Name: Written by: Anonymous Revised, edited and translated by: Lucas Smith Scene: Unique At a Living Room,

, with one or two sofas. Characters: Edward (Father) Kathleen (Mother) Stephanie (Blonde daughter) Jr (Bad boy son) Mercedes (House Worker) Star (Mercedess Daughter) Latrel (Mercedess Son) Megan (Mar Ijuanos son mother) Ed: Honey, honey!! Darlinggggg!! Kat: What? Ed: You dont know the news. You wont believe! Kat: If you dont tell me, I wont know . Ed: Ok, sit there. Kathleen sits. Ed: I (takes a breath) got a promotion at the work. Kat: (Stands up)Really? Thats wonderful. Ed: Yeah, and now Im vice-president. Kat: Oh my god, I cant believe it *O*. Im already imagining. Ed: Hey, calm down. Where are the kids? I have to tell them the good news. Im going to look for them. Kat: Ok honey. Ed: (Goes out) Kat: (Sends a kiss) Edward goes out and Junior comes in, pissed off, with a paper in the hand. Kat: What happened son? Jr: The principal expelled me of the school. Kat: But what did you do? Jr: Ah mom, it was because of the damn math teacher. She told us to do a giant equation. So the X went to one side, Y went to the other, and if you change the side you have to change the sign, all of it to in the end the X ends in zero?!?! I got pissed off, and I rubbed teachers face on the floor. Kat: Oh darling. Dont be sad. Next week we look for another school. Stephanie gets in the house and walk straight. Kat: Hey little miss, come here. Ste: What?? Kat: I have to tell you wonderful news. Jr: (Happy)Is dad dead?

Kat: No, its a little bit better. He got a promotion. Now he is the vice-president. Jr: Terrific Junior goes out and Edward comes in. Ed: Hey big boy! Jr: Do not bother me. Ed: Wow, what happened to him? Kat: He is sad because he was expelled from the school. Ed: From another one? This is the fifth this year. Kat: Dont care love. Its a phase. It passes =). I told then the news. Ed: Did then like it? Kat: Well, han. Yes. Ed: Great. Ste: Mom, dad, I have news too. Edward and Kathleen sit. Ste: Im the best student of the class. Kat: Hun Ste: Teacher is teaching the letter C, and I already know until letter J. Ed: Uhun Ste: And the other students know just until 5. And I can count until 29. Kat: Hun Ste: And Im the most beautiful girl, I have the biggest boobs and the biggest butt, and Im the tallest too. Kat: Daughter, if I had 15 years and was on the 7nd grade, I would be all of it too. (Goes out) Ed: So, Im going to bed. I have to get up very early. Sleep well, love. Kat: You too dad. Everybody get out and the lights are turned off. Ed: Hello honey. Are you there? Is someone here? Kat: Hello love. You arrived early today. Ed: Yeah. What is this stuff? Kat: Han, I went to the mall. And Im going to try then on. (Goes out) Edward sits and Junior gets in the room. Ed: Hey buddy. Whats up? Jr: Dont bother. Ed: Its a difficult phase. The doorbell rings. Ed: Hello? Two deliverymen come in with a huge TV.

