Twinkie Evolution Part One: For Mankind's Suffering, the Final Solution

by: jaaAf Foreword This fulfillment of a certain forum's required 'Rite de Passage' was lightly taken up in all innocence; however, unfortunately shutting down my brain and attempting to write in childish rhymes was a little too much and brain fever ensued as soon as I submitted the post. But febrile delusions can be liberating when they don't kill you. jaaAf February 2010 ---Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee under cover of the storm wracked power failure did flee the high security. Hastening to the coast, lost among the vacationing hordes by the sea, to ensure their obscurity. 'He will come,' said Tweedle Dum. 'Yes, will he,' said Tweedle Dee. 'But we have a plan, and a new friend have we.' Grinning in delight they ate through the night, stuffing themselves with sweet confectionery. One afternoon when the sun was bright, Tweedle Dee froze in fright. 'He's come!' cried Tweedle Dum. Through the crowd an old man could be seen, bearing straight toward them, with an unforgiving mien. 'Aggh... we are undone!' babbled Tweedle Dum, spinning in circles under the sun. 'The Plan, remember the Plan,' cried Tweedle Dee, outstretched hand clutching his twin, running for the sea. Two pudgy sun golden toasted ones, trapped on the pier; cornered by he who knew no fear. 'Come now, it's time for home.' he approached hand outstretched all alone. 'Never, we.. we..' a mis-step, a plunge into the watery depths, two golden orbs merging into one. 'Stop... ahhh.. what have you done?' Frantic eyes peering down shaded from the sun. To see a frothing dissolution into a wave swept orange urine tinged sea green solution. 'Sir, sir. Was that Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee?' A young boy's plea, a young face peering down to see. 'Aggh... Twinkie A and Twinkie B..' Distraught mien where confusion threatens to reign.'Transformational Worldwide Integrations Network Kinesthetics Incorporating Ectoplasm - an attempt to achieve biological intelligence artificially - purely a fool's phantasm.'

'Oh, jolly good, sir. Your know their secret names. You must be one of us, one of the same.' Orange tinted eyes shining in delight, soft golden skin burnished in the light. 'Of memberships, I am prolific; if you would name a name more specific.' 'Oh, the Twinkie Evolution, for Mankind's Suffering a Final Solution! We are One, We are the World; Hands Joined, Marching Under Twinkie Flag Unfurled!' 'And your name, son, so I can someday tell, that I met you here and knew you well.' Bartholomew, sir; and you?' 'Some call me Tucker, others prefer Junker. Lately, I've...' A pause, a scream, a mother and child of three, trapped in a golden sticky sea. Another scream, followed by a dozen, a score more as the hideous golden tide swept towards shore. Friends, lovers, parents, and sons race into the sea to rescue loved ones. All trapped, all doomed, mounds of golden threaded froth forever entombed. Frantic fingers punching a secret code, sweat beaded forehead, speaking words foretold. 'Priority Emergency Alpha Alert. Immediate saturation strike - center my location 20 kilometer diameter. Now!' 'That didn't rhyme, sir. You can do it, it won't take much time.' 'Yes, lad it is as you said, but it really doesn't matter for soon we will all be dead.' The lad's response cut off by a growing muted roar, starting at the pier rolling outward along the shore. A glistening golden mass, joined figures moving as one across the sandy beach onto the grass. Arms upraised, gaping mouths open, a welling sound like a roaring mutant fountain. 'It's happening, just like they said,' an accusing glance, 'and you said we would be dead.' Face turned towards the horde, arm uplifting, orange rapturous eyes widening. Lips forming the words meant to cover the land for all eternity: 'I am TWINKIE!' All drowned out as all about fall shrieking missiles to burn the land and boil the sea. (btw: the cancellation of Fire Fly will be remembered when we take back our own!)
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