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Front Cover - Senile Edge

4 - Responsibility by Tom Bailey
8 - Diablos Lining by Benjamin D Halford
10 - The Socialist Exception that Proves the Socialist Rule by Ben Broughton
12 - ELEK..TRII...CITYYYY by Johnnie Swinhoe designed by Sophie Powell
13 - Fake Terror Plots and the Strategy of Tension by Andy Dilks
16 - The Spinning Lamb Kebab Review by Martin Broadhurst
22 - A Day in My Life by Morpheus
26 - Rainathon (Days of a Dumpster) by Jay M Thrashnikov
30 - The Great Outdoors by Stuart Alexander
32 - The Poppy Man by Steven Vaughan Williams designed by John Donegan
34 - Wishful Thinking by Laura Jane Williams designed by Sophie Powell
35 - Anarchy Is Order by Tao Jonez (



City-Zine is a bi-monthly uncensored Zine created for the people of Derby by
the people of Derby. City-Zine welcomes all submissions without condition,
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Massive shout outs to Sophie Powell, Ben Halford, John Donegan, Senile Edge & Chixie
for helping out with the design and lay out of submissions and a special shout out to
Jay M Thrashnikov for sparking some debate with his controversial submission to
City-Zine 11. Just to reiterate, City-Zine believes in free-expression for everyone
not just those who hold opinions we agree with. True change will only come when we
can celebrate our subjective differences, learn from the contrasting hues and find the
strength that lies within diversity.


henever the idea of responsibility is

attached to a writer and their work, we
are bound to spiral in an endless, unanswerable
debate of morals and legalities. As better retorts
and queries and quips glaze over the blindingly
obvious fact that there will be no agreement, a
grey and bleak eternity spans before me. But as
we have time to kill and degrees to acquire I
may as well.

irst of all I nd it hard to believe that

so much emphasis is put on a writers
responsibility to the public. Sure writers; the
voices of common people, the moral conscience
of an entire intellectual species should be aware
of the effect of their work, but I ask, where do
you draw the line? It seems dening societys
views on right and wrong has become a tricky
affair these days, there are just too many
factors. If we tried to create a utopia from our
current governing structures, societys moral
frame work, there would be looting in the
streets. There are too many conicts of interest
among the establishments that control us, the
people. The church, business, government,
the police, the media, all have reason to attach
responsibility to a writer; it gives them a guilty
party to point the nger at, a physical vessel
we can judge and punish when our own social
comfort as been questioned.

ords can incite, love, passion, comfort

and justice, but also corruption, anger,
violence, greed and revolution. It is the latter of
which that society seems concerned with. The
governing bodies dont want the established
order to be challenged and why would they?
Theyre at the top; its comfy up there. Writers
words provoke actions, yes on some part, but
why hold words solely responsible if its the
actions our legal system fear? Words can
incite revolution to some extent, but only by

addressing discontent that is already present

among people. It is reaction society seems to
fear, yet by restricting a writers freedom we
are only concealing the symptoms of unrest in
humanity, instead of addressing the factors that
cause them. I will now explore some of reasons
society fears written critique and show why
they nd it so necessary to attach blame to a
writer nowadays.

he main argument for attaching blame to

a writer falls under the age- old idea of
cause and effect. This allows us to make the
writer the physical embodiment for something
that has challenged or drawn negative attention
to the accepted opinions of society. With this in
mind it becomes easier for us to see why in a
legal context it is necessary to attach blame to
a writer; it simultaneously gives us a party to
blame while allowing the offended party, who
may well have been cause to what was said,
to escape any form of persecution or blame
on the subject. Cause and effect is a highly
efcient method in ascertaining guilt to a party
in a legal context. For example a driver has a
responsibility to adhere to road safety when
driving, and if their recklessness on the road
results in the death of another road user, blame
can be placed on the rst party and they can be
punished to the full extent of the law. However
this example, unlike writing, is a physical act
where life has been forcibly taken without
consent. I argue that such a rigid application
of responsibility cannot be applied in good
conscious to something as abstract as writing,
after all it is merely the written expression of
thoughts and ideas on paper. And at no point
does it encroach on the free will of others.

he natural response to this idea in the

majority of people I meet seems to be one
of offence. Often people express a desire for the
preservation of language and what it represents
to a nation. So for these people lets take a little
delve into some of writings origins within a
social context, and look at the idea of preserving
writings merit as an art.

n the 18th and 19th centuries writing had

a civilising mission and duty to spread
morality and intellectual thought to the public.
It seems to me that this is where the rst
moral divides on a writers responsibility arise.
Initially the idea of attaching responsibility to a
writer would be benecial to the further moral
and intellectual development of mankind, but
under closure inspection it seems riddled with
hypocrisy and double standards.

f it is a matter of preserving the merits of

the written word why are there no pickets
in the streets for the abuse and misuse of
language around the idea of advertising? In my
experience the manipulation of language has
been used time and time again for individual
gains in both business and politics with almost
no objection. An example of this can be seen
in the anti- abortion group called The right
to life. Whether you support or oppose
abortion the name of the group already exerts
bias opinions as in any debate there are two
opposing ideas. The right to life suggests that
anyone who disagrees doesnt support the idea
of life, in fact the contrast to life is death, and
so negative connotations are already placed on
the opposition before the debate even begins.