Kat: It must be my TVVVVV! *O* Deliverymen: Can we left it here? Kat: Yeah *O*O*O* Deliverymen go out. Kat: *O*O*O*. Isnt it beautiful? Ed: Yeah, honey. But dont you think that it is too early for things like that? Kat: Early? Of course not. Look at my new baby. Junior comes in. Jr: Wow, mom. You totally rock. And, dad, who is the owner of that car parked just there? Ed: Oh, its mine. I painted this morning. I think that a vice-president should have at least a beautiful car. Jr: Oh, dad, you know, I thought that it was from another person. So a blown up the tires It was rox. Ed: WHAT?? Are you druged? (Gives a slap) What did you smoke? Han? Jr: Hey dad, dont do this. You know I stopped. Kar: Hey Edward, dont punch my baby. Dont care for this crazy man baby. Did he hurt you? Jr: No mom. But, hey, can you lend me some money? Kat: Yeah. Everything for my prince. Ed: Kat, did you see how much money you gave to that irresponsible? Kat: Dont talk like that. And stop being so stingy. Now you are a rich man. (Goes out) Ed: But, but Kat. Kat: Dont bother. Ed: You know what. I will watch TV. The doorbell rings. Ed: My balls. I dont have peace in this house. Mer: Hello, is lady Kathleen home? Ed: Who are you? Kat: Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you. This is Mitsubishi, our new maid. Mer: Its Mercedes, lady. Ed: But Kat, why do we need a maid? You do nothing all day. You can take care of the house. Kat: WHAT??? Are you calling me lazy? Ed: No honey. Never. Kat: Thats better. Come on, Toyota, Ill show you what you have to do. Mer: My name is Mercedes. Kat: Ok ok. Lets go. (They go out) Junior comes in. Jr: Hey brow, do you who is the owner of that Chrysler out there? Ed: Brow? Im your father!!! Jr: Whatever. Do you know or not? Ed: If it is a black one, with a logo of my company, it should be mine. Jr: Puts Ed: WHAT DID YOU DO? Jr: You know dad, you already have a car. I wouldnt think it was yours. So I scratched it.

Ed: Your son of a bi.. Jr: Hey dad. Im sorry. Ed: You know what. Im going to drink a beer. (Goes out) Kathleen and Mercedes come in. Kat: So, did you understand what you have to do Lamborghini? Mer: Its Mercedes. Kat: Whatever. Did you understand, didnt you? Mer: Yes. Ill start from here and then Ill clean the rest of the house. Kat: Ok. Ill take a shower. Mercedes take the broom and starts to clean, when Stephanie comes in. Ste: Oh shit, a thief. Heeeeeeeeeeeelp. Theres a bitch stealing our TV! Help dad! Ed: Whats happening? Ste: She is stealing our tevilesion. Ed: Its television . And she is not stealing. This is Hyundai, our new maid. Mer: Its Mercedes sir. Ed: Whatever. Ste: Hehe, Ok... (Goes out) Ed: Ok, now I have to go to the office pick up some documents. (Goes out) Ste: Hey, Suzuki, can you make me a sandwich? Mer: For the love of God. Its MER-CE-DES. And ok, Ill make it. Stephanie sits to watch TV. TV: And now the news. One of the biggest companies of the country broke today. The president passed the company to Edward Heathcliff, the vice-president. The ex-owner stole all the money and put it in a count on the Europe, leaving employees without payment, a lot of debts and bills at the hands of Heathcliff. All the employees are in front of the company. If I was Heathcliff, I wouldnt show my face in public so soon. Ste: XD. This man is in hell. His family is so screwed. XD Junior comes in. Jr: Get off. Give me the control. I want to see football. Ste: No, Im seeing the new episode of Gossip Girls. Jr: Dont you know sis? They are recording a new on the corner! Ste: Really? *O* Im 1going there. (Goes out) Jr: XD, Dumb. Mercedes comes in. Mer: Junior, where is your sister? Jr: She is looking for some colorful fags at the corner. Mer: WTF? Jr: Dont mind.

