I heard somebody screaming. I saw a body on the road, that body filled with blood.

Its a fresh blood. I saw that big hungry wolf chewing that body. I wanted to help but I'm scared so I just keep hiding behind the bushes. Then, I decided to get help from other villagers. As soon I "menoleh" I see a big wolf stand behind me. I screamed then 'Ding Dong!Ding Dong!". Uh! That stupid bell never let me finished my dream. It keep ringing until I wake. I don't know how to reset the alarm because its my father who set the alarm at 6.00 a.m. so that I will not be late to go to school. But no matter how noisy that clock would be, never pass in my mind to throw him away. Because there are many sweet and horrible memory lays on that clock. Today is Sunday and you know what it means, it means day off. Everyone can do whatever they want like fishing, shopping, clean the house and hanging out with their beloved one. I looked through my window, I see my brother, Henry and my younger sister, Hailey was playing catch with my father. They were running and laughing. How wonderful isn't it? But, it is awful too because its only my imagination. I never wanted to remember about the past, but I couldn't. That horrible memory keep playing in my mind until now. Perhaps, I should write that memory here, in this piece of paper. Once I finished I will burn it so that the memory will be gone forever. I hope so. But if not, maybe this Let me begin, my name is Raihana. I am a president of Vernoula Resort. Meanwhile I worked as a doctor. I have two siblings. They are Henry and Hailey. My father worked as a lorry driver and my mother is a housewife. We live in a small house in Kampung Melopor. We were not rich. However, we live happily. My mom always encourage us to study hard so that we will have a better life. Sometimes, my parents fight because they don't have enough money to afford us. I am tired hearing them fight in every night. So, I decided to take a part time job. At first, my parents disagree but after I "pujuk" they finally agreed. Work while study is very tiring. I am not a person that can handle many things in one time. Sometimes, I make a revision while I worked. Everyday, I'm busy as bee. I don't even have time to make a joke and gather with my family. After I worked, our live become better. No more fighting between my parents and the money that I earn from my job seems enough to afford us. Every Sunday, my father will bring me and my siblings playing catches. Sometimes, we will fishing and do many activities. We were so happy. We are the happiest family in this world. About school, I went to Corolla secondary school. I'm not the best student but I'm always trying to be the best student because I wanted to be a successful person. I wanted to be rich so that my children didn't have to go to work to get money. I never went to school on the dot. Thats why the principal keep giving me a punishment. Thats why my father bought me an old alarm clock so that I can wake up early and not be late to school. That was the first present I got from him. But, I know that he found that clock in the dustbin and fixed it for me. I knew he don't have money to buy me the clock. Whatever it is, I love him so much and he loved me too. But, it seems that his love to us not last long. He had changed. Every night, he will get drunk. he used to be loving and caring father. But now he is fierce as a lion and bad father. He keep beats mom and us whenever we make something wrong. I feel so sad when my father changed a lot. I can't accept that. My father's conditions became worst. Sometimes, he beats mom until she faint. I just can't stand watching mom being beaten. It hurt me a lot. So, I decided to run away. But how can I leave my siblings and my mom with this beast.