ith this idea in mind I nd it hard to

believe the argument to preserve the
virtue of writing as a seriously viable one in
this debate. If we choose to only acknowledge
writing in its purest form to better or civilize
a nation with morality, and condemn any works
that question established views of society, or
offend any group of people, writing has already
lost its use and meaning.

or example the terminology used in this

defence is itself ambiguous, how does one
civilize a nation? By reducing its level of
savagery? Or by merely glossing over it with
politically correct language in the hope of
establishing a unied and unquestionable belief
system? Or would it be best achieved by reducing
a mans ability to articulate or express his ideas

and concerns accurately through the use of

detailed language? George Orwell expresses in
great detail the risks that come with restricting
language for the sake of political correctness.
In his novel 1984, he addresses the issue
of New-speak and its relation to language,
social development and recorded history. By
reducing vocabulary and grammar, any words
that challenge the totalitarian Government of
the book are removed. This makes it impossible
for anyone to question social inequalities and
prevents society from developing knew ideas
on how we should live. This intern removes
the free will of writers and people in general
by reducing their ability to express themselves

s we discovered from the example of

a reckless driver, crime occurs when a
persons free will is removed by another party.
Writing does not directly remove free will, it
can inuence and affect, but it cannot make a
man act. An individual inuenced by something
theyve read maintains a responsibility to the
decisions and actions they take during their life,
like what they read, what they do, how they
do it and why. Increasing political correctness
in language only reduces a persons ability to
think and express them selves freely, for the
sake of preventing offence. It can be argued
that words can be cause for ill deeds, and you
might say, well without Hitlers Mein Kampf,
Germany would not have had Kristallnacht or
violence against minorities. The book will have
had an inuence no doubt, but the book didnt
smash any windows or torture people without
mercy. Those were human acts, committed
by desperate people concerned with personal
prosperity in desperate social and economic
times. Words dont kill or maim or torture,
people do. To limit the freedoms of good honest
people because there is evil in the world is a
naive and irresponsible approach to prevention
of ill deeds. Maybe if we could express our
selves, we could talk about it like the civilised
people we crave to be.

ore often than not, in the business of

writing, the opinions offered to the public
are tainted by the nancial interests of those
who fund them on there way to the public eye;
publishers, investors, advertisers. Even the
morally pure notion of 18th and 19th centuries
where writing was used to civilise shows the
double standards of a nation and the morality
it likes to hold so dear. Writing now like back
then was subject to marketability. 18th century
writing had its own governing bodies to please
and authors were subject to the approval of
the industries that held wealth and publishing
interests of their own. Now days the local
economy has its own interests, less focused
on industry (most is imported from over seas),
but nancial interests all the same. The main
nancial interests of the UK seem to be those
of the media and distribution, and so, writers
have to expect to please these new nancial
backers to have any nancial success and create
a career from writing. It is easy to see why a
writer has to consider these funding factors
as even the shallowest observation reveals
that we live in a nation caught up in material
possession and the cult status of celebrity. We
have nationally distributed magazines such as
Heat and Closure that focus primarily on the
failing relationships of B-list celebrities while
every other page offers us something to buy.
These are issues I writer must bear in mind
when looking for publication in magazines or
newspapers or advertising; every business has
its own agenda.

think the issue of responsibility around

creative writing should not be applied to
any works that have social relevance or artistic
merit, and writers should be left free to write.
Percy Bysshe Shelley states that Poets are
the unacknowledged legislators of the world,
without them, free expression of pubic and
individual opinion would be lost. I understand
that people dont want to see unnecessary offence
in the public domain, but again ambiguous
get-out clauses such as unnecessary, have
come to disturb me as a writer. Lets look at it

linguistically, what is unnecessary offence?

Already it implies there is such a thing as
necessary offence, how are we as society
expected to make a distinction? What I may
deem as acceptable maybe rejected by someone
else and visa-versa. I believe writing that makes
an arguable critic of society should not only be
defended but encouraged. After all what better
way is there to develop a modern social morality
than to incite national debate? It annoys me that
we still emphasise responsibility to the public,
the children, and society in writing, when so
much accepted offence is experienced daily.
It is accepted that The Catholic Church can
condemn an un-baptised soul to a re pit of
damnation, doomed to writhe in anguish and
pain for all eternity. I have no problem with this,
I support their right to say what they believe, but
at the same time I expect to be allowed to say
what I believe, including blasphemy, without
receiving complaints from those who disagree.









harles Bukowski questions the idea and

use of language in his book Ham on
Rye when he states that the English language
is the most expressive and contagious for
of communicationlet us listen, heed,
acknowledge our heritage, and yet explore
and take risks with language. He goes on to
say that the full potential for writing remains
untapped but, given the proper moment and the
proper writers, there will one day be a literary
explosion. How can we expect to develop
language and literature to this level when we
are restricted by what we can write and what
companies are willing to publish.

