard sales approaches never resonated with me. They felt
adversarial and unnatural. After a few months of doing it, (successfully I might
add because I thought at the time this is what you had to do, and I did. BUT…
Hating every step of the way!) I started thinking… “There has to be another way!”
And there is - A now proven neuroscientific supported effective way that I created
and have been training and coaching for 27 years, as I’ll explain.
A Critical Distinction
I’ll share with you that there is a critical distinction… Between the standard
present-day sales techniques and systems that are designed to PRESSURE
your potential customers to do what YOU want them to do… Techniques that
actually cause the resistance you don’t want…
And Natural Selling… Which comes from a holistic desire to help... And let your
potential buyers INFLUENCE THEMSELVES to willingly lean in and want to
listen to and buy from you… Without using ANY external sales pressure
techniques!
And it’s a distinction that will dissolve ANY tension or friction you might feel that
holds you back from talking with people. It’s also a distinction that will stop you
unconsciously saying things or using words that create resistance!
Now…What do you think THAT will do for your sales and personal well being
when you do that?
Well - you can, and will… When you take action on the 5 Natural Selling
Principles, and People Knowledge and Relationship skills outlined here in my
book that have taken so many salespeople to the top.
New Rules – New Model
Real change starts when you start questioning, challenging, and changing rules
that don’t work for you... And replace them with rules that will! And the rules that
will, are written on the OUTSIDE walls of most salespersons proverbial mindset
box - NOT in it!
To see these rules, you literally have to climb up, over and out of the present
mindset box you find yourself in, climb down to the outside and...
1. Read the rules…

2. Understand the rules, and then…
3. Take action on the rules!
Taking action takes you into the rarified and satisfying atmosphere of being in the
top 3% of salespeople who know that they know!
So instead of being trapped in the standard mindset “Numbers Game” and
techniques approach where you nervously stumble and plow through as many
people as possible… You turn your selling experience into a Quality Game, a
relaxed approach of;
1. Talking with more potential buyers in less time with zero stress and friction
2. Having your potential buyers wanting to listen to and buy from you …
Because they trust you!
Chapter 3
Chapter 3. Fear of Rejection is NOT the Problem!
The first step to real change is to appreciate that... The tension or fear of
rejection is NOT the problem! Fear is just the symptom of the problem. The
problem is what is CAUSING the fear!
This means that - If you identify and eliminate the cause of the fear… You also
eliminate what? The fear itself, don’t you?
For example, imagine you have a recurring headache you want to be rid of. Your
choice is to either take aspirin that will relieve the discomfort temporarily or…
You find the cause and take remedial action to relieve the pain for a lifetime!
It’s the same with selling!
You can either try and tough it out and continue using sales techniques that won’t
change your results much for you, or... You identify the cause, remove it and take
remedial action by changing the way you think about and how you approach
and talk with potential buyers… So that they move toward you and not away from
you!
The massive upside in all of this is that not only does it eliminate any tension you
might have… Any tension or resistance your potential buyers might have is
eliminated as well! So, the choice is - Old Rules/Old Model or New Rules/New
Model?
I don’t know about you; I know which I prefer! If you do as well - Prepare yourself
for the coming paradigm shift.
Chapter 4
Chapter 4. The 3 Main Causes of Rejection & Objections
Have you noticed in our solution-oriented society that whenever we talk about a
problem… People seem to be more than ready to jump right in with their solution
saying things like… “You know what you should do…” And then without waiting,
proceeding to tell us?
It can be irritating when that happens to us - Can’t it?
We tend to be very solution-oriented in this society, don’t we? This is especially

true for many salespeople who are taught to talk about the so-called benefits of
their products and services or tell their story as soon as they can. Maybe you do
this?
If you do… You probably find the eyes of your potential buyers glaze over as
they sense they are going to be pressured into doing something they are not
ready to do and start working out their exit strategy!
Let’s explore why this resistance happens, and then what you can do about it
and stop it from happening!
The 3 Main Causes Of Rejection And Objections
Cause #1 Presenting Too Soon
Most sales training teaches you to think that because you have a solution…
You’re the expert and all that you have to do is “tell”, “present”, “educate” or
“share”, and over time enough people will listen to you!
And can doing this work? Yes, it can, if you have the time, energy, and the
stomach for approaching people this way, as you’ll lose more sales than you
gain, because it’s the perfect recipe for creating resistance!
Here’s why!
If you start by talking about your solution or your story as soon as you can...
Whose point of view, needs and values does it appear to your potential buyers
you're focusing on - Yours or theirs?
It’s yours, isn’t it? Your need to present or make a sale for example. It becomes
and feels obvious to the person you’re talking to! And do you think most people
are interested in you, your needs or what you think or what they should do?
Mostly not!
However! Who ARE they interested in? They’re interested in themselves and
what THEY think, aren’t they?!
And if you do explode out of the gate talking about you and your solution…
Notice how they start backing away? Now, why is that? It’s because you’re
guessing what to tell them, coming from your point of view... And very rarely will
guessing connect with their unique needs and values.
Here’s a simple personal example that will give you the picture.
I went to buy a printer some time ago. After ‘Hello’ and finding out I needed a
printer… The salesperson immediately started telling me about the different
models on display and their features and advantages. Except for me, they
weren’t advantages - Because most of the features were of no relevance to me.
All I needed was a robust workhorse that would quickly print black and white draft
copies from my computer!
So, he quickly lost me, though lucky for him I still bought... Only because I asked
him the questions, he should have asked me… And, I didn’t have the time to go
elsewhere!
The moral of the story is - If you guess what to say and present… Very rarely will
there be a fit between what you perceive as the correct features and value when
your potential buyers have their own unique set of values of what they want and
why they want it. Blindly guessing creates tension and resistance.
And this is only part of it - It can get worse!
Cause #2 Using Closing Techniques
Have you been taught or think you have to - Always Be Closing, Close Soon and
Close Often? Using 'closing techniques’ means applying pressure on your
potential buyers to get them to do what you want them to do.
If you do that... Again, whose point of view and Personal Agenda, does it sound
and feel like to the other person you’re focusing on? Yours, isn’t it?
Here’s the thing… Do you think people like being forced into a corner, and having
their escape route blocked off by having external pressure put on them to buy?
Pressuring people only serves to lessen the credibility of the salesperson, their
company, and products they represent, and the sales industry as a whole.
Perhaps you’ve heard of one of the natural laws of the Law of Attraction, which is
Cause and Effect. Simply put… What You Give is What You Get! Pressure
your potential buyers, and they will pressure you back! And how do they do this?
By objecting to and rejecting your bad behaviour!
This natural law does not discriminate! It can either work for you or against you -
It’s up to you!
Cause #3 Using Overcoming Objection Techniques
Using overcoming objection techniques is a result of thinking that your potential

