SELF CONCEPT, SELF AWARENESS AND APPRECIATION

The meaning of self – concept

Self - concept means what you know and understand about yourself. It is how an individual
thinks about and sees himself or herself.

Knowing and understanding yourself is important because it affects your self - confidence
and how you value yourself. Self – concept makes you aware of your personal characteristics
such as your personality or character, abilities, physical appearances, attitude, beliefs and
values.

Personal characteristics
Characteristics are the qualities or features that are unique or special to an individual. They
can identify and describe the kind of person the individual is. We all have positive and
negative characteristics. Knowing and understanding our personal characteristics is the first
step towards self - awareness and self - appreciation.

Some characteristics that you should know and understand about yourself are:

Characteristics Examples
Physical attributes  Male or female
 tall or shortness
 skin colour
 colour hair and eyes
Personality or character  Do you get angry easily or not?
 Do you have a positive or negative attitude towards others
 Are you polite, rude, courteous or respectful?
 Are you friendly, shy, talkative, kind, humble or arrogant?
Abilities  What are you able and not able to do?
 What are you good at and not good at?
 What do you find it easy and what you find difficult?
Interests  What are your likes and dislikes?
 What do you enjoy and not enjoy?

Positive characteristics
Positive characteristics are the good things about you. They are your strengths. They are
desirable features or qualities that make you like yourself and that people admire about you.
These are also called VIRTUES.

Positive characteristics include moral actions and behaviour and the admirable qualities of
your personality or character.

Other examples of positive characteristics are:

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  Examples of positive characteristics of  Examples of moral actions
personality or character are and behaviour are
 Being friendly  Kindness
 Being organised  Generosity
 Showing self – respect  Honesty
 Cleanliness and neatness  Respecting others
 Standing up for oneself  Being considerate
 Making independent decisions  Being caring

The need to improve our positive characteristics

Some reasons for improving our positive characteristics are:

 Our positive characteristics are the foundation of good or moral behaviour. When we
improve our positive characteristics, we improve our behaviour and earn the respect
of others.

 Improving our positive characteristics leads to higher self –confidence and self –
esteem. We will believe in ourselves and our ability to achieve our goals in life. We
will feel good about ourselves.

 We can become good role models to others. For example, our peers can admire us
and copy our good behaviour.

 Our positive characteristics help us get along well with other people.

Negative characteristics
Negative characteristics are the undesirable qualities that you dislike about yourself and that
others may dislike about you. They are the bad things about you. They are your weaknesses.

Immoral actions and behaviour are negative characteristics. Negative characteristics are
sometimes about someone’s personality and character. Our negative characteristics are called
VICES.

Examples of negative characteristics are:

Immoral actions and behaviour are: Negative characteristics of personality and

 Dishonesty character are:
 Being selfish  Aggressiveness
 Being rude  Being unfriendly
 Bullying others  Having a negative attitude
 Being greedy  Laziness

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 The need to overcome negative characteristics
Normally people are not proud of their negative characteristics. We need to overcome them
because it will:

 Help us to get along with other people. For example, most people do not like
aggressive people. If we change our aggression and become friendly and assertive
we are likely to make friends. People will not be afraid of us.

 Allow us to do our best. For example, a lazy or disorganised student cannot study
properly. So, he or she will get poor results. If this student stops being lazy and
becomes more organised, his or her performance will probably improve.

 Help us have a healthy self – concept. Self - doubt will be replaced by self -
confidence and self - belief.

 Help us behave in moral ways. For example, you will be less likely to break rules
and school rules.

Ways of overcoming negative characteristics

 Be true to yourself. Let your values guide your behaviour. Do not choose to behave
in bad ways for popularity’s sake or acceptance by your friends.

 Choose someone who has many positive characteristics and is a good role model. Try
to act and behave like your chosen role model.

 Learn and practice the skills that you need to overcome your negative characteristics,
for example, communication skills, anger management skills, decision making skills,
planning and organising skills, study skills and examination writing skills.

 Motivate yourself by talking and thinking positively. Tell yourself, ‘I can, I will
overcome my negative characteristics.’ A positive attitude builds your self –
confidence. You will begin to feel good about yourself.

 Self – realistic goal for changing your negative characteristics and act on them. For
example, you could say by the end of this term, I should improve my study skills with
a study time table. Congratulate yourself when you overcome a negative
characteristic.

 Gather information from various sources about how you can overcome your negative
characteristics. For example, parents, teachers, counsellors, self – help books,
magazines and the internet can give you useful ideas.

Some examples of how you can overcome some negative characteristics are:

Negative characteristic Examples of ways of overcoming negative characteristics

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Forgetfulness  Make a list of things to do or remember and put it
where you can see it easily. Tick off each item once
you have done it.
 If you have a cellphone, you can use it to set a
reminder.
 Use a diary to record things you have to do.
 Ask someone to remind you of an activity to be done.

