The Past is The Present, The Future is The Past

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/39544194.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Mary
Macdonald/Lily Evans Potter, Bartemius Crouch Jr./Evan Rosier,
Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes
Characters: Regulus Black, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter
Pettigrew, Bartemius Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier, Lily Evans, Mary
Macdonald, Marlene McKinnon, Pandora Lovegood, Dorcas Meadowes
Additional Tags: Jegulus, Angst, Comfort, slowburn, Future, Past, Dreams, oooo messing
with time, Tall Regulus, french regulus, french sirius, Desi James Potter,
East Asian Peter, Regulus hates the English, Grown up Regulus, Bad
Parent Walburga Black, Bad Parent Orion Black, Addiction, Fleamont
and Regulus, Euphemia and Sirius, Blood supremacy, Lily Evans needs
her own tag, Angst with a Happy Ending, Not Canon Compliant, Google
translate sos, Child Abuse, Good Regulus Black, Regulus Black & Sirius
Black Have a Good Relationship, Past Drug Addiction, Uncompleted,
sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2022-06-09 Completed: 2022-09-28 Words: 196,754
Chapters: 38/38
 The Past is The Present, The Future is The Past
by orphan_account

Summary

What if James Potter is tasked to save all of his friends? When Regulus dies he appears in
James’ dreams, telling him of what’s to come and how to fix it. Will James be successful? Or
were they all meant to die prematurely?
________________

“It’s going to be hard but you can do it, I believe in you.”

What if I can’t?

“You can.”

Please Regulus I can’t

…Regulus?

Notes

"How can you miss someone you've met? Because I need you now, but I don't know you
yet." IDK you yet - Alexander 23

See the end of the work for more notes

 Dreaming of you

“Hello.”

What?

“Hello, quite a common form of greeting.”

Where am I?

“You are here.”

Where is here?

“Here.”

That doesn’t, what?

“I thought you were supposed to be smart? hm no, now that I think about it that was Lupin.”

Lupin-, Moony? Who are you? Are you a death eater. Are you Voldemort?

“Well I suppose I can’t blame you for having questions. Well for one, no I am not Voldemort,
and I guess it’s very subjective whether I am a death eater or not.”

Subjective? How can being a death eater be objective?

“I’m a special case.”

Just who are you then?

“You’re making me feel shy.”

Shy?!

“I don’t know, you’re being very upfront. Maybe I don’t want to tell you who I am.”

I don’t care.

“Imagine how the baby Gryfindors would feel if they saw Saint Potter now. You’re being
very mean.”

Mean?! Wait Saint Potter, you know who I am?

“Obviously.”

Hold on that means you’re a Slytherin, they’re the only one’s who call me that.

“Maybe I’m a Ravenclaw.”

Are you?

“Well, no.”

Just tell me who you are!

“Fine then, you’re very persistent.”

My best quality apparently.

“I’m sure Lily Evans would disagree.”

Just get on with it!

“Okay don’t shout.”

I won’t.

“Promise?”

Yes! Merlin, just get on with it.

“I’m _______.”

What?

“I said, my names _______.”

Speak up.

“Oh my god, I’m Regulus! Sirius’ swotty little brother, death eater extraordinaire.”

You’re Regulus?!

“Are you deaf?”

Partially.

“Really?”

Yeah quidditch accident, two summers ago.

“Oh i’m sorry.”

It’s not your fault-, wait stop.

“Stop what?”

You’re trying to distract me.

“Maybe.”
You’re impossible.

“So I've been told.”

Stop being cryptic and tell me where I am, and why I’m here.

“Yeah whatever, you’re in the dream world or in other words your mind.”

What.

“You’re in the dream-“

I heard what you said.

“Didn’t sound like it.”

Stop pretending you thought I was serious.

“You’re not serious.”

Don’t.

“Yeah that joke hasn’t been funny since I was five.”

Right so I’m in my mind, I’m not even going to ask how that works-

“Bummer I had a speech.”

,answer my second question. Why am I here?

“I’m glad you asked Potter. You and I are going to change the future as we, or I know it.”

What.

“You know what I said.”

I- How?

“First let me tell you a story.”

Like an old man?

“No like a wise eighteen year old, just shut up alright?”

Alright tell me your story.

 Not everything is as it seems
Chapter Summary

Regulus shows James his first memory, James remembers that Regulus and Sirius did in
fact, grow up in the same house hold. He learns about why Regulus was so scared to not
be in Slytherin and how the future reacts to the past changing.

Warnings)
Mild gore - "Jesus, stop doing that" to "Stop it"
Child Abuse - "Why?" to "Don't worry he can't see us"

Chapter Notes

"I look to you and I see nothing, I look to you and I see the truth." Fade into you -
Mazzy Star

See the end of the chapter for more notes

James’ world went blank once again and just as quickly an old victorian-esque bedroom
appeared. If James didn’t know any better he’d think it was a bedroom of an adult, but
despite its cold decor there was still remnants of children’s clothing laid on the cabinet and
some space themed toys sitting on a shelf.

Regulus?

“Hello.”

Merlin, stop doing that.

James turned around but what stood there wasn’t Regulus Black but an empty shell of the
boy he had come to know as Sirius’ brother. He was soaked from head to toe, one of his eyes
was missing out of its socket, as the area around it was clawed. There was a hole in the cheek
of the opposite side looking as if something had taken a bite out of it, and his hair was the
messiest James had ever seen it.

“Stop it.”

What happened to you? You look, you look.

“Awful? Rancid? Absolutely impossible to look at?”

Not how I would put it.

“Yeah, because you can be kind to Mudbloods but when someones not pretty you can’t help
but be cruel.”

I’m not being cruel.

“Stop staring at me like that then.”

Like what?

“Like I’m a model that’s grown old.”

What?

“Muggle phrase.”

You know muggle phrases?

“Some.”

So what are you now? After death you’ve become a blood traitor?

“What no! Don’t say that, I’m not like you, you Mudblood loving thief”

Stop saying that!

“What Mudblood?”

I said stop!

“What about Halfbreeds? Huh? I’m sure you know a few, now that I think of it wasn’t Lupin
one?”

STOP!

“Why don’t like the truth?”

You’re just being rude, it’s not the truth.

“You were being rude.”

Then insult me, not an entire race of people.

“What’s the fun in that?”

You’re just, how can you?

“It’s how I was brought up.”

Ignorance is not an excuse.

“Why are you kind?”

It’s how I was- Oh

“You see.”

It’s different.

“Is it?”

Yes.

“Okay then.”

“…”

Regulus?

“Yes?”

Do you think that if you and Sirius had stayed close. If he hadn’t separated himself from you
when you were sorted into Slytherin-,

“So you admit it was him?”

-do you think you wouldn’t lie like this?

“Thanks for the reassurance on my personality.”

Answer the question.

“Maybe another time.”

Why?

“Regulus!” A woman shouted shrilly, A young child with curly black hair and piercing grey
eyes ran in to the room and hid under the bed. Next a tall woman with long black hair and icy
blue eyes strutted in. “Regulus, if I see that you are under that bed you better pray to your
ancestors” The woman walked towards the bed and bent down, reaching her hand underneath
and dragging it out with the child in its grasps.

Regulus cried out. “Maman!” The woman dragged her child across the room and dumped
him on the ground. “Maman, Je suis désolé” (Mum!. Mum, I’m sorry)

“Don’t you try and apologise now boy!” She shouted, sending a hex at the fallen child.
“repeat what you said!”

The child, no Regulus, looked up in defiance. “I said” He took a second to stand up and
despite his young age he already reached his mothers shoulders. “I don’t want to be in
Slytherin, Ravenclaw est mieux de toute façon” (Ravenclaw is better anyways)

Walburga Blacks actions were always just as Cold as the ice in her eyes and in one swift
motion she shouted a curse no child, or human for that matter should be under. “Crucio!”

Regulus screamed and writhed from the position he was in, he started clawing at the floor
and kicking his legs around the place. The curse didn’t lift for another 348 seconds, 348 long
excruciating seconds for not only Regulus but for James as well.

Once she was finished Walburga stared down at her son, who was gasping for air and
twitching violently. She looked at him one last time before making her way out of the room,
stopping at the door as Regulus mumbled something incoherently “What was that?” She
turned to look at him

“I” Regulus took a few more laboured breaths “Hate…you”

The room shifted into that of an office, an office where Orion Black sat sipping at a cup of
tea. The now identifiable sound of a young Regulus screaming playing over the quiet music.
The man leaned forward and turned the music up to a volume where you could no longer hear
them.

Regulus…

“August 30th 1972, 2 days before my first day at Hogwarts.”

You wanted to be Ravenclaw?

“Not just wanted, I am one.”

What do you mean?

“I begged and begged for that hat to put me into Slytherin, mainly because of what happened
tonight.”

I didn’t know you could do that..

“You can, it’s rare but you can.”

Regulus?

“James.”

Do you actually believe in blood supremacy?

“To an extent.”

Elaborate?

“Don’t get me wrong I used to, to a degree, one much higher than it is now. Though with my
death I’ve had a lot of time to think, and it just doesn’t make sense.”
Doesn’t make sense?

“Lily Evans for example she is an extraordinary witch and she’s not got an ounce of wizard
in her, believe me I looked.”

“It’s hard to let go of beliefs and it’s even harder to let go of those who come with it”

What do you mean

“I love my parents, and even as the past it changing I still feel love for them in every single
parallel, and I don’t think i’ll ever not.”

The past is changing?

“Oh yes I haven’t explained this to you have I?”

No, not yet…

“Right now you James Potter trust me, I’m not sure why, but you do. You believe what
you’ve seen which means that the past is changing because future you have already said yes
to the question I am going to ask.”

If the past is changing why aren’t your memories?

“They aren't changing perse, but I have new memories being added on. Like for example my
suspicions of Lupin being a werewolf have been confirmed.”

What! No he's not…

“Yes he is.”

That is so weird

“Cool right?”

Wait you said you had a question, what is it?

“Oh, yes. I need you to do something, not only for me but for everyone you love. It’s a big
ask and I wouldn’t be doing it if only I myself gained from it.”

Just tell me what it is

“Become friends with me”

What!

“Well, not me, past me. It will change everything I promise”

So you’re saying that you and I becoming friends changes the future?
 “Technically yes.”

Oh. why not ask Sirius?

“It would be unfair.”

How so?

“In my reality I’ve already taken so much from him, it’s too late for us now, but not in yours.
You can still fix our relationship, we can be brothers again.”

I’ll do it.

“You will?”

Yes, not for you but for Sirius. He deserves to have happiness.

“Okay thank you.”

It’s not for you.

“I know that.”

“…”

Regulus?

Regulus?

..

Are you there?

___________________

James woke up drenched in his own sweat, seconds away from screaming but successfully
stopping himself. Little did he know somewhere in the dungeons someone was still incased
in a dreadful nightmare, screaming to be let out.

Chapter End Notes

Chapter 2!!
I think its really important that we as a fandom don't forget that Regulus most definitely
had prejudice. He was and remains to this day as a canonically morally grey character

Also exploring the idea of James' ignorance and prejudice, which I again think is a really
important topic

All my French is done with Google Translate as will most of the languages. Sorry Xx

All my love, Emme <3

 An Excellent Plan
Chapter Summary

Regulus and James both question their friends' true feelings. Regulus has an awful
nightmare, which forces him to talk to someone he'd rather not. James comes up with an
excellent plan to become friends with Regulus, and within that process realises his
distaste towards the French.

Will Regulus accept James' proposal? Or will James' amazing plan turn out to be not so
amazing.

Graphic Content from "I was scared too Regulus" to "Regulus"

Panic attack from "Regulus woke up with a near scream" to "Sorry if I woke you"

Chapter Notes

"But I find that, lately I've been crying like a tall child" First Love/ Late Spring - Mitski

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Excuse me, who are you?” Regulus called out to the stranger in front of him, who proceeded
to turn round at the sound of his voice, only to reveal familiar blue eyes. “Sirius?”

“Reg…” Sirius said to him softly, the next thing Regulus was running into the arms of his
brother. Even though he had long since out grown Sirius, he managed to hold him like he did
when he had been taller.

“Sirius.” Regulus repeated, although this time it was breathier as he started to cry. “I’ve
missed you,” he choked out intertwined with a sob “so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Sirius mirrored his words with the same amount of emotion Regulus
had.

“Est-ce que ça va? I’m so sorry I didn’t stop them from hurting you. I was so scared.” He
asked voice lined with worry only a little sibling could produce. (Are you okay?)

“I was scared too Regulus, I’ve been scared every time I saved you. Why didn’t you save
me?” His voice became more and more cold as he spoke.

“I’m sorry Sirius, I’m so sorry.” As Sirius’ grip became stronger Regulus started to shift in
his hold.
“You just watched me get hurt, I could’ve have escaped if you had helped.” His nails started
to dig into Regulus’ pale skin.

“Sirius, please you’re hurting me…” Blood started to form underneath his brothers nails.

“Regulus, please they’re hurting me.” His voice had changed into the desperate sobs Regulus
had heard the night before returning to Hogwarts.

“Stop it.” It felt as though his brothers nails were becoming longer, and the longer they got
the deeper they sunk. “Please, it hurts, tu me fais ma.” Sirius stated rubbing his hands down
Regulus’ back in a consoling manner, but it was anything but. He was ripping open his skin,
blood was pouring out and it felt like utter agony. Regulus opened his mouth in a mock
scream but nothing came out, the desperate and now painful sobs continued. (You’re hurting
me)

“This is only half of what I felt that night.” Sirius said as Regulus was hitting at him trying to
escape his death grip. “It hurt so bad, but I did it for you. Why can’t you do it for me?”

Regulus felt as though he was melting, his body was barely staying together “Sirius, please
stop it!” He yelled out in agony.

“Mother, please stop it!” Sirius began to mimic again “Father stop it, I’m sorry!” He shouted
out in the exact same way he had done two weeks beforehand. “Regulus help me!”

“Stop it!”

“Regulus!”

“Please!”

“Regulus!”

“Stop!”

“REGULUS.”

Regulus woke up with a near scream but managed to catch himself. He instantly ran into the
bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror before collapsing down to the ground where he
covered his mouth in attempts to quiet his sobs. He must have sat there for about 10 minutes,
going in and out of crying before he decided to get into the shower, and if he continued his
crying that was no one else's business but his own. He placed a glamour charm on himself
before stepping out of the bathroom, which revealed a very tired looking Evan and a slightly
less tired looking Barty. “Sorry if I woke you.”

“No don’t apologise it’s okay, me and Evan were already up anyways.” He reassured
Regulus.

“No you were already up you old geezer.” Evan joked, this was something he liked about his
friends. After years now of dealing with him they were still completely oblivious, and he
himself has learnt that the best way to get over his nightmares was to just move on. Sure it
sometimes annoyed him if he kind of wanted to rant, but he had never once regretted not
impulsively ranting, because when he was impulsive he nearly always said or did the wrong
thing.

“You’re 5 months older than me!” Barty retorted.

“Yes and as your elder I wisely tell you that six am is not a healthy time to get up at.” Evan
said with a smirk.

“So you admit that you’re going wrinkly?” Barty mirrored Evans smirked.

“Hey! Thats not what I said, Reg help me.” Evan said, and Regulus didn’t doubt that he was
genuinely offended.

“I have to say Evan, it was a bit more obvious you were stressed the other day.” Regulus
joked.

“I quit, I’m done, I can’t take you both anymore. Just you watch one day I’m gonna die
prematurely and you’ll miss my beautiful face and wish you had worshipped it more”

Barty and Regulus looked between each other before promptly bursting out with laughter.

“Hey no stop it, this isn’t funny I’m serious.” Evan shouted which only made them laugh
more, causing a smile to fall onto his own face.

____________________________________

“Hey Prongso, wait up!” James heard Sirius shout from behind him along with Remus
quietly telling him to keep it down. “Why’d you not wait for us?” He asked when they
reached James.

“Sorry, you and moons were still asleep so me and wormy decided to go on ahead.” James
replied, he wasn’t actually sorry because he had invited Sirius, but he had answered with a
pillow to James’ face and it was so close to the full moon he didn’t even try with Remus.

“It’s okay, speaking of wormy, where is that little rat? I have a bone to pick with him.”

“Here.” Peter said as he literally appeared out of nowhere making them all jump.

“Jesus worms,” Remus said as he clutched his chest “you gave me a heart attack.”

“How do you do that?” Sirius questioned, still recovering from the shock himself.

“Whatever do you mean Sirius dear?” He responded batting his eyelash, in which Sirius
replied with a smack to he back of his head. “Prick.”

James chuckled to himself, as he watched Peter hit Sirius back only to instantly start running
as Sirius chased him and Remus called out to them to slow down. There were times when he
just couldn’t stand them but he knew that there was nothing they could do that would make
him hate them.

They made their way into the Great Hall and he couldn’t help but look over to the Slytherin
table, where Regulus sat along side Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier. He didn’t know how
he was going to approach the younger black and he didn’t intend to start figuring it out until
he had at least ate breakfast.

James watched his friends banter, as he often did. It was nice to watch them, storing the
memories in his mind and keeping them so well protected, not even Dumbledore could see
them. He remembered when he first met Sirius he had a posh English accent, not that
different from his own, but it was intertwined with a light French one, but not light enough
that it went unnoticed. since then he had put in all of his efforts to shed the French accent, in
which he was successful, instead replicating Remus’ Welsh accent, or at least he tried too.
Really Sirius just sounded like someone from the South of London, but none of them dared to
mention that.

He was only really thinking of this because of Regulus. The younger Black had never tried to
shake his French accent and still often intertwined French words into his speech Some of the
boys made fun of him for it but it made a lot of the girls swoon, I mean what lady doesn’t
want a polite, French gentleman. James was sure some of them would be able to look over
the Death eater in training part as well.

“James?” Remus gently tapped his shoulder. “You alright?”

“What yeah, why?” James replied, perhaps a little to hastily.

“Because you look like we’ve all just grown Lily Evans face.” Peter chimed in.

“Oh..” He said before realising what Peter just said. “Wait what?” All he got in response was
a pat on the back from Sirius with a pseudo sympathetic look before they returned to the
conversation they were having previously.

He watched as Regulus got up from the hall and decided that plans were overrated anyways,
he quickly made an excuse so he could follow him out of the hall. As he left the oversized
doors he couldn’t see Regulus anywhere, until he saw a familiar black head turn a corner, so
he instantly started sprinting after him.

“Regulus wait up!” Regulus turned around quickly, James is honestly surprised he didn’t get
whiplash.

“Potter? Qu'est-ce que tu veux?” He spat at James. (What do you want?)

“Bless you” James replied stupidly.

“What do you want?” He corrected him with just as much venom.

“Oh um..” Can you blame him for forgetting his non-existent plan? That was probably the
most embarrassing moment of his life. James Potter hates the French.
“Yes very interesting, if that’s all I have to go.” He said as he started to walk away, it was
obviously just a casual speed but because of his long legs he’d already made a distance
before James called out to him.

“Wait no! I uh, I…” James needed to think of something quick. “I need you to tutor me.”
What?

“What?” He asked showing the most emotion James had seen on him, ever. It was a mix
between confusion and shock.

“Look I’m falling behind in potions and Slughorn recommend I talk to you.” James lied.

“Slughorn recommend you, James Potter, sixth year Gryffindor, Blood Traitor. Ask me,
Regulus Black, Slytherin fifth year, your best friends brother, who he hates. To help you?,
and you went along with it?” He asked making James just feel even more stupid but he was
already in too deep.

“Uh, yes?” He replies.

“Looking past the fact that I’m a year below you what on earth makes you think i’d help
you?” Regulus says harshly.

“Oh come on don’t pretend you’re not already learning seventh year potions, and why
wouldn’t you help me?”

“Why would I?”

Oh, so he did have the same attitude as future (?) Regulus. “Because you see someone and
you can’t help but want to aid them in their crisis?”

Regulus lets out a breath which he thinks is supposed to be a laugh. “Yes because I’m so well
known for being kind.”

“Well you’re not known for being rude.” It’s true, no one’s ever reported a bad experience
with Regulus, besides Sirius and girls who have been rejected by him, but he doesn’t think
the latter is very reliable. Quite a lot of Muggleborns dislike him for obvious reasons, and
James can honestly say Regulus Black is the only person he hates in this world, but no one
has ever said he was mean or rude to him. Except James.

“I’m not?” He asks looking genuinely surprised by this.

“Nope” James responds.

“Oh…” He looks off to the distance somewhere for as second, before seeming to remember
where he is and who he is talking too. “No”

“What! Why?” No, James did not start whining.

“Because I said so.”

“No please Regulus, I’m going to fail my OWL’s and then I’m going to have to drop out of
school and become a nobody. I’ll get made fun of for the rest of my life. People will look
back and think ‘hey remember that James Potter guy? Yeah he was such a loser.’ What will I
do then?” If there was one thing James could do it was ramble and it seemed to be working in
his favour.

“Oh my Merlin shut up!”

“So is that a yes?” James asked hopefully.

“No”

“What no! Please!” James was getting desperate. “Please, please, please, please, please,
please, please, please-“

“Fine! Just shut up before I hex you.” James could have cried.

“Thank you, Thank you!” He said with relief.

He could have sworn he saw a smile form on Regulus’ lips. “Piss off before I change my
mind.” the scowl returned, did it ever leave?

James started to skip away, before remembering he didn’t know where to meet him “Wait
where do I go?”

Regulus seemed to think about it for a second before he replied. “Tomorrow, Slughorns
classroom, six. If you’re even a minute late I’m leaving.”

“It’s a date!” He replied cheerfully before skipping off to his first class of the day.

_________________________________________

Regulus didn’t know what he was thinking, saying yes to James Potter? This is what he
meant, when he’s impulsive bad things happen. He’s glad he chose a discreet place of
meeting because being spot with a blood traitor of all people would be a complete
embarrassment, not only to himself but the entire Black name, especially if it was willingly.
As he returned to his dorm he sat down on his bed with a sigh.

“Whats up?” Barty asked him.

“Oh, You know, just agreed to tutor James Potter.”

“What!” Evan exclaimed.

“Elaborate please Regulus.” Barty says looking just as shocked

“Le stupide Potter a décidé de me coincer dans le couloir.” He starts ranting “Alors je lui
demande évidemment ce que tu veux?, Et tout d'abord il dit bénisse mon français! Which is
why I hate the English, you’re all so ignorant to any other language but your own, even
though yours C'est tellement fade.”

(Stupid Potter corners me in the hallway, so I obviously ask him what do you want, and first
of all he says bless you to my French. Is just so awfully bland)

“Uh yeah Reg?” Evan warily speaks up “Uhm me and Barty just so happen to be those
ignorant English, and we have no idea what you’re saying”

“Oh sorry, you know how I am when I’m angry.” He says quickly losing all of his earlier
heat.

“Yeah we know. So can you re-explain that please, preferably in English?” Barty replies.

“Basically Potters an idiot, I hate him and Slughorns set me up to tutor him.” He summarises
.

“Slughorns lost his mind, sticking you with a bloody Gryffindor.” Barty says and Regulus
nods in agreement.

“Guess you can only hang around Dumbledore for so long before you’re just as batty.” Evan
jokes earning a laugh from Barty.

Regulus looks over to them, Evan is practically sitting on top of Barty as they lay beside each
other with their legs tangled. Sometimes Regulus wonders if they’re a couple behind his
back, and they’re just too scared to tell him, but then other times he thinks the exact opposite.
He doesn’t know if he’s homophobic, he knows his family are but he’s never quite figured
out an opinion for sure. He thinks though, that if Barty and Evan were to announce
themselves as a couple he would welcome it with open arms. He places himself under his
duvet before he falls asleep to the sounds of his friends laughter. Yeah, as long as they were
happy Regulus would love them no matter what.

_________________________________

James made his way into the dorm where he could already hear the laughter his friends were
emitting. “Hello.” He replied holding out the O for a little longer, as he makes his way to his
bed.

“Hey mate.” Remus replied as he catches a ball Peter has thrown, which he then throws in
Sirius’ direction, but a little to the right so it misses him and instead goes out the door and
down the stairs. “Fetch.” He deadpans which causes Sirius to give him an unimpressed look
but he nonetheless goes as Peter starts woofing at him.

James starts getting changed into his pyjamas, when he’s finished he places himself on to
Peters bed pushing him over to give himself room, ignoring the complaints from his
friend.”Whats going on?” He asks no one in particular.

“Remus and Sirius have been playing with that ball for the past hour.” Peter replies.
James huffs out a laugh as he lays his head on Peters shoulder. “The apple doesn’t fall far
from the tree then?”

Peters head lifts up in a quick laugh. “I guess not.” Remus just looks over to them with a
glare until he gets hit In the head with a ball thrown by Sirius.

“Hey! What was that for?” Remus exclaims.

“You didn’t train me well.” James and Peter start to giggle at that “Oh yes, hi James.”

“Hello good sir.” He replies before remembering it’s probably a good idea to tell Sirius about
Regulus, not the truth obviously. “Oh yes Sirius I actually have to tell you something”

“Yes Prongs i’ll marry you.” He jokes James rolls his eyes. “Anyways, yeah what is it?”

“Your brothers tutoring me now apparently.” James had decided that the best way to go about
this was casually.

“What!?” The entire room shouts. Obviously he was wrong.

“Why?” Sirius questions with a mad glare in his eyes.

“He said I wasn’t doing good in potions and that I needed one” He replies cautiously .

“Why didn’t you say no?” Asks Remus.

“Because I am doing bad in potions”

“What, since when?” Sirius says his voice getting slightly louder.

“Since always.”

“Your dad is a literal potions master” Peter points out.

“More like my mum.”

“Why not ask someone from our year? Reg is a fifth year he won’t know more than you”
Sirius counters

“Apparently he’s already learning NEWT level potions.”

“Is that even allowed?” Remus questions.

“Don’t know why it wouldn’t be.”

Sirius just glares at the corner “Ugh that slimy little Slytherin, this is just a plan to get to me,
I know it.”

“I don’t think so when I spoke to him about it he actually said no at first.” Best way to lie is
to add some truth. “Actually it was rather embarrassing.”
 “How so?” Peter asks.

“He spoke French and I said bless you.” He didn’t want to think about it.

Peters face lights up. “You didn’t.”

“I hate the French.” James replies with such finality that Peter bursts out laughing.

“Hey, I’m French!” Sirius argues.

“Then act like it” Remus says back

“Why? Want me to teach you how to French kiss Moony?”

“Oh my god, you’re so gross-“

“Right I’m going to bed.” James says standing up, it was better to stop them before they
started fighting. Sometimes James would think about how they’re like an old married couple,
and then he would think about how compatible they are with each other. James hasn’t ever
had to think about his sexuality or the people around hims sexuality. Realistically he knew
that gay people existed, but he hadn’t ever seen a gay person before. He liked to think that if
Remus and Sirius were together, that they would trust him enough to say so, because he
would be accepting. Although he's not sure if that’s because they’re his friends or not. He's
never had to think about homophobia but he knows its not kind and to him that’s enough to
not want to be it, and with that he fell asleep.

Chapter End Notes

Hi! Thanks for reading again! I want to address the inaccuracy of Regulus being
accepting of gay people. I personally don't feel comfortable writing homophobia or at
least long extended homophobia. I will dabble in how hard it can be to accept you are
gay but I don't think I am ever going to write long, cruel and in depth homophobia.
Thank you for understanding!

Remember to eat and drink to your hearts content, Emme <3

 The Tryouts
Chapter Summary

James watches one of Sirius and Regulus' disagreement, which cause him to argue with
Regulus as well. Ouidditch try outs bring an unexpected guest. James thinks about his
argument with Regulus before going to sleep, will Regulus bring James to a memory
once again or is this the last we'll see of him.

Chapter Notes

"And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad" This is me trying - Taylor Swift

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Tutoring, really?”

Not you again.

“Gee thanks, nice to see you as well.”

Yeah yeah, the pleasures all mine or whatever.

“Who’s got your panties in a twist?”

Who do you think?

“What did I do?”

What didn’t you do?

“Right, okay. Do I need to send you to the naughty corner or something?”

You can’t do that.

”…”

“…”

Regulus?
“Yes?”

Get me out of here right now.

“Fine, but be on your best behaviour okay?”

I hate you.

“Do you want out of there or not?”

Yes, please.

“Aww, who’s a good little baby.”

Regulus!

“You’re no fun.”

Why am I here.

“I literally explained this to you the other day.”

Why am I here again?

“Again literally explained this to you yesterday.”

Okay so what are you going to show me?

“You’ll find out.”

The room switched again, this time he was in one of the many corridors in Hogwarts. Before
he could question Regulus, he saw Sirius walking down the hall with a young Regulus in tow.

“Sirius please, I’m sorry.” Regulus pleaded only to be ignored. “Sirius, arrête de m’ignorer.”
(Sirius stop ignoring me.)

“Sorry what was that?” Sirius finally replied.

“Come on you know what I said. Tu peux jouer l'anglais autant que tu veux, mais tu es
toujours français.”(You can act English all you want, but you’re still French.)

“I can be whatever the fuck I want to be, and so can you. You could have been Ravenclaw
but of course you had to listen to Maman and Papa like you always do!” He shouted out in
response. (Mum. Dad)

“They would have killed me Sirius! You might be okay with that but I’m not!” Sirius turned
around and stopped walking at that.

He laughed out coldly before speaking. “You have no idea what I’d be willing to do. I would
be put under the cruciatus curse hundreds of times and still not join that snake pit!”
Regulus looked away for a second before quietly speaking. “Not even if I was there?”

Sirius’ eyes flashed briefly with something indescribable, Hurt, shock, anger? James couldn’t
tell. Sirius then spoke. “Especially if you were there.”

Regulus’ eyes widened and tears formed in them, his mouth opened briefly and then shut. He
repeated this action before he swallowed thickly. “This is it Sirius, you can die for all I care.”
He turned around and started walking off.

Sirius looked as if he’d been stabbed. “I fucking hate you, do you hear me? I hope you die a
slow and painful death along with the rest of your maniac family! I’ve got my own now and I
love them more than I ever have you!”

James knew he didn’t mean this, he remembered this night well. Sirius had come back to the
dorm absolutely shattered, shouting about how he had said the wrong things. Apologising to
no one in particular and literally beating himself up as he pulled at his hair and punched the
back of his neck.

Regulus whirled around quickly. “Well I’m just so happy about that Sirius, I really am. The
next time you need help don’t even bother looking at me, you can plead all you want but I am
never, ever, going to help you again!” He shouted before storming off.

James looked towards Regulus, the older one. He looked upset and hurt, not at Sirius but
himself, James didn’t blame him. They both watched as the brothers walked in opposite
directions of each other and when they were both out of view, Older Regulus and himself
were both back in the white room.

“This was when I had been sorted, the night of it actually.”

How could you say those things?

“Only children never do seem to get it.”

I may be biologically an only child, but Sirius is my brother. More than he’ll ever be yours.

“God, please just drop the Saint act already Potter! I know! I fucking know! Why do you
think I showed you that memory?, because I know that!”

It’s not a saint act!

“So you’re just calling yourself a Saint?”

What no stop twisting my words!

“Why not, I can literally do whatever I want.”

Not if you want me to help you.

“…”

That shut you up then?

“Thought you weren’t helping me? I thought that this was all for Sirius.”

It is!

“So you’d give up on him that quickly? Weren’t you the better brother?”

It’s not like you didn’t do the exact same thing! ‘This is it Sirius, you can die for all I care.’ Is
what you said exactly!

“…”

Ignoring me now then, don’t like the truth?

“James!”

What? I thought it was just us here, Why is Sirius here?

“James!”

Where is he Regulus?

“James, wake up!”

Wake up? What?

“James!”

Regulus… Are you there?

_______________________________

James woke up with a gasp.

“Finally, we thought you were dead for a second.” Someone unidentifiable said to him. He
looked around recognising the, to be honest, disgusting amount of red. It took him a second
to break out of his delirious state.

“Prongs, you okay?” The now identifiable voice of Sirius asked him.

“What?” He looked around the room for a second, before he spoke again. “Oh, um… yeah
I’m okay.”

“I’d expect you to be way more cheery.” Remus half shouted from the bathroom.

“What why?”

“Why?” Sirius shouted at him.”Why, he says. Moony are you hearing this?” Remus ignores
him.

“I hear this Sirius don’t worry.” Peter responds for Remus.

“Prongso, Prongsie, today is none other than the Quidditch tryouts.” Oh… Oh!

“What time is it?” He asks frantically.

“7am” Remus says re-entering the bedroom.

“7am, 7 AM!” He looks to them all. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner? They start in 30
minutes!”

“We tried mate, genuinely we did!” Peter defends himself and the others.

James was now frantically ripping things out of his wardrobe looking for his Quidditch gear
“Where is my stuff?!” He questions looking around the room.

“It’s in the bathroom, remember? You washed it a few days ago and left it there.” Sirius tells
him.

“Sirius you’re a life saver!” Honestly Sirius hadn’t done anything, but he didn’t object to the
praise.

“If this is all it takes to become your life saver Prongs, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t
proposed to me yet.” Remus jokes only to receive an eye roll from James before he heads
into the bathroom.

“I’ll marry you Moony.” James hears Sirius say, muffled slightly by the door, he assumes
Remus pushed him off the bed because of the thud, and the fact that Sirius is giving off at
him now.

Stepping out of the bathroom he puts on his Quidditch coat earning a whistle from Peter.
“Come on Sirius we better get going!”

“Hold on one second, I’m gonna come too!” Remus shouts walking over to grab his shoes.

“Uh, Moony hate to be the one to tell you this but if you’re trying out for Quidditch that’s not
the right attire” Sirius points out.

Peter shoots up from his bed, which he had previously been laying down in. “Moony’s trying
out for Quidditch?”

“What, no you idiots. I’m just coming down to watch.” He says swatting Sirius on the back
of his head.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being an idiot.” Remus replies simply, which causes Sirius to grumble about
favouritism. “Right, okay, I’m ready now.”

“I’ll come too then.” Peter says sitting up and putting his shoes on.
They all start walking down to the field. It wasn’t uncommon for Peter to join in on watching
the practises and he’d watched the tryouts 2 years ago, but Remus had never come to
anything but the games. James was sure he had ulterior motives.

“What’s got you all nervous Prongs?” Sirius asks. “It’s not like they’re going to replace you,
you’re the best chaser the Gryffindor team’s seen in years!”

“I’m not sure about that Pads.” James says, he’s aware most people think of him as
egotistical, he probably was at some point, but he’s actually quite insecure.

“No I agree with Sirius, I don’t know much about Quidditch, but from what I’ve seen you’re
pretty amazing James.” Remus compliments.

“Stop it, it’ll get to his big head.” Peter jokes before instantly doing what he just told them to
stop.“In all seriousness James, you do have this in the bag. You know me, if I thought you
didn’t I’d tell you.”

James liked this about Peter, he told the truth and never lied. Some would say he was cruel
but he really wasn’t. Peter was one of the kindest people James had ever met and he knew
how to tell the truth in the most amazing way. One that wouldn’t hurt anothers feelings, but
bring light to a mistake or issue. He thinks that’s why Peter is in Gryffindor and not
Hufflepuff like some people say he should be. Peter isn’t scared to speak up, not even against
his friends, and he doesn’t shy away from the truth. James thinks that’s the bravest thing
someone can do.

“Thanks guys, I mean it.” He says as they reached the entrance to the Quidditch pitch.

Most of the old team was already already there, along with some students who were just there
to watch the tryouts.

“Hey Frank!” Sirius called out causing the older boy to turn around.

“Hey Sirius, James!…. Peter?” Frank looked towards Remus and looked at him as though
he’d grown another head. “Bloody hell, am I dreaming or is that you Lupin?”

Remus looked at him with an unimpressed look. “Yeah its me, don’t cream your trousers.”
Which caused Sirius to bark out a laugh.

James noticed though, that Remus’ eyes fell onto someone in the crowd of players, Dirk
Cresswell. They had become friends some point in the previous year when Sirius had, well
James didn’t really like to think about it. He could have sworn he saw Dirk wink at Remus
and Remus blush at it. It was probably a figment of his imagination.

After about 20 minutes all of the people trying out arrived. James wasn’t nervous, okay
maybe a bit, but he knew he was at least average at being a Chaser which meant that he’d
keep his position. As long as the people challenging him weren’t better than average.

“Okay!” Frank yelled. “Can last years team come stand in a line behind me?” He asked and
they complied.
“These are the people you need to beat if you want to be on this team” He pointed to them
“We are short of a seeker for you to play against so I have brought in the help of another
team!” James had hoped that the team would be Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but he knew that
the captain of the Slytherin team, and Frank were really good friends. Which meant only one
thing.

Emmeline Vance and Regulus Black both walked out on to the pitch which caused a series of
protests from the students trying out.

“Quiet!” Frank shouted “Emmeline and I are close so I trust her, and to be honest this whole
house divide is stupid.” James didn’t agree with that at all, but he had learned early on that
Frank loved just about anyone who smiled at him, and would protect them with his life. Poor
him, some day James would help him see that Slytherins were all just wankers.

“Hello!” Emmeline said in a cheery voice. She had a thick Northern Irish accent which
always through James off a bit. “I’m Emmeline and this is my lovely seeker Regulus.” She
said throwing her arm over Regulus’ shoulder pulling him into a half-head lock.

“Enfer sanglant Emme, get off me you git.” He shouted, eyes widening a bit as though he had
forgotten who he was in the presence of. (Bloody hell Emme)

“Lovely’s not the word I’d use.” He heard Sirius mumble, James looked towards Sirius
hesitantly. Sirius liked to act as if he hated his brother but there was no denying the love he
still felt for him. James wasn’t sure if he could tell because he knew Sirius so well, or if it
was because it was obvious, either way it was there.

Frank interrupted his thoughts and spoke again “Right then! Marlene and Sirius, could you
please step forward?” Marlene and Sirius were the teams beaters and bloody brutal ones at
that. “Okay if you’re trying out for beater please move in front of them.” About 8 of the 24
students stepped forward.

“Okay thank you! Can the Chasers step forward next?” James along with the other 2 Chasers,
Dirk and Alice fortesque, moved forward. “Okay and then if you’re going for Chaser step
forward.” 12 students stepped forward. The Chaser position always had the most people
trying out for it, mainly because it was the position which consisted of the most people.

Frank was the Keeper, and a good thing about being Captain was that no one could challenge
you for your position. “Right and finally seeker, Regulus can you step forward?” Regulus did
just that. “The rest of you step in front of him then.” Most of the students were either second
years or third years, most of them hadn’t yet hit their growth spurts or were just beginning
them. Which caused Regulus, who was definitely over 6 foot, to tower over them.

“Okay then let’s split you guys into teams, we’ll do it alphabetically.” Frank half suggested,
half told. This was something he did often.

“Does Frank really expect these kids to beat Regulus?” Marlene whispered to them. She had
a point Regulus was notorious for being an unbeatable opponent, he did this with actual talent
unlike most of his team.
“He’s not that tough he’s just a little snake.” Sirius responded to her.

Marlene mumbled something along the lines of. “Wouldn’t describe him as little.” Causing
Sirius to hit her on the back of her head. Which then cause them to start a friendly (?) fight.

Frank who had previously been sorting out the younger students noticed them. “Hey, you two
stop it!” They both got off each other but continued to kick each other in the shins, before
James just decided it was better to stand in the middle of them.

“Okay! Teams are sorted.” James looked over to Frank and in front of him were 4 groups of
players. “Team 1,” he pointed to the team in front of him. “you’re going first, the rest of yous
can go up to the stands.” The rest of the 17 students made their way over and the two teams
left behind kicked off into the air.

Emmeline, who must have put a speaker charm onto herself started counting down. “3…2…
1…GO!” Everyone flew over to their positions, and Regulus just shot straight up to the sky
only stopping once he was above the stands.

The match was going great, his team were winning. Frank had said though, that it didn’t
matter on scores only how you play, which was probably him noting to Marlene and Sirius
that they couldn’t just mess about the whole time.

James looked over to where Regulus was, he had been circling around the pitch the whole
time. He noticed a brief flash of recognition fall over his face, before he sped off in the
complete opposite direction. James just assumed he was giving the other team a chance to see
it before he did something, but then he noticed the other seeker chasing after him and realised
that Regulus was pulling a feint.

They were something Regulus was infamous for, and the reason he was so hard to beat. You
could never tell if he was actually going after the snitch or if he wasn’t. This time he wasn’t.
He changed his direction aiming straight for the ground, the younger faltered for a second
before continuing him in pseudo trust. Regulus pulled up just before he hit the ground, not
giving the other enough time to react causing him to crash straight into it.

He instantly flew in the opposite direction before changing his corse and going straight up,
reaching his arm out grabbing the snitch and instantly falling back down. He flew down to
the ground gracefully, signalling that he had caught the snitch and that the game was over.

Sirius walked over to James once they hit the ground. “He’s such a show off.” He said
obviously annoyed by his brother.

“I, but it’s entertaining innit?” Emmeline said from behind them causing them both to jump.
“He’s proper talented that one.”

“Sure, whatever.” Sirius said rolling his eyes. Emmeline left at that and walked over to
Regulus kicking him at the back of his knees causing him to stumble. Regulus quickly
retaliated, using his height to his advantage by picking her up and playfully chucking her to
the ground. Most would be upset by this but Emmeline just started laughing as she stood up
and ruffled his hair.
It felt intimate something, James shouldn’t be watching. They were obviously close, they
were kind of like siblings. James looked towards Sirius and knew that he saw it too.

He was about to say something before Frank announced they would be starting the next
match. James gave Sirius a smile which he reciprocated. “Let’s go kick those second years
asses alright?”

“They’ll never see us coming.” Sirius smirked at him.

________________________

Honestly Regulus could murder someone, particularly Emmeline Vance. “Why on earth
would I help the Gryffindor team with their tryouts?” He asked her from the floor.

“Because I asked you to and you do anything I ask?” She responded from where she was sat.
Which was on Regulus’ bed, a bed she had just pushed him off of. Again another reason why
he could murder her.

“I don’t do everything you ask.”

“You kind of do mate.” Barty chimes in from where him and Evan are playing exploding
snap.

“See who’s side you’re on when I conveniently forget to do your charms homework” All he
got in response was a loud blast and Evan laughing about how he had totally just destroyed
Barty in that game.

“So you’ll help?” Emmeline asks again, giving him puppy eyes.

“No.” He says with what he thought was finality but apparently not because Emmeline falls
off of the bed dramatically and on to him.

“Please Regulus, I’ll do all of your transfiguration homework for a month.” That halts any
attempts he’d made to push her off.

“Make it two.”

“Deal.”

“You’ve really proven us wrong there Reg.” Evan says sarcastically

“Oh shove off.”

So that’s how he, Regulus Black, became Gryffindors seeker. The situation was not ideal,
especially with his brother there, and James Potter. Regulus was honestly dreading the
tutoring session tonight, but he had decided that he would make Potter give him something in
exchange for knowledge.
______________________

Regulus was content with the tryouts, knowing that he wouldn’t have to do transfiguration
homework for a while kept him distracted. Once they had ended he headed to the Great hall
for lunch alongside Emmeline. He knew many suspected that they were dating, but that
would be like dating his sister and despite the many similarities he shared with his parents,
that was one he did not. He quickly spotted Evan and Barty and made his way over to them,
saying goodbye to Emme.

“Hey Reg!” Evan called out, causing Barty to turn around.

“Hello.” He held out the O as he sat beside them. “What are you guys doing?”

“Just some homework.” Barty said biting into a sandwich.

“What one?” He asked.

“Oh just care of magical creatures.” Evan responded for him.

Regulus hummed in response, The Great Hall wasn’t usually busy on a Saturday at lunch,
and today was no different. Only about 20 other students were here, most of them being
Ravenclaws, speaking of Ravenclaws.

“Have you guys seen ‘Dora lately?” Evan asked.

“Yeah I was talking to her earlier, why do you ask?” Barty told him.

“I just haven’t talked to her in a while…”

As if she had been called Pandora strolled into The Great Hall. As soon as she potted them
she made her way over to them. “Hey guys!”

“Panda!” Evan cheered.

“Woah, what happened?” She asked obviously surprised by the sudden affection.

“Nothing just haven’t seen you in a while.” Evan responded.

“We hung out 2 days ago?” She asked with a confused look.

“Yeah and that’s like 2 years for him, the kids attached to you. I’d get a restraining order if I
were you Pans.” Barty said casually, not looking up from his Homework.

Evan pushed his face into the table. “I am not obsessed, and I’m older than you, you tosser.”

Barty lightly punched his shoulder. “Yeah I can tell.”

“I am not doing this again.” Regulus interrupted the on coming argument. “How are you
‘Dora?”
 “I’m good, OWL’s are a bitch though.” She said causing Regulus to tip his head back in a
laugh.

____________________

James stared at his ceiling, something he had been doing for the past 30 minutes. Peter,
Remus and Sirius had all gone to the courtyard, but he decided to stay behind. He was feeling
very guilty for how he had spoken to Regulus earlier, the more and more he thought about it
the worse he felt. He had been angry at first, for the words Regulus had said to Sirius, how
cruel he had been. Then he had thought about the tears in the younger Regulus’ eyes, and
Older Regulus’ obvious disappointment in himself.

Regulus was showing his darkest memories and perhaps his most traumatic ones to James.
Reliving them and watching them happen yet again, all so that he could make the future a
better place. James wasn’t sure he believed this, but it all felt too real to be fake, Regulus was
becoming less and less of an enigma to James and that frightened him. It frightened him the
way he noticed how good Regulus was at Quidditch and the way he watched as Emmeline
and him got along so well, watching it with not only guilt for Sirius but envy for himself.

It was one of James’ worst traits. His uncontrollable need to make people happy, and if he
didn’t make them feel happy he felt awful. James has a comforting aura, and he knew this,
but the fact that he seemed to bring Regulus discomfort hurt him. It was thoughts like these
that made him think about how awful he really was. James always thought of himself as a
bad person, that was because he was. If he wasn’t why didn’t Lily like him? She constantly
told him about how annoying he was, and how she hated him. Lily’s smart, and she has no
reason to lie, so if she thought this it wouldn’t surprise him if others did too.

Sometimes James wanted to go home, but not back to Godrics Hollow, somewhere
indescribable. A place he had never been before, but somewhere he knew he wanted to go.
He would cry about it at times, about the place he had never been but yet he wanted to return,
he wondered if Regulus and Sirius felt the same. If they also wished to return to a home that
did not exist, they would have much better reasoning than James of course. They literally get
abused, James only gets a little sad at times.

He decided that he’ was going to sleep till his tutoring session with Regulus, he didn’t really
want to go. It felt as though he had a hundred hands pushing him down and someone
whispering in his ears not to go. He hoped they would be gone when he woke up.

Chapter End Notes

Hello again! I'm not really happy with this Chapter, but I think that's just me being a
perfectionist! I hope you noticed the little Stranger Things reference, I have a lot of
references that I plan to add into this fic, so look forward to that, or be scared of it, who
knows?

Emmeline Vance as a Northern Irish person >>>>.

I love the idea of The Slytherin Skittles having a million different nicknames for
Pandora. Also genuinely a coincidence that me and Emmeline have the same nickname,
I didn't even plan on adding her to this fic until I was writing that so surprise :D

On another note Lily is 100% not going to be an asshole in this pic. I have big plans for
her character and I absolutely adore her. I just think it's important to address the effect
her words would have had on James. Same thing with Sirius there are points in this pic
where he and Regulus are going to be complete assholes, but I promise that's not all they
are!

The Prank is going to be addressed in a flashback at some point, probably soon

The next chapter is going to be a Peter special and the next one after that is going to
introduce Mary and Lily! (Finally!!) as well as the tutoring session.

All my love, Emme <3

 Crush Culture
Chapter Summary

Set in Hogwarts 1974, Peter Struggles with feeling detached from his fiends. A feeling
not so new to him. When everything comes crashing down at Gryffindors annual
Halloween party, who will Peter turn too, and what will he find out?

Unwanted kissing from "I'm so glad you like me Peter." to "He pushed her away."
This is not SA, both parties are knowingly consenting, and neither force the other. It is
just unknowingly unwanted.

Chapter Notes

"Often I am upset, that I can not fall in love but I guess, this avoids the stress of falling
out of it.” Home - Cavetown

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Peter had always wanted to love, wanted to adore as well as be adored, he just couldn’t. It
never worked, he watched as his friends developed crushes with envy, envy for what he could
never have.

He found it so easy to write love poetry, or give advice on love, most nights he sat up all
night day dreaming about the perfect person. They would have a laugh like no other, one that
would brighten up his day, not like the sun, but like the ground on a snowy morning. They
would have the most perfect imperfections that he would kiss tenderly with as much love he
could muster. They would be so kind, kindness that he would never deserve but kindness they
would give unconditionally. Why if he could picture them, write about them, and spend all
night thinking about them, could he not have them?

He remembers a time back when he was staying at the Potters’ over a summer. James had just
developed a crush on a girl who lived next to him, she had golden locks with golden eyes to
match and a golden heart to compliment her features, James chased after her all summer.
Some point, maybe a week into his visit, Peter began to feel distant. Like he didn’t have
anything in common with James anymore.

Throughout their 6 years of friendship, James had developed a crush on at least 9 different
girls, and Peter? Not one. Something he had never quite thought about, was if that was weird
or not. On one hand he was 10, surely that was too young for actual love to develop? Though
on the other hand he was 10 and for a crush to have taken this long didn’t make sense. It was
unfair, surely James couldn’t just share one? That must have been it James Potter had taken
all of the girls, and now there were none left for Peter.

Peter had then come to the conclusion that his crush must be James. He felt such distain
towards James’ crushes that it just had to be Jealousy. What else could it be? There was no
way he would hate his best friend, so it must be the girls, which was an even bigger issue. He
liked boys? Couldn’t be. There was just no way that it was possible. He didn’t blush when
James talked to him, or stutter, and his thoughts definitely didn’t get jumbled like his mum
had described they would.

Peter had decided that summer, that he was broken. At Some point along the course of his life
someone had ripped out his ability to love, tied it to a string and held it in front of him, just
out of reach. Something he so desperately wanted to grasp, but just couldn’t.

___________

Hogwarts 1974

“So Wormy, get up to anything over the summer?” Sirius asked him from his spot on James’
bed. “Meet any girls?”

Peter hadn’t in fact, met any girls that summer. “Yeah, actually.” He lied, which caused Sirius
to jump off of James’ bed and on to Peters, James shot up as well but didn’t move from his
bed and Remus pretended to not care, but Peter didn’t miss the way his eyes stopped moving
over his book and the pages stopped turning.

“Really!, who?” Sirius was now sitting crosslegged in front of him.

“Just some girl in my neighbourhood.” He responded.

“Do I know her?” James asked, Peter had a moment of hatred to his parents, curse them for
living so close too Godrics Hollow.

“Oh, um, no.” James knew everyone. fuck. “She lives on the outskirts, far far away from
where we live” Remus’ brow lifted up skeptically.

“Did you two get up to anything… Fun?” Sirius asked as he wiggled his eyebrows.
Peter instantly felt uncomfortable. “Uh, no. We were taking things slow.” He said causing
Sirius to groan to in frustration.

“You’re no fun Worms”

“Oh shove off Sirius not everyone decided to lose their virginity the second they grew a
dick.” Remus called out from his bed, where he had stopped pretending to read his book.
“Besides I think it’s romantic.”

“Hey, what did we say? No slut shaming in the dorm room,” James scolded.

“Like you can say anything, Remus ‘The Casanova of Gryffindor’ Lupin,” Sirius defending
himself.
“Oi, Sirius!” Sirius rolled his eyes as James told him off.

Most people would think that Remus and Sirius hated each other, but that wasn’t true. They
were probably the closest of the four. Maybe that was a love Peter wanted. “We actually, er,
broke up.” That would definitely stop James from questioning her identity, not that she had
one, she was fake.

“Oh I’m sorry Pete.” James says apologetically.

“Hey, fuck her then!” Sirius decides. “Just you wait wormy we’ll se you up with some nice
girl, yeah?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice Pads.” Peter hated himself.

_______________

“So Pete anyone caught your eye?” James asks, causing Sirius’ ears to perk up.

“Yeah Worms, any fine young ladies?” He also questions.

They were at an end of exam party and all Sirius had done was try to set him up with a girl,
he was getting tired of this. Tired of Sirius’ constant need to keep his head up his ass. “No
Sirius they haven’t.” He replies with probably a little too much annoyance, Sirius was too
drunk to notice. James wasn’t though, his eyes shone with concern.

“Don’t worry, I’ll find you one.” Sirius said before walking off into the crowd of people.

“You okay Pete?” James asks, his voice laced with the same concern shown in his eyes.

Peter was getting annoyed, he was also drunk “Yes James, I’m fucking fine, just go and find
some Lily lookalike and snog them, or whatever it is you do at these shitty parties.” He didn’t
bother waiting to see James’ reaction and headed straight to the door.

Fuck James. Fuck Sirius. They’d never understand him, they’re both too ignorant for their
own good. He needed to go to sleep, he didn’t want to talk to anyone, and definitely didn’t
want to get set up with anyone.

He made his way into the dorm where Remus sat in his bed with a book. “Hey Peter! Where
are the others?”

"Fuck off.” He said laying down in his bed ready to sleep. He’d apologise in the morning.

_____________

Peter woke up with a hangover and a feeling of dread in his stomach. Peter didn’t often fight
with people, but when he did and it went unresolved, he had an unrivalled amount of anxiety
stored in his stomach.
Getting up he quietly got ready and left the dorm, he didn’t have the energy, or the patience to
deal with any of them today.
“Peter?” Someone asks and he turns around to reveal Lily Evans.

“Oh, Lily. Hi.”

“Hello, where’s the rest of your usual entourage?” She says looking around warily, as if
waiting for James to jump out with a bunch of roses.

“We, er…” What does he say? “They’re just sleeping.”

“Oh okay.” She says looking a lot more relaxed. “Where are you headed?”

“No where in particular.” Where was he planning on going? The only places he liked in
Hogwarts were the Forbidden Forest and his Dorm, both of those were out of the question at
the moment. “How about you?”

She stands up from where she was sitting on one of the common room sofas. “I was just
going down to The Great Hall to meet Marlene and Mary.”

“I’ll join you then, if you don’t mind of course?” He asks.

“You’re always welcome Peter!” She replies and starts walking. “So why aren’t you talking
to the boys?”

“What! No, I am. Totally.” Way to go Peter.

She rolls her eyes at him. “I’m not daft, you four are practically inseparable.”

Bollocks. “It’s just,” Peter isn’t sure if he should tell Lily. “I just,” She wouldn’t be cruel, he
knew this, but would she understand? “They just.” She wouldn’t tell anyone, Peter just didn’t
know what was wrong with himself.

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to. I know when you four fall out it’s usually for
a good reason. I’m here if you need me though Peter, as are the girls.” She tells him

Peter sighed with relief, Lily was always kind and he’s happy she didn’t pry. “Thanks Lils.”

She looks up and smiles at him. “Any time, now let me tell you about what Marlene did in
the last potions lesson. You’re going to piss yourself.”

Peter spent all morning laughing with the girls, and just for a bit he was able to forget the
three boys that were talking in the dorm, voices laced with worry.

____________________

Sirius woke up with a massive headache, and a missing Peter. That was something that
always happened when he went to parties. Whether Peter went or not Drunk Sirius always
found his way into his bed. So where was he? “Wormy?”

“Not here.” James called out from his bed looking slightly less disheveled than Sirius, only
slightly.
Remus was sitting on the chair at the corner of the dorm reading a book. “He left early this
morning.”

“Oh, okay.” Peter never went to breakfast without them.

“So can one of you tell me what it is you said, or did to him last night?” Remus said closing
his book and looking between the two.

“I was hoping you could tell me Moony, he usually talks to you.” James admitted.

“Well he didn’t, which means you two were assholes and he’s now ignoring me by
association.”

Sirius was very confused at the moment. “What are you two talking about?”

“Pete was in a shitty mood last night before he left the party. Told me, and I quote, ‘just go
and find some Lily lookalike and snog them, or whatever it is you do at these shitty parties.’”
James explained, Sirius winced.

“Yeah and he told me to fuck off when I asked him if he was alright.” Remus adds in.

Peter could be pretty harsh when he was mad, but it was usually justified because he didn’t
get mad often. “Should we talk to him?”

“I think it's pretty obvious he doesn’t want to talk to us.” Remus points out.

“I still think we should.” James reasons.

Sirius wasn’t sure about this, but James’ mum was a mind healer. “Same.”

“We could talk to him when he gets back?” Remus asks, James nods his head in agreement.

“Sounds like a plan, genuinely though you two have no idea what happened?” James and
Remus both shake their heads. “Me neither.”

“All I remember is him getting really pissed when you asked him about liking any girls.”
James answered, Remus then through his book at Sirius.

“Bloody hell Moony, what was that for?” It really did hurt, it was a hard cover.

“Youbboth know Wormtail only just broke up with a girl, he’s probably still caught up on
her.” Remus scolds them.

“Oh.” James and Sirius say at the same time. “When he comes back up we definitely have to
apologise.” James continues.

“Yeah you do.” Remus agrees.

Sirius hears laughter coming from the common room and someone shouting goodbyes to a
Peter, their Peter. “I think that’s him.”
The door opens confirming Sirius’ suspicions. Peters large smile dropped instantly and he
mumbled a morning before heading towards the bathroom.

“Wait Pete.” James calls out causing him to halt. “We want to apologise for last night.”
Sirius, who had now moved beside James, nods.

“Yeah we feel really bad about it, and we know we shouldn’t have brought it up.” Peters face
seems to light up again. “You just broke up with your girlfriend so of course you wouldn’t be
taking an interest in anyone.” Peters face seems too drop a little with what Sirius assumes is
sadness, poor guy must have really loved her.

“Yeah, yeah that was it.” His Adams apple bobs. “Sorry I was an asshole.”

“No, it was totally deserved. Don’t apologise.” James assures him. “Are we good?”

“Yeah we’re good.” Peter confirms.

“Good because I did miss you this morning my love.” Sirius starts joking, what can he say?
It’s his main defence mechanism.

“Oh did you now?” Peter jokes back. “I guess we’ll have to make up for it. I did learn a new
silencing charm.” This causes James to gag.

“Get a room you two.” Remus says walking past them to grab his book off of Sirius’ bed,
smacking them both on the back of their heads.

“Oi Moony!” Sirius yells causing James to giggle as they start trading insults.

Sirius decided that at the Halloween Party, he was going to set Peter up with someone.
Usually he’d ask Mary but she wasn’t talking to him at the moment. He’ll find someone.

______________

Once he’d made up with the boys Peter excused himself and took a shower. As he got
undressed and stepped into the shower he started thinking. It was funny picking on James and
Sirius for being oblivious, it was one of the things him and Remus had first bonded on, but
sometimes it was hard having oblivious friends. It was so hard.

He couldn’t help the quiet sobs that escaped him as he sunk down to the ground, curling up
into a ball. They thought he was still caught up on some girl that didn’t even exist. He didn’t
accept their apology, because they technically didn’t even apologise. He continued staring at
the wall in front of him, hand covering his mouth as water poured down his face, some of it
was salty.

Sometimes he wished he could admit it all to them, shout about how he’s envious of them.
Cry about how he wishes he could love and whisper about how he doesn’t even like the idea
of sex. The thing that hurt Peter the most was that not even Remus had noticed, he was
usually the one to notice the small things. He would notice when Sirius was thinking about
his family, or when James was insecure. So why couldn’t he notice that Peter was sad, that
his world was crumbling. Maybe it wasn’t even in tact in the first place.
Peter had been born broken. At 5 it was normal for him to not have any crushes, at 10 it was
slightly weird but now at 15? He was a fucking loser. He felt detached from the rest of the
boys, just like he had been from James when he was younger. He needed something to
connect himself to them. James was loved by everyone at Hogwarts, girls practically fainted
every time he messed up his hair, or lifted up his shirt to clean his glasses. Sirius was
practically worshipped for his looks, he never failed to flirt with anyone and when he did the
other would blush, even if it was just a little. Remus was adored for his kindness, girls loved
how sweet he was, and Peter often heard them giggling about him in the corridors. Peter was,
well, Peter. He wasn’t known as a heart throb, or as a charmer and he definitely wasn’t
known for being kind.

The Marauders had told Peter countless times that they loved his truthfulness, but he knew it
wasn’t something girls found attractive. Peter was a blunt, average looking, chubby kid, and
compared to his friends? He might as well be the ugliest person on the planet. There was a
time when he would’ve been sad about this, but he’s grown to accept it. Who needs to be
attractive when you don’t want to attract anyone?

As he sat there in the shower, he thought about a way to keep Sirius distracted, and a way to
close the gap with his friends. Obviously he could just tell them, but that’s stupid and a bad
idea. Or he could fake a crush, what could go wrong with that?

___________________

Everything, everything went wrong with that. Let’s recap

Peter chose out a lovely, respectable young Hufflepuff. Her name was Angelina Hannan, she
had bright blue eyes, and strawberry blonde hair. She was popular enough, but not too
popular, and she was yet to confess her love for with James, Remus or Sirius. With was
definitely a plus.
She was again, a girl he should have a real crush on, but alas his heart refused.

Everything was going perfectly fine, he had more conversation starters with the boys. James
talked about ways to confess with him, which he would 100% not do if he did like her. Sirius
talked to him about her appearance, he had noticed now that Sirius talked to him more about
girls. Which is something he hadn’t known Sirius held back on, and Remus talked to him
about romance and what dates he should ask her on, If he did like her he would have
definitely took Remus’ advice. James hadn’t shown any good results, sorry James.

It all came crashing down Halloween night, at Gryffindors annual Halloween party. Which
was a big occasion, even Slytherins came.

“Wormy dear, I have the best news for you.” Sirius came running into the dorm.

“Oh?” No offence to Sirius, but his good news was usually shit. “Do tell.”

“You know Angelina Hannon?” Sirius questioned.

“No Sirius he doesn’t, he’s just spent the past few weeks obsessed with some girl he’s never
heard of.” Remus deadpanned
“Shush Moony, anyways. Apparently she likes you too.” What the actual fuck. “ Not only
that, but, drumroll please. She wants to bloom with you, if you know what I mean.” That
earned cheers from James. Peter was just shocked

Just his luck, the girl he picked was possibly the only girl in Hogwarts who would have a
crush on him. He knew he should have picked a Slytherin. “You’re joking.”

“Fortunately for you Sir Worm, I am not.” Sirius seemed to brighten even more at Peters
shocked expression, obviously misinterpreting it. “As much as I wish it was me, I must-“

Sirius’ voice was drowned out by the blood rushing to his ears, he hated himself. He should
have just told them, but he was a fucking coward. Why he was in Gryffindor he would never
understand.

“Worms you okay?” Remus asks with concern. Fuck you Lupin, it’s too late for you to notice
I’m struggling.

“He’s just thinking about the night he’s going to have tomorrow.” Sirius answers for him.

Peter chuckles, not really because of amusement. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“Don’t you worry Wormy, I’ll teach you everything you need to know.” With that Sirius
pulled him out of the dorm and got into way too much detail. Far too much.

_______________________

So that’s how he got here, following a girl into a broom closet. More specifically it was
Angelina.

“I’m so happy you like me back Peter.” She said as she got closer to him. “I was so scared
you wouldn’t.”

Peter wasn’t tall, definitely not compared to James and Remus but he was a solid 5’7 and
Angelina must have been about 5’4, so the height gap wasn’t too large. It felt as though that
gap was getting smaller and smaller by the second and he realised that was because she was
leaning in for a kiss.

“Angelina I-“ Peter started.

“Shut up and kiss me.” She interrupted, and Peter did just that. Why? He’ll never know, but
he did it.

The feeling of her tongue in his mouth made him want to throw, he wanted to scream and cry.
He wanted to march up to his friends and punch them all in the face. Tell them that they were
shitty friends and even shittier people.

Though compared to that the feeling of his tongue in her mouth was even worse. It made him
feel as if he’d spent the last 6 months in a mud pit. He felt uncomfortable to a degree he never
knew he could reach, this was a feeling he never wanted to feel again. Oh god he never
wanted to feel this again.
He pushed her away as he felt tears start to prick in his eyes, muttering small meaningless
apologies and making his way out. He pushed by people in the crowd, not daring to
apologise, afraid the only thing that would come out was a sob.

“Peter? are you alright?” Lily Evans, Peter was so close to tears, and he didn’t know if he
could hold them in front of her.

“I-,” What does he say? “I’m.” The tears are so close.

“Come with me.” She instructs, leading him to her bedroom, just like Angelina had lead him
to the closet. He dropped his head as she held on to his arm, so that they would not lose each
other in the crowd. Once they reached her dorm she checked for any strangers, then turned
the light on and closed the door. “Whats wrong Peter?” She asked with concern, and that did
it.

Peter broke down into sobs and she instantly engulfed him in a warm hug. He clung on to her
like his life depended on it, burrowing his head into her neck. He tried forming words but he
just couldn’t.

“Shh, it’s okay.” She comforted. “It’s all going to be okay.” This made Peter lose his temper.

He pulled away from her. “It’s not going to be okay! It’s never going to be okay! I can’t take
this anymore!” He was flinging his arms around like a lunatic. “I just want to love someone! I
want someone to fucking love me! Why can’t I have that Lily? Why am I broken?” Lily
looked like she was about to cry herself.

“You’re not broken Peter! Someones going to love you, they’d be crazy not too!” She tried to
convince him.

“I don’t want that! Why does no one understand!” A contradiction. He was becoming more
and more stressed, and his hand moved to the back of his head where he started to pull at his
hair. “I hate it! I can’t stand it! None of you fucking get it! I’m so sick of Sirius and his stupid
need to set me up with someone! Am I not good enough on my own?”

“Of course you are Peter!” She tried reasoning with him.

“Obviously not!” He started backing away his breath started speeding up, and when his back
hit the door he allowed his body to collapse to the ground, starting to sob once again. Lily
rushed to his side and started hugging him, and Peter re-continued crying in to her shoulder.

“You are so amazing Peter.” She whispered to him as he cried. “You are not broken, do you
hear me?” Peter didn’t respond. “And don’t you dare listen to that Sirius Black, he’s gone
mental just like the rest of his family.” Peter let out a wet laugh. “There you are.” She said,
Peter looked up to her and she had a soft smile on her face.

They sat there for a while, Lily hugging him and Peter just letting her. Finally he spoke.
“There is something wrong with me though.” She looked ready to protest against that.
“Don’t, please, let me finish.” She let him.
“It’s like,” It took Peter a while to find the words. “like I want to love but I can’t, it doesn’t
work. I don’t get butterflies in my stomach when someone looks at me, and I’ve never had a
crush on someone. Bloody hell I even made up a fake one just to fit in more.” He laughed
softly, Lily didn’t however.

“Turns out she actually liked me.” He took a pause. “So, uh… She took me into the broom
cupboard, and it was something I should have wanted but I didn’t.” Lily took in a sharp
breath. “She didn’t force herself on me or anything, in fact I initiated it. It just felt so wrong
Lily, it felt so wrong.”

Lily pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. “Peter, have you ever heard of
Aromanticism and Asexuality?” She asked.

“What?” This didn’t seem like a good time for Lily to teach him new spells.

“Aromanticism is when someone doesn’t feel any romantic love towards anyone, They are
perfectly content with friendships, but don’t feel a need for romance.” She described.

“And,” He took in a breath. “and the other one?”

“Asexuality. It’s when someone doesn’t feel any kind of sexual attraction and more often than
not, repulsed by it. They’re both, of course, spectrums but that’s the just of it.” She explained.

“And can someone be both?” He asked hesitantly.

“Yes, people who identify as both refer to themselves as being AroAce.”

“Lily?”

“Yes Peter?”

“I think I’m like that, but not fully Y’know?”

“What do you mean?” She tilted her head slightly.

“Like I get that, but I do want to date someone.” He paused for a moment. “I just don’t think
it comes as easily as others.”

She smiled at him. “You could always be Demi?”

“Like half?” Lily nodded. “Yeah, yeah I like that.”

________________

James was both ecstatic and nervous. For one Lily Evans was sitting right in front of him! Oh
my god! For two, Peter had said he needed to tell them something important and that Lily
was there for support.

Peter had been distant since the Halloween Party, hanging out with Lily and the other Girls
more often than not. Sirius suggested that perhaps something had gone wrong with Angelina,
considering Peter hadn’t come telling them excitedly about how amazing his night was.
James wasn’t sure about this, Peter had been off for a while, even before his outburst at the
end of exams party. Finally Peter spoke up.

“I, er.” He took a pause. “I need to tell you all something, and before I say it I need you to
know that even if you don’t accept me I don’t care. I know who I am and I deserve to be
happy and not living in confusion.” Peter spoke with a slight hesitation.

James was confused, he would never not accept his friend, Peter could kill someone and the
first thing James would ask was if he needed help with the body. James looked to Sirius and
Remus and saw that they must be having the same type of thoughts.

“I’m.” He looked to Lily for reassurance. “I’m Demi-AroAce.” He said proudly.

“Peter we accept you,” Sirius said, then looked towards James and Remus. “But I don’t think
any of us know what you just said.”

“It means he only feels attraction to the right person.” Lily explained for Peter. “It takes him a
while to develop the love or at least the intensity of it.”

They all took a pause, and Peter looked like he was going to cry. “Look if you don’t want me
as your friend anymore, I’ll leave but I’m not going to apologise-“ Peter was cut off by Sirius
jumping on to him with a hug. Remus and James quickly joined, although less violently.

“You big idiot, you’re not getting rid of us that easily you little rat.” Sirius scolded him.

“Really?” Peter had tears rolling down his face.

“Of course.” Remus replied .

“You’re our Wormy, what would we do without you?” James continued.

Peter started crying slightly harder, out of joy. Or at least James thought it was, hoped it was.
Sirius and himself both started crying with him, and even though Remus would never admit it
James saw a few tears come out of his eyes as well.

After about 5 minutes Sirius spoke up again. “So not anyone?” He asked.

“Not anyone.” Peter confirmed.

“Not even me?” Sirius joked with a pouty lip.

Peter flicked his forehead. “Oh shove off. Now get up you big Oafs, you’re going to crush
me.” They all got up, and James looked around the room noting Lily’s disappearance, she
must have left at some point.

James looked towards Remus, Sirius and Peter. Who was smiling the biggest smile James had
seen on his face in all 11 years of their friendship. There was nothing that James wouldn’t do
to keep that smile.
Chapter End Notes

Alright! This is the first side story!! I plan on making one of these every five chapters of
the main storyline.

I didn't want to do an Demi-AroAce character injustice so I based Peters story, as well as

his character, on myself. These are my personal experiences as being Demi-Aroace and
how I came to terms with it. Many people head cannon Peter as Demi-AroAce, as well
as myself and I want to show that in this Fic. This is probably one of the only topics I
won't take criticism on, mainly because it is a true story, my story.

I really wanted to accurately portray my own feelings as an Demi-AroAce person, and to

write something that is relatable to others.

I’ve seen so many people head cannon him as AroAce but only to fuel their fatphobic
ideology. I want you all to know that Peter is not being portrayed as Demi-AroAce for
this reasoning and due to personal reasonings I would never want to portray an
overweight person as unloveable or unattainable.

With that said I would like to say that Peter will be getting hyped up on his appearance
in this fic. This is his own perception of himself and the people around him. I did this
with James as well in the last chapter, he views himself as egotistical and he will learn to
understand that he is in fact not. The same thing will happen with Peter

Thank you for reading! As always eat to your hearts content and make sure to drink
some water!

Emme <3
 New heights reached
Chapter Summary

"So hug all your friends to let them know you're not letting go." Hug all your friends -
Cavetown

Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The black abyss of sleep turned into white and James knew he had once again returned. He
looked around waiting for Regulus to show up but he didn’t, the room shifted and Regulus
was still no where to be seen.

As James looked around he recognised the room as one he had been in before. Only once but
the room was quite unforgettable, even decked out in Christmas decorations. He was in
Professor Dumbledore’s office.

He looked over to the Desk which sat at the top of the office, where Dumbledore sat with a
younger Regulus in front of him.

“Mr Black, you wanted to talk to me?” Dumbledore asked Regulus, who didn’t respond
instantly.

“I,” His voice uncharacteristically got caught in his throat. “I.”

“If you don’t speak soon then I’m afraid we are going to run out of time.” Dumbledore spoke
with a tone of voice James had never heard from him before.

“I need your help.” Dumbledore raised a brow. “Well, not me. My brother.”

“Why would that be?” Dumbledore inquired .

“My parents, our parents.” His words got caught once more. “You have to understand
professor, I wouldn’t come to you if it wasn’t urgent. I need you to understand this before I
tell you.” He said with desperation no child should be able to convey.

“I understand Mr Black.” He reassured.

Regulus looked skeptical but continued. “They’re going to kill him, he won’t listen to me.
You need to get him out of there, please.”

“Kill him you say? Why on earth would they do that?” Dumbledore looked. He looked.
Amused?
“Yes, he’s going to die in that house, please sir, help him.” Regulus had seemed to notice the
amusement as well.

“Now I can’t just strut into the House of Black and steal their heir, now can I?” Dumbledore
was genuinely looking amused at this situation. James could believe it.

Regulus seemed to be getting more and more frustrated. “They’ll be mad, but I will be there.
I’m their spare they won’t do much as long as I’m there.”

“So I’m to just save one of you?” Dumbledore played into the Childs stress.

“Yes! Sirius he’s stupid, all he does is antagonise them, whether that be because of your
stupid housing or not. He still does it and it’s going to get him killed. God knows it has
before.”

“So this is my fault?” Was the Headmaster really manipulating Regulus’ words at the
moment?

Regulus jumped up from his chair. “Don’t manipulate my words! Please Headmaster I’m
begging you, please for Merlins sake please.” He was beyond hysterical.

Dumbledore seemed to grow slightly agitated, that grandfather like sparkle in his eyes dying.
“Well, I can’t do much. Not without proof.”

“I have proof! I am proof! I have scars I’ll show them to you!” Regulus admitted his voice
growing louder.

“That’s not proof of your brother though is it?”

Regulus and James were both lost for words. Regulus’ eyes began to fill with tears as he
looked at Dumbledore with astonishment.

“One day Mr Black, you’re going to have to grow up, and unfortunately for you many
Purebloods have to do that far too quickly.” Dumbledore told him. “I can’t save everyone
Regulus and if I helped you then I would have to help at least 30 other students. I just don’t
have the time for that.”

Tears escaped Regulus’ eyes and he started to walk towards the door, before stopping at it
and turning around. “I hope I never grow up at all.”

“Have a good Christmas Mr Black.” Was Dumbledores response, and Regulus left at that.

The world around James shifted and he was once again in the white abyss. Regulus still no
where to be seen. It was quite creepy going throw this process alone, he didn’t miss Regulus
himself though.

“Thanks.”

Fuck I spoke too soon.

“You flatter me.”

So when was that memory then?

“December 1972.”

Still in first year then?

“Oui.” (Yes.)

You went to Dumbledore?

“Oui monsieur.” (Yes sir.)

Why didn’t he help you?

“Sometimes I wonder if you watch these or not.”

Can you not be sarcastic for one second?

“No actually.”

You are insufferable.

“You’re a proper charmer, you are.”

Oh piss off… You were trying to help Sirius?

“…yeah.”

Look Regulus, I’m. I’m sorry alright?

“…”

I shouldn’t have said those things to you last time.

“It’s okay, I guess. Deserved it.”

No you didn’t, that’s why I’m apologising. What I said wasn’t untrue but it’s obvious you’ve
already realised that your ways were wrong. You didn’t need someone judging you.

“Thanks then, for the apology.”

Of course, is that why you showed me this memory?

“Hm?”

Did you show it to me, to prove that you did try and help Sirius?

“…”
It’s okay If you did I would have done the same.

“Okay, yeah I did.”

Did you go to anyone else after this? Mcgonnagal definitely would have helped.

“Yeah she would have, but alas this rejection was enough to deter me from asking for help
ever again.”

Forever? So you mean after this you never asked for help?

“Pretty much.”

Thats awful I’m sorry.

“Don’t be”

“…”

Regulus?

“Yes?”

What should I do at this tutoring session tonight?

Everything went black again

“I think you should…It’s probably…Because I would…”

Regulus’ voice went in and out before finally disappearing all together, and then James woke
up.

____________

As James got up he noticed that his cold sweat had all but disappeared , he no longer felt a
need to scream, and he was oddly calm. Sitting up in his bed he noticed that the boys still
hadn’t returned. He assumed that they were at The Great Hall, it was where most students
went to hang out over the weekends when there wasn’t a hogshead trip planned.

He went into his wardrobe and pulled out a dark purple sweater and some light blue Jeans.
James really loved muggle clothing, and a lot of Hogwarts students did as well. Only the
purebloods wore robes now a days, and even that number was dwindling. Leaving a note for
Sirius, Remus and Peter he left for Slughorns office.

James didn’t often go down to the dungeons, and even though he would never admit this out
loud. They were quite beautiful. There finely cut emeralds mixed throughout the dark grey
stone, and the floor was just like the great hall. The ground would change with the whether, if
it was raining it would change to wet grass, just like the field in front of Hagrids. If it was
snowy if would change to a dark wood with snow a top, just like the Brockdale Bridge.
Finally if it was snowy, it would turn into the very recognisable tails of the Forbidden forest.
Despite everything James would almost say he would rather live down here. Almost

Turning the corner he found the office, the door was slightly ajar and there was a warm light
illuminating from it. James gently knocked at the door as he opened it grasping Regulus’
attention. He’s wearing a dark blue sweater and a pair of black slacks, so close to muggle
clothing, yet so far.

“You’re a minute late.” He stated.

“Sorry, The dungeons are quite far from the Tower.” James apologised, making his way to sit
beside him.

Regulus moves some of his books off of the desk next to him. “You’re lucky I was reading
otherwise I would have left.”

“What were you reading?” He asks, attempting to look over at the books cover.

Regulus quickly shoves the book out of view. “I don’t think that’s any of your business
Potter.”

“No need to be so secretive Reg.” He says retracting his hand.

“Thats not my name.”

“Sorry force of habit.” Regulus looks at him confused. “Your brother.” All he does to show
he heard is a short, stiff nod.

“What do you need help with?”

Sugar. “Oh, yeah um.. Amortentia.” James nods with himself. “Yeah that’s it.”

“D'accord. Thats good I know how to do that. Just brewed one actually.” (Okay.)

“Really? You must be really talented.” There is no way he, James Potter, is actually having a
civil conversation with Regulus Black at the moment.

“I mean not really, Slughorn did help me a bit, and I had textbooks.”

“Still, obviously better than me.” Probably not, James was actually quite good at brewing
Amortentia.

Regulus bows his head a little before lifting it back up. “We should get started.”

“Oh, er yeah. Probably.”

As Regulus told James what to do step by step, he couldn’t help but notice that, even though
James knew how to brew it, Regulus was explaining it really well. Before James had really
just memorised the steps but now he knew why he was doing them. Regulus would be a very
good teacher. He’d have to ask Older Regulus what career he pursued- Oh, right.

“Any plans for the future?” James asked as they sat down waiting for the potion to brew.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want to be when you’re older?

“Not sure…” Regulus seemed to look off somewhere for a second before returning. “You?”
“Ouidditch, definitely. Surprised you didn’t say the same.” James admitted to him. “You’re
good.”

“Ah, merci.” Regulus replied. “I prefer it as a hobby though, don’t think I’d like it anymore if
I went professional. Too much pressure.” (Thanks.)

James understood that, he’d had the same fears before. “I understand that, really depends on
where your love comes from.”

“Was that a pun?”

James was almost sure that was a muggle thing. He really didn’t like the idea of Regulus
knowing more muggle things than him. “Uh not sure?”

Regulus stifled out a breathy laugh, it almost didn’t even count as one. “Okay then.”

They sat in silence for a second before Regulus stood up to check on the potion. “Is it done?”
James asked.

“Yeah, let me just move it into a holding pot.” Regulus replied.

James watched as he lifted up the pot and put it onto a rack. He then moved over and picked
up 2 glass bottles in one hand, and a ladle in another. Lowering the label into the pot Regulus
swirled it around a little before pouring a dark pink liquid into one of the bottles, and then the
other. Regulus put one of them onto the counter, and walked over and handed it to James.

“Smell it.” He told him.

“Okay,” James smelled the substance, he instantly thought of spring. That was kind of weird,
Lily reminded him more of Autumn.

Regulus looked at him, with an almost impatient look. “What do you smell?”

“Hmm, it’s very spring like.” James started. “I smell apple blossoms and I think Lilacs.” He
smelt it again. “Yeah definitely Lilacs, and possibly Hyacinth.”

“Interesting…” Regulus nodded as if answering himself.

“What do you mean?” James questioned.

“Oh it’s just the meaning behind those flowers.” He said as if it was obvious before
elaborating after James sent him a confused look. “Apple blossoms symbolise a long life,
often meaning it continues even after death. Lilacs symbolise renewal, the actual meaning
isn’t really pinned down though that’s just the most common perception. Hyacinths represent
Peace and beauty.

Honestly this was the most he’d seen Regulus talk, ever. James was loving it. Wait, no, he
wasn’t. He couldn’t forget that this Regulus still had very extreme prejudices. “What do they
mean altogether?”

“Your soulmate is probably one that you’ll have for life.” Go James, him and Lily, together
forever. “If you manage to get them that is.” Regulus added on, smiling slightly as if he knew
what James was thinking. “The renewal possibly means that they will replace someone you
already hold close to your heart, which will put your spirit, mind and body at peace.”

“That’s romantic.” James didn’t want Lily to replace anyone he loved. “You try it.”

Regulus took the bottle from James, he stared at it for a second before slowly bringing it to
his nose. “Bluebells, I think.” He sniffed it again. “Mhm, definitely bluebells. Hyssop, and
maybe Chrysanthemum.”

“What do those mean?” James asked, but if he was being honest he was captivated by
Regulus' grey eyes. They weren’t storm grey, no where near it. More like shiny Pearls that
had just emerged from the ocean.

Regulus placed his nose in front of the vial once more, as if he couldn’t stop smelling it.
“Bluebells mean kindness. Hyssop’s symbolise being self-sacrificing and Chrysanthemum’s
mean accepting.” He explained.

“Any fun story behind that?”

“My soulmate is kind and accepts people for what they are. They are probably too kind, so
kind that they need to sacrifice themselves in the process.” Regulus looked calm, content.
More than James had ever seen before.

James smiled softly. “Got yourself a good one then? We should put these away Amortentia
can become addictive.” Regulus’ face hardened at that.

Oh shit, James isn’t supposed to know that. “What?” Regulus was looking at him with the
same distain he had before. James hadn’t even noticed it leave.

“I, er.”

“Start explaining yourself Potter, because I swear to god I am this close to hexing you.”
Regulus demonstrated by pulling his wand out and shoving it very close to James.

“Look Regulus, I just.” James was at a loss for words.

Regulus looked calm but his eyes look hysterical. “God is this another prank? What you get
me to waste my time? I have to say it’s not your best.”
James was trying to find what to say. “Regulus, it’s just, I wanted to help.”

Regulus’ face had now become slightly crazed, not the same amount as his eyes though. “So
you wanted another project, was that it? Are you feeling bored now that my brothers mistake
from last year has been forgiven?”

“How do you know-“ Had Snape blabbed to Regulus? Did he tell him about Moony?

“How do I know? The whole bloody school knows!” James was getting panicked. “Oh look
at your face now.” Regulus began to smile a bit. “Don’t worry Snape didn’t tell anyone about
the contents of what happened.”

“What?”

“No one knows about Lupins furry little secret.” Regulus said bluntly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Better to act oblivious.

“I couldn’t believe it, Lupin a werewolf? Then I thought about it, going away to his
“mothers” once a month, the scars, being insanely tall, oh and his friends call him Moony.”
James felt like a bloody idiot when Regulus pointed out the Moony part.

“Snape didn’t tell me directly of course, the man hates me. Though when I heard some sixth
year talking about how “Snape had ‘gone mad’, I asked him. Apparently you four had gotten
him attacked by a werewolf.” James wanted to die then and there. “I wondered, how could
my brother and his idiotic friends get a werewolf? Oh wait, one of them is one!”

James was looking at Regulus, he was smiling but not in a ‘I love werewolfs!’ Way in a ‘Very
pissed off way’ Gone was the boy who had described the meaning behind flowers to him.

“Honestly it’s funny, the halfbreed, Is an actual breed of dog!” Regulus exclaimed.

Oh that did it for James. “Shut up! You know nothing!”

Regulus started smiling even more. “You scared of some words potter?” He taunted. “You
going to go cry to the Mudbloods you’re so friendly with?”

“Stop it! You’re so awful. You’re just awful. I don’t know why I thought you’d be any
different from your stupid family.”

Regulus stopped his hysterical smiling, looked at James coldly before speaking. “Does that
include my brother?”

“You don’t have a brother.” James spat before storming out of the room.

______________________

Stupid Potter, stupid fucking Potter.

Honestly did he think Regulus was dumb? Yes actually, he obviously did, and Regulus was
dumb.

Of course a sixth year wouldn’t need help from a fifth year. What was he thinking? What if
someone had heard them fighting? If he was seen with a blood traitor? They’d never forgive
him.

He’s going to be shunned from the family. Where will he go? Sirius had James, but Regulus?
All his friends are purebloods who’s parents practically worship the ground his family walk
on. Except Emmeline, but her family had no power over his family so he’d get snatched right
back.

Regulus was walking through the common room when he noticed Evan and Barty on the
sofa, he walked over to them.

“Hey Reg!” Barty greeted him from where he was sitting with his feet in Evans lap, who
gave him a friendly wave.

“Salut.” Regulus lifted Bartys legs, sat down in the middle of them, and placed them atop his
own legs.

“How was Tutoring?” Barty asked and the only answer Regulus gave was placing his head on
Evans shoulder, who then placed his head atop it.

“That bad?” Evan asked.

“Don’t talk to me for at least 5 days.” He responded.

No one responded to him and he liked that. Although he loved his friends antics this was
what he enjoyed most. Their presence. It was a comforting aura that not even Sirius had ever
been able to produce. Sirius. Sirius. Oh Sirius.

They weren’t brothers anymore were they? Not since he left. He shouldn’t care about it. He
really shouldn’t. Sirius was a Blood Traitor, he abandoned his duties to the family, he
abandoned Regulus. A tear rolled down his cheek, then another and another. He sat there for
a minute silently crying. No one noticed, it was something you had to get good at in the
Black household. His cover was blown when a breathy sob escaped his mouth.

“Oh Reg…” Evan said before pushing Barty’s feet off of them and twisting his body so he
could hold Regulus into his shoulder. Regulus buried his head into Evans shoulder and
started to cry harder.

____________________

Barty wishes he could count how many times he’d seen Regulus cry on one hand, but he
couldn’t. Regulus was a private person, but you can’t live in the Black household and not
have scars, and Regulus definitely had some.
 He watched as Evan wrapped his arms around Regulus, and Regulus gripped onto his
shoulders. One thing Barty had learned over the past 5 years was that when Regulus cried, he
cried. It wasn't pretty, it wasn’t ugly, it was just heart breaking. His crying was breathy and he
often tried to speak but just couldn’t. It was exactly what he was doing right now.

“je ne devrais pas-“ Regulus was caught of my a stuttered breath. “I don’t-“ This time it was
a sob. “I miss him so much.” A cry escaped. “I can’t be there without him.” (I shouldn’t.)

“Reg you’re going to hyperventilate just focus on breathing.” Evan said comfortingly.

Regulus took a few seconds to breath, tears still flowing down his face. Barty got up to grab a
tissue and a glass of water, when he returned he sat right next to Regulus, who was now
sitting with both his knees up and his arms sitting on top of them. He took the tissue and
water with a quiet thank you, quickly wiping his nose before taking a sip.

They sat there for a bit, at some point him and Evan started a quiet conversation, Regulus just
listened. After about 20 minutes Barty felt Regulus’ body hit against his own.

“Is he asleep?” Evan whispered, He nodded in response.

He picked Regulus up bridal style. “We really need to stop feeding him, he’s getting too tall.”
He joked. Most of the time Regulus preferred to move on from these situations rather than
linger on them.

“I think he finally hit 6’0 this morning.” Evan said stifling a laugh as he opened the door to
their dorm.

“Jesus Christ.” 6 foot was one of those heights, that you don’t realise how tall it actually is
until you see it in real life. “How tall do you reckon he will be at the end of the year?” Barty
asked waiting for Evan to lift up the duvet before putting Regulus into his bed.

“I bet 3 Galleons he’ll be 6’3.” Evan guessed, putting Regulus’ duvet over his body.

“6’5.” He challenged.

“Deal.” Evan said, then looked towards Regulus his face becoming solemn. “Do you think
he’ll be okay?”

“I don’t know.” Barty said honestly. ”I think he just really fucking misses his brother.

Chapter End Notes

Hello!!! Thanks for reading again!

First of all fuck Dumbledore, second of all James redemption arc :D

The amortentia potions actually have a lot of thought behind them. Apple blossoms,
Lilacs and hyacinths are apparently what Spring smells like, and guess who's most
visible during Spring? Regulus. James literally means supplanter or substitute (kinda
sad), so I just did it based off of his personality traits.

Regulus panic attack, I've found that what starts a panic attack, isn't always what keeps
it going. Regulus' started due to James but ended with thinking about Sirius. I had
originally written Evan and Barty into the one in chapter 2, but I felt like it was too
abrupt since it would be the first introductions to the character, so I hope this doesn't
seem too out of place.

Regulus knows Remus' secret :OO

As always, take care of yourself!

Emme <3
 The first rebellion
Chapter Summary

Regulus has a dream, or should I say nightmare? James sleeps without the disturbance
of Regulus. He wakes up early and goes to the Quidditch pitch and runs into another
player performing a dangerous trick. Will James earn a new friendship?

_____________________

TW
Mentions of abuse: "Why can't you believe I'm happy" to "It's the only love I know."

Chapter Notes

"Nothing 'bout the way you were treated ever seemed especially alarming, 'till now."
Matilda - Harry Styles.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Can I-“

Hello?

“Can you?”

Evan? Barty?

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Ce n'est pas drôle. (This isn’t funny.)

“My, my…”

Come on let me out!

“Stop it, just answer the question.”

I don’t want to listen to this! Let me out, Je suis sérieux! (I’m serious!)

“And what if I were to say yes?”

Let me out! Now.

“Why don’t I just show you?”

Why don’t you show me this door opening! Ever thought of that?

Hello?

Are you there?

Barty?

Evan?

Regulus’ feet started to feel wet and he looked down. Water was beginning to gather at the
floor of the wooden box. Regulus started pounding at the door.

I’m not joking, I’m sérieux, let me out! (Serious,)

The water started rapidly filling up the box, it now reached his knees.

If this is you Sirius I swear to Merlin I’ll drag you back to Grimmauld Place myself!

Regulus felt the water reach his waist, this is when he started properly panicking.

Let me out please! You can’t kill me!

The water was now at his elbows.

Help! Help! Someone please!

He felt the water reach his neck, this halted his attempts on speaking. He instead focuses on
getting as much air into his body as possible. Before the water filled the entire box he let out
one last word.

SIRIUS!

____________________________
James woke up gasping for air, it felt as though he had been drowning. Regulus didn’t visit
him that night, whether it was because he had messed up with the younger one, or if it was
that he just didn’t have anything for James that night, he didn’t know.

He looked towards the clock beside his bed, the time read 5:43 am. It was early, but that
meant that the Quidditch pitches would be open, if James wanted to replace Frank next year
then he had to practice. Getting up he tip toed past Remus’ bed and into the bathroom, he
looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes had a soft purple underneath them and his eyelids
hung lower than usual, his hair was even more untamed than usual and he had sleep in the
corner of his eyes.
After getting changed into his practice gear he quietly entered the bedroom again, grabbing
his trainers and going into the common room. As he walked past the dark brown sofas he
spotted Alice and Frank laying in each others arms. Frank was splayed out across the sofa
and had his arms around Alices’ smaller frame, who was sitting in his lap, their legs tangled
in-between each other. Alice and Frank had been dating since last year, sometimes they joked
about how they were like the mum and dad of Gryffindor. Even though it was a joke, James
knew some of the first years definitely looked at them as pseudo parents while away from
their own. Maybe when they left him and Lily would be like that.

Walking around the castle at night was thrilling, hiding away from filch and the prefects
brought an adrenaline rush James hadn’t felt before. Walking around it in the morning
though, that was a feeling James could talk about for years. It was calm, but not in a classical
music kind of way. In a way that James could imagine some of that muggle music Remus
liked to play in the background of his thoughts. Remus loved this guy called Bowie, Sirius
loved The Queen. If James was being honest, he didn’t even know the muggles Royal Family
made music, but they were good none the less. Peter had become quite fond of a band called
The Smiths, and James himself quite enjoyed The Cure. His personal favourite at the moment
was Close to me.

As James stepped out of the castle and onto the grass of the hill that led down to the pitch he
noticed that there was footprints in the mud, he didn’t think much of it though. Many students
enjoyed morning walks, well not many, but if they woke up early enough James knew a few
that would spend their time circling the outskirts of the castle.

Stepping into the barriers of the Quidditch pitch, James felt an uncontrollable sense of
fondness. He often felt like this when it came to Quidditch, he had spent so much of his
childhood chasing around that little golden ball that it felt like a home away from home.

Before he could get mounted on to his broom he noticed another figure in the air. They were
chasing around the snitch with speed James had never been able to grasp, it was why he was
a chaser not a seeker. James had never been overweight, but he was a little chubby, all of it
was muscle though. Thats what you needed to be a Chaser, unlike seeker you were constantly
having Bludgers pummelled at you. Alice was quite a petite girl, but underneath the kind
persona the lady was ripped. She had a six pack and Back definition that James could only
dream of, him and Dirk had made complete fools of themselves the first time they saw her
muscles.

Oh yes, back to the other person. James watched as they flew around, so close to the snitch,
yet so far. The snitch made a sharp right turn, but the person went straight up, James was
confused until he saw the snitch going up as well. The other player continued going up, as
did the snitch. It was almost as if the ball was getting annoyed at being ignored. In one swift
motion, they pushed themselves off the broom, falling quickly, and surprisingly catching the
snitch in the process. They shouted something intelligible, which caused the broom to come
zooming in their direction, so James assumed it was Accio. Except, the broom missed, it
missed their hand. He acted swiftly, kicking off on his broom and speeding towards them, he
latched onto their waist, before his own broom gave way to the added weight and they went
tumbling to the ground. They skidded along the grass, James’ arm still sound their waist,
before they crashed into the wall of one of the stands.
Once James became fully aware of his surrounding again he took notice of their positions, as
well as who he was holding. The other person was in-between James’ legs, the back of their
head facing the front of his. Oh also, the other person was Regulus Black. So right now,
James had his arms wrapped around Regulus Blacks waist. Regulus Blacks head was also
tilting forwards, because Regulus Black was passed out. Ok James needed to stop with the
full name. His head also hurt like hell.

James removed his arm and used it to turn the younger boy so that he was facing his
direction. “Regulus?” No answer. “Regulus, are you okay?”

Regulus groaned before opening his eyes slightly. “Quoi?” He said before becoming slightly
more aware of his surrounding. “Quoi.”

James allowed Regulus to quickly push himself out of James’ lap to stand, before instantly
falling back down to the ground with a yell, gripping his leg.

James instantly rushed to his side again, placing an arm on his back. “What’s wrong? Are you
okay?”

Regulus pushed his arm away. “Yes I’m fine.” He attempted to stand again before collapsing
again, James quickly caught him once more.

“No you’re not, we need to take you to Madame Pomfrey's.”

Regulus’ face became panicked. “No!” He quickly composed himself. “I mean, er, no. I’m
fine.”

“No. You’re not.” James insisted. “Look I’ll just take you up, it’s no bother.”

James shifted his position, too where he was no longer holding Regulus by his chest, but he
had Regulus’ arm around his own shoulder and his arm under Regulus’.

“Seriously, it’s okay Potter you don’t have to.” Regulus said but he didn’t try to prevent
James from helping him.

“Yes I do. I know you Slytherins are all about not owing anyone anything, so just take this as
an apology.”

“What would you need to apologise for?” Regulus looked as if he knew what James was
implying, but didn't want to assume.

“What I said yesterday, it wasn’t fair.” He admitted. He said this because he knew Regulus
had done a lot for his brother, he had seen the memories. Older Regulus had told him of his
past selfs prejudices, warned him. James had still agreed despite knowing this. He just lost
his composure for a bit.

“It was a bit fair.” Oh? James didn’t expect that.

“What?”
“It’s ok, I know I’m not his brother anymore.” Regulus said honestly. “The only reason that I
was hurt by what you said was because he’s still mine.”

Oh… if that wasn't heart breaking James didn’t know what was. “Regulus-“

“Don’t, sorry I don’t know why I said that.” Regulus looked embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it.” Regulus looked up at him with a confused look when he said that.

“What do you mean?’ He questioned.

“People tend to just tell me their problems.” James said.

“Oh, sorry.” Why was Regulus sorry?

“Huh?”

“I mean, it doesn’t sound very fair. Who do you go to when you have problems?” Regulus
sounded a lot like his mum at the moment, James wasn't sure if he liked that.

“I go to-“ Who did he go to? Sirius? I mean yeah, but not about the big problems. Merlin
knows Sirius had enough of those already. “You know…” Remus? Same thing, Remus was
all about solutions. As much as he loved him, Remus wasn’t the best at comforting. “I can go
to-“ Peter was good to talk to, they talked about loads of things. James just didn’t like to talk
to him about the bad things.

They said it to him all the time. They called him the sun. He didn’t exactly believe it, but if
the Sun didn’t continue to shine what would the world do?

“It’s okay.” Regulus interrupted his thoughts. “To not know.”

“I don’t think it is.” Were they really having a heart to heart right now?

“It doesn’t make you a bad friend, if you don’t know if you can talk to them.” Doesn’t it
though? “Knowing you, you probably have some unimaginably good reason behind it.”

James laughed at that, and the conversation didn’t start up again until they reached the
medical wing.

Pomfrey seemed to be caring for another student when she noticed them coming in. James
didn’t know what they looked like, but he assumed they looked rather disheveled. “My, my
what happened here?”

“Fell of my broom, he caught me.” Regulus explained pointing up to James. This was when
he realised how out of breath Regulus was, and how heavily he was leaning onto James. He
remembered when he broke his leg in first year, it’s surprisingly hard to walk with help, the
broken bone part doesn’t help either.

“Go over to that bed over there.” She pointed to a bed near the back, and James helped
Regulus over to it.
He set Regulus onto the bed, who then pulled himself up so that he was fully laying on the
bed. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Regulus suppressed a giggle. A literal giggle, James couldn’t believe it. “Literally.”

It took James a second to catch on to what he was saying, before laughing himself. Then
Regulus started laughing a bit harder and then so did James. Until they were both in a fit of
giggles, telling each other to shut up before laughing even harder. Maybe it was the
adrenaline, but James liked to look at this as a sign of the future changing.

As James was struggling to breath he fell over, which caused Regulus to start laughing even
harder and louder, before his laughing ceased. “Oh my god James.” Neither of them noticed
Regulus’ use of his first name.

“What?” He asked before Regulus was grabbing his arm and pushing him down to inspect his
head.

“You’re bleeding.”

“What?”

“Oh my god.” Regulus grabbed a cloth and placed it onto James’ head.

“Ow! Bloody hell!” James exclaimed

“Sit down you big idiot, you’ve gone and split open your head.” He said as he moved over on
the bed, wincing a bit as he jostled his leg.

“What? You’re kidding.” James said, not making any moves to sit down.

Regulus decided to just force him to sit down by pushing dow on his shoulder, causing James
to fall onto the bed. “No I’m not.”

Right on time Madame Pomfrey entered the area. “I have to say, you two are quite the odd
duo.”

“They’re odd circumstances.” Regulus replied, still making a fuss over James’ head.

He pushed down a bit more with the cloth. “Ow! Stop it will you.” He tried hitting away
Regulus’ arm, only for Regulus to catch it with his free one.

“Stop being difficult.”

“I’m not being difficult.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not-“

“Boys.” Madame Pomfrey interrupted their bickering. “Let me check you both out, any
injuries you know of?”

“Reg, er, Regulus hurt his leg.” James told her, which made Regulus lightly slap him on the
shoulder.

“It’s not that bad Poppy, it’s just a twist nothing more.” Regulus lied. The use of the nurses
first name didn’t go unnoticed.

“Ah okay, so if I were to just do this.” She lightly knocked on his leg, causing Regulus to cry
out in pain. “It wouldn’t hurt?”

Regulus just mumbled under his breath about something being unfair.

“I’d also like to know what’s hidden under that towel Mr Potter.”

Now it was his turn to lie. “Nothing.” Regulus didn’t let him get away with it.

“The big bafoons gone and split his head open.”

“Mr Potter, one more head injury and you’ll be on your way to St Mungo’s.” Pomfrey tutted.
James just grumbled in response, definitely not pouting. “So what happened?” She asked.

“I was doing some Quidditch practice and fell off my broom, he caught me.” Regulus said,
James scoffed.

“Yeah ‘fell’ you literally let go of the bloody broom.” James wasn't going to lie for Regulus if
he didn’t lie for him.

Pomfrey, who had now moved beside Regulus, swatted his shoulder. “Regulus Black I told
you to stop doing that trick of yours!” She scolded.

“It works most of the time Pomfrey! This time was a special case.” He argued.

“Thats what you said the last three times.” Pomfrey countered with an unimpressed look.

Regulus started huffing like a child. “I was just distracted.”

The nurse looked at him for a second, a fond smile falling over her face. Then she turned
towards James. “Now Mr Potter let me see that head of yours.” She said as Regulus finally
took down the cloth. “Nothing too bad.”

She performed a healing spell, which stitched his head back together. Healing spells were
quite painful despite their efficiency, James winced when he remembered the pain Regulus
would go through to fix his broken bone.

“That should be it, I’m going to keep you in here for the rest of the day though, just for
observation.” James groaned at that, he hated being stuck in the hospital wing.
Regulus started quietly laughing when he saw James’ face. “Mr Black I wouldn’t be laughing
if I were you.” Poppy said causing him to stop abruptly.

James sat down on the seat next to the hospital bed, he watched as Pomfrey placed a
levitating spell onto Regulus’ leg. “Okay Regulus, take a deep breath for me.” She requested.

Regulus took a breath and Pomfrey started the healing spells. Regulus’ head instantly tipped
back, as he let out a pained noise. His left hand curled around the sheets and his right, his
right clasped onto James’ left. Even though his grip was quite painful, James didn’t let go.

After a few minutes Madame Pomfrey finally finished her spells. Regulus’ body unlocked
itself and fell limp, he was breathing heavily, his hand remained in James’.

“Are you okay?” James asked hesitantly, Regulus took a moment before nodding.

They sat like that for a moment before Regulus seemed to notice where his hand was placed.
“Sorry.” He mumbled as he removed his hand.

“It’s okay.” James said offering a smile.

_________________

Here Regulus was, in the hospital wing, talking with James Potter. Civilly.

Just last night they had argued, but now they were laughing together as if they had been
friends for years.

“Stop he doesn’t do that!” James exclaimed.

“No he does! He has like a mini shrine of the poor girl.” Regulus tried to convince him.

“Does he have a lock of her hair or something?” When Regulus went quiet, still smiling,
James burst. “No he doesn’t! Regulus please, he doesn’t!” Regulus just started laughing even
more.

He looked around, checking in case Snape was there or not, which of course he wasn’t. “One
night, I caught him praying to her.” Regulus whispered to James.

James started laughing so hard that he struggled to breath, all that came out was strangled
noises.

Regulus himself was also laughing nearly just as hard. “James-“ A giggle cut him off.
“You’re going to-“ An unwilling snort escaped James which ceased any of Regulus attempts
to calm them both.

Suddenly their laughing was cut off by the curtains opening, uncovering Poppy. “As much as
it’s nice to hear you two getting along, if you could please be mindful of the other students
that would be lovely.” James and Regulus quickly apologised, before looking at each other
and laughing once more.
“I don’t know why I even try.” Poppy tutted as She cast a silencing charm and drew the
curtains again.

After a few minutes they sunk back into the surprisingly calm silence that they had before.
Regulus felt almost ashamed at himself, for being this open with Potter. He was a Blood
Traitor and here Regulus was, laughing his head off with him. Merlin he was a disgrace.

“Why are you so close with Madame Pomfrey?” James questioned, interrupting Regulus’
thoughts.

“Hm?”

“You call her Poppy, why?”

“Oh, I intern here.” He had started just after spring last year.

James looked at him with a shocked expression. “I didn’t know that!”

“To be fair you don’t have a reason to notice anything about me.” Regulus said, which
brought back the awkward tension of the night before.

“Oh, yeah…” The silence engulfed them once more before James spoke again. “He misses
you, you know.”

“Don’t.”

“Why not? You both obviously miss each other.” James pressured.

“I don’t miss that filthy Blood Traitor.” It was true… It was.

James stood up. “You do!” He yelled.

Regulus suddenly felt uncomfortable, being tall meant that he wasn’t often looking up, this
was new. “I don’t!”

“I see how you look at him! You both are just too proud of yourselves to talk to one another.”
James argued.

“You know nothing! You don’t know anything! You think you do, but you don’t!” Regulus
missed the laughter.

“Who are you to say that?” James shouted.

“It’s my bloody situation! He’s my brother! This Is our relationship!” James looked taken a
back. “You expect everyone to love you, you allow them to walk all over you, sharing their
secrets. You know nothing about me Potter, and until now you and I didn’t even talk.”

“Why can’t you listen to me?” James sounded desperate.

“That’s all I ever do! If there’s one thing I can be in control of, it should be my friends! You
don’t get to dictate who I do and don’t talk to!” This was slightly untrue, even his friendships
weren’t technically safe from his mother.

“I’m not saying I do! All I’m trying to say is that you should talk to him, then we can help get
you out.” Oh that did it.

“I don’t want out!” James looked ready to object. “I don’t fucking want to get out! I’m happy,
I’m so fucking happy! Just go back to being the bloody Mudblood protector, or whatever it is
you are. Stop pretending you care!”

Regulus expected James to lash out at him when he said Mudblood, but surprisingly he
didn’t. “You do! Theres no way you are happy!”

“Why is it so hard to believe? Tell me for the love of Merlin! Why can’t you believe that I’m
happy!”

“Because you’re being fucking abused! They abuse you! You are in an abusive household!”
James seemed to be shocked by his own words.

Regulus wasn’t abused, he knew this. It was normal, Dumbledore had told him so. “I’m not.”

“Oh yeah? Then what’s that?” James pointed to a bit of his leg that had become uncovered.
Showing off a pretty nasty burn scar. He instantly pulled the trouser leg down.

“It’s nothing, I just spilled hot water on myself.” He tried to lie.

“When on earth would you be handling boiling water?” James caught him out.

“I-“ He took a pause. “I deserved it okay? It’s not abuse, it’s a simple punishment. I was
misbehaving…” James’ features seemed to soften.

“Thats not, it’s not a punishment. Thats abuse.” James tried to convince him.

“I don’t know what Sirius told you, but we are-“ He caught himself. “I am well taken care of.
I am loved. They give me three meals a day-“ They don’t always though, but that wasn’t
abuse. “They feed me, and pay for my items.”

James sat down on the edge of the bed. “That’s not love. Merlin that’s the farthest thing from
it.”

“It’s the only love I know!” He blurted out, he didn’t mean to say that.

“Regulus…” James talked to him like he was a kicked puppy. Why couldn’t he just shout at
him like last night?

Regulus looked in his direction again. “Just-“ His Adams apple bobbed. “Just forget I said
that, alright?”

“I can’t do that.” James said defiantly.

 “Why not? Why can’t you just go back to hating me?” That's all he really wanted, it was
easier then.

“Because I know you now.” He answered. Regulus didn’t respond. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s
none of my business really.” James admitted

“You’ve got that right.”

James took a minute before he talked again. “Can we be friends?” Regulus looked at him
skeptically. “I won’t talk about your family, or anything political, we don’t even have to talk
about your feelings. I just want to be friends.” The older boy gave him a pleading look.

Friends with a blood traitor? His family would kill him, but laughing with him was so nice.
What his mother didn’t know couldn’t hurt her, right?

“Sure James. We can be friends.”

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for reading!

A lot in this chapter so lets get into it! Regulus' dream, I'm really curious to see if
anyone understands what's going on there, I won't tell you just yet.

I love the idea of Regulus interning with Madame Pomfrey, and he having a soft spot for
him. It's just nice to have one positive adult influence in his life.

James with a Rugby lad physique>>>

BUFF ALICE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I brought back Dumbledores conversation, that's the kind of thing I think would have a
big impact on a kid.

Regulus is impressionable, it's one of the only canon things we know about him. So of
course he wouldn't realise it was abuse. Especially if everyone around him is also being
somewhat abused.

Love Regulus being a mother hen.

They're friends now! :DDD

Fully introducing Mary, Lily and Dirk in next chapter. Theres not going to be a lot of
Regulus but this chapter is going to be very important for the next character special :O

As always Eat whatever the fuck you want!

Emme<3
 Love is in the air
Chapter Summary

James meets Older Regulus once again, he learns of Regulus' most traumatic memories,
and they talk about friendships. Remus and Dirk sneak away together, as well as talk
about some things. We become introduced to Mary MacDonald and her very
complicated relationship with Sirius Black

VERY IMPORTANT END NOTES

____________

TW:
Graphic descriptions of violence - I'd really just avoid the whole dream section.
Brief mention of child abuse - "He would do anything for the people he loved." too
"That was why they were such amazing friends."

Chapter Notes

"Look into his angel eyes, one look and you're hypnotised." Angel eyes - ABBA

See the end of the chapter for more notes

James was back again, in the world he had come to know as his mind. One that he’d
surprisingly become comfortable with. He started to walk around waiting for Regulus to
show himself. When he finally did, James was shocked. Regulus looked worse than he did
before, he still had his same injuries, still looked as if he had been drowned, but now, now he
was so much worse. All over his body he has burn scars, half of his face look to have been
almost melted off.

James didn’t understand, things were getting better? Weren’t they? He had become friends
with the younger version. Things were supposed to be better, they had to be.

“Hi.”

Regulus, what happened?

“I can’t tell you that.”

Why not? Why can’t you? You look worse than you did before, I thought things were getting
better?
“They are! They are I promise.”

It doesn’t look like it!

“James, I put up a fight. That’s what this means.”

What does that mean! What the hell does that mean?

“Don’t you realise? If I put up a fight, that means future you has influenced past me
somehow.”

Oh…

“Yeah.”

…Also Regulus?

“Yeah James?”

What the bloody hell does Future me and Past you mean? How does that work.

“I honestly don’t know.”

Oh, okay. Anything nice planned today?

“Unfortunately not. Probably won’t ever be.”

Nice to know.

Yep…

The white space shifted and they were in the Slytherin common room, its only habitants were
Regulus Black and Lucius Malfoy. They were standing about a metre apart in front of the
fire, the Malfoy's notorious short stature being embarrassingly obvious. The first year almost
at the sixth years shoulder.

Lucius turned towards the younger. “You know what you must do Regulus?”

“I know what you want me to do.” The first year turned towards him, with a look of defiance.
“You will do it.” Lucius tried to uphold his cool demeanour but it was no match against his
anger.

Regulus looked at him with ice in his eyes. “I will do no thing. Honestly Lucius, we are not a
pack of dogs. I am not going to attack elves, let alone for no reason.” The young boy spoke
with a frightening amount of maturity.

“No reason!” Lucius barked out a laugh, no humour in it. “They are brainless Regulus, they
have no use.” Lucius looked at Regulus for a moment. “You will do as I say.”

“I think you forget your place Lucius. You have no right to speak to me that way. Or should I
remind you of your mothers actions.” Regulus said, allowing a smirk to appear on his face
Any effort Lucius had put into hiding his emotions went into slapping the 11 year old, who
then fell to the floor. “Don’t you talk to me like that!” He looked down to the boy
menacingly. “You know nothing! You Mudblood loving brat!” He kicked Regulus in the
stomach.

Regulus’ smile widened. “Why don’t you want to talk about your mother? How many
Mudbloods did she sleep with? Was it one? Or was it thirteen?”

Lucius kicked him again. “Shut!” And again. “Up!” And again, and again, and again. Until
all that was left was an overly angered man, two invisible people and an eleven year old on
the ground coughing up blood.

“This is how it should be.” Lucius declared. “The Blacks under The Malfoy's rule. You’ve all
gone insane, you need to be ruled, not to rule.” He spoke before casting a spell. “Imperio!”

Regulus’ body went straight, his coughing stopped. “Stand up.” Lucius commanded, and
Regulus did just that. “Go down to the kitchens, and the first elf you see alone. Attack them.”
Regulus’ body moved at that.

James followed the boy, down the corridor, down the stairs, down yet another corridor, and
into the kitchens. Only one elf remained.

“Master Regulus, how happy is Polly to see yous again!” The elf said brightly, that brightness
seeming to die down when she saw Regulus’ face. “Master Regulus?” She questioned.

Regulus made his way over to her, grabbed the elf by her neck, and started slamming her
poor body into the ground. He did it over and over again, the elf crying all the way through.
She shouted out apologies and questions, wondering what she had done to offend her dear
Master Regulus.

By the end of it the elf was dead. Her eyes lay still, blood flowed from her head and the smile
James had seen was gone. Regulus seemed to wake up from the curse, he looked at his hand
around the elf’s neck, and then looked at the elf. He cried out, a cry James had never heard
before.

Regulus instantly started cradling the elf close to his body, he screamed and sobbed. The
scream was anguished and his voice was breaking throughout, he started rocking back and
forth, crying harder than James had ever seen anyone cry before.

Once he could scream no longer the boy cried while mumbling out half coherent words.
“I’m-“ He was cut off by a sharp inhale. “I’m so sor-“ A sob tore from his throat and the boy
didn’t attempt to speak again. He just sat there, cradling the elf as her blood stained his
clothing. Then they were back to white.

“This was about a week before Easter.”

I remember when this happened, the school said it ventured too far into the forbidden forest?

“That was where Lucius disposed of her body.”

God I’m so sorry Regulus. It seems like first year was really tough for you.

“It wasn’t, not really. You forget you only see the bad parts, in between these Evan and Barty
actually made things better.”

Oh, those guys.

“They weren’t always that bad, if you look past the blood supremacy part.”

A very important part though.

“Yeah, but we helped each other through it though. We were our own rocks for so long that
when we came to Hogwarts and met we were able to rely on one another. I probably wouldn’t
have done what I did, if I didn’t think that it would make their future safer.”

And did it?

“…”

Did it make it safer for them?

__________________

James woke up, back in the dorm room. “Why does he have to be so dramatic?” He asked.

“Who’s dramatic?” Sirius asked from where he sat on his bed.

“Probably the person he’s been mumbling too in his sleep.” Peter responded.

“You’re seeing people in your sleep?” Sirius exclaimed.

“No I’m not!” He replied.

“Are they fit?” Sirius asked.

“What! No they’re not!”

“Hah! So you admit it?” Sirius said triumphantly.

“Give it a rest Pads.” Remus said from where he lay in his bed, fanning his face.

It was only then that James realised how hot it was, it was nearly the end of September, why
was it still warm? “Yeah give it a rest Pads.” He repeated.

“Hey! Don’t tell me to give it a rest.” He said with mock anger on his face, before instantly
becoming distracted. “Why’s it so hot in here? Moony put up that cooling charm you
learned.”

“I would, if someone hadn’t taken my wand last night.” Remus replied pointedly.
“You were threatening to blow my head off in my sleep! What was I supposed to do?” Sirius
defended himself.

“He was obviously joking paddy.” Peter said rolling his eyes, before second guessing
himself. “You were weren’t you?”

Remus simply replied with a face that said ‘Was I?’, before looking at the time and quickly
getting up. “Right I have to go lads.”

“What? Where are you going?” Sirius questioned him.

“Oh er, Mary and Lily wanted to hang out.” Sirius groaned at that.

“She’s stealing my Moony from me now! The woman won’t leave me alone I’m telling you!”

“Hey Mary’s still my friend, I don’t want to hear about whatever argument you two have
gotten into now.” Remus said as he walked to the door. “I’ll see you guys at dinner?”

“Yeah see you Moons!” James called out, taking naps after classes really messed up your
perception of time, looking over at the clock he realised he had only been asleep for about an
hour.

“You can tell me Sirius, you know I love to hear about the drama that is your love life.” It
was true, Peter was a big gossiper. He even had a bit in the school paper before it got
removed for bullying. Which Peter still claims to be untrue to this day.

“Yeah Padfoot, let’s hear it.” James couldn’t help himself, he was bored and kinda needed a
pick up after that dream.

“Okay so…”

_____________________

Remus didn’t feel guilty about lying to his friends. No, not at all. Totally not. He was one
hundred percent okay. A-okay if you will.

“Are you okay?” Dirk asked, looking down at Remus who had his head in his lap.

Remus looked up at him, into his brown, almost gold eyes. “Yep, never been better.”

“Are you sure? You don’t seem okay.” Dirk looked fit when he was concerned. What?

“Why don’t I seem okay?”

“You’re playing with your hands.” He replied.

He hadn’t realised he’d been doing that. “Maybe I just want them in a certain someones hair.”
“Is that it then?” Dirk smirked at him. “Well I guess we’ll just have to put your mind at ease
then?” Remus pulled his body up, and started leaning in.

“I guess we will.”

Dirk didn’t continue the conversation, instead he replied by kissing Remus. Dirks kisses were
amazing. They were kind and sweet, but not in a cute first kiss kind of way, in a way that you
knew he was experienced.

He was around the same height, but Dirk was slightly shorter than him. It made kissing each
other not awkward. Remus had seen some girls kissing their boyfriends who were almost a
foot taller than them. That was something he would never want.

Dirks arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him in closer than they were before. In
response Remus’ hand moved to his curly hair, his other hand moving to his lower back.
Their tongues were in sync with each other dancing together in a synchronised choreography,
it was perfect.

Dirk started trailing kisses down his jawline, Remus couldn’t suppress the slight moan that
escaped his mouth, he felt hot breath on his neck as Dirk chuckled. Then he realised that he
couldn’t have hickeys and pushed Dirk away.

“What? Whats wrong?” Dirk asked with a concerned hint to his voice.

“I can’t have hickeys, the others would notice instantly.” Remus answered.

“Why can’t you just tell them?” He asked. “It’s not like they would be unaccepting, they
weren’t of Peter!”

Remus was sick of having this conversation with him. “That’s not the point!”

“Then what is it? Why can’t you tell them?” Dirk asked no longer shouting.

“It wouldn’t be the same, Peter is still straight. I’m not.” He said simply, because it was
simple.

“It’s still got the same idea behind it. Look at James! Have you ever met a pureblood so
willing to help a Muggleborn?” Before Remus could speak he started again. “Yes I know
some of the ones we know are like that, but when they were in first year they still asked rude
questions. James never did!”

“I know James would be accepting!”

“So this is about Sirius?” Dirk appeared to be angry for Sirius.

“It’s just-.” Remus took a second. “You know his family.”

“But he’s not them. Bloody hell he’s the first one of them in Gryffindor.” Dirk countered.
Remus was shocked that Dirk was defending Sirius. He had been there when Sirius had done
what he did the year beforehand. How could he be taking Sirius’ side? “You saw what he did
last year Dirk! How could I trust him with something like this?”

“Yes! I saw what he did last year, but I also saw everything he did to make up for it!” They
had now split from each other, Dirk was getting frustrated and Remus was already there. “He
went to hell and back to make up for it! For Christs sake he literally moved all of his classes,
moved out of your dorm and only hung out with James and Peter when he was absolutely
sure you weren’t there!” Dirk was out of breath when he finished and Remus was shocked.

“It’s just-“ He didn’t know what to say, when he put it like that. Sirius had done a lot to repay
him. “Being a werewolf can get me put into Azkaban at the snap of a finger. If something as
important as that isn’t worth keeping a secret.” He paused for a second. “How can I trust him
to see me being gay as important?”

Dirks eyes softened and he pull Remus into a hug. “I don’t think he did it because he didn’t
know the importance.” He whispered into his hair. “I just think he was hurting that night.”

Remus attempted to pull away at that, but Dirk continued to hold him tight before speaking
again. “I know it’s not an excuse, but he had been holding that in for so long. I didn’t have
anything to do with you, it had everything to do with them.”

Remus hugged Dirk back again, burying hid head into the shorter mans neck. “I know…” He
took a pause. “I know.”

Dirk pulled his upper body away, placing his arms on Remus’. “Can we not fight? Please.”
He said smiling kindly at him.

“Depends on if you give me your fairy cake at dinner or not.” Remus joked, pulling away and
giving Dirk a peck on the lips.

“I don’t know about that, if they have smarties on them I don’t think I’ll be able to resist.” He
replied as they started walking back to the castle.

“If you don’t give me yours, then I guess that will mean I’ll be unavailable for a while.”
Remus said with solemn look on his face.

“Hey! No come here.” Remus started running away from that as the other man started
chasing him. Both of them laughing the whole time.

______________________

Peter knew Remus was snogging Dirk.

Maybe that was a bit too blunt, but it was the truth. They’re also not very secretive about it,
Remus had literally come back with a Hufflepuff tie on the other night. If he was being
honest, he was kind of offended. Did Remus really think he was as stupid as thing one and
thing two?
Lily and Mary also knew, but Remus semi-told them. Apparently they had chased him around
for a day until he finally admitted it. Peter just found out on his own intelligence, which he
definitely has and if Sirius says anything about failing care of magical creatures he’s lying.

Anyways this is why Peter had come down to The Great Hall a little early, he wanted to talk
to Lily and Mary about the two. This was also a reason why he knew Remus was lying
earlier, because he had plans with Mary and Lily. They needed to come up with a plan to let
know that Peter did, in fact, know about what they got up to under the cover of dark. Or,
apparently, a romantic sunset.

Walking into the hall he saw the girls sitting at the end of a bench, he waved at them and they
waved back. “Hello ladies!” He said as he sat down beside Lily.

“Hi Peter!” Lily said happily to him. Mary just ignored him.

“Whats up with her?” Peter said quietly as he leaned in closer to Lily.

Lily copied his movement. “She’s on strike. Not talking to any of you Marauders.”

Peter moved back to sitting straight. “Hey! Thats not fair, I do not associate with Sirius
Black.” He exclaimed. Mary gave him an unimpressed look. “I don’t lie Miss MacDonald,
scouts honour.” Peter placed a hand on his heart and winked.

Mary chuckled before finally speaking. “You weren’t even in the scouts, you’re a pureblood.”

“I’m a muggle at heart though.”

“Oh are you now? Mind putting on a red wig and getting Potter off my tail?” Lily replied.
She had a very thick Scottish accent, which Peter had grown to understand, but it was hard at
first.

He grinned at her. “You’ve got it all wrong Lady Lily, I’ve had the young heirs heart for years
now.”

“Hate to be the one to tell you Pete, but your ‘Young Heir’ has a crush on another.” Mary said
with a fake sympathetic look.

“Couldn’t be, we were in bed together just last night.” Peter replied, and before the girls
could react someone interrupted.

“Who was in bed with you?” James asked.

“You.” He said simply.

“Ah, of course how could I forget my love.” James said before pulling Peter into a fake snog.

“You asexuals, you’re always the most crude.” Mary mumbled.

“What ever do you mean Mary dear?” He said batting his eyelashes at her.
Mary looked at them, before sighing.
“Hey where’s Moony? He said he was going to hang out with you two.” James pointed.

“Oh yeah, Dirk came down earlier and they went to go get a book from the library.” Lily lied
smoothly. “Look here they are now!”

“Hey guys!” Dirk said sitting beside Mary and Remus sat beside him.

“Hey mate.” James called out from where he was now sat beside Peter. “Wheres your book?”

“What do you mean?” Dirk replied before Peter kicked him under the table. “Ow! Oh um,
yeah they didn’t have it anymore…” James looked satisfied with that answer and started fake
flirting with Peter again. As Dirk started whining to Remus about his shin.

“Hey where’s Padfoot?” Remus ignored Dirk. Peter had seen Sirius enter the great hall about
30 seconds ago, he assumed everyone else on his side of the table had as well, but Sirius had
put his finger to his lips so that they would keep quiet.

“Right here Moonbeam.” Sirius said from behind Remus, who jumped and then punched
Sirius in the stomach.

“Don’t do that you twat!” Remus shouted at him and Sirius just laughed with a pained
expression, before sitting down beside him and slinging an arm around his shoulder. Peter
noticed that Dirk looked a little sad at the interaction.

Sirius just gave him a toothy smile. “Someones got to jumpstart your heart every now and
again.”

Remus tried to escape his arm, to no avail of course. “You are literally older than me.”

“Fuck the patriarchy.” Sirius said in response.

“What?” Remus asked with an extremely confused face.

“Don’t mind him Rem. Got nothing in that head.” Mary called out from her seat.

Sirius’ mood instantly turned. “Oh you’re here.”

“Yeah surprisingly other people like to eat. Isn’t that a surprise? Sirius Black isn’t the only
person to exist.” The atmosphere became cold and awkward.

“Hey, maybe we shouldn’t do this here.” James tried to intervene.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Sirius half-yelled.

“Oh just that you’re a self-obsessed prick.” Mary said angrily.

“Says you.” He countered.

“I am not self-obsessed!” Mary stated.

“Who told you that? Yourself?” Sirius said smirking.

“I’m not doing this, go fuck yourself Sirius.” Mary said before standing up and leaving the
hall.

Sirius sat down and started sipping on the drinks that had arrived, before he looked up and
realised everyone was giving him the ‘go talk to her’ eyes. “Oh bloody hell, fine! I’ll go, no
need to stare at me like you're trying to get me into your cult.” He said before walking out of
the hall himself.