buyers' questions, concerns or comments are objections to be overcome… Using
tactics such as the “Yes, but…” response. For example, here’s the classic ‘Yes
But… Feel, Felt, Found’ technique...
Yes, I know how you feel... But many of my customers felt the same way,
until they found that...
If you use any type of response like this, once more, whose personal agenda
does it appear to the other person you’re focusing on - Yours or theirs? Yours
doesn’t it!
The question is, do you think they like to be pressured, and told they are wrong
with “Yes, But...” responses... Even if they might be wrong! And do you think they
really care about you telling them how you feel and how others felt or found? Not
really! What they do care about is being listened and responded to respectfully.
Using overcoming objection techniques can be like playing ping pong, going back
and forth until one person loses. It’s a game in which mostly, they win, and you
lose, because in the end, the potential buyer is always right.
Using overcoming objection techniques demonstrates…
● You’re not listening
● You’re not interested in what they have to say or ask
● What they have to say or ask is not important
And if you’ve been told that objections are your potential buyers looking for more
information... Don’t be fooled - Because most times they’re not! What they’re
objecting to is more bad behavior!
Brushing aside and disrespectfully responding to questions, comments, or

concerns as objections to be overcome also creates resistance... Even if there
was none in the first place!
It’s Crazy, isn’t it?
You’re taught to use techniques that cause resistance and tension… And
then you have to learn more techniques in an attempt to break down the barriers
you created in the first place! It’s like putting up a barbed-wire fence in front of
you and then trying to get over it! I don't know about you… It never made sense
to me.
So, the big question is…
1. If you’re experiencing resistance and the tension is holding you back from
happily making the call
2. If you’re using any or all of the 3 rejection and objection causing sales
techniques
3. And you accept that you create the resistance, not them…
Then do you think you can create the opposite?
Of course, you can! Eliminating rejection and objections, as well as the tension
and friction and instead, getting positive responses EVERY SINGLE TIME is
easy… If you stop telling, guessing, closing, and pressuring... And instead start
asking and listening.
Successful Natural Selling Salespeople...
1. Don’t guess when presenting!

Instead, they know exactly what, how and most importantly - When to
accurately present their solution so that it has meaning based on the
specific needs and values of their potential buyers
2. Don’t close early and often

Instead, they know how to ask the right type of questions at the right time,
listen and respond carefully to what is being meant as well as what is
being said, and let their potential buyers influence themselves to want to
listen, find out more and buy!
3. Never respond to questions, concerns or comments as resistance or

objections to be overcome.
Instead, they accept questions, concerns or comments as part of the
Conversational Dialogue to be discussed and not rebutted
Natural Selling Salespeople also recognize that while they might be experts in
what their products or services can do… They also know that their potential
buyers;
1. Are experts in what they presently have, what they presently know, what
they want, and…
2. Know their outer logical and unique inner subjective and emotional
reasons as to why they want what they want!
3. Have their own values
It’s just a simple matter of asking and finding out! And if you come from a place of
authenticity, curiosity and integrity and become a listener, not a teller, most
potential buyers will reveal to you things not even their closest friends know
about! Why? Because many of their closest friends are too busy wanting to talk
about what they want to say!
So how do you go about changing all of this and significantly increase your ability
to understand and help more people in less time with less effort?
Chapter 5
Chapter 5. Remove, Reframe, Rebuild!
It’s more than likely you’ve been taught that selling is about helping people
satisfy their needs and to get what they want. If you have, so far, so good!
The question is, how do you do that with authenticity, integrity and a straight
face… If you use a sales model designed to satisfy your need to get what you
want, over your potential buyers need to get what they want? There’s a big
disconnect, isn’t there?
The answer is to…
1. REMOVE the techniques
2. REFRAME your thinking
3. REBUILD your approach and how you talk with people
It’s like establishing a strong foundation for a new house. Before you build the
house, you first prepare the ground, don’t you, getting rid of all the toxins! Then
you sink deep pilings to create a strong foundation on which to build a solid
structure that will stand up and last forever. It’s the same with Natural Selling,
using principles as your strong foundation instead of techniques.
5 Natural Selling Principles - Your New Intention Foundation
In this chapter, you’ll see how 5 Natural Selling Principles become the deep
foundational pillars supporting the structure of your approach that has your
potential buyers quite willingly tell you their… Outer Logical and Inner Personal
Subjective/Emotional Buying Blueprint that is unique to them. So, no more
guessing at what and how to present! They will willingly lay it out for you like a
buffet!
At the same time, you’ll discover why they will automatically feel... You’re the
Trusted Authority they want to listen to and buy from. So now, when it’s time to
talk about and present how you can help them with your product or service, you’ll
make a winning presentation every time because it will be based on their precise
needs and values - Needs and values you’ve already agreed to!
Why Principles And Not Techniques?
Think about this ancient saying for a moment;
Techniques are many

Principles are few
Techniques can vary
Principles never do
To illustrate the point; What do you think would happen if you went from selling a
product using standard techniques of presenting, closing and objection
handling... To selling software, using the same techniques on a buyer in a
software company?
You’d quickly be shown the door, wouldn’t you! The reason being selling
software requires a collaborative approach - Not an aggressive one!
So, using techniques learned in one industry are rarely transferable to another.
Whereas principles;
● Are transferable - To any industry
● Replace the limitation of techniques
Being transferable these 5 principles will last you a lifetime, for both your
personal and your professional life. Let’s look at each principle in detail.
Chapter 6
Chapter 6 - Natural Selling Principle #1
Principle #1. Natural Selling is Detaching From Your Needs So You Can
Focus on Theirs!
This principle, along with Principle #2, is the foundational Natural Selling Mindset
of how to effectively stimulate your potential buyer’s prefrontal cortex to create
the atmosphere of trust and rapport using Natural Selling Conversational
Dialogue.
Dialogue is the key! You’ll find out what dialogue is, why it works and why it’s the
most effective way of having your potential buyers influence themselves that
you’re the person they want to listen to you and do business with.
The 3 Ways to Communicate and Influence
Behavioral scientists have shown for many years there are 3 ways to
communicate and influence, and that we are:
1. Least persuasive when we tell people things or attempt to dominate them,

such as Presenting, Telling, Teaching, or Persuading
2. We are MORE persuasive when we interact and discover from each other,
such as Discussion and Debate
3. We are MOST persuasive when we allow others to influence themselves

using Dialogue
While each of these 3 ways has its use, the last one (Dialogue) is the most
important for us to be effective. It is however the least used because it is the
least understood. Let’s look at all 3 to grasp what this means.
1. Presenting, Telling, Teaching, Persuading.
You already discovered rejection and objections is usually what you get if you
present too early or start talking about you or use closing and overcoming
objection techniques that put pressure on people.
A person persuaded against their will - Is of the same opinion still!
So, if telling and presenting, barely serves you, and more importantly barely
serves your potential buyers, the question is, can other ways of communicating
serve the both of you better?
2. Discussion and Debate
Discussion is something with which we all are already familiar. In his book, The
Fifth Discipline, Peter Senge defines discussion where…
"Different views are presented and defended and there is a search

for the best view to support decisions that must be made at this time.”
However, this type of conversation is prone to fall into a game where...
“You might occasionally accept another's view to strengthen your own,

but you want your view to prevail."
And this approach in selling does not always fully explore nor allow you to give
the same priority to the needs of your potential buyers as you do your own!
Giving priority to the needs of potential buyers is difficult for many salespeople
who have been taught techniques that focus on ‘getting the sale’ as their primary
objective.
And yet giving priority and exploring with others in a climate of mutual trust is vital
if you are to understand how to consistently help more potential buyers buy from
you and significantly increase your revenue. So, if you want to dramatically
change the results, dial it up and change the level of communication. And this is
where dialogue comes in, or more specifically to us, Natural Selling
Conversational Dialogue.
3. Dialogue
We are at our MOST persuasive when we allow others to influence themselves.

