Erin Dailey THE2300 Klenk Dialogue Miscommunication Characters: Kyle, bartender wearing flannel and thick-rimmed glasses.

Looks like hes in his late twenties. Ted, an FSU student reppin a sideways cap, saggy jeans and fashionable nikes. Wears FSU sweater. Likes drinking. Obviously at the wrong bar. Sophie, Barely twenty-one. Wears her curly pony tail perfectly centered, has very white teeth. Has on an earth-toned dress. Nora, short hair and brunette. Mid-twenties. Wears a black tank and combat boots and has a tattoo of a sparrow on her right shoulder. Server, resembles a server. Setting: Bar is on middle-left of stage. It is made of planks of wood and has a lot of knick-knacks from local artists, including a realistic painting of a boy with antlers on his head. There is also a large PBR display above a set of alcoholic beverages. There are four stools connected to the bar, but not much else. ( Stage is black. There is a sudden spotlight: the bearded bartender named Kyle appears behind an artistically rickity bar. His hand and washrag deep in a mug, unmoving. As soon as the spotlight starts he speaks: )

ACT I SCENE 1 Kyle: Oh! Woe! What an empty, sullen night, With a prodded heart, the ends in sight! Never will I love again, with all my might I swear! Despite the aborition of fluttering lights, of clammy hands and small delights, hold tight Kyle hold tight! Your brain rings true, rings smart, rings right! Romantically formidable you face your blight! Your destructive, unlucky nature, and flirtations oh-soslight and her eyes, oh her eyes, as pale as the sea that fresh free salt-shaken breeze! It feels so right! With hips that stir that magical potion transfixed staring into that endless ocean oh, it is so overtly enamoring and just, and justright! (A very small, fractured pause) Oh! Oh ho ho HO! Look at me getting lost, continually found in a frigid frost with the bite of a cold dead wearied romance. It seems that I, regardless of brilliance (and astute natures) finds resilience in freeing myself from the shackles of tormented love! Whats to be done, then? The rope and ceiling, then? The same last note, again? (Free hand finds Kyles face, resting on his forehead from very dramatic shame and exhaustion) Ugh! Heavens above and hades below, why do you torment this poor heart so.

(Spotlight opens, flooding stage to reveal a man and a woman sitting at the bar. The man is closer to the audience, and is looking at the audience incredulously. The woman has her mouth covered, hiding her very wide smile.)

Tim: (looks behind him and around him) is this, poetry night?

Sophie: (moves her hand only slightly as to inform her acquaintance Tim) The server kind of said something about this (directs her eyes back to Kyle) yknow were not talent agents, right? (Kyle is still standing in front of the audience, in the exact same pose, as if he is taking a long, dramatic pause. Tim takes a very large gulp from his cup of beer) Sophie: So you lost your heart to this lady huh? Kyle: (Loudly slams both hands on the bar, turning his head to Sophie and Tim) Not one! Its plural! I am in constant turmoil and all you do is chortle and choke? This isnt a joke! Heh, your hearts, I bet, are empty, void of pain and scrimping, frugally grasping at loves youve never truly had. Sophie: Excuse me? I-! Kyle: My heart is closed to aberrations; to declarations of sedation from the so-calleddrug you says love. No, dear, what youve had wont come close, the measurement wont be a dose of what Ive had to bare. Schoolhouse, rose cheeks, white chalk, sneaka-peek its all native tongue to me. Your elementary days were pure and in that I am sure that you havent even shared a sheet, a wet pillow or frictions heat. Tim: (to Sophie) Dude, theres no point in arguing or even comprehending with this guy. I bet he smokes cloves and shops for dream-catchers on Etsy. Sophie: Well I guess if you want to live that lifestyle you can life that lifestyle. I just dont understand why you cant accept gratitude or nuggets of wisdom or anything at all. Arent you supposed to be a bartender? Isnt communication your job? Tim: He probably has a degree in paleozoic anthropology Kyle: Its difficult I admit, to not fret or have a fit when your heart is constantly in

shambles. I digress though and I ramble on about the tangled brambles of relationships, for it is a hard yet credulous thing. Tim: Probably lives with five other people, or his mom. Kyle: (Turns on Tim) And what are you, the connoisseur!? The saboteur that refers to any smart action or earth tone as pretentious? (hands on hips) Look at that sweater can I just say, what is better the flannel or the way your hat leans just too far to the left. Red and gold dont get me started, be glad that Im bighearted or Id tell you where sagging jeans came to be. Sophie: Guys stop! Just stop! (While the three are arguing the server and Nora appear and walk over to them, stage right.) Server: Hey Kyle, looks like youve got a new bartender to train. Her names NoraNora: Hello! Server: -and shell be starting today. (To Nora, quite seriously) Good luck. Nora: Uh? Kyle: (has looked dumbstruck the entire time. Holds Noras hands in his.) Can it be oh my goodness, what an occasion! So momentous! Who knew such stars could divinely align. I am ecstatic, for you see, I look at you, were meant to be! You lift this heavy world off Atlass limbs. Sophie: Ah. That explains it. Nora: Why are you talking like that? Kyle: For it seems I am smitten, in loves own hands this book was written, let us become entwined in passions of an intimate affair. Ill never let go, dear Nora of tending, youll

work at the bar and Ill be amending this troubled soul by staring at your voluptuous frame. Ill wait on you hand and foot, well grow old and Ill stay put, diligently finding ways to please you for all eternity. (Nora sighs loudly. Kyle and Sophie and even the Server, who has found an unopened bottle, take large gulps from their beers.) Kyle: Is it my voice? I can change it. Surgery if you demand it. Ill do anything for you. Nora: (Laughing) Grow some tits then for it seems, that in your rush to hatch a scheme youve forgotten the essentiality of any courtship. Jesus Christ look at my boots, get the hint? This subjects moot. Ill take the socket any day, not the plug. Its not my way but thanks for showing; youre like them all you think youre towing the whole wide world on your shoulders. (Nora Touches Sophies shoulder.) Nora: Kate Winslet look, youve got it best. Lets put this sore subject to rest, along with the whole of your exquisite figure. Mine or yours it doesnt matter, in the morning youll be flattered when youll find me making batter of the best apple crisps youve ever had. Sophie: Mine. Lets go to mine. And please, Ive had enough poetry for the night. (Nora is still holding Sophies shoulder. Kyle yells out and starts stomping off stage right. Server yells after him.) Server: Wait! Where are you going!? Kyle: Bowline or figure-eight!? Doesnt matter at this rate Ill tie my neck with anything! (Kyle exits with Server running behind. Nora and Sophie are still staring at each other.) Tim: So, no dudes? Nora: No.

Tim: Not even ifNora and Sophie: NO! End Scene