Edward comes in so sad. Jr: What happened dad? It wasnt me. I stayed home all day. Ed: No, its not you. Mer: So what happened sir? Ed: Its companys problems, Citroen. Mer: ITS MERCEDES. MERCEEEEDES. Kathleen comes in full of bags. Kat: Hello love. Look at this. I bought some little things. Look at this shirt. Wonderful, isnt it? And this purse? I loved this bag. And I bought some jewelry too. Look at these earrings. *O* And Ed: KATHLEEN! Kat: What? Ed: What I told you about spend money? Kat: Dont mind honey, youre a vice-president now. Ed: No, Im not. Kat: WHAT? Did you lie to me? Ed: No. The president lied to me. He stole all the money of the company and run away. Now all the guilt is mine. And Im unemployed and in debt with the banks. Kat: HOLY SHIT =O. Stephanie comes in. Ste: Junior, I looked at all the corners of the suburb and the Jonas Brothers wasnt giving autographs. Hey, did you hear the new about the company that broke? The president stole all the money, and the guilt went to the vice-president, someone called Edward Heathcliff. XD Dumm ass. Edward goes out crying. Ste: What? Kat: Nothing, love. Nothing. Jr: Hey mom, Im going to punch some nerds. Kat: Ok. Do as your mom told you. Jr: Love you mom. Ste: Mom, what happened to dad? Kat: Stephanie. Whats your full name? Ste: Stephanie Heathcliff. Kat: And what is the name of the guy from the TV? Ste: Edward Heathcliff. Kat: And you dont see anything in common? Ste: No (.-.) Kat: Ok. (Goes out). Mer: You dont do anything right, hein? Ste: What did I do? =O Mer: Nothing (Goes out) The doorbell rings.

Ed: I got it! Ed: Hello? Deliverymen: Are you Edward Heathcliff? Ed: Yeah. Deliverymen: Can you give us your autograph? Ed: Ok =D. Deliverymen: Just sign here. Ok, this stays with you and this one with us. (They come in). Kat: NOOOOOO. Not my TV. Deliverymen: Were sorry. But have a good evening. Kat: (Punches Edward) Can you see what you did? Junior comes in. Jr: Hey, why those men were carrying out our TV? Kat: This thing that you call dad couldnt pay for the TV anymore. Jr: Puts. Youre a terrible dad. Ed: Is it my fault? Kat: Yeah. Jr: Yeah. Ste: Yeah. Kat: I hate you so much. (Goes out) Jr: Hey dad. It was terrific today. I punched a lot of nerds. Now Im gonna sleep. Ah, there were some boys stealing your car. ;) Ed: And you didnt do anything? Jr: No. They didnt need any help. Junior goes out and Mercedes comes in. Mer: Sir, could you pay me today? Ed: What? But Im totally without money. Mer: But I have to pay my rent. Ed: Ah Ferrari, Im so sorry. Mer: God damn it. ITS MERCEDES. MERCEDES!!!! Very well. If you dont pay me, youll suffer the consequences. (Gets out) Ed: Oh Lord. Help me. The doorbell rings. Ed: Lord, I said help me. (Opens the door) Ed: Who are you? La: Mercedes is living here? Ed: Mercedes IS here, but no living. Ma: Thats weird. She just call me, and gave me this address. Mercedes and Kathleen come in. Mer: Thats the right place, Mar Ijuano .

Kat: What is happening here? Mer: You didnt want to pay me, and I had to pay my rent. So, I brought my family here while you dont pay me. Kat: EDWARD, I HATE YOUUUUUU!!!! (Gets out) Mer: So, are you paying or not? Ed: But we dont have money. Mer: So were staying. Come on folks. The lights are turned off. The scene begins with Junior and Kathleen talking. Edward comes in. Ed: Honey, Im going looking for a job. Whod say, a vice-president looking for job. God bless me. Kat: Ok cheated, go. Im going to the hair-maker. Ed: But we dont have money, baby. Kat: Shut up and get off. Ed: Ok. Bye honey. Bye big boy. (Gets out) Kat: Baby, Im going too. =* Jr: =* Star comes in and sits beside Junior. Star: Hi. Jr: Hello. Star: How are you? Jr: Im fine. And you? Star: Im good too. Except for this mess. Jr: Yeah, this people are crazy. Star: Yeah. How old are you? Jr: 14. And you? Star: 13. Where do you study? Jr: I dont study. I got expelled haha. Star: I see Jr: So, do you date someone? Star: No. Jr: Neither for fun? Star: No. Nothing. Jr: Puts, such a wonderful girl like you. They look each other, Junior make a sign with his head to go to inside. And then both get out. Mar Ijuano and Mercedes get in. Mer: Luck that we went early to the fair, otherwise we wouldnt have bought any good greens. And it was so cheap. Ma: (Very High) Yeah. Specially, the lettuce. (Takes some marijuana cigarettes off his pocket) Mer: Did you start to smoke again? Ma: No mom. Dont even think such thing. Mer: Oh god, bless my son. Come on, love. Ma: Go go. Ill stay here.

