Lesson 9

Interpersonal Relationships
Part 1 of 3
Frieda Fromm Reichman
` Describe the advantages and disadvantages of interpersonal
relationships and assess your own relationships in light of
these

` Define jealousy, bullying, and relationship violence and

discuss how you might use the suggestions for managing the
dark side of relationships

` Explain changing family structures, family characteristics, and

the influence of culture, gender, and technology in the family

` Describe the “POSITIVE” approach to improving relationship

communication
` Interpersonal ` CMC based
Relationships relationships

www.sm3.worpress.com
www.cmc.edu
1. My relationships help to lessen my loneliness
2. My relationships help me gain in self-knowledge and in self-
esteem
3. My relationships help enhance my physical and emotional health
4. My relationships maximize my pleasures and minimize my pains
5. My relationships help me to secure stimulation (intellectual,
physical, and emotional)
6. My relationships put uncomfortable pressure on me to expose
my vulnerabilities
7. My relationships increase my obligations
8. My relationships prevent me from developing other
relationships
9. My relationships scare me because they may be difficult to
dissolve
10. My relationships hurt me

Pg. 188-189 textbook

Devito et al. (2016)
1. My relationships help to lessen my loneliness
2. My relationships help me gain in self-knowledge and in self-esteem
3. My relationships help enhance my physical and emotional health
4. My relationships maximize my pleasures and minimize my pains
5. My relationships help me to secure stimulation (intellectual, physical,
and emotional)
6. My relationships put uncomfortable pressure on me to expose my
vulnerabilities
7. My relationships increase my obligations
8. My relationships prevent me from developing other relationships
9. My relationships scare me because they may be difficult to dissolve
10. My relationships hurt me

#1-5 reflect advantages of interpersonal relationships (relationships that lesson

loneliness)
#6-10 reflect disadvantages of interpersonal relationships

Pg. 188-189 textbook

Devito et al. (2016)
Brainstorm . . . What are the advantages of
interpersonal relationships?
` lessen loneliness

` stimulate ideas

` encourage learning about yourself

` enhance self-esteem

` maximize physical, mental, and social pleasures

` minimize pain

www.stickfigureclipart.com
Brainstorm . . . What are the disadvantages of
interpersonal relationships?
` expose weaknesses
` can involve obligations of time, money, emotion,
and behaviour
` can affect other relationships
` can be difficult to terminate
` can involve the potential for hurt

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` Culture influences heterosexual relationships by
assigningg genderr roles
s in
n a relationship

` Culture influences
s the
e acceptance
e and
d the
e rights
s in
society of same sex relationships
` The quality of social relationships depends on the length of
the relationship and on the topics and activities that are
shared

` Adolescents have been shown to use CMC to:

◦ develop relationships with family and friends that were
once developed face-to-face
◦ create new relationships completely online

` Research to support both pros and cons

` Fully online relationships are generally shorter in duration,

less supportive, and less close
` In face-to-face, physical appearance can outweigh
personality; whereas on-line communication allows s the e
person’ss innerr qualities
s to
o be
e shared
d withoutt physicall
distractions

` Beneficial to shy or introverted individuals

` Numberr off people

e availablee to
o meett greatly exceeds face-to-
face increasing possibility of meeting people with common
interests
` Hyperpersonal communication
a preference for communicating using CMC

` Three elements of interpersonal conversation are

impacted through CMC communication:
◦ Idealized
d perception
◦ Selective
e self-perception
◦ Reduced d cues
• What is the difference?
• What is the impact of this difference?
TedTalk: Sherry Turkle – “Connected, but alone”

Source: https://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together?language=en

Link to video on Blackboard

` Network
k convergence
e is the sharing of networks
between two people who have an on-line
relationship

` On-line groups have been shown to provide ea

sensee off belonging
g that was once thought possible
only through face-to-face interaction

` On-line work groups have been found to be more e

task-oriented
d and
d more
e efficient than face-to-face
counterparts
◦ Sometimes relationships develop faster online

◦ Online flirting can build unrealistic expectations of

relationships and disqualify partners for
relationships in the physical world

◦ Expressions of similarity are easy to feign online

` Research offers other explanations for why users feel that
others are presenting themselves deceptively online:

1. Users might be viewing themselves through a “ffoggyy

mirror” – that is, failing
g to
o perceive
e themselvess
accurately.