“What are they fighting about this time?” Remus asked.

“Just the usual.” James answered and Remus nodded his head.
“How long do you think it will take this time?” Peter asked.

“I say give it a day.” James guessed.

Remus barked out a laugh. “I bet they’ll be back together by the end of dinner.”

“3 Galleons?” James proposed, putting out his hand

“Add on your fairy cake and you’ve got a deal Potter.” They shook hands.

“Hey you’re already getting mine!” Dirk objected.

“Damn Lupin, you’re a real player.” Lily smirked at him.

“Oh shove off.”

_____________________

Sirius and Mary had been in an on and off relationship since third year. They broke up and
either went with other people for a while, or instantly got back together. Either way they
always found each other again. James had watched their relationship develop and had come
to the conclusion that they were definitely not made for each other.

He misses when they were fiends, they got on so well back then. Honestly they were like two
peas in a pod, but of course they both thought that meant that they were made for each other.
Now you could never know what to expect from them. One day they were fighting, the next
they were cuddling on the common room sofa.

They both had those ‘hard to find’ kind of personalities. Mary was kind, she never let anyone
degrade themselves, although she was sometimes a little too passionate about it. James
remembers how Remus had told him about a time when Lily had been talking about losing
weight and Mary carried her around the library to prove that she was the perfect weight.

Sirius was confident, but in a way that he made others around him confident too. He would
do anything for the people he loved, even if that meant his life would be on the line. There
was a time when Sirius came back from Christmas break with a new scar, and it was a big
 one that trailed along the back of his thigh. Apparently Regulus had accidentally broken one
of their mothers vases and Sirius had intervened mid-punishment.

That was why they were such amazing friends, they both loved their friends so much, that
was their common ground. James would do anything for them both to just realise this, that
there were other people out there. People who would fit with them perfectly.

James watched as they both re-entered the hall hand in hand, blue eyes meeting black, both
completely mesmerised. His eyes trailed over to the Slytherin table, where he saw a boy with
Raven black hair and eyes grey like labradorite. Mostly grey, but with swarms of light blue
seeping out from beneath. They crinkled at the edges as the boy laughed and James felt his
eyes copy their actions.

Chapter End Notes

Hi! Thanks for reading again!

Very important that I address Mary and Sirius. Mary will not be used for just Sirius'
character development. Yes she will be helping his development, but he will also be
helping hers, they are both very important for each others stories. I love Mary and I
would never use her just to make a mans story more interesting, I have big plans for her.

I don't know if anyone checks the song lyrics in the start notes, but if you do. I used
angel eyes because in the main 3 pairings of this chapter there's at least one comment
about their eyes, which is done purposefully.

The dream is very graphic, which I apologise for. I don't think I ever plan on making it
that Graphic again.

This James is Desi, I would like to make that clear. And now that I have introduced the
fourth official POC (Mary, Peter and Pandora.) as well as the many other I am going to
add. I will not be writing Racism, for the same reasons as why I won't bee writing
Homophobia. It is unnecessary and to be honest I don't care about what would have been
accurate to the time, because wizard school isn't historically accurate.

Also the Prank will be mentioned through out the story, but I don't really want to make a
character special on that. Mainly because I already have so many that I want to fo and I
feel like it's already well known and explained throughout the fandom.

Next chapter is going to be another Character special!

As always take care of yourself!

Emme <3
 Awakenings filled with Jealousy
Chapter Summary

Sirius talks to his Uncle, as well as an unexpected guest. Him and Mary talk about their
relationship, in a very eye opening conversation

_____________

TW:
Mentions of child abuse: "Sometimes he wonders if Alphard ever tried to save them." -
"Sirius got Nightmares."

Chapter Notes

"I look up to the gaps of sunlight, I miss you more than anything." Francis Forever -
Mitski

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sirius loves the Summer.

He remembers him and Regulus going up to their Uncle Alphard’s for a month every
Summer, it was the only time they were ever truly free in their childhoods. Sometimes he
wonders if Alphard ever tried to save them, if he ever confronted their parents about the
bruises, or the scars or the nightmares.

Sirius got nightmares, but they were never as bad as Regulus’. There was one night when his
younger brother had woken up screaming, he refused to sleep again and Alphard was forced
put him under a spell. Sirius never did find out what the nightmare was about, he wishes he
did.

There were times when he thought about when he and his brothers relationship had been torn
apart, or if it had ever really been there in the first place. Sirius had never quite perfected the
Black Family mask, an ability that they claimed was genetic but they really just beat it into
their children. Regulus had just perfected it to avoid having it beat into him. Even at a young
age he was always the smarter of the two.

Although he claimed that Regulus was more like their family, he knew it wasn’t true. Regulus
wasn’t really anything like their family, he had grey eyes instead of the ice blue. Curly hair
rather than the usual pin straight, and he had freckles that covered his pale skin. That was one
of the things he envied about him most, no matter how many rebellions Sirius pulled he knew
it would never live up to Regulus’. Sirius would always look like his mother and father,
Regulus would not.

“Sirius?” He was pulled away from his thoughts by a familiar voice.

“Hm?”

James looked at him with concern in his eyes. “”Did you hear what I just said?”

“Oh, er, no sorry.” He admitted to him.

“I asked if you were going to visit your uncle?”

Was he stupid? “My uncles dead.”

James chuckled lightly. “Yes I know that, but will you be visiting his grave?”

Oh, he hadn’t really thought about that. “I’m not sure.”

“I think you should.” James admitted. “It’s his anniversary soon, you should take advantage
of Dumbledores offer.”

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t even know why he offered, I’m not the only student with dead
relatives.”

“Either way.” James put his head onto Sirius’ shoulder. “I think you should go.”

“Yeah, I probably will. Even just to get out of the castle.”

“Will you take Regulus?” James questioned.

Sirius had thought of this, but ultimately decided that Regulus would have gotten an offer on
his own. “No. Speaking of him though, how was the tutoring session?”

James pulled the duvet cover over the both of them. “It was fun, learnt about flowers.”

Sirius laughed lightly. “Aren’t you supposed to be learning about Potions?”

James mumbled something before cuddling up closer to Sirius. “Let’s just sleep.”

Sirius laughed again. “Okay Prongs, let’s sleep.”

___________________

This might come as a shock, but it’s hard to visit dead relatives, especially on your own.
Sirius had talked to McGonnagal about it, and she had suggested he write a note to get some
closure. It sounded stupid, but he did it anyways.
So now he was sitting in front of his Uncles grave, with a very crumpled of piece of paper in
his hand. “I’ve never talked to a dead person before.” He started. “So, don’t judge me.
Alright?”

He unraveled the letter and began reading. “Back then, way before any of this. I used to ask
you to tell me stories about stars, I told you it was because I was interested in them, but it was
really because-“ He lost his voice for a second. “It was really because I liked hearing you
talk. Everyone else used to talk to me and Reg as if we were already grown up, but you, you
would treat us like we were. Children.” He shifted in his seat and swallowed thickly.

“When you first died.” He took a pause. “I felt so guilty, because I had spent so long blaming
you for not saving us, saving me. You would send me cards and I would give you half assed
replies, but you never said a thing about it.” If he was being honest, Sirius still felt guilty.
“When I found out you had died, how you had died.” He closed up the note and put it beside
him. “I was so, so. I don’t even know what I was feeling. I just decided to ignore it, decided
that acting like everything was fine would be the best way to go about it.”

Sirius fidgeted with the sleeves of his jumper. “That didn’t work, and it made me do
something I don’t think you could ever forgive me for. I know I’ve never forgiven me for it. I
told Snape about Moony’s secret, and I almost got them both killed in the process. I was just
so angry, and sad, and scared, I was just everything. Snape was there and he was being a right
arse.” He chuckled lightly, no humour attached to it. “So I told him, and I lost everything in
the process.” A tear fell from his eye.

“It wasn’t worth it, it really wasn’t” Another tear fell, and another. Until he was sobbing
uncontrollably. “It really-“ He cut himself off. “It really fucking-“ He sucked in a sharp
breath. “It really wasn’t.” He finally got out.

After finally calming himself down and wiping his eyes, he talked again. “Basically,
everything has been a total disaster since you left.” He looked off into the distance for a
second before coming back to the present. “It’s just, it was like I needed to get rid of them all.
James, Peter, Moony, all of them. They're all way so good and I'm so bad, I'm just like the
rest of our family, I can get disowned all I want but I'll still look, talk and act the same way as
them.

“Maybe if I was more like Regulus, maybe if I complied more, or if I wasn’t so bloody loud
I’d be more likeable. I try so hard to be different from them all, but he just does it so
effortlessly. He was born different, but I was born a complete carbon copy of my stupid
mother. I see how he looks at me when we argue, the fear in his eyes. It’s not ‘My older
brother is shouting at me’ fear, it’s ‘My older brother looks a lot like my mother at the
moment’ fear.”

He looked at his hands. “I’ve tried to be happy, I really have. But I think. I think a part of me
died that day too, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back.” It started to rain, and someone sat
beside him. Sirius knew who it was, he knew why they were, and knew that he should hate
them. Except he couldn’t.

They placed down flowers and began talking. “Campanula, Camellia and Purple hyacinth.”
Sirius placed his head upon their shoulder before speaking. “What do they mean?”

“Appreciation, love and regret.” They recited before placing their head on Sirius’.
They sat there for a while, neither of them speaking, both of them knowing that they would
pretend this never happened the next day. The other person then spoke. “I don’t think there’s
anything wrong about you.”

“So you heard it then, go on make fun of me.”

The other person laughed a little. “I’m not that cruel.” They took a break before speaking
again. “You really love him, don’t you?” Something about someone else knowing really
solidified everything. Made it all true, made it so he couldn’t run away from it anymore.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

_______________________

Mary MacDonald knew one thing, and that was that she didn’t love Sirius Black. She hated
him really. They had been amazing friends, she missed when it was like that. Now all they
did was fight, make up and fight again, and she was getting tired of it. It’s exactly what they
were doing right now.

“You are so self absorbed!” She shouted at him. They were in the common room, which had
been cleared of the few people that were in it when they arrived.

“Just because I don’t want to hold your hand through everything doesn’t mean I’m self
absorbed!” He shouted back.

“You know what I mean! You only care about yourself!” She didn’t even know what they
were fighting about.

“That’s just not true!”

It wasn’t, she knew this. “Really? Because I think it’s a pretty fucking accurate statement!”

“You know what’s an accurate statement?” He questioned her. “That you are the most selfish,
stuck up person I’ve ever met!”

“Says the fucking pureblood! If anyones stuck up it’s you!” That was a low blow.

Sirius took a step forwards. “What the fuck Mary? What the actual fuck!”

Mary copied his movement. “What? Don’t like to be reminded of your amazing little life?”
She knew it wasn't amazing. “Are the fifty something elves not enough for you?”

“Don’t you bring my family into this! I am nothing like them!”

“Aren’t you? I’m not stupid Sirius! I know the only reason you’re dating me is because you
want to get back at them, and to me that sounds like a pretty Slytherin thing to do!”

“Merlin Mary! Thats not why I’m fucking dating you!”

“Then why are you? Genuinely, what do we have in common with each other? We fight and
then we apologise, and then we do it all over again!”

“I’m dating you because…” Sirius trailed off. “I’m dating you because…”

“See? You don’t even know! We have been dating on and off since third year and you’ve
never even said you love me!”

“I do!” Sirius countered her.

“Then say it! Bloody hell Sirius, I bet you can say it to the other girl you're seeing!” Sirius
took a step back and looked at her with a shocked expression. “Oh don’t think I haven’t
noticed you staring at someone else, I don’t know who she is but I know there’s someone
else!”

Sirius began laughing. “Oh fucking hell. Mary you are so stupid. Genuinely. It’s not another
fucking girl I’m staring at.” He cut himself off, seeming to think over his words before
nodding to himself. “It’s Remus.”

“Remus, but?” Oh.

“Yes, I-“ The shouting had stopped and they were both staring at each other. Sirius looked
away ashamed. “Look I don’t care about what you think. Go ahead call me slurs or whatever.

Now she was laughing. “This is amazing honestly!”

Sirius looked at her confused. “What?”

“Merlin, no wonder we have such a shitty relationship. We’re both fucking gay.” She
confessed still laughing.

“What?” He said with his eyes blown wide. “What?” He repeated before he started laughing
with her.

They both at some point collapsed onto the sofa with hysterics. Laughing harder than they
had laughed together in years, both telling each other to shut up before laughing once more.
Finally after about 10 minutes Sirius spoke up again.

“How did you know? When?” He asked.

“Probably in third year, I was just so stupid about it.” She admitted. “We were in
Transfiguration, and she wouldn’t stop looking at you.”

“Minnie?”
“Amelia Bones.” She paused for a second. “I wanted her to look at me. But she couldn’t pull
her eyes away from you and your stupid hair.”

“Hey I like my hair.” Sirius interjected.

Mary swatted him. “Shut up. I didn’t understand why, because you would chew with your
mouth open, and you would ask dumb questions. And you were a fucking arsehole, and you
didn’t even like her and I would just go to my dorm and scream into my pillow.”

Sirius just sat there for a minute before speaking. “I always hated her voice.”

“What why?”

“It’s like one of those ‘I’m nice’ voices.” He said as if it made any sense.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Mary asked.

“No it’s like, all high pitched and squeaky.”

“Hey! No it’s not…” Mary defended before realising how accurate it was. “Oh my god,
you’re so right.” They started laughing. “Okay you have to tell me your little gay awakening
now.”

Sirius looked forward before smiling. “I think it was winter of last year, Moony and I were
some of the only ones staying behind for Christmas. It was the 24th and we were exchanging
presents, and James got me a gag gift, which of course sprayed me with water. I was going to
go upstairs to get a new top, but he said that he didn’t want to have to wait for me, so he took
off his jumper and gave it to me. When I put it on, it was amazing. It was so warm and
smelled like a library, and it was just so-“ He lost his words for a moment. “It was just so
him.” He zoned out for a second before returning. “I think I only properly realised the 3
weeks ago. When we had that fight.”

“What one?” Mary said smirking.

“Oh ha ha. It was a few days before I went to see my Uncle Alphard’s grave. I saw him
sitting with Dirk, and I just felt so angry. It felt like someone had a knife in my heart.”

“So we were both just two Jealous gays in denial?” She asked

“Pretty much, but just to clarify I’m Bisexual.”

“Good to know.” She said nodding her head. “Who else knows? Besides me.”

“You’re not going to believe this.” He confessed.

“Try me.”

“Regulus.”
 She jumped forward and stared at him with shock. “Regulus Black? Your brother? The one
you hate?”

“I didn’t tell him, he told me actually. The smart git.”

“Of course he did. You’re the first I’ve told.”

Sirius placed a hand to his chest. “I’m Honoured.”

Mary rolled her eyes at him. “Oh shush.”

“So…” Sirius looked at her. “Do you still like Amelia? Or do you have your heart set on
another girl?”

Mary quietly laughed before speaking. “No, I’m actually in the same boat as you.”

Sirius looked confused for a second before realising what she meant. “Oh… Lily then?”

Mary just nodded in response.

Chapter End Notes

Hi! Thanks for reading again :D

This was kind of short, but I like it!

I originally planned on drawling out Mary and Sirius' relationship out a lot more, but I
really like the idea of those two being friends, so I scarped that.

Mystery flower person oooo. Again I didn't plan on adding Regulus in either but you go
with the flow when writing.

Next chapter Regulus shall return I promise, and we can have a lot of fluff (Or
angst????)

Remember to eat or drink whatever it is you want too

Emme <3
 Childhood memories and Chocolate Cake
Chapter Summary

James and Regulus are hanging out, and it doesn't end so well. James walks in on a
certain pair of love birds, and Sirius and Mary have been hanging out a lot together.
James finally sees Older Regulus again, and we get introduced to the one person who
made his childhood normal. Regulus warns James of the week to come.

___________

TW

Light violence: "He did not want to have this conversation." - "He stood up slowly."

Chapter Notes

“Even though you don’t mean to hurt me, you keep tearing me apart” Mercy - Shawn
Mendes

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Reg.”

“Reg.”

“Reggie.”

“Reggo.”

“Reggie poo.”
“Reginald.”

“Oh mon Dieu Barty, will you shut up?” Regulus finally looked up from his homework. (Oh
my god)

“No, I need your help.” Barty replied.

Regulus rolled his eyes. “With what? If it’s homework I’m not helping you.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to, and I’m revising.”

“But that’s all you’ve been doing revising, revising, revising.” Barty whined.

“Which is exactly why I’ll get an O,O,O.” Regulus said smirking at him.

“I want to do something though, I’m bored.” He said standing up from his bed.

“Go do something with Evan, I can’t do anything tonight anyways I’ve got- what hey! Que
fais-tu?” He was interrupted by Barty pulling his chair away from the desk. (What are you
doing?)

“Stop revising Reg, you’re practically a Ravenclaw with how smart you are.” Barty tried to
reason with him.

“Me not revising doesn’t change the fact that I can’t hang out tonight, no need to try and
swoon me.”
Barty went back to whining. “Ugh, why not?”

“I have to Tutor Potter tonight.” Was it tutoring? Regulus wasn’t sure.

“Just skip?” Barty suggested.

Regulus stood up and walked over to the bookshelf. “I can’t, Slughorn will kill me.” He
picked out a book. “Speaking of which, I actually have to go now.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Go see if Dora’s free!” He called out as he left the dorms.

Regulus didn’t really know what he was doing. If only his mother could see him now, going
to hang out with a Blood Traitor. They had met a few times since that Sunday, James had
originally suggested they go to the Astronomy Tower, but there was one to many initials
ending in B there for Regulus to be comfortable. They settled on one of the abandoned
classroom, of course the farthest one from both Gryffindor Tower and The Dungeons, and
that’s where they met every Sunday and Thursday night.

Turning round the corner he saw a light coming from the classroom and he walked in, James
turned around and waved. “Nice to see you stranger.”

“I was a minute late Potter.” Regulus said rolling his eyes before placing his book down, it
was under an illusion charm of course, and taking a seat beside the slightly shorter boy. A
fact he very much enjoyed.

“If you’re even a minute late I’m leaving.” James mocked, puffing out his chest.
“Oh shush will you?”

James laughed in response before speaking. “Right go on, how tall are you now?”

This was his favourite part of their meet ups, height checks. James had placed a bet with him
to see who could get to 6’5 first, Regulus was obviously going to win. “Almost 6’0, you?”

The other boy whined and dramatically slumped onto the table. “It’s not fair, I’m still 5’10.”

Regulus laughed at him. “You’re never going to win.”

“Maybe not in height, but at least I have muscle.” Okay, he had a point there.

“I- well,” He could not admit defeat. “No, I’m definitely way stronger than you.”

“No I am.”

“Prove it.” He challenged, before regretting it as James started moving forward. “Wait no,
James stop.” And at that Regulus started running and James started chasing.

“Come here Regulus! I just want to test your strength!” He shouted, lunging forward.

“No, fuck off!” He dodged James.

They both ended up at opposite sides of a table. When Regulus moved left, James moved left.
When Regulus moved right, James moved right. Eventually Regulus made a break for it only
to be intercepted by James, who wrapped his arms around Regulus’ waist and lifted him up,
who then in response curled into a ball, causing him to fall forward.
James rolled off of Regulus before speaking. “Told you I was stronger.”

Regulus laughed at him. “You dropped me the second you picked me up.”

James sat up. “Thats only because you rolled into a ball like a hedgehog!”

He closed his eyes and smiled. “Sounds like excuses to me.”

“Do you want to see excuses again?” He jokingly threatened.

Regulus instantly moved away. “No, you stay away from me before I file a restraining order.”

James gave him a confused look. “A restraining order?” Oh fuck.

“Um, it’s a spell.” He tried to lie.

“No, no it’s not. Moony told me about them, it’s like uh. Well I don’t know, but I do know
that they’re a muggle thing.” Bloody hell, fuck you James Michener.

Regulus stood up brushing himself off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do.” James said, also standing up.

“No, I don’t.” He started walking away, he did not want to have this conversation.
James grabbed onto his arm, Regulus’ breath hitched. “How do you know muggle things?”

He tried to break from his grasp but it only tightened. “Let go of me.”

“Tell me.” James persisted.

Was it just him or did James look a lot like his mother right now? “No, piss off.”

“Why won’t you tell me?” Oh yeah, why won’t I tell you that I secretly read muggle
literature?

“Stop,” His breathing was becoming more stressed. “let me go.” He tried to break out of the
grasp once more, and was once again unsuccessful. “Potter, let me go. Now.”

“No tell me, why do you know that? How?” Regulus knew he wasn’t trying to be malicious,
but for fucks sake could he not just leave it alone.

Everything was becoming more blurred, and his breaths becoming deeper and deeper as he
tried to suppress the panic. This only served to make Regulus panic more because James’
voice was getting higher and his nails were growing longer, and oh fuck his mother was in
front of him.

“Regulus?”

“Regulus?”

_________________________
“Ascendio!”

James was propelled into the air and crashed into one of the walls. Regulus stared at him with
a shocked expression before quickly apologising and leaving the room, and James didn’t
follow him.

He stood up slowly, brushing off some of the dust. “What the hell?” He whispered to himself,
when had he even picked up his wand? James looked around the room and noticed a book
that was left behind. More specifically Regulus’ book, even more specifically the one James
had been very curious about, because Regulus seemed adamant on keeping it a secret. He
really shouldn’t look through it, I mean it was definitely an invasion of his privacy. Regulus
had left it though, hadn’t he? Maybe he wanted James to see it, yes and it would be
unmannerly to ignore what Regulus wanted.

Leaning forward he picked up the book and realised it was under an illusion charm.
“Aparecium.” He called out and the cover revealed itself. It was a simple dark blue book, and
written in gold was Romeo and Juliet. Stupid names, Romeo? Who names their kid that?
Should’ve named him James.

He opened up the book and on the inside a summary was written.

An age-old vendetta between two powerful families erupts into bloodshed. A group of masked
Montagues risk further conflict by gatecrashing a Capulet party. A young lovesick Romeo
Montague falls instantly in love with Juliet Capulet, who is due to marry her father’s choice,
the County Paris. With the help of Juliet’s nurse, the women arrange for the couple to marry
the next day, but Romeo’s attempt to halt a street fight leads to the death of Juliet’s own
cousin, Tybalt, for which Romeo is banished. In a desperate attempt to be reunited with
Romeo, Juliet follows the Friar’s plot and fakes her own death. The message fails to reach
Romeo, and believing Juliet dead, he takes his life in her tomb. Juliet wakes to find Romeo’s
corpse beside her and kills herself. The grieving family agree to end their feud.

That’s so, so, so Regulus. He’s never heard of it before, so it mustn’t be very popular, Moony
might know about it though. Yeah he’d go ask Remus.

As he made his way towards the Tower he began to think about Regulus, and how he reacted.
In hindsight James probably should have let go, but he was just so curious. He had assumed
future Regulus knew about muggle things because he’d done research post-death, but
apparently he’d known about it beforehand.

He waved to Marlene and Frank as he walked by them, before stopping to ask them a
question. “Hey where’s the lads?”

“Pete’s in The Great Hall with Lils, Sirius is with Mary at another one of their little secret
meetings-”

“Another one?” Frank interjected. “I’m happy they’re friends again, but this is like the 3rd
this week.”

“Shut up Frank.” Marlene said with no real malice.

Frank pulled a fake frown. “Hey! Don’t be mean to Frank.” James scolded her.

Marlene turned to Frank again. “Sorry Frank.” He smiled again.

“And Remus?” He asked.

“He’s in your dorm.” Frank supplied.

James instantly dashed off. “Thanks Frank!” He called out and heard Frank say something
incoherent from behind him.

James burst into the room, excited to find out more about this book only to see Dirk. Dirk
with his face pushed against Moony’s. Dirk snogging Moony. “I, um, er, Hi?”
Remus instantly pushed Dirk away, who then fell to the floor. “James? What are you doing
here!”

“I live here?” He pointed out.

“No you don’t.” Remus denied, before realising how stupid that was. “Sorry, no you do…”
He said, eyes still blown wide.

“So you two are…?” He didn’t want to assume.

“Boyfriends.” Dirk answered.

“Nothing!” Remus replied, but quickly changed his answer at Dirks hurt expression. “Sorry,
no we are boyfriends.”

“That’s nice.” The room became even more awkward now that it was incased in silence.

“Look James, please don’t tell Sirius or Peter about this.” Remus interrupted it.

“Why not?” He asked. “I won’t, but why not? They won’t judge you.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying…” Dirk mumbled from his space on the ground.

Remus gave him a look before speaking again. “I’m just not ready.”

“Okay Moony, I won’t tell them.”

“Thank you.”

The silence returned before he remembered why he was there in the first place. “Oh yes!
Moons have you ever heard of ‘Romeo and Juliet’?”

Remus seemed thrown off, whether it was by the change of conversation or the question,
James didn’t know. “I have… Why?”

Why didn’t he ever make a plan? “Uh… I found it in the Library?”

He looked at him skeptically. “Okay, sure, I believe that. Why do you ask anyway?”

“Wait why wouldn’t you believe that?”

“Well I doubt that Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would have a muggle book.”
A muggle book?

So that’s where Regulus learned about Muggle things! “This is amazing! You’re amazing! Ah
Remus I could kiss you!” Dirk gave him a weird look. “Don’t worry I won’t, oh my god this
is amazing news!”

He left the room in a hurry, he didn’t really know where he was going, he just needed to burn
off some of the excitement, because this really was spectacular news. If Regulus read muggle
books then that was a flaw in his ‘I hate muggles ideology’, because he apparently didn’t hate
their books.

Finally he decided to go down to The Great Hall, because 1. Peter was there, and he definitely
already knew about Remus and Dirk. 2. Lily was there! The love of his life! Merlin she was
so beautiful, every time he thought about her he fell more and more in love, and as he walked
into The Hall and saw her, his heart exploded.
“Hi Lily!” He said sitting down beside her.

“Potter.” She nodded to James.

“I feel left out.” Peter said from across the table.

“Awwh Petey-Pie.” James cooed from across the table. “Does the big baby feel left out?” He
said in a baby-like voice.

Peter rolled his eyes. “Shut up” He said with a smile.

“How was your day Lily dear?” James winked at her.

She ignored his flirting. “It was alright, Potions was a bitch though. If Slughorn asks me if
I’m sure I don’t have magic blood one more time, I swear to god.”

Peter winced. “I’m sorry Lils, he’s such an asshole.”

“You’re telling me. Hey wait, where’s your other half?” She asked James.

“With Mary.” He responded.

“Again? I thought when people break up they’re supposed to get less close, not closer.” Peter
said.

“I think it’s nice, I asked Mary about it and apparently they talk about Astrology and
flowers.” Lily told them
“Weird topics to talk about together, but to each their own I guess.” James shrugged, when he
noticed Sirius and Remus enter The Hall. “Hey look who it is!”

Sirius turned away from talking to Remus and smiled at them, and then moved to sit beside
Peter, as Remus sat beside James. “Hey Prongso, what’s going on?”

James shrugged. “Nothing much, just talking about you and Mary’s escapades.”

“Where is she anyways?” Peter noted her lack of attendance. “Dirks not here either.”

“Dirk was with-“ Remus kicked James from under the table, good save. A painful one
though. “Someone I don’t know, because why would I know who he hangs out with?”
Smooth.

Sirius gave him a weird look. “Okay…? Mary said she wanted to catch up on some studying
before the midterms.”

“She’s so stupid, now I’ll have to bring her up some food later.” Lily grumbled, but James
knew she didn’t actually mind. “Actually I might just go now, we can go down to the
kitchens later.”

The kitchens. James hadn’t really been able to shake his last dream, it was just so awful. The
fact that Regulus had been through that, and everything that he would be shown, well at least
until 5th year, was just so awful. James also hadn’t seen Older Regulus in ages, like as in
weeks, and honestly he kinda missed him. Every time he went to sleep he hoped that he
would see him again, but he slept soundly, it sounds bad when he says it like that. He doesn’t
want to see Regulus’ trauma, but if he’s not seeing it then how will he know what to do, or
what if this means that he shouldn’t do anything else. What if there is just no way to change
the Future that Regulus had said was so bad.

“James?” Sirius interrupted his thoughts.

“Hm? Yeah what?”

“You zoned out there mate.”

“Oh sorry, what were you talking about?”

“Just the amazing prank I played on Snivelly today in class.” Sirius said smirking. “Who’s
currently sending daggers at the back of your head.”

“What why? What did I do?” James exclaimed.

“To him? Everything.” Peter added in.

“Why does he even hate us so much? I mean I get now, but even back before the pranks.”
Asked Remus, taking a sip of his drink. Sirius and James shared a look, smiling at each other.

“I don’t know, perhaps he’s homophobic.” Peter just said?

Remus spat out his drink and Sirius’ head snapped in his direction, jaw dropped, as James
laughed.

“We’re not, we’re not gay Peter?” Sirius said exasperated as Remus continued to choke.

“Oh we’re not?” Peter asked with fake innocence.

“No?!” Remus and Sirius both shouted at the same time, earning a few looks from other
houses. Most of the Gryffindors were used to it by now.
“Oh my bad.” Peter began cutting up his sausages as the other two began asking him
questions on why he thought that.

And James just laughed the whole time.

________________

It had been a pretty good day, tasty dinner, funny conversations, finding out one of your
friends is gay, getting thrown into the air, just the usual. Going to sleep James didn’t expect
for it to all turn white once again, and for Regulus to appear.

“Bonjour.” (Hello)

Regulus?!

“Oui Oui.” (Yes Yes)

You’re alive?!

“No?”

Oh shit yeah, I mean, where the bloody hell have you been?

“Well you see, I lost track of time.”

For 3 weeks?

“Well, remember when you went up to past me about tutoring?”

Yeah?

“And you didn’t have a plan?”

Yeah?

“Well I needed to make my plan.”

For what?

“This, like the whole thing. I’ve really been going on a whim.”

A whim? You’ve been changing the future on a whim?!

“Hey! You have too, kinda.”

What?

“You didn’t have a plan for the whole friendship thing, which by the way you’re not doing
very good at.”

I’m doing great what do you mean?

“You literally got into a fight today.”

Well it was going great before that.

“Was it?”

Yes.

“Really?”

Yes?

“Are you positive?”

Yes!

“Okay, no need to shout.”

I take it back, I did not miss you.

“Awww you missed me?”

No I didn’t!

“Little ickle baby missed me!”

I didn’t!

“It’s okay, your secret’s safe with me.”

I hate you, like on an extreme factor.

“Whatever you say, also as per request I have a happy memory today.”

I thought these were all going to be really fucking traumatic.

“Yeah but then I realised that you would just think I grew up being constantly traumatised,
but alas I did not.”

You sure about that?

“You know what I mean.”

They shifted into a large garden, it was at the base of a very large house and surrounded by
hundreds of apple trees. There was two little boys running around it, one of them had short
curls the other had slightly longer straight hair.

“Siri!” The younger boy called out. “Slow down!”

“No can do Reggie! It’s not my fault you’re short.” Regulus definitely wasn’t short now.
Sirius? That was another story.

“You’re so annoying!” Regulus whined.

Sirius then halted which cause the other to run straight into his back and fall over. “Whoops.”

“Oi! You did that on purpose!”

“Did I?” Sirius said on the verge of laughing.

“Yes!” The younger kicked him.

“Hey!”

“Boys!” An older voice shouted from the house, James turned around to reveal Alphard
Black. Sirius’ dead Uncle. “Come here!” They started walking up to the house and James
followed

“What is it Uncle?” Sirius asked.

Alphard smiled at them. “Would you like to make some cake?” Their faces lit up.

“Yes!” Sirius and Regulus shouted at the same time.

“Come on then.” They were ushered into the house.

The house wasn’t as regal as he had anticipated, it was almost worn down looking and very
cozy. The kitchen was quite large, and on the counters were ingredients laid out.

Regulus moved over to a stool in the corner, pulling it over to the counter. “What kind of
cake is it going to be Uncle?”
“Chocolate of course? Who would I be if I didn’t choose chocolate.” The older man smirked
at him. Merlin he would’ve loved Remus.

“Yes!” Sirius cheered as he made his way to the counter.

Alphard reached over them and pulled out three large bowls from a cupboard, he gave one to
Sirius, one too Regulus, and kept the other for himself. “Regulus you can do the dry
ingredients, Sirius you do the Wet. I’ll make the butter cream.”

“Okay!” They both said before getting on with their tasks.

This was the most normal James had seen The Black Family, as Regulus blew some flour
into Sirius’ face and Alphard lightly scolded him. He couldn’t help but feel some sort of
regret that the man was dead, he was probably the boys’ best chance at having a normal life,
and now he was gone.

The room changed into a bedroom, and this bedroom actually looked like one of a child's.
The bed had baby blue sheets, with white stripes covering it. There was toys scattered across
the room, and it was slightly messy, in a surprisingly nostalgic way.

“Summer of 1969, at my Uncle Alphards house.”

It seemed so, normal?

“I told you, once a year for a month me and Sirius had a happy childhood.”

Why didn’t he ever…?

“Help us? I’m not sure. Maybe he just never got round to it.”
…

“…”

…Why did you really show me this?

“I said it before, you need to know that my life wasn’t just trauma after trauma. More often
than not it was mundane. You need to know this.”

That’s it?

“…It’s going to be… a hard week, and I can’t be there for you.”

Why not?

“You need to be present this week James, you can’t be hung up on whatever I show you.
They need you this week, I need you this week.”

Regulus what’s going to happen?

“You can do it.”

Regulus?

“You can do it.”

 Please?

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!

Sorry this came out later than I expected, I got a random throat infection, like just out of
nowhere? Anyways I'm pretty much all better now!

I wanna explain the timing in this, because I only realised that the last chapter through it
all of after I posted it. So this is set 3 weeks after chapter 8, 1 week after chapter 9.

Mainly a fluff chapter! Yay! Because the next few are going to be full of angst ;)))

What I said about how James wouldn't view Regulus' life as just trauma, is kind of
directed at you too, my dear reader. You are going to see a lot of trauma, and might think
'This is really unrealistic' remember that there are sometimes years of time between each
dream, I know Regulus faced less abuse than Sirius.

AHHH JAMES KNOWS ABOUT DIRK AND REMUS :OOOOOO

Frank as a father figure>>>>>

Sirius and Remus being the most obvious gays ever.

I find my own writing to funny istg. James asking if Regulus was alive and him being
like 'No?'. LMFAOOO

Supportive Regulus omg

Also the dream story is in French, I haven't just forgotten that they're French in this fic.
There is just a lot of dialogue in this fic and I didn't feel it was necessary to do it all in
French.

Remember eat and drink whatever the fuck you want and have an amazing day!
Emme <3
 Connections made too late
Chapter Summary

Regulus and Sirius get pulled out of class. Regulus visits home and talks to a muggle, as
well as his father. What will happen?

Chapter Notes

"All that I did just to make you happy, still you don't even fucking love me." Jigsaw -
Conan Gray

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“To activate this spell, you move your wand like so-” The Professors voice cut off by a knock
at the door, Regulus turned around to see Slughorn and McGonnagal standing there.

“Can we borrow Mr Black please?” She asked.

“Yes of course, will he need his belongings?”

The two house heads looked at each other before nodding. “Yes, I think that’s for the best.”
Slughorn spoke.

Regulus looked to Evan, who just shrugged his shoulders, before packing his books away
into his bag and warily making his way to the door. “Is everything alright Professors?” He
asked once he reached them.

“I think It’s better if we tell you somewhere more… private.” That wasn’t ominous at all.
“We’ll go collect your brother and then go to my office.”
“Quoi! My brother?” He exclaimed before remembering his manners. “Sorry, um… why do
we need Sirius?” (What!)

The teachers shared a look once again before McGonnagal spoke. “You’ll find out soon
enough Mr Black.”

“Right, okay.” They stopped in front of the defence against the dark arts classroom. He stood
at the wall, behind the opened door and watched as they called for Sirius. This was not going
to go well.

“Really professors, if you want to spend more time with me you can just…” Sirius’ voice
trailed off as his eyes found Regulus. “What are you doing here?”

“Just going for a stroll.” He responded blankly.

“Please behave yourselves.” McGonnagal interrupted their death glares.

He really hoped this wasn’t about their family, or well his family, that wasn’t a conversation
he was ready for. He knew that they weren’t taking him out of his home, Dumbledore had
made it very clear in his first year that he wasn’t willing to do that, but could a teacher do
that? Did they have the authority? Or were they putting Sirius back in, were his parents here?

As his thoughts became more rapid, he didn’t realise that they had made it to Professor
McGonnagal’s office. He walked in and sat on one of the two armchairs in front of her desk,
and his brother sat in the other. “We have some… unfortunate news about your father.”

“Is he dead?” Sirius said smiling and jumping forward slightly in his chair.”

Slughorn seemed slightly taken aback by this reaction. “Er, no, not yet.”

Sirius seemed confused by this, but Regulus caught on. “But he will be?”
McGonnagal smiled sympathetically at him. “Yes, his illness has progressed rapidly. You will
be allowed to return home for a few days.”

“That won’t be necessary professor!” Sirius’ smile returned. “I’ll be fine here!” Regulus just
sat, and stared, no thoughts, no nothing.

“Are you sure Mr Black? Not even a day?” Slughorn asked timidly, and Sirius just nodded.

“I’ll um,” Regulus swallowed thickly. “I’ll go.”

“Don’t tell me you actually care about him dying?” His brother asked him.

The thing was Regulus didn’t, he really didn’t care about his father. The man had watched
their mother crucio them for years, if anything he deserved to die. But for some reason
Regulus couldn’t help but feel upset, and Sirius’ words angered him even more, he was
acting so nonchalant. Their father was dying and he was ecstatic? He didn’t know why but
something inside him made him stand up and punch his brother.

“Of course I fucking care you connard!” Sirius recovered from the shock quickly and tackled
Regulus to the floor. (Asshole!)

“Boys-“ McGonnagal tried to intervene.

Sirius ignored her and punched Regulus in the face. “Me? I’m the asshole? You’re the
fucking cult worshipper!”

Regulus kneed his groin, and his brother grimaced in pain. “Au moins je ne suis pas
amoureuse de mon meilleur pote!” (At least I’m not in love with my best mate!)

“Boys!” Mcgonnagal was ignored once again by Sirius attacking Regulus once again.
“Vous ne savez rien!” He got one last punch in before they were pulled apart. (You know
nothing!)

“Have some manners! You are not a pack of animal!” McGonnagal scolded them. “I expect
this from Sirius, but not from you Regulus, I am very disappointed.”

Sirius tried to object at that, but was stopped by a glare from his house head. “Sorry
Professors.” Both brothers said at the same time, still scowling at each other.

“You can return to class if you are certain you don’t want to visit your father.” She looked to
Sirius, she then turned to Regulus. “I can floo you home as soon as you are ready.”

The boys nodded, then Sirius said his good byes and left. Regulus just sat back down before
asking a question. “Is it alright if I change first?” McGonnagal nodded and he made his way
up to his dorm.

It was going to be a long week.

________________

“You will be alright here?” Asked McGonngal.

“Yes,” He confirmed. “my house is just down the street.”

She nodded. “Well, I best be off. I send my best wishes to your father.”
He smiled and thanked her, and with that she left. There was no direct floo to Grimmauld
place, but there was a community one just up the road, most of their guests had access into
the wards however, so they were able to just Apparate. It wasn’t often he got to go out into
muggle london, there was a few children playing the park as their parents watched from the
benches.

He watched as a man went up to a little boy and started giving him a piggy back ride, the boy
was laughing hysterically and the man looked so happy. The man started running around and
the child started laughing even more, putting his arms out and screaming about how he was
an airplane. Then a ball to the face interrupted his thoughts, then fell to his feet.

He picked up and threw it back over and the children went back to playing with it, hoping
that would be the end of the interaction he resumed walking only be interrupted by one of the
parents. “Excuse me!”

He turned around to see a short woman with blonde hair tied into a messy bun, it was times
like these when he was happy that robes were becoming less of the ‘norm’. He was wearing a
dark, almost black, green jumper and a pair of black dress trousers. “Yes?”

The woman made her way beside him. “Ah I just wanted to apologise, you know kids and
their manners.” She laughed.

He let out an awkward laugh. “Yeah, it’s no problem.”

A few moments passed before she spoke once more. “I’ve never seen you around here
before.”

“Oh I’m just passing through.” He lied.

“Bummer, thought we’d get a new neighbour,” If only you knew. “nice to meet you then.”
He nodded and then continued his walking, muggles were always so nosy, or friendly? They
probably meant to be but it just came off as obnoxious. Like they were all Hufflepuff’s,
which was supposed to be impossible. Because surely a whole species of humans couldn’t all
be sorted into one house, right?

As he entered the wards of Grimmauld place he felt an all familiar feeling of sadness fall over
him, he really wouldn’t be surprised if his Maman had charmed it that way. He warily opened
the door, and quietly closed it behind him. “Maman?” He called out, no response. “Maman?”
He said once again, although louder this time.

She came out of the living room and gave him a once over. “You look awful.” Charming.
“What did I say about your hair?” Cut it every day Regulus, don’t let it grow even a
centimetre Regulus. “And you’ve got to stop growing, Tu deviens trop maigre” (you’re
getting too lanky.)

“Nice to see you to Maman.” He sighed.

She swatted him with her cane. “Don’t you take that tone with me.”

He rubbed his arm. “Sorry Maman, where’s Père?”

“At the hospital.” She started walking, and he followed.

“Are we going to go there?”

“No. I have things to do.” She said as if it was obvious.

“But Maman, he’s dying.”

The woman turned around to look at him. “And?”

“Please Maman, can I go see him?”

A moment passed. “What did you get in your midterms?”

“All O’s.”

She thought about is for a moment before nodding. “You may go. Kreacher!”

Kreacher popped into the room. “Yes miss.” He then noticed Regulus. “Master Regulus is
Homes! Hows delightful!” The elf cheered.

“Yes, you will take him to St Mungo’s.” His mother ordered Kreacher.

Kreacher nodded. “Kreacher wills be doing that right away!”

Once she left the room Regulus bent down and hugged the elf. “Oh Kreacher, I missed you
dearly.”

“Kreacher missed Master Regulus too, buts Master Regulus mustn’t be touching a dirty
house elf.” Kreacher tried to usher him off.

Regulus pulled away with a warm smile. “I have no idea what you’re talking about Kreacher,
you’re the cleanliest house elf I’ve ever seen.”

Kreacher smiled back. “Master Regulus is too kind, now we musts be goings.”

“Yes of course.” He took Kreacher's hand and they apparated away.

____________________

St Mungo’s was a busy hospital, and it took Regulus a while to find the reception once
Kreacher had left him off. Once he did he saw a kind looking old lady sitting there and he
headed over. “Excuse me?”

The lady looked up from her clip board. “Yes, how can I help you?”

“I’m here to see Orion Black?”

She looked back down. “And who are you to the patient?”

“I’m his son, Regulus Black.”

She nodded and looked up again. “Ah yes, come with me Mr Black.” She came out from
behind the desk and he followed her.

All of the seats were filled, every single one. Even after they left the emergency room there
were still many injured people filling the seats. It was only when they made it up to the
private quarters that those seats began to empty once again, they came to the end of the hall
and the lady opened the door to the Black suite.

“Here we are.” She stopped and opened the door, then she left.

He walked in and saw his father. Gone was the noble man he’d become so afraid of, in his
place was a weak, bed-ridden man, who seemed to be struggling to even blink. “Père?” He
said tentatively.
His father look over in his area. “Who’s there? Is that you Sirius?”

Regulus closed his eyes for a second, composing himself. “No, it’s me, Regulus.”

Orion’s face fell with disappointment. “Oh vous, what do you want?” (Oh you.)

“I came to visit you.” Really what did he want? “Because you’re dying?”

“Well, I don’t want to see you.”

Regulus didn’t know what it was that set him off for the second time that day, maybe it was
his fathers care for his brother who couldn’t care less about him. Maybe it was the proof that
he was, once again, the spare. “What is wrong with you? Honestly.”

“I do not have time for a temper tantrum Regulus. Littéralement.” (Literally.)

“Bien, just tell me this. Why?” (Fine.)

“Why what?” The man raised his eyebrow.

“Why didn’t you stop her?” He paused. “Ever?”

“Because I didn’t want to.”

Regulus knew that, logically he knew that, but to hear it? That was something else.
“Pourquoi?” (Why?)
“I don’t care for you Regulus, why should I?

“Because I’m your son!” He exclaimed.

“And you are a coward!” His Père shouted back.

Regulus turned away once again, tears forming in his eyes. “I may be a coward, but at least I
don’t blindly support a lunatic.”

“Watch your words boy.”

“No! At least when I die, I won’t die thinking I’m better than someone who’s the same
bloody species.”

His père eyes became even colder, if that was possible. “I don’t think I’m better, I know I’m
better.”

Regulus laughed. “Where is your evidence? Comment peux-tu être si sûr?” (How can you be
so sure?)

“I don’t owe you anything, and I will not continue this discussion.”

Silence engulfed them for a long 10 minutes before Regulus spoke again. “I saw a man today,
with his kid, he was giving him a piggy back ride. It sounds crazy but he looked so proud of
him, the man, and I don’t even know what for.”

Orion smirked at him. “Et alors? You want me to give you a piggy back ride?” (So what?)
“Non! I just-“ Regulus looked down, starting to feel stressed. “I just- I just want you to act
like a Pére, my Pére. I want you to be proud of me.” (No!)

His father looked away, not responding for a second. “Tell me about your friends.”

His head snapped up. “What?”

“What about that Crouch boy?”

“Oh er, Barty?” He couldn’t believe this was actually happening. “Well he’s super fucking
smart, well when he tries. Most of the time he just leaves his homework alone, which gets
him loads of detentions. But in class he doesn’t even need to try, he could be asleep and still
get all the answers right. And Evan, Rosier, he’s like me, smart, but not Barty smart. We both
still need to revise and stuff.”

He looked to his Père once again, and to his surprise he actually looked interested in what
Regulus was saying. “But Evans crazy nice, like 2 weeks ago he dedicated a whole day to
helping the Slytherin first years prepare for their first tests, and he’s always there for
everyone. He’s kind of like a mum in away.” His Père gave him an amused look. “Well not
like he’s our mother, but he acts like one, it’s always Regulus don’t do this and Barty don’t do
that. Can never catch a break.”

He took a break contemplating something. “My other friend… Bluebell.”

Orion snorted. “What an awful name.”

Regulus smiled. “He- She’s really nice, and friendly. We became friends when she saved me
during Quidditch practice, I was trying out this risky move that I’ve been trying to perfect for
weeks, and we’ve just continued talking ever since. She’s not supposed to hang out with me.”

“Why?”
“Oh um, her family is really strict about her hanging out with boys. No boy policy. But
anyways she still does, and we even made up a fake scheme that I’m tutoring her, which is
crazy because she’s smarter than me. Not in a book smart way though, it’s like she can
perfectly read the emotions on my face all the time, even when I know I’m not showing
them. She doesn’t push though, most of the time, we actually got into a fight the other day.”

“Who’s fault was it?”

“She probably thinks it was her,” He looked out the window. “but it was definitely me, I was
trying to hide something from her even though I knew she wouldn’t judge. She’ll probably
forgive me… I don’t deserve her, she’s much more than I’ll ever be worth.”

“And… do you love her?”

“What! No, no, no… no we’re just friends.” He laughed nervously. “Strictly friends, even if I
did it wouldn’t matter, she’d never love me back, and at the small chance that she did I
wouldn’t let her. I mean it Père she’s too good for me, I don’t, and will not deserve her, never
ever.

“Sometimes these things surprise you.” His Père’s voice became more faded

“Maybe I don’t know. We did Amortentia potions together, and she smelled lilacs and all the
spring flowers, nothing about me is spring like. I’m more autumny or wintery, definitely not
springy. She’s like the summer though, she’s got the most bright eyes you’ll ever see Père, I
swear they have gold in them. And you’ll never believe this but apparently she was born with
a white streak in her hair, it’s gone now, but how cool is that?”

“Père?”

“Père?”
 “…Dad?”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!!

omg how sad, very sad. It could have been sadder, but I was listening to Hug me from
the minions movie while writing, so idk.

Do you remember who smells like Blue bells??

I actually don't really have any things to add on to this chapter, I just hope you enjoyed!

Oh yes all the French is brought to you by Google Translate

Eat. Drink. You deserve it!

Emme <3
 The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Chapter Summary

Sirius find out about Remus secret. He talks to Mary about his fears. They all get drunk
and pain the bottle gets very heated, what will happen?

____________

semi-important end notes

Chapter Notes

"They say 'they're just the ones that gave me life', but I truly am my parents child."
Family line - Conan Gray

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“So then the wee git punches me! He fucking punches me! Can you believe it?”

Remus looked over to Sirius. “Do you want me to be honest with you?”

“Yes!”

“I can believe it, I would’ve done the same.”

Sirius looked at him, obviously offended. “What! Why?”

“Mate, he was just told your dad’s going to die.” Peter joined in.

“But he never gave a shit about us!”

James put down his snitch, which he had been throwing and catching for the past half hour.
“Maybe Regulus still gave a shit about him though, feelings are weird.”

“Still shouldn’t have punched me.” Sirius said sitting down in a huff.

“Who shouldn’t have punched who?” Marlene’s voice interrupted, since when was their door
open?

“Regulus hit Sirius.” Peter supplied.

“Good on him.” She stated and before Sirius could complain she spoke again. “Yous wanna
get drunk tonight?”

Peter sat up smiling. “Do I? What do you have?”

“Just some fire whiskey, a bit of butter beer as well.” She listed off.

Sounded good to James. “Sure why not?” The rest of the boys agreed.

“Great! I’m still trying to convince the others but does 7 work?”

“Sounds good Marlene, depends on if Sirius is still huffing though.” Remus said pointing
over to him.

“I’m not huffing!” Everyone looked at him. “I’m not!”

“It’s okay Pads.” James consoled him. “Just because your brother beat you in a fight doesn’t
make you less cool than him.”

“He didn’t win!” James just smiled sympathetically. “He didn’t!”

“Right I’m off then!” Marlene said starting to walk off.

“Wait Marlene!” James called out. “Do you know where Lily and Mary are?”

“I do… why?” She asked skeptically.

“Me and Peter need them.”

Peter looked at him. “We do?”

“Yes we do.”

Marlene looked between them both. “Okay…? They’re in the library.”

James grabbed Peter’s arm and dragged him out of the common room. “Thanks Marlene!” He
called out.

“James what are you doing?” Peter asked, pulling his arm out of James’ grasp.

“You know, don’t you?” James stopped to look into his eyes.

“Know what?”

“About Remus.”

Peter’s eyes widened for a second. “That he’s…?”

James nodded. “Gay.”

Peter flung his hand over James’ mouth. “Shhh, what if someone overheard? How do you
even know?”

“I caught him and Dirk snogging.” He said pushing Peter’s hand off his mouth. “How do you
know?”

Peter shrugged. “I figured it out.”

James laughed. “‘Course you did, who else knows?”

“Mary and Lily, how did you know that they knew?”

“I guessed.”

Now it was Peter’s turn to laugh. “Why do you need to talk to them anyway?”

“No real reason, just want to get to know my fellow secret-holders.”

“You’re such an idiot you know that?” Peter said lightly shoving him.

“What why?” Peter just laughed in response. “Pete why?!”

________________

James and Peter had been whispering about something all evening and Remus’ attention had
been Dirk’s. Safe to say Sirius’ day was going shit, and not to mention Regulus had fucking
punched him, the nerve of the little shit. Then he overheard a conversation he definitely
shouldn’t have.

"So Peter and James both know now?" He heard Lily ask.

"Yeah." Mary's voice confirmed.

"I'm so happy Remus found someone who loves him." What? "Dirk seems to be making him
really happy." Said Lily and Mary hummed in agreement. Sirius decided he had heard enough
and stormed past them and up to the dorm.

He flung open the door an all their heads turned to him. “Padfoot? Are you alright?” Remus
asked him.

“No. No I’m not.”

“What’s wrong Pads?” James asked

“When were you going to tell me?” He looked to Remus, ignoring James.

Remus started to look nervous. “What do you mean?”

Sirius moved closer, and Remus moved back. “When were you going to tell me you were
dating Dirk?”

His eyes blew wide. “What? I don’t know what you mean!” He tried to lie.

“Cut the bullshit!”

“Sirius- I.” His Adams apple bobbed. “I was going to tell you I really was, I just didn’t know
how too.

“The way you told them!” He pointed to James and Peter, who’s eyes both went wide at the
acknowledgement. “The way you told Mary and Lily!”

His eyes flew to Peter for a moment. “I didn’t even know Peter knew! And I didn’t tell
James, he just found out.”

“Like I’m supposed to believe that? I know why you didn’t tell me, it’s because of last year
isn’t it?” He accused.

“Sirius-“ Peter tried to intervene.

“Back the fuck off Peter!”

“Sirius I didn’t know Peter knew, genuinely.”

“I don’t fucking believe you, I thought you forgave me? You said you did!” He could feel
tears starting to well up in the corner of his eyes.

“I do!”

“I said I was sorry Remus! I stayed away from all of you for months! I moved out of my
dorm, I even went back to Grimmauld Place rather than stay with James, wasn’t that
enough?”

“It was Sirius! It was more than enough!” He moved forward, but this time Sirius moved
backwards.

“Obviously not! Obviously fucking not!” The tears started to fall, despite his attempts to stop
them.

“Sirius please…”

“No, just no.” He interrupted him. “I… I need to go.”

“Sirius don’t” Remus tried to stop him, grabbing onto his arm.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He shouted, punching Remus in the face, who then fell to the
floor. He sat there and stared with wide eyes before running out of the room.
He passed by Mary and Lily once again, but made no attempts to stop even as they called out
for him. He could barely hear past the ringing in his ear, and he ran into the nearest empty
classroom he could find.

His hands were in his hair and he was pacing the room, he didn’t notice as someone entered
the classroom and hugged him. He froze at first, then he recognised the curly hair and
comfortable smell of vanilla shampoo. Mary. Although he was angry with her, she had also
kept the secret from him, he couldn’t help the sobs that escaped as he clung on to her. She
rubbed her hands up and down his back comfortingly and he just cried even harder

He had done so much. He thought Remus trusted him again, he thought they all trusted him
again. He knew he wasn’t perfect, he was rude, brash, often too loud, and had probably too
much emotional baggage then what was deemed normal. He knew it would’ve gotten too
much for them at some point, they were bound to realise how shit he was.

Dirk was probably better than him anyways, he had gained all of their trust so quickly, it had
taken months for them all to trust him due to his name. Maybe he was just like his family,
even after all he had done he was just another Black. Maybe he was a fake Gryffindor, just
like Regulus was a fake Slytherin. What if they all thought he was truly meant to be in
Slytherin, what if they talked about him behind his back? Laughing about how they all
secretly hate him, about how he’s just another Black.

No they wouldn’t do that, would they? He would deserve it. He definitely would. He’s never
kept a friendship and at some point you’ve got to realise it’s not the other persons fault and
that it’s your own, he’s such an awful fucking person. He hated himself, he wishes he was
dead.

“Sirius please, you’re going to hyperventilate.” Mary interrupted his thoughts. She pulled
away from him and got him to follow her breathing. Once he had calmed down she pulled out
a chair and got him to sit down in it. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sat there before
gaining the courage to speak.

“Mary? Do you… do you think I’m like my family?”

“What? No!” She exclaimed. “Why would you say that?”

“If it’s not that then…” He trailed off. “What if there’s just something about me that drives
people away, I can’t seem to keep any friends.” She looked ready to interrupt but he stopped
her. “And before you say, ‘that’s just how it goes when you’re growing up’, just don’t.
Because it doesn’t seem to be the case for anyone else but me, but I had at least found
Remus, Peter and James, then I messed it up again.”

“Sirius stop.” He looked up to her, she had tears forming in her eyes. “Don’t you dare say
that, do you hear me? They love you.”

“No they don’t, they hate me, they don’t trust me.”

“So they hated you when James threw his book at that Professor who was calling you stupid?
They hated you when Peter stayed out of classes all day just to keep your hair out of your
face while you threw up? And they hated you when Remus hung out with you all day on
Fathers day, and you just bitched about your dads?”

“How did you know about that?”

“I have my methods, either way they love you and you couldn’t do anything to stop that. Just
talk to them.”

Sirius nodded. “I will, but first can we get drunk?”

She smiled at him. “I thought you’d never ask.”

_____________________

He managed to ignore his friends (?) worried looks all night, and instead talked to the girls,
now that he was drunk his earlier anger returned, and every time Remus laughed at one of
Dirks jokes he had to fight back the urge to punch one of them, or both.

Marlene suggested they play spin the bottle, which was a muggle game Dirk had introduced
to them some point last year, and everyone agreed. Those who didn’t, couldn’t be over heard
over the cheers of a bunch of drunk 16-17 year olds. James spun the bottle first and it landed
on Peter, everyone expected them to kiss each other on the cheek, or maybe even a peck but
they full on snogged for maybe 3 seconds. Those to had always been really close, they were
apparently each others first kisses as well. That put the stakes up for everyone else though.

The next duo was Mary and a guy called Benjy Fenwick. Sirius sent Mary a look of
sympathy and she just laughed at him before they pecked each other on the lips. When no one
was looking Mary made a throwing up motion towards him.

Then Alice and Frank got picked out, which was disgustingly adorable. They snogged for
like 10 seconds before they were told to either get a room of pack it in by Marlene, which she
then got scolded by James for “Being mean to mum and dad.”

It was his go now, and of course it landed on the one and only Remus Lupin.

“I think I’ll pass.” Said Remus.

“Come on don’t be a party pooper Lupin! You’re mates, I mean look at Peter and James.”
Marlene exclaimed.

He didn’t know why he said this but he did, in hindsight he probably shouldn’t have. “Yeah
Lupin, don’t be a party pooper, don’t you trust me?.”

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the unresolved feelings from earlier. “Oh for fucks
sake.” Remus said sitting up and Sirius copied him.

“Sirius don’t do this.” Mary whispered from beside him, but he ignored her and moved closer
to Remus as he did the same.

Then they kissed, and it wasn’t a simple peck like he had meant it too be, because as soon as
Remus’ lips touched his he couldn’t help himself, and neither could he apparently. Remus’
tounge made its way into his mouth and he did the same thing with his own, some of the
people in the room were cheering, obviously the ones who didn’t know the situation. The kiss
became deeper and deeper, and at this point Sirius was practically straddling Remus, as the
other boys hands found their way into his hair. And then Sirius realised what he was doing,
and who he was doing it with and pulled away. He looked around and saw Marlene cheering
along with Alice, Benjy and a few others, he saw James, Peter and Mary’s shocked
expressions, and then he saw Dirk’s.

He looked heart broken, like he had just watched someone destroy it in front of him. There
was silent tears rolling down his face, he pushed himself off of Remus and saw as he made
the same realisation. Dirk abruptly stood up and left the Tower all together, muttering
apologies as he passed by, Remus quickly followed him out. Sirius stared wide eyed before
leaving himself, and going up to his dorm.

What the fuck had he done?

___________

“Dirk.” Remus tried. “Dirk please, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

Dirk whirled arounds, angry tears poring down his face. “Well I do Remus, you’re in love
with Sirius Black and you just took, what will probably be your only chance, to kiss him.”

“I don’t love him!” Remus tried to defend himself, the not anymore going unsaid.

“You do Remus, you really fucking do! I was so stupid, I told myself that maybe I had a
chance, maybe overtime your love for me would over power your love for him, God I was so
fucking stupid!”

“I love you!” Remus argued. “I love you Dirk, not him!”

“Stop lying! Stop it!” Dirk moved closer to him. “You just snogged him for 23 seconds! 23
seconds Remus!”

He felt tears start to pool at the corner of his eyes. He didn’t know what to do, so he just
kissed Dirk. Maybe if he proved his love?

Dirk pushed him away. “Stop! You’re being so cruel and you don’t even realise it!”

“Dirk I’m sorry I don’t know what happened, I’m drunk!” He tried to explain himself.

“No, don’t apologise. It’s my own fault. Honestly I’m the one who fell in love with some
who’s heart already belonged to another.”

“Dirk-“

“No don’t” He interrupted. “I’ll see you in class Remus.”

 “What does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?”

“It means, that I’m not going to put myself through whatever that was again, because it will
happen again.” And before Remus could deny it, he left.

Remus sat there shocked for a few minutes, before he collapsed to the ground allowing the
tears to escape. He felt warm arms engulf him as he cried, they whispered small comforts into
his ear, which only cause him to cry even more. Remus would later find out that the mystery
person was Peter.

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

Okay so first of all, in chapter 9 Sirius talked about feeling like he never kept any
friends, but I felt like it fit better in this one so I removed it from Chapter 9. So anyone
who's been reading before that change, that's why.

Omg Wolfstar

Poor Dirk I feel really bad for him, I'm probably going to do something for his character,
but I'll not do much past maybe a happy ending.

I had to re-write this whole chapter because I really hated Remus' characterisation.

I hope you had a really good Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner!

Emme <3
 I'll never let you go
Chapter Summary

Regulus is approached by his Uncle Ignatius. James meets Regulus one again, what will
happen?

Chapter Notes

"Oooh, don't be scared. I'm right here." Scared - Jeremy Zucker

____________

TW
Child Abuse: "She nodded towards him and pulled out her wand." to "Regulus returned
to school exhausted."

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Regulus stared at his Père’s grave, the sun beamed heavily down on the guests, most would
say that this was his Père sending one last message of love. Knowing him though, he was
probably hoping they’d all get burned.

Not many were in attendance only close family, and a few who were married in. His Maman
had invited a few daughters of the Sacred 28, of course she would take advantage of her
husbands death.

‘Loving Father’ was written onto his grave, Regulus could have laughed then and there if it
wasn’t considered incredibly inappropriate. Despite his final conversation with his Père,
which had been nice, he couldn’t forgive him. One too many tears had been shed, and a
thousand too little interventions had been made.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned around to see his Uncle Ignatius and
Maman. “Regulus, how nice to see you.”
“Uncle, can I help you?” He questioned,

“Régulus. Manières” His Maman hissed at him. (Regulus. Manners)

Ignatius just patted her shoulder. “Now, now cousin. One can’t fault him for wanting to get
straight to the point.” His Maman gave the area Ignatius had touched a disgusted look before
righting herself. “Regulus, me and your Maman were talking.” Never a good thing. “How
would you like to join me for some tea?”

“Why?” He asked once more, before changing his answer at his Maman’s glare. “Je veux dire
oui tonton, I would love too, will it just be us?” (I mean yes Uncle)

“No of course not, I will also be there.” His Maman stated.

Ignatius smiled at him before patting, really hitting actually, Regulus’ shoulder again. “Shall
we go then?”

Regulus did a double take. “My Père did just die Uncle.”

His uncles face lost a bit of the pseudo warmth that it had. “Well, you’ve got to get over it at
some point. Pourquoi pas maintenant?” (Why not now?”

“Very well said, we’d best be off now.” His Maman, the ever impatient women, said and his
Uncle nodded.

Ignatius lived out in the country, as did many who weren’t apart of the main line. The house
was much smaller than his Uncle Alphard’s had been, but still just as isolated from the rest of
society. He had never liked visiting it as a kid, The man had many closed off rooms which
Sirius had created elaborate stories as to why, which deterred him even more.
They apparated into a room Regulus has never seen before, it must have been in the basement
because it was cold, dark, and had no windows. It was small and all that sat in it was a
wooden chair, it quickly became apparent that he wasn’t going to be served tea and biscuits.

“S'il vous plaît Regulus, asseyez-vous.” Ignatius gestured to the chair with his hand. Regulus
moved over and sat in the chair, his Uncle and Maman now looming over him. “You are now
the sole heir, with your fathers passing. You understand the responsibilities that come with
that, don’t you?” Regulus nodded. “Good, you will obviously gain new enemy’s who will
want to know our secrets. Do you know how you will stop them?” (Please Regulus, sit)

Regulus nodded. Occlumency. It was a way to protect ones mind, not only from legilimens.
Who were people who held the power to break into your mind, see your deepest secrets,
something his Maman had been doing to him and Sirius since they were toddlers. It was a
painful experience, which is why it had been banned in the court of law 2 years prior, only to
be used in extreme and difficult situations.

“Walburga.” Ignatius said to his Maman.

She nodded towards him and pulled out her wand. “Incarcerous.”

Thick ropes sprouted from the ground and wrapped themselves around his limbs and torso,
he started to panic and his breathing sped up, he looked between his Maman and uncle with
wide eyes. “What are you doing?” He was met with silence. “Maman?”

“Regulus calm yourself, you are a Black.” Walburga scolded him but that only caused him to
panic more, wiggling about in his restraints.

“I wish we could do this in a more… kind way, but unfortunately we simply do not have the
time.” Ignatius said with fake compassion lining his voice.

Regulus tried to break free from his restraints to no avail once again, then he felt the all
familiar pain of legilimency. It felt as if someone was ripping his brain straight from his skull,
like he could feel each section being cut up and sorted through. Memories of Sirius and him
laughing showed, the time they had made cake with their uncle, or when they had made
‘dresses’ for their Aunt Cassie.

Then he saw Barty and Evan, saw all the times they had laughed, cried and argued with each
other, He saw when he comforted Barty after a particularly bad howler from his father, saw
when Evan had sent his own Howler straight back to Crouch Sr. The memory of him and
Evan impersonating their mothers came forward, Evan was dressed in a long dress with the
most horrendous hat. Regulus was in a long skirt with a turtle neck, and hundreds of different
kinds of jewellery laced out across his body.

He saw his final moments with his father, the first normal parental interaction he had ever
had. The way his father had smiled at him as he talked about James, or when he let out a soft
laugh at the pathetic nickname he had come up with. Then when he realised the man had
died, when he had shook the corpse, begging for him to return to finish what he had started.

James then appeared, smiling at him. Not a memory just him. His brown hair as messy as it
usually was, glasses slightly crooked. Near gold eyes halfed by the bags under his eyes,
because when James smiled you knew he was smiling, it was never half done, he smiled at
everyone like they had personally saved his entire family. He was kind to everyone, even
Snape at times.

Suddenly the pain ceased and all that was left was a buzzing in his mind that didn’t lift. His
mother surged forward and slapped him across the face. “You have been talking to the Potter
boy?”

“No!” She knew, she knew, she knew. “Pas de mère, je n'ai pas!” (No mother I haven’t)

She was about to continue before Ignatius spoke. “Walburga, calm yourself. We really don’t
have the time for this.” She looked to him before reluctantly retreating back to were she had
been standing. “Are you ready?”

“No!-”

_____________________
Regulus returned to school exhausted. He had spent the last 4 days having his mind invaded
over and over and over and over-. The worst part about it was that it worked, their plan had
worked. He was now able to use Occlumency.

His Maman had found every memory of his before that of course, she had told him to stay
away from James or she wouldn’t be as forgiving, if you could call a week of mental torture
forgiving. He didn’t want to do it, but he couldn’t help the fear he felt at the idea of his
Maman finding out once more. If he was caught again the repercussions would be worse, he
couldn’t do that to himself, Sirius would call him a coward, say that he was bending to his
Maman’s will yet again. Sirius had never had to relive every memory he had made though.

It was late on Friday night when he arrived back at Hogwarts, all he really wanted to do was
go to sleep. Walking into the dorm he tried to be as quiet as possible as to not wake Evan and
Barty, but they were already awake.

They were both in Evans bed, sitting opposite each other and playing exploding snap, both
their heads snapped to him as soon as he walked in.

“Reg…” Barty said standing up. “We heard about your dad. In the daily profit.” He
elaborated.

“That’s amazing news Barty, I’m glad you still have the ability to read.” He snapped.

Barty seemed slightly taken a back by his harshness, but quickly recovered. “Come on Reg,
it’s not our faults.”

Regulus sighed, as he shrugged off his coat. “Yeah, you’re right. Désolé, ça vient juste
d’être... It’s just been a really hard week.” (Sorry, it’s just been…)
Without any more words Barty moved forward slowly and put his arms around Regulus. It
was a calm hug, something to ease his mind of the buzzing that still refused to stop. He sunk
into his friends arms and buried his head into Barty’s neck, he felt Evan join the hug.

This, being with them, was something he would never give up. He may live in Grimmauld
place, but right here, it was home.

_____________________

Regulus was ignoring James.

Well at least James thinks he is, but today he would find out all the answers. He was waiting
in their usual meet up spot, and James was anxious to apologise, as well as see if he was
okay. His dad had just died.

Regulus entered the room, except his expression was darker, sadder, than it usually was.
“Regulus! Look I know last time we had a fight, and I probably shouldn’t have pushed as
hard as I did but I want you too know that-“

“Potter stop.” Regulus interrupted him. “I’m not going to keep meeting you.”

James’ eyes blew wide. “Why? If it’s about the other day, I really am sorry.”

Regulus sighed. “It’s not about the other day, I just don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“I just told you, I don’t want to.”

James was confused, Regulus had seemed to really like their meet ups, what changed? “But
why? What changed? Is it your mum?” Regulus flinched slightly and that’s when James
knew, he knew that she knew. “It is, isn’t it? You don’t have to listen to her, if someone saw
us then we can just change locations.”

“No, stop, just stop.” Regulus looked away. “I don’t want to see you anymore. It’s not my
mother it’s you.”

He was lying, he had to be, but the words still hurt. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” He looked back. “Honestly I think you’re pathetic, you’re a push over and it’s
annoying. You’re loud and brash, it’s a surprise people have stuck around with you for as
long as they have.” Stop it. “I hate you, I’ve hated you since I was 10.”

James moved forward, he knew there was tears in his eyes, he gripped onto Regulus’ arm.
“Please Regulus I know you don’t mean that, whatever she’s done I can help. Please let me
help.”

Regulus pushed him back. “I mean it, I mean it all. You can’t help me, I don’t want you to
help me.”

He tried to walk off, but James wasn’t going to let him, he grabbed onto his wrist and pulled
him into a hug. He wouldn’t let him go, not again.

The younger boy struggled against him. “Let me go Potter, get the fuck off of me.”

James grip just tightened. “No, I’m not letting you go. Last time I did this happened.”

Regulus continued to resist. “I said fuck off! I hate you! Didn’t you hear me? I said I fucking
hate you!”
James just held him. “It’s going to be okay, I’m here. I’m not going to let her hurt you.”

Regulus’ attempts at escape became weaker and his words ceased, it was like they were the
only people in the world. Suddenly James felt Regulus’ head drop onto his shoulder and he
started to cry, he let out breathy, pain filled sobs. His hands dripped onto James’ shirt and that
just made James hold on to him even tighter than before. “I hate you.”

“I know.”

Regulus continued to cry. “I really do.”

“I know.”

“I- They-“ A sob interrupted him. “I didn’t-“

James felt his heart break in two, and if he could he would have given both halves to
Regulus. “It’s okay, Regulus it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m so sorry-“

James cut him off and pushed away from him, putting his hands onto Regulus’ shoulders.
“Don’t you dare apologise, okay? I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

His grey eyes were rimmed with red and the tears in his eyes brought out all of the colours
that lay beneath the storm. There was green and blue flecks, with tiny speckles of brown
dashed throughout, if James didn’t think they were beautiful before he definitely did now.
Regulus started to move away and James panicked.

“I’m just going to sit down.”

“Oh… yeah that’s a good idea.” James expected him to sit down on one of the chairs in the
room, but to his surprise Regulus went towards the wall and sat down on the floor. James
followed him over and sat beside him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Regulus’ Adams apple bobbed and he started picking at his nails. “He talked to me…”

“Who?”

“My Pére. I shouted at him.” Regulus took a break and stared at his fidgeting hands, James
doesn’t know what made him do it, but he reached out with his hand and took Regulus’ own.
Regulus looked to him and he just gave him a reassuring smile.

“It was like- He’s never been there, not when we were being… punished, not when Sirius
left. So I asked, and he said it was because he didn’t.” Regulus closed his eyes and a tear
came out. “I thought he liked me, at least, but apparently he thought I was a coward.

“You’re not a coward Reg.” James tried to defend but Regulus just shook his head.

“No, no I am. I always have been, whether it was hiding behind Sirius when Maman was
angry, or just listening to whatever she says to avoid her anger.” James started rubbing his
thumb up and down Regulus’ hand. “Then he asked me about my friends, and I started
talking about Barty and Evan.” He looked to be contemplating something before he spoke
again. “And you.”

James smiled at him. “You think of me as your friend?”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Oh bugger off.” He smiled a little though. “I was about to tell him
about Pandora, Dorcas and Emme, then he just.” Regulus laughed a wet laugh. “He just
died.” Which made him laugh even more.
He continued laughing, then they developed into sobs. The next thing James knew, he was
wrapping his arms around Regulus once more as he cried. “It’s okay, I have you.” He
whispered into his hair.

“He was such and asshole, he never cared about me. So why do I care about him?” Regulus
asked.

“I don’t know.” He replied. “I don’t know.”

Silence fell over them, but it wasn’t awkward. He just sat there, holding Regulus and
listening to his slightly laboured breaths. He wished he could help, that he knew how to make
it all better. He wished older Regulus was here, he could tell him how to.

James regretted letting Regulus go that day, maybe if he had held on tighter, said something,
maybe this wouldn’t have happened and maybe he could have stopped Regulus from having
to go home. Realistically he knew that it was impossible, Regulus wouldn’t have gone
willingly.

But the thing James regretted the most, wished he had done the most, was not taking to him
sooner. Maybe last year he could’ve reached out, or the year before that, but he didn’t, he
ignored Regulus because even though he tried to deny it, he knew that he also lived in
Grimmauld place. Despite how much of a suck up Sirius claimed he was, James knew deep
down that even that couldn’t stop Walburga Black, he just wished he’d realised sooner.

Regulus deserved so much better, he deserved a loving mum and dad, deserved to have a
better relationship with Sirius. He deserved to have a comfortable bedroom that didn’t look
like it was designed for an adult, James could picture how Regulus would design a house.

You would assume he’d be a minimalist, but James thinks he’d enjoy maximalism. There
would be bookshelf’s scattered all across the home, filled to the brim with books. He’d
probably just have one large sofa, one where all his friends could sit and enjoy the space, no
one being separated onto an armchair. James would like that too.
 James liked being friends with him, he brought out something in himself he’d never seen
before. With everyone else he was happy go lucky, slightly cocky James, but with Regulus he
was a version of himself he couldn’t even describe.

When James was with Regulus he felt comfortable. When Regulus smiled at him his heart
skipped a beat, and every time he touched James he felt all happy. He found himself more
often than not going back to the amortentia potions, he remembered the fresh spring smell.
Now as he sat with Regulus in his arms he couldn’t help but notice how he smelled of Lilac.

Chapter End Notes

Hi! :D

A sad chapter once again, next chapter is going to be happier I promise.

Poor Regulus :((((

James loml, literally love him sm.

Next chapter we're going to be continuing on with the WolfStar love triangle, as well as
doctor Regulus, cause I brought that up in one of the previous chapters and then just
never addressed it again lmao.

I'll see you in the next chapter! Have a good morning/day/evening, and eat whatever you
want!

Emme <3
 The moon and stars fall under the night sky
Chapter Summary

Remus has an unexpected friend. James and Lily talk about something, and Lily says
something unexpected. James thinks about Regulus. Sirius finally talks to Remus, what
will happen?

Chapter Notes

"You're the only one who meant a thing to me, you're still hanging around." High tops -
Del water gap.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“I’m sorry, I just can’t accept it.”

“Well learn please? Look at my eyes, they’re real. I’m a real boy Remus.”

“I hate that I taught you that phrase.”

Okay yes, he was friends with Regulus, and has been for a while. He didn’t mean to become
friends with him, they just had so much in common and Regulus interned at the hospital wing
so they saw each other at least once a month.

Honestly Remus hated Regulus up until the day he admitted he knew about the full moons.
Before that he had though that Regulus was a selfish, stuck up Pureblood, but then one day
last year he came out with that and it opened Remus up to who Sirius’ little brother actually
was.

“Tu aimes ça.” Remus rolled his eyes at that. “Right, ass up Lupin, gotta check those scars of
yours.” (You love it.)
“They’re not even at my arse!” Remus defended.

Regulus waved his hand. “Thighs, arse. Same thing.”

“Next thing you’ll be telling me you’ve got 5 girls on the go.” Remus mumbled pulling up
his pyjamas to show off a nasty scar he had gotten the last full moon. Every time he ended up
in the hospital they would check his old scars, just to make sure nothing had reopened.

“Maybe I do.” Regulus said as he inspected the scar. “Who says I’m not taking after you?”

“Taking after me- What do you mean?” Regulus just responded with a look. “Regulus what
do you mean?”

He just ignored him. “It looks okay, just a little bit strained. I’ll go grab some ointment.”
Regulus walked out of the closed off section of the Hospital wing.

Remus had gotten over the guilt soon enough, it was hard to lie to Sirius, but once he had
gotten to know Regulus he found that it was even harder to just abandon the younger boy.
They were opposites to the point that they were also really bloody alike, every full moon
Remus promised himself he wouldn’t talk to Regulus, and then they fell back into
conversation as if their last hadn’t been a month prior. One day it would come out, he knew
it, he just hoped it wouldn’t be anytime soon.

Regulus returned, ointment in hand. “Right here you go.” He said passing the jar, and a pair
of gloves. “Qoui? I’m not feeling you up, that’s weird.” (What?)

“How do you ever expect to be a doctor?”

Regulus sat down on the seat for guests. “Well it’s not like every patient I have will have told
me about their, frankly embarrassing, sex life.”
Remus looked at him offended. “My sex life is not embarrassing!”

Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay Mr ‘I throw up when I give blowjobs’ Lupin.”

“It was one time!”

“That’s what they all say.” Regulus said smirking. “On the topic of your sex life, what’s
going on.”

Remus’ mood plummeted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He mumbled.

“Uh huh, so there’s just no reason why my-… Sirius… isn’t drooling over you right now?”
Remus had learned to not point out Regulus’ weird approach to Sirius.

“He’s got classes.” Remus said weakly.

“Like that’s ever stopped him, not to mention your, or lack there of, boyfriend. Where’s
Dirk?” Regulus questioned.

“He doesn’t know about this, you know that.” Remus knew exactly what Regulus was saying,
but he could at least delay the inevitable.

“Yeah but I haven’t seen you two practically have sex in The Great Hall in ages, talking
about The Great Hall, Sirius isn’t sitting with James…” Regulus trailed off at his mistake.

“Okay for one, we did not ‘practically have sex’ and two, James? What’s going on there?”
Remus was honestly curious, he knew Regulus had been tutoring James for a while, but he
hadn’t thought they’d moved out of the Potter zone.
“Stop deflecting, he’s been sitting with the girls, pourquoi?” Regulus was the one who was
really deflecting at the moment, he’d let is past, for now. (Why?)

“Me and Sirius got into a… fight.” To put it simply. “Because apparently, everyone but him
knew about me and Dirk, which I was not aware of by the way.”

Regulus let out a quick laugh. “Sirius not being in on a secret? Must have gone mad.”

“He did, but that wasn’t why. We then kind of… snogged… in front of Dirk.” Remus
admitted.

Regulus laughed loudly .”You did not, oh mon dieu Remus!” (Oh my god)

“Stop it! This is serious.”

Regulus righted himself. “Right sorry, I assume Dirk broke up with you then?”

“Yeah… and now they’re both avoiding me like the plague, and I don’t know what to do.” He
really didn’t, on one hand he still had unresolved feelings with Sirius, on the other he had
genuinely loved Dirk.

“Well first, you’ve got to ask yourself a question.” Regulus took a pause and looked him in
the eyes. “Do you love Sirius?”

Remus inhaled sharply. “I don’t know… I mean he’s one of my best mates, it’s just so
complicated.”

“I think you do… love him.” Regulus admitted, then looked around to see if anyone was
watching. “Look I’m only going to say this once, and if you even tell anyone I’ll kill you.”
He threatened. “Sirius loves with all he’s got, and it’s so incredibly obvious when he does
love someone. He looks at them as if they’re the sun, but you’re different he looks at you as if
you’ve created the sun.”

“So he doesn’t love me?”

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying. Remus, he doesn’t love you, he’s in love with you.”

Remus took a moment before speaking again. “Do you really think so?”

Regulus nodded. “I do, I really do.” Regulus looked at the time. “I really have to go now,
Dorcas is in next so don’t forget to cover yourself up.” He said standing up and pulling
himself together.”

“Right okay, I’ll see you next month then?” He asked.

“Who knows maybe I’ll scope you out myself if Sirius doesn’t pull himself together.” Remus
let out a laugh at that as he watched Regulus leave.

________________

Sirius had decided that he wouldn’t attend that full moon, but then Peter and James called
him a knob head and knocked some sense into him. Him and Remus still hadn’t made up, it
had been a week and they were still avoiding each other. He decided to visit Remus after
potions, the next class would be care of magical creature which he didn’t really want to
participate in, so it was a win- maybe make up with Remus, situation.

You can imagine his shock as he saw his brother leave Remus’ usual area with a smile on his
face, one that instantly dropped as soon as his eyes found their way to Sirius. They walked by
each other and he hoped that would be the end of their interaction but then he felt a hand
grasp onto his arm and he turned around.

“What-“

“Listen here.” Regulus interrupted him. “You fuck up everything you do, honestly it’s a
surprise you haven’t been expelled due to the amount of failed potions you’ve made.”

“What the fuck-“

“Ne m'interrompez pas.” Sirius was so fucking confused. “In there is someone who really
fucking loves you,” He pointed to the curtains Remus was behind. “and if you fuck that up
you’ll wish you hadn’t run away.” (Don’t interrupt me)

“Hey now-“

“Shut up and go confess your love or whatever the fuck it is you plan to do.” And with that
his brother walked away. That may be the weirdest interaction he’s ever had with Regulus,
and that’s really saying something.

He slowly opened the curtain and Remus’ eyes snapped towards him. “Uh, hi?” He waved
slightly.

“Hi…” Remus shuffled awkwardly.

Sirius moved to sit beside him in the visitors chair. “How are you feeling?”

“Sirius what do you want?” Remus cut straight to the point.

He sighed. “I- ugh I don’t know, I guess I want to talk?”

“You guess?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“I feel like we should, I mean we kissed.”

Remus nodded and looked away. “It didn’t mean anything.”

Merlin that hurt to hear. “It meant something to me…” Sirius admitted.

He looked back to him. “It shouldn’t, we can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because, because… I don’t know, we just can’t.”

Sirius moved closer. “But why! I want you, you want me.”

“It’s not that easy! I just broke up with Dirk, do you know how that would look?”

“Who cares? No one would have to know!” He persisted.

“And you’d want that? You would live in secret just for me?” Remus yelled.

“I would do anything for you!” Remus moved to interrupt him but Sirius didn’t let him. “I
don’t care about dates, or holding hands in public or any of that! Even if all we did was look
at each other I would take that with the widest fucking open arms possible, because it would
be you I could look at! You are all I want!”

“You don’t have to say that…” Remus mumbled.

“I do! You, Remus Lupin, are the only person I see. No one can compare to you in my eyes,
you are the most beautiful, smart, amazing person I have ever met and I…” Sirius paused
looking away before looking back, the stars meeting the moon. “I fucking love you.”

Remus stared with wide eyes. “What about Mary?”

“It was never her! It was never fucking her! It was always you, you are the only one. It
wasn’t love at first sight, it formed gradually. Your eyes, your hair, your laugh, your smile,
everything. It’s you Moony, you caught me and you haven’t let me go, and I never want you
to let me go because if you were to let go I would crumble.” Sirius stopped speaking his
lungs felt heavy and he only just realised the tears that were rolling down his face, the
laboured breaths and his shaking hands.

Suddenly Remus leaned forward and put his mouth onto Sirius’, it was soft and tender
nothing like their previous one. Sirius deepened the kiss and moved his hand to the back of
Remus’ head, he felt like his body was on fire in the best kind of way. He could taste his tears
mixing in, but the sweetness of Remus’ touch drowned out the saltiness.

They broke apart and instantly Sirius felt colder, he wanted to latch back on to Remus and
never let go, then Remus spoke. “I love you too, God Sirius I love you so fucking much.”

“Good, because that would have been really embarrassing if you didn’t.” Remus laughed and
put his forehead against Sirius’ and he felt their lips brush over each other, he moved his lips
forward and kissed Remus once again.

____________________
Something was going on with Sirius and Remus. For the past week they had been ignoring
each other like the plague, then just randomly overnight they’re back to how they were before
the argument, maybe even back to how they were before 5th year. It is nice, don’t get him
wrong, it’s just weird to see.

Talking about things that were weird to see, Lily was willingly partnering with him for
potions. He should be ecstatic about this, but for some reason he’s not. Being honest, he
hasn’t really thought about about her since, well, since he’d started talking too Regulus. He
just had a lot on his mind, that’s all, he didn’t have time for crushes while he was saving the
future.

“James?” His first name? What was going on? “Are you alright?”

“What? Yes, why?” He asked.

“You’ve been staring at the cauldron for 2 minutes.” She pointed out.

“Oh…” It was crazy how thinking worked, you think you’ve been zoned out for a few
seconds, next thing you know it’s been hours. “Sorry, yeah. Also James? What’s up with
that?”

She gave him an odd look. “It’s your name?”

“I know that, but I’ve literally never heard you call me it before.”

“Well now that we’re friends-“

“We’re friends?!”
“Yes?” She said questioningly. “I thought it was about time I used your name.”

“Awwww you care about me.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far, now put in the rose petals.”

“Whatever you say Lily.” the bell went off and he watched the fifth years going to lunch with
envy. Then he spotted familiar black curls, and soft grey eyes walk past the room.

“Who are you looking at?” Lily interrupted his thoughts.

“No one!” Startled by the accusation he managed to push over the petals. “Shit, sorry!” He
called out when he saw Slughorn give him a glare, snd started picking them up.

“Wouldn’t happen to be your secret Slytherin would it?”

James’ head snapped towards her. “What do you mean? He’s not my secret Slytherin. How
do you know about that?”

“Well you’re not very secretive about it, and he told me.” She said as if that was just normal.

“You talk to him?” She nodded. “You, a muggle born, talk to Regulus Black.” She nodded
again. “Why! How?”

Lily shrugged. “He’s a good study buddy, we don’t talk much.”

“Does Sirius know about this?” He asked her.

“No one gets to decided who I talk to, certainly not Sirius Black.” She said as she put the
petals into the cauldron.

“But does he?” James persisted.

“I’m not sure, not very secretive about it though, so I’d assume so.” James looked over to
Sirius and Remus, who were laughing at each other. “So are you two dating?”

James looked back to her shocked once again. “What? No! We’re just friends.”

Lily looked slightly taken a back. “Oh sorry… my mistake.” She said genuinely and before
James could say something else Slughorn began speaking once again.

__________________

James couldn’t stop thinking about what Lily had said earlier. They were now in the dorm
room and he was trying to distract himself by painting Peter’s nails but he just couldn’t get
Lily’s words out of his head.

He closed the lid to the nail polish jar and looked up. “Hey Sirius?”

“Yeah?” Sirius responded from where he lay with Remus on his bed.

“Did you know Regulus and Lily are friends?”

Sirius shot up and stared at him with wide eyes. “What!”

“Apparently they’re ‘study buddies’.” He said, doing quoting gestures with his hands.

“What? does he teach her all the ways you can hate crime someone?” Peter asked.

Remus got up as well. “I don’t think that’s very fair.” Sirius’ head snapped towards him. “All
I’m saying is that Lily’s got a good judge of character. She wouldn’t be friends with him for
no reason.”

Sirius scoffed. “I’m sure you know a lot about him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus asked slightly offended.

“I don’t know, just that you two seemed awfully close in the hospital wing the other day.”
Sirius said looking away and crossing his arms.

Remus sighed and seemed to contemplate something before speaking. “He helps me… After
the moons.”

“What?!” Everyone in the room yelled.

“Did you tell him Moony?” Peter asked.

“No, of course not. He just told me that he knew and that he wasn’t going to tell anyone, and
he hasn’t.”

“Okay, that still doesn’t answer why he’s helping you.” Sirius pointed out, still with an angry
expression across his face.

“He interns in the hospital wing.” James supplied.

Sirius’ anger redirected towards him. “How do you know that?”

“He told me? Sirius you can’t honestly expect that we sit in silence for 2 hours 3 times a
week.”

“So you two are best buddies now?” Sirius snapped at him.

“Come on Sirius.” Peter interrupted Sirius’ fury. “What James is saying is that they’ve made
small talk. “James nodded and smiled at him. “It’s also not that unknown, he’s been interning
since last year, and shouldn’t we be happy? This is good news, it means that Regulus isn’t a
raging blood supremacist.”

Sirius sighed and lay down again. “Yeah I guess you’re right…”

“I always am.” Peter said smirking. “I’m fucking shattered by the way, can we go to sleep
now?”

“Yeah we can, we know you’re getting to that age Peter.” Remus joked as he, lay down next
to Sirius?

“I don’t even have the energy to deal with you right now.” Peter said and Remus barked out a
laugh. “Shove off Potter.”

“Why the hostility?” He asked getting up, but Peter only responded with the finger as he got
under his duvet.

“Night!” James called out as he got under his own and received a chorus of grumbles. “Tough
crowd…”
 No one responded and James was left alone with his thoughts once more. Lily thought that
Regulus and him were a couple? Did Regulus talk about him to her? He definitely didn’t like
Regulus. Definitely didn’t like his hair and the way it curls around his face elegantly, or his
eyes and the way that they were so soft yet so sharp at the same time. And he definitely
didn’t feel his heart flutter every time Regulus spoke in French. He did not like Regulus, he
couldn’t

He was straight, and straight people didn’t like the same gender. He couldn’t be gay, he
wasn’t. He liked Lily, he had liked her for years, she was the one he was going to marry and
have children with. James wouldn’t know what to do without that, liking Lily had become
such a big part of his personality that if you took that away, was he really James?

Chapter End Notes

Bonjour!

I just tweeted some important things about the fic so go check that out!

You may have been surprised by Regulus' crude-ness in the fist part of this chapter, but I
live for slutty Regulus, he hold my whole heart. (even though he won't be slutty in this
fic ;-;)

AWWW WOLFSTAR

Love Derry girls

Poor James, we love a gay crisis.

Dorlene in the next chapter :DDDDDD, then more angst, but then more comfort/fluff

I miss Frank

I again made changes to past chapters, some of you might remember Evan and Barty
saying Mudblood and stuff like that but I removed it, because I had originally planned to
do a whole arc of them growing to be better people and all of that stuff. But then I
realised that the deadline chapter I had set for the Jegulus get together was getting a tad
bit to close (oooo) and I also really couldn't be arsed. Might do an explanation chapter
some point in the future, might not, who knows? So even though it may be unrealistic
Lily, Remus and Regulus are besties. (kinda)

Until next time! I hope you had a big delicious Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner!

Emme <3
 With you I feel no embarrassment
Chapter Summary

Marlene is confident, she knows who she is. But when someone knocks down her
confidence what will she do, and more importantly, who will she turn to?

___________

TW
Sexual harassment: It is briefly mentioned throughout the entire chapter, but the actual
act is from “I- what?” Sirius laughed out but his laughing was soon interrupted by
Mulciber." - "Dorcas had been having a pretty good day,"

Chapter Notes

"I can't fight it anymore, since you've been around we've got love in store." Love in store
- Fleetwood Mac.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Marlene McKinnon was confident, she voiced her opinions, and she didn’t care what others
opinions. As a child she would lead around the neighbourhood kids, choreographing dances,
leading quidditch practices, or standing up to bullies. Marlene’s mother had often reminded
her of how annoying she was, telling her that she was egotistical and self centred, she had
learned to ignore her mother however. As long as her friends and peers enjoyed her company
she didn’t care about what adults though. It had never occurred to her that the things her
mother had said might be true.

Then she was accepted into Hogwarts, she went in with her head held high, she talked to
whoever was closest, and was an active voice in the classroom. She had quickly made friends
with Sirius Black, everyone else was wary of him at first, everyone except herself and James
Potter. She didn’t understand it, he had been sorted in to Gryffindor and that was proof
enough that he wasn’t anything like his family.
It had been their first potions class of the year, it was a class she really wanted to do good in
so she had prepared for it over the summer. Every time Slughorn would ask a question she
would put her hand up, and every time she was ignored. Over and over again Slughorn would
chose someone else’s hand, pick on someone unwilling, never her. After the seventh time she
started to hear some Slytherins laugh, when she looked over at them they laughed even more,
she had never felt more embarrassed in her life.

After that she refused to even try in Potions, well the class at least. She had to do well in the
exams so she would go to the Library late at night and cram in all that Slughorn had taught
them that day. It was hard at first, but she wanted Slughorn to feel guilty, to regret not picking
her that day, to feel embarrassed that he had missed out on a star student.

Except it didn’t work like that, because a certain Dorcas Meadowes always scored higher
than her, every single exam she was always just a few points ahead of Marlene. They hated
each other, it was a mutual agreement actually. The most annoying thing is that they sat
beside each other in most classes that had assigned seating, so of course she took the
opportunity to tease and prank Dorcas. Call her a bully all you want, but seeing the way her
face lit up with fury was the funniest thing ever.

If she couldn’t be the smartest she would be the most popular. So she continued to stand up to
anyone who dare call her friends slurs, proved to the boys that she was better at Quidditch
than them. She plastered a smile on her face everyday, she laughed loudly and spoke about
topics that would make her grandmother roll in her grave.

Marlene wasn’t ashamed of being a woman, as well as the topics that came along with it. She
openly talked about her period or her genitals, she didn’t understand why people hid those
parts of themselves. It wasn’t even that she spoke about them to challenge society, she
genuinely didn’t pick up the awkwardness around it.

She was sitting beside Sirius in charms, they always had ever since first year, even after
James and Remus were moved into their class. Everyone was talking, she didn’t think anyone
would have been able to hear her except Sirius. “I don’t mean to alarm you…”

Sirius turned to look at her. “But..?

“My underwear is so far up my fanny right now.”

“I- what?” Sirius laughed out but his laughing was soon interrupted by Mulciber.

“Shut up McKinnon, the only time I want to hear about something being up your fanny is if
I’m fucking you.” Mulciber called out and Avery laughed as well as a few others who
overheard.

Sirius looked furious. “Oi shut the fuck up Mulciber, don’t you and Avery need to get back to
boning each other?” He said smirking, and both boys started stuttering.

Marlene didn’t care though, because it felt like everything around her had slowed. It felt like
she was the only person in the planet, but there was thousands of other planets surrounding
her, staring at her.

“Are you alright Marls?” Sirius asked, concern written all over his face.

She nodded. “Yeah I-, I’m just going to go to the bathroom.” She swallowed thickly and
stood up to ask the teacher if she could go, he nodded and she left the classroom as quickly as
possible.

She couldn’t breathe and she didn’t know why, it wasn’t like she had been sexually assaulted
or even threatened, it was just a joke. His words kept repeating in her ear, and the laughs kept
echoing behind it, she was stumbling slightly and she didn’t even realise it. The girls
bathrooms were close enoughand she practically crashed in to them.

As soon as she was hidden away from the hall she broke down. She fell to the floor and
brought her knees to her chest, putting the heels of her hand into her eyes in attempt to stop
the crying, but it didn’t work. She felt so angry, upset, scared. Embarrassed

She felt so out of control

____________________

Dorcas had been having a pretty good day, she had finished her shift at the hospital wing just
as a whiny first year ,who had just broken their arm, came in. The annoyance on Regulus’
face filled her with an indescribable amount of joy.

Interning with Pomfrey was great for 2 reasons. 1, because she got to miss a few classes
throughout the week and 2, because even if she refused to admit it, Regulus was fun to hang
out with.

She walked into the bathrooms so that she could change back in to her uniform, but you
could imagine her surprise when she saw Marlene McKinnon crying in the bathroom.

Marlene’s head snapped up as soon as she heard the door open. “I, er… sorry, are you okay?”
Dorcas asked her.

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stood up. “Yes… sorry.” She quickly
moved towards the door and left.

That was so weird, she had never seen McKinnon frown, never mind cry. She was going to
just get on with her day but something in her screamed to go after the girl. “For fucks sake.”
She sighed to herself before chasing after Marlene.

She hadn’t made it very far up the hallway and Dorcas was able to catch up to her.
“McKinnon!” Marlene turned around quickly and looked at her with side eyes. “I-, ugh, look
are you okay, seriously?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” She asked.

“Because I just walked in on you crying?” Dorcas pointed out.

“It’s none of your business Meadowes, fuck off.” Marlene snapped and walked off, this time
Dorcas didn’t follow her.

She tried to forget about it, chalk it up to Marlene having a bad day but she couldn’t get it out
of her head, no matter how hard she tried. She decided to ask Evan about it, he usually knew
what to do.

She knocked on the boys dorm and Barty opened it. “‘Cas? What are you doing here?”

“Is Evan here?” She asked him, cutting straight to the point.

“Uhh yeah.” He turned around. “Evan come here, ‘Cas wants you.” There was some
shuffling and then Evan appeared.

“I need to talk to you… privately.” She added on.

Evans eyes widened slightly and he turned around. “Reg fuck off.” He called out and Dorcas
heard some grumbling, then Barty left and returned literally carrying Regulus over his
shoulder.

“Laisse moi tomber! Je peux marcher tout seul!” Regulus shouted squirming around. (Let me
down! I can walk on my own!)

Barty continued walking away. “Stop moving, we’ll fall down the stairs.”

Evan just turned back to Dorcas as if that was a normal occurrence. “Come on in, sorry about
the mess.” He said as he walked back in to the room and she followed, he motioned for her to
sit on one of the beds as he closed the door. “What’s up?”
“I have a problem.” She admitted. “I saw someone crying today, and I don’t know what do
about it.”

“Do you know them?”

“Technically?” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s complicated, we know each other but we’re not
friends, but we do talk, except it’s mostly hostile.”

“Do you want to talk to them about it?” Evan asked. “Because if you don’t you’re not
required too. I mean as you said you’re not close.”

“I don’t know…” She sighed. “I don’t not want to talk about it, I just don’t know how.”

She was surprisingly really worried about Marlene. They weren’t close, not by a long shot,
but they had attended the same school together for 6 years, you come to know stuff about
someone after that long. Marlene was confident, but not egotistical. She spoke her mind, but
was open to others opinions and took them into consideration. She was loud but in a funny
way and she always had a witty reply.

She had blonde hair, but it was done with magic not naturally, and dark brown eyes. They
were so dark that you couldn’t actually distinguish the pupils from the Iris. There was
freckles along her nose and cheeks, they became darker in the summer. She only ever wore
her hair in a messy bun or a ponytail, Dorcas had never actually seen her hair down. Most of
the time she wore a graphic tees along with a pair of ripped jeans, if not that it was her
uniform or some kind of Quidditch attire. So yeah Dorcas only knew a few details about her.

Evan sat beside her. “Maybe you don’t have to ask her what happened.” Dorcas turned to him
with confusion. “You could just let her know that you’re there if she needs to talk.” She
didn’t even notice Evans change of pronoun.

“How could I do that?”

“It depends, you could just tell her.” He paused. “Or you stop insulting her and become
friends.”

“How do I do that?”

Evan laughed. “The same way you did with us.”

She nodded slowly. “Right, okay, I can do that.” She stood up. “Thanks Evan! I really got to
go now, curfew.”

“Try to avoid Reg and Barty please? I could use a few minutes away from them.” He said,
looking awfully similar to a mother.

She threw her head back and barked out a laugh. “I’ll try.” And with that she left.

She walked down the stairs, and could already hear them bickering. When she entered the
common room she was met with Barty and Regulus on the sofa, Regulus had him in a
headlock and Barty was desperately trying to escape, while shouting insults of course.

Dorcas chuckled lightly and snuck past, she didn’t know how to talk to Marlene, but she did
know that she liked chocolate. Maybe that would make her feel better, because if she couldn’t
talk to her the least she could do was make her a little happier.

__________________

“Marlene?” She heard Lily call her name softly. “Marlene, someones left chocolate again.”

Marlene grumbled in response, turning under her duvet, but otherwise remaining
unresponsive. She heard Lily sigh and place the chocolate on her bedside table. “Me and
Mary have to go to class now, we’ll be back later okay?” Marlene didn’t respond. “Okay,
bye… we love you.” Her footsteps became quieter then the door shut.
The guilt was overwhelming but she couldn’t help it, she didn’t have the energy to speak or
do anything. All she could do was think, think about the laughing and the voices, think about
what Mulciber had said, think about the embarrassment

She knew it shouldn’t have affected her as badly as it did, nothing had technically happened.
Yet here she was on day 3 of staying in her room all day, the teachers would come to force
her out soon enough.

Marlene uncovered her duvet and looked at the chocolate. Someone had been leaving it every
day without fail, she had no idea who it could be. Maybe one of the boys? Mulciber? No
definitely not, he wouldn’t be caught dead apologising to someone.

Talking about apologising to someone, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she needed to
apologise to Dorcas. As soon as she found the energy to move she would. Her tears had long
since dried out and now all she was able to do was breathe and eat, she had ignored
Quidditch practice, which had resulted in James standing outside their door for 2 hours
before he finally let up.

She wondered if Mulicber knew the impact of his words, and if he did, did he regret them?
Had he been kept awake all night with guilt, had he cried like she had? Was he practicing his
apology at this moment? Or was he laughing? Laughing at her disappearance from class, at
her lack of presence at The Great Hall, at her complete disregard for Quidditch. Or, worst of
all, the truth. Mulciber didn’t care, he was probably thinking about his dinner right now, not
Marlene. If Mulciber didn’t care, she didn’t care.

Standing up she walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out her uniform, well really just the
skirt, tights and shirt. Marlene didn’t even own the full uniform anymore, and the teachers
had long since stopped trying to get her to wear it. Putting it on felt surprisingly weird, it
wasn't the longest she had gone without wearing it but for some reason it felt like it.

Her legs felt like jelly as she walked down the stairs, through the common room, and down
the corridors. When she finally made it to the Transfiguration classroom all eyes snapped to
her, but she pretended like she didn’t care and walked to her seat beside Dorcas.
“Miss McKinnon how nice of you to join us.” Said Professor McGonnagal. “Care to explain
why you’ve shown up late?”

Marlene shrugged. “I tripped on the way.” A few people in the room laughed, and
surprisingly Dorcas did too.

“Well let’s hope you don’t trip on your way to detention.” Marlene groaned inwardly at that.
“Back to work now. Miss Meadowes I trust you can show Miss McKinnon what she needs to
do?” Dorcas nodded. “Good.”

Dorcas turned to Marlene. “We’re just completing the worksheet on page 134.” She
explained. “In our exercise books though, not the text book, because well, it’s a textbook and
we don’t own-”Dorcas cut herself off. “Sorry I’m rambling.”

Marlene gave her a weird look. “It’s okay… uh thanks.” She took out her books from her bag
and started working.

Or pretending to work. Meadowes was acting weird, she had never, and she means never
stuttered or rambled in front of Marlene. Was it because of they other day? Did she pity her
now? Because if she did Marlene would punch her, she didn’t need pitied. Marlene felt eyes
watching her and she looked over to find Meadowes staring at her, Dorcas quickly looked
away and got back to work. Merlin she really did pity Marlene, she’d have to fix this.

The bell rang and before Marlene could even think to talk to Dorcas she left. She would go to
her tonight.

_________________

They were all sitting in the common room, Marlene had made sure to apologise to everyone
for her hostility over the past few days. Using the excuse of exam burn-out, but she could feel
Sirius’ eyes burning into the back of her head, he hadn’t told anyone, it was only a matter of
time however.
“I need to go to the library.” She stated standing up.

“Why?” Mary asked her.

“I need to get a book.”

“You don’t read?” Sirius pointed out.

“I-“ He was right, she didn’t. “I do… on occasion.”

He looked at her skeptically. “Alright…”

“I’ll see you two later?” Marlene asked Lily and Mary.

“Yep!” Lily confirmed and Mary nodded. “Maybe you’ll get more mystery chocolate.”

“Maybe!” She called out as she left the tower.

First she needed to find a lone Slytherin to get Meadowes for her. It was late, or well late
according to the curfew, she had about an hour to find Dorcas, tell her to stop pitying her and
then return to the common room, she could do it.

Finally after 20 minutes of searching she found her target, a stray Slytherin, sitting on one of
the benches in the courtyard reading. Marlene walked up to them, tapped on their shoulder
and then Regulus Black looked up. Okay, her luck was really shit at the moment. “Oh, er,
Regulus.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Can I help you?”

“Oh um, yes actually, I need you to get someone for me.” Marlene started playing with her
hands, because Regulus was really fucking intimidating sometimes.

He closed his book and stood up next to her, and holy shit he was tall. “Très bien, who?”
(Alright)

“How tall are you?” She exclaimed.

Regulus seemed slightly shocked by the question. “Um… 6’0?”

“Bloody hell no wonder Sirius is so short.” She spoke to herself.

Regulus stifled out a laugh before straightening himself out. “Sorry, who do you need?”

Marlene can’t believe that she just made him just laugh, but back on to the main topic.
“Dorcas, Dorcas Meadowes. Do you know her?”

He seemed to become more defensive at that. “Why do you need her?”

“I just want to talk to her.” Talk was an understatement but he didn’t need to know that.

Regulus seemed to think about it for a second. “No.” He said then walked off.

Marlene started walking after him. “What why?” She yelled.

“Well because I don’t want to, and I know Dorcas, as well as who you are.” Aw shit.

“Come on Regulus, please. I just want to talk to her.” Marlene persisted

Regulus scoffed. “Yeah and Dorcas just wanted to talk to Evan, next thing I knew I was being
kidnapped from my bed.”

“What?”

“Desole, um, anyways no.” Then he continued walking. (Sorry)

They both turned around the corner leading up to The Dungeons, well really it was Marlene
trailing after Regulus begging. “Come on Regulus, I thought you were supposed to be a
gentleman.”

He turned to her. “When have I ever been described as a gentleman?”

Marlene shrugged. “Ever heard of sucking up?”

Regulus turned away again. “Yeah, it’s not working.”

“Ughhh you’re so annoying.” She whined and then they were there.

He stood in front of the door and called out the passwords. “Puritas.” The door opened.

“Please Regulus, I really need to talk to her.” She tried one last time.
He looked at her. “No.” Then he walked through and the door shut loudly.

“For fucks sake!” She yelled and kicked the wall, before bending down to the ground to hold
said foot. “Ow ow ow ow.”

Then she heard the door open again and she turned around to see Dorcas Meadowes leave.
“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes um, look about the other day…” Marlene stood up.

Dorcas seemed to become instantly uncomfortable. “We don’t- I can just pretend it didn’t
happen.”

“Except you can’t, because now you’ve started pitying me.”

“What? Marlene I don’t pity you.” Dorcas defended herself.

Something about that made Marlene snap. “You do! You all do! It’s like everyones walking
on egg shells around me all because I cried a little!” She yelled. “But you! You’re not
allowed to do that! Everything changed since he-“ She cut herself off. “Why can’t you go
back to hating me? I need you to hate me again!”

Dorcas stared at her with wide eyes before she spoke. “Did you like the chocolate?” She
asked quietly.

Marlene paused and stared at her. “That was you…?”

She nodded. “I couldn’t get you out of my head. I was… I was really worried about you
Marlene.”
“You were?”

Dorcas smiled slightly. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Marlene stared at her for a second before she was filled with fury once more. “That’s not fair!
That’s not fucking fair! Dorcas why won’t you listen to me? I need you to hate me because if
you don’t hate me it means you think I’m weak and if you see me as weak it means he’s
won!” She payed no mind to the tears rolling down her face. “Please, I want things to go back
to normal!-“

Suddenly she was cut off by Dorcas’ lips crashing in to hers. Marlene quickly recovered from
the shock and returned the kiss, their lips moved together as she felt Dorcas slip her tongue
into her mouth. Marlene moved her hand to Dorcas’ cheek and she never wanted this to stop.

After days of feeling shattered, like Mulciber had thrown her to the ground and watched as
she broke apart in too little pieces, it finally felt like someone was gluing her back together.
Marlene had never been this close to Dorcas before, she smelled like honey tea with a dash of
lemon added to it.

They broke apart and stared at each other with wide eyes, it took a few moments before
Dorcas talked. “I don’t want things to go back to normal.”

Marlene looked at her for a few seconds before laughing, Dorcas soon followed. It really was
ironic wasn’t it? They had spent almost a decade completely hating each other and here they
were, snogging.

“I’m sorry this isn’t supposed to be funny.” Dorcas apologised as she stopped laughing, a
large smile still prominent on her face.
Marlene stopped laughing as well and looked to her. “It kind of is though.” She leaned
against the wall before sliding down it into a crouching position.

Dorcas moved and sat beside her. “…Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’d much rather just snog again.” Marlene said honestly. “Would that be okay?”

Her eyes darted too Marlene’s lips. “Yeah.” She breathed out.

Marlene leaned in and angled her head slightly, she brought her hand to cup Dorcas’ face
once more and slowly pushed her lips against Dorcas’. They were soft and plump, had a
slight taste of vanilla. Marlene felt Dorcas wrap her hand around her waist and deepen the
kiss, it was going amazing until.

“Wooo!” She heard someone call out as they clapped slowly. They moved away from each
other quickly and Marlene looked to see who their intruder was and revealed one Barty
Crouch Jr. “What, a, show.”

“Barty!” Dorcas hissed. “What are you doing out here?”

He put his hands up. “Hey don’t shoot the messenger, Regulus asked me to come and see if
you were alright.”

“I am perfectly fine!”

“I can tell.” He nodded towards Marlene.

“Ugh stop it! I literally hate you, next time your in the hospital wing I’m going to leave you
for dead.” She said standing up and giving her hand towards Marlene, who took it.
 “You wound me, come on it’s nearly curfew and I’m sure you don’t want to get your
midnight lover in trouble.”

“Midnight lover- Barty!”

“No he’s actually right Dorcas I need to go.” Marlene said causing Dorcas to turn around to
her.

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Marlene nodded. “Of course!” Without thinking she pressed a kiss to Dorcas’ cheek before
skipping away.

She didn’t feel embarrassed about kissing Dorcas.

Chapter End Notes

Hi thank you for reading again!

Quite a dark-ish chapter.

I really wanted to do Marlene and Dorcas justice, so I hope it doesn't feel to fast pace.
They are not confirmed to be together by the end of this chapter, but that is my plan.

I personally really like this chapter and it's probably one of my favourites, I really hope
you enjoyed it as well!

As always eat and drink what you want and have an amazing day/night!

Emme <3
 Miscommunicating hearts
Chapter Summary

The Slytherins hang out and Barty has a heartfelt conversation with Regulus. James goes
with Sirius to set up his confession to Lily. The brothers have a conversation full of
emotions. James and Regulus have a realisation, will things ever be the same again?

Chapter Notes

I'm trying to hold my breath. Let it stay this way, can't let this moment end." Never
Enough - Loren Allred

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Now that exams were done and the Christmas holidays were getting closer, things were more
relaxed. It was crazy how fast the time went by, it felt like just yesterday he was boarding the
Hogwarts Express, and now they were a month away from getting on it once more.

Right now they were all sat in the common room hanging out, it was nice, docile. Something
they hadn’t been able to do for a while.

“Barty I really don’t know how you do good in school.” Pandora said.

Barty turned to her from where he lay with his legs in Evan’s lap. “What’s that supposed to
mean?”

“Got nothing up there.” She tapped on her head.

“Wh- Hey!” He sat up offended.

“She’s got a point Barty, the other day you asked me if dogs have their own dogs.” Emme
pointed out.

“It’s a fair question! Do they? Oh my god…”

Evan turned to him. “What?”

“What if…” He gulped. “What if we’re their dogs?” Everyone look at him for a few seconds
before bursting out laughing. “Stop laughing! I’m having an existential crisis!”

“When are you not?” Regulus asked through laughs.

“Regulus Arcturus Black.” Barty pointed to him. “You watch your tongue with me young
man.”

Regulus stared at him for a few seconds before smirking. “Okay Walburga.”

“Don’t speak her name.” Evan hissed. “Avery will hear you and come running.”

Emmeline snorted. “I always forget he practically licks the ground your family walk on.”

“Don’t remind me.” Regulus said rolling his eyes.

“Speaking of Avery.” Dorcas chimed in. “What’s going on with Potter?”

He looked at her with a confused expression. “What does he have to do with Avery?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know… they’re both pureblood’s? Both practically in love with you.”

Regulus sprung up quickly and stared at her shocked. “He does not love me!”

“Potters in love with Reg?” Evan asked.

“Who’s in love with Reggie?” Pandora said from where she had previously been zoned out.

“Potter.” Barty filled her in.

“He is not in love with me!” Regulus exclaimed.

“But you’re in love with him?” Dorcas said smirking.

Regulus was about to shout once more but thought of a better response. “How’s Marlene
McKinnon?” He said smiling at her.

“Shut up! She’s fine! Ugh I hate you!” Dorcas shouted, getting flustered before realising
something. “Oh my god! You like him! You like James Potter!”

“I don’t!”

Emmeline threw her head back laughing. “I can’t believe this.”

“Aww our little Reggie is all grown up and in love.” Evan cooed.

“I’m not!”
Barty got up and “hugged” him, really he just lay on top of Regulus. “It’s okay Reggie-boy,
we’ll allow it.”

Regulus groaned. “Barty get off of me! You’re going to crush me.” He said, then pushed
Barty on to the ground.

Pandora ignored Barty’s moans of pain. “What time is it?”

“Oh shit.” Emmeline said looking at her watch. “It’s uh… 11.”

Evan shot up. “We’ve got to go to bed, we have transfiguration in the morning and I do not
want to be late.” He said to Barty and Regulus.

Regulus nodded standing up and pulling Barty with him. “Yeah you’re right Ev, Barty pull
some of your weight here for Merlins sake.” Regulus really regrets encouraging Barty to
workout.

“What if, one day, I suffocate you with your pillow?” Barty asked with an innocent look on
his face.

“Right.” Evan clapped. “Bed time.” He said as he started pushing them out of the room,
ignoring their protests.

The girls shouted their goodbye’s as the boy’s made their way up to the dorm room. Regulus
instantly made a B-line to his bed, as did Evan and Barty. He stared up at the ceiling for about
10 minutes before he heard his name being called out.

“Regulus? Are you still awake?”

“Yeah, what is it?” He said turning his head to Barty’s and putting on his bedside lamp.

Barty turned his head to him as well. “You know, if you did like James Potter, if you liked
boy’s, we wouldn’t mind.” He whispered as to not wake Evan.

Regulus smiled softly at him. “Yeah, I know. Thank you.” He whispered back.

“Of course, now turn the light out before mum,” He gestured to Evan. “gets mad.”

Regulus laughed lightly. “Okay, goodnight Barty.” He said turning off the light.

“Night Reg.” Then it went quiet again.

Regulus could tell that tomorrow was going to be a good day, he just had a feeling.

__________________

James woke up with a plan, today he was going to confess to Lily Evans, but it wasn’t going
to be like all the others. This time she would accept it and they would live happily ever after.

“Sirius.” He said shaking him. “Sirius wake up!”

Sirius groaned. “What?”

“I need your help.”

He rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?”

“6am.”

“Ugh, go back to sleep Prongs.” He attempted to push James away.

“No I need your help with confessing to Lily.”

Sirius seemed to become more alert at that. “What? I thought you were done with that?”

“No… just distracted.” Sirius started getting up. “Anyways I need your help, I think she
might actually say yes this time.

Sirius picked up his shirt and tossed it on. “That’s what you’ve said for the past 6 years.”

“Yeah but I have a feeling, in my gut.” He slapped his stomach. “Now come on, help me pick
some flowers.”

“Flowers? What’s your plan with them?” He said following James out of the dorm.

“Well I was thinking that since going big never seemed to work, what if I went small?”

He gave him a confused look. “Elaborate.”

“Well you know Lily, she doesn’t like attention. So I’m just going to go up to her in The
Great Hall at dinner with some flowers and ask her out.”
“Won’t that still draw attention?” He asked as they started walking down the stairs.

James shrugged. “I guess, but won’t it be romantic?”

Sirius looked at him skeptically. “I guess…” They made it to the end of the stairs and started
walking to the courtyard. “I don’t know Prongs, I don’t have a good feeling about this.”

“Well I do, and I happen to know a lot about flower language, so she’ll think I’m smart even
if she doesn’t say yes. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Since when did you know about that?” Oh James forgot Regulus taught him it.

“Just from… Care of Magical Creatures.” Sirius didn’t take Care of magical creatures.

James ended up picking out Honeysuckles, Tulips and pink carnations.The day felt
abnormally long, the classes that usually went by quick took years, and the classes that
usually went be slowly? They took decades. All day he felt anxious over if she would say yes
or not, Lily had denied him a number of times but now that they were friends she might say
yes. It would have been better if he was able to meet Regulus last night rather than tonight,
since they’re apparently friends maybe he would know the best way to go about it, but alas
they had not so he just had to judge his own judgement.

Finally dinner rolled around and James waited impatiently for Lily to come into The Great
Hall, he was hiding outside it so that he could make a grand entrance. He watched as Peter
and Remus walked into the hall, Sirius no where in sight, weird.

Then he saw Regulus and his friends go into the Great Hall. He wasn’t wearing his uniform
and instead was wearing the Quidditch gear, which he looked fantastic in. The black trousers
were tight around his long legs, pretty much all Quidditch players had thigh strength, and
Regulus was no exception. The training uniform was quite different to the one they wore at
official matches, they were only required to wear black sports bottoms, their teams polo shirt
and had the option of wearing a team jumper, which Regulus was wearing. James wondered
about how Regulus would look in his Gryffindor jumper, wait no, he didn’t wonder that.
Tonight was about Lily.
Finally Lily, Mary and Marlene made their way into The Hall, it was time to put his plan in to
action.

_________________

Regulus watched as Barty flung some potato at Evan, who then scolded him.

“Barty why do you have an incessant need to be a Child?” Evan said him.

Barty put a hand over his mouth and acted shocked. “I’ll have you know I’m very mature.”

“You’re really not.” Regulus joined in then got punched in the arm by Barty.

“Shut up.”

Emmeline walked over and sat beside them. “Hey boys.” She smiled at them then turned to
Regulus. “Reg, you ready for tonight?”

“What’s happening tonight?” Evan asked. “Thought it was just practice?”

“It is.” Regulus confirmed. “I’m just trying out some… harder tricks.”

“Don’t tell me it’s the one that got you landed in the hospital wing.” Barty sighed.
“No it’s not, I got scolded by Pomfrey for allowing my Seeker to do that.” Emmeline
complained. “It wasn’t even my bloody fault.”

“That’s only because Reg is her favourite.” Evan pointed out.

“I am not!” Emmeline and Evan looked at him. “I’m not!”

“Hey what’s Potter doing?” Barty interrupted

Regulus looked over and saw James walking over to someone with flowers, Honeysuckles,
Tulips and pink carnations, all of them symbolised some kind of love. He felt his heart sink
as he realised what James was going to do, he watched as familiar red hair turned around to
meet his curly brown hair. James stopped and gave them to her, and Regulus decided he
couldn’t watch anymore, standing up to leave.

“Reg-“ Evan started as soon as he saw Regulus stand up.

“I need the bathroom.” He stated then walked out of The Great Hall as quickly as possible.

He didn’t know why it hurt, but it did. He had watched hundreds of love proposals between
the two of them and he had never been affected, so why was he now? Maybe it was because
James had used what Regulus had taught him to confess. All of the flowers represented love,
that was a love Regulus wanted from James. Regulus wanted James. It felt weird to admit but
now that he had it felt like he had released an ever-growing pressure on his heart.

It all felt so real now, all the laughs they had shared, the hug, the hand holding. So many
signs that James might have shared this feeling but they were apparently misled. His friends
joking about James loving him had made his confidence grow, made him feel as though it
might be true. It wasn’t though, because James Potter loved Lily Evans.

The life James had imagined himself wasn’t with a complicated, Slytherin boy. It wasn’t with
someone who didn’t know who they were, James wouldn’t want to have to wait, Merlin
knows he’s already done enough of that with Lily. He didn’t deserve anything but the
absolute best, and that wasn’t Regulus.

Lily was beautiful, she had long ginger hair and bright green eyes to match, her personality
was as warm as her hair but also possessed some fire beneath it. She knew who she was, and
she liked who she was. A life with Lily would be simple, without challenge, and it would be
everlasting. James and him could never last, at some point Regulus would have to marry a
witch and that would end things between them. James was perfect, he deserved Lily and she
deserved him.

Sometimes Regulus wished he could stop his thoughts, make it so his mind was completely
blank all the time, but he couldn’t. He was actually a chronic over thinker, but he knew right
now he wasn’t overthinking, his mind was just pointing out something to him, something that
he had forgotten. The Truth.

_________________

Sirius didn’t really know what James was on about, Lily wasn’t going to accept his
confession, she never did. If he was being honest he felt bad for both of them, he didn’t think
either of them were in the wrong. He also felt bad for Mary, even though Lily had
consistently turned him down everyone in Hogwarts just expected them to get together
eventually.

He was kind of glad he was missing it, or at least the start of it. McGonnagal had given him
yet another detention for ‘speaking inappropriately’, in his defence Snape was really greasy.
Could stop pollution with the amount of grease in his hair, fund all of the worlds oily needs.

He was walking to the door of The Great Hall when he saw Regulus leave it, he didn’t want
to talk to his brother, but he had too. He had kept Remus’ secret after all and Sirius wanted to
at least say thank you, so with great reluctance he walked over to him.

“Regulus.”
His brother halted his and looked at him. “Not right now Sirius.” He said and went to
continue his walking.

Sirius grabbed on to his arm. “No wait, I need to talk to you.”

“I said not right fucking now.” Regulus spat at him ripping his arm away.

“Bloody hell I just wanted to thank you.”

He look at him with a confused glare. “Well you’re welcome for whatever the fuck it is I
did.”

What was up his arse? “About Moony, Remus.” That seemed to grab Regulus’ attention.

“Right okay, you’re welcome.” He said as he attempted to walk away once more.

“No Regulus I really mean it, I know you and I don’t get along so I appreciate it.” Sirius
admitted.

“Right okay! I get it! You’re fucking grateful, can you just go fuck off now?” Regulus
shouted at him.

“What the fuck is up with you? I’m just trying to be nice!” He yelled back stepping closer to
Regulus.

“Well you’re about 5 years too late! Now leave me the fuck alone.”

Sirius sometimes just wanted to squeeze his big fat head until it exploded. “Do you always
have to be an asshole?”
“Sirius can you please just leave me the fuck alone.” Regulus’ voice broke a little and Sirius
felt an involuntary tug at his heart.

This kid was going to be the death of him. “Fucking hell, look do you- are you okay?”

“Yes I am okay!” His voice wavered. “I’m not some little kid who needs his big brother,
okay?” His Adams apple bobbed. “Everything fine, perfect even!” His lips quivered.

Sirius doesn’t know what made him hug his brother, maybe it was older sibling instincts,
maybe he was just human and the sign of seeing someone obviously distressed made him
want to help. Or maybe it was because Sirius recognised the look in Regulus’ eyes, the look
of someone who had just had their heart broken.

As soon as he wrapped his arms around him Regulus broke down, Sirius held on to him
tightly and just allowed him to cry. It surprisingly hurt to see Regulus like this, choking on
his own breath as he sobbed, grasping onto Sirius’ shirt with his hands. Or maybe it wasn’t
surprising, it was wrong to say that he hadn’t spent the last few months filled with anxiety.
He wasn’t stupid, he knew that abusive parents aren’t abusive because of their children,
they’re abusive because that’s who they are as people.

There wasn’t a day Sirius hadn’t woken up with fear, he often feared a lot of things. His
friends leaving him, spiders, graduation, the future, his parents but nothing instilled fear in
him like Regulus, the idea of him still living in Grimmauld Place, him still living there. One
day Sirius would save him, one day he would show him how amazing life could really be.

But right now Regulus needed him, present tense. Even though they would most likely go
back to ignoring each other like they always did, Regulus needed him and not one thing
would stop him from being there for his brother. Not their parents, not his fear and certainly
not their Parents. Regulus was his brother, even if he was a right arse sometimes.

____________________
Lily had rejected him, it wasn’t really a surprise, and it actually didn’t hurt his feelings at all?
In truth James felt a little bit relieved. He didn’t know why he felt happy about it, this was
something he should feel upset about, something he should be crying about. Maybe he had
just become numb to the emotion after so many rejections, it was only natural that he
wouldn’t feel upset about it by now.

He only felt upset about the fact that he may have ruined his friendship with Lily, not at the
failed romance. It was a funny feeling and not one that he was used to, or at least when it
came to Lily, acceptance. He had accepted that she would not love him back, and that he
could not force her.

Many would say that now was the time to move on, but in reality he feels like he moved on a
while ago. To who? He did not know, perhaps himself. Maybe he has just learned to love
himself rather than another. Really he feels like he hasn’t truly loved Lily since the start of
the year, there were too many distractions, Regulus, saving the future, Regulus, saving his
friends, Regulus, being there for his friends and Regulus.

All of his thoughts had been circling back to Regulus lately, whenever he ate his dinner he
wondered if Regulus would like it as well. Whenever he studied he wondered whether
Regulus would do it the same way as him. Whenever he read he wondered if Regulus would
also read the book, or had he read it already? And whenever he thought of his friends he
thought of Regulus, whenever he thought of anything he thought of Regulus.

They were going to meet tonight, James was happy that Regulus had left before he was
rejected. It meant that he wouldn’t be able to tease him like James knew he would’ve. He was
also curious as to why he had left in the first place.

Regulus had asked if they could meet later than usual due to an impromptu Quidditch
practice, and James agreed of course. When he walked in to the room he noticed Regulus’
hair was wet, his nose was slightly pink and his lips were parted slightly as he stared outside
the window, his eyes traced the sky as he looked at the stars and James could only assume he
was looking at constellations.

