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Executive Summary:
"Concessions are often necessary in negotiation," says HBS professor Deepak Malhotra. "But they often
go unappreciated and unreciprocated." Here he explains four strategies for building good will and
reciprocity.
Most people understand that negotiation is a matter of give‐and‐take: You have to be willing to make
concessions to get concessions in return. But the process of making concessions is easier said than done.
Consider how events unfolded in the following management‐union negotiation, adapted from Richard E.
Walton and Robert B. McKersie's book A Behavioral Theory of Labor Negotiations: An Analysis of a Social
Interaction System (ILR Press, 1991).
The head of a manufacturing firm was preparing to initiate talks with the leadership of the
employees' union. The biggest issue on the table was a wage increase. The union was asking
for a 4 percent increase, while management wanted to raise salaries by only 1 percent.
The executive considered the situation. During past negotiations, weeks were lost as each side
jockeyed for position, feigned willingness to walk away, and eventually compromised on an
unsurprising outcome. In this case, a deal at 2.5 percent, the midpoint of the two parties'
opening positions seemed likely to be agreeable to both sides.
This time things would be different, he resolved. He would save everyone hassle and delay by
making concessions early. Against the advice of the mediator, he opened discussions by
announcing that the eventual outcome was obvious and that he was prepared to make a final
offer: 3 percent, the most he could have offered. The union's leadership was pleased by this
offer—yet they did not accept it. If the firm could offer so much at the outset, they reasoned,
perhaps they had set their sights too low. As the union's aspirations rose to unrealistic levels, a
promising negotiation unraveled and culminated in a strike.
Concessions are often necessary in negotiation. But, as this story shows, they often go unappreciated
and unreciprocated. In this article, I present four strategies to help you maximize the likelihood that
others will acknowledge your gestures of goodwill and reciprocate in kind.
1. Label your concessions
In negotiation, don't assume that your actions will speak for themselves. Your counterparts will be
motivated to overlook, ignore, or downplay your concessions. Why? To avoid the strong social
obligation to reciprocate. As a result, it is your responsibility to label your concessions and make them
salient to the other party—a responsibility that the manufacturer in the introductory example
neglected.
Your concessions will be more powerful when your counterpart views your initial demands as serious
and reasonable.
When it comes to labeling, there are a few rules to follow. First, let it be known that what you have
given up (or what you have stopped demanding) is costly to you. By doing so, you clarify that a
concession was, in fact, made. For example, the manufacturer could have explained the effect of a 3
percent wage increase on his firm's bottom line or discussed how difficult it would be for him to justify it
to his board of directors.
Second, emphasize the benefits to the other side. My own research suggests that negotiators
reciprocate concessions based on the benefits they receive, while tending to ignore how much others
are sacrificing. One way for the manufacturer to highlight the benefits he was providing to the union
would be to contrast his offer with those made by similar firms (assuming they were lower).
Third, don't give up on your original demands too hastily. If the other side considers your first offer to be
frivolous, your willingness to move away from it will not be seen as concessionary behavior. By contrast,
your concessions will be more powerful when your counterpart views your initial demands as serious
and reasonable. Accordingly, spend time legitimating your original offer and then use it as a reference
point when labeling your concession. The manufacturer, for example, would have been wise to make
concessions slowly. Eventually, he could point out that his final offer was closer to the union's original
demands than it was to his own.
All of the strategies are aimed at guaranteeing that the concessions you make are not ignored or
exploited. It is important to note, however, that when someone refuses to reciprocate, the refusal
often hurts her as much as the party who made the concession. Non‐reciprocity sours the
relationship, making it difficult for negotiators to trust each other or risk further concessions. Thus,
effective negotiators ensure not only that their own concessions are reciprocated but also that they
acknowledge and reciprocate the concessions of others.
2. Demand and define reciprocity
Labeling your concessions helps trigger an obligation to reciprocate, but sometimes your counterpart
will be slow to act on that obligation. To increase the likelihood that you get something in return for
your concession, try to explicitly—but diplomatically—demand reciprocity.