That night, my father didn't came home. So, I take that chance to talk with my mom. "Mom, can I talk about father with you?" Mom was looking at me like I have broke her precious vase in her garden. "It's okay if you don't wanna talk about him. I'll go". Then my mom replied "Hmm. Come in sweet heart, looked the door and sit besides me". "But why should I locked the door. Daddy said he would not come home tonight." "Just locked it, I don't want your brothers hear about it". "Very well mom". Before I close the door, I saw Henry was standing. I only smiling at him. He gave me a signal that he will be waiting me for the bed time story. Poor my brothers. Every nights, my father will read it for us but now mom and I will read for them. We really missed our old father. As soon I locked the door, I sit beside my mom. "You didn't put the blame on me right?" "Mom.. I never blame on you. And I didn't know what are you talking about. I just wanted to asked about daddy's behaviour. Lately, he seems had changed. Did you fought with him?" "His heart has changed". "I don't understand. Did we make mistakes? If the money that I gave to you still doesn't enough, I can find another job". "This is not about money, Raihana. It's about heart. Human's heart. The truth is you father doesn't love us anymore. He has another woman out there. That woman had pregnant. They were going to married. I tell you this because he is not going home anymore". I almost fainted, I'm speechless. My mother grabbed my hands. "I am telling you this because I know you are strong girl. I'm sorry darling. I'm sorry". I tried to find some words, any words to get out from my parent's room. Suddenly, I saw a clock. It's already 8 p.m. "Oh! It's almost bedtime. I guest I'll to find some books to read for Hailey and Henry. Won't you come to hear the bedtime story, mom?" "I'll read for them. You can go to your room and tried to accept the fact. But please don't tell your brother about this. I'm begging". I quietly went to my room. On the bed, I don't know why my chest suddenly hurt. It's really hurt. Suddenly I cried. When I'm watching the clock that my father gave to me, my chest get really hurt. I can't even talked. That night, I cried a lot. I didn't sleep. The next morning, it's very noisy. Hailey, she really missed my father. She cried. My mother was really busy that day. She didn't went to work. I forgot, that day is Sunday. No one goes to work. Little Hailey wanted to play catches with my father. We usually played it during Sunday. But I just realized that my father would not come back, he has another family out there. He didn't care about us anymore. Then, I looked at mom. She looked calm. Like everthings never happened. Last night when she tell me the truth, she didn't cry. Is she really wanted that things happened? Is she doesn't love father? Did she ever persuade father to come back with us? I know my mom has high ego. So, I started blaming her for what had happened to us. If she told father that we desperately wanted him come back with us, I am sure that he will never leave us. Suddenly, Hailey crying again. My mom said "Your daddy is really busy. He will go to London today. He'll come back for you after he has finished his job". Hailey stopped crying. She believes in her. But, my tears suddenly ran. I know that my mom is lying.

I am really terrible daughter, how can I believe in satan thoughts. Form that moments, I started hating mom. Until one day we got into a big fight. I still remember that day, I'm still 17. I am waiting for the SPM result. I ran from house and decided to search my father. If mom can't bring him back, I will. Before I leave house, I swear that I would not come back if father didn't come with me. But, I thought that mom will cry and tried to stop me but she's not. Is she really don't love her child? Is she never love us? Not a single words I ever heard from her mouth saying that she loved us? Maybe that's the reason why father left us. I'm now in Kota Kinabalu. In the city. I don't where to go and what to do. Gladly that I have cousin lived in here. So, I called her and told her to pick me up in the bus station. Liana is good cousin, she is 22 years old. She worked in the night club. I know that wasn't a good work but life forced her to do that job because she can't get any other jobs. Poor her. When I reached at her house, I tell everything to her. She really shocked and she tell me that she will helped me find my father. Day by day, week by week finally we find my father's address. It was true that he get married with rich woman. He lived in a big house. I feel really happy and I prepared a speech that I want to use to persuade him so that he will come back with me. I wanted to bring him his favourites food that I cooked by myself, Laksa Penang. Finally that day had come. The day that our live will be back again. I feel nervous. When we reached my father's new house. I feel really excited. That house was really huge and luxury. Then the security guard come and asked "Who are you? And why did you come here?" I replied "I am Raihana, Mr Richard's daughter. I come here to see my father? Is he lived in here?" then the security said "Are you mad? Mr Richard has just married and he only have a son. I think you go to wrong place. Please go away and never come back. Our madam will get mad if she sees stranger in here". That words really hurt me and then I saw my father. I can't helped myself and started to yell "Daddy! I'm Raihana. I'm here to take you back with me. I really missed you". Then my father watched me. He ran to get me. I hugged him and said "I know you will never leave us, now lets go. Henry and Hailey is waiting for us". My father didn't even move, he only said "You better go! I never know you. You filthy girl. I don't want to see your face here. And you know what? I didn't even know you". I am speechless. Is my face had changed? No! I don't think so. I started to think that father really don't want us anymore. He keep saying that he never had a daughter with anyone else. That words keep playing in my mind. I yelled and started to kick and punch him. He throw me to the road. My head "luka" and blood ran to my face. And said "Daddy, I'm bleeding". I thought that my father will turn his back and wipe the blood. But, he just walked away. I am really in shocked that day. Then, my phone ringing. I hope that it will be father but its not. Its from house. Nope. I never gonna answer that. The reason why father don't want us is mom. I hate her. I really hate her. I turned off my phone. I walked to Tanjung Aru to calm my mind. I cried as much as I wanted that day. I "tertidur". Suddenly, I heard my cousin voices. She called my name. I thought that I dreaming but I'm not. When I turned my face, I saw her. Her face looked pale. She ran towards me and said "Why are you not answering my phone? Come! I will take you to your house". I smiled "Why should I get back when I can't brings my father along with me? No. I'm not going back. I don't want to see my mother's face. Please give some time". She pulled my hands "There's no time anymore.