The younger boy turned around a smiled at him. “Were you just going to stare at me all
night?”
“I could do it.” James admitted.

“What?”

“Oh er, no sorry.” He said as he sat down next to him. “Why’s your hair wet?”

Regulus looked up to hair then back down. “It started raining and we got drenched, right in
the middle of a trick as well.”

“Did you fall again?” James smirked at him.

He slapped his arm lightly. “I don’t fall often! That was a one time experience.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes! Ugh you are so annoying.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“You love me.” He said resting his head on his hand.

“Do I?” Regulus cried his movements.

“Yes.” James half nodded.

“Alright then…” Then stared at each other for a few seconds before Regulus sat up right
again and spoke. “Let’s play a game.”

“What do you want to play?”

He thought for a moment. “I’m not sure, you chose.”

“Snog, Shag, Marry.” James decided.

“Do you have to be so crude all the time?” Regulus asked him smiling.

“Yes, it’s in my blood.” Regulus raised an eyebrow.

“Okay then…” He trailed off thinking, before he smirked. “Remus, Pettigrew and Sirius.”

James made a throwing up gesture. “They’re like my brothers!”

“Even better.”

“I literally hate you sometimes.” That was a lie James could never hate him. “Uhh… right ok,
Snog Pete, shag Moony and marry pads.”

Regulus nodded his head. “Who came up with those nicknames?”

“Me!” James declared proudly.

“I can tell.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” James asked.

“You’re turn.” Regulus said holding back laughter.

“You’re a bully.” He thought about who to pick. “Vance, Meadowes and Ollivander.”

“Oh you’re cruel.” Regulus looked away for a moment. “Shag Dorcas, snog Pandora and
marry Emme.”

“Why?” James didn’t really care, he just wanted to hear Regulus’ voice a little more.

“Well Dorcas wouldn’t act weird if we shagged, me and pandora have already snogged
before and if I married Emme it doesn’t mean I have to do anything with her, you know?”

“Smart thinking.” He hadn’t thought of that before. “Wait you and Pandora have snogged?”

“Yeah, truth or dare last year.” Regulus confirmed. “Lily, Marlene, MacDonald.”

James felt a twinge of embarrassment. “That ones hard…” He made a noise of struggle. “Ugh
I don’t know pick three others.”

“I thought that would be easy for you.” Regulus admitted. “Considering Lily is the love of
your life.”

“Oh yeah…”

Regulus seemed to regret his words. “Sorry, did she reject you again?”

“Yeah…” He noticed slight happiness? Adorn his face. “I’m not too upset about it for some
reason.”
 Regulus lay his head down on his arm, looking up at James. “Why’s that?”

“Been distracted.” His eyes darted too Regulus’ lips, before quickly looking back up into his
eyes.

“By what?”

“You.”

“Me?” Regulus asked sitting up again.

“You.” James repeated.

Regulus leaned in and James connected their lips. It was long and sweet, Regulus’ fingers
wrapped themselves around his as they held hands. James was in heaven, and then he wasn’t,
then he realised what he was doing.

He pushed away from Regulus and unwrapped their hands. “I’m sorry, I- I have to go.” He
stated standing up and heading to the door.

“Wait!” Regulus called out

James looked back to him. “I’m sorry.”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!
Thanks for reading again!

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER, definitely one of, if not my favourite.

Buff Barty>>>>>>

I kind of imagine a Quidditch Players physique being the same as a swimmer, except the
broad shoulders.

I told you guys Sirius would get a redemption.

Poor James and Regulus, but how cute was the moment leading up to the kiss? Had me
smiling while writing it.

Also, I don't know why I feel a need to preface this but I do, I am Irish so I do use this
slang a lot. Idk if any other brits will get this but sometimes reading these fics it's really
obvious when someone isn't British.

I won't be updating again till Thursday/Friday btw! I'm going on holiday!

I really miss older Regulus nil, he's definitely making a come back in the next chapter!

Eat what you want, drink what you want!

Emme <3
 Letters Home
Chapter Summary

We see letter between James and Effie. James meets with his parents and has a
realisation about Regulus, what will happen?

___________________

Important end notes!!

Chapter Notes

Sofia know that we shouldn't feel, like a crime. I think we could do it, I think we could
do it, I think we could do it, do it, do it, if we tried." Sofia - Clairo.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 03/09/1975

Dear James,

I hope you and Sirius arrived at Hogwarts well.

Try to stay out of school this year. Unless it’s a really good prank - Dad

Ignore your father please, he doesn’t know what he is talking about. Stay out of trouble and
don’t antagonise the Slytherins too much, even the ones that ‘deserve it’. Look out for Sirius,
this year’s going to be tough for him. Also keep an eye on his brother, I know you boys don’t
think very highly of him but he might surprise you.
I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

_____________________

8 Godrics Hollow 05/09/1975

To Maan and Dad,

Me and Sirius made it safely don’t worry.

I can’t make any promises to stay out of trouble, but I can promise to only do the best pranks.
Slytherins do deserve it Maan, if not for the blood purity, for their awful haircuts. You’d think
they’d be well groomed, but apparently not.

Of course I’ll keep an eye on Sirius, he’s my best mate. Definitely not going to keep an eye on
Regulus though, he’s scary (Don’t tell Sirius I said that). Besides he’s just like the rest of The
Black Family, believe me you don’t attend the same school as him year round.

I hope you and Dad are keeping well and staying safe. I love you.

Love your favourite child.

PS, Can dad send some hair loss potions? No particular reasoning.
__________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 08/09/1975

Dear James,

Your father wants you to know that he would happily give you that potion, but I will not let
him.

I may not attend school with Regulus, but I can assure you he is probably not as scary as you
think. Many of them ones aren’t.

There are some biscuits in the package, make sure Remus get’s lots. He’s my favourite child.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

__________________________

8 Godrics Hollow 14/09/1975

Maan,
The biscuits were great, Remus says he knows he’s your favourite. Sirius and I think that this
is unfair and are very close to forming a complaint.

Regulus was chosen to help tutoring me in potions, even though he is a year below me. So I’ll
let you know how that goes. Our first session is on the 16th

We have Quidditch try outs tomorrow morning, We don’t have a seeker at the moment so I
don’t know how that will work.

I had a really weird dream on Wednesday night, I can’t tell you much, but it was so crazy. On
the same level of weird as Dad being able to cook. Sounds weird right? Yeah well I actually
think this might be crazier.

Peter told me to ask you what spices you added to the jam in those biscuits, he said he likes it
a lot and wants to make it himself when he gets home.

Love James.

__________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 15/09/1975

Dear James,

Your father said that he’s perfectly equipped in the kitchen, I am however inclined to agree
with you. I don’t think anyones forgotten the time he almost killed us while making toast.
Tell Pete that I’ll teach him over the winter holidays, I plan on making those at Christmas so
he can help.

I thought you did well in potions? Either way this is a good way to get over your fear of a 15
year old boy. How you were put into Gryffindor I’ll never know.

I hope your tryouts went well, your dad and I will be proud of you whatever the outcome.

I can send you some lavender to help with your sleeping? Unless you want to have this dream
again? Was it a good weird or a bad weird?

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

____________________

8 Godrics Hollow 17/09/1975

To Maan,

I messed up a lot

I lied, he wasn’t actually chosen to tutor me I made that up so that I could become friends
with him. So then I told him I needed help with amortentia potions, and it went well for a
while. He’s surprisingly funny, and easy to talk too. We both smelled flowers in our potions
and he explained the meanings behind each one

Everything was fine but then I said something that someone who needed help with potions
wouldn’t know, and he went mental. When he started saying slurs I got really pissed off and I
said something I really regret, I was really harsh towards him.
I don’t know what to do.

Love James.

___________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 19/09/1975

Dear James,

It sounds like you’ve gotten yourself into quite the pickle. I’m proud of you for reaching out
to him, it took a lot to do that and you should feel happy with yourself.

We can’t always expect ourselves to be perfect, everyone makes mistakes. The way you make
up for them is what matters. If you ignore it and run away from it you won’t be forgiven, but if
you make an effort to apologise you might not only receive an apology from Regulus, but
maybe a new friendship with him.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

_________________

8 Godrics Hollow 21/09/1975

Maan,

I made up with him, not really intentionally but I did.

He was doing this insane trick in the pitch this morning, but then he messed it up and went
falling. Luckily I was there and able to watch him. He did end up with a broken leg though,
so I don’t think I caught him very successfully.

We talked in the Hospital wing and it was fun. He’s really funny and behind all the grump
he’s got a beautiful smile.

He thinks what his parents do is punishment from love. He genuinely believes they love him.
He asked me to drop it so I did, but I want to help convince him that it isn’t normal, I just
don’t know how.

I asked if we could be friends and he said yes so there’s a positive. We’re going to start
meeting up more regularly now, I’m excited.

Love James.

____________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 22/09/1975

Dear James,

I’m glad you made up with him, that was the right thing to do.

I knew that there was more to that boy than what met the eye. Don’t try to convince him that
his parents don’t love him, that will only end in rows. Just show him that he can receive better
love else where.
Don’t take on the load yourself. You can’t save someone from a sinking ship if you’re also on
it.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

______________________

8 Godrics Hollow 24/09/1975

We played a big prank on the Ravenclaws yesterday.

Moony found a charm that makes someone take on the appearance of their favourite animal
for a few hours. It was amazing, even got a smile out of Minnie before she took 20 points off
of each of us, except Peter he managed to convince her that he wasn’t there.

Sirius fell flat on his face in The Great Hall this morning, in front of everyone which was
super funny, Remus hasn’t stopped teasing him about it.

The teachers have already started giving out revision lists for midterms which is totally
unfair, they’re literally a month away.

I’ve hung out with Regulus a couple times now, and I’ve really been enjoying myself. I found
out that his favourite colour is actually Coral, not green. He said he likes it because it’s so
complicated, that it’s not exactly red and it’s not exactly pink. I think it’s more of a red
though.
Also I’m still chaser, yay! Actually the rest of the team kept their positions, but we do have a
new seeker. Benjy Fenwick, he’s in 4th year so he’s a bit young but really talented. Regulus is
also a really talented seeker, he actually helped with the tryouts because we didn’t have a
Seeker for them to play against. He’s insane at the sport.

Tell dad I say hi.

Love James.

____________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 26/09/1975

Dear James,

Tell Remus that he’s too good to be playing along with your antics, and also I have some of
that Jam in the parcel, it’s for Peter and Peter only. There’s also some biscuits.

You should be grateful for the revision lists, start revising as soon as possible it will help you
in the long run. Even just 30 minutes per night.

I personally think that Coral is more of an Orangey colour, but what would I know. I’m not
surprised that Regulus is good at Quidditch, Sirius is great at it as well. Not as good as that
Marlene girl from what I remember.
I’m proud of you for staying as Chaser, I didn’t doubt you for a second. Don’t give the new
seeker too much of a hard time, or well I mean don’t be too over bearing. You’ve got a lovely
personality but sometimes you’re a tad bit too kind.

Your dad says he won’t send you the itching powder no matter how much you suck up to him.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

____________________

8 Godrics Hollow 29/09/1975

Dear Maan,

Peter was really grateful for the jam, personally I think that this is favouritism but I know I’m
your favourite (Even if you won’t admit it).

Sirius and I have been revising a lot together which has been fun. Moony and Peter refuse to
sit with us though, I don’t know why though. Sirius is enough company for me though, much
better than those losers.

Remus has been acting strange lately, he’s been going to the library more often than usual. I
think he’s really nervous about these tests.

I told Regulus about your opinion on Coral, he said that he’d believe anything you say
because you can cook (I gave him one of your biscuits). I think he should be taking my side
on this considering I’m his friend, but oh well. I hung out with him yesterday and he told me
about his favourite book at the moment, I can’t remember the name but it’s about a girl and a
boy who have a love that’s forbidden. I didn’t expect him to like that kind of book. Thinking
back on it I don’t think he told me the name.

Sirius is going to visit his Uncle’s grave tomorrow, I’m sure he’s already mentioned to you.
I’m nervous for him, I also think Regulus might go, I hope they don’t argue.

Love James.

___________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 30/09/1975

Dear James,

I do have favourites, Peter and Remus. Honestly love, we’ve been over this countless times.

I’m glad you and Sirius have been revising, not that your results matter but it is nice to get
good ones for yourself. I have an inkling on why they may be avoiding you two.

Tell Remus that he’s a smart boy and that he shouldn’t be worrying about tests I know he’ll
ace.

Tell Regulus I say thank you, I’ll send him some more next time. That book sounds very
interesting, do try to learn the name I’d like to read it. A forbidden love is a trope that never
fails to capture me.

I did speak to Sirius about it before, I hope today goes well for him. I don’t think either of
them will be in a fighting spirit today, from what Sirius has told me it sounds like they were
very close with their Uncle.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

__________________

8 Godrics Hollow 03/10/1975

To Maan,

I do want to get good results this year so I’m trying hard. Sirius does as well despite what he
may say. I think he wants to prove to his family that he doesn’t need them.

He’s been acting off ever since Saturday, him and Mary have been at each others throats. It’s
starting to effect the rest of us I wish they would just be friends, the relationship obviously
isn’t working.

I can’t tell Regulus you say thank you because I haven’t told him that you know about out
friendship, but he’d probably say you’re welcome. I haven’t gotten the opportunity to ask him
the name, he’s very secretive about for some reason, I think he even has an illusion charm on
it.

My dream from before was some what reoccurring but now I haven’t had it in a while, I am
getting slightly worried (For reasons I still cannot disclose). I hope they restart soon.

Love James.
___________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 06/10/1975

Dear James,

Sometimes there’s more going on underneath the surface, they both probably have their
reasons for staying together, hopefully they sort it out some time soon. Just remember to be
patient, young love is a complicated thing.

Perhaps you should mention to Regulus about me knowing, I wouldn’t want someone to know
something that I’ve worked hard to keep secret. On the topic of him, I have brownies in the
package for him, they have some chilli powder in them which makes them taste even better
(trust me).

Dreams come and go, perhaps this one wasn’t meant to last.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

____________________

8 Godrics Hollow 09/10/1975

Dear Maan,

Regulus liked the brownies a lot, he said he doesn’t usually like sweet thing but the chilli
powder makes them amazing. He also said some fancy stuff about textures and palettes but I
didn’t bother remembering. You have a point and I should tell him, I just don’t know how it’s
been too long at this point.

I think he’s been distracted lately, his dad is sick so he might be upset about that. I don’t know
why though, he’s an arsehole.

Also Mary and Sirius broke up, for good this time, and they’re back to being really good
friends. It’s really nice.

Remus and Dirk have been acting a bit off lately, I don’t know why. I know they’re friends but
I don’t think friends spend this much time together. I’m scared that things will go back to how
they were last year. Except gradually, Sirius and him have been acting normal together but
it’s only a matter of time, right?

I do hope my dream returns, it’s quite important that it does.

I love you, James.

_____________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 11/10/1975

Dear James,
I’ll make sure to make those brownies again, it’s nice to have someone see the intricacies
rather than just the taste. Please tell him, I really don’t like being a secret, I prefer to be
known.

Sometimes our emotions do things we can’t describe, love in unconditional. However

romantic that might be, sometimes it isn’t. We don’t chose how we feel, only learn to accept it.

I’d already known about Mary and Sirius, he owled me as soon as it happened, I hope this
puts your mind at rest about that issue.

You 4 have been inseparable since first year, I understand why last year may have had a
lasting effect on you. Maybe you should talk to Remus, I am almost certain that there is a
perfectly reasonable explanation behind it.

Have you decided if you want to return for the midterm break?

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

______________________

8 Godrics Hollow 15/10/1975

Dear Maan,

A lot has happened since my last letter.

So Moony was keeping a secret from us, but Peter, Mary and Lily figured it out a while ago
and he accidentally told me. So that night, like the night of the day I found out, He overheard
Mary and Lily talking about it and exploded at us.

A little later we were hanging out then Remus and Sirius argued again, and then Dirk and
Remus argued, everything is so messed up now.

Sirius won’t sit with us, or well he won’t sit with Moony. He seems fine with me and Pete, I
think he understands that we couldn’t tell him. I don’t know how to fix this.

Also Regulus was taken out of school, his dad isn’t doing well apparently. I hope he pulls
through, for Regulus’ sake. I feel bad, we had a fight before he left. He mentioned something
to do with muggles and I just got so curious, he kept telling me to leave it alone but I kept
pushing. He left and I let him, I wish I stopped him.

My dream returned, but I don’t think it will be back for a while. I quite enjoyed it this time.

I think I’ll stay back this year, I want to keep ahead in my classes because I want to do well in
my OWL’s.

Love James

______________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 16/10/1975

Dear James,
You were right a lot has happened.

This sounds like something you shouldn’t fix, you have good intentions love but it really isn’t
your place. Just be there for the two of them, don’t isolate either of them, or more importantly
make sure neither of them isolate themselves.

I also hope Mr Black gets better soon, as well for Regulus’ sake. You must understand that
there is a good chance that he will return without a father, perhaps it is time you start
preparing to avoid that topic, or better yet start preparing for if he should need you.

Don’t beat yourself up over an argument, I’ve told you countless times that you can also
make mistakes. Remember that you don’t need to keep everything afloat yourself, it’s nice to
put people above yourself but that’s not something you can maintain for long. Take care of
yourself Xx

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

____________________

8 Godrics Hollow 19/10/1975

To Maan,

Regulus returned.

His mother found out about us, our meetings. He didn’t tell me what happened exactly, but it
wasn’t good. He came and told me we couldn’t be friends anymore, he also said some really
hurtful things. I didn’t let him go this time though, I held on. I don’t think I’ll ever let him go
again, no I know I’ll never let him go again.

Remus and Sirius are still ignoring each other, I want it to end soon. I miss having the group
together.

Love James.

_____________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 21/10/1975

Dear James,

I’m sorry to hear about Regulus’ father, I’m glad that he has you to keep him steady. I
wouldn’t pay attention to the things he said, we all say things we don’t mean when we’re
upset. One day we’ll get him out of there, just like we did with Sirius, we just have to give it
time.

You know Sirius and Remus better than I, but even at that I know those two can barely
function without each other. Or better yet, Sirius can’t function without Remus. I don’t think
any of you can in actuality, he’s probably the reason you all haven’t lost your heads.

Everything happens for a reason James, just keep your head up.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

________________________

8 Godrics Hollow 23/10/1975

Dear Maan,

Sirius and Remus are friends again! I think they might be even closer than they were before
last year, which is saying something.

I didn’t get to mention this before but Regulus’ book, the one I told you about before, is a
muggle book! Which is amazing news. He’s not a blood supremacist, yay! We actually hung
out today which was fun, I told him about you knowing and he said that he wasn’t surprised.
When I said about you saying that you didn’t want to be kept secret he said that it was
blasphemy and that he would happily take my place in the family. I don’t know how to feel
about that to be honest.

I feel really bad for Dirk, he’s been ignoring all of us (Me, Remus, Sirius and Peter), I also
feel bad for Remus, I know he didn’t mean to hurt Dirk. I’m going to give him some space for
a while, I might try to talk to him in a few weeks.

Oh yeah, Regulus told me to get more brownies.

Love James.

________________________
Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 25/10/1975

Dear James,

I’m glad things are looking up for you all. It’s great to hear about Regulus not being a blood
supremacist, that would have made things very complicated. You can tell him that he’s
welcome here anytime he wants, I have a lot of muggle literature so tell him he’s welcome to
ask for some. Talking about asking for things, I know he did not ask for brownies so rudely,
but there’s some in the package that will come with this, they’re not for you

I think it’s a good idea to give him some space, it sounds like that argument was a really
harsh one. Do talk to him eventually though, there’s nothing worse than not knowing
someones opinion of you.

Make sure to send home your Christmas list soon, I know it’s early but I would rather not go
shopping for gifts in the middle of November, it’s just much harder.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

_______________

8 Godrics Hollow 27/10/1975

Dear Maan,
Yesterday me and Regulus were together again. We played charades and he can do the most
amazing impression of Dumbledore, it’s spot on. He also liked the brownies, a lot. We snuck
out after hours (Shhhhh) and went down to the elves who gave us hot chocolate to drink
while eating them.

Snivelly was being stupid as per usual, and started calling Sirius a disgrace to the Black
name and stuff like that. So Remus charmed him to act like a rabbit, he started hopping
around and shit stuff, then when we threw him a carrot and he nibbled at it! It was the most
hilarious thing ever.

I don’t really want much for Christmas, maybe some Quidditch gear. Actually now that I think
about it, I’d like some amortentia potions, or just one. I really like the smell of mine.

You know Lily? Well of course you know her, anyways I put her on the side for a while. But
tomorrow I think I’m going to confess to her (again). This times going to be different though,
I have a feeling.

Love James.

________________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 28/10/1975

Dear James,

I’m glad you and Regulus had a good time. I’ll look past you breaking the rules, only because
you didn’t get caught. I’ll have to see this impression some time.
Not that I’m saying picking on your classmates is good but that actually sounds really funny.
Your dad told me to ask you for that charm, don’t tell him.

Maybe you shouldn’t confess to her, keep your options open. There’s a lot of people who
would like to date you. I’m sure there’s someone else who has an eye on you.

You’ll obviously like the smell of your potion, it’s the smell of your soulmate.

Me and our dad are coming up to Hogsmeade this weekend, we’ll meet you at the hogs head.
Does 2 sounds okay?

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

___________________________

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry 31/10/1975

Dear James,

Are you okay? It’s not like you to not respond.

Me and your dad will be coming up tomorrow, I know you’re getting these letters.

We’ll see you at 2.

I love you my perfect boy, Maan.

________________________

James walked into The Hogshead. He felt really guilty about ignoring his maan’s letters, but
he just couldn’t bring himself to answer her, what would he say? That he had snogged
Regulus then ran away? That he had snogged a boy?

Regulus had been avoiding him like the plague, to be fair James hadn’t been making an effort
to talk to him either. He didn’t know what to do, he liked Regulus, like liked him, but does
that mean he’s gay? What does that mean for Lily, has he just wasted the past 6 years? Did he
ever even like her in the first place?

What about Sirius? He would kill him, kill them both actually. Or maybe not, whether he was
willing to admit it or not, Sirius loved Regulus, a lot. He was protective over him, and if he
knew James snogged his brother? He didn’t want to think about it. James had broken the
number one rule of being someones best mate, don’t snog their brothers.

His eyes scanned the room and landed on his parents, he felt small smile tug at his lips, only
barely making it to his eyes. He walked over to their booth and sat beside his dad, his maan
on the other side.

“James!” His dad said happily, pulling him into a side hug. “You had us worried when you
didn’t respond.”

James laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry I got busy.”

“Too busy to respond to you mother?” His maan raised an eyebrow at him playfully.

“Sorry Maan.” He gave a tight smile.

“Should I get some food and drinks?” Fleamont turned to Euphemia.

“That sounds lovely, get me a cuppa and my usual.” She said to him. “What about you love?”

“Oh um…” He picked up the menu and looked at it. “I’ll just have some chips and a butter
beer.”

“Coming right up!” His dad said, shimmying past James.

Euphemia smiled at her husband, then her eyes moved toward the door. “Is that Regulus?”

James’ head turned around quickly and he locked eyes with Regulus. He was with Pandora
Ollivander, then their eyes met. His eyes went wide, just like James’, he held his gaze for a
moment before turning to Pandora and whispering something in her ear. She looked towards
James for a moment, so quick you might’ve missed it before she nodded and they left.

He looked back round and down at his hands, which had started fidgeting with each other.
“What was that about?” His maan asked.

“I- It was…” He felt his bottom lip start to quiver. “It’s just… you know…” He felt the tears
start to pool in his eyes, he tried to hold them back but he couldn’t help the sob that escaped
as he put his head in his hands.

“Oh dear…” His mother sighed as she moved over to his side of the booth and wrapped an
arm around his shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

James leaned in against her, burying his face into her coat. He didn’t respond. It’s been a few
days since the kiss, he thought he was done crying. Honestly it’s not him who should be
crying, he deserves this pain for what he put Regulus through that night. James can’t believe
he ran away, might as well be a Hufflepuff there’s not a brave bone in his body. Regulus
deserves better, he deserves so much better.

He sat there as his mother consoled him, finally after a few minutes he spoke. “I kissed
him.” His mother took a sharp breathe. “Then I ran away.” He added on.

“Alright.”

“Alright? You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?” She asked.

“Because I’m your only heir.”

She pulled away and cupped his face with both her hands. “You listen to me right now James
Fleamont Potter, there is nothing you could do that would make me put your happiness below
our family line.” She smiled softly at him. “Besides there’s many other ways to make
children, if you wanted them. You’re my perfect boy.”

“You keep calling me that, but I’m so far from perfect. I messed things up.”

His maan removed her hands, and took James’. “I know, if I had thought you’d run I would
have signed you up for track.” She joked. “But just because you’ve made some mistakes,
doesn’t mean you deserve to be unhappy. The James I know would never hold back on his
feelings.”

James tore his eyes away from his maan. “Maybe I’m different now.”

“You’re not.” She insisted. “I have known you your entire life, and you’ve never once let
your emotions be hidden away.”
“Are you disappointed in me?” He looked to her eyes again.

“Of course not.” She smiled sweetly. “I call you my perfect boy because you are perfect, to
me. Not because I expect you to be perfect all the time.”

“Thanks maan.” He said before leaning against her once more.

Soon his dad returned to the table with their food and drinks, when he saw them both he
looked at his wife before looking back to James with a smile. “Are you alright son?”

James nodded and pushed away from his mother, he brought his knees up to his chest and
started picking at his chips. His maan and dad started talking each other, James was only just
now realising how grateful he should be that they were in one of the back tables. That could
of been really embarrassing.

“I’m gay.” He blurted out. “Well I don’t know, I like everyone.” He stopped to look at his
dads expression, he had wide eyes and had stopped eating, fork hung in the air. “Including
boys.”

His dad stared at him for a moment before speaking. “Any of them caught you eye?”

James wasn't actually surprised by his dads reaction, Fleamont Potter didn’t have a hateful
bone in his body. He look down at his hands and thought for a moment. “Yeah,” He smiled.
“yeah there is.”

“Do you love him?” He said winking at him.

James thought about it. He thought about Regulus. Regulus and his curly hair that he always
had to stop himself from touching, the black that had the light reflecting in it like stars. He
thought of Regulus and his grey eyes, but the grey wasn’t stormy, it was kind. They had
flecks of green and blue which moved around like birds in the sky. Regulus and his smile, his
amazing fucking smile. A smile that will never fail to make James return it.

Suddenly he jumped up in his seat. “I’m sorry, I have to go!” He moved past his maan, giving
her a peck on the cheek, he stumbled slightly as he exited the booth but instantly recovered.

He needed to find Regulus. He ran out of the restaurant and looked over the sea of students,
suddenly he spotted Dorcas Meadowes. They were friendly enough right? I mean there was
something going on with her and Marlene, so she obviously didn’t mind Gryffindors.

“Meadowes!” He called out and she turned around. He ran up to her. “Have you seen
Regulus?”

“Yeah…?” She said skeptically. “Why?”

“Uhhh… tutoring!”

“Oh um, okay.” She turned around slightly and pointed over to the flower shop. “He’s over
there with Pandora.”

“Thanks!” And with that he was off again, dodging past students. He burst into the the shop,
which was small so the only people in it were Regulus, Pandora and the shop keeper. Both of
their heads snapped towards him. “Sorry Ollivander, I need him.”

He walked up to Regulus and grabbed his wrist, dragging him out of the store. “James? What
are you doing!” He ignored him and pulled him into an alleyway, so no one would see them.

James stood in front of him. “I need to talk to you.”

“Well I don’t want to.” Regulus moving away.

James grabbed onto his upper arms, keeping Regulus close to him, only now noticing that
they were the same height. “No please!”

Regulus gulped and looked away, silence fell over them as James waited for a response.
“Right go on then.”

He sighed a breath of relief. “I’m so sorry Regulus, I don’t know why I ran away.”

He scoffed. “I do.”

“No you don’t!” Regulus’ eyes returned to his. “I was scared, and I was only just realising
my feelings. I didn’t know what to do, then I kissed you and it was like everything felt right
again. It felt like all of my worries were gone again, like we were the only people in the
school, bloody hell it felt like we were the only people in the world! For fucks sake, what I’m
trying to say here is that I like you! I really fucking like you Reg.”

Regulus looked at him with wide eyes, gold meeting silver. His mouth opened and closed a
few times, obviously struggling to find words. After a few moments Regulus leaned in, he
paused for a moment, unsure of himself, but James closed that gap.

He kissed James softly, as if scared that he would injure his lips, but James wasn’t going to
let that happen. He had been thinking about this for far too many days, he slid his arms
around Regulus’ slender waist and pulled him in tighter. Who then, in response, pushed
James up against the wall, they paused for a moment looking at each other.

“I like you too.” Regulus admits and before he can say anymore James is pulling him into the
kiss once more.

_________________________
That night James returned back to the dorm with a smile on his face. He'd have to ask Lily
about labels, he couldn't go around saying he was gay for everyone.

“You have a good time with Effie and Monty?” Sirius asked

“Yeah.” James said, taking off his shirt.

Sirius nodded. “You ditched them though.”

He looked over to his friend. “What do you mean?”

“I found them sitting at the hogshead, they said you left because you had to go pick up
something.” James pulled off his trousers.

Pick up your brother more like. “Yeah, I wanted to get some itching powder from Zonko’s
but they didn’t have any.” He climbed into bed.

“Ahh okay.” Sirius said understandingly. “Why are you so happy then?”

James smiled. “Let’s just say that I’m changing the future.”

“Oh? Going to elaborate on that?” Sirius questioned.

“No… No I don’t think I will.” He smirked at him. “Night mate.”

"You and your secrets” He sighed. “Right, night.” Sirius put out the light.
 He turned over on his pillow any closed his eyes, he was changing the future wasn’t he?

“Someone’s cocky.”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

This is a longer chapter than usual, almost 3,000 words above my usual.

Honestly those letter were just to clarify the timeline and tie up some loose ends, so if
you read through them expecting some important plot points I'm sorry to disappoint.

Sneaky Older Regulus at the end.

StarChaser are together at last, gotta love them.

I made a few changes. The unimportant one is that I changed the song for the second
chapter, if anyone wants to have a lil angst moment cause this chapter isn't very angsty
then go and look at that.

Now the important one. I originally wrote the Peter to be AroAce, before this I hadn't
understood what may be wrong behind this head canon and just decided to use it
because it was popular. Recently I've seen a lot of videos on why this is bad, they talked
about how not giving a plus size character a love interest or head canoning them as
AroAce or Aromantic can be really damaging to the PS community because it makes
them seem unloveable. This was never my intention but of course that is not an excuse, I
am deeply sorry for this and I hope you can forgive me.

I am going to keep him as Demi-AroAce, and I will be giving him a love interest
(spoilers sorry). Again I am so sorry to any PS readers, and I'll do better in the future.
Thank you.

Eat whatever you want, because food is fucking awesome.

Emme <3
 Early morning start
Chapter Summary

Older Regulus returns and James asks why he chose him to save everyone. Regulus gets
a note from someone to see them in the Quidditch pitch. The Gryffindor and Slytherin
match gets off to a good start, but how will it end?

Chapter Notes

"Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be
alright. Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life." Paper rings - Taylor Swift

___________________

TW:
Child abuse: "What was so funny?." - "Their mother scoffed at them."
Implied child abuse: "Sirius sat up." - "Provoke her.)
Talks of Child Abuse: "Why are you so complacent?" - "Yes sir."
Child abuse aftermath: "It was only when the sound of her heals ceased" - "Is there
anything-"

See the end of the chapter for more notes

James opened his eyes to the white abyss. It was familiar, something he had grown to enjoy,
maybe even look forward to. He turned around and saw Regulus, gone were the burn scars,
but the claw marks remained and he was still soaked. They seemed more harsh however, now
it was like Regulus had fought back against whatever had created them. James had wondered
if he would also have feelings for Older Regulus, but looking at him now he realised that he
didn’t, interesting.

“I told you to be friends with me, not snog me.”

Oh um… yeah…

“That’s all you have to say for yourself? Don’t be trying to kiss me.”
No I don’t like you.

“Literally what does that mean? He is me.”

No he’s not.

“Are you stupid?”

No, I mean he’s technically not you, right? He’s an alternate version of you.

“You have a point, Je suppose… (I guess)

I know I do, it’s cause of how smart I am.

“Sure… whatever you say.”

What? Hey! I am.

“Mhm, and I’m alive.”

Why do I always forget how you act?

“Cause you’re stupid.”

Have you ever had a serious conversation in your life?

“Non. I’ve just constantly joked around my entire life.”

Really?

“‘Not stupid’ he says.”

It’s pure hatred, nothing else to describe the way I feel about you.

“Thought you loved me?”

No I like other you. You’re too old.

“I’m literally 18.”

You’re 18?!

“Oui..?”

You’re so young…

“Genius you are.”

No Regulus I’m serious.

“You’re not Sirius.”

Stop deflecting! Merlin.

“So what I died young, it’s not like the rest of you didn’t too.”

How old was I?

“…”

How old was I Regulus?

“…”

Regulus!

“Bien! Fucks sake you were 21.” (Fine)

“James?”

…What about the others?”

“What do you mean?”

How old were the others?

“I don’t think I should tell you that.”

Tell me!

“…They were… they were the same. Most of you died in your early 20’s.”

“But that doesn’t matter, très bien? I’m not going to let you die.” (Alright?)

What if I can’t do it?

“James-“

No, what if you chose the wrong person, what if I let everyone die. Regulus why did you
chose me? Everyone’s going to fucking die and it will be all my fault! How do we know you
haven’t done this before? What if another version of you came to me and did the exact same
thing? What if-

“James! Stop it, you’re going to hyperventilate!”

Regulus I can’t do this!

“Yes you can.”

No I can’t-
“Merlin James, do you really think I chose you randomly? That I would put the fate of
hundreds on a quickly made decision? Do you think I’d put my future on a quickly made
decision?”

…Maybe?

“No I wouldn’t! I didn’t want to end up like this, it was fucking painful and I wouldn’t wish it
even upon Voldemort himself. You can do it, I know you can, because I spent weeks thinking
over my choices. James, you are the best person for this!”

But why? I’m not anything special…

“Why don’t we sit back and watch todays memory then.”

Is it nice?

Peut-être. (Perhaps.)

Just like before the room shifted, they were in a room laid out like Regulus’, but it was
unmistakably Sirius’. There was pockets of Red darted around the room, little photos of their
group, and also a younger Sirius was sitting in the bed. He no longer had the long locks
James had become accustomed too, he was wearing a dress shirt and black slacks. This was
an outfit Sirius used to call casual wear, until Remus and James showed him the wondrous
world of Muggle clothing.

He could only assume that this Sirius was around 15. There was a knock at the door, Sirius
didn’t say anything, but then after a few moments Regulus entered the room carrying a towel
and a basin of water.
He walked over to Sirius’ bed and sat next to him, placing the water and cloth onto the
bedside table. “I don’t know why you insist on provoking her.” Regulus said as he placed the
cloth into the water.

Sirius sat up and only now was James noticing the litter of bruises across his face, as well a
nasty cut on his cheek. “I don’t provoquez-la.” He allowed Regulus to clean his cut. (Provoke
her)

“She wasn’t even saying anything particularly horrible this time.” The younger sighed as he
dabbed the towel.

“Slurs sounds pretty horrible to me.” Sirius murmured.

Regulus looked at him with tired eyes. “You know what I mean…” He put down the cloth
and took out his wand. “Rapproche toi.” (Come closer.)

“Why are you so complacent?” He asked, then winced as Regulus started applying healing
charms.

“So I don’t end up like this.” He pulled away. He put his wand next to the water and lay
down on Sirius’ bed, who then lay beside him.

“Qui sait? Maybe if her favourite child started a revolution she might see the wrong in her
ways.” He suggested, causing Regulus to let out a huff of breath. Sirius turned to look at him
with a questioning look on his face. (Who knows)

“I can’t believe you still think I’m her favourite.” Regulus admitted, turning to look at Sirius
as well.

“What do you mean? It’s obvious that you’re their favourite. I mean they don’t hit you nearly
as often as me.” James would have agreed with Sirius, but now he thinks differently. It’s a
bad way of thinking, but he knows it’s a common way between the siblings.
“That’s only because I don’t give them a reason too. We both know anytime I step out of
place it’s twice as bad as you. “C'est pourquoi je ne le fais pas.” (That’s why I don’t.)

“Oh yeah?” Sirius challenged. “Give me an example.”

“Last year, when I told Maman to stop saying mudblood.” James winced at the use of the
slur, so did Older Regulus. It’s interesting sometimes to catch his reactions at his past self.
“She went mental.”

“Ahh.” Sirius waved his finger slightly. “You’ve got a point there.” They were silent for a
moment. “He, was that the last time you stepped out of line?” (Hey)

“Yes sir.” Regulus nodded.

Sirius hit his brother in the chest, laughing lightly. “None of that sir crap, alright?”

“Sure… Mr Black.” Regulus smirked, then started laughing at Sirius’ expression. “You’re
face! You look exactly like Maman…arrêt! You look even more like her now!” He said as he
hysterically laughed.

“Reg stop it! I do not look like her!” Sirius exclaimed as he started trying to push him off the
bed.

“No wait Sirius! I’m doing to fall!” Regulus exclaimed as he began to fight back, his brother
continued and just as Sirius pushed him off the bed Regulus grabbed onto him causing them
both to tumble to the ground.

They looked at each other with shock for a moment before they burst out laughing, they kept
bringing fingers to their lips, signalling to be quiet, but nothing could stop their hysterics.
Suddenly there was loud clicking sounds coming from outside the door, they grew louder and
louder, until they finally arrived. It opened and there stood Walburga Black. She had a scowl
on her face and a cold glare in her eyes, she looked between her children. “Stand up.”

Both boys stood up instantly, shifting awkwardly on their feet and eyeing each other
nervously. Walburga moved closer to them, towering above, looking ready to bite. “What was
so funny?” Neither of them responded, eyes trained to their feet. “I said, what was so funny?”
She demanded, grabbing Regulus’ wrist and pulling him forward.

He tripped at the sudden movement, causing him to dangle slightly in the air, one knee on the
ground. “It was nothing Maman!” Sirius exclaimed. “We just fell off the bed!”

The woman threw Regulus’ arm away, he fell to the ground and Sirius quickly rushed to his
brothers side. “I don’t believe you.”

James watched as a pained expression came over the younger's face and he started grasping
onto his head, screaming. Sirius held on to his brother as he begged their mother to stop it,
stop what? James didn’t know. Blood started coming out of Regulus’ nose which caused
Sirius to panic even more as he tried to comfort him the best he could.

“Maman please stop!” Sirius cried out, tears were forming at the corners of his eyes, and his
grip on Regulus was strong. “Maman! You’re hurting him!”

Regulus’ form finally un-tensed as he collapsed into his brothers arms, looking dazed and
unaware of his surrounding, eyes darting round the room without a goal in sight. The young
boy was shaking and he clutched onto Sirius’ hand with a death grip, breathing heavily.

“That is not how a member of The Black Family should act, you two know better than to act
like a bunch of Mudbloods.” Walburga spat at them.

“Hey-“ Sirius started to argue, but halted any attempts when Regulus started coughing
thickly, his body convulsing with each one.
Their mother scoffed at them. “You best be grateful I’m in a good mood today.” With that she
strutted out of the room.

It was only when the sound of her heals ceased that Sirius stopped staring defiantly out the
door and instead turned to his brother. “Regulus.” He said to the coughing boy. “Regulus
please you need to calm down.” He Was still ignored. “Reg please stop… Arrête ça.” Sirius
was obviously becoming more frustrated. (Stop it)

He looked up, holding back tears, and took a deep breath. He looked back down. “S'il vous
plaît reggie… just take deep breaths.” Regulus was starting to claw at his throat in attempts to
get out whatever was blocking it. “Here look at me… Reggie Regardez-moi.” Sirius started
taking in deep breaths and Regulus tried to copy them, eventually the coughs died down into
harboured breaths as he continued to shake in his brothers grasp. (Please) (Look at me)

“You’re alright?” Sirius asked his brother, who looked away from him with a hollow gaze.
“Reg, are you okay?” Regulus didn’t answer once more. “Reg, Regulus, Reggie. Réponds-
moi.” Sirius’ eyes seemed to become more frantic as the younger remained still and
unresponsive. “Regulus, answer me… Reggie, answer me now.” He began to shake his
brother. “For fucks sake answer me!” (Answer me)

Regulus’ eyes snapped towards Sirius as he dragged in a sharp breath. “Yeah, yeah I’m here,
désolé.” He weakly squeezed Sirius’ hand, smiling unsurely at him. (Sorry)

Sirius held on tight and leaned over him. “Thank Merlin, don’t do that again. Do you hear
me?” He looked into his eyes. “Never again.”

“Yeah Sirius, never again.” He assured the older.

“Is there anything-“ Sirius cut himself off, James couldn’t even begin to imagine the amount
of guilt he was feeling at the moment. He himself was feeling guilt and he technically wasn’t
even there. “Is there anything I can do?”

Regulus looked off for a moment, before returning his eyes at Sirius’ slight panic. He smiled
again. “Tell me about your friends, tell me about Potter.”
Sirius looked at him with a confused expression. “James? You hate James…?”

“Ouais,” Regulus agreed. “but you like him.” He nudged his brother slightly. (Yeah)

Sirius smiled down at him. “Okay, yeah okay I’ll tell you about the day I met him then.”

“This is my favourite one.”

“est-ce?” Sirius laughed softly. (Is it?)

“Mhm…”

“Okay,” He started. “It was the day I got onto The Hogwarts Express for the first time…”

The scene started to paint itself, no longer were him and Regulus in Sirius’ room, but now
they were in the bustling floor of Platform 9 3/4. So many first years were running around the
place, saying their goodbyes to their parents as they cried. Older Regulus started walking
somewhere so James followed him, they made their way up to one of the pillars, towards a
family of four. Walburga stood there with Sirius in front of her, while Orion and Regulus
stood father away.

“Sirius you will be sorted into Slytherin.” She told her eldest, face almost anxious looking.
Almost

Sirius shrugged. “I’ll be sorted into whatever I’m sorted into Maman.”

“No you must make sure you are a Slytherin, if not there will be consequences.” Her tones
was cold and cruel, which caused not only Sirius but Regulus to flinch as well. “None of that
now Sirius, you are the Heir, Heir’s do not flinch.”
“Whatever.” Sirius murmured.

“What was that?” She demanded.

“I just said yes Maman…” Sirius lied to her.

She looked at him with disgust. “Right, well you best be on your way now. Leave.”

Sirius’ eyes darted over to Regulus. “I need to say good bye to Reg.”

“Regulus.” She corrected him. “And you will be seeing him at Christmas, no need for pitiful
goodbyes.”

“But-“

“No. Now go.” Sirius looked at his brother one more time before picking up his things and
leaving.

James followed him through the crowd, slinking through children as they ran around,
Regulus just walked through them in a creepy ghost manner. He wondered if he could do that
as well, he didn’t want to try though, sounded like it would feel weird. Sirius stopped in front
of the luggage trolley and gave most of it to the Train-man-person-thing, keeping a small
suitcase with him.

He then left after saying thank you to the man, and walked through the nearest door. The
train was still quite empty, only a few older years who no longer needed to have teary
goodbyes with their parents, were on board. Sirius walked into an all familiar compartment
and sat down, sighing and looking out the window.
They both sat on the opposite bench, James looked around their compartment, the same one
they had used for the past 6 years. No longer was there initials carved under the window, or
drawings of their animagus forms + Moony’s werewolf. It was strange seeing it look so…
new. He looked over to Regulus he was staring intently at Sirius, a solemn expression on his
face, something that resembled regret.

The train became more noisy and many children bustled past the compartment door. They all
looked in at the sight of a near-empty compartment but as soon as they saw Sirius they ran
away. Each time Sirius’ face grew more and more upset, or maybe it was embarrassment.
Finally the door opened and in strut a young Peter and himself, or well a younger version of
himself.

“Come on Pete, this ones pretty much empty. You don’t mind if we sit here, do you mate?”
Younger James asked Sirius, who look up at him with a shocked expression, haunted by some
confusion. “Uhh… you there?”

Sirius shook his head slightly and waved his hand in a ‘I don’t mind’ fashion. “No of course
not, sorry.”

“No worries.” Younger him sat on the same bench as Sirius, a little further away though.
James looked over to Peter and noticed his annoyed expression. “Oi Pete, lighten up.”

Peter hadn’t liked Sirius at first, James remembered. His father had been employed by The
Black Family, and when they fired him, he ran away, abandoning his family in the process.

Peter scoffed and eyed Sirius. “Yeah sure, what ever you say James.” Sirius snuck a glance
but instantly turned back around with a weary expression.

Younger him kicked Peter lightly. “Don’t be rude to our new friend.” Then turned to Sirius
with an outstretched hand. “I’m James, James Potter.”

Sirius looked at his hand with a questioning face, he stared at the hand and made no attempt
to return it. Instead of being discouraged, Younger him moved forward, grabbed Sirius’ hand
and shook it.
“That’s Peter, but I call him Pete.” He gestured over to the boy, Sirius just stared down at
their hands, still conjoined. “What’s your name?” Sirius looked up to his eyes and stared at
him. “You do a lot of staring. Do you blink?”

“‘Course he blinks James.” Peter pointed out and Younger him turned to look at Sirius with
an offended expression.

He dropped Sirius’ hand. “Well sorry for asking, maybe he has a genetic condition. You ever
thought of that, hm?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “If he had a genetic condition don’t you think The Blacks would’ve
gotten rid of him already?” The compartment became colder at that and Sirius’ gaze
returned to his legs as his knee started to bounce involuntarily.

“Don’t be an wanker.” Younger James scolded him, he turned round to Sirius once more.
“Sorry about him, didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed.”

Sirius shook his head, it was only a small movement though. “It’s alright, ‘m used to it…” He
mumbled.

“He speaks!” Younger him cheered. “Now what’s your name?”

“It’s obvious you already know.” Sirius snapped, but it didn’t really have any bite behind it.

The other boy didn’t seem deterred at all. “Hmm… No I don’t.”

“Yes you do.”

“Pretty sure I don’t.”

Sirius groaned with frustration. “You do, you literally do.”

James put on a thinking expression for a second. “Nope, I promise I do not.” He put his hand
on his heart.

Sirius smiled slightly. “It’s Sirius.”

The other returned the smile brightly. “Nice to meet you Sirius, I’m sure we’ll be great
friends.”

The compartment door opened and a Young Lily Evans and Severus Snape entered. “Sorry,
there’s just no more compartments.” She apologised. James decided he should probably
stand up before some one sat on him, Regulus didn’t budge.

“Don’t worry about it, please sit.” Younger him said, moving closer to Sirius. Peter moved
benches so he could sit beside James, Lily and Snape sat on the opposite by Regulus. This left
him standing awkwardly in front of the window.

“I’m James Potter,” He said outstretching his hand to the two. “and you are…?”

Lily took his hand and smiled warmly. “Lily Evans.” James moved his hand towards Snape
but was ignore as he stuck his nose up. “Sorry about him, this is Severus.”

“I don’t recognise the names, you two aren’t pureblood’s?” Peter asked, getting hit slightly
by James. “Sorry, that came off as rude. I don’t mean it in a bad way, just curiosity.”

“No, no it’s fine don’t worry about it.” She waved him off. “I’m a Muggle born, Sev is a
Halfblood.”
The other boys nodded understandingly. “I’m Peter Pettigrew by the way, probably should’ve
started with that.” He laughed awkwardly.

Lily also laughed. “Nice to meet you.” She looked over to Sirius. “And you are…?”

“He’s Sirius Black. One of the ones I told you to stay away from.” Snape told her, and Sirius
seemed too curl in on himself even more than he had already.

“What’t that supposed to mean?” James asked in a challenging manner, as Lily looked over
to Sirius with a wary expression.

“You know their kind Potter, you’re from a light family. He’s from a dark family also The
Black Family. They’re as bad as they come.” Snape replied as if it was obvious. Maybe it
was.

“Maybe that’s too harsh Sev…” Lily attempted to mediate.

Snape looked over to her. “It’s not Lily, he’s probably thinking about all the ways he wants to
torture us right now.” She flinched back at that.

“Hey!” James stood up. “You look like a pig but you don’t see me saying you’d be great at
dinner tonight, do you?” Peter choked out a laugh at that.

Snape started stuttering and looked ready to retort but Lily stopped him. “Maybe we should
all calm down.” She looked over to Sirius, hesitated for a moment, before putting out her
hand. “I’m Lily, it’s nice to meet you.”

Sirius looked at her for a moment, before warily shaking her hand. “Sirius, nice to meet you
too.”
She smiled at him, and Younger James seemed happy with the way the conflict had ended.
“What houses do you guys want to get sorted into?”

“My Maman wants me in Slytherin.” Sirius told him.

James rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but what one do you want to be put into?”

Sirius seemed slightly taken aback by this, he thought about it for a moment before speaking.
“Maybe Gryffindor, I think I’m pretty brave.”

“I also want to be in Gryffindor!” James exclaimed. “He wants to be in Hufflepuff.” He said,

gesturing to Peter.

“It’s a good house! My mum’s a Hufflepuff.” Peter defended himself, scowling playfully at
James.

“I think I’d want to be in the bird one,” Lily interrupted. “it sounds nice.”

“Are you a nerd?” James asked her.

“I don’t think so…?”

“That’s the nerd house.” James clarified.

Snape scoffed. “It’s not, most of the students just happen to be smart. Unlike you, Gryffindors
are notoriously stupid.”

“Hey!” Younger James became defensive once more. “What does that mean?”
“You all die prematurely because you’re all insanely loyal and stupid.” James winced at
that.

Younger him crossed his arms. “That’s a good thing, not the dying part, but at least we’re
loyal. What do you want to be? A Slytherin?”

Snape smirked at him. “In a matter of fact, I do.”

James returned the smirk. “Makes sense, you’ll fit right in with the slimy snakes. Is that why
your hair’s so greasy, are you trying to become as slimy as possible to better your chances?”

Snape attempted to come back with a retort but was unsuccessful, eventually he settled on
one. “Come on Lily we’re leaving, don’t want to be near this filth.” He grabbed on to her
arm and pulled her up.

She seemed to want to say something but didn’t get the opportunity, as she was dragged
away younger James looked longingly. James watched and he thought about how things had
changed so much, not even just appearance wise, but mentality as well. He had been so
immature when he was young, dangerously immature.

“What an arse.” Peter mumbled from his seat.

James nodded with him, then looked over to Sirius, who was still acting unsure of himself.
“Hey,” He elbowed him slightly, causing the other boy to look over at him. “don’t listen to
him, alright?”

“Yeah,” Sirius smiled weakly. “yeah alright.”

“Tell me about yourself then Sirius.”

“Oh, um.” He seemed shocked, unsure of what to answer. Or more accurately, unsure of who
he was. “I like Quidditch.”

James beamed at this answer. “No way me too!”

Sirius came out of his shell slightly, straightening up, face brightening, smile becoming less
awkward. “What position do you play?”

“Chaser!” Younger him declared proudly. “Dad says I’m even better than him when he was
my age, and he was a captain. What about you?”

“My favourite position to play is beater, but I don’t like hurting my brother so I usually play
chaser.” Sirius told him.

“You have a brother?” Sirius nodded. “That’s so cool! What position is he?”

“Seeker, and he’s bloody brilliant at it as well. He could go professional one day if he
wanted, got the right build for it as well. I mean like seriously, the kids mental on a broom.”
Sirius cut himself off, realising he was rambling. This was something he often did, and it only
happened about topics he was really passionate about. He no longer did it with Regulus, it
was sad to see now looking back on it.

“I’m excited to play against him then! I never get to play against anyone, Pete over here
hates the sport.” He pointed over to Peter, who had been previously staring out the
compartment door window.

Peter rolled his eyes. “I don’t hate it, I just don’t get why you love it so much. Honestly you
literally are in a relationship with the sport.”

Sirius stifled out a laugh. “What?”

Peter seemed to forget his previous grudge against him and opened up. “He spends all his
allowance on it. Once caught him kissing his broom.”

“No…” Sirius looked over to James with a smirk. “Tell me you do not kiss your broom.”

“There’s a perfectly good reasoning behind this I promise.” James began to explain himself,
but then the door opened and a very tall eleven year old stood there awkwardly.

“Uh… all the other compartments are full…” He trailed off, expecting the boys to fill in the
gaps, but they didn’t. “…Can I sit here?”

Younger James’ eyes went wide with embarrassment and his ears went red. “Oh yes, of
course, sorry.” Remus moved over to the ‘empty’ bench and sat down on it. “I’m James
Potter.” He held out his hand.

Remus took it and shook. “Remus Lupin.”

Sirius winced slightly. “Unfortunate name.” He mumbled.

“What’s yours then?” Remus asked playfully.

He obviously didn’t expect to get called out, so his eyes opened wider. “Oh er, Sirius.”

“Sirius…?”

“Just Sirius.”

The other thought about it for a moment before nodding. “Alright, just Sirius.”
James looked between his younger self and Peter, they both shared wary glances, before both
seeming to come to the conclusion to not point it out.

Sirius scoffed, or laughed? “You’d get along with my brother.”

“Would I now?”

“Definitely.”

“James was the first person to ever look past my name. He was the first person to see me.”

Sirius finished up his story and looked down to his brother and saw that he was asleep. He
smiled softly at him before lifting him up and placing him on Sirius’ bed. He stared at his
Regulus for a moment, his expression becoming one of guilt. “I’m sorry…”

“Summer of 1975, the summer Sirius ran away.”

That was this summer, haven’t we skipped past a lot?

“I’m going to go back don’t worry, you’re not missing out on too much trauma.”

You know that’s not what I meant.

“Ouais I do, don’t worry.” (Yeah)

Why’d you show me this?

“Why do you think?”

Well I assume to help me gain confidence, but it’s not really done that. I don’t get what I was
supposed to see here.

“The Black name is a scary one, people don’t like to get caught up in it, because if you do
and you don’t handle it accordingly you die, or worse you don’t. Why didn’t you run away at
the sight of him?”

He looked lonely, but that doesn’t mean I should have the fate of countless lives in my hands.

“That’s not the point James.”

Then what is it?

“You didn’t have prejudice.”

What do you mean?

“Well of course you have prejudice, everyone does, but it’s the way you handle yours. More
often than not you look over your prejudices, you did it with Sirius, you did it with Snape in
5th year, you did it with me.”

Still not that special.

“But it is, it really fucking is. Believe me it’s not easy, and you don't even break a sweat
while doing it. Sure I could have gone to my brothers dreams, but what do you think 6th year
Sirius would have done if his death eater brother asked him to save everyones lives.”
He would say yes.

“No, no he wouldn’t. 1, Sirius wouldn’t even believe me. 2, he would assume I was just
doing this for my own gain, and rightfully so.”

“James you don’t just put others before you, you put everything before you. And that
includes your prejudices, your morals, your hopes, your dreams, you put everything before
those. If one of your friends asked you to help them murder someone, with a valid enough
reason you would do it.”

No I wouldn’t… okay yes I would.

“See, no one else is like that. You’re so unique and you don’t even see it.”

If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were flirting with me.

“Oh piss off… I mean it though James.”

Yeah… thanks

“Don’t mention it.”

____________________________
Regulus lunged forward as he woke up, gasping for breath. He looked around the room, Evan
and Barty were still asleep and the sun was only just starting to rise, gold and bronze leaking
into the room. He wiped his hand across his forehead and pulled his duvet off of him,
climbing out of bed unsteadily.

Stumbling into the bathroom, he locked the door behind him and turned on the shower. He
stared at if for a moment before sliding down the door and putting a hand over his mouth, the
other holding something tightly. Regulus rubbed his hand over his face, then looked down at
the balled up piece of paper in his hand, he stared at it for a moment then unravelled it.

Lilac,

Meet me at the Quidditch pitch as soon as you wake up.

Bluebell.

Regulus smiled uncontrollably at the letter, he could feel the blush adorning his face. Then
there was a knock at the door. “Oi Reg, I know for sure you don’t need to shower! You
showered yesterday, stop wasting my hot water.” Barty called out.

“Faire chier! I’m coming out now, give me a moment!” He shouted back, standing up. He
turned on the tap and splashed some water over his face, pushing the dial on the shower to
make it run cold, he left the bathroom, making sure to slap Barty over the head as he passed.
(Piss off)

“Bloody hell!” Barty exclaimed, but seemed to leave it at that as he walked in to the
bathroom and closed the door. Regulus walked over to his drawers and picked out a t-shirt to
put on, keeping the tracks he already had. A few minutes passed then Barty yelled once more.
“For fucks sake! Would it kill you to be a decent person?”

Regulus looked over to Evan, who was just starting to wake up. “You made the water cold,
again?” He asked with a half amused, half disappointed look on his face.
“Bien sûr.” Regulus replied with a grin on his face. “I’m going down to the Quidditch pitch,
I’ll see you two at breakfast.” (Of course)

Evan looked over to him with a confused expression. “I mean I get wanting to practice before
a game, but it’s 5am Reg. No one else is going to be down there.”

Regulus looked down and smiled to himself a tiny bit, he looked back up. “Yeah, quand
même. It’s a match against Gryffindor, we’ve got to win.” (Still)

“Right, okay…” Evan said skeptically. “Yeah, we’ll see you at breakfast then.”

With that Regulus left their dorm, no one else was up at this time. The only reason Barty and
Evan were was because they had morning detention with the care of magical Creatures
professor, Regulus had told them that they were overfeeding their toad, but they just didn't
listen.

He walked through the corridors and couldn’t help but appreciate the silence, the
peacefulness. There was no loud conversations, or any people getting scolded by a teacher,
just pure silence. It was so quiet that you didn’t need to strain your ears to hear the birds
chirp, they sang beautifully and loudly without any disruption.

When he exited the building the smell of grass was overpowering, and there was a slight
dampness to the ground from the morning frost. The colours of the flowers were brighter than
usual and the grass was delicately sharpened.

Entering the pitch he couldn’t see James anywhere, Regulus made his way deeper into the
field but still no overly excitable boy in sight. “James!” No response. “James! Where are
you?”

Suddenly someone came up from behind him and practically jumped on to him, wrapping
Regulus into a tight hug. “Here I am.” James said placing his chin onto Regulus’ shoulder
Regulus couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed. Turning to James, their faces centimetres
apart. “Hi.” He breathed out.

James smiled at him, then leaned in and kissed him tenderly. It was short and sweet, but it
was enough for Regulus. “Hi, sorry, is this okay?”

“Ouais,” Regulus nodded at him. “yeah it’s okay.” (Yeah)

He sighed a breath of relief and relaxed his head into Regulus’ shoulder. “I missed you, a
lot.”

“Stop being a sop.” He laughed at James. “I saw you two days ago, imbécile.” He added on.
Didn’t want to be caught being too nice. (Idiot)

“That’s too long…” James murmured, Regulus decided to pull away and he whined. “Where
are you going?”

“Just a few inches, do you think you can manage?” He teased. “Or does little James need
mummy to hold his hand?”

“I need you to hold my hand.” James said as he took Regulus’ in his. It was warm, but not in
an uncomfortable way. It was warm like how the sun is warm, when you’re sitting outside in
July and the clouds have come out so it’s gotten cold, but then the sun comes around every
few minutes and heats you up. That was how it felt.

Regulus held on to James’ hand and they started walking over to the Ravenclaw stands. As
James led him up the stairs he couldn’t help but admire him, the way his hair was messy but
in a somehow elegant way. The waves framed his face, some strands venturing out to just
above his eyes, blending in slightly to his eyebrows.

They got to the top of the tower and sat down on one of the benches, then James did
something Regulus didn’t expect him to do, he lay his head down on his lap and looked up at
him. “What are you doing?”

“Laying down, it’s early.” James told him.

“You’re the one who asked me to meet you so early.”

He shuffled slightly closing his eyes and crossing his arms over each other, his legs did the
same. “Hmm… Did I?”

“Oui, think of a better excuse.”

He opened one of his eyes and looked up at Regulus. “Okay then.” He thought about it for a
moment. “You’ve got nice legs.”

Regulus choked on the air and coughed. “W-what?!”

James just smirked at him and closed his eyes once more. “Let’s play the flower game again,
I like it.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay then… give me a flower.”

“Daisies.”

“They mean beauty as well as innocence.” Regulus told him as he started to card his fingers
through James’ hair, he hummed in response.

“Petunia’s.”
“Petunia’s represent resentment and anger.” James snorted at that. “Quoi?”

“Lily’s sister is called petunia, and she’s a total wanker.” He explained, Regulus made sure to
hide his discomfort at Lily’s name. However James seemed to pick up on it. He opened his
eyes and sat up. “Hey, are you okay?”

Regulus looked at him for a moment. “Don’t you think… Don’t you think it would be much
easier dating her. Lily.” He elaborated.

James’ face became more serious and he took Regulus’ hand in his own. “I don’t want
anything easy.” He noticed Regulus still had uncertainty written all over his face. “I want you
Reg, not Lily.”

“Why?”

James removed his hands from Regulus’ and instead cupped his face, forcing Regulus to look
at him. “Because you’re you.”

“And who’s that?”

His face turned sad for a moment, then he spoke once more. “You are Regulus Arcturus,
you’re smart and witty, you always have a retort and I mean always. You’re unbelievably
funny, I don’t think I’ve never not laughed at your jokes. You’re kind.” Regulus made a face.
“You are, I mean it. And you’re so fucking beautiful.”

Regulus laughed sardonically at that. “No I’m not.”

“Have you seen yourself?” In truth Regulus probably didn’t know what he looked like, if you
asked him to describe himself he wouldn’t make it far past grey eyes and black hair. His
Maman had always taught him and Sirius to not look in a mirror too long, that their opinions
of themselves didn’t matter, only others. “Besides my maan likes you.”
He smiled bashfully. “Really?”

“Yeah, she does. A lot.” James confirmed. “And so do I.”

“Oh yeah?” Regulus smirked. “How much?”

James laughed lightly and leaned forward, their foreheads touching. “This much.” He pushed
his lips into Regulus’ gently and kissed him. His lips were soft but were interrupted by a
slight bit of stubble that had started to form on his upper lip, strong calloused hands made
their way round his waist and slightly up his shirt. In response Regulus moved his hand into
James’ hair.

James moaned a bit against Regulus’ lips, and they pulled apart breathing heavily. They
stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before a gust of wind interrupted the moment.
Regulus shivered heavily, he really regretted only wearing a t-shirt.

“Are you cold? James asked him.

Regulus shook his head. “No I’m fine.” But he moved his hands on to the opposite arm and
started moving them up and down. “Just a little.”

“Here,” He said taking off his jumper and handing it to Regulus. “take this.”

“What no, I can’t take yours, then you’ll get cold.” He pointed out.

James just threw it at Regulus. “Apparently I’m like a heater, I won’t get cold. You on the
other hand are practically anaemic.”
Regulus laughed loudly at that, and decided if he was being offered the jumper he might as
well take it. As soon as he put on the jumper he was instantly warmed. It had a slightly rough
texture, so it had obviously been fluffy at some point, and was all grey. “C'est chaud.” (It’s
warm)

“I told you so.” James smirked at him. “We should go, I need a big breakfast so I can beat
you.”

He took his hand and stood up as well. “Oh is that so?”

“Yep!” James said grinning, as he slung his arm round Regulus’ shoulder and kissed him on
the cheek. “Hey! I’m taller than you now.”

“Hm, I guess you are.”

______________________________

“You ready to destroy them today James?” Sirius asked him with his mouth full of toast.

“Of course I will, who do you take me for?”

“An idiot.” Remus replied.

Peter decided to join in as well. “A crazy lunatic.”

“Woah what’s with the James hate train?” James said holding his hands up in a surrendering
position.
“Moony’s still mad at you for the whole Lily thing, I don’t know what’s up with Wormy.”
Sirius filled him in as he took a bite of his sausage.

“Oh I’m just taking the opportunity to make fun of one of you.” Peter admitted earning a look
from him.

James groaned. “Come on Moony, I apologised a billion times.”

“Yeah but you haven’t apologised to Lily yet.” Remus half-glared at him.

“I just haven’t found the right opportunity yet alright?” It was true, well two things were true.
1, he owed Lily a huge, massive, gigantic apology. 2, he didn’t know how to do it at all, to do
it he’d have to tell her he liked boys. And even though he knew she wouldn’t say anything, it
was still scary.

“Well find it, soon.”

“Come on Moony, you know I get anxious when I’m fighting with people. I promise I’m
going to apologise soon, in fact I’ll do it after the match.

Remus’ face softened. “Fine I forgive you, but only if you apologise to her after.”

James nodded vigorously. “I will, I will I promise.”

The other looked at him for a moment, then looked down at his plate. “And if you give me
your egg.”

“Ugh… come on Moony you know there’s a one egg policy.” James whined.
“Exactly. Now hand it over.” James stared at him for a moment hoping he would let up, but
he didn’t and so he reluctantly gave up his poached egg. “Thank you very much.”

“Oi James! Sirius!” Marlene called out. “Frank says we have to go now!”

“Right!” He turned to his friends. “I’ll see you at the game, yeah?”

“Course, rip ‘em to shreds.” Peter said to them.

“Yeah do that.” Remus agreed. “Maybe in a more team player-y manner.” He added on.

“Nah I’m gonna beat them all.” Sirius declared. “No Slytherin left un-hit.”

“That’s like half of the spirit.” Frank said to him as he walked by, Marlene in tow. She
grappled onto Sirius and put her arm around his neck, dragging him along with her.

“What- Hey! James help me!”

“Sorry Pads, you’re on your own!”

“Traitor!”

James ignored him and started walking behind them, his eyes trailed off to Regulus. He was
talking to Rosier but James didn’t miss the way him and Crouch were punching each other
under the table, he’s certain Rosier hasn’t either.

He remembers how Regulus looked in his hoodie this morning, and now he’s no longer
wearing it. Instead it’s been replaced with the Slytherin one, his name and number written of
the back, James much preferred his Jumper this one is too… it’s too Slytherin-y.
For the first time he’s unsure if he wants to win. Usually, like most, he wants to steal that
gold medal right from under the Slytherins noses, but now that would be taking the win away
from Regulus as well. That wasn’t something he wanted, and the idea of his disappointed
face made James want to throw the match altogether.

Realistically he knew Regulus was a force to be reckoned with and he shouldn’t be so cocky,
there was high chances that in the end it would be his face that would be disappointed.
Regulus didn’t want to be a professional Quidditch player, and all though James understood
his reasonings, he was upset that such a talented player would be going to waste.

Sometimes James wonders if Regulus actually doesn’t want to be a Quidditch, or if that’s just
his parents words coming out of his mouth. He can imagine Regulus being famous for his
skills, not that he wasn’t pretty famous already, Witch Weekly has been waiting for him and
Sirius to turn 18 for ages now so that they can gush about their looks.

James hadn’t realised they made it to the pitch, the match wouldn’t start for another 30
minutes, everything was still getting sorted out and the Slytherins hadn’t even come down
yet. He looked around it and his eyes landed on to Dirks, he was talking to Benjy, probably
giving him some good luck for his first game. A ping of guilt hit James, talking to Dirk was
something he had been meaning to do for a while now, just never gotten round to it.

He started walking over to the boys and he saw when Dirk noticed him, how his finger
started to pick at his nail and how his breath seemed to pick up. As James came closer he
smiled, he wanted to seem as least threatening as possible. He came beside them.

“Hey Fenwick, you ready for this match?” He looked down to the younger boy.

“Yes sir!” Benjy said with a smirk. “Gotta beat those snakes right?”

James would have usually agreed with that statement, but once you got to know said snakes
some of them weren’t bad. “That’s the spirit, you’ll do great.” Benjy seemed to beam at the
praise from an older player. “Hey Dirk.” He turned to him. “Can I talk to you?”
Dirk looked over to Benjy and back to James. “Uh… yeah, sure.” James smiled at him and
Benjy seemed to get the message as he left and walked over too Frank.

“Look I just wanted to say that I know a lot went down with you and Remus, but you’re still
my mate alright?” Dirk’s expression went unreadable. “I mean I don’t think anyone thinks
you were in the wrong, certainly not me. Remus is one of my best mates, but you’re my
fellow chaser right?” He slapped Dirks shoulder lightly.

The other stared at him for a moment before laughing quietly. “Yeah, fellow chasers.”

James grinned happily at him. “Great! Now let’s beat those wankers?”

“Let’s” Dirk returned the smile and they started walking over to where Frank was, it seemed
like that’s what most of the team was slowly doing. “Just to clarify though,” Dirk started.
“i’m a much better Chaser than you.”

James laughed at that. “I guess we’ll just have to see who scores the most points, won’t we?”

“There’s no see in that. I know I will.” Dirk bantered with him, it was nice. He missed this, it
had been much too awkward at practices and he regrets not talking to him sooner.

Before James could respond Frank spoke, he only now noticed the rest of the team had joined
them. “Right! The Slytherin team will be down soon and then the match will start. They have
2 new chasers that we’ve never played against, so don’t underestimate them. Emmeline tries
her best to keep those snakes in line but you all know how they can get.”

A chorus of agreements circled through out the group.

“Make sure to have fun as well, it’s important that we win this match, but we’ll still have a
chance to get to the finals in the Hufflepuff match. It’s not our final opportunity.” Frank told
them. “Now go warm-up.”
Everyone started to walk away.

“Wait!”

They stopped and looked back to Frank.

“Watch out for Black, especially you Benjy. Sure he’s pretty docile but on the field? he’s
vicious, he doesn’t need cheats, and he sure as hell makes you aware of it.” The teams face
became sterner except Benjy and Sirius’. Benjy’s turned to one of fear and Sirius’ one of
boredom.

It was known between all the house teams, watch out for Regulus. He’s like the boogey man
in a sense, he sneaks up when you least expect it, and he doesn’t always go for the snitch.
Regulus had once told him that he see’s the snitch at least 5 times before he actually goes for
it, when he asked why Regulus said ‘to give them a chance’.

He didn’t want to out all of Regulus’ secrets, but he couldn’t leave Benjy to the dogs. “Benjy!
Come over here!”

Benjy came running over to him. “Yeah? What is it?”

“Don’t chase him. Ever.”

A confused look came over his face. “Who, Black?”

James nodded. “He pulls feints like no other, you think he’s going to crash? He’s not. You
think he’s going left? He’s not. You think he’s going down? You’ve just lost us the game, he’s
going up.”
Benjy gulped thickly. “Okay, got it.”

“Good luck!” James exclaimed as if he hadn’t just traumatised the poor kid.

He stared at him with wide eyes. “Yeah… yeah, good… good luck.”

James patted him on the back then walked over to Sirius and Marlene. “Hey guys!” He said
slinging an arm round Sirius. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing much, just telling this guy.” Marlene pointed over to Sirius. “To not hit me with a
bludger again.”

“It was one time! And it barely hit you, you were fine! Didn’t even need to go to Pomfrey.”
Sirius defended himself, hands flinging through the air.

“Close enough.” Marlene grumbled crossing her arms, and side eyeing something. “Look
who’s arrived.”

James looked over and saw the Slytherins enter the pitch, the rest of the students not too far
behind. “We should probably get ready to start now.”

“Yeah.” Sirius sighed, as they started walking over to the brooms. “I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“Maybe you just ate too much.” Marlene suggested.

Sirius kicked her in the back of the legs, causing her to stumbled slightly. “Shut up.”

“This is abuse.” She turned to James. “Are you seeing this?”

James glanced away. “What no? Seeing what?”

Marlene huffed and Sirius laughed. “I literally hate you both so much.”

“Do you? I thought you were in love with me.” Sirius said latching himself on to her side and
making kissy faces.

“I’m pretty sure Meadowes has that sorted Pads.” James called out.

“Oh my Merlin, how could I forget?”

“Shut up! You’re dead to me, you hear me Black?” Marlene shouted, James knew she didn’t
mean it though. Despite what it may look like, Marlene and Sirius were actually really close,
at times maybe even closer than Sirius and James.

“Oi Marlene! Sirius! Get over here.” Frank called out and they both made their way over to
him, leaving James standing awkwardly by himself.

He looked over to the Slytherin team, he saw Regulus talking with Vance. She was obviously
giving him a pep talk of some kind. Then he saw Avery go over and put his arm round
Regulus’ shoulder, James doesn’t think he’s seen anyone look that uncomfortable before. It’s
no secret that Avery does a lot to make Regulus like him, little does he know it has the
absolute opposite affect. It’s quite funny to observe.

James started walking over to the brooms as well, all the students were sat and that meant the
match would be starting in a matter of minutes. He went and stood beside Alice, who smiled
sweetly as him, he returned it although probably not as sweet, he was really nervous.

“Okay! 1 minute till we start!” Frank called out.

He heard the speaker getting set up, he wasn’t sure who it was. Time seemed to be going
unusually fast and before James knew the count down had begin

“..3!”

He called up his broom.

“…2!”

He mounted it.

“…1!”

He took off.

Flying was an indescribable feeling and one that he adored more than the universe itself,
maybe not Regulus though. It felt like you were on top of the world, and there wasn’t even a
doubt in your mind that you wouldn’t be brought down. He flew to his position and then the
match started.

It all went by in a blur, he scored points, dodged bludgers and unfortunately attempted to
throw Regulus off of the snitches scent. Everything was going fine, perfect even. At some
point Regulus seemed to spot the Snitch and went chasing after it, Benjy in tow, for fucks
sake he was doing the one think James told him not to do.

While he was giving off at Benjy in his brain, and admiring Regulus’ beauty, he didn’t notice
that the Slytherin beater had sent a bludger right his way. It was too late by the time he turned
around.

“James!”
Chapter End Notes

Hi!!

Good news and bad news. Bad news is that the chapters will most likely be further apart,
good news is that they are going to be 3x as long!! Before I was writing about 3,000 per
chapter (2,500 minimum), This chapter was 8,500 and I plan on having a 5,000 word
minimum. So yay!

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER GHKDKHOJNHGJIT

Sirius and Marlene friendship >>>>>>>>>

Frank LOML I MISSED YOU <33333333333

^^^^^^OLDER REGULUS

I hope this fluff was good, I'm not good at writing nice things LMFAO

Omg the fact that James understands some of Regulus' French, we love character
development.

I made a tiktok omg, it's literally the same username as my ao3. I'm DearOurMoony on
all platforms actually, well the ones I'm on.

Black Brother angst is my fav oml.

I love Barty and Regulus' friendship literally my favourite thing to write. Love that
Evans is their actual mother (I love Barty and Evans 'friendship' as well)

I think I've been getting better at writing kissing scenes, sorry I am not one of those
asexuals that can write hardcore smut.

Yay things with Dirk have been cleared up!!!

I was actually really reactive with my own writing for once, so I hope that means it was
good. I was squealing and shit with James and Regulus on the pitch and spilled a few
tears with the whole "Reggie please..." bit.

Eat what you want, drink what you want. Who cares what anyone thinks?

Emme <3
 The Fall, The Realisation
Chapter Summary

Regulus and Sirius talk, Sirius realises something that turns his world upside down.
There's tension between Barty and Evan, but they refuse to tell Regulus what happened.
James is hit with a bludger and falls from his broom, will he be saved?

Chapter Notes

"Cursing my name, wishing I stayed. You turned into your worst fears." My tears
ricochet - Taylor Swift.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Regulus had split from James to go to their respective dorms. In hindsight he probably should
have taken off his hoodie, but it was so warm and it smelt just like Bluebells. The sleeves
were slightly too long for him so they came past his fingers. James wasn’t that much taller
than him, Merlin that felt weird to say, but he was buffer and Regulus was admittedly on the
more lean end.

He walked up the stairs into his dorm and entered, Barty and Evan were still at their Care of
Magical Creatures detention. Which would again be prime time to take off the jumper that
obviously wasn’t his, but he found himself climbing into bed once more, pulling the hood up
and starting to drift off to sleep.

“Regulus!” Barty slammed the door open, abruptly stopping him from any sleep he had
attempted to make. “Hello!”

Regulus reluctantly sat up onto his elbow and looked over at the duo. Evan seemed quieter
then usual, and refused to meet his gaze, Barty was also acting happy too see Regulus which
was even more suspicious. “What did you do?”
”What?” Barty said nervously looking away from him and laughing awkwardly. “Nothing’s
wrong, can’t I just be excited to see one of my best mates?”

“Non.” Regulus replied. “You’ve literally never been happy to see me.”

The other boy moved over to his bed, sitting down beside him and throwing an arm around
his neck, in a some sort of hugging way. “What do you mean? I’m always excited to see my
Reggie-poo.”

Regulus made a face. “Don’t call me that again, and get off me you smell.” He complained,
attempting to throw Barty off of himself.

He didn’t budge. “Awh come on Reggie-poo, don’t you love me?” He said, lying down on
top of Regulus.

“Shove off.” He told him, once again the other didn’t move instead closing his eyes and
kicking his legs up on to the beside table. “euh bien, how was detention?” (Ugh fine)

Evan didn’t respond, instead he went into the bathroom. “It was fine.” Barty spoke for the
both of them. “Just did some theory stuff, you know- Wait.”

“What?”

“You smell differently.”

Now it was Regulus’ turn to laugh weirdly. “New shampoo?”

“Spill the beans, who was it?” Barty said sitting up again with an excited expression on his
face. Why didn’t Regulus ever listen to his intuition, why doesn’t he ever go ‘yes mind, it
would be a good idea to take this hoodie off.’.
“No one, I was just outside for a while, that’s it.”

“Cut the crap, that’s not even your hoodie.” Barty pointed over to it.

“What do you mean? I literally bought this in front of you.” Regulus didn’t make a habit of
gaslighting people, but in some situations it really is necessary. Like when you don’t take off
your secret boyfriends hoodie in time.

“Uh, No you didn’t.”

“Uh, yeah I did?”

“No, no you didn’t. I would remember that.” Barty tried to justify himself, but Regulus could
see him second guessing it.

“Well I did, and why would you remember me buying a jumper?” He pointed out, he wasn't
surprised that this was working. Barty was book smart, but it didn’t really go much past that.

Barty glanced at him sceptically one more time before shrugging. “Yeah I guess you're
right.”

Before Regulus could respond the bathroom door opened and Evan walked out, he looked
over to Barty for a split second before quickly looking away again. Barty became awkward
and the room was incased in silence. After a few minutes Regulus couldn’t take it anymore.
“Right what happened?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Reg, nothing’s wrong.” Now he was trying to
gaslight him, karma at its finest.
“Non… Something is definitely wrong.”

Evan and Barty’s eyes met for a second before Evan piped up. “Well would you look at the
time, you’ve got to go eat now Reg. Don’t want you fainting in the air!”

“Quel? We have like a good hour-“ (what?)

“An amazing idea from young Rosier!” Barty exclaimed. “Let’s go Reggie-poo.” He said
grabbing Regulus’ arm and pulling him out of bed. He obviously expected him to put his feet
out, but he was still a little tired so his mind didn’t think that far ahead. So instead he went
flying to the floor.

“Merlin’s sake Barty!.” Regulus hissed as he started getting up from the floor. “Give a guy a
warning next time!”

“It’s not my fault! I expected you to stand up!” He tried to redeem himself.

Regulus slapped him up the side of the head. “Well I obviously didn’t.”

Evan stopped any of Barty’s retorts. “Come on, let’s just go.” They started walking out of the
room. Regulus gave Barty a dirty look before jogging slightly to catch up with Evan.

As they started walking down to The Great Hall the weirdness didn’t let up. Barty and Evan
refused to talk to each other, which left Regulus to try converse with them both at the same
time. It was strange, they had never fought with each other before, Barty and him had fought,
Evan and him had fought, but never those two.

It made Regulus feel out of place, like the world had been flipped upside down and he was
trying to hold both of them up but they refused to hold hands, if that made sense. Except
Barty and Evan would have never refused to hold hands, so what had happened? What had
made them fight with each other?
They walked into the Hall, Regulus saw Pandora and decided to go talk to her for a bit. They
hadn’t been able to talk recently because of a few things. The year gap, exams, secret
boyfriends and crazy mothers. He knew they didn’t seem close on paper, in fact a lot of
people wouldn’t even know they were friends. But she was the only one who knew about
what his Maman and Uncle had done to him. They could go months without talking and still
be able to get caught up like they had seen each other the day before.

You may be asking, ‘But Regulus, certainly your Maman would Never let you hang out with
someone who isn’t Slytherin.’ And that would be true, except for the ‘Maman Ravenclaws
are very smart, it’s good to study with her.’ The cunningness behind that made her very
happy. If she knew that his study partner was a Muggle-born Gryffindor she’d disown him on
the spot.

He waved the other two off and walked over to Pandora, he was lucky that she was sitting on
the edge of the table, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to talk to her, also there was
practically no one in The Hall. “Pandora.” He called out quietly as he got closer.

She turned around and smiled brightly at him. “Reg! How are you?”

“I’m alright.” He said sitting beside her and giving a side hug. “Et toi?” (And you)

“I’m good, but the clouds are slightly prickly today however, so I’m slightly worried.”
Regulus chuckled at that response. “What?” She said cocking her head slightly.

“Nothing, nothing.” He said. “Are you coming to the match today?”

She nodded. “Mhm! You think you’ll win?.”

“Yeah I think our chances are good.” He told her. “That’s if Avery actually manages to hit
someone with the bloody bludger.”
“He’s not very good at that, is he?” She said agreeing with him. Honestly the man was awful,
Regulus didn’t know how he got into the team, their saving grace was Emmeline, she’s the
reason they manage to score points.

“Nan, not one bit.” (Nope)

“Is this an important match?” She asked him.

He tipped his hand left and right. “Eh… it’s important in a social aspect. If we lose we still
have the game against Hufflepuff.”

‘“I think you’ll win… Not if you try those silly tricks of yours though.” She gave him a
playful glare.

Regulus put his arms out. “Why is everyone on my back about that at the moment? They’re
the reason I win.”

“Because it’s bloody terrifying when you’re an inch away from hitting the ground.” Pandora
scolded, honestly the mother position of the friend group differed from her and Evan,
depended on the situation.

“But I never hit it.” He winked at her. “Just too good at the sport.”

She smiled softly at him. “Suppose you are.”

“attends non, if you agree with me then I actually look egotistical.” Regulus liked pretending
that he had this massive ego with his friends, when he really didn’t. The only reason he didn’t
pretend with everyone was because his friends knew he was joking, anyone else wouldn’t.
(Wait no)

“Maybe that’s cause you are?”

“I’m not!” He defended himself.

“‘Just too good at the sport’” Pandora mocked him.

He pushed her lightly. “Come on you know I’m joking!”

She raised an eyebrow. “Do I?”

“Oui.”

“Alright then.” She said laughing. “You should probably go eat though, if you want to win.”

He reached over and grabbed some toast out of her plate. “See I’m eating.”

“What- Hey!” He smiled widely at her. “Go eat your own food.”

“Don’t want to.” He said as he took a bite out of it.

A slight concern came over her face. “Why not?”

“Evan and Barty are acting weird.”

“How so?” Pandora questioned him.

Regulus shrugged. “Just are…”

“Go away.” She rolled her eyes at him. “I’m sure everything’s fine.”

“I’m wounded, I thought I was your friend? Besides didn’t you say the clouds were prickly?”
He half-teased her.

Pandora side-eyed him, obviously catching on. “You are my friend, which is why I’m telling
you to go over to your little snake gang. Besides your brother will be coming in soon, don’t
want him thinking you’re actually a decent person.”

Regulus made the executive decision to ignore everything she said. “You think I’m a decent
person?”

“Piss off.”

As much as he would have wanted to stay, she had a point. Sirius was still but a child, he
wasn’t ready to deal with the idea of Regulus not being a Blood supremacist. “Right bien, but
only because I want to get to the bottom of what’s going on with those two.” (Fine)

He stood up and she turned around slightly so that she could talk to him easier. “Good luck
on your match alright? I know you’ll do brilliant.”

He grinned at her. “Thanks ‘Dora.” With that he started walking over to the Slytherin table.
Luckily enough a lot of people started coming in as soon as he did, including his brother…
and James.

Barty and Evan were sitting awkwardly beside each other picking at the food on their plates,
Regulus came over to them and pushed at their shoulders motioning for them to move apart
so he could sit in between them. “Move.”

Barty looked up to him. “What why?”

“So I don’t have to deal with your awkwardness.”

“We’re not being awkward-“ Barty started but was stopped by Evan moving his plate over so
that Regulus could sit beside him.

“Here Reg.” He said smiling up on him. “How’s Pans?”

“Thanks!” He sat down and started adding things to his plate. “She’s alright, apparently the
clouds are prickly today.”

“What does that even mean?” Barty asked and Regulus shrugged.

“You know ‘Dora, always saying weird stuff.” Regulus said as he started to cut up his
sausage. He looked over to the Gryffindor table and saw James putting his arms up for some
reason, he looked at him for a moment before his eyes trailed off to Lily. He didn’t expect to
see her staring at him with a smirk on her face that caused him to instantly look back and pay
attention to what Evan was saying.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I was just saying that Pandora’s little things are usually right.” He filled him in. Evan was
right, but her ‘little things’ only made sense to Pandora so, it was kinda hard to tell what she
was worried about. Although Evan was kind of like her whisperer in a sense, always knew
what she was on about. “What else did she say about it?”

“That she was worried.”

Evan nodded. “Probably means that someones going to have bad luck today.”
“Literally how do you know that?” Barty piped up, seeming to forget his tension with Evan.
When he realised he looked back down to his plate, starting to cut up some of his egg, the
other did the same.

Regulus has had about just enough of them at this point, he decided to distract himself a little
and look over to James once more, obviously checking if the coast was clear. He saw Frank
Longbottom start to gather their team as they left the hall, then he looked over to Emmeline
and saw her ears prick up. He would probably be called soon then too.

“I think we’re going to get called soon.” Regulus broke the silence.

“Yeah?” Evan asked. “How do you know?”

He pointed over to the Gryffindors leaving the hall. “You know Emme doesn’t like to give
the other team more room to prepare.”

“Ohh yeah, you’ve got a point.” Evan agreed with him, and as if summoned Emmeline came
up behind them.

“Giddy up Reg, we need to get going.”

“Can’t I finish my breakfast?”

“Nope.” She hoisted him up by his arm, this time he made sure to pull some of his weight.

“Merlin, what’s it with people and man handling me today?” He mumbled to himself.

“I’m not even going to ask what that means.” Emmeline told him. “Bye guys!” She called out
to Evan and Barty.
“Good luck!” They both called out at the same time, then looked at each other with slight
wide eyed. They were seriously going to be the death of him.

“You ready for today?” Emmeline asked, turning to look at him.

“Oui… yeah I think so.”

“Good, you’re gonna do great I know it.”

Regulus blushed slightly. “Thanks.”

_________________________________

Regulus was waiting for the Gryffindor team to get to their brooms, he watched as James
walked over to the rest of them. Watched as he rolled up his sleeves slightly. Watched as he
messed up his hair. Watched as he scratched his stomach, causing his shirt to ride up. Then
his eyes found Lily and the moment was ruined, because yet again she was smirking at him,
or at least he thought she was. The stands were pretty far up.

“You better catch that snitch Black.” Mulciber said to him, drawing his attention.

“Don’t worry, I plan on it.” He was really tempted to throw the game now, so bloody close.

“I mean it, if. You lose us this game you’re going to regret it.” It was embarrassing to admit
but that did kind of scare Regulus, Mulciber had next to no social power against him, but
actual strength power? He was miles ahead of him. Regulus wasn’t not muscly, far from it
actually. He was just on the more lean end.
He couldn’t let his emotions win however. “I said don’t worry about.” Regulus replied with a
slight agitation.

Mulciber just looked at him once more, before looking back in front of him. Suddenly the
Speaker started counting down, which scared the shit out of him.

“…1”

He called his broom up to him.

“…2”

He mounted it.

“…3”

He took off into the air.

Regulus instantly went straight up, he didn’t stop until he was well above the stand. Honestly
the whole idea of ‘The higher you get, the more opportunity to find the snitch’ was total bull,
but there was a new seeker and he didn’t know that. Just like Regulus suspected Fenwick
copied him and went higher. Now to make sure the other didn’t catch on he would start
circling the pitch declining slowly but surely.

It wasn’t unknown that Regulus tricked the opposite team a lot, in fact he’s almost certain it’s
become a rule between houses to not copy his movement. Most of the time though, the
adrenaline of the game catches up with the other players and they forget about this, but that
only went to an extent. Now he had a completely new target who didn’t know any of his
favourites.
You could call him cruel for planning to pull a feint on a 4th year, especially on his first
game, but Regulus just thinks of it as a learning experience.

After circling the pitch a few times he had finally gotten back down to a good level, the other
seeker still way too high up. He had time to kill, his team hadn’t made it to 70 points yet so
even if he saw the snitch it would be a lost cause chasing it. So instead he spent his time
listening to the commentary, or if he was being honest looking at James Potter.

“Mulciber has scored a point! Slytherin only need to score once more before Black can go
looking for the snitch”

The Slytherin crowd cheered loudly, the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were slightly more
quiet and Gryffindors were completely silent.

Being a seeker was boring, sure he got the final glory if he caught the snitch but the rest of it
sucked a bit. He wouldn’t switch his position for anything else though, it was the least deadly
one as well which was a plus. Well, besides the occasional bludger that was sent to him, but
usually beaters were too focused on the chasers.

“Vance has scored, Gryffindor need to score just one more time so that they can be tied
again!”

That caught Regulus’ attention and he instantly started looking around for the golden glint,
he glanced over to Fenwick and saw his annoyed expression. It truly was an awful
experience, watching the other seeker be so close to taking the win and not being able to do
anything about it.

“Potter scores! The hunt is on!”

Shit, fuck you Potter. Regulus started moving down more as he saw the other do the same. He
circled the pitch once more before the snitch caught his eyes, it was moving quickly through
the air near the Hufflepuff stands. It was something that sounds like you could lose it easily,
but once you spot it, it’s super easy to find again. It was why he was able to pull so many
feints.
He thought about going to sit directly, but it’s his first match of the year so he’s itching to pull
one. Regulus went straight towards the Ravenclaw stands, looking back to make sure the
other seeker was following, he was.

“Black’s spotted the snitch! Is this another one of his feints? Or is he really going for it!”

The crowd went mental and Regulus felt adrenaline course through his vein, just as he was
getting ready to make a quick right the commentator spoke once more.

“A bludger has been sent Potters way! Oh and it’s hit him! James Potter is falling, I repeat
he’s falling!”

Despite all the noise, Regulus heard nothing. Without thinking about the snitch he instantly
turned round and started speeding along the floor of the Pitch. He saw James, he was falling
quickly, Regulus wasn’t sure if he would make it in time.

“Black is on the move! Is he ignoring what’s happening and pulling a feint? Wait no… Is he
going to catch Potter?”

Regulus quickly flew toward him, he was so close, yet so far. Just a few metres, but they
were metres he would not make. In a quick moment of thinking he stood up on his broom,
catching his balance and taking a breath before he jumped.

He grabbed onto James and they both went tumbling through the air, he could barely see with
James’ cloak blowing into his face, but he didn’t have time to hesitate. “Accio broom!” He
shouted sticking out his hand for his broom to go to, he really needed this to work.

“Holy shit Black just jumped off his broom! Did he just… His broom is coming toward them
both!”
Thank Merlin, a second later he felt his broom reach his hand and then he wasn’t falling
anymore. Regulus held on to the broom with one hand, the other wrapped around James’
waist.

“Regulus Black has just caught James Potter, this is perhaps the greatest Quidditch moment
in Hogwarts history!”

The crowd was cheering, and he was breathing heavily. Then he realised that his shoulder had
come out of place, and then the pain hit. His mouth opened at the shock, and his eyes closed
with pain, he really need someone to come take James out of his hands so he could collapse.
Just like a saving grace he felt the weight be lifted off of him and without thinking he let go
of his broom, falling to the ground.

“Sirius Black has taken Potter from his brothers hands! Regulus has just fallen to the ground
and appears to be in pain!”

Luckily it was actually really close, so we’ll just say he had worked that out beforehand. He
leaned forward, pushing his forehead into the ground in some attempt to stop the pain in his
shoulder. Regulus heard people come up from behind him.

“Reg!” Emmeline came up from behind him. “Regulus are you alright?” She put her arm
onto his shoulder, the one he just dislocated. This made him cry out in pain. “Shit sorry!”

“It’s…” He took deep breaths as he sat back on his knee’s. “c'est d’accord.” (It’s alright)

“Are you hurt?” She asked, then turned embarrassed at her question. “Sorry, where are you
hurt?”

“My shoulder, I think I dislocated it.” He told her.

She nodded and turned to look over her shoulder. “Mulciber!” Fuck. “Come over here and
help me!” He was so dead. “I’m going to get him to help you up while I go get a teacher.”
Emmeline started standing up. “Wait!” He stopped her. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, he’s okay. Unconscious though.” She said smiling at him.

That calmed Regulus down a lot and he started nodding slowly, then Mulciber came over.
“What do you want me to do?” He asked Emmeline.

“Just help him stand up.”

“I can stand Emme, I didn’t injure my legs.”

“I know that, but the adrenaline is going to make you dizzy. I don’t want you to faint.” She
reasoned with him, and Regulus reluctantly agreed to let Mulciber balance him.

Emmeline walked off and Regulus looked up to Mulciber, he moved forward to put his arm
round Regulus’ shoulder. “Not that one.” He ignored him and pulled it, causing Regulus to
cry out once more. “What the fuck Mulciber?”

“Why the fuck did you just throw that game? And for a Gryffindor no less.” He hissed,
putting his arm under Regulus’, luckily it was the uninjured one.

“Because he would have died if I hadn’t? You saw, no one see was in a position to catch
him.”

“So let him.” It took everything in Regulus to not punch him right there and then. “Why do
you care?”

“I don’t.” He lied. “I just don’t want to have Quidditch banned because of a death.”
Mulciber looked ready to retort, but then Emmeline came over with Slughorn. “Mr Black!”
He said as he stopped in front of them. “That was very reckless!”

Regulus looked away. “Sorry Professor.”

The teachers gaze softened slightly. “Well there’s not much we can do about it now, where
are you hurt?”

“He’s dislocated his shoulder sir.” Emmeline answered for him.

“That’s easy enough to fix, episkey.”

Regulus felt the pain in his right shoulder worsen for a moment, and then it was gone.
“Thanks sir.” He said pulling away from Mulciber and wiggling around his arm.

“Of course.” Slughorn replied before leaving.

Regulus turned to Emmeline. “I have to go to the hospital wing.”

“Are you sure?” She questioned. “You should take time to recover.”

He nodded, then Mulciber piped up. “Why do you have to go to there, I thought you didn’t
care about Potter?”

“I don’t,” He lied once more. “But I do care about my internship, it’s pretty important.”
Mulciber turned away and mumbled something, but Regulus didn’t stay for long as he started
walking out of the pitch. He ignored the looks he got, some were of curiosity, ‘why did
Regulus Black just save James Potter, his supposed enemy.’. Others were of admiration,
mainly from the Quidditch players. Regulus was able to forget about what was going on for a
moment. That was a trick he had been trying to do for months now, and he had just
completed it.

As he came out of the pitch he saw Remus waiting, Regulus walked over to him. “What are
you doing?”

Remus jumped slightly and turned round to him. “Waiting for you?”

“Why?”

“Can’t I be concerned?”

“Non.”

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay, you looked to be in a lot of pain over there.”

Regulus smirked at him. “Oh?”

“Is it a crime to be worries about one of my mates?” He asked.

“Absolument. You do know we can’t really be seen talking to each other right? You’ve just
wasted your time really.” Regulus told him, usually when they were talking it was behind
closed doors, literally. (Definitely)

“Yes I know that, but can’t I ask the good doctor about how my best mates health looks?”
Remus cocked an eyebrow at him and Merlin Regulus loves him.
He let out a laugh and shook his head. “Well we best be off then, got a lot to tell you, I think
it might be fatal.”

Remus brought a hand to his chest. “No… this can’t be…” Regulus shoved him lightly and
they started walking. “So, you going to tell me about what that was?”

“Thought you were just concerned about me?”

“I am…” Remus trailed off. “But I also want to know why you just pulled an extremely
dangerous trick, that definitely should have gotten you killed.”

“Why not have more confidence in my abilities?” Regulus tried to deflect.

“You know what I mean.”

Regulus sighed and looked over at him. As much as he wanted to tell Remus the truth, really
he trusted him a lot, he couldn’t out James like that. So he lied. “He was going to die Remus,
I know the crowd don’t expect it to happen, but when you’re on the pitch you can tell, and the
teachers wouldn’t have been able to stop him. That’s why they didn’t.”

Remus’ eyes went wide and he frowned.

“No one else could have caught him, I was the only one low enough, maybe Fenwick could
have but he’s too new to the sport. Or at least the competitive version.”

The other looked down to the ground for a moment before looking back up to Regulus. “I
know you guys are dating Regulus…” Fuck, shit, Merlin.
“Quoi?” Regulus yelled out, earning a few looks from students near them. “I don’t know
what you’re talking about.” (What?)

“I saw you two, this morning, at the pitch.” Remus admitted.

Regulus looked up and rubbed a hand over his face. “Merde…” He said to himself. “Look
Remus you can’t tell anyone.” (Fuck)

“I wouldn’t,” He started. “But you should, and by someone I mean Sirius.”

Regulus looked away and shoved his hands into his pockets. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Yeah I do…” He agreed also looking away. “What are you going to do?”

They walked in to the castle, it was still pretty empty because classes didn’t start up again
until after lunch. “I don’t know.”

“You’re going to have to think of something soon, the longer you wait the worse the blow
out.” Remus told him and logically Regulus knew he was right, but the idea of telling Sirius
he was dating his best mate was just too scary.

“I know… Can we just talk about something else? Like literally anything else.”

Remus’ face visibly softened and he smiled at him. “So that move?”

Regulus grinned. “Cool wasn’t it? I’ve been working on it for months.”

“Were you always expecting to save some one from certain death?” Remus teased him.
“Non, of course not.”

He laughed at this response. “When would you ever need to do that in a Quidditch match?”

“Hey! It might be needed… you never know.” He defended himself. “We’re here, you go
first. Don’t want your boyfriend thinking we’re best friends.” Regulus winked at him.

“I-“ Remus just stared at him for a few seconds. “I literally hate you so much.”

“Love you too!” Regulus called out as Remus walked off, throwing a middle finger over his
shoulder which was very satisfying

Regulus waited a few minutes before also walking into the the hospital wing, there were a lot
of people around James. Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon, Pettigrew and Remus. Then
of course his brother.

As much as he would’ve liked to make a sneaky entrance and hide out until they all left,
Pomfrey had other plans. “Regulus!” She announced as he entered, causing all their heads to
turn towards him. “It’s good that you’re here, you know muggle medicine right?”

“Er, yes a bit, why?” He replied awkwardly.

She sighed and looked over at James. “I’m worried that magic will cause too much stress to
his body. I need to use muggle methods to close up his wound, but I’m not confident enough
in them.”

The nervousness left his body, well really he just pushed it to the side, his medical instincts
taking over. “I don’t know how to do much, it really depends on what you need me to do.”
“I need you to sew the wound shut.” She explained to him.

He nodded to her. “I can do that.” His eyes unintentionally drifted off to Sirius, who was
already looking at him, face unreadable. Before Regulus was able to perform healing magic
he had to heal Sirius using muggle methods, he learned from books in his Uncle Alphards
library.

He took off his quidditch cloak and jumper, leaving him in just his t-shirt. Regulus walked
over to the group, not meeting any of their eyes. He expected them to move, but only Remus
and Frank seemed to get that, the rest stayed by James’ side with worried expressions. “I’m
going to need you to move.”

Sirius looked up to him, glaring. “Why?”

“So I can heal him…?”

“Why isn’t Madame Pomfrey.” Sirius asked him as he continued to glare.

Regulus fought back a sigh and just like the angel she is Pomfrey came out from behind the
curtains with supplies. “Because Regulus is more equipped in this area of expertise.”

“Sorry,” Frank chimed in. “I don’t mean to be rude, but how would a 5th year know more
than you?”

Regulus knew that Pomfrey didn’t want to blow his cover, but he didn’t want people to think
less of her magic skills. “Potter has a concussion, a bad one. We’re worried that magic will
cause too much stress to his body, but we can’t leave the wound unattended. So we’re using
muggle methods to close it up.”

He caught Pomfrey’s worried look but ignored it. “And how do you know muggle methods?”
Marlene asked, Sirius’ silence didn’t go unnoticed by Regulus.
“I read a lot.”

They all seemed skeptical, but Frank told them to back off and to just trust him because
James was hurt, that this was the best way to hep him. With that they all moved out of his
way.

Regulus looked down at James, his face was slightly paler than usual. It’s usual warm brown
turning slightly colder. Pomfrey had already turned him on his side so the wound was clear
for Regulus to see.

When they were younger his Maman had split Sirius’ head open after he broke one of her
treasured vases. It had been a few years since Regulus had needed to use the Muggle way, he
felt like he could do it, or at least try.

He took the needle and thread, connecting them together, he moved closer to James with it.
Regulus pushed some of the hair out of the way, luckily Pomfrey had already cleaned the
wound which made this a lot easier. Taking a deep breath he pushed the needle through, he
heard a few breaths hitch but didn’t let it distract him as he threaded it in a criss cross
formation.

Finally he came to the final incision and tied up the string, the wound successfully closed. He
pulled away and took a sigh of relief, then he looked over to everyone else. They all had
faces of anticipation, he realised that they probably didn’t know if it had worked or not.. “It’s
done.”

They let out sighs of relief and Pomfrey came and patted him on the back, giving a warm
smile. “You did well.”

“Thanks.” He said smiling bashfully. They walked away from the group and over to her desk.
“Hey do you mind if I stay here for the rest of the day?”

“I don’t mind,” She told him. “But I do need a reason.”

“Can you ask Longbottom or someone else, I’m just too tired.” He admitted to her and she
nodded, pointing over to one of the beds. He thanked her and walked over to the cubicle.

Regulus got into the bed and looked up to the ceiling, he sighed heavily before turning over
and falling asleep quickly.

________________________

Sirius watched as James fell through the sky in slow motion, he desperately wanted to fly
over and catch him, but he was stuck. Fear coursed through him and his eyes were blown
wide, he heard the screams of the crowd, of his team mates, but still he couldn’t move. It
would be fatal, a fall from this far up would kill him. So why couldn’t Sirius move?

James would’ve moved in a heart beat, he wouldn’t have hesitated. Why the fuck couldn’t he
move? All he had to do was push forward, that’s all he had to do, just push. James was
getting closer to the ground and no one was moving, why weren’t they moving? He was
going to die and none of them were doing anything to stop him. For fucks sake why can’t he
move?

Suddenly someone was speeding towards James, someone in a green cloak, with the number
7 on it, and his surname written in bold letters. Regulus. Sirius watched as Regulus got faster
and faster, until he was reaching a speed he didn’t even know was possible. He was laying as
low on the broom as possible, in an attempt to speed up even more than he had already.

Looking between the two Sirius realised that no matter how fast his brother went he wasn’t
going to make it. They were just a few metres too far apart. The feeling of hope he had
foolishly let in left instantly, he was watching his best friend die, he was letting his best
friend.

Just then however, Regulus stood up slowly on his broom. The crowd screamed once more as
his brother jumper from his broom and into James’ falling body. Oh fuck now he was
watching both of his brothers die, they were going to die. Sirius hadn’t apologised, he hadn’t
told Regulus how much he loved him, he hasn’t saved him yet.

Then Regulus broom came flying towards the two, and Regulus caught it. He fucking caught
it, the little psycho caught it.Quickly the falling came to a stop and they were left dangling in
the air, Sirius stared at them for a moment before he saw a pained expression over come
Regulus’ face and his body finally moved.

He flew down and took James from his brothers grip, he gave one glance back to Regulus
and watched as he instantly let go of the broom and fell to the ground. Everything in him
screamed to go help him, to go to his brother, but right now he needed to make sure James
was okay. Seeing Emmeline Vance start to make her way over calmed his nerves.

He descended to the ground and instantly McGonnagal came rushing over to them, a
stretcher levitating just behind her. “Quickly get him on to here.” She said as it lowered to the
ground.

Sirius obeyed and lifted him on to it. “Will he be okay?”

“I’m not sure.” McGonngal said before she was moving once more, The stretcher, and James,
following her.

Sirius stared at them as they left, then there was a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around
quickly and saw Remus, Peter beside him. “Merlin, you scared me.”

“Sorry.” Remus said sheepishly. “Is he going to be alright?”

“I don’t know…” Sirius said, looking back at James’ retreating figure with a solemn
expression.

“We should probably go up as well.” Peter suggested.

He nodded. “Yeah… we should, come on.”

“I’ll catch up with you guys, I have to go do something.” Remus said to them both.

Usually Sirius would have questioned him on this, asked him where he was going, but he just
couldn’t mind the energy. “All right, we’ll see you soon.” Then him and Peter started walking
as the other went the opposite direction.

They walked in silence for a while before Peter finally spoke up. “Why do you think Regulus
caught him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well I was under the impression that they hated each other, but Regulus look pretty
desperate to save him back there.” Peter pointed out.

“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Sirius waved him off. “It was just because he was in the best position
to catch him, he wouldn’t have bothered If it was someone else.” He wouldn’t, right? “Was
probably worried a death would cause Quidditch to get banned or something like that.”

Peter seemed to want to say something else but decided against it. “Yeah, yeah okay.”

They didn’t talk again the whole way up, when they finally got in to the hospital wing Sirius
instantly rushed to James’ side. His skin was pale and had nearly lost all the life Sirius had
become accustomed to. Sirius felt extreme guilt, a guilt someone couldn’t even imagine.

He had stayed still, he had stayed fucking still. For Merlins sake his brother moved before
him, Regulus Black had saved James Potter before Sirius. That was something no student in
Hogwarts would have believed 30 minutes ago, yet here they were.
Sirius was a coward, anything he had done in an attempt to prove that he was meant to be in
Gryffindor has just been thrown down the drain. In reality he was probably meant to be in
Slytherin, it wasn’t like influencing the hat was unheard of, I mean his brother was living
proof.

What if Regulus hadn’t been there, what if James had hit the ground. Or even worse, what if
Regulus had been there, but his broom didn’t reach his hand, they would both be dead. Sirius
wouldn’t know how to live without either of them, it was as simple as that Sirius would die
with them. Whether that be figuratively or literally it didn’t matter, any traces of himself
would leave as soon as they were gone.

Sure he puts on a front that he hates Regulus, and maybe to an extent he does. But in reality
Regulus was the only thing that had kept him going all these years, the times he had patched
Sirius up, or when they were at their Uncle Alphard’s. He missed those summers, he missed
running around with his Regulus, teasing him, laughing with him. Sirius missed him

Sirius fucking loved Regulus so much and he had never told him before. He had always
assumed that he would die first, that Regulus would know he died loving him, but looking
back now, would he? If Regulus hadn’t have managed to catch that broom, would he have
known how much Sirius loved him? No he wouldn’t, that was the truth. Regulus would have
died thinking Sirius hated him.

It was only then that Sirius realised people had joined him and Peter beside James. Frank,
Marlene and Remus were all gathered, each with their own looks of regret and guilt. Then his
eyes drifted off to the door, the door his brother had just walked through. He looked tired and
drained, his uniform was slightly dirt, his hair the messiest Sirius had ever seen it.

Regulus walked over to Pomfrey, her face serious as she talked to him. At some point his
eyes drifted over to Sirius, they opened slightly with surprise, but it was so subtle that only
Sirius would have been able to catch it. Regulus was the first to break the eye contact,
looking back over to the nurse. Sirius decided to turn away as well, it would be weird now
that he had been caught.

A few minutes later Regulus walked back over. “I’m going to need you to move.”
For some reason Sirius felt a strange sense of protectiveness wash over him, and despite what
he wanted to do, he became hostile towards his brother. “Why?”

“So I can heal him…?”

“Why isn’t Madame Pomfrey.” Sirius asked him, glaring.

He watched as Regulus tried to stop himself from sighing, then Pomfrey came over. “Because
Regulus is more equipped in this area of expertise.”

“Sorry,” Frank chimed in. “I don’t mean to be rude, but how would a 5th year no more than
you?”

It was a good point, why would Regulus be more equipped than someone with a literal
license.“Potter has a concussion, a bad one. We’re worried that magic will cause too much
stress to his body, but we can’t leave the wound unattended. So we’re using muggle methods
to close it up.” Regulus told them all.

He caught Pomfrey’s worried look but ignored it. “And how do you know muggle
methods?”

Marlene asked, Sirius knew why. When they were younger Regulus didn’t know many spells,
so while at their Uncle’s he would read his books on muggle medicine, and had become quite
efficient at it.

“I read a lot.” Regulus replied, and if under different circumstances Sirius definitely would
have laughed.

Marlene looked ready to interject once more but Frank stopped her, pointing out James’ dire
need of medical attention. That seemed to snap her back into reality, and Sirius as well. They
moved out of the way, allowing Regulus and Pomfrey to pass through. She had a tray of
needles and string which made Sirius’ stomach turn, James hated needles.
Regulus moved close to James, picking up a needle and threading the string through, then
very carefully he pierced the skin at James’ head. Sirius’ breathe hitched, as did the others
around him. Every time Regulus did it he felt his hand flinch, scared that he might injure him
further. But finally after 5 long, excruciating minutes Regulus finished, stepping back with a
sigh. “It’s done.”

Pomfrey came closer, putting a hand on his back. “You did well.” Regulus smiled at her as
she returned it softly. Sirius had never seen her like this before, not even with Remus. He
knew that they just have been close because of Regulus’ internship but he hadn’t expected
her to act so… motherly.

They both left, drawing the curtains behind them. Everyone was silent for a while before
Marlene spoke. “I didn’t expect that, did any of you?” A chorus of no’s circled the room. “I
hate to say it Sirius, but I think your brother might be cooler than you.”

“What! No he’s not! Why?” Of course Marlene McKinnon would be able to lighten the
situation

“Sorry Sirius,” Frank joined in. “But she has a point, I’ve never seen someone pull a trick
like that.”

“Fucking brilliant it was.” Marlene complimented and Sirius strangely felt a swirl of pride
flow through him. “Definitely got a future in Quidditch.”

“I think he wants to be a doctor though, I mean did you just see him?” Peter told them, yeah
Sirius did just see him. That was his brother right there.

“Oi Sirius try to convince him otherwise would you? I’d love to see him at the world cup.”
Marlene asked, he wanted to reply by saying that they didn’t talk anymore so how the fuck
would he be able to do that, but he didn’t want to being down the mood.

“Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” He said shrugging his shoulder, smirking at her.
After that everyone made small talk for a while, eventually Marlene and Frank had to go back
to classes, Pomfrey told them that she could only allow one of them to stay. She apologised at
their protests, though they all knew that there was nothing she could actually do about it. In
second year, after they had found out about Remus’ furry little secret, she had told them
about the one person policy. It was to stop students from helping their friends skip classes,
extremely helpful in most cases, unhelpful in the rest. Peter and Remus agreed to let Sirius
stay with James, something he was eternally grateful for.

After an hour Pomfrey came out from behind the curtains. “You know, your brother is in the
cubicle two down.” She told him.

He looked up to her and gave a tight smile. “Thanks.”

She nodded and left. Sirius spent a few minutes deciding whether to go to see him or not, in
the end he decided too. He pulled back the curtain and saw Regulus, fast asleep. He sat down
on the guest chair and stared at the unconscious boy. Eventually he woke up, looking around
with a dazed expression before his eyes found Sirius and he jumped slightly.

“Merlins balls Sirius!” Regulus exclaimed. “What the hell are you doing.”

Sirius shuffled slightly. “Well er, sorry.”

He sat up and looked at him, wiping the sleep out of his eyes. “ne t'excuse pas, just tell me
what you want.” (Don’t apologise)

He glanced away from his brother. “I was just worried about you…”

“Quel?” (What)

“I was worried about-“

“No I heard you.” Regulus interrupted. “Why?”

“What do you mean why? You almost died Reggie.” Sirius accidentally let his childhood
nickname slip.

“Don’t call me that,” He snapped. “And I had everything under control.”

Sirius felt anger over come him. “I can call you whatever I want okay? And you didn’t have
that under control, not one bit!”

“I did!” Regulus insisted.

“You didn’t!”

“I did!”

“You-“

“For fucks sake Sirius stop it!” He shouted at him.

“Stop what?” He also yelled.

“This! Acting like you care!”

Sirius slammed his fist down on the table and standing up. “I’m not acting! Do you seriously
think I don’t care about you?”
“Of course I do!” Regulus started. “Of course I fucking do Sirius! You’ve spent the last 6
years avoiding me as much as possible!”

Sirius flinched back at that, he had been right. Regulus would have died thinking he didn’t
care about him. “Well I do, alright? Do you know how hard it was for me to watch you jump
off that broom? To be forced to watch as the two of you!-“ He cut himself off. “…To watch
as the two of you fell to your death.”

Regulus looked away, refusing to meet Sirius’ gaze. “Well we didn’t.”

“But you almost did!” Sirius felt tears prick in his eyes. “Another metre and I would have had
to bury you both! A fucking metre Reggie!” The others eyes snapped back to him. “It was
terrifying,” Sirius admitted. “I was getting ready to have to say goodbye, I was preparing
myself for the sight of your dead bodies.”

“Sirius-“

“No let me finish.” He stopped him. “I can’t do this anymore Reg, I can’t keep pretending
like we hate each other. I was always so sure that I would die first, that I’d never have to
worry about you, but now I’m not, I was so close to losing you.” He felt a tear roll down his
cheek and he looked back into Regulus’ eyes. “And I really can’t lose you, I really fucking
can’t.”

Sirius expected Regulus to shout at him, or hit him or do anything, but he just sat there and
stared. “I know what you’re going to say, how could I say this? Staying away all these years,
and now I finally come back to you? But what sign did I have that you could change?” He
asked him, expecting no answer.

“I thought you were just like Maman and Pére, I pleaded so many times for you to come with
me, but did you listen? I know that I left you to deal with them on your own, but I thought
you’d be better off without me.” Regulus still didn’t say anything, there wasn’t even any sign
that he had heard what Sirius was saying.
 “I was wrong, I know that now.” Sirius admitted, but he was becoming agitated at Regulus’
lack of response. “Just say something Reg! Go on, shout! Hit me! Say something, do
something!”

Regulus stood up and Sirius moved back slightly, he stopped for a moment but continued.
Sirius expected him to throw a punch, or push him out of the room but instead he wrapped
his arm around him, pulling Sirius into a tight hug.

He stiffened for a moment, before he melted into his brothers arms. One tear fell from his
eyes, then another, and then another until he was full on sobbing in Regulus’ arms, who
started rubbing his hand up and down Sirius’ back comfortingly.

“It’s okay,” He whispered into Sirius’ ear. “It’s going to be okay Sirius.”

This made him cry harder as he clutched onto Regulus’ t-shirt. “I’m- Sorry-“ He tried to
choke out, but his tears stopped him.

“It’s okay, I forgive you, I’m sorry.” Regulus reassured him. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m
sorry I worried you.”

Sirius didn’t even care anymore, he was just glad that his brother was alive.

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!

Literally sobbed while writing this.

Sirius :((((((

Barty and Evan?????? What's going on there?

LILY MF EVANSSSSSSSS

Awww Remus and Regulus' friendship.

I miss Mary, she's coming back next chapter I promise.

Regulus is so cool, I know I'm writing him and stuff but damn.

Doctor Reg>>>>>>>>

Also I can't remember if I said this in the last chapter but now that I've upped my word
count chapters are going to be further apart. I'm aiming to post 2-3 times a week! If you
want updates on days, you're most likely t find them on my Twitter

Anyways I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, I also hope you cried cause I did and I
don't easily, so...

Eat and drink whatever you want!!

Emme<3
 The morning blue next to you
Chapter Summary

Regulus visits James in the Hospital wing. Barty is mad at Regulus, but what for?
Marlene and Dorcas go on a date. Regulus and Sirius talk to each other once more, what
will happen?

Chapter Notes

"Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who need saving. 'Cause when you
never see the light, it's hard to know which one of us is caving." Stay - Rihanna.

_______________________

TW
Child Abuse: "Suddenly James was in a kitchen." - "Who are you?"
Implied Child Abuse: “What do you mean?” - “Reggie…”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“A concussion, really?”

Piss off.

“The great Potter, chaser extraordinaire. Got a fucking concussion.”

Go away.

“No I seriously can’t, this is so bloody funny.”

It’s really not.

“It really is, watching that was probably the funniest experience of my life.”

Oh was it?

“Definitely.”

You know sometimes I wish you were alive-

“Aww.”

So I could strangle you with my shirt.

“Don’t go stripping on me, not your Regulus remember.”

Exorcisms are all the rage now a days, did you know that?

“Non je ne l'ai pas fait, you thinking of getting one?" (No I didn't.)

Already booked it.

“Can’t believe my boyfriend wants to get rid of me, I thought we were going to get
married… even picked out baby names.”

The idea of dating you makes me want to throw up, violently.

“You’re going to make me cry.”

Wait really?

“Hah! Pas d'idiot.”

(No idiot)

…Yeah exorcisms sound very fun.

“Mhm, totally, one-hundred percent, for sure. Anyways let’s play a guessing game-”

I love games!

“What kind of trauma are we seeing today!”

I hate games.

“Pity, anyways saddle up.”

Wait what-

Suddenly James was in a kitchen, in front of him was Sirius and his mother. She had a scowl
on her face and her eyes had the usual icy glare, as well as bright pink hair. “Sirius Orion
Black, I know you did this!”
“je n'ai pas Maman! You have to believe me!” Sirius tried to defend himself, she hit his cheek
with the back of her hand causing him to stumble sideways. (I didn't Mother)

“So who was it then?” She inquires, but in a condescending way not out of genuine curiosity.

Sirius obviously became more scared. “I- I don’t know Maman! Just please believe me!” His
voice becoming sticky.

“I don’t believe you Sirius! I have an event to attend tonight! This is obviously another one of
your elaborate schemes to completely embarrass this family!” She yelled at him, drawing out
her wand and aiming it at her son, who flinched back.

“I did it.” A voice called out, which made everyone in the room look round to its source,
except Older Regulus, he continued staring at Sirius. This was something James had noticed
he did a lot.

Sirius’ eyes became wider than they already were and he instantly started defending his
brother. “No he’s lying Maman, je l'ai fait!” (I did it)

Their mother looked between the two for a moment before her eyes settled on Regulus. “Is
this true Regulus? Did you do this to me?” She asked with pseudo calmness.

“Yes.” The boy nodded stiffly.

She walked over to him slowly, her aura becoming colder and colder. “And why on earth,
would you?”

He swallowed thickly, his hands shaking violently. “I wanted-“ He stopped himself for a
moment, building up courage. “I wanted to embarrass you.” Regulus whispered, so quiet it
was barely audible.
“Reg!-“

“Sirius be quiet!” Walburga snapped, she pointed her wand at Regulus. “Confundo.”

Regulus’ eyes became glossier and they instantly started darting around the room in panicked
motions as he began to step backwards. “Sirius?” He called out.

His mother grabbed onto his arm and started dragging him out of the kitchen, James quickly
followed. Regulus looked panicked, like he didn’t know where he was. Suddenly Walburga
stopped in front of a door and flung it open, it was a small, dark, broom closet. She threw
Regulus into it and his back hit the wall as he fell to the ground, causing him to cry out in
pain. “Petrificus Totalus.” Then it shut.

Regulus sat there, hunched over on the ground. Fear was written all over his face, but he
couldn’t move. Then, after a few seconds, hundred of spiders started appearing from the
corner of the room. They ran all over Regulus, their tiny legs moving around quickly. James
watched as Regulus’ breathing picked up and tears started silently dropping from his eyes.

The spiders ran all over his face, and his legs, and his arms and everywhere. After 10 minutes
there wasn’t one spider-less place. Shouting could be heard from outside the door, along with
banging, James could only assume that this was Sirus. He looked over to Older Regulus, he
looked terrified, his eyes were darting round the room and every few seconds he would brush
off spiders that weren’t there.

After a bit the spiders all moved onto Regulus’ body, and then they started covering his face.
James was certain that he couldn’t breath. Regulus’ frame was shaking, but he obviously
couldn’t move purposefully. He felt useless, all he wanted to do was help him, but he
couldn’t, he couldn’t do anything.

The door opened to reveal Sirius. Bright light shone through the door and all the spiders
melted away, like they were never even there in the first place. Like they were an illusion.
Quickly Sirius reversed the spell and moved forward to his brother.
Regulus looked slightly dazed, and his whole body was shaking. “Regulus? Regulus Est-ce
que ça va?”(Are you okay?)

Sirius placed a hand onto his arm. “Don’t touch me!” Regulus shouted, slapping away it
away.

He flinched back. “Reg?” He asked as his brother started standing up slowly, legs shaking.
“Reg what’s wrong? What did she do.

“Nothing, she did nothing.” He said finally straightening himself out, however he was
holding onto the wall for support.

“Come on, I know she did something.” Sirius insisted. “You can tell me, I mean I’ve
probably been through it before, I know what it’s like.”

Regulus’ eyes snapped up to him, streaks of tears reminiscent on his face. “You have no idea
how it feels to be me in the household, no idea.”

Sirius took a slight step forwards. “Don’t you think it should be the other way around?” He
challenged. “I get punished every bloody day in this house.” The other mumbled something
incoherent. “What?”

“It’s not the same!” Regulus yelled stepping forward. “It’s never the same!”

“That’s just not true!” Sirius shouted back. “I get treated way worse than you!”

Then Regulus was punching Sirius in the face. He fell to the ground but Regulus’ attacks
didn’t cease as he got on top of him, continuing to punch, as Sirius put his arms up in an
attempt to defend himself. “It’s not the fucking same! You’ve never-“ He cut off and stopped
hitting his brother.
Sirius looked up at him with wide eye, breathing heavily, arms lingering in the air from
where they had previously been protecting his face. Regulus stared at him with wide eyes,
then he stood up quickly. “Regulus?”

Regulus’ head snapped toward his right, to the right that James was standing. He made eye
contact with him and they just looked at each other. “Who are you?”

Everything went white and they were back in the void. Regulus was on the ground coughing
vigorously as if he was choking up something, something that couldn’t possibly be there.

Regulus?

“W- What!”

Are you… alright?

“…Non, no I’m not…”

What was that? Did he see us?

“I don’t know.”

How? You must know!

“Well I don’t! D'accord? That wasn’t supposed to happen!” (Okay?)

…
“…”

So… a fear of spiders huh?

“… Shut up you got a concussion.”

You know what? I’m going to let that one pass.

“Oh are you? Well, I’m eternally grateful.”

You should be. So when was this?

“Christmas, my 3rd year. 1973.”

We haven’t looked at second year yet, any reason?

“Just nothing of importance really.”

Why was this one important?

“… It was the first time me and Sirius fought at home.”

What do you mean?

“At school we hated each other, but there was a silent agreement that it stopped once we got
home.”
Why?

“You can’t survive an abusive household alone.”

________________________

James’ eyes snapped open, he looked around him and realised he was in the hospital wing.
The sun was starting to melt through the dark sky, a deep blue was seeping into the room. He
sighed and pushed a hand through his hair, then his head hurt, a lot. Just as he was about to
shift positions he felt a movement from beside him, that’s when he finally noticed Regulus
with his head splayed out on his arm, as he lent on the bed. James’ eyes widened for a
moment before they softened and he smiled down at Regulus.

His lashes were more noticeable now that his eyes were closed, they were long and full, his
pale skin looked even more delicate in the blue light. James brought a hand to Regulus’
cheek as he stafted to draw imaginary lines from freckle to freckle, his face twitched slightly
and then his eyes started to open slowly. James’ finger instantly darted back as he watched
Regulus blink the sleep out of his eyes.

Regulus looked up to him, head still down on his arm, and whispered. “Finally awake then?”

“I guess so,” James agreed. “How long was I out for?”

“Not that long, since yesterday morning. So about 16 hours, give or take.”

James nodded, he looked down at his boyfriend. The sleep still resting on his face, the way
his eyelids drooped slightly and his smile was kind of lopsided, and the way his soft curls fell
over his tilted head.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked.

“How beautiful you are.”

Regulus laughed quietly, hiding his head into his arm but James could tell he was blushing by
the way his ears went red. “Arrête ça…” He said through his light laughs. (Stop it.)

“Never, you are so pretty.” Regulus removed his head from his arm and looked at James once
more, smiling.

He sat up and rubbed his neck. “Can’t believe I slept like that for you.” Ah yes, Regulus’
favourite defence mechanism.

“Come in here then.” James said as he shuffled over in his bed, leaving space.

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think they’re made to fit two people.”

“We’d just have to get real close, wouldn’t we?” He said winking at him, taking joy in the
way Regulus blushed once more.

“I am not getting into bed with you Potter.”

“Oh it’s Potter now? Since when?”

The other crossed his arms. “Since you decided to get yourself launched off your broom.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose!” James defended himself. “Besides I’m fine aren’t I?”

“I’m serious James, you really scared us all, scared me.” He said to him with sad eyes that
made his heart squeeze.

“I’m sorry Reg…” He apologised, then opened his arms. “Please?”

Regulus sighed and lifted up the duvet as he climbed into James’ arms. James pressed a kiss
to the top of his head, and Regulus seemed to relax in his hold. “I still don’t forgive you.”

“I know… but can you put your anger on hold for a few hours?”

“Peut-être,” Regulus said looking up at him. “You’ll have to do something to earn it though.”
(Maybe)

“Oh?” James’ eyes found Regulus’ lips. “I think I have an idea on how I could do that.”