For example, consider the following negotiation between an IT services firm and a client. The client
suggests that the IT firm's cost estimates are unreasonably high; the IT firm's project manager believes
that the cost estimates are accurate (and perhaps conservative) given the complexity of the project and
the short deadline. If the project manager is willing to make a concession, she might say: "This isn't easy
for us, but we've made some adjustments on price to accommodate your concerns. We expect that you
are now in a better position to make some changes to the project deadlines. An extra month for each
milestone would help us immeasurably."
Notice that this statement achieves three goals. First, it labels the concession ("This isn't easy for us, but
we've made some adjustments ..."). Second, it tactfully demands reciprocity ("We expect that you are
now in a better position to make some changes ..."). Third, it also begins to define the precise form that
reciprocity should take ("An extra month for each milestone... "). While each of these elements is
critical, negotiators often overlook the need to define reciprocity. Remember that no one understands
what you value better than you do. If you don't speak up, you're going to get what your counterpart
thinks you value or, worse, what is most convenient for your counterpart to give.
The strategy of demanding and defining reciprocity plays out in a variety of contexts; those who
understand how to use it can profit from it immensely. A great example is a tactic consultants and
contractors use. When a client praises her work, a smart consultant will quickly point out that the
person who would really love to hear this praise is her boss (or other potential customers). In this way,
she defines for the appreciative customer how best to reciprocate.
All of the strategies are aimed at guaranteeing that the concessions you make are not ignored or
exploited. It is important to note, however, that when someone refuses to reciprocate, the refusal
often hurts her as much as the party who made the concession. Non‐reciprocity sours the
relationship, making it difficult for negotiators to trust each other or risk further concessions. Thus,
effective negotiators ensure not only that their own concessions are reciprocated but also that they
acknowledge and reciprocate the concessions of others.
3. Make contingent concessions
One hallmark of a good working relationship is that parties don't nickel‐and‐dime each other for
concessions. Rather, each side learns about the interests and concerns of the other and makes good‐
faith efforts toward achieving joint gains.
Unfortunately, while fostering such norms is desirable, it is not always possible. Recently, one of my
students in an executive education class explained that while he would be more than happy to engage in
mutual give‐and‐take during his negotiations, he often has trouble doing so with his contractors and
customers. Some are clearly untrustworthy or entirely self‐interested. Such negotiators are likely to
exploit his goodwill by refusing to reciprocate at all, much less in the way he has defined.
The strategy of demanding and defining reciprocity plays out in a variety of contexts . . .
My advice to the executive: When trust is low or when you're engaged in a one‐shot negotiation,
consider making contingent concessions. A concession is contingent when you state that you can make it
only if the other party agrees to make a specified concession in return. For example, if the executive was
renegotiating a service contract with a customer, he might suggest that a requested concession is
impossible given the current contract but possible under certain conditions. He might say, "We can
provide additional support but only if you agree to purchase some of the following additional services,"
or, "This is literally the best we can do on price right now. But if you can adjust some of your demands,
we might be able to reopen the price issue."
Contingent concessions are almost risk‐free. They allow you to signal to the other party that while you
have room to make more concessions, it may be impossible for you to budge if reciprocity is not
guaranteed. Keep in mind, however, that an over‐reliance on contingent concessions can interfere with
building trust. If you demand immediate compensation every time you make a concession, your
behavior will be seen as self‐serving rather than oriented toward achieving mutual satisfaction.
All of the strategies are aimed at guaranteeing that the concessions you make are not ignored or
exploited. It is important to note, however, that when someone refuses to reciprocate, the refusal
often hurts her as much as the party who made the concession. Non‐reciprocity sours the
relationship, making it difficult for negotiators to trust each other or risk further concessions. Thus,
effective negotiators ensure not only that their own concessions are reciprocated but also that they
acknowledge and reciprocate the concessions of others.
4. Make concessions in installments
Scenario A: While walking down the street, you find a $20 bill.
Scenario B: While walking down the street, you find a $10 bill. The next day, on a different street, you
find another $10 bill.
