Let Talk about Love February 13, 2011

Sa panahon ngayon uso na ang instant. Instant noodles, Instant pasta, Ready to drink milk tea [new favorite!], Ready to drink juices, Atbp. Lahat na ata ng bagay pwedeng madaliin. At ang henerasyong mahilig sa instant ang kinalakhan nating mga kabataan ngayon. (o yeah! NATIN! I belong to this young generation, bawal ang kontra!) Balik tayo sa instant at i-compare natin yun sa tradisyunal, or say, "tunay". Halimbawa, instant pancit canton vs "tunay" na pancit canton na luto ni ina na may halong pagmamahal (special yun!) Sa dalawa, alin ang mas marekado? [yung TUNAY!] Edi, mas masarap yung tunay? [syempre! Mas maraming sahog e malasa ] At, aware naman kayo na mas mahal yung "tunay" kaysa sa instant diba? [ *cricket cricket* *silence means yes*] In our generation, love is more instant than not. Kaya nga elementary pa lang may bf/gf na. Worse, may experience na sa mga bagay na reserved dapat sa mag-asawa. At dahil dun, di na rin nakapagtataka na high school pa lang nanay at tatay na O kaya, nakapagpalaglag na. [ cricket cricket ] Hindi nyo ba natatanong kung bakit nagkakaganito na ngayon ang trend sa mundo? Ano ba ang naging mali? e, nagmahal lang naman tayo di ba? O, nagmahal nga ba tayo? [ *serious atmosphere* hihi ] So alamin muna natin kung ano ang love At syempre, kung may gusto tayong malaman ang pinaka magandang i-consult natin ay ang

Tantarandandan! [ *drum rolls* ]

[lub dub lub dub lub dub <<< sabi ng puso nyo]

Tada! BIBLE!!! [ *di ko ma-imagine ang reaksyon nyo haha* ] 1 John 4:10-11 This is love: a. Not that we loved God but He loves us b. And sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. c. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. That's the Bible's definition of love and now, let's size it up! a. NOT THAT WE LOVED GOD BUT HE LOVED US >>> minahal tayo ng Diyos di dahil may nakukuha Siya sa atin. Hindi dahil kailangan Niya tayo. Hindi dahil may napapala Siya sa atin. Minahal Niya tayo ng WALANG DAHILAN. Minahal tayo ng Diyos KAHIT PA wala tayong maibigay sa Kanya. >>> God's love is selfless. He doesn't think of what He can gain but only of what He can give. b. GOD SENT HIS SON AS AN ATONING SACRIFICE FOR OUR SIN >>> God's love is made into action. He served us as He loved us. He gave up something so important for love. God's love sacrifices. c. SINCE GOD SO LOVED US, WE ALSO OUGHT TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER >>> This part is like a challenge of God to love the people around us. Not to love just with any love, but to with a love just like His. And I believe, by "one another" our special love is not exempted. Thus, we have to love our special someone the same way God showed His love, selfless and sacrificial.

That's the challenge for us: TO LOVE JUST LIKE GOD. Balik tayo sa tanong kung bakit instant na ang mga pagammahal ngayon? Kung nagmamahal nga ba tayo? My answer to that is NO. Hindi na selfless and sacrificial and paraan ng pagmamahal ng henerasyon ngayon. Though, kung selflessness ang pag-uusapan may pang sugarcoat tayo sa selfishness natin para magmukhang selfless tayo. Halimbawa, sa ligawan portion: Maipapakita natin na nagmamahal tayo ng walang "dahil" sa halip ay may "kahit pa". So sinabi natin, "Mahali kita di dahil mabait ka, matalino ka, nakakatawa ka, etc. Sa halip mahal kita kahit pa nakapustiso ka, maliit ka, maitim ka at kulot ka atbp." O hindi ba ang selfless natin? Ang martir martir natin Or are we really martyrs? To love selflessly is to make God's glory and your special someone's needs your priority. Kaya kung selfless ka una mong itatanong kung kailangan na ba niya ngayon ng isang exclusive relationship? Is having a relationship right now the best way to glorify God? Or is there something else we can do better now that we are young? Something that is needed for our own growth Most of the time, guys and gals engage in a relationship without considering God and their partner. Karaniwan nakikipag relasyon tayo kasi may nadama tayong kakaiba. Yung may kilig ba At yung tipong bitin kaya dapat maging kayo kasi gusto mong masatisfy yung uhaw mo sa pleasure. Nakakalimutan nating isipin kung ito nga ba ang kailangan ng ating special someone ngayon? Na kung ito ang gusto ng Diyos para sa inyo ngayon? Para malaman kung ito na nga ang kailangan ni special someone dapat i-analyze nyo kung masaya na siya sa buhay niya. Yung tipong nasulit na niya ang magulang niya, mga kapatid niya, ang friendship niya at ang service niya. Yung tipong masaya na talaga siya sa buhay niya at kaya niyang mabuhay kahit wala ka sa tabi niya.

