Writing and Rewriting ‘As we discussed in “Reading and Rereading,” expressing your ideas will often begin with recording your most immediate responses, jotting them down on a pad, in a journal, or in the margin of a book. Clearly such jotings are not intended for a reader. You may be surprised to realize, however, that with thought and care and concern for an eventual audience, even the sketchiest notes can evolve into a significant, controlled piece of writing. This process of development and revision is rarely apparent when we read: all we see is the finished product, the piece of writing in its final form. But the polished work that is presented to an audience may, in fact, barely resemble what the writer started out with, E. B. White didn’t simply sit down the aftemoon he received the warning from his bank and allow “Dear Mr. . . .”to flow out onto a page (ifyou haven't yet read White's essay, you'll find it atthe beginning of “Reading and Reread- ing,” p. 727). The letter sparked a response, however—a sense of injustice, of annoyance at the threat of “embarrassment” and concer about the effects of technology—and White realized that here was atleast the germ of an essay that right eventually find its way into print, earning him a bit of money and the satisfaction of reaching an audience with his concems. His fist thought, though, ‘was merely to provide himself with a rough rendering of his immediate response. Consequently, his original notes (which we include below) do little mote than sketch out his basic intentions and establish a point of view. TALWriting and Rewriting 1 scbdrw carey 4 heed bk, Acute | Adie h doar eb Bad | abarrys ave tur un & bak a anWRITING AND REWRITING Te bectart ding fp a Archie Colle td Mat th Zz ‘oteL nechueg ae with abet tha hisabruegee Ge tho‘Writing and Rewriting White's notes bear almost no resemblance to his polished final draft as it appeared in the New York Times. We see White beginning with his immediate personal response—his desire to dispense his money without any embarrassment or inconvenience to himself—and then moving on to generalize, to expand his annoyance over the particular letter to the larger issue of “the danger in a ‘machine culture.” ‘Thus, he establishes the meaning and purpose that will gover his final esay. But there is little attempt to formulate a coherent design at this point. In fact, i is almost comforting to see how messy these initial notes are, when we realize what they will provide the foundation for. ‘Even as White is scribbling notes to himself, however, with little concern for coherence and the needs of his eventual reader, he is his own crtie. He is listening to himself as he writes, thinking about how his words go together, and revising when he's not quite satisfied. He has, for example, reworked the sen- tence about “the danger in a machine culture” several times, trying to get it right (although, as we'll see in his subsequent drafts, this central idea would continue to give him trouble). But he is not particularly concerned with cor- rectness; for instance, he lets stand a sentence like “The man who forsaw all of this was a man named Orwell and he foresaw pretty good.” No sentence like this will, in fact, appear in the final draft, but what White seems to be after here isa kind of aptness. Orwell is a touchstone for the write’ ideas, a way of ‘getting at what he wants to say and finding the words to generalize about his particular situation. ‘Based on these very rough notes, White typed a first draft, onto which he wrote in further revisions 746WRITING AND REWRITING mitob T don't often do but oonsider a great convenience. in certain etretnan ance, ey donk, witoh Z nave forgotten the nae ot Jn the eatgangs of tne sont, cent an « WHS natn | tay. rt Sead ae taportant notion to all our obasking acscunt customers." The burden of this conmmuriottiog wen thdmmm that oittrtotores Renermvaratars Twould no longer be alloved to NEC onvoes tet ase not bear the peotel series of “asenotio ink numbers” along the tase, mim Ky bank said me 3 the Federal Reserve Syston nad notified then thet 4 will not ‘ecept for processlng any chooks that don't ter these curious fore shay piss under! e ro THRERS "er FeE UNG RE SIPHS AIP NEE, mere Baha I firet nya wes qo thene-=they look mesg te ramen at en ED, camp truseh hore cove ota, SS wrk eri meu ats muree,) te wagmaetm wrerguae wr bronie nant seers et tan Venn te na terete gat oneness wre sn Lites te fa eee ful nave he sat suave Fw sae Fa aa “putcherr a chook thet amok th: be processed wit ‘cubarrasment.