The total amount of money found is the same in each scenario—yet the vast majority of people report
that Scenario B would make them happier. More generally, extensive research (beginning with the work
of the late Stanford University professor Amos Tversky and the Princeton University professor and Nobel
laureate Daniel Kahneman in the 1970s) demonstrates that while most of us prefer to get bad news all
at once, we prefer to get good news in installments.
When trust is low or when you're engaged in a one‐shot negotiation, consider making contingent
concessions.
This finding suggests that the same concession will be more positively received if it is broken into
installments. For example, imagine that you are negotiating the purchase of a house and that a wide gap
exists between your initial offer and the seller's asking price. You are willing to increase your offer by a
maximum of $40,000. You will be more effective if you make two smaller concessions, such as $30,000
followed by $10,000, than if you make one $40,000 concession.
There are other reasons to make concessions in installments. First, most negotiators expect that they
will trade offers back and forth several times, with each side making multiple concessions before the
deal is done. If you give away everything in your first offer, the other party may think that you're holding
back even though you've been as generous as you can be. The manufacturer who offered a 3 percent
wage increase to the employees' union up front faced exactly this problem.
Installments may also lead you to discover that you don't have to make as large a concession as you
thought. When you give away a little at a time, you might get everything you want in return before using
up your entire concession‐making capacity. Whatever is left over is yours to keep—or to use to induce
further reciprocity. In the real estate example, you might discover that the initial $30,000 increase in
your offer was all that you needed to sign the deal!
Finally, making multiple, small concessions tells the other party that you are flexible and willing to listen
to his needs. Each time you make a concession, you have the opportunity to label it and extract goodwill
in return.
All of the strategies are aimed at guaranteeing that the concessions you make are not ignored or
exploited. It is important to note, however, that when someone refuses to reciprocate, the refusal
often hurts her as much as the party who made the concession. Non‐reciprocity sours the
relationship, making it difficult for negotiators to trust each other or risk further concessions. Thus,
effective negotiators ensure not only that their own concessions are reciprocated but also that they
acknowledge and reciprocate the concessions of others.
International Journal of Business,
Marketing and Communication Vol.1(2), No. 9, Oct 2020, 1-6
ABSTRACT
Most organizations have cultural diversity, therefore, it will have both positive and negative
effects on a business negotiation process. This conceptual paper discusses the pro and cons of
cultural diversity in negotiation. Positive effects assist negotiators in learning new negotiating
strategies and learning different aspects of culture. Negative consequences such as
miscommunication and interpersonal conflicts, on the other hand, have an impact on the
negotiator's productivity as well as the negotiation process. The negotiation process may fail
if the negotiators do not contribute to their work. The steps to overcome the issues are also
discussed in this paper in the quest to overcoming the issues of cultural barriers during the
negotiation process.
Language, social traditions, faith, food, art, clothing, and other factors all contribute to a
community's culture. Everyone has a culture that their parents have instilled in them since
childhood and that they will pass down to future generations. This period of progressing
civilization has been going on for millennia, and there are many different cultures in this
world. When a population is made up of people from various backgrounds and ethnicities,
cultural differences can arise. Visual inconsistencies to forms of social and mental practice
shared through daily life experiences by a group of people involved are examples of cultural
complexity. Cultural diversity follows various classifications of diversity, understanding a
crowd, and its capacity to respond to the globe in terms of its general mental structure.
Nationality has no bearing on cultural differences.
Age, race, class, physical abilities or characteristics, sexual and sexual personality,
fundamental attitudes and practices of individuals and groups of power in the workforce and
network are all important indicators of diversity. Furthermore, sub-perspective has a
significant impact on individual beliefs and personalities, including job, location,
compensation, integration, and rigorous and professional training. Explicit decisions, such as
the director's vision, thoughts, and facts, or the employer's and worker's work environments,
all have an impact on the scheme's outcome (Econeta, 2019). Within national gatherings,
these subcultures produce a wide range of thinking and behavior examples.
Cultural differences influence business negotiations in both positive and negative ways. As
the world has become more globalized, cultural differences have become more aggressive in
many organizations, with greater consequences. But what if the cultural divide has had a
negative impact on business negotiations? Will cultural differences have an impact on the
negotiating process? Cultural variety exists when a group of individuals from many religions
form a culture. In corporate talks, there will be many negotiators from many cultures and
religions, and there will be cultural diversity among the negotiators.