Ouch? Wala ka sa tabi niya? Di ka na niya kailangan? Oo, tama ang nabasa mo. [nabasa ahahahha wala lang gusto ko lang sumegway :P] You don't want someone to be with you because you tend to complete him/her. You want someone whose already complete and can live a life without you. Yet, that person deliberately chooses to be with you, not because he/she needs someone to fill in what's lacking, but simply because he/she loves you. [learned it from Bo Sanchez :) ] Pero syempre, di naman pwedeng si special someone lang naman ang i-analyze natin. Dapat tayo rin. Are we happy with our lives? Nasulit na ba natin ang kabataan natin? Kumpleto na ba ang buhay natin? Can we live each day with a smile even without that person? Because if we can't and we still pursue having an exclusive relationship with that special someone, We are simply on for an experience, not a commitment. If having a romantic relationship is just for an experience then you re engaging to a short time relationship. You are not actually considering that someone for the rest of your life. So, unconsciously you are open for a future break up. In other words, it is fine with you that your special someone would be hurt by you in the near future. Unlike relationships that are just for experience, relationships that are ventured as a commitment are not based on the tingling feelings of the moment. It is a decision to love someone for a long, long term -- for life in God's will. [*smiles*] Real love is a decision. It's a commitment made for life.

So if love is a decision, let's also label what we have when we desire a relationship just for experience. Let's call this neediness [Bo Sanchez use this word and I'm adopting it. :) ] Why do we say that going after a boyfriend or girlfriend experience (BFE/GFE) is just an expression of neediness? Because, you are not yet "complete". You want that someone to fill up the emptiness of your heart's cup. You need that someone. Mahal mo siya DAHIL kailangan mo siya. To love is to give without asking something in return. To be needy is to receive and receive but never get enough. Needy persons in relationships are like this: First, they won't consider your needs. They prioritize the satisfaction of their own pleasure. And when you enter a relationship with them, you'll start with the basics of being intimate. Yet, since its neediness, they won't get enough. From holding hands it'll level up to kissing Then to more intimate touching up to whatever level they may reach until one of both of you come to your senses and realize how wrong things are going. All those leveling up happen in shorter time span than it normally should. Everything can almost happen in an instant. And that's why BFE/GFEs are just short term relationships. Kung baga, ubos na yung partner mo o kayong dalawa sa kakabigay, at parang burger [sorry feel ko kumain ng burger ngayon :p ] Pag ubos na, lulukutin mo yung balat (packaging) tapos itatapon mo na. NOTE: Tanging needy na tao rin lang ang papatol sa needy na manliligaw o nang-aakit. Kasi pag nag-decide ka na magmamahal ka, alam mo na di makabubuti sa taong yun na maging kayo na agad. So, di ka papatol :)

So ngayon ang tanong, paano ako magiging complete? Paano ko mapupuno ang cup ng heart ko para makapagmahal na ako ng tunay? Bo Sanchez said you have to replace neediness with self-love. Tinawag niya ata yung self-love kasi it's something you do for yourself. Sabi nga sa Bible, you cannot give what you don't have. So, kung di mo pupunuin ang sarili mo ng pagmamahal at puro neediness lang ang laman nyan, Malamang neediness din lang ang maibibigay mo. Thus, give ourselves some tender loving care so that we may be able to love others as well. The following are thing we can do to show some lovin' to ourselves: [adopted from Bo Sanchez, I just relate it to romantic love. I hope it's articulated.] 1. Know your worth. - posible na ang needy na tao tingin nila sa sarili nila ay basura sila. Paano yun ang sabi ng mga tao sa paligid nila at pinaniwalaan naman nila. Therefore, naghahanap sila ng tao na matatanggap ang isang basurang katulad nila. Yung tipong magpapadama sa kanila na special sila. So, pag may nagkainteres sa kanila at nanligaw o nang akit, papatol agad sila kasi tuwing kasama nila ang taong yun pakiramdam nila special na sila. Obviously, neediness ang naeexpress ng ganung relationship. It's based on feelings that may come and go. Moreover, yung partner nila sa ganung relationship ay needy din lang. neediness begets neediness. Know what, you don't need anyone to tell you how precious you are. You have to believe on yourself -- on your worth. You are created in the likeness of God. If God is such a wonderful God, how can something made in his likeness be something not wonderful? When one trust on the mighty hand of the Creator, one will need nobody to tell his/her beauty. And every day, one will be happy about his/her beingness. And when one is happy with what he/she have there will be no need for unnecessary attention. 2. Fulfill your dreams. Not somebody else's dream for you. But your own dream. May mga pagkakataon na gusto natin pumasok sa isang relationship kasi kapag kasama natin si special someone nakakatakas tayo sa realidad. Yung realidad na di natin gusto para sa sarili natin. It's miserable to reach for a dream and live a life that we don't want to have. And being