n my eyes writing has become a business rather

than a form of art or expression, and thats
why we need to reduce a writers responsibility
to the effect of their work. Writing at its core
nds its power and value in speaking for those
without a voice by challenging oppression
and empowering the people who need to be

alcolm X said by any means necessary,

applying this attitude towards the
development of writing would encourage new
writers, ideas and opinions to be expressed in
the written and physical world. Offence should
be the small price we pay for intellectual
development and our right to free speech. I
argue that conviction in writing is our best bet
for true development of thoughts and morality
as it leaves less room for misinterpretation
of a text. Its interesting to note that Aristotle
preferred the oral method of communication to
the written as it allows for debate as it reduces
the level of offence while limiting the misuse of
ideas. If ambiguity can cause offence through
misinterpretation surely greater conviction
would make people think about the context in
which words are written. For example the later
works of John Lennon were concerned with
the distribution of global wealth as well as
the social standing and persecution of women
in the world. With this in mind I can read the
title Woman is The Nigger of The World
and appreciate the link made between female
oppression with that of the African race in
America and their quest for civil rights. I can
see that the title questions social hierarchy and
the morality of people across the globe, though
it could still be deemed as offensive and still is.
Its worth noting at this point that the majority
of complaints about the title came from middle
class white Americans, not from black people
or women. So it seems offence is often at its
most threatening when it serves to unite those
at the bottom of social classes.

n conclusion I think that writers should not

be bound with responsibility to their work as
it gives them the freedom to say what needs to
be said. It seems we fear the reactions words
might prompt rather than the words themselves,
and I couldnt in good conscience punish a man
simply wrote and addressed issues already in
existence. I believe that the more we write and
talk and think and communicate, the more we
stand to learn about humanity.

In my eyes writing has

become a business rather
than a form of art or

s soon as social divides such as gender,

culture, religion, ethnicity and distribution
of wealth can be openly explored, we can unite
under a ag of social persecution. Until writers
are free to tackle these subjects without fear of
lawsuits or jail time, humanity will struggle to
reach its spiritual and intellectual revolution. The
bible states Where ever your treasure there too
your heart shall be. As I look around it seems
our treasures, that were once the development
of man and the preservation of virtue, have
become lost to corporate landscapes, legal
legislation and politically correct language.

njoy trying to survive in this world as a

writer, what little tips I can give you on
publication are; bare in mind your marketability,
what your publishers will want, what your
audience will accept, and the portrayal of your
image, apparently all of that matters. But never
forget the hope that lays dormant in language,
as Martin Luther King said, If we are to have
peace on Earth we must all live together as
brothers or we will die as fools. Rest in peace
free speech, gone, but forever in our hearts.

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The Socialist
Exception that
Proves the Socialist
Im a socialist.
Well at least I think I am.
I honestly believe that socialism is
better than capitalism.
The problem is that Im not sure how to
go about being a socialist. To me it
seems as if socialists fall into this
stereotypical role of spouting off about
the ills of capitalism and how Karl Marx
was so great. While I may share those
views, am I just towing a line? Or is that
the basis of being a socialist? Is that all
it takes? Its so fucking confusing at
Surely there is some kind of pamphlet
out there that can educate me on the
key points of being a socialist. But this
raises more problems for me, because
if I need a pamphlet to tell me how to be
a socialist, am I even a socialist? You
see, its fucking confusing!

Of course, when you admit to

being a socialist you open
yourself up to a barrage of
insults and people look down
on you as if you somehow had
something to do with aiding
Stalin or Mao. So let me just make it
clear that I have never met or helped
Stalin or Mao in anyway possible. Living
in a capitalist society often leads to
socialism being under attack from the
media. McCarthyism anyone?
The problem is that big business runs
the capitalist world we live in, not

governments. Those with the most

money have the most power. Capitalism
caters to a select few and it caters to
them well. In fact it caters to them so
well that they dont want it to stop, why
would they? Thats why media tycoons
portray socialists as nut jobs. Thats
why we go to war. Thats why America
was so terrified of communism
creeping in during the Red Scares,
heaven forbid that a political ideology in
which profits should be distributed
equally instead of the bourgeoisie
taking the lump sum enter a country that
survives by profiting off of cheap labour
elsewhere in the world!
Marx was right! And yet you still sit there
without taking much notice.

Dont get me wrong, terrible

things have been done by
people claiming be working to
Marxs ideologies, but the man
himself would have never
supported those actions taken.
Much like American Christian
Fundamentalists murdering doctors that
perform abortions, we dont blame God,
we blame the fucking metal pro-lifer that
took it upon himself to kill another
human being. Marx is not too blame for
what took place, as he had no control
over what people did in his name, much
like God has no control over what those
feeble minded people that choose to
live their lives dedicated to an unreal
deity do in his name. Religion is the
opiate of the masses after all.
But returning to socialism, its the
underdog of the political ideologies,
even fascists are doing better in Britain!
Am I the only one that thinks there is no
longer a voice for the left? The left has
no representatives.

The BBC is more likely to give

airtime to Nick Griffin than a

Maybe Im just confused again. Maybe it

is only me thinking this socialism thing
is a good thing. Seeing as Britain is
now so right-wing, fascists are allowed
on television channels (funded by the
public) to spout of their fucked up
bullshit. In paying for my TV licence, I
helped fund the BNP getting its
message across. What a fucking
disgrace. What next for the BBC? Adolf
Hitler hosting the new episode of Have I
Got News For You? Abu Hamza as a
guest on The Graham Norton Show,
promoting his new book and Death to
the Infidels!? Is that it? While Ive been
caught up in this socialism thing the
whole fucking country has become so
right-wing, they make Bill OReilly look
like a communist swine?

