Preparation for Marriage That Your Joy May Be Full 1 of 8

(Gen 2:21-22) And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, *made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." God provided the wife for Adam, therefore today men should be getting their wives from God. In order to get a wife from God the woman must belong to God first. So if I want a husband I must first belong to God. Satan is busily engaged in influencing those who are wholly unsuited to each other to unite their interests. He exults in this work, for by it he can produce more misery and hopeless woe to the human family than by exercising his skill in any other direction.--"Testimonies for the Church," Vol. 2, P. 248. {MYP 455.3} Z?"a prudent wife is from the LORD"(Prov 19:14) "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD"(Prov 18:22) Gods Love is made to step upward not something you fall into. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the afterlife both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve. {AH 49.1} Modesty = 2. Modesty, as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity or impudence. Thus we say, the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed the audience with modesty. 3. Moderation; decency. 4. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor. Simplicity = Singleness; the state of being unmixed or uncompounded; as the simplicity of metals or of earths. 2. The state of being not complex, or of consisting of few parts; as the simplicity of a machine. 3. Artlessness of mind; freedom from a propensity to cunning or stratagem; freedom from duplicity; sincerity. Marquis Dorset, a man for his harmless simplicity neither misliked nor much regarded. 4. Plainness; freedom from artificial ornament; as the simplicity of a dress, of style, of language, c. Simplicity in writing is the first or excellences. 5. Plainness; freedom from subtilty or abstruseness; as the simplicity of scriptural doctrines or truth. 6. Weakness of intellect; silliness. Godly simplicity, in Scriptures, is a fair open profession and practice of evangelical truth, with a single view to obedience and to the glory of God. Sincerity = 1. Honesty of mind or intention; freedom from simulation or hypocrisy. We may question a man's prudence, when we cannot question his sincerity. 2. Freedom from hypocrisy, disguise or false pretense; as the sincerity of a declaration or of love. (Matt 19:4-6)

"And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Anything apart from this is breaking the 7th commandment (allowing a 3rd party to be involved, single or married) For a successful marriage we need to be guarding your affections and controlling your affections & passions and not letting your thoughts run after one then another and your body follow suit (from childhood.)

Elder Frazee Control 2 of 8

Preparing For Marriage Love & Self

Jesus closing statements from the Sermon on the Mount gives us the program for successful home building. (Luke 6:47-49) Whosoever cometh to me, and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like: 48 He is like a man which built an house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock. 49 But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great." There are so many broken homes today and it is because they lack a strong foundation. This foundation is to be built during infancy through adolescents. If you want to reach the heights of possibility you must dig deep and lay a firm foundation. (construction builders example) What are the things that are needed to build into the foundation? 1. Love/Self control- 2 sides of the same coin( positive side (what we should do) love wife/husband exclusivelyNeg. side(what we shouldnt do) thou shalt not commit adultery The purpose for training your child in these things while they are young is so that they can practice this throughout their lifetime. " If the child is not faithful in the home of his parents & wants to leave so that he can have his own & his own rules we see that Gods word speaks contrary to this idea the child has. 12 And if ye have not been faithful in that which is another man's, who shall give you that which is your own?"(Luke 16:12)

God wont give it under these circumstances but the Devil will & life will be miserable. MYP 466.2 Sentence #2 It is by faithfulness to duty in the parental home that the youth are to prepare themselves for homes of their own. The successful driving is the one who balances going and stopping. The drunk driver is more interested in the going than in the stopping. We can liken this to the person who is infatuated with love. They cant be reasoned with. {MYP 458.1} I have the most painful sense of helplessness when parties come to me for counsel upon this subject. I may speak to them the words that God would have me; but they frequently question every point, and plead the wisdom of carrying out their own purposes; and eventually they do so. {AH 198.4} The best way to educate children to respect their father and mother is to give them the opportunity of seeing the father offering kindly attentions to the mother and the mother rendering respect and reverence to the father. It is by beholding love in their parents that children are led to obey the fifth commandment and to heed the injunction, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." The 7th commandment calls for exclusive love, a love that says no to all but one. How complete is this love? Matt 27:5 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Example of child offered candy eating between meals prepares them to have no self control in these relational areas (they need to be taught regularity, order & self control) No matter how old you are - set your heart to learn the lessons of controlling the appetite. We have taught and learned that a happy time is gorging ourselves with sweets & such and without these foods we cant have fun. Just as the child not knowing how to interpret his cravings thinks he craves candies & sweets when all it needs is some fruit so is the teenager who has not received enough love and affection in his home & is starved for that & is ready for the first infatuation that comes along. Love Should Be Expressed.--In many families there is a great lack in expressing affection one for another. While there is no need of sentimentalism, there is need of expressing love and tenderness in a