* 747Writing and Rewriting etper eustty exbesmesed-=it doesn"? take sche ‘to faie"snat rom this enbarmameat Se going to take 1f should eotde to wrive beck untog ‘im old tank fom that one wovet for Z don"t tnow how may degeteny wap ope te otace Sheokvook or encugh lettuce to cafzy the dey. "She Peason given by ay bank for thie tightaning of Ste service se axa thie! "the trexandous increase tn the use of checks mde At necessary for the Federal Reserve to establish & completely coaputerized operstion for processing #11 checks from ell banks. ‘Their computer can function only when proper angoetic numbers ‘Wel, £ can boiieve that last’ Giedmavstierectatazinat pert, about the computer requiring ‘s apeotal atet of funny ausbers, ---this T cen believe. But Tan suspicious of thet fret atatenent, about how the Federal Reserve Would beve been uneble bad gone over Sbttda't'capsy co unions it rant over Yo monies, |Z think the tach adventurous de Avatmatets the Federel Rovorve found mmonines bands ent that BOeT” We'tad body tn this ‘oounery vay tt want over to thes, Suppone thare hed bien e-srengndeus tnoreese ‘td notely tnd got, round to fnveating the computer ce cheots but the sosotter hedave bean invantad©-nwhat would throm tn the openge? “T know banka better have cleared those cheoks te ‘aad they are act easily Goflectea from ascumuieving tt, damier Banks Love Honey. SexMavEy Terma RREMAYRPEERYEYY Cone to think 4, I love mone, too, Tan « bifelong checking account petron and have had to be xaamncdx extremely thtifty teonuse of ay refuse to balance ay checkbook 4p the space on the left where you fare suppost to keep Sraok of what you've bess spending and depostting. sn the hye happened th Wi rive never done ig, on tip thor? the 1 ia waste of tine-aso 1 att edd pOP RE Hescee wouse Stitt tecuue sanouret ‘Instead, I practice thrifh’ and never koe 2 Dalance nti I receive A, . ee aaa Sarat AAR, stent, ayaa TEAR an wet so arive te eit 748WRITING AND REWRITING 1nd Geotpherable and coherent. tow, of tho month and was legible since mohines have taken over, 48 arrives anywhere fren the First of the month to the eighth of the soath, eal” 1y indecipherable, except to e min hell dont on deciphering sonethin, Thm notice To et beck to the warning from ay bank, tt wided: "So rarember...be aure to wee only your orn persone] chedka with Fre-oncoted mngnetie ink susbering. 18 takes both your ascount saber and your atentture for your check to clear properly. Thank you very mot"«a Writing and Rewriting “This step from notes to fist draft is significant: the essay is actually beginning {o take shape here. White has used the letter from his bank to provide an opening and conclusion, but you'll note that he hasn't yet discovered the precise design that will allow his finished work to revolve around this letter. Infact, he has to ‘wrench his attention back to the leer in the final paragraph, after a digression about his bank statement and balancing his checkbook. Nor has he quite de- ‘eloped the important image of the bank as a letter writer (although, he has begun to personify the bank in his opening sentence and later on when he ites, “Banks love money . .."; and he has also—perhaps for very practical reasons—assumed the pose of not being able to remember his bank’s name). “The idea about “the danger of a machine culture,” which he struggled with in his original notes, appears here in a quite different form—a specific reference to the bank accommodating the Federal Reserve rather than customers—and, consequently, the incident has not yet been fully generalized. ‘Again, though, White is his own critic. The draft is messy and chewed over, with typed emendations as well as handwritten ones. Some of these changes seem to show White trying to capture fleting thoughts, slapping them down fon paper, as he did in his notes, to save and cull from later on, Others are based on his concem for how an audience will respond (the deletion of the line about banks employing “retarded children’ is a good example), while stil others are “improvements,” revisions of vocabulary and syntax to clarify meaning or create more graceful, forceful expression. In his second draft, White continues to revise, to tighten his stracture and refine his language. 