“Do you?” Regulus says smirking

“Definitely.” He uses the hand of the arm around Regulus’ shoulder to tilt his head upward,
he leaned in and their lips connected. James kisses him, it’s long and sweet, he pulls away but
doesn’t stop kissing. He pecks Regulus on the lips once, then twice, then three times and
Regulus is laughing as he does it.

James stops and Regulus interlocks his hand with the one that is around his shoulder and sits
back into James, who in turn rests his head on to Regulus’. They sit there for a while, as
James traces little drawings into Regulus’ palm. It’s quiet, peaceful, it’s nice, something he
hadn’t felt before.

“I spoke to Sirius.” Regulus blurts out and James ceases his tracing. “It went well.” He adds
on at James’ tenseness.
“That’s good, what did you talk about?” His thumb started rubbing Regulus’ hand.

“Just something I did that he got upset about, then he apologised and then I apologised.”

James smiled widely. “That great Reg!”

Regulus turned round to look at him. “Is it?”

“Yes!” James confirmed. “I’m so proud of you!”

He smiled bashfully and looked away once more. “We’re meeting today, I don’t know what
to do, but we are.”

James kissed the top of his head again. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

__________________________

Regulus walked into his dorm and was instantly bombarded with a hug. “Reg! You’re
alright!”
He took a step back so he could properly hug Barty back. “Tu savais ça, we spoke yesterday
at the wing.” (You knew this)

Barty came out of the hug and shrugged. “Yeah, but you were still in the hospital wing, now
you’re not.”

Evan came out from behind Barty and wrapped Regulus in a hug, then stepped back. “Next
Tim you do that I’ll kill you, do you hear me?”

“But what if I need to save a falling James Potter again?” Regulus said smirking.

“I’ll force you to quit Quidditch.”

“You can’t do that!”

“Yes I can, and I will.”

“Okay but you have to admit the trick I pulled was cool.”

Before Evan could respond Barty did it for him. “It was so fucking cool!” He exclaimed
throwing an arm over Regulus’ shoulder. “The way you jumped off was amazing!”

Regulus laughed lightly. “N'est-ce pas?" That was the move I’ve been trying to for months!”
He said removing himself from Barty’s grip and walking over to his chest of drawers.

“The one you kept getting injured doing?” Evan asked from where he had moved to his bed.

“Literally shut up.”

Barty’s face became more serious. “What the fuck Reg? Imagine if you hadn’t made it?”

“But I did.” Regulus countered as he picked out a jumper from his drawers.

“But what if you hadn’t! You’d be six foot under!” Barty yelled at him and Evan started
walking over to the two

He didn’t understand why he was so mad, he had made the jump in the end so it doesn’t
matter. “Technically I wouldn’t be yet-“

“Hey now-“ Evan tried to interrupt.

“Oh my god!” Barty shouted running a hand over his face.

“I don’t get why you’re so mad, I made the jump, everyone lived. So it’s fine.” He said
pulling the jumper over his head.

Barty stared at him with an exasperated expression for a second. “You’re so fucking selfish.”
Then he grabbed his jacket and left.

Evan and Regulus stared at the door as it shut behind Barty, they didn’t speak for a few
seconds before he finally spoke up. “What?”

Evan turned to look at him with an equally perplexed face. “I’m as confused as you are.”

“Am I?” He started before elaborating. “Selfish I mean.”

“Oh no… Reg, of course not.” The other insisted. “No, never.”

Regulus looked down as he started to pick at his nails. “Barty seems to think so…”

Evan sighed and put an arm onto his shoulder. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable
explanation behind why he said that. Maybe his dad did something, you know how he gets
around Christmas.”

“Maybe,” Regulus repeated. “You should talk to him then.”

“Uhh… I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.” He replied awkwardly.

“Come on Ev, you need to get over this sooner or later.”

“It’s not that simple Reg.” Evan told him. “I did something in our detention, something I
definitely shouldn’t have.”

“Whatever it is, whatever you did, I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Regulus saw his distrusting
look. “I mean it, you two have been inseparable since first year.”

“Yeah… yeah okay.” Evan agreed. “Where would he be…?”

“Back table of the library, that’s where he always goes.”

Evan ran over to his bed to grab his sweatshirt. “Thanks Reg!”

“Go get him Tiger!”

“Wait what?”

“Just go!”

“Right yeah okay!” Regulus watched as he retreated down the stairs. He couldn’t believe it
was finally happening, they’d better not make him third wheel.

He stood there for a few seconds before he realised he had to go meet Sirius, fuck. No, no he
wasn't whining like a little kid, he was announcing his displeasure with the situation like an
adult.

Regulus looked at his wand, he didn’t know whether he should bring it or not, finally he
decided to leave it. It was probably better not to come armed when meeting his brother, one
that he had a very rocky relationship with. Regulus didn’t even know what they were going to
talk about, traumas? Shared trauma? Who knows, not him.

Sirius had also chosen a pretty weird place for them to meet, The whomping willow. It made
him half tempted to not show up, because it was seeming more and more like an elaborate
plan to kill him. The only thing that kept him from backing out was how happy James looked
this morning, how happy he looked to see them starting to get along. If there was one thing
that Regulus would never do, that was it, he would never make James Potter sad.

Sometimes he thought about how his relationship with James would work, and before that
how their friendship would. Just as Remus had said, it will come out, and by the looks of it
soon. It was easy before now, but with Sirius and him an inch away from being actual
brothers he didn’t know how much longer he could keep it a secret. Or better yet, how long
could others keep it a secret.

Remus knew, which meant that Pettigrew probably also knew, or was close to it. Lily
definitely knew, MacDonald and McKinnon might know as well then. Really his secret was
becoming less and less of one everyday. It terrified him, to have things so out of his own
control, in the hands of someone else’s.
The worst thing is that none of them really knew the power they had over him, none of them
would do it on purpose but one misspoken sentence could have him taken out of school and
married to the nearest girl possible. Pureblood of course. It was terrifying, all of it, the idea of
letting James down, the idea of Sirius finding out. But his mother was the worst, just like it
had always been.

Regulus walked out of the school gates and saw Sirius sat beside the, surprisingly still tree,
he was turned around looking at the forbidden forest, not noticing him. Regulus sat beside
him, the sound of sitting down announcing his presence.

“Merlin Reg… Give a guy a warning next time.” Sirius said with a hand at his chest.

“Désolé.” Regulus mumbled. They sat in an awkward silence for a moment before he decided
to speak once more. “So you’re gay?” (Sorry)

Sirius started choking on the air. “How did you know?”

“Me and Remus are friends.” Regulus admitted, he didn’t know how else to bond with his
brother, they had one thing in common though. Men.

“Oh…”

“You’re not allowed to be mad at him, car, well, because I told you so.” The best way to go
about awkward situations is to pretend they’re not happening. (Because)

“Is that right?” Sirius said while laughing. “What about you then? Got your eye on any
girls?”

Regulus smiled to himself. “Guess you could say that.”

“Ohoho my baby brothers got himself a girlfriend?” He pushed him teasingly.

“Oh shove off would you?” Regulus complained but no one would deny the smile on his
face.

Sirius grinned at him, running a hand through his long waves. “Do you see a future with
her?”

Regulus bit his lip trying to contain the fond smiling sensation that overcame them. “Ouais,
got it all planned out in my head you know?” (Yeah)

“Yeah, yeah I do. Done the same thing with Moony.” Sirius told him. “Go on, tell me about
your future with her.”

He looked off at the forest, at the birds flying in and out of it. “I’ve got this morning planned
out in my head. It’s 5, I need to get to St Mungo’s for work, the job they want would
probably also make them need to wake up that early.” Regulus clarified.

“We live in a flat, one that’s quite small, maybe 2 bedrooms maximum. We’re sitting in our
kitchen having breakfast, I like to imagine I’d make those pastries Uncle taught us to make.”

“Chausson aux Pommes?” Sirius interrupted.

Regulus nodded. “Yeah, and I imagine we both make quite a lot of money, but we don’t
spend it. The only thing I think I’d splurge on is decor, I’d like my house to be really nicely
decorated. Nothing like home.”

Sirius notably stiffened. “Yeah Wally wasn’t one for decorations was she?”

“No, no she isn’t.” Regulus agreed, since before he was even born Grimmauld place was
dressed head to toe in black, only the occasional colours made it through. “Do you ever
wonder if they loved us?”
“I used to,” Sirius admitted. “Especially when I first left, I’d imagine the two of them crying
themselves to sleep, the guilt being overbearing.”

“What changed your mind?”

“You.” Sirius stated. “When you came back from visiting Orion. The look in your eyes, that
was when I realised nothing would have made them change.”

“I think… I was the same.”

Sirius cocked his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

“When Pére died I was made Grandfathers only heir, and he’s on his final days now, the
doctors say 2 years maximum. So I’m a target now.” Sirius’ breath hitched. “People can
easily invade my mind…”

“No…” Regulus nodded and looked down to his hands. “Reg…how could they?”

He looked back up to Sirius. “You can’t honestly be surprised Sirius.”

The other sighed in to his hand. “I suppose I can’t. It’s just- How did you get through that?”

“Evan, Barty,” James. “All of them helped a bit, but I don’t think I have, or ever will fully get
over it.” He paused for a moment. “I’m in a constant state of paranoia I think.”

Sirius just stared at him for a moment, Regulus could see all the emotions flash through him.
Guilt, fear, sadness, anger, disgust and pity. “Reggie…”
“I didn’t tell you that so you would pity me.” He announced as he lifted his eyes once more, a
blue jay flew out of the nearest tree. “I don’t pity you, it’s only fair you don’t pity me.

Regulus knows Sirius looks at him, it’s only due to the amount of time they’ve spent together
that he knows this. He’s felt these eyes on his back as he was chased. He’s felt these eyes on
his arm after one go their mothers harsher punishments. And he’s felt these eyes on his own
as he was begged to leave their home.

“I’ve always felt like there was another person inside me.” Sirius started. “A harsh, cruel
person, someone capable of doing awful things. People have tried to deny it, but they know
he comes out. Last year, I told Snape about Moony, you know this, I know you do.” Regulus
looked over to him. “It’s funny because that should have been one of the loneliest moment of
my life, but it wasn’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was like.” Sirius paused. “It was like I was constantly being watched, like everyone
around me knew what I had done and was judging me for it. Every time someone talked
about Hufflepuffs and their loyalty, I thought about how they would have every right to make
fun of me for my lack of it. Any time someone talked about Ravenclaws and their
intelligence I thought about how dumb I was.

“And any time I thought about Slytherins and their cunningness, I thought about me. How I
was just like our family, that in the end I wasn't really that different.” Sirius looked into
Regulus’ eyes. “It felt like I constantly had people in my ear screaming at me, the world was
never quiet, or at least mine wasn’t.”

Regulus glanced down, then up once more. “I think… I think you’re a lot like our family.”

“Gee thanks.”

“No let me finish. I think you are passionate about what you believe in, you do what you
believe is right to keep your beliefs together, like Alphard. I think you are kind, maybe a bit
too aggressive about it at times, but you are kind and you’ve never tried to purposefully hurt
someone, like Andromeda.”

Regulus watched as a robin landed on top of the school gate. “I think you got painfully
attached to a Potter, just like our Great aunt Dorea. And I think you’re incredibly funny, like
me.” He joked.

He looked back to Sirius he had silent tears falling from his eyes, he seemed to be in a daze
before he became aware of everything again and started wiping his eyes vigorously. “Thanks
Reg.”

“Course, what are brothers for?” He grinned at Sirius.

Sirius smiled back, then it faltered slightly. “Speaking about brothers… What’s your plans for
Christmas?”

Regulus knew what he was asking, of course he did, was he going to answer like Sirius
wanted? No. “Not sure, going to a gala with Maman, Evan will be there so that’s going to
make it a bit more fun.”

Sirius sighed. “You know what I’m asking… The Potters would be more than happy to have
you.”

If only he knew. “It’s not a matter of if I want to, it’s more if I can.”

“You can! Dumbledore will help hide you.” Sirius insisted.

Regulus barked out a cold laugh. “I learnt to not ask Dumbledore for anything back in first
year.”

“What does that mean?” Sirius asked.

“A story for another day, I have to go check James’ stitches.” Regulus said standing up and
brushing off the dirt on his trousers.

“James? Since when was it James?” They started walking to the school.

“I tutor him Sirius, you can’t honestly expect us to constantly call each other our last names.”
He pointed out, smiling at Sirius’ expression.

“Fair point I guess.” As they started walking through the school a lot of heads turned at the
sight of them together. “I do have another question though, it didn’t seem appropriate to bring
it up earlier.”

“You, manners? Since when?” Regulus said smirking. “Go on then.”

“Why are you wearing his hoodie?”

Fuck, fuck, literally fuck, oh my Merlin fuck, fucking hell, every variation of fuck known to
man. “Oh er, I was there this morning and some of the blood from his wound got onto my
sleeve. He completely overreacted and insisted he give me his.” Nice save.

“Oh okay! Sounds like him.” Oh poor, sweet, dense Sirius.

They arrived at the hospital wing, his brother instantly went to James while Regulus went
over to Dorcas to clock her out. “Hey ‘Cas.”

“Regulus Black! Just the man I wanted to see!” She exclaimed already taking off her apron
and tag. “Guess who’s going to Hogsmeade with me?”

“Mulciber.” He joked.
“No ew, idiot.” Dorcas slapped him up the side of his head. “Marlene! She invited me.”

“Oh my god! I’m so happy for you ‘Cas!” The pain in his head quickly forgotten.

“Thanks! Real question though.”

“Go ahead.”

“Does purple or blue go better with my complexion?”

Regulus though about it for a moment. ‘What shades are they?”

“Dark blue, and the purple is like an iris.”

“Purple, definitely.”

“Okay!” She nodded. “Thanks Reg, you’re a life saver!”

“No problem!” He called out but she was already out the door.

He laughed to himself and put on his gear. He decided to keep the hoodie on, as well as put
the hood up, he wanted to see James try to keep his cool in front of Sirius. Regulus walked
over to the cubicle and pushed open the curtain. Sirius and James were talking but it stopped
as soon as he entered. “Don’t let me ruin the party.”

“Oh shit sorry Reg…ulus…” James attempted to save himself, but Sirius looked at him
skeptically. “What are you doing?” Regulus saw him look at his jumper, saw him smile
slightly at it.

“Just going to check your stitches. Head forward.” He instructed and James did that as Sirius
and him restarted their conversation. The wound was still closed, which was good. Then he
noticed that James’ shirt had ridden up at the back, Regulus had naturally cold hands and
now that he had been outside for a while they were even colder. So he put his hand onto
James’ lower back.

“I can’t believe PetER-“

Everything went silent for a moment before Sirius and Regulus burst out laughing. “Did your
voice just crack Prongs?”

“No it didn’t!” James tried to defend himself, but he couldn’t really say anything.

Regulus just smiled smugly as he sat back on one of the other guest chairs, putting his feet up
onto the bed. James gave him a dirty look, Sirius looked between the two of them before he
spoke up. “Just how close are the two of you?”

“Oh you know…” Regulus waved it off, as he watched James try and contain his laughter. “I
mean I’ve been tutoring him for months now.”

Sirius stared at him for a few more second, eye quintet but before they opened once more.
“Good point.”

“So you two are alright now?” James asked.

Sirius and Regulus made eye contact. “You could say that.” Regulus spoke. “Not sure if his
head is alright though.”

He sat up quickly in his chair as he started too retort. “What- Hey! Says you…”
“What! No you’re the idiot!” Regulus defended himself, also sitting up further in his chair,
putting his legs back down to the floor.

“No you.”

“No, you.”

“You.”

“No.”

“Yes”

“You’re both idiots alright?” James exclaimed interrupting their bickering.

Regulus slapped his shoulder, causing James to put on a rather overdramatic performance of
pain. “Oi, don’t call me an idiot. Dick.” He added on.

“Yeah Potter, what’s with that?” Sirius said, also hitting James.

He looked between them both with an exasperated expression. “This isn’t fair.”

“Yes it is.” Both brothers said at the same time.

________________________________
Marlene was very nervous, like imagine your most nervous moment and she was triple that.
It was her and Dorcas’ first official date, they were going in to Hogsmeade together, so it was
a date date. “Frank, just be honest with me, does red or yellow look better on me?”

“I think they both look lovely.” Frank said from where he sat with Alice on one of the sofas
in the common room, he had his arm wrapped around her in a rather disgusting display of
affection. Made Marlene want to throw up.

“Come on! Just say one of them!”

“No, I think they both look really nice on you.” He was literally the most infuriating person
ever and she hated him.

“Frank!”

“Marls!”

Alice then spoke up. “I think you should go for red, the yellow might blend in to your hair a
bit too much.”

“See Frank this is what you’re supposed to do, be helpful.” Marlene told him as she looked
between the two tops. “Wait, what about the bands on the t-shirts? Cause the red one has
Queen and what if she doesn’t like Queen, I mean that would be a total red flag, but I love
her and-“

“Marls!” Frank interrupted her Rambling. “I’m sure Dorcas will love your Queen t-shirt.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Okay, next question.” She ignored Franks slight eye roll. “Which pair of Jeans?” Marlene
held up the first pair, they were baggy with rips and a pale blue. Then she held up another
pair, they were a dark blue and bell bottoms. “Frank I swear to Merlin you better make a
decision.”

“Dark blue, what do you think love?” He said turning to Alice.

She smiled up to him. “Yeah I agree.”

“Alright, thanks!” Marlene said as she darted out of the room and up to her dorm. In the end
she definitely would’ve gone with Alice’s decision, she had way better fashion knowledge
then Frank. If only Sirius was here, she could’ve gone to him.

Marlene thought about what Dorcas might wear while getting changed. Usually when they
weren’t in their uniforms she wore long flowy skirts and things like that. Dorcas was so
pretty, so very very pretty.

They had agreed for Dorcas to come meet Marlene at the Gryffindor common room, it was
one now so she should be here any minute now. Grabbing one of her jackets she raced
downstairs once more, and of course she ended up crashing in to someone.

“Shit! Sorry!” Marlene quickly apologised, then realised who she ran into. “Oh Remus?”

“Yes, hi Marls, any reason why you’re in such a rush?” He asked, while rubbing his side.

“I have a date, you jealous?” She announced proudly.

He smirked at her. “Oh definitely, it’s overbearing.”

“Where are you off too, actually why aren’t you with Sirius?” Lately it had become abnormal
for Sirius and Remus to be away from each other. They were practically glued together.

“I’m just going to The Great Hall to see Lils, Sirius is with Regulus.”

That was a shock. “Oh…why?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “Apparently they’re just going to talk, I’m prepared to hear
about a massive fight though.”

“Hopefully not, right?” Marlene said. “Let’s be positive.”

“Yeah… anyways you best be off. Got to go to your little date.” He teased her.

“You’re right! I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah, see you.”

Then Marlene was running down the stairs once more and into the common room, Dorcas
was there talking to Frank. As she came closer Dorcas smiled at her, a beautiful big smile, a
smile Marlene could look at for Centuries. “Dorcas!”

Frank turned around and smirked at her, Marlene rolled her eyes and turned back to Dorcas.
“Hi Marlene.”

“You look…” Marlene was lost for words. “You look beautiful.”
Dorcas smiled and pushed one of the locks of hair behind her ear. “Stop it… you’re making
me blush.” She was wearing a purple mini dress, with lighter purple flowers darted across it.

“You’re going to miss the carriages of you two don’t hurry up.” Frank spoke up.

“Good point, let’s go?” Marlene said holding out her hand for Dorcas.

She grinned and took Marlene’s hand in her own, they walked out of the common room and
as soon as she knew they were out of sight Marlene kissed Dorcas.

Dorcas tensed with shock for a moment but then quickly kissed back, they pulled away.
“You’re so pretty Cassie.”

“Cassie?”

Marlene went red with embarrassment. “Sorry, is that okay?”

“Yeah,” She confirmed as they started walking through the castle. “‘Course it is.”

Marlene beamed at her as she started swinging their arms, causing Dorcas to laugh. This was
all Marlene had ever wanted, through all the bad times, through all the mediocre times and
even through all of the good times, this is what she’s been missing. Dorcas is what she’s been
missing

While they were walking down to the horses they got a few weird looks but they didn’t care,
it didn’t matter anyways. Those looks were only for a second, Dorcas would be with her
forever. She’d make sure of it, Marlene could imagine their wedding. Marlene Meadowes had
a nice ring to it, yeah she likes the idea of that.

They got to the carriages and Marlene got on first so that she could help Dorcas up. When
they sat down they were the only ones in that cart which was good. As it started moving
Marlene decided to put her leg over Dorcas’, and laid her head on her shoulder, she loved
having a girlfriend.

“You’re my girlfriend.”

Dorcas laughed lightly. “Did you only just realise that?”

“Marlene Meadowes has a nice ring to it don’t you think?” She asked her.

The other made a noise of agreement. “Sure does, you already thinking of marrying me?”

“‘Course, we’d have a big, big wedding. Everyone there, you know?” Dorcas hummed. “It
would be on a beach, rainbow flowers.”

“Rainbow flowers?”

“Rainbow flowers.” Marlene confirmed. “Then we’d have a big family, I’m talking 5 or 8
kids here.”

“You better be the one birthing McKinnon.”

Marlene snorted. “No we’ll adopt. They can be best friends with Lily and James’ kids.”

Dorcas winced at that. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah? What do you mean, they’re practically destined to be together.” That’s just something
Marlene had grown to accept, sure Lily hadn’t realised her undying love for him yet, but it
was only a matter of time.
 “Eh… I think he’s got his eyes on someone else…” Marlene flung her head up once Dorcas
said that and looked at her.

“What? Who!”

She became slightly panicked. “Oh er, I’m not sure… I mean there just hasn’t been many
love confessions this year.”

Marlene put her head back down. “Good point I guess, but there was one two weeks ago, Lily
was pretty upset about it.”

“I can imagine.” Dorcas agreed. “Tell me about these baby’s names then.”

“Oh yes!” Marlene lit up.

“So I was thinking we could name them all after Quidditch positions, you know seven kids,
seven postitions…”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!!

Thanks for reading again! So fun chapter huh?

Quick little thing to address, I have been referring to Reg as an aspiring doctor, instead
of a healer, just a writing mistake no hidden meaning behind that.

AWWWWWWWWW REG AND JAMES. Can't believe I wrote about them having a
good time.

FRANK AND ALICE LOML.

Woah baby Regulus saw older Regulus and James?? What does that mean?? Freaky??
Sirius and Regulus sharing their traumas. Imagine having trauma, couldn't be me /sarc

Dorlene has my heart!

Whats going on with RoseKiller, do I spy a character special chapter 21 hmmmm? Yes I
dooo.

I said Mary would be back this chapter but I couldn't find a bit to fit her in, she'll
definitely be in chapter 22!!!!

I've finally decided on a schedule, so I'll be uploading every Sunday/Saturday and then
every Wednesday/thursday. This may very but you can always count on one of these
days having an upload.

Eat what you want, drink what you want!!!

Emme <3
 Mystery of Love
Chapter Summary

In this dark world that's been created for them there is only one road for people like
Evan, live a unhappy marriage with someone you don't love, have kids you can't bring
yourself to care about then die dreaming about a love you could have had. All he wants
is to live a life with the man he loves, but he can't bring himself to allow the heartbreak
that will inevitably follow.

When Barty confesses to him he doesn't know how to react, something he has always
wanted right in front of him, practically begging him to take it, but it's a reality he
knows he can't have.

Will Barty and Evan push through the societal standards set for them, or will Evan
succumb under the pressure of his parents.

Chapter Notes

"And what difference will it make, when this love is over." Mystery of Love - Surfjan
Stevens

____________________________

!!!IMPORTANT END NOTES!!!

TW
Death during childbirth: “Love? Whats wrong?” - "Barty didn’t have any good
memories of his father."
Neglect: The whole of Barty's first perspective.
Child abuse: "Barty took the box out of the drawer and opened it." - "They were
addressed to him."

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Honey, we need to talk.” Mrs Crouch told her husband.

“Yes, what is it?” He asked. “Make it quick though, I have to go to work.”

She sighed and gestured for him to sit down next to her, the man complied, sitting beside his
wife. “I’m-“ She paused and took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

Bartemius’ face lit up and he instantly hugged his wife, kissing her all over her face. “This is
amazing!” He exclaimed. “Oh Merlin, this might be the best thing you’ve ever told me!”

Lavender laughed as she pulled away from her husband. “Are you sure you’re not angry? A
baby’s a lot of money…”

“I couldn’t be more happy love.” He reassured her. “This is all I’ve ever wanted, besides I’m
one step away from a promotion.”

She smiled at him happily, before a slightly worried expression over came it. “Will a baby be
alright, here I mean?”

“What do you mean?” Bartemius said with a confused expression.

Lavender sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t know if London is the best place for a
baby to grow up.”

Bartemius cupped her face with his hands, looking into her eyes deeply. “I’ll buy you and
them a big house in the country, we’ll get it all dressed up as soon as we know the gender.”

“You’re going to be an amazing father.” She told him grinning softly.

“I hope so…”

_________________________________
“Lavender? Are you okay?” Bartemius asked his wife, who had a shocked expression on her
face.

“I think…” She swallowed thickly. “I think my water just broke.”

That caused the man to smile widely. “Oh my Merlin, this is amazing!” He cheered. “Hold on
I’ll get the bag and we can Apparate to St. Mungo’s.

His wife smiled nervously, nodding as she rubbed her stomach. “Yeah okay…”

Bartemius ran into the other room, grabbing a medium sized bag, then quickly got back to his
wife taking her hand into his and apparating.

Once they arrived the hospital was busy. Many people were filling up the chairs, crying
children being held in their parents arms, old men and woman looking like they were
knocking on deaths door, as well as many drunk idiots who had one too many beers. The
couple walked up to the reception, and rung the bell. “Uh, excuse me?”

The receptionist looked up and smiled sweetly at them. “Yes? How can I help?”

“My wife, she’s in labour, or her water broke, I’m not sure.” He said quickly, barely giving
himself time to recover from his last word.

The receptionist laughed slightly at the mans panic. “Alright, just go and wait over there,”
She pointed to an empty section of seats. “And I’ll have a doctor with you soon.”

“Thank you.” Lavender said kindly to the woman, as she allowed her husband to direct her to
the seats. Bartemius was pacing around in front of her, very obviously anxious. “Honey sit
down please.”
“Right sorry,” He said sitting down beside her and grabbing on to her hand. “I’m just so
nervous, what if he doesn’t like me?”

Lavender batted him up the side of his head lightly. “You’re going to be an amazing father,
our little Barty will love you.”

He nodded his head and sighed. “Yeah… yeah okay.”

They waited there for thirty minutes, the contraction having less and less time between them
until there was only about 1 minute in-between each. That was when Bartemius decided he
had done enough waiting, walking back up to the reception. “She needs a room, now.”

There was a new receptionist now, she looked up to him with a tired expression. “Sir we
know, but as we’ve told you for the past half hour, we’re working on it. Friday nights are
very busy.”

“I don’t care, I’ll pay for a private one if I have-“ He was cut out by his wife letting out a
loud cry of pain, Bartemius forgot all about his complaints and instantly rushed back over to
her side. “Love? Whats wrong?”

“It’s the-“ She was cut off by another cry.

He instantly started shouting for a doctor. “We need a doctor! Right fucking now!”

A few seconds later a nurse came over with a wheel chair, motioning for him to help his wife
in. Bartemius took his wife’s hand as she got into the chair, her breath was laboured and her
face scrunched with pain.

They rushed her into a Labour room. He sat beside her the whole time as she wailed with
pain, snapping at the doctors who told her to push harder. It was so uncharacteristically her,
something the man had grown to love about Lavender was her kindness, but her short temper
did make him laugh quite often. If it wasn’t directed at him of course.
After an hour, an hour of screaming, of crying, of his hand being crushed, it was time. Their
baby, their little Barty was reading to come out. The doctors kept telling her to push, to do it
as hard as she could, and after 5 excruciatingly long minutes, their son was born.

The nurses took him away to be cleaned, and the couple looked at each other. Lavender had a
relieved smile on her face, her hair was ticking to her face, tears and snot all over her mouth,
but still Bartemius thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

His son was given back to them and he was allowed to hold him. As he looked down at the
baby, he looked just like his mother. Big brown doe eyes, slightly tanner skin and plump pink
lips, he knew then that he would do anything for this child, even if it meant to kill.

Suddenly the heart monitor started to beep rapidly and he was pushed away as doctors circled
around his now passed out wife. He tried to get past, tried to get to her but he was held back.
Barty was crying in his arms, loudly, everything was becoming so loud. The screams,
screams he was only just realising were his and then everything went dead silent, except for
the loud line of noise, a noise that didn’t beep anymore.

The doctors pulled away, one of them looked at him sympathetically before turning back
around and speaking.

“Time of death 1:34 am. Date, Saturday the 23rd of February 1960.”

_______________________________

Barty didn’t have any good memories of his father. Whether is was him having expectations
no one could reach, or him being a drunk bastard, none of them were good. Bartemius Sr
wasn’t a good man, and Barty had decided long ago that he hated him, hated what he stood
for and hated what he didn’t.

His earliest memory of his father was a late night, Christmas Eve to be exact. They were in
their London home, and he was drunk just like he always was. Barty was four, an excitable
four year old, and he was even more excited because of what the day was, he was hoping to
wake up to presents stacked high, even if he knew that it had never happened before.

The window was open and the streets were loud, many were out drinking, either because they
were lonely and need the warm friend or because they were celebrating. Barty had decided he
didn’t want to be in the living room anymore, it smelled like fire whiskey and he wasn't
allowed to talk otherwise his father would get mad at him, so he decided to look for
Christmas presents.

First he looked in his dads room, because the was where they were most likely to be, right?
Wrong, they weren’t in there, so then he checked the cupboard, but they also weren’t there.
The only possible place they could be after that was his fathers office.

The young boy quietly tip toed in to the office, he looked around, everything was so large in
comparison to his tiny body. He looked in the wardrobe, not there. Then he tried the
bookshelf cupboards, not there. Finally he tried the drawers in his fathers desk. As he opened
the top one he noticed a small rectangular box, with his name on it.

Barty took the box out of the drawer and opened it, inside of it was dozens of letters, all
addressed to him. Just as he went to open one of the letters he had heard his a noise at the
door, his head had shot around and there stood his father. He’d been swaying aggressively,
his speech was slurred and his insults were weak. His attacks however were not. That night
was the first night Barty had ever been hit, but it certainly hadn’t been the last.

After that night it became a common occurrence, his father would get drunk beyond belief
and the night would end with Barty crying, adorned with new bruises. Often he had dreamed
of reading those letters. It was only when he went away to Hogwarts that he got the courage
to steal them for himself.

They were addressed to him, and sent by one Lavender Crouch. His mother. She had died
during childbirth, something that his father often blamed him for. During his time reading the
letters Barty came to feel like he knew his mother, it almost felt like they had a relationship
through the deteriorating ink.

A lot of the time while he was in London he felt alone, and maybe he was. The man that
shared a house with him may be living and breathing, but he certainly didn’t have a heart, at
least not anymore. His mother had described his father as a kind loving man, who was
overjoyed to know he had a son on the way. It wasn't that way anymore though.

Sometimes Barty would stare at his dad as he was passed out on the sofa, he’d imagine how
it would feel to hug him, or to talk to him, or to be enough for him. That would never happen,
at least not in this universe, Barty would never be enough, not to his standards. That was
maybe the thing he resented his father for the most, deceiving his mother into thinking he
was a good man.

Bartemius Crouch Sr. never has, and never will be a good person, nothing could ever redeem
the words he had spat at his son in a drunken haze. These words were ones that Barty
believed to be true until he met Evan and Regulus. Barty had thought he was an annoying,
unloveable, rude, ignorant, dumb murderer. He had grown to accept that the others weren’t
true, but deep down he knew his father was right about the last. Barty was a cold blooded
killer.

He remembers one night when he admitted this to them in second year. Barty had told them
about how his mother had died, about how he had killed her, and the first thing the other two
had done was cried. Not out of anger, disgust or fear, but because hearing him talk badly
about himself hurt them that much. It was a feeling Barty had never felt before, that was
when he first realised that he was loved.

Ever since he boarded the train to Hogwarts, their relationship, or whatever it was, had
stopped. They didn’t even talk vocally anymore, Bartemius sent him letter, talking about his
expectations. When he came home he was ignored, and in a weird way Barty missed the hits,
the punches, the yelling. Because through the pain at least he knew his father felt something
towards him, even if it was hatred.

That was something he often felt guilty for, especially when Regulus would open up about
his mothers… punishments. He was actively being abused and here Barty was complaining
about how he wasn't anymore. One day he was going to buy a big home in the country for
them all to run away to.

Just like his mother would have wanted.

_________________________________
“I’m going down to the Quidditch pitch, I’ll see you two at breakfast.” Regulus told them. It
was literally 5 in the morning and Evan didn’t understand why he felt a need to start
practicing so early.

Evan looked over to him with a confused expression. “I mean I get wanting to practice before
a game, but it’s 5am Reg. No one else is going to be down there.”

Regulus looked down and smiled to himself a tiny bit, he looked back up. “Yeah, quand
même. It’s a match against Gryffindor, we’ve got to win.” (Still)

“Right, okay…” Evan said skeptically. “Yeah, we’ll see you at breakfast then.” The other
threw up a hand gesture of goodbye and left the room.

Evan knew something was up with him, of course he did. Regulus was his best mate, and had
never indulged in early morning training, ever. He had his suspicions on what was going on,
was he going to act on them, no, but it was only a matter of time before Barty came to his
own conclusion. And he would definitely act on it.

Barty would mean well, he always did, but sometimes his words came out wrong. Especially
around the holidays, it was just a bad time for him in general, his dad would get harsher, the
letters more condescending. Evan desperately wanted to take him home with him, his parents
wouldn’t like it of course, but he would just force them to let him stay.

The only fault in that plan was his sister, she would definitely not allow the son of Bartemius
Crouch Sr. into the same home as her. If he thought she were cruel to him, how they’d act
with Barty would be a whole different story.

It was a stupid idea in the first place, so many things would get in the way of it. His sister, his
parents, Barty’s dad, Barty’s pride and his massive crush.
His crush on Barty had begun in 4th year, and no matter how much he tried to keep it away, it
kept coming back. Evan had tried to get rid of it, he had dated many, many girls in an
attempts to do so, but they never lasted. Once it got to the more… sexual parts of a
relationship he backed out. He didn’t know why he did this, it was easier to just chalk it up to
being a teenager and thinking sex was gross, but he had long since outgrown that excuse.

Sometimes he was foolish enough to let himself believe that Barty might like him back, Evan
had always seen the flicker of jealousy flash across his face every time he would announce a
new girlfriend. Saw the way his eyes would linger as Evan got changed, but then he realised
that it was probably all in his head, an illusion.

Even if it wasn't, even if Barty did do those things, it wouldn’t matter, they wouldn’t mean
much. Barty and Regulus always made grossly sexual comments about each others bodies, it
was quite disturbing actually.

And looking past all of that, on the off chance that Barty would like him back, the
relationship would end quickly. There were too many factors that came in to play 1, Their
families, the relationship would end in a matter of months. 2, Barty would want to have sex,
and unfortunately that’s something Evan just can’t do right now. Finally, Barty is just way too
good for him.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Barty came out with only towel wrapped around his
waist. They all did this, every single one of them, but still Evan hadn’t been able to learn to
keep his emotions under wraps. Every time it happened a blush came over his face.

“Where’s Reg?” Barty asked as he picked out a sweater and tracksuit bottoms from his chest
of drawers.

Evan pretended to be looking out the window, to hide his redness. “Oh he went to Quidditch
training.”

“This early?” The other asked. “Don’t tell me you actually believe him?”
Evan could hear him coming closer, his voice becoming clearer, he turned around and saw
Barty standing in front of his bed, luckily wearing clothes now. “I’m not sure… they do have
a pretty big match today.” He was wearing his tan jumper and his tracks were grey.

Barty collapsed down onto Evans bed, who crossed his legs to avoid the falling boys body.
“Come on Ev,” He said looking up to him. “You and both know that there’s something going
on with him and Potter, why won’t he tell us?”

“Well,” He started. “There’s a lot of factors that go into that kind of decision.”

He snorted. “Yeah like what? It’s simple ‘Hey Ev, Barty, me and Potter are dating’ He knows
we wouldn’t judge.”

“But does Potter?”

Barty made a face of realisation. “Oh I’m so stupid, why didn’t I think of that?”

“You just answered that yourself.” Evan teased as Barty sat up.

“Literally shut up.” Barty said, giving a hand out for Evan to take. “Come on we better get
going to this bloody detention.”

“Wait I need to get changed first, I’m still in my pyjamas.” He pointed out.

Barty rolled his eyes. “Come on, your pyjamas are your clothes, I don’t think I’ve seen you
wear pyjamas since first year.” Okay so Evan didn’t technically wear Pyjamas, but he did
wear comfy clothes so that was pretty much the same. “Besides you look gorgeous.”

Fuck you Crouch. “Right yeah sure.” He said taking Barty’s hand and hoisting himself up.
“I can’t believe we got a detention for this.” Barty complained as they walked out of the
dorm. “It’s not like we meant to kill Todd, I loved him.”

“I thought we agreed to not call him Todd.” Evan sighed.

“No you said that we shouldn’t call him Todd, I never agreed to it.”

“But it’s such an ugly name.” He whined as they left the common room, and into the
corridors. “And I’m pretty sure he was a she.”

“Hey, Todd was a beautiful name, and haven’t you heard Rosier? The times are changing, we
don’t believe in gender stereotypes in this house hold.” Barty said punching him slightly on
the shoulder.

“Ow, I’m not Reg. I don’t wanna rough house with you.” Evan said, punching Barty back
though of course, got to give him his karma.

“You just-“ Evan gave him a look. “You know what? Never mind.”

He smirked at him and they continued to walk out of the castle, their hands brushing together
ever so slightly. It was silent, a comfortable silence that he has become accustomed to with
Barty, there was no pressure to speak. “What do you think we’ll be doing?” Barty interrupted
it.

“We’re feeding the animals, remember?.”

Barty slumped in on himself and started complaining. “That’s so unfair… Why not get the
house elf to do it?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not in their job criteria.” Evan told him. “Also we’re the ones who
forgot to feed ours.”
“I loved Todd, I would never mistreat him.”

“Yeah, yeah suck it up buttercup. We’re here anyways.” He pointed out as they started
walking in to the stables.

Barty smirked at him. “I didn’t actually know that, you’re a proper genius you are.”

“I know right?”

He laughed in response. “Where do we start?”

“You can do the hippogriff.” Evan said, already trying to escape. In no circumstance would
he be feeding that thing, it was bloody terrifying.

“No, you can do it. I’m not getting near that thing.” Barty retaliated.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“What makes you think I’d want to then?”

“Ugh fine, we can both do it, at the end.” He suggested, it was better than having to do it
alone.

Barty took out his hand, motioning for Evan to shake it. “Come on, gotta solidify it. I don’t
want you to go behind my back.”

“I’’m not shaking your hand Barty.”

“Please?”

Merlin why was he such a push over. He took Barty’s hand in his own and shook it, he tried
to ignore the way his heart fluttered and the light warmth that filled his cheeks. “Happy
now?”

“Definitely.” Barty said smiling, and Evan had to turn his head around. Because the light
warmth wasn’t light anymore, and he knew that his face was bright red.

“I’m going to go to the chickens.” He said as he walked away from Barty and over to the
coop.

2 years ago Evan wouldn’t have even smiled if Barty touched him, but now? Now he
couldn’t even control his blush if Barty smiled at him. It was bad, and it was only a matter of
time before it was all revealed and their group was split apart. In the end his sister was right,
there was no way he’d ever be able to keep his friends.

He should have listened to her, even if she was cruel and harsh. Even if he knew she didn’t
give a shit about him, he should have listened to her. Should have stayed away from
everyone, refused to make connections. Except he didn’t, he decided to sit with Regulus, he
didn’t object when Regulus said Barty could sit with them, he didn’t do anything to stop this
from happening.

Now he had a crush that wasn't going to leave any time soon. It wouldn’t be like whatever
was happening with Regulus and James, because that in it of itself was a miracle. And if
there’s anything Evan has learned in his short life it’s that miracles don’t happen more than
once. Even if they did, even if by some chance the universe spared one more, it wouldn’t be
for him.

“Evan!”

He was ripped from his thoughts as he turned around. “What?”

“Merlin I’ve been trying to get your attention for ages, what are you doing?” Barty asked and
that made Evan look down at his hands, he had thought he had been collecting eggs but in
reality he had been crushing them one by one.

“I-I’m not sure, sorry.”

Barty stared at him for a second before he burst out laughing. “I thought the Black’s crazy
wouldn’t make it down to you Rosier.

“Stop it, I was just thinking. Besides The Blacks aren’t crazy.” Barty gave him a ‘really?’
look. “Reg isn’t crazy.”

“Not yet… Now come on, let’s get this thing handled.” He pointed over to the hippogriff.

Evan got up and they started walking over to it. “Let’s just wait a moment.”

Barty looked back to him. “Why, are you scared?” He teased

No, I want to be completely alone for a bit longer. “Would it be bad if I was?”

His eyes softened and he smiled lightly. “No, ‘Course not. We can sit up on that wall over
there.” Barty pointed over to a half-wall a few metres away, and they went over to it.

They hoisted themselves up, their thighs touching each other despite the wall having more
than enough room. The silence returned once more and they sat there, Evan was about to
break it but Barty beat him to it once more. “You haven’t brought round many girls lately.”

Evan snorted, a bit out of surprise, a bit out of humour. “I haven’t brought any.”
“Why?” He asked as if he was happy about it, but Evan knew he wasn’t, why would he be?

He shrugged. “No point.”

“Why?” Barty asked once more.

Evan laughed. “Why are you so curious about it?”

Barty seemed to realise how he was acting and straightened himself out. “No reason, just
miss watching you constantly getting broken up with.”

“Oh is that how it is?” He said, and Barty joined in on his light laughs. “Go on then, what
about you?”

“Oh er, um… no I’ve got no one.” Evan could see his awkward demeanour however, also
they’d been friends for 5 years, you grow to know when someones lying.

“Oh my god you do!” Evan exclaimed, shoving him slightly. “Who is it?”

The other looked down and grinned to himself, he looked up allowing his smile to be seen.
“Can’t tell you.”

“Secret lover, who would’ve thought.” It was easy to pretend that this wasn't absolutely
destroying him on the inside, he had been doing it for so long at this point. “If you can’t tell
me who they are, tell me what they look like.”

Barty looked down and shuffled slightly. “You’ll figure it out then…”
“I won’t, promise.” But he didn’t promise to not break down in the bathroom tonight.

He sighed and looked back up. “Alright then… they’ve got blonde, pretty much white
hair…” That was pretty rare, but there had to be at least one girl in Hogwarts with it. “Deep
brown eyes.” A pretty common eye colour. “But they’re more black, you can’t really see their
pupils.” Less common, but someone else is bound to have them.

“Pale skin that refuses to tan, and they’re always on my back about how it’s unfair that I’m
able to.” He swallowed thickly. “And they have freckles all over their arms but none on their
face, they’re shit at divination but say it’s because the subjects a scam.” Barty looked into
Evans eyes. “And… we’ve been friends since first year.”

“No.” Evan stated jumping off the wall and walking away.

Barty copied his movements as he started jogging up to him. “Please Evan, I love you.”

“You’re wrong, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do!”

Evan stopped and turned to him. “No, you don’t. You think you do, but you’re just a teenager
with a stupid teenage crush that will go away because that’s all it is.” He didn’t know why he
was being so harsh, why he wasn't professing his love as well. This could be a happy
moment, if he let it.

“It’s not just a teenage crush!” Barty insisted but Evan wasn’t listening, they had things to do.

“Yes it is.” He told him heading over to the hippogriff. “We have things to do, come on.”

“Evan please, listen to me.” The other pleaded, no response was given. “Please I’m sorry! I
can’t help it!”
“Well learn to.” Evan snapped as they stopped in front of the hippogriff. “Get me its food.”

“Ev-“

“Now!”

Barty went to say something else before he made his way over to the food with a sad
expression. It hurt Evan, it hurt him so much but he knew it was the only way to go about
things. He could either break their hearts now, or in a year when they’re inevitably forced to
marry. This was the way things had to go, and he’d keep telling himself that until he believed
it.

He stared at the hippogriff, he wasn’t short but compared to its tall stature he might as well be
a dwarf. Barty came back over with a bucket of food and handed it to Evan. “Ev please.”

Evan ignored him and opened the stable door, leaving it open for Barty. He moved carefully
as to not disturb it, putting the bucket onto the stable door he began taking out bits of food.

“Evan talk to me.”

He went unnoticed once more as Evan continued to carefully give the creature food.

“Please Evan.”

“Oh for fucks sake Barty! Leave it!” He yelled, it was only after that he realised his mistake.
Evan turned around and saw the Hippogriff getting ready to attack. He quickly pushed them
both out of the room but tripped while doing it.
They landed on the ground and it took Evan a moment to catch his breath, to catch his
surroundings, too realise what he was doing. The position they were in was probably the
worst one they could’ve landed in, he had his hands at each side of Barty’s head and was
currently laying on top of him.

Their faces were close, too close. Breathing in each others breaths, soaking up each others
eyes and their lips were getting dangerously closer by the second. He looked into Barty’s
eyes they were moving around Evans face erratically and his lips had a slight twinge of a
smile on them. One of his eyebrows tilted upwards, and that was enough for Evan.

Their lips crashed together as they moved in synchronised motions, their tongues
intertwining with each other. They were both kissing like they were desperate, no that was
what they were, desperate. Long deprived of the feeling of each other on their bodies, years
of tension that had stored up was being released and Evan wasn’t going to stop it.

Barty moaned slightly thought their aggressive kissing. Evan took this as a good sign and
continued, it was like he had been dried of every liquid in his body but Barty was able to
hydrate him once more. Like he had been deprived of everything but just a touch from him
would make Evan be together once more.

As they were kissing Evan felt a hand make its way under his shirt and up his back, his eyes
snapped open and he pulled away. He shouldn’t have done that, for fucks sake he should have
pulled away. He stood up quickly and started walking away at a brisk pace, he heard Barty
rushing to catch up to him.

“Wait Evan, what’s wrong?” He asked as he finally caught up.

“Nothing.” He said as he exited the stables.

Barty struggled to keep up with him. “Somethings obviously wrong, I thought it was okay?”

“Thought what was okay?”

“The… The kiss…”

Evan stopped and span round to look at him. “We didn’t kiss, alright?”

“But we did! You can’t just ignore this Ev!”

“Yes I can, and I will. You don’t love me Barty.” He saw that the other was about to object.
“And even on the off chance that you liked me, it would be over quickly!” Evan rubbed a
hand over his face in a frustrated manner. “Are you seriously forgetting about who we are,
where we come from? We’re Purebloods Barty! We don’t get the luxury of love.”

“Then let’s run away!” Barty suggested. “With Reg, we can run away!”

“No we can’t!” Evan insisted. “Get over me, now.”

“I can’t! I’ve tried, believe me I’ve tried Evan!” He didn’t leave room for him to speak up. “I
have loved you since I first laid eyes on you, you’re the only one for me. I can’t imagine my
life without you by my side!”

“Well learn.” Evan spat coldly. “Fucking learn.”

He started walking again and this time Barty didn’t try to catch up. Even though it was his
fault, even though he was completely to blame for this, he couldn’t help the feeling of anger
that over came him.

___________________________

Things had been more than awkward with Evan since his confession, or their confession? He
wasn't entirely sure. Yes Evan hadn’t outwardly said he loved Barty back, but they had
partaken in a very steamy kiss that was initiated by him, so. Barty felt like he had more than
enough evidence to point in that direction.

Of course Regulus had picked up on it almost instantly, but it was like they had made a silent
agreement to not tell him. Barty was… okay with it, but he wasn't jumping for joy at keeping
something from his best mate.

Evan and him had put away their differences for his sake, it was an important match and they
knew he was nervous. Regulus wasn't good at outwardly admitting what he felt, sure he gave
many signs which the two had learned to read, but anyone else wouldn’t.

Some example of this was that when he was nervous he’d go over and talk to Pandora, which
is what he had done this morning. When he was scared he would lean more on his left, rather
than his right, which he had done while talking to Mulciber on the pitch. And when he was
about to do something bat-shit crazy, he’d just go for it.

It’s something you never think about, watching your best mate fall to his death. It was always
a possibility, of course it had been. Quidditch was a dangerous sport, and even more
dangerous between rivals. You expect these things, prepare for them even, but when they
happen? You don’t know how to react.

As soon as Regulus jumped from his broom and latched on to James Potter Barty was out of
his seat, right up to the barrier as if he could catch him in some way. He knew he couldn’t,
and that was the irony of the situation. Barty would never be able to catch one of them,
whether it was figuratively or literally, and maybe Evan knew that.

The more poetic way of what happened would be to say he had already expected it, that when
Regulus jumped he was already saying his goodbyes. But the reality? Barty screamed,
screamed more than he had that one drunken evening with his father. More than when he read
his mothers letters. More than when he realised he was in love with Evan.

So when Regulus caught onto his broom? Barty literally cried with relief, not a lot, he was
still in the Slytherin stands. But no one would deny the hands that cupped his face, his head
resting on the barrier as he crouched down and sighed a breath.
He felt Evans presence behind him and took that as his cue to stand up, looking over the
barrier once more he saw Mulciber ‘helping’ Regulus, but more importantly he saw the way
he was leaning on his left. As soon as he noticed this he instantly started toward the exit of
the stands but was stopped by a hand around his wrist. “What are you doing?”

“Stopping you from doing something you shouldn’t.”

“Something I shouldn’t-“ He laughed. “If you hadn’t noticed Reg almost fucking died.”

“I know that.” He hissed quietly, bringing Barty’s attention to the students leaving. “But do
you really think he wants to be showered with attention right now?”

“I don’t give a fuck about what he wants. He’s the one who just gave me a bloody heart
attack, besides Mulciber-“

“I see Mulciber, but if you’d give it a fucking moment you’d see that Emme’s got him.” Evan
pointed out and Barty looked at the pitch once more, and did in fact see Emmeline walking
over with Slughorn.

“Still he needs-“

“He needs rest.” Barty was going to punch him if he didn’t stop cutting him off. “And you
and I both know he won’t get it while we’re there, and he won’t tell us to leave.”

Evan was right, for fucks sake he was right. “Fine then, I’ll go visit him in a few hours.”

“We’ll go visit him in a few hours.”

“Do what you want.” Barty snapped as he left the stands, he didn’t have any intentions of
going back to their dorms, so he went where, he always did. The library.
Things felt loud and quiet, all at the same time. The way people spoke of what had just
happened was like a buzzing in his ear, one that he desperately wanted it to go away, and him
and Evan? That was like someone was repeatedly screaming in his ear, a hoarse, harsh wail
that came straight from the Shrieking Shack.

They had never fought like this, not through their 5 years of friendship. He felt his world
collapsing around him, his mind tracing back to his father, to his childhood, to is mother. His
father had been right, as he undoubtedly said he would be. He was a murderer, a murderer
who killed the people around him. Sure, Regulus hadn’t actually died, but he came close
enough.

Evan didn't want to talk to him anymore, or at least not in a friendly manner. If his mother
was still here he would talk to her, he knows she would understand how he feels both happy,
for confessing his feelings. And sad, for being rejected. In some weird way he feels both the
emotions at once and he's still trying to figure out how the could be.

As he sat down in the back corner of the library, there wasn't actually any tables this far back,
and in some weird twist he liked it that way. He liked sitting down in the ground, the farthest
away from anyone, never to be spotted. It was only then, when he was concealed by all the
words he decided to open the latest letter from his father.

Barty stared at the writing on the front, ‘From Bartemius Crouch Sr.’ It read. He felt a tug at
his heart, most of the students parents wrote Mum or Dad, but not his. Barty sighed as he
started opening the letter, prepared for an onslaught of his failures and his expectations, was
he really prepared? Or was he just telling himself that? Probably the latter.

Finally getting the envelope opened and taking the letter out he began to read.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 25/11/1975

Bartemius Jr,

I have seen your results, they were disappointing. I would expect straight O’s from my son,
but seeing an E in divination had greatly upset me. This is an embarrassment, what if they
still posted the score on the boards? I’d be a disgrace. Do better.

I’d rather not have you back for the holidays, I feel the time would be better spent revising.
Or maybe you asking your teachers for help, that’s what they’re there for, not to be bothered
by your foolish shenanigans. But Dumbledore is only allowing students who absolutely need
to stay to do so, something about this Dark Lord.

Ask Black and Rosier for help, I don’t like your friendship with them but I bet they get
straight O’s, I bet that Rosier boy got an O in Divination.

Don’t respond, it’s a waste of ink, and owls.

Bartemius Crouch Sr.

His father really was a joy, a bloody E was deemed unacceptable. He started laughing, cold,
wet laughs, all he had done just to make him like him, and it was for nothing. Of course his
father would never love him, it would be a disgrace if it was known he had feelings.

All Barty wanted was for him to like him, he didn’t even need to love him. He just wanted to
know that he was liked. Or better yet, appreciated. Something, he wanted his father to feel
something for him, something other than humility and disappointment. He pushed the heels
of his hands into his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. He was so fucking done.

He sat there for a couple hours, it was something he did quite often actually. The library was
nice, quiet but you could still hear the quiet turns of paper. Barty had even become close with
Madame Pince, which was quite the feat. He knew a lot of people looked at her as a cranky
old woman, but she was actually quite sweet, in her own special way.
One time, in his 3rd year, he failed 5 of his exams and he was terrified. So he went to the
library, like he always did, and went to his little corner. It was late, past curfew actually, but
when she saw him come in with tears in his eyes and a shaking hand, she let him through.
Barty sat there, silent tears pouring down his face and his knees pulled up to his chest.

She came over to him quietly, and told him to sit at the nearest desk because she wasn’t
‘sitting on the floor in her old age.’. He remembers shaking his violently as his eyes became
glossier. She had sighed and slowly sat beside him with a book in her hands, it was a muggle
book. The librarian read to him, she read to him all night until the sun was streaming through
the windows and Barty was barely awake.

In a lot of ways, she was like his mother. She wasn't Lavender Crouch, but she was like a
mother. He doesn’t know if it’s the same for her, if she thinks of him as a son, but he likes to
think so. It gives him comfort, the idea that an adult might care for him, even a bit. That
someone other than Evan and Regulus might mourn him when he inevitably leaves the world.

He waved to her while leaving, and she waved back. It brought a smile to his face, one that
would disappear as soon as he would see Evan outside the infirmary. As he walked up to him
he saw Evans expression become unreadable as he swallowed thickly. Barty was prepared to
be ignored, but was surprised when he felt an arm wrap around his wrist.

“Barty.” Evan said.

He turned around to look at him. “What?”

“We can’t… Look we can’t go in there like something happened this morning.”

“But something did happen this morning.” Barty pointed out. “You’re just choosing to ignore
it.

Evan sighed and glanced away quickly. “Come on Barty… get it together, for Reg.”
“Fine.” He agreed. “For Reg.”

They walked in, Barty spared a look over to Potter, he was unconscious with a bandage
wrapping his head. Then he looked over to the cubicle that was wrapped round with curtains,
he could only assume that Regulus was in it. Drawing back the curtain proved his assumption
correct as Regulus sat there in the bed reading one of his books.

Regulus looked up and smiled as soon as he realised it was them. Standing up he crashed into
them, laughing happily as he did so. “I’m so happy to see you two.”

“Not dead then?” Evan joked, it made Barty’s smile falter, but he decided to wait till
tomorrow to tell Reg how reckless he was, Evan was right earlier, he needed to rest.

“Can’t get rid of me that quickly.” He said pulling away from them.

Barty sat down on one of the seats as Evan sat in the other. “So… do you want to talk about
it?”

“Merlin no.” Regulus said, maybe a bit too abruptly as he sat back down on his bed. “Sorry,
just… Sirius-”

“What did he do?” Evan asked, immediately becoming defensive.

“Nothing, nothing.” Regulus waved him off. “He came and talked to me.”

“Are you sure it was talking?” You can’t blame him, The Black Brothers never ‘talked’.

“No, yeah it was. Told me that seeing what happened really put things in to perspective for
him.”
“What do you mean” Evan said, sitting up in his chair slightly.

“Just that we can die any day, you know?” Barty took a sharp inhale. “I mean with The Dark
Lord slowly gaining power…” He saw Evans Adams apple bob. “He just told me that he had
always expected it to be him, that he would die first. But today made him realise that… that it
might not be the case, made me realise it too.”

Evan put a hand onto his. “You’re- We’re not going to die Reg.”

“We really can’t stop it though, I mean you and I are one step away from being Death eaters
and who knows what will happen to you Barty.” He said turning towards him.

“I’ll follow you…” He looked to Evan for a split second. “I’ll follow you both anywhere,
even to the Death eaters.”

“We can’t ask you to do that Barty.” Evan spoke up. “We don’t know what we’d be asked to
do.”

“I’d do anything for you… the two of you.” If Evan was going to refuse to talk to him,
maybe he could get his point across with other methods.

Evan took a breath, catching on to what he was doing. “Neither me nor Reg could live with
ourselves if you did that.”

“Then we’ll run away.”

“Wouldn’t work.” Regulus unknowingly interrupted.

“Why not?”
Regulus looked up to the ceiling, then down to his hands. “I’m getting it this summer.”

“What!” Evan and Barty both shouted standing up. “How? You’re too young, the limit is 17
you're 15!” Barty continued.

“They’ve made an exception…I’ll be 16 by then, maybe that’s why.” Regulus muttered. “Or
something, I don’t know okay?”

Barty could feel his world crashing around him, there was nothing they could do about this.
He thought there was enough time till Evan and Regulus would have to take it, he thought
they had time. “We have to do something!” He said to them both, but they had looks of…
acceptance on their faces. “We can stop this!”

“Can we? What could we do Barty, genuinely.” Regulus questioned him.

“I don’t know…” He admitted sitting back down, just as Evan had done. “You’re just
accepting this? Both of you?”

“There’s two options Barty.” Regulus said. “One, we spend the entire year looking for a way
out of this, only to inevitably fail. Wasting the time we have left with each other.” Barty
stopped the tears forming in his eyes. “Or two, we spend time together, in what will probably
be our last normal year here.”

Barty didn’t respond, he couldn’t. Evan spoke next. “Me and Reg accepted this long ago
Barty.”

He wiped his eyes and sniffed a little. “Alright then, if that’s what you two want.”

“It’s not what we want… but it’s what’s best.”

They sat in silence for a minute before Regulus decided to end it. “Let’s just not talk about
this, ever, okay? We can just pretend it’s not happening.”

Barty laughed wetly. “Yeah, okay Reg, let’s do that.”

“Anyways I think I’ll look pretty good with a snake tattoo” Regulus joked, breaking the
tension.

As they continued to joke with each other it allowed Barty to forget about what he’d just been
told, what was going to happen. If these were going to be his last months with his friends,
before everything changed, he was going to make them the best months he’d ever lived. If
that meant ignoring what would happen, never talking about it, or even thinking about it, then
that’s what he’d do.

Because he’d do anything for them.

_____________________________________

Evan practically ran through the corridors of Hogwarts, because Barty needed him. Merlin
he’d been so stupid.

Yesterday, in the hospital wing, when Regulus told them about his… situation, Evan realised
something. They did only have a few months left with each other, sure they technically had
sixth and seventh year, but who know what would happen from now on. Regulus may be the
only one confirmed, but he knew his parents would soon follow, only a matter of time.

They may only have some months left, and maybe he was being selfish, but he wasn't going
to waste them. It will end in heartbreak, but at least his he’ll have someones heart for a bit, at
least he’ll have Barty’s. He loved him, sure his crush had officially started in fourth year, but
he had loved him since he saw him on the train. Maybe even before that, maybe he knew that
Barty was somewhere waiting for him.
He burst in to the Library, slowing down when he got a few dirty looks from some students.
Quietly he made his way down to the back of it, it took a while due to the sheer size of it but
eventually he got to the far with corner, and he knew he was near Barty because he could
hear him trying to contain his whimpers.

Gently he made his way over to him and sat beside him. “Hi…”

Barty’s head snapped up, he had red eyes and a red nose to match, with tears streaming down
his face. “Go away.”

Barty looked away once more and hid his head into his arms. “Look I-“

Evan wasn't sure how to go about this, he didn’t know how to confess, how to show Barty
how genuine he was. Evan was good with other peoples emotions, not his own. Finally he
decided on a way around it.

“When I was younger,” He started. “My sister would tell me that I was unloveable, that there
would never be anyone who could properly love me. I didn’t believe her, at first, but
eventually I started to.”

“It was just me and Reg as kids, and he wasn’t the most affectionate, not openly. There were,
are,” He corrected himself. “Ways to tell, but it wasn’t enough, not then. When I got onto that
train I was, alone, mentally. I think me and Reg both were, it was like we were on the same
sinking ship, on two different sides, wanting to help each other but being unable.”

“But then you came knocking on our cart door, with your loud laugh and hair that was way
too long.”

“Gee thanks.” Barty deadpanned.

 “What I’m trying to say…” He made a slight noise of frustration and sighed. “I’m trying to
say that… it’s like I’ve been stuck in the dark my whole life, like I was in a room with
speakers that just shouted my greatest insecurities at me. But then I agreed to let you join my
and Reg’s compartment, and it was like you had opened the door and guided me to safety.”

Barty looked up at that, meeting Evan’s eyes. “I’ve been alive for 15 years, but that day on
the train, that was my first day of living.” They stared at each other for a few second before
Barty burst out crying once more. Evan instantly started panicking. “What’s wrong? Did I say
something wrong?”

“No.” Barty said through tears. “You can’t-“ A sob cut him off. “You can’t just say things like
that you git.”

“I- Sorry?”

“Don’t apologise.” He said as he started wiping at his eyes, then he turned to Evan. “So you
love me back? Is that what that meant?”

“Yes.” Evan confirmed, trying to read the situation but being unable to.

Barty looked at him for a few more seconds before speaking up once more. “So are you
going to kiss me or what?”

And kiss him he did.

Chapter End Notes

IMPORTANT NOTE! - Hi! So if you follow my tiktok you may have see the little
aesthetics video I did, which also had fan casts along with them. I though it would be a
good idea to let you know that you can imagine these characters however you want, as
long as you keep their races the same! Things such as James being Desi, or Marlene
being East Asian aren't things that can be negotiated in this fanfic, so please do not
change their races!
__________________

HI OMG!

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER, ROSEKILLER AS MY HEART!

This was such a sad chapter to write though, I feel so bad for Barty and Evan. They're
just two idiots who want to love each other.

Talking about loving each other, that kiss? I feel like I'm getting better at writing them, I
was very awkward about it at the start of this fic lmaooo

Omg Perks of being a wallflower reference. I like adding these little references into this,
but do you guys like it as well? Idk does it seem like I'm just stealing other peoples
ideas? I hope not.

Madame Pince supremacy, everyone deserves an old teacher who 'doesn't care about her
students, but would kill for them' to claim as a mother figure.

Honestly the child birth is not accurate, I just did not want to write about birthing, sorry
it's like my ick but for writing.

omg guys, what's going to happen tp Regulus at the summer. Am I going to have to
change the fics tags to Canon Complaint? Maybe sprinkle in a lil MCD?

Batemius Crouch Sr. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Fuck that guy^^^^

Currently thinking of how many chapters I want his fic to come to, I'm thinking 40? But
it's already chapter 21 so idk. We'll figure it out as we go along, there's probably going
to be a major time skip at some point, because I want things to happen but I can't be
arsed writing all of the characters into adulthood. Sorry guys I'm just not cut out for a
100 chapter fic, not got it in my blood.

Reading back on that it sounds like I'm setting up for killing some of them off (Haha
maybe I am?), I just meant it in a "Not going to write 3 years worth of these losers'

Fucking boiling in this British heat btw guys, I can't take it anymore. Maybe that's why
this chapter is so incredibly angsty? Who knows.

Anywho thanks for reading!!

Eat what you want, you deserve it!

Emme <3
 Merry Laughter during Christmas
Chapter Summary

We watch as all our beloved couples say goodbye to each other before the Christmas
break, as well as our favourite friend groups exchange gifts. James and lily talk to each
other finally and The Marauders go out with a bang.

Chapter Notes

"A very merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. Let's hope it's a good one, without
any fear." Happy Xmas (War is over) - John Lennon & Yoko Ono

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Stop laughing!”

“Shh you’re going to wake them!”

“Sirius watch out!” Remus called out but it was too late, Sirius was already flat on his back,
attempting to stop his laughter.

“Who put their shoe in the middle of the room?” Sirius whisper-shouted.

“Just shut up!” He whispered back. “We have to go before we wake them up.”

“Oh shit yeah!” He said getting up like a drunk man.

“Are you drunk?” Remus hissed quietly.

“No I-“ His laughs interrupted hm. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Well let’s figure It out in the common room.” Remus hands made movements motioning
towards the door.

Sirius stumbled towards it in hysterics. Finally after, frankly too long, they got out of the
room. Remus wasn't the kind of person to lose his composure, many would call him an old
soul, but when he was with Sirius he couldn’t help how he would smile uncontrollably.

Sirius grabbed onto his hand and dragged him out of the common room, they were laughing
the entire time and he wouldn’t be surprised if they had woken up the entire tower in their
efforts to be quiet. “Where are we going?”

“All in due time my dear Moonshine.” Sirius winked at him.

Remus rolled his eyes, then he noticed the direction they were walking in. “Are we going
outside?”

“Maybe?”

“Sirius I’m still in my pyjamas!” He complained.

“Not my problem.”

The corridors were echoey and were adorned with a yellow and pink shade from the morning
sun. It truly was a beautiful place to be, maybe some of the people in it weren’t as beautiful
as it’s exterior, but that didn’t mean much to Remus. It hadn’t snowed yet, which did make
him slightly upset, he had hoped to see it covered with white before having to go home.
There was a chance the snow might stay till January however.
He’d started to look at the brighter sides of things lately, he wasn't sure why. His mum might
say it was because of Sirius, but that didn’t make sense to him, they had been friends since
first year. Maybe it’s that he has a lot more brightness in his life, more evidence to things
working out in the end.

Sirius started running down the hill, but didn’t let go of Remus, causing him to also have to
run. “Sirius! Sirius what are you doing?” He just smiled back at him in response, continuing
down the hill until they were at the bottom. Remus was out of breath, but of course Sirius
was not. “Was that really necessary?”

“Of course it was! Live a little Moony.” Sirius exclaimed, throwing Remus’ arm around his
shoulder and giving his hand a kiss.

“Where are we going?” He asked. “Wait, are we going into the Forbidden Forest?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Does the word Forbidden mean nothing to you?”

“No it doesn’t, you know this.” He grinned at him. “Also, why are you getting your knickers
in a twist? We do this every full moon.”

“Yeah but that’s when we’re all a little more… furrier.”

Sirius barked out a laugh as he started walking into the forest, Remus unwillingly attached to
him. “Don’t sweat it Moony, this place isn’t all that dangerous if you know your way
around.”

“Alright… if you say so.”

“I do.” Sirius said as he helped Remus cross one of the small rivers that were darted over the
place. “You’re going to love this place, we’re nearly there.”

“What if I don’t though?” Remus countered playfully.

“You will.”

“But what if I-“ He was cut off by Sirius’ lips kissing his, he was caught by surprise but of
course kissed back.

Sirius pulled away and smiled at him. “You will.”

“Okay, I will.” They came over a small hill and it revealed one of the most beautiful places
Remus had ever seen.

The grass was a vibrant green, one that he had never seen take place in it before. There was
flowers decorating the vibrancy with their own bright colours, purples, pink, blues, yellows
all scattered around the place. It was surrounded by trees, forming a circular shape, and they
all had large, strong trunks perfect for a young teenage couple to lay at. And that’s what they
did.

Sirius guided him over to one of the bases, and they sat at it. Remus unhooked his arm from
around Sirius’ shoulders and intertwined their hands, tracing small shapes with his thumb.
“This place is stunning Pads.”

“Isn’t it, I saw it on the last moon, it’s much more beautiful later on in the evening, but we
won’t be here tonight.”

“Mhm, I wish we could stay like we usually do.” He said as traced tiny stars.

Sirius placed his head on to his shoulder. “Me too, but with all that’s going on…”
“Yeah…” He agreed removing his hand from Sirius’, instead bringing it up to his hair and he
started to play with the soft waves. “Are you worried?”

He felt Sirius shrug. “I’m not sure… I’m not scared for myself, more for others.”

“Like who?” Remus indulged.

“You.” Sirius said instantly. “Wormy, Prongs… Reg.”

Remus kissed the top of his head. “You don’t need to worry about me, and Peter’s just too
stubborn to die.” Sirius laughed softly at that. “James wouldn’t even be a target, he’d stupefy
a death eater then apologise.”

“Yeah… yeah he would.” Sirius said with a fond smile on his face.

“Regulus would send one look their way and they’d run home with their tails stuck between
their legs.”

“He’d probably insult them, brutally.” Sirius added on.

“No he’d gaslight them into insulting themselves.”

Sirius started to fidget with the hem go his trousers. “You two are close then?”

Remus sighed. “Yeah… Look I was going to tell you-“

“Don’t it’s okay, I understand.” Sirius reassured him. “Well I don’t, but Reg already
threatened me.”

“So the talk went okay?” He asked timidly.

“Yes,” He confirmed “The first thing the little shit asked me was if I was gay.”

Remus stifled out a laugh. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, I guess it is funny.” It really was such a Regulus way to start a conversation with
your estranged brother. “What else did you talk about?”

“The future, lovers-“

“Wait he told you?” Remus choked out.

Sirius pulled away with a strange expression on his face. “Yeah? Said there was some girl he
was seeing, refused to tell me her name though… Wait do you know?”

Remus quickly recovered. “Oh er, no. That’s all he’s told me too.” Sirius took that answer
well and went back to resting on Remus.

“He doesn’t want to come home with me and James…” Sirius admitted. “I don’t understand
why.”

“Maybe he can’t?” Remus knew he couldn’t, he had asked Regulus the same question at the
start of the year.

“Why not? I did it.”

“But you’re you Sirius.” Remus told him. “And you are so remarkably unique, but not
everyone else can be the same. He’s lived his whole life under the control of your mother,
and he’s never retaliated before, he doesn’t know how to survive without her.”

He felt him shuffle slightly. “But he doesn’t even let me try and convince him.”

“You can’t bulldoze your way into this and expect it to work.”

“What does that mean?”

“Sorry, Muggle expression.” He explained. “What I’m saying is…” He didn’t really know
how to word this correctly. “Think back to 1st year, when we first met on the train.”

“Why?”

“Remember when you referred to your mothers abuse,” Sirius flinched slightly at the word.
“As punishments? And you were genuinely surprised when we didn’t also get treated the
same?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s how Regulus is right now, but on like a much bigger scale.” He watched a look of
understanding come over Sirius’ face. “He knows that it’s a bad environment, but it’s the
only one he’s got.”

“I think I understand.” Sirius told him. “So instead of head on, I should work around it?”

“Exactly. To help him out of a bad environment, you have to show him that the other one
isn’t as equally bad. Reg doesn’t know the Potters like you do, they’re practically strangers.”
“He knows James, they seem close enough.” If only you knew.

“That’s a start.” He was trying to think of a good metaphor. “It’s like when you eat a KitKat-“

“That muggle sweet with the wafer?” Sirius interrupted.

“Yes. It’s like when you eat one of them, you have to eat the chocolate around the edge
before you get to the wafer.”

“Moons.”

“Yeah?”

“That was a shit metaphor.” Sirius started to laugh.

Remus pulled away and slapped him over the back of the head. “It was a good one!”

“No it wasn’t.” He said through wheezy laughs. “It was really shit.”

“You’re shit.” He said crossing his arms and leaning back against the tree once more. “I’m
breaking up with you.”

“Aww come on Moony, it was just a little joke.” Sirius tried to straighten out his face but
failed to do so. “I’m sorry, come on give me a kiss.”

“No.”
“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

“What if I give you your Christmas present.”

He thought about that for a moment, Sirius had been gloating about this present for weeks,
and he’d become quite curious. “Maybe, depends if I like it or not.”

“Such a gold digger. The truth has come out, you’ve just been using me for my money!”
Sirius said dramatically.

“What money, you got disowned.” He was praying Sirius wouldn’t get offended by it,
because it was such a funny joke, but maybe a bit too soon.

“I’ll steal from James, just to give my dear Moonshine what he wants.” Oh thank fuck.

Remus looked at him playfully, a smile tugging at his lips. “What if I asked for a ruby?”

“James would be a couple grand poorer.”

“What if I asked for the Queens Crown?”

“James would be in a high security prison.”

Remus stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing. “Alright then, show me your
gift. I might consider giving you yours later.”

“How generous of you.” He pulled a small box out of his jacket pocket and gave it to him.
Remus looked at it for a moment, it was actually wrapped very beautifully. “The box isn’t
your present Moony, open it.”

“Yes, I know that… I’m just taking my time.” He defended himself but nonetheless started to
untie the ribbon. It was a deep purple and the wrapping paper was silver.

Placing the ribbon beside him he started to unwrap the paper, Sirius watching anxiously.
Under the silver was a light brown box. “Thank you Sirius, this is genuinely all I’ve ever
wanted.”

“Oh shove off, open it!”

Remus smirked at him and opened the box. In it were two silver bracelets one with a Moon
engraved into it, the other had a star. “Oh my god Sirius…” He was lost for words. “These
are… these are beautiful.”

“Look on the inside.” Sirius instructed him.

He did so and looked, there was two constellations engraved as well. “What are these?”

“That’s the Pisces Constellation.” Sirius said pointing to the Moon bracelet. “And the other
one is the Scorpio Constellation.” He noticed Remus’ confused expression and further
elaborated. “Your zodiac sign is Pisces, mine is Scorpio.”
“Oh…” Remus felt the breath escape his body. “This is just so…”

“Do I get my kiss now?”

Remus didn’t say anything in response, he just brought his lips Sirius’ face kissing him
slowly. Sirius moved closer, he was stood on his knees so it made Remus have to angle his
head upward, he felt him bring his hands to cup his face, and Remus brought his to Sirius’
waist. Kissing him was an experience like no other, if Remus could kiss Sirius forever, he
would.

They pulled away, and stared in to each others eyes for a few seconds before Sirius sat back
on to his heels. “So you like it?”

“No it’s ugly I hate it.” He joked.

“Ah, I’ll just have to wear both bracelets himself.” Sirius joked back.

“No because you’re not a Pisces, I’ll just have to deal with it.” Remus smirked at him and put
the bracelet on.

“I feel for you, it must be an awful experience.”

“Oh no it truly is.”

“Seriously the trauma you’re going to face.”

“God, don’t remind me. I think I’d top even you and Reg.”

“Oh definitely.”
_________________________

Sirius walked up to the castle with Remus, they stopped holding hands at the half way mark.
They didn’t want to get caught, not yet. He wasn’t ashamed of being with Remus, but he
wanted to come out on his own terms, not someone else’s.

As they walked through the courtyard Sirius caught sight of his brother. “I’ll see you later
Moons? I’m going to chat with Reg.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.” Remus waved as he continued walking out of the yard.

Sirius jogged over to Regulus. He was sitting in one of the windows reading a book, when he
got there he sat down on the opposite side, causing Regulus to jump slightly. “Merlin Sirius.”

“Karma.” He said placing his feet into Regulus’ lap. “What are you reading?”

“None of your business.” Regulus pushed Sirius’ feet off go him, but to no avail because he
just put them back up. “What do you want?”

“So hostile. I have a surprise for you.”

“Qu'est-ce que c'est?” He asked. (What is it)

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Well it won’t be much of a surprise if I tell you. Come with me, it’s in
my dorms.”

“I can’t come with you to your dorms.” Regulus told him.

“Why not?”

“Well… because…” He trailed off.

“Because…?”

He made a frustrated noise. “Well for one you're a Gryffindor.”

“Genius.” Regulus smacked his leg. “It’s fine other houses go into other houses all the time.”

“But I’m…moi.” (Me)

“Someones egotistical.” He was hit once more, expect this time it was harder. “Ow fuck, you
know I bruise easily. Suck it up, it’ll only be for a few minutes.”

“What if Maman here’s about it?” Sirius felt guilt pool in his stomach, guilt for a lot of
things.

“You need to check up on my dear, “ Haha get it? “Friend James Potter, after a nasty
concussion.”

Regulus seemed to become even more anxious at this, of course he actually looked perfectly
fine but Sirius could read in-between the lines. “Non, that wouldn’t work.”

“Remus has a chronic illness and Madame Pomfrey forgot to give him his medication, so she
asked you,” He gestured to Regulus. “Her sporty little assistant to run over and give it to him
before it was too late.”
He thought about it for a moment. “That… that could work.”

“Come on then!” He said standing up and grabbing Regulus’ arm to pull him along.

“Do you always have to be so violent?” Regulus said pushing Sirius’ hand off of him.

“Yes.”

“You’re annoying, did you know that?”

Sirius turned round to him with a shocked expression and put a hand to his mouth. “I did
not.”

“Well you are.”

“Do tell me more.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Well now I don’t want to, you’ve ruined my momentum.”

“Pity.”

“It really is, but I don’t want to fuel whatever degradation kink you’ve got going on here.”

Sirius choked on the air and burst out laughing. “W-what!”

Regulus shrugged his shoulders. “Just sounds like you’ve got one.”
“It does not!”

“You just asked me to insult you.”

Merlin, how did he forget how crude Regulus could be. “You’re so…”

“Smart, amazing, perfect, absolutely jaw droopingly beautiful?” He smirked at him.

“Really not the words I would use.”

Regulus brought a hand to his heart. “You wound me, this has ruined my Christmas.”

“Oh shush, you hate Christmas anyways.” It was true, Regulus had always had a hatred
towards the holiday. One that he just straight up refused to explain.

“But I could’ve learned to love it.”

“We both know you wouldn’t have, Walburga and Orion did everything to make you like it
and still you didn’t.” Christmas was surprisingly a very important holiday in The Black
Family. Not because it was a holiday to bring family together, more to help make connections
at the galas. And a whining toddler didn’t help make them, but they couldn’t just not bring
one of their heirs.

“Point juste.” He agreed. (Fair point)

“Any fun plans for the holidays?” He was only really half-curious.
Regulus shrugged. “Me and Evan plan on sneaking some fire whiskey at the gala and hiding
in the furthest possible empty room.”

“Breaking the rules? I thought you were the perfect son?” Sirius teased

“Non, I just never get caught.” Regulus retorted.

“I didn’t get caught-“ Well he did get caught nearly every time he did something out of line.
“Okay, but it wasn't my fault. Well maybe it was, but you have Rosier to help you out, I had
no one.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Regulus said patting Sirius shoulder with a pseudo pitying
expression, it was only then that Sirius realised they were outside Gryffindor Tower.

“We’re here.”

“Wow really?”

“Shut up.” He hit Regulus up the side of his head. “Well come on, gotta give Lupin his
meds.” He saw his brothers demeanour change slightly, he was obviously become more
nervous. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” He smiled at him. “Lead the way.”

And so he did.

_____________________________
Walking into Gryffindor Tower was strange, Regulus had never been here before and it
definitely wasn't how he’d expected it. The common room was cozy, with a large fire in the
middle of it and two sofas, two armchairs surrounding it. Also nearly all of Sirius’ friend
group.

Sirius had almost instantly sped off to his bedroom leaving Regulus to fend for himself,
bastard. He shuffled slightly where he stood, grateful that he had decided to wear his casual
clothes because they were all also dressed causally.

Luckily Remus and Lily started walking over to him. “Hey Reg, what are you doing here?”
Remus asked as he came over.

“Oh you know…” It was hard to ignore the several pairs of eyes that were burning into him.
“Just trying my hardest to get disowned, or something.”

The two laughed, and Regulus saw James. He didn’t know if he wanted him to come over as
well or not, probably best not. Next Lily spoke. “Oh I’m sure your mother would love to hear
about your latest endeavours.”

He felt his eyes widen slightly before he concealed his shock. “How did you even- We are
talking about this later.”

“I don’t know… maybe I’ll leave you on the edge of your seat the whole month.” Lily
playfully threatened.

His eyes glanced towards James and he seemed to be blissfully unaware of what they were
talking about. He leaned in to whisper to Remus and Lily. “Are they going to stare at me the
whole time?”

“Probably.” Remus shrugged.

“You’re like a little zoo animal Reg.” She teased. “What animal do you want to be?”
“A cat.”

“Really?” Remus said with genuine shock. “Didn’t expect that.”

“What did you think I’d say? ‘I want to be a slimy little snake so I can slime my way through
life.” The intrusive thoughts have won, once again. He did not mean for it to come out that
way.

“Please never say that again.”

“Sorry,” A voice interrupted, a voice that belonged to Mary MacDonald. “What exactly is
going on here?”

Regulus was about to reply with a sarcastic comment, then he realised where he was. Luckily
Lily did it for him. “A conversation.”

“Well yes I know that… but that’s…” She made some weird gesturing motions towards him.

“My ickle bickle baby brother!” Sirius said from where he had just appeared at the bottom of
the stairs.

Regulus wanted to smash his head into a wall. “Oh for fucks sake…”

“He swears?” A voice exclaimed, he recognised it as McKinnon’s.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Yes Marls, he swears. He’s not a barbarian.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” Remus murmured next to him.

“Oi watch it Lupin.” Regulus hissed quietly, earning a light giggle from Lily.

“Lily!” Marlene exclaimed rather dramatically. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Maybe?”

“All of you shush.” Sirius spoke up. “Come on Reg.”

“Oh, right yeah.” He said as he followed Sirius out of the Common Room. Once he heard the
door close he wacked Sirius’ head. “I hate you.”

“What the fuck?” Sirius yelled rubbing the back of his head. “What was that for?”

“For abandoning me.”

“You were doing fine!” Sirius defended himself. “Moony and Lils were talking to you!”

Regulus chose to ignore that.”’Ickle Bickle Baby Brother’?”

Sirius laughed to himself. “That was funny.”

“You have no shame.”

“Oh shut up… anyways Merry Christmas.” He said handing Regulus a plain black book.
“Qu'est-ce que c'est ça?” (What’s this)

“Look…” Sirius sighed. “I know you don’t want to leave the house, and I can’t force you too.
So this is a book you can write to me through, if you need help or something like that. I’ve
got my own back in the dorm.”

Regulus was actually really surprised. “Oh…”

“If you don’t like it I can take it back or something.” Sirius quickly added on.

“No, no. Sorry, that’s just…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words. “That’s just really
mature of you Sirius.”

“I have my moments.”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” He pointed to the book. “Obviously. I’m going to go now, Merry Christmas Reg.”

“Yeah, Merry Christmas Sirius.”

“Oh and Reg,” Sirius said as he opened the door. “Be safe.” Then he walked through and the
door closed with a thud.

_______________________________
One thing James didn’t expect to see today was Regulus in Gryffindor Tower, he’s pretty sure
none of them expected to see it actually. Of course he looked very pretty, as per usual, he had
a brown crew-neck on and tan slacks to go with it. If James was being honest he would’ve
much preferred his jumper, but you can’t get everything.

“I have to go,” He spoke through the silence. “Madame Pomfrey wants to check my head
before I leave.”

“Are you still having symptoms?” Peter asked.

He shook his head. “No, but because it was a concussion they want to check if there’s been
any complications.”

“Ahh okay, see you later?”

“Yeah, ‘Course.” He said as he picked up his jacket and stood up. “Wouldn’t miss it for the
world.” Then he practically ran out of the Common Room, passing by Sirius while he was at
it.

“Where are you going in such a rush?”

James stopped. “Hospital wing.” He was aware of his anxious movements, but he wanted to
be able to catch up too Regulus in time.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “They want to check my head, or something like that.”

“Oh, okay have fun. Don’t be late though, we need you for this afternoon.”
“Have you ever known me to miss it?” James smirked before speeding off once more.

When he left he looked up and down the corridors, luckily Regulus was still in sight. James
ran up to him. “Hello my good sir.”

Regulus jumped and put a hand to his heart. “Merlin, what is with people and scaring me
today?”

“You’re just so easily scare-able my darling.” James started making kissy faces at him.

He looked around anxiously. “Stop it, what if someone see’s?”

“I’’m just consulting the healer about my health, what do you mean?” He said with a fake
innocence.

The other looked at him for a moment before laughing softly. “Très bien alors. Best we do
that in the Hospital wing, right?” (Alright then)

“Oh?” James said raising his eyebrows slightly. “That sounds absolutely delightful.”

“I’m sure it does.” Regulus teased, his eyes trailed downwards. “You look nice today, why
are you so dressed up?”

He was wearing a dark red V-neck with a white shirt on underneath and a pair of blue jeans.
“My maan and dad want to take us out for dinner tonight.”

“Anywhere nice?”
“Just some restaurant in London, not sure where.” James shrugged. “Have your parents got
any plans?”

“Mmm, non. Kreacher’s the one picking me up anyways.” Regulus admitted, and that was
just brilliant news.

“You should meet my maan and dad then.”

Regulus seemed to think about it for a moment. “I’m not sure… I don’t think they’d like me.”

“Are you kidding me?” James laughed. “They love you!”

“They’ve never met me James.” He pointed out.

“I talk about you all the time.” It was true, most of his letters were filled with stories about
him.

“Aww does little Jamie tell his mummy and daddy about me.”

“Yes, and call me Jamie more. I like it.” James winked at him.

Regulus slapped him lightly on his arm. “Non, I won’t now. Just because of that.”

“Why?” He whined.

“Because I said so.” He told him. “Also there’s another problem, Sirius?”
“You guys on good terms now, right?” Regulus nodded. “So.. we can just pretend that you
wanted to say goodbye to him, but my parents just so happened to be there?”

He watched Regulus’ facial expression, it seemed to turn from being skeptical to something
else, James didn’t know what. “That’s actually a really good plan.”

“Well don’t sound too surprised.”

“Can’t help it, you’re about to walk into a wall by the way.” Regulus warned him and James
looked away from his face just in time.

“Could you not have-“

“Shhh.” Regulus interrupted him as he brought a finger to his lips and a hand to his arm,
James ignored the way his heart fluttered.

Regulus backed away slowly, taking away his hand, the finger lingering on James’ lips for
slightly longer. James watched as he slowly entered the hospital wing and looked around it.
After a few seconds he turned back round to him with a smile on his face. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” James unknowingly whispered as Regulus took his hand and started
leading him in.

Regulus looked back and smiled at him. “Just follow me.”

So he did. Regulus led him to the back of the wing, and into a cubicle. Quickly he closed the
curtains and placed a silencing charm. Before James could say anything he was captured in a
kiss. James made a noise of surprise before kissing him back softly. He slinked his arm round
his waist pulling him closer as Regulus put a hand on to each of his shoulder blades.

Regulus pulled away but didn’t move his position. “Hi…” He said softly.
“Hi.” James repeated before moving his hands to cup Regulus’ face. “You are so, so
beautiful.” Then he leaned in and kissed him once more.

Regulus continued kissing him as he pushed James back on to the bed, James instinctively
brought his hands back down to his waist and held him tight. Regulus’ kisses moved from his
mouth and down his neck causing James to let out a quiet moan, he started massaging
Regulus’ waist.

“I love you so much.” Regulus mumbled into the skin of his neck. James paused, so did he.
“I- er- I didn’t mean-“ He stuttered ass he pulled away from James.

James didn’t move, he just stared into Regulus’ eyes with shock. “Reg-“

He moved away quickly. “Sorry I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Reg-“

“I don’t know what I was thinking, I wasn’t.”

“Reg-“

“You don’t have to say anything, of course you wouldn’t I mean why would you? e vais
juste-“

“Reg!” James interrupted his rambling.

“Quoi!” (What)
“It’s okay.” James said standing up and cupping Regulus’ face once more. “Oh Merlin… of
course it’s okay.”

Regulus looked in to his eyes. “It is?

“Yes, yes, yes, a thousands times yes.” James said as he leaned their foreheads together. “I
love you too.” He kissed him slowly.

This was amazing, of course he knew that he loved Regulus, but to hear it said back? That
was the best thing that had ever happened to him, he was the best thing that had happened to
him.

“Uh…”

James and Regulus jumped away from each other as their heads snapped towards the new
voice, Dorcas. “Dorcas! It’s not what- okay it is what it looks like but-“ Regulus attempted to
explain himself but couldn’t. He let out a frustrated groan. He moved forward to her. “You
can’t tell anyone.”

“I-I wouldn’t, you know that Reg.”

“No I mean it ‘Cas you can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.”

James watched the interaction go by awkwardly, Regulus walked away from Dorcas with a
stressed expression. “Merde…” (Fuck)

“Reg I’m serious, I didn’t see this alright? Everything’s fine.”

“Right, yeah sorry, désolé.” He apologised. (Sorry)

“Don’t worry about it, I’m going to go now, I have plans with Marlene.” She said her eyes
straying over to James.

“Okay see you later?”

“Of course.” Dorcas smiled and left the cubicle, closing the curtain behind her.

Regulus bent down and sighed into his hands, James walked over and sat down beside him.
He rubbed his back and Regulus looked over to him. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” James asked. “It’s not your fault.”

“I don’t know…” He said as he hid his face once more. James leant against the bottom of the
bed and brought his arm to Regulus’ shoulder, pulling him close.

“It’s okay… you trust Dorcas Right?” James felt Regulus nod against him. “…I trust her too
then.”

“That’s stupid.” Regulus mumbled.

James laughed as he started carding his hand through Regulus’ curls. “Maybe.” It was nice,
sitting here with him in his arms. Sure the ground was a little uncomfortable, but James
didn’t mind. “You looked nice in my jumper the other say.”

“Did I?”

“Yeah… very, cuddly.”

“Ew, don’t describe me as cuddly.” Regulus complained.

James snorted. “Why not? You’re like a little bear.”

“Shh…” He brought a finger to James’ lips, or at least tried to. Since Regulus couldn’t see
what he was doing he ended up just lightly smacking him.

He laughed once more, pulling him closer, if it was even possible. “That was adorable.”

“I’ll kill you.”

James just laughed harder.

“It will be brutal.”

“Alright Reg, whatever you say…”

___________________________________

Dorcas closed the curtains and started walking over to the exit of the hospital wing. That was
definitely something she didn’t expect to see. She had decided to do some last minute
cleaning of the wing to help Pomfrey out, but had ended up walking in on something…
different. Regulus had obviously been very panicked, she’ll talk to him more about it later.

Once she exited the wing Marlene was standing there waiting for her, Dorcas walked over
and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Hi Marls.”
“Hey Cassie, you ready?” Marlene asked as she took her hand.

Dorcas nodded. “I have your gift in my pocket.”

“I’m excited.” Marlene said as she beamed at Dorcas. “You sure you don’t mind coming in?”

“No, not at all.” She smiled back. “It’s fun talking to Peter and Alice anyways.”

“Oh is that it? You’re replacing me?” Marlene teased.

“You’ve caught me.” Dorcas placed a hand to her heart. “Alas my heart is Alice’s.”

“I can’t blame you, she’s almost as fit as James’ mum.”

Dorcas choked as she started to laugh. “W-what?”

“You’ve never seen her before, absolute stunner.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She said side eyeing Marlene.

“Don’t judge till you’ve seen.” She winked. They stopped outside of the Tower and Marlene
said the password. “Come on.”

As soon as Dorcas walked in everyone looked over. “Why are Slytherins taking over today?”
Mary MacDonald asked no one in particular.
Dorcas was very confused. “Sorry?”

“Regulus was here earlier.” Peter filled her in.

“Sorry?” This time she exclaimed.

“Exact same reaction I had.” Alice told her. “Last thing I’d expect to see was those two
getting along.”

“Hey!” Sirius defended himself. “We’ve… gotten along… before. Alright no we haven’t.”

Alice smirked at him. “My point stands, anyways what are you doing here Dorcas?”

“We’re trading gifts, come on Cassie.” Marlene explained taking Dorcas’ hand once more.

“Woah,” Frank Longbottom spoke up. “I don’t know how Feel about you bringing a girl to
your room Marls.”

“Literally shut up Frank.”

“Oi don’t speak to Frank like that!” Sirius scolded her.

“Sorry Frank!” She said as she pulled Dorcas up the stairs.

Dorcas laughed to herself, the dynamic between the Gryffindors was certainly… interesting.
They walked into Marlene’s dorm, she went over to, what Dorcas could only assume was her
bed. Marlene opened one of the drawers in her bedside table and pulled out a circular gift, she
motioned for Dorcas to come over, so she did.
She sat down beside Marlene and was handed the gift. “I don’t know if you’ll like this, so
feel free to give it back if you don’t.”

“I’m going to love it, whatever it is I’ll love it.” She assured her as she unwrapped the ball.
Dorcas saw bits of gold start to reveal themselves and once she had fully unwrapped it, she
realised it was a snitch.

“That’s the snitch we won in my first ever match.”

“Oh Merlin… Marlene this is…” Dorcas was lost for words, she had a million emotions
running through her. This had to be the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her.

“If you don’t like it it’s fine, honestly I don’t know what I was thinking. You don’t even like
Quidditch I’m sorry-“

Dorcas cut off her ramblings by kissing her, she was caught be surprised for a moment before
she sunk into the kiss as well. Marlene made a noise of contentment as her hand cupped
Dorcas’ cheek, and she brought a hand to Marlene hair.

She loved kissing Marlene, it was like kissing no other, but she had to pull away so that she
could give her gift. “I have to give you yours now.”

“I’m very excited.” She said as she was practically jumping up and down where she sat.

“I can tell.” Dorcas teased her. “It’s not much though.” She passed her the rectangular gift.

Marlene took it and she stared at it for a moment, before she opened the lid. Inside was a
muggle book, Sherlock Homes to be exact, that Dorcas had annotated herself. “It’s a book I
think you’ll like, and I’ve annotated it myself.”
“What does annotating mean?” Marlene asked her with awe in her eyes.

“It’s when you put little notes in about how you feel during the book, and then there’s colour
coded ones for different emotions.” She explained. “Like blue is sad, and pink is romance…”

“That’s so…” Marlene trailed off as she looked back down to the book. “I love it Cassie,
thank you… so much.”

Dorcas blushed slightly. “It’s alright… it’s not that great.”

“No, no it’s perfect.” Marlene corrected her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. “What time
do you have to leave at?”

“Evan and Barty said to meet them 2, and it’s… oh shit it’s quarter too. I have to go I’m
sorry.”

“Don’t be… I guess I’ll see you when we come back?” That was so long away, a whole
month, but there wasn't anything they could do about it.

“Yeah I guess so…” Marlene stood up and kissed Dorcas once more, it was slow and warm,
just like they usually were. The kiss transitioned into a hug and Dorcas melted into Marlene’s
touch.

_______________________________

“Evan just trust me!”

“No way!”
“Why not?”

Evan stared at Barty with a shocked expression, was he seriously asking him why he didn’t
want to climb onto the back of a Hippogriff? “I know you did not just ask me that.”

“Come on!” Barty whined. “Me and Beakbuck have gotten to know each other really well
over the past week. You’d never chuck me off, right girl?” He asked the creature which just
continued staring at him. “Besides I rode on her two days ago.”

“You rode on her?” Evan exclaimed.

“It was nothing.” He waved it off as if Evan was impressed, he’d like to clarify that he
wasn’t, just very concerned.

Evan looked at him skeptically before starting to walk over to the pair. “My trust in you is
weak, so incredibly weak.”

“Don’t forget to bow.” He reminded him.

Evan rolled his eyes and then bowed, he looked up slowly and was happy to see the
Hippogriff accepting? His bow. Barty then stood on a stool and jumped on to the back of her,
holding out a hand for Evan. He stared at his hand for a moment before he latched on to it
and allowed himself to be helped up. “Holy shit this is terrifying.”

Barty turned round and beamed at him. “Bloody terrific right?”

“Did you not just hear what I said? You know when I said you could come down here on
your own I didn’t expect you to-“ He was cut off by Beakbuck flying in to the air.
Evan instantly clung on to Barty, throwing his arms round his waist and hiding his face into
his back. He was laughing hysterically, Evan was not. “I hate you!” He screamed at him.

“No you don’t!” Barty yelled back as he laughed.

“No I’m pretty sure I do!” Next thing he knew they were doing a nose dive into the
mountains. “Holy fuck! Barty!”

“Just hold on!”

“I’m breaking up with you!” Evan shouted as they made quick turns through the mountain
valley.

“Love you too!” He just clung on harder. “No I seriously do Evan, but you’re cutting off my
circulation!”

“Oh sorry!” Evan said letting go of Barty in the process, then he almost fell off so he latched
back on. The other just continued his loud laughs as he screamed into the air.

Suddenly the air that had been blowing in to him became slower, calmer, more relaxed. Evan
slowly removed his head from Barty’s shoulder and looked out. They were flying over the
lake, he could see the fish swimming in it, the sun reflecting in it as well as his own
reflection. He pulled away fully, only keeping his hands on Barty’s waist to help him keep
steady. “It’s so…”

“Beautiful right?” Barty turned round to him. Evan was lost for words as Barty gave him a
quick kiss on his lips. “Merry Christmas.”

“This is unfair, my gift isn’t half of what this is…” He mumbled as he hugged Barty once
more, this time it wasn’t out of fear, but out of a want to be closer.
“I’ll love it.”

“You’re so stupid, you don’t even know what it is.”

“Only for you my love.” It was cheesy, not even that romantic, honestly it was just a really
bad joke, but Evan blushed anyways. “Let’s go to the shore.” He said as he guided Beakbuck
towards it.

Evan watched as the scenery passed, the small ripples in the water, the birds in the sky, the
darts of colour in the tree line from flowers. It was all so, so beautiful. The hippogriff
descended to the ground and Barty jumped off, Evan looked down once more and again
realised how tall the hippogriff was.

“Just jump off and I’ll catch you.” Barty told him. Evan flung his leg over so the both of them
were on one side, he shuffled slightly to the edge before there was just no more room and he
jumped off and in to Barty’s arms. He caught him, just like he said he would.

They stared in to each others eyes for a moment before kissing. Barty kept his arms around
Evans waist as he started to move from one foot to the other, causing them both to laugh
against the kiss. “What are you doing?” Evan said through laughs.

“Oh nothing…” Barty murmured as he hid his face into Evan’s neck.

Evan gave him a quick kiss on the side of his head before pulling away from him. “Come on
I’ll race you to the water.”

“Wait what-“ Barty started but Evan gave him no time as he started running. “Hey wait up!”

Evan hadn’t actually meant to go in to the water, but when he realised he was technically
being chased he got scared and kept going. Once he got out of the really shallow part he
dived underneath the surface, when he came back up Barty was beside him. “It’s cold.”
Barty snorted. “You think? What are we going to do now we’re all wet?”

“Your hairs not wet.” He pointed out.

Barty rolled his eyes. “Ah yes, and that makes everything better. Hey, wait- Evan-“ He was
cut off by Evan jumping on to him and dragging him under the water.

He quickly came back up out of the water with a deep breath, wiping his face as if he could
dry it off. “You little bastard.”

“You love it.”

“No I love you.” He said as he put his arms onto Evans shoulders and kissed him. It was salty
and wet, but it was still as perfect as all their other kisses, maybe even more. Evan moved his
hand into Barty’s hair as he started carding his hands through it, his other hand sitting at
Barty’s shoulder blade.

They broke apart from the kiss and rested their foreheads together. “We should probably go
now…”

“Yeah.” Barty agreed. “I’ll race you.”

“Wait what-“ But Evan couldn’t finish his sentence before he was pushed into the water and
Barty started running away.

___________________________
“I’ll see you on the train then?” James asked him as they pulled away from their hug.

“Yeah ‘Course, I’ll come to you.” Regulus confirmed, rubbing a thumb over their intertwined
hands.

James gave him a quick kiss on the lip. “Okay see you later!”

“See you.” Regulus said as he started to walk away back up tot heir dorms.

Today really had been the most perfect day, he’d spent the past couple hours with James,
before that he had an okay interaction with his brother. He passed by Lily and stopped to talk
to her for a minute.

“Lily!” He called out, and she turned round, so did her friend. Mary MacDonald he
remembered,

“Reg? What is it?” She asked.

He got closer to her, he didn’t miss the way MacDonald looked between them both nervously.
“I still have your book, I don’t have it on me right now, but I’ll get it too you on the train. Is
that okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah that suits me, but are you sure? I wouldn’t want you getting caught. I can
easily come to your cart.”

He shook his head. “No, no it’s fine. I have to talk to Sirius anyways.”

“Things are really getting sorted out between you two then?”
“You could say that, I have to go now but I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah okay! Bye!” Lily said smiling.

“I still haven’t forgotten about out talk either!” He called out and heard her groan in response
as they both continued walking.

Regulus continued walking back to the common room so they could exchange gifts. As he
came up to the entrance of the dungeons he also saw Barty and Evan, soaked.

“The hell happened to you two?” Regulus asked them.

They looked between each other and started giggling like little girls. “Oh nothing…” Evan
responded.

“You two are so weird, come on we have to go meet the girls.”

“Wait, we have to get changed first.” Barty stopped him.

Regulus looked between the two of them like they were idiots, because they were. “Have
we… not been attending the same school for the past 5 years? Just use a drying spell.”

“Oh shit, Barty you’re so stupid.” Evan pointed the blame to Barty as he applied a spell to the
both of them.

Barty threw his hands up. “Hey! You also forgot!”

“No I didn’t, what do you mean?”

“Yes you did.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Must of been a bird.”

“Literally what are you talking about Evan.”

“Huh?”

“Oh mon dieu will you stop?” Regulus interrupted them. “We have to go in.” (Oh my god)

“Right yeah.” Evan said as he started following Regulus in, Barty not far behind.

“You finally made it!” Emmeline cheered from her seat on the sofa.

Regulus walked over and sat down on the same one, placing his feet in her lap, Evan and
Barty went over to the one Pandora was sitting on. “Yep, sorry we’re late.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Pandora told him. “Gift time, I’m excited.”

“You’re such a little gold digger ‘Dora.” Evan said to her, she hit him lightly over the
shoulder.
“Right who wants to go first?” Dorcas asked.

“Me, me, me, me.” Barty volunteered himself.

“Have some shame Barty.” Regulus scolded him playfully, before chucking a wrapped box at
him. “Here you go you tosser.”

The box hit him in the face. “Was that really necessary?”

“Oui.”

Barty stuck his tongue at him, and Regulus did so as well. “You two do realise how immature
you are, right?” Emmeline teased.

“Shut up.” They both replied at the same time before also throwing each other the middle
finger at the same time. “Stop copying me.” They, yet again, said at the same time.

They went to continue their arguing before Dorcas interrupted them. “Just open your gift
Barty.”

Since their friend group was so large it didn’t make sense to get singular gifts every time, so
instead they all banded together to get one big gift. Regulus, Barty and Evan usually got each
other separate gifts, and he’s pretty sure the girls also do this.

Barty started unwrapping it, as he got rid of all of the paper it revealed a photo album. They
had all spent the past month adding in all of the moving photos they had made over the past
year. “We though that since you’re not allowed to see any of us for the next month that you
might want something to look at when you’re bored.” Pandora explained.

He opened it and turned a few pages before closing it once more and looking up, a few tears
in his eyes. “Thanks guys… this means a lot.”
“Aww don’t cry Barty.” Pandora cooed.

“I’m not.” He denied it, but wiped his eyes while doing so.

Evan smirked at him. “You totally are.”

“I’m not… shut up.”

Pandora received her gift next. They had bought her an array of perfumes, every single one of
them smelling like her favourite flowers. Dorcas had received a dress from her favourite
muggle designer, Dior. Emmeline had bought it because her and Dorcas’ parents were the
only ones who weren’t blood-supremacists. Well besides Pandora, but it was her gift.

Speaking of Emmeline, they got her a couple of albums from her favourite artists. Such as
Blondie, David Bowie, Queen and Pink Floyd. Finally they got Evan his own mini green
house to keep in their dorm, fun fact, Evan loves to garden. His parents don’t let him at home
so he spends a lot of his free time in the Hogwarts greenhouse with Professor Sprout.

“Last but definitely least,” Regulus flipped Barty off. “Here you go Reg.” He said as he
hurdled the box at him.

It hit his stomach and Regulus groaned in pain, it was a really heavy box. “Was that really
necessary?”

“Yes, now open it.”

Regulus opened the lid and looked inside, there were about 4 books, all by his favourite
authors. “Oh wow… Merci beaucoup.” (Thank you so much)
“Of course, what are friends for?” Said Dorcas.

“You better charm those quick Reg.” Emmeline pointed out.

“Oh shit, yeah you’re right.” He placed an illusion charm over them, making them look them
look like textbooks.

After that they all talked for a while, soaking up the last few hours they’d have with each
other for an entire month. Evan and Regulus would be able to see each other because of their
familial ties, Pandora and Emmeline would also be able to see each other, but Dorcas and
Barty wouldn’t be able to see anyone.

Dorcas’ parents didn’t like any of them, not even Emmeline and Pandora for some reason.
Evan and Regulus were obvious, Barty kind of was, but they had no clue on why they didn’t
like the other girls. Barty’s dad was in charge of the magical law, and many pureblood
families had a habit of breaking said laws.

Regulus was trying to avoid what was to come, luckily there was one fatal flaw in his Maman
and Uncle’s plan, they could now no longer see in to his mind. So at least he knew his friends
were safe, but there was many other things he had to worry about. One of them being
arranged marriages, he knew his Maman was going to set him up with one this Christmas.

There were many girls lined to get set up with him, everyone was desperate to get a hand into
The Black fortune, it also helped that he wasn't completely awful looking. At least him and
Evan would be able to make some jokes out of the situation, he was really one of the only
ones who helped him through the holidays.

“Reg? Are you okay?” Pandora asked breaking through his trance.

He looked over to her. “What yeah, of course. Sorry what were you guys talking about?”
“Nothing much, just teasing Dorcas about her little Gryffindor lover.” She filled him in,
causing Dorcas to let out a frustrated groan.

“I hate you all.”

Barty smirked at her. “Very interesting, very interesting indeed. You know what’s even more
interesting?”

Emmeline turned round to him. “What?”

“Potter.”

“Oh yes.” Emmeline clapped and moved her gaze towards Regulus, as did everyone else.
“What’s going on there Black?”

Regulus shrugged. “Nothing…”

“Nothing my ass.” Evan said, he had moved from just sitting beside Barty, to having his head
in the others lap.

“Seriously nothings going on.” He said eyeing Dorcas nervously.

Dorcas seemed to notice his gaze and quickly ended the conversation. “Marlene gave me her
first snitch for Christmas.” She was an actual angel.

Everyones attention switched to her. “Aww! That’s so cute.” Pandora exclaimed.

“Mhm, engraved our initials as well.”

“Ooo let me see.” Emmeline said getting up and going over to Dorcas, Barty leaned his head
over to catch a glimpse of it. “Very nice.”

“Guys we should probably should probably leave soon, the meal in like 20 minutes.” Regulus
interrupted.

“Merlin Reg, could’ve given us a warning sooner?” Barty complained.

“Oi, I’m not your personal clock.” Regulus said batting him over the head as he walked past.

Emmeline sighed. “Will you two ever stop arguing?”

“Never.”

_________________________

“Am I going crazy, or did Regulus Black just talk to you?” Mary asked her with a shocked
expression.

“Yeah? We’re friends.” Lily said as if it was obvious.

She knew it wasn’t, Regulus had never explicitly asked to keep their friendship private but
she knew he wanted it to be. Lily had never felt any kind of hatred towards this because she
knew what was on the line for him if it ever came out. It was nice to see him becoming more
comfortable however.

“You’re friends?” Mary exclaimed.

Lily shrugged. “He’s one of the only smart people in this bloody castle.”

“I’m right here.”

“I said smart people.”

“What- Hey!” Mary complained as she shoved Lily lightly.

Lily stumbled slightly before fixing herself. “No need to be so violent.”

“There’s always a need to be violent.” She replied smirking.

“I’ll tell Frank on you.”

“I’m not afraid of Frank.”

“Me neither.” A voice said from behind them and they both whirled around to see him.

“Oh Frank!” Mary said nervously. “What a nice day isn’t it? The sun is shining the birds are
chirping.”

He looked at her. “What did you do?”

“Me? Do something?” She pointed at herself before. “Psh I’d never.”

“She shoved me, almost broke my leg.” Lily exaggerated. “It was very violent.”

“It was not! It was a little tap, a love tap if you will.” Mary defended herself.

He raised an eyebrow at the two of them. “I literally don’t care, come on we have to go
before we’re late.”

The three of them started to walk to the great hall once more, Mary stuck a tongue out at Lily
from behind Franks back. She made a shocked noise. “Frank!”

“You two are worse than toddlers, you know that right?”

This time they both made shocked noises. “Frank!”

“Frank what?” A new voice appeared.

“Jesus Christ!” Mary brought a hand to her chest. “Does no one in this castle know how to
introduce themselves properly?”

“Who’s that?” James asked.

Mary made a sympathetic expression. “No one Jamie boy… no one.”

“Jaime boy?” He shook his head. “Anyways Lils I need to talk to you, please.”

“Why should I?” She said crossing her arms. The last person she wanted to talk to was James
bloody Potter.
“Because I said please, and it’s important.” He reasoned with her.

Lily sighed. “Right fine, Mary save me a seat will you?”

“‘Course! Come on Frank, I haven’t finished telling you about Doctor who…” Her voice
trailed off as they got further away.

Lily turned back round to James. “What do you want?”

“Look I wanted to apologise. What I did was completely uncalled for, I was just sorting out
some things and I was confused.” He tried to explain himself.

“I thought we’d moved past that James? I thought you’d started to value me as a friend, as a
person?”

“We did!” He instantly assured her. “I did! It’s just- I was-“ James looked like he was
struggling to find the words. “The thing is…”

Lily knew what he was trying to say, of course she did, but wanted him to be able to tell her
himself.

He looked around nervously, as if checking for any on lookers. “…I like boys, a boy, and
when I confessed to you I wasn’t really doing it because I liked you, no offence. It was just
because I couldn’t except that, all of it.”

James looked like he wanted to say more so she didn’t speak. “And I really value our
friendship, more than I thought. If I’m being honest I don’t think I’ve liked you since third
year, it died out by then and I actually think I might have had a crush on Remus looking back
on it.” He admitted. “You mean so much to me as a friend, and I was really selfish about
everything, and I’m sorry.
She smiled at him softly. “Thank you for trusting me with that James, it means a lot.”

“Do you forgive me? Can we be friends again?” He said with a nervous smile. James had this
amazing power to make himself look so small, despite being 6’1, 6’2? She couldn’t
remember, he was still nothing compared to Remus who was 6’5. It was hard being 5’0.

“Yeah… yeah we can be friends again.” She confirmed patting him on the arm. “Come on we
have to go to this meal, Frank might have a fit if we’re late.”

He grinned her. “I actually have to go do… something.”

She sighed. “Can you leave me out of it?”

“Can’t make any promises!” He exclaimed as he dashed off.

____________________________

Peter spread out the map onto the table as James dashed in to the room. “James where the
bloody hell have you been!”

“Sorry!” He apologised as he ran beside him.

“No time for apologies!” Sirius yelled at him.

“Why are we yelling?” James yelled back.

Sirius straightened out from where he was leaned over looking at the map, so did Remus.
“I’m not actually sure.”

“Oi heads in the game!” Peter drew their attention back to him, he pointed at the first red
mark, it was in the upper right corner of The Hall. “Moony you’re here.”

“Why do I have to go near the teachers?”

“Because you’re a goody-two-shoes.” Sirius teased him.

Peter wacked him over the head. “Sirius pay attention! Also yes Moony that is why.” Peter
pointed to the upper left corner. “Sirius you’re here.”

“With the Slytherins? Why!”

“Well since you and your brother are getting along you can just pretend your walking over to
talk to him.” Peter explained.

“But I can’t actually talk to him.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes I know that, but if any of the teachers ask you can just say that.”
Sirius nodded in understanding. “Okay then I’m in the bottom left.” He pointed to it. “Then
you, James, are the distraction.”

“Why me!”

“Well it’s either you or Sirius, and he already has to go to the left. Also it would be too
suspicious if you went, so there.” Peter reasoned with him.
“Alright… what do I do?” James asked.

“I don’t know, make a speech about Christmas or something.”

“You should tie in our prank at the end, that could be our cue.” Remus joined in.

Peter high-fived him. “An excellent plan from young Lupin.”

“I’m older than you wanker!”

“No time for childish shenanigans! It’s go time!” They all rushed out of the common room
and made their way to The Great Hall. When they got there James walked over to a seat
beside Frank, and ‘watched’ the speech Dumbledore was giving.

Sirius casually walked down to his corner, one of the teachers asked him what he was doing
and Peter held his breath for a moment, but then they let him past and he let it go. Remus
went to his, and just like he had planned, no one bothered him.

Now it was his turn to carefully walk to his corner, he moved slowly, but not suspiciously
slow. He noticed Mcgonnagal watching him and just crossed his fingers, hoping she wouldn’t
put an end to it, she winked at him and Peter almost jumped for joy.

Dumbledores speech finished, James looked around for a moment before standing on the
bench and hitting his glass with his fork. Everyone looked over almost instantly and then the
fun began.

“If I may professor,” James started. “I’d like to make a speech.”

The Headmasters expression turned to one of amusement. “Well I don’t see why not.”
 “Thank you very much.” He smirked. “I’ve just come up here to wish you all the merriest of
Christmas’, I think we can all say that this term has been truly delightful. We’ve made it
through our exams,” A few groans could be heard. “And I personally think we couldn’t have
done it without our amazing teachers, looking at you Minnie.” The Gryffindor table shouted
happily in agreement.

“There are many differences between us houses, such as Ravenclaws being nerds,” The
Ravenclaws boo’ed as other houses’ laughed. “The Hufflepuffs being wee push overs.” The
Hufflepuffs the boo’ed as the other houses laughed. “Slytherins being slimy gits.” The
Slytherins boo’ed as, yet again, all the other houses laughed. “Then of course us Gryffindors
being the most amazingly perfect people.” The Gryffindors cheered as the rest of the houses
boo’ed loudly.

“Oi shut up, anyways I think that there’s one thing that unites us all…” Of course James took
a pause for dramatic effect. “…It’s that we all like a little bit of snow.”

“Nix Blizzard!” Could be heard from all four corners of the hall and instantly a snow blizzard
over took it.

Screams and shouts could be heard from all over it but Peter just laughed, it had all gone
exactly to plan. He watched as the blizzard died down and all that was left was a thick layer
of snow over everything. Peter watched as James picked up a snowball, getting prepared to
throw it at the girls, but to his surprise Regulus Black beat him to it as he threw one at Barty
Crouch Jr.

Quickly it escalated into a full blown snow ball fight and Peter ran over the Gryffindor table
to take cover, but was betrayed by his own house as Marlene threw one directly at his face.
He couldn’t find it in himself to be mad though, the sound of the entire school’s laughter, of
all his friends laughter had completely made his Christmas.

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!

Omg me doing a completely fluff chapter? It's unheard of. Never did I think I'd do 5k
words of fluff, never mind 10k.
Honestly Rosekiller is becoming one of my fav ships very quickly, same with
Bitterflower. The tiktok I'm doing to promote (?) this chapter is going to be entirely
misleading, but that's alright.

I love all the little interactions in this chapter, it's all so happy and light. I'm hoping
someone noticed the work I put into segwaying between couples successfully.

Anyone notice how this was a fic with all the main couples and BitterFlower got some
time? Totally not hinting towards anything.

I've been sitting cross legged this whole time while writing this and my legs hurt sm,
someone help.

Eat what you want and drink what you want!

Emme <3
 Meeting the parents
Chapter Summary

The Marauders exchange gifts. Evan and Barty share something with Regulus. James
introduces him to his parents but they have an unexpected intruder, who is it?"

Chapter Notes

"That's what happens when you fall in love. You don't have the time, you leave them all
behind. TV - Billie Elish

______________

TW:
Mentions of Child abuse: "Everything he has been shown." - "Before he could continue
his thoughts ."
Panic attack. "Regulus looked like he wanted to object." - "10th of December 1973."

See the end of the chapter for more notes

James shuffled past people as he made his way to their usual cart. The others had went ahead
of him because he had offered to take the blame for their prank, which was amazing by the
way. Of course the teachers couldn’t do much, so all he has is a few detentions when he
returns from Christmas break, nothing James hasn’t see before.

Sirius had his head in Remus’ lap as the other read a book, Peter was sitting with his knees
pulled up to his chest as he’d looked out the window. When he opened the compartment door
they all looked over to him. “What’s the damage?”

“Nothing too bad Moony, just a few detentions.” James shrugged as he sat beside Peter.

Peter grinned over at him. “Definitely worth it though, right?”

“Oh yeah, one-hundred percent.” Sirius answered for him. “This is our best one yet I think.”

“All thanks to me.” Peter smirked.

“You’re our little mastermind Pete.” He said to him. “Don’t know what we’d do without
you.”

Remus snorted. “Probably way more detentions.”

Sirius looked up at him. “Do you really have that little faith in us Moons?”

The other looked down and smiled sweetly at him. “Yes.” Their PDA was grossing James
out, it wasn’t necessary at all. They should date their best mates little brothers in secret and
only kiss him when they are behind curtains, but then have one of said best friends brothers
mates find them in the middle of a steamy kiss.

“Cunt.”

“Not my area of expertise sorry.” That caused Peter to choke on the air as James burst out
laughing. Okay maybe he could look past the PDA.

“You’re so gross.” Sirius said closing his eyes.

Remus did one of those frowny smiles as he tilted his head like a confused dog, or wolf, get
it? “Only for you.”

Peter and James sent knowing looks to each other, did you really expect them to not know?
“When do you guys want to exchange gifts?”

“I don’t know Prongso, when do you want to?” Sirius asked.

“Well I asked when you wanted to.”

“Yeah and now I’m asking when you want to.”

“But I asked when you want-“

“How about we do it now?” Peter interrupted their bickering.

“Sounds good to me.” Remus agreed, pushing Sirius’ head out of his lap, who gave him a
dirty look before sitting up on his seat.

James reached to pick up his bag. “I’ll go first.” He lifted out three wrapped gifts that were
identically shaped. “It’s not much, but I made them myself.”

The other three unwrapped them and pulled out three jumpers, one with an S, one with an R
and the final one had a P. “Aww Prongsie this is so cute.” Sirius cooed as he got out of his
seat and literally jumped on to James

James made a pained noise, then blushed slightly once he had recovered. “Shut up…”

“This is really nice James,” Remus said to him as Sirius got up. “I didn’t know you could
knit.”

“My maan taught me over the summer.” He explained, James looked over to Peter to see his
reaction but he had already put his on. “Do you like it Pete?”

“Do I like it? It’s bloody brilliant mate, where did you get the fabric it’s so soft.” He asked
him with a smile on his face.
“I’m not sure, I got maan to send it to me.”

“I’m next!” Sirius exclaimed already having his gifts prepared. He handed one to each of
them, then sat back getting ready to watch their reactions. “I already gave Moony his this
morning.” He added on when James made a face at Remus’ lack of present.

“Ahh okay.” James unwrapped his gift, it was a box and once he opened the lid a ball came
flying out, a snitch to be exact. “Woah!”

“It’s charmed to follow you around the place and stuff, it’s like your own little pet.” Sirius
explained as James watched the ball zoom around.

“This is so fucking cool, thank you Sirius.”

“Uh…” Peter interrupted. “I’m very grateful Pads, but a bottle?”

Sirius laughed lightly. “No, it’s also charmed.”

“Oh cool,” He nodded his head. “What does it do?”

“It makes any of the drinks you pour into it bottomless, I had alcohol in mind but to each
their own I guess.” He shrugged.

“Holy shit.” Peter laughed in shock. “That’s mental! Thank you so much!”

“Eh, it wasn't much.” Sirius downplayed himself.

Peter made a playful face at him. “Nothing compared to mine that is.”

“Oh yeah?” The other challenged. “Bring it on.”

“Happily.” He said reaching down into his bag and pulling out 3 thin, square, gifts.

Peter handed them round to each of them and Remus was the first to fully get his opened.
“No fucking way… Oh my god Peter!” He exclaimed as he beamed down at his signed
Bowie album.

Sirius was next, he pulled out a signed Queen album. “I love you Wormy! Come here let me
snog you.”

“Ew no, stay over there.” He said putting one of his legs out to keep Sirius away.

James beamed down at his signed ABBA album. “This is why we keep you around Pete.”

“Oi.” He said lightly slapping James on his shoulder.

“And his muffins.” Remus added on.

“Oo, yes.” Sirius agreed.”

Peter crossed his arms and looked out the window, but James saw the tiny smile on his face.
“You guys are shit- Oh look it’s snowing.”

“What?” James and Sirius both yelled at the same time, instantly jumping up to look out of
the window.

“Fuck yeah!” Sirius said as they High-fived. “Hopefully it stays to Christmas.”

James shoved a finger to his lips. “Shh, don’t jinx it.”

“Shit sorry.” He pushed the finger away and smiled sheepishly.

“Fucking hell, couldn’t have snowed tomorrow?” Remus sighed to himself.

“Don’t be a buzzkill Moony, snows brilliant.” Sirius sat back down, James lay down and
leaned against Peter.

“Yeah, but not when my mam is the one picking me up and driving us all the way back down
to Cardiff.”

“What about your dad?” Peter questioned. “Why can’t he just apparate you?”

“The moons in a few days, the wankers scared I’ll turn at any given moment.”

James hated Remus’ dad so much, he did this with every moon Remus spent at home. He’d
just straight up refuse to be near him out of the fear that he would turn, it was such a shitty
situation for him and his mum. “I hate your dad.”

“Join the group.” He mumbled he put his elbow up on to the window ledge and leaned his
head on to his hand.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to come down?” Sirius asked. “It wouldn’t be much of a
hassle.”

“No, no it’s fine. Won’t be my first moon spent alone.” Remus assured them with a smile that
James knew was fake. “On to happier topics, you guys any plans?”

“Monty and Effie are taking us…” Sirius’ voice slowly drowned out as James fell asleep to
his friends conversation.

_____________________________

“Merry Christmas.”

What are you wearing?

“What do you mean, I’m getting into the festive spirit.”

That is the ugliest jumper I have ever seen.

“Well the colour was nicer, but I just so happen to be in a constant state of wetness.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Oh sure you didn’t.

“Well how would you describe being… that.”

Soaked? Drenched? The list goes on.

“Bien alors, the colour was ruined because of my constant state of soaked-ness.” (Fine then)

See? Isn’t that much better?

“Non, I actually hate it.”

Poor you.

“It is actually poor me, do you know how hard it is to move around like this?”

…I’ve never actually thought about that before, are your fingers all wrinkly?

“Yeah actually, look.”

Ew.

“Oi.”

Sorry, sorry.

“Not forgiven.”

Why not?

“You made fun of my jumper.”

And I’d do it again.

“You’re so mean to me, you're supposed to be super, mega, kind, Gryffindor man. I guess
they do say to never meet your heroes.”

Aww, am I your hero?

“Non you’re younger than me.”

I can still be your hero, and technically I’m not.

“Non, technically you are.”

No.

“Yes.”

No-

“Shut up before I punch you.”

Can you touch me? How does that work?

“je ne suis pas sûr, come here.” (I’m not sure)

Okay… What the fuck?

“I can touch you.”

You didn’t have to actually punch me.

“Probably not, but it’s funny.”

Believe me it’s not.

“What if I don’t believe you, ever thought of that?”

What is with you today? You’re very talkative.

“Do you know how boring it gets up here?”

I just assumed you had little buddies you could go talk to.

“Non I’m just constantly alone.”

Oh… that’s actually really sad.

“Non it’s not, shut up.”

“What’s going on today?”

“Trauma.”

My favourite…

“Knew you’d love it, come on we’ve got places to be.”

James watched as his surrounding changed, as they usually did. Once again they were in
Grimmauld place, more specifically they were in the foyer. At the wall Young Regulus stood
staring at a painting with a massive burn mark all over it. Sirius came walking in and
instantly stopped at the sight of his shaking brother, and damaged decor.

“Reg… what did you do?” Sirius asked with a shocked expression as he came up beside his
brother.
Regulus’ head snapped towards him and only now was James noticing the tears in his eyes.
“Sirius- I- I don’t- I’m not- I didn’t mean to.”

His breathing was picking up and his eyes were wide. Sirius took his brother shoulders and
forced him to look at him. “It’s going to be bien, everything going to be alright.” (Alright)

The other shook his head frantically. “Non, non, no, no it’s not- elle est- I can’t- I’m going to
be sick- Maman-” (She’s)

“Won’t do anything.” Sirius interrupted his rambling. “Just go upstairs, I’ll figure it out.”

Regulus seemed to understand what he was saying and became even more panicked. “No
Sirius you can’t, last time you-“ He cut himself off.

“This won’t be like last time okay?” His brother assured him.

“Mais-“ (But)

“Sirius!” Both of the boys paused at the sound of their mothers shrill voice.

“Go Reg.”

“No I can’t-“

“Just fucking go!” He insisted shoving him slightly.

Regulus looked like he wanted to object, but the sound of their mothers steps becoming
clearer, seemed to stop that. He spared one more glance at Sirius before running upstairs and
into his bedroom, shutting it behind him.

He slid down the door as he started hyperventilating and clawing at his throat, his hand
grasping on to it as if he was trying to squeeze out any air he could. Regulus was moving
around a lot, like he couldn’t find a position that didn’t cause him pain. Every breath he
managed to make ended in a horse sob. If James was being honest he looked like he was a
few seconds away from screaming his lungs off, and maybe he was.