chaste, pure, dignified way. Many absolutely cultivate hardness of heart and in word and action reveal the satanic side of the character. Tender affection should ever be cherished between husband and wife, parents and children, brothers and sisters. {AH 198.2} This is a fast age. Little boys and girls commence paying attentions to one another when they should both be in the nursery, taking lessons in modesty of deportment. What is the effect of this common mixing up? Does it increase chastity in the youth who thus gather together? No, indeed! it increases the first lustful passions; {2T 482.1} The young affections should be restrained until the period arrives when sufficient age and experience will make it honorable and safe to unfetter them. Those who will not be restrained will be in danger of dragging out an unhappy existence. A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life. {MYP 452.2} Determine in your heart to learn the lessons of Love & Self Control!

Elder Frazee Brings Joy

Preparing For Marriage The Narrow Way 3 of 8

If God has planned for you to be married there is a special one for you to be married to.

Any two Christians can make a marriage work but there are degrees of success & heights of joy that can only be achieved in the special one God has intended for you & you for them. {MYP 219.1} Each has his place in the eternal plan of heaven. Each is to work in co-operation with Christ for the salvation of souls. Not more surely is the place prepared for us in the heavenly mansions than is the special place designated on earth where we are to work for God. C O L, pp. 326, 327. John 14:2 I go to prepare a place for you. All the preliminaries are to get you ready for who God has for you & you ready for them. Wouldnt it be a better thing to stay in the oven till the bread is done? Too much half baked stuff is coming on the table. Steps that precede the engagement & marriage: Courtship precedes engagement = the serious effort of 2 people to find out wither it is Gods will for them to be married. Sincere frank and earnest effort to find out. 4 steps are to keep us from wasting our time or worse- courting someone that God never intended for us to consider. 1. Is God calling Me to Marriage? Counsel with God, with parents & other counselors, men & women of experience in the church. MYP 455.1 2. Am I Prepared? doesnt mean hes perfect but hes prepared. 3. Counsel with the young mans advisors regarding who might be Gods choice for him theyre not deciding that he will marry this specific person theyre just deciding that this person might make a suitable companion, the best his counselors can pick out for him to court (this is why courtship is best delayed until one knows what his life work is & what hes fitted for, so one can be chosen suitable for the life work he has been called to.) Prov. 31: 10 A prudent wife is from the Lord." "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her," saying, "Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." He who gains such a wife, "findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord."Ministry of Healing," pp. 358, 359. 4. Counsel with the young womans advisors regarding who might be Gods choice for her

 This Girl belongs to somebody God then to parents or guardians until the day of her marriage In the ceremony the question is asked, Who gives this woman to be the wife of this man? Can you give something thats not yours? This doesnt mean thats its wrong for there to be more than one courtship during a persons life. One may after taking these preliminary steps with the utmost sincerity court a certain one and then later if he or she finds out that God never meant them for each other at all & if the preliminary steps & the courtship have been done in the right way they can part company without either one of them having a broken heart or feeling that the other is an enemy & each can go his way with faith in God & in the other party. This is the ideal. The first courtship does not have to end in marriage the purpose of the courtship is to find out whether there is to be an engagement & marriage. After having completed these 4 steps - this does not make courtship a matter of formality. The mere being in each others society tends to draw a man and woman together. This is why the person must have already learned self control or they are not ready to court. They need to be able to feel all the emotions for the person and not touch, not send love messages with their eyes, to enter into the serious business of courtship & not letting emotion take over & pushing the thing through- throwing reason aside, calls for a tremendous amount of self control. Honorable Conduct {MYP 445.2} A young man who enjoys the society and wins the friendship of a young lady unknown to her parents, does not act a noble Christian part toward her or toward her parents. Through secret communications and meetings he may gain an influence over her mind; but in so doing he fails to manifest that nobility and integrity of soul which every child of God will possess. Question: When is the time for the man to be known to the parents- after he wins her friendship? No, before. After he enjoys her society? No, before. If he wants to be happy, see the guardians of the girl before you start courting her. If the woman wants to be truly happy remain in the protection of the guardians until they give you the go ahead.