A man living in Egypt asked the

American What is democracy
like? to which the American
answered No different from any
country...Two wolves and one sheep
voting on what to eat.
What did the Buddhist say to the
hot dog seller? Make me one with
Whats blue and doesnt move?
A dead epileptic
Why did the condom fly across the
room? Because it was pissed off.

There was no real purpose for this

article, I just wanted to talk about being
a socialist, and as it turns out I am one,
reading back through what I have written
I notice I talk on the ills of capitalism
and big up Karl Marx. Maybe that is the
basis of being a socialist, maybe thats
all there is to being a socialist.

A nun is walking down the street

when a man runs up behind her
and punches her in the back of
the head as he shouts Take that

- Ben Broughton;

Some people need religion. They

need something they can always
turn to for answers. I just use


07539316596. THEY
E-MAIL any submissions to

Militant Feminists, I take my hat

off to them. They dont like that.

Did you know 9 in 10 people enjoy

gang rape?
Whats the hardest part of a
vegetable to eat? The wheelchair
1st my grandad had diorrhea then
my dad, now Ive got it. Runs in the

Fake Terror Plots and the Strategy of

Another day in the glorious world of
the Western liberal democratic propaganda model and weve been saved
again from those evil terrorists. Last
year, Intelligence agencies claimed
to have intercepted a terror plot to
launch Mumbai-style attacks on
Britain and other European countries,
according to Sky News sources. Well
those are two reliable sources to go by
without a shadow of a doubt a finer
track record of honesty and integrity
youd be hard pushed to find. One can
only assume that, since the CIA is
increasing the number of Predator
drone strikes in northern Pakistan and
killing even more innocent women and
children, we needed another good
scare to justify our ongoing barbarity
towards impoverished nations.
If were to believe the Wall Street
Journal (and we really shouldnt) then
the CIA strikes were intended to foil
the alleged plot on European soil. The
notion that strikes such as these are
probably the one thing that would
exacerbate the chances of a genuine
terrorist attack doesnt enter into their
reasoning. And what of the countless
other airstrikes and Special Forces
attacks inflicted on Pakistan and Iraq,
Afghanistan and elsewhere over the
last few years? I expect we all know
their answer to that in classic doublespeak, theyre killing innocent
women and children to protect the
world from the violent extremists who
would do harm to our women and children.
Naturally, the details of this plot were
a little thin on the ground virtually
non-existent, to be more precise but

the WSJ and the rest of the corporate

press have long since abandoned logic
and reason in favour of pure, unadulterated propagandizing, and are undisturbed by the paucity of evidence supporting these terror plot allegations.
As Pentagon spokeswoman Siobhan
Gorman (claiming here to be a journalist ) wrote in the WSJ, The exact
nature of the plot or plots couldnt be
learned immediately, and counterterrorism officials in the U.S., Pakistan
and Europe are continuing to investigate. Bit murky on the details there.
But perhaps shell elaborate further.
There have, however, been multiple
terror warnings in recent days in
France, Germany and the U.K. Maybe
So once again, we had an unsubstantiated terror plot story plastered all over
the mainstream media, with no corroboration from independent sources or
elaboration on any of the details surrounding the alleged plot from the
intelligence community or governments involved, and yet up goes the
terror threat level, on goes the promotion of fear in the minds of the public
and crucially down fall the bombs
on our designated enemies. This is
how it works a manufactured threat
unsupported by any evidence used to
justify the continuing slaughter of
those who stand in the way of
geostrategic expansion and control.
There is nothing new under the sun.
The current War on Terror, characterised by the use of fake terror plots
in conjunction with real false flag
attacks is essentially a continuation of

the Strategy of Tension employed by

the US and NATO in the post-World
War 2 period, when Winston Churchill
and his allies established the staybehind groups in western Europe,
originally intended to act as sleeper
cells to counter a Soviet invasion, but
subverted over the course of time into
active disruptors of the democratic
process of supposedly sovereign
nations, engaging in political subversion, smear campaigns and black propaganda, assassinations, kidnappings
and the massacres of innocent people
which were then blamed on the
Communists. These groups, funded
and controlled by the CIA, MI6 and top
level elements of NATO, frequently
used neofascist right-wing groups,
sometimes with associations to the
Nazis, organized crime syndicates and
quasi-Masonic secret societies such
as the Italian P2 Lodge, to carry out
some of the worst terrorist atrocities
Europe experienced in the post-war
era. Operation Gladio, set up as part of
the so-called secret anti-Communist
NATO protocols represents perhaps
the most well-known aspect of this
clandestine network of secret services
and terrorists, after its exposure to the
public in 1990 and revelations of a
campaign of US-backed terror and
subversion spanning decades.
Some of the terrorist acts which
Operation Gladio produced include the
Piazza Fontana bombing in Italy, 1969,
which left 17 dead and 88 wounded;
the 1972 Peteano massacre, initially
blamed on the Red Brigade but later
discovered to be the work of the
Gladio network after Magistrate Felice
Casson discovered that the explosives used in the attack came from one
of 139 secret weapons depots of a
secret army organized under the code
name Operation Gladio; the 1980