Tears started to stream down his face as he brought his shaking hands up to his face, they
were delicately sitting on his face as they shook violently. Regulus looked terrified, more
terrified than James had ever seen him, and he’s seen him in pretty terrifying situations. He
leaned forward to get up but ended up just falling into a crawling position which quickly
deflated as he continued to cry.

Regulus’ hands travelled from his face to his hair as he started to grasp it, not pulling at it,
more just holding on to it tightly. He was acting like he was in actual pain, and if James had
only just walked in now he would have assumed that. He listened as Regulus started to take
deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down, hints of cries at the end.

Regulus began to calm down and James finally tuned in to the screams from downstairs, it
was weird that he hadn’t heard them before this moment. Both Regulus’ had obviously heard
it, the older one having a look of… shame on his face.
Sometimes James thinks he’d like to know what Older Regulus thought, that he’d want to be
able to read his mind, but then he remembers that he technically is. It’s a strange feeling, to
know that not only has Older Regulus been through this, but so has his. Obviously when it
gets to fifth year this might change, but they’re not at fifth year.

Everything he has been shown, all of the abuse… the torture he has witnessed, Regulus has
lived through. None of it’s fake, it’s real, it’s happened, it is happening. His Regulus was
turned down by Dumbledore, his Regulus was imperio’d to kill an elf, his Regulus was meant
to be a Ravenclaw. His Regulus has had an absolutely miserable life, and all he can do is
hope he can stop it from becoming even more so.

James is a bystander to Regulus’ trauma, trauma that his Regulus doesn’t even know he
knows, an unwilling participant to all of this, and in a sense, so is Older Regulus. He doesn’t
want to do this, that shame he saw on his face isn’t uncommon, in fact it’s an emotion James
see’s often. It makes him feel selfish, that after all his whining about not being good enough
that he hasn’t realised he’s not the only one putting things on the line.

Before he could continue his thoughts they were back in the familiar white space. He was
feeling a variety of emotions, but to be honest it was slightly hard to take it seriously while
Regulus was dressed…like that. James put his humour to the side, it wasn't the time for that.

“10th of December 1973, Christmas during my third year.”

I- Regulus- You-

“You know what’s something I’ve always found interesting? The human minds need to feel
the best, in any situation. It could be the best at school, or the best at a sport. Or, it could be
the best at being fucking sad.”

…I don’t… I don’t understand…

“Constantly you hear people drone on about how they’re the most affected by things,
rationalise to themselves that they’re being treated the absolute worst. In most cases it’s the
people who aren’t.”

“I remember reading about a half-blood, who had said that they were the most affected in the
war because ‘they didn’t fit in’, all while Muggle-borns were being slaughtered. The worst
part about that is I actually understood some on their points.”

“These people don’t even realise they’re doing it, they don’t go out thinking ‘huh I’m going
to victimise myself.’ They do it because that’s what they genuinely believe.”

…I don’t understand what you’re trying to say Regulus.

“Growing up I always felt like I was treated worse, because when I got hit, I got fucking hit.
My parents didn’t have any care for me, maybe care isn’t the best word. They didn’t like me,
or my personality, or anything about me. They did like Sirius though.”

That’s not true-

“No, no they did believe it or not, they didn’t love him. Merlin no they didn’t love him, but
they did see potential in his personality, they liked that part of him believe it or not. I was
too… soft to be Lord Black, I fell under the pressure of the people around me, Sirius didn’t.”

You’re not soft, you’re terrifying. No offence.

“Maybe, but in that house hold? I was definitely soft. It was a survival tactic, that did end up
working in the end. Sort of.”

What do you mean sort of?

“Well I’m dead aren’t I?”

Shit yeah, sorry…

“Back to my original point, Sirius and I both thought we were treated the worst. Both of us
were ignorant to our privileges, as well as each others struggles.”

You’re using past tense… does that mean your opinions have changed…?

“I think Sirius and I were in an abusive household, and a competitive one. I think that if we’d
both just talked to each other we might have been able to make it out together.”

You wanted to leave?

“Of course I did James, don’t get me wrong I was, am, a really really bad person. The idea of
going to live with you and your parents made me want to rip my skin off, but the idea of
freedom didn’t.”

But you don’t believe in blood supremacy? You said that yourself.

“I still bullied others for their blood status, I was apart of a group of mass murderers for fucks
sake. I took the cowards way out and that alone is why I deserve to be like this.”

What else could you have done?

“Anything.”

_________________________________

Evan looked outside the compartment door anxiously. “Where are the girls? They’re going to
be late.”

“They’ll be here soon, don’t worry.” Barty assured him. “Besides don’t you think now is a
good time to tell him?”
“I’m not sure…” Regulus looked in-between them wondering what they were talking about.

“Well he’s going to find out sooner or later.” Barty pointed out.

“I’m right here… you two do realise that right?” Regulus interrupted.

Evan sighed and sat down beside Barty. “Reg, we have to tell you something.”

“You two are shagging each other?”

Both of their eyes went wide. “What? No!” They yelled at the same time.

“Well not yet, but in that idea yes, kind of, well not really but we are dating.” Barty rambled.

“Barty shut the fuck up.” Evan turned back round to Regulus. “How did you know?”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Me and Emme have had a bet on it since second year, besides you
two are my best mates did you think I’d just… not notice?”

“I…” Evan seemed at a loss for words.

“How much?” Barty smirks.

He grinned at him. “3 galleons.”

“Wait what even was the bet?

“If you got together before OWL’s then I won, if you got together after or during she won.”
Regulus explained.

“I can’t believe you placed a bet on us.” Evan sighed into his hand.

Barty shrugged. “I don’t know… sounds pretty believable to me.”

Evan looked at him before nodding in agreement, Regulus put his legs up onto the other
bench and he put one over the other. “Right let's set some ground rules.”

“Ground rules?” Evan raised his eyebrow.

Ground rules.” He confirmed. “No weird names, at least not around me. You two wanna call
each other poo-bear? Do it in your own time.” Barty snorted and Evan just gave him a ‘what
the fuck’ expression, which assured Regulus that they probably wouldn’t. “Put a sign outside
the door if the two of you are shagging.”

“R- Reg!” Evan choked out.

He put his hands up in defence. “I’m not taking my chances.” Regulus noticed that Evan had
become slightly uncomfortable at the topic. “Non PDA.”

“Well you can’t ban that Reg.”

“je peux, and will.” (I can)

“Why, does it make little Reggie uncomfortable.” Barty mocked him. “Does this bother
you?” He said as he took Evans hand in his own. “Or this?” He wrapped his other arm around
Evans shoulder, pulling him closer.

“It makes me want to violently throw up.” He made gagging noises.

“You should get that checked out.” Barty joked with a sympathetic face.

Evan looked between the two of them. “You guys are so…”

“Devilishly handsome? Amazing? Beautiful?…” Regulus started tuning him out as he stared
out of the window.

If he was being completely honest he was nervous, for a lot of things. He didn’t want to have
to leave Hogwarts, but of course Dumbledore had put up that stupid rule, so any hopes he had
were torn away. Regulus had become too confident in his time away from home, too relaxed,
he had let his guard be dropped which he knew would be payed for soon.

Regulus was scared of his mother, absolutely terrified of her, but there was someone else who
topped that. Someone who he knew he would be seeing a lot this Christmas due to the
wedding, his cousins wedding. Lucius Malfoy. It was more than embarrassing to be afraid of
the man, he was a Malfoy after all, but Regulus hadn’t ever gotten over first year, not really.

He didn’t like to talk about what had happened, didn’t like to think about it either, but that of
course didn’t stop him. Every night he is plagued with a nightmare, sometimes they are of
Sirius leaving, or when he was locked in a cupboard and forced to hallucinate a million
spiders, or of experiences he doesn’t think he’s lived yet. But nothing tops his nightmares of
that night.

It was brutal, and the fact that he had created the brutality is probably what scared him the
most. Lucius didn’t hesitate to use an unforgivable, Regulus supposes he should be used to
this by now, but surprisingly he’s not.

Every time his mother uses the cruciatus he wonders how she could do such a thing,
something so cruel. Or when his cousin Bellatrix used the killing curse on those rabbits when
he was six. One day it will be him, and that day is rapidly approaching, far too quickly. In six
months he’ll be sold off to Voldemort, forced to take the mark and then follow his every
bidding. Forced to leave his friends, his brother, James.

The door slammed open ripping Regulus from his thoughts, his head snapping towards the
intruders and recognising it as the girls. “We’re here!” Emmeline exclaimed.

“I didn’t notice that.” Regulus replied sarcastically.

She kicked his legs as she sat beside him. “Don’t be an arse.”

“He can’t help it Emme.” Barty teased. “It’s in his blood.”

“Never been a truer sentence.” Dorcas joined in as she sat beside Evan.

“What is it? ‘Bully Regulus day’?”

Pandora placed herself beside Emmeline. “You just make it so easy Reg.”

“Merci Pans.”

“Here for you.” She winked at him.

“Hey look it’s snowing.” Dorcas pointed out, all of their heads snapped towards the windows.

They stared out the window, not talking, just watching as the storm grew thicker. Finally
Barty spoke. “You think this is your brother as well?”

“He’s not smart enough for that.” Regulus mumbled as he looked at the first snow of the year,
the first real snow.

“Isn’t he top of his year?” Emmeline asked.

“4th.” He corrected her, looking back over to the compartment window. “Hey is everyone in
their compartments now?”

“I think so…” Evan said. “Why?”

“I need to go talk to someone.” Regulus told them leaning down into his bag and pulling out
a book, then he stood up. “I’ll be back in 20.”

A chorus of goodbyes filled the room as he left. Walking through the hallways he looked into
each compartment, some were filled with friend groups, others with a few mixed together
awkwardly. Regulus didn’t know where Lily and her friends usually sat, so this was really his
only option, he also hoped he wouldn’t pass his brother and co. They would definitely try to
talk to him.

Finally after a bit of wandering he found her. Admittedly he stood at the wall beside their
room for ten or so seconds, he had one too many interactions with Gryffindors today. He
knocked on the door and watched as their heads turned to him. Them being Lily and her
friends MacDonald and McKinnon. Hesitantly he opened the door. “I need to talk to you Lily,
remember?”

“Oh yeah! Marlene, Mary go away.” She instructed them.

“That’s really not necessary-“

“It’s fine.” McKinnon told him. “We were going to look for the sweets soon anyways.”

MacDonald nodded as she stood up and left the room with her, Regulus sat down on the
opposite bench to Lily. “Here’s your book.” She took the book from his hands. He closed his
eyes for a moment before opening them again. “How did you know?”
Lily shrugged.“It’s hard to not notice you two eye fucking each other from across the hall.”

Usually he would have retorted with a sarcastic comment, but he couldn’t bring himself to do
so. Leaning forward he sighed into his hand. “What am I going to do Lily?”

Her expression softened. “It’s okay I won’t tell anyone, only I know.”

“But that’s just not true,”He swallowed thickly. “You, Dorcas, Remus and I’m almost certain
Evan and Barty, all know. Never mind the 3 or-so other people who suspect it.”

“Oh Reg…”

“If the wrong person hears about this I’m done, I’ll be removed from the school and sold off
to the richest family who’ll still let their daughter marry me.” He felt his voice waver slightly.

“No one will find out, think about it this way. The only people who have discovered It are
your friends, I think you forgot that you’re extremely hard to read.”

Regulus didn’t know why he was talking to her about this, well he did because she’s his
friend, but did that really matter? Next year he’ll be murdering people like her. “I’m a dead
man walking Lily.”

Her eyes widened slightly. “Don’t say that Reg.”

“Non, je suis.” He stood up again. “Honestly you should get away from me as soon as
possible.” (No I am)

Lily stood up as well. “What do you mean? I’m not just going to stop being friends with
you-“

“Don’t you get it?” Regulus yelled. “I am going to be a death eater, do you know what they
do Lils?”

“Of course I do! What do you think I’m stupid?” She yelled back.

“Yes, considering the fact that you’re friends with me!” Regulus snapped back, balling his
fists behind his back.

“I can be friends with whoever I like! You definitely don’t dictate that!” Why couldn’t Lily
see that he was trying to help her, more likely than not he would end up killing her.

He scoffed. “Well maybe I should! Would probably help you to make better choices.”
Regulus turned to leave the compartment. Lily grabbed on to his wrist to stop him. “Let go of
me.”

“No! I’m not leaving this on a bad note.” She told him. “And I’m certainly not letting
Regulus Black ruin my Christmas.”

“Lily,” He stressed. “Compared to everything going on I don’t give a fuck about your
Christmas.”
“Don’t do this.”

He rolled his eyes. “Do what?”

“Be an asshole to everyone and push us out.” She elaborated, her hand still around his wrist.

“I’m not-“

“Yes you are!” Lily went back to shouting. “You’re going to start pushing everyone away
because you think we don’t know how to make our own choices? Believe me if I didn’t want
to be friends with you, I wouldn’t.”

“I’m not pushing people out.” He said quietly.

“Not yet, but you’re starting to.” Lily said also lessening her volume, her grip loosening.

Regulus sighed and sat back down on to his seat. “I just don’t know what to do, and no one
will help me. They all keep telling me to run away to the Potters, but I don’t even know
them.”

Lily sat down next to him. “You have so many options Reg, you could go to one of your
family members?”

He thought about that for a moment, it actually wasn’t the worst idea ever. “Je pourrais… I
just- I don’t know how, I’m not brave like Sirius is.” (I could)

“You are Reg, of course you are.”

“No, I’m scared.”

_____________________

James woke up with a sharp breath as he sat up quickly, he could feel the sweat forming at
his back. “Merlin are you okay James?”

“Yeah, yeah sorry Pete. Just a dream.” He waved it off.

“One hell of a dream.” James looked over to Sirius. “You had such a serious face on.”

“What do you mean? I didn’t have your face on?” Okay it wasn’t a good joke, but he didn’t
really want to talk about… whatever that was.

Remus stifled out a laugh before he stopped himself. “That wasn’t funny.”

“Oh really?” James raised his eyebrows. “Sure looked like you found it funny.”

“Sirius help me.”

“Leave Moony alone.” Sirius said instantly coming to his defence.

James kicked him, then Sirius kicked him back, he went to hit him again but Peter stopped
him. “The day you two act your age is the day I’m dead.” His leg in between the two of them.

“Okay Mr ‘I need warm milk to help me sleep when I’m excited’.” He teased him.

“I told you that in confidence.”

“Shouldn’t have.” He smirked at him and Peter pushed him playfully.

“Guys we’re almost here.” Remus pointed out, James moved to see out the window and saw
the station coming into view.

“Me and Moons have to go do… something.” Sirius told them as he started picking up his
hand luggage.

“Yeah, each other.” Peter whispered in too James’ ear causing him to laugh before quickly
stopping himself. “I’ll see you later?”

“Of course, can’t keep me away from my Petey pie.” Sirius joked as he hugged Peter.

“I told you to stop calling me that.” He complained pulling away, then he hugged Remus.

Remus returned it. “I’ll be at the Christmas party, but I might come down sooner.”

“Good.” Peter stepped away.

James pulled Remus in. “My maan would be sad if you weren’t there.”

“I know, I’m her favourite.” James laughed as Remus picked up his bag and they left.

The door closed and Peter turned to him. “Are you going to say bye to Regulus?”

James’ eyes widened. “What- no… why would I- I mean-“

“Stop, you’re embarrassing yourself. It’s fine, I’m not going to tell Pads.” He assured him.

He sighed with relief. “How did you know?”

“I didn’t, you just told me.” Peter smirked.

“What- hey!”

“Run along lover-boy.”

“I’m not-“ He attempted to defend himself but just sighed and accepted defeat. “Do you want
to come over later?”

“I’ll be there,” He said as he walked with James outside the compartment. “see you!”

“See you!” James called out as he left the compartment.

Regulus had agreed to meet him at the second exit off the train, it was usually the least busy
since it was in the middle of it. James was actually really nervous for Regulus to meet his
parents, he knew they’d like him but he was worried that Regulus might not like them. His
parents and Regulus are some of the most important people in his life, and the idea of them
not getting along destroyed him.

Another thing he was scared about was Regulus’ house elf snitching, he had said that the elf
wouldn’t but James wasn't so convinced. Sirius had raved on for years about how the elf
practically worships him, but his allegiance was to the Lord and Lady of the house. If they
instructed him to tell them, or rather if she instructed him, then he’d have too.

Something James has become more aware of in the past few weeks are the risks in their
relationship. Regulus would go through a lot if they were to ever be discovered, and James is
aware that he probably wouldn’t go through anything but a little teasing. Well he might lose
his best mate, bu compared to losing your life that’s not much.

Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. “James.”

“Merlin!” He exclaimed. “Sorry, I didn’t expect that.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Regulus shrugged it off. “What are you doing?”

“One second.“ James said as he looked out for any on lookers then closed the door that led
into the exit.

The other looked at him with a confused expression. “James sérieusement, what are you
doing?” (Seriously)

James smiled at him. “This.” He leaned in and kissed Regulus, who made a noise of surprise
before melting in to it.

Regulus pulled away from it first. “We have to go James.”

“But I don’t want too, we can just stay here forever.” He complained, wrapping his arms
around him.

Regulus brought his hands to James chest to stop it from becoming a full on hug. “The time
will go by quickly.”

James closed the gap and hid his head into Regulus’ neck. “No it’s going to go by really
slowly.”

Regulus laughed lightly. “Well they say the more you think of something the slower it will
arrive, so just don’t think about me.”

“Well that’s just impossible.” James stated pulling away, but interlocking their hands. “I think
about you 25 hours a day.”

“Now that’s impossible.”

“Not in my world.”

“Does that mean we’d have longer school days in your world?” Regulus asked playfully, his
thumb rubbing James’ hand.

He thought about for a moment. “Mmm, no. We’d have shorter school days actually.”

The train stopped abruptly which caused James to fall against Regulus and into the wall, they
stared at each other for a moment. “What would we do with all the spare hours?”

James leaned in, their lips brushing over each other, his parted slightly. “I don’t know… what
would you want to do?”

“De nombreux…many things.” Regulus whispered then closed the gaps between their lips,
putting his arms around James’ neck. One of his hands strayed to his hair as it started playing
with he strands. James kissed him back, his hands slipping slightly up into Regulus’ shirt, the
feeling of his skin against James’ was electric. (Many)

“We should probably go…” James mumbled, breathing heavily.

Regulus nodded. “Probably.”

James gave him one last peck on the lips before he stepped away. He instantly missed it, the
feeling of Regulus’ lips, his skin, the look in his eyes, all of it, he missed all of it. In a strange
way he missed Regulus already, even though they were still beside each other, he missed him.

The door opened and they both stepped out of the train, instantly the loud buzzing of the
platform filled his ears and it took him a minute to get used to it. After a few seconds he
spotted his parents in the crowd and motioned for Regulus to follow him. One of the many
good things about having your parents pick you up is that they grab your luggage for you
before you get off.

James just assumed the house elf had gotten Regulus’ and by the way he continued to follow
he guessed his assumption was correct. His parents were turned around facing the other
direction, probably bickering about where the location of the restaurant was. James came up
behind them and tapped his maan on the shoulder. “Maan.”

She turned around with a big smile on her face, his dad doing the same a second later.
“James!”He hugged her tightly because he had really missed her so much, he pulled away
from her and moved to hug his dad it was only then that his Main seemed to notice Regulus.
“You must be Regulus, James has told me so much about you.”

He blushed slightly. “Yeah, that’s me.” She walked forward and pulled him into a hug, which
Regulus seemed slightly startled by but returned it with a smile.

His dad leaned over. “Is this the boy?”

James beamed at him. “Yeah… yeah he is.”

They pulled away from their hug and his maan smiled at Regulus. “Your freckles are
beautiful, are they natural?”

He laughed lightly and returned the smile. “Yeah, might look better if I wasn't as pale as I
am.”

Both of his parents laughed and James felt a tension he didn’t know was there leave his body.
“I understand how you feel.” His dad sympathised. “I look sickly compared to these two,
especially in the summer.”

James watched as the stiffness in Regulus left and he started to talk freely. “No because it’s
actually ridiculous, sometimes I’m reluctant to hold his hand just because of the sheer
difference.” He seemed to regret saying that last part, but he didn’t let it show, well of course
James could tell but he knew his parents didn’t.

“Me and you are going to get along great, these two just don’t understand my struggles.” He
said patting Regulus on his shoulder.

“I think you’re being overdramatic, it’s not that bad.” James said rolling his eyes.

Regulus glared at him before taking his hand and showing him the difference. “You see this?”

“Well I wouldn’t say it’s that bad.” Okay it was slightly bad, but he couldn’t just say that.

Regulus put their interlocked hands closer to his eyes. “Don’t you lie to me Potter.”

“I’m not…” He attempted to defend himself but to no avail. “Okay fine, it isn’t the greatest.”

“Thank you.” Regulus dropped his hand and seemed happy?, at the insult.

His parents laughed and they both looked over to them. “What?” James asked.

“Nothing… nothing…” She waved it off. “You just remind me of us when we were younger.”

James watched as Regulus’ blush from earlier returned but this time much darker, he just
laughed at him. “Aww what is it Reggie? Don’t you want to grow old with me?”

“Old?” His maan asked crossing her arms.

“Oh but you’re so beautiful maan.”

“Uh huh?”

“So Regulus,” His dad turned to him as James tried to explain himself to his maan. “What are
your favourite subjects at school?”

James saw as Regulus and him got into a very lengthy conversation about their favourite
potions too brew. It was nice to see him opening up to his parents, he had been so scared that
they wouldn’t like each other, so seeing them get along was really making him happy.
 Again his mind drifted off to how this was the last time he would see Regulus. The last time
he would see him smile, laugh, talk, breath anything the last of it all. James didn’t want it to
be the end, well he knew it wasn't the end, but it was close enough to that. Well he didn’t
actually know that, Walburga could kill Regulus any day and there was a chance he’d not
find out for weeks.

That was the reality, Regulus could be dead any day now. James knew he was meant to die
because Older Regulus’ appearance still hadn’t changed, he was still soaked and torn apart.
These four weeks could be the weeks that caused all of that, maybe that was why he had
talked to James so much today, because he knew that the younger version of him was going
to die.

He noticed Sirius walking over and he forced himself to not look as distressed as he felt, it
wouldn’t end in anything good. “Reg?” He said which caused him to look over rather
quickly. “What are you doing here?”
Regulus looked like he didn’t know what to say, and luckily his maan filled in the blanks.
“We’re just thanking him is all, well we were but Monty got rather caught up in a
conversation about potions.” She explained giving a pointed look to her husband.

He just rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for
a good potions conversation.”

Sirius bought it. “Oh okay!” He threw his arm around Regulus’ neck which cause him to
stumble slightly. “Where’s Wally?”

“Kreachers picking me up.” The younger brother said while trying to get away from Sirius’
grip.

It was only now that James realised how empty the platform had become, well not empty but
in Platform 9 3/4 standards, it was pretty empty. Usually elves were quick with all of this. He
looked behind him, trying to see if he could spot Kreacher, when he looked back there was a
man standing behind Regulus. He was of shorter stature, 5’8 or so, and had mid length
platinum blonde hair.

“Regulus, what are you doing?”

Chapter End Notes

Hi thank you for reading!

This chapter is kinda short and shit, but I'm really busy this week so I only really had a
day to write it. Fun fact, I check over all my chapter at ridiculously early hours in the
morning so I wake up and see reactions, rather than have to wait a couple hours.

Guys my tiktok sorta blew up, but I miss spoke so it sounds like there incest in this fic,
dw I explained myself though.
THE ONE IM DOING TO PROMOTE THIS CHAPTER IS SO FUNNY OMG

I was listening to fic orientated playlists earlier (cause music is literally my life source)
and I think the day I get a playlist made about this one is the day I'll know I've made it.

OMG FLEAMONT AND EFFIE.

PETTTEEEERRRR >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

Reg and Lily :(

I gave you guys 10k of fluff, you can't have expected this to be the same.

Next chapter will be out on Saturday! <3333

Eat what you want, you deserve it!

Emme <3
 Manic Laughter
Chapter Summary

Lucius picks Regulus up from 9 3/4 and Narcissa and him have an argument. Regulus
finds out who his fiancé will be and he is less than happy about it. Regulus finds himself
in deep trouble and gets help from someone you wouldn't expect.

Chapter Notes

"You don't feel remorse, you don't feel the effects. 'Cause you don't think you hurt me if
you wish me the best." Vicious - Sabrina Carpenter
______________

TW
Mainly the whole chapter really, sorry guys it's not a good one. (In depth warnings in
end notes)
Paedophilia: It's not physical just some woman being very creepy.
Child abuse
Violence
Emetophobia

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Regulus’ head whipped around. “Lucius?” This wasn't supposed to happen, Kreacher was
supposed to pick him up, not Lucius. “Why are you here?”

“I think the real question is why are you…” He trailed off as he spared a look towards the
group. “With them.”

He turned around and took in the groups expressions. Sirius was obviously agitated, and
James looked down right furious? The Potters still had smiles on their faces, but it was much
more strained than it had been. “I was just-“

“Save it.” Lucius snapped and put a hand around Regulus’ wrist. “I don’t want to hear your
pathetic excuses.”
“Hey! Don’t speak to him like that.” Sirius instantly came to his defence.

“Sirius-“

“No I’m not going to let him speak to you like that!” Please shut the fuck up. He turned back
round to Lucius. “If anyone here is pathetic it’s you.”

“You’ll regret speaking to me like this.” Lucius threatened, but Regulus knew he wasn't
threatening Sirius, he was threatening him.

“What will you do?” Sirius asked condescendingly. “What can you really do to me?”

Regulus began picking at his nails, and his breath picked up speed. “Sirius please stop.”

“It would do you a lot of good to listen to him.”

Sirius scoffed. “I haven’t listened to a word anyone has said since I was born, what makes
you think I’ll start now?”

“Sirius stop.” He said with a much firmer tone which seemed to actually grasp his brothers
attention.

He looked like he was about to say more but James stopped him. “Bye Reg, I’ll see you after
Christmas.

Regulus gave him a tight smile as he allowed himself to be led away by Lucius, after a
minute or so he built up some courage to ask what he was even doing there in the first place.
“Why are you here?”
Lucius let go of his wrist, sure that Regulus was following. “Your mother is in France, she
asked Narcissa and I to look after you.”

“Why is she in France?” He blurted out, he had grown too relaxed at Hogwarts. He needed to
remember how to act and quickly.

He looked over to him and raised his eyebrow. “You’re acting like your brother.”

“No I’m not.” Yes he was, he really was.

Lucius ignored him as they made it outside of the Platform wards, you couldn’t apparate
inside due to it being such an easy target for terrorist attacks. His hand went on to Regulus’
shoulder and he flicked his wand as they apparated back to Malfoy Manner.

It took him a second to realise he was in The Parlour room, and even longer to realise that
Narcissa was sitting in a chair beside them.

She stood up and gave him a warm smile. “Reg, how are you?” She had been living with
Lucius since they had graduated Hogwarts, so just over two years now and she had already
lost her French accent.

“‘Cissa,” He returned the smile. “Je pourrais être meilleur, et vous?” (I could be better, how
about you?)

He didn’t miss the way her features became slightly nervous and he soon found out why. “We
don’t speak French in this house hold.” Lucius told him.

Regulus really wanted to respond with something snarky, probably in French, but being in
this house was reminding him of his fear and he just couldn’t do it. “Sorry…”
The room was filled with an awkward tension before Narcissa broke it. “Come with me, I
want to tell you about what will happen at the Gala.”

He fought back a sigh as he followed her out of the room and into the conservatory, luckily
Lucius didn’t follow and he instantly felt comfortable once more. Him and Narcissa had
always been close, they were the calmer two out of the cousins. Sirius, Bellatrix and
Andromeda had been close as well, believe it or not.

Sirius and Bellatrix got along because they both liked to reek havoc, obviously that died out
as Bellatrix became more…violent. Andromeda and him got closer once he and Bellatrix
drifted, it was when they both became aware of the problems in the family ideals.

Narcissa had a beautiful French accent, it was soft and sweet. Regulus had one similar to
hers, Sirius did not. His was a lot more…rough? Although it had always brought him a sense
of tranquility, it wasn't a harsh roughness, not at all. He wished Sirius hadn’t stopped
speaking the language.

The time he would spend with Narcissa and Evan was going to be better than the rest, he
knew that this Christmas was not going to be a fun one, not at all. But at least with them he
would be able to show some emotion, rather than acting cold and indifferent the whole time.

Regulus sat down on to the sofa as Narcissa sat next to him. “You’ve become quite the
bachelor over the past year Regulus.”

He choked on the air. “W-what do you mean?”

“I’ve had at least four of my friends ask me about you in the past month.” She smirked. He
wasn't sure he liked the idea of Narcissa’s friends asking about him.

“Well it’s obviously just because of my name.” Regulus tried to rationalise as he played with
a loose string on his jumper.
Narcissa shook her head and laughed lightly. “No need to be modest Reg, you are allowed to
admit you’re attractive.”

“No, no I’m not attractive.” He denied adamantly. “That’s not my area of expertise, smart?
Sure, but good looking? No.”

“A sharp jawline, grey eyes, nice accent?” She listed out his features. “They all sound like
pretty good attributes to me.”

He felt himself blush slightly. “Yeah but not on me.”

“You’re telling me no one has confessed to you, or anything like that?” If only you knew
Narcissa, if only you knew.

“Well yes, but-“

“No buts.” She stopped him with a playful grin. “You just have to learn to accept it.”

This time Regulus let himself sigh. “Alright then.” He didn’t accept it, not one bit because it
wasn't true. “Who are these girls Maman has lined up then.”

Narcissa reached into her pocket and lifted out a piece of paper, unfolding it with unnecessary
delicacy. “Cecily Abbot, Cornelia and Courtney Mulciber, Aphra Carrow-“

“She’s thirty five!” Regulus interrupted.

“Yes and from a very wealthy family, Aunt Walburga is actually very interested in her as a
candidate.” Two things very wrong with that sentence, one was obvious, the other probably
not as much.
“Aunt Walburga?”

“You heard Lucius, we don’t speak French.” He could hear the annoyance slipping through
her tone, he couldn’t tell if it was directed at him or not.

“Oui, mais Lucius n'est pas là.” Really he wasn't sure why he switched to French, maybe it
was in hopes that the man was around the corner and Regulus would have the chance to tick
him off. (Yes, but Lucius isn't here.)

“Regulus…” Narcissa lightly scolded. “Just speak English.”

“Mais nous sommes français Narcissa.” Regulus argued. (But we're French Naricssa)

“Yes, but we’re in his house.” She reminded him as if he wasn't extremely aware of that. “It’s
his rules, and it’s not a hard one to follow.”

“Vous finirez par oublier comment le parler.” It was true, you can forget your first language
easier than one might think. Sirius had admitted to him that he had forgotten a lot of it over
his time in Hogwarts. (You'll just end up forgetting how to speak it.)

“Have you been talking to Sirius again?” She accused him. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Non, je ne l'ai pas fait.” He lied. “Je pense juste que c'est injuste que tu épouses un tel
branleur.” (No, I haven’t, I just think it's unfair that you're marrying such a wanker.)

Regulus regretted saying it almost instantly and before he could apologise Narcissa had
slapped him across the face. She gasped in shock as soon as she did snd brought a hand to her
mouth, Regulus didn’t even move his head, it just sat there looking away. He heard her
quickly get up and leave, but he still didn’t move.

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

_____________________

“Hello stranger.” Regulus turned around to see Evan. He was happy that they found each
other so quickly, at last years Gala it took them almost all night.

He smiled widely. “Oh my god Evan, you have no idea how excited I am to see you.”

Evan laughed lightly. “Sounds like you’ve had a hell of a week. You haven’t greeted me like
that since second year.”

Regulus’ smile turned sheepish, before he remembered something. “I have so much to catch
you up on.”

“Oh please go ahead, you know I live for the drama.” He smirked at him as they walked
around the edge of the room.

He began to speak. “Okay so first of all, Aphra Carrow is trying to marry me-“

“She’s thirty-five!”

“I know, worst part is that my Maman is very interested in taking the deal.” He ignored Evans
noise of shock and continued. “Apparently she’s offering a lot of money, also when she dies
her fortune would be left to me. Maman likes the idea of that.”

“Merlins sake.” The other breathed out. “That’s actually so gross.”

“I know, and believe it or not that’s not the worst part of my Christmas.” Regulus admitted as
he gave a tight smile and nod to one of the girls he passed. “I’m staying with Lucius and
Narcissa-”

“Shit!”

“And he saw me with Sirius.”

“Oh shit!” Evan half-laughed with wide eyes, then they quickly became concerned. “What
did he do?”

“That’s the thing, he hasn’t done anything.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

“At all?”

“At all.”

“Merlin…” Evan sighed out, then he looked like Regulus had just told him the world was
ending. “Incoming Carrow.”

Regulus’ eyes snapped in front of him and he saw as Aphra was making a bee-line straight to
him. “Fucks sake…” He groaned before plastering on his fakest smile possible.

“Regulus Black, might I say you look quite dashing tonight.” She complemented…? “As do
you Mr Rosier.”
Evan just nodded in thanks, but Regulus didn’t have the luxury of doing that. “Merci
madame, I could say the same for you.”

He saw as Evan made a teasing face at him and how the woman practically shook with glee.
“Oh that accent of yours does things to me.”

Fighting back the urge to throw up he plastered on his most gentlemanly smile. “Well you’ll
have to thank my mother for that one.”

“I might send a card.” He didn’t doubt that for a moment. “Go on, speak French to me
darling.”

Not for the first time did he have to suppress an eye roll. “J'aimerais que tu me laisses
tranquille, vieille chauve-souris.” (I wish you would leave me alone you old bat)

“Oo! What did you say?” She said with a curious sparkle in her eyes. “Wait, no. Don’t tell
me, I like a surprise.”

“Tu ressembles à une autre surprise qui t'enverra dans la tombe.” All he wanted was for this
woman to leave him alone so he could go back to talking to Evan. “You look like one more
surprise will send you to the grave.”

Aphra inched closer to him and he had half the mind to move back, but he didn’t of course
because he had to be a gentleman. “You know… I’ve always like the idea of French babies.”

Oh… He heard Evan suppress a laugh from beside him and almost sent daggers his way. “I
would hope mine are too, otherwise there would be a problem.” He joked.

She let out a billowy laugh and placed a hand on his shoulder, caressing it slowly. “You are
very funny.” Aphra’s hand stayed there for a moment before she dropped it. “I best be off
now, I’m sure I’ll be talking to you very soon Mr Black.”

As soon as she was out of ear shot Evan started laughing. “I am not jealous of you mate! Not
one bit.”

Regulus groaned as he hit Evan over the head. “I can’t believe I might be engaged to her.”

“It’ll be the marriage of the century.” He joked, Regulus hit him again. “Do you have to be so
violent?”

“Yes.” He did it one last time. “So, go on, what’s up with you?”

“Honestly? Not much.” He admitted. “My sister is still a prick, oh! Dad’s got a new
mistress.”

“Didn't he get a new one 3 weeks ago?” Regulus asked.

“Yeah, but mum found out about her so he had to get a new one.” Evans mum had a weird
way of going about her husbands cheating. Rather than addressing it fully they just got into
an argument about it then his dad would drop that mistress and get a knew one and then
repeat.

He supposes there’s nothing she could really do about it anyways, not in this world. “How
long do you think this one will last?”

“Oh two weeks tops.”

“I say four, I’m feeling hopeful.” He countered.

“4 galleons?”

“4 galleons.”

_______________________

Regulus stared up at the ceiling, just like he had done every night he’d been at Malfoy
Manner. He had expected Lucius to come and interrogate him or do something, but he hadn’t
and it was driving him crazy. They had guests round, and Regulus has been instructed to not
interfere, an instruction he definitely didn't mind obeying.

Then tension between the three was indescribable, Narcissa and him still hadn’t made up and
Regulus straight up refused to even make eye contact with Lucius. He was afraid that if he
did that would cause this moment of peace to stop, cause the man to remember. Regulus
walked around quietly and made as little noise as possible, he ate all of his food, didn’t speak
French, didn’t speak at all.

There was nothing Lucius could be mad at him for, ignoring his obvious affiliations with
blood traitors. Merlin that felt weird to say. Hogwarts, James, had really changed him. Before
he found it easy to switch back in to his Blood supremacist persona, but it had taken him a lot
longer than usual this time.

Another thing that was keeping him awake tonight was his new fiancé, his mother had in fact
signed him away and he was terrified. There was no way out of this, at least not one Regulus
could see actually happening. A ten year age gap would be bad, but he could move past it,
but twenty years?

Sirius had been appalled when Regulus had told him, and was two seconds away from
coming to Malfoy Manner, luckily Regulus convinced him otherwise. Talking to Sirius was
the only thing keeping him sane, although the lack of James almost completely cancelled that
out.
If he was being honest, he was absolutely terrified, every minute he spent awake was filled
with paranoia, and every minute asleep was that paranoia personified into nightmares.

Something he’d never thought he’d say was that he wanted to go home, but that was all he
had been thinking since he’d stepped foot in The Manner. At home his mother was upfront,
she wasn't easy to read, not at all. She just told you want she wanted you to know and usually
that helped Regulus understand what was going to happen to him.

Lucius wasn't being like that. Regulus wishes he wasn't scared of the man, wishes he could
just get over it, but maybe he didn’t want to get over his fear. He feels like he has a right to
fear the man that made him a murderer.

Suddenly the door burst open and he sat up quickly, Lucius and some other man he didn’t
recognise barged in. Before he could say anything Lucius was pulling him out of his bed and
on to the floor. Funnily enough his biggest issue to him right now was his embarrassment, all
he was wearing was a pair of boxers and James’ hoodie.

What? He didn’t expect to be kidnapped out of bed.

Regulus felt their arms loop under his as they started dragging him out of the room. Of course
he started struggling almost instantly, yelling at them to let him go, which they didn’t. For a
brief moment he thought about how grateful he was that the guest room was on the bottom
floor, not the top.

They pulled him into a room and literally tossed him on to the floor, Regulus landed on his
side and groaned into the ground. He pushed himself up with his hand and hesitantly looked
up. In front of him was a long, large table, with a lot of Purebloods sitting on the chairs, well
Deatheaters. And at the top of it was, who he could only assume to be Voldemort.

They were all laughing at him, his cousin Bellatrix a little more enthusiastically. Another
familiar laugh rang and his eyes drifted over to… Avery? What was he doing here? As much
as he would’ve liked to ponder on that a bit more, he couldn’t because the man at the top of
the table spoke. “Regulus, how nice of you to join us.”
He didn’t respond, as much as he would’ve liked to, he didn’t. Regulus just sat there in a
stunned silence as his eyes recognised each person sitting at the table. “Come, stand beside
me.” He gestured with his eyes to the space next to him.

Regulus just continued to stare, his mouth agape. It was only when Lucius kicked him in his
side did he get up and walking, as he made his way past he heard a few whistle which just
reminded him of his very embarrassing clothing situation. Regulus’ eyes were moving
frantically around the room and his breath had picked up a rapid speed.

Once he came beside Voldemort he experienced the cold aura he had been told so much
about, it really wasn't something to underestimate. “I must apologise for the interruption to
your evening, you weren’t asleep were you?”

“N-no.” Regulus would’ve loved to say that he found it easy to put on his stoic mask, but it
wasn’t. He was scared and he knew they could see it.

“Ah, that is good to hear.” A literal Dark Lord has no right to act so pleasant. “We have a lot
to talk about, don’t we?”

Regulus’ eyes drifted over Lucius at some foolish attempt for comfort, he didn’t know why
he looked for it in him. Maybe it was because they were soon to be family, but then again
family had done nothing for him in the past. “Sorry?”

The Dark Lord turned away from him and addressed the group. “Our friend Regulus… has
been speaking to the Bloodtraitors.”

He felt his blood run cold as shocked gasps made their way through the crowd, unconsciously
he took a step back as everyones eyes snapped to him.

“Is this true Reggie?” His cousin Bellatrix asked him, hurt evident in her voice.
“I-I-“ Regulus wasn't making much of a case for himself and he knew this, but he didn’t
know what to say, what to do. He didn’t know.

“As much as this is a… great disappointment.” Voldemort sighed. “I am willing to look past
this Regulus.” What? The Dark Lord didn’t just, look past things. “…As long as you prove
your loyalty by taking our beautiful mark.”

There was the catch, oh Merlin there was the catch. Regulus wanted to wake up, he needed
to, he wanted to wake up. He took another step. “Reggie, thank our Lord for his kindness.”
Bellatrix told him.

His eyes flew to her and then the door, he took another step, they made their way to Avery,
then to Voldemort, then back to the door. Lucius wasn't there anymore, he had taken his seat,
if he was fast enough Regulus could make it, right?

Regulus took one more step backwards before he dashed for the door. He was grateful for his
quick feet, but apparently he wasn't fast enough as he heard Avery shout out. “Locomotor
Mortis!” And then he was falling into a heap on the ground once more, hitting his head in the
impact.

Loud, ugly laughs filled the room when he fell. Lucius and the unidentified man from before
stepped forward and hooked their arms under his once more. Regulus started struggling just
like he had done before, he saw his Cousin get off of her chair and pull it out of the table,
maybe about 2 metres away.

He was dumped on to it. “Incarcerus.” Lucius cast the spell and he watched as ropes wrapped
themselves around his limps, one singular rope made its way around his neck, like a snake
catching its prey. Regulus continued to battle against them, even if he knew it was in vain.

Voldemort stood from his chair slowly, walking over to him at the same speed. Once he
reached him he bent in front of Regulus condescendingly. “It’s a pity you’ve turned out this
way. It’s okay, we’ll help you get through this.”

In a rare moment of bravery he spat in The Dark Lords face. “Fuck you.”
“Crucio!” Bellatrix screeched as soon as it happened.

Regulus screamed in pain as he felt hot, souring pain flow through his body. It felt like his
limbs were torn apart and then were sewn back together with blunt tools. He should be used
to this, he told himself, it isn’t his first run in with the spell. But he couldn’t help but have the
same reaction every time, you just don't get used to the cruciartus curse, it’s not something
that happens.

When he finally came out of the spell he was breathing heavily and he dropped his head as
much as was possible against the restraints. Again his eyes made their way to Avery, his
expressions screamed terror and he looked like he hadn’t expected this, idiot. What did he
think would happen when he joined the Death Eaters, for it to be fun and games?

Regulus returned them to The Lord, he had since wiped off the spit and his face was less
calm than it had been before. “Obscuro.” His sight was taken away from him as a thick black
came over it.

Suddenly everything was much more louder, the laughs that had started up again filled his
ears, leaving no space for anything else. They grew louder and louder, and louder, and louder
and, louder and-

A pain like no other, it wasn't hot, it was cold. He didn’t scream, he just gasped because that
was all he could do. It wasn't that the pain wasn't worth a scream, Merlin no it was worth
much more, it was that he couldn’t. His heart beat filled his ears as he felt himself begin to
lose consciousness, it was fast, so much faster than a heart beat should be. He was growing
concerned on if the rate it was beating at was even healthy.

Flashes of Sirius filled his mind

“Any fun plans for the holidays?”

“Me and Evan plan on sneaking some fire whiskey at the gala and hiding in the furthest
possible empty room.”

“Breaking the rules? I thought you were the perfect son?”

“Non, I just never get caught.”

“I didn’t get caught- Okay, but it wasn't my fault. Well maybe it was, but you have Rosier to
help you out, I had no one.

“Keep telling yourself that.”

Flashes of Evan

“I am not jealous of you mate! Not one bit.”

“I can’t believe I might be engaged to her.”

“It’ll be the marriage of the century- Do you have to be so violent?”

“Yes.”

Flashes of Barty

“Well you can’t ban that Reg.”

“je peux, and will.” (I can)

“Why, does it make little Reggie uncomfortable. Does this bother you? Or this?”

“It makes me want to violently throw up.”

“You should get that checked out.”

Flashes of Pandora

“Alright then. You should probably go eat though, if you want to win.”

“See I’m eating.”

“What- Hey! Go eat your own food.”

“Don’t want to.”

Flashes of Emmeline

“We’re here!”

“I didn’t notice that.”

“Don’t be an arse.”

“I’m not being an-“

“Yes you are”

“I’m-“

“Yes you are.”

“Would you let me finish my-“

“Yes you are.”

Flashes of Dorcas

“Dorcas! It’s not what- okay it is what it looks like but- You can’t tell anyone.”

“I-I wouldn’t, you know that Reg.”

“No I mean it ‘Cas you can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t .”

Flashes of Lily

“No! I’m not leaving this on a bad note. And I’m certainly not letting Regulus Black ruin my
Christmas.”
“Lily, Compared to everything going on I don’t give a fuck about your Christmas.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Be an asshole to everyone and push us out.”

“I’m not-“

“Yes you are! You’re going to start pushing everyone away because you think we don’t know
how to make our own choices? Believe me if I didn’t want to be friends with you, I wouldn’t.”

“I’m not pushing people out.”

“Not yet, but you’re starting to.”

Flashes of Remus

“Is it a crime to be worries about one of my mates?”

“Absolument. You do know we can’t really be seen talking to each other right? You’ve just
wasted your time really.” (Definitely)

“Yes I know that, but can’t I ask the good doctor about how my best mates health looks?”

“Well we best be off then, got a lot to tell you, I think it might be fatal.”
Flashes of James

“I’m so sorry Regulus, I don’t know why I ran away.”

“I do.”

“No you don’t! I was scared, and I was only just realising my feelings. I didn’t know what to
do, then I kissed you and it was like everything felt right again. It felt like all of my worries
were gone again, like we were the only people in the school, bloody hell it felt like we were
the only people in the world! For fucks sake, what I’m trying to say here is that I like you! I
really fucking like you Reg.”

“I like you too.”

Flashes of James

“I missed you, a lot.”

“Stop being a sop. I saw you two days ago, imbécile.” (Idiot)

“That’s too long…Where are you going?”

“Just a few inches, do you think you can manage? Or does little James need mummy to hold
his hand?”

“I need you to hold my hand.”

Flashes of James

“What are you thinking about?”

“How beautiful you are.”

“Stop it…”

“Never, you are so pretty.”

Flashes of James

“You looked nice in my jumper the other say.”

“Did I?”

“Yeah… very, cuddly.”

“Ew, don’t describe me as cuddly.”

“Why not? You’re like a little bear.”

“Shh…”

“That was adorable.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“It will be brutal.”

“Alright Reg, whatever you say…”

Flashes of James

“We have to go James.”

“But I don’t want too, we can just stay here forever.”

“The time will go by quickly.”

“No it’s going to go by really slowly.”

“Well they say the more you think of something the slower it will arrive, so just don’t think
about me.”

“Well that’s just impossible. I think about you 25 hours a day.”

“Now that’s impossible.”

“Not in my world.”

Just as he was about to lose consciousness the pain stopped abruptly. Well it didn’t stop, but it
wasn't as bad, more like a burn on his left arm. Regulus tipped his head back as he took
hoarse breaths that ended in groans of pain, the laughter returned to his ears and once more
he was reminded of his audience.

Regulus opened his eyes and to his surprise the blindfold had been removed. Don’t get him
wrong he didn’t think this was for his own benefit, they probably just wanted to see his agony
better. He took a long blink as his vision began to clear up and he was able to see the absolute
delight on almost everyones face. Avery still had a face of utter terror.

“Welcome Regulus.” Voldemort spoke, which caused him to jump slightly. Then he looked
down to the burning feeling on his left forearm. There it was, right there for everyone to see,
The Dark Mark.

“What the fuck did you do to me…” he whispered. “What the fuck did you do to me!” This
time he screamed it, yelled it, shouted it, whatever you want to call it he did it. It was hoarse
and the sob could be heard even as it sat at the back of his throat.

“Well… I was going to allow you to return to your room in one piece.” He admitted but
Regulus knew he was lying. “But now I don’t think I’ll allow you that.”

‘Allow you that’ Like returning like this was some sort of sick privilege. “Difindo.” He cast
the spell and Regulus felt a long cut be made on his right thigh. “Difindo.” Another one
blossomed on his left shoulder and Regulus let out a cry of pain. “Difindo.” The last appeared
on his upper right arm. “Finite incantatem.” Finally the ropes were removed and he slouched
into his seat.

Now he could feel the rope burn that had been made, but it was nothing compared to the three
cuts along his limbs and the burn on his forearm. “Avery.” Voldemort called out.

“Uh I- y-yes?” Avery stuttered leaving his shocked state.

He spared one last disappointed look at Regulus’ broken body. “You can take our friend back
to his room.”
“Oh er- Alright.” Avery came over and stood in front of him awkwardly, he seemed to not
know how to do his task. Regulus didn’t want to have to wait for him to make up his mind
and stood up on his own but his legs buckled as soon as he put weight on them.

Avery instantly caught him, stopping Regulus from crashing to the floor. He ended up putting
one of Regulus’ arms over his shoulder and his arm around Regulus’ waist, which did the
trick. He used all his energy in using his legs so that he wasn't completely relying on Avery as
they let the room, desperately trying to ignore the cackles from the people inside.

As soon as the door closed his legs lost power once more, and this time the other wasn't able
to catch him. “Merlins balls Black.”

Regulus just groaned in pain as a response, pressing his head into the cold ground in an
attempt to stop the fever he could feel brewing.

“Ugh, fuck, just help me out here will you?” Avery complained as he tried to haul Regulus
off the ground.

“Piss off…” He mumbled in response, allowing himself to be moved around like a doll. He
didn’t really have any other option.

“I-“ He started but just sighed instead. “Okay I deserved that.” Avery admitted as they
returned to the position they had been in, this time Regulus wasn't pulling any of his weight.

They didn’t move as quick as Regulus would have liked but there wasn't much he could do
about it. He supposed it wasn’t Avery’s fault.

“Hey, are you still alive?” The older asked.

“Unfortunately…” He took deep breaths. “…for you.”

Avery snorted. “Alive enough to still be a piece of shit then.”

“I’m…” Regulus gagged a little. “…I’m going to-“ He pushed away from Avery and back on
to the floor as he began puking up what he had eaten that day.

“Oh shit…” He choked out as he began rubbing Regulus’ back. “That’s it…just get it all
out.”

The vomit had stopped but he continued dry heaving and gagging as if it was still there.

“Come on… just let me get you to bed.” Avery half-pleaded. “Then you can chuck up
anything you want.”

“Wan…ker.” Regulus breathed out as his arm went over Avery’s shoulder once again.

They stumbled through the hallway and in to the guest bedroom. Avery walked him over to
the bed and helped him lay down on it, Regulus nearly instantly curled in on himself. “Fuck
that’s a lot of blood…”

Regulus could hear the panic in his voice and despite his absolute hatred towards him he
could sympathise, he obviously didn’t have much of a choice in how he was brought up.

He heard Avery pace around for a few minutes, muttering things to himself that Regulus’ ears
just couldn’t seem to pick up. Finally after a bit he stopped and spoke again. “Look I’m going
to give you some water, and then you better get ready to walk cause I can’t carry you far.”

Regulus moved his head slightly so that Avery was in his line of sight. “Wh…at?”

“Fuck…” He sighed in to his hand. “I’m going to regret this so much…” Avery walked over
to the bedside table and tapped the empty glass from earlier with his wand. “Aguamenti.”
Then he lifted Regulus’ head and brought the glass to his lips.
He hadn’t realised how thirsty he was until the water reached his throat, then the glass was
taken away once more and he almost whined, key word almost.

“Okay…” Next thing he knew Regulus had a piece of fabric stuck in his mouth. “Just take a
deep breath.”

Regulus screamed against the fabric as Avery poured the water onto his forearm, but it made
it feel so much better. Once the pour stopped he relaxed back against the pillows and spat out
the fabric.

“Do you know how to apparate?” He asked him.

Regulus gave him a look. “I’m a… fifth year.”

“Yes, an insanely smart fifth year. I asked do you know how to Apparate?”

“A bit…” He admitted. “But… I’ve never actually.” Regulus took a few seconds to take some
breaths. “Done it.”

“That’s good enough.” Avery started moving around the room again. “What in here matters
to you?”

“What?”

“Just tell me.”

“Umm…” He though about it for a moment. “My wand…and…the grey…book.”

“This one?” Avery held up a book that was not the one Regulus was talking about.

“No-“ He was cut off by a groan as he turned his shoulder slightly. “It’s… on the vanity.”

“This one?”

“Yeah…”

He came back to the bed side. “Can you sit up?”

“I think…” Regulus said as he started sitting up slowly, it wasn't the absolute worst since
none of his injuries were on his torso.

“Good…good.” Avery nodded to himself and he took out his wand once more. “One more
drink then we’ll have to start moving.”

“Moving?” He questioned as the other refilled the glass.

“I’m going to bring you outside of the wards,” Avery brought the glass to Regulus’ lips.
“And then you can apparate from there.”

He choked slightly but recovered quickly. “W-what? Where would I even go?”

“Your brothers? “ The other suggested. “I don’t know.”

“And what about you? They would know you’re the one who helped me.” Regulus pointed
out.
Avery just brought the cup back to his mouth and forced Regulus to drink more of it. “I’ll
think about that later, we have to go now.”

“I-“ He wanted to object but he didn’t think he didn’t have the energy. “Okay… my wand?”

“Here.” He handed it to him. “Let’s go.” Regulus grunted as Avery slipped his arm
underneath his, then he put his over Avery’s shoulder and he took his hand. “3…2…1.”

He bit back a scream as he put the pressure onto his leg. Regulus reminded himself that he
needed to do this or else he’d be stuck here forever.

“Are you okay? Are you ready?” It was strange to hear him actually concerned for Regulus’
well being.

“Yeah…now or… never…right?” He smirked at Avery.

He returned it. “Yeah, now or never.”

Avery started walking and Regulus had to bite his lip to stop himself from making any noise.
Eventually it got slightly easier, not by much but he was no longer in agony, just in deep,
deep pain. He felt like he was a few seconds away from a nervous breakdown, but he
couldn’t cry, not here, not under these circumstances.

Everything was going alright until they exited The Manner and the terrain became less than
ideal. “Just hold on, you’ll get through this okay?”

Regulus couldn’t find it in himself to respond as he looked at the distance they still had left.

“Black?” He asked, his tone slightly more panicked and Regulus realised ignoring him
probably wasn't a good idea.
“Yeah I’m… I’m…yeah.”

Avery let out a breath of relief. “Don’t do that again you prick.”

They started making their way down the hill, it wasn't elegant, not by a long shot, but it
worked. Then of course it just had to start raining, and heavily at that. Avery stopped for a
moment and swore under his breath before he continued on because they really didn’t have
any other option.

Finally they made it down the steeper part of the hill, now it was just a slow decline. Regulus
felt bile start to build in his throat once more and he collapsed to the ground as he began to
vomit. Avery wrapped his arm underneath his stomach to stop him from collapsing
completely and rubbed his back reassuringly.

He started attempting to lift Regulus once more. “No- No- I…I can’t.”

Avery didn’t stop though, he just hauled him back off of the ground again. “We don’t have
time to stop, they’ll notice soon.”

As much as Regulus wanted to protest he knew he was right, they had to keep moving. And
just like Avery had predicted they started to hear shouts from just outside of The Manner.
“Avery you need- you…need to…go.”

He felt The older’s grip tighten around his waist. “No, I’ve gotten you this far.”

Regulus glanced back at the figures that were slowly but surely nearing them. “Just get
me…” He had to bite back a cry of pain as his shoulder was jostled. “…get…to the- tree’s.”

Avery shifted and Regulus looked up at him, he seemed to be thinking about the idea.
Calculating how it might work in his head. “Fine.”
The two of them stumbled over to the thick forest that was in front of the fence, which was
not too far off if he remembered correctly. Once they got to a tree Regulus almost fell over
again but grabbed on to a branch for support.

“This is a bad idea, you can barely stand…”

“I’m…fine.” He gagged. “Just say I- say…I imperio’ you.”

The other looked at him for a few moments. “Okay…okay, look here’s your book,” He
handed placed the wand in to Regulus jumper pocket.

“Thanks”

“Don’t mention it-“ Avery was cut off by the shouts becoming closer, random spells being
flown all over the place. “Hit me.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

Regulus hesitated for a moment but a cackle from his cousin made him oblige, hitting Avery
straight across the face, albeit a little more weak than usual but it did the trick.

“I’m going to go now…you’ll be alright?” Avery asked, his eyes continued to flicker between
Regulus and behind them.

“Yea…h now go.”

Avery spared him one more glance then ran off in the opposite direction, Regulus just hoped
he was a good actor. His moment of peace was interrupted by a bombarda being sent to the
tree just next to him. Despite being a bit away from it the impact still caused him to stumble
into his tree, Regulus let out a pained noise and then he started to run as fast as he could.

He was limping heavily and had to stuff his jumper sleeve into his mouth to stop himself
from being found. The death eaters were looking through the forest now, he was a split
second away from running into one of them, and being sent back to…there. There was
another spell sent ridiculously close to him which reminded Regulus to speed up, finally after
a few minutes the fence was in his sight.

“Ascendio!” Someone called out and Regulus was propelled into the air and then straight
down to the ground. This time he couldn’t suppress his scream of pain. He knew he had
basically just told them all his location, meaning he didn’t have any time to let himself
recover.

Instantly he was back on his feet and running as quick as he could over to the fence. While he
limped over to it he realised something, how is he going to get over it? Another spell was
sent a few metres to the left of him, okay he needed to think quickly. “Bombarda!"

Thankfully a hole was created in the fence and he fell out of it. For the first time he looked
behind him, there must have been at least five Deatheaters making their way over to him, so
with out hesitation he took out his wand and flicked it.

Suddenly he felt like his body was being ripped apart then being pieced back together. It felt
like his head was being drilled into and his stomach was being stabbed over and over again.
Then it all stopped and he was on a hard surface, instantly Regulus threw up once more, he
didn't have much left in his stomach so really it was just dry gagging.

He stood up quickly and regretted it as soon as he did. His head was spinning and he felt like
he was five seconds away from passing out. Regulus wasn't able to keep his balance so he
was just rocking around like a drunk man, as he looked around he noticed he was in a very
cozy looking neighbourhood.

Turning around he saw a sign and started stumbling towards it, once he got closer he was able
to read what it said, ‘Godrics Hollow’. Regulus felt like he could cry in relief, but once again
 he just didn’t have the energy. Slowly but surely he made his way down the street, leaving a
trail of blood behind him. He was wet, muddy and covered in blood, it was only now that he
felt grateful that it was night and no one was able to see him.

As he walked he read each of the house numbers. He remembers James writing to his mother
one time, and he remembers noticing that it was addressed to 8 Godrics Hollow. Regulus
watched as the numbers ascended 5…6…7…8.

Quite a few of the lights were on, so that meant that they were all probably awake. Regulus
couldn’t tell if he liked that or not, maybe he wanted them to not hear him ring the door bell,
in some sick twist of events he was scared that his life would now be irreversibly changed.

As soon as he reached the porch he collapsed down in to a heap on the floor, groaning in pain
as he arched his back slightly and clutched onto his leg wound. It had been the deepest of all
and he was concerned that The Dark Lord had actually hit an artery. Regulus brought his
hand to the door and weekly hit it three times.

He wasn't sure if it was hard enough, if it was even audible. There was still a ringing in his
ears and he could faintly hear the laughter repeating over and over in his head. Then the door
opened and a warm yellow shone through.

“Regulus?”

Chapter End Notes

In depth warnings:
Paedopheilia: "He groaned before plastering on his fakest smile possible." - "As soon as
she was out of ear shot Evan started laughing."
Implied Paedopheilia: "Narcissa reached into her pocket and lifted out a piece of paper."
- “Aunt Walburga?”
Child abuse: End the chapter at "Regulus stared up at the ceiling."
Violence: ^^^^
Emetophobia: “Alive enough to still be a piece of shit then.” - “Wan…ker.” "Finally
they made it down the steeper part of the hill." - “No- No- I…I can’t.” and "Suddenly he
felt like his body was being ripped apart." - "He stood up quickly and regretted it."
HI GUYS!

AHHH AHH AHHH AHHH AHH AHH AHH AHH

Believe me when I tell you I am as shocked as you are I mean it. I did not expect for this
to happen, AT ALL. I just let my little fingers tap tap tap and this is what happened.
Like omg what? I hadn't planned for this to happen for a whole FIFTEEN CHAPTER,
bit tbf nothing I had planned has been happening. Well It has but I have NOT been
staying to the original script at all. 😱😱😱

Literally I planned for this chapter to just be Regulus suffering at Malfoy Manner (Well
I guess he did anyways) And then the next one to be James having the time of his life
LMFAOOO

And Avery? Where did that come from? Like redemption arc ig? Idk he still a shitty
person I think.

I am just so shocked with myself I can't believe this. Usually I HATE reading over
chapters (I'm sorry it's just so boring) but I was so fucking excited to read this one.

I sat in my living room for 6 hours last night and only managed to get 600 words, then at
5am my little insomniac brain was like 'Let's write' and so I just wrote this whole
chapter. Which by the way is how I write most of my chapters.

I am just SHOCKED.

Literally fuck everyone in the Sacred 28 (except the obvious ones)

My little fav Evan made an appearance so yay!

Just lost for words actually.

Imagine if no one else has this reaction and I just look like an idiot HAAJDKJFDKH

Anyways thank you for reading and please have a lovely big Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner!

Emme <3
 Ice Cream Parlour
Chapter Summary

We get Sirius' perspective of the interaction with Lucius, and how he apologises to
Regulus after. Fleamont, James and Sirius go into Diagon Alley and he hears some
unexpected news, who will be there to comfort him? Remus arrives at Godrics Hollow
and has a loving reunion with Sirius. Theres a knock at the door, who might it be?

Chapter Notes

"We're alive and we're here. Listen please cause we're scared." We're Alive - Cavetown.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"Why are you here?" Regulus asked and Sirius could admit he was also very curious about
that, Lucius and Regulus didn’t get along and the older certainly never made an effort to see
him separate of family gatherings. “I think the real question is why are you…with them.” He
spat as if they were a bunch of idiots, to him they probably were.

Regulus’ eyes darted over to him, fear evident in his expression, then back to Lucius. “I was
just-“

“Save it.” He spat. “I don’t want to hear your pathetic excuses.”

He saw red, how dare he speak to his little brother so rudely. “Hey! Don’t speak to him like
that.”

“Sirius-“
“No I’m not going to let him speak to you like that!” Sirius shut Regulus down. “If anyone
here is pathetic it’s you.”

“You’ll regret speaking to me like this.” Lucius threatened with a low voice, as if that was
supposed to scare him off.

“What will you do?” He mocked condescendingly. “What can you really do to me?”

“Sirius please stop.” Regulus attempted once more, but how could he stop? How could he let
him be treated this way?

Lucius’ eyes narrowed. “It would do you a lot of good to listen to him.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “I haven’t listened to a word anyone has said since I was born,
what makes you think I’ll start now?”

“Sirius stop.” Regulus said again, this time with much more finality than his pervious tries.
Sirius paused for a moment, and looked at Regulus. Maybe it was just his big brother
instincts but he didn’t like the idea of him going home with that man.

Before he could start again he was stopped by James putting a hand on his arm, as he spoke
to him. “Bye Reg, I’ll see you after Christmas.”

Sirius watched as Regulus gave a curt nod and and a tight smile, then he was led away by
Lucius, he wanted to say something, do something, anything. But James had stopped him,
why had he stopped him? “What the fuck?” He turned back round to him.

“Sirius-“ Euphemia attempted.

He ignored her and turned back to James. “Why did you just do that?”
“He wasn't threatening you Sirius.” James told him. “He was threatening Regulus.”

“Oh…oh.” Everything became clearer and he felt like the worst person in the world for not
realising it sooner. What pain had he just caused Regulus due to his dimwittedness.

Fleamont rested his hand on to Sirius’ shoulder. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, you just did
what you thought was right.”

“But I…” Thinking it was right doesn’t make it so.

“Regulus seems like a highly capable boy, I’m sure he can handle himself.” Effie tried to
assure him but Sirius didn’t feel assured at all. Regulus couldn’t handle himself, not with
Lucius. His brother had always feared the man, maybe even more than their mother.

“Besides he would kick you if he knew you were blaming yourself for this pads.” James
joked, trying to ease the air.

Sirius forced himself to act like everything was fine, this was his first Christmas with the
Potters and he sure as hell wasn't going to ruin it for them. “Yeah…you’re right.”

Something he hadn’t expected when going away from Regulus, was the amount of worry he
would feel, he knew that it would be there but he didn’t realise it would be to this extent.
Sirius had always feared the idea of Regulus being home alone, it was partially the reason he
had taken so long to run away in the first place.

Their relationship went back and fourth quite often, one moment they would completely hate
each other then the next they would be crying together. Sometimes he regrets not reaching
out after those moments, not asking Regulus if he was alright. It hurt that it took a near death
experience for him to talk to his brother, to reach out to him.
Other times he feels bitter, because a relationship goes two ways and Regulus didn’t make an
effort either. Sirius didn’t start a conversation, but neither did Regulus and it’s something he’s
learned over the past few months. That not everything is his responsibility, that what
happened in Grimmauld Place was not his responsibility.

Or at least that’s what he would like to say, he’d like to say that he had moved on, that
Regulus didn’t plague his nights, but unfortunately he did. Sirius has one reoccurring night
mare, and it’s the only one he has.

In it Regulus is drowning in a cave, he’s being pulled under by hands. Every time he manages
to resurface he’s dragged back down under, leaving a trail of blood to disperse through the
water. He begs for Sirius to come save him, cries out for forgiveness, he does everything he
can but to no avail.

By the end of the dream Regulus is dead and all that is left of him is memory, and memory
alone. On more than one occasion he’s had to been shaken awake by Peter, Remus and
James, due to his incessant screaming. Begging really, begging for Regulus to respond, to
come back up, to just show Sirius that he’s okay.

Despite having this dream so many times, he never remembers it when he has it again. Sirius
watches it happen over and over again, every time it feels like it’s the first time he’s watched
it, not being able to remember that he’s seen it countless times.

Through out the evening he plastered on a smile, kept his mood light and cheery. Sirius
wasn't oblivious to the fact that they probably saw through it, but they didn’t comment on it
so neither was he. Acting okay when you’re not is overly hated on in his opinion, sometimes
it’s okay to act like everything's fine, especially when it all seems out of your control.

Once he excused himself to his room Sirius instantly took out his book from the place he had
hidden it in his chest of drawers and started writing to Regulus.

“Hi.”
Regulus didn’t respond for a bit, Sirius didn’t move from his position however. He sat there
and waited patiently. After a few minutes writing started to appear on the paper.

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“Alright, nothing’s happened if that’s what you are asking.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“But I should be, I didn’t realise.”

“It’s okay, he hasn’t done anything much.”

“Much?”

“We’re not allowed to speak French.”

“Why?”

“Not sure, Cissa has lost her accent.”

“Oh.”
The other end stopped for a few seconds before writing began to appear once more.

“She hit me.”

“What! Why?”

“I called him a wanker.”

Sirius snorted and laughed to himself, of course Regulus called Lucius that.

“Fair enough.”

“I guess.”

He thought about what he should say next.

“When is your gala?”

“I’s not my gala, it’s the gala.”

“Same thing, anyways when is it?”

“A week, apparently there’s a lot of people who want to talk to me.”

“ Why’d you underline Oh, but you’re fifteen? Surely it’s too early.”
“Andromeda had a marriage in place while she was in the womb.”

“Okay, good point.”

Again the writing stopped, realistically Sirius knew it was probably because Regulus was
thinking about what to say. However he couldn’t help the way his heart stopped every time, a
fear that something had happened to him.

“Aphra Carrow wants to marry me.”

“So? Not like Maman would let a grown ass woman marry her precious baby.”

He regretted writing that almost instantly, especially as the page remained blank for a little
moment longer.

“The paper is one second away from being signed actually.”

“Oh shit.”

Oh shit.

“I feel like that goes against some kind of law.”

“So does incest.”

Sirius had to fight back a laugh when the sentence came through.
“You’ve got me there. Can’t you just persuade Walburga to choose one of the others?”

“Maman likes the idea of the fortune I’ll get when she dies.”

“Of course she does.”

He waited patiently for this gap to end, except it didn’t. Sirius stared at the paper for three
minutes and no new sentence appeared. After five he began to get frantic, and just as he was
about to write once more Regulus beat him.

“I’m scared, I don’t want to marry her.”

His heart broke as soon as he read that, all Sirius wanted to do was strut into Malfoy Manner
and take his little brother home with him.

“I know.”

“It won’t just be marriage.”

“I know.”

“Sirius, what do I do?”

There was one obvious answer but he had grown to realise that pointing it out wasn't always
the most helpful.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry Reg.”

“It’s Why? Please? Aren’t Isn’t It’s okay.”

Little did Regulus know, Sirius would spend the next week staring at those crossed out
words.

“I’ll save you someday.”

“I have to go to bed, goodnight.”

Instead of replying he slammed the book shut and threw it across his room. He wasn't mad at
Regulus, not by a long shot, but he was mad at the circumstances, his circumstances.

______________________

“Sirius.”

“Sirius wake up.”

“Sirius!”

His eyes snapped open and he took a sharp breath,James was shaking him very violently, his
throat hurt and he was slightly too warm. Sirius pushed James away as he picked up the glass
on the side of his bed and took a drink. “What time is it?”

“It’s midday.” James told him. “What time did you go to bed at last night?”
He picked up the nearest shirt on his floor and pulled it on. “Not sure, I talked to Reg for a
while.”

James’ interest seemed to peek at that, Sirius wasn't oblivious to his friends obvious care
towards his brother. James cared about everyone though, he probably worried about people
who he had only said hi to once. “Oh, how is he?”

“Eh,” He twisted his hand from left to right. “He’s been better.”

“Any updates on the whole Fiancé situation.” James asked, Sirius had went on an hour long
rant after he found out about it. Not only was the thing absolutely disgusting it was also
terrifying, the idea the Regulus really had that little control over his own life.

Sirius shook his head. “No.”

The other caught on to his upset demeanour and patted his shoulder. “We’ll get him out
soon.”

“Yeah, yeah okay.” He smiled at him.

James returned it. “Come on, dad wants us.”

“Why?” He asked standing up.

“Not sure.’

They started walking out of the room and downstairs into the kitchen, there Monty was sat at
the table with the Daily Profit in his hand. He looked up to them with a grin as they walked
in. “Good you’re up, did you sleep well?”
“Pretty much.” Sirius said reaching over and taking a slice of toast from where there had been
a stack on the plate set out at the kitchen counter. “What did you need?”

“Well I wanted to see if you boys were free to come into Diagon Alley with me today?” He
asked, setting down his paper and folding the page he had been on.

“Pete was going to come around tonight but other than that we’re free.” Peter had been
coming round often because his mum had to start taking night shifts and she wasn't able to
take the Christmas break off.

“Good, because I need your two’s help with finding your mums Christmas present.”
Fleamont always put a lot of thought behind Effie’s presents, James had told him that a few
years ago he spent almost the whole year preparing for her Birthday.

Sirius put a thumbs up. “Sounds good, just let me get changed and we can go?”

“I don’t know pads, I think you look rather dashing.” James joked.

“Oh shut up.”

Fleamont laughed lightly. “Yeah go on, it will probably take this one,“ He gestured to James.
“Ages to put on his shoes anyways.”

Of course he objected to that. “I don’t take that long!”

“Sorry Prongso,” He gave him a sympathetic look. “You do.”

“Just go put your bloody clothes on.” James grumbled but Sirius could tell he wasn't actually
upset.
He rushed up the stairs two steps at a time and back in to his bedroom. Realistically he knew
he didn’t have to dress up, and most of his clothing choices usually get judged by the
Wizarding community. But, there’s a chance that someone will think that he’s cool and that
enough for him.

Sirius picked out a Black leather jacket, black and black bell bottoms with thin white stripes,
as well as a Queen band t-shirt. Then he put on his star ring and the necklace Remus had
gotten him. He had received it when they went away from James and Peter, not in the most
romantic setting because they were in a bathroom, but Sirius didn’t mind.

The necklace was a locket, and Remus had put in a picture of the two of them. Admittedly
he’d spent a lot of the Christmas break staring at the photo, what? He couldn’t help it, Remus
was one handsome man.

“Sirius!” James called up the stairs. “Hurry up!”

“Do you have your shoes on?” Sirius yelled back down them.

“I- Oh for fucks sake!” He complained. “I’m getting them on now!”

Sirius could faintly make out Fleamont scold James as he walked down stairs. “I’m ready.”

“Okay, just waiting for him now.” Monty nodded towards his son. “James, come on. You
don’t need to tie them three times.”

“But dad.” He whined. “What if they fall out, then you’ll have to wait for me to tie them all
over again.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when he get there.” He said pulling James up by his arm, who just
looked down longingly at his shoes. He got over it quickly, holding out his hand for Sirius to
take as he held on to his fathers. “3…2…1.”
Apparating took a while to get used to, but once you did it was…alright. It felt weird to be
warped around and to suddenly appear in a different destination. Apparently doing it on your
own was a whole other experience to get used to, so Sirius wasn't looking forward to when he
would have to learn.

They arrived at the top of Diagon Alley, it was packed full of people doing Christmas
shopping before everything was sold out. Sirius vaguely recognised some Hogwarts students
as they walked through the streets. Watching groups of friends hanging out made him miss
Remus, good thing he would be coming to England in a week.

The Moon had gone alright, if they were to believe what Remus was saying. He had a habit
of lying about if he had issues or not, but it sounded genuine and Sirius liked to think he was
getting better at opening up about it. The only problem he mentioned was that he was feeling
sick, something like a cold.

His dad, as per usual, had avoided him leading up to the moon, but he was starting to get
close again. Sirius wished Remus’ dad treated him better, apparently he did love him, or at
least that was what Hope said. Either way he still treated Remus like shit and nothing
excused that.

Fleamont had told them what he had gotten Euphemia. It was a pale purple cloak with her
favourite flower, lavenders, embroidered into it. Sirius thought it was a pretty good gift,
nothing compared to his rings of course, but he thinks she’ll like it a lot. Well she’d probably
like anything her husband got her

Monty had offered to take them to Fortescue’s, which they obviously agreed to. James got
strawberry and peanut butter, which in his opinion is an absolutely rancid flavour. Sirius
ended up picking out cookie dough, it wasn't the most creative ice cream, but he liked it
anyways. Once they sat down in one of the booths he over heard a conversation from the
people in the other.

“Did you hear about Regulus Black?” One of the girls asked and Sirius’ attention was caught.

“No?” The other said. “I don’t keep up with all the Pureblood mania.”
He heard the first girl snort. “You’re going to want to hear about this.”

“Well tell me then.”

“So I was reading the latest profit today, and I read that he’d been engaged-” What.

“That’s not that abnormal.” She interrupted. “Pureblood's always get engaged ridiculously
young, he’s actually pretty old to their standards.”

“No, no, no, hear this.” The girl took a dramatic pause. “It’s too Aphra Carrow.”

“What?” She blurted out in shock. “That’s…oh my god that’s so…”

“I know right?” The other one agreed. “Wait… do you think he suggested it?”

She laughed. “What do you mean?”

“Well she’d be dead long before him, so he’d get her inheritance.”

“You’ve got a point.” No she didn’t you idiot. “He seems like the guy to like older woman as
well.”

Sirius decided he’d heard enough after that and made his presence known. “Knock knock.”

Both of the girls heads snapped round, they recognised him instantly. “Oh shit.”
“Yeah, oh shit. You’ve got a lot of nerve you know that?” They started stuttering out
apologies but he didn’t want to hear it. “Keep your abnormally long noses out other peoples
business.”

He didn’t want to hear anymore so he turned back around, he heard the girls quickly get up
and leave the store but the noise barely made it past the ringing in his ears. “Sirius?”

“What?” He said a little harsher then he meant to. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay, what was that about?” He realised then that James nor Fleamont had heard what
the girls had been saying. Sirius couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“Nothing, they were just chatting shit.” He put on a calm and collected face, seeming
unbothered by his outburst. But inside his heart was racing, it was beating so hard Sirius felt
like it was trying to escape the cage of his ribs.

Every breath he took was done purposefully, not the usual impassiveness that most humans
grew used too. No they were deeper and thicker in an attempt to stop the short ones that were
trying to escape through them. It was like he could feel the air quickly travel through his
body before it rushed to escape through his nose once more.

Everything felt- it felt- It felt…

That was it, he just felt everything.

That night he went up to his room as quickly as possible, he gave a rude greeting to
Euphemia and didn’t even bother to say goodbye to them all. Sirius left with a cold
expression on his face, a cold expression that desperately wanted to let out the salty ocean
tears that had been gathering in his eyes all evening.

He changed out of his outfit and pulled on one of Remus’ overly comfortable jumpers, not
bothering to put any pyjama bottoms on.
Once his head hit the pillow he gripped on to it tightly, he watched as his knuckles went
white and the area around them became redder as his skin tried to get used to the added
pressure. Sirius watched as his eyes became blurry as the water poured from them without his
permission, without him even realising that they were about too.

Except he did know that they would be there. Just like he knew sobs would soon start to
escape from his mouth, but it wasn't from his mouth was it? No, it was from his lungs. Harsh
breathy cries broke free and raced out.

He wasn't quiet, he knows this. Sirius had never been quiet and maybe if he had been
Regulus wouldn’t have to go through this. Maybe if he hadn’t been so selfish Regulus would
be safe, free, happy, anything maybe he’d be able to feel something other than fear.

If Sirius wasn't a selfish, entitled, useless asshole, maybe his brother would have had a
chance. Because in reality every ‘chance’ he felt like he had given Regulus, wasn't really one,
was it? No it was just delaying the inevitable, an inevitable Sirius could have taken. Their
mother may have signed that paper but Sirius is the one to have caused her hand to move. He
is the reason he’s being given away to a glorified Paedophile, no it’s not glorified that’s what
she is. A grade A Paedophile.

The worst part about it, and he means the worst, is his absolute fucking joy that it’s not him.
He’s so happy that he doesn’t have to marry someone twenty years older than him. He’s
happy he doesn’t have to fear being ‘punished’ for doing anything slightly out of the norm.
He’s happy he gets to be with the love of his life without any fear at the repercussions. Sirius
Black is happy and he is beyond ashamed to admit that.

Maybe he should have expected that his crying would be heard, maybe he should have
expected that Effie would see the change in his demeanour. Even at that he still hit the hand
that was placed onto his shoulder away and continued to bury his face into the pillow, too
ashamed to look at the product of his actions.

Sirius heard a soft sigh escape the woman’s lips, but it was quickly drowned out by his
quickened sobs, he barely gave himself enough time to finish one before he started another.
The bed dipped and he felt a hand start to rub his shin. This time he didn’t kick it away or
anything like that, he just cried harder. His head was starting to hurt and his chest ached,
whether that was due to lack of air, or the sadness he was feeling, Sirius didn’t know.

The hand lifted off of him as Euphemia came closer to him, softly and slowly as to not scare
him. She always knew what to do, a lot like a mother in a way, not his mother, definitely not
his mother.

Walburga could never live up to Effie, Walburga was cruel and unforgiving, Effie was kind
and always gave people a second chance.

“Sirius, honey, you need to breathe.” She said to him quietly.

He didn’t want to yell at her, but he did. “I am!”

As patient as always she didn’t even flinch as his voice, her only response was a kind smile.
“No you’re not sweetie.”

“If I wasn't breathing I’d be dead!” Sirius yelled pushing himself away from the pillow.

Again she didn’t react. “You’re not breathing correctly.”

“I am! I know how to fucking breathing!” Did they really think he was that useless?

“I know you do.” Euphemia said softly.

“No! No, no- you just think I’m useless don’t you!” He accused her, his hands were shaking
and his face felt like it was melting off of him. Like something was grasping on to it and
pulling it from his head. Like the tears falling over it were acid.

“Of course I don’t love, of course I don’t.” She replied patiently.

“Yes you do! You do that’s all-“ A sob ripped apart his sentence. “You just-“ He could feel
himself falling in to pieces and he just wanted someone to help him.

Sirius leaned his head forward as his hands moved to the back of his head and he started
clawing at his neck. Effie instantly wrapped her arms around him and brought Sirius as close
as she could, his cries became louder and harsher as she whispered soft reassurances into his
hair, kissing it every few seconds. They rocked back and fourth, she pushed his hands away
from his neck and started massaging it carefully.

“It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.”

______________________________

“I’m going to kill them all.”

Sirius wrote into his book.

“Why?”

The reply came almost instantly, as if Regulus had been expecting it.

“You’re 15 Reg.”

“Good to know someones been keeping count I thought I was 10.”

“This isn’t the time for jokes Reg.”

“Yeah, but it was funny, wasn't it?”

Everyone had their own way of dealing with things, unfortunately his brothers was comedy.
Sirius couldn’t deny him the escape though, that would be unfair of him.

“Sure Reg, it was funny.”

“And I’ll get a fortune in like twenty years.”

Sirius sighed and had to stop himself from getting angry at his casualness towards the
situation. He had to keep reminding himself that Regulus was probably also extremely
terrified, no he was definitely terrified, this was just his way of coping with it.

“Give me some of it will you?”

“No it’s my fortune.”

“Selfish much?”

“Till the day I die, no one has ever gained from selflessness.”

Very good point.

“I’m sure many authors would disagree with that.”

“Yeah but I’m sure that many people would agree with it.”
He liked the way Regulus underlined words he meant to be empathised, it was funny how he
wanted Sirius to read it the way his brain perceived the writing.

“All the villains die at the end of the story, selfishness doesn’t seem to get them very far.”

“Most of the heroes character development is doing something selfish.”

“Okay, fair enough.”

“I know it is, that’s why I said it.”

“Why did I even give you that stupid book?”

He knows why, he wanted to be able to make sure Regulus was okay. Wanted to have him as
close to arms reach as possible.

“Because you love me, and I have ma-“

The word didn’t finish as the writing inscribed itself into Sirius’ book.

“Reg?”

There was no response, and Sirius waited 3 minutes before he ended up getting one.

“Sorry, there was footsteps outside.”

Merlin, Lucius had made Regulus so terrified of him that even a noise outside cause him to
go quiet for that long?

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You know what’s weird?”

“You?”

“No, idiot. The concept of family.”

“Hear hear.”

“No I’m being serious, like the idea that you’re just born into this group of people that you
kinda just have to know for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve never thought about it like that before.”

“Like, you’ll technically always know me better than Evan and Barty, just because you’ve
known me my whole life. You probably remember things about me that I don’t even know.”

Existential crisis Regulus had to be one of his favourites.

“Merlin do I. Do you remember the time when you were six and-“

Before Sirius could even fully write out his sentence Regulus had interrupted him.
“Yes, and if you ever speak a word of that your head will be found in a deep dark ditch.”

“You and Moony are very alike, did you know that?”

“What. The. Fuck.”

“What?”

“I do no t like the idea of you relating me to your BOYFRIEND. ”

Can’t say shit around this guy.

“That isn’t even what I meant!”

“Taking on the family tradition?”

“Reg stop it.”

“Maybe I’ll marry you.”

“Reg.”

“What if I start adding X’s to the ends of my messaged like the girls do.”

“Oh my god stop it please.”

“Okay Xx.”

“Reg!”

“Hi Xx.”

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too Xx.”

“Murder is so great, like honestly the greatest invention ever.”

“I don’t think it classifies as an invention.”

“Finally.”

“Xx.”

__________________

Remus sighed as he got up from his bed, surely he should be excited for today, he was going
to James and Sirius’, but his dad has put a halt to any of his joy. “I’m not going to turn, I did
that last week, remember?”

“Yes of course I remember.” He hissed like if he was louder the werewolf would come out
and attack him. “What if it…lasts?”
“I’m sixteen now, I have not once had lasting effects at any time over the last decade.”
Remus told him as he picked up a shirt that was placed on the chair beside his bed and put it
on, groaning slightly as he moved his shoulder. His dad just left the room with a huff, like a
child.

He pushed the hair back out of face unsuccessfully because his curls just snapped back to
covering his eyes. Remus pushed himself off of his bed and walked out of his bedroom,
hitting his head on the doorway as he left. Being 6’5 in a small, welsh cottage really wasn’t
the best situation in the world, but it wasn't like his parents could afford much more.

Remus made sure to duck slightly as he entered the bathroom, pulling on the string for the
light and watched as it slowly flickered on. He switched on the tap and pooled some of the
water into his hand before throwing it into his face. Once he looked back up and into the
mirror he stared at himself for a bit.

His face often warped when he looked at it, not to an extreme degree, but sometimes his eyes
would appear to be too big or his mouth a little too long. It threw him off, feeling like he was
looking at someones eyes rather than his own, speaking through someones mouth. He
dragged a finger along his scars and clinched slightly as he touched his latest one, it was still
pink and had only just begun to heal.

After taking one more look at himself and brushing his teeth he left the bathroom to go the
kitchen to see his mum. “Hi mam.” He greeted as he lifted himself on to the counter.

“Hello sweetheart, do you want some pancakes?” She asked him as she took a sip of her tea.

Remus thought about it for a moment. “Are they toasted or home made?”

“Toasted, that was all they had at the market sorry honey.” He didn’t mind, of course he
didn’t mind, he understood that they weren’t as well off as James or Sirius.
“It’s okay, I’ll have jam please.” Remus moved forward slightly and open the cupboard that
was behind him, lifting out a glass. Then he turned beside him and poured himself a glass of
water from the sink.

Mornings with his mum were nice, much less chaotic than they were at Hogwarts. Usually
they would eat outside in the morning, but today the clouds were pretty grey and he didn’t
want to risk his breakfast, or him, getting wet. Also it technically wasn't morning Remus had
just woken up late, actually it was 4pm. He was handed a plate with his pancakes on it, and
he happily started eating them quickly.

His mum laughed lightly. “Were you hungry?”

“Starved.” He teased as he took a drink of his water.

She started cleaning down the counter tops so Remus hopped off of them. “What time do you
and your father need to leave at?”

Before Remus could answer the man himself did it for him. “Now.”

If he was being truly honest, yes he did jump slightly, would he ever admit that out loud? No.
“Can I at least finish my pancakes first?”

His dad looked down to the plate then back up at him. “You’ve had two already.”

“And I’d like to have the last two.”

“No, I have to get to work.”

“Can I put some actual clothes on first? Or are you worried I’ll rip through them
spontaneously.” Remus deadpanned, but he would not put it past his father to actually think
that would happen.
“Remus,” His mother scolded. “Don’t speak to your father like that.”

“Sorry mam,” He apologised as he started walking towards the stairs backwards. “I’ll just go
get changed, if you hear any barks don’t worry about it.”

He raced up the stairs before he could be told off anymore, still he heard his mother shout his
name from behind and the only response he gave was a mock werewolf howl. Sometimes
Remus couldn’t help but find himself absolutely hilarious, because he was.

Opening his wardrobe he stared at his array of jumpers, his supply was starting to run out
because everyone had an ever growing need to take one. It’s really not that hard to go to a
charity shop, pick out one of the old man jumpers, pay and leave. Sirius had taken one of his
favourites before he left, well really Remus had given it to him, but he still missed it.

Picking out one of them and a pair of black jeans, he put them on with some of old boots and
looked into the mirror. It was his nasty habit, he didn’t feel bad about the way he looked or
anything, more disappointed, if that made sense. His scars weren’t pretty, not by a long shot
and his father had made him very aware of that fact.

He stared at the tiny scar visible under his eyebrow, the one that had blossomed on the side of
his forehead, the one that went over his mouth and the one that striped right across his face. It
was hard to know that he never truly had an escape from the monster he became on a full
moon. That Remus was just always going to be someone that others couldn’t draw their eyes
away from, and not in a good way.

He wiped the tear that had fallen from his eyes away, picked up his bag and walked back
down the stairs. His mother seemed to be telling his father off and he didn’t look like he was
listening. Remus came up behind them and the sound of his footsteps announced his
presence. “Good you’re here, let’s get going.”

Apparating with his dad was awkward, for a various amount of reasons, one of them being
the necessary contact. Every time he had to awkwardly place his hand onto his shoulder and
this time was no exception. Remus didn’t miss the way his father stiffened under it, he always
did because he was scared that he might get infected with the werewolf. And he wonders why
he has such a low paying job.

Remus watched as his dad flicked his wand and then he felt the sickening feeling overcome
him, just like it always did. He’d grown up mostly muggle, his parents had been hoping he’d
be a squib, but then he was bit by a werewolf and started performing accidental magic so they
were forced to introduce him to Wizarding society. Due to this he didn’t really Apparate
anywhere until he started at Hogwarts, and even after six years he was still getting used to it.

Everything stopped spinning and he saw as they appeared in front of James’ house. His dad
didn’t even say good bye before he had apparated away, good old fatherly love right there.
Remus walked up to the door and knocked on it, he heard loud footsteps going down, what
he thought were the stairs. After a few second the door flung open and Sirius stood there with
a big grin on his face.

“Moony!” He exclaimed jumping on to Remus, who had to take a step back to fully support
his weight.

He laughed slightly as he wrapped his arms around Sirus as James and Peter came down the
stairs, in a much more calmer manner than him. “Hi Pads.”

Sirius pulled away as Peter gave Remus a side hug. “Still alive and kicking then?”

“Unfortunately for you.” He joked as James did the same as Peter had done.

“Don’t say that Moons, don’t know what we’d do without you.” James scolded him, not
unlike the way his mother had done only twenty minutes ago.

He watched as Monty walked over. “Probably end up dead in a park.” He smirked as his son
turned around with an offended face. “How are you Remus?”

He nodded. “I’m good.”

“Brilliant,” Monty said with a mischievous smile. “Drink this.”

Remus took the drink from his hand. “What is it?”

“Yeah what is it dad?” James also asked as he watched Remus swirl around the drink.

“Oh, it’s nothing…” He waved off.

One thing he’s learned over the past few years is to never trust when Fleamont Potter gives
you a random drink, and just like he had thought Effie came rushing around the corner.
“Don’t drink that.”

Fleamont groaned as he turned around to his wife. “Why do you have to ruin my fun
darling?”

She crossed her arms. “Poor Remus just got here and you’re already trying to mess with
him?”

“What? It’s funny.”

“No it’s not, now come on help me cut these carrots.” She instructed and Remus watched as
the mans demeanour sunk and he walked off grumbling about it being unfair, Effie following
close behind.

Effie preferred to cook in the muggle way, she said that it was much more enjoyable and that
“flinging around a wand was just annoying”. In his opinion muggle cooking was much
tastier, a lot more personal as well. He wasn’t the best cook, but compared to Sirius he might
as well be a master chef.
“Come on Moony, you can put your bags in Padfoot’s room.” James told him as they started
walking, he just put the cup down on to the nearest surface.

“Why Sirius’?”

Remus didn’t miss the way Peter and James smiled at each other. “I’m taking the spare room,
and Sirius has a double bed. So…”

I mean he really wasn't complaining, but, he kind of was. “Why do you get the spare room?
Isn’t there some better way of figuring that stuff out?”

“Ah, well you see, when you’re as amazing and smart as me, this stuff is just handed to you.”
Peter replied sarcastically.

“Oh really, and I bet all the girls are over you?”

“Tons.”

“Actually they are, which is very ironic in my opinion.” James added in as they started
walking up the stairs.

“Really?” Remus asked, after Peter came out to the four of them he no longer felt a pressure
to act like he was interested in girls. So no one ever confessed to him, not because he was
unattractive or anything, just because they knew they’d be rejected.

Sirius laughed. “Yeah, some girl confessed to him yesterday, felt really bad when she got
rejected.”

Peter blushed slightly at the attention. “Stop talking about my love life you twats, you lot
can’t say shit.”
“Oi!” Sirius hit him over the head. “I have a very active love life.”

“Oh I know.”

“Anyways!” James interrupted. “Moony you can put your stuff in Sirius’ room, me and Pete
will be in mine.”

“Sounds good!” Remus watched as James and Peter walked away, and as soon as they were
out of sight Sirius was dragging him by his hand and into his bedroom.

The door shut behind them and instantly their lips connected. Sirius was kissing him once,
then twice and then there were no gaps as he pushed Remus towards the bed. They fell down
and Sirius was on top of him, the break barely lasts a millisecond before they’re all over each
other once more, his hands moving across Sirius’ back at a speed they’ve never done before.

The kiss become deeper and deeper as his hand move into Sirius’ waves and he started to
trail kisses down Remus’ neck. “Sirius.” He gasped. “You can’t leave marks.”

“I know,” He said in-between kisses. “I won’t.” Then the kissed followed along his jawline,
to the corner of his lips, and back up to his mouth.

They become singular kisses once more as Remus attempted to remind Sirius that they aren’t
alone in the house. “We,” A kiss. “Have,” Another. “To go.”

Sirius kissed him once more before pulling away. “Yeah you’re right…”

Remus stood up and wrapped his arms loosely around him, giving a quick peck on the lips.
“We’ve got many, many night alone together though.”
The other smirked. “That we do.” Then his eyes widened slightly. “I have the best idea.”

He removed his arms and watched as Sirius walked over to his drawers and pulled out a
book. “You, reading a book? Since when?”

“Time will tell, and soon enough you’ll think I’m the smartest man in the world.” He told
him as they left the room and went into James’.

The two of them were bickering over something but as soon as they noticed them enter they
stopped. “Maan says that dinner will be ready in like an hour, so we’ve got a bit of time to
kill.”

“I have the best way to do that Prongso.” Sirius slumped down beside James on his bed.

Peter’s interest seemed to be caught. “How?”

“With this.” He said holding up the book.

The two of them rolled their eyes. “That isn’t entertainment, I thought you knew this Pads.”
Peter complained but James seemed to know what it was.

“Ah, that is where you’d be wrong my good sir.” Sirius opened the book and gestured for
them to come closer, which they did, forming a circle on James’ bed. Then he wrote in to the
book.

“Oi.”

Nothing happened for a moment and Remus was getting ready to tease him but then writing
appeared, just on its own.
“What do you want.”

“Holy shit!” Peter exclaimed. “How did it do that?”

“Not an it. That, my dear friends, is my baby brother Regulus.”

“Jesus Christ.” Remus breathed out.

“Who?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re so cold to me.”

“I’m not Xx.”

“Oh for fucks sake.”

“Why is he writing X’s?” James asked him.

Sirius groaned. “No reason.”

“Well there’s obviously-“

“Shhh.”
“:)”

“What is that Reg?”

“It’s a smiley face :).”

“It’s really creepy.”

“:D”

“That’s cute.” James said offhandedly and Remus just smirked.

“No it’s not, he’s weird.”

“Anything you want to say to the lads?”

“What?”

“They’re here.”

“Oh piss off you twat.”

Remus snorted and Sirius gave him a look.

“Where are you manners?”

“Where is your brain?”

Peter barked out a laugh, so did James.

“Stop laughing you idiots!”

“No, he’s funny.” Peter said still laughing.

“Up your ass.”

“:O”

Remus giggled slightly to himself.

“Oh my Merlin, stop it will you?”

“>:(“

“Is that supposed to be an angry face?”

“:D”

“You’re so weird.”

“;-;”
“Aww look Pads you made him sad.” Peter told him off shoving Sirius slightly.

“Oi!”

“You’re making my friends turn against me.”

“:D”

“Oh of course you’d be happy about that.”

“Fuck how do you do a confused face?”

“I don’t know you’re supposed to be the artist here.”

“ 3:( No that just looks like shit.”

“You look like shit.”

“;-;”

The night continued on like that, after a bit Regulus had to go for dinner, and so did they.
Effie ended up making lasagna, which in his opinion, was one of the best pasta dishes out
there, I mean it’s got everything you could want. Vegetables, carbs, fruit, well if you count
tomatoes as a fruit. James’ dad had quickly moved on from his earlier disappointment, him
and James were just too alike.

At about midnight they went back downstairs, Monty and Effie were in the living room, so
they went into the kitchen. Peter was in the middle of making one of the most disgusting
sandwich’s Remus had ever seen in his life, when there was three quiet knocks at the door.
 Everyone in the room went stiff, because it was midnight and people didn’t just make house
calls at midnight.

All of them went to the door, it didn’t look like the adults heard the knocks, which made
sense because the kitchen was right beside the front door but the living room was father
away. Sirius looked out of the peep hole but no one was there, he decided to open the door
anyways, which was incredibly stupid.

Peter, James and him were a bit away from the door but they all saw as Sirius’ whole body
tense as he saw who was out there.

“Regulus?”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

How'd you guys like it? personally I'm a big fan of Sirius' whole breakdown thing.

Fun fact! James' ice cream flavour is Harry's favourite flavour. How cool is that?

Lyall Lupin <<<<<<<<<<

I had a full on crisis over the word ready while writing this, like I just COULD NOT
remember how to write that goddamn word.

Another fun fact! Sometimes I write my little weird thoughts into this book, such as
Regulus' whole family thing. Like aren't they weird? It's just constant small talk that you
hope turns into an actual conversation.

Effie Potter>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Fleamont Potter >>>>>>>>>>>>>

I hate Ao3's format on computer, a rule when reading my fic is to only reading it on
phone (/j) cause it looks SO SHORT on computer. My little rule is that for each
paragraph I have a minimum of 4 lines, but even at that they all look short af.

You know what annoys me? The way people write Regulus as emotionless. Like I get it
in certain situations, but this KID isn't going to have a 'stoic face' while he's going
through deep shit. Like idk it feels weird that they'd write Sirius as being super
emotional then have Regulus be the complete opposite. I mean I get the whole thing of
them being different from each other and stuff but they grew up together, they're gonna
have some similarities whether they like it or not. Y'know?

That's my little rant of the day.

Anyways look at my posting twice in two days, speedy Gonzales over here.

Next chapter will probs be out on Thursday or Tuesday, depends on who fast I write :D

Thank you for reading and I hope you have some yum food today!

Emme <3
 Welcome to The Family
Chapter Summary

Regulus turns up at the potters door, and shocks everyone. James panics about if he's
okay ir not and receive comfort from his longest standing friend. Fleamont talks to
Regulus, in a very emotional conversation.

Chapter Notes

"If you had changed anything would you not have survived? You're alive, you're alive
you're alive..." The 30th - Billie Elish.

______________________

TW:
Bloody and injury: This is again a chapter that has a lot of stuff put around the place, I'd
say the main parts to avoid is James' Pov to Sirius'. Although you will miss a main plot
point so I'll summarise it in the end notes!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Regulus?”

James felt his heart stop and his breathing come to a halt. He watched in a stunned silence as
Sirius instantly crashed to the ground and started talking to his brother.

“Regulus? Reggie?” There was a loud groan of pain but no other vocal responses. “Régulus?
Ça va, que s'est-il passé?” (Regulus? Are you okay, what happened?)

It was funny that in that moment James thought about how Sirius had spoke French, after 2
years of the language being left untouched he was speaking it again, gone was the usual husk
delicacy that his accent had held before, replaced with deep rooted terror.
“Sirius-“ A harsh, croaky voice responded, and he refused to believe that was Regulus.
Regulus had a soft, calm voice, his voice wasn't distraught or broken, this couldn’t be him,
James refused to believe it.

“It’s going to be okay, tu vas bien, you’re okay- Someone go get Effie for fucks sake!” Sirius
shouted in-between his soft comforts, at that moment Remus seemed to wake up from his
trance as he ran out of the room at a speed James hadn’t seen him do so before.

It was like he was focusing on everything else around him, anything he could find to describe
to himself rather than face what was happening right now. Regulus was fine, he was going to
be fine, he wasn't going to die because Older Regulus had presumably drowned, and Regulus
didn’t look like he had drowned. But Older him had changed appearances before, so who’s to
say that he hadn’t once more.

“I- je n'ai pas-“ A cough interrupted Regulus. “Sirius- I didn’t-“ (I didn’t)

Sirius started to try and calm his brother down again, but it was hard to miss the way his
voice was getting caught in his throat as it wavered. “It’s okay, stop talking, it’s okay
Reggie.”

His parents came rushing in to the hall way and were at his side almost as quickly as Sirius
had done only moments before. Regulus was openly sobbing now as he attempted to breath
but struggled to do so, James had never heard him cry like that before, he was crying like…
Like he was about to die.

Regulus was lifted by his dad, he let out a cry of pain but none of them stopped. Then they
came past him, and that was when James woke up. Regulus had blood almost completely
covering him, he was muddy and was also soaked in water, but still he looked like the most
beautiful boy in the world. James followed after them as they entered the living room, his dad
lay him down on to the sofa and it’s usually cream colour turned in to a pinky-red.

Suddenly he became aware of something and instantly started trying to get off of it. “Non- I-
I shouldn’t- I can’t” Regulus started to hyperventilate as Sirius and his dad tried to keep him
down. “Get the fuck off of me!”
“We can’t Reggie I’m sorry.” Sirius sounded so heartbroken, just like the day he had arrived
here himself.

“You don’t understand!” Regulus yelled. “He’s- Ils vont-” (They’ll)

His dad made an attempt at comforting him. “They’re not here Regulus, you’re safe.”

“He’ll find me-“ He said quietly, then whispered out something that might, no will, haunt
James forever. “He’s going to kill me…”

The room went dead quiet once the words escaped from his lips, he heard Sirius make a small
choking sound and James knew that he was blaming himself for it, for all of it. “Who Reg?”
Regulus didn’t respond, he only curled in on himself even more. “Who’s going to kill you!”

“I can’t tell you!” He shouted back, they all knew who he was talking about, of course they
did. James didn’t want to accept it, didn’t want to accept that he had failed, and it looked like
Sirius didn’t either.

“Who!” He persisted. “Tell me who!”

“Stop fucking shouting at me!”

“Not until you tell me who the fuck is trying to kill you!”

“You know who I’m talking about!”

His mother rubbed her hand down Sirius’ back to calm him down, he ran a hand through his
hair and kneeled down beside Regulus, who had stopped his attempts at escape, and grabbed
his hand. “He won’t kill you.” Sirius told him as he rubbed his thumb up and down Regulus’.
“I won’t let him.”
“Promettre?” He asked in a rare moment of childishness, it was strange to see Regulus act
like what he was. And It terrified him. (Promise?)

Sirius smiled softly. “Promettre.”

Peter ran off to get towels as Sirius started to try and help take Regulus’ jumper off, which
James was now realising to be his own. “No!” Regulus blurted out as he tried to push Sirius’
hands away, his earlier fear returning.

“Sweetie, we need to take it off to see the damage.” His mother said in a calm voice, that
only she would be able to produce.

Regulus shook his head violently. “No, no, no you- you can’t.”

“Please Reg, just let us help you.” Sirius begged, but Regulus remained adamant of keeping
the jumper on. It was at that moment that James began to piece together what had happened,
what was hidden under the hoodie, something he should have worked out sooner considering
what Regulus had just told them. It looked like his mother had realised much quicker.

“Regulus…” She said softly. “We can help you, but you need to work with us.”

He looked at her for a few seconds, assessing if what she had said was true. Finally he looked
like he had come to the conclusion that she was and allowed Sirius to help him take the
jumper off. Remus took it from him and then it was on display, The Dark Mark, Regulus had
been given The Dark Mark. James had expected this, but seeing it was a whole different
thing.

“Reg-“ Sirius started but then the mark swelled, it became darker and started swirling as if it
was a life form of it’s own. Regulus screamed in pain as he curled in on himself even more,
causing more blood to pout out of his wounds and on to the sofa. Sirius started panicking.
“What’s wrong? Reg what’s wrong?”
“Fleamont,” His mother turned to look up at her husband. “We need to put a stasis charm on
to this.”

The other nodded firmly and he took out his wand, James watched as he performed the spell
anxiously. There was no way to tell if it would work, The Dark Mark was so new, and no one
had ever reported having it done unwillingly. That was actually The Death Eaters main
selling points, that it was done willingly. The spell came to a stop and the mark turned into a
colour just slightly paler than Regulus’ skin, James let out sigh of relief.

The younger boy sat back down in to the pillow, breathing heavily. Sirius had taken his hand
again at some point during the whole ordeal and James didn’t miss the way it looked to have
caused him some pain. “See? Everything’s fine Reggie… everything’s fine.”

Was it? Would everything really be fine? “James honey, can you get some cold water and a
towel?” His mother asked him and he didn’t respond, just left the room silently and went to
the kitchen. James bent down to pick up the basin from one of the lower cupboards, then got
up.

James set it down into the sink and let the tap run, he watched it for a moment before he
sighed and crouched down to the ground once more, leaning his head on to the cupboard
door. His hands were shaking as he brought one of them to cover his quivering lips, this
wasn't the time to cry, it wasn't the time to cry, it wasn't the time to cry-

“James.” Peter’s voice interrupted his panicked thoughts and his head instantly whipped
upwards. “Woah, it’s okay, it’s just me.”

“Sorry.” He said standing. “You just scared me… that’s all.”

James went over to the drawer and opened it, he pushed around everything in it looking for
the cloth, it wasn't there. He opened the next one, and the next one, and then the last one but
still he couldn’t find the it. “James.”
He started to look through the cupboard, because it just wasn't turning up. Where was it?
“James.” Peter tried again and he saw him turn off the tap, but he didn’t have time for
conversation or to think about that, he needed to find that fucking cloth. “James-“

“What?!” He yelled. “What is so important right at this moment Peter?” James whirled
around and saw that the other was closer to him now. Wordlessly James was engulfed in to a
hug, he was shocked for a moment and didn’t know how to react. Then he broke.

“He’s okay James…he’s okay.” His hands clung to Peters shirt as he held on to him tighter
than he had before as breathy sobs escaped James’ throat. “Regulus is in there with Sirius…
and your mum is healing him.” Peter rubbed his hand up and down his back. “Come on if
anyones going to be able to help him it’s your parents, right?” James nodded into Peters
shoulder. “Remember when you broke your leg when we were ‘searching for unicorns’? Your
mum healed you and then the next day she went out with us.”

James let out a wet laugh as he recalled the memory. They had found a ‘lead’ which ended up
only being a shadow from a tree, he had decided it would be a good idea to climb another one
so that they could find the unicorn quicker. Instead of finding one however, he fell straight
out of the tree and broke his bone. He was still slightly disappointed that they hadn’t found
one.

“You’re tricking me.” James mumbled. “Into not thinking about it.”

“Is it working?”

“No, not really.”

“Okay.” Peter sighed, but it wasn't a bad sigh, more like an ‘it’s okay’ sigh. “Why don’t we
go give him this stuff then?”

Then he remembered his earlier annoyance at the disappearance of the cloth, now he needed
to start looking for it again. When he turned around however, Peter had it in his hand. “How
did you find it?”
“It was on the counter.” Peter said softly.

He felt pretty stupid in that moment. “Oh…”

“Come on.” He smiled, James picked up the basin and they walked out of the kitchen, back to
the living room.

Regulus was now asleep and Sirius was stroking his hair as the healing spells were performed
by James’ parents. Remus was standing at the bottom of the sofa staring at him with a
worried expression, James set the basin down on and Sirius looked up at him. “What took
you so long?”

“Oh er.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I couldn’t find the cloth.”

“I thought I left it on the counter?” His mother added in as she finished a spell.

“No you did.” Peter joined in as well. “James just looked everywhere but there."

Sirius stared at him for a moment before letting out a quiet laugh. “What would I do with out
you?”

He smiled down at him rather than responding gripping his shoulder in what he hoped was a
reassuring manner. “How is he?”

“He’ll make it.” His maan told him. “He will most likely have a fever when he wakes up, but
we should be able to handle that. It’s what comes after that I’m more worried about.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked. “Nothing happened when I ran away.”
“You didn’t have a Dark Mark.” She added abruptly before quickly apologising. “Sorry, I
didn’t mean for that to come out so harshly honey.”

He waved it off. “Don’t worry about it, what will we do?”

“Well first,” His dad started, stepping away from Regulus after finally finishing all the spells.
“We need to contact Dumbledore.”

James saw how Sirius’ demeanour became darker, which was weird because he’d always
seemed to like the headmaster. “Why?”

“It’s just standard procedure dear.” His mother said kindly. “Why don’t you boys get to bed
now? It’s been a long night.”

“No, I’m staying with Reg.” Sirius said firmly.

His maan dipped the cloth into the water and started to dab it on Regulus’ forehead. “You’ll
be no help if you’re sleep deprived love.”

“But I-“

“Sirius let’s just go to bed, alright?” Remus spoke up for the first time, his voice soft and
kind. James hoped that he would be able to get through to him, because Sirius was probably
only running on adrenaline and adrenaline alone.

“No, I’m staying.” Sirius said firmly as he continued to card his hand through Regulus’ curls,
carefully avoiding his head injury and the blood surrounding it. “He needs me.”
Remus looked like he wanted to speak up once more but his mother did it before him. “You
three go up to bed then, I’m putting my foot down on that.”

James wanted to stay all night with Regulus as well, wanted to hold his hand and caress his
face as softly as his hands could muster. James wanted to be the first face he saw when he
woke up, but he knew that wasn't going to happen, besides Sirius was right. Regulus needed
his brother, not him.

“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning?” Remus asked with a smile.

Sirius nodded as he returned it. “Yeah I’ll see you.”

“I’m going to go as well,” Peter told them and gave a reassuring look over to James.
“Goodnight.”

“Night.” James called out as he watched the two of them leave the room. He rubbed Sirius’
shoulder gently. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Yeah…” He breathed out. “Yeah I will, go get some rest okay?”

“Sure pads. Try to get a little sleep?”

“We’ll see.” Sirius picked up the wet cloth as he began to clean Regulus’ face, slowly and
carefully as to not disturb the sleeping boy.

James sighed. “Okay… night maan, night dad.”

They both waved him goodbye while he left the room. Things began to catch up with him
after he left, everything that had happened, everything that would happen, it was all too much
to handle. But he knew that he needed to learn how to because, not only would Regulus need
him, so would Sirius.
James would like to say that as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out cold, but he wasn't.
He tossed and turned for twenty minutes as he tried to get Regulus’ scared face out of his
mind, his cries of pain echoing behind it. This night was something he would never like to
see again, something he’d never want to relive and never want to talk about. Eventually he
was able to drift off and into the dark black of sleep.

____________________________

White

Everything was white and James felt like he could cry, he didn’t want to do this.

Just let me sleep.

“James-“

No! I don’t want to fucking do this!

“I’m sorry but you have to.”

I don’t, didn’t you see? We failed.

“Non we didn’t.”

Are you incapable of fucking thinking? Does a fucking Dark Mark not make it through your
brain?
“Merlins sake, if you couldn’t tell he’s not dead.”

…What’s the difference?

“This is why you’re here, I thought I’d do a little nice thing for you because you’re having a
shit night.”

I wouldn’t call this sweet you asshole.

“Bloody hell, I’m not going to show you bad stuff, imbécile.” (Idiot)

“What are you doing to show me then?”

“The opposite of that.”

He watched as everything around him changed and then they were in a dorm room, there was
green decor so he had to assume that it was a Slytherin one. There was three beds rather than
the usual four, one of them was very messy, another being very neat and tidy. The last one
was a controlled mess, it was obvious that the owner kept it that way because they wanted it
to be like that.

The door opened allowing Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier to walk in, following close behind
them was… Regulus. James felt his breath stop and his eyes widen slightly, the first two were
wearing their school uniforms but he was in his Quidditch one. James felt a need to hug him,
or do something but of course he couldn’t.

Crouch lay down on the cleaner bed but James doubted that it was his, he was soon proven
correct. “Barty get off of my bed.”
“But Evan dear, yours is much more comfier.” He teased but was quickly pushed off of the
bed and onto the ground. “Asshole!”

“I know you are but what am I?” Rosier responded fast, embarrassingly fast. Although James
had to admit he did laugh a little.

“And you call us children.” Regulus joined in and James’ attention was caught as he turned
around and saw him… in his underwear… He had never had the joy of seeing Regulus’
physique, before, but Merlin was it a good one.

Crouch whooped. “Yeah! Strip for us Reg!”

“Oh shut it will you?” He said throwing his top at him.

He made throwing up sounds as soon as it hit him. “Oh my god you’re evil, that smells rancid
what were you doing?” Crouch exclaimed.

“Well since it was raining it got really muddy,” He started to explain. “Then I fell into that
mud pile, I was able to get rid of the mud with a cleaning spell, but the smell just won’t go
away.”

“And you decided to throw it at me?” Crouch started shuffling away from the top as much as
he could, even though he had thrown it to the other side of the floor almost as soon as it had
hit him.

He shrugged. “Ouais.” (Yep)

“You know who would love that top?” Rosier asked.

Regulus turned around to him. “Who?”

“James Potter.”

He would.

“Oh my Merlin fuck off!” He groaned throwing on a jumper. “James doesn’t like me, I don’t
like him. Simple as.”

Rosier sat back on to his bed with his legs crossed. “Are you sure he knows that?”

“I’m sure he is beyond aware of his feelings.” Regulus told him, pulling on pyjamas bottoms.

No he wasn't, Merlin he had not been aware of his feelings.

“Besides, even at the small, and I mean small chance that he were to like me.” He made a
pinch with his fingers to demonstrate. “I would never like him back.”

Crouch snorted. “I say give it a month, then they’ll be all over each other.”

Rosier looked over at him. “No, 2 months I say.”

“2 Galleons?”

“2 Galleons.”

“Stop betting on every little thing I do!” Regulus complained. “Besides Barty do you even
have any money?”
“No…” He admitted. “But I won’t need it.”

“You shouldn’t be too cocky, I think I’m right this time.” Rosier said, but it was a bit ironic
since he was also being cocky. “Reg still isn’t over his ‘I hate James Potter’ phase.”

“Quoi-“

“Very good point my young sir.” Crouch interrupted him. “Maybe the universe will be on my
side.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Do you two have to talk like I’m not here?”

“Yes.” They both said at the same time.

The conversation seemed to die out after that and Regulus sat back down on his bed as he
began to read a book. ‘Little Woman’ It said, and James didn’t understand why he would find
a book about tiny woman interesting. This is why he didn’t trust readers, they buy the most
strange books and deem it as classic literature.

“Hey guys?” Regulus spoke up, ending the quiet.

“Yeah?” Rosier answered for the both of them.

“Out of the three sisters who do you think you are?” He started. “First Jo, who spent her
whole life not wanting to marry, being very opposed to the idea actually. Then her best friend,
Laurie, is madly in love with her, but she, of course, doesn’t like him back so she rejects him.
So then he moves on and marries her sister, but then she feels that she loves him, except it’s
too late.”
“That’s rough.” Crouch comments.

“The second, Meg. She grew up being told that she needed to marry rich, that she had the
responsibility of providing for the family, but she falls in love with a poor man. Or better
worded as someone who doesn’t meet her families standards.”

“Go Meg.” Rosier says semi-sarcastically.

“Finally Amy. She spent her whole life in love with her sisters best friend, Laurie, but he is in
love with Jo, as we’ve stated. Amy goes abroad and basically fulfils Jo’s dreams, which is her
first moment where she is not second to Jo, and plans to marry rich, even though she is in
love with Laurie.”

“Those are so sad.” Crouch said and Rosier made a noise of agreement. “I think if I were to
relate to one of them, it would be Meg. I just want to settle down in the countryside with
someone I love, y’know? Not continue my family line. What about you Ev?”

Rosier seemed to think about it for a moment. “Probably Jo, not the sister loving my best
friend thing though.”

Crouch fake gagged. “Ew no.” Regulus nodded as he took their answers in. “What one are
you Reg?”

“Hm?”

“What sister?”

“Ah d'accord.” He looked off for a moment before returning. “Maybe Amy, I’d like to marry
someone who’s kind, and funny, someone who knows to respect my boundaries but not
scared to push them when necessary. Probably won’t get that though.”
“Who knows.” Rosier shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe we’ll all get to marry who we want.”

“Yeah, Maybe.”

Everything turned white again and James was once again stood in front of Regulus.

That was still kind of sad.

“What, why?”

I mean he’s talking about marrying someone who’s not me.

“You’re hopeless, absolutely hopeless.”

Hey!

“He’s talking about you dimwit.”

Oh…

“Ouais, oh.”

I’m not like that though, I’ve pushed his boundaries so many times.

“If you had done something wrong James do you think he would have come to you house?”
No… but I obviously have done something to make him get the mark.

“Maybe that’s just one of the things that were meant to happen, have you ever thought of
that?”

What do you mean?

“Well in every scenario I have black hair and grey eyes, maybe the mark is the same as that.”

You could be right… I guess.

“I am right, I couldn’t have chosen anyone better for this job.”

Aw thanks.

“Shut up.”

That’s very nice of you to say.

“Die.”

Well you were nice for a while, I’ll take it.

“It’s never happening again.”

It will- Hey wait.

“What?”

How did you just show me that? I thought these were your memories?

“Nice to meet you I’m Regulus Black.”

You know what I mean.

“I explained this to you way at the start.”

Did you?

“Oui.”

Well explain it again.

“Ugh you’re so annoying. Basically I have all of my memories”

“Okay…?”

“But then I also have his, so I kinda just, yeah.”

“Oh alright, that makes sense, I think.”

“I know it does.”
Do you know what’s going to happen to him?

_______________________

Sirius woke up to the sun beaming straight through the closed curtains and in to his eyes, he
was in an extremely uncomfortable position. After a few seconds Sirius realised he was
laying down on the arm chair with a thin blanket draped over him, he didn’t remember falling
asleep, and he definitely didn’t remember being downstairs.

Then everything that had happened the night before flooded in and he instantly looked over
to the sofa which was empty. There was a crash from another room and Sirius shot up in his
seat, exiting the room almost as quickly.

“Regulus?” He called out as he walked through the hallway, Sirius looked in to all of the
rooms but his brother was no where in sight. It was funny how a sound so vivid can become
blurry in an instant, even if you replay it in your mind over and over it will never be the same
as when you heard it first. “Regulus?” He tried again but there was still no reply. Suddenly
there was the sound of coughs mixed with a few sobs that undoubtedly came from the kitchen
and he rushed straight to it.

When he entered the room Regulus was crouched down with his head cupped in his hands.
He was now wearing what Sirius recognised to be one of his band tops as well as an old pair
of tracksuit bottoms, with broken glass sitting to the left of him. Sirius carefully walked
towards him as to not cause shock, it didn’t do much because Regulus still jumped once his
name was spoken. “Regulus?”

He removed his hand from where they were cupping his face as they shook violently, he
seemed to have a few tears at the corner of his eyes. “I-I just wanted a glass of water, and
then I dropped it because my hands just won’t- fucking stop!” He yelled the last part out of
stress.

“Hey…” He said softly. “Don’t worry about it okay?” Sirius tip toed over the glass, it had
been one of his favourite cups actually, had a funny looking tiger on it. “I’m going to take
your hand alright?” Regulus allowed him to hold it, and Sirius felt like he was six again,
grabbing on to his little brothers hand everywhere they went. “And we’re just going to move
away from the glass…”

Sirius led them away to the other side of the kitchen and the way Regulus had to limp heavily
hurt him in way that you wouldn’t even be able to imagine in your darkest dreams. “See?
Everything is fine, I didn’t even like that cup.” His brother just continued to stare at broken
glass work with an odd look in his eyes as he coughed thickly another time. “Let’s go back to
the living room, yeah?”

Regulus nodded and he didn’t let go of Sirius’ hand, because they both knew that as soon as
he did it would shake as much as his other. Remus was stood at the bottom of the stairs with
an apprehensively, Sirius assumed that the noise had woken him. He gave him a look that he
hoped portrayed ‘Come along if you want’. It seemed to by the way Remus, did in fact,
follow the two of them.

Him and his brother sat down on the sofa as Remus sat on the arm chair Sirius had been in
not even ten minutes ago. Regulus curled into a ball at the very corner of it as he let go of
Sirius’ hand, he shoved his face in to his forearms as he continued to try and suppress his
coughs. “Are you cold?”

“Oui.” He replied almost immediately.

“Fuck sake Reg, you should’ve said something.” Sirius scolded. “Moony give me your
jumper.”

“Why me?” He complained but was already taking it off and throwing it at him.

Sirius gave him a pseudo sympathetic smile while he passed the jumper over to Regulus, who
stared at it, then at the other two in the room. “You just have such a hard life don’t you
Remus?”

“Yeah, all cause of you twats.”

In a timid voice Regulus spoke up and it scared Sirius, because he wasn't timid ever. “You
can have it back…I don’t need it.”

“No it’s fine, I’m just joking.” It looked like Remus had also been taken slightly aback by it,
possibly even more than Sirius had because Regulus probably never dropped his guard
around him. If he did Sirius would assume that it wasn't in…this way. “Have you read Pride
and Prejudice?”

Regulus tore his eyes away from where they had been looking at the sun and shook his head.
“I don’t think so, why?”

The other got up from his chair. “Hold on, I have a copy.” Then Remus was out of the room
and up the stairs.

Sirius looked at Regulus, his hands were still trembling even as he tried to suppress them
under each other. “Hey,” He whispered softly as he nudged him. “Are you in any pain?
You’ve got to be causing stress to at least one of your wounds right now.”

“Non, I uh-“ Regulus swallowed thickly. “Pain relief potions…I think, I’m not actually sure.”

“That would make sense.” Sirius didn’t know if he wanted to tell Regulus that Dumbledore
might be coming around that day, or maybe the next. He was aware of his brothers…dislike
to The Headmaster and he’s happy to admit that had made him become slightly wary towards
the man. “Look, I wanted to tell you something-“

“Oh good, you’re awake!” A voice interrupted and Sirius turned around to see Effie standing
at the entrance to the living room with a few medical supplies in hand. “I need to change your
bandages Regulus, I also want to check on your fever.” She walked over to him and he
flinched slightly, despite how slow Effie was.

The woman sat down beside him, filling up the space that Sirius had left between them, in an
odd turn of events he felt a need to tell her to piss off, to tell her to leave him alone. Of course
he didn’t because Effie didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that, not in a million years. “Can
you take your top off…please?”
Regulus looked away for a moment, obviously hesitant towards the idea of his arms being
bare and Sirius didn’t blame him, not at all. He took the jumper off eventually at a slow pace
and then he started to take off his top, it was almost completely off before he halted where it
came to the part covering his arm. For a few seconds he stared at it with an empty look in his
eyes before fully uncovering it.

Effie hissed to herself slightly as she uncovered the bandages on Regulus’ shoulder wound. “I
think it might be infected honey, does it hurt at all?” He shook his head. “Alright, the pain
relief potions must still be in affect. Do you have any fever symptoms?”

“No-“ Regulus attempted to lie but the a thick cough escaped his throat ratting him out. “…
Yes.”

She laughed lightly and gently brought the back of her palm up to his forehead. “Yeah you’ve
got a little bit of a temperature sweetheart, once Pete wakes up we can get you moved up to
the spare room.”

“Oh that’s really not necessary.” He told them, and Sirius was in half a mind to tell him to
suck up his pride for a few seconds. “I don’t want to take anyones room or anything.”

“It’s fine,” Remus said walking back into the room with a book in hand, placing it on the
table beside Regulus, who gave him a thankful smile. “Peter and James share beds all the
time.”

“Yes,” Effie agreed. “Have done since they were children actually.”

“Oh okay.”

Sirius saw as he winced slightly when Effie began to dab his wound with a dry cloth. “Are
the potions wearing off Reg?”

“Kinda…” He admitted.
Effie put the cloth back down and Regulus coughed again. “I’ll get Monty to brew some
more pain relief potions when he gets back.”

That caught Sirius’ attention. “Back? Where is he?”

“He just went to the shop to get a few things.” She explained while bandaging Regulus’
wounds once again.

“I hope he get’s fizzing whisbee’s.” James said, basically appearing out of no where as he
walked into the room.

Sirius brought a hand to his chest. “Merlin James.”

The other grinned sheepishly. “Sorry.” Then sat down on the arm rest beside Sirius. “How are
you Reg…ulus.”

It was strange to watch, how his brothers demeanour changed. From anxious and scared to
suddenly back to how he usually was, or how he pretended he usually was. Maybe it was
because James and him weren’t that close, and he didn’t feel comfortable acting all weak and
stuff, except him and Effie were strangers, but Effie had a calming presence. Either way he
was happy.

“I’m good, just pretending like I was in one of those knife fights.”

James snorted. “Knife fights?”

“Yeah, like in the pantomimes.”

“Oo,” Effie joined in. “I do love a good Panto, we used to go every Christmas when James
was wee.”

“I remember that.” He reminisced. “You never bought me any of the sweets, I’m still kind of
upset about that.”

“They cost a fortune don’t they not?” Remus asked, and Effie nodded. “It’s much easier to
stick on telly and get a quarter pounder from the shop.”

“Translation?” Regulus said as Effie finished cleaning his the cut on his arm, it had been the
most shallow of them all. Then she covered it with bandages once more.

“A box that has pantos inside of it and then a bag of random sweets that weighs a quarter of a
pound.” He explained but then Regulus just looked even more confused.

“Best not to question muggle things Reggie.” Before he could object to the childhood
nickname Peter came into the room. “Morning Pete.”

“Wow, having a party without me?” He teased.

James shrugged. “If it makes you feel better I only arrived a few minutes ago.”

“It does actually, I like to know that you’re left out of things.” Peter replied sarcastically.

“Mum do you see how he treats me?”

“Yes James.” She answered before she remembered something. “Oh Peter, would you mind
staying in James’ room?”
It took him a second to realise what Effie was insinuating, once he blinked through the sleep
he seemed to catch on. “Yeah, of course.”

She smiled at him then turned back to Regulus. “I need to check up on your leg wound dear.”

“Oh,” His cheeks became slightly flushed. “That’s fine, I can do it myself.”

Regulus might be interning as a Healer and Sirius didn’t doubt his abilities in any normal
circumstances, but this wasn't one. “Reg, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”

“Please,” He half begged. “I’ve faced enough public humiliation to last a lifetime over the
past day, don’t you think?” Regulus said bluntly and Sirius could tell by the way he recoiled
slightly that he didn’t mean for it to come out that way. “Sorry.”

“Not it’s okay, you’re right.”

Effie sighed. “I can’t just leave you alone Regulus, I’m sorry.”