"Thou shalt not steal," was written by the finger of God upon the tables of stone; yet how much underhand stealing of affections is practiced and excused. {MYP 446.1} (Hes stealing from the parents)

Elder Frazee Early Steps

Preparing For Marriage 4 of 8

Ps 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Jesus Wants Happy Marriages.--The divine love emanating from Christ never destroys human love, but includes it. By it human love is refined and purified, elevated and ennobled. Human love can never bear its precious fruit until it is united with the divine nature and trained to grow heavenward. Jesus wants to see happy marriages, happy firesides. "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."(Matt 7:13-14) If we are going with the majority we will not find happiness/life. Gods principles are directly contrary to what the world is doing today.

From the moment of birth the child is being trained to be a successful/unsuccessful husband or wife. The poorer the upbringing the more each individual needs to do all that they can to redeem the time. The fundamental principles to learn are: Love = power to go Self Control = power to stop True affection is revealed just as much in saying no to the wrong person as it is in saying yes to the right person. Intro to steps that lead from foundation on to marriage. Faithfulness in parental home love & self control 1. Love in Obedience If you love me keep my commandments 2. Love in Service not what told to do but do what you see needs to be done whether you are told or not. (cartoon of man & wife dreams) 3. Love in Responsibility bearing responsibility in running the home Self Control 1. Physical Appetite things we eat & drink (true temperance) 2. Affections people we love (express & refrain) 3. Passions Physical desires which God says save till marriage (the 1st 2 give you success here) 7 Steps 1. Is it time? Ripe fruit takes time to develop. Some pick the blossoms because they are pretty but if you pick the blossoms you will miss the fruit. Is it time for you in your experience? Ask - Does God want me to be married & is this the time? Am I at the place in my experience to seek a companion? 2. Am I ready? Involves a checking to see and all thats above 3. Who? Who is to be my companion? Long before my mind goes out to anyone I master the foundations then the 1st question is asked not this question. Counsel is needed in all 7 of these steps. What is counsel? Counsel is not going from person to person until you find someone who agrees with your ideas. Dont pretend you are seeking counsel when you just want permission to do what you want to. With whom should we counsel? Counsel with A. God first God speaks through the instruction He has given in the Bible & SOP- pray 4 times a day. AH 71, Take God and your

B. God-fearing parents into your counsel, young friends. Pray over the matter. {AH 73.1} Youth Need the Wisdom of Age and Experience.-- When so much misery results from marriage, why will not the youth be wise? Why will they continue to feel that they do not need the counsel of C. Older and more experienced persons? {AH 72.1} Neither one of these alone is sufficient. Each must know the bible & SOP. Most people slide over these 1st 4 by a method called dating but remember we do not slide upward but downward & FALL in love. Courtship, as carried on in this age, is a scheme of deception and hypocrisy, (the Greek word for Hypocrisy comes from a word used to describe and actor on a stage), with which the enemy of souls has far more to do than the Lord. {MYP 450.2} 6. Courtship 7. Engagement 8. Marriage

Elder Frazee Questions

Preparing For Marriage Important 5of 8

No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier. (2 Tim 2:4) Him who has chosen us to be soldiers has also given us and example. For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me. (Rom 15:3) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. (Eph 5:10) (Always be trying to find out what best pleases the Lord) Marriage is something that will influence and affect your life both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without the knowledge (something you know) that God approves his course. He will not want to choose for himself, but will feel that God must choose for him. We are not to please ourselves, for Christ pleased not Himself. I would not be understood to mean that anyone is to marry one whom he does not love. This would be sin. But fancy and the emotional nature must not be allowed to lead on to ruin. God requires the whole heart, the supreme affections. {AH 43.3} Then is the great business to find what will please me? No its the one that will please the Master- incidentally this is what will end up pleasing me the best. The time in Gods plan for love & the expression of love is when the matters of practical judgment & counsel have all been settled. Being a Christian does not in itself keep people from making mistakes in this matter. In most cases fancy and the emotional nature lead. Even a Christian can be deceived in this way. The underhand way in which courtships and marriages are carried on is the cause of a great amount of misery, the full extent of which is known only to God. On this rock thousands have made shipwreck of their souls. Professed Christians, whose lives are marked with integrity, and who seem sensible upon every other subject, make fearful mistakes here. They manifest a set, determined will that reason cannot change. They become so fascinated with human feelings and impulses that they have no desire to search the Bible and come into close relationship with God. {MYP 447.2} " Based on step #1 our first purpose should be to please the Lord. Christian young people who sense the shortness of time, the nearness of the end & are devoted to the service of Christ their fist desire will not be to get married but to get the work done.

