100 Rules to Live By:

For the Successful Man

Diesel T. Cabrera

To my sister, who always listened to me speak nonsense. And to my two younger brothers. Dont follow most of these rules.

You will never amount to anything -My Mother

100 Rules to Live By: For the Successful Man Never wear sweatpants, not even to bed. Dont even own a pair. 1. From this day forth, your college GPA is 3.62. Trust me 1. Always avoid telling people what your ACT/SAT scores are; its immature. 1. Every man should own the following: A belt that costs over $20 Cologne that costs over $50
1.

At least one pair of underwear that costs over $17 When asked how many women youve slept with, never answer. Instead say something along the lines of: every time I answer that question, it never ends up good. Smile. Move on. 5. When asked how many girlfriends youve had, explain that youve had 2 real relationships (1 lasted 3 months, the other lasted 7 months) and the rest were a bunch of minirelationships. This shows that you can be boyfriend material, but you can get any girl you want. Relationships are not your thing. 5. Never, ever, show your emotions to a girl unless you are married to her, and even then you shouldnt because that shows weakness. Weak men get dumped and cheated on. A relationship is a constant power struggle between 2 parties. Never show weakness. 5. From this day forth, you only have 3 emotions: happiness, anger and orgasm. 5. As far as the whole love word is concerned, its not a big deal. If you have to say it to get laid, then do what you have to do.
5.

5. 5.

Never get back with an ex Never get back with an ex 5. Names are very important. The most beautiful word in any language is a persons own name. therefore, greet people by saying their name first, then a standard greeting. It goes a long way. 5. When approaching women, you have 3 seconds to initiate communication from the first moment of eye contact. If its been more than 3 seconds, move onits not worth it. 5. This is the new hierarchy of importance you live by: Money Family Friends Relationships If you disagree with this order, then stop reading now. 15. Avoid telling lies at all costs. Instead, master the art of responding to questions with blurry, incoherent, non-related answers. Remember, the easiest way to avoid answering a question is to not answer the question. Thats why we have the 5th amendment.

15.

Spend more than $7 on you haircut (not including tip) 15. When given the opportunity, always say thank you. It shows confidence 15. When asked by a female if another female is hot, say: shes not my type 15. When asked by a girl what your preferred type of women is, say: not like the other girls Ive been with. This will convey the message that youve been with an ample amount of women and yet none of them are good enough for you. Thus, she will try for your acceptance. Trust me. 15. When dealing with women, the rule of 2 is in effect. Never ask a girl out more than twice (if she flaked the first time). Maybe she was busy and really couldnt make it? Give her another try, but only one more. When going in for the kiss, if you dont succeed the first time, try it one more time. If a girl doesnt give you her number the first time, you only have 1 more chance to get it. And you have a maximum of 2 months allowed to get over an ex. 15. If a woman (any woman) says you look bad with facial hair, shave it off. If no woman has told you this, ask. Chances are you

look like you grow pubic hair on your upper lip, youre a walking scrotum-face. 15. Delete your Facebook account the day after college graduation. If you are planning on continuing school, its fine to leave it up. Note: I did not say anything about MySpace or Twitter because there is no reason for you to have these accounts in the first place. 15. People like people who have a future. If you have no idea what you want to do in the future, just say you want to be a marriage counselor. Trust me 15. You do not masturbate. I know that everyone does and it is widely accepted, but you dont do it. Whether you have to lie or not, you dont do it. End of story 15. Never do the following: Get your eyebrows done Shave your legs Get your nails done Get a facial Spend more than $25 on your beard/mustache Do exercises that are specific for toning up your

buttocks 26. If you must do any of what is listed in Rule 25 and are called out on it, accept it as a compliment and never admit what youve done. Never admit it 26. The only way to accept a compliment is by saying, thank you. End of story 26. Books youve never read: anything they made into a Disney or Pixar movie 26. Places not to find a wife: bar, work, the subway, bookstore, coffee shop, online and at a concert. 26. Places youve been: the places youve really been to 26. Places you want to go: just say south-east Asia 26. Things you should never lie about: Driving a stick shift Directions when your on a date Your height Dances you know Sports you know how to play 33. Get a gym membership and use it. Minimum of 3 times per week. Make working out a borderline obbsession

Image is 10% what you got and 90% what others think youve got. Make whatever of that statement. Possibly the most important thing to take away from this book 34. Always smile when entering a room 34. Your favorite food is something other than pizza 34. Cigarettes are bad for you and you should quit. But that doesnt mean you have to 34. If you must smoke pot, smoke no more than 3 days in a week. And no more joints. Get a sophisticated looking bong/piece and a blank or custom engraved Zippo lighter. Furthermore, only buy above average weed. 34. Never pay for anything at full price. You have better things to spend your money on 34. Never wear turtle necks. dont even own a turtle neck 34. A suit should cost more than $150. $150 is cheap for a suit, but a cheap suit is better than no suit. If buying a double breasted suit, the jacket alone must be more than $250. Double breasted is for the bold and confident, so get on their level. 34. In a 2 button suit, only fasten the top button. In a 3 button suit, only fasten the middle button. When sitting, all buttons
34.