with that someone eases the pain. It's like a drug that teleports us from reality to a world of short-term happiness. That's why, we have to reach for our dreams. Do things that we want to do. Live our passion. Kasi kung ginagawa natin ang abgay na gusto natin motivated tayo. Lalo na sa pag-aaral. So kung gusto mo ng mansion sa future, study hard and reach for it. [I'm not saying you can't have a lovelife unless you have that mansion already. It's just making the most of your youth. Di mo pa naman kailangan ng buhay pag-ibig sa ngayon at mas maganda kung yung energy ng kabataan mo igugol mo sa pag-abot ng pangarap mo kesa aksayahin mo sa relationships na wala kang kasiguraduhan. Practicality men!] If one truly desires his/her dreams to be fulfilled, the energy of our youth would be spent wisely on making ones dream happen. One would be so propelled that there would be no need for short-term band aids, in other words BFE/GFE. :P 3. Care for your needs. Well, di naman talaga tayo sablay dito, minsan nga uber uber na tayo sa luho. :) The thing is, may mga pagkakataon kasi, or say may mga tao lang na sa sobrang pag ka selfless kinakalimutan na ang sarili. Kaya tuloy may dumating na tao lang na mag-care sa kanila ma-fall in love na agad. Paano, that someone is filling up the care that one is missing. Akala lang nila mahal nila sa special someone when in reality kailangan lang nila ng magaalaga sa kanila. Treat yourself once in a while so that you may not easily fall into the dangerous depth of neediness when someone simply treat you for a drink or for a movie. 4. Relate with the right people. Loving oneself is not just about you showing love to yourself but it's also about opening yourself to receive love from the right people at the right time. In our youth we the right people are those who will nurture our physical, emotional and spiritual growth. Among those are our families, friends and our spiritual community. Grow in your family. Sulitin mo na sila. Darating ang panahon na bubuo ka rin ng sarili mong pamilya (so sa mga balak magpakasingle for life :P ) at iiwan mo rin si mama at papa. And by that time, you don't want to regret the decisions you made in your past. Yung tipong sana imbis nakipagdate ako sa kung sinu-sino sana si mama at papa na lang ang ni-date ko. Imbis na kung kani-kanino ako naglambing sana sa magulang ko na lang ako naglambing. At siguro kung nakipagkwentuhan ako kanila mama at papa noon sana na-warningan pa nila sa mga maling desisyon ko na nagdulot sa akin ng matitinding sakit (like break-ups :( ).

Through spending time with our families, we grow in wisdom and in love. Grow in friendship. By this, I want to focus on friendship between same sex. I know many youth who say having friends with opposite sex is better because they understand you better. Or do they? Siguro kung babae ka tas lalaki ang friends mo mas mararamdaman mo talaga ang care. Bakit? Kasi iba ka e. they would treat you with an extra-special attention. Unlike if your friends with girls, may mga pagkakataon na babatukbatukan ka talaga nila. Bakit? Kasi they can see through you. Dahil babae rin sila nakikita talaga nila ang tunay mong intentions. Naiintindihan ka nila kaya at times mali ka mababatukan ka talaga. They may not give you a sweet comfort but for sure they can make you a better person for correcting you when you are wrong and affirming you in your beauty. Just to share something, I don't a really nourishing relationship with girlfriends. Actually, I don t used to have super girlfriends to share my life's story before. I thought guys are better friends until I opened myself to great friends. Oo, nababatukan ako. Pero, kahit ganun I felt more comforted sa pagbatok nila sa akin kesa sa pag-agree sa akin kahit sa loob loob ko mali ako. Ngayon, una ko ng kinukwento sa mga sisters ang story ko. Bakit? Kasi pag mali ka mas nakikita nila. Pag malungkot ka, mas nakakarelate sila. Pag masaya ka, mas naiintindihan nila. Kasi babae rin sila :) To brothers, I believe ganun din yun. So para sa lahat, I pray that you may find real friends and grow mature in love with them. Grow in service. Stop looking at your brothers (for sisters) or sisters (for brothers) as possible partners in a a relationship. See them as really brothers and sisters in Christ. That way we learn to love without malice. Without expecting something in return. Kasi sa service pagnagmamahal tayo malamang sa malamang di tayo naghihintay ng kapalit. Pero kung nagseserve ka para maging ka-close si ate or kuya, well di mo matututuhan na pagmamahal ng selfless sa service. In service we will experience the joy and gift of singleness more than we can imagine. Kung tatanungin nga ako kung paano ko napanatili ang pagiging single ko, sasabihin ko na malaking factor ng pagiging single ko hanggang ngayon ay ang service ko. Sobra akong nag-eenjoy magmahal at mahalin ng mga tao sa YFC dahil dun di ako nagiging needy. Relating with the right people doesn't mean that you must be indifferent with a special someone. Syempre, dapat kialalnin mo rin ang taong yun. Pero sa ngayon, habang bata pa tayo, it is much better to know that person and try seeing that person as a friend not as a future lover. Kasi kung itrato mo siya as a friend di mo kailangan magpa-impress sa kanya the