750WRITING AND REWRITING Wy tank, whisk I have forest the sane of tn th ezttonnt of tr sont, tort bre msn tater ay ma nde San taper nt ecovast susare.*| foe Doran of thle sumuatetion mee tant ‘I would mo longer be allowed to write chécks that aid not bear se sacs tox oumers along tha tees Seok sl he Tuer Reure Bytes tnd sohtfled toon thet te will ot sunpt for grooeeag a seca shes tot thor ace Sooty Lite digit, or eeapa, Tvone no loner fee to wile’ a chest ca blank fom, teoause 4 would le0k tie « memes cil neguclivin Shp compders Sntest on, 1 Finn saecunered the qooky miter « tec ere tae ont toon a ctztte ont ka nesere that hed deen run over ty @ dinp truck, or that had develeved rumtsidartrita an tals folate ta wetiens bettas ay mouth ‘shut [about -theal a0 ‘they seemed to be doing me no harm, Yess tomerry 4 eats gs pore elt gui te ost eter Penta eo ate ce writing « otce on ar orlour, h-agretie pase at pene, Wy atentare ued tp te nvupn to Prod my Du Sato dlaptoning some of my none to son ite svisuat or firm, tat got my uy 3 use, to 2 to alt our cheating ‘the special seri Me notion I received says that if I try to 270—— Writing and Rewriting pala cff a check that Icke the mgnetio ink aunera, the check cannot be processed without “delay, extra handling charges, and possible embarmsanent.” I euberrans ensy---St docon't take ‘mich, reaLly---and naturally I an eager to eam whist fom this emarreasaent will take {f T should deoide to wiite © check using ‘the old blank form thet tas proved so convenient for I don't know shock without how aeny decades on those occasions when oue 18 hhis checkbook or enough Lettuce to carry the day. nme trenandous Snerease in the use of checks," vettes ay tank , warming to {Se gunject, "ante 1% nec ‘tbe Tederal Reserte to astablish « completely computerized oper aiton for provessing al1 cheoks from eli banks. Their computer ean function only when proper magnetic numbers are used." Nell, wey tor Tonn elfove that last pert, about the computer requiring & epeoiel diet of daxexgetzmmiune malformed nunbers; but T an ‘suspicious of that first statenant, ebout hor the Feders] Reserve would nave been ashi to carry on anlaas 42 wait Grot ¥6 sachin T ouspect thet the Feteral Reserve simply found machines’ uassl, hanty, ant. Se Put suppose Khuen we hed bad, An this country, @ tremendous incre Poy RES so tpn ne coptereont we ve sneer n't ASE vo vane tase te Potera Rsere Te'ene use of onscks and and a1 ede aoaber banks would have throvn in the sponge” I. mor banks better then thet. Banks love money and ere not easty deflected from the ammimrxtng delicious business of accumulating At, Seukuwctheprienbirierertamtr Love would have found «way. hacks would Mave cleared. tn not againat machines, as are sone people my 752WAITING AND REWRITING 3 who feel that the computer 42 leading us dom the prinroee tran. 1, ike mechinege--partioularly tt 12 rat ay the see TEP aca soot myetertous x yan the gonrenience thay afrerd to memat ets ST HDs EE teen oe anne tq ho mort, x don't eifar coaputars ehould weer the ant, or oan mie the ceoistons--cstamnctue. ‘They 1a0k huncr, and Say Are not tntultives-or oven evare oftie sponderables. T rend a youn once writtaa by u computer but lda't eave moh for 12. Tt evened to ma 1 could write a totter fonb ayéSir, sr 1 put my mind to At, and ay heart tn tt. And-now X must Lock around for « bleak obeer. Tete thee, 1 fount out what form tHaraMMUDEE Hy new enberroepent beater, wich ta the sachin wax 00 Gif ageinat mah Ae ging to take. pivot, thoulg, I!1 have o renanber the yee Tong enough." OUtiy tamgh the tonroiug witice | areui crac ao sipthos. ne gna 4 hea $5 gy Ue mene | ane of ay bank. It'11 come to mS, if Tat 2 7g 27¢ 270 pre 733Writing and Rewriting “The pieces have begun to fall more gracefully into place here. Most impor- tant, perhaps, White gets rid of the digression about bank statements at the end of his first draft and replaces it with the more general reflections he has been aiming toward all along. Note how the troublesome sentence from his notes about “the danger of a machine culture” has found its place in the pentltimate paragraph of