Furthermore, there is body language, which varies depending on the faith. Take, for
example, eye contact. When chatting with one another, one country may feel that eye contact
is appropriate, whereas making eye contact with another country may be considered insulting.
While a result, as they speak with one another, it may result in a disagreement amongst
negotiators. When negotiators are depressed and have frequent arguments owing to their
cultural variety, it can affect their business. They don't get the best outcomes because their
climate isn't conducive to working silently. Then there are the variations in social behavior
and lifestyle, which have a negative impact.
Because of differences in culture, personality, or both, companies appear to approach
one of two essential approaches: negotiation is a win-win process or a needed fighting
process, where one side prevails and the other loses (win-lose). Win-win negotiators perceive
the deal as a constructive, problem-solving procedure; win-lose negotiators perceive it as a
confrontation. When you engage into negotiations, it's critical to recognize what kind of
negotiator is at the negotiation table. For example, Westerners and Easterners are not the
same, as Westerners prefer win-lose methods whereas Asians prefer win-win techniques.
Westerners are also more individualistic, so they don't mind working alone, and they prefer
openness to experience since they want to learn new things. This is due to the self-
determination of persons who wish to control and drive things toward their own personal
aims. They do not wish to live a life full of regulations and conventions when they grow up in
a child-autonomous community, thus they prioritize their own self-interests. Eastern people,
on the other hand, prefer to work in groups rather than alone. They desire to live a secure and
adaptive existence because they are afraid of making a mistake if they try something new.
They are terrified of being judged by others, so they act in accordance with culture and
climate.
Easterners have more regulations and norms to follow since parental bias is engrained
in their society. They place a greater focus on a harmonious relationship than on personal
priorities. As a result, when they see and experience a different way of life, it may provide a
culture shock difficulty for negotiators in a particular business transaction. Working with
their negotiator may feel awkward and uncomfortable for them because they are not used to
it. For example, Asian negotiators may find it difficult to deal with their opponent's win-lose
techniques.
Finally, in the context of the negotiation, negotiators from other cultures can appear in
a variety of ways. Different perspectives, distinct thoughts, qualities, standards, customs,
shapes, attributes, and traditions exist among culturally classed negotiators. "The resemblance
of an iceberg to the face of these infinite dimensions is reminiscent of; the apparent
characteristics of race, race, gender, age and disability are related to the smaller, more visible
part of the glacier, and they are the basis of the law against discrimination around the world"
(Piastoca, 2010, p. 6). When dealing with international suppliers, you may encounter a
variety of obstacles, including unfamiliar norms, beliefs, and governments, which are
typically located in the United States. They are not allowed to negotiate with suppliers.
Cultural disparities between the two parties are a constant stumbling block in
international talks. Understanding the culture of a foreign adversary is similar to peeling
onions because you have to explain the behaviors that represent the rules that are set out in
values to show attitudes. Differences in culture can make business talks and partnerships
more difficult in numerous ways. For negotiators from some cultures, the primary goal of a
business negotiation is to reach an agreement between the parties. (Wayne,2017). Other
communities believe that the goal of the negotiations is to establish a friendship between the
two parties rather than a signed agreement.
While the relationship is documented in writing, the relationship is the heart of the
contract. Asian negotiators are more likely to devote more time and effort to discussions,
generally with the goal of creating a partnership, whereas Western negotiators are more likely
to rush through this first-phase agreement. Preliminary dialogues, in which the parties try to
get to know each other intimately, are an important framework for a successful commercial
relationship. When the aim is simply a contract, they may appear to be less vital. As a result,
if an Asian and a Westerner sign a transaction, the cultural differences may generate
unnecessary problems because they would have different ideas and concepts about the
bargaining contract. As a result, the negotiators will have an uncomfortable commercial
negotiating process.
