Colin Kovacic Kovacic 1

ProIessor Jan Rieman

English 1103
September 29, 2011
WTE 5: Home Language
'And how`s my eldest son doing today?
'Eh, I`m doin pretty good.
'No, you`re doing pretty 0.
*Eye roll* 'Oh, God.
And thus another day oI slang, bickering, and sarcasm begins in my home interspersed
with multiple, seemingly misplaced corrections oI our incorrect use oI English. Our home
language has, as most languages tend to do, evolved to reIlect our experiences meet our speciIic
needs as a Iamily. For example, I highly doubt that any Iluent speaker oI American English
would understand the expression nubby cold,` neither would they understand the random bursts
oI Ioreign language expressions I now drop involuntarily throughout the day:
'Colin, where`d you put the remote?
'Euhh, je n`sais pas.
'You don`t have any idea?
'Acune idee.
I oIten wonder iI the casual observer would have any clue what we were talking about. Actually,
I sometimes marvel at the Iact that my own Iamily comprehends what I say to them (aIter taking
10 Ioreign language classes, my control over which language I use to convey my thoughts has
eroded considerably).
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Yet as I mentioned earlier, even amongst all this conIusing slang and creole there is still a
Iorced respect Ior the proper grammatical use oI English. My Iather has always thought that a
proper knowledge and use oI English is essential to success, and as much as I have resented him
Ior correcting me endlessly over the years, he`s right. I can`t even begin to explain how irritated I
now become when I hear people speak improperly. 'Can I aks you a question? 'I did so good
on my math test! Ha! I bet you didn`t perIorm so 0 on your English test did you?
And that brings me to the cornerstone oI my home language: sarcasm. Again my dad is
responsible Ior making this aspect oI our speech so prominent. He grew up with a Iamily that
loved yet nonetheless harassed one another to no end. My grandmother (so I`m told) was one oI
the worst oI the lot and she had her own set oI sarcastic sayings and expressions that now survive
through my dad.
'Man, this sucks.
'Well, you know what the Russians say right?
'No, what?
'Tough 89sky. Hahahahahahaa!
Oh yes, we`re not above using proIanity when the situation calls Ior it. Still, I only use it in the
direst oI circumstances. I Ieel that excessive use, and certainly any public use, oI proIanity is
degrading and makes the user appear needlessly unintelligent. As Mark Twain once said:
'ProIanity is the vain attempt oI the uneducated to express themselves. Emphasis on ;,3.
As a child you`re always trying to push your limits; you want to see how Iar you can go.
As I grew older I still liked to push my limits, albeit in more questionable ways. Despite the
respect we try to show Ior the English language, we tend to show little respect Ior how we use
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that language to talk to one another. We`re a very inIormal Iamily, and once my parents knew
that we understood respect and were willing to show them respect when due, they had no
problem with us addressing them in a manner that many would consider rude. I can tell my
parents to shut-up (generally in a tone that leans towards playIul, or when they`re intentionally
trying to piss me oII Ior their amusement) Ior example, without Iear oI repercussion. So, in the
spirit oI continuing the testing oI my limits (and my use oI proIanity Ior that matter) I made the
boldest move I have ever attempted beIore or since:
'Did you have Iun with mom picking out wood? (This statement was just dripping with
sarcasm)
'You`re an ass-hole.
Yikes! What was I thinking? Cussing at my dad? Am I retarded (yet another word bandied about
in my house that some would consider oIIensive)? Well my dad didn`t think so. He laughed and
we moved on. Now to understand how I could get away with such an oIIense would require a
lengthy explanation oI my mother`s sometimes obsessive-compulsive behavior and impossibly
perIectionist attitude. I certainly don`t have the room to go into that now, but please be content to
know (and at the same time take warning) that you would never want to pick out ANYTHING
with my mother that she was planning to use in our home. It`s a nightmare, and a lengthy one at
that.
Well I hope you`ve gleaned something oI my Iamily`s way oI liIe Irom this. It`s
Iascinating to explore the oratory culture oI a group as small as a Iamily, especially Ior an
amateur linguist (like myselI) or, I`m sure, Ior an English proIessor. I know I didn`t really
address the intricacies oI our home language, nor did I Iully explain all oI the expressions and
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circumstances that make it unique. However, you must understand that iI you get me talking on
language, I`m liable to ramble on Ior quite some time beyond what most people can bear to
handle (I`ve already written over three pages on this). So, Ior the sake oI your time, I`ll stop here,
but please, iI you have any questions, comments, or concerns that merit Iurther discussion Ieel
Iree to ask!