this second draft. (Note, as well, how White has continued to rework and refine it.) ‘In the handwritten emendations of this draft, we also see White sharpening the wit of his reflections, particularly as he develops his wry personification of his bank and computers in general (“a certain magnetism that computers insist fon” and “machines that admire these numbers"). And itis not until now, in his attempt to bring the essay to a satisfactory close, that White adds the final, memorable image of “a bank forgetting to sign its name,” an image that even- tually grows very naturally out of his process of revising, of focusing and clari- fying his ideas in order to make his point most vividly for his audience. Names are no longer important; all that matters now is a magnetic code for computers to read. Reading White's finished essay as it appeared in the New York Times, we have a hard time realizing that the writer didn’t know exactly what he had in mind when he sat down to write. When a piece of writing is successful, we do not see the seams; the words carry us along so that we are not aware of the writer's process. Bu iti clear from White's notes and his drafts that this graceful, carefully conceived essay required a great deal of work: jotting, scratching out, rating, rewriting, private questions and decisions, moments of inspiration when the connections began to seem clear, when the work scemed to pay off. What wwe learn from White's manuscripts is that ideas don't spring full blown from a ‘writers mind into a clear, coherent form. Rather, ideas may tumble out in ‘unformed, fragmented ways that can be developed, modified, and sharpened draft after draft. ‘Composition is, then, a process, and the practical implications for student writers are readily apparent. It takes time to put what you have to say, your ‘most personal and immediate responses, into a form that an audience can understand and appreciate, into words that will best express your intentions. Waiting to begin a writing assignment until the night before itis due will not allow this sort of time. Fully developed ideas are the result of revising, of working step by step, and will require a series of working sessions over the course of several days ot several weeks. Only then can you take full advantage of your reading and writing skill in order to produce a final draft that seems to be ready foran audience. What you end with will very likely come a long way from how you begin. You've just seen, of course, how E. B. White began. You'll find what he tended with at the beginning of “Reading and Rereading,” p. 727 754>? WRITING AND REWRITING SUGGESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AND WRITING 1. We have suggested several changes that White made in the course of drafting his «say in onder to take into account his readers’ attitudes and interests. What other changes like these do you find? What do these changes tell you about the audience White had in mind? How does he encourage the responses he wants from his readers? 2. Compare White's final patter of organization to the initial notes he made for himself. Do the notes provide any sense of his final pattern? (You may also want to look at the fist and final drafts of a poem that William Stafford includes in hie “A Way of Writing," p. 615. How does Stafford’ final patter for the poem corexpond to his original worksheet? What similarities and differences can you discover between White's process ‘of composing an essay and Stafford’ process of composing poetty?) 3. What docs White achieve in the course of revising? How has he determined what to keep from earlier drafts and what to delete? 4. Consider some of the words and expressions White chooses that may seem a bit cout of the ordinary, either in Uhemselves or in the way they are used. Looking at the words and expressions you have selected, what can you say about White's style, about what gives his essay its particular tone of voice? Look also through the drafts to sce the words and expressions which were deleted. In what way do the selected words and ‘expressions best serve White's purpose 5. Have you ever felt oppressed or victimized by a machine or an institution? Write an essay in which you express your feelings and seck to gain sympathy for your cause or redress for your grievance. 755