And for us - Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue will bring about such
change.
The purpose of dialogue is to go beyond you and your potential buyers'

understanding so that, collectively and collaboratively, working together…
You are more insightful, more intelligent and more creative than you can possibly
be individually. Peter Senge, says that in contrast to discussion...
"We are not trying to win in a dialogue. We all win in a dialogue if we are
doing it right.”
What this means is, that by working together and sitting on the same side of the
table, 1 + 1 no longer equals 2.
1 + 1 = 11…
I’ve been doing this for over three decades now since I discovered the power of
dialogue and adapted it to selling. It still amazes me how effective it is. Here are
some of the essential elements.
Detaching from Your Own Needs
Detaching from Your Own Needs is the essence of Natural Selling

Conversational Dialogue.
The key components are to;
1. Suspend or let go of all personal needs, assumptions, beliefs and

judgments
2. Not allow yourself to be drawn into any preconditioned responses of telling,

arguing, debating or defending your point of view - Such as responding to
questions, or concerns as objections to be overcome!
Suspending or letting go of your need to make a sale is one example of many,

which might seem counterintuitive at first… Though you’ll discover it’s not, as you
progress through and understand the other Natural Selling Principles!
Natural Selling is not a contest - It’s a collaborative venture based on a neutral

conversation based on the premise that… “It seems you have a problem…I might
have a solution! Shall we talk?”
As Rumi, a Sufi philosopher once said;
Beyond the wrongdoing and the right doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you
there.
Using Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue, you create this field of neutral
energy… A field into which both you and your potential buyer’s step and work
together to collaboratively resolve their problems and satisfy their unique values
and needs.
To create it… It’s you who must take the first step by suspending your own
needs, assumptions and judgments, etc. In return, your potential buyers will
reflect your behavior and do the same thing by willingly stepping into the same
field with you without resistance. They have no choice - There is nothing to resist!
You’re like a reed in a stream bending this way and that, going with the flow.
It’s the natural law of Giving and Receiving. What you give is what you get.
And having taken the first step, by letting go of your own needs, you now follow
through and stay congruent, with your words and your actions.
Dialogue Is Nothing New
Socrates, a stonemason and carver in Athens, Greece some 2500 years ago, is
credited for refining the form of communication we know today as the Socratic
Dialogue. Socrates' purpose in life was to test all statements, recommendations,
explanations, and personal truths... Even his own!
He questioned public and private men and stimulated them to think about and
question their thoughts and present situation... Though not by instruction or
telling... (He let go of all of that…) But by allowing them to listen to and FEEL
their own answers when he asked certain types of easy-to-answer questions.
This allowed them to come to their own logical and emotional conclusions to
make a change, and to change now! In other words, instead of him persuading
them… They persuaded themselves… By answering his questions out loud or
in their minds!
Even though he basically SAID very little, the answers to his questions opened
their minds to think, explore and feel things differently and in particular look upon
him as a wise man, an authority, and wanting to know more.
And, just like Socratic Dialogue... Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue

does the same thing for you. Letting go of your own needs to focus on theirs, is
what I call Enlightened Detachment!
Enlightened Detachment
What this means is… By letting go of the old intention of getting the sale… Which
more often than not, creates resistance… And instead… Replacing it with your
new Natural Selling Intention of letting go of the sale… You’ll realize, ironically,
more sales!
Let go of the outcome, and you’ll increase your income!
It’s a result of the integrity of your new thinking and approach. When you no
longer think about or treat potential buyers as pawns to get what you want, but as
people and helping them get what they want... It changes the vibration and
energy. It gives YOU the clear advantage in that you no longer fit the stereotype
of the majority of salespeople.
Your potential buyers feel this and are naturally drawn to you. You BECOME and
ARE, at the cellular level, the Trusted Authority and Advisor.
IMAGINE experiencing this… That every sales call from now on is as natural as
talking to your best friend! Imagine EXPERIENCING the effect of your potential
buyers eagerly and actively engaging with you... As they logically and
emotionally increase their desire and resolve to want you to be the person they
buy from as they answer your questions.
Think about the owner of your company or associates asking you what your
secret is to successfully and easily make more sales and having more time and
money to enjoy life!
Does this happen? Yes, all the time! Does that sound like a great way to live your
professional and personal life? I think so as do so many of those who have taken
action on what I’ve taught over the past 27 years.
And, what if by doing that, it DOES put you on the ladder getting you into the
rarefied atmosphere of the top 3 percent of consciously competent, highly
successful salespeople? Salespeople, who are comfortable in the knowledge that
they never have to worry about meeting quota by the end of the month because
they get there much sooner than that? Salespeople who will always have enough
money to live the life they like to live because worrying about work or money
never enters their mind!
Think about that… And think about the equation 1+1 = 11 and how Natural
Selling Conversational Dialogue makes it happen for you!
Chapter 7
Before I cover Principle #2 of Natural Selling, it will be helpful to put this principle
into context. To do this, consider the following question and write down or hold
the very first answer that comes to mind. Don’t challenge nor change it! There is
no right or wrong answer!
The question is this; What's the purpose of a business - Any business?
I know from having asked this question at hundreds of workshops and seminars
around the world, you either responded with something like... To make a profit,
make money, self-fulfillment... Or… with something like... Helping others!
If your response was similar to the first, such as making a profit... Ask yourself,
on whom was your answer focused... You or your potential buyers? It was on you
and what you want, wasn’t it? A what’s-in-it-for-me thinking and response.
I call this Your Personal Agenda or Your Personal Objective.
Now, if your response was similar to the second, such as helping others - On
whom was your answer focused? On others! A what’s-in-it-for-them response.
I call this Your Purpose.
Now, the reason I asked you this question, and to hold the very first thing you
said or that came to mind is to help you discover that... The Words You Say
Give You Away!
And this is why:
Your words are an extension of your thoughts
Your actions are an extension of your words
Your habits are an extension of your actions
And your reply to my question started with what? A thought! EVERYTHING

begins with a thought - EVERYTHING! And the first words that come out of your
mouth usually reveal what you’re really thinking... Because your words you say
are largely pre-determined by what you’ve been taught, experienced and
accepted in the past and have allowed to be anchored into your subconscious
mind.
Most times you’re not aware of it! And if you haven’t been, now... You are!
This is the reason why it was important to hold your first reply to my question,
and not question it. If you had time to think, it’s likely your conscious ego-mind
would challenge and sabotage your first thought with questions like…
● I wonder what Michael’s really asking?
● I wonder what a smart answer would be that would make me look good?
● I wonder what he wants me to say?
● I wonder what the right answer is?
The result being you might have ended up with an answer that didn’t reflect what
you truly thought at this moment in time!
And just to be clear… It didn’t matter what you replied - There is no judgment.
There is no wrong or right answer! It was a question designed to help you think
about what you’re presently thinking so you can learn from whatever answer you
gave and take appropriate action.
It’s not just what we know that’s important,
it’s what we’re not aware of, that is!
I’ll almost guarantee your conscious mind started questioning and attempting to
influence your answer as soon as you said it, anyway!
Why Is This Important?
It’s important because it means that if you’re thinking about and focused on you
and what you want, such as your need to make a sale… Then the words you say
will give you away, won’t they? In other words, you pre-determine how your
potential buyers will respond to you by what you’re thinking and the words you
use that are an extension of your thinking.
You also resonate with the energy that reveals your real intentions instantly. It’s
cause and effect again. And if you’re using sales techniques to get what you
want, whether you know it or not, THAT’s the energy you transmit that lights up
their amygdala, telling it you’re focused on your needs first. Almost certainly their
response will be one of caution and self-defence.
Thinking your business is about you and getting what you want, would be the
same as replying to a potential buyer who has asked you the purpose of your
business…
Well, potential buyer… The purpose of my business today is to make some