Cultural variety can be considered as a point of view among negotiators from various
perspectives, especially when a negotiator with a position with diverse cultures consistently
has distinct patterns of thought. If a commercial negotiation includes more than two
negotiators from different cultures, and the negotiation process encounters a cultural issue,
they will know how to solve the problem in their own cultural approach. These negotiators
are shaped by ideas and culture that encourage them to look outside the box and consider
multiple solutions to an issue. When addressing members of a same culture to solve a similar
problem, this is tough to achieve. Representatives from various communities hold separate
meetings, which can be beneficial to the organization by offering better and more detailed
information. Most negotiators feel that shared knowledge work with culturally varied
individuals benefits, according to AlJenaibi's (2011) influence and status of cultural diversity
within the United Arab Emirates."overcome cultural differences through shared experiences
while discussing together" in Malaysia (Muhammadraz), 2018.
Another argument for the importance of cultural variety is that the experience of
culturally varied negotiators, such as a negotiator, can assist or teach another negotiator with
new techniques. This is what helps when filling in the blanks in a faraway location; they have
enough information about a foreign country's way of life to avoid, or at least minimize,
cultural shock. Businesses who do not have culturally diverse negotiators should eventually
bear the price of making the negotiator learn about global lifestyles and work processes. It
can be costly for a negotiator to understand about a country, especially during epidemics. As
a result, if one negotiator assists another, they will be more cost-effective because they will
have more suggestions about their country and culture about how to enhance the sector of the
other country. Because domestic representatives function as mentors and coaches, assets and
money can currently be diverted from ethnically diverse negotiators. Speculation can involve
the hiring of international coaches, the sale of global cultural records to negotiators, or the
sale of papers, documents, and guides to improve the understanding of worldwide
communities. It doesn't take much time to do just one of these things, but it costs the
company a lot of money. The approach for merging such an object into a distant land
becomes less complicated in this approach.
Similarly, cultural variety among negotiators allows a corporate negotiation to move
from the brick and mortar office to the electronic marketing room. Diversity aids in the
summarization, processing, and coordination of one organization's operations, the
presentation of another thing, the establishment of a business battle, the creation of a new
concept, the execution of a new mission, and the dismantling of evolving designs. Cultural
transmission, cultural boundaries, cultural agreement, cultural collaboration, and cultural
reconciliation are the five basic step-by-step cultural variety correspondence methods. The
cooperative energy created from the passionate placement of self-culture in various social
hierarchies is a truly appropriate mechanism for this (Kamal and Ferdousi, 2009, p. 161). By
studying about their own country, understanding how to start a business in their own nation,
and always extending and being compatible with what clients know, negotiators can assist a
negotiation process broaden its business in many countries. As a result, there will be more
opportunities to win in negotiations and the efficiency of corporate negotiations will improve.
First, learn about the culture of the opposing party. Constant negotiating papers, such as
learning about the society's conventions, traditions, barriers, and more, propose that we
investigate our host or adversary's culture. With a bow, the corporate negotiators should
shake hands, embrace, or welcome one another. Negotiators should constantly be ready for a
quick chat that builds long-term trust and be ready to do business. These suggestions will aid
negotiators in avoiding humiliating or offensive cultural issues while also increasing the
success of their business talks. . For negotiators, conversing is a means to achieve objectives,
build relationships, and settle disagreements. Most negotiators understand that this is the most
important tool they can have for successful negotiations. Contact is much more important
when dealing with comrades from other cultures. As a result, it is critical to understand the
culture of the opposing side.
Second, build cross-cultural linkages. Rather than focusing on how to overcome
cultural barriers, consider how to influence the two (or more) cultures mentioned in your
commercial talks. The construction of the bridge is a representation of cultural resemblance,
such as a common bloodline or shared practices. Or it could entail looking for parallels
between cultures, such as shared history, interests, or goals.
Third, when faced with significant demands for their attention, negotiators were more
prone to cling to the homogeneity of their society in cross-cultural communication to ease
tension. Emotional tension, duty to others, and deadlines are more likely to result in a
stereotype than a careful analysis of the interaction. So, in cross-cultural commercial
negotiations, take the appropriate steps to reduce tension. This may entail taking frequent
breaks, allowing enough time for discussion, or identifying third parties who can assist you in
resolving any conflicts or disagreements that may arise during your speech. As a result, the
stress associated with cultural barriers will be reduced, and you will begin to see each other
as negotiators rather than competitors.