should be unfastened 34. Remember the following when it comes to ties: No clip-on ties at all. It is not a must that you learn to tie a tie. Have someone tie it for you and just never untie it after that. Bow ties are acceptable only when your suit costs over $350 and the bowtie is not polka dotted. 34. When you meet your girlfriends parents for the first time, send them a thank you note the following day. 34. When its your girlfriends birthday, send her mom a thank you note. 34. Never buy your girlfriend a present alone. Ask her friend to some with you and pick something out. Then you pick something out for her. Then buy both. Cant go wrong with 2 presents, 1 of which she should actually like. 34. Age. People who lie or are uncomfortable about their age are weak. Tell the truth, confidently. However, if you must lie, ask them to guess your age. At the first number that comes out of their mouth, point at them and say you got it. Then move one 34. Nobody likes guys who loads his body full of protein shakes and supplements, but they do work. Most people think taking

these supplements is cheating and comparable to steroids. They are idiots. Therefore, it is your secret. Do I drink protein shakes and take supplements? No 34. Successful men are well groomed, but we are also very busy. At the minimum, every man should brush their teeth, wash their face, wear deodorant, and do something about their hair on a daily basis. If this logic seems repulsive, refer back to Rule 34. 34. If you have a crappy car, its Ok. Just say that its fun to drive and youve grown to like it a lot (the cure-all statement). Then tell some crazy made-up story about the car. All is well. If you own a car that is over 25 years old and is not a luxury car, get a new car. Thats a little embarrassing. 34. Your car may be not the fastest or youngest on the road, but as long as it smells good, sounds like it runs good, clean and has major body damage, youre golden. Image is everything. 34. When buying clothes, spend money on shirts. Save money on jeans. Its easier to spot someone who wears the same shirts than a person who wears the same pants. 34. Never leave voicemails. Nobody likes the guy who always leaves voicemails. Theyre annoying. So unless its an

emergency, dont leave a voicemail. 34. There are two things you should never say: I dont know and try. These words do not exist in your vocabulary. Saying, I dont know implies exactly what you said: you dont know. You are a successful man, you DO know. You may be tempted to say this phrase when encountered with a subject that you have no experience in, refer to Rule 15. Furthermore, you never try to do something, you just do it. Only losers try to get a job, or try to make their mortgage payments, or try to get laid. Successful men have the best jobs, never pay their mortgage late, and always get laid. 34. Re-read and remember Rule 54. Write it down and carry it in your wallet if need be. 34. From e-mails to Morse code, there are many forms of communication us humans utilize, but which one should be used? This is the chain of communication you should use (from best to worse): Face-to-Face Telephone E-mail

Text Messaging Telling someone to relay your message to someone else (if you do this, stop reading now) 57. When exchanging numbers, always give out yours first and never ask for a number. Re-read and comprehend that last statement. It is perfectly fine to trade phone numbers, but never ask. When dealing with women, the worst thing you could say is: Can I have your number. Absolutely not! Instead give her your number (which she will obviously accept), then explain how you dont like answering calls from random numbers (she doesnt like to either)so she would have to give you a missed call at that moment. Boom! Your welcome. 57. Things you should always leave in your car: extra sets of clothes, a lighter, several condoms, napkins, pens and jump-start cables. 57. When not sure where to go with friends or lesser known acquaintances, always recommend going to a coffee shop. 57. When choosing cologne, a lot of guys will walk into Sephora, pick something that the salesperson swears is their best seller,

and spend the whole ride home convincing themselves that the blend of rose-jasmine musk with a hint of rainforest was worth the $250. Wrong. From now on you will only buy the following: Armani Code, Burberry Summer, and Polo Double Black (not Black, but Double Black). 57. A female is most vulnerable after a break-up. This goes far beyond the wonderful concept of rebound sex. After a tough break-up, you can get a girl to do pretty much anything for you. Can she cover that shift at work for you? Of course. Would she like to grab lunch with you? Shed love to. Just remember, she is at a point in her life when she wants answers, so you have to give them to her. Figure it out. 57. For small fixes such as car stereos, vacuum cleaners, and watches, go to a large chain store, it will be cheaper. The employees at corporate chain stores are paid by the hour, therefore do not mind giving away free parts or helping out for free. 57. You lead a fairly open life. That means that its good for others to know you drive a BMW and how great your last trip to Italy was. However, you also lead a private life. Nobody needs to

know about your near poverty level salary or your wifes pain killer addiction. You have to maintain your image. If somebody asks you about one of these private issues, learn how to effectively change the subject. And calling a friend to discuss a failing relationship while in a crowded train car is not a form of therapy; they have professionals for that. 57. The To-Do list in your phone is there for a reason. Use it. 57. You are not a connoisseur of anything, which means you are well rounded. Nobody likes the guys who knows way too much about one subject.