money!
How do you think he or she is going to feel about THAT?
Now, you might say... “So what? My business IS about me?” That’s true as well!
It’s not an either/or world. It’s an as/well world.
However, what if giving priority to that thought makes it harder for you to connect
with potential buyers and loses you more than you gain? You might already be
experiencing that right now. Your potential buyers know if you’re focused on you
and your Personal Agenda or Objective literally before you open your mouth.
Consider this.
1. What If your business really IS About them and NOT About You?
2. What if... By letting go of your Personal Agenda and Personal Objectives,

and putting it up on the shelf… You make it easier and quicker to achieve
your Personal Agenda?
That’s a game-changer, isn’t it?
And what if you rewired your brain and anchored this thought in your
subconscious and conscious mind… And you lived and breathed this belief?
You see, the fundamental truth is... The purpose of a business IS to help people
solve their problems… Putting THEIR needs and values before yours, so that
you can achieve yours more easily!
Changing the way you think about your potential buyers, changes your language
and the way you approach and talk with them… Using words that attract and not
distract! You create a different energy and narrative and remarkably change your
results!
When there is purpose, there is meaning
So now you have the context, let’s look at what Principle #2 is exactly!
Principle #2: Natural Selling Is Helping People Solve Their Problems,

And To Get What They Want, Need Or Desire!
If we can agree that the purpose of your business and selling IS to help others
solve their problems… Then this means your prime function is to think of yourself
as a Problem Solver, doesn’t it? This simple rethink and act turns selling from
being a guessing and external pressure exercise into a Problem Solving
Exercise.
Problems are what we look for as salespeople! Other’s problems are your bread
and butter, because with problems comes what...? Opportunity! Boundless
opportunities if you’re committed to your business being about them and not you!
By the way, for clarification, the Definition of a Problem is simply the difference
between what someone has, and what they want, need or desire.
Natural Selling Is A Problem Solving Exercise
Selling quite simply IS a problem solving exercise. Want me to prove it? If what
you’re selling cannot solve a person's problem or satisfy a need, is there any
reason for them to buy from you? There isn’t, is there?
As a salesperson, it’s important to understand that an effective problem solver

knows how to let potential buyers tell themselves what the solution is. Being
effective goes deeper than you might think!
Here’s why!
The problems you hear at first, many times are not the problems to be solved!
They tend to be the symptoms of a deeper problem that even your potential
buyers might not be aware of.
Knowing how to;
1. Uncover not only the symptoms but reveal the cause of the problem,
turns you into the Trusted Advisor and Authority that demonstrates you’re
different and know what you’re doing
2. More importantly, knowing how to reveal and explore the potential

consequences of leaving the symptoms and the cause unresolved or from
choosing the wrong solution, makes you into an Extraordinary Trusted
Advisor!
3. Even more importantly, being able to reveal potential problems that weren’t
even thought about before, removes any remaining doubt you’re the
right person to deal with!
You’ll understand how and why in Natural Selling Principles 3 and 4.
The Tension Dissolves!
Another interesting thing happens when you let go of your own needs and focus
on your potential buyer’s needs. Tension and fear literally dissolves... For both
you and your potential buyers!
When I focus on me, I increase my tension

When I focus on you, I decrease my tension
Think about the phone you use which might feel as if it weighs 20 lbs or 20 kgs! If
you want it to literally float into your hands like a feather when it comes to making
calls, then... Pay ATTENTION to your new INTENTION and Purpose… And put
all your attention on the intention of satisfying your potential buyer’s needs and
values before your own. Your own will be satisfied much faster that way!
So, when you get up in the mornings… Instead of saying to yourself…
I need to call and close x number of people today…
Say to yourself…
I must call x number of people today to see if they have the types of
problems, I can help them solve.
Feel the difference in energy? If you can, it’s the same energy your potential
buyers will feel.
Embedding your mind and being into this Natural Selling Principal dissolves
tension, friction, resistance, and business will just pour itself toward you!
So, if the purpose of a business is to help people solve their problems, how do
you go about doing this? Obviously, you ask Questions! However, as you’ll find
out in the next chapter… Not just any kinds of questions!
Chapter 8
Principal #3. Natural Selling Is Asking The Right Types Of Questions

At The Right Time.
If the real purpose of a business is to help potential buyers solve their problems,
then the only way you can do this is to ask relevant questions, isn’t it? Consider
this saying by Rudyard Kipling;
I keep six wise serving men, they taught me all I knew.

Their names are WHAT and WHY and WHEN and HOW and WHERE and
WHO.
Six questions. The most valuable of all your sales aids that allows you to ditch
the pitch and flip the switch to discovering first instead!
How to Present by Not Presenting!
To be clear… When I talk about asking questions, I’m not talking about any
kinds of questions. I’m certainly not referring to manipulative questions
designed to get people to say what you want them to say! If you ask these kinds
of questions - Whose answers are you likely to get - Yours or the person you're
talking with? They’ll be yours, won’t they?
And whose answers do you really want? It's their answers - Their present truth -
Their current reality that you need to hear, isn’t it?
Asking manipulative questions makes you appear like a salesperson who's only
interested in selling something! And if you’ve had manipulative questions used on
you, how did that make you feel? Pretty uncomfortable probably! So why would
anyone want to do this to others?
So, the questions to which I'm referring are asking the right types of Natural
Selling questions at the right time. Note I’ve emphasized the word types. It’s
not just asking questions... It’s knowing how different types of questions will
differently affect your potential buyers.
There are 7 of them.
Some are Fact Finding and some are Feeling Finding Needs and Values
Centered Questions - The answers to which… Internally influence your
potential buyers to want to listen and buy from you!
Here Is What Logically and Emotionally Happens!
These questions are as much for your potential buyers as they are for you,
because;
1. As they answer - They LISTEN to what they are saying
2. As they listen -They THINK about their problems in detail
3. As they think - They FEEL the discomfort of how their present situation is
affecting them right now - You can’t think without feeling!
4. As their feeling of discomfort increases, so does the intensity of their desire

and feeling to change their present situation to what they really want and to
take action
5. As they feel the need to take action, they automatically feel they want to
take action with YOU because you care to listen, and they trust you!
That’s it! It’s no longer you persuading them… It’s THEM influencing and
committing THEMSELVES to change!
And if there is any tension in the room… It won’t be because of YOU! The
tension will be about themselves and how they feel about their present situation
right now!
There are two reasons people make changes in their lives... Desperation or
Inspiration or both!
The degree that a person will change is mostly dependent on two things:
1. The degree of discomfort he/she is feeling with their present situation in

the present moment, and...
2. The degree of desire to make a change!
This is how you ditch the pitch and present without presenting! Your potential
buyers do it for you! And it all happens in the Discovering Stage of the Natural
Selling Conversational Dialogue.
How would you like a presentation like that, where your potential buyers actually
influence themselves to want to listen to and buy from you... Before you’ve even
made your final presentation?
That has to be the ultimate in selling and helping potential buyers buy, doesn’t it?
After All - Who Has the History?
1. Who knows what they want and why they really want it?
They do!
2. Who knows what they’ve done about it and whether it’s worked or not?
They do!
3. Who knows how they feel about their problems?