Your mother wanted to see you right now. Just forget about your damn father". I slapped her "Don't talked about my father like that. He is good father. He left us because my mother". Then she slapped me back "Wake up Raihana! Your mother is sick. She was attacked by wolves. We don't have much time. This night, you've to get home. If you really don't want to see her, I'll pull you to your house". That news really make me shocked for the second times that day. I ran to her car and she drove really fast that evening. Along the way to get home, I keep blaming my mother. If that the last chance to see her, that"s better. I wanted to tell her that I hate her. When we reached, I saw there are many people in my house. I ran to my mother's house and see she laid on her bed. When she see me, she "hulurkan" her hand but I ignored it. She gave me her diary but I threw them in front of her. Then, I said the most painful words "I HATE YOU". I saw her tears fall. Then, her hand fall. Hailey and Henry began crying. I am standing like a rock. Not moving at all. It all happened in one day. I can't accepted that my mother had leaves us forever. Everyone in there said "You're bad daughter! You should die". But I just ignored it. What I know is I still wanted to scold my mom. I wanted her to know how painful my heart is. The next morning, I keep calling and sent text to my father to tell him that mom had died. But he never came. After the funeral has over. Me, Hailey, Henry and my cousin went to my house. When I get to my bedroom, Henry handed me my mother's diary. He said "Mom asked me to give you when she died. Can we read it together? I used to "baca tapuk2" her diary and I know about father more than you know". When I read that book, my tears can't stop falling. I read carefully each pages. Then, I saw the third last pages wrote : "Its hurt my heart when he said that the woman is even better than me. I feel so down. And that day, I really wanted to die. But when I went to the shop to buy "racun" suddenly, I heard a voice in my heart. Hailey is crying, Henry is yelling and Raihana is laughing. That voice had changed my mind. Suddenly, the "penjaga kedai" hold my "bahu". She said "What happened Henna? You looked sick? Is there something I can do to help you?". "What day is today?"I replied. "Its Tuesday, 08 August. Why?". I suddenly realized that today is my beloved daughter's birthday. I hurriedly went to the cake shop and bought chocomint cake, her favourite. I hide it in the basket that she always used when she went to the garden to pick the potatoes and chilies. I wanted to ask her to take potatoes tonight. Hopefully, she will used the same basket and not asking me too many questions. Amien." On the second pages, my heart beating so fast. I wanted to know what will she do when we got into the fight. The day that I ran from home and I totally forgot about my born day. "Last night, the surprise that I made for my daughter was not success". I am the worst mother ever. I feel like I wanna die that night. I can't even stopped my daughter. She must really loved her father than me. How can this things happened to me? I want to live happily with my children. I wanted to changed the bad perceptions of my children on me. I wanted them to know that I'll never forget them not like their father. I know that I never talked, played and making jokes with my children like he always do. But, my love to them is more. Raihana, my beloved daughter. If you found your father, I hope that you can live happily with him as you wish. Mommy cannot do anything to

stop you because I am a bad mother. I hope that you can be a Doctor and owned a hotel like you told me when you was 7. Henry, mommy also hope you can be an astronaut. You are the best son ever. My little Hailey, I hope that you can be the greatest dance. You are the prettiest girl in this world. I knew that my children can archived their goal. Mommy will go as soon as all of you become successfull person. I promised." I cried and cried. To ask forgiveness. Its too late. She has gone forever now. I payed and prayed that God can give one last chance to hug and ask her for forgiving me. I learned something that night, I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. And I should think before do something. For all these year, I never know what my mother's heart. I didn;t even know that she "ada merayu" on my father "agar tidak meninggalkan kami". Suddenly, I remembered the cake that she bought. If the cake is still in the basket, I hope that my mother will forgive me. I ran to the garden and saw my blue basket. When I opened, I was pushed backward. I can't believe that the cake is still in there. Mother must really hope that I am the one who will opened that basket. I picked up the cake and saw a notes wrote : "Happy Birthday Raihana. Mommy loves you. I always love you and will never leave you." The notes that you left for me had given me the strength to be what I wanted to be. Thank you Mom. If I met father, I will bring him to your grave and asked him for forgiveness because making our life miserable.

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