There are many "-sms" that came to mind when thinking about what to write about this week.

Many of which I am not sure if there is even a definition for. But thinking back on all the issues within myself that has caused me the most suffering in my life. And after reflecting back on my journal the -ism for which I am most inspired to write about today is Optimism. Growing up with a mother who was such a negative person, I too was a Negative Nellie for the first the first 24- 25 years. moments when my mother laughed so hard that tears came to her eyes were always followed with the words; oh watch something bad will happen now because we are laughing so hard. And often after her muttering those words something would go wrong around her. I remember times when one little thing would go wrong she would always say. oh great and what next. Or now let me guess this will stop working and this will happen. Not only did I hear the negativity in the majority of the words she spoke but I seen first hand how negative thoughts casted negative things. She wasnt a very happy person. Surey all her negativity wasnt something she was born with and knowing my grandparents, I dont believe it was learned. I believe it all started after being in a mentally and physically abusive relationship. At a very young age, she married and had 3 children prior to meeting my father. This man mentally and physically abused her on a daily basis almost ending in death, when he tied her to a tree and caught it on fire. After finally escaping this man and running with 3 children she met my father. Throughout her life with my father, his 5 children forma prior marriage were awful to her and all she did was care and show them love. My father cheated on her all throughout the marriage. Nothing ever ceased to give this amazing, kind, caring woman a sense of happiness. A woman who strongly believed in God and lived her life righteously and abided by her morals, just couldnt find peace of mind in this life. After her passing away at the age of 47, I too was diagnosed with Depression. An illness I struggled with on and off for 13 years. A lot of which I am sure was genetic. A life-long issue I use to struggle with in my mind was trying to figure other people out. I was tortured myself day and night, dwelling on the negative criticisms, actions, and behaviors of others. Never coming to an understanding as to what brings a person to cause harm or act in an irrational way. Whether it was how a loved one intentionally hurt me or walked away from their kids or the dreadful stories about murder we often hear on the news. It killed me inside to not understand how people never show remorse or how people cant even be courteous enough to go through life and not even stop to say sorry or see where they were wrong. All this inability to understand people like this eventually caused me to hit one the roughest bouts of depression ever. Causing me to have negative thoughts about myself and about what would happen next in life. As these obsessive thoughts went on longer and longer more negative

things happened in my life. My biggest fears became my reality. Through it all, I never gave up. I kept fighting because even at my lowest level of emotions I heard the words my mother; the most negative person I have ever known; often pounded into my head growing up. I always heard the words: Everything happens for a reason". My mother later explained in greater detail through a letter she wrote to me before she died. What kept me from giving into my depression/ what made me fight so hard for a life I know I deserved to life? My son and that letter and that phrase my mother always spoke. As well as, remembering all that I discovered through the years of research on the power of a positive mind, a subject that I was intrigued by after being introduced to a documentary about the laws of attraction called The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes. I began to research more and more on the subject of Positivity. After finally understanding what it all meant, I then understood why my mother always had one bad thing after another happen to her. My last bout of Depression brought to many conclusions or understandings about myself and life. One important conclusion that brought me some peace of mind was through understanding the fact that I will never truly understand the evil characteristics held within many people because I am not like those people. I do not wish to understand certain people and their behaviors because in order to truly understand would mean I would have to be like them. Life is all about trying to find out answers for unknown questions and never getting them. Most importantly, I finally understood that there was more to just thinking positive. I learned you have to believe in what you think.
You don't become what you want, you become what you believe. -- Oprah Winfrey

When you choose to hold a positive belief in something, positive facts emerge. The belief you choose to accept will become stronger over time through this pattern of self reinforcement. Positive beliefs trigger a chain of positive thoughts. A 'positive' optimist says, The glass is half full. A pessimist says, The glass is half empty. So its all in 'attitude' as we think, we become, as James Allen wrote, Your Belief creates the fact. I learned you have to react to negative situations in a positive way in order to obtain a positive outcome. As Winston Churchill stated, The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.