I repeat, do not enter into a marriage engagement, unless there are good and sufficient reasons for this step,unless the work of God can be better advanced thereby. For Christ's sake deny inclination, lift the cross, and do the work for which you are educating yourselves."(SPTb16, 16-17) Getting the work done should be our first focus & if God sees that being married will increase ones usefulness for God, the Lord will impress upon Him the need for him to marry. Step #2 Am I prepared? God knows so Ill seek His counsel Steps #3 & #4 Counsel with the mans parents and advisors & counsel with the womans parents and advisors We should be anxious to get all the help we can that will prevent us from taking not just a bad course but anything less than Gods best will. So not impatiently but calmly counsel with each one of those you are counseling with. If my sincere desire is to please God then if the Lord allows someone to be a road block in my way I wont be upset about it I can say, Alright Lord if you want me to move you can move the road block but if you dont want it moved I dont either & praise the Lord for anything that stops me. "Should parents," you ask, "select (choose) a companion without regard to the mind or feelings of son or daughter?" I put the question to you as it should be: Should a son or daughter select a companion without first consulting the parents, when such a step must materially affect the happiness of parents if they have any affection for their children? And should that child, notwithstanding the counsel and entreaties of his parents, persist in following his own course? I answer decidedly: No; not if he never marries. The fifth commandment forbids such a course. "Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." Here is a commandment with a promise which the Lord will surely fulfill to those who obey. Wise parents will never select companions for their children without respect to their wishes. {AH 75.1} The time for parental counsel & parental consent & active participation in the selection begins in the preliminary steps not in the final steps. It saves a world of trouble. Counsel should take place before your mind is set. Then, not just in the beginning but throughout & even more the nearer we get to the final step of marriage the more important it is to check every point and get every bit of counsel we can. Step #5 Courtship

What is Christian courtship? The sincere endeavor of 2 people to find out whether it is Gods will that they be married. Its not for fun, its too serious for that joyful & happy experience yes but its serious. Make Haste Slowly.--Few have correct views of the marriage relation. Many seem to think that it is the attainment of perfect bliss; but if they could know one quarter of the heartaches of men and women that are bound by the marriage vow in chains that they cannot and dare not break, they would not be surprised that I trace these lines. Marriage, in a majority of cases, is a most galling yoke. There are thousands that are mated but not matched. The books of heaven are burdened with the woes, the wickedness, and the abuse that lie hidden under the marriage mantle. This is why I would warn the young who are of a marriageable age to make haste slowly in the choice of a companion. The path of married life may appear beautiful and full of happiness; but why may not you be disappointed as thousands of others have been? {AH 44.1} This is not the time for the gallant lover to sweep the girl off her feet with candy & flowers. There is a time for love & affection but not in the beginning of courtship. Never give your heart away until all the questions that need to be settled have been settled. Love is a most precious thing that is to be given to 1 and1 only. This is not just the physical but also those early expressions of affection. These belong better to the period of engagement then to the period of courtship. Unless you find that you are able to refrain from giving your love to another before marriage you will find it difficult to do it after marriage with your spouse. Christian courtship is a serious period of earnest attempts to find out what best pleases the Lord. Then when all the counselors (both the mans & the womans) are all agreed that these 2 should court then what? What are they going to do? Study together Go together this is the proper time to go together o Best place to do this is in each others homes o In the work of God o In connection with missionary endeavors o In connection with practical life o Seeing each other in a variety of circumstances Neither one should make any attempt to fool each other. Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly. {AH 45.1}

Examine carefully {AH 45.2} (there are some questions to be asked) Here are things which should be considered: Will the one you marry bring happiness to your home? Is [she] an economist, or will she, if married, not only use all her own earnings, but all of yours to gratify a vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct in this direction? Has she anything now to depend upon? . . . I know that to the mind of a man infatuated with love and thoughts of marriage these questions will be brushed away as though they were of no consequence. But these things should be duly considered, for they have a bearing upon your future life. . . . {AH 46.2} In your choice of a wife study her character. Will she be one who will be patient and painstaking? Or will she cease to care for your mother and father at the very time when they need a strong son to lean upon? And will she withdraw him from their society to carry out her plans and to suit her own pleasure, and leave the father and mother who, instead of gaining an affectionate daughter, will have lost a son? {AH 46.3} (This is what courtship is for to get acquainted with the one who possibly may be the one of Gods choice) Study the chapter of the Great decision and all the questions that need to be asked.