Bologna massacre which killed 85

people and wounded more than 200
attributed to the neo-fascist terrorist
Rivoluzionari, but widely believed to
have been the work of the Gladio network, and the Brabant massacres in
Belgium, where over a period of several years a number of mass shootings
took place in supermarkets and
restaurants investigations inconclusively point to the culprits being linked
to the Belgian Gladio stay-behind
army, the right wing group WNP, and
the Pentagon secret service DIA.
These are just a few examples of many
where either direct or circumstantial
evidence of NATO/CIA/MI6 involvement in terror atrocities in Europe in
the post-war period is noted.
In other countries where no such perceived Communist threat existed, the
legacy of the stay-behind operations is
considerably worse. The Franco dictatorship in Spain, despite its obvious
brutality and anti-democractic leanings, was considered the most
favourable option by NATO planners
after the Second World War in a clear
example of how anti-Communist sentiments superceded pro-democratic
feelings. In Greece, the CIA and the
NATO stay-behind forces guaranteed
against the possible election of the
communist National Liberation Front
by actively supporting the LOK (Lochoi
Oreinon Katadromon, i.e. Mountain
Raiding Companies) who led the military coup dtat on April 21, 1967.
Years of repression, torture and
assassinations followed. When Phillips
Talbot, the US ambassador in Athens,
took exception to the coup, stating that
it represented a rape of democracy,
Jack Maury, the CIA chief of station in
Athens, answered: How can you rape
a whore?. Turkey, too, suffered the

same fate, in which military coup followed by military dictatorship plunged

the country into an era of brutality
from which it has yet to recover.
Naturally, there has been plenty of
bluff, denials and pleas of ignorance
from officials in Washington, London
and from the halls of NATO regarding
the validity of the claims being made
about the stay-behind networks,
Operation Gladio and the overall
employment of a strategy of tension
including terror and subversion.
Beyond the denials and appeals to
confidentiality and the issue being
classified, as a matter state security,
confirmation has come not only from
high ranking politicians involved in
investigations, but also from the very
extremist groups who were involved in
a number of the massacres, several of
whom have explicitly stated how they
received their orders from organisations such as the CIA and MI6.
Certainly, for those with a basic
understanding of how the CIA has
operated on other fronts where concern has arose over the influence of
Communism (or simply nationalism
motivated by a desire to share a
nations wealth amongst the population) for instance throughout Latin
America from the 1950s onwards,
these tactics will hardly come as a
surprise. A number of the Gladio operatives involved in European terrorism
are known to have worked in
Americas backyard for people like
Manuel Noriega and the Nicaraguan
Contras, passing on their knowledge of
murder, terror and subversion to these
brutal killers.
US Army Field Manual 30-31B serves
as perhaps the most damning piece of
evidence confirming the nature of the
stay-behind armies and the strategies

they employed, outlining a strategy of

tension involving violent attacks which
are then blamed on radical left-wing
groups in order to convince allied governments of the need for counteraction. While official sources in the US
government have predictably labeled
this document a forgery (Claude
Cockburns line, Never believe anything until it has been officially denied
springs to mind), others disagree,
including former deputy director of the
CIA, Ray S. Cline, who has stated it to
be genuine, and Licio Gelli, the leader
of the P2 freemason lodge implicated
in Gladio terror attacks throughout
Italy who bluntly told the BBCs Allan
Francovich, The CIA gave it to me.
The Gladio revelations coupled with
the CIAs track record for subversion
of democracy and support for terrorist
groups and right-wing dictators elsewhere around the globe would certain
suggest that there is some truth to the
notion that such a field manual does
exist. The real question, given the culture of fear currently promulgated by
Western governments and the resurgence of terrorist atrocities, is to
what extent is the strategy of tension still being employed in the present day? The evidence would suggest
that little has changed, and that the
CIA and other intelligence agencies
are very much active in a similar manner, provocateuring, engaging in
covert action, information warfare and
deception in order to set up new enemies and further the expansion of
aggressive corporate and militaristic
policies. We live in the age of
Operation Gladio writ large.











A dAy, in mY Life
A dAy, in mY Life is a work in progress, part of what I hope will finally be my first published
book. Here I present you with the introduction and chapters 1, 2 and 3. I would love peoples
thoughts and feelings about this piece, and they can be sent to:

Its a personal project to write about myself but would anyone else be interested is my main
question so would really help me if people could let me know what they think.


Chapter One - 3:13 AM

This is a fictional story based on the life of

a young man, who we will call Morpheus.
Morpheus is male, and in his mid twenties who
has Type One Diabetes and other health
issues, struggling to make ends meet while
trying to do the right things with his life.
This is a 24 hour account of what its like to
be a diabetic, and is based on true events
told with a creative twist. Id like to add this
is the first time I have written about myself,
but have wanted to do it for some time now.
Peoples names and identifiable information
has been changed to protect the identities
of Morpheus and others he has contact with
in this story.

Its 3:13 in the morning, on the Wednesday

the 1st of December; I know this because of
the intense bright red LCD display, on my
cool new digital alarm clock. I have just
woken up after only being asleep just under
two hours, still feel very drained but some
how feel wide awake, I run my hands across
my toned torso, feeling all the pin hole lumps
in my abdomen where I inject myself daily, I
can hear a ringing in my ears it never seams
to go away at the moment, thats part of
being ill with Labyrinthitis. Im chilly and
clammy, I reach up and flip the bed side light
on it hurts my eyes its so intensely bright
and aimed right at my head must have been
reading when I went to sleep earlier. Ive got
the shakes and I am having some hot flushes.