Poor personal hygiene  Brush your teeth in the morning and evening.
 Take a bath or shower soon after you wake up and
before you go to bed.
 Wash your hair regularly
 Wear clean clothes
Short temper  When you start getting angry, take a deep breath and
count to ten.
 Tell yourself you will not get angry and try to calm
down
 Think about why you are feeling angry
 Walk away from the situation or person that is making
you angry.
Giving in to negative peer  Know and understand your personal values.
pressure  Learn to make your own decisions
 Use the decision maki8ng step whenever you need to
make a decision.
 Stop and think before you say or do anything.

The difference between an individual and others

Every person is an individual. No two people are exactly the same. It is important for you to
know and understand how as an individual, you are different from other people. This is an
important part of self – awareness.

Some of the characteristics that can make us different from others are:

 Our beliefs and values

 Our self- concept

 Our physical appearance

 Our abilities

 Our interests

 Our likes and dislikes

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  Our ambitions and dreams for the future

POSITIVE SELF CONCEPT

What is positive self – concept?

Self – concept means what one knows and understands about oneself. It is the picture an
individual has of himself or herself. A person can either have a positive or a negative self –
concept.

A positive self – concept means that you have a good opinion of yourself because you know
and understand yourself very well. You know that even though you have negative
characteristics or weaknesses, you are still worthy of love and respect.

The element of positive self – concept

A positive self – concept consists of high self – esteem, self – confidence and self –
assertiveness. Peoplewith a positive self – concepthas high self – esteem are self -confident
and assertive.

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1. SELF - ESTEEM
The word ‘self’ means you as an individual. Esteem means how valuable or
important we consider someone or something to be. So self - esteem means how
valuable or worthy you think you are as an individual. It is how you value and feel
about yourself. A person can have either high or low self – esteem.

 High self – esteem

People who have high self – esteem have good or positive feelings about
themselves and so they also have a positive self – concept.
Below are some characteristics of people with high self – esteem. They ;
 Have a positive self – concept because they like and respect
themselves.
 Know what their values are and usually live according to those values.
 Know and focus on their positive characteristics for example, they are
not afraid of using their talents.
 Know their negative characteristics. They accept the characteristics
they cannot change, for example, their height. They work hard to
overcome the characteristics they can change, for example, negative
attitudes and bad behaviour.
 Accept that they are not perfect but always try to be the best they can.
 Know that they are valuable and so feel that they are worthy of love
and respect.
 Have confidence in themselves and are prepared to accept the
challenges they meet.

 Low self – esteem

People who have low self – esteem have negative feelings about themselves.
A person with low self – esteem tends to have a poor or negative self –
concept. Below are some characteristics of people with low self – esteem.
They:
 Do not feel good about themselves and are usually not happy about
who they are.
 Are usually easily influenced by others and find it difficult to resist
negative peer pressure.
 Tend not to be aware of their positive characteristics and so do not
appreciate their unique talents.
 Focus on their negative characteristics and so feel worthless.
 Do not think or feel they are important and are unable to stand up for
their rights.
 Do not have confidence in themselves and their abilities.
 Always blame themselves even when it is not necessary.

 Factors that promote self – esteem

 Self – awareness: Knowing your positive characteristics is good for
your self – esteem because it helps you feel good about yourself. It
also means that you can try to improve positive characteristics and
overcome negative characteristics.
 Self – acceptance: Accepting yourself can promote self – esteem. Self
- acceptance, especially of the negative characteristics that you cannot

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 change, means you can still feel good about yourself, even if you are
not perfect.
 Self – appreciation: being proud of your achievement can promote
self – esteem. Take time to remember all the things you have done
well and smile. You will feel good.
 A positive attitude: if you have a positive attitude, you expect the best
to happen, even if you know that things can go wrong. You never give
up and if things go wrong, you focus on finding solutions and learning
from the experience. Your positive attitude helps you feel good about
yourself no matter what happens.
 Praise and encouragement: being praised and encouraged by others
when you do well can help promote your self – esteem. For example,
when you do well at school and your parents, teachers and friends
praise you, you will feel good.
 Believing in yourself: you know yourself best. If you believe in and
trust yourself, you will not be afraid of new challenges. If you do well,
your self – esteem and self – confidence will grow. If you don’t do
well, you know it is not the end of the world and that there are other
things you can do well.
 Setting achievable goals\; when you do something well or complete a
task successfully, you feel good. Setting achievable goals allows you
to experience success. For example, if getting an average mark 70%
during examinations is achievable and you succeed, you will feel good
about yourself.
 Problem – solving and decision making skills: being able to solve
problems and make good decisions on your own can promote your self
– esteem. You know you are in control of your life.