Mar Ijuano makes a marijuana cigarette, puts fire and starts to smoke. Edward comes in. Ed: Oh, no. Smoking in my house. And it is Marijuana!! Holy shit. Give me that. (Throw on the floor). Ma: Nooooooo. Dont do this to him. He doesnt deserve it. Ed: Now, its done. Ma: Mari, nooooo. Why he did it to you? No, no, no i.i. You know what, Im gonna do another one. (Lay down on the floor). The lights go out again. The scene starts with Edward, Kathleen and Mar Ijuano smoking marijuana talking. The doorbell rings. Ed: Gotcha. Meg: Mar Ijuano is living here? Ed: Unfortunately yes. Meg: Where is this bastard? Wow, there you are!! Ma: Meg, meg, megan? What are you doing here? Meg: You know exactly what Im doing here. Ma: If I know I wouldnt be asking. Meg: Yeah, it makes senses. Whatever, this paper shows what Im doing here. Edward gets the paper. Ed: Are you pregnant??? Meg: Yes, and he is the father. Ed: Youre not my son, but if you were I would hit you so much that you would get small. Ma: But how did it happen? Meg: Do you want me to make a biology class here? Dont you know how the babies are made? Ma : OMG!! Mercedes comes in. Mer: Whats happening? Ed: Your son is going to be father. Mer: WTF????? =OOOOOOO Ed: Yeah, and she is going to be you sister in law. Mer: Is this true Mar? Ma: Yeah mom. Mer: How did you have courage to do this? Ma: How did you have courage to make me? Mer: Oh shit!! So Junior and Star come in. Jr: Hey folks, we have something to say. Ed: What do you want you marginal? Jr: Were dating. Me and Star. Kat: Are you sick, baby?

Jr: No mom. Its serious, were in love. Star: Yeah, and were planning to get married. Mer: Come here your crazy. You dont know what are saying. Ma: I have to smoke. (Gets a marijuana cigarette) Jr: Hun, this smell is familiar. Its Marijuana? Ma: Yeah. Do you want some? Jr: Yeah!!! =DD Kathleen pushes all her family. Kat: We have to do something. I cant live like this anymore. Ed: I agree. Im totally upset. Jr: Why people? (Smelling the Marijuana) Stephanie comes in. Ste: Hey everybody. Kat: Come here girl. Ed: So, do you have a plan? Kat: Of course I do. Listen. The lights go out. The scene starts with everybody on the room. Edward comes in with a mask. Everybody gets away from him. Mer: What the hell is this? Ed: No, thats nothing. I wasnt feeling very well. So I went to the doctor. I had some tests, and he said I have H1N1. The Influenza A. Pig Pox. And they were without LEITOS, so I came home. Mer: Holy shit!! Lets get off. Mercedes, Star, Mar Ijuano and Megan go out. And Stephanie tries to leave but Edward pulls her. Ed: Where are you going? Ste: Leave me, leave me. You have H2N3. Ed: Its H1N1, and you forget that it was a plan, so they can leave? Ste: Oh yeah, its true. Kat: So, finally were alone. Jr: Ill miss Star i.i Ed: Yeah, but lets forget this people and the pig pox. Ste: Yeah. Cof cof cof cof cof cof cof cof cof. Everybody run away. The end