Type One Diabetics or Type One Diabetes

Mellitus as it is professionally known is an
genetic autoimmune disease. Autoimmunity
is where your own bodies immune cells and
proteins mistakenly attack your healthy cells
called beta cells in your Pancreas, which
makes insulin which is carried around the
body, in the blood stream.
The peak time for developing Type One
Diabetes is during Puberty, although it can
occur at any age normally caused by stress or
traumas in the persons life.
Insulin is a Natural chemical or Hormone in
your body that controls the blood sugar levels or blood glucose levels in your body.
Glucose is a form on sugar found in your body
which provides instant energy for the body.

I need to eat, I need food, and I need some

sugar fast! as Im looking around my room my
eyes gradually start to adjust to the bright
lights. I can see some dirty socks, a can of
Lynx, my slippers, a half full glass of water,
some coke, but no thats the diet stuff
necessitate some sugary stuff this time arr
Lemon Lucozade, that will do for a quick fix,
I stumbles across the room navigating countless obstacles in my untidy room to collect
the bottle off my cluttered desktop, struggling to unscrewing the lid of the neck of the
bottle and taking two large gulps around 100
mls of the cold fizzy lemon liquid I can feel
it fizzing in the back of my throat, as I grabs
my sugar testing kit off the bedside table
and allows myself to plunge back on to my

cold empty bed.

Opening the black and orange case I slide out
the small deep blue and silver plastic blood
sugar testing machine, I select and insert a
finger pricking Lanclet and twisting the small
round end off, I load the finger pricker by
pressing the round button on the top and
then seamlessly turn on the machine by
pulling down the small center button, you can
here the machine mechanics working it
sounds like cogs turning and girding, but
quite quietly. The machine pushes out a small
test strip. I hold the finger pricking part of
the machine, just to the side of the tip of my
left index finger, and press the button on
the top one more time, it shoots into my finger hurting a little and breaks the skin causing a small single droplet of blood to form. I
place the test strip hanging out the bottom
of the machine over the droplet of blood and
the blood is sucked up into the machines
testing strip.
I watch as the machines bright green display
counts down 5, 4, 3, 2, & 1 and then
reads 2.1 followed by LOW and three
what seam like very loud beeps.
2.1, I really need to eat something else, Im
thinking a sandwich and that means going
down stares. Ill just sit here for five minutes or so while my sugars rise a little dont
want to be falling down the stares in the middle of the night I might hurt myself or worse
wake someone up. While Im waiting, sat on
the edge of my bed, I notice Im not shaking
as much any more and the hot flushes have
stopped too. I decide Im about ready to
make a move for some food. Sliding my feet
into my fluffy red slippers, and walking
towards my door, I slip on my soft stripy
dressing gown, tiring the slash up in a bow on
the front. I open my creaky bedroom door
and slowly head across the carpeted landing
towards the stares, switching the light on as
I get to the top of the stares. I look down
taking a deep breath as a take my first steps
down the stares holding tightly on to the
smooth varnished wooden hand rail feeling

slightly dizzy slowly moving down one step at

a time keeping a firm grip on the hand rail,
finally getting to the bottom without slipping
or falling.
I open the door to the kitchen, turning the
lights on as I enter the room, suddenly the
room becomes very bright from the darkness
that was there before, my eyes hurt and I
start to squint a little until my eyes get used
to the brightness. I am wandering around
the kitchen when, I spots the large white
fridge on the left hand side of the room next
to the freezer, walking over dragging my
feet. I open the fridge using the large handle on the left side of the door, looking on
each shelf to see whats inside. I pull out
some fresh cooked ham on the bone and a
packet of butter, just as I am letting the
door close, I spot a handful of chilled Twixs
in one of the doors compartments, and stops
the door closing to help myself to one of
them too. Carefully placing the items down
on the worktop, I grabs two soft brown
bread rolls, out from the large round bread
bin and pulls the heavy wooden bread board
down from the hook where it was hanging on
the wall. I also collect a sharp bread knife
and a small knife, for spreading butter on the
bread rolls from the draw beneath the worktop, pushing the draw shut with my hip it
glides smoothly back in. Placing the bread
rolls on the bread board, carefully and slowly cutting them open with the large sharp
knife, this has a nice wooden handle, and then
spreading the yellow soft butter into the
rolls, before opening the packet of meat, and
pulling out a slice of lean pink ham. I cutting
it in half and sliding half into each roll and
placing them on a small plate. Grabs some
Salt and Vinegar Crisps out the large cupboard and places them on the plate along with
that Twix I found in the fridge earlier, and
then puts the Ham and Butter away in the
fridge and tides away the knifes and the
bread board and makes myself a nice drink of
cold squash.
Carefully heading back up the stares one
step at a time, carrying the plate loaded with