They do!
4. Who knows if they are prepared to do what it takes to get what they want?
They do!
5. So, who has most of the answers?

They do!
And if you ask them with the right intention and are prepared to listen - They’ll tell
you! You see, your potential buyers and you each bring a key component to the
Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue.
● They have the history and know their unique outer logical and inner
personal emotional needs and values
● You’ll know by asking and listening what specific features of your solution
to focus on that will satisfy those needs as they tell you
● You will also know how to customize and present those selected specific
features as specific Advantages and Benefits that have logical and
emotional personal meaning to them - Based on everything they told you!
Your potential buyers will actually willingly lay out their unique Logical and
Emotional Buying Blueprint and tell YOU how to understand them and help you
to help them buy from you! THIS is how you ‘sell’ with integrity and without
tension!
So instead of bowling your potential buyers over with presentational guesswork –
Why not ask them, and fit your presentation precisely to what they need instead
of guessing? It’s only when your potential buyers feel you understand and
respect where THEY come from, are they likely to listen to you and want to buy
from you.
The Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue Framework
Stephen Covey says in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek
first to understand and then be understood!”
Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue is the path to get you there!
Asking the right types of questions at the right time to help them buy, happens
mostly in the Discovering Stage of the 5 different Stages of the Natural Selling
Conversational Dialogue Framework. You can see an outline of the Framework
below.
This is a helicopter view of your voyage of discovery to get both you and your
potential buyers from where they are now, to where they want to go comfortably
and effectively!
Action Step: Print the Dialogue Framework below for reference.
The 5 Stages of a Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue
1. Connecting Stage
Connecting
2. Discovering Stage Background Questions

L
Needs Awareness Questions I
Needs Development Questions S
Responsibility Questions
T
Solution Questions E
Consequence Questions N
Qualifying Questions
3. Transitioning Stage
Transition Questions
4. Presenting &
Supporting Stage Presentation, Final Agreement
5. Committing Stage
Commitment Questions
As you can see, there are 7 different types of questions in the Discovering Stage
- Some are logical and others emotional.
These different types of questions are designed to;
1. Immediately grab your potential buyer’s attention and draw them quickly to
you as the experienced authority who knows what they are talking about!
2. Quickly establish the know, like and trust factor
3. Demonstrate you’re clearly the right person to speak with as you appear to
want to understand and help them, not sell them!
The Stage Where It Happens!
You’ll notice that, unlike standard sales models where the presentation is made
at the beginning, using features and benefits guesswork, followed by pressure to
buy, usually resulting in resistance… The Natural Selling Presenting Stage
comes later and is literally a review of everything that was discussed and agreed
on previously, both logically and emotionally in the Discovering Stage!
The Discovering Stage is the stage where it happens. The Discovering stage is
your blueprint to help them willingly want to reveal their logical and unique
emotional buying blueprint!
This is where your product or service is sold, or to use Natural Selling language,
where it’s bought! It’s not in the Presenting Stage, it’s literally in the Discovering
Stage where your potential buyers make the decision to buy you and your
solution.
The final commitment to buy in the Commitment Stage is merely an extension of
having done a good job in the Discovering and Presenting Stages - A final
natural step!
It all happens, well - Naturally!
Myths About Asking Questions!
Now, it’s possible you have been taught that asking questions is intrusive and
can be rude! Nothing could be further from the truth! Any stigma like this usually
stems from early childhood indoctrination!
What are the first two things’ children are taught in their first couple of years? To
walk and to talk, aren’t they? Then what? They’re instructed to - Sit down and
shut up!
Being curious is how we learn, and in Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue

particularly… It’s how we help others learn as well - Socratically! Doing it with
the correct intention and a focus on Purpose, not Personal Agenda, is what
puts you into the upper echelons of selling.
Top 10 Reasons For Asking Questions!
Good questions are essential to the analysis and diagnosis of your potential
buyer’s problems, long before presenting your solution. They are the
salesperson's stethoscope to tune into a person’s heart and mind. Like a
stethoscope, they reveal the internal heartbeat of what your potential buyers
want and why they want it.
Natural Selling questions are neuroscientifically and behaviorally designed to
help your potential buyers reveal their logical and emotional needs and values…
Thus, allowing them to think more deeply about taking action and changing their
present situation. No longer are you regarded as an annoying salesperson!
Here’s why!
1. Questions Involve and Paint a Picture
Unlike telling and presenting, asking questions allows your potential buyers to
feel part of the process and not feel as if they are being sold!
People buy for their reasons, not yours!
Their answers to your Natural Selling questions allow them to paint a unique
picture of everything they want or don’t want, and why they want it, or don’t want
it. If you listen, you get to see their picture.
It may also be the first time they’ve ‘seen’ their picture in a long time. Their
reward is they get to see their picture again. Your reward is you get the credit!
You get the credit because you’re asking the types of questions no other
salesperson has asked them before. You help them feel and see problems with
more clarity and even problems they never thought they had, which makes you a
clever person and increases their curiosity, desire and comfort to take action -
With you!
2. Questions Internally Motivate
The desire to take action increases as your Fact Finding and Feeling Finding
questions are answered and they listen and feel the potential consequences of
their own answers. Not your answers - Their answers!
3. Questions Replace Closing Techniques
You don’t have to “close” someone who has decided early on that you’re the one
they want to trust and have influenced themselves to buy from you!
4. Questions Replace Overcoming Objections Techniques
You don’t need to overcome resistance when you’ve already dissolved it by

establishing your credentials right from the beginning and throughout the
dialogue.
5. Questions Dissolve Anxiety, Tension and Friction
For you, because the focus is off you and on them - For them because they don’t
feel they are being sold.
6. Questions Create Value In You And Everything You Represent
If you want to create value in yourself and everything you represent - Don’t talk
about you and everything you represent! Instead, allow THEM to talk about
THEM, and everything THEY represent.
7. Questions Remove Price Resistance
The greater the desire to resolve a problem and its consequences - The less
important the cost!
8. Questions Make You an Important Part of The Solution
People don’t buy so much because they necessarily understand how the solution
works - They buy because they trust you do!
9. Questions Prevent You from Guessing What to Present!
Presenting the correct specific features of your product or service as specific

advantages and benefits that are in line with their specific needs and value,
means presenting is no longer a guessing game - It’s precise and personal. Your
potential buyers will help you and let you know what features are important and
what the specific advantages and benefits are.
10. Questions Educate
Your knowledge can be an asset that gets in your way! Instead of telling what
you know - Turn what you know into asking questions.
Their answers let them educate themselves, learn directly and indirectly and
rethink their present situation.
When you say it - They can doubt you