same way di ka magiging bias sa good characteristics niya. Actually, the best way to know about that person is to be involve in a group service with that person. Sa ganung paraan, makikita mo kung paano uminit ulo niya, kung ganu talaga siya kakulit, makikita mo ang tunay niyang pagkatao. Sabi nga ni Father Reymond, "Yung taong mahal mo , ginagawan mo ng image o vinivisualize mo yung image na yun sa kanya , minsan hindi mo pala talaga gusto ang isang tao yung image lang na binubuo mo sa kanya ang nagugustuhan at minamahal mo sa kanya." Ayaw naman siguro natin mainlove sa taong nilikha lamang ng imagination natin :) So, get to know each other muna in a friendly status bago pumasok sa ligawan portion para sigurado :) ----Meet, communicate and build more relationships while you are young. Pag-taken ka na mas mahirap na magbuo ng bagong relationships. Isa pa, di naman ibig sabihin na naghintay ka guaranteed na masaya na ang lovelife mo. Masasaktan ka pa rin, tao pa rin tayo e. in one way or another madadapa tayo kahit ano pa ang gawin nating paghahanda. Pero kung maganda ang foundation ng pag-ibig natin dahil sa support ng mga relationship na naipundar natin, ang pagtayo muli pagkatapos madapa ay hindi magiging mahirap. Kaya nga nasabi na you can live without that person in your life. 5. Relate with the right image of God. Kanina nabanggit ko na tao lang tayo, na magkakamali at magakkamali pa rin tayo. And for some, God is a judge. Yung tipong pag may mali kang ginagawa hahatulan ka agad niya ng parusa. O kaya si God ay Santa Claus na dapat maging good ka muna para may ibigay Siyang gift. Pwede rin na sa iba si God ay accountant na lagi na lang nagtara ng mali at tama natin sa buhay. But, God is neither of those. God is love. A selfless love. Gumawa ka ng mali at yayakapin ka Niya. Wala ka mang gawing tama, pagpapalain ka Niya. Hindi Niya binibilang ang kabutihan at kasablayan natin. Minamahal lang Niya tayo. Kaya lang minsan mukhang harsh si God kasi yun yung moments na kailangan natin ng tough love para maitama ang landas natin. My point is God will fulfill His purpose in our lives. Sabi nga sa Psalm 138:8, "The LORD will fulfill [his purpose] for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever--do not abandon the works of your hands." God will give us a beautiful love story. And He ought to fulfill that! So why rush? Madalas kasi naririnig natin na dapat wag mong palampasin ang pag-ibig kasi baka di na bumalik yun. Kung ganun ka mag-isip, nasaan ang Diyos mo?

I have God. Magkamali man ako on the process of waiting. Sumablay man ako ng ilang ulit. God is still God. He is faithful despite my unfaithfulness. His love endures forever. [Psalm 136:1 "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever." ] Relate with the loving image of God. Oo nga pala, don't forget the word RELATE. It simply means, communicate with Him. Whatever your heart can offer, surrender it all to Him. Then, allow Him to fill you with His love. And only then can we truly love like God. Moreover, the best way to learn about love is to learn from Love, Himself.

Ewan ko kung may naalala ka pa sa haba ng binasa mo, pero ito lang ang pakakatatandaan mo: 1. Minahal ka ng Diyos at sa parehong paraan dapat mahalin din natin ang kapwa natin, lalo't higit ang special someone mo. 2. You cannot give what you don't have. Unless puno na ang puso mo ng pagmamahal di ka makapagmamahal. 3. No rush. Sabi nga, kung tunay ang pag-ibig ngayon, bukas makalawa o ilang taon man ang lumipas, tunay pa rin yan. Have faith in God. Romantic love is wonderful thing to experience. Pero gaya ng prutas na pinitas mo kahit di pa hinog di mo malalasap ang tunay na tamis nito. Kaya dapat maging patient tayo sa paghihintay na mahinog yun. Pero wag natin gayahin si juan tamad. Kasi dapat habang naghihintay tayo sa paghinog ng prutas ng romantic love bakit di natin subukang umikot sa paligid at pitasin ang ibang prutas na hinog na. kasi kung babantayan mo lang yung prutas ng romantic love, sayang naman yung ibang prutas na malalaglag na lang sa lupa at mabubulok kasi di mo binigyan ng pansin. So, have a fruitful life by waiting actively in God's perfect timing. AFG