food and a cold drink, then I quietly shutting

my bedroom door behind myself as to not
wake the others sleeping in the house.
Quietly sitting myself down on my bed, and
munching on my soft ham rolls and enjoying
the crunchy salt and vinegar crisps and sipping on my cool squash drink, out of the
embossed Carling pint glass. After finishing
my ham rolls and crisps I carefully unwraps
my Twix from its wrapper and trying to dropping the wrapper in bin but it floats down and
lands on my blue carpet just to side of my
bin. Slowly eating and enjoying each mouthful of the chocolate savoring the moment, its
like being in paradise, I love the taste of
Right now need to add up some Carbs and
sugars, take me shots and get some sleep, as
its nearly 4am now.
Lucozade was 28.4g,
Ham cobs 26.0g each,
Crisps was 25.4g
Twix at 11.3g
All totaling its 117.1g, so round it up to 120g
thats 12 units I need, but we knock 2 units
off because my blood sugars were low earlier
on, so 10 units to dial up on the nova rapid
blue pen. I hate this bit the actual injection.
Takes the blue injection pen out of my drugs
kit, and selects a fresh needle cartridge,
peels the purple foil seal off end of cartridge
and screws it on to the end of blue Nova
Rapid pen dials in a 2 unit air shot, removes
safety cap and clicks it to remove air from
needle. I then dials in ten units takes a deep
breath holding pen tightly in right hand and
lightly pinching stomach skin, as I inserts
needle and presses the button on top of pen
counting to ten. Draws needle out of skin and
carefully unscrews needle cartridge and
pushes it into yellow sharps box, replaces cap
on pen and puts it away in drugs bag. Gets up
of bed and walks over to door, hanging up
dressing gown slips feet out of slippers, lays
on the cold bed pulling covers over me
switches light off and wishing I wasnt alone
in bed as I slowly drifts back to a deep sleep.

Chapter Two - Needs a Drink

Ive just woken up, again. I feel really dehydrated, head hurts, mouths bone dry and Im
really desperate for the toilet, its 4.42 am.
I can tell its going to be one of them nights
again, where I get no sleep Ill keep on waking up every jour or so. Pulling back my bed
covers and flinging my feet towards the floor
slipping my slippers on I get up and head for
the door grasping for my dressing gown, in
the dark of my room. Quickly tiring the soft
fury sash up, I open my door, to the bright
light of the landing. I squint my eyes a little,
I must have left the lights on earlier when I
went to get that food earlier, I head for the
toilet across the landing just opposite from
the stares. I can feel the cold air from the
unheated landing, running down my back and
on my bare legs, it gives me a cold shiver
down my spine. Running my hands along the
walls to help guild me as the lights too bright,
and my eye are hardly open.
Finally reaching the door way, slowly shutting
the door behind me, I pull down on the cord
of the light switch. Lights pop on with a
flash and a flicker its bright very bright.
Trying to open my eyes so I can navigate to
the loo, my eyes hurt a little and they dont
want to open, but they do in the end, feeling
very sleepy. Arriving at the toilet slightly
dizzy decides its bests to sit down on this
visit, letting my dressing gown fall to on to
the cream tiled floor and pulling down my
black boxer shorts. I then lift the white toilet seat lid, and slowly lowing myself on to
the cold seat. Feel so much better after
emptying my over full bladder. I stand up,
pulling up my boxer shorts and collecting and
slipping on my dressing gown and heading
back to my room switching the lights off on
the way this time.
In my bed room Im sat on my bed looking at
a half a glass on diet coke on my bed side
cabinet I cant decide weather I poured it
before going to the toilet or not. I decide to
risk it and take a large gulp of the very flat
diet coke, yuck! Nope didnt pour that

before going to the toilet, but the other

glass on the bed side is half a glass of water
but I dont that so pours the water into the
flat coke glass, now I have an empty glass.
Colleting the large Pepsi Max bottle from
down the side of the bed carefully unscrews
the small black lid and pours about half a
glass or so, of fizzy Pepsi and drinks it in
large gulps. I always seam to drink like this,
large gulps to try to quench a thrust that
never seams to go away. Takes off and drops
my dressing gown in a pile on the floor and
slips my feet out of my slippers. Settles
back down to try and get some more sleep
before his my alarm goes off for work in the

Chapter Three - Awake Again

I suddenly awake again from a very deep
sleep, must have had another of my many
weird dreams or nightmares. I seam to get
these a lot, after Ive had a hypos in the
night its very unsettling. These nightmares
are hard to describe there similar to the
visions and images I get when I have really
bad migraines there like blurs of very bright
colors and things that look like laser lights
seen through a kaleidoscope thats constantly spinning around. My head is killing but only
in one small place, its right on my forehead in
the Middle but slightly to the right. Its very
intense and focuses its hard for me to think
about any think other than the pain in my

Rolling over in the bed and turning on the
bedside light again, I pick up the packet of
pain killers and pop out two into my hand,
picking up the now flat Pepsi Max, which I
poured out earlier. I put the small white oval
tablets in to my mouth one at a time taking a
large gulp from the glass with each tablet,
the Pepsi Max isnt quite fully flat yet, but
still isnt very nice.
Its 5:15, I should be asleep but my heads
hurting so much, it feels like its right behind
my eyes, I just want to scratch them out so
much. Cant decide weather to try and go
back to sleep, or give up and get up. I decide
to try to settle back down in bed and try one
last time to get a little more shut eye. Pulling
my blue patterned scrunched up covers back
up over my body, before switching off the
bedside light I then rolls over placing my
head on my soft pillow. I turn over time and
time again, flipping the pillow over several
times, trying to settle.
I lie there with my head on the pillow wide
awake tossing and turning, getting more and
more frustrated, with my head pounding, it
hurts so much! There is this ringing in my
ears, its like I have been to a very loud music
concert, but I havent and Ive had it for
weeks now so wish it would go away so I can
get some decent rest. I just want to get
some more rest I have to go to work in just
a few short hours. Slowly I feel myself start
to drift into a sleepy state. Soon afterwards
I dropped into a deep sleep.