When they say it - It’s true!
Their answers let them educate themselves, learn directly and indirectly and
rethink their present situation.
And finally - Questions Put You In Control and allow you to frame the
conversation - Not for power and manipulation, but for you to easily keep the
conversation on track and take them where they need to go. The irony being -
Your potential buyers feel in control as well!
So, now you know why asking the right types of questions will;
1. Allow you to confidently approach, follow up and talk with anyone,

anywhere, any time, without tension
2. Let your potential buyers willingly and happily tell you what and how you
should present
3. Let them influence THEMSELVES to want to listen to and buy from you...
So, the question is, do you think at this point at least 50% of any anxiety you
might have is now gone, and connecting with potential buyers and clients will
now be relaxed, productive and your success as a salesperson will dramatically
increase?
If so, let’s see how to remove the remaining 50% - If any, shall we?
Chapter 9
Principle #4. Natural Selling Is Listening To What Is Being Meant As

Well As What Is Being Said
Knowing how to listen and what to listen for, are the two most valuable
professional and life skills you can learn and master. Being heard and
understood is a rare commodity and virtually nonexistent, especially in the world
of selling.
The mere act of listening with the intent to understand and not with the
intent to reply, (Thanks, Stephen Covey!) draws and bonds people to you like a
magnet. It allows you to hear, feel, see, understand and, most critically - How to
accurately respond to their logical and emotional needs.
Active listening forces you to say less and allows your potential buyers to say
more while influencing themselves to want to buy from you!
You’ve noticed I’ve emphasized two words – Meant and Said.
1. Said is your potential buyer’s expressing their Outer Logical Needs -

WHAT they want.
2. Meant is them expressing their Inner Logical and Unique Inner Personal
Subjective/ Emotional Needs and Values - WHY they want what they want.
You discovered this previously, and how asking the right types of Fact Finding
and Feeling Finding questions will let the both of you see, hear and feel what is
essentially their Unique Buying Blueprint.
The Challenge of Listening
One of the challenges about listening is that most people are never taught how.
From an early stage in our lives, what were we taught to do to get on in life –
How to listen or how to express ourselves? Mostly, how to express ourselves,
weren’t we?
For proof of this - Sit in a coffee shop and listen discreetly to people having a
conversation at another table. You’ll likely hear more than one conversation
going on at the same time with both people misinterpreting each other, making
assumptions, butting in or rarely understanding where the other person is coming
from!
To paraphrase Robert McCloskey;
“I know you believe you understand what you think I said,

but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant!”
It’s the same with so many salespeople. If they listen at all. They;
1. Tend to listen selectively with the intent to reply
2. Listen for what they want to hear
3. Spend their time thinking about what they want to say or ask next, missing
what is really being said and meant
The real art of influencing with integrity in selling and letting people take
themselves in the direction you would like them to go - Is in listening! Listening is
free, doesn’t cost a penny and your potential buyers will return the compliment
ten-fold. It’s the law of Giving and Receiving in action!
Listen to them and they will listen to you!
And good listening habits can be learned as you’ll see.
How Much Time Should You Spend Listening?
100%! You might ask - How do you effectively listen 100% of the time? It’s really
quite simple!
You Can Listen Without Thinking!
Here’s why and how;
1. Remembering the right types of Natural Selling questions…

Means you won’t have to think about them
2. Listening carefully to the answers you get to previous questions are like
signposts on a road…
Means you won’t have to think about what to ask next
3. Listening openly for and responding to answers to questions you never

asked...
Means you won’t have to think about asking those questions either!
4. Turning your own relevant experience and knowledge into asking

questions…
Means you’ll use questions from the knowledge you already have
What You’re Listening For
You’re listening for and responding to questions that reveal their;
1. Outer Logical Problems and Needs
2. Inner Personal Logical Needs and Values
3. Unique Inner Personal Subjective/Emotional Needs and Values
Test Your Personal Listening Habits!
Find out for yourself how well you listen by answering the Listening Assessment
questions below before continuing. They could be really revealing and helpful.
Listening Exercise
Here is a short test that will give you an idea of your own listening habits:
When you’re listening to someone,
Do you think about other things while you’re keeping track of Yes No
the
conversation?
Do you think about what you’re going to say next? Yes No
Do you listen with the intent to reply rather than with the intent Yes No
to understand?
Do you break in with your own ideas before the other person Yes No
has finished talking?
Do you listen primarily for facts rather than ideas? Yes No
Do you ‘tune out’ to things that you feel will be too difficult to Yes No
understand?
Do you try to make it appear you’re paying attention when Yes No
you’re
not?
Do certain words or phrases prejudice you so that you don’t Yes No
listen objectively?
Do your thoughts turn to other things when you believe a Yes No
speaker will have nothing particularly interesting to say?
Do you finish other people’s sentences? Yes No
Can you tell from a person’s appearance and delivery that Yes No
he/she won’t have anything important to say?
Are you easily distracted by outside sights and sounds? Yes No
If you answered ‘NO’ to all of these questions, you are one of a kind! From an
early age, most of us are taught to express ourselves to get our points across.
Very few of us are taught how to listen. Good listening habits can be learned.
The Power of Listening
While listening can take effort and can be a little tiring if you’re not used to it, it
gets easier over time as you train your ears and your mind. Listen with your heart
as well as your mind! The rewards of doing so are outstanding.
1. Listening bonds you to people and dissolves any defensiveness
2. You can listen people into listening to you
3. You can listen people into buying from you!
4. Listening forces you to slow down before trotting out quick solutions
5. Slowing down means you relax, be more creative and ask more interesting
questions
Listening Is A Gift You Give!
The more you listen, and the more you suspend your Personal Agenda, the more
creative and meaningful you become to your potential buyers. The Law of Giving
is 3-fold; Giving, Receiving, Circulating! When you openly listen to someone
without judgment nor interpretation, they will listen to you! They have no choice!
It’s a circuitous process.
How to Listen Effectively
There are many ways you can be effective at listening to people. Here are a few
of them. Use them in your personal communication as well. You’ll be surprised at
how much more interesting you’ll become to your friends, family and associates!
Be Present
Being present means;
● Staying in the moment - Giving your 100% undivided attention
● Listening with the intent to understand, instead of listening with the intent
to reply
● Listening openly - Instead of listening selectively for the things you want to
hear
● Keeping a clear mind to listen to and remember their answers - Instead of

thinking about what you’re going to say or ask next
Two Truths: Many people carry Two Truths about themselves - Their social
truth and their real truth.
Sometimes their social truth - The one they want others to hear, doesn’t always
match their real truth about themselves. Explore both sides. Peel back the
answers you get, like the layers of an onion, to help them and you find which one
is more important.
Be Acknowledging
Acknowledge by feeding back, summarizing and clarifying to make sure you’re

both on the same track. Use;
● Verbal Pauses to demonstrate you’re being present - Such as… “Is that
right,” “Oh, I see,” “I see what you mean,” “Hmm!”, “let me see if I
understand you,” ...
● Non-Verbal Actions, such as good eye contact, nodding your head and
pausing before answering a question
● Their words and phrases to make sure there is no misunderstanding or

misinterpretation
Be Accepting
Everyone has their own subjective reality as to how they see the world, just as
you do. Being accepting means listening;
● Without judgment. (Ask yourself - Does judging change people? It doesn’t!