6.0 CONCLUSION
References
Al-Jenaibi, B. (2011). The scope and impact of workplace diversity in the United Arab
Emirates an initial study. Journal for Communication and Culture. 1(2), 49-81
Bloemendaal, E., 2019. What Is A Business Negotiator - Expert Negotiation Services. Bright
Focus. Available at: <https://brightfocusconsult.com/faq/what-is-a-business-negotiator/>
Kamal, Y. & Ferdousi, M. M. (2009). Managing Diversity at Workplace: A Case Study of hp.
ASA University Review. 3(2), 157-170.
Wayne (2017) Issues of Communication and social relations. President of Harvard Retrieved
from https://www.pon.harvard.edu/tag/business-negotiations/
Some negotiators seem to believe that hard-bargaining tactics are the key to success. They resort to threats, extreme demands, and even
unethical behavior to try to get the upper hand in a negotiation.
In fact, negotiators who fall back on hard-bargaining strategies in negotiation are typically betraying a lack of understanding about the gains
that can be achieved in most business negotiations. When negotiators resort to hard-bargaining tactics, they convey that they view
negotiation as a win-lose enterprise. A small percentage of business negotiations that concern only one issue, such as price, can indeed be
viewed as win-lose negotiations, or distributive negotiations.
Much more commonly, however, business negotiations involve multiple issues. As a result, these so-called integrative negotiations give
parties the potential to create win-win outcomes, or mutually beneficial agreements. Business negotiators can negotiate by brainstorming
creative solutions, identifying differences in preferences that can be ripe for tradeoffs, and building trust.
Unfortunately, when parties resort to hard-bargaining tactics in negotiations with integrative potential, they risk missing out on these
benefits. Because negotiators tend to respond in the way they are treated, one party’s negotiation hardball tactics
(https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/business-negotiations/hardball-tactics-from-a-major-leaguer/?amp) can create a vicious cycle of threats,
demands, and other hardball strategies. This pattern can create a hard-bargaining negotiation (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/freemium/win-
win-or-hardball-learn-top-strategies-from-sports-contract-negotiations/?amp) that easily deteriorates into impasse, distrust, or a deal that’s
subpar for everyone involved.
Next, you need to prepare for your counterpart’s hard-bargaining tactics. To do so, you first will have to be able to identify them. In their book
Beyond Winning: Negotiating to Create Value in Deals and Disputes (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/shop/beyond-winning-negotiating-to-create-
value-in-deals-and-disputes/?amp), Robert Mnookin (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/faculty/robert-mnookin-chair-pon-executive-committee/?
amp), Scott Peppet, and Andrew Tulumello offer advice to avoid being caught off-guard by hard bargainers
(https://www.pon.harvard.edu/tag/bargaining/?amp). The better prepared we are for hard-bargaining strategies in negotiation, the better
able we will be to defuse them.
Here is a list of the 10 hardball tactics in negotiation to watch out for from the authors of Beyond Winning:
1. Extreme demands followed up by small, slow concessions. Perhaps the most common of
all hard-bargaining tactics, this one protects dealmakers from making concessions too
quickly. However, it can keep parties from making a deal and unnecessarily drag out business
negotiations. To head off this tactic, have a clear sense of your own goals, best alternative to
a negotiated agreement (BATNA), and bottom line – and don’t be rattled by an aggressive
opponent.
2. Commitment tactics. Your opponent may say that his hands are tied or that he has only
limited discretion to negotiate with you. Do what you can to find out if these commitment
tactics are genuine. You may find that you need to negotiate with someone who has greater
authority to do business with you.
3. Take-it-or-leave-it negotiation strategy. Offers should rarely be nonnegotiable. To defuse
this hard-bargaining tactic, try ignoring it and focus on the content of the offer instead, then
make a counter-offer that meets both parties’ needs.
4. Inviting unreciprocated offers. When you make an offer, you may find that your
counterpart asks you to make a concession before making a counteroffer herself. Don’t bid
against yourself by reducing your demands; instead, indicate that you are waiting for a
counteroffer.