A few words

If reading this has made you want to find out more Diabetes, please have a look at or email me any questions to
I wouldnt be here today without my doctor, a team of consultants and their health assistants. Id also pay thanks to my dietarians who Im always testing.
This extract would never have happened without the knowledge that my medical team have
provided. A special thanks goes to my top proof reader, the girlfriend and thanks is also
extended to my close friends who have also helped with proof reading. I also would like to
thank the City-Zine crew for help me get this snippet published.
Morpheus A Type One Diabetic


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An article cobbled together in ten minutes because the

submission deadline was looming and i had to go out to watch a film.
Sorry, am in a rush, have got to go out, meeting a friend, were probably
going to watch a film, so ill have to keep this article short. I realise most
articles are written through some glorious impulse, the need to say
something vital, to reach out, to forge connections through expressions of
the daily struggle of being, in its efforts to clutch the essence of infinity in
its claws. We all have these urges, the need to sing as a nightingale
pouring forth beauty for the sake of beauty. Yet an article of any merit cant
just be sung out on a whim, it needs time and careful editing, otherwise it
will read like the bark of an unruly crow demanding attention merely because it has a loud enough beak to get it. Unfortunately i havent got the
time on my hands to give this article what it needs to be of any value to
anyone and anything but an eyesore. I am like a crow, screaching in your ear
because i can. Already i have wasted a minute of your time, just so i can save
a bit of my own. That is sad. Though to be fair to me, you did have plenty of
warning in the title. But then maybe you thought i might deliver some spark
of genius in amongst the blather, like the psychedelic glow of a pigeons
neck, colouring an otherwise uninspiring bird which you can pretty much
see anywhere. Instead all ive managed to do is talk about birds a lot and
suggest to you what you might have read if i had made the effort. I am
sorry. Like i say, ive got a film to watch. Maybe ill say something worth
reading in the next zine.

By James Hately
I was sitting on the bus this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird... I thought to myself
Please dont get an erection... But she did.
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarised. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police
dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling near by, was the first
to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned I come home to find all my possesions
stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a blind policeman.
Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo.

The Great Outdoors

I wanted to document all of the physical injuries I got over a one-year period due to my
interest in how the body reacts to the outside world in the form of cuts, bruises blisters
etc. After a while waiting consciously and eagerly to start the project I realised that my
instincts, which quite sensibly stop me hurting myself, hindered my ability to make the
work and were ultimately counter productive in the creation of it. So to forge them was
the only way to make them. The injuries were created as opposed to being the product of destruction or damage and with the creation of them I have achieved the same
The outdoors is instinctually seen as dirty, chaotic and dangerous and the interior as
clean, controlled, and safe. The negative connotations of the exterior or chaos relate
to the pain or damage it may cause us and ultimately its threat to our survival. Shelter
has enabled us to control our environment and privacy in order to reduce the fear of
the harm that the outside world can do to us physically and psychologically. Injuries
are a way of the body recording the experience of braving the elements, of interacting
with the exterior chaos, when conquering the great outdoors. To control the outdoors
interaction with myself is a way of controlling chaos.
The theory of Hegemonic Masculinity is the belief in a normal ideal of male behaviour
where males dominate other males and subordinate females by use of exaggerated aggressiveness, strength, drive, ambition, stamina and self-reliance.
These traits are often instinctually desirable to females as they make the likelihood of
the survival of their offspring higher. In Western society which has advanced healthcare
and a more controlled environment men rely less on these characteristics for survival
and thus, to secure a mate. Men lacking in these traits have less testosterone so are
desirable in Western society due to their reliability as they are not as likely to seek adventure or other mates.
In many African countries macho men are more widely sought after as life expectancy, medicine and hygiene is less advanced. When a woman in Western Society who
is usually attracted to the reliable male is ovulating, instinctually, she will often find
the strong, aggressive man attractive due to the macho traits he will pass onto her
If injuries are often the result of risk taking, to record my injuries and display them publicly is a way of showing that I am a risk taker and therefore proves that I am strong,
brave and manly. In faking them I have gained the positive image of machismo
through fakery. To fake injuries is mocking the need to be seen as heroic. It devalues it
as it has been achieved by underhand means. It suggests that these injuries were acquired in a heroic way when in fact, that they are fraudulent devalues the respect and
meaning of bravery affiliated with the conquering of the great outdoors.
*all make up very kindly created by Nia Vernon who can be contacted at
and who can do all sorts of things.!/album.php?aid=323059&id=877485393
Stuart Alexander 2010

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Copyright 2006 Stephen Vaughan Williams


Copyright 2006 Stephen Vaughan Williams

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