All it does is demonstrate a need to judge!)
● Without assumptions
● Without prejudice
● Without reinterpretation of what they are saying based on what you think
they are saying - Because it’s almost certain they are not thinking what you
think they think!
● Without arguing - You don’t have to agree with someone to listen to them!
Put any judgments, assumptions or prejudices you might have up on the shelf.
They’ll still be there if you need them, and if you leave them there long enough,
you might find they’ve disappeared!
Be Curious
You’ve probably heard the expression - If you want to be interesting, then be

interested! For example, it’s not your story they want to hear. They want you to
hear their story!
Be Comfortable With Silence
Use the silence to allow the other person to think about and answer your
questions without interruption. Being silent is not a technique or a closing trick -
It’s simply common courtesy and it’s attractive as well as persuasive!
Give your potential buyers time to reflect on and surface their own answers. After
you ask a question…
● Be quiet and internally still
● Do not answer your own questions, make suggestions or change the

subject
Sales are lost by salespeople who answer their own questions because they
divert the conversation in a direction that leads to nowhere. If you're still
attempting to get the answers you want, that's all they will be, your answers; not
theirs! You’ll find out, it doesn't matter what their answers are - They are what
they are, and they are all easy to respond to!
The reason many salespeople don't like silence is because of their fear of losing
control. The opposite is actually true - Being quiet, internally and externally, puts
you more in control - Especially of yourself! And besides - As Senator Dominick
Barber so eloquently put it;
You ain't learning nothing while you're talking.
The mind is like a computer - Sometimes it needs to search through the hard
drive and sort itself out before coming up with an answer. When it does it’s quite
usual to receive deeper information than you had thought possible and many
times, you’ll be told things they would never tell anyone else.
Silence is never more golden than when you hold it
long enough to get all the facts and feelings before you speak.
Listening, being silent and patiently keeping your mind still, opens up infinite
possibilities!
Stop Thinking!
People don’t think what you think they think - Your thinking they do can get in
your way! For example, someone might say; This is expensive!
Instead of thinking, this is an objection to be overcome, simply ask;
When you say expensive, may I ask what you mean by expensive?
You’ll hear 5 different answers from 5 different people!
Their answers allow you to explore their unique perspective of what they mean,
and it becomes a natural part of your Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue,
not separate from it, as in the standard sales model.
Here’s another thing you can do…
● Stop thinking you might be asked a question you don’t want to hear,
because it’s almost certain it will be asked!
Why? Because unconsciously you’ll use words and language that will cause it to
happen!
It’s why some salespeople complain about always being asked difficult questions
while other salespeople never get asked! It’s because they’re prepared and then,
they let them go and don’t expect them!
To borrow an Aikido expression…
Prepare for everything. Expect Nothing!
You will too!
Chapter 10
Principle #5. Natural Selling is Feeding Back What You Think You
Heard
Feeding back what you think you heard and what was meant, is about clarifying
to make sure you keep your focus on your potential buyers' needs, wants, and
desires. It’s continually understanding and making sure throughout your Natural
Selling Conversational Dialogue you’re on the right track, and if you’re not, how
to get back on it.
This is critical, especially;
● While responding to questions, comments or concerns
● During the Discovering Stage, as it demonstrates you’re paying attention

and listening
● During the final Presenting and Committing Stages, when you summarize,
present and support how your solution is the best one based on their
unique outer and inner needs
Feedback with comments like these…
Let me see if I’ve got this right…

So, is what you’re saying…?
It doesn’t matter whether you got it right or wrong, what matters to the other
person is that you’re demonstrating you’re listening and attempting to
understand. They’ll quite happily steer you toward or back on the right track
without judgment! It’s all part of the collaborative equation.
The ultimate feedback is at the end when you make your precise and winning
presentation and get commitment based on your understanding of everything you
were told. Asking for the order becomes a natural part of and conclusion to your
conversation, not the uncomfortable pivot that so many salespeople dread.
It’s easy and comfortable - Two minds mutually agreeing on what has been
already discussed logically and emotionally in the Discovering Stage.
Chapter 11
Chapter 11 - What’s Next?
Congratulations! You’ve just completed the essential Natural Selling Mindset

reframe of How To ‘Sell’ The Way People Buy! based on the new model of
selling I created over 27 years ago, using 5 Natural Selling Principles.
To Recap: This book was designed to help you…
● Unlearn and rethink about the way you think about selling and your
approach to it
● Give you the foundation to getting the positive results you’re seeking in
less time
● Eliminate the tension that can come from using conventional persuasive or
manipulative sales techniques
When you stop for a moment to look at the lasting changes in your thinking
you’ve made so far... You already know and feel if Natural Selling is the right
approach for you…
You also know how this Natural Selling Mind shift paradigm will dramatically
improve your sales results by helping you help more people to willingly want to
influence themselves to buy from you, instead of you trying to pressure and
persuade them!
So, What’s The Next Step?
Whether you’re new to the profession or a sales veteran, if you're ready to apply
what you’ve learned and turn your potential buyers into REAL customers, faster
than you can imagine…
Taking action now is obviously the key, isn’t it? Because, without action, nothing
changes, does it?
If you accept this is true, then at this point you have two choices. You can:
1. Work out how to apply what you’ve learned
Or…
2. Take my new updated online course, which will allow you to make sales
you would otherwise have lost!
It’s called…
Natural Selling: The Art & Science of Selling with Integrity!

A Proven Step By Step Blueprint To Double Your Sales
Without Tension, Rejection Or Objections!
This course is the most complete, online course about how to let your potential
buyers want to willingly reveal their Logical and Unique Emotional Buying
Blueprint with just 5 questions… And buy from you in less time without the
resistance or tension.
It reveals in detail the exact structure of the 7 different types of questions in the
Discovering Stage (Fact Finding and Feeling Finding) … What to ask, when to
ask, as well as how and what to listen for and respond …
That takes your sales to any level you want them to go.
As well, it produces more life changing results for you than any other one I know
of out there!
You’ll find, before you even get to the end of the course, how to have more
potential buyers respond favorably as you make it easier for them to want to buy
from you.
And so many of my successful students are testament to this! Here is one of

them I trained and coached… Jeremy Miner…
A special thanks goes out to my friend Michael Oliver who I met in 2005
which I consider one of the best sales trainers worldwide. To this date I
have made a little bit over $500,000 dollars in our first twelve months. And
it’s really just the beginning. We’re on our way to doubling that income this
year… And, I’ll tell you that’s the reason why we’re having so much
success is because of Natural Selling.
Jeremy Miner – Now with 7 Level/NEPQ
th
This could be a game changer for you and your business, couldn’t it? And it’s
available on my website for…
Only $1,997…
However, as you’ve read the book, use this coupon code NS500 on the order
page when you click on the link below, and you can have it immediately
downloaded and delivered to you for a whopping $500 savings… Though you’re
free to choose… For…
Only $1,497…
If you want the practical inner, and outer secrets of how to dissolve
objections and rejection from the moment you introduce yourself - This is the
perfect course for you!
Plus, it has audio if that is your preferred method of learning to listen to the 3
different Phases and Steps in each Phase.
You’ll craft your own Scripting Guideline as you progressively move through the
Phases and Steps discovering information that somehow every sales course
around the world fails to realize or mention.
Here is some of what you get:
Phase 1: The Essential Natural Selling Mindset Of How To Help People Buy
with Integrity
● 7 ways to reframe & reprogram your subconscious so that it instructs your
conscious mind to ask and say the right things
● You had me at hello! Your ultimate elevated elevator speech (EES)