5. Trying to make you flinch. Sometimes you may find that your opponent keeps making
greater and greater demands, waiting for you to reach your breaking point and concede.
Name the hard-bargaining tactic and clarify that you will only engage in a reciprocal
exchange of offers.
6. Personal insults and feather ruffling. Personal attacks can feed on your insecurities and
make you vulnerable. Take a break if you feel yourself getting flustered, and let the other party
know that you won’t tolerate insults and other cheap ploys.
7. Bluffing, puffing, and lying. Exaggerating and misrepresenting facts can throw you off
guard. Be skeptical about claims that seem too good to be true and investigate them closely.
8. Threats and warnings. Want to know how to deal with threats
(https://www.pon.harvard.edu/daily/conflict-management/how-to-deal-with-threats/?amp)?
The first step is recognizing threats and oblique warnings as the hard-bargaining tactics they
are. Ignoring a threat and naming a threat can be two effective strategies for defusing them.
9. Belittling your alternatives. The other party might try to make you cave in by belittling your
BATNA (https://www.pon.harvard.edu/tag/batna/?amp). Don’t let her shake your resolve.
10. Good cop, bad cop. When facing off with a two-negotiator team, you may find that one
person is reasonable and the other is tough. Realize that they are working together and
don’t be taken in by such hard-bargaining tactics.
Are there any other hard-bargaining strategies in negotiation that you’ve encountered that you would add to this list? We would love to
hear from you!
When you are too passive or submissive, you may lose a. Grumble to yourself but eat the steak and say nothing to
your rights, because you allow others to infringe on them. The the waitress. When you pay the bill and the cashier asks,
intent of passive or other non-assertive behavior is to avoid “How was everything?,” you say, “Fine.”
conflict. Passive behavior denies expression of your own _____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive
wishes for fear of offending others. Therefore, other people b. Say to the waitress, “I ordered my steak to be cooked
often make decisions and choices for you. medium-rare. This steak is well-done. Please bring me
If you continually respond passively, you may often feel one cooked medium-rare.”
misunderstood, taken for granted, and used. In addition, you _____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive
may feel angry about the outcome of the situation, or become c. Get up and walk out. Complain to the cashier about the
hostile or annoyed at the other person. You may find yourself poor service. “If people can’t cook what I order, I am not
blowing up in a given situation, because there is a limit to how going to eat here!”
much frustration you can bottle up without having it affect you _____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive
in some way. You may develop such physical complaints such
as headaches, sleep problems, stomach ailments, and other Situation 2: Your friend has just complimented you on
difficulties due to the suppression of angry or hurt feelings. how well dressed you are and how nice you look. You feel
You accept an “I’M NOT OK, YOU’RE OK” posture. pleased, and you say:
a. “Oh come on now, you’re just saying that to be nice. You 6. Do I express myself honestly and accept responsibility
probably say that to everybody.” for my expression.
_____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive 7. Do I feel pleased with myself and feel rewarded by being
b. “Thank you.” able to express my thoughts and feelings?
_____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive 8. Do I select the appropriate time to be assertive with oth-
c. “Oh, I bought this on sale.” ers? Spontaneity is important if an immediate controlled
_____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive response is necessary.
Situation 3: You are returning a faulty item to the depart- A key factor in changing your actions is practice with the
ment store. You bought a shirt/blouse and when you got it home, kind of behavior you wish to implement. Saying the words,
you found it to have a flaw in it. You do not want the item as hearing your voice, seeing your facial expressions, feeling
it is. The clerk has just said, “It’s a sale piece of merchandise, your emotions will ease your anxiety as you strengthen your
and besides no one will ever notice it.” You say: ability to stand up for your legitimate rights.
a. “Well, I still want to return this one and either get my How Can I Be More Assertive?