 Factors that hinder self – esteem

 Focusing on your negative characteristics: this will make you feel
bad about yourself, especially if you focus on characteristics you
cannot change.
 Comparing yourself to others: sometimes comparing yourself to
other can make you feel bad about yourself because you do not
appreciate your unique abilities and qualities. You may end up
thinking you are not as good as they as they are.
 Rejection: we all want to be loved and accepted by important people
in our life, for example, parents and friends. If these people reject you,
it can destroy your self – esteem because you feel unloved and
unwanted.
 Constant criticism: unhelpful negative comments or criticism of
things you cannot change, can damage your self – esteem. For
example, if parents teachers and friends keep on making negative
comments about your abilities or physical appearance, you may feel
bad yourself.
 Abuse:any type of abuse and damage the victim’s self – esteem.
Abused people often blame themselves for the abuse and let their
abusers make them feel worthless. For example, a student who is
being bullied in school may feel bad about himself or herself especially

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 if he or she is afraid to report the bully to the teachers and cannot stop
the abuse.

2. SELF - CONFIDENCE
Confidence means a feeling of trust and certainty about something. So self –
confidence means trusting yourself and being sure of who you are and your abilities.

People with confidence

 Believe in themselves. They are able to take control of their lives and do what
is right for them. They can make their own decisions.
 Know their values and have the courage to say what they think or feel.
 Do not depend on other people’s approval to achieve their goals or ambitious
 Are aware of their positive and negative characteristics. They know that when
they make mistakes or fail, it does not mean they are worthless are useless.
Instead, they learn from their mistakes and failures.
 Are not afraid of being in new situations and meetings new people.
 Feel good about themselves.

 Factors promoting self – confidence

 High self – esteem: someone with high – esteem feels good about
himself or herself. This in turn gives him or her confidence in his or
her abilities and strengths.
 Self – awareness: someone who focuses on his or her positive
characteristics is likely to believe in and trust himself or herself. For
example, if you know that you are good at football or netball, you will
feel confident about joining the school team.
 Good experiences: good experiences such as achieving your goals,
doing very well in a test or examination can help you believe in
yourself.
 A positive attitude: when you have a positive attitude you are not
afraid of facing new challenges. If you do well, your self – confidence
grows. If you don’t do well, you know it is not the end of the world.
You still believe in yourself.
 Good decision making skills: your abilities to make good decisions
on your own can promote self – confidence. You will try yourself to
deal with problems or dilemma.
 Praise and encouragement: being praised and encouraged when you
do well by others such as your parents and teachers can help promote
your self – esteem and self – confidence.

 Factors that hinder self confidence

 Focusing on your negative characteristics only: you will not believe
in yourself and you will doubt that you have the ability to do well.
 Fear of failure: this hinders self – confidence because you will not
want to try new things or take up new challenges for fear of failing or
making a mistake again.
 Rejection and humiliation: being rejected and humiliated by
important people in one’s life such as parents, relatives, peers, friends
and teachers can make one lose confidence in oneself.

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  Constant criticism: Constant criticism and never getting praise and
encouragement for doing well, for example, from your parents and
teachers can lead to a loss of self – confidence.
 Abuse: abusers usually make their victims feel guilty about being
abused. The victims may blame themselves for being abused and so
they lose self – confidence.

3. SELF ASSERTIVENESS
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for your rights and express your thoughts and
feelings in a direct and honest way while respecting the feelings and rights of others.

Assertive people:
 Are not afraid to say how they feel without violating their rights of others or
humiliating others.
 Are confident and honest
 Respect themselves and others
 Listen to other people’s views and ideas and are willing to compromise when
necessary
 Have high esteem

 Factors that promote self – assertiveness

 Knowing and understanding your personal values: awareness of

your values can help you be assertive. If you know what is important
to you, you will be able to say no when others want you to violate your
values.
 Self - evaluation: thinking about yourself can help you recognise
when you behaved aggressively, passively or assertively. If you
behaved passively or aggressively you can try to learn how to behave
assertively in similar situations.
 High self – esteem: high self – esteem promotes assertiveness. When
you feel good about yourself you will be able to speak for yourself.
 Self – confidence: if you are self – confident you will not be afraid to
stand up for yourself and say what you think or feel. It allows you to
behave assertively by taking responsibility for your mistakes.
 Decision making skills: your ability to make good decisions on your
own can make your assertive. You can choose to do what is your best
interest and take responsibility for your decisions.
 Good communication skills: your ability to express yourself
clearlyand honestly without being rude or aggressive can promote
assertiveness. Assertive communication is being able to describe the
situation or problem saying what you feel about it and what you want
to do.

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 Factors that hinder self – assertiveness
 Low self – esteem: low self – esteem can stop you from being assertive
because people with low self – esteem are often afraid of saying what they
think or feel. They do not see themselves as people worthy of love and respect
and so they cannot stand up for their rights.
 Lack of self – confidence: if you lack self – confidence, others can easily take
advantage of you or control you for their own benefit. You do not trust and
believe in yourself.
 Fear: different fears can stop you being assertive, if you always depend on
others, especially four friends, to make decisions. You are likely to blame
them for things that you are able to make your own decisions and take
responsibility for the consequences of decisions.
 Socialisation: in some traditional societies, young people and women are not
assertive because they have been socialised to be non - assertive. Young
people are expected to do as they are told by adults. Women are expected to
obey men. If young people and women are assertive, they may be seen as
rude, disobedient or not behaving according to cultural norms.

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