“I can stay with him.” Sirius offered, he was more than willing to do anything he could to
help.

Her expression turned sympathetic. “Maybe you should rest honey, take a shower, eat
something?”

“Why?” He asked stupidly, and almost instantly regretted it because of how stupid he
sounded.

“You’ve been down here all night Sirius.” Peter answered for her. “We’re all awake and
energised, we can look after him while you even just take a thirty minute nap.”
“I don’t know…”

“Sirius, I’ll be fine.” Regulus told him.

He looked at him as he decided whether he should or not, then James spoke up. “I’ll stay in
here with him while he does it, at least I’m not a complete stranger.”

That made Sirius feel better about it, James would never hurt Regulus and he seemed okay
with the idea of him staying as well. Sirius could also feel his stomach growl and the lack of
sleep from the night before. “Fine… but only for thirty minutes. His brother smiled softly at
him, and for a moment it felt like… it felt like everything might be okay.

___________________________

Regulus watched as everyone but James left the room, in a weird way he was scared to be
alone with him. Scared of what his reaction might be and how he would act, would he be mad
at him? For putting his family in danger, maybe he’d be happy that Regulus had finally built
up the courage to do this after putting it off for so long. Well he hadn’t built up the courage,
not really. It was Avery who had done that.

Avery…

He’d never liked him, never had any good opinions, but now he didn’t know how to feel.
Avery had saved him, Regulus wouldn’t be alive if it wasn't for him, plain and simple. It was
strange that after years of feeling such indifference to someone you can suddenly care about
them with such worry. This was the first time Regulus was really thinking about the boy and
it wasn't pleasant to think about the fear that had stayed in Avery’s eyes while helping him.

Avery had been scared, just like he was, and Regulus had just abandoned him.
“Hey,” James said gently, Regulus put his thoughts aside as he looked over to the voice, who
was now walking over to him. “Where’d you go?”

“What do you mean.” Regulus asked as James sat down on the sofa a bit away from him, he
couldn’t tell if he liked that or not, couldn’t tell whether he wanted him close, or far away.

“You just went…” He made waving motions with his hands as if to describe what had
happened. Regulus raised an eyebrow at him. “You know what I mean.”

“I really don’t”

“Well just pretend that you do.”

Regulus looked at him for a moment before he laughed lightly. “D'accord… Okay James…”
He realised that he did actually need to check his leg wound or he’d probably get his almost-
private-privileges taken away, maybe that was a bit harsh, but could you blame him? “Look
away.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m taking my trousers off James.”

“You’ve got nice legs.”

He could feel his face burn up and knew that he had gone bright red. “J-James!” He
unknowingly stuttered. “Don’t say that you twat!”

James just smirked at him and turned his head away from Regulus. “Go ahead.” Who then
started taking the tracksuit bottoms off, it hurt slightly now that the potions were starting to
wear off. Not too bad, but he hoped James’ dad came home before it got worse.
He looked down at the wound on his thigh, it was hard to keep out the laughing that still rang
in his ears, the look in his family members eyes and his voice. The cut on his thigh had been
the deepest out of all of them and it certainly looked like it too even underneath all the
bandaging. Slowly he peeled it off, making a small sound of pain, he wasn't a fan of taking
off plasters in the first place. Adding a deep wound that was still fresh didn’t help.

“Oo.” James hissed. “That looks nasty.”

Regulus’ head snapped up at his comment. “James! I thought I told you to look away.”

“You did, but then you sounded like you were in pain so I looked back around.” He explained
quickly and Regulus couldn’t help the smile that fell upon his face. “What?” James stopped
his rambling.

“Nothing,” He lied. “Pass me over that jumper will you? I’m practically naked over here.”

“Isn’t that Moony’s?” James asked as he stood up from where he was sat.

Regulus nodded. “Yeah, he lent it to me.”

“Just take mine then.” James said sitting back down.

Regulus was confused for a moment, because that just didn’t make sense but then he realised
that James was jealous. “But then you wouldn’t have a hoodie.”

“I don’t mind.” He waved it off as he started taking his jumper off.

“Well I don’t think I’ve proven myself very trustworthy in keeping your clothes safe.” He
didn’t know what had happened to James’ hoodie, he assumed they had taken it off at some
point during the night, Regulus didn’t really remember much past Sirius opening the door,
and he was kind of happy about that. “The last one probably went through a lot.”

James shrugged. “It builds character, here.” He passed it over, this time instead of a grey one
the jumper was a dark red colour, just off of a maroon. Regulus carefully put it on to himself
as to not jostle his shoulder and arm wounds. The jumper itself had already been pretty big on
James and now with their new height difference, which he hated by the way, it was even
larger on him. “Cute.”

“Go away.” He replied quickly, feeling the red come back for its revenge in a pink hue.
Regulus picked up the roll of bandages and started wrapping them around his thigh. He was
grateful that Mr and Mrs Potter had closed up the cuts already, no matter how embarrassing it
might be.

Regulus got up and pulled on his trousers once more when he sat back down it was right
beside James rather than father away. These clothes were nice, he missed his own however. “I
wonder if Maman would be willing to send my clothes.” He though aloud, the other quickly
burst out laughing. “What? It’s a genuine question!”

“I seriously don’t think she’d do that Reg.” James told him as his laughs died down.

He leaned his head onto his shoulder and hummed. “No, probably not.”

“We’ll have to go shopping before school starts again,” James whispered to him as he took
Regulus’ hand in his own.

“I don’t have any money.” He pointed out, Sirius had been lucky. Alphard had left his entire
fortune to him, Regulus didn’t get anything. He wasn't oblivious to the fact that his Uncle had
stopped loving him long before his death, Regulus wonders if he’s looking down right now
and cheering him on. Or is he berating him for it taking this long.

James began tracing shapes into his leg with his other arm. “I’ll give you some.”
Regulus tilted his head up to look at him. “What if I bought the most expensive clothes
known to man?”

“Then you’d own the most expensive clothes known to man.” He said looking down at him.

The conversation stopped after that, if either of them wanted to say more they didn’t and that
was okay with him. They sat there tracing little shapes into each other skin, imagining like
everything was alright, playing house if you will. Like he hadn’t been tortured the night
before, like he hadn’t ran away, like they were still in Hogwarts hiding from the truth. It was
hard to put back the question on his mind, so he decided to just get it out while he could.
“Why don’t you hate me?”

James’ tracing stopped abruptly. “Why would I?”

Regulus lifted his head up. “I’m a death eater now.”

“No.” He quickly replied. “No you’re not.”

“I am, I have the mark.” Regulus insisted because it was true. He was one of them, he had
done what his mother always wanted him to do. “I’m a bad person.”

Then there were hands cupping his face and James was staring deeply in to his eyes, the day
meeting the night. “You are not, don’t you dare say that, do you hear me?”

“But-“

“That means nothing to me, you are the only thing that means anything.” Regulus opened his
mouth to object once more but James stopped him. “Did you get it willingly?”

“Well no, but-“

“That’s enough for me, for everyone else.” He assured him. “No one faults you for this, no
one at all.”

Avery would.

He had contemplated telling them about Avery, about what he had done, about what Regulus
had done, he just didn’t know how to. Before he could even think about telling James there
was a knock at the door. “It’s just me!” A voice called out, but Regulus didn’t recognise it,
James seemed too though.

“It’s my dad.” He whispered to him, and Regulus instantly moved away from James. He
knew Mr Potter was aware of their relationship, but he wasn't about to be that open about it.
“Come in!”

The door opened and the man stood there with a smile not unlike James’. “Your maan wants
you Jamie.”

Regulus was definitely going to tease him about that nickname later, and by the look on
James’ face he knew it too. “I can’t leave Regulus alone.”

“I’ll wait here with him.” Mr Potter offered, and that didn’t fill Regulus with as much peace
as it seemed to with James.

“I’ll be back as soon as possible Reg.” He smiled at him as he got up, Regulus returned it
tightly.

James left the room and he felt the calm that had been there leave. “How are you feeling?”
Mr Potter asked.
“I’m fine, thank you.” Regulus watched with diligent eyes as he walked over to the arm chair
and sat on the arm rest, rather than the actual chair.

“James’ maan doesn’t actually want him.”

Oh, so this is the moment he get’s told to leave. “Oh…” It’s okay, it wouldn’t be the first time
he’d been rejected by someone, he can do this.

“I want you to know that…” He took a pause. “I want you to know that you’re welcome here
as long as you feel necessary.” What. “I don’t know what happened in that house, or what has
happened in Grimmauld place, and I don’t intend to find out unless you tell me.”

He didn’t know how to respond, and he’s certain that his mouth open and closed a bit, kind of
like a fish.

“There’s no way for them to find you here.” He assured. “Are wards are extremely secure,
my wife and I made sure of that. They might suspect that you’re here but there will be
nothing they can do to uphold those suspicions.” That did make Regulus feel better, actually
it made him feel a lot better.

“I’m not going to say that I’ll treat you like a son,” That was rude, well not really what did
Regulus expect? For them to just welcome him with warm arms? “Mainly because that would
be slightly weird considering everything going on with you and James. But Regulus, I would
be more than happy to welcome you as my son in law.”

Regulus stared at him for a moment, mouth agape and eyebrows shot to the sky before a tear
slipped out of his eyes, then another, and another until he burst into tears. “Oh Merlin!” Mr
Potter exclaimed as he quickly moved over to the sofa. “I am so sorry, did I say something
wrong?”

“No-“ Regulus tried to say but a sob cut him off as he hid his face into his knees, and started
crying even harder. He felt Mr Potter start to rub his back and for some reason Regulus didn’t
jump away, or startle or anything like that he accepted it with open arms because…because
he felt safe.
 “No, you said everything right.”

Chapter End Notes

(If you skipped James' POV)

Regulus turns up and their door with a lot of injuries as well as the mark. Sirius speaks
French for the first time and James panics a lot, he ends getting comforted by Peter
while he cries. Regulus fears that he might be killed by Voldemort and Sirius has to deal
with that fear as well. Sirius then offers to stay downstairs, and despite protests he does.

Hi!

I'm popping these chapters out so quickly, which is what I actually wanted to discuss
with you all. (If you're reading this)

So I have a deadline to reach before summer ends (1 month D:) and then after that the
chapter might slow down to maybe once a week cause of school, but right now i'll
probably get 2-4 out a week. Also if you hadn't noticed the chapter limit has been set, so
that's fun! Funnily enough I already have my next fic planned out in my head haha, and
I'm very excited to start writing that.

You know who Ive been thinking about? Dirk. Like how is he doing? Whats going on
with him, is he thriving, is he dating? Who knows, might do some character work with
him after the Christmas stuff.

FLEAAMMOOOONTTTT. This man is setting off my daddy issues.

I'm alright with this chapter, it's not my favourite but also not chapter four, and nothing
could be worse than chapter four. Lately I've been thinking back to the the first dozen or
so chapter AND THEY WERE SO BAD. Why are you guys still here? how did you not
get sick of me istg.

Anyways next chapter will be out on Friday or Saturday!

Eat and drink well!

Emme <3
 Letters From Hell
Chapter Summary

We see Barty and Evans reactions to Regulus running away. Barty gets into a fight with
his father, as Evan gets tormented by his sisters. They both speak to people who they
never thought they would, who are they?

Chapter Notes

"And I never minded being on my own, then something broke in me and I wanted to go
home." Wish that you were here - Florence and the Machine

_____________________

TW:
Argument: "Barty sat in the arm chair that was beside his fathers." - "They looked at
each other for a moment."
Attempted drowning (Not really but kinda): "His resistance didn’t make it very far." -
"At some point he must have lost consciousness."

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Barty looked down at the note, three words that changed everything that they knew, changed
how everything would be.

Reg has left.

-Evan

He didn’t know how to feel, didn’t know how to react. Something that he had been hoping
would happen, has happened, but why? Evan and Regulus had been adamant on not running
away, he knew they wanted too, but they always told him that they couldn’t. What had made
Regulus change his mind?
No matter how many times he replayed it in his head over and over again he didn’t come to a
different conclusion, Regulus had to have been injured and severely at that. Where had he
gone? Was he out on the streets of Muggle London waiting to be saved? Was he with his
brother, at Potter’s house? A variety of questions circled through his mind, where’s, why’s,
who’s and when’s. When had Regulus left? Barty didn’t know when this message had been
sent, never mind when Evan had even heard the news, it could have been last week, or even
the week before that.

Finally another outcome pictured itself in his head, Regulus had been given the Dark mark. If
that was true it meant that he wasn't safe, anywhere he went he would be found, no one
would be able to save him. Unless… unless someone were to put a stasis charm on it, but he’s
not even sure if that would work. It could, in theory, but there’s nothing stopping The Dark
Lord from making that impossible, he’s powerful enough to do it.

Regulus was fifteen, Evan was fifteen, he was fifteen.

Just as predicted Barty’s father hadn’t talked to him, hadn’t looked at him and certainly
hadn’t acknowledged him. He didn’t even come and pick Barty up, just left him to walk the
streets of London on his own, it was one of the only times he was happy to not have a pet,
and most of his items were left back at Hogwarts, so it wasn't the most embarrassing
experience , but it was still bad.

For the first time, in a really long time, Barty cried himself to sleep on his first night back. It
was so easy to pretend he didn’t care when he was away, it was easy to pretend like losing
both of his parents didn’t affect him, but when he was alone? That was when it got hard.
Maybe the thing that hurt most was that he wasn't alone, he had a dad in the other room who
just didn’t want him, didn’t love him. His father was perfectly capable of loving someone, if
he had read his mothers letters right, he just didn’t want to love Barty.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek and watched as it slipped down onto the paper, then he saw
another wet the page, and then another, and another, and another, and then they weren’t
singular tears anymore, because he was crying into the paper. Trying to receive as much
comfort from Evans writing as possible, as if it was a sentient being who could rub his back
and tell him everything was going to be alright. But it couldn’t do that and no one would do
that, at least not in this house.
Often he found himself reverting back to his old way of thinking, back to calling himself a
murderer. Had he ever stopped? Probably not, but it had gone from a small buzzing in the
back of his head to screaming down his ear like a banshee. Evan would say that he was
stupid, would say that there was no way a baby could have killed someone. Regulus would
laugh and call him egotistical for thinking he’d be that strong as a baby, then he would
comfort him when the night came.

Regulus wouldn’t be able to do that anymore would he?

Regulus wasn't going to be Regulus anymore, Regulus was gone and he had left Evan behind,
left him behind. He was selfish, cruel, ignorant, a down right awful human being, but he was
Regulus and Barty loved him like a brother. Because he was sweet and caring, it took you a
while to get under his cold disguise but once you did he would never let you go. He would
love you with all he had and you would never be able to leave unless death were to tear you
apart.

No he didn’t love him like a brother, Regulus was his brother, and he would die before he
allowed anyone to deny that.

His dad would deny that, if he talked to him, which was unlikely. Merlin how had everything
gone so wrong, he’d never even had a chance to make everything right before it went to shit,
he hadn’t had a chance to live. Barty had been a baby, he hadn’t meant to kill his mother, he
missed her just as much as his dad, why couldn’t he see that? Barty just wanted a dad, he
wanted his dad.

For some reason he stood up, for some reason, that even in ten years he wouldn’t be able to
describe, he threw the piece of paper away. For some reason Barty stormed out of his room,
wiping his eyes dry, and into the living room where his father sat reading The Daily Profit
while drinking a bottle of fire whiskey slowly. He didn’t drink as much as he used to, but he
had never stopped, not really.

Barty sat in the arm chair that was beside his fathers, watched as there was no reaction from
the man, and snatched up the bottle before he could take another drawn out sip. Again
nothing came out of the man and that infuriated Barty even more. This was underage
drinking, how could he not care? He was the fucking head of law enforcement, this was a law
that was being broken. Why didn’t he care?
“Regulus ran away.” Barty said as he pulled away the glass bottle, nothing. “You knew that
already didn’t you?” Something, please just something. “He could be injured, really fucking
injured.” Regulus could be dead. “You’ll have to talk to him, won’t you? With you being
head of law and all.” He probably wouldn’t work on the case, but he probably knows about it.

Bartemius didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything. Of course he didn’t do
anything. “I don’t like you, and I don’t think you like me either.” Barty could feel the tears
from earlier start to pool in his eyes once more, and he found himself questioning if they had
ever left. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

Yes you do, he imagined his father would respond. Can you believe that? He has to imagine
the responses from someone in the same room as him. “Just talk to me…dad please.” Barty
begged in a way he never thought he would, with desperation he never though his voice
could portray. “Just talk, do something, please I can’t take this anymore.” In all honesty he
was losing his mind, sometimes it was like both of his parents had died that day and he had
just been hallucinating his father.

“You’ve done it to punish me, I understand that.” No he didn’t, he didn’t understand it, didn’t
understand why the Headlines were more important than his son having a breakdown. “I’m
hurt, just like you wanted okay? You’ve succeeded, you can stop now.”

“Just fucking talk!” He snapped jumping forward in his seat and throwing the bottle at the
wall, and there was still no response, none at all, nothing. “Talk to me please! Say anything!
Something please!” Barty heard his voice break in the middle of his plea and he felt like a kid
begging their dad to buy them sweets from the sweet shop, Barty had never experienced that
before.

“Hit me! Dad just do something!” The paper must have been full of the most interesting
things, Barty though he should read it after this. “You’ve won! I’m fucking done! I can’t do
this anymore, I can’t do it, please dad I can’t-“ A sob broke off the final part of his sentence,
a sob that had been hiding in his throat since he had started speaking.

Barty could feel his hands shaking and his throat swelling, as a headache began brewing.
“I’m tired, I’m so tired, I don’t know what I did to deserve this…” ‘You killed her, it was you
who killed her’ His dads voice rang through his head. “Da-ad, p-please.”
There was movement and for a second, a foolish second he felt hope, like things were
changing, but then all his father did was lick his thumb as he turned the page. “Oh for fucks
sake! Stop it! Stop it now!”

“I’m losing my mind and it’s all your fault!” Barty yelled at the man. “All of this is all your
fault! All of it! Do you hear me?” Did he? Did his dad hear him? Or was he talking to no one,
was he talking to himself? “You know I went to Hogwarts thinking I was a murderer. A-and
that was all you, not me.”

“I mean how hard is it to be nice? How hard is it to fucking love someone?” Barty snatched
the paper out of his fathers hands, he needed something, but his hands just moved to the
armrests and he began looking out the window. “I need you to know, that I could have made
so much effort to love you. I need you to know I am capable of doing that. I just chose to not
with you.”

Was he capable of love? Or was he only capable of killing people? “I’m your son!” He
screamed standing up abruptly and moving in front of his father. “I’m your fucking son, talk
to me!”

Nothing, a word that he must have repeated in his mind a hundred times by now, his father
showed nothing. “I hope you know, that she would have hated you.” And finally, he got a
response, finally his dad looked at him, finally there was emotion.

“Don’t you dare speak about her, you have no right!” Bartemius yelled as he stood up
towering over his son, or was he? Maybe it was fear, the camera adds ten pounds but for
Merlins sake fear added eighty feet. “You have a good life, and it’s nothing you should be
unhappy about!”

“My life with you is awful!” Barty shouted back. “I hate my life here, I hate your stupid
alcohol, and your stupid newspaper and most of all I hate you!” He took a step back after
saying that and let out a breathy sob, that wasn't true. No matter how much he wanted it to be
Barty loved him, he loved him so much.
“Well good!” His dad took a step forward, ruining the progress Barty had made in getting
away. “Because I hate you, and I have hated you ever since you killed my wife!”

“I didn’t fucking kill her! I was a child! I am a child!” Barty wanted to go home, all he
wanted to do was go home. His dad seemed to be taken aback by that, he seemed to not know
how to take that. Like something so painfully obvious had never been pointed out to him
before. “All I’ve ever wanted… all I’ve done for you… was because I wanted you to feel
something towards me…”

They looked at each other for a moment before Barty decided he didn’t want to stay any
longer and left the room to his own, slamming the door behind him. He didn’t know how he
felt, this was what he had wanted, this is all he has ever wanted since first year, but… it
wasn't at the same time, It was so much different.

That night he fell asleep without disturbance, and again he found himself wishing his father
hadn’t left it like that. Barty wished that there was a quiet knock at the door, he wished that
his dad would have walked in quietly and sat down at the bed, that he would have apologised
profusely. Barty liked to imagine that he would tell him that he wasn't forgiven, and that he
never would be. Realistically though, he knew that his walls would crumble the minute he
did, even if it was highly unlikely.

___________________________

Evan woke up quickly as he felt something latch on to his ankles, he was dragged out of bed
and once his body hit the hard wood floor he became more aware of things. He realised that
there was something covering his eyes and someone pulling him. Instantly he started to
struggle against the hold and he heard an all familiar voice whisper to another. “Shit Cecily,
get his arms.”

It was his sisters and Evan started to fight against them even more as he felt arms push
themselves underneath his own and he was lifted off of the floor. “Let me go! Cecily!
Everly!” Suddenly he heard a door open and then Evan felt the harsh freeze of winter hit his
body, and he instantly knew what they were doing. “Stop it!”
“Shut up.” Cecily hissed as she gripped harder, it felt like if she tightened her fists anymore
then his ankles might have crushed under the pressure.

His resistance didn’t make it very far and before he even had a chance to plead with them
once more he felt his legs being let go, and in a moment of foolishness he let himself believe
he was safe. Then his head was thrown into the icy water of their garden pond. Instantly it
flowed through his hair and started dripping down his neck and onto his clothes. Stupidly
Evan sucked in a breath and allowed the ice to enter his mouth and go straight to his lungs.

Evan tried to lift his head up but was now only feeling the hands keeping him down, the hold
on his head stopping him from breathing. He quickly started to panic and he was aware that
from the surface he probably looked like a flailing idiot. Water flowed through him and he
felt as if he was a second away from unconsciousness, then the hand pushing down on his
head grasped onto his hair painfully and pulled Evan up.

Cecily and Everly were laughing hysterically as if almost killing their little brother was the
funniest experience of their lives. “Did you have a nice swim?” Cecily spat into his face.
Evan felt like he could cry, it was hard for him to deal with confrontation, and his sisters had
definitely been the main reason behind that. Sometimes he imagined fighting back, but he
knew it was useless.

Instead he sat there, soaked, staring at the two of them with wide eyes and long drown out
breaths. “You know…” Everly trailed off. “Your friend Regulus ran away.” What. “And we
think you had something to do with it.”

Evan felt his whole world collapse around him as he tried understand everything they had
said. Regulus had run away? Why had he ran away? Was he injured? A million questions
swarmed into his head, and he could feel himself start to hyperventilate as everything became
too much. “Aww look, are you sad he didn’t come to save you too?” Cecily teased, her grip
on his hair getting tighter. “Do you want to run away as well Evan?”

Yes.

“What? No-“
“I think he does cissy.” Everly answered for him and that’s when he knew that they didn’t
actually care about his answer, either way he would be tormented. “That’s the cowards
move.”

“And you know what we do with cowards?” No, he didn’t want to go back under, he didn’t
want to go. He didn’t want to die.

“Wait- no, no, no, no!” Evan screamed the last one as his head was shoved under the water
once more and he began to struggle against her. Of course, as he was almost free, hands
grabbed onto his arm and held him down again.

He was panicking, a lot, because they were letting go this time and he felt like he was about
to pass out. Regulus was gone, he had ran away, he had left Evan behind. They weren’t
letting go, he needed them to let go. How could he do that to Evan, it was supposed to be
them against their families, that’s how it always was. It was getting harder to hold his breath,
his mouth was starting to pry itself open and his nose was beginning to burn. How injured
was he to have had to resort to something so final?

At some point he must have lost consciousness because one second he was thinking about
Regulus and the next he was laying beside the pond. The sky was blue and he was almost as
cold as its colour, there was snow surrounding him and Evan swore he could feel some ice
beginning to form under his chin. Rubbing it away he sat up slowly and looked around, his
pyjamas were now wet and his hands shook violently, they had taken an almost purple colour.

Evan stood up at a much slower pace than he would’ve liked, it felt like there was knives
stabbing him all over his body and all he wanted to do was go inside and hide in his room
forever. Trudging through the snow which was easier because, in what was possibly his only
bit of luck, it wasn't too deep. When he opened the door that led into the conservatory he
noticed that his mother was sat there with his father having tea. Both of their heads snapped
over to him as soon as he opened it loudly.

Rather than asking him what happened or pestering him with worry. Rather than acting like
most parents would they watched as he moved past them with sharp eyes and condescending
features adoring his mothers face. Evan didn’t let her bother him, not while he left the room,
not while he went down to hallway, not while he changed into new pyjamas, but he did once
his covers were over him.
It started off small, just a few stray tears escaping his eyes as he looked up to his ceiling,
tracing the small imperfections that lay across it. Then their speed became more rapid and his
hand clutched around his bed sheets, trying to get as much comfort from them as possible,
trying to get anything. Evan turned around on to his side as he began to sob quietly into his
pillow, the few vocal sounds he made being drowned out by it.

This wasn't fair, why did he deserve to be treated like this? What had he done to be so
horribly punished, he wanted answers, needed them.

It was just him now, there was no way his parents would allow him to speak to Barty and
Regulus after this, he will probably be moved into another dorm. Nothing was going to be the
same again, everything was changing and he couldn't take it, he didn’t want it to change.
Evan liked the way things were, he could deal with his sisters when he knew that returning to
Hogwarts was just around the corner, but now he wasn't excited, because now he was alone.

Did the girls know? Did Barty? How had they reacted, were they also as worried, as angry?
Or was Evan selfish, was he being an awful person by blaming Regulus for this? The answer
is yes, yes he was but he couldn’t help it. Except Regulus didn’t have another choice, there
was no way he would’ve done it if he did.

A pop sound interrupted his thoughts just a bit away from him and he sat up quickly, instantly
wiping his eyes. One of the house elves stood there with an almost nervous demeanour to
them. “The Young Master has a visitor.” It told him.

That was strange, he hadn’t been aware of anyone coming around, he cleared his throat
before answering. “Who is it?”

“Young Master Avery sir.” The elf replied before leaving as speedily as it had arrived. What
did Avery want with him?

Sighing as he wiped his eyes one last time and swinging legs over the edge of the bed. His
body was cold, and he was still shaking slightly. Evan had expected Avery to wait
downstairs, which is what most guests did but then there was a knock at the door.
Realistically he knew that it was him but no one could deny the slight worry in his eyes at the
chance that it might be his sisters. “Come in.”

The door opened slowly and in walked Avery. Shutting the door behind him he didn’t walk
very far from it, maybe a metre at most. “Rosier.” The older boy addressed as if he wasn't the
guest, before seeming to remember a few moments later. “How are you?”

“Fine.” Evan said plainly as he watched him with a suspicious look. “What do you want.”
Taking in his appearance, Avery didn’t look very good. His eyes had bags that hadn’t been
there before, there was a bruise present on the point of his jaw and a slight messiness to his
hair.

“Oh um…” Avery shuffled awkwardly, it almost made Evan forget that he was the younger
one, not him. “Look, it’s about Black.”

That caught his attention almost immediately and he stood up quickly. “What about
Regulus?”

Avery put his hands up slightly in a defensive position. “Woah, calm down… or don’t.” He
changed his answer at Evans unimpressed look. “I was there… when he er… ran away.”

“Do you want a gold medal or something?” He asked even though he shouldn’t be so hostile
to someone who could possibly know a lot about Regulus’ health right now.

“Merlin what is it with you fifth years?” Avery whispered to himself. “I actually would…
you know considering, I helped him?”

Despite the pain that still remained on his legs Evan burst forward instantly drawing his wand
up to the others neck. “What do you mean, you helped him.”

Avery took in a sharp breath as he looked at him with eyes that were wider than they had
been before. “I mean, that your buddy is out because of me, and if you want to know more
you’ll put that wand down.”

Evan thought about his options for a moment before lowering his wand and walking back
over to his bed, not sitting down yet. “What do you know?”

“A lot.” Avery stated, moving closer to the bed, but only by a small amount. “What do you
want to know?”

Everything, he found himself almost saying, but decided that he probably wouldn’t get an
answer to that. “Is he okay? Injured?”

“Yeah,” He sighed and Evan felt his heart stop for a brief moment. “Three lacerations, none
fatal from what I could see, they’ll definitely scar though.” That was fine… that was fine. “I
split away from him after a while so I don’t know exactly.”

It wasn't the best, but it wasn't the absolute worst. So why did Regulus run away? There was
an answer sitting in the back of his head, one he didn’t want to accept, didn’t want to ask.
Sitting down on to his bed and leaning into his hands. “Did he get the mark?”

Avery paused, and that was when Evan knew. That was when he knew that this wasn't
Regulus’ fault, that was when any blame that had lingered in his body left. “Yeah… yeah he
did.” In a moment of weakness he allowed a tear to slip, he had never quite mastered the
Pureblood mask, not like Regulus or his sisters. “He fought back…with everything he had.”

Another one slipped down and he found himself smiling slightly, in a fond manner, one that
he had reserved only for Regulus and Barty. “I know…” Evans voice broke slightly. “I
know.”

“He spat in The Dark Lords face.” Avery told him and Evan choked out a stuffy laugh,
because of course Regulus would spit into a mass murderers face, it would be stupid to think
anything else of him.
Evan blew out a breath as he cleared his throat. “So if you helped him… what happened to
you?”

That was when Avery’s demeanour seemed to change, when his eyes became more glossed
over and his Adams apple bobbed from where it was visible in his throat. “At a point, he uh-
He told me to leave him.” The older began to explain. “I was hesitant at first, I mean he could
barely stand on his own.” Evan felt his heart break slightly at the idea of his best friend
limping to safety while being chased.

“But he um… yeah he was stubborn.” That was definitely one word you could use to
describe Regulus. “So I brought him to a tree, then ran in the opposite direction.” He cut
himself off for a moment. “They found me after a bit, so I improvised and said that he had
put me under the imperious curse, which they bought.”

Avery sighed and looked away for a second, as if waiting for someone to come in and explain
it for him. “Then they brought me to… him. He wasn't as forgiving.”

“He didn’t believe you?” Evan interjected.

“No, no he did. He just didn’t forgive me for being weak.” He elaborated and it didn’t take
much for Evan to fill in the gaps himself. He had been put under the cruciartus curse.

“Oh Merlin… Avery I’m so sorry-“

“Don’t” He interrupted quickly, a faint line of tears gathering in his eyes. “Just… don’t.”

_____________________________

Most mornings at home Barty woke up feeling empty, like there was nothing inside of him
and he was just a lifeless corpse being controlled by someone else. This morning was
different however, this time it felt like his lungs had been filled with a heavy substance that
left them feeling heavy. This morning his eyes were puffy and his nose was slightly blocked,
he felt like he had been through everything as well as nothing at the same time.

Shock was one thing, losing your breath and not knowing how to speak. The after was
something much more worse, the after left you with unanswered questions, with paranoia
someone wouldn’t even be able to imagine in their worst nightmare. In the aftermath of
shock you are alone. And if there was one things to describe Barty right now, it would be
alone.

Just as Barty had thought, his father hadn’t made an appearance that night. There was no
subtle knock at the door, or an emotional apologies, there was nothing. At some point in his
life Barty realised that he should have been used to this, before the beatings stopped he used
to imagine an apology. Even now, he still refuses to believe that it may never come, that it
will be like this forever.

Suddenly his door opened and he flung himself up into a sitting position. “Merlins sake! have
you ever heard of knocking?”

It was weird that for a moment he forgot about what had happened, like it was like a normal
son and father interaction. Then he did remember at that ruined the moment. “I’m going to
work.”

Why was he telling him this? Usually he left without a single word. “Okay…? Full offence, I
don’t really care”

Bartemius shifted slightly, and he means slightly. You wouldn’t have noticed it if you were
only new to his fathers mannerisms. “I’m going too see Regulus Black.”

Now that, made Barty care. “What, why?”

“Mainly because it’s such a big issue,” His dad began explaining. “Also I owe the Potters and
they asked for my help.”
“What did you do to owe the Potters?” From what he knew they never interacted, so hearing
that his father owed them something was certainly strange.

“That’s none of your business.” He stated, and this felt more like what Barty was used too.

Then he realised what his dad was doing, or at least trying to do. “Are you serious? You’re
just holding this in front of me like I’m some dog?”

“What? No, I’m asking if you wanted to come.” He finally elaborated.

Barty felt his eyes widen and some sort of excitement start brewing inside of his heart. “Yes!
Of course I do!”

“Get dressed then.” His father told him as he left the room shutting the door. Barty looked
down at his body and noticed that he must have taken his top off at some point in the night.
He brought his hands to his body as if to cover it even though there was no one in the room.

Quickly he got up from his bed and looked around for a hoodie to wear, after a bit of looking
through his drawers found a plain black one and picked it out. Then he grabbed a pair of
trousers and pulled them on, almost slipping in the process as he tried to walk at the same
time. Barty slipped on his shoes and exited his room, in what was probably the most
unflattering way.

Luckily for him his dad wasn't in the living room so he didn’t see his son literally fall out of
the bedroom. He was excited, could you blame him? This was the first time he was seeing
Regulus in two weeks, not to mention he’d ran away in that time, so Barty feels that he’s at
least a bit justified in this.

It took about five minutes for his father to emerge from wherever he had been, they didn’t
share any words until the two of them got prepared to use the floo. “I don’t forgive you.”
“I know.” He said curtly, but Barty hoped that on the inside he was feeling an unimaginable
amount of pain. Oh how he hoped his father would go to sleep with tears staining his pillow
and regret engraining itself into his mind. “You can go first.”

“How nice of you.” Barty replied sarcastically as he walked forward and took some floo
powder in his fist. Stepping into the fireplace, he shouted out his destination, threw down the
powder and felt himself travel.

Going by floo definitely wasn't his favourite way to move from place to place, it left an ashy
taste in your mouth for a bit and it was harder to recover from than apparating was. Barty
watched as the smoke around him faded to show a fireplace that wasn't his own, he stumbled
out of it as he coughed into the inside of his elbow.

“Barty?” A familiar voice called out and he finally opened his eyes to reveal Regulus fucking
Black standing right before him. His eyes were wide and mouth agape, but a slight curve
towards the end of it hinting at a smile that was trying to escape.

“Regulus…” He breathed out and he moved forward as Regulus did the same, meeting in the
middle as they hugged each other tightly. He was okay, Regulus was okay, and he couldn’t be
happier. Faintly he heard his father come in behind him as well as others acknowledge their
arrival but he didn’t care, because to him the two of them were the only people in the world.
“You’re okay?”

“I’m okay.” Regulus whispered back and Barty pulled away as if to access if his words were
true. There was a cut that had almost completely healed at his hairline and he was leaning
heavily on to one side more than the other. Dark circles underlined his eyes, and Barty felt a
twist in his chest. “Why- How are you here?”

“Don’t ask, believe me it is a very long story.” He laughed out and the other smiled at him. It
was then that Barty decided to look at who else was in the room, Regulus’ brother was there
as well as Lupin and Pettigrew. A man was talking to his father and he could only assume
that it was Mr Potter, and on the topic of them, James Potter stood a bit behind Regulus.

“It always is with you isn’t it?” He sighed.

Barty winked at him. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Sorry I hate to put an end to this,” Mr Potter, or who he assumed to be, interrupted. “But me
and Mr Crouch have some things we must talk about, do you boys mind going upstairs?”

“No not at all.” Regulus responded and without warning he began to walk leaving Barty no
choice but to follow, noticing how the older boys were only a few metres behind.

They walked out of the room and into a hallway, Barty took note of the almost subtle
vibrance to the house. It was one of those houses that just radiated warmth, if that made
sense. While they made their way up the stairs he saw a variety of family portraits, and
funnily enough they all included Regulus’ brother, despite a few baby pictures of James.

Finally they made their way into a bedroom, which he assumed was Regulus’. It was quite
plain, and probably smaller than what Regulus was used to, but either way it was a pretty
nice room

“So…” Barty trailed off as he sat down on the chair that was seated at a desk. “Do you wanna
tell me what happened, or…?”

“Well,” Regulus started to explain and he focused on his words attentively. He told him about
how he had been briefly engaged to someone twenty years older than him, even though The
Profit had already spoiled that part for him. About how he had been dragged from his bed in
the middle of the night and thrown into a Death Eater meeting, with no idea what to do or
how to act. Barty listened to him as he began to describe how he was bound to a chair and
forced to take the mark as everyone else laughed.

That was what got him, that was what made his lungs stop working and his heart stop
beating. The idea of Regulus screaming for them to stop while people got some sick sense of
enjoyment out of his misery, his pain. Regulus didn’t deserve it, not at all. If there was one
person on the world who wouldn’t deserve something like that, it was him.

He told Barty that Avery had aided in the escape, that Avery was the one that helped him out
of The Manner and in to the woods. Someone they had spent years mocking, someone who
had spent years mocking them, had saved Regulus.

When he said that he hadn’t known if he would survive, when Regulus admitted that once he
split away from Avery he was scared. Was when the first tear slipped out of his eye. A tear of
guilt, that’s what it was. He felt guilty. “I’m so sorry Reg, I’m so sorry I wasn't there.”

Regulus smiled sadly at him, or was it sympathy, Barty couldn’t tell and he wasn't sure if he
wanted to be able to. “It’s okay, I don’t blame you.”

You should, he thought. Regulus should blame everyone. He should be mad, he should be
angry, he should be struggling to not fucking punch someone. And he would have every right
to do so.

“I don’t-“ A stiffness in his voice box that Barty hadn’t realised was there cut him off, he
leaned forward and put his head into his hands. Almost as if he was crying, because he was.
Not in a violent or loud manner, just quiet tears rolling down his face one after another.

“Hey,” Regulus said softly as Barty could hear him come closer. “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay.”
He quietly told him and bent down in front of him. “I’m okay.” It wasn't okay, none of it was
okay, but Regulus was and he was happy, or seemed to be. It was strange and he definitely
shouldn’t be but he was, and that made him feel the same.

Barty removed his face from his hands and looked up at his friend. “You should be mad,” He
whispered. “So mad.”

“I know…”

“Then why aren’t you?”

“Because I know everything will work out in the end.”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

Very heavy chapter, so how are we feeling?

Barty's stuff had me SOBBING

Wow look at me posting FOUR times in one week, that's cool and all for you guys but
just embarrassing for me. Guys I promise I have friends who I've been hanging out with
I'm just a little night owl.

A lot of you may be thinking 'Hey these PUREBLOODS have a lot of muggle clothing,
what's going on with that?' I REFUSE to write the word robes, do you know how much
that would ruin the sad vibe? Imagine of James gave Regulus his robes to borrow, like
what?!!!!

Fun fact, while I'm writing I get all these thoughts about what I want to put as the end
notes, but then I forget so I've just started writing them down into my notes app.

BARTY AND REGULUS REUNION DDDD:

that shit was so sad to me for no reason.

Oh my god, what will happen to Evan ????????

By the way, Avery may be getting a redemption arc, BUT BARTEMIUS SR DOES
NOT MAKE THE CUT. That man can die a bad person.

Never though I'd say this but, poor Avery :(((

I'm swinging between two people I want end up as Peters eventual love interest, idk I
might do a poll on it.

Anyways thank you for reading once ore it really means a lot! Next chapter will be up
on Monday!

Eat what you want, drink what you want because you deserve it!

Emme <3
 Betrayal
Chapter Summary

Sirius stays up late with Regulus while he is sick and tells him about a story from their
childhood. James and Regulus make pasta. We see another perspective of Regulus and
Barty's reunion. James and Regulus have a lovely morning together, or so they think.

Chapter Notes

"Who will dry your eyes, when it falls apart?" Space song - Beach house

___________________

TW:
Emmetaphopia: "Four days before." - "A faint smirk adorned his lips."
Argument (Like a rlly bad one): “What, the actual, fuck.” - The end of the chapter.
Subtle Violence: "Knew that the tether had ripped." - "It was only when he heard the
door slam."
(I'll give a summary of the argument in the end notes!)

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sirius had fought with Regulus many times, they had been brutal and harsh, but in the end
they always made up. The fights when they were young had been about silly things, such as
who got a toy or who did what. Nothing that important or life effecting, but when they grew
older they became more meaningful, more defining. Arguments on who was at fault for what
had happened Grimmauld Place, or even back to first year for Regulus’ sorting.

A lot of these arguments derived from immaturity and misunderstanding, and he’s willing to
admit that a lot of that came from him. Regulus was aware of a lot of things, stuff someone
has age shouldn’t be. He was the kind to bring out existential questions, to think in-between
the lines. Regulus was the kind of person to be morally grey, and rather than see the world as
black and white he saw it as one monochromatic colour.
He remembers one night they had stayed up talking, a time when this would have been
uncommon. Regulus admitted to him that unlike most people who saw the world the way he
did, he believed there was colour. Colour in a way most wouldn’t think. He told Sirius that he
thought the colour depended on the person, that how you would see the world was a fact
derived from past experiences.

Regulus told him that often he thought he saw the world in a faded blue, that everything to
him seemed clearer than everyone else. Sirius thought that it fit him, his brother was always
the calmer out of them both, even past the mask he was forced to wear. As he continued
elaborating he spoke of how it often reminded him of the world collapsing in on itself. Rather
than thinking of how he would survive through these existential situations, Regulus thought
about how he prevent himself living through them.

Most of the time this was finding a solution to stop it, looking for an answer to solve it before
whatever that ‘it’ was, happened. Although he admitted that briefly, in cases where he
couldn’t see a way out, couldn’t see an end. He thought about the easiest way to end his life,
the right time, and the right place. Sirius would’ve liked to say that he was surprised,
shocked, outraged that his brother might even think of doing that. Except he wasn’t, because
as per usual Regulus explained his reasonings efficiently and in a manner that made him
understand

That night he though a lot about it, thought about how he saw the world and how others
around him might as well. If Sirius were to lie, he would say that he saw the world in a purple
undertone. That he looked at everyone with a bit of compassion no matter where they came
from, that in hard situations he came up with a creative outcome to solve everything.

Except he realised it wasn’t true, Sirius didn’t look at the world like that. He didn’t trust
people instantly, didn’t see the good in people before the worst, because in reality he trusted
only a few people. Everyday he fought with himself on if he should even trust them, the
voice whispering into his ears that eventually they would leave him, that they didn’t really
like him. Once he learnt this Sirius accepted that, despite his brothers words, he did see the
world in grey.

Someone he knew didn’t feel the same was James. Sirius imagined that he would see the
world in a variety of colours, because despite the amount of people on the planet James
Potter would forever be unapologetically unique.
Which is why he should’ve expected this, why he should have known James wouldn’t just go
for an easy relationship, he would go for a hard one. Merlin he should have known that this
would happen and looking back on the past he saw so many signs that he had turned a blind
eye too. In his grey world there was one flaw, the inability to see a change, and even though
that has kept him safe time and time again, it has seemed to fail him. In actuality, it wasn't the
first time either, but this would be the time that opened his eyes to how unsafe his grey world
really was.

_________________________

Four days before…

He watched as his brother heaved into the toilet bowl with Sirius holding his hair back. Effie
had assured them all that this was just Regulus not being able to handle food and nothing
else. Which while it wasn't good, was better than his infection being serious. Speaking of that
they had been lucky, they were able to get rid of it with a few healing spells and the only
thing they had to do was keep it clean.

Sirius was worried still, even if he knew that there was nothing to be worried about logically.
They had wards around the house that stopped anyone from getting in, Regulus’ wounds
weren’t fatal and he was healing from them nicely, the mark had been put into a stasis so it
was more of a scar at this point rather than what it had been and he had his brother right by
his side.

A lot of ‘if’s’ entered his mind on a constant loop, varying from ‘what if he hadn’t of
escaped’ to ‘what if I had have stayed’. Eventually Sirius spoke to Effie about it who told
him that while these thoughts were perfectly normal and that he had a right to have them, he
shouldn’t. She told him that even though things might have gone differently if he had done
something else, it didn’t matter because he hadn’t and that this is what we have. As he looked
at his brother he found himself accepting it, because as long as Regulus was here then
nothing else really mattered.

He found himself being extremely grateful for the nap he had taken the day before, rather
than thirty minutes it had been a little over five hours. Afterwards he couldn’t find it in
himself to be mad however, because it was only then that he realised how much he’d needed
it. Again guilt returned, and he doubted it ever really left, as he saw how much Regulus’
condition had worsened. Despite Effie’s reassurance that he was, in fact, okay.

Now it was the middle of the night, four in the morning to be exact, and they were the only
ones awake. Regulus pushed away from the toilet and collapsed back into the wall, hoarse
breaths leaving his mouth. Sirius turned over and started brushing the hair from out of his
face and behind his ear, even though it didn’t do much due to the difficult length of it.
“Hey… hey do you think you’re done?”

Regulus opened his mouth to speak but a deep cough made it first, a cough which soon
transitioned into dry heaving as he leaned over the toilet once more. He hadn’t eaten much
that day anyways, and anything he had was long gone. Sirius rubbed his back in an attempt to
comfort his brother, whispering small comforts while he did it. Regulus stopped his gagging
and instead leaned his head on the cool porcelain, breathing heavily as a few stray tears fell
down the side of his face. “Okay… so not done?”

A faint smirk adorned his lips. “Shut…up.” He croaked out as he wiped his mouth with the
sleeve of his jumper. Sirius recognised it to be one of James’, he was glad that they were
getting along, he didn’t know what he would do if they didn’t.

Letting out a quiet laugh he moved closer. “Do you want to go back to bed?”

“Ouais…” Regulus sighed allowing Sirius to put his arm over his shoulder and one around
his waist. (Yeah)

Sirius helped him into his bed with only causing a little bit of pain, although it seemed like
Regulus was just in a constant state of it. His brother curled in on himself almost instantly as
he draped the duvet over him. “Is that alright?” Regulus nodded slightly into his pillow,
already half asleep. Sirius took that as a sign that it was okay for him to leave.

Standing up he was quickly stopped. “Non de pas, I don’t want to be alone.” (No don’t)

He felt his heart swell slightly as he slowly sat back down onto the edge of Regulus’ bed and
started to stroke a hand through his hair. “Okay Reg…I won’t.”
“Talk to me…” He mumbled.

Sirius let out an amused breath. “About what?”

“Anything.”

Thinking about it for a moment he finally decided on what to talk about. “Remember when
we first moved to England, like properly moved rather than just visiting?” Regulus shook his
head, and Sirius aught to have expected that since he’d only been eight.

A ten year old Sirius stood at the entrance of a fair ground with his Uncle on one side of him
and brother on the other, the eight year old holding his hand tightly. “Al? What is this
place?”

The man turned to look down at the much shorter boy. “This, My dear, is a fun fair.” Regulus
didn’t say anything but he sent his Uncle and brother an unimpressed side eye.

“What do you do?” Sirius asked with awe taking over his face.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Alphard led on. “Do you remember what I told you?”

“Yep!” Sirius said excitedly, barely able to keep still where he was standing. “No magic.”

The man smiled down at him. “That’s right, now come on.” He began leading the two boys
into the busy fair, keeping one eye on them the whole time.

Compared to his brother Regulus was extremely unenthusiastic, his arm was going through a
lot as Sirius jumped up and down excitedly.
Throughout the day both of the brothers went on many rides, and competed in a lot of
competitions. At some point Regulus even seemed to open his mind up to it and started to
have fun, especially when it came to the prize games. After only an hour Alphard had started
struggling to hold up all of the stuffed animals, there was ten in total all with a variety of size.

While on the roller coasters Sirius screamed like there was no tomorrow, and Regulus just sat
silently beside him with a terrified look on his face. Eyes blown wide, lips thin with tense and
eyebrows to the sky. Despite these being children’s rides and nothing compared to the ones
for adults, they still looked incredibly dangerous, especially because they’d never been on
them before. As the day started to come to a close and the sun started to set the boys and
their uncle walked over to one of the stalls so that the two could try cotton candy for the first
time.

The boys had been receiving weird looks all day, most likely due to their unlikely
appearances, grey eyes weren’t the most common eye colour. Also they were wearing more
high end clothing, not robes but it definitely wasn't stuff a normal muggle child would wear.
They should have expected a confrontation at some point, but when it came it was still a
surprise.

While they sat down with their cotton candy, which they had loved, their Uncle had left to go
to the bathroom after apologising profusely and telling them not to talk to anyone. “It’s quite
bright don’t you think?”

“What do you mean Reg?” Sirius asked as he mindlessly ate his food.

The other shrugged. “I don’t know, just seems unnecessary. I don’t think I’d like it at night.”

Sirius thought about it for a moment before nodding in agreement. “Me neither, the music is
weird as well.”

“Yeah.” Regulus took a bite of the cotton candy. “There was that one song earlier though.”
“What one?”

“You know the one where it was like…” He then proceeded to try and recreate the beat,
rather unsuccessfully. Regulus sighed at his brothers confused look. “It was like,” he made a
noise of annoyance. “You know something about together.”

After a few seconds a look of realisation came over his face. “Oh that come together one?”

“Yes!” The younger exclaimed. A few older kids started walking over to the pair, but went
unnoticed by them. “It’s been stuck in my head all day.”

“Oi!” One of them yelled but again they went ignored.

Sirius nodded. “Yeah it was good.”

“Hey!” Another said and finally the brothers looked away from each other and over to the
boys that were now in front of them.

“Uhh…” Sirius trailed off awkwardly. “Can we help you?”

They laughed at his accent. “Where are you from?” The person, who looked like the leader of
the group, spoke. Not with genuine curiosity, it was obvious that he was mocking him.

“…France…?” He gave them a weird look.

This also seemed to be stupidly funny because the group chorused with laughs once more.
“Well then why are you here?”
Regulus eyes moved between the two of them with an almost bored expression on his face as
he allowed Sirius to do all of the talking. “Because we live here? I’m sorry are you stupid?”

The other boy became angered by this as he began to mock Sirius’ accent. “ ‘Are you stupid’
Look he can’t even speak the language correctly.”

Through the unbreakable fire in Sirius’ eyes his brother recognised a slight bit of hurt,
perhaps embarrassment, peak through. “Têtes de bite.” He muttered to Regulus, who let out
a snort. (Dickheads)

“You’re in England,” The other snarled. “Speak English.”

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Or is it that you’re just too stupid?” He teased. “Guys I think he’s just too useless to
understand what we’re saying.” The group agreed while they laughed, and Regulus looked
over to his brother who had a slight hurt expression to his face. At that point he had enough
and stood up. “Ohoho look his little protector is here to save the day.”

Regulus walked closer to him. “Anglais racaille.” He said then kicked the boy right between
the legs, he fell to the ground and cried out in pain as Sirius stared with a shocked, but proud
expression as the edges of his mouth curled upwards. (English scum.)

“I remember after that Uncle Alphard was so mad, but then you just told him that he had said
not to use magic, but there was nothing about anything else.” Sirius reminisced fondly. When
he looked back down to his brother he noticed he was fast asleep. Pulling the covers over him
a bit more Sirius smiled at him.

“Night Reg.”

_______________________
Two days before…

Regulus was reading Pride and Prejudice as he sat in-between James’ legs, relaxing back into
his body and his head tiled slightly upwards as it rested on his shoulder. The past two days
had been rough, a lot of throwing up and coughing, but once he went to sleep and allowed the
medicine to do its work he felt a lot better. His wounds were almost completely closed and he
no longer had to limp. Sirius had even cast a spell to cover bandages around his mark, and
Regulus hadn’t figured out how to break it yet, and he didn’t think he wanted too.

Speaking of his brother, Effie had finally gotten him out of the house. Since Regulus had
arrived he’d barely left his side, it got to a point where he was starting to feel incredibly
guilty. Then she asked him to come Christmas shopping and with much persuasion, as well as
Remus offering to also go, he caved. Peter was downstairs in the living room with Monty, he
thinks they’re playing a board game of some sort.

So that left the two of them with some alone time, finally. Look he loved Sirius, truly he did,
but it was only normal for siblings to get annoyed of each other, right? Between being sick,
and a worried brother, James and him hadn’t had a chance to really speak to each other, sure
they spoke, but not like how they wanted to.

“What time is it?” He asked angling his head up to James but not taking his eyes away from
the book.

“Uhh…” James trailed off and Regulus felt his neck shift as he looked for a clock. “Five
thirty-two, why?”

He shrugged in response. “When is your mum going to be back?”

“Not for a while I don’t think, she’s a hardcore Christmas shopper.” James told him and
Regulus laughed lightly. “Is something wrong?”
“Non, just a little hungry is all.” He replied shaking his head a little and finally looking at
James with a smile.

He kicked him slightly with his leg. “You should have said something you idiot.”

“I did.”

“When?”

“Just there now.”

James made a noise of complaint. “Well that doesn’t count, you didn’t tell me sooner.”

“But what’s the fun in that?” Regulus teased with a smirk.

The other was about to respond before a different idea seemed to enter his mind, for a few
seconds he seemed to think on it before speaking. “Hey do you know how to make pasta?”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “Do I look like I would know how to make pasta?”

“Hey, I don’t judge books by their covers.”

“You said this book looked boring because of the-“ Before he could finish his sentence James
had put a hand over his mouth.

Copying Regulus’ smirk from a few moments beforehand he looked down at his angered
face. “Not the point, anyways do you want to make- Did you just lick me?” He exclaimed
pulling his hand away from Regulus’ face.
“I would love to make pasta with you.” He said beaming innocently at the older, who stuck
his pinky into his mouth and then into Regulus’ ear. “You’re disgusting oh mon dieu!”
Instantly jumping over to the other side of the bed.

James laughed loudly as Regulus rubbed at his ear desperately trying to get the feeling out of
it. “You have to admit you deserved that.”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

“Please stop threatening that at any minor inconvenience.”

“Non, va te faire foutre.” Regulus made a point of not looking anywhere even close to his
direction as he stood up. (No fuck off)

Watching with an amused look in his eye James seemed to realise that Regulus was actually
walking to the door and sat up. “Oi get back here.”

At that Regulus quickened his pace and left the room, James immediately rushed out of the
room as he chased him down the stairs. “Non! Leave me alone!” He exclaimed.

When they got to the bottom of the stairs case he was able to get some speed on the other and
caught up to, wrapping his arms around him. Which would have been really cute if he hadn’t
also slipped and brought Regulus down as well. James let out a noise of shock before quickly
apologising with a hint of giggles mixed in. “I am so sorry, oh Merlin.”

Under his arm Regulus’ chest was vibrating while laughs escaped from him and he rolled
away from James. “It’s-“ His laughing cut him off. “It’s okay.” The sound of footsteps came
into earshot as Monty and Peter entered the foyer staring at them in shock.
After a few beats of silence Monty spoke. “What happened?” He asked with wide eyes and
furrowed eyebrows, but a smile along his lips.

“He,” Regulus pointed to James. “Body slammed me.”

“I didn’t body slam you!” He instantly went to his own defence as Peter had to hold on to the
banister to stop himself from falling down with hysterics.

“Merlin James…” Monty sighed fondly as he looked down at his son.

“I didn’t body slam him!”

“Yeah sure you didn’t.” Regulus replied starting to stand up, giving a hand out to him.

James rolled his eyes and took it. “Do you want food or not?”

“You’re hungry?” Monty interjected with a concerned look on his face.

Regulus shrugged as James responded for him. “I’m going to teach him how to make pasta.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Prongs-“

“It’s a brilliant idea!” James ignored Peters concerns. “Now leave with your negative energy,
chef Potter is in the house.”

Peter gave him an unimpressed look. “Chef Potter left the house an hour ago.”
“Piss off.” His smile dropped before gaining it back once more when he looked back to
Regulus. “Bon voyage!”

Regulus shook his head as he allowed James to take his hand and lead him away, the others
returning to the living room to finish their games. “That means safe travels.”

“Does it?”

“Yes James.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that. Wait how do you?”

“I know Italian, French, English and German.” Their Maman was an over achiever what
could he say? Regulus didn’t technically know German, but he could definitely hold a
conversation in it if he absolutely had too.

James’ features became shocked as his jaw dropped slightly. “Merlin… how did I not know
this?”

“I don’t know,” He said as they walked into the kitchen. “Never asked I suppose.”

The other let go of his hand as he walked over to the cabinets and bent down to open them.
“Can you get the flour?”

“Sure,” Regulus replied. “Where is it?”

He waved his hand in the general direction of it. “Should be in one of those cupboards.”
Regulus sighed as he started to open and close doors looking for it, finally when he got to the
fourth one he saw a medium sized bag of flour. “Got it.”

When he looked back over to James he had some weighing scales out on the counter and a
box of eggs. Walking back over to him with the flour he took it from him and placed it down
beside the other items. Then walked away from the counter and over to a stand in the corner,
which Regulus was only now noticing had a record player on top. “Great! Now time for fun.”

“Fun?”

James picked up an a large square item and sifted out a record, placing it into the record
player carefully and putting it on. After a second or two music began playing and he look
over to him with a grin. “Fun.” Regulus chuckled lightly as James came back over with a
slight dance to his step. “Are you ready to learn from the Master?”

“Well I don’t know about Master,” He teased. “But sure, teach me how to make pasta Chef
Potter.”

His smile was returned as James picked up the flour and started pouring it into the weighing
scales. “Okay so first we have to get this too,” He nodded towards the number. “500 grams.”

“Then once we get it to that,” James lifted the bowl off of the scales, and just dumped it on to
the counter? “The, even bigger, fun begins.”

“Merlin!” He exclaimed. “You’re mum will kill us, why did you do that?”

“No, no, no, that’s what you’re supposed to do.” James assured despite Regulus’ skeptical
look. Pushing away the scales he started to shape the flour pile into a well. “Do you know
how to separate yolks and whites?” Regulus shook his head. “Basically all you have to do is
this.”
He lifted down a cup from the cabinet just above him and took an egg from the box, cracking
it open he moved the yolk from one side to another while the whites fell into it. Then once all
of the whites were gone he put the yolk into the middle of the flour well. “Your turn.”

Regulus hesitated for a moment before lifting an egg of his own and did the same as James
had done only moments before. Cracking the egg on the side of the cup, shifting the yolk
from one hand to another and then poured it beside the last. “I did it.”

“Yeah! See isn’t this fun?”

“It’s alright.” He down played, putting on an uninterested look, but he could see that James
saw through it. They continued to do that until they had used all ten of the eggs in the box,
the well now filled with the yolks. “What do we do now?”

“So it gets a little messy,” Regulus sighed and rolled his eyes. “But, it’s only for a bit.”

“Bien,” He trailed off the end of the word. “What do I need to do?” (Fine)

“Just fold the flour into the yolks, like this.” He started to mix the two ingredients, and just as
he said it would, his hands got pretty messy. Once it became slightly firmer he removed his
hands and motioned for Regulus to try. “You go.”

“Okay…?” Bringing his hands down to the half-dough he began to fold it over itself. It was
actually surprisingly hard to do.

“No it’s more like this.” James brought his hands over Regulus’ as they began to kneed the
dough together. As usual, he seemed completely oblivious to the red blush he had caused to
fall over his cheeks.

Before stepping away James placed a kiss onto his cheek and didn’t even give it a second
thought quickly moving on to do something else. At that moment Regulus knew that he
would be willing to do anything to keep James by his side, even if it was making pasta from
scratch.

__________________________________

One day before…

It had been a pretty normal day, they woke up and ate breakfast, then cleaned up any mess
that was made before they sat in the living room. Peter was sat beside James as they had a
completely normal conversation if you ignored the way they kept kicking each others legs.
Remus was sitting on the arm chair closest to Regulus while they talked about a book and
Sirius was sat on the arm rest of said chair.

Over all it was a fairly normal day, Effie and Monty had told them that someone from the
ministry would be coming over to sort stuff out. So it wasn't the fact that someone came
through the floo that shocked them all, it was who. Barty Crouch Jr stepped out of the green
flames, coughing and attempting to blow the dust out of his face with a hand.

Regulus was instantly on his feet, there wasn't even a moment of recognition, it was like he
knew who it was without even thinking about it. “Barty?” He breathed out with his mouth
agape.

The other boys head flung around as he looked at him. “Regulus…” He whispered, barely
audibly, and before anyone could do anything, say anything they were in each others arms,
holding each other close. It was a hug Sirius had never seen before, not from Regulus. It was
a hug of pure relief, like that hug meant the world to the both of them. Crouch looked as if he
was seconds away from bursting into tears but at the same time he looked like he was at
peace for the first time in his life. “You’re okay?” He asked.

“I’m okay.” He confirmed and Crouch pulled away as if to check that Regulus’ words were in
fact true. His hands unwrapping themselves and instead going to his shoulder as his eyes
surveyed his body. “Why- How are you here?”
Crouch shook his head standing back from Regulus. “Don’t ask, it’s a very long story.”

“It always is with you, isn’t it?” His brother smiled fondly at the boy as Monty and Effie
entered the room to greet the other person Sirius hadn’t even realised was there.

Crouch winked at Regulus. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Fleamont suddenly spoke up. “I hate to interrupt, but could you boys give us the room?”

“Yeah, of course.” Regulus said motioning for Crouch to follow him out of the room, Remus,
James, Peter and himself did the same.

Sirius watched as he looked around the house as if he was inspecting it, who did he think he
was? He watched as they walked up the stairs and he watched as they walked into Regulus’
room shutting the door behind them. “Sirius please stop threatening to kill Reg’s friend with
your eyes.”

“I don’t trust him Moony.” He stated squinting his eyes slightly.

Peter rolled his eyes. “They’ve been friends since what, first year? I don’t think Crouch has
any plans to hurt him at this point.”

Sirius crossed his arms and huffed out a breath of air. “He could be really dedicated.”

“Are you seriously throwing a tantrum right now?”

“Shut up.”
“Cheer up Pads,” James put a hand onto his shoulder. “I seriously doubt Crouch has any
plans to hurt Regulus.”

After thinking about it for a moment he supposed they were right, six years was quite a long
time. “Still.”

“Still nothing.” Remus told him. “We can give them a bit of time to talk to each other, make
some tea, then we can go up if that makes you feel better.”

He could go for a cup of tea right now, Effie had bought fresh tea bags as well. “Yeah fine
alright.”

Peter turned over to James as they started walking to the kitchen “I’ve got a theory for you.”

“What?”

“I think Regulus is actually the older sibling-” Sirius whipped his head around and flipped
him off. “There’s my evidence.”

He slowed his pace so that he came beside Peter then wrapped his arm around his neck so
that he was in a head lock. “Who’s the older sibling now.”

“It’s still Regulus!” The other insisted even with his voice raspy.

“I have so much power right now Wormster, could kill you in a second-“ Sirius was cut off
by Peter kicking him in the shin and toppling to the floor.

“Oh yeah, look who has the power now asshole.” He smirked down at him and Sirius just
responded by flipping him off once more.
“Children,” Remus sighed helping him up. “I am surrounded by literal children.”

“Hey! I wasn’t apart of that.” James defended himself as they walked into the kitchen and he
hoisted himself up onto the counter.

“Yeah…” He trailed off the last part of the word. “But you were in their proximity and that’s
close enough for me.”

“So were you!”

“Doesn’t apply to me.”

“Why?”

“Just too good for that shit y’know?”

The four of them sat in the kitchen drinking their tea for another thirty or so minutes before
Sirius finally became too impatient and asked if it would be okay to go up now. Remus
agreed that they’d probably be okay now and the group went up to Regulus’ room. Knocking
on it he heard him call them in. “Just here to crash the Party.” Sirius said as he slumped down
on to the bed beside his brother. He noticed that Crouch’s eyes were slightly red as was his
nose. “What’s going on?”

“Drugs.” Regulus replied simply. “Like hard drugs.”

“Right…okay…” Sirius gave him a weird look then turned over to Crouch. “What’s with
you?”

His eyes went slightly wide at the acknowledgement, but quickly returned to how they had
been. “Regret.”
“About what?”

“This conversation.”

Sirius stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing. “I like you.”

“Glad someone does.” He mumbled but in a way that it was obvious he wanted everyone in
the room to hear.

“Merlin he’s just like you Moony!” Peter exclaimed.

“You can’t say that about any remotely sarcastic person Peter.” Remus told him.

“Me?” Crouch pointed to himself. “Sarcastic? Never.”

Sirius laughed out again and Regulus looked between the two of them skeptically. “I don’t
think I like this new… alliance…?”

“No one could take me away from you Reggie-poo.” Crouch cooed as he made kiss faces
over to him.

“Oh piss off.”

________________________________________
They’d gotten into some sort of a routine over the past day or two. Peter and Regulus would
switch rooms once everyone had gone to sleep and then they would wake up early so that
they could swap once more. It was nice to wake up to the warm sun and Regulus in his arms,
of course today was no exception.

James looked down at the sleeping boy with a soft smile adoring his features. Through the
night Regulus had moved one of his legs in-between James’, wrapped an arm around him and
placed his head onto his chest. Some time ago he had begun carding a hand through Regulus’
curls, gently so that he wouldn’t accidentally wake him up.

The colour had started returning to his face and his cheeks had a pink flush to them as they
were slightly squished up. While he stared down at him Regulus’ eyelashes began to flutter
as his eyelids opened slowly revealing the beautiful grey that lay beneath them. James could
feel as he stretched, his whole body tensing for a moment before he sunk back to where he
had been sat. “Morning,” James whispered as he kissed him on the top of his head. “Did you
sleep well?”

Regulus nodded his head. “Quais,” he said groggily, bringing a hand to his eye to wipe the
sleep away. “Did you?” (Yeah)

“Of Course, you were there.” He replied and chuckled when Regulus hit him lightly on his
chest. He sat up onto his elbows and James watched as the sun reflected elegantly into his
eyes, the way his curls framed his face, as if they’d been placed there and how his lips were
slightly pinker than usual. “Do I have something on my face?”

“No…” James breathed. “No, no of course not.” Then he laughed and James felt like he had
fallen in love all over again. “Merlin you’re beautiful…”

His eyes widened slightly as they moved over to him. “Come on now, you don’t mean that.”

“I’ve never meant something more in my life.” James declared and Regulus ducked his head
into his inner elbow to hide his growing smile, and blush. “Everyday I fall more and more in
love with you.”
Regulus uncovered his face and looked over to James with, what seemed to be, an
uncontrollable smile. “What happens when there’s nothing more to fall in love with?”

“Impossible.” He said as he leaned in to kiss him, as the other did the same. Their lips
brushed together briefly before Regulus closed the gap, bringing them together. For a
moment everything was perfect, for a moment James could imagine doing this every day for
the rest of his life, and then.

“What, the actual, fuck.” Instantly they broke apart and James snapped his head towards the
new voice while Regulus literally fell off of the bed.

Sirius stood there practically burning holes into James, not even sparing a glance over to his
brother. Everything felt like it was falling apart around him, like the fire in Sirius’ eyes was
taking everything down and slowly eating him alive. “S-Sirius! I can explain!” Regulus
began as he scrambled up to his feet.

Rather than the fire moving towards Regulus it seemed to drown out while looking at him,
even if the fury was still present on Sirius’ face. “Get, out.”

“No wait-“

“Regulus,” Sirius seethed as if he didn’t want to snap at him but was also having a hard time
not doing that exact thing. “Get out, now.”

Maybe it was the anger on his face, or the situation they were in or maybe it was the use of
Regulus’ full name. A name James hadn’t heard him use since first year, and even then that
was just to tell them all what his brothers name actually was. Either way Regulus spared a
sympathetic look over to him before he left the room quickly. Then the anger was solely
focused on James.

Standing up slowly as if he were any quicker Sirius would attack him, he began to talk
cautiously. “Sirius…”
Suddenly the flame was back and any of its relaxed nature had faded completely. “…James.”

It was probably better to get it all out before he blew up, maybe even stop him from doing
that “L-look I know you’re mad-“

“Oh you know I’m mad?” Sirius interrupted with a manic glare in his eyes and a smile on his
face that James knew was anything but friendly. “Really? Do I look it, I wonder why the fuck
I would be mad?”

“Sirius-“

“Could it be that… my best friend, or supposed best friend, is shagging my little brother
behind my back?”

“Well we really haven't-“

“My little brother!” He yelled and James halted any of his attempts at speaking, it was clear
to him that he wasn't going to be able to say anything right. Maybe that was a good thing,
because there wasn't really anything to justify it. “Out of everyone in the world, and I mean
everyone. You go for my baby brother?”

Sirius laughed slightly and that was when James knew he had really fucked up. “You know, I
really thought I was an idiot. I thought that there was no way this could happen, I just thought
I was fucking insane.” He was getting closer James attempted to get further away. “It’s a one
in a million, but of course you had to go for it didn’t you? James Potter always has to be on
top doesn’t he?”

“No-“

Sirius then went back to shouting. “What makes you think that you’re good enough for him?”
Nothing. “What makes you think that you deserve Regulus?” James didn’t answer. “It’s not a
fucking rhetorical question!”
“I-I- don’t know, I’m sorry!” He could feel tears start to brew in his eyes because James has
never seen that amount of hatred in Sirius’ eyes, and definitely never had it directed towards
him. “I didn’t mean to!”

“Oh yeah, you’re sorry now I bet, you’re only sorry because you got caught.” Sirius spat
angrily and James felt the wall come up behind him, leaving no exit. “He’s fifteen, James!
Barely fucking finished pre-school!”

“You can’t expect him to be a child forever Sirius!” James blurted out. “You can’t hide him
away from the world!”

He only regretted defending himself a bit, he loved Regulus and he wasn't about to deny that.
“That’s not what I’m trying to do! Stop deflecting from the real problem. You dated him
behind my back!”

“I couldn’t find the right-“

“Oh fuck off with that!” Sirius interjected. “You had every opportunity!”

“No I didn’t!” He yelled back taking a step forward. “You’re forgetting you hated him up
until a few weeks ago! You refused to even talk about him!”

“Don't make me out to be the bad guy here! You’re the brother fucker!” Sirius copied his
movements.

It was only now that he realised this was the first argument ever, after six long years they’d
never had a big fight ever. It’s a strange feeling and he doesn’t know what to do with it, all he
knows is that he wants it gone. “This isn’t a story Sirius! There are no bad guys, and we
didn’t!”
“Well if it was then you’d definitely be it!” A sudden urge to hit him washed over James, and
he almost flinched away at the shock of thinking it alone. “I can’t believe you would do this
to me!”

“I didn’t do shit to you!”

“You fucked my little brother!”

“For the last fucking time! We haven’t!”

“Same thing!” The other shouted. “It is the same bloody thing! It is still as bad, still as
disgusting and still as sly!”

“It’s not sly!” James defended himself. “I love him Sirius, and I’m not going to stop just
because you can’t accept that!”

“You don’t know him!”

“I do!”

“No, you, don’t!” Before James could even think of replying Sirius was speaking again. “You
think you do but you don’t! You’ll both get over each other in a matter of months, you know
absolutely nothing about each other!”

He brought a hand up to his hair out of stress as he began to tug at it. “You’re the one who
doesn’t know anything! Okay? I’ve been there, not you! Me!”

“Bullshit! I am his brother!”

“And I’m his fucking boyfriend!”

“That means nothing, do you know how little that means?” Sirius exclaimed as his hands
waved around the place. “If he were to die you would have rights to nothing!”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

“Cant handle the fucking pressure Potter? Cant handle the stress? Is it all too much for you, is
your perfect little life with your perfect little family too much?” It felt like his heart was
being pulled out of him and being torn apart while he could still feel it. That was the only
way to describe someone using your greatest secret against you. The only way to describe
Sirius using something James had cried to him about multiple times… against him.

“Well I’m sorry not all of us got fucking abused as a kid!” He saw Sirius flinch away but
didn’t stop. “I’m sorry not all of us have that shield to hide behind when we fuck up! I’m
sorry I didn’t trust you with this fucking secret! Maybe I’m not though, because you haven’t
really shown that you’re good at keeping those, have you?” As soon as the words left his
mouth he knew he had gone too far, knew that the line had been crossed, knew that the tether
had ripped. As quickly as the words had left his mouth Sirius had thrown his fist into James’
cheek.

He felt as his head snapped to the side, but he didn’t move, he just watched as the other
stormed out of the room. It was only when he heard the door slam and Sirius’ footsteps
loudly retreating to his own room that James sank to the ground. And oh Merlin he sank, he
didn’t fall because if he were to fall it would insinuate that it happened quickly, that all of this
had happened quickly. No he sank just like he had been doing for years.

The sobs didn’t gradually start, no they didn’t at all. They came abruptly, as abruptly as his
words and as abruptly as Sirius’ fist.

James sat there, leaning into the bottom of his bed and sitting on the cold wood of his
bedroom floor sobbing. This time, Sirius wasn't there. This time, no one was there.
Chapter End Notes

Argument summary:
Sirius walks in on James and Reg kissing, he tell Regulus to leave then begins shouting
at James. Eventually in the heat of the moment Sirius starts teasing (Not nice teasing)
James about feeling guilty for being sad even in his 'perfect'' life. James snaps and starts
making fun (Not really but kinda) of Sirius' abuse, and brings up the prank.
______

Hi!

So omg, this happened. Wow

James at the end of this chapter <<<<<<<<<<<

Ily but come ON.

It was so cute for a while then I, of course, had to ruin it 😈.

This chapter took so long to write, like I was no joke sitting in front of my computer for
HOURS with only a couple hundred words done.

Barty is so cool, like honestly I love him sm.

I feel like I should write these before I look over the chapter, cause then I'm always
reading them while it's 3-4am and I never get down what I want, or rlly any info. So
yeah. The end notes is my fav though because I just get tp rant to myself for a lil while.

Anywho next update will be on Thursday or early hours of Friday!

I had such a good dinner today, so you should too! You deserve it!

Emme <3
 Can I Take it Back?
Chapter Summary

Remus makes a new friend as he convinces Regulus to talk to his brother, will it go
well? James dreams once more and he discovers a topic he may have been ignorant
about. Sirius talks to James and they both admit things to each other.

Chapter Notes

"Pulling back, I tried to find the point of wasting precious time." Amoeba - Clairo

_____________________

TW
Grimmauld place, nothing really mentioned but you can definitely read in-between the
lines: “It is! It really is!” - “So was I!”
Panic attack/ Minor dissociation: "“James?” Sirius called out." - “I have you… I have
you…”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Sirius stormed out of James’ bedroom as the loud yelling ceased, slamming the door behind
him angrily. “Sirius? What’s wrong?” Remus asked, the other continued walking, barely
sparing a glance. “Come on, what’s happened?”

Finally he stopped and turned around, in his eyes was an indescribable amount of hate, of
anger, of… betrayal… “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

Remus’ eyes widened as he took a small step back. “Why? What’s going on?”

“You!” He shouted before clenching his fist and continued talking in a calm, but strained
voice. “…Knew.”
“Knew? What?” Somewhere in the back of his head a voice was screaming at him, because
he knew what Sirius was talking about.

“Them.” He answered simply and it felt like a train had come full speed towards him without
mercy.

“Sirius you have to understand I couldn’t tell you, I-I mean they didn’t even-“

“I know,” He interrupted Remus’ rambling, straining the ‘know’ slightly. “I’m not mad at
you, I just… I just can’t talk to you right now.”

“Sirius-“

“I need space, okay?” His voice became lighter, as if it was hurting him to say it. “Some
space, please."

Remus stared into Sirius’ back, his eyes darting from each freckle that was displayed
sparsely, the small scars the placed themselves in various areas. They hadn’t really spoken
since the incident, since he found out about James and Regulus. As much as he wanted to
intercept, ask Sirius to forgive James, to move on and see how happy he made Regulus, it
wasn't his place. Especially after what he had said, what they had both said.

When there is unresolved tension, often the end result is a massive blow up, but what
happens when there was no tension? What happens when it’s their first real argument? What
happens when someone says something they know would hurt the other, something they
know is almost irredeemable. This is what he imagined happened.

The house had been filled with wariness, and even though Monty attempted to lighten the
mood it didn’t do much. Peter had left the day beforehand and today he would be leaving as
well, the last thing Remus wanted to do was spend his last day like this. He wasn't going to
tell them to move on, because as he said it's not his place, but maybe nudge them in the right
direction.
He sighed as he sat up, rubbing his hands over his face as he looked back over to Sirius.
Remus reached out a hand towards his hair but hesitated as it became within an inch of it,
leaving it hanging there for a moment before retracting. He wasn't sure where they stood right
now, Sirius was still sharing a bed with him, but they weren’t talking.

Sparing one last look to his boyfriend Remus threw his legs over the side of the bed and
stood up, the floor cold against his bare feet as he walked out of the room. Noticing that
Regulus’ bedroom door was open he peaked his head round the frame and saw that he wasn't
there. “Regulus?” He called out as if he would get a response despite the empty room.

As he walked down the stairs Remus called his name out once more. “Regulus? Where are
you?” Still no response. Entering the Living room there was no one but then a figure outside
of the window caught his eye, he moved closer and saw that Regulus was bent down at the
fences talking to something. Quickly Remus left the room and unlocked the door so he could
leave. “Regulus what are you doing?”

He turned around and smiled at Remus. “There’s a cat.” Then his attention was given back to
the apparent cat as he continued talking to it.

When he came closer the cat was finally revealed, it was a brown tabby with white paws,
which seemed to be warming up to Regulus slowly as it began uncovering itself from the
bushes. Remus bent down next to the other, the cat stepped back slightly before quickly
recovering. “What time is it?”

“Eight twenty-five last time I checked.” Regulus whispered like if he was any louder the
small animal would run away, and it probably would.

“Last time you checked?” Remus copied his tone. “How long have you been out here?”

Regulus shrugged then outstretched his hand slowly for the cat. “Well, the suns fully up now,
but it was rising when I came out here. So thirty minutes give or take.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “You’re so…”

The cat finally pushed its head into Regulus’ hand and he started stoking it gently. “You’re up
too.”

“Yeah but I’m not playing cat whisperer.”

He slumped down and crossed his legs as the cat climbed into them. “Fair enough, do you
think Effie and Monty will let me keep her?”

“I’m not sure…” Remus said. “She probably has an owner already.”

Regulus frowned slightly as he looked back down at the cat. “There’s no tag or collar, besides
I’ve already named her so she’s mine.”

Remus laughed quietly. “You’ve named her?”

“Yeah,” He tickled the underneath of her chin gently. “Betty.”

“B-betty?” He choked out. “Why that?”

“Doesn’t she just look like one?”

He studied her for a moment before he came to the conclusion that he actually agreed with
Regulus. “Surprisingly she does.”

“What do you mean surprisingly? She’s totally a Betty.” Regulus side eyed him… and so did
she?
“Woah, it’s just because Betty is such a human name.” He explained putting his hands out in
defence.

“I guess…” Regulus said as he continued stroking her. “Why are you up so early anyways?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” Remus told him, it was true. Lately he’d had a much harder time getting to
bed than usual. Maybe it was the awkwardness or how loud his mind seemed to be. “Same
with you?”

Regulus’ face tensed slightly as it became more serious. “Yeah… I guess.”

“Has Sirius still not spoken to you?

He shook his head. “No… I’m still waiting for him to storm into my room and start shouting
at me.” Regulus admitted and Betty curled closer to him as if she could feel his stress. “James
hasn’t either.”

“James hasn’t done much of anything.” Sirius had still come down for dinner and breakfast,
Remus still couldn’t tell if that was a blessing or a curse. James hadn’t done either, hadn’t left
his room and the only time you would be able to talk to him was if you were to go first,
which of course Regulus would not do.

Betty started purring as Regulus began stroking the side of her ear. “It’s almost Christmas.”

“That it is.”

“And you’re going home today.”

Remus nodded. “I am.”

“I don’t know how I’ll survive if this doesn’t resolve itself.”

“Maybe you should talk to your brother then.” He suggested. “Might help you out.”

Regulus looked over to him with an unimpressed look. “You’re not going to understand this
but talking to your brother about your love life isn’t the best.”

“You’ll be fine, it would be worse if it was your sex life.” Remus waved it off. “Unless
there’s something you want to tell me?”

“Ew no, piss off.”

Before Remus could respond another voice joined the conversation. “What are you two doing
out here?” Quickly all three, yes he means three, of their heads turned around to see Effie
looking down at them with a questioning but amused look on her face.

Remus just pointed down to the cat. “Betty.”

_____________________________

Regulus stared at Sirius’ door with Betty in his arms, she was his self defence mechanism
now. Sirius couldn’t do anything as long as there was a cat in his arms, it wouldn’t be morally
right. Taking a deep breath he knocked on his door a few times with a foot, after a few
seconds he heard footsteps make their way towards the door before it opened. Sirius didn’t
look like he had just woken up, more like twenty minutes ago. “What do you want- why do
you have a cat?”

Rather than saying anything he just pushed past Sirius and walked into his room, sitting down
on the end of the bed. “I want to talk.”
“Okay that’s great and all,” Sirius replied, the door still open. “But I don’t, so get out and
take the cat with you.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Non.”

“Yes.”

“No-“

Sirius made a noise of annoyance. “Just fuck off Reg, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Ouais… but I want to talk to you,” Regulus persisted. “So sit down and let’s do that.”

The other looked at him for a moment before he slammed the door and angrily stomped over
to his chair before sitting down, kind of like a toddler after a tantrum. “Go on then,” He made
a gesture with his hand. “Speak.”

“So…” He trailed off the end of the word, unsure of how he should go about this. “James is a
very good kisser-“

“Out!” Sirius interrupted, pointing towards the door. “I swear to Merlin if you don’t leave this
room in the next two seconds I will blow you and the cats heads off.”

Regulus made a shocked noise as he covered Betty’s ears. “She’s only a baby Sirius.”
“Looks like she’s had a few babies.” Sirius grumbled and Regulus once again covered her
ears.

“Don't be so rude to her.”

Sirius crossed his arms and looked away. “I can do what I want- Actually why do you even
have a cat, where did you get it from.”

“Her.”

Making a face at him he uncrossed his arms and started spinning the chair back and fourth
slightly. “It’s a bloody cat.”

“What do you have against cats?” Betty stretched slightly and he placed her down onto the
bed as she curled into a ball.

His brother picked up a guitar pick and started fiddling with it. “Dogs are just so much
better.”

“Chiens sm-“

“If you finish that sentence you’ll regret-“

“Speaking of regrets-“

“No.”
“Sirius…”

“No I don’t want to talk about it.” He said with a certain finality to his voice as they stopped
interrupting each other.

A silence fell over them for a matter of moments before Regulus broke it. “You can’t hide
from it forever Sirius.”

He clicked his tongue as his mouth opened to speak before it closed once more and he looked
off like he was thinking of how to respond. Finally his brother seemed to come to a
conclusion on what he wanted to say. “…Why him?”

Sighing as he responded Regulus felt the air thicken. “I didn’t chose it Sirius… Il faut que tu
comprennes.” ( you must understand that)

“I understand,” He told him. “I just don’t accept it as an answer.” Sirius elaborated further
and before Regulus could speak he started once more. “There are so many people Reg, so
many.”

His throat closed tightly as he felt his mouth grow dry. “Je sais…” (I know.”

There were a lot things Regulus could see Sirius wanted to say but was too scared to do so.
Why? he couldn’t tell, maybe it was the fear of an argument that would follow or saying the
wrong thing. “He’s my friend, my best friend.”

“I know…” Regulus found himself repeating what he had said only a few seconds
beforehand.

“I-“ Sirius swallowed thickly cutting off his words and Regulus could tell he was trying so
hard to not say what he actually wanted to. However they seemed to overpower his
conscience. “How could you do this to me?”
Regulus felt his eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean? I didn’t do anything to you?”

“Are you serious?” He laughed out the end of the sentence, in a sort of maniacal way.

Suddenly he was hit with the urge to run into his room and hide under his bed until
everything was better again, just like he had as a child. “I’m not dating him just to spite you.”

“Then why are you?” Sirius asked in a condescending manner. “How does this benefit you in
any way?”

“I’m allowed to love him, I don’t need anything to justify that.”

Sirius’ eyebrows raised slightly. “Love him?”

“Yes, I am capable of that.”

“Not very well.” He muttered under his breath and Regulus saw as his eyes widened slightly
as if the words hadn’t meant to leave the comforts of his mind.

Looking away before his eyes returned to Sirius, Regulus’ lips pursed for a brief moment.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t mean to say that.” Sirius tried to redeem himself to no avail.

“But you did,” Regulus persisted. “What does it mean?”

The hardness that had overcome Sirius’ features lessened as a softer expression replaced it.
“Nothing I-I didn’t mean to say it.”

“Don’t lie, if you didn’t mean to say it then you wouldn’t have.” He could feel himself
becoming more irrational and he reminded himself to keep his emotions in check, despite
their desperation to break through. “I-I’m not this cruel person who’s incapable of feeling
things.”

Sirius instantly came to his own defence. “I never said you were!”

“Yeah but you implied it, heavily!”

Then his brothers features hardened once more. “Can you blame me? Can you seriously
blame me for thinking that?” Any reply Regulus had slipped his mind as shocked breath
escaped his mouth.

Regulus’ mouth opened then closed as he tried to speak and he felt his eyes start to burn. “Je
peux! I seriously can! How could you think that?” (I can)

“It’s not the most abstract of an idea!” Sirius yelled as he stood up, pausing for a quick
moment, so quick you would have missed it if you blinked. Then it ended and he spoke
again. “You barely batted an eye over to me that night.”

That felt like a stab to his gut, or maybe the knife had already been there and Sirius had just
twisted that. “C’est!-“ He shouted also getting up, but then the energy to yell quickly
disappeared. “That’s not fair…” (That’s)

“It is! It really is!” He insisted. “They were torturing me and all you did was stare!”

“Well what was I supposed to do!” Regulus asked rhetorically. “Did you expect me to jump
in front of the curse and whisk us off to safety?”
“Yes!” Sirius admitted. “Yes of course I expected that!”

“Well you shouldn’t have! They would have killed me!”

“They were killing me!” The knife deepened itself and Regulus felt as it hit his heart, which
was strange because it had originally been in his gut. “Everyday in that house I was alone! I
was fucking dying alone!”

“I was there!” No he wasn't, at that point their relationship had been so far gone that they
barely spoke a word to each other.

“Were you?” Sirius’ voice quietened as Regulus saw tears begin to form in his eyes.

“Yes!”

“We went weeks without saying a word to each other!”

Honestly he would have liked to say that he comforted his brother, that he didn’t try to win a
war on who was worse, but he did do that. “I can say the exact same thing to you!”

“I did everything for you!” Sirius yelled as he stepped forward. “Up until the last moments I
did everything for you, I protected you, I shielded you from everything!”

Regulus copied his brother and stepped forward. “You left! I was the one alone!”

“I was finally doing something for myself!” He knows, oh for fucks sake he knows that. Even
though Regulus knows that he can’t help the bitterness he feels, the anger, the jealousy, that
Sirius had gotten out before him. That he didn’t have the mark.
“I needed you.” He said it lighter than he had meant to, more childlike than he had meant to.
At the end however, no matter what way he said it, it was true. Regulus had needed his
brother and Sirius had just left. “Je me souviens,” He was aware of the laugh in his voice.
“That you said we’d get out of that place together, then I asked what would happen if we
were stuck and didn’t make it out. And you know what you said?” (I remember)

Sirius’ Adams apple bobbed as he took a deep breath. “I said we’d do that together as
well…”

“Well we didn’t.” The maniacal tone that had been in Sirius’ voice had now found a place
into his own. “You left! And I was stuck.”

“I had too!” Sirius yelled hoarsely, like there was a river of invisible tears flowing from his
eyes. “I couldn’t keep living there!”

For some reason that made Regulus loose his breath briefly. “Neither could I!”

“You were fine!” Sirius argued. “You were old enough to look after yourself!”

“I was a kid!”

“So was I!” Once the words left Sirius’ mouth they fell into a stunned silence, like everything
had caught up to them at that moment. Regulus became aware of the tears that had silently
started escaping his eyes, and how ragged his breathing had become. Sirius sat back down
onto his chair and leaned forwards placing his elbows onto his knees and rubbed his hands
down his face.“What are we doing Reg, seriously.”

In an odd turn of events Regulus found himself laughing as he crouched down hiding his face
in the crook of his elbow. “I don’t even know…”
Rather than berating him for making light of the situation, Sirius joined him in his laughing.
“This isn’t funny.” He told Regulus, and himself but that just caused them to become even
more hysterical, Sirius’ laughter slowly came to a pause and he looked up to see his brother
looking at the bed. “The bloody cat slept through it all.”

Regulus looked up and saw that Betty had slept through their argument, still cozied up in a
ball at the end of Sirius’ bed. “I aspire to be her…” He sighed, even though their argument
was still replaying in his head over and over again. Even though he was rethinking everything
he had said, rehearing everything Sirius had said.

“Same… Where did you find it?”

“Dehors.”

Sirius gave him a questioning look filled with astonishment. “And you just took it?”

“Pretty much.” Regulus shrugged then reached up on to the bed to give her head a little
scratch, she seemed to appreciate it a lot.

“You’re so weird.” He couldn’t really argue with that so the conversation died out, the only
sounds being made was their still hoarse breath and Betty’s purring.

After a few minutes Sirius spoke up once more. “Reg?”

“What?” He asked looking over to his brother.

Sirius bit his lip slightly before he replied. “Does he make you happy.”

“Yes.” Regulus found himself saying without any hesitation, because it was true. James made
him happy, his time with James was almost the happiest he had ever been.
He nodded at his response. “And… you love him?”

“More than anything.”

________________________

“Holy shit.”

Oh fuck off you asshole!

“Oh my Merlin.”

Go away!

“This is… wow I wish I could eat so I could have a snack to watch this. It’s like a movie you
know?”

Eat my dick.

“No, that’s… Merlin you’ve just ruined my momentum with that actually.”

Good.

“Why so salty? Could it be your little secret being discovered?”

This is all your fault.

“Hey! Don’t pin this on me, I never told you to go fuck younger me.”

For the last bloody time we haven’t!

“Whatever…”

Seriously what do you want?

“To make daisy chains.”

Oh I love those!

“How are you still alive? Like it genuinely blows my mind that you weren’t kidnapped as a
child.”

…You weren’t being serious were you?

“Genius.”

Fuck off.

“No that defeats the point of all of this.”

Why is your timing always so shit?

“Oi!”

Why can’t you give me this stuff when I’m happy, why do you always have to make my
mood even worse.

“Okay one, I do come when you’re happy, it's my favourite activity. Two, I’m being nice
again.”

Really?

“Yeah, you know a little Christmas present.”

…Right…okay…

“Why so skeptical?”

Why are you being so kind at the moment, I haven’t had a bad dream since the holidays
started.

“Maybe I’m preparing for something big.”

Wait what-

The white disappeared and instead morphed into his dorm at Hogwarts. No one was in it
except a singular person, who was in the bathroom out of sight, the tap running loudly.
Before James could go and investigate who it was the door opened and a younger Sirius
strolled in, he instantly felt his breathing pause for a moment at the sight of him.
“James?” Sirius called out. “Are you here?” He received no response but walked further into
the room as he spotted the light, James followed him with Regulus trailing behind. When the
inside of the bathroom came into the view he finally recognised the memory. It quickly came
to his attention that this wasn't one of Regulus’ memories, but his own.

Sirius’ expression softened as he saw younger James sprawled out on the bathroom floor in a
star shape as he stared at the roof. “What are you doing?”

His younger selfs mouth opened and closed a few times, it was like he could feel the dryness
that was most certainly in it. Rather than berate him, or interrogate him with questions Sirius
just walked over and sat down beside him, concern evident in his eyes. “Do you ever…”
James started and just as he had suspected the voice came out croaky, like he hadn't drank
something in a while. “Just feel… I don’t know… sad…?”

He watched as Sirius’ expression hardened slightly at the idea of someone making James sad.
“Yeah, all the time, has someone done something to you?”

The other shook his head in a small manner, which looked to cause Sirius confusion. “No…
I’m just… I guess I just am.” Younger James turned his head to look over to Sirius. “No real
reason, do you get that?”

“No,” He replied quieter than he had been before. “I don’t think I do James.”

“Oh,” His head turned back up to the ceiling as he responded with a child like tone. “…I
suppose you have a lot to be sad about.”

“…Yeah.”

“I don’t.”
Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed briefly. “Don’t what?”

“Have a lot to be sad about.” James remembers how he felt at this moment, it was his first
real ‘out of body’ experience. That’s the only real way he knows how to describe it, it’s just
sort of a moment were he doesn’t feel anything, not even numbness. He’s just kind of…
existing. “Is it weird that I’m jealous of you because of that?”

“I…” Sirius’ eyes glanced away before quickly giving James his full attention once more, he
looked like he was struggling to think of a reply. “…It’s probably not…normal.”

James nodded for a moment before his face scrunched up slightly as he sat up, seeming to fall
out of his haze and back to reality. “Sorry… I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No!” Sirius said instantly and his cheeks reddened slightly at the accidental shout. “No, it’s
fine.”

The other shook his head. “I shouldn’t be jealous of you for being traumatised Sirius, that’s…
I don’t know… it’s just not… right.”

“Well that isn’t,” He agreed and younger him deflated even more than he had before. “But I
don’t think you’re jealous of me for being traumatised. More like jealous I have somewhere
to pin my hurt… if that makes sense.”

“Very philosophical.” James teased but there wasn't really anything behind it and even the
smile that came with the quip faded quickly. “I don’t- I don’t know Sirius… I just feel so…
so…” His hands move around as he tried to find the word but instead they just fell back down
as he let out a defeated sigh. “I don’t know…”

“That’s okay… to not know.” Sirius assured but James became even more frustrated at that
answer.
He chewed the inside of his cheek before responding. “I know that… But I’m not… I’m not
okay with that.” James brought his legs to his chest as he held them there with his arms. “I
think I’m just… I don’t think… I keep imagining that… That I’m going to get this amazing
life after we leave school. I’ll have my dream job with a wife and kids, but I… I don’t know
if I’ll have that.”

Sirius railed back with a sad expression, as if James had just personally insulted him. “You
can James… Merlin if no one marries you then I think love is dead.”

“Yeah but… that’s what everyone says, and I… I just don’t believe it anymore.” He admitted
and a broken tone over came his voice as it cracked towards the end. “No one loves me…” It
was said like an acceptance, like the thought had just come to his head and James was saying
it for the first time.

“James no,” Sirius bit his lip as tears formed at the bottom of his eyes. “We all love you so
much.” That was James’ breaking point as he choked back a sob and buried his head into his
arm. Sirius moved instantly, almost as if there wasn't even a thought behind the movement he
just went from his cross-legged position to his knees in front of his friend. He wrapped a
hand around him and James collapsed into him letting out choked off sobs, laced with
hoarseness, into the others shirt.

Sirius fell back off of his knees as he clutched onto him a few of his own tears escaping.
“You’re okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you…” He whispered and Sirius hunched over as if he were
protecting James from the outside world, trying to keep him away from whatever had hurt
him like this. “I have you… I have you…”

It was only when they went back to the white space he had grown so used to over the past
few months that James felt the dampness across his cheeks. Wiping his eyes quickly he
turned back over to Regulus. “What was happy about that?”

“Looking back now, nothing.”

Then why did you show me it?

“Cause I think you’re stupid?”

What?

“Why are you hiding from Sirius? Just apologise already.”

It’s not that easy.

“No it’s exactly that easy, knock on his door and say sorry for being an ass.”

He wouldn’t forgive me.

“Yes he would, do it.”

No, I can’t.

“You can.”

I can’t-

“Yes you can! Yes you fucking can! Stop being stupid and open your mind for once in your
life!”

What would you know?

“Everything! Everything you ignorant dickhead!”

Merlin it’s my life! Why are you so bothered by this?

“Because I never got the opportunity to apologise! I died with my brother hating me! I died
with no one loving me or liking me! I died with loose ends and no apologies!”

…I…Regulus…

“No forget it, just wake up.”

No wait-

________________________

James’ eyes fluttered open and the sun instantly tore through the space, waking him up
effectively. His body felt slightly too warm, and his hair was slightly too greasy. Breathing
was just a bit harder, not hard to the point of a panic attack, but to the point where it was hard
to ignore. The saliva in his throat felt like glue that was slowly getting thicker and thicker and
thicker and thicker-

He cut himself off. Everything just felt wrong, when he thought back to the dream and
everything he had been shown, James realised it was because Sirius wasn't there. Of course
not in a literal sense, they didn’t sleep together, but in a metaphorical one. After days of
running away from his thoughts and feelings he has been forced to confront them. James
thought back to his dream, and more specifically to what Regulus had said, how right he had
been in his words.

Because I never got the opportunity to apologise!

The sentence repeated in his mind over and over again, life could be long, James was aware
of this. Someones life could span over eighty years, some could experience everything they
wanted to. Or, they could be like Regulus, die before they even graduated. They could die a
brutal death before they even learn what the word brutal truly means, before they are able to
fall in love or get a job. Anyone can die, and you shouldn’t waste the years you have because
you might be able to live them.

James looked over to the clock on the side of his bed and saw that he had slept through to the
afternoon, two o’clock to be exact. Sighing to himself he pulled his body up to a sitting
position and searched the floor for a shirt, he picked up one and threw it onto his body before
standing up.

The wood was cool under his feet, but much warmer than it had been a few days before,
cooler than it had been when he sunk to it and curled in on himself crying. Much cooler than
it had been when he said something almost irredeemable.

Admittedly he hadn’t talked to Regulus, which in retrospect is something he definitely should

have done. He didn’t deserve to be ignored, especially in a situation like this. Sometimes
James wonders if he is a bad person, a lot of the time people instantly jump to his defence on
this topic, but he wishes they wouldn’t. It’s nice, the reassurance that is, but it doesn’t allow
him to realise his own faults.

The other day he brought up The Prank, something none of them had done in ages. They had
all come to a silent agreement that it wasn't to be talked about, that it was a sensitive topic
that should be forgotten. James isn’t sure what overcame him that day, maybe, no it definitely
was due to what Sirius had said. As stuck up as it sounds, sometimes he does feel guilty for
how good his life is, or jealous of the ones with worse.

He wishes he had something to pin his hurt on, pin all the anxiety and lack of motivation on.
It doesn’t feel right to say that he’s sad when his friends are right there. Sirius was abused as
a child, Remus is a literal werewolf and Peter was abandoned by his father and James’ issue
is that he’s… too happy? He’d never told Peter and Remus about it, and doesn’t plan too
either, but he had told Sirius. It was never planned it would just spill out of him, just like it
had done in his dream.

Before he could exit his room there was a knock on the door and James instantly froze, he
felt his breath pick up slightly and his hold on the handle tighten. After a few moments
passed he opened it, perhaps a little faster than what was normal. When he did, Sirius stood
there with an anxious expression on his face, one that he was sure mirrored his own.
“Sirius…”

The other just stared at him for a few seconds then spoke. “Sorry I-I shouldn’t have come
here, I’m just going to go.” He apologised as he took a step to leave.

James grabbed onto his arm quickly, not even thinking about what he was doing or what
would happen afterwards. “Wait, no… don’t.” Sirius’ head turned around and they both stood
there for a moment before James thought it was best to speak. “Do you want to… do you
want to come in?”

Sirius’ eyes looked away as he seemed to think about it before deciding. “Yeah…” He
whispered out. “Yeah… I’d like that.”

Silently James moved out of the way and allowed Sirius to pass through, rather than sitting
down he stood there in the middle of the room. It felt wrong to sit down first so James also
stood, after a few seconds of awkward silence Sirius spoke again. “Did you know Reg got a
cat?”

James choked on invisible water. “W-what?”

“Yeah, picked her up off the street and hasn’t let her go since.”

“Mum and Dad have let him?” He asked, genuinely astonished at the situation.

Sirius shrugged in a nonchalant manner. “Yeah, Effie said it could be his Christmas present as
long as he took her with him to Hogwarts.”

“Does she have a name?”

“Betty apparently.”
“Betty?” He exclaimed with a smile on his lips but a confused look on the rest of his face, a
moment passed and the two of them burst out laughing. Of course Regulus would just kidnap
a cat off the side of the street and name it Betty, of all things.

The laughter died out and before James could say something Sirius beat him to it. “Look
James-“

“No wait,” He interrupted, because he needed to say this, he couldn’t keep it in anymore.
“Let me go first… please.”

Sirius opened his mouth to object before he closed it and allowed him too. “Fine…”

A beat passed before James started to speak anxiously. “I don’t know what you were going to
say, but I’m really sorry Sirius, I am.” He said as genuinely as he could, hoping it would
convey to the other. “I didn’t even think about your reaction, at least not that in depth.” He
admitted. “I got wrapped up in the heat of the moment and when I finally started thinking it
was too late.”

Sirius moved to interject but James didn’t let him. “And then the other day I just got so angry,
I wasn’t thinking at all and because of that I said that stuff, which I regret so fucking much.”
It wasn't until he had to take a deep breath that he realised how fast he had been talking,
never the less James continued at the pace.

“You said I didn’t know Regulus but I do. He loves the colour coral, but not because he finds
it that outstanding but because he loves the confusion of what it actually derives from.
Orange or pink? Who knows. He likes flower language, but can’t look after a plant for the
life of him. He enjoys Southern France and wants to move back there when he’s older. He’s
scared of spiders, likes Muggle literature, plays the piano,” Yes he’s aware he is rambling.
“Speaks four languages and I’ve only heard him speak two of those four so please, please let
me stay with him long enough so I can hear the others.”

James closed his eyes as he awaited a response, he expected to Sirius to be mad, to yell at
him once again, but he didn’t. “Okay…”
He felt his head snap up and his eyes widen with shock. “Really?”

“Yeah…” Sirius sighed with a small smile on his face. “You make him happy, like genuinely
happier than I’ve seen him before, and I can’t be mad at you for that. Besides I said some
fucked up shit too, and I am really sorry about it. You’re my best mate James, and I don’t
know what I would do without you.

“I deserved it really,” James said quietly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No I did,” Sirius admitted and he tightened his hand into a fist. He could tell he was
frustrated, not with James, but himself. For what he had said, and maybe for not noticing the
relationship in the first place. He did say that he had suspected it, so it was likely he was
frustrated at that too. “You told me that stuff in confidence and I just threw it back in your
face.”

James thought about his response for a moment, thought about what to say or do. Finally he
settled on something. “Friends again?”

“Never stopped.” Sirius smirked at him and it was only now that James was realising neither
of them had made eye contact until this moment, for him it was out of fear of the emotion
behind Sirius’. He wasn't sure about why the other hadn’t, but he took comfort in the idea that
he was the same. "Besides I've also... been keeping something from you."

He felt some fear wash over him. "What is it?" He asked with a concerned tone.

"I'm dating Moony." He said quickly and then breathed out a sigh of relief as if keeping it in
had been hurting him.

James stifled out a laugh as he leaned forward slightly. "I know Sirius... I know."
 "Who told you?"

"You and his incessant flirting."

"Oh..."

A comfortable silence filled the room but not for too long. “Me and Reg talked.” Sirius
blurted out, seemingly shocked by the fact that he did.

James didn’t know how their relationship had been over the past few days, due to what he
was now willing to admit was hiding. “Did it go well?”

Sirius lifted his hand and shifted it back and fourth. “Eh… There’s a lot we need to talk
about… probably need to see a mind healer as well. I think it’s getting better though...I
think.”

“That’s good Sirius…” James grinned widely at him, a sense of tranquility falling over him,
any of the fear from the pervious moment leaving his body. “Really good, I’m happy for
you.”

He nodded slowly, a smile appearing across his lips. “Yeah… I think I am too.”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

10K READS YOU GUYS ARE INSANEEEEEEEEEE I AM SO GRATEFUL ISTG

Yay! Everything is sorted out!

BETTYYYYY!!!!!
please tell me someone gets the name reference.

10K READS YOU GUYS ARE INSANEEEEEEEEEE I AM SO GRATEFUL ISTG

This chapter was filled with so many lines that are just so UGH (/pos) my favs are:
“I have you… I have you…”
“I need space, okay?”
“I was a kid!” - "So was I!"

And ofc my absolute favourite. “He speaks four languages and I’ve only heard him
speak two of those four so please, please let me stay with him long enough so I can hear
the others.”

Finally decided on Peters love interest by the way guys, you guys are gonna like it I
think.

🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠
Might up the character minimum to 8k so that's again great for you guys, not the best for
me

Just made this bombs playlist for myself (Not the fic) genuinely the greatest one I've
ever made.

A WASP FULL ON ATTACKED ME WHILE WRITING A PORTION OF THIS

CHAPTER, and I was like 'No this is totally a sign I shouldn't add this' so I didn't.

Really off topic but Ive never gotten the whole 'Regulus was skinny ad Sirius was
BUFF' trope, like do you not realise how much leg strength you must need to stay on a
broom? Seekers have the best legs EVER, it's canon because I said so.

OLDER REGULUS YOU'RE BACK I MISSED YOU BB

little angst moment which is pretty rare for him.

Peter... I miss you :((((((((

Well He'll be back in the next chapter but he is literally the LOML

Great news! Someone very kindly offered to translate from English to French for me!
No more Google Translate!!! (@N0UKI_ on twitter!)

Anyways thank you for reading once more. I appreciate you, yes you right now reading
this, sm!!

Next chapter on Monday!

Eat what you want, I had this bomb ass vegetarian chicken tonight and everyone
deserves to have some vegetarian chicken, go eat vegetarian chicken.

Emme <3
 Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?
Chapter Summary

Mary is awakened by someone as Christmas arrives. Emmeline thinks about everything

that has happened, and receives a huge surprise. Evan is sent a letter by someone who
wishes to talk to him about the current situation. Regulus, Barty, Peter, James and Sirius
spend Christmas together, with a guest none of them expected to come.

Chapter Notes

"Why do birds, suddenly appear. Every time, you are near. Just like me, they long to be.
Close to you..." (They long to be) Close to you - Carpenters

___________________________

TW:
Brief (And I mean brief) Verbal abuse: "Pleae Lyall… it’s Christmas.” - “Moons,”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Mary…” She vaguely heard a small voice whisper, it caused her eyes to flutter slightly and
her mind to regain activity. “Mary…” It said again followed by a slight tug on the fabric
around her wrist. “Mary wake up.” The voice whined this time beginning to loose its whisper.
“Mary!”

Her eyes snapped open as she took a sharp breath, looking around it took Mary a little bit of
time to understand where she was and more importantly where the voice was. When she
turned her head to the spot beside her bed she saw her little brother. “What?”

“It’s Christmas!” He exclaimed although his tone remained quiet and Mary found herself
smiling uncontrollably at the young boys excitement. “Come on, come on, come on, we have
to go open presents!”

She wiped her eyes and looked over to the clock on the wall, it read three-thirty am. “Mum
and Dad will never agree to wake up this early Benny.”
Ben whined as he stomped on the floor lightly, still pulling on the sleeve of her pyjama top.
“Please!” He drew out the ‘e’. “Help me convince them May!”

Mary opened her mouth to deny him once more but the words died out as she looked down at
her brothers face, and admittedly she also wanted to open their presents. “Fine… I get one of
your chocolate croissants though.”

“That’s not fair!”

“It totally is.” She smirked down at him.

“No!”

“Yes.”

“No-“

“Oh?” Mary began laying down again. “I guess I’ll just go back to my lovely dream then.”

“No, no you can have it!” The other instantly back tracked on his words.

Letting out a laugh Mary pulled her legs from out under the duvet and brought them over the
edge of the bed. “Lead the way Benzo.”

Ben gave her a toothy grin, one that was missing half of the teeth in question actually, and
started running towards their parents room. When he reached their door he waited for Mary
to catch up and when she did he burst into the room loudly, jumping onto their father,
literally. Instantly he was awake, letting out a pained grunt that he tried to hide once he
realised who his attacker was. “It’s Christmas!” Ben yelled with joy for the day Mary wishes
she still had, effectively waking up their mother as well.

Their dad wrapped his hands around Ben and lifted him up into the air, in a pose not unlike
Superman’s signature one. “It sure is Benny, but don’t you think Christmas could wait a few
more hours?”

“No!” Ben yelled through giggles as he was finally put back down on the bed. “May said she
wanted to as well!”

“Oh did she?” Mary's mother joined in raising her eyebrow over at her with a smile.

“What can I say?” She shrugged from where she leaned on the door way. “I’m a sucker for an
early start.”

“If this is what you magic folk call an early start then I’m not apart of all that.” Her dad
grumbled as he started lifting the duvet off of himself and Ben jumped off the bed.

“Well actually this is more midday.” Mary teased, picking up Ben when he ran over to her.
“Our classes actually start at twelve.”

Ruffling her hair as he passed their dad left the room, their mum not that far behind. “I
honestly would have believed that if I hadn’t seen your time table already.” She admitted
while they walked down the stairs.

Ben was wiggling around excitedly in her arms as they got closer and closer to the living
room door, it was covered in green and red wrapping paper, as was tradition in their family.
“Do you wanna do the honours Benny?”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” He jumped about as much as he could in her arms and as soon as he was let
down Ben ran to the door and started tearing it down. Making a noise of shock he looked
over to Mary. “May, May look!”
She came over beside him and peered inside, there was certainly a lot of gifts. The one she
assumed had caused this reaction from Ben was the giant car race track sat in the corner of
the room. Opening the door he instantly rushed over to it as he began investigating what it
could do, Mary quietly walked over to her side of the living room, scoping out what she had
received.

“Open this one baby,” Her mother passed a rectangular shaped present. “It’s from one of your
friends at Hogwarts.”

Mary took the box, it looked to be in a book kind of shape. “Who from?” She asked looking
up again.

“Some kid with a weird name.” Her dad answered instead, almost instantly getting scolded
by his wife.

“I hate to say this dad, but you’re going to have to be more specific.”

Ben made an excited squeal at one of his presents in the background and Mary couldn’t help
but smile at her brother. “Average height,” Her father began describing. “Blue eyes, long
black hair-“

“Oh Sirius!”

He squinted his eyes at the name and gave her an unimpressed look. “I don’t like that one,
why is he sending you gifts?”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Come on dad, me and him sorted out our differences months ago.”

The look on his face didn't drop. “Alright…”

Sitting down on to the sofa she began unwrapping the gift. Mary had been right it, was a
book. She put the wrapping paper to the side as it had now revealed something like a photo
album, there was a letter on the first page and she began reading it.

Dear Mary,

Thought you’d enjoy these, I’ve left room for you to be able to add on some more photos
(Which you definitely will be doing).

Merry Christmas,

Sirius.

She was confused for a moment before she opened the next page and any of the confusion
disappeared, because in the photo album was many pictures of her and Lily. As much as she
wanted to roll her eyes and send back an annoyed letter to Sirius she couldn’t help the grin
that forced its way onto her face as she saw Lily. Lily and her gorgeous fiery hair, Lily and
her emerald green eyes, Lily and her-

“Who’s that?” A voice appeared beside her and Mary snapped the book shut turning over to
her brother with a nervous smile.

“No one.” She lied.

“No… There was a lady,” He insisted then leaned into whisper. “Is that your girlfriend?”

“No!” Mary accidentally yelled causing her parents heads to turn over in their direction. “I
mean er… no what do you mean?” The end of the sentence said with a much higher pitch
than the start.

Ben gave an unconvinced look. “Why do you have a book of her?”

“It’s not a book Benny,” Mary sighed opening it once more. “It’s a photo album.”

“Oh…” He replied, leaning forward to look at the now displayed photos. “She’s very pretty.”

“Yeah…” The fond smile from earlier returned as she stared down at Lily. “Yeah she is.”

_____________________________

Emmeline stared outside of her window as the rain poured down it, of course England and
Scotland get snow but Northern Ireland is just rain and fog. As an only child and a near adult
there wasn't really any reason for their family to wake up before six at Christmas. However
Emmeline was a child at heart so she usually woke up ridiculously early anyways, and just
had to sit there awaiting her parents knock on the door.

The large window on her wall was nice during the summer, well on the two weeks they
actually got sunshine, but the rest of the year not so much. All it did was allow the grey to
make itself deeper into her room, and it was really hard to make a room enjoyable when it
was like that. Which is why she had taken to leaving her curtains closed and filling her
bedroom with all kinds of lights.

Except last night she kept her curtains open for the first time in a while, just incase the rain
did decide to turn into snow, but that didn't seem to happen. The rain was the only constant
thing this year really, because everything was so much more different than last. Pandora
hadn’t been able to meet, her father was too paranoid with all of the Death Eater attacks
recently. Barty hadn’t wrote, which again was odd because he almost always wrote, same
with Evan who also hadn’t. Dorcas never wrote, so Emmeline supposed that was another
consistent thing this year.

The one thing that had changed the most however, was Regulus. Living in the countryside
meant that news didn't get there for sometimes weeks at a time. Which meant that she’d only
heard about his engagement, or well promised engagement, a few days ago, it was to
someone twenty years or so older than him. One of the worst parts about it is that all the
magazine had to say on the topic was ‘How disappointed pureblood girls must be that they
don’t have the opportunity’.

Pureblood society was long gone, they’d thrown themselves into incestuous relations decades
ago, and had only gotten rid of polygamy about twenty-six years ago, so really she should
have expected it. In a sense they all had, it was known that Evan and Regulus would be in
arranged marriages, but this wasn't what they had thought.

Over the past three years of knowing Regulus Emmeline had grown to look at him like her
little brother, and had been there for him when his biological one hadn’t. So to say she was
feeling protective would be an understatement.

If she was being honest it felt she had whiplash, or something like that. It was like the future
they had all been talking about was starting to happen, no it wasn't like, it was starting to
happen. Before Emmeline felt like there was years until she would leave Hogwarts, this woke
her up to the fact that she would be leaving in six months, and until then many things would
be happening.

She’d be sitting her NEWTS, Frank and her would have to choose new year heads, she’d
have to choose new prefects and a new Quidditch Captain. Well in that department Emmeline
had already made a few decisions, Regulus would be the new captain also one of the prefects,
if the others agreed with her. Him being Captain was an obvious choice, there was no one
else she’d feel comfortable leaving the spot too, also he was just an amazing player as a
whole.

Before her thoughts could drift off of that topic and on to another there was a knock on the
door, rather than answering right away Emmeline waited a few moments. She didn’t want to
look like she had been waiting for it, that would be embarrassing. “Come in!”

Her dad opened the door as he walked backwards with a tray of pastries, despite his wizard
status he’d tried to shy away from most of that when marrying her mother. Speaking of her,
she strolled in a second after. “Morning sweetheart, did you sleep well?”

Emmeline shrugged as she crossed her legs to give them space to sit on the bed. “You know
me, I can never sleep on Christmas Eve.”
Laughing her dad sat the tray down onto the bedside table as he sat down beside his wife at
the end of the bed. “The day you act your age is the day I’m dead.”

“Oh shush.” Emmeline rolled her eyes and picked up one of the croissants off of the plate.
“What are we doing today?” She asked as she absentmindedly put chocolate spread onto her
food.

“Just the usual sweetie,” The older woman told Emmeline. “We’ll go down to your nannies at
lunch for Christmas dinner, so we’ll probably stay there for two or three hours.” She
explained. “Then afterwards we might go see your new flat.”

As Emmeline bit into her croissant it took a second for her to realise what she had just said.
“What!” She exclaimed dropping her breakfast down onto the plate. “My flat?”

“Well we figured since you’ll be graduating in a few months you might want somewhere to
go, of course you’re welcome to come back home but it’s there just in case.”

“This is…” She was at a loss for words, her own house! Well flat, but it was the same thing.
“Mum… dad… I’m just so… wow.”

Both of them let out breathy laughs as her mother shook her head fondly. “Well, you deserve
it you’ve worked so hard.”

Emmeline smiled brightly at them, maybe this change wasn't the worst.

______________________________

“Evan don’t embarrass us,” His mother told him as she looked in the mirror, straightening out
the collar of her dress. “Many important people are here this afternoon.”
“I won’t mother.” Evan assured her, although he himself was unsure on that, in actuality he
kind of wanted to disappoint her, wanted to ruin the evening.

Turning back around to him she sighed. “Fix your face.” Then without further conversation
she walked past him and out of the room.

Sighing just as his mother had done seconds before, Evan walked up to the mirror and stared
at his own reflection. The dark circles that had returned, the ill tone to his skin and the slight
mess of his hair. It would be a lie to say things had been alright since Regulus had ran away,
only a few pureblood families knew about it but even that was enough for the expectations on
the heir’s to rise. His was no exception of course, and he’d barely had a moment of rest,
between meeting potential engagements and his sisters, more of the night had been spent
awake than asleep.

After sending his letter to Barty he’d never gotten a reply, Evan wasn't surprised by that and
was admittedly happy about it. The last thing he needs right now is to be associated with a
light family, as harsh as it sounds he just doesn’t have that kind of freedom. A freedom he
hoped would return when they entered the Hogwarts wards once more. Or it most likely
wouldn’t, because there’s no way he’d be allowed to stay friends with Regulus and Barty.

Evan widened his eyes in an attempt to shake off the sleep that lay heavily on them, to no
avail however. Giving himself one last look in the mirror, he left the small room and felt as
all of the voices entered his ears. This year The Black’s hadn’t hosted the annual Christmas
Brunch so that responsibility fell to The Rosier’s, much to his dismay. Distant family was
spread throughout the hall and as he scanned the room Evan was able to spot some of the
more immediate family.

“Hey kid.” A voice appeared behind him and he spun round quickly, revealing Cassiopeia
Black.

“Merlin Cassie.” Evan breathed out, recovering. “Sneaking up on someone isn’t very ladylike
of you.”
The older woman shrugged. “I’m sixty, I’ve got no one to be ladylike for and watch your
attitude you brat.”

“I don’t know…” Evan trailed off the end of the word, he was thinking about whether the
joke he was about to make was too soon or not. “Haven’t you heard? You might still have a
chance of marrying someone.”

It looked to take her a moment to pick up on what he was talking about before she letting out
a light chuckle. “Yes, it does appear to be that way.” Evan watched as her expression became
slightly more serious, and he felt something in his stomach twist slightly. “Have you heard
from him?”

His eyebrows furrowed before he shook his head. “No, but I heard from Avery that he’s
safe.”

Cassiopeia’s eyes widened slightly. “Avery?” She asked. “How does he know?”

As much as he trusted her, Regulus and him had grown up around her after all. She was still a
Black and Evan wasn’t sure how much he wanted to share. “Apparently he saw as Reg left,
I’m not sure if I believe him but it’s whatever.”

The lie wasn't clean, not one bit. If Cassiopeia caught on to it she didn't comment however.
“Well that’s good, I’ll try and get into contact when tensions die down.”

He nodded in agreement, that was probably a good idea. Then a head of platinum blonde and
dark black caught his eye. “Sorry Cassie I have to go.”

“No of course, don’t want to take up too much of Heir Rosier’s time.” She teased, smiling
down at him with a hint of a smirk.

Evan sighed fondly then excuse himself so he could go talk to Narcissa. Thinking back to the
letter he was sent a few days ago he found himself anxious to see her, but curiosity got the
best of him.

Heir Rosier,

I am sending you this letter in the hopes that you would be willing to spare some of your time
to talk to me at the upcoming Brunch. As you know my wedding is coming up this spring , I
feel there is many things to talk about in that topic. I’ve come to learn that family is
important and although our relation is distant I would enjoy having you as a part of the
ceremony.

Narcissa Black.

Admittedly it had taken Evan a long time to figure out what she had been talking about, their
familial relation is far apart, so far that most don’t acknowledge it. What eventually lead him
to realise the insinuation behind the letter was the underlined ‘spring’. He’d never been that
big on stars or astrology in general but he remembered a conversation in third year where
Regulus told them his star was most visible during that period of time.

Narcissa and Evan had never talked when they were younger, not only was she five years
older than him, they’d only seen each other in brief moments. Either at family gatherings,
gala’s, or the occasional time she was also at Black Manner when he was. “Narcissa,” Evan
made his presence none as he arrived beside her. “How are you?”

She turned around and gave him an elegant smile, one that had obviously been practiced.
“Heir Rosier,” Narcissa greeted. “I am well, and you?”

Her lack of accent didn't skip his notice, in their small moments of conversation he had
grown a liking to her soft accent, now it was no longer there. “I feel the same thank you, and
please, call me Evan.”

Giving him a curt nod Narcissa continued her pleasantry, it left him feeling as if the twist in
his stomach was getting pulled more. “If you insist, Evan. You know it has been quite some
time since I was in Rosier mansion, I’ve found myself being unsure of how to get around.”
Evan caught on to what she was trying to say and lifted out the crook of his elbow for her to
wrap an arm around. “I’d be more than happy to give you a tour.” He offered and Narcissa
took his arm happily. They walked out of the hall and Evan didn't miss his mothers approving
smile as she caught them out of the corner of her eye.

Once they left the large room Narcissa’s hand dropped out from underneath his arm and her

expression became more strained that it had been previously. “Have you heard from my
cousin?” She asked abruptly.

“Have you?” He countered, again she was a Black and he wasn't willing to give his
knowledge away to them, as little as it was.

One of her eyebrows tilted upwards slightly, as if she was surprised someone would dare
speak to her that way. “No, I have not.”

Past the cold expression on her face he saw genuine worry in her eyes and despite his
unwillingness, Evan decided that telling her what he had done Cassiopeia wouldn’t do any
harm. “He’s safe.”

Narcissa’s pupils dilated slightly, he wasn't sure what that means but it was probably an
involuntary sign of shock. “I thought you hadn’t spoken to him?”

“I haven’t,” Evan assured. “I have my sources.”

“And I suppose these sources are only open to you?” She said in a way that reminded Evan of
Regulus.

He returned it, although he hoped it was more noticeable than Narcissa’s. “No, no it’s not.”

________________________________
“So what I’m saying is that dogs must look at us as their pets, it makes sense.”

Regulus watched as Sirius looked at Barty like he was a mad man. “Yeah… but it doesn’t,
does it?”

“Except you’re wrong, it does.” Barty countered as he took another gingerbread man and
shoved it into his mouth.

He sighed and took the plate away from him. “Stop eating all of the biscuits.”

“Piss off.” Barty said snatching up another biscuit while he did, much to the annoyance of
Regulus. They were in the living room while Effie and Monty made Christmas dinner, Mrs
Pettigrew would be arriving with Peter soon. The fire was lit as the snow stormed loudly
outside, Barty was sitting on the sofa and had been telling Sirius about his Dog theory as
Regulus sat on the arm chair.

James’ parents had offered to have him around when they heard that his father had no plans,
well except ignoring his sons existence. Or partially ignoring his sons existence? Regulus still
wasn't sure about how their relationship was working even after Barty spent an hour telling
him about what had happened. Speaking of James he had left to the kitchen a bit ago and
hadn’t returned yet, in a rare moment of clinginess Regulus missed him.

The Christmas tree shone brightly in the corner with a variety of bright colours coming from
the lights and bobbles. Despite it only being the early evening, outside was almost pitch black
due to the unexpected snow storm, so the room was filled with warm lights. It had been a
while since he’d seen a home look so cozy. The only other home he’d been in like this was
his Uncle Alphard’s, but Regulus didn't really associate that with happiness anymore.

Opening the door James walked into the room, he was wearing a Christmas jumper that was
just down right hideous, but for some weird reason he pulled it off. As he sat down on the
arm rest of the chair James place a hand on Regulus’ back and planted a kiss on his cheek.
Smiling up at him it took a second to realise the grave mistake they’d just made, because
Barty didn't know.

When Regulus turned to look at his friend with wide eyes Barty shared the expression, his
mouth agape but there was a curve to the end of them. “Oh wow…” It looked like James
realised what was going on because he pulled a sheepish grin. Barty squinted his eyes, but
nothing else on his face changed. “How long has this been going on then?”

Before Regulus could respond James did it for him. “A month.”

Barty’s face became even more shocked, if that was even possible. “You little snake, how
dare you keep this away from me all this time.”

“Well I was going to tell you… but then I didn't.” Regulus ineffectively defended himself, he
wasn't really trying to actually.

“Regulus Arcturus.”

“Bartemius.”

“Ew.

“Exactement.” (Exactly)

He slumped back into the sofa and crossed his arms like a child, and if you looked hard
enough there was a pout on his lips. “I’m so going to tell Ev about this.”

“‘I’m so going to tell Ev about this.’” Regulus mocked his words before replying properly.
“Evan loves me more than you, he’ll take my side.”
“No he doesn’t.”

“Yes he does you tocard.” (Loser)

Barty was obviously going to reply with a simple ‘no’, but then a smirk adorned itself on his
lips. “Ever had your tongue in his mouth.”

“Creve.” Regulus made fake gagging sounds. “Go die.” (Die)

Sirius looked between the two of them. “What… is going on.”

“Exposure therapy.” Barty explained, or didn't actually explain because none of them knew
what that meant. “Reg is homophobic and hates that his best friends are gay.”

James awfully tried to suppress his laugh, but some of it escaped his lips as Regulus made a
face at Barty. “That’s impossible.”

“What’s impossible?” Peter asked from where he had just appeared?, at the doorway. Regulus
had come to realise over the past few weeks that this was something that he just did.

“Peter!” James exclaimed practically jumping off of the chair and onto the other, honestly if
he didn't know any better Regulus would think that he was dating Peter and not him. “I
missed you.”

The other let out a laugh as he patted James’ back. “I guess I missed you too.” Pulling away
from him James had a large smile on his face. Then the opening in the door widened slightly
as Betty trotted in, instantly walking over to Regulus and jumping on his lap. “Sorry, since
when did you have a cat?”

“Reg kidnapped her off of the street like a week ago.” Sirius explained and Regulus watched
as Peters expression turned to one of amusement.
“Yes, and that just makes perfect sense.” He replied as he stepped away from James and
moved to sit beside Sirius, only seeming to realise that Barty was also here at that moment.
“Oh I didn’t know you’d be here Crouch.”

“Me neither,” Barty admitted. “And please, call me Gertrude.”

The other let out a laugh as he sat down beside him. “Trudy it is then."