money refunded, or exchange it for one that is not defec-
tive. I do not want this one!” I language is particularly useful as a guide for helping
_____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive you to assertively express difficult negative feelings.
b. “Look, give me my money back. I don’t have all day for An I message has three parts: a feeling or want; a non-
you to waste my time.” blameful description of the situation; and the effect the situ-
_____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive ation has on you. An I message is sent in this form: I feel
c. “Well, I suppose I can keep it, if you’re sure it won’t _____, when _____, because _____. Some examples of I
show.” messages are:
_____Assertive _____Aggressive _____Passive
“I feel angry when you suggest that I don’t drive very
Situation 4: You have just been criticized by your family well because it makes me feel incompetent.”
because they didn’t like what you prepared for the evening “I feel hurt when you don’t express your affection for
meal. You feel the criticism is unjustified. You say: me, because it seems you are ignoring me.”
If you had difficulty marking the responses to these If you choose to become more assertive, the way to do it
situations, reread the discussion on the distinction between is to practice being more assertive. Pick a safe situation (not
assertive, aggressive or passive behavior at the beginning of one where your job or marriage is at stake) and give it a try.
this article. Here are some assignments you might practice on.
Evaluating Your Assertiveness
1. Go into two stores where you don’t usually shop and ask
for change for a dollar. Don’t buy anything, just ask for
In assessing how assertive you presently are and just how change. Go into another store and ask about the credit
assertive you should be, it might be helpful to consider the policy. Can you buy an item and pay for it over a period
following questions: of time? If so, what are the terms of the payment? If you
receive what you asked for, politely thank the person (don’t
1. Am I saying what I really wanted to say? Am I clear and give a reason as to why you are making the request) and
understandable? leave. If not, say a polite “thanks anyway” and leave.
2. Am I being direct and unapologetic in what I say? 2. Go into three stores and try on items of clothing. Don’t
3. Do I have good eye contact and do I look directly at the buy anything. This strengthens your ability to say no.
person I am addressing? 3. When you buy something that you decide you don’t want,
4. Do I make appropriate use of gestures and facial expres- return it without an apology or explanation. Just say “I
sions? Do they agree with the verbal message I send? would like to return this.” The intent of the task is to be
5. Do I use a level, well-regulated, non-threatening voice? able to return things, not to practice being apologetic.
Do I avoid whining, pleading, or sarcasm?
4. Make up assertive responses to the following situations: Summary
• “You don’t really want your family to be left without Assertiveness is the ability to express wishes in ways
insurance protection in case an accident happens, now that are both appropriate and effective. We are being assertive
do you?” when we courteously and firmly:
• “Mom, bake some of those cookies I really like: you do
such a good job of making them. I need to take some • ask for what we want;
to 4-H meeting and I haven’t got that time.” • refuse what we don’t want without infringing on the
• “This is Energy Save Corporation. We will have a rights of others; and
person in your neighborhood this week to check the • insist on being treated with respect as a person.
efficiency of your heating and air conditioning systems.
What time is most convenient for you?” Assertive behavior can make life more satisfying for you;
but in some circumstances it can get you into trouble. Use it
wisely. Remember, it’s your choice.
5. Make up assertive responses to the following situations:
Answers:
• After waiting in a checkout line for 20 minutes, someone
comes up and asks to get in front of you because she Situation 1: a. passive, b. assertive, c. aggressive
or he is in a hurry. Situation 2: a. passive, b. assertive, c. passive
• Your neighbor calls you three or four times a day and Situation 3: a. assertive, b. aggressive, c. passive
talks for 45 minutes at a time, and you’d rather be get- Situation 4: a. passive, b. aggressive, c. assertive
ting some work done.
• You are working full-time outside the home, yet
none of your family members offer to help with meal
preparation, housecleaning, laundry, or other household
chores.
• A friend asks you for moving help the weekend you’ve
planned an important family trip. UNL Extension publications are available online
at http://extension.unl.edu/publications.
Index: Families
Relationships
Issued June 2007
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cooperating with the Counties and the United States Department of Agriculture.
University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension educational programs abide with the nondiscrimination policies
of the University of Nebraska–Lincoln and the United States Department of Agriculture.
© 2007, The Board of Regents of the University of Nebraska on behalf of the University of Nebraska–Lincoln Extension. All rights reserved.