2. Users might deliberately or subconsciously describe their

“iideall selves” – who they would like to be, or wish they
were, or are striving to be

` Research shows that users who were able to share their

“true”” selves
s online were more successful in forming close
relationships through CMC that carried over to the face-to-
face world
 Lesson 9
Interpersonal Relationships
Part 2 of 3
` An interpersonal relationship between two people
that is mutually productive and characterized by
mutuall positive
e regard

` Individuals act towards one another with a

“personalistic focus” . . . that is . . . friends
s reactt to
o
each
h otherr ass completee persons; as unique,
genuine, and irreplaceable individuals
` Serve a variety of needs:
x Utility
x Affirmation
x Ego-support
x Stimulation
x Security

` As your needs change, the qualities you look for in

friendships also change

` In many instances, old friends are dropped from your close

circle to be replaces by new friends who better meet your
current needs
` Consist of three main types:
x Reciprocity
x Based on equality
x Receptivity
x Requires a difference in status
x Association
x A transitory friendship
` Are influenced by culture
◦ The way you view and experience friendship will also vary
by culture

◦ Friendships tend to be closer in collectivist cultures where

close friendship bonds are fostered, than in individualistic
cultures

◦ Relationships in collectivistt cultures

s focus
s on
n whatt you
u can
n
do
o to
o help, where as individualistic cultures are more likely
to be affected by competition

◦ Mostt people
e havee bothh collectivistt and
d individualistic
c values
s
and
d orientations
s butt to
o varyingg degrees
` What is the definition of a family?
` Describe a family. . . .

` Parent(s) and one or more children

` Other relatives . . . Brothers, sisters, grandparents,
aunts, uncles, in-laws, etc.
` https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg1TiGa
0N6c

` Data taken from the Canadian 2016 census

` Link available on Blackboard
` Increase in the number of single person
households

` Increase in single parent households, including

and increase in single father households

` Increase in same sex partner households

` Majority of households still made up of married

or commonlaw couples with or without children
` Characteristics of families

◦ Despite differences, all families have some

characteristics in common:
x Defined roles
x Recognition of responsibilities
x Shared history and future
x Shared living space
x Communication rules
 Lesson 9
Interpersonal Relationships
Part 3 of 3
` Jealousy: a type or form of anger we experience when we feel
that our relationship is in danger due to some rival

` Jealousy is a response to a relationship threat

` We can be jealous of a rival to our relationship, or even of a

close friend or a job that occupies a large share of our
partner’s time or thoughts
` Cognitive Jealousy
◦ Suspiciouss thinking,, worrying,, and
d imagining
g the
different scenarios in which your partner bay be
interested in another person

` Emotional Jealousy
◦ Feelings
s youu have
e when you see your partner behaving
intimately or demonstrating affection for a rival

` Behavioural Jealousy
◦ Whatt you
u actually
y do
o in response to the jealous feelings
and emotions
` Rather than responding with anger or
negativity, try to work things out using
“iintegrative
e communication”” skills:
◦ Disclosing your feelings
◦ Being honest
◦ Practising effective conflict management
◦ Listening actively
` Abusive acts repeatedly
y committed
d by one person (or
group) against another

` Can be physical or verbal

` Cyberbullying

` Victims of bullying can suffer significant mental and

physical problems

` Ethically . . . Bullying
g destroyss a person’ss rightt to
o
personall dignityy and an environment free from
intimidation
` Be sure to clearly stipulate what behaviour
constitutes bullying

` Be clear that bullying is not tolerated

` Educate everyone on the significance of the

effect on the victim

` Be prepared to take action when bullying

occurs
` 3 types of relationship violence can be distinguished:

◦ Physical abuse
◦ Verbal or emotional abuse
◦ Sexual abuse
◦ Economic abuse
` A variety of serious consequences
` Physical
◦ Range from scratches and bruises to broken bones, wounds
and damage to the central nervous system
` Psychological
◦ Include depression, anxiety, fear of intimacy and low self-
esteem
` Economic
◦ Include financial hardship, indebtedness, and inability to
support oneself
Non-Violent Violent Positive
e Outcomee using
g Non-
Violentt Approach
Fairness Emotional Abuse Look for resolutions to
conflict that will be fair to
both parties
Communication Control & Isolation Partners feel safe and
comfortable expressing
themselves
Mutual Respect Intimidation Valuing of each partner
Mutual Affirmation

Financial Economic Abuse Economic and financial

Responsibility decisions made together
Accountability Threats Each partner accepts
responsibility for their own
behaviour
Responsibility Power Abuse Fair distribution of
responsibilities rather than a
“boss”
Sexual Trust & Sexual abuse Mutual decisions about
Respect sexual relationship
If you
u are
e a victim
m off Domesticc Violence:
` Realize that you are not alone
` Realize that you are not at fault Æ you did not deserve to be the victim
of violence
` Plan for your safety Æ if it occurred once, it likely will again
` Know your resources Æ phone numbers and contact help

Iff you
u are
e a violentt partner:
` Realize that you too are not alone
` Know that you can change
` Own your own behaviour; take responsibility

Iff you
u are
e a friend
d off someone
e who
o has
s a violentt partner:
` Remember that it may take many occasions before your friend is ready
to leave
` Be nonjudgmental. Don’t blame your friend for staying
` Always be there for your friend
For both parties:
` Seek professional help

` Seek help from family and friends

Know the difference between productive and

destructive relationships.

Know that violent relationships are in a minority, but

the potential is there.
` Effective communication is at the heart of effective
relationships

` General principles for effective communication that enhance

interpersonal relationships:
◦ Positiveness
◦ Openness
◦ Supportiveness
◦ Interest
◦ Truth
◦ Involvement
◦ Value
◦ Equity