As the other three conversed James walked back over to him, and now Betty apparently. He
smiled down at him and Regulus felt like he had fallen in love all over again. The light of the
room went beautifully with the warm undertones of his skin, the greens and blues of the
decorations reflecting in his eyes. He sat down on to where he had been previously. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Regulus replied, his loss of breath obvious in his voice and he gave James a content
smile as his fingers brushed up and down Betty’s fur.

James lent down to beside his ear and whispered into it. “Do you wanna go out in the snow?”
When Regulus nodded he lent out his hand, just like a proper gentleman.

Without thinking he took his hand and shuffled Betty off of him. They snuck out of the room
and weren’t noticed as the other three were back into the, rather heated, conversation about
dogs. There was the sound of laughter from the kitchen, along with one of the most amazing
smells Regulus had ever had the pleasure of smelling. The only one to top it would be his
amortentia potion, or more accurately James.

Quietly they opened the back door and cold air instantly blew against them, James closed it
again quickly as he turned back to Regulus with a breathy laugh. “Wait here.” He said and
ran into the room next to them, when he returned there were two long coats around each of
his arms. “Black or red?”

“Noir.” The coat was passed to him and Regulus put it on, the arms were slightly too long but
past that everything fit fine. Once James was wrapped in his own they opened the door again,
the cold air still hit his face fiercely but it was much better than it had been before. Taking
Regulus’ hand James led them out into the snow. (Black)

The wind was strong and he felt as if he might blow over, but once they got further from the
house Regulus found himself adapting to it. James took his other hand. “Dance with me.”

“W-what?” He said as his eyebrows raised, amusement obvious in his tone.

“Dance with me.” James repeated himself as he moved them back and forth slightly.

Regulus laughed lightly as he allowed himself to be guided around. “There’s no music.”

James seemed to think about how to overcome this hurdle for a moment, then he grinned.
“I’ll be our music.”

“Oh will you now?”

“Yes.” James insisted and Regulus could already feel his smile growing wider. Then he began
singing and despite the slight hoarseness to his voice and the wind that caused it to warp, it
was the most beautiful thing Regulus had ever heard.

Why do birds, suddenly appear…

He began as he span Regulus around and when he came back to face him James wrapped an
arm around his waist, bringing them closer together.

Every time, you are near…

Laughing while they moved from one foot to another Regulus rested his head onto James’
chest.

Just like me, they want to be…

Regulus shifted his head from where it leant so he could look up at James, and if you looked
hard enough he swore you would be able to see the stars reflecting in his eyes.

Close to you…

James whispered the final lyric as he lowered his head to kiss Regulus on the top of his own,
then placed one on his lips. Soft and sweet because James Potter would never be capable of
anything else

____________________________

Remus stepped through the floo with his mother holding his hand, a cloud of smoke
surrounded him and a bit of it even made its way into his air way. Once the smoke cleared he
saw that they had arrived at The Potters home, more specifically their living room. In it sat
Sirius along with Peter and surprisingly Barty Crouch Jr. It looked like Sirius had previously
been fighting with Betty, who had apparently been allowed to stay, as he talked to the others.
That had now ceased as he stared at Remus and his mother in shock. “Moony?” He asked.
“What are you doing here?”

Rubbing the back of his neck Remus gave him an awkward smile. “Long story…?”

Before Sirius could respond the door to the room opened and Monty walked through. “Did
someone come through the- Oh! Remus, Hope,” The man addressed them. “What are you
doing here?”
“Well,” His mother spoke for the first time since entering the home. “We found it to be only
the two of us this Christmas, so we decided to take you up on your offer…if it still stands that
is?”

Monty gave them a smile that was terrifyingly similar to James’ “Of course it is, come us
adults are in the kitchen slaving away while the kids have fun.”

She let out a light laugh. “Alright then.” Then followed him out of the room.

Sirius looked back over to him as he stood up and wrapped Remus in a tight hug, placing a
light kiss on his cheek. “It’s nice to see you.”

“It would be really embarrassing if it wasn’t.” He joked and Sirius took his hand in his as
they pulled away from each other. Remus walked over to the arm chair, evidently pulling
Sirius with him as well, and sat down while the other quite literally lay over the top of him.

Peter leaned his side in closer to Barty but kept his face looking at the pair. “You see Trudy, I
personally think that this is disgusting and completely over board,” He fully turned to look at
Barty then. “What are your opinions on this?”

He let out a breath of air and raised his eyebrows slightly. “I’ve never agreed with a statement
more, it must run in the Black blood.”

“This is what I’ve been saying!” Peter exclaimed. “You just get me Trudy.”

Remus looked between the two of them before looking at Sirius. “Should I even question
this?”

“Not one bit.” Sirius told him and he just accepted that. His mind wandered to what had
brought them to the home in the first place, the events that had taken place through the night.
Admittedly it was his fault, but a lot of it fell to his father as well.
They had been sitting in the kitchen drinking tea, his father was doing it rather involuntarily
however, only there because his wife wanted him to be. Lyall Lupin wouldn’t be caught dead
wanting to spend time with his son. Except Remus dared to make the mistake of taking off
his jacket, which of course showed off some of the scars on his arms. It only took five
minutes for his father to make a comment on them, and then they began to argue. The
argument went on for twenty minutes before he decided Christmas wasn't worth it anymore
and left for work.

“Please Lyall… It’s Christmas.” His mother begged, grabbing on to her husbands arm to
stop him apparating away.

He snatched his arm away from the woman’s grasp and scowled. “I would much rather spend
my Christmas at work than with this vermin.”

Remus involuntarily stiffened as he swallowed thickly when his father addressed him, despite
years of the verbal abuse he’d never quite gotten used to it. One moment the man was there
and then next minute he was gone, leaving an empty space and a heartbroken woman.

“Moons,” Sirius ripped him from his thoughts. “You okay?”

He smiled down at him. “Yeah, of course I am.”

Sirius looked at him skeptically but decided to not push it. “If you say so.”

It was only then that he noticed Regulus and James weren’t in the room. “Hey where’s Reg
and Prongs?”

“Ugh,” Sirius rolled his eyes, but Remus could tell there was a fondness behind it. “They
snuck off together at some point.”
“Ah, young love.” He sighed.

“Hey! We’re young.”

Barty responded to that for Remus. “No you’re old.”

Sirius launched himself forward with an offended expression. “How dare you, I’m not even
seventeen yet!”

“Not yet.” The other smirked at him as he emphasised the ‘yet’.

“Listen here you little shit-“ Sirius was cut off by laughter coming from outside of the room
and then it opened to reveal Regulus and James, the latter had his arm wrapped around the
younger’s shoulder. “There you are!”

Regulus turned away from James, and Remus swore he looked reluctant to do so, to respond
to his brother, but before he did he noticed him. “Remus! What are you doing here?”

“Oh you know,” He trailed off the end of the word. “Just doing some house calls.”

Despite Regulus breaking his stare James kept his strong, only breaking it to address Remus.
“Couldn’t keep yourself away from Pads could you?”

“Could’ve gone a bit longer to be fair.” He replied sarcastically, much to the offence of
Sirius.

James laughed which also seemed to piss Sirius off even more. “Dinners going to be ready in
a minute by the way, maan said to come get your seats now.” Once he said that his attention
was given back to Regulus and Regulus only. It was sweet and Remus found himself smiling
at the interaction, and at the way Regulus smiled at it too.
Barty stood up almost immediately. “Fuck yeah, I’m starving.” Everyone also followed him
in standing as they began to funnel out of the living room. Instantly the smell of the food
entered his nose and Remus found himself almost drooling.

The dining room was decorated with candles and all sorts of Christmas ornaments, there was
a turkey in the middle of it along with a small chicken on the other side. Vegetables were
spread out across the table along with a few Indian dishes Remus didn't recognise. He found
a seat beside Sirius as James and Regulus sat next to each other so did Peter and Barty, in the
unlikely friendship they had formed. His mother sat beside Effie, and Monty sat beside her.

“Why are you two so wet?” Sirius asked James and Regulus, the two of them only laughing
in response.

Fleamont decided to explain for them. “They were out in the snow.”

James turned to his father with wide eyes. “How do you know?”

“That window,” He pointed to it. “Looks out onto the garden, did you forget?” The other
blushed slightly, but it was nothing compared to Regulus’ blush of embarrassment. “I got a
moving photo though.”

Regulus redness became even redder and Sirius got this look of pure joy on his face,
definitely out of the need to make fun of his brother. “Show me!”

Monty dug into his pocket and pulled out the picture. “Here.” Then he passed it to Sirius.

“Aww… look at you two all in love.” He cooed and Regulus gave him the finger in response.
“Look at this Moony.”
 Remus took the photo from out of his boyfriends hand. They did actually look ‘all in love’ if
he were to use Sirius’ wording. The picture captured James as he twirled Regulus around,
then brought them closer together, it was just like something out of a movie.

If you had told him this time last year that not only would he be dating Sirius Black, but
James Potter would be dating Regulus Black, he would have called you a liar and insulted
your intelligence brutally. Although as Remus looked at the pair and saw how comfortable
they looked with each other he found himself wondering how he’d ever thought it wouldn’t
happen.

Because if James looked at Regulus like he’d hung the moon and the stars then Regulus
looked at James as if he was the sun that shone beside them.

Chapter End Notes

HIIIII

Such a cute chapter honestly.

MARY AT THE START WITH HER LITTLE BROTHER AND THEN WITH LILY
AND SIRIUS LIKE AWWWW WTF. BEN BEING LIKE "Is that your girlfriend?"
AND MARY JUST LOOSING IT HAHAHHFDGHG

Emmelines bit was pretty short, but that section is kinda important in the long run so....
>:DDD

EVAN LOML I LOVE YOU SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BABE. Got a bit of Narcissa
action wooo, I love the way she's all lady like and then the minute she's out of the public
eye its like WHERE'S MY COUSIN, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM? Gotta love protective
Narcissa.

Cassie just jumping in to catch the Black family tea then dropping again LMFAOOO,
She's also gonna be a pretty important character.

THE DOG CONVO OBVIOUSLY HAD TO RETURN, love Barty just being like "Wtf
is happening rn." when James kissed Reg, AND THE EXPOSURE THERAPY LINE.
Best thing I've ever written.
Although I am a big fan of the part in one of the other chapters where James is like
"You're alive?" To older Reg and he's just like "No?"

THEN THE DANCING SCENE >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I've been wanting to write something like that forever, and Monty taking a photo! Ugh I
love them all so much!!!

BETTY I LOVE YOU

BARTY AND PETERS FRIENDSHIP AHGKFKHGHDKHG

I literally love them as friends, also James missing Peter.

Honestly something I've never understood is people being like "James and Peter were
childhood best friends!" And then they DO NOT act like it. Like come on, being friends
for sixteen years is definitely going to make them pretty close.

Lyall Lupin I don't like you

Hope Howell I want to marry you

I love writing other peoples POV's of Regulus, like I find that interesting for some
reason.

"Because if James looked at Regulus like he’d hung the moon and the stars then Regulus
looked at James as if he was the sun that shone beside them." SO CUTE OMG.

I thought of the most heart breaking ending by the way LIKE YOU GUYS ARE NOT
READY.

Also I couldn't decide on if I wanted to do a Remus or Sirius POV so I did a poll, but I
made the very grave mistake of captioning it with "Don't question it just pick on of
them." AND I DIDNT REALISE HOW MUCH POWER THAT MCD TAG HOLDS
OVER YOUR HEAD LMFAOOOO. I promise it was genuinely just for the Point of
view.

Smarties are so good, everyone should enjoy a smartie. Go get some! And if they're not
in your area/can't eat them, have something else you really enjoy!

Updating on Thursday!

Emme <3
 Fondness
Chapter Summary

Things are starting to get messy in the dream world as Older Regulus admits that things
are going to get much worse than they had been. James is awoken The Black Brothers
bickering and begins to have repercussions from the dreams, which hasn't happened
before. Evan awaits for Regulus and Barty's arrival anxiously and he finds out some
news that he wasn't expected. We're introduced to one of Peter's friends, a rather risky
friend to have. Barty and Regulus are confronted by Mulciber and he tell Regulus
something that might change the way he views the outside perspective.

Chapter Notes

"I know you must think so little of me, to leave you so pathetically. The last word that I
uttered was stay." Pandora's box - Avery Pickup

_______________________

TW:
Child Abuse: "Once that she saw her other son had left." - "The door to Sirius’ room
slammed open as he stormed in."
Past abuse: "Realistically he knew that it wasn't true." - "Leaning forward he placed his
elbows onto his knees."
Brief child abuse mentions (So brief you'll miss it if you blink): “More than alright.” -
“So you ran away to The Potters…?”
Sexual insults (??): "Oi Black!" - “Shut the fuck up.”
Very very brief homophobia. “Shut the fuck up.” - "That seemed to be the last straw."
Very brief violence. (Just a punch): “Tell me Crouch, is he a good shot?” - "Regulus just
stared at the scene in a shocked haze."
Mentions of a Paedophillic relationship: "Regulus sighed as he crossed his arms." -
“Watch it.”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Merry Christmas.”

That was three days ago.

“Wish me a Merry Christmas asshole.”

Merry Christmas Regulus.

“Thank you, means a lot.”

Does it?

“Yeah, I’m going to think about it for weeks. Stay up late at night kicking my feet and
twirling my hair because James Potter wished me a Merry Christmas.”

Say something not sarcastic, I dare you.

“I think you’re really ugly.”

What, the fuck.

“Tosser.”

What is with you today? You’re so…

“Beautiful?”

No.
“I thought you loved me.”

Ugh, go away.

“Non, annoying you makes my sad little life very not sad.”

Now that’s just depressing.

“You’re depressing.”

What?

“What? Don’t you roll your eyes at me young man.”

I’m older than you.

“I can tell.”

Says you.

“Kind of disappointed you haven’t noticed my appearance change now that you mention it.”

Well I thought it would be rude, considering it doesn’t look like a good one.

“What do you mean?”

Regulus you have like two times the amount of cuts you had last time.

“Yeah, but that’s a good thing. We’ve talked about this.”

It really doesn’t seem like it.

“Oh well, to each their own I guess.”

…So… Are you gonna fill me in on what’s happening today? Or…

“Yeah actually.”

Really?

“No.”

The world around him changed and James found himself in Grimmauld place once more,
he’d grown to recognise a lot of rooms at this point. Unsurprisingly most of Regulus’ biggest
life moments, or more accurately the biggest traumas, came from the house. This wasn't a
room James had been in, however it was pretty easy to work out what it was used for. A
dining table sat in the middle of the room; which was long and narrow, the walls only a metre
behind the chairs. A variety of decorations aligned the walls, decor you would only find in a
Pureblood’s home. The table was set and the lights that were adorned around the room were
lit, allowing a yellow glow to overcome it. The large doors that sat in the centre of one of the
walls opened and guests began enter the room.

James recognised most of them to be The Sacred Twenty Eight, however if you were to ask
him their names he wouldn’t know. As they all took their seats the hosts walked in to the
room, Orion Black sat down at the top of the table, his wife at the chair to his direct right.
Sirius sat at his direct left and Regulus sat beside him, Evan Rosier next to him. James took
notice that they weren’t as close as they seemed to be in his world. Another reminder to how
different things were, or had been, for Older Regulus.
Rather than announcing that the meal had begun, or addressing his guests; Orion simply
allowed the food to appear on the table. He brought his dessert spoon to his glass, lifted the
cup up and tapped on it three times, then people began to move again. Conversations started
throughout the table, and in a rare moment James felt admiration, because this was what it
was like to have someones respect.

Older Regulus walked closer to his younger self and James followed him, currently he was
conversing with Rosier, but in a much more formal way than he had heard them before. He’d
grown fond of Barty and Regulus’ friendship over the past two weeks, and he was aware that
his friendship with Rosier was pretty much the same. So it was strange to watch as they
looked to have barriers in front of them that James was sure weren’t there in his reality.

“Heir Black,” A woman addressed Sirius as she cut her meat up thinly, it didn't escape his
notice that most of the women at the table had spent more time cutting their food, rather than
actually eating it. “What do you plan to pursue once you leave school?”

A few heads turned over to their direction slightly, as if to pretend their attention was still on
the people they were talking with when it really wasn’t. “Well I wish to be a-“

“Sirius will be joining the Ministry, as expected of him.” Walburga interrupted. James saw as
he moved to talk back but Regulus pushed down on his foot with his own under the table.

The brothers stared wordlessly at each other but just their gaze seemed to hold a conversation
that could be written into the history books. Sirius’ eyes held defiance as did Regulus,
however his had more of a pleading look to them. ‘No’ he mouthed, and the other seemed to
contemplate it for a moment. Ten seconds passed and neither of them broke the eye contact
until Sirius did and that was when James began to recognise the evening. “Actually I plan to
join The Auror Academy.”

Everyone sat at the table fell silent, some directed their looks to the food, while others
unapologetically stared directly at the family. “Sirius…” Regulus said sharply under his
breath.
His brother continued despite the protest. “There is a lot of danger out at the moment, don’t
you agree Mrs Malfoy?” A knowing grin present on his face as he looked at the Death Eater.

She appeared to become frustrated at the comment, not letting it show too much, but she did
stutter slightly. “Y-yes of course.”

The conversation died out after that but what did not die however, was Walburga Blacks
demonic stare. Gone was the usual calm warning that James had grown to see on her face,
instead it was replaced by fire rather than ice. The air around the table became tense, and
despite how many people talked the silent conversation between the mother and son was
louder than them all. Time seemed to move at a slow pace, so slow that when James checked
the clock he saw that not even a minute had passed since his last look.

Eventually the dinner ended and guests began to funnel out of the large room, and in turn out
of the house. Any sign of life, of a loving family home left after that. Walburga turned around
to Sirius and if looks could kill, he would be alive. If they could torture however? He would
be in an indescribable amount of pain. “Regulus, leave us.”

Regulus’ mouth opened to object and James could see the thoughts conflicting in his mind, to
stay and defend his brother? Or leave and in doing so cause Sirius to leave as well, not that he
knew it to that extent. He gave one last mournful look to his brother before he raced up the
stairs, not even saying a word as he left Sirius. At this moment James knew, he knew that this
was when things began to change. When Older Regulus no longer shared memories with his
Regulus.

Despite his best efforts Sirius let out a choked sound as he watched him retreat up the stairs, a
choked off sound that Older Regulus looked to successfully suppress. The pained expression
that fell over his face was not hidden as successfully.

Once that she saw her other son had left, Walburga began to unleash the caged fire. “Sirius
Orion Black, How dare you embarrass us like that!” James watched as his father left once the
shouting began and had to stop himself from calling him a coward. “You will never be an
Auror!”

That seemed to be the thing to snap Sirius out of his heartbroken daze. “Yes I will! You can’t
stop me!”
“I can do a whole lot worse than stop you.” She threatened.

Sirius wasn't deterred from this and actually took a step closer to the woman. “You can’t do
shit to me!”

However this was probably one of the worst things he could have said, because Walburga
could actually do a lot to him; deep down it looked like Sirius knew that too. “Crucio!” The
spell flew from her wand and straight into her sons chest, Sirius instantly fell to the floor as
he screamed and writhed in pain. Clawing at his heart as if he could rip the curse from out of
him, James didn't doubt for a minute that there would be large fiery marks developing under
his shirt.

It didn't stop for what felt like hours, but really it was closer to a few minutes. Some would
say the worst thing would be for Walburga to smile, but watching as she didn't express any
emotion while torturing her son was worse in his opinion. Finally the spell ceased, however
the cries of pain did not and Sirius continued to shake and claw like the magic was still
coursing through him.

“Debout.” Walburga ordered. “Now.” (Stand up)

The noises died down into deep, laboured breaths as his hands still lightly clawed at his chest,
like it was still being attacked. James noticed that silent tears were beginning to make their
way down the side of Sirius’ face. His eyes that had always been soft were wide with terror
and fear that caused them to harden like never before.

She seemed to not have the patience to wait, but rather than helping her son up; Walburga
proceeded to punish him more. “Confundo.”

Sirius’ breath picked up and the pupils of his eyes grew as they darted around the room. “No,
no, no, no,” He repeated over and over, the words growing louder as he realised what was
going to happen. A realisation James also wished he had. “No! No! Maman! Please!”
Ignoring her sons begging Walburga began to hurt him once more. “Difindo.” A long cut
found itself on Sirius’ upper arm. “Diffindo.” Another on his stomach. “Difindo.” The final
spread along his leg and only then did she stop. The tears were no longer silent, instead
choked sobs escaped his throat at an almost concerning rate.

He lay helplessly on the floor, blood slowly gathering under him and his mother did nothing
but stare. Giving him one last look and muttering, “Degoutant.” Under her breath; Walburga
turned sharply and strutted out of the foyer. (Disgusting)

When James finally gave Older Regulus a hesitant look he saw that the boy wasn't even
looking at his brother. Dream after dream he had stared directly at him, like it was his job to
watch Sirius; like he owed him it. This time however he was staring slightly to the left of
him, and if he was able to James is sure that Regulus would have silent tears rolling down his
face.

This night was vivid in his memory, the sight of Sirius slumped against the porch wall, his
legs barely working. The way he cried out for Regulus, apologising to the boy that wasn't
there; he only realised this once he had woken up. James remembers sitting beside his bed
hoping that he would wake, that he wouldn’t fall asleep forever. Then Regulus ran away, and
it was like that night all over again, he cried out in fear that Voldemort would be coming fo
him and Sirius stayed beside him hoping that he too would wake.

It reminded him of a conversation that they had once; it must have been in late October.

“Regulus?”

“Mm?” He looked up to James, his eyes had previously been focused on his homework.

“Can I…” He trailed off hesitantly, scared to ask the question. “Do you… What do you think
of the war?”

James watched as Regulus’ eyebrows furrowed briefly before his calm face returned. “Well I
think it’s a war.”
“But what do you think about it.”

“I think that history has a nasty habit of repeating itself.” He replied mysteriously, and now it
was James’ turn to furrow his eyebrows as a confused expression over came his face. “Many
dark lords have claimed to hold power in the past, he is not the first; nor will he be the last.”

“So you believe we will win?” James assumed.

Turning his head away, Regulus began to write into his book once more. “There will be a
pause between the war, but I am certain it will gain speed once more. Whether that be a year
or one hundred.”

“What if there was a winner, who do you think that would be?”

Regulus let out a sigh as his quill stopped moving. “Good people will never win because they
fear doing the things that bring that outcome.”

Watching as his best friend struggled to lift himself off of the floor, James found himself
understanding what Regulus meant by that.

Sirius finally got himself standing, his legs shaking violently however; actually his whole
body was shaking. He let a hand out as he stumbled over to the rails of the stairs and began to
step up them one at a time, slowly. When he got to the halfway mark he paused and took deep
breaths, a minute passed and he moved again; Regulus and himself following. As they trailed
behind him James gave another glance towards him. His stony expression had returned and
he was yet again looking at Sirius, with an intent hidden in his eyes. What the intent was? He
wouldn’t be able to tell you.

The door to Sirius’ room slammed open as he stormed in, instantly darting towards his chest
of drawers; opening it Sirus pulled out a bag that seemed to already be packed. He grabbed a
jacket, James recognised it to be one of Remus’, he put it on and threw the bag over his
shoulder.
“What are you doing?” A voice appeared from the doorway and everyone in the room turned
around to reveal Regulus. His face remained expressionless but his voice gave him away as it
wavered.

Sirius scoffed. “What do you think I’m doing?”

Regulus’ mask broke at that; not a lot but his eyes widened slightly and he swallowed thickly.
“Tu peux pas- You can’t go.” (You can’t)

“Yeah? Why not?” Sirius challenged any of the earlier weakness James had seen was gone.

The others mouth opened and closed before he finally responded. “Where would you go?”

“James’” He replied almost immediately. “Of course I would go there.”

It was obvious that Regulus was grasping at straws, trying to look for a reason Sirius would
have to stay. “How would you get there?”

Sirius was obviously growing agitated at his brothers questions. “The night bus.”

“How will you get out-“

“What do you want Regulus?” Sirus exclaimed, but his sentence grew quieter towards the
end as he reminded himself of the situation. “I’m leaving, you can’t stop me.”

“I- Pourquoi?” (Why?)

“Why?” Sirius asked astonished. “Look at me Regulus, look at me and then I’m sure you’ll
be able to answer that one yourself.”

Regulus flinched back at that and averted his eyes from his brothers broken body. “You can’t
leave me.”

Now it was Sirius’ turn to flinch back, although lighter than his brother had done. His
features returned to the anger they had been almost instantly. “What? So you can leave me
but I can’t leave you?”

“No I-“

“I have always been there for you, now I’m finally doing something for myself and you care
all of a sudden.” The final part was laughed out but James knew there was nothing but
resentment behind his words. “You’re so selfish.”

Regulus seemed to recover from his earlier shock and his face almost copied Sirius’ with its
anger. “Je suis êgoïste?” His eyebrows raised in offence. “You’re the one who replaced your
brother at the first chance you got!” (I’m selfish?)

“And I’m glad I did!” Sirius yelled, suddenly not caring for their parents. “Peter and James
are much better brothers than you’ll ever be!”

James noticed him not mentioning Remus, he assumed that Sirius must have realised his
feelings for him over the summer then. Regulus noticed too, and practically latched on to it.
“So you’ve finally decided that the halfblood isn’t your friend then?”

The use of the slur brought back James to the reality that Older Regulus had been a blood
supremacist. Even if he wasn't an actual one he definitely used the slurs for a reaction from
people, and in his opinion that was just as bad. Sirius took a step forward and drew his wand
towards his brother. “You have no right to call him that.”
“And you do?” He countered.

Sirius fell back on himself at that. “No- No that’s not what I meant.” He stuttered. “Stop
twisting my words, I’m leaving and you aren’t going to stop me.” He told him as he began
walking over to the window.

The anger left Regulus’ expression and the fear returned once more, James couldn’t help but
notice how he looked a lot like a child in this moment. Wait no, he was a child. “Sirius
please…” He begged reaching out for him before retracting his hand.

Opening the window Sirius turned to look at Regulus. “No, I can’t stay here anymore.”

“They’ll kill me.”

Sirius turned around again, and James knew that he wouldn’t have been able to say what he
was about to if he was looking at his brother. “Good riddance.”

Everything left as the white returned and they were alone once more.

“That was the night Sirius left.”

…I…

“If you’re curious, this is when things begin to change.”

But… It’s so much more different than my world. I mean you and Evan are barely friends,
and- and you’re obviously not friends with Remus or Lily.
“No I… No I wasn’t. I guess there are some differences between me and your Regulus’
pasts.”

…You didn't help him.

“I did not.”

Why?

“Fear, among many other things.”

That’s not good enough Regulus… you know that right?

“…Yes… I am aware of that. If you hadn’t noticed I do have hours to think over my past
mistakes.”

Right, sorry.

“No I’m sorry, I didn't mean to snap. Juste… never mind, you’re going to wake up and I need
to tell you something.” (Just)

What is it?”

“Things are… There isn’t going to be any more nice dreams.”

Well they don’t come often anyways.

“No I mean… It’s just the dreams are going to get brutal.”

I don’t understand.

“We’re at the thick of it now, and I just feel like I should warn you.”

What’s going to happen?

Regulus?

…Regulus?

_______________________________

James woke up slowly but his eyes didn't open, he could feel Regulus in his arms and could
hear the boys soft breaths. If he were to open his eyes he would have to confront what had
happened in his sleep, and he would much prefer to ignore that for now. There were vague
sounds of footsteps, along with muffled laughs but he chose to ignore it; which proved to be a
terrible mistake.

One second Regulus was sound asleep in his arms, the next he had launched himself forward
and James felt a small wet patch form on his sleeve. “Sirius you-“ Regulus shouted and that
was when he decided to open his eyes. Sirius was standing near the wall wheezing with
laughter and an empty cup in his hand. His brother on the other hand was vigorously wiping
his eyes and a large patch of water was on the front of his shirt. “It’s in my eyes! What the
fuck was that?”

Sirius was now half-collapsed against the wall as he laughed. “It was-“ He cut himself off
briefly. “It was just water!”
“Menteur! It fucking burns!” He exclaimed; bringing his hands down and blinking
exaggeratedly to himself. “Water doesn’t burn!” (Liar)

His overreaction seemed to cause Sirius even more amusement. “I promise it’s just water!
Even ask Monty!”

James watched them argue with a smile, sleep was still heavy on his eyes and he desperately
wanted to go back to it. He wrapped an arm around Regulus’ waist and pulled him down,
rather awkwardly as he hid his face into the others side and closed his eyes once more. “He’s
behind- Oh hello.” It was crazy how Regulus’ voice could go from complete anger to a soft
fondness in a matter of seconds.

“Mm…” Was all that he responded with and James felt as delicate fingers began to card
through his hair.

“Gross.” Sirius stated. “This is absolutely disgusting.”

The softness switched off once more and he could imagine the look Regulus was giving his
brother. “You’re disgusting.”

“What- hey!”

“Boys,” A new voice interrupted and James recognised it to be his mother. “You’re awfully
loud this morning, any particular reason?”

“Sirius attacked me brutally in my sleep by pouring acid into my eyes.” Regulus lied to her.

The other scoffed. “It was just a little water, he’d just too much of a posh boy.”

“Am not!”
“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too-“

His mother sighed, but James could tell there was no ill intent behind it. “Sirius please refrain
from pouring whatever liquid it was into your brothers eyes again.”

“Yeah Sirius.” Regulus teased in a mocking tone.

James took note of how much Regulus smelt like Apple-blossoms at the moment. “Boys.”
She said once more and he assumed that they had made faces at each other. “You should start
to get ready to leave, breakfast is on the table and we’ll leave a bit after that.”

He had forgotten about that, and he’s honestly surprised that he had. Regulus hadn't
necessarily been non-stop talking about it, but he had been non-stop fidgeting about it. James
guessed it was because of a variety of things, mainly because he would be seeing his friends
again. Another would be that even though his escape wasn’t known to the public yet, his
engagement to a woman twenty years older than him was.

While he was lost in thought Sirius must have left because once he came back to the present
there was no more bickering. Only the gentle touch of Regulus’ fingers in his hair and the
slight breeze against the window. Finally James decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea to fall
back asleep so he opened his eyes and pushed himself away from Regulus. “Good morning.”
The other said to him with an amused smile on his face.

“Mm… Morning.” He replied while wiping the dirt out of his eyes. “Did you sleep well.”
“Ouais…” Regulus told him then his expression became annoyed. “Until Sirius interrupted
it.” (Yeah)

James chuckled lightly as he got up from the bed and walked over to his chest of drawers.

They’ll kill me.

His eyes widened as the voice entered his brain, that hadn't happened before: He shook the
thought away. “Are you alright?” Regulus asked, his voice now laced with worry.

James nodded as he lifted a jumper out of the drawer. “Yeah… yeah um- Just a… Just a bad
dream.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Please, he whispered in the comfort of his mind.

Rather than saying what he wanted to James just plastered on a smile as he looked back
around, throwing the top onto his body. “No, it wasn't that bad.”

“If you say so…” Regulus replied skeptically.

“I do say so.” James smirked as he moved over to him; leaning down to place a kiss on his
lips. When he pulled away Regulus was smiling, and he was certain his face was mirroring it.
“Do you want to go get some breakfast now?”

“D’accord,” Regulus responded as he began to get up from the bed. “I hope Effie made
pancakes.” (Sure)

“I’m sure she did.” James brought his arm over Regulus’ shoulder as they began to walk out
of the shoulder, the other held their hands together. Regulus hummed in response and they
began to walk through the hallway and down the stairs. “Are you nervous?”
“For what?”

“School.”

Regulus shrugged slightly. “Not really.” James could tell he was lying, but he didn’t want to
push. “Are you?”

Was he? Perhaps not for himself, but definitely for other people. “No… No I don’t think so.”

When they walked into the kitchen Sirius was sitting on top of the counter eating a bowl of
cereal while his maan and dad were sat at the table eating some pancakes. “Oi, a metre apart
Potter.”Before James could reply Regulus did it for him, well not really he just detached
himself from his grip and walked over to his brother; taking the cereal out of his hand and
walking away once more. “Hey! Effie!”

His maan looked over to his dad and sighed. “This is why we stopped after James.”

Regulus sat down beside Monty and discarded the cereal for some pancakes. The fact that he
didn't even want the cereal made the whole situation even funnier to James. “I wish my
parents stopped after Sirius.”

You see while the joke itself was incredibly funny, James didn't know if it would be morally
right for him to laugh at it. Luckily for him his father didn't seem to have that struggle with
morals as he barked out a laugh. Sirius grumbled as he walked over to the table, hitting
Regulus over the head in the process. “Wanker.” James followed him in sitting down and
took a place beside his maan

“Sirius, watch your language at the table honey.” Effie scolded but there was a smile on her
face at the brothers antics. “Are you all packed?”
“Yep.” James said as he started putting chocolate sauce onto his pancakes, giving a slight
glare to Regulus’ bare ones, who was nodding in response. What a barbarian.

“Yeah,” Sirius told her. “I just need to grab a few things to put onto a carry on.”

“Alright then,” His dad clapped his hands together. “We’ll leave in thirty then?” He grinned
happily when noises of agreement filled the table.

Sirius took his cereal back and began to eat it again. “Do you think Moony has missed me?”

“It’s been three days Sirius.” Regulus said, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

He gave him a dirty look. “Go away, you’re so annoying.”

James just ignored them and turned around to his mother. “Do you have any nice plans before
you go back to work?”

She shook her head. “No… not many, I might go see The Longbottoms though, it’s been a
while since I saw them last. You’re friends with Frank aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” James nodded. “Yeah I’d say we’re quite good friends.”

The woman smirked at him. “And what would he say?”

“Maan,” He whined. “He’d say the same, I promise.”

“I’ll take your word for it then.” She said as she began to cut up another pancake.
“It’s true!”

“Never said you were lying.”

“Yeah but you’re insinuating it.”

“How so?”

James made a noise of frustration and rolled his eyes. “Leave me alone.”

__________________________________

Evan sat in the empty train compartment and stared outside of the window. He had arrived
early, so early that he was actually there to witness the train arriving; the only other people
who did that were first years. Despite obviously not being one he still felt slightly
embarrassed, especially when he accidentally walked into one of them. It wasn't necessarily
his fault, the kid had been really short.

So for the past twenty minutes he’s been sitting in this train compartment contemplating
everything. It was a major risk to sit in the Barty, Regulus and him usually sat in; but it felt
wrong to do anything else. At the back of his head a voice had been talking about how they
wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore, that there was no reason for them to be friends
anymore. Even though there wasn't a lot of evidence behind that statement Evan had grown
to believe it, to an extent of course.

Realistically he knew that it wasn't true, unrealistically it seemed entirely believable.

Something Evan has learnt in the past fifteen years of his life is that to the human mind the
unrealistic is almost always more rational.
The Christmas break hadn't been good, in fact it had been one of the worst of his life. If he
was being honest Evan wasn’t… he wasn't doing… well. Every night had been spent with his
eyes wide in paranoia, scared that his sisters would come into his room and drown him again,
or worse. They hadn't brought him back to the pond but they had poisoned his food a few
times, which wasn't the most pleasant experience.

Leaning forward he placed his elbows onto his knees and hid his face into his hands. Letting
out a long sigh; Evan pushed the tips of his fingers into his tear ducts in an attempt to stop the
tears that had began to form. The sigh almost drowned out the sound of the door opening,
almost. Instantly his head snapped towards it and he saw Regulus. As quickly as his head had
turned Evan stood up and crashed into him; Regulus had to take a step back but speedily
wrapped his arms around him.

He let out a shaky breath as he buried his head into the others shoulder, if a few tears slipped
past his defences as well then that’s no ones business. “You’re okay.” Evan said as a
statement rather than a question.

“I’m okay.” Regulus confirmed as his grip on Evan tightened.

“You’re stupid, and idiotic and dumb and I hate you.”

Regulus let out a soft laugh as they finally pulled away from each other. “I hate you too.”

Evan smiled at him and wiped his nose, letting out a breath he didn't even know he had been
holding. “I’m starting to feel left out.” Barty’s voice joined the conversation.

“Good.” He deadpanned as he sat back down where he had previously been sat.

“Aww Evan,” Barty cooed as he sat beside him, throwing an arm over his shoulder and
brought them closer together. “I know you missed me.”

“I did not.”
“Your blush is giving you away.” Regulus called him out while he sat down on the bench
opposite to them.

Bringing a hand up to cover his cheeks he used the other to flip off Regulus. “No I’m not,
shut up.”

“You totally are.”

Evan crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at him. “This is bullying.”

“It’s okay Ev,” Barty reassured. “You can miss me.”

He turned his head to look at him, mildly panicking at how close their faces were. “I’m not a
liar.”

Rather than responding Barty just connected their lips in a brief kiss, which was quickly
interrupted by Regulus. “No PDA.”

Barty turned to look at him with an unimpressed expression. “Says you.”

“Oi shut up.”

“Dancing in the snow with your prince charming.” Barty teased, but Evan had no idea what
he was talking about.

“Sorry,” Evan interjected. “Can either of you elaborate?”

He felt the air in the room become slightly awkward as the other two shared knowing looks, a
knowing look Evan would really like to know the meaning behind. “Reg… Do you want to
do the honours?” Barty asked hesitantly.

Regulus made a face before sighing. “Evan…so you remember that one guy I was tutoring?”

“That one guy being James Potter.”

“That’s the one. Well you see… I may or may not be…”

“They’re shagging each other.” Barty finished the sentence for Regulus who kicked him in
his shin. “Ow what the fuck!”

“We aren’t shagging!”

Evan just stared in a shocked silence, okay yes he’d had his suspicions for a while; but it was
Regulus’ brothers best friend so he’d just been in a sort of denial about it all. “What…”

Barty smirked down at him. “Well you see… when a mummy and daddy love each other very
much-“

Regulus kicked him again before his expression turned slightly scared. “Wait you’re not mad
are you?”

That snapped Evan out of his haze. “What no, no of course not. Why would I be?”

“I don’t know…” Regulus admitted.

“As long as you’re happy,” Evan smiled warmly at him. “And he makes you happy. Then I
am.”

Regulus returned the smile. “Thank you…”

Evan was sure that Barty was about to interrupt the tender moment but unluckily for him
someone else did. “Regulus Black!” A voice stormed into the compartment, a voice that
belonged to Emmeline. “How dare you give me radio silence you intolerant bastard!” She
yelled as she marched forward and started hitting him, despite the harsh words the hits were
actually quite light. Pandora and Dorcas followed in a lot more quietly. Evan and Barty
waved at them as they returned the gesture.

“Ow fuck!” Regulus exclaimed as he put his hands up in defence. “What are you even talking
about?” Evan could tell by his words that there was a fear that the escape had become public
knowledge without him knowing.

“Do you know how worried I’ve been?” Emmeline stopped her hits but instead wrapped her
arm around Regulus’ neck and pulled him into a headlock, not actually strangling him
though. “Not even a letter!”

“How do you even know?” Regulus seemed to come to the conclusion that she was talking
about him running away, when really Emmeline was probably talking about his engagement;
or past engagement, Evan wasn’t really sure anymore.

“It’s all over the bloody papers!”

At that Regulus finally managed to pull away from her, and alarmed expression on his face.
“It’s in the papers?”

“Well what would you expect Reg?” Finally Pandora spoke up. “It’s a Black Family
engagement, they always make the news.”
Regulus’ eyes widened as he took a breath of relief. “Oh d’accord, okay that’s good.” (Oh
okay)

Dorcas was the first to catch in to the fact that Regulus and Emmeline were talking about two
entirely different topics. “Wait what are you talking about Reg?”

Regulus, Barty and him shared wary looks with each other; not sure if they should say it or
not. “Wait don’t tell me something as equally awful has happened to you.” Emmeline said,
her previous anger replaced be concern.

“Um…yeah…” Regulus sighed, his hands beginning to fidget. “It’s a bit of a long story…”

_____________________________

Peter walked through the compartments as he looked for the Dirks, perhaps some part of him
should feel guilty for staying in contact with Dirk; but he didn’t. At the end of the day he had
been the victim and he wasn't going to defend his friends for what they did, because it was
cruel and unkind. As much as he’s happy for Sirius and Remus, they were made for each
other, their relationship came at the expense of Dirks feelings. Neither of them had made
efforts to talk to him, or apologise. Well despite that night when Remus went chasing after
him but Peter didn't think that counted.

So yeah, he had been meeting up with Dirk without them knowing but there wasn't an ounce
of guilt in his body.

Finally he managed to find the compartment, inside was Frank, Alice and Dirk; he opened
the door and smiled at them all. “Hello.”

“Peter!” Alice beamed up at him. “It’s good to see you!”

“Nice to see you too.” Peter replied as he sat down beside Dirk. “Did you guys get up to
anything over the holidays?”

She nodded. “Spent it with Franks family.”

“Getting serious then?” He winked at them.

“I’d like to hope so,” Frank said giving Peter and amused look. “It’s been three bloody
years.”

Alice looked over to him with a threatening look. “Three years you’ve enjoyed, right?”

“Yes love, of course.” The other replied with a warm smile as he hooked his arm around her
shoulders, bringing them closer together.

Dirk leaned his side closer to Peter. “Why didn't you come sooner? I’ve had to deal with
these two all on my own.”

“You think you’ve got it bad?” He raised an eyebrow at Dirk. “Try living with those Moony-“
Peter cut himself off after realising what he had just said, who he had just brought up. “I-
Sorry-“

“No it’s fine-“

“It’s really not.” He interrupted him.

“No genuinely Peter, I’m over it.” Dirk assured him and even though he wasn't entirely sure,
Peter dropped it. “What about you? Did you do anything?”
Peter shook his head. “Nothing interesting, I spent most of the break at James’. Mum had to
take on night shifts.”

“Oh I’m so sorry,” Dirk gave him a sympathetic smile. “I know that must have been hard for
you.”

“It’s harder for her.” Peter downplayed the situation. “I mean I’m the reason she has to do it
in the first place.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself Peter.” Dirk told him. “That guilt isn’t your burden to carry.”

Peter looked down at his hands for a moment, taking in what the other had just said before he
looked back up with a smirk. “Moving on from all the depressing stuff, you said you’d
moved on? Does that mean there’s someone else in the picture?”

“I said I was over it,” A light pink tinged on Dirks cheeks however and he glanced away
before giving Peter his full attention once more. “But I guess you could say that…”

He raised his eyebrows and nudged the other. “Go on, who is it?”

Dirk laughed a bit, shaking his head. “I think I’ll keep that up there for now.” He said tapping
his head.

“You and your secrets.” Peter sighed; side eyeing him while doing so, then he turned back
around to Frank and Alice who were being all disgustingly in love. “So Frank… Do you
know who you’re going to make year head?”

Frank rolled his eyes fondly. “Me and Emmeline have… some ideas…”

Peter held up his hand. “Wait, don’t tell me. I like a surprise.”
“Alright then,” Frank said as he let out a breathy laugh. “I’ll make sure your name is at the
top of the list though.”

“You’re a real one Frank.”

___________________________

Regulus finished telling his friends what had happened obviously leaving out a few key
factors. One of them being the mark on his arm; he wasn't ready, nor would he ever be, to tell
them that. Barty knew and he would tell Evan later on but telling the girls was a whole
different story. He trusted them, of course he did they were his friends, but Regulus wasn't
sure how safe it would be for that many people to know. If that made sense.

“Merlins balls Reg…” Dorcas breathed out as she looked at him with a shocked expression,
as all of them looked at him with a shocked expression. “And you’re… you’re alright now?”

“Yeah…” He said with a soft smile. “More than alright.”

The story he had told them was that when he found out about his engagement he was scared,
obviously. That through the holiday preparations were being made, meeting with people and
talks of contract that he would be forced to sign. Regulus told them that throughout this
Lucius had been horribly tormenting him. Then it all became too much when he was actually
forced to meet the woman, which wasn’t entirely inaccurate.

He left out the mark, the injuries, Avery, Voldemort and his very close encounter with death.
It was why they weren’t panicking or crying, like Barty had; and despite the guilt that came
with lying Regulus felt much better about it. “So you ran away to The Potters…?” Emmeline
asked and he nodded in response. “And you’re dating… James Potter…?” Regulus nodded
once more, albeit a lot more slowly. “Who is also your brothers best friend?” He repeated his
previous action. “Who you have hated for the past six years.”
“Yes Emme.” Regulus finally grew tired of her questions. “Everything I said is surprisingly
accurate to the situation.”

“Tosser,” She shoved him lightly, a fond smile on her face. “Glad you’re okay.”

“Me too.” Pandora agreed. “Thanks for trusting us with this, I know it must have been hard.”

Regulus spared a guilty look over to Barty before looking back to her. “Of course.”

“Hey,” Evan interjected. “We’re here.”

That caused him to look out of the window and see that Evan was right, the train station was
coming into view; as was the tips of the castle rooftops. Regulus felt his body stiffen slightly
as his nerves from earlier returned, and he found himself feeling upset that he hadn’t confided
tin James about his anxieties. While everyone in the compartment began to stand he stayed
sat, Barty noticed and sat down again; as if to camouflage Regulus’ hesitance. “You four can
go on!” He called out to the others, before turning back to him and whispering. “Are you
okay?”

Nodding his head he swallowed thickly. “Yeah I’m-“ Regulus cut himself off briefly. “Sorry
just… yeah.” He forced himself to stand up.

Barty followed his movements as he also stood, however it didn't stop him from giving
Regulus a worrying look. “You don’t need to stay for the whole ceremony, we can leave any
time you want.”

Regulus gave him a grateful smile, even though he didn't intend on taking him up on that
offer. “Thanks Barty.”

“What are best mates for?”

He let out a light laugh while they walked out of the room. “Apparently being overly
annoying.”

“Hey!” Barty exclaimed, hitting him on the shoulder. “Take that back right now.”

Usually he would’ve just continued to insult him but he was feeling soft today, and if he were
to push it, Regulus was feeling clingy. “Sure, I take it back-“

"Oi Black!" A voice interrupted the conversation and when Regulus turned around he saw
Mulciber along with his gang of friends. Someone who was in that gang of friends was
Avery, and he was standing a bit behind him with an apprehensive, almost sympathetic look
to him.

Regulus sighed as he crossed his arms. “What?”

“Heard about your little engagement.” Mulciber said with a grin. “Didn't know you were into
older women.” A few of the boys behind them laughed.

“At least I can get a woman.” Regulus responded instantly, actually he was quite proud of his
comedic timing. “You’re sixteen and don’t even have an engagement in plan… it’s sad.”

Mulcibers expression darkened at that and he pulled a scowl. “Was it the money? Are you
whoring yourself out for a little fortune?”

“Watch it.” Barty threatened before Regulus could even defend himself, and he’s glad he did.
Mulciber’s word choice had made him pause for a moment.

“Quick to his defence there, huh?” He turned around to his fiends, or whatever they were and
smiled widely. “I think I’ve figured it out lads, they all take turns fucking him. Why else
would they have stuck around this long?” The group laughed loudly again and Regulus found
himself shrinking back slightly with embarrassment. “Tell me Crouch, is he a good shot?”
Barty stepped towards him and grasped Mulciber’s collar in his hands, pulling the other
forward. “Shut the fuck up.”

His smirk just widened in a taunting manner. “You’re only doing this because it’s true right?
Little Reggie Black is a fairy, just like his brother.”

That seemed to be the last straw for Barty as he punched Mulciber clean across his jaw,
causing him to fall into the wall. Regulus just stared at the scene in a shocked haze, not really
sure how to act. Was that what everyone thought about him now? Had he lost any good
reputation he had managed to build? He looked over to Avery and no matter what he did the
other boy refused to meet his gaze.

Before he had time to process what had happened, Barty wrapped an arm around his
shoulder and led them away from the scene. It was only now that he was realising his eyes
had blown wide and that his mouth was agape. Regulus’ tear ducts burned with unshed tears,
tears he wouldn’t allow to escape until he was in the comforts of his bed and a silencing
charm. “Don't listen to them, alright?” Regulus didn't respond and he felt as if someone was
controlling his body for him. “Reg.”

He snapped out of his haze and gave Barty a wary smile, a smile he knew didn't give any
comfort. “No yeah… of course I won’t.”

Barty stopped and put both of his hands onto Regulus’ shoulders, forcing him to look into his
eyes. “I’m serious Reg, I know how your mind works.”

Regulus let out a shaky breath. “No I’m fine, sorry. I’m just surprised… C’est tout.” (That’s
all)

The other obviously didn't believe him but decided not to push. “Alright… let’s go.”

After that he plastered on a smile as to not worry his friends, but it would be a lie to say that
he didn’t pay attention to everyone around him. That he didn't overanalyse every look sent
 his way, and that his hands weren’t shaking violently in his pockets.

Chapter End Notes

Hi!!

So much to unpack in this chapter, I only realised that when I was doing the warning at
the start LMFAOOO

Can we just pay a tribute to the song at the start notes? LIKE IT FITS SO WELL.

As Older Reg said, the dreams are going to get much more brutal now, you guys and
James will not be having a good time unfortunately. It's fun to write though, so yeah!
Love that for me.

"Good riddance."
SIRIUS NOO. But the way he had to look away to say it, like my guy you're not as
tough as you think you are.

Would you guys want me to do a whole explanation on the time thing, because in my
head I can see it clearly but I know you guys aren't in my head so it might not be as
clear? If I were to do one it would probably be on twitter.

AWWW JAMES WAKING UP BESIDE REG AND THE WHOLE LIKE BRINGING
HIM CLOSERRR SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP
Sirius waking him up by pouring water on him is so Sirius of him.
I love their little bickering in this chapter, like yess go gay siblings! We love the little
trauma buddies!

James hearing voices???? BB THATS NOT GOOD RUNNNN RUN SO FAR. AND
HIM BEING LIKE 'Please a rlly want to talk to someone' BUT HE CAN'T???
I've been told I'm easy to talk to, hit me up James.

“I wish my parents stopped after Sirius.”

You see while the joke itself was incredibly funny, James didn't know if it would be
morally right for him to laugh at it. Luckily for him his father didn't seem to have that
struggle with morals as he barked out a laugh." I AM CRYING MONTY YOU WILL
ALWAYS BE FAMOUS

Effie just being like "Are you sure he's your friend?" and James desperately trying to
convince her. I love their antics.

"Evan wasn’t… he wasn't doing… well." EVAN NOOO PLEASE I LOVE YOU DON'T
LISTEN TO YOUR SISTERS THEY MEAN NOTHING COMPARED TO YOU.
HAHHDFKFHH I LOVE HIM BEING LIKE ":O Reg, you're okay! I hate you."

EMMELINE LITERALLY BEATING UP REGULUS FOR NOT SENDING

ANYTHING HAHAAHAH
Big sister vibes much?
ALSO the fact that Reg is not scared of it AT ALL? Love the trust.

I love the miscommunication, is it really a Marauders fic without it???

PETER YOU ARE A TRAITOR DDD:

Also it's recently come to my attention that DIRK WAS NOT AN ENJOYABLE
CHARACTER? Like I know I didn't do much with him and kinda ditched him once
Wolfstar got together BUT WHAT? Mans is innocent.

I love the Slytherin girls sm <3333

Pandora "I love that you trust us Reg." Ollivander and Regulus. "I'm lying through my
teeth." Black

EMMELINE INTERROGATING HIMMM I LOVE HER

Dorcas just astonished at the situation lmaooo, also we haven't seen her in so long, I
miss you bbg. Definitely going to get a POV from her soon.

BARTY YOU. ARE. THE. BEST ILY

YES PUNCH MULCIBER DO IT HE DESERVES IT

Avery :(((((((((
Poor guy, wanting to help but being too scared.
I've grown quite fond of him ngl.

Next update is on Monday! Sorry it's so late again but I have plans on Saturday so I
won't be able to write AT ALL.

I know I said this last time but smarties are so good man, BUT DID YOU KNOW
ONLY THE ORANGE ONE IS ACTUALLY A DIFFERENT FLAVOUR? I personally
did not, and am in denial. Anyways go have some smarties, I don't care if you have to
ship them in from a different country, do it.

Emme <3
 Operation: Kidnap Young Rosier
Chapter Summary

Sirius plans for the New Years Party as he talks to his brother. Emmeline, Regulus and
Barty figure out a way to help Evan successfully run away, all they have to do now is
put it in place and hope it works. Rosekiller finally have their reunion but Evan hesitates
slightly as intrusive thoughts make their way into his head. Mary is joined by an
unexpected friend as they have a very drunk conversation.Things

Chapter Notes

"The times they are a-telling, and the changing isn't free." 1984 - David Bowie

_________________________

TW:
Drugs and Alcohol: There's brief mentions of it throughout out the chapter but the drugs
and alcohol actually being done is from the start of Mary's POV to the start of James'.
Emetophobia: “James-“ - "James smiled softly at him."
Implied abuse: During Evans POV, nothing is explicitly said however.
Uncomfortable intimacy, not sex (Everything is consensual Evan just hasn't realised he
is Asexual yet): "their lips met for a final time with no disconnection in sight." - The end
of Evans POV
Intimacy, not sex: “Yeah… yeah I think so.” - “Thank you,”
Brief mention of weight loss: "There was a quiet conversation" - “Maman, Pére.”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“I just don’t understand why you have to out this much effort into it,” Regulus said to him
from where he sat on James’ bed. “I mean it’s just a New Years Party.”

Sirius whirled around to look at his brother with an offended expression. “Just a New Years
Party? My dear Reggie, this is life or death.”

“Well now you’re being dramatic.”

“My reputation, our reputation is on the line here if this doesn’t go well.” Sirius over
exaggerated before a thought crossed his mind. “Wait, have you ever been to a Gryffindor
party before? Scrap that have you ever been to one full stop?”

Regulus gave him a weird look. “Bien sûr I’ve been to parties before.” (Of course)

“Yeah, but have you been to a Gryffindor one?”

“Sirius,” Regulus sighed as he gave him a patronising look. “When would I have been to a
Gryffindor party?”

He thought about that for a moment. “Okay fair point.” Then turned down to the board with
all of his plans on it. “Almost everything is prepared, just need to get the drinks.”

“Where do you plan to get that much fire whiskey?” Regulus asked as he craned his neck to
look at the list.

“I’m not sure,” Sirius admitted. “The Hufflepuffs get it some how, we don’t question their
methods?”

The other raised an eyebrow at him. “And how, dare I ask, do you plan on paying them
back?”

“Oh we just promise to not prank them for the rest of the school year.” Sirius told him as he
crossed out a name on the guest list.

“Who was that?”

“Gilderoy Lockhart.” Sirius said as he began drawing angry doodles around the scribble.
“Was being a proper nonce with some fourth year Ravenclaws at the last one of their parties.”
Regulus grimaced. “Isn’t he a seventh year?”

Letting out a breath Sirius looked back up at him. “Yep.” He said popping the p. His eyes
trailed down the list once more and noticed Regulus’ name wasn’t there. “You’re not
coming?”

He shrugged. “C’pas mon truc, I’d much rather hang out with my mates at the dorms.” (Not
my thing)

“Aw Reg.” Sirius whined. “Please come, it’ll be fun.”

“I highly doubt that.”

Sirius rolled his eyes as he began to try and convince him. “It’s an excuse to get pissed,
without repercussions might I add. Besides you can bring your little friends here.”

“Emmeline, Pandora and Dorcas are older than you.” Regulus pointed out to him with an
unamused expression.

“Fine, your very big friends can come.”

“Non, I don’t want to.”

“Reg, please.”

Regulus stared at him for a moment, squinting his eyes slightly. “Ugh fine.” Grinning at him
Sirius wrote their names down on to the list. “Speaking of friends,” He began talking again.
“Where are yours?”
“Detention.” Sirius said casually.

“Ouoi? It’s been two days! We’re not even in classes yet!”

“Oh no, this is detentions that we gathered before the Christmas break.” He clarified finally
getting up from his space on the floor and laying down on his own bed. “They should be back
soon actually.”

His brother sighed fondly. “You’re impossible-“ Regulus was cut off as the door opened and
a loud voice could be heard.

“If I have to write the words ‘I will not misbehave again’ I will lose my mind.” James
complained as he walked in to the room, shoulder sagging and feet dead as he did so. Though
all of that disappeared the minute he saw Regulus and it made Sirius want to jump out of the
window. “Reg!” James exclaimed walking over to his boyfriend and collapsing on top of
him, causing the other to let out a loud groan. “I missed you.”

“Moony,” Sirius turned around to him. “Save me.”

Remus just shook his head and smiled while he walked over to his own bed, Peter responding
for him instead. “It’s cute.”

“It’s gross.”

“You and Moony are the exact same.”

Sirius let out a shocked noise. “How dare you insinuate something like that you heathen.”
Then he walked over to Remus’ bed and lay down on the end of it, trying to evade the others
attempts at getting him off. “So are you guys ready for tonight?”
“Yeah!” James said and Sirius spared a glance towards the pair, they were now sitting side by
side which was tolerable. “Everything is sorted right?”

“Just need to get the drinks.” He told him finally managing to stop Remus’ kicks by
wrapping an arm around his ankles. “Moonbeam dearest why are you trying to murder me?”

“You got me in detention dickwad.”

He brought a hand to his chest and made a dramatic gasp. “No way, do tell me more.” Sirius
didn’t intend to make him take the blame, it was just that Remus was in the wrong place at
the wrong time. James and him had been running from Filch, and Sirius had forgotten that he
planned to meet Remus in the exact same spot they had been leaving.

Remus mumbled a, “Git.” Under his breath before looking over to Regulus. “Are you coming
tonight Reg?”

“I’ll come if the others want too.”

“You should go even if they aren’t.” James said to him. “It’ll be boring without you.”

Peter rolled his eyes and looked over to Sirius and Remus with a playful annoyance. “And
we’re supposed to be his best mates.”

Sirius scoffed. “You think you’ve got it bad? That one,” He nodded over to Regulus, who was
desperately trying to act like he hated James. “Is supposed to be my brother.”

The door opened again and Sirius saw Marlene come through, in a flash Regulus had pushed
James off of the bed and on to the floor. She looked between the two of them with a weird
look. “Baby Black… funny seeing you here…”

“Well, I’m just full of surprises at the moment.”

James began whining almost instantly. “That fucking hurt!”

“Cant mieux,” Regulus responded as he turned around to him. “It was deserved.” (Good)

Marlene side eyed them once more before she looked to Sirius. “Hufflepuffs brought the
good stuff.”

“Fuck yeah!” He exclaimed getting up from the bed. “Just fire whiskey? Or any other nice
surprises?”

“Oh they brought the good stuff.” She said empathising the good. “One of the seventh years
brought weed, you know the Muggle thing?” Sirius didn’t know exactly what is was but he
had a fair idea. “They told me we could have it, as long as all of them had a free pass in
tonight.”

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” He turned around to see the other three nodding.
“Within reason of course, fourth year and up still applies to them.”

“No yeah, of course.” Marlene agreed and Sirius walked back to pick up the guest list;
writing that all Hufflepuffs, fourth year and up, were allowed in. “Are you coming tonight
Baby Black?” She asked causing Sirius to look up and roll his eyes. Why was everyone so
curious on if his brother would be coming?

“Maybe.” Regulus said causing James to let out a groan of frustration as he began trying to
convince him once more. It made a lot of his earlier irritation go away as he looked down at
him and his friends names on the list.

“I hope to see you there then, I wonder if you’re as bad as your brother when drunk?”

Regulus smirked at her. “No one is as bad as Sirius when drunk.”

“Touche.”

He looked between the two of them with an offended expression. “I am not a bad drunk!”

“Last year you stripped down to your underwear and professed your love for minnie, then
you insisted on singing a solo of ‘1984’ by David Bowie.”

Regulus let out a sharp laugh and looked over to him. “You are such a loser!”

“Piss off!” Sirius shouted.

“You sung a solo!” Regulus replied, still in hysterics. “Nu!” (Naked)

“I had underwear on!” He defended himself, even though he was well aware that it didn’t
make the situation any better.

“That’s awful!”

“Says you! You’re a total slag when you’re drunk!”

Regulus let out a shocked gasp. “We don’t talk about that, Sirus.”

“No, no, no,” Peter said with a grin looking between the two of them. “I want to hear about
this.”

James nodded, looking up to Regulus. “Yeah, so do I.”

“Sirius.” His brother warned.

“Regulus.”

“Sirius.”

“Reg.”

“Sirius…”

“Reggie…”

“…Sirius…”

He stared at him for a moment longer before looking away. “You’ll all see what I mean
tonight anyways.”

“I sure hope so.” James mumbled under is breath then was immediately suffocated by a
pillow as Regulus literally hung over the side of the bed to do it.

Marlene apparently decided to ignore the display as she smiled as Remus, Peter and Sirius.
“I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you all later?”

“Yeah,” Remus returned her smile. “I’ll see you later.” Peter nodded in agreement and Sirius
held up his hand in a wave as he looked through the checklist to see if they might have
missed something.
When he looked back off Regulus had apparently completely fallen off his bed and was now
straddling James as he continued to block his air way. “Reg please don’t kill my best mate.”

He glared up at him before lifting the pillow up, revealing James’ flushed face and messy,
messier hair. He looked pretty amused, so Sirius was sure that Regulus hadn’t actually been
cutting his air off then he smirked. “Hey you look pretty good in this-“

The pillow was back on his face in a matter of seconds. “Die, die, die, die, die.” Regulus
chanted as Peter laughed loudly in the background, mainly at Sirius’ absolutely disgusted
face.

____________________________

Regulus walked in to his dorm; Evan was on his bed Barty was sat on the floor beside it,
while Emmeline and him were beside him playing exploding snap. “Hey Reg,” Evan greeted.
“How was Gryffindor?”

“Ça va.” He said as he slumped down on to his own bed. “What are you guys doing?”
(Alright)

“Exploding snap.” Barty replied then cheered as he won the game. “Yes! Take that old
woman!”

Emmeline hit him over the side of the head. “Watch it.”

He let out a light laugh as he watched them. “Where’s Dorcas?”

“Away with her midnight lover.” Barty replied rolling his eyes as he set up a new game.
Thinking back to what Sirius and him talked about earlier Regulus decided to ask his friends
if they wanted to go or not. “We’ve been invited to the party tonight, you guys up to it?”

“Am I?” Barty exclaimed as his head snapped up to Regulus. “Of course I am you idiot.”

Emmeline shrugged. “Free alcohol, free music, free fun. Sounds like a good night.”

“Génial, your names are already on the list anyways. I’ll ask ‘Cas and Pans later.” Just as he
was about to move on Regulus realised that Evan hadn’t said anything yet. His brows
furrowed slightly as he looked over to him. “What about you Ev?” (Great)

Evans eyes widened slightly at the recognition and Regulus saw as his fingers began to pick
at the loose string of his duvet. “I don’t know…”

“Aw come on!” Barty turned around to look up at him. “It’ll be fun!”

“It’s just not really my scene.”

Barty pulled a confused face. “What do you mean? You love the Slytherin parties.”

He was right, Evan had never had a problem with parties before. At least not to Regulus’
knowledge. “I just… can’t.”

A red light went off in Regulus’ head as he felt concern wash over him. “Is everything alright
Evan?”

“Yes, everything is fine.” He responded but his voice was strained and that just made
Regulus’ anxiety grow.
“Are you sure-“

“Yes! Everything is fucking okay!” He shouted; then almost instantly he became shocked at
his own out burst.

The room tensed as they all looked at him. “You can talk to us Ev,” Barty assured, taking his
hand in his own. “You know that right?”

“Yeah, sorry, fuck.” Evan sighed and averted the eye contact Barty was trying to get. “It’s
just… I can’t-“ He was obviously struggling to find the words and that was when Regulus
realised why he couldn’t go.

“It’s cause of me right?” He asked and when Evan flinched slightly he knew his assumption
was right.

A guilty expression over came his features. “Reg-“

“No it’s fine, genuinely.” Regulus tried to sound as confident as possible but it felt like there
was something trapped in is throat. “I understand.”

Emmeline looked between the two of them, obviously still confused; Barty had figured it out
at this point, or it seemed like he had as his own expression of guilt appeared. “Sorry, I
don’t… I don’t understand.”

Evan sighed heavily and Regulus watched as Barty’s thumb rubbed over the top of his hand
in a comforting manner. “My family… they’ll- Reg ran away so… and mine will…”

The sentence wasn't put together well at all but Emmeline seemed to understand what he was
saying. “Oh…” She replied quietly, her head dropping slightly. The reality of Evans situation
wasn't great and even though they tried their best to ignore it, there were times they couldn’t.
He couldn’t run away to Barty’s because his dad would never allow it, and the girls house’s
were completely out of the question because their parents would go mad.
Regulus bit his lip and turned his eyes away from the scene, just like Evan had done moments
before. Guilt wasn't a good enough word to describe how he felt. A better way would be too
say that he felt…

Helpless.

Looking back Regulus watched as the sorrow drowned out of Emmeline’s eyes and a bit of
hope entered, a hope he wished he could warn her not to have. “Wait,” She grabbed their
attention. “Why don’t you come live with me?”

“What?” Evan asked as his head snapped around to her, Regulus had to admit he had no idea
what she was talking about either; Barty seemed to be in the same boat as well. “Your parents
would never allow that.”

“Yeah, but I’m not living with them anymore. Well at least after summer I’m not.”

“What?” All three of them yelled at the same time. “Since when?” Evan continued.

Emmeline grinned at them. “They bought me a flat, I’m getting the stuff for it at spring then
moving in during the summer.”

He considered this for a moment before shaking his head. “I have no way of financially
supporting myself, and the minute they see me with Reg they’ll pull me out of school.” Evan
began to explain, Regulus thought he was overthinking slightly but also knew where he was
coming from. “At best, they’ll give me a stern talking to.”

Regulus was about to agree with him before he remembered something Dumbledore had said
at the beginning of the welcome feast. “Wait… The headmaster said that no one could enter
the castle because of the recent attacks.”
“I know, but my parents would find a way.”

A smile slowly started forming on Barty’s face. “No wait, Reg is right. They literally can not
find a way. Dumbles isn’t even allowing substitutes.”

Evan looked between the three of them as he tried to find an issue with the plan. “I’ll still
have to go home for spring, and finance is still a problem. Also protection, they’d just take
me back as quickly as possible.”

“Just stay,” Barty offered and as Evan opened his mouth to object he stopped him. “I know
only people with legitimate reasons can, but Slughorn is gullible enough to believe anything
you say.”

Emmeline nodded in agreement. “The flats in Muggle London as well, even if they were to
come they’d be put in jail for performing magic in front of muggles; because there’s now way
I’m letting them take you without a fight.”

The hope Regulus had berated Emmeline for having internally stared to crawl its way into his
own mind. “Yeah, and you can borrow money off of me.”

“I can’t take money from you- you don’t even have money, what are you talking about?”

“Sirius would give you some.” He re-worded his previous statement.

The other gave him a weird look. “Why would your brother offer me money?”

“He wouldn’t,” Regulus smirked over at him. “But he’d definitely give me something.”

Evan didn’t seem amused at his idea but Regulus personally thought it was an amazing one.
“Okay so one, I’m not helping you steal from your brother-“
“Sirius has enough money-”

“And two, I’m a minor. I can’t just run away, not without some kind of emancipation.”

The room fell silent at that moment because Evan was right. Regulus felt foolish for allowing
that moment of hope to slip through, for allowing himself to get excited. For a moment he
thought about how lucky he was to be in the situation he was, The Potters had welcomed him
with open arms. Evan didn’t have that, at least not to the extent he did. When Sirius had run
away there was two reason his parents didn’t go after him; the first was that Regulus was
there, they had someone to replace him. The second was that it would have been too hard to
get him back-

“It doesn’t matter.” He blurted out with no thought. “They won’t try to get you back because
it would be too hard.”

Evan turned around to him. “What do you mean?” Barty and Emmeline also seemed clueless.

“There would be too much risk.” He clarified and then he felt his eyes start to crease as a
smile came over his face. “Muggles seeing their magic would lead to time in Azkaban,
there’s too many Pureblood family secrets that you could release to the public,” Regulus
began to list the dangers off. “And we could get Aunt Cassie’s support. She would back you
up, maybe see if she’ll name you heir of her fortune.”

Before Evan could talk again Regulus was doing it first. “Besides your parents won’t find out,
not for a while. Think about it, the only reason you know is because our families are more
closely related,” Inbreeding. “Mulciber doesn’t know that for sure because he made fun of
my engagement which has most certainly been called off. So if his family don’t know, then I
doubt any of the other Purebloods at Hogwarts know.”

“Reg is right Ev, and you know it.” Barty said at Evan still reluctant expression. “Money
won’t be an issue, you can pick up a job over the summer or something. If that doesn’t work
then Reg’s brother won’t mind giving you money; he’s been in your situation before,
remember that.”
Emmeline hummed. “And I’m not going to ask you for rent or anything, at least not until you
do get a stable income.”

Evans tongue clicked as he looked around the room, almost as if he was looking at his own
thoughts. He let out a sigh glancing up to the roof before turning back to the other three.
“Merlin I’m going to regret this,” Evan muttered under his breath. “Fine.”

Barty cheered as he lifted his arms up. “Fuck yeah! Operation: Kidnap young Rosier is on!”

_____________________________

“We’ll catch up in a minute.” Barty said to Emmeline and Regulus.

Evan watched as her eyebrows furrowed. “What why?”

“Just want to safety proof the room.” He joked.

“Don’t, that’s the fun of getting drunk.” Emmeline responded, Evan saw as Barty and
Regulus made a quick second of eye contact and then any protest in the latter’s eyes left.

Regulus nodded slightly as he turned around too Emmeline. “Come on, I personally don’t
want to smash my head in by accident when trying to get to bed.”

“That’s if you’ll be in your own bed.” She winked and Regulus shoved her lightly as they
began to leave the room. “Hey did I ever tell you about the time I split-“
The door shut, effectively cutting off whatever she was about to say; honestly Evan was
pretty happy about that fact. When Barty turned around he was sure that his face screamed
confusion. “Why can’t we go with them? You’ve never wanted to ‘safety proof the room’.”

“Can’t I just want to spend alone time with my boyfriend?”

Evan crossed his arms. “No, what are you up to? If it’s wanting to get drunk before we go to
the place we’re supposed to get drunk at. Then I’m just going-”

A kiss cut him off as he felt a hand cup his cheek; Evans eyes were wide in surprise at the
sudden display, even as Barty pulled away with a soft smile. “You’re so pretty,” He
whispered as his thumb rubbed over the beauty mark at the corner of his eye. “Did you know
that?”

“No, but you do tell me quite often.” He smirked while wrapping his arms around Barty’s
waist. It was only now that Evan was realising this was the first time they’d really been alone
since coming back to Hogwarts. “Do you know how pretty you are?” He whispered back.

“Yes,” Barty replied curtly as he put their heads together and Evan to let out a light laugh.
“People tell me all the time.”

Pushing his face forward their lips were now barely a centimetre apart. “Does that mean I
should stop telling you?” Evans voice was quiet, so quiet he doesn’t think Barty even heard
him.

Barty’s hand moving to the opposite cheek of the other and their lips connecting told him
otherwise. “No,” He breathed out In-between short kisses. “It means so much more coming
from you.” That ended the small pecks as their lips met for a final time with no disconnection
in sight.

Barty’s thumb trailed across his jawline with a violent softness Evan has never felt before, his
tongue is finding its way into his mouth; like he was trying to find a new crevasse. A new
place to taste, to feel, to breath because it felt like Barty was stealing the air right from Evans
lungs just to make sure he was dependant on him. Their bodies were put together, almost like
puzzles pieces that had just found their match; not a single spot was out of place.

The kisses begin to trail down the side of his cheek, down the side of his neck and Evan felt
as his hands grasped on to the back of Barty’s shirt. Once the fabric was in his clutches and
the others mouth was on the curve of his neck Evan decided that he didn’t want to do this
anymore. The new found meaning behind the kisses left him with a discomfort he desperately
wanted to go away.

His blood was running cold and the mix of saliva in his throat was stiff as he tried to swallow
it away. Breathing felt difficult, like his lungs were just now missing the breath Barty had
stolen. Everything felt wrong and he hated it, because he should like this, he should want to
go further with him. Evans eyes burned but not because he wanted to cry, more like he was
about to cry because there was imaginary hands circling his neck. “It’s been more than a
minute.” He said quietly into Barty’s ear, in a manner he hoped didn’t seem to desperate to
get away. “We should go.”

He pulled away with a grin on his face. “Yeah… you’re right, don’t want the party to start
without us, right?”

Evan nodded. “Right.”

“Lead the way lover.” Barty smirked at him as he his hands motioned towards the door and
Evan just shook his head in a fond smile; because in reality he wasn't sure if he could trust
himself to not breakdown right then and there.

They walked out of the dorm and through the common room. It was only when they left that
their hands laced together, hidden between their two bodies as they walked. Despite Barty
obviously not noticing Evans problem with going… further in their relationship he still felt
incredibly guilty. He should want to do this, it’s weird that he doesn’t.

As they walked to Gryffindor Tower that feeling didn’t lift, the heaviness in his throat didn’t
leave and the strangled tears in his eyes didn’t dry.
He felt awful, he felt embarrassed. Before Evan thought it was just because he was with
people he didn’t want to be with, but now he felt it with Barty. Did that mean he didn’t want
to be with him? Did he not love him? Was that what his mind was telling him, had he made a
mistake? A thousand thoughts swarm around his mind, thoughts of self-hatred, of guilt, of
embarrassment, of fear, of everything.

Everything was in his head, everything was screaming at him and suddenly Evan felt like he
was back in that pond. His sisters were still holding him down, still laughing in his ear, and
he was still alone.

Alone

Alone

That’s all he’s made for is to be alone, nothing will ever work out for him because he doesn’t
know how to love anyone. If he can’t love Barty, then there’s no way he can love anyone
else. It’s unfair, to him, too Barty.

Everything is just so unfair.

_________________________________

Mary felt euphoric as she brought the cigarette, or whatever it was, to her lips. This wasn't
something that she would usually do, on most occasions she wouldn’t let herself get this far
gone. Except when someone offered her the blunt she couldn’t help but accept it, because
right now Lily was dancing with James fucking Potter. Right in the middle of the dance floor,
right in Mary’s eye line; almost as if she was taunting her.

The sofa dipped slightly beside her and slowly her eyes trailed to the spot, Regulus Black sat
there and if she was being honest he looked incredibly drunk. His pupils were dilated and the
grey was almost completely invisible, he was also looking at the pair. For some reason it
looked like he was feeling the same way as her, but she wasn't sure why he would, James and
him notoriously hated each other. He said something to her but Mary couldn’t understand
over the music so she pointed to her ear hoping to get the point across. Luckily it looked like
she did and he leaned in to her ear. “Can I have that?” Regulus pointed his eyes down to the
cigarette

If she wasn't as high… and drunk, she would probably be very reluctant to even speak to him
but in her haze she just handed it to him. Regulus brought it to his lips then sat back more as
he breathed it out, smoke clouding around him. Mary moved closer so that they could talk
without having to yell at each other. “How drunk are you?”

“How drunk are you?” He just repeated the question back to her with a smirk, not unlike
Sirius’, on his face.

“Fucking plastered mate.” Mary replied and he barked out a laugh.

Regulus handed it back to her. “Same, who are you staring at?”

Swatting the smoke away with her hand she decided to use his earlier tactic to avoid the
question. “Who are you staring at?”

What she didn’t expect was for him to answer truthfully. “James.”

Now that was a surprise, definitely not something she’d expect to hear from his mouth.
Although Mary was certain the drugs and alcohol had a lot to do with it. “Lily.”

“Makes sense.” He nodded taking the blunt back.

“How so?”

Regulus thought about it for a moment and then he shrugged. “I don’t know.” The words
came out slurred which caused Mary to let out a laugh. “Don’t laugh at me.”
“You know,” She said the end of the word being held for slightly longer. “You’re pretty
funny.”

“Wait until I’m sober.” He winked at Mary causing her to let out another laugh. Really it
wasn't very funny, not at all; but that was the brilliant thing about being drunk. You can find
anything to be hilarious.

Before she had time to realise James Potter had collapsed beside Regulus with a lopsided
smile on his face, so that was only a matter of time before-

“What are you two talking about?” Lily spoke and she could feel her breath against Mary’s
hair as the other sat her head on to her shoulder.

“Drugs.” Regulus responded, placing the cigarette down on an ash tray; and Mary saw as
James wrapped an arm around his shoulder, then brought his face closer to his ear to whisper.
A slight blush implanted itself on to his face as he nodded at him. “We’re gonna go,” He said
to them both as he took James’ hand while they stood up; and if it was possible he sounded
even more intoxicated than before. “Good luck!” Regulus shouted as he was already being
dragged away.

“What does he mean ‘Good luck’?” Lily asked as she pulled her head away from Mary’s
shoulder.

She turned around to her so that they were now facing each other. Lily was obviously not as
drunk as her, but her pupils were still slightly larger than usual, and her hair was messier than
it had been during the afternoon. Mary decided to play dumb even though she knew exactly
what Regulus was talking about, the little bastard was just like his brother. “I don’t know…”
She lied. “Hey, what’s going on between James and him?”

“I’m not sure.” She replied but Mary could tell that Lily was also lying. “They're cute
though… don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Mary agreed, but she was confused because it was obvious that James had a giant
crush on Regulus; but last time she checked that was directed at Lily. “I thought he liked you
though?”

“People change, feelings change.”

Merlin did Mary know about feelings changing. “Have any of your feeling changed?” She
asked, testing the water in a courage that was fuelled solely by alcohol.

Their eyes met, and Mary hadn’t even realised that they weren’t connected before; and Lily
replied in the most mysterious fashion possible.

“Yeah… yeah I think so.”

_____________________________________

As soon as the door shut behind them their lips were already connected in a kiss, a kiss James
was unused too. Rather than gentle it was rough and he felt as Regulus’ tongue slipped in to
his mouth and his hands explored every crevasse of his back. James pushed him against the
wall as he fumbled with the lock of the door, making sure no one would be able to get in.

James bit Regulus’ lower lip as he started kissing down his neck; his mind a swarm of
thoughts, but still in his alcohol induced haze he settles on one. The unstoppable need to feel
Regulus, to see him, to smell him, to taste him. Despite his bodies inability to speak he can
feel each part of him yearning to kiss Regulus, to get closer to him in a way that might not
even be humanly possible.

They stumbled away from the door, Regulus’ hands finding away into his hair holding it as
tightly as possible but James couldn’t find it in him to feel an ounce of pain. The room they
found themselves in was the bathroom, it was dark and the only light was the lamps
reflecting in the mirror and the person in his arms.
As they pushed themselves to the counter his hands move down the others body and found a
place on the back of his thighs, that place is however lost; because in a quick second
Regulus’ legs are no longer in his grasp. Instead they’re wrapped around his waist. In his
moment of shock James’ mouth loses its spot on his neck and instead is incapsulated by
Regulus’ mouth once more. Usually, in a more sober state, he’d actually be pretty impressed
at the display; the amount of core strength it would take to be able to lift yourself up so
cleanly is hard.

As Regulus sat on top of the counter James’ hands slid up the side of his body and under his
shirt, lifting it up over his head. Briefly his eyes trailed over his thin waist and the tone of his
stomach. “You’re beautiful.” James murmured as he moved in to the crook of his neck again.

Regulus was silent for a moment. “James-“

“No like genuinely.”

“Thank you,” He said quickly and it was only now that James was realising the tone of his
voice. “I’m going to be sick though.”

“Oh shit.” James quickly pulled away from Regulus as he rushed off of the counter and
collapsed down beside the toilet seat, instantly starting to heave in to it. He was quickly by
his side and holding Regulus’ hair out of his face. “Are you okay? Sorry, was it something I
did?”

Regulus didn’t reply for a right away, obviously focussing on the dinner that he was chucking
up but when he pulled away from the porcelain bowl and rested his head on the seat he shook
his head. “No, never” He whispered hoarsely and wiped his mouth.

James smiled softly at him. “Okay… do you want to go to bed?”

“Together?” He asked.
“Together.” James confirmed as he brought an arm under Regulus’ as he pulled him up;
although the other was practically dead weight as he hung.

“I like the sound of that.” Regulus hummed and allowed himself to be led away from the
bathroom. James noticed as his eyes drooped tiredly apparently overcome with a new found
exhaustion as the heated moment ended.

He let Regulus down on to the bed first and he almost instantly curled in to a ball, effectively
taking up most of the duvet. James crouched down beside him as he sighed fondly, noticing
that he had actually already fallen asleep. "Happy New Years Reg." He said quietly as he
brushed a strand of hair behind the others ear, then he stood up and slid himself into the space
in front of Regulus he brought his arms around the younger; pulling him close to his chest
and giving a small kiss to the top of his head. James’ eyes closed and he felt the black abyss
pulling at the edges of them as he allowed himself to succumb to it.

“Spicy.”

What if I were to cry.

“I would laugh, hysterically.”

You’re so mean.

“I know, that’s the fun part.”

You’re like the physical embodiment on if a child dropped their ice cream cone.

“What does that even mean?”

What do you even mean?

“What?”

What?

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.”

I know you are but what am I?

“A child.”

I know you are but what am I?

“I will not hesitate to punch you.”

Please don’t.

“It’s really tempting.”

I bet it is, I think you secretly really really love my company.

“I don’t, you are annoying and I hate your existence.”

You see I think that’s your way of saying you do.

“How did you even come to that conclusion?”

Because I know you.

“No you don’t.”

But… I do.

“But… you don’t.”

Picture this-

“No.”

You’ve been speaking to someone for five months, would you say you’re close?”

“I spoke to my dad for fifteen years and we were never close.”

“Bad parenting, you’ve got to love it.”

That’s just not fair, I can’t make fun of you for that.

“You can, you just don’t want to.”

Precisely.

“…Okay bye.”

Wait-

A room started to paint itself around them, and as it became more clearer James realised that
they were in Grimmauld place. It had become a common place for the dreams, and often he
found himself hoping that they would go somewhere else; because going there meant that
they definitely wouldn’t be having any happy memories.

James thought back to what Older Regulus had said last time, thought back to the warning he
had made. In all honesty he’s not exactly sure what it meant, that things were going to get
worse; he’s not sure how they possibly could. All the pain and suffering he’s witnessed will
apparently be nothing compared to what he’s about to see and James isn’t sure if he can take
that.

There was a quiet conversation happening in the Living room and he watched as Younger
Regulus walked down the stairs quietly. Dark circles aligned themselves under his eyes and
he looked a lot skinnier than before. The bones in his wrist more prominent and his
collarbones protruded out of his skin like they were trying to escape. James followed him as
he walked in to the room, finally putting the faces of Orion and Walburga Black to the voices
he had heard. “Maman, Pére.” He greeted and both parents turned to look at him.

“Regulus,” The woman addressed. “What took you so long?”

“Je m’excuse, I lost track of time.” He explained, the way he picked his nails only visible to
James. “It won’t happen again.” (I apologise.)

Walburga scoffed as she stuck her nose up. “I know it won’t.”

Orion turned down to look at the clock on the wall. “On doit parter maintenant.” (We must
leave now)

“Oui, we don’t want to keep The Dark Lord waiting.” Walburga agreed as she followed her
husband to the fireplace in the middle of the room. Regulus however paused briefly, so
briefly that James wouldn’t be surprised if it was just a figment of his imagination. In that
moment he saw hesitation, he saw pain, he saw fear. A moment was all it ended up being
unfortunately as the younger boy followed his parents to the floo and waited for them to go
through. Walburga went through first and then Orion second.

The hesitation returned when it was Regulus’ turn, this time James was certain that he saw it
because these weren’t seconds they were years. He sat there staring at the fire place, not
moving, not speaking, not breathing; he just sat.

His eyes told a different story.

They were portraying a conflict he could only compare to the end of the world, when nations
will kill nations until only one stands; but even that too shall fall. Regulus’ eyes portrayed a
hopelessness that was once filled with passion and rage. They showed how he was losing in
the battle of life and even at only fifteen years old it seemed like he knew his fate. Knew that
he was turn into the man that stood next to James.

Regulus took a deep breath, and in that exhale James realised that this was when the world
would end for him.

The floo powder lay dry in his hands in a quick second it was on the floor and a burst of
flames took the other away. The room shifted and as a new one built around them many new
faces appeared with it. James recognised a few of them from the last dream, as well as some
of Regulus’ more prominent family members. Bellatrix Black stood smiling maniacally as
she talked to someone he didn’t know the name of and her youngest sister stood not far away
with her fiancé, or husband he wasn't exactly sure.

Walburga and Orion sat in front of the fireplace, they looked impatient as they waited; the
womans foot tapping slightly. The fire returned and Regulus appeared from beneath it, face
stony and eyes conveying nothing. He looked at them desperately, wanting to see a sign of
the war from earlier, but it was gone. Regulus had lost.
Before his mother could berate him he was speaking. “Sorry Maman, I dropped the powder.”

The disappointment that radiated from the woman could have been seen for miles. “C’est pas
important; come, the meeting is about to start.” James looked away from them and saw that
she was right, quietly each of the groups that had formed were making their way to the large
doors. As he followed the family they began to open slowly, revealing a long table with many
chairs laid along it. (It doesn’t matter)

Walking in to the room it felt cold, and not temperature wise, it was just how it felt. There
was a man sat at the top of the table and despite having no knowledge of where he was or
who it was James just knew that he was Voldemort. A feeling, not only in his gut but his
heart, mind and chest told him so.

All of them began to take seats, it didn’t escape his notice that it appeared to be ordered. The
less important Purebloods of The Sacred 28 sat near the end of the table, the more important
sat at the top. That meant that Regulus was only five seats down from The Dark Lord and
that terrified James. He liked to think that the other was also terrified, that he also didn’t want
to do this just like James’ Regulus hadn’t. Though there would never be a way for him to
know exactly what the younger was thinking at this time; and in a way that comforted him as
well.

“Welcome,” The voice greeted as any conversation ceased immediately and all eyes were
turned to him. “How lovely it is to see you all once more.”

There was no response but the man just smiled happily at the silence. “I hope you have all
noticed our new guest?” He asked rhetorically and a few of the eyes dared to stray away to
Regulus. “How nice of you to join us Mr Black.”

The cold expression stayed on his face as he gave the man a short nod in response, obviously
unsure of how to respond other wise. “Regulus.” Walburga hissed under her breath, showing
that his response obviously hadn't been the correct one.

“No, Lady Black,” Voldemort called her off, putting a hand up as if she was a dog. “I was
once as naive as he.” The embarrassment was still present on the woman’s face but she made
no further efforts to speak. “Mr Black… what are your opinions on our beliefs, on the truth?”

Regulus was obviously unsure of the question, or rather unsure of how to answer it. “I agree
with them.”

The Dark Lord nodded in approval. “Would you find yourself… wanting to join?” He said as
if it was a question but James saw it more as of a warning for what was to come.

“Yes.” He replied, with a certainty James hoped was fake.

Voldemort let out a chuckle. “How refreshing, to know that our youth are not all lost.” He
paused for a moment and looked up at his followers, at that they all began to laugh lightly as
well. “Tell me Regulus, what are your opinions of your brother?”

“I don’t have a brother,” Regulus replied almost instantly and there wasn't a doubt in James’
mind that he meant every single word.

“How cruel,” The other commented with a silk to his voice that made James feel sick. “How
cruel indeed.” Regulus’ brows furrowed ever so slightly as the mans… complement? “Why
don’t you come and join me up here.” A small smile crept up Walburga’s face, one that didn’t
make it to Regulus’. James watched as he paused for a moment but was quickly awoken by a
pinch to his hidden hand by the woman.

Regulus slowly sat up from his chair and pushed it back, everyone was looking at him now; a
drop of shame not in sight. As James realised what was about to happen he found himself
berating these adults in his head. How dare they find some sick sense of fun out of this, How
dare they allow a child to be admitted into such a dangerous thing. How dare they allow their
own prejudices go above the rights of a human, and how dare they not feel guilt for
everything they have done.

Voldemort stared up at Regulus, who had by now arrived at the mans side. Despite him
having to turn his eyes upwards it didn’t feel like The Dark Lord was inferior, quite the
opposite actually; he looked like he was the only one in control. Like he was the only one
who would ever be in control. “Would you mind rolling up your sleeve?”
 The fact that he wasn't doing it violently was worse, in a weird and twisted way. Being
pleasant about it, acting like he wasn't about to change someones life, as well as inevitably
kill them was worse.

As the tip of Voldemort’s wand came to the young boys forearm James’ dream ended.

This time Regulus wasn't there to talk to him.

Chapter End Notes

!!Very important thing here!!: I know James and Reg got pretty close to sex and shit but
I'd like to clarify that I will not be writing that. Mainly because Regulus legally cannot
give consent, technically he can but his consent wouldn't hold up in a court? (Or at least
according to the law in my country.) So I don't feel comfortable writing it!

Hi!!

I love Reg making fun of Sirius for what he did when he was drunk and then just being
called a slag HAJFDGH
Slutty Regulus you make a return
I literally love Remus and Peter even if they only had a short cameo in this chapter.
MARLENE JUST BEING SO CONFUSED BY REG AND JAMES

Operation: Kidnap young rosier!

EVAN BABES YOU ARE SAFE (or are you?) I'M SO GLAD TO SEE IT ILY.
Hopefully Cassie is all cool with the fortune thing, or will she deny them the
help??????!!!!!!?!?!?!!?
Regulus just trying to steal from Sirius LMFAOOO

OMG BUT EVAN ISN'T SAFE FROM HIS THOUGHTS :OOOOO

Poor guy, someone should really help him. He could sure do with an writer that could
make things better for him RIGHT?
"If he can’t love Barty, then there’s no way he can love anyone else." I HATE
"it felt like Barty was stealing the air right from Evans lungs just to make sure he was
dependant on him." OMG

MARY AND REGULUS ILY

Fun fact originally she was originally supposed to out Regulus to himself?? She was
gonna be like "You're gay right?" and he was going to have a whole ass existential crisis.
Obviously that did not happen.
If you're thinking "Mary was totally not shocked about the implied dating/crushing."
Mary was the narrator, Mary was also Drunk and high. Mary will be thinking a lot about
it in the next chapter (SHOCK)

Was the kissing good? Idk man that's not my scene SORRY
I hope so, I think I've gotten better.
REGULUS THROWING UP??!!
HAHSFHDJGH LITERALLY DIED WHILE WRITING IT

Older Reg I love you, honestly he's just a dead guy tryna get by.
"Regulus had lost." What if I told you that this was my last straw?
Come back bb. "This time Regulus wasn't there to talk to him."

Next chapter will be up on Friday!

Translations are done by N0UKI_ on Twitter!

If it looks like I lost motivation in this chapter, then I'm here to tell you that I did! Sorry
about that, even though I managed to get it to the usual word count it wasn't my best
writing!

The next one will be a MaryLily Chapter so look forward to that!!

Man I ate a whole tub of ice cream today and I don't regret it, go get a tub of your fav
ice cream. It will be worth it I promise!

Emme <3
 Your Beauty Never Really Scared Me
Chapter Summary

After, what was supposed to be, a fun party goes wrong. Lily and Mary are forced to
confront things they were trying to avoid.

Mary has always loved Lily, perhaps more than herself. The idea of the feelings being
reciprocated is almost insane to her however; because in her mind she would never be
enough for the other.

Lily has to live in a world that has been designed for her downfall, she navigate through
the difficulties of being a Muggleborn woman, and fear that comes along with it.

Chapter Notes

"And the truth of the matter is... I'll never let you go, let you go." Mary on a cross -
Ghost

_____________________

TW:
Internalised homophobia" “You can’t what?” - “You can.”
Panic attack (You'll miss a very important bit if you skip): "and now they had." - To the
end.
Implied underage drinking and smoking: Small mentions throughout, nothing explicit.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

As a child Lily had always looked up to her older sister…

Whether is be how she dressed, or how she acted Lily wanted to do it as well.

Unfortunately as time passed and letters were sent her sister grew into a person Lily couldn’t
bring herself to admire.
__

“Lils, come here!” Her sister called out as she motioned for Lily to move closer.

Following her sisters instructions she bent down to the ground beside her. Petunia was
looking at a group of flowers; they had long petals that draped near the ends, which glistened
with white, a strong contrast to the colour that burst from the middle. “What are they ‘Nia?”

“They’re you.” Petunia said lightly as she nudged Lily, letting out a soft laugh at the five
year olds confused face.

“Don’t be silly, those are flowers. Not people.”

Plucking one of them out of the bed she handed it to her. “These are Lily’s.”

The younger held the flower and took in its beauty. “They’re so pretty.”

“Just like you” Petunia complimented.

Lily grinned up at her sister, a small blush coming across her face. “Stop it ‘Nia.”

“How can I?” The other asked rhetorically. “Everyone must know that I have the most
beautiful sister in the world.”

Petunia chuckled as Lily’s blush grew and she hid her face underneath her fiery red hair; a
strong contrast to the brown of her sisters. In reality they didn’t look much a like besides their
eyes, Lily took after their mother and Petunia took after their father. “If these are also called
Lily, then are they named after me?”
“No silly,” The older teased. “You’re named after them.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “Mum and dad probably just liked the meaning behind them.”

Lily’s face brightened. “There’s a meaning?”

“Yes of course,” Petunia returned the brightness. “They represent purity and innocence.”

“Wow…” Lily stared down at the flower with a look of amazement, then looked back up to
Petunia with the same look in her eyes. “Does that mean you’re also a flower?”

Smiling down at her she nodded her head. “Mhm.”

“What do you mean then?”

The air stiffened slightly and the corners of Petunia’s mouth dropped. “Oh, um… It doesn’t
matter.”

“No tell me!” Lily persisted, oblivious to her older sisters discomfort.

“No it’s really not that special-“

“Please Petunia!” Lily begged. “I really want to know!”

She sighed as she gave into her request. “It means…” Petunia began to pick at her nails a
bit, the shame of the meaning overcoming her. “They mean jealousy.”

Lily hesitated for a moment a look of guilt washing over her. “Oh…”

Slight anger came over the older’s face. “Yeah.”

“Don’t worry ‘Nia.” She comforted. “I don’t think you could ever be jealous.”

Petunia gave a tight smile. “Thank you.”

__

Unfortunately Petunia wasn’t ever able to overcome the meaning of her name.

The jealousy grew and grew until neither of them were able to handle it anymore and the
strain ruined their relationship. In a perfect world Lily wishes she could have reminded
Petunia of what her name can also mean.

Love.

Hope.

Calmness.

In that world she liked to think that her sister would have embodied those attributes rather
than the jealousy and resentment. Lily liked to think that Petunia would have put family
above material, realised that blood ran thicker than gold. Unfortunately that didn’t happen,
and their relationship slowly grew apart through the years; no matter how hard Lily tried to
salvage it. Despite the tension that grew between them they still managed to hold on to some
of the care and love that had been there when they were younger; but when Lily was ten it all
stopped

When she got her Hogwarts letter they were all confused, but after a few minutes of reading
over and beginning to understand her parents became ecstatic. All three of them cheered
together because it was amazing news, she was a witch and if that wasn't every child's dream
she didn’t know what was. Of course instantly she wanted to celebrate with her older sister,
the person she admired more than anyone, adored more than anyone, loved more than
anyone.

Except the excitement didn’t reach Petunia.

When Lily had turned away from her parents there was a cold and indifferent look on her
sisters face. None of the lingering love had stayed, it was all gone and the first thing she said
to Lily was that she was disgusted. Told her that it was a curse rather than a blessing and that
she should be ashamed for having it.

Disappointment hurt from many people, but to hear it from your sibling? Lily argues that it
must be the worst feeling in the world.

Even as she grew to understand that Petunia wasn't a good person, and perhaps never had
been in the first place; Lily found it hard to let go of the person she knew. Her big sister who
had taught her the meaning of their names, the big sister who held her hand crossing the river.
The big sister who always comforted her as she cried and the big sister who would ward off
bullies if they dared to step within a foot of Lily.

She was mourning a person who wasn't dead, she would cry over a person who wasn't dead
and she would argue with a person she thought she would never argue with. Insults were
traded often and Lily found herself wondering if Petunia regretted the words that were said. If
she thought that there was no coming back so she just kept moving. If that was true then Lily
would tell her that an apology would make it all better, or even just a hug would allow it to
all be forgotten.
Overtime Lily grew to hate her status as a witch, she hated the world that she had been forced
to join and even hated the world she had been taken from. Not only could she no longer fit in
with the muggle world, but the Wizarding world also hated her and it wasn't fair.

Lily never asked to have magical blood but she also never asked for muggle blood.

At the end of the day she hadn’t even asked to be born, so why was she punished so cruelly
for it?

The world was unfair and the world didn’t care for her age, her gender, her backstory, her
life. All the world cared for was if she would be able to provide for it, if she would be an
asset or if she would drag it down. Whether you deem it as fortunate or unfortunate the world
decided that Lily had a purpose, and that Lily would help it grow. In that realisation the world
made her have to give up everything. All of her friends, some of her family, the things she
had spent the first ten years of her life learning; and all of her friends.

All of her friends except Severus Snape.

The friendship had begun when they were both eight, although the twenty-one day age gap
was held over her head religiously by Severus. Always claiming that in that short period of
time he had discovered some type of wisdom she had not.

They had been best friends, and unlike her other friends she decided to tell him why they
could not continue the relationship. Lily had explained to him all that had happened, starting
from the card and ending in the future and how her life would plan out from now. What she
had expected was for him to pull a disgusted face just like Petunia had and to call her a
vermin, a mistake. Much to her ten year old brains surprise, the older boy had smiled widely
and admitted that he too possessed the ability to use magic.

Severus told her about how one of his parents was a muggle and the other wasn’t, and that it
meant he was a ‘Half-blood’. He went on to explain the hierarchy between each of the magic
wielders. Purebloods being at the top and Muggleborns being on the bottom, Lily being at the
bottom. The information had caused her to become slightly weary towards entering the
world, but in fear of upsetting the other she kept her mouth shut.
Looking back on their time together Lily now realises that it wasn't healthy, and much too
alike to her relationship with Petunia. One built on memories of the happy moments that
allowed the overflowing bad moments to be ignored. If she were to go back Lily likes to
think that she would’ve turned Severus down that day on the hill, but realistically she knows
that it wouldn’t happen like that.

At some point in third year, when she was becoming more aware of the toxicity; Lily decided
to write down all of the terrible things he had done to her. The fear that she would forget
them all too prominent. Sometimes she would read that list, over and over again; wondering
if they had actually ever happened. Wondering if Severus had ever truly been that bad; the
idea that someone who was supposedly in love with Lily could treat her like that was
incomprehensible.

Often Lily thinks of that first train journey to Hogwarts, she thinks of the now unrecognisably
timid Sirius Black. She thinks of the boy with scars who obviously relied on sarcasm a little
too much. She thinks about the chubby boy who spoke without thinking; and she thinks of
James Potter who had confidence Lily would only be able to dream of.

At first she was a little taken aback by it, he spoke in a rude manner but it quickly became
obvious to her that he genuinely didn’t mean it. Another thing that became quickly obvious
was his crush, a crush that inevitably caused her friendship with Severus to end. Another
thing she still can’t quite tell if it is fortunate or unfortunate.

Even as an eleven year old she would be told often by girls that she was lucky that the James
Potter was so deeply infatuated with her. That she was lucky to be friends with them,
although at the time she would have considered herself to be only Peter and Remus’ friend.
Despite what everyone else thought, Lily didn’t enjoy the constant confessions. She didn’t
enjoy the classroom interruptions, the meal time interruptions, the life interruptions. It caused
her to snap often, saying things that would cause her to get on her knees and beg for
forgiveness from James now. Really they were things that the other needed to hear, and in a
way she doesn't actually regret them because he had deeply invaded her private life.

As years went by she had been lucky to witness the layer that hid beneath his persona,
because despite her unwillingness they grew to know each other. It was hard to evade him as
their friendship groups clashed and eventually she gave up on giving him an indifferent
shoulder. In many ways James helped her to learn that people are never truly the person they
display, and more often that not, they’re complete opposites. Now Lily knows that James is at
the furthest possible point from egotistical, and he is without a doubt one of the nicest people
she’s ever met.
When sixth year began things were different, no longer was he chasing Lily around with red
roses and a banner professing his love. James was starting to treat her like a human rather
than a prize to get at the end of the race. She found herself even becoming fond of his
company, fond of the time they spent together and what she felt she could call a friendship.
Which is why it hurt so much when he once again confessed to her.

What hurt more was having to watch Regulus Black leave The Great Hall.

They didn’t spend time together often, and that only ever showed itself in studying. However
their friendship was one that they could pick-up, even after months spent apart. Lily feels that
she can say that she knows him, really knows him. Time could be spent listing off al of the
things that she knows about him; all of the things they know about each other. The most
important piece of information that Lily knows however. Was that Regulus Black loved
James Potter.

He’d never told her, but he hadn’t needed too. It was the quick glances during meal time, the
way his face would brighten slightly when walking past James in the hallway. It was the way
that, even despite his insulting, Regulus could talk about him for hours; more often than not
his love was actually hidden in those insults. Making fun of things that you’d only be able to
if you had known James for a while, or had been watching him for a while.

When she turned him down for the final time, Lily felt dehumanised. She was once again
reminded of her place in the world, reminded of the privileges she would never receive. It
brought her back to first year, back when she was trying to navigate through a new world; a
world Lily’s not sure she’ll ever belong in.

In the first month of first year she struggled to make friends outside of Severus and Remus,
as she was regarded as bossy and controlling by most of her peers. It caused her to with draw
slightly, start to act more like the other girls, because she didn’t have the confidence to stand
for himself anymore. Then Lily met Marlene McKinnon.

At first she had actually found her rather annoying, much too loud, much too alike to James
and Sirius. However quickly Marlene became a prominent figure in her life; without even
noticing, it went from small nods of heads in the corridors, to five hour conversations as they
sat cross-legged on one another’s beds.
To her Marlene was one of the coolest people ever, she was someone Lily would never fail to
admire. The other girl quickly became her beacon of confidence, whenever she was with her
Lily would feel like she was on top of the world. After some time it became apparent that she
felt like that even without Marlene around. Something that Lily would always be grateful to
her for, especially because it eventually gave her the ability to leave Severus behind.

It also gave her the ability to talk to the pretty girl with beautiful curly hair, and dark skin
with dark eyes to match it. The pretty girl who had the most gorgeous lips and a voice that
spilled from them with the same amount of beauty. It gave her the ability to talk to Mary
MacDonald.

Mary was quiet but loud when you got to know her, she was sweet and kind; but she would
never stray away from scolding you if you were in the wrong. Mary loved all kinds of music
genres, and could never really stick to one. Although she always wished she could be a die
hard pop-rock fan like Sirius and Marlene. Mary loved her little brother and would do
anything for him, Mary wanted to have one child but strictly adoption because ‘Those
children deserve just as much as the rest of us’. Mary cried when others cried, and she got
angry on others behalf's as well. Mary loved a little too much but that was why Lily loved
her.

Which is also why they kissed last night.

________________________________

Mary instantly groaned as she opened her eyes, the bright light from the sun directly shining
into them with no shame. Quickly, she hid her head into the pillow, although that did next to
nothing in resisting her blossoming headache and the pain in her stomach. It felt like
someone had forced her to eat thousands of pounds worth of food, but at the same time it felt
like she hadn’t eaten in years. Mary decided to give facing the world another try as she
uncovered her face once more, the light was still blinding; but a lot more tolerable than it had
been.

Once her sight returned she realised that all she was wearing was her underwear, which in it
of itself is not something you want to wake up to after being drunk. Except Mary doubted
she’d slept with anyone, and that was confirmed when she saw that Marlene was passed out
at the end of her bed. There was drool coming out of the girls mouth and her hair was bright
pink, rather than the usual blonde.

Then she noticed the lack of Lily, which was odd. Usually after a party Marlene, Mary and
her would wake up in the same bed; all three of them could be quite clingy when drunk.
Except she was no where in sight, and it left Mary with an odd feeling in her gut; like she had
forgotten a vital part of the evening.

Which she had.

She had kissed Lily.

Lily had kissed her?

They had kissed each other?

This was bad, this was really bad. Lily’s lack of presence made it obvious to Mary that she
didn’t enjoy the kiss, Lily’s lack of presence made it obvious that she did not like her back.

She had gone so long without making her crush known, done so much to keep it a secret; but
of course the minute she gets high it all goes to shit. Why hadn’t Sirius stopped her? Why
hadn’t someone done something to stop this from happening? Everyone had seen it happen,
well not everyone but they kissed in a room full of people, there was no way not one person
saw. Which meant that people knew she liked girls, people knew she liked Lily. Mary had
just outed herself, and in turn just outed Lily? Or not, because Lily obviously didn’t like girls,
and even if she did she definitely didn’t like Mary.

Practically tumbling out of the bed; she grabbed the nearest possible t-shirt and shorts,
because she really needed to talk to Sirius. Despite all of the noise she was making, Marlene
didn’t even stir in her sleep; just continued to drool all over Mary’s covers, something she
was definitely going to make her clean up.
The pace of her breaths began to speed up as her mind began to wonder, she had just lost one
of her best friends; or was at least close to it. All because she wasn't able to handle her liquor,
internally she found herself blaming Sirius for even getting to drinks, found herself blaming
the boy who gave her the blunt. Evan though she knew well enough that it wasn't their fault
at all.

Lily wouldn’t like her, something Mary had accepted a long time ago was that she was
destined to watch Lily live a love filled life while she watched form the sidelines. Watching
as Lily would find someone she deserved, someone who wouldn’t make her feel disgusted;
because Mary definitely did. Everything was going so, so, wrong; and there was nothing she
could do to make it better.

When she finally made it outside of Sirius’ dorm she burst in, usually this would have been
fine; she’s done it since second year. Except one thing was very different about this time,
because Regulus Black was sleeping right beside James Potter… shirtless, maybe even
naked; both with hickeys lining their necks. Quickly the conversation from the night before
flooded back into her head as she remembered his drunken confession.

“Who are you staring at?”

“…James.”

Last time Mary checked he had a fiancé, or almost fiancé, or whatever Purebloods do.
Actually scrap that, last time Mary checked he hated James, refused to even look at him.
Except here he was, James’ arms wrapped around him as they lay there, tangled in each
others limbs; Regulus’ head hidden into the others chest.

Even in the darkly lit room, Mary could tell that they looked very in love and that made her
very jealous. Before that jealousy could venture through her thoughts a voice stopped it.
“Mary?” Sirius’ voice broke through, it was groggy with sleep and when she looked over to it
she saw him sat up on his elbow; Remus’ arm wrapped loosely around his waist. “What are
you doing here?”

Sparing one last glance over to the, apparent couple, Mary turned back to him. “I have a
problem.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “So you decided to break in to our dorm? Couldn’t it have
waited?”

“A big problem.” She hoped that her wide eyes emphasised the urgency behind the situation.

Thankfully it did; Mary watched as confusion and concern painted themselves on to Sirius’
expression as he began to detangle himself from the duvet and Remus. “Alright, just give me
a second.” He grabbed a jumper off of the floor and threw it over his body as he followed
Mary out of the room; she didn’t miss the dirty look he gave to James and his little brother.
“So what’s up?”

Mary began to pick at the cuticles of her nails as they started walking down the stairs. “Let’s
just uh… let’s just wait until we’re in the common room, you’re going to… yeah you’re
going to want to sit down for this.”

Sirius gave her a weird look. “Okay…? I’m just going to assume that you’re pregnant.” He
joked but then his head shot around to her. “You’re not pregnant are you?”

“What?” She exclaimed. “No, no, no definitely not.”

“If you say so…” They rounded the corner of the stairs and entered the common room; as
they made their way over to the sofas Mary looked up to the clock. It was nine in the
morning, which was stupidly early for a Sunday, especially after the party they had last night.
That only made her feel more anxious, it was obvious that Lily was avoiding her then. Sirius
fell back on to the sofa and stared up at her impatiently. “Go on then, why did you wake me
up at… nine? Merlins sake Mary.”

“Sorry, sorry.” She said as she sat down on to sofa beside him. “It’s just… you’re the only
one I can talk to.”

The concern over took the confusion on Sirius’ face. “Come on stop being cryptic, what
happened?”
Mary sighed. “Well last night… I was, well…drunk, high. Drunk and high. So I wasn't
thinking clearly, you know?”

“You were high?”

“Yeah… actually it’s pretty funny, I shared a blunt with you brother-“

“What!”

“Then we were talking and shit, while watching James and Lily dance.” Mary was honestly
still really confused on that whole situation. “Anyways and then Lily came beside me, and
then James and your brother left…”

“Mary no…”

She ignored him. “And then we were alone, well not alone but like there was no one sitting
near us and I was drunk and high, as I’ve stated.”

“Please tell me you did not-“

“I kissed her.”

He stared at her with an astonished expression that had slowly been forming on his face. “I
thought you were going to tell me you shagged!”

“What no!” Mary slapped his shoulder. “Oh my god no!”

Sirius put his hands up in defence. “Hey, don’t blame me.” Mary watched as the confusion
returned once he said that. “Wait… I don’t understand, why is this a bad thing?”

“Why is this a bad thing?” She copied with an exasperated tone. “This is the worst thing that
could have possibly happened! I kissed her!”

“Yes I know! I haven’t gone deaf.” He told her. “You like her, so you kissed her, and she
kissed you back which means that she likes you.”

Mary shook her head. “No, no very wrong. I kissed her, but I have no idea if she liked it.”

“You’re probably just overthinking it, you have no evidence that she-“

“Me and Marlene were the only ones in the dorm this morning.” She interrupted with a
straight face and Sirius’ mouth made an ‘O’ shape as he mouthed the word.

He winced slightly. “Are you sure?”

“Positive?”

Her face took an annoyed expression. “Yes I’m positive Sirus, she wasn't in her bed.”

“Maybe she’s hiding in the wardrobe.” He suggested.

“Be fucking serious Sirius.” Mary said without thinking and quickly back-tracked. “Don’t,
you, dare.”

“I wasn't going too!” He defended himself but the smirk was ever present on his face, before
he went back to the more important topic. “Look, you kissed eachother-“
“I kissed her-“

“So it's obvious that she feels something back.” He continued talking, decidedly ignoring
Mary’s statement. “Who’s to say she’s not hidden somewhere worrying about if you wanted
to do it?”

Okay, that was a really good point; but also a really bad one, she just couldn’t figure out how
it was bad yet. “That’s stupid.”

“No it’s not, and you know it.” Sirius called her out. “How about, you go on with your day
and wait for her to come back.” Mary opened her mouth to object but he stopped her. “When
she does, you talk to her about it. Worst case scenario she tells you that she doesn’t feel the
same, so what? Lily has been rejecting James for years and they’re still best buddies.”

“She hated him up until fourth year.” Mary deadpanned.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You get my point. Lils isn’t the type of person to end a friendship over
a crush; and even at that I don’t think its unrequited. Genuinely Mary, I think she does like
you back.”

Mary shook her head and crossed her arms as she sat back on the sofa. “That’s impossible,
Lily’s too good for me anyways.”

“You don’t get to decide that, Lily is allowed to feel love to whoever she wants.” Sirius said,
his voice taking on a rare lightness.

She felt her face soften. “Yeah I guess your right…”

The smirk from earlier returned. “I know I am.”

“Piss off.”

________________

Remus let out a sigh as he walked through the corridors looking for Lily, but even after the
length of time that had passed he couldn’t find her. To say that he had exhausted all of his
ideas would be an understatement. Everywhere Lily usually went when she was upset had
been completely deserted, well one of them had been occupied by a third year couple. The
question of why was also lingering in his mind, and he desperately wanted it to be answered;
Sirius hadn’t been very detailed in his explanation.

“Hey Moony,” Sirius said as he walked in to the room again, a slight stress to the spot
between his eyebrows. “Can you do me a favour?”

Remus propped himself up on to his elbow as he ran his hand through his hair. “Depends
what it is.”

“I need you to go find Lily.” He told him as he sat down on to the bottom of the bed.

“Is she okay?”

Sirius shrugged in a defeated manner. “I don’t know, that’s why I need you to go… Mary and
her got in to a… fight. She’s completely convinced herself that Lily hates her and that she
made her feel uncomfortable.”

“Shit,” Remus replied, feeling a slight concern overcome him. “Yeah of course, I’ll go now.”

So now, thirty minutes later, he found that the slight concern had now morphed in to a
monster of worry. If Lily wasn't in any of the usual spots, spots that Remus was aware that
only he knew of; then it meant she did not want to be found. Unfortunately for her, Lily had a
lot of people who cared about her, and Remus would be quick to admit that he was one of
them.

Even though he thought it was unlikely she would be there, he decided to go check The
Green House. Stepping out of the outdoor hallway he walked through the snow that was
starting to melt, now taking a more grey and brown tone rather than the white it had been a
couple of days ago.

As he opened the door quiet sobs instantly entered his ears, it was obvious to him that the
person creating them was trying to keep their crying concealed. An action Remus had
become all too familiar with since he was six. The soft cries were coming out in a hiccuped
manner and he realised that what he was listening to was the end breath. More importantly
however, he realised the the crying was coming from Lily. “Lils?” He called out and the noise
ceased, silence filled The Green House, so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. “Where are
you?”

Silence stayed for ten or so seconds before her voice interrupted it. “Go away.” Rather than
sounding firm, as he’s sure she meant to, Lily sounded absolutely broken. Despite his
awkward approach to affection and touch it surprisingly made him want to hug her, made him
want to wrap his arms around her body and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

“I just want to talk.” He assured as he walked around the table centred in the middle of the
room.

A small sniffing sound was made before Lily spoke again. “I don’t want to talk.”

Remus rounded the table and was able to deduce that she wasn't in that room, so he went in to
the one that was directly connected to it by a door frame empty of its door. As he walked into
it and turned his head to the right he was confronted with the sight of her, she was looking up
at him with red eyes and a red nose to match. Tears were still pooling in Lily’s eyes and her
lips were pursed slightly as if she was about to break down again any minute. She had pulled
her legs up to her chest, and it looked as if her head had been placed on them before. “Can we
sit together then?” He asked and all that he got in response was a shrug of her shoulders as
she placed her head on to the tops of her knees.
He found a seat on the spot beside her and mirrored her position, giving the softest smile he
could. “Did you have fun last night?” Sometimes people needed a distraction rather than a
therapist and Remus was happy enough to do that.

Lily shook her head, the tears welled up even more and he found himself regretting the
question; Berating himself internally, of course she didn’t have a good time last night. “Are
you excited to go back to school tomorrow?”

Another shake of her head had Lily looking away from Remus and to the wall a few metres
in front of them. He felt his eyebrows furrow, usually she was the kind of person to enjoy the
routine of school, someone who missed it when it left. “What did you do over-“

“I kissed Mary.”

“Oh…”

Then within a manner of seconds the pool had finally over flowed, Lily was crying again.
Instantly Remus uncurled himself and brought an arm around her, pulling the shorter closer
to him. “Hey,” He whispered softly. “Hey, you’re okay… it’s okay.”

“It’s not!” Lily exclaimed through her tears, her voice coming out more choked. “She’s going
to hate me forever.” The second sentence was spoken a lot more quietly and Remus just
wanted to make her feel better as soon as possible; wanted to take all of the hurt away with a
flick of his wand.

“Mary MacDonald hating you is as impossible as Sirius not being dramatic.” He joked and
she let out a wet laugh that developed into soft sobs once more. Lily didn’t cry often, she got
sad yes, but never cried. It was unnerving, scary even. “Why are you so upset? There’s not
doubt in my mind that Mary would like you back.” Remus was met with silence, but he knew
that he was right. “Did she kiss you back?”

He felt Lily nod stiffly against him before mumbling a reply. “Yeah.”
Remus laughed lightly. “So she’s not going to hate you forever Lils… I’m sure that means
she’ll actually love you forever.”

Despite the positivity Remus was sure that he had found Lily let out another choked sob, the
grip her hand had found on his shirt tightening. “I can’t-“ She cut herself off, not with her
crying however; she just ended the sentence there.

“You can’t what?” He pushed slightly, not wanting her to seem too pressured but he also
wanted to find out why she was so upset.

Lily let out a shaky breath. “I can’t… be gay.” She admitted quietly, pulling away from
Remus; despite he lack of anonymity he couldn’t suppress the pitying expression that came
across his face.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a Mudblood Remus.” Before he could interrupt she spoke again. “As well as that I’m a
woman, I already struggle to live as it is; can you imagine how hard it would be then?” His
mouth found itself opening and closing as he tried to think of a response but none came to
mind. “The only way I would be able to find some sense of security would be if I were to
marry a Pureblood; like James.”

Remus sighed and he looked in to her eyes, however she averted the contact. “But you don’t
love him… do you?”

Lily clicked her tongue. “If he asked me again I think I would say yes.” She admitted and
despite her not seeing Remus’ eyes he could see the dishonesty hidden in her green.

“But do you love him?”

She swallowed thickly. “I care more to be loved.”

“You are,” Remus told her. “And I don’t mean just friendship wise; I mean that Mary loves
you.”

“But-“

He interjected before another word of doubt could cross her words. “No, she does Lily. She
kissed you and you need to realise that your feelings are reciprocated.” Remus could
understand her feelings, could understand the weariness behind the idea of being in a same
sex relationship. Especially considering all of the privileges Lily had lost just by being born.
“You can’t stop being gay Lils, and you can’t just ignore it. You can either live happily with
Mary or you can live unhappily with someone you don’t even love.” She sat there looking at
him with wide eyes. “You said you wanted to be loved; well there’s someone who is freaking
out at Gryffindor Tower because the idea that she had even made you uncomfortable pained
her.”

“I can’t-“

“You can,” He insisted and brought his hands to her shoulders. “You can.”

________________________________

Mary paced her bedroom as she waited for Lily to come back, it was now twelve and she
couldn’t justify the absence anymore. There was no way she wasn't being avoided, it just
wouldn’t make sense.

As a child she had struggled with rejection and confrontation a lot, any time she’d be denied
something she would burst into tears. Not because Mary was spoilt, or because she felt like
she deserved everything; usually it wasn't even about the object in question. Most of the time
it was because rejection to her correlated with hatred, if someone rejected her she would see
that as annoyance. Even if Mary was reassured that someone wasn’t mad, her brain would
twist the story; tell her that the other person had been lying.
As she grew that fear of rejection slowly built in to confrontation, and it grew a lot. Often
Mary wouldn’t have long friendships because she would fear a fight that would inevitably
come, and when it did she would close off. Isolate herself and refuse to listen to reason, even
if the other would be actively trying to resolve the issue. She’s never resented any of her past
friends leaving, Mary understands that it’s hard sometimes, hard to deal with that kind of
issue.

This fear is also why she was so miserable during her relationship with Sirius. The constant
fighting left her always feeling anxious, always scared of what would happen next. They
were each others worst nightmares, Sirius constantly felt like he was hated, and would
struggle terribly if a fight with another went unresolved. Mary would turn tail and run at the
first sight of conflict.

Lily was often there with her during these times, there to rub her back and whisper soft
reassurances as Mary cried; but somehow never allowing herself to perceive Sirius as awful.
That was what was so great about her, Lily was never one to look at one side of the story and
leave it at that, no Lily would always be open to the second or even third side of it.

She was kind.

She was empathetic.

She was understanding.

She was the most beautiful person Mary had ever had the privilege of knowing.

She was the only person Mary had never fought with, and now they had.

As the thoughts swarm through her mind, she brought her attention to the fact that it was
difficult to breathe. Mary brought her attention to the quickened breaths, the long ending with
short beginnings, the hoarseness towards the end of it. She brought her attention to the
dampness around her eyes and the way her hands couldn’t seem to stop moving. Flying
around the place as if they stayed in one spot for too long they would fall off.

Mary closed her mouth at an attempt to stop the hyperventilating but all that ended up
happening was her lips pursing and sobs tearing through the defence.

She had quickly found herself regretting being alone, for saying that she didn’t have a
problem with Marlene going to see Dorcas. For telling Sirius that he had helped a lot and that
she was feeling a lot better. For always running away, for never talking to her friends after a
fight.

For kissing Lily.

As her name entered Mary’s mind she found her sobs growing louder and less controlled, not
that they had been in the first place. Through the thick noise she hadn’t heard the thin sound
of Lily entering the room. “Mary?” The voice seemed like it was at the other side of the
ocean yet like it was being screamed in to her ear at the same time. “Hey… what’s wrong?”

Mary turned around and looked at her with wide eyes as her hands found a still position in
her hair rather than the unstoppable movement from moments before. “I’m sorry Lily, I
didn’t mean to do it! I was drunk and- and- and-“ Her breaths were cutting her off and before
she could even think about stopping it, another wave of tears had overcame her features.

Lily quickly came closer, her face laced with worry all over and for some reason that made
Mary cry even harder. “Just breathe…” She soothed. “It’s okay, it’s okay, just breathe.”

“No I- I-“ Mary felt like she was a kid all over again, crying because she had been told no.
“And you- I- Didn’t-“ The next sob had her crouching down to the ground and hiding her
face into her knees. Much to her surprise, there was an instant presence by her side as Lily
crouched down beside her.

“Oh Mary…” She breathed out. “What have you gotten yourself into?”
 Hard cries were all that she got in response and then Mary felt hands move onto her face as
they began to push it upwards; forcing her to look at Lily in the eyes. The hands cupped each
of her cheeks and Lily was incredibly close, then she pushed their foreheads together, as her
thumbs began to caress Mary’s skin. Slowly Lily brought the bottom halves of their faces
closer as their lips connected in a soft, short and sweet kiss; despite the saltiness from Mary’s
tears.

When they parted it wasn't very far, and one of the hands remained on her cheek as the other
pushed a bit of hair behind Mary’s head. “You like me back?” She asked quietly, mainly
because of disbelief, also because the sight of Lily this close had caused her to loose her
breath for a moment.

The other tipped her head forward slightly as she let out a light laugh. “Yes Mary… I like you
back.”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

MARYLILY I LOVE YOU.

Damn this was so sad, I can't believe this. I was literally sobbing as I wrote the end of it,
also at the start I listening to Romantic homicide and that mixed with Lily's little
backstory sent me over the edge. Honestly even though I'm pretty sure this song is about
lovers, it screams the Black Brothers and Evans Sisters. SCREAMS IT

"At the end of the day she hadn’t even asked to be born, so why was she punished so
cruelly for it?" SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP!!!!!!
"Talk to the pretty girl with beautiful curly hair, and golden skin with honey eyes to
match it." Bet you guys feel extra lonely huh?

PLATONIC MARLY I'M CRYING "To her Marlene was one of the coolest people ever,
she was someone Lily would never fail to admire."

SIRIUS AND MARY'S SECRET GAY ALLIANCE!!!!!!

Mary seeing Jegulus and being like "Wtf? Kinda wish I had that tho-" HAHAHFJFJFJ
I just find that so funny, Mary really be out here representing all of us huh?
“Be fucking serious Sirius.” I am comedy.

Platonic MoonFlower will make me shit out my intestines what the fuck was that,
"Instantly Remus uncurled himself and brought an arm around her."
The quote is too long to put here but that whole "There's someone in Gryffindor tower"
bullshit was my last straw, what the actual fuck Remus Lupin.

That confession...
THAT FUCKING CONFESSION
I MIGHT CRY
I AM CRYING
I AM DEAD.

Might add more notes inn the morning but I am tired and it's 3:30am!

Updating on Sunday!

Personally I am a big fan of those toaster pancakes, you know the ones you toast? Well
yeah, that's obvious. Anyways they're really good, you should try them. ALSO DRINK
WATER, I don't do this as often as I should, but I'm trying to get better.

Emme <3
 Thomas
Chapter Summary

Regulus wakes up in an unknown room and things begin to take an unexpected twist.
James once again returns to the dream world as he watched, what might, be Older
Regulus' deepest regret.

Chapter Notes

"No one else was in the room where it happened, the room where it happened, the room
where it happened." The room where it happened - Hamilton

_________________

TW:
Kidnapping: From the start to "this was a little too unbelievable."
Violence: "His mother stepped away." - "this was a little too unbelievable."
Death: “Two…” - "this was a little too unbelievable."
Panic attack: "Regulus’ voice was hoarse as it cracked." - "this was a little too
unbelievable." "Suddenly his eyes snapped open." - “So you had a dream within a
dream?” "Barty was abruptly woken up by screaming," - “Salut.”
Child death: “Where’s daddy?” - "I’m sorry.”
Underage drinking: "James watched as he stormed in to the kitchen," - The end.
Drug miss-use/ Implied drug addiction. "They walked up the stairs," - The end.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Regulus’ eyes slowly opened, his head hurt and there was a bottomless pit of dread in his
stomach. Something was wrong and as the vision slowly returned to his eyes and the feeling
returned to his skin; the realisation that he wasn't in his room hit him. There was a stony wall
in front and a chair under him, quickly it became apparent that the chair was the only piece of
furniture in the room. Quickly it became apparent to him that he was in the basement of his
Uncle Ignatius’ house. Quickly it became apparent to him that he wasn't safe.

The calm breathing of his sleep was replaced with hyperventilating that he tried hard to keep
quiet as he began to tug at the restraints on his wrists. Regulus didn’t know why he was here,
he was supposed to be at Hogwarts, he was supposed be safe. They shouldn’t have been able
to get him, Monty had told him that. Monty told him that there was no way they could reach
him.

Monty had lied to him.

They had all lied to him.

“Salut?” He breathed out, hoping for a response. Hoping that by a small chance this was just
a prank, that for some reason Sirus thought it would be funny to recreate their Uncle’s home
and trick Regulus. “Sirius?” He asked the empty space, ignoring the way his voice cracked
towards the end. “This isn’t funny.” (Hello?)

Again there was no response and the concealed breaths from before had now turned ragged as
his eyes frantically moved around the room. Desperately looking for a flaw in the scene,
looking for a misplaced shoe, or something. Something that showed that this wasn't real,
showed that he wasn’t back there; but nothing did that, everything was the same. He was
back.

He was back.

They were here.