that takes you to the penthouse, instead of ditching you into the
basement!
● 5 Natural Selling skills you’ve probably never been told about, that will
increase sales
● Master the 2 Truths Question I developed that reveals what’s most

important to your potential buyers
● Your 3 important primary qualifying objectives - They’re probably not what

you think!
● How to ask so buyers want to listen - How to listen so buyers want to

buy!
● Something that most sales training won’t tell you - The truth about features,
advantages and benefits - What they actually mean and how to use them
effectively to your benefit
Phase 2: Crafting Your Own Personalized Scripting!
● 6 effective Connecting Stage ways that set the stage to open

conversations that dissolve tension and pre-empt resistance
● Your ultimate blueprint to discover their logical & unique emotional

buying blueprint with just 3 types of questions!
● 7 different types of behavioral and neuroscience supported fact finding &
feeling finding questions in the Discovering Stage that allow your potential
buyers to influence themselves to want to listen and buy from you!
● PDF downloads of all 7 of the different types of Natural Selling

questions and when to ask them
● What to ask, when to ask, how to ask
● how to listen, what to listen for and how to respond - The most
important skills you can master
● How to present without presenting - Letting your questions and their

answers do the presenting for you!
Phase 3: Responding to Questions or Questions of Concern - Without

Using Resistance Causing Overcoming Objection Techniques
● 4 important mindset shifts
● 3 steps to resolving comments or questions of concern
● 26 examples of how to naturally and comfortably respond to comments,

questions of concern or any last-minute resistance
Double Your Sales In 90 Days!

If you’re looking for the ultimate in being able to comfortably double your sales in
literally 90 days with integrity, authority, authenticity and without compromising
your values, just like my other students and clients, this online course will do it for
you!
Right from the moment you start reading or listening…
You’ll want to take immediate action on what you learn with Action Steps at the
end of each lesson - Because after all, it’s all experiential and taking action
continually and consistently is key, isn’t it?
By the end of this online course, you will have:
1. Firmly locked in your new foundational Natural Selling Intention and
Mindset
2. Established a strong Skillset transferable to any industry
3. Helped more people, have happier customers, put more money in your
pocket or purse by making more sales you would have otherwise lost!
Here's what to do next…
Click on the button below (remember the coupon code NS500) fill in the order
form, and the complete practical Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue course
will be on its way to your inbox.
When you stop to think about it… $1,497 is a drop in the ocean isn’t it when you
consider it’s most likely you’ll comfortably make that back in less than a month,
like my students who easily achieve this all the time?
Just like Ian Jackson…
Let me just say it was the best decision I made as a salesperson. The ROI
was almost instantaneous and quite profound. I now sell without tension,
frustration, or fear while enjoying all sales interactions and being
remunerated handsomely for my work. Thank you, Michael!
IAN JACKSON - NZ July 2023
Here are some more comments…
It increased the depth of the quality of what we discussed so conversations

became more meaningful as we explored possibilities. Also, I had one of
the lowest rates of cancellation-3rd in the company of 100+ sales people-
the sale was done totally on the phone. The dialogue process of discovery
really made a difference-it slowed me down, as it allowed them to open up
to the possibilities.
Eric Harmon
I used to be so proud of the fact that I was such a good salesperson

because I was able to use my “gift of gab”. Now I know the opposite
approach …. to really bring me to a professional & financial realization that I
always dreamed of without feeling like slime.
Elaine Reyes
And seriously, if change is important to you, and it’s important enough for you to
change right now - The Natural Selling online course will put you on the
accelerated path to help you do that.
This is the time and place to do it!
And to help you, remember to use this bonus coupon code NS500 to chop a
whopping $500 off the price, and make it only $1,497…
Ready to bring the future into the present?
Thank you!
Natural Selling Sales Training & Coaching
Support
To contact me:
Send an email to info@naturalselling.com
You can also connect with me on:
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/naturalselling
Linkedin
https://www.linkedin.com/in/naturalselling
Alignable
https://www.alignable.com/vancouver-bc/natural-selling-sales-training
I look forward to working with you.

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Chapter 1. The Supporting NeuroScience Page 11

Chapter 2: What Is The Greatest Fear? Page 16

Chapter 3. The Fear of Rejection is NOT The Problem! Page 22

Chapter 4. The 3 Main Causes of Rejection & Objections Page 24

Chapter 5. Remove, Reframe, Rebuild! Page 32

Chapter 6. Natural Selling Principle #1 Page 36

Chapter 7. Natural Selling Principle #2 Page 44

Chapter 8. Natural Selling Principle #3 Page 52

Chapter 9. Natural Selling Principle #4 Page 65

Chapter 10. Natural Selling Principle #5 Page 77

Chapter 11. What's Next Page 80

Hello, and welcome to this short and life-changing

Whether you’re brand new to selling or a seasoned veteran...This book might

Here’s to that success!

Bob Brandes, whose amazing unconscious competent ability to easily and

I was in the UK training a group of salespeople, one-on-one, while on the road

Unlike my trainees, whose mindsets were anxiously focused on and attached to

Neuroscientists and behavioral researchers in the science of sales and marketing

The choice is yours as to which way that switch is flipped!

● I’m suspicious and don’t trust this person

● This person is a threat

● This person is going to deceive me

The Prefrontal Cortex

The prefrontal cortex has to do with personality expression, social judgments

Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue

Talking with potential buyers using Natural Selling Conversational Dialogue,

It lets you communicate at a level where;

● REAL and immediate rapport and relationship building takes place

Instead of being regarded cautiously as a salesperson - You’re looked on and

3. Continually take action on what you learn

When I ask salespeople and networkers…

Tense? Tight? Feeling inadequate? Fearful - Perhaps? Holding back from

So, what about the other 83-85%?

For them it’s a fundamentally flawed approach that is inadvertently designed to

“There has to be another way!”

1. Read the rules…

It’s the same with selling!

It can be irritating when that happens to us - Can’t it?

We tend to be very solution-oriented in this society, don’t we? This is especially

The 3 Main Causes Of Rejection And Objections

Cause #1 Presenting Too Soon

And this is only part of it - It can get worse!

Cause #2 Using Closing Techniques

Cause #3 Using Overcoming Objection Techniques

Using overcoming objection techniques is a result of thinking that your potential

● You’re not listening

● You’re not interested in what they have to say or ask

● What they have to say or ask is not important

Brushing aside and disrespectfully responding to questions, comments, or

It’s Crazy, isn’t it?

So, the big question is…

Then do you think you can create the opposite?

Successful Natural Selling Salespeople...

1. Don’t guess when presenting!

2. Don’t close early and often

3. Never respond to questions, concerns or comments as resistance or

3. Have their own values

The answer is to…

1. REMOVE the techniques