He flinched back as the door opened suddenly, his mother coming from behind it. The cold
glare in her eyes all too pleasant, the small smirk on her face making him feel like he was
back in her control. “Regulus…” She sighed as if he was a child again, slowly she came
closer and if possible Regulus would have ran for his life. Except he couldn’t, he was stuck
and no one was coming to save him. “Je suis vrainment disappointed in you.” (I’m very)

Closing his eyes tightly, he looked away as a small tear tracked down his left cheek. Regulus
hoped that when he opened his eyes again he would be faced with the comfort of his dorm.
Instead a hand forced his face to turn forward, making him look at his mother in the eyes as
she bent down to make them level. “Did you really think that you could get away from me,
from us?”
Regulus shook his head against her grasp even though the words she had said were true, the
tips of her nails tipped into his skin as her grip grew stronger. “You did,” She insisted.
“Otherwise we wouldn’t have to do this.”

His mother stepped away and the door opened once more while Evan and Barty were shoved
in by his Uncle violently; they both fell to their knees, hands tied behind their back. They had
similar faces of terror, and if Regulus could see his own he was sure that it would be
mirroring theirs. “Reg what’s going on?” Barty said to him in a tone of fear, a tone of pure
fear.

Before Regulus could even think of responding his mother was doing it for him.
“Unfortunately you misbehaved Regulus.” She said to him with a condescending tone, one
that he would expect from Bellatrix; not her. Then it disappeared and her face was hardened
once more. “Pick one.”

“W-what?” He stuttered out, the unshed tears were obvious in his voice.

“Choisis. Un.” Ignatius repeated what Regulus’ mother had said. He didn’t respond instead
he gave his full attention to his friends, who were doing the same to him. Catching on to this
his uncle grabbed Evans hair back; causing the other to let out a cry of pain. “Pick one, or
they both go.” (Choose. One.)

The air around him stilled and his breathing became colder as his stomach made spasming
move as he tried to hold back the tears that were starting to push against his barriers. “Je… I
don’t understand.” Some part of him did, some part of him knew what his Uncle was
insinuating, some part of him was already mourning. (I)

Ignatius brought his wand to Evan’s neck, instantly Barty was already moving to his defence
but Regulus’ mother stopped him before he even made a dent. “Immobulus.” Her voice was
smooth and there wasn't a hint of surprise behind it. For some reason Regulus thought he
would have felt better if she seemed scared, seemed like she was nervous. “One of them dies,
or they both die. Choose.”
Regulus inhaled sharply and the sob that had been building at the back of his throat finally
escaped, bringing an army or tears with it. His eyes moved quickly between each of his
friends, Evans head still being held by Ignatius. When they made contact with Barty’s,
Regulus recognised acceptance behind them. “Reg… it’s okay choose me.”

“No!” Evan yelled back but was stopped by the tip of the wand being jabbed into his throat.

“Don't listen to him,” Barty told Regulus, his voice scarily stable considering the situation.
“Reg choose me, it’s okay… It’ll be okay.”

Another loud sob escaped his lips as he tipped his head forward. “I can’t-“ He choked out,
then end of the word barely making it.

“You can…” The other soothed and Regulus looked up, glancing over to Evan who had tears
streaming down his face as he shook his head frantically. “Just say my name.”

“Barty stop it!” Evan shouted, his voice thick with fear and panic. “Choose me Reg, please
choose me, please!”

“I can’t!” He found himself repeating once more, helplessness wouldn’t suffice his feeling at
that moment. Fear wouldn’t do the situation justice, anger couldn’t even describe a small
percent of it. Nothing could describe this, nothing would ever be able to describe this. “Je
vous prie Maman,” Regulus begged as he averted his eyes from the other two and over to his
mother. “I’m sorry, I’ll come back!” (Please)

Disgust washed over her face briefly before she turned away, walking over to the
immobilised Barty. “No!” Regulus screamed hoarsely. “Get away from him!”

“Pick, one.” Ignatius repeated for a third time, then he began to count down. “Five…”

“Reg say my fucking name!” Barty yelled as Regulus’ mother placed her wand on his back,
at the spot directly above the heart.
“Four…”

“Je ne peux pas- I can’t-“ Harsh breaths were interrupting him as he began to drown in his
own tears. (I can’t)

“Three…”

“Please Reg, please, please pick me!” This time it was Evan, this time Evan was begging to
be killed.

“Two…”

“Regulus!” Barty cried out. “Please!”

“One.”

Neither of them were able to speak before the spells were cast, Evan had his throat split open
with a diffindo and Barty had the killing curse sent straight through his heart. “No!” Regulus’
voice was hoarse as it cracked. Suddenly the restraints on his writs and ankles were gone and
he collapsed off of the chair and straight beside their bodies. He quickly brought his hands to
Evans throat in an attempt to stop the bleeding, despite the other already being dead. “No, no,
no, no.” Blood was quickly staining his hands. “Wake up, please wake up.” Regulus pleaded
through sobs as he tried to hold Evans’s skin together.

Daring to look away from him, Regulus moved his sight over to Barty, his eyes were blank
with nothing behind it. None of the fear he had seen moments before, none of the happiness
he had grown so used to, none of it. Barty was dead and there no denying it because those
weren’t the eyes of someone who was alive.
For some reason that causes him to cry harder, for some reason that caused to him push away
from Evan and start shaking Barty. If there was no blood then he couldn’t be dead, right? If
there was no blood, then those dead eyes must be fake. Barty could act, Barty could act really
well; he was amazing at charades, always took the gold medal. “Stop it, stop it Barty, please
stop it. This isn’t funny, It’s not funny.”

There was no response and then he realised he couldn’t deny this anymore. They were dead;
he had killed them. He had killed them, he had killed them, he had-

Regulus wouldn’t be able to describe the noise that came out of his mouth.

If he were to try… he’d say that it was scream; a scream that derived from nothing but grief.

His hands clasped around Barty’s woollen jumper and he pushed his forehead into his back,
trying desperately to get a breath in to his lungs but being unable to. If Regulus had paid
attention to his surroundings he would have noticed that his Mother and Uncle were no
longer in the room. Or he would have realised that there was no way Evan could have died
that quickly.

If Regulus paid more attention he would have realised that all of this was a little too
unbelievable.

Suddenly his eyes snapped open as he took in a sharp breath; quickly looking around the
room and seeing that he was back in the dorm. His breath was quick but was calming down
slightly as his sight began to clear up. Slowly he moved from laying down to sitting up,
running a hand over his face as he let out a long sigh. Regulus turned to look at Evan and
Barty’s beds, a thankful tear slipped down his face when he saw them fast asleep.

He untangled his legs from the duvet cover, a slight dampness to the back of them. Regulus
walked over to Barty with shaky legs, honestly surprised that he hadn’t collapsed instantly.
The others breath was a sharp contrast to his own; calm and steady with sleep, but even the
sight of his chest moving up and down didn’t cause Regulus’ breath to do the same. He
brought two fingers to the spot underneath Barty’s jaw, the trembling almost completely
blocking out the feel of his heart beating; but it was.
Regulus’ legs finally gave in to the unsteadiness at he collapsed to the ground, keeping his
arms on the mattress as he began to cry quietly into them. “Reg?” A voice broke through the
silence, thick with sleep. “Reg, what’s wrong?”

The sound of Barty’s voice caused Regulus to cry harder; there was none of the fear, or the
acceptance from before. It was how he remembered it, how he would always want to
remember it. The mattress dipped briefly and then there were warm arms wrapping around
him, bringing them closer. “Hey,” Barty said softly. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

The only response Regulus gave, could give, was a loud sob as he felt a hand begin to rub up
and down his arm. “It’s okay…” He whispered. “I’m here… I’m here… It’ll be okay.”

“Reg… it’s okay choose me.”

“No!”

“Don't listen to him, Reg choose me, it’s okay… It’ll be okay.”

“I can’t-“

“You can… Just say my name.”

“Barty stop it! Choose me Reg, please choose me, please!”

“I can’t!”

His eyes, which had previously been screwed shut, opened quickly as he choked on his own
breath. “Barty?” Regulus recognised Evans voice as footsteps began to come closer. “Reg?”
He could only assume that when the noise grew louder that he had finally seen the two of
them, and that assumption was proven correct as he felt the presence of another person beside
him.

As his crying began to subside and quiet down Barty began to try and distract him. “Look
Reg, you woke up the old woman.” Evan let out a shocked gasp, and by the slight movement
in the others shoulder Regulus could tell he had been hit.

He let out a wet laugh as his breathing began to regulate itself once more and pulled away
from Barty. “Sorry for waking you up.” Regulus apologised while wiping his nose with his
sleeve.

“We didn’t wake up,” Evan said his voice lacking emotion that Regulus could have sworn
was there seconds before. “The dead can’t wake up.”

Regulus’ head snapped up, for what he was now realising as the first time looking at the two.
Their skin was starting to peel off and they looked like they were corpses that had started to
decay. He let out a terrified scream as Evan and Barty’s bones appeared to collapse in on
themselves and they rotted. Large chunks of flesh began falling off as Regulus pushed
himself away from the two, but Evans hand moved to grab his ankle. Another cry of fear
escaped his throat as he tried to escape the grasp, causing the hand detaching from the others
body.

He tried to stand, to run away; but all that happened was him continuing to fall back in to the
ground, finally coming to a halt as his back hit a wall. Evan and Barty were slowly crawling
towards him and he hid his face into his arms. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this isn’t real
this isn’t real-“

“So you had a dream within a dream?” Sirius asked as they walked through the halls.

Regulus nodded. “Yeah it was so weird, and really graphic as well.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, a slight concern in his eyes.
“Non… no not really.” The memory of Evan and Barty’s dead faces all too present in his
mind, it had been hard to look at them this morning without breaking down. Suddenly he felt
a want to change the conversation so Regulus forced a smile on his face. “Any valentines
plans with Remus?”

Sirius rolled his eyes playfully. “It’s a month away Reg.”

“I know you have plans Sirius, it would be weird if you didn’t.” Regulus smirked at him,
briefly he looked away from him. As they had been walking through the Hogwarts corridors
he hasn’t missed the heavy air that seemed persistent. Other than him and Sirius he hadn’t
actually seen many people smiling. “So go on, tell me your master plan.”

A lovesick grin placed itself on to Sirius’ face, and Regulus couldn’t help but understand how
he felt; being in love was one of the greatest experiences in his life. The fact that it was James
made it even better. “I found this one roof, that’s really easy to climb on to.” He began to
explain. “Safe too.” His brother added on.

“Bien, thought you were about to tell me your plan was to murder him.” (Good)

“It’s quite popular these days actually.” Sirius joked back before he continued to tell Regulus
his idea. “Anyways I’m going to take him up there and we’ll-“

He was interrupted as a girl came up to them, Regulus recognised her to be in the year below
him. “I’m sorry for your loss.” She told him and he found his eyebrows furrowing.

“Sorry?” The girl didn’t elaborate before walking off, leaving Regulus confused. “What was
that?”

A sympathetic look shot though his brother eyes, his mouth opening and closing a few times
but no words came out. As Regulus looked around his walking began to slow slightly when
he noticed that everyone was looking at him the same way. Sirius wrapped a hand around his
arm and forced him to continue the speed they were at. “It doesn’t matter, come on.”
However they were once again stopped by a boy coming up to them. “I’m sorry for your
loss.” He said and just as the girl had done he walked away.

Suddenly people continued to come up to him, saying variations of what the previous two
had said. Sirius began to pull him along, attempting to keep Regulus away from the strangers;
but inevitably failed every time. “Sirius what’s going on?”

“Just ignore it.” His brother insisted, tugging on his arm but Regulus forced them to stop.

“No tell me,” He pushed as they finally got a break from all of the interruptions. “I know you
know something.”

“I don’t.” Sirius snapped in a tone Regulus had never heard him take before. “Come on,
we’re going to be late.”

“Late to what?”

“The funeral.”

______________________

Barty was abruptly woken up by screaming, his eyes snapped open as he flung himself
upwards. Quickly he recognised that the screaming was coming from Regulus and quickly
stumbled out of his bed, rushing over to him. He was flailing violently and it didn’t look like
he was actually awake yet, out of the corner of his eye, Barty could see Evan also starting to
wake up.

It was then Regulus shot forward as sobs began to mix into his screaming; Barty instantly
came behind him, wrapping his arms around his body as he held him close. “Reg!” He
exclaimed, attempting to break into the trance the other seemed to be in. Evan moved over to
the door and Barty assumed that he was turning on the light, he was proven correct when the
room was suddenly visible.

“No!” Regulus yelled as he resisted the grip. “No! Let me go!

Usually he would have happily agreed to the request, he would have let go as soon as it was
made. Except right now he was genuinely worried that Regulus would accidentally hurt
himself if he did. “Reg you’re fine!” Barty attempted to assure, he thought that the other
might have had a nightmare about Grimmauld Place; that was what most of them were about.
“You’re not there!”

“Get away from me!” Regulus shouted as his sobs were becoming frantic, barely leaving
room for one to stop before another started. “You’re not real!”

At that Barty’s eyes moved up to Evans, he was now at the end of the bed; only narrowly
missing Regulus’ kicks. He was confused, really confused. What did he mean by saying they
‘weren’t real’? “What do you mean Reg?”

Rather than responding he felt an elbow get jabbed in to his stomach, which caused him to
momentarily lose his grip on Regulus; who almost instantly jumped away. He fell to the floor
and quickly started crawling backwards, trying to get as far away from them as possible;
stopping when his back reached Barty’s bed. Evan stood up and started moving towards him
but Regulus stopped him. “Get away!” He shouted.

This was weird, this wasn't normal. Normally it would only take him thirty seconds at most to
recognise that he had been dreaming. Another look was shared between Evan and him as he
began to stand up. “Reg,” Evan began quietly. “You were dreaming that’s it.”

He didn’t respond to them, instead he brought his legs to his chest and arms to cover his face;
beginning to mumble something unintelligible to himself. Evan restarted his movement,
slowly lowering himself to the spot beside Regulus; he wrapped an arm around him at the
same pace and luckily this time he didn’t scream, or flail, or anything like that. He just
collapsed into Evan, continuing to cry and whisper to himself. The other looked up at Barty
for a moment and silently worded what Regulus was saying.
‘Wake up.’

Before Barty could react there was a knock at the door, he watched as Regulus flinched and
Evans grip tightened. He walked over to the door and opened it, making sure that only he was
visible. Behind it was a very tired and pissed off Mulciber. “What do you want?”

“The fuck are you doing in there?” He asked raising an eyebrow and trying to peer in but
Barty stopped him.

“Nothing,” He replied before elaborating. “There was a spider.”

Mulciber gave him a weird look, squinting his eyes slightly. “So you screamed like
banshees?”

“Yes, it was big.”

“Whatever.” The other sighed. “Just keep it the fuck down, some of us are actually
productive with our lives.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” Barty told him glancing backwards, seeing that Evan and
Regulus were still in the same position as before. “Is that all?”

He looked skeptical but seemed to decide to let it go. “Yeah.” Then he left and Barty closed
the door behind him.

As he made his way back over to the two he realised that the frantic mumbling was now left
to soft cries as Evan attempted to soothe him. Watching this happen was always terrifying, all
three of them had their fair share of nightmares; but Regulus’ were always undoubtedly the
worst. The reasoning varied, at a lot of the time he wouldn’t even say what they were about.
Sometimes he said that he would dream of experiences he hadn’t lived, but it felt like he had;
felt too real to just be fake. This one looked like it may have been one of those, because when
he sat down next to the two he noticed that Regulus looked like he still didn’t believe he was
awake. “What’s wrong Reg, what’s happened?”

The other shook his head as another flow of tears came out of his eyes. “You’re not real.”

“We are.” Evan tried to convince him but to no avail.

“No, I need to wake up.”

Barty lifted his hand to Regulus’ trembling form, pushing the hair blocking his eyes behind
his ear. “Look,” He lifted his other up so that the other could see both of them. “All of my
fingers right?”

Regulus looked over to him and then down to his hands, eye trailing over them maybe five
times before he nodded. “Yeah…” It sounded so unlike him, broken and cracking through
out.

“We must be real then.”

He nodded again before another thick sob escaped his throat. “You were there and- and- I had
to chose, but I didn’t and then you were-“ Another cry interrupted him and it felt like it was
designed just to make Barty’s heart shatter. “Then I-I woke up, but I didn’t and you started-“
A sharp breath did it this time. “You started falling apart- decaying.”

“Oh Reg…” Evan sighed as he brought a hand to his hair and began to card through it. “It’s
okay, we’re here. Not dead.”

“Everyone was- They were all saying sorry, and I didn’t know why-“ The crying took over
once more as he just gripped on to Evan as tightly as possible.
“You’re okay… You’re okay…”

__________________________________

“Salut.” (Hey.)

Where’d you go last time?

“What happened to hi? What happened to how are you?”

What happened to your dad?

“Oh wow.”

I am so sorry, I have no idea why I said that.

“No I love it! I’m converting you!”

This is awful, I just made fun of your dead dad.

“I’m loving this new James.”

What have you done to me?

“Amazing things! Now you’re actually kind of funny!”

Means a lot coming from you.

“I know right.”

I was being sarcastic.

“That just hurts my feelings.”

Good.

“You’re so cruel to me, and only me.”

I mean it endearingly.

“Explain your thought process behind that.”

Well you see… and then… so it brings me to… There explained.

“I see everything so much more clearly now, thank you.”

Here for you, but genuinely where did you go?

“Got things to do, people to see.”

You’re dead.
“Didn’t catch on to that actually.”

Piss off.

“If you must know, I was…”

You were…

“Upset. Okay? There, you got me.”

Oh… Are you okay now?

“Peachy.”

So that’s a no?

“I’m as fine as I can be while watching back my most traumatic memories.”

Sorry, this is going to sound insensitive, but haven’t we been doing this the whole time?

…You’re fine… It’s just that one, and probably most of the ones coming up, are… a lot
harder.

How so?
“I guess you’ll find out.”

James watched as the space around him morphed into a house he hadn’t been in before. They
looked to be in a Muggle’s home because he didn’t recognise some of the items within it. The
door of a room opened and a man, who looked to be average height, stepped out; a small boy
following behind. The child seemed to be between the ages of five and seven, his father in his
early forties.

From what he could see, the inside of the room appeared to be a bedroom; quickly he worked
out that it must be a flat. The pair walked in to the open kitchen as the older opened the fridge
and lifted out a yoghurt, handing it to his son. Just as he was about to open a drawer there
was a loud warping sound as a group of people apparated in to the room. James quickly
worked them out to Purebloods; and in an extension of that, Deatheaters. As his eyes scanned
them they finally landed on Regulus, his face was stony with nothing behind it; besides a
slight, and he means slight, apprehension.

Instantly the man, he had assumed to be muggle, reached in to his pocket and lifted out a
wand; the point of it shifting through targets. His son seemed to be confused but allowed
himself to be pushed behind his fathers back. “Stay away.” He said in a warning tone.

Bellatrix stepped forward with a manic smile on her face. “That’s not any way to treat your
guests, is it?” She cocked her head, eyes wide with pseudo innocence.

“You’re not welcome here, leave.” The wand finally found a spot on the woman, but her slow
movements forward didn’t stop. “Stupe-“

“Expelliarmus!” Bellatrix interrupted the mans spell, sending his wand flying away from
him. Instantly the vacant hand went behind his back, holding on to his sons other shoulder;
who looked utterly terrified. She pouted. “That made me sad.”

The duo retreated further behind the kitchen island as two other men came out from behind
Bellatrix. “Stay back!” The man yelled but they didn’t listen and ripped him from his grasp
on the child.
“Daddy!” The boy yelled as he began running towards his father, tears beginning to stream
down his face.

“No! Don’t Thomas!” He shouted as he looked back over his shoulder, causing the boy to
halt; Loud wails escaping his throat.

“Someone shut that child up!” Bellatrix shrieked and one of the Deatheaters moved their
wand up toward him; but before a spell could be cast Regulus stepped forward.

“I’ll take him to another room.” He offered; on the outside he looked calm and collected, but
James could see the panic behind his grey eyes.

His cousin seemed to think about it before nodding. “Good idea.”

As he stepped forward the man yelled again. “I’ll kill you! Leave him alone!” It stopped
Regulus for a moment, a moment that allowed the older to see his face; causing him to switch
tactics. “You look young! How old are you?”

“Don’t answer him Reggie.” Bellatrix snapped.

Regulus ignored her. “Sixteen.”

A fear filled smile adorned the mans face. “You don’t have to do this! You can still change!
It’s-“

“Shut up!” Bellatrix screeched.

Decidedly over with the interaction, Regulus continued walking over to the child. James
followed after him, not interested on hearing Bellatrix more than he had to. The Childs cries
were hysterical and he barely noticed when the other kneeled in front of him. “Hey,”
Regulus’ voice was soft, softer than he’d ever heard it before. “What’s your name?”
The boy’s sobbing died down a little and he spoke through the sobs that remained. “Thomas.”

“That’s an amazing name,” He complimented with a kind smile on his face. “I’m Regulus.”

A wet giggle left the boys throat. “That’s a funny name.”

He scrunched his nose briefly, the smile on his face widening slightly. “It is isn’t it? Want to
hear an even funnier name?” The boy nodded. “My mums name is Walburga.”

Another laugh escaped the child throat. “That is funnier!” He confirmed for Regulus.

“I told you it would be.” He smirked, his eyes made a small glance to behind him as the
voices grew louder. “How about we go to your room?”

The frown from before returned to the younger’s face. “But you’re a stranger.”

“No I’m not.” The other denied, then held out his hand for him to shake. “I’m Regulus and
I’m sixteen.” Thomas hesitantly took his hand and shook it. “See? Not strangers. Now why
don’t you give me a tour? I bet your room is so cool.”

James found himself smiling fondly as Regulus kept his hand in Thomas’ and allowed
himself to led to the boys room. It made him able to forget the commotion that was going on
only ten metres away. The bedroom was very vibrant and decorated with apparel from a
brand he didn’t know, must have been a muggle one then. Regulus was told to sit down on
the floor as the other ran over to a cabinet and lifted a red truck off of it. “My daddy buys me
lots of toys.” He explained as he came back over to Regulus, sitting down beside him. “This
ones my favourite though.

“Oh yeah?” He raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”

Thomas undid a latch and one side of the truck came undone as it revealed an inside with
loads of little detachable’s in it. “This is why.”

Regulus made a shocked noise that James could tell was over exaggerated. “Wow, that’s
amazing.”

The praise made Thomas grin widely. “Right? My daddy got me it for-“

A loud cry of pain made it through the door and the boys attention was instantly given
straight to it. “That was daddy.” He said as if he was speaking his thoughts. “Are they hurting
him? Why are they hurting him.”

“They’re not.” Regulus lied, bringing a gentle hand to the boys cheek to make Thomas look
at him again. “Just play fighting.”

“Play fighting?”

“Yeah like, do you have siblings?” Thomas shook his head. “Ah well, it’s just when you
pretend to hurt each other, but you’re not.”

The other looked at him strangely. “That doesn’t sound very fun.”

Regulus shrugged one of his shoulders. “I’m not really doing it much justice.”

Luckily that seemed to make his curiosity shift from the noise and to the phrase. “What does
that mean?”

“Just that it could be explained better, but I wasn't.” Regulus told him, bringing his hand
down as he made the same realisation as James.
“Why would you do that?”

He dropped his head slightly as he let out a light laugh. “Well I didn’t mean to.”

“That’s stupid Reg- Reg-“ He furrowed his eyebrows at his inability to say the name. “Reg-“

“Reggie.” He offered and the other smiled.

“That’s stupid Reggie.”

Before Regulus could speak a retort the door was slammed open and Bellatrix strutted in.
“All done!” She said gleefully, and James could only assume what ‘all done’ meant.

“Where’s daddy?” Thomas asked instantly, the idea that he should be scared not even
crossing his mind.

Bellatrix began to maniacally laugh. “Dead! Your Daddy’s dead!”

A shocked expression came over Thomas’ face before he instantly started to break down.
“No! You’re lying!”

She gasped. “I would never! Especially about something I’m proud of!” That caused Thomas
even more distress as he began to cry even harder. “Reggie, shut him up.”

“Thomas-“ He began.

His cousins face darkened. “I meant shut, him, up.”

Regulus’ eyes widened slightly at the insinuation and so did James’; suddenly he began to
piece together why he was being shown this memory. “Bella… he’s just a kid.”

“Reggie, kill him.” She hissed. “Or don’t, I’ll just go tell The Dark Lord about your failures.”
She threatened but noticed that it didn’t instil the fear she wanted and went for another target.
“Or maybe auntie would be a better fit.”

That got him.

A sharp breath was taken as Regulus’ eyes widened. “Bella please…”

“Do, it.” She growled, no hint of remorse in her voice.

Shakily Regulus’ hands reached in to his back pocket as he took out his wand, Thomas still
unaware of anything; the sounds of his cries seemingly drowning out everything else. He let
out a sigh, one that James could tell had sobs hidden beneath it, and aimed his wand at the
younger boy. At that moment Thomas looked up, obviously looking for comfort in his new
found friend; his eyes going even wider at the sight of the wand. “Reggie?” He choked out.

A tear tracked down Regulus’ left cheek and then he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Everything shifted once more and James saw as the bedroom changed into a kitchen, more
specifically the kitchen of Grimmauld place. He couldn’t even begin to understand what he
had just watched, and when he looked over to Regulus; he found no one. Regulus had left,
which hadn’t happened, ever.

James thought back to what he had said earlier.

“It’s just that one, and probably most of the ones coming up, are… a lot harder.”
He came to the conclusion that he should stop expecting to see Regulus at the end of the
dreams; if they were all going to be to this level then James couldn’t even blame him. To
watch yourself at your lowest moments, but also your cruelest was probably one of the
hardest things someone could do. Regulus was not only doing that, but allowing someone
else to do it as well.

James watched as he stormed in to the kitchen, his previously pristine shirt now had four of
the top buttons undone and it was no longer tucked in to his trousers. Regulus marched over
to a closed cupboard and opened the door, it show cased a variety of alcohol’s, quickly he
reached in to it and pulled out some fire whiskey. Unscrewing the cap, he began to drink out
of it, at an honestly impressive rate. There was thick tears streaming down his face, but they
remained silent; not even a breath sounded uneven. Bottle in hand Regulus left the room,
James in tail.

They walked up the stairs, swigs of the drink were being taken every few seconds. After only
a few minutes of having it in his possession, Regulus had finished almost a half of it already.
They reached the bathroom and he bent down to open another cupboard, all kinds of potions
were in it; and he picked out, what looked to be, a pain relief potion. It left James feeling
confused because Regulus didn’t appear to be injured.

He then opened the lid and poured it down his throat, drinking all of it effectively; although
James is almost certain you’re only supposed to have a quarter at a time. As soon as the
potion was swallowed Regulus let out a breath and collapsed back in to the wall. The breaks
in between the drinks of alcohol grew, as his grip on the bottle loosened. He started to laugh
hysterically, although it sounded like he had started to sob at the same time; James couldn’t
tell which one it was. Maybe it was both.

Regulus brought his knees to his chest and began to dig the heels of his hand into his eyes,
the smile on his face left an eery feeling in James’ heart. It wasn't the smile he had grown to
love, grown to adore and treasure. It was the smile of someone who was broken, of someone
who was done with the world, of someone who had went through too much.

Finally any of the laughter that had made him doubt himself ceased and he could tell that
Regulus was just sobbing now. Gut-wrenching, grief filled sobs.

Grief for the life that had been lost.

 Grief for the boy who had loved his dad.

Grief for the boy he had befriended.

Grief for the boy he had killed.

As if Regulus’ thoughts were mirroring his own he let out a scream of pure agony, as if he
had been stabbed in the heart and the knife was still there. His hand moved for the bottle once
more but rather than taking another drink he threw it at the wall, causing glass and alcohol to
fly everywhere.

James flinched away even though there was no way he could be injured, Regulus didn’t
however. He didn’t move when some glass imbedded itself into his arm, he didn’t move
when a piece of it cut across his cheek, he just sat there. Bottoms of his hands pressed into his
eyes, in a manner that had to hurt. Knees drawn up to his chest causing him to look smaller,
causing James to notice how he had, once again, lost weight.

The pain relief potions had been too easy for Regulus to drink, he seemed too familiar with
action, too comfortable with it. When he came to this realisation James knew, he knew why
the younger boy had lost so much weight.

It made him want to kill someone.

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

WOW I DID NOT HOLD BACK.

Tbh I was planning on having a little fluff interlude but then the Regulus stuff got to 4k
words and I was like "Okay maybe not."
Just clarifying that that was not the MCD, that is still very much something you guys
have to look forward to. I know I joked about it on my twitter but that was just me
teasing you guys.

There's so many TW's, I feel so bad.

Anyways let's talk about this hell hole of a chapter.

THE DREAMS, THE DREAM, THE DREAM HOLE THINGY.

Damn, Regulus was really going through it.
Barty just offering himself up instead of Evan with NO HESITATION is so sad, yet hot
at the same time. Like yess go defend your bf 😘😘😘😘
"This time it was Evan, this time Evan was begging to be killed." STOP IT NOW.
"Barty was dead and there no denying it because those weren’t the eyes of someone who
was alive." Sobbing, I'm dead, you're all invited to my funeral.

“Hey,” Barty said softly. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?” What if this was my final straw,
what if I didn't have anything left???
Honestly Barty was slaying with the comfort, even if he was fake-dead LMFAOOO. I
had this image in. my head of them just being skeletons while comforting Reg; THEY
WEREN'T, but it's funny to imagine.

Sirius made an appearance! I love him, he's great. Sirus supremacy fr fr.
"Thought you were about to tell me your plan was to murder him.” I LOVE THEIR
DYNAMIC

BARTY YOU'RE AMAZING, GREAT, PERFECT, THE BEST, NO ONE DOES IT

LIKE YOU
"Wrapping his arms around his body as he held him close." Does this mean that if I cry
violently Barty will hug me?
“Yes, it was big.” that's what she said HAHASHSH SORRY
“Oh Reg…” Evan sighed as he brought a hand to his hair and began to card through it."
Does this mean that if I dream of my friend dying Evan will play with my hair?

“What happened to hi? What happened to how are you?" "What happened to your dad?"
GASP
Regulus just ignoring Bellatrix LMFAOO ICON
He was good with children, I don't give a fuck about what any of you think. It's canon,
he told me.

“Reggie?" STOP IT, STOP IT RN

THOMAS RUNNNN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

Older Reg ditching lmao

ALSO If the Regulus dream stuff seemed a bit like it was missing work (Idk if that
makes sense). Like if you were reading it and thought that things weren't explained well
enough, I did that on purpose. Dreams aren't like full stories with plots and shit, they're
spontaneous, I mean one minute you can be in Italy the next you'll be in outer space. So
yeah, fun fact.

Listened to the Hamilton sound track while writing this.

Really sorry about how heavy this chapter is, I'd really like to say they won't be like this
again; but they probably will.

Updating Wednesday!

Had vegetarian chicken and chips for dinner, it was SO YUM. Go eat your
dinner/breakfast/lunch! You'll enjoy it!

Emme <3
 Sleep Deprivation
Chapter Summary

Evan and Barty are worried with Regulus and Evan confides with Sirius. Regulus
reminisces on a conversation he had with Monty before his return to Hogwarts, then he
gets greeted by an unexpected visitor. Dorcas has a difficult patient who she and
Regulus have had enough with. James and Older Regulus meet once more, he finds
himself in an unrecognisable home that looks a lot like something Remus and Sirius
would like.

Chapter Notes

"You've known someone for a long time, but you never really know how they are."
Arms of a stranger - Niall Horan

____________________________

TW:
Sleep derivation: Mentioned briefly throughout.
Talks of abuse (Summarised in end notes) : "Regulus sighed as he dried his hair with a
towel," - "“Why are you all wet?”
Argument/Panic attack (summarised in end notes): “You know I can’t tell you Sirius!” -
"White quickly returned and this time Regulus stayed."

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Reg, you don’t need to go to class today. Madame Pomfrey will happily let you off.” Evan
tried to convince him for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I just had a nightmare,” Regulus down played the situation. “Two nights ago might I add.
I’m over it.

Evan and Barty shared knowing looks as they walked down the hallway. There was not a
doubt in his mind that Regulus was not, in fact, over it. In the past two days he must have had
maybe two hours of sleep; which was spent tossing and turning. Deep circles were beginning
to form under his eyes and Evan is almost certain his vision was starting to blur as well. If the
amount of things he’s walked into is to say anything. “It wasn't just a nightmare Reg.” Barty
persisted. “You had three in one.”

Regulus sighed. “I don’t know what the fuss is, I’ve always had bad nightmares. This isn’t
the first, and I doubt it’ll be the last.”

“Most of them don’t end in you denying our existence.” Evan blurted out and Barty sent him
a look behind Regulus’ back. “Sorry.”

“Non, ça va.” He waved him off. “It was just a bad one, alright? I’m fine now.” (No, it’s fine)

“Reg-“

“Stop it!” Regulus shouted as he stopped walking, earning weird looks from the pupils that
were also heading to The Great Hall. “Sorry… just… I’m fine, okay?”

Barty’s eyes widened slightly at the outburst before a sympathetic look came over them.
“Alright, sorry for pushing.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He said as they began moving once more, quickly Evan spotted
Emmeline and Dorcas sat at The Slytherin table. Pandora wasn’t with the Ravenclaws so he
assumed that she wasn't awake yet, it was still pretty early. Regulus had Quidditch practice,
and mainly out of a fear that he would collapse; Evan and Barty had offered to join him. Also
Mulciber was being an asshole at the moment and he didn’t want to leave him alone.

“Hey Reg!” Emmeline called out, a large grin on her face. He saw as the edges wavered
slightly, Regulus’ appearance being taken in. Other than that she didn’t let any of her shock
slip through, and neither did Dorcas.

“Salut Emme, ‘Cas.” He greeted back as all three of them sat down, a breathiness to it that
was probably not meant to be there. (Hey)
Without being asked to, Evan began to put some food on to Regulus’ plate, just some toast
and bacon. The scary thing was that he didn’t even protest like he usually would have, just
allowed himself to mothered. Dorcas and Barty shared looks, as did Emmeline and him; the
girls were obviously confused on why he was acting this way. “You sure you’re up for
practice?”

“Yes.” Regulus replied a small strain to his voice.

Emmeline looked ready to speak once more but Evan shook his head, hoping to get her to
stop; she did. Luckily Dorcas changed the topic. “Are you at the hospital wing today?”

“Yeah, after lunch.” He was leaning the front of his body into the table and his eyes had a
somewhat distant look in them. Then brought a hand from out underneath and completely
ignored the food, instead reaching for some coffee. “When are you?”

“Before it, I’ll make sure to focus on one person as long as possible so you have tons.”
Dorcas teased, Evan was happy at least one of them was able to find a sense of normality.

Regulus let out a light laugh, tipping his head forward slightly. “Oh, Merci.” (Thank you)

“Here for you.” She winked back.

His body moved slightly and Evan could only assume that he had kicked Dorcas because
then she began to complain loudly. However his attention was quickly given to Regulus’
brother as he walked in to the room with his friends. They were laughing loudly at what one
of them had said and took their seats. He wanted to talk to Sirius, he just didn’t know how;
they weren’t best buddie or anything.

Then Lupin made eye contact with him, lifting his eyebrow in a questioning manner. He
glanced over to Regulus and saw that he was entrapped in a conversation with Emmeline;
looking back up he hoped that the other hadn’t moved on; he hadn’t. Evan nodded his head
towards the spot beside him where Sirius sat. A confused expression over came his face for a
moment before he seemed to realise what was being asked of him.

Lupin leaned over and whispered in to Regulus’ brothers ear, a few words were shared
between the two before Evan saw him stand up and start walking toward the exit. That was
much easier than he has expected, scrambling out of his seat he made a quick excuse. The
girls and Regulus took it happily, Barty seemed a little more suspicious about it; Evan would
explain to him later.

He walked out of the room briskly, shoving the rest of his toast into his mouth as he left.
Sirius was stood around the corner with his arms crossed and an inquiring look on his face.
“What do you want? Make it quick.”

Evan made an annoyed face at his tone. “I’ve literally watched you sing Queen shirtless, drop
the tough guy act.”

He put up a finger as if to say ‘watch it’. “What happens at a Gryffindor party, stays in a
Gryffindor party.”

“Yeah yeah.” His voice then took a more serious turn. “Look I genuinely need to talk to you
about something.”

Sirius caught on to the demeanour and straightened out his stance. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Reg-“

“Is he okay?” The other interjected at the first sign of his brother in trouble.

As much as Evan would have liked to instantly reply with a yes, he couldn’t. “I…no.” Sirius’
eyes furrowed but stayed silent as he waited for him to continue speaking. “He had a night
mare on Friday night…it was…yeah it was really bad.”
“How so?”

Admittedly Evan didn’t know a lot, they hadn’t really gotten much of an explanation outside
of the one Regulus gave in his broken state. As soon as he’d stopped crying, he shut down in
a way, just staring off in to the distance; as if he was asleep, but he wasn’t. “From what I
know, it was like multiple dreams, within one.”

Sirius looked away, and any of the hope that he would know what to do left Evans body.
“He’s never had one like that before. What was in the dream, dreams?”

“It sounded like he was having variations of me and Barty being killed.” The older slightly
flinched back at that, eyes widening with surprise. “Apparently he had to choose between us?
Or something like that, but then he didn’t, so we both died.”

“Bloody hell.” Sirius mumbled to himself.

Evan continued to explain. “Then I think he woke up and told us about it, but it wasn't us.
Reg said something about decaying, so I assume something along the lines of that happened.”

A more disturbed look overtook his eyes. “That’s fucking gruesome.”

“You’re telling me, there might have been another one or two after that, but I’m really not
sure.” Flashes of Regulus from that night came to the forefront of his mind, the screaming,
the crying, the whispering. “I mean I’ve- I’ve never seen him like that before. He was
practically inconsolable for ages.”

“Has he been sleeping?” Evan shook his head. “Why haven’t you taken him to Pomfrey?”

“We’ve tried.” He defended himself and Barty. “At first he’d just wave it away, but now
anytime we bring it up he shouts, or at the least gets extremely irritated.”
“Sleep deprivation.” Sirius answered an unasked question, Evan raised an eyebrow at him. “I
used to- I get pretty graphic nightmares as well. They got… worse once I left.” He admitted,
a reluctance behind his voice. Obviously unsure of what to tell Evan considering he was
almost a stranger; their only connection being Regulus. “Refused to sleep for as long as I
could hold out.”

“That’s what he’s doing too… I think.” Evan confirmed.

He nodded in agreement. “Definitely sounds like it.” A silence fell over them for a moment
before Sirius let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, I’ll talk to him as soon as
possible, just… don’t be too hard on yourself about all of this.”

Evan tilted his head a bit. “What do you mean?”

When Sirius met his eyes Evan noticed a look behind them, a small affection; kind of like
how an older sibling would look at a younger. “I know if it was Remus, Peter or James in this
situation I would be blaming myself for not being able to do more… I mean this in the best
way possible but you… you can’t do much more outside of being there.”

He swallowed thickly and tears began to burn behind his eyes, before he could even think of
a response Sirius was patting him on the shoulder and walking away.

Fuck his sisters.

_____________________________

Regulus sighed as he dried his hair with a towel, in a haze this morning he’d forgotten to lift
his wand and since he’d taken to showering once every else had left, he had no wand to
borrow. So now he had to sit here with wet hair as his trousers stuck uncomfortably to the
skin underneath. Another thing that didn’t help was how undeniably tired he was, his eyes
were half closed at this point and he could barely see straight. Every time he closed them
however, he was confronted with the images of that night. The sight of Evan and his throat,
of Barty and his dead eyes.

Admittedly he was scared that if he were to go to sleep then he would end up in that cycle
once more, maybe this time he would see James and Sirius or Emmeline, Dorcas and
Pandora. Honestly Regulus wasn't that keen on finding out who would be killed, so his only
option was to avoid sleep all together.

Evan and Barty were worried, he knew this. However he much preferred them worried than
dead, in a small part of his mind he was telling himself that he was doing this for their own
good. As if those dreams were fact, as if they were true. Regulus was aware that he would
have to go to sleep at some point soon, but he would delay that until it just wasn’t possible
anymore.

Over the past two days he had found himself growing more irritated, and more anxious.
Flinching at things he wouldn’t have normally flinched at. Thinking of things that he is very
aware would not happen.

He stood up from his spot on the bench and walked to the mirror, he looked at his torso; eyes
trailing over the scars on his arm and shoulder. He pulled on his shirt and began buttoning it
up, leaving the top one undone. Then he pulled up one of his sleeves and looked at the
bandages that lay on his forearm, the edges of them had become slightly frayed due to him
absentmindedly playing with it. Or less-absentmindedly trying to take it off.

Often abuse victims will feel attached to their abuser, even if at the same time they
undoubtedly hate them. In some way he feels that way towards the mark on his skin, he hates
it absolutely despises it and wants to get it off of him as soon as possible. That soon of course
will probably never come. However sometimes he feels comforted by it, in an extremely
twisted way it calms him. He had admitted this to Monty the night before they returned to
Hogwarts; Regulus had found that his words became loose around the man in a way he had
never experienced before.

Regulus sat on the sofa reading a book, the fire raged quietly within its cage. There was a
half empty cup of tea on the stand beside him, that he had been sipping at for the past thirty
minutes. Pride and Prejudice had been good so far, after re-reading Little Woman for the
tenth time he had found himself growing bored of it. Despite the great writing, he no longer
felt shocked or surprised when something would happen. It ruined the fun of reading if you
lost the shock factor, in his opinion.

At some point Monty had slipped in to the room, silently taking a seat in the armchair and
beginning to read The Daily Profit. If Regulus were to be honest he would admit that he
hadn’t been properly reading the last few pages. In theory he was, his eyes were scanning
over the words and taking them in; however his brain had forgotten to process them,
occupied with other thoughts.

His mark.

The mark.

He placed the book down on to the sofa, making sure to mark his spot. Then he brought a
hesitant hand to the bandages on his skin, skimming a light finger of it. Any of the pain had
ceased long ago, but he still found himself flinching back instinctively as if he had been
burned. Despite the reaction he brought his thumb back to it; the soft fabric a violent contrast
to the grotesque creation underneath. “What are you doing?” Monty’s voice interrupted the
moment and Regulus’ hands instantly shot away from each other.

“Nothing,” He lied, obviously not convincing the man. “I just like the feel of the fabric.”

Monty obviously saw through the lie, his eyes softening, not with pity; Regulus wouldn’t know
how to describe it however. He seemed to decide not to push. “If you say so.”

They went back to the silence from before and Regulus went back to his thoughts. Sirius had
talked to him about tattoos, told him that he could get one to cover it up. The idea of a tattoo
sounded cool, but for some reason he didn’t want it to be over his scar. By the time he’s older
Regulus assumes that it would have faded quite a bit, the last time he saw, it had been a
greyish pink colour. The idea that it was fading gave him a feeling of happiness he wouldn’t
be able to describe, but also a feeling of emptiness that would also be hard too.

“Monty?” His voice cut through the crackling of the fire, the others head moved up to look at
him, a sweet smile on his face; if not a little tired looking. “Can I ask you something?”
He closed his paper and folded it in to his lap. “Yes of course.”

Regulus thought about how to word it for a moment, mainly without sounding like he had
gone insane. “Do you… Is it…” He trailed off, still unsure of what to sat. “I think I like the
idea of being a… well not like, but I think a part of my brain wants to be a Deatheater.”

He furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I just…” Regulus let out a sigh, whether it was defeat or frustration behind it, he couldn’t
tell. “I don’t want it to go away.”

“That’s okay.” Monty softly replied almost instantly, no hesitation, no judgement. “It’s
perfectly normal to want to hold on to things, especially if they caused you pain.”

Regulus gave him a confused look. “That doesn’t sound normal… at all.”

Monty let out a breathy laugh. “Normal doesn’t always mean good son, something can be
common without being absolutely perfect.”

“I should hate it.” Regulus told him, a sureness in his voice that the didn’t quite believe in.
“People with this mark hurt others, kill them.”

Monty signed lightly and shifted in his seat slightly. “I don’t think you like your mark
Regulus.” He opened his mouth to object but he was stopped. “I think you like the
confirmation it brings, that what happened was real."

“I know what happened is real.” Regulus said, becoming slightly angered. Of course he
remembered everything that happened. “Believe me I know it was real.”
“I don’t mean the night you arrived.” Monty clarified, causing the earlier confusion to
return. “I mean your childhood.” Regulus felt the air around him tense, however the same
stiffness didn’t seem to reach Monty as he continued his calm expression. “You think Sirius
had it worse, don’t you not?”

“I know he had it worse.”

“There’s no medal in mental health,” He said. “Neither of you had it worse, you were both in
an extremely toxic household.” Regulus appreciated his word choice, calling what he went
through abuse still caused him discomfort; the love for his parents still lingering. Honestly
he’s not sure it will ever go away. “Maybe you like the mark because it’s proof that you’ve
struggled, that everything that has happened affected you.”

Regulus breathed in a sharp breath as soon as the words left his mouth and looked away
“Maybe…”

Thinking back on Monty’s words now he found himself agreeing with them, or trying to
agree with them. He’s still not really sure how he feels about… everything, his past, the
present or even his future. It’s almost as burry as his vision when he steps out of the changing
rooms and in to the blaring sun. Before he’s even grown used to the light there was arms
around his waist and a face tucked in to the back of his neck, he almost let out a yell of
surprise; key word almost. Instead he just jumped and turned quickly to see who the
perpetrator was. “Hey,” James smiled up at him. “Why are you all wet?”

He began to recover from the shock, albeit slower than he would have liked. “Well
surprisingly I don’t want to go to class in my sweat filled Quidditch gear.”

“It’s all the rage these days.” James teased back. “No but seriously, why didn’t you just use a
drying charm?”

Regulus detached himself from his grip, literally having to peel James’ hands off of him. “I
left my wand in my dorm.”
James made a confused face as he intertwined their hands, the contact felt strange; almost
uncomfortable, but he didn’t stop it. “That’s not like you.”

“I’m a changed man.” Regulus joked, allowing James to lead him as they began to walk.
“Why aren’t you in class by the way?”

“Why aren’t you?’ He retorted and Regulus only responded with an unimpressed look. “I’m
skipping.”

“Quoi? Why?” An amused smile on his face, slowly he could feel some of then tension leave
his body. Slowly he could feel himself becoming more comfortable with the touch, with
himself. (What)

An arm was wrapped around his shoulder as James brought their two bodies closer together,
giving Regulus a small kiss on the cheek. “I wanted to walk you to class.”

He smiled fondly at him. “How romantic of you.”

“I have my moments.” James shrugged and didn’t bring his arm down, Regulus then reached
up to his hand, taking it within his own. “What class do you have by the way?”

“What if I keep it a secret?” Regulus teased, looking up at James; the corners of his eyes
blurring. “Then what will you do?”

James smirked down at him. “I guess I’ll just have to keep you forever.”

“You couldn’t.” Regulus challenged as he mirrored James expression.

“I will, I’m going to keep you trapped in my house if you try and get away.” He replied and
Regulus didn’t actually doubt the threat, or compliment…?
Regulus let out a breathy laugh, a breathy laugh that he felt allowed all of his negative
emotions to escape. “I feel like you actually will.”

“Just wait and see.”

_____________________________

Dorcas pushed some of the hair behind a first year girls ear. “There, all better now.”

The younger grinned brightly at her. “Thank you Mrs Meadowes!”

“Please, call me Dorcas.” She offered, then leaned in slightly. “Mrs Meadowes makes me feel
old.”

The other replied with a few giggle in her voice. “Okay!”

Smiling lightly, Dorcas patted the girls shoulders. “Off you go then, don’t want to be late for
you next class.” She nodded and walked away with a small skip to her step. “Where is he?”
Dorcas sighed to herself as she stared up at the clock, Regulus was now five minutes late.

Usually she would have been pretty pissed, but due to how Regulus’ state was this morning
she can’t being herself to it. He was loopy and barely even there, Emmeline had told her that
in Quidditch practice he hadn’t even caught the snitch once. It had been three days since
they’d seen the younger trio, and in that time a lot seemed to have happened. She would need
to talk to Barty and Evan some point soon, they obviously knew what was wrong. Not to
mention the latter’s secret conversation with Regulus’ brother.

Finally he walked through the door, still as tired looking, still as close to fainting. “Salut,” He
called out, there was an even thicker strain to his voice. “Sorry I’m late, I got held up by
someone.” (Hey)Gilde

“I hope it wasn't lover boy.” She playfully rolled her eyes and began to take off her work
attire.

Regulus let out a breathy laugh. “No, it wasn’t.”

“Are you lying?”

“Oui.” He admitted, a smirk on his face; she gave him a scowl in return. “Anyone in
desperate need for attention or can I sit down?” (Yes)

“No-“

A loud wail of pain interrupted her, Dorcas watched as Regulus’ eyes widened; and she
assumed that her own did as well. Quickly they got up a rushed over to where the noise had
come from; as they got closer her worry lessened as she realised that they were going to
where Gilderoy Lockhart was. When the curtain was pushed back Regulus was the first to
speak. “What? What’s wrong?”

Lockhart was holding on to his leg with a pained expression on his face. “It’s broken!”

“It’s not, anymore.” Dorcas deadpanned. Earlier she had treated him for a fractured leg, but
he had adamantly refused the help from her until ‘a man was there to supervise’. Madame
Pomfrey had told him to suck it up and allow the assistance. “I’ve already treated you
Lockhart.”

He scoffed and crossed his arms, the apparent pain forgotten. “As if I should trust a woman’s
work.”
“Watch it.” Regulus warned, coming to Dorcas’ defence; the words didn’t really affect her,
she knew her worth and didn’t care for a mans opinion on it. “Now, where is the pain?”

Again the act returned, she could see that Regulus didn’t believe it; either way it was their
jobs to care, even if it was fake. “My leg.”

“Yeah I gathered that.” He allowed an annoyed tone to slip through as he stepped closer.
“Where about on your leg?”

“Where I broke it.” Lockhart wasn't being the easiest patient right now and Dorcas could see
that Regulus wasn't in the mood for any of it.

“No shit, but do I look like I’ve been around for the past few hours?” Lockhart shrunk back
slightly as he snapped. “Where did you break it?”

The other boy gave him a dirty look. “You shouldn’t talk to me like that.”

A death glare would be an insufficient way to describe how Regulus looked at Lockhart.
“Listen here, I’m running on like, ten minutes of sleep. I don’t have the time, or the patience,
to deal with your bullshit. So either answer the question or piss off.”

Dorcas had to stifle the laugh behind her hand as Lockhart began to splutter. “H-how dare
you! Madame Pomfrey will most certainly be hearing about this!”

“Oh I’m sure she will.” He sighed and began to leave the room, deciding that there wasn't
actually anything wrong with him. “Wanker.” He mumbled under his breath as he walked
past Dorcas.

This time she allowed her laugh to be heard, closing the curtains over again and walking over
to the desk; leaving Lockhart to complain alone. “You’re telling me I’ve had to deal with him
all morning.”
Regulus sent her a sympathetic look and sat down on the chair “What’s the story anyways?
How did it happen?” He began to take a drink from the coffee on the desk, her coffee.

“Fell off the moving stairs.” Regulus choked on the drink. “And that was mine.”

He covered his mouth as he began to cough. “That’s fucking amazing.”

A smile broke through her scowl, it really was. “I know right?” Then she remembered
something. “Oh shit, here Pomfrey wanted me to give this to you.”

Dorcas reached in to the drawer and lifted out a sheet, handing it to him. “What is it?”

“I’m not sure.” She shrugged. “I think it’s just work times for the next term and stuff.”

“Oh d’accord.” Regulus nodded as he began to read through it, his eyes furrowed as he
looked back up only a few seconds later. “Is there some kind of confidentiality charm on
this?” (Ah okay)

She frowned. “No, not that I know of. Why?”

A frustrated look came over his face. “No reason…”

“Doctor! Doctor!” Lockhart’s voice came into earshot once more and Regulus groaned with
annoyance.

“Fucking hell.” He breathed out, rubbing a hand over his face.

Dorcas gave him a small smile. “Just tap your wand on his leg or something.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Regulus said returning the smile, albeit a lot more strained than hers had
been. He stood up from his spot on the chair and stumbled almost instantly, holding on to the
desk for support.

“Woah, are you okay?” She asked as she took a step forward, holding out her hand incase he
needed support.

He took a breath before nodding. “Yes, sorry. I think I just stood up too quickly.”

She moved away even if she was somewhat skeptical on if he was actually okay or not.
“Alright, if you’re sure.”

He sent her a reassuring look, but it didn’t do that at all, and continued to walk away out of
her sight. Dorcas looked down to her now contaminated coffee, and frowned, she had really
wanted that. Suddenly a crash interrupted her thoughts and she quickly rushed over to where
it had originated from. Once again the noise came from behind Lockhart’s curtains; when she
pulled them back he was sat with wide eyes looking at the floor, and when she followed his
train of sight. Regulus was collapsed on it.

Regulus had fainted.

___________________________

“Hello.”

…Hi…
“Hi…?”

Do you want to talk about it?

“What? Oh… non, no thanks.”

Are you sure?

“Positive.”

I’m a very good listener.

“James?”

Yeah?

“Piss off, it’s been years, Je vais bien.” (I’m fine)

Right, sorry. I didn’t mean to push.

“Don’t worry about it.”

So… any hints on what will happen today?

“Pain, suffering. Not mine though so it’s cool.”

That…hm, I don’t know how to feel about that.

“Well you can learn now.”

Wait what?-

James watched as a home built around him, it was once again unfamiliar; however at the
same time it felt like he had been in it before. The decorations felt comforting, it almost
looked like a home Remus and Sirius might own when they’re older. There was a record
played in the corner and some kind of black box on a stand next to it. Suddenly there was a
noise from behind him, he turned around and saw as a door opened; allowing two men to
storm through. One of them was quite tall, with sandy blonde hair and golden brown eyes.
The other was of an average height, with pitch black hair tied in to a bun, and piercing blue
eyes.

It hit him then that the reason this home felt so much like one Remus and Sirius would own,
is because it was one they owned. The men standing in front of him were an older version of
the two. “You know I can’t tell you Sirius!” The man- Remus… said.

“Why not?” Sirius exclaimed. “I’m supposed to be your boyfriend, that counts for something
doesn’t it?”

“Yes! And I would tell you if I could!”

Sirius scoffed. “Yeah, sure you would.”

“Don’t be like this.” The other signed out.

“I can be however I want.” He shouted again. “You disappear for weeks at a time! No
explanation, no nothing. Then you come back and expect me to pretend like it didn’t
happen!”
“I’m doing something important!” Remus yelled, the vagueness seeming to be familiar on his
tongue. “I’m trying to do something to help with this bloody war!”

So that means the war continues after their Hogwarts years… James didn’t know how to feel
about that. “So are the rest of us! You don’t see Peter, James and I running away, do you?”

“I’m not running away Sirius!” It was strange to watch the two of them argue like this, it
didn’t happen often; and James didn’t like to think about the times that it did. “I’m not going
to sit here and justify myself.” He spat, then turned to leave.

“No, no, no you don’t get to walk away from this conversation again!” Sirius shouted as he
started walking after Remus. “Just tell me what you’re doing!”

Remus whirled around. “I can’t! How many times do I need to tell you that?”

“Until you fucking tell me what it is!” Sirius told him, looking away for a moment then
returning his gaze to Remus. “People are starting to talk Moony.”

The other crossed his arms. “What does that mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“What if I don’t?” Remus challenged, although James could tell that he did know what Sirius.

Sirus let out a defeated sigh, James noticed that his chest was moving, perhaps a little too,
quickly. “They think… they think you’re the traitor alright?”

Remus took a step back, he looked shocked; maybe at the idea that his thought was right.
James didn’t know what being the traitor meant, but he knew that Remus wasn't it. His
expression hardened once more. “And what do you think?”

A flash of hurt came over Sirius’ eyes. “I think that they’re… justified in their worry.”

“Do you think I’m the traitor?” He asked again more firmly, not leaving Sirius any room to
work around the question. The other shifted where he stood, not being able to look Remus in
the eyes. “You do…” He breathed out, James could see tears start to pool in his eyes. “You
fucking do!”

“Moony-“

“No! No!” Remus interjected. “How could you think that? Say that?”

James found himself agreeing with him. “Well it’s not that out there!” Sirius defended
himself. “We go weeks with out seeing each other, and when we do we barely talk!”

“I’m doing it for you!”

“It doesn’t look like it!” There was a hoarseness to Sirius’ voice, like he was seconds away
from crying and the sobs were beginning to brew.

Remus stepped back, a slight breathiness to his voice. “What do James and Peter think?”

Sirus rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s not my-“

“What do they think Sirius?” Remus yelled taking a step forward, his eyebrows were curved
in a hurt expression despite the anger in his voice.
“They think the same!” He blurted out. “They think the same bloody thing!” Remus flinched
back slightly but Sirius didn’t stop. “You don’t talk to any of us! You missed Harry’s birth for
fucks sake!”

Harry? Who was Harry? “That wasn't my fault!”

“It was!” Sirius took a step forward and James could tell he was becoming more
overwhelmed with the situation. “Take some fucking responsibility! James needed you there,
Lily needed you there and you weren’t!”

“I tried!” There was a desperation behind Remus’ voice, a desperation he hadn’t ever heard
before. “I fucking tried.”

There were so many things being left unexplained and he hoped that Regulus would stay to
explain them. “Not hard enough!” Sirius exclaimed. “James has done so much for you, and
the one thing he asked of you was to be there.”

A tear escaped down Remus’ face. “I fucking know! I know okay!”

“You don’t!” Sirius denied the others statement. “You don’t know shit and I… I’m not even
sure if I want you to know my shit anymore!”

“What?” Remus’ voice was broken and quiet, but that didn’t deter Sirius’ rage.

“I don’t fucking trust you anymore!” The step Remus had taken minutes before was retracted
as he moved back at the words. Sirius seemed to be suprised at them as well, despite them
being his own. He glanced away with a guilty look, but he never returned them to Remus.
Instead he just turned away and before he started walking he spoke in a much softer tone.
“I’m going to go stay with… someone else, don’t… don’t try to find me.”

Then he was leaving and Remus was left alone, he stood with a shocked expression but the
minute the sound of the door closing made its way through the house, he was collapsing to
the ground. Thick sobs escaped his mouth as he brought a hand to his heart, gripping the
cloth that lay in front of it. If James didn’t know any better he would think that Remus was
dead, think that Sirius had stabbed him in the heart and left the body behind, and maybe he
had. Maybe that was exactly what he had done.

Choked off sobs were escaping Remus’ mouth and they barely left room for the breaths he
was desperately trying to take. He leaned forward, pushing his forehead into the ground as he
whispered short words whenever the cries took a break. If he could, James knows he would
be crying too, if he could James would have collapsed right beside Remus and held him in his
arms. Except he couldn’t, because he was just a bystander who couldn’t do anything but
watch.

He pushed himself up again, his back hitting the wall as Remus brought his knees to his chest
and his hands to the back of his neck. They began roughly pulling at it, the skin quickly
becoming a fiery red at the sudden abuse. Internally James berated his older self, for allowing
this to happen; for partially being the cause of it. Remus was their friend, they had been
friends for almost a decade; or in this case probably a full one. There was not a doubt in his
mind that his friends would never hurt him, or be a traitor; whatever that means. He trusts
them with his life and he knows they’d never do anything to betray that trust.

White quickly returned and this time Regulus stayed.

"September of 1981."

...

“Do you…Do you have any questions?”

“James?”

…Why? Why did Sirius say those things?

“Fear makes people do unimaginable things.”

But…we’re friends, why would we- why would he…?

“I don’t know James… Je suis désole, I really don’t know.” (I’m sorry)

Why? You’re supposed to know, that’s why I’m here isn’t it not? You have to know.

“I don’t.”

Why! Why don’t you know?

“James-“

You’re supposed to!

“I’m sorry-“

That’s not fair Regulus! You can’t just not know!

“I can’t do anything about my lack of knowledge!”

Why… why are they- we, doing that to him? He doesn’t deserve it…

“I know James… Je sais.” (I know)

Is this all because of that fucking Harry guy?

“I…no…”

Then what!

“…They thought… they thought that he was working for Voldemort.”

He….He wouldn’t… they should know that, they have to know that.”

“At the time… it wasn't really the most out there idea.”

Fuck off with that! He wouldn’t!

“No he wouldn’t, and didn’t, but at the time werewolf’s were… more inclined to join him.”

Remus didn’t.

“No, no he didn’t.”

We didn’t believe him.

“They didn’t believe him.”

…What did they think he was a traitor for?

“Dumbledore made a group…It was basically a bunch of knock-off aurors.”

 Why?

“I think because the aurors got taken over by Voldemort.”

Was there one? A traitor I mean.

“Yes…”

Who?

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

What?

…Regulus?

Chapter End Notes

First summary!
Regulus talks about how sometimes he feels a comfort from his scar, he thinks back to a
conversation he had with Monty where he tells him about this. Monty tells him that
maybe it's not the idea of the mark that gives him comfort, but the idea of prod of his
pain, proof that he suffered.

Second Summary!
Older Regulus' Sirius and Remus are having an argument, Sirius admits to him that
people along with himself suspect him of being the traitor. Remus asks how they could
think this, and Sirius brings up how they never see him anymore, that he's already away
in secret without explanation. He also confesses that he no longer trusts Remus and
leaves to go stay with someone else for a while, not mentioning who
__
Hi!!

OKAY FIRST. The next chapter will mainly be fluff I promise!!! I know the past few
have been pretty heavy so I promise that it will be as fluffy as possible.

Poor Evan and Barty just wanting Regulus to take it easy and he's like 'No fuck off
losers'
EVAN PUTTING FOOD ON TO REGULUS' PLATE!!! CRYING!!!
Sirius trying to be cool and Evan just not having any of it, pop off king
Aww Sirius trying to help, but being too scared to open up and shit.
EVAN JUST CRUMBLING AT THE FIRST SIGN OF SIBLING AFFECTION. I am in
shambles, I am cracking at the edges, my seems are frayed, that is the saddest shit I've
ever written. It's such a small but devastating detail.

🤺🤺🤺
"The sight of Evan and his throat, of Barty and his dead eyes." Reg babe, get behind me,
I'll protect you.
"The soft fabric a violent contrast to the grotesque creation underneath." I don't know, I
don't really have anything to add to that I just really like it.
MONTY SOLOS ALL OF YOUR FAVS
“Normal doesn’t always mean good son, something can be common without being
absolutely perfect.” CRYING GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY
"his past, the present or even his future." Did you... did you see what I did there???
"that everything that has happened affected you.” Regulus not feeling justified in his
pain brings me pain...
REGULUS FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE WITH JAMES AT FIRST 😢😭😢😭

Dorcas 💍 💍💍 💍💍 💍
Gilderoy Lockhart, I HATE HIM. Go away GO AWAYYY. I feel like he would smell of
lynx, but not the nice stuff, the bad one. He'd also spray it on his clothes rather than
armpits.
“Watch it.” Go you, literally go you.
"she knew her worth and didn’t care for a mans opinion on it." YESS YESS YESS POP.
OFFF.
Love him just causally taking her coffee like it's no ones business.
Mans is going blind. Can't swim or see, Reg is really struggling.
Imagine fainting, what a loser. Add that on to the list

Things Regulus Black can't do:

-Swim
-See
-Stand

SIRIUS AND REMUS I'M GOING TO DIE

Sirius' points are completely justified, but then again he should have trusted Remus to
not be the traitor? If that makes sense, idk I don't think I'm on a side.
REMUS MISSING HARRY'S BIRTH NOOOOO
“James has done so much for you, and the one thing he asked of you was to be there.”
Tickling the trigger rn
“I don’t fucking trust you anymore!” I'm so done with this shit, PLEASEEE SORT
YOURSELVES OUTTTT

"If James didn’t know any better he would think that Remus was dead, think that Sirius
had stabbed him in the heart and left the body behind, and maybe he had. Maybe that
was exactly what he had done." My last straw, this whole part was my last straw tbh.

JAMES BEING LIKE 'Why don't we trust Moony? :(" LIKE AWWW NO
Omg I just realised something, it's like those tiktoks were it's like "Blalala I hate you."
and then younger version being like "Why do we hate them?"

"Is this all because of that fucking Harry guy?" THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME, if only
you knew James... if only you knew.

Updating on Thursday!!

I had a pizza today, it was pretty good. I like the garlic bread better though, moral of the
story eat some garlic bread!

Emme <3
 Dreamless Sleep
Chapter Summary

James is forced to watch what caused the deaths of not only him, but everyone of his
friends deaths. Sirius, Evan and Barty sit with Regulus as he wakes up in the hospital
wing and James joins them later; dealing with some drawbacks from his dream. Peter
worries about James' behaviour and Remus gets a visit from someone unexpected. Barty
opens up to Evan about some of his worries

Chapter Notes

"You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same." Tears ricochet - Taylor Swift
_________________________

TW:
brief BRIEF mention to past child death. “Thank you my lord.” - "He thought back to
his last dream."
brief BRIEF mention to drug and alcohol abuse: “Has made his first kill.” - “Wormtail.”
Threatening (Summary in end notes): "Once Peter started walking down." - “Abbey
road!”
Violence (Summary in end notes): “Like he would believe you." - “Abbey road!”

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Hi.”

“…Sorry for leaving.”

It’s okay, why do you do that anyways?

“The reasons vary.”

Can you un-vary them and tell me?

“Hm… Non.”

As helpful as always I see?

“It’s my best trait you know?”

Oh I’m sure.

“You better be, people flock to me for advice and shit.”

Make any money?

“Some.”

Can I have a percent of it?

“Why would you get my money?

Why wouldn’t I?

“Touché.”

So what’s going on today?

“Oh, um, ah, yes.”

That doesn’t sound good, at all.

“Well…ça va…It’s not…” (It’s)

Are you going to clarify on that, or…?

“Yeah… non.”

James watched as everything shifted once more and he found himself back in the large hall
he had been in when Regulus took the mark. The table was empty apart from the man that sat
at the top of it, the man he instantly recognised to be Voldemort. The large doors opened soon
enough but it didn’t release the fear being alone with the man had caused.

Pureblood’s all began taking their respective seats and James noticed that Regulus was sitting
alone, his parents nowhere to be seen. The bags on his eyes had grown deeper, his frame
smaller, and if James looked carefully he’s almost certain his hands were shaking.

As his eyes scanned over the other guests, it quickly became apparent that they were all from
the higher ranking of the Sacred Twenty-eight. Another thing that caught his eye was the one
person with a mask on, the rest were uncovered, but this one was not. They appeared to be of
average height, maybe slightly below, and was quite chubby. The rest of the guests appeared
to not know who they were, if the subtle glances meant anything. “Hello…friends.”
Voldemort began. “I must say we have been very busy since our last meeting.” No one made
a sound, not even a breath could be heard.

“Bellatrix,” The woman preened at the attention. “You have made me extremely proud. The
attack you lead on Diagon Alley was phenomenal.”
“Thank you my lord.” She said with, what looked to be, an uncontrollable smile on her face.

Voldemort nodded in a way of saying ‘you’re welcome’. “As well as that…Our dear friend
Regulus,” James saw as he swallowed thickly under the attention. “Has made his first kill.”
The dark lord began to clap softly and so did everyone else around the room, Regulus’ face
remained unreadable.

He thought back to his last dream with him in it, thought about how he had reached for the
potion without second though. How he had drank the alcohol as if it was a daily occurrence.
“I’m sure you all must be curious on who our new guest is….” He trailed off, whether it was
for suspense or for someone to answer, James wasn't sure. It seemed like the feeling was the
same for everyone else. “I’d like to introduce you all to our spy,” Our spy… Our spy… The
traitor. “Wormtail.”

Everything came to a stop, his breathing, his thinking, his heart, his everything. James felt his
eyes widen as they flew to the man- Peter.

Peter

Peter

Peter, Peter, Peter, Peter.

He had been a spy? He had ratted them out? He had caused the rest of them to turn against
Remus, caused them to abandon him? Peter was the traitor, he had betrayed them, he had-

The world had stopped turning, it felt like someone had their hands around his neck as they
began to strangle him. James couldn’t believe it, refused to believe it, there had to be a
reasonable explanation behind this, Peter wouldn’t, he couldn’t. They had known each other
for years, decades by this point. This didn’t make sense, there was no way he would do this.
When he looked over to Regulus he saw him staring at the man, not Peter, this wasn't Peter,
with a knowing look, a look that caused him to flinch slightly. There was hatred in his gaze, a
hatred that told thousands of tales. Hatred for the man for hurting his brother, or for the pain
he would cause. Hatred for being a reason he lost Sirius in the first place, but still taking that
for granted. Hatred for the man Regulus believed was Peter. It wasn't though and James
needed to tell him that, needed to let him know Voldemort was wrong.

The dark lord continued to speak but James didn’t hear any of it, his thoughts were too loud.
Over powering anything that would try to get through them. This wasn't true… It wasn't
true… It couldn’t be… It wouldn’t be… Right?

He shifted his eyes over to Older Regulus, and for the first time ever; he was looking back.
His eyes were filled with sympathy and it looked like he was trying to reassure James
silently. That was when he knew, he knew that it was Peter. That the traitor was Peter. It
broke him, he’d like to think that it wasn't a metaphor either; because it genuinely feels like
his body had split into millions of little pieces. Scattered over the floor, waiting for someone
to pick them up and put him back together again.

After that James didn’t look away from him, hoping that in some weird turn of events he
would look back, he never did. The meeting drew to an end and his gaze didn’t stop, not
when people began to stand, not when they began to leave, only when Older Regulus began
to walk after him did James move it. They followed Peter out of the room as he looked
around anxiously, he assumed it was because he knew that Regulus knew. He was scared of
what Regulus might do to him, and as it turned out, he should have been.

Once Peter started walking down a more deserted part of the building he took off his mask
and let out a sigh, then was instantly thrown up against the wall with a wand pointed directly
at his neck. “R-Regulus!” He stuttered out, which was something his Peter would never do.
“H-hold on I-I can explain myself!”

“Get to it Pettigrew.” The younger man snarled, jabbing the wand in further.

Other Peter whimpered slightly. “Y-you see, I-I-I.”

“I-I-I,” Regulus mocked. “I fucking what?”

“It’s n-not as simple a-as it looks!” He attempted to defend himself.

The other scoffed. “Yeah I bet it’s not.”

“Y-you don’t get to judge me!” Peter shouted, a fear-induced anger in his eyes. “You’re one
too! Y-you betrayed Sirius too!”

“Who’s the one with the wand Pettigrew?” Regulus threatened, keeping his voice calm
despite the almost hurt look in his eyes. “Better watch what you say.” That seemed to remind
Peter that he was also a wizard, he quickly reach into his pocket getting out his wand and
pointing it at Regulus. Who let out a laugh. “Oh I know, you’re not aiming that at me.”

Other Peter didn’t drop his wand even though the little confidence he had was completely
gone now. “You c-cant stand there a-all high and mighty! You’re just like the rest of us!”

“Aww poor you.” He replied with a pseudo sympathetic face, which then instantly dropped.
“Where is Sirius?”

Confusion painted itself on to the older mans face. “W-what?”

“Where is my brother?” Regulus asked again and James had to admit he was also confused
on what he was talking about. Last time he checked the two of them were not even on seeing
terms, never mind speaking ones.

He let out a breathy laugh. “Why would you want to see Sirius?”

“So I can tell him what his pet fucking rat is doing.” Regulus said as if the answer was
obvious, in hindsight it probably was.
Other Peter’s confidence returned. “Like he would believe you, he talks about killing you
Regulus. You’re nothing to-“

Then there was a fist in the mans cheek and he was on the ground, Regulus staring down with
a murderous intent in his eyes. He walked forward in front of him and when Other Peter
began to lift his head, he stomped on it; an undeniable crunch at the sound of his nose
breaking. Regulus bent down and lifted the older’s head up by his hair. “Where is Sirius?”

“Abbey road!” Other Peter blurted out. “He lives in 23 Abbey Road!”

Regulus dropped his head once more and stood up, beginning to walk away from the scene
he had caused. Sparing one last glance to Regulus’ Peter, because that wasn't his, his Peter
would never do something like this; would never rat out his friends. They began to walk after
him and as they came out of the hallway another person appeared, Barty Crouch Jr.

“Reggie! What a lovely display you put on there!” Regulus’ eyes widened at the mans arrival
but quickly he began walking again, the stony face getting rid of any shock that had been
there. James assumed that this was because they were somewhat friends, maybe Regulus
knew that Barty wouldn’t snitch on him, or something like that. “Who would have thought?
One of your brothers friends being out little spy?”

“What do you want Barty?” Regulus asked as he let out an annoyed sigh. “I don’t want to
hear your shit.”

The other put a hand to his heart and made a shocked gasp. “How cruel, I’m simply speaking
my thoughts.”

“No one wants your thoughts.” Regulus retorted as they walked through the large halls.

“You should watch what you say, I know your little secret.” Barty’s voice remained light
despite the seriousness of his words.
“Oh yeah?” He challenged, raising an eyebrow. “What’s that.”

Barty grinned mischievously at Regulus as he began to skip in front of him. “You still love
your brother!”

“No I don’t.” He spat as they began to walk out of the building, James quickly grew to
recognise it as Malfoy Manner.

“Where are you headed now then?” Barty asked as he came beside him once again.

Regulus scowled. “Piss off, don’t you have to tend to your insanity? Or whatever the fuck is
wrong with you?”

“I hope you know I take that as a compliment.”

The other rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you do.

“Aww you know me so well!” Barty cooed wrapping an arm around Regulus neck, which
was quickly thrown away. “Some would even call us best friends.”

He side-eyed him. “No one would call us that.”

“The voices do.” Barty teased, or at least James thinks he was teasing.

They stepped out of the gates and on to a long road that was surrounded by a thick forest.
“Espèce de taré.” (Fucking Maniac)

Barty stuck his tongue out and Regulus, this version of the younger boy appeared to be quite
more…. Deranged. “Where are we going?”
“I’m,” Regulus corrected. “Going somewhere that isn’t your business.”

“Best friends are supposed to go everywhere together.” Barty told him, crossing his arms as if
he was scolding the other.

Regulus gave him a dirty look. “Maybe, guess it’s a great thing we’re not.”

“You’re starting to hurt my feelings.”

“Good.” Regulus responded and took out his wand. “Bye.” James watched as he cast the
silent spell and then the world around him was changing once more. They were hidden in an
alley way next to a busy London street. Another spell was cast, changing Regulus’ robes in to
more muggle like clothing, then he stepped out of the alley. His eyes widened slightly at the
loud sounds but quickly recovered as he began his movements once more.

It was hard for James to avoid all of the people, Regulus didn’t have this problem as he
silently walked through them. However he did seem a bit put off by the amount of them.
They turned and began walking up a set of stairs that led to two doors on either side. Regulus
knocked on one of them twice, but there was no answer. “Aberto.” He pointed his wand at the
door and opened it, barely leaving room for James to squeeze in as well.

When the door opened he instantly recognised it as the apartment from his previous dream,
some of the decorations were missing; but other than that it was almost identical. Regulus
closed the door behind him and walked further into the apartment, looking at 1the photos that
lay on the fireplace.

Some of them were of just Remus and Sirius, other of the four of them, and a few had their
whole friendship group. Regulus picked up one of the latter, it was labelled as a graduation
photo; his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “What are you doing here?” Sirius’ voice tore through
the silence, it was strained with an emotion James couldn’t describe. When he turned around
Sirius had his wand pointed directly at Regulus, albeit shaking a little.
“Sirius.” Regulus said, placing the picture down on the mantel once more.

“What are you doing here Regulus?” He repeated his question.

Regulus stuffed his hands into his coat pocket. “Can’t I visit my big brother?”

“No.” Sirius snapped, although it sounded slightly choked. “No, you can’t. I won’t ask again,
why are you here?”

Swallowing thickly Regulus looked away briefly before returning his gaze. “You can’t… You
can’t trust Pettigrew.”

“What?” Sirius asked, confusion taking over his expression. “What do you mean?”

“He was at the…” Regulus trailed off as his fingers began to fidget with one another. “He
was at the meeting.”

Sirius stiffened but almost instantly loosened. “You’re lying.”

“No!” He came to his own defence. “I-I wouldn’t!” There was certain irony to the fact that he
was now stuttering.

“Oh, like I’m supposed to believe that?” Sirius scoffed, raising his eyebrows in a mocking
gesture. “After you’ve just broken into my home?”

Regulus shuffled under the accusation. “The door was locked…”

“That doesn’t mean you break in!” Sirius exclaimed, before remembering the topic at hand.
“Leave, before I make you.”
“Sirius-“

“I said leave!” He shouted, causing Regulus to flinch back. At that Sirius let out a long sigh,
taking the bridge of his nose in-between his fingers; any anger quickly forgotten. “What are
you doing Regulus? Is this someway to mess up my life even more? Or do you have a gang
of Deatheaters waiting outside?”

He swallowed thickly once more. “I wouldn’t do that… you should know I wouldn’t.”

Sirius crossed his arms. “I don’t know that Regulus, of course I wouldn’t know that.”

His mouth opened and closed as he seemed to be struggling to find the words to respond.
“I’m not lying Sirius.. even use veritaserum if you want.”

“I don’t need to use veritaserum to trust my friends.” He should have though, James thought.
Despite completely understanding Sirius’ point of view, he found himself with a bias for
Regulus’ side. “Go Regulus, just go. I won’t even call the aurors…”

Even though there was kindness behind the words, Regulus’ eyes filled with a hurt James
couldn’t even begin to describe. A hurt because Sirius was willing to break the law, just to
not have to see him. The hurt was replaced with anger. “D’accord, but when he kills all of
your friends don’t come crying to me.”

Everything was white once more and Regulus was standing in front of him.

“December 1st 1979.”

What…
“James-“

You’re lying, that’s not true, Peter wouldn’t.

“Yours wouldn’t.”

What does that mean Regulus? What the fuck does that mean?

“I… They’re different.”

But, they can’t be that different right?

“The circumstances weren’t the same.”

What’s stopping him from doing the same in this reality?

“…”

Nothing, right?

“James, it’s Peter.”

Yeah, and that one was also Peter.

“Don’t let this get in front of your friendship.”

How do you expect me to do that?

“Just, don’t.”

_____________________________

Sirius let out a long groan. “You can’t just leave Reg.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, maybe because you fainted?” He exclaimed, throwing a dirty look over to
Evan and Barty; who weren’t helping at all.

Regulus rolled his eyes. “That’s old news.”

“Old news-“ He cut himself off and sat back in his chair. “You’re going to be the death of
me.”

“Merlin I hope so.” Regulus replied, and Sirius was only half sure he was teasing. “I’m
leaving now.” He stated beginning to get up out of his bed.

Barty stood up holding out a hand in front of him, incase Regulus decided to make a dash or
something like that. “Hold it, you’re not going anywhere young man.”

“Die.” Regulus tells him, but nevertheless sits back down on his bed.
He looked between the two of them with an offended look. “Why do you listen to him and
not me?”

“You are ugly, I don’t listen to ugly people.”

Sirius lifted his hand up to hit Regulus over the back of the head, then puts it back down
when he realised it probably isn't the best idea to hit your brother while he’s in the hospital.
“You’re lucky you're sick.”

“Not sick.” He mumbles in response, crossing his arms like a child.

“I’m honestly surprised that he admitted I’m not ugly.” Barty half-says to Sirius, the other
half to Evan.

Evan rolled his eyes. “Of course you like that.”

“Do you think I’m pretty Evan?” Barty asks as he began to make kiss faces at the other.

He pushed his face away. “Whatever.”

The curtain was drawn back and Madame Pomfrey came out from behind it. “Ah good
Regulus, you’re up.”

“Yes.” He replied, a tight smile on his face. “Can I leave?”

She gave him a sweet smile, which appeared to get Regulus’ hopes up. “Of course, not.”

“Why?” He whined.
“Regulus, you fainted. I can’t let you go until I know why.” The nurse told him as she walked
over to the end of the bed. Sirius didn’t miss the way Regulus stiffened at the thought of
thinking about… whatever it was that happened.

Evan and him shared a look before he began to speak. “Sleep derivation, Reg didn’t sleep
enough.”

“Evan!” He hissed.

Pomfrey nodded in understanding. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

“No reason.” Regulus lied. “I just couldn’t.”

“Reg.” Sirius protested against it, there was no way he would receive the right help if he
didn’t tell the truth. “Come on.”

She looked between the two of them and let out a light sigh. “If you don’t tell me the truth
then I won’t know how to help, you should know this Regulus.”

A guilty expression came over Barty’s face for a moment as he hesitated to speak. “He’s
been… having nightmares, really bad ones.”

Regulus closed his eyes tightly for a moment, taking in a breath. Sirius wished he could make
things better for him, wished he could take all of Regulus’ struggles away, even if that would
mean they would fall on to him. “They weren’t- They weren’t that bad.”

“Alright then,” Madame Pomfrey ignored Regulus’ words as she began to speak. “That’s an
easy fix, I can prescribe you some Dreamless Sleep.”
Regulus remained silent so as his older brother Sirius responded for him. “That sounds great,
right Reg?”

“Whatever.” He responded quietly, Sirius couldn’t tell if something was genuinely bothering
him or if he was being dramatic.

Noticing the air in the room, she began to finish up. “You can leave once I get your potion,
you’ll be out of here by tonight.”

“Thanks Madame Pomfrey.” He mumbled and she took that as her sign to leave, closing the
curtain behind her.

“Cheer up Reg,” Barty nudged him slightly. “This is good news.” The other just shoved him
back in response. “Okay… You’re not in a good mood today.”

“I don’t think he’s ever in a good mood.” Evan pointed out, receiving a glare from Regulus.

Sirius let out a light laugh. “Believe me he hasn’t.”

“I’ll kill all of you.” He threatened, Sirius assumed that the bad mood was because he still
needed to catch up on sleep. If not, then he had no other ideas.

Evan sighed fondly. “You sure know how to get to my heart,” He said sarcastically. “Why
don’t you get some more rest.”

“Non,” He replied determinedly, although there was a slight droop to his eyes. “I’ve slept
enough for one day.”

Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed a bit. “You can take some of the Dreamless Sleep, you don’t have
to worry about nightmares anymore.”
“I’m not worried about nightmares.” Regulus denied, but Sirius remained skeptical.

A silence came over them for a moment before Barty barked out a laugh. “I know why he
doesn’t want to take it!” The other two looked over with confused expressions while Regulus
just continued his glaring. “He’s waiting for Potter!”

“No I’m not.”

“You totally are!” Barty insisted and Sirius felt a smile grow on his face as normality began
to return.

“Liar.”

“Truther.”

“Whore.”

“Slut.”

“I hate you.”

“Aww I love you too Reggie.”

____________________________
All morning James had been struggling to look Peter in the eye, and if he was honest, he had
been trying to avoid being around him at all. Regulus told him to not see the two Peter’s as
the same, to recognise the differences between them; but he just couldn’t. If his train of
thought was correct, then that would mean that he was the cause of their deaths, or at least a
certain part. A traitor is bound to be a major piece in the puzzle.

As he walked into the hospital wing he forced a smile on his face, his Regulus didn’t need
anymore stress than he already had. When he stepped in from behind the curtain Sirius and
him were bickering; Barty alongside Evan seemed to be very amused by it. “Go away, you’re
so annoying.”

“Says you.” Sirius retorted, he had his legs up on the hospital bed and James assumed that
was what Regulus was complaining about.

“Dégagé.” He huffed, turning away from Sirius and then noticing James. “Oh hey.” (Fuck
off)

“Hey,” He greeted as he made his way over to the spot beside Regulus. “How are you?”

“Good-“

“Liar.” Barty called him out from where he was practically sat on Evan. “Pomfrey’s put him
on a prescription of Dreamless Sleep.”

Regulus made a face at him. “Bastard.”

Barty winked at him. “Ah Reggie, you always make my stomach swirl with your sweet
words.”

James looked between the four of them with a confused expression, why would Regulus need
Dreamless Sleep? “Why do you need it?”
That seemed to catch Sirius’ attention as he brought his legs down from the bed. “Reg… You
did tell him, right?”

The room went silent and James found his confusion growing. “Tell me what?”

“Reg…” Sirius sighed and Regulus refused to meet any of their eyes.

“I didn’t even tell you,” He defended himself, although it wasn't very well. “Evan did that.”

James frowned as he suddenly felt like an outsider in the conversation. “Are any of you going
to fill me in, or…?”

Sirius, Evan and Barty shared a look between the three of them before the latter began
standing up, the other two doing the same in turn. “We’ll just leave you two alone.”

“Non attends.” Regulus tried, but the three of them were already beginning to leave. (No
wait)

“Just talk to him Reg, please.” Sirius asked, then left the room without a response.

Once they exited, silence encased the room once more and he was left with what felt like
thousands of questions and someone that didn’t seem wiling to answer. “What are they
talking about? Why are you being put on to Dreamless Sleep?” Regulus’ mouth opened to
speak but then quickly shut again as he let out a long sigh; looking away. James carefully
brought a hand to his right cheek, pushing it so that Regulus would be looking at him. “Come
on love, talk to me.”

“I…” He trailed off, Regulus’ eyes widening slightly as if he was witnessing something he
didn’t want to. “I can’t… I’m sorry…”
He smiled lightly at him; Regulus didn’t want to tell him, and he would respect that. His
comfort was much more important that James’ curiosity. “It’s okay,” He said softly. “Can I
come up beside you? Touch?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He began to move over, leaving space on the bed for James to sit
down; which he did. Placing an arm around Regulus’ neck to bring him closer, and giving a
soft kiss onto the side of his forehead. “I’m here for you, you know that right?”

The other sighed slightly, his finger beginning to fidget with each other. “Yeah…I do.”

James pushed some of the hair out of Regulus’ face. “I love you Reg, I’m here for the good
and the bad.”

“I love you too… It’s just…” His eyebrows furrowed and James was suddenly overcome
with the urge to smooth it out with his thumb; he didn’t, but he wanted to. “It’s a lot, and I
don’t even…” His voice trailed off.

If there was one thing he knew cheered people up, it was funny dreams. His obviously hadn’t
been the nicest, but it was pretty easy to make them up. “I had a crazy dream last night, do
you want to hear about it?”

Regulus let out a breathy laugh. “Sure.”

“Okay so I was in London but it was all really, really colourful. So I began walking around
looking at all of these colours, you know? Then I walk into this one building and it was like a
cafe, but everyone in it were human-sized animals.”

“What kind of animals?” Regulus asked as he took James’ hand in his own, beginning to
trace little shapes into it.

He thought about it for a moment. “There were dogs, giraffes, bunnies, but guess what.”
“What?”

“Betty was there too,” James grinned. “And I was just trying to get a drink, but she came up
to me and was like ‘We have to save the world’, and I was like ‘whaaat’.”

Another laugh escaped Regulus’ throat, this time it was louder. “Save the world? With my
cat?”

“Believe me I was as confused as you.” James assured as he continued on with his fake story.
“Then I was teleported to this beach, still with Betty by the way, and you’re never going to
believe this.”

“Oh?”

“Sirius and Remus were tango dancing.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“James no.”

“They even had these little skirts made out of leaves.” James said through laughs bringing his
free hand out in front of him to try and demonstrate how the skirts looked. “And, and,” His
hysterics were cutting him off. “This giant squid monster arrives.”

“Squid monster?” Regulus exclaimed a large smile on his face.

He nodded. “So Sirius and Remus are tango dancing and then this-“ A giggle bubbled up his
throat. “This rainbow path is like made under them-“

“Stop!”

“And they start tango-ing up it,” He’s barely able to get through one word without laughing,
where is this coming from? “And they pull this final move which kills the squid monster.”

That seems to be the final straw for Regulus as he starts to laugh hysterically, his hands
gripping on to James’ as he tried to stable himself; he’s no different. They’re both clutching
on to each other as they attempt to stop. “I can’t breathe” Regulus tells him and when he
looks down, his face has a slightly red tint to it and tears are building in his eyes, so naturally
that causes James to laugh even louder.

Seeing Regulus’ smile made James forget about everything that had happened that day,
allowed him to not worry about Peter, or whatever his new knowledge might mean.

The laughter slowly died out as a comfortable silence replaced it, his fingers beginning to
mindlessly comb through Regulus’ hair. After a few minutes passed he heard his breaths even
out as they became softer, when James looked down he saw that the other was fast asleep.

Fuck, he loves him so much.

___________________________

Remus watched as Peter paced around the room. “I really don’t think he’s mad at you.”

“He is though!” He exclaimed turning around. “I have known James Potter for more than a
decade, I think I’d know when he’s mad at me.”
“Reg is in the hospital,” Remus tried to rationalise, even though Peter had a very good point.
“Maybe he’s just distracted and didn’t mean to do it.”

Peter sat down on his bed with a long sigh. “I don’t know Moony… He won’t even look at
me, I just don’t know what I did…”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. What about when he comes back tonight you talk to him?”
He offered. “Then you’ll be able to hear his side of the story.”

The other shrugged then leaned back on to his bed. “Yeah.. yeah I’ll do that. No point in over
thinking, right?”

“Right.” Remus smiled and a comfortable silence came over them.

Despite his words, James had been acting weird towards Peter this morning. Refused to look
him in the eye, and barely spoke to him at all. There’s no doubt in Remus’ mind that it’s an
accident, but it’s still happening. Hopefully his idea was correct, and that James was just
stressed out because of whatever had happened with Regulus. He just couldn’t get rid of the
nagging feeling in the back of his head, that it wasn't that.

Peter and James had been friends since they were four years old, they met through their
parents and have been close ever since. They were definitely best friends, even if Sirius and
James would be closer now. Fights happened between the two of them but it would never be
dragged on for long, they just knew each other too well for that to happen. Sometimes it
would be resolved instantly or a little later.

The moral of the story was that it was really abnormal for James to not communicate an
issue.

Really fucking abnormal.

Before his thoughts could further there was a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” He told Peter as
he got up from his bed and walked over to the door.

When he opened it someone sat there, someone he would never expect… Dirk. “Can I talk to
you?”

Remus spared a nervous glance over to Peter, he looked equally confused. “Uh, yeah sure.”

An indescribably awkward quiet fell over them as Remus’ eyes dashed in-between Peter and
Dirk, finally after maybe ten seconds he got the hint. “I’m just gonna…yeah.” Peter says as
he gets up from his bed and practically runs out of the room. The two of them shared a look,
but Remus wasn't sure what was said in it.

After another moment he opened his mouth to speak, but Dirk did at the exact same time.
“You go first.” Remus offered.

“…Can I?” He asked, putting out his hand and gesturing into the room.

Remus stepped aside. “Yes of course, sorry.”

Once Dirk walked in he closed the door, now leaving them fully alone. “Look I’m… I’m not
here for a fight Remus, or anything like that.” He clarified, which allowed him to breathe a
breath of air. “I just… I don’t like how things ended.”

He thought back to everything that had happened, the guilt ate him alive constantly; never
really moving on from the situation. There was so much he wishes he could have done, so
much he wishes he could take back. Even though his relationship with Sirius brought him a
happiness he couldn’t begin to word correctly; there was a shadow hanging over it. A shadow
in the shape of Dirk. “No, me neither.”

The other swallowed thickly. “I want thing to be like how they were before… before we
dated, before the party, before it all.” Remus agreed, he wanted that more than anything
actually; Dirk had been there for him at one of his lowest points. He could never thank him
enough for that. “I just… I need you to know it affected me, I need you to know that you hurt
me.”

Remus took in a sharp breath at his words. “I know I did…” He admitted, refusing to meet
Dirk’s eyes, the shame overtaking him. “I won’t excuse my actions, ever. They were awful
and… and if I could take them back I would.”

“I know you would.” He said softly. “I’m partially to blame, I was aware of the unresolved
tension but I-“

“No, don’t.” Remus interjected. “Don’t you dare blame yourself.”

Dirk opened his mouth to object but it quickly morphed into a sigh as he seemed to accept the
answer. “Can we… just forget it? Be friends again?”

He smiled brightly. “I would want nothing else.”

Suddenly a force on his shoulders that Remus hadn’t even been aware of was lifted.

_____________________________

Evan sighed as he sat down onto his bed, watching as Regulus slept softly. The past few days
had been rough, to say the least; tensions had been high and Regulus hadn’t been the most
lovely person to be around. “Hey,” Barty said softly coming out of the bathroom, he also
spared a glance towards the sleeping boy. “What are you thinking about?”

He gave a reserved smile as the other came and sat beside him. “Just… Everything, you
know?”
“Yeah,” He breathed out, interlocking their fingers together. “Do you… Can we sleep
together tonight?”

“Of course.” He agreed pushing a bit of Barty’s hair behind his ear. “Of course we can.”

He stood up from his seat and walked over to the top of his bed, pulling back the duvet and
sliding in to them. “Thanks, I’m just feeling a little anxious.”

Barty slipped under them, hiding his head into Evans chest as he began to card a hand
through his waves. “Why?”

“I don’t know…” He admitted pushing away slightly so he could look Evan in the eyes.
“Everything just feels sort of, wonky.”

“How so?” Evan asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

The other shrugged against him. “I don’t know… I feel like everything’s been so bad, and it’s
just going to get worse.”

“Hey, hey,” He whispered softly, taking Barty’s cheek in his hand. “It’ll be okay, things won’t
get worse.”

“But you can’t promise that.” Barty countered, lifting his hand up to Evans. “There is still so
many issues, I mean you’re still in danger.”

Evan chuckled. “I’m not in danger.”

“You are.” He insisted. “You still live with you parents, and your sisters are still as evil as
always and-“
“Barty, breathe.” Evan interrupted him and he began to take slower breaths, a contrast to the
quicker ones that had been brewing. “What happened to Operation: Kidnap Young Rosier,
huh?”

The other let out a quiet laugh, despite the joy that word would usually mean there was a
slight sadness behind it. “Do you really think it will work?”

“Well the letters been sent,” If he was being honest he was as scared about the idea as Barty,
he had no trust in it. “So it’s just a matter of time.”

“What if the time doesn’t work?”

Evan wanted to brush the concern and worry off of Barty’s face, wanted to take away the fear
in his eyes, and the crease in-between his eyebrows. “Then I’ll hide in you suitcase.”

“You would never fit.” Barty mumbled and Evan pinched his cheek painfully.

“Watch it Crouch.”

“Kidding! Kidding!” The hold was released and Evan wrapped his arms around Barty.

Barty let out a long sigh, it was stressed, but also calm; if that was possible. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Evan said instantly, not a bit of hesitation behind the words.

“I don’t want to ever let you go.” Barty told him. “You’ve made my life so much better.”

A smile formed on Evans face, however his words contradicted that. “Stop it, I’ll cry.”
 “I need to tell you this though.” The other insisted. “I don’t do it enough.”

“You do just fine.” Evan reassured, placing a soft kiss to the top of his head. “Just you as
yourself, is good enough for me.”

Barty let out a breathy laugh. “Okay… Let’s go to sleep before I get all emotional and shit.”

Evan copied his action, allowing his own quiet laugh to escape. “Yeah, okay.”

He buried his face into Barty’s hair, breathing in the smell of his freshly washed waves. Even
though he was aware he should be scared, should fear what the future might bring. Evan
couldn’t help but feel like everything would be fine.

Chapter End Notes

1.
Regulus knows it's Peter, so he corners him and asks why he's spying, and then moves
on to ask where Sirius lives.

2.
Regulus punches Peter in the face, causing him to fall to the floor. He then breaks his
nose by pushing his head into the floor, this is while he is interrogating him for Sirius'
address.

Hi!

If any of you DARE to THINK that this is a shit chapter I'll cry, I promise you I'm very
aware of that fact. Idk this chapter just isn't doing it for me. Adding it to the list of shitty
chapters (4,9 and now 36)

Let's just talk about Older Reg's character development here, he went from 'I apologise
to shit' to 'Sorry I was a bit of an asshole' Love it.
Honestly I just love him so much, I LOVEEE the differences between him and main
Reg. Really shows how circumstances can change how someone acts.
That whole thing is probably one of my proudest creations in this fic, Idk it's probably
only cool to me but oh well.
"It wasn't though and James needed to tell him that," I am not well, this WRECKED me
“I-I-I,” Regulus mocked. “I fucking what?” God he's so cool, idk if I want to be him or
be friends with him.
"Other Peter’s confidence returned." Yeah, who asked? No one wants to see your
confidence Other Peter.
"Regulus bent down and lifted the older’s head up by his hair." I would not complain...
just saying.
“Abbey road!” Do you see... Do you see what I did there? Did you?
OTHER BARTY AND OLDER REG I WILL DIE FOR YOU. I love writing deranged
Barty, he's so funny.
“Some would even call us best friends.” - "He side-eyed him. “No one would call us
that.” CRYINH
“I don’t know that Regulus, of course I wouldn’t know that.” Crying.
"Sirius was willing to break the law, just to not have to see him." Someone take away
my laptop.

I love that Reg was just SO PISSED in this chapter, like he is not happy with the
circumstances.
“You are ugly, I don’t listen to ugly people.” FOWL

💗💗💗💗
"even if that would mean they would fall on to him." Sirius babe, learn to love yourself

“Whore." - “Slut.” I am a firm believer in the Barty & Regulus slag duo. They were
sluts, together, like as friends, not as, yeah, no, this is getting out of hand. I SUPPORT
BARTYLUS SHIPPERS, I'm not though, but you guys do you, I should just stop.

JAMES' FAKE FUCKING DREAM I'M DYING, That sit was so funny oh my god.
FUN FACT! that convo was based on an irl conversation I've had! I have very weird
dreams!
“And they start tango-ing up it,” I was losing it over this istg
"Fuck, he loves him so much." Yeah we know babes, you're not subtle about it

POOR PETER. BE NICE TO HIM.

HEYY DIRK, omg my cat's here, sorry anyways. DIRK. THEY MADE UP YAY.
Gave him a happy ending like promised 😎
Again, do you guys like him????

Evan and Barty... I will die.

I love them so much, I don't think you guys understand.
I struggle to not add a Rosekiller interlude every chapter.
ROSEKILLER SUPREMACY
"Barty, breathe.” I would also struggle to breathe in the presence of Evan Rosier.

NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE FULLY FLUFF

I don't wanna see any 'You said it would be fluffy' comments, I said it would be
MAINLY FLUFF. Emphasis on the mainly

Updating on Monday/Tuesday!
I hope you had/will have a lovely breakfast/lunch/dinner!

Emme <3
 Talk
Chapter Summary

Lily, Mary and Marlene wake up to something unexpected. The Full Moon is coming
closer and Remus is getting more irritated, as he kicks out Regulus and Sirius from the
Library. Peter is thinking about things with James and gets an unexpected visitor. James
finally talks to Peter, and admits something to him he hasn't told anyone before.

Chapter Notes

"You're so unsure, you're so afraid. Don't tell me to listen, when you got nothing to say."
Too Close - Sir Chloe

See the end of the chapter for more notes

When Lily’s eyes fluttered open she expected to see the sun, but all she could see was
darkness and Mary’s curls from where her head lay on Lily’s chest. It took a few moment for
her senses to become aware of everything and when they did she noticed the distinct sound of
yelling. “Mary.” She croaked out. “Mary, wake up.”

Turning over to Marlene’s bed she saw that the other girl was also beginning to wake up.
“Mary, come on.” She began to push the hair out of her face as she finally began to wake up.

“What?” Mary whispered out, voice thick with sleep as she began to push herself off of Lily.
“What time is it?”

“I’m not sure,” She admitted. “But can you hear that?”

Mary went quiet for a moment, allowing the sound of the shouts to flow through her ears.
“Who is that?”
“I don’t care,” Marlene joined in on the conversation. “But the bastards better shut the fuck
up.”

It was most likely some first years, the older ones never really got into fights. If they did then
it was kept quiet in their dorms. “I’m a prefect, I better go check.”

“That’s a good idea Lils, we’ll wait here for you.” Mary smiled softly at her.

“Like fuck I am,” Marlene stated as she began walking to the door. “I want to see what’s
going on.”

“Well in that case, so am I.” Mary said as she began to follow Lily over.

Lily let out a breathy laugh as she opened the door and the three of them made their way
down the stairs. The yelling became louder and she began to recognise who it was. “I don’t
even know what you’re talking about!” Shouted the unmistakable voice of James.

“Oh fuck off with that!” Peter’s voice came into earshot. “You know exactly what I’m talking
about.”

As Lily, Mary and Marlene came down the staircase they saw the boys dormitory door wide
open. “I fucking don’t! I’m telling you I don’t, so I don’t!”

“You won’t even look at me!” Peter yelled and Lily didn’t know whether to go into the room
or not.

Sirius voice joined in for a moment. “Guys calm down-“

“Nothing!” Peter interrupted. “You won’t speak to me, won’t look at me, won’t do shit! You
won’t even tell me what I’ve done wrong!”
“You’re fucking crazy,” James told him as the girls finally decided to come up to the door.
Sirius and Remus were standing near them as if the two were a pair of rabid dogs, arms out
ready to hold one, or both, of them back. “I’m not having this conversation.” He said
storming out of the room and past the girls, not even stopping to apologise or acknowledge
their presence.

Peter was hot on his tail as the walked down the stairs. “You don’t get to run away from this
again James!”

“I’m not running away from anything!” Their loud voices carried down the stairs and Lily
noticed as more people began to come out of their dorms.

She turned around to Sirius and Remus who looked beyond stressed. “What’s going on?”

Sirius let out a sigh. “I’m not even sure, we were talking and then I guess… I guess
something in Peter just snapped.” Remus walked off, and Lily assumed it was to tell the other
kids to go to bed. “Sorry, I should just…Yeah.” Then Sirius was going down the stairs
leaving Lily, Mary and Marlene very confused.

“What do you think happened?” Mary asked.

Lily sent a sad look over to the empty staircase. “I don’t even know.”

“Did you hear Peter though?” Marlene pointed out. “He said James had been ignoring him.”

Mary made a humming sound. “Yeah, I don’t know why he would though.”

“Me neither.” Lily agreed. “It’s not like the two of them to not communicate an issue.”
“No it’s not,” Remus came up behind Marlene and Mary. “But James has been ignoring
him.”

That caused Lily to worry more, the fact that Remus had noticed as well meant that Peter
hadn’t just been overreacting or overthinking. “Do you know why?”

He glanced away briefly, Lily recognised the look in his eyes; he probably had some kind of
idea but didn’t know if it was accurate or not. “No, or at least not a solid one.”

The sound of the door closing filled their ears as the distant yelling ceased, Lily heard as
footsteps became louder once more. She vaguely heard Sirius speak. “Peter-“

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He yelled back, and before she even had time to process what was
happening he was walking up the stairs, a very worried looking Sirius trailing behind.
Without sparing another glance to the four of them he walked into their room; the sound of
the bathroom door could be heard closing.

Remus rubbed Sirius’ arm reassuringly as he came beside them, Marlene looked behind him.
“Where’s James?”

“Oh um,” Lily already had an idea of where he had gone, but obviously Sirius couldn’t tell
them that. “Just for a walk, or something. I don’t know.”

Lily didn’t know what was going on, so she couldn’t really form an opinion on the situation;
but she had noticed James distancing himself from Peter. It was subtle, still noticeable
however. “We should go back to bed, there’s really nothing we can do now.” Mary offered.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “We’ll try to get through to Peter, I’m not sure how effective it will
be though.”

Sirius nodded. “Sorry, about waking you three up.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Marlene told him. “It wasn't you anyways.”

He nodded again slightly. “Alright, goodnight.”

“Night.” Lily replied and they split ways. Sirius would often get really stressed out when
other people fought, she wasn't exactly sure on why though. Whatever the reason it meant
that he would go above and beyond to try and fix the situation, even if he wasn't necessarily
apart of it. Lily couldn’t even begin to imagine how stressed out he must be right now,
considering the fact the fight had been left unresolved.

She just hoped Peter and James worked out their differences soon.

_______________________

“So I’m trying to get this potion done, but Sluggy won’t stop talking-“

“I can’t imagine how you felt in the situation.” Regulus deadpanned, interrupting Sirius.

“Right,” He said as he drew a horn on to whatever it was they were drawing, Him and
Regulus had been taking turns at adding small details onto a drawing for the past hour, while
Lily and Remus studied; who were also ignoring them. It had turned into some kind of
hippogriff, unicorn, dragon combination. “That’s enough from you.”

Regulus stared at the addition for a brief moment. “What the fuck is that supposed to be
Sirius?”

“A horn.” He replied, looking at it now, the cone was a little wobbly.

He made a humming sound as he went over the lines to straighten them out. “Now it’s a
horn.”

“Mine had more character.” He protested but moved on to add a new addition.

His hand was swatted away by Regulus’. “It’s my turn.”

“You just used yours.”

The other opened his mouth to object, before seeming to realise that Sirius was right.
“Bastard.”

Sirius scoffed. “I wish, I fucking wish.”

Finally that seemed to get a reaction out of the other pair as Lily laughed quietly into her
sleeve before straightening herself out and looking at him with a serious expression. “You’re
not funny.”

He pinched his fingers together. “Just a little bit.”

“No.”

“A teensy bit.” He said bringing his fingers even closer together.

A small smile broke through her expression. “Maybe a teeny bit.”

His lips mirrored her smile as Sirius turned back down to the paper and drew a few birds in
the sky, Remus then spoke up. “What are you two doing here anyways?” Regulus pointed
down to the drawing. “No I meant like here, in general. Can’t you draw somewhere else?”
“Well originally I was going to study, but then I got distracted.” Regulus justified himself,
although he shared a look with Sirius; the full moon was coming up soon and Remus was
getting slightly irritable.

“I can see that.” He deadpanned before turning back to the book he had been writing in.

The two of them shared yet another look. “Well we’ll just get out of your hair!” Sirius told
him with a nervous laugh. “Look I’ll even sign our beautiful creation for you.”

Lily sent them a smile as she watched Sirius scribble his name on the edge of the paper, even
though she didn’t know that Remus was a werewolf; she knew that he had a ‘chronic illness’
that would play up sometimes. “Bye guys!”

“Bye!” He called out as the two of them walked away. “Fuck that was tense.”

“You’re telling me.” Regulus said, half in a sigh. “I forget how scary he can get sometimes.”

Sirius nodded in agreement. “You’re working for the moon right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Think you can get me a get out of class card?” Sirius asked with a smirk.

Regulus side eyed him. “So I can watch you two eye fuck the whole time? In your dreams.”

He shoved his brother slightly. “Like you’re any different with James.”
“Me and James do not eye fuck.” He insisted as they walked down the corridor.

Sirius thought about it for a moment. “Okay maybe you guys don’t, but you are extremely
loud.”

His brother gave him a weird look. “What does that even mean?”

“You danced in the snow, on Christmas Day.” He deadpanned, it had been insanely disgusting
for him to even know that it happened. His best mate…and his brother…

“You’re just upset that Remus is too tall for you guys to do that.” Regulus teased.

“For Merlins sake, I am of average height.” Sirius defended himself, because he was. He has
no idea where the ‘Sirius is short’ joke came from. “Some would say I’m above average
actually!”

“Yeah?” Regulus challenged, raising his eyebrow. “Who?”

He scoffed. “Many people.”

“Who though?” Rather than responding he just threw his arm around Regulus’ neck, puling
him into some sort of head lock. “Ah fuck! Sirius we’re in public!”

Sirius let out a laugh at his brothers misery. “Bet you regret it now.” Then there was an elbow
in his gut and he was letting go of Regulus.

“‘Bet you regret it now’.” He mocked as Sirius held on to his stomach.

Glaring, he straightened himself out and began to walk again. “Twat.”

A comfortable silence fell over them as they walked to The Great Hall, before Regulus spoke
up once more. “So… Any reason why I had a stray Potter in my dorm this morning?”

He choked on his own cough, maybe Sirius had expected James to go to Regulus… but
maybe he also hadn’t. “Y-yeah…No clue…”

Regulus squinted at him. “Right…Okay…?”

Sirius cleared his throat again and they arrived at the entrance to The Hall, not without
incident of course as Mulciber walked up to the pair. “Well, what do we have here?”

His brother let out a long sigh. “I’m not sure Mulciber, what does it look like?”

“I’m sure your mother would love to hear about this Black.” He threatened, anger flaring up
in his eyes.

“I honestly don’t care.”

That seemed to take him by surprise, it would have surprised him a few months ago as well;
but people can change. “Don’t tell me you're turning into him.” Mulciber nodded over to
Sirius.

“The fuck’s that supposed to mean?” He asked stepped forward slightly. Sirius was well
aware that Mulciber had been bating him, but either way he wasn't just going to let him insult
him.

The other smirked. “I’m sure you know exactly what I mean.”

“What if I don’t? What then?” Sirius challenged.

He vaguely heard Regulus sigh from behind him. “Oh fucking hell… Is this really necessary,
can’t we just move on with our lives?”

Mulciber actually seemed to be quite embarrassed at Regulus pointing out how stupid the
whole altercation was, Sirius had to admit he was as well. Obviously they dealt with
embarrassment in two very different ways, because where as Sirius would move away;
probably with a blush. Mulciber just got nastier. “Like I’d listen to someone as pathetic as
you.”

“Watch it.” Sirius warned.

“Yeah?” He said with a smug smirk. “Or what?”

Sirius felt his arm being pulled back by Regulus. “Or I’ll fucking scream and the teachers
will have no choice but to come running.”

Finally that seemed to make him back off as Mulciber turned back to the teachers tables
being that a few were sat behind it. “Whatever.” He scoffed and then turned away, walking
past the pair of them.

Something that didn’t fail to catch his notice was that Regulus seemed to be… used to this. It
seemed like he knew how to deal with, like it had happened before… Sirius would have to
ask him about that soon.

_____________________

Peter sat with his back to the door, everything had gone so wrong, so fast. One minute James
had been talking to Sirius then next they were screaming at each other. It was just something
about the way he could talk to everyone so nonchalantly, then it seemed impossible to do
with Peter, that drove him over the edge.
After the first day of radio silence, he was fine. Regulus had been in the hospital and to him
that was a good enough reason to not talk to your friends. Sometimes things got ahead of you
without even noticing, and Peter understood that, genuinely he did. Then the second day past
and he was still getting nothing, ‘James will come to you’, he told himself, James never did.

By the third day he was anxious, upset, and most of all angry. He didn’t deserve to be treated
like this, he hadn’t done anything wrong, well at least to his knowledge. Peter replayed the
previous week in his head over and over again, but nothing ever showed. No arguments, no
comments that may have been taken wrong, nothing.

When the fourth day rolled around, well Peter lost it. As a kid he’d always been told to be the
bigger person, to not act irrational. That it was better to think about things before you did
them, well he was certain he’d thought about confronting James more than enough. Except
now he sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom with shallow breathing and he was beginning to
think that maybe he should have thought about it more.

Sometimes he was jealous of people who could cry when they were upset, because all he did
was get angry. When you cry people think you’re weak, which makes them want to help you;
puts you in the victim position. If you get angry? Then you seem dangerous, like you’re over
reacting or the villain. In his opinion he wasn't, but he didn’t know everyone else’s.

If you couldn’t cry, and you didn’t have anyone to be mad at, you just sat; sat and waited for
something to happen. The breaths that left his nose felt cold, felt like the air in them wasn't
real air. Peter almost felt like he needed to cough, but no matter how many times he tried to
clear his throat, he couldn’t. Whatever was blocking it stayed there, and refused to move.

James and him never fought like that, never.

At the base of it, James didn’t act like that; he doesn’t just ignore people. There was
something bothering him, really bothering him, and Peter wishes he could help. Except it
looked like he was the problem, he was the thing that had been bothering him so much, and
Peter wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to that.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. “Oh for fucks sake! I told you to leave me alone!”
Silence followed, and as usual Peter instantly regretted his words; until, who he had expected
to be Sirius or Remus, spoke. “I wasn’t aware I’d been here before.” Dirks voice rang
through causing the cold breaths to cease for a moment. “Can I come in?”

Can I come in?

The words repeated themselves in Peter’s mind, did he want Dirk to come in? Did he want to
ruin the image he had perfectly constructed of himself? Dirk didn’t know that he only got
angry when sad, Dirk didn’t know how cruel he could really be, Dirk didn’t know-

“Sure.”

Peter moved away from the door, his back now resting against the counter of the sink, he
watched as the door opened slowly and Dirk appeared from behind it. “Hey.” He said softly, a
softness Peter doesn’t think he deserves.

“Hey.” He repeats, unsure of what else to say, also feeling slightly embarrassed.

Dirk closed the door quietly and sat down on the floor in front of him, maybe a metre apart.
“The floor isn’t very comfortable.”

He makes a noise of agreement, his legs had begun to hurt long ago; rather than move
however, he decided to stay sat down. “No, it’s not.”

“Do you want to go into the bedroom, sit on your bed?” He offers and Peter thinks about it
for a moment.

Going into the bedroom meant comfort, but it also meant a higher chance of running into
James; and he didn’t want to do that right now. Not yet. “No.”
Short answers weren’t something he liked to do, he found that carrying a conversation was
much easier than riding on it. If you wanted to avoid awkward silence, then fill it yourself;
other people don’t usually take the initiative, Dirk did however. “Do you want to talk about
it? Or do you want a distraction?”

“Distraction.” He answered almost instantly, honestly he was actually pretty surprised at the
speed of his response.

“Okay, hm.” Dirk took a moment to think about what he wanted to talk about. “Have I ever
told you about Spiderman?”

He didn’t have the energy, but if he did he would have laughed at that; Dirk has told him
about Spiderman, countless of times actually. Every time he seems to forget about it
afterwards. Despite this Peter shakes his head, just like he has done every time. “Great! Okay
so, he’s apart of this whole big comic series called made by Marvel. Well really they’re made
by this guy Stan Lee, not all of them, but a lot.”

“Anyways, so Spiderman is this kid who is like mega smart.” He used his hands to
demonstrate the size of the intelligence. “So he goes to this science exhibit, science is like
potions, but not.” He elaborated, muggle science wasn't really taught to them, because The
Wizarding World broke many laws of said science. “There’s this spider there right? Except it
escapes and Peter is like ‘Wow, cool spider, where is it?’ Then the spider just fucking bites
him.”

Peter let out a breathy laugh at Dirk’s bluntness. “So now he has this radioactive spider bite,
but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to tell someone? Instead he just goes home like nothing
happened and decides to sleep it off?” He says as if it was a question.

“Surprised, surprise, when he wakes up something is wrong,” Peter chuckled lightly once
again. “He has these spider powers. Like sticking to things, webs coming out of his wrists
and super strength- Hey did you know that spiders can lift objects one-hundred and seventy
times their body weight?”

“No I didn’t.” He says shaking his head.

“Well they can, so this guy can now lift something like- I don’t even know how heavy, but
really fucking heavy.” Dirk doesn’t even seem to realise he’s rambling, he never has actually.
“Oh my god, I forgot a part. His uncle dies, and that’s like his whole hero arc. Being like my
uncle died, I’m going to kill the guy who killed him and then he doesn’t for some self
righteous reason.”

“I would just kill them anyways.”

“Right?” Dirk agrees with him. “I would be a really bad hero, I’d use my powers for evil.”

Peter let out another laugh. “Like what?”

“Like… I don’t even know what, but I know it wouldn’t be good.” He tells him. “Maybe
stealing sweets and shit.”

“Sweets?” Peter exclaimed exasperatedly before recoving because he really shouldn’t expect
anything else. “What kind?”

“Kitkats, oh I could muck up a Kitkat real good.”

Personally he doesn’t use much slang, but Dirk goes all for it; but not all of the time. One day
he’ll be a well spoken guy and the next he was barely saying any proper words. “What’s a
kitkat?”

“What’s a Kit- What is a Kitkat? Oh my god Peter, you heathen.” Dirk looked genuinely
offended that he didn’t know what a Kitkat was.

He rolled his eyes. “Well sorry I wasn't born a muggle.”

“As you should be, we’re just superior.”

Laughing, Peter dropped his head down and shaking it slightly, and for a very brief moment
he felt like he was able to forget about everything that had happened that day.

______________________________________

James stood outside of their dorm room door, just as he had been doing for the past ten
minutes. Peter was in there, he should talk to him, he needs to talk to him… but he can’t. He
was in the wrong, even an idiot could see this, but he just couldn’t come to terms with that;
didn't know how to deal with the guilt

Peter and him had fought a lot, it was to be expected in an over a decade long friendship, but
it had been a while since it had ended like that. With them storming away from each other
and then spending the entire day meticulously hiding.

The real problem was that he didn't know how to apologise, didn't know how to justify what
he had done to him. There was two options; 1, tell Peter, about the dreams, about Older
Regulus, about it all. However there was many repercussions to that plan, Regulus would not
be happy for one. Peter would be unlikely to believe him and it might affect the future. The
only other option would be to lie, but the thing is he didn't know what to lie about.

Also he hadn’t been lying before, sure he hadn’t been telling them; but that didn't mean he
had been lying. So how do you make up a convincing enough story to explain why you
practically ignored one of your best friends for four days, when you’re bad at lying? Easy,
you manipulate the truth.

He had a dream, a dream where Peter hadn’t been very nice…

No, scratch that.

He had a dream, where Peter… died…?

Hm… no.

He had a dream, and Peter… Peter… He had a dream where…He wasn't nice to Peter! That
made him feel ashamed and scared, or something like that.

Fuck it, he’s never made a plan before; why start now?

Letting out a breath he opened the door quickly, honestly expecting someone to jump out
from behind it and tackle him. Instead Peter just sat on his bed staring up at James with wide
eyes, mouth slightly parted. Instantly all of his confidence left his body and he just sat there,
returning Peter’s stare and his mouth was fully agape; the words that were going to leave it
suddenly missing.

“I…” James swallowed thickly, looking around as if someone was going to save him from
this very awkward moment. “Uh… um.” Peter’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, obviously
confused with the situation. “Yeah…So…Hm…How was your day…?” He winced towards
the end of the sentence.

“Shit.” Peter replied blankly, all emotions from his face disappearing, yeah he was definitely
pissed.

James bit his lip before letting out a defeated sigh. “Look… I’m… I’m sorry Pete.”

The other looked at him for a second before turning away. “Apology not accepted.”

Okay, that definitely should have been expected, but it surprisingly hadn’t been. James
stepped further into the room, shutting the door behind him. “I know I didn’t talk to you and
all of that, but I promise you I have a really, really, good reason on why.”

Peter looked back around to him with an expectant expression. “Go on then.”
He winced again. “Well you see… I sort of can’t tell you.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before Peter scoffed and stood up from his bed. “I
can’t fucking believe you.” Then he began walking towards the door.

“No wait!” James exclaimed grabbing on to his arm. “Please, I promise if I could tell you I
would!”

The arm was ripped out of his grip. “You’re an asshole, did you know that?” Yes. “I’m not
fucking mad at you for ignoring me.”

“What?” James accidentally spoke his thoughts.

“Yeah, surprising myself with that one actually.” Peter said with a cold laugh behind his
words. “I’m mad at you for pretending it wasn’t happening, for making me feel like I had
done something massively wrong, when I know I haven’t.”

James’ eyebrows raised slightly at that. “I’m sorry, I just wasn't thinking.”

“I know you’re sorry James but that doesn’t change anything,” Peter told him. “I shouldn’t
have to breakdown for you to see that you had to do it. You could have just talked to me, said
that something had happened and you needed to distance yourself for a bit.” That made
James feel like a complete idiot, maybe because he was one. “It would hurt, but I would have
understood.”

He felt speechless for a moment, James wanted to do nothing but admit everything right then
and there. Tell Peter about his dreams, about Regulus, about everything, but he couldn’t and
it hurt. “I want to tell you, I really want to, I just can’t and I know you would understand if
you just knew.”
 “I understand now James,” Peter assured him, his expression cracking slightly. “I don’t need
a reason, I just need you to tell me what you need,” James looked to him with wide eyes.
“But I can’t do that if you refuse to talk to me.”

“I’m sorry Pete, I’m so sorry,” His voice felt thick as he talked. “This secret is so much, and I
have nowhere to put it and-“ James was interrupted by a warm embrace and he instantly
melted into it.

Peter’s hand moved up and down his back reassuringly. “It’s okay, it’s okay I forgive you.”
James’ lip quivered slightly at that as he tried to hold his tears in. They held each other for a
few moments longer before pulling away. “This person… Are you sure they’re worth it?”

That question thew James off, however he didn't question his answer; because his friends
being alive and safe would always be worth it. “Yes.”

Chapter End Notes

Hi!

So sorry for the short chapter! I genuinely am! I just became a very busy gal VERY
quickly. I had originally planned to release one or two chapters a week on a Monday or
Friday, but that plan is out the window now. Four more chapters left! I hope to get this
done before October and I'll probably tweet something on the day I plan to upload, if I
feel like Im able to. This is also why this chapter is so short, I had four or five days to
write it but my schedule got very packed!

Now into the fun stuff!

FOUR MORE CHAPTERS LEFT, NO MORE MCD WOWWEEE

You may be asking why? Well I promised you all a happy ending and I was beginning to
realise that my original one wouldn't be that. Also I began to write my Rosekiller fic and
I want to focus on that!!

I am going to add more end notes in the morning but now that I've gotten all the
important stuff out of the way, I am going to sleep!! I promise you'll get some of my
amazing commentary very soon!

Eat and drink whatever you want, peoples opinions don't matter more than your
happiness!
Emme <3
 Authors Note and The End
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Okay, hi, weird doing this.

I started this fic four months ago, in that time I posted 3+ times a week and only took my first
break two weeks ago. Which wasn't a break because I did end up starting a new fic which
reminded me of why I write, and brought enjoyment to it once more.

Writing this fic had become a chore, I would have to literally give myself things to coerce me
into writing (Promising sweets or something like that), and I just don’t think that is
something I should have to do.

I love this fic, it was my first long piece of writing EVER. I had never written more than 2k
words, never mind 200k; but I can’t justify the anxiety, stress and feeling of depression it also
gives me.

I’ve grown to hate my characterisations and the way I’ve written this out, and I understand
that many of you might disagree, or maybe even agree; but this is my opinion, and a choice I
won’t be going back on.

I hate that I’m doing this, I never wanted to be one of those unfinished authors, but here I am.

I know a lot of you will think that it was ‘only five more chapters’ and that I shouldn’t be so
lazy to not finish it. You have to understand that that’s not ‘just five more chapters’.

That’s five more weekends and weeknights where I have to write seven thousand words, that
I really don't want to write. As a community we’ve forgotten the amount of work ff authors
put into their writing, and the pressure on them as well. PUBLISHED authors don't put this
amount of work into it.

This fic is the equivalent of four average novels. Please take that into consideration.

I’m not a published author, I don't have time to write things I don't want to, I don’t have the
patience to write 500 words every hour because a fic brings me so such of a lack of
motivation where anything more than that seems like too much. It’s unfair.

Fics are made for the readers and fans enjoyment, but don't forget that they’re also made for
the writers enjoyment. This isn’t my job, or occupation.

I’m so grateful for the love this fic received, every comment and kudos really made me
happy, I love you all.

I am going to orphan this, because I do know some of you like it, all though I don't
necessarily understand it.
As promised, here are the two endings.

The original one planned.

Then the one I was going to write.

_____

The first ending was going to have time skip

It would end with when James says goodbye to Older Regulus and then would immediately
begin in a fight between them and the death eaters. This was when Regulus (younger) would
see Avery again, he would then be told about the horcruxes and what Voldemort planned to
do with them.

Avery wouldn’t have been told, but he would have worked it out much like canon Regulus
had.

This ending played along with The Deathly Hallows movies quite a lot.

The next chapter would consist of Mary and Lily’s wedding, just like Bill and Fleur’s there
would be an attack where everyone would be split up. James, Regulus, and Barty would go
together, ending in a Rosekiller separation.

The next twelve chapters would have them finding each of the horcruxes, except instead of
the locket being the first, it would be the last.

During this time everyone else would be having POV’s as well, however since I never wrote
this I actually don't know what they would be doing. I don't plan my writing much, I tend to
just write what I'm thinking at the time. I imagine it might have been something about them
doing Auror work, or trying to find each other.

Once James, Regulus, and Barty got to the final horcrux and once they entered the cave, they
would begin to do the tasks necessary to find the locket. Eventually Regulus would have
taken the poison and drank it, which would lead to him falling in with the inferi. Regulus was
not the MCD however and what would happen was Barty would jump into the lake with him,
using spells to drive the inferi away or something like that. He would save them, but then get
pulled back under almost immediately.

Barty would then die, fulfilling his MCD duties.

Once returning it would just be a lot of grief and dealing with everything that had happened.

We would then have another time skip to however many years into the future which would
have Regulus talking to Barty’s grave, James right beside him, before he would go away to
visit the little grave he had made for Older Regulus.

James would then proceed to give him details on everything that had happened over the past
years, after giving an explanation on why he hadn’t been there before (I don’t know what it
would have been). The ending would be Younger Regulus coming over with baby Harry and
 him asking who owned the grave (No name on it) James would say something soul crushing
and that would be it.

____________________

The second ending wouldn’t be anything special. It would just end when Older Regulus and
James said goodbye.

Leading up to it Evan would come out as Asexual, and there would be some kind of
confirmation on him running away safely.

Wolfstar, Marylily and Jegulus would all be made known. Maybe not publicly but between
each other. Same with Rosekiller.

It would be a happy ending, no MCD, Marylily and Jegulus co-parents, Wolfstar best uncles,
Rosekiller best uncles. I would also make Marylily adopt Dean, because I can.

_____________________

Thank you all for being on this journey with me, and I am so, so, sorry <3

Chapter End Notes

I'm going to keep this on my account for 24 hours before orphaning it.

I love you all, thank you so much, stay well <3

Emme <3
End Notes

Thank you for reading!

Big plans for this fic, so stick around!

Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!