BITI SLAVAN

Mnogi ljudi bi želeli da postanu slavni. Kako su povezani ljubav i popularnost?

Voleti nekoga znači pokazati mu da je za onoga ko ga voli vredno ljudsko biće. Tako se prožimaju
osećanja voljenosti i lične vrednosti. Malo dete koje u svojoj porodici oseća voljenost izjednačava ljubav i
prihvaćenost od strane drugih sa vlastitom vrednošću. Ali kada dete izađe izvan svog doma, izvan svog
intimnog socijalnog kruga u svet ljudi na ulici, tada otkriva činjenicu da postoji svet koji ga ne prihvata i ne
voli apriori. Razlike su velike: u svetu bliskosti postoji prihvatanje i ljubav, a u svetu javnosti postoji
distanca i, eventualno, ljubaznost.
Ne razumevajući razlike koje postoje između sveta bliskosti i sveta javnosti pogotovu kada ga roditelji
tome ne poduče dete na svet javnosti primenjuje ona pravila koje važe u svetu bliskosti. Ne shvatajući da je
distanca između ljudi nešto što je sasvim normalno u javnoj komunikaciji, dete počinje da misli da je
distanca znak da ga drugi ne vole, a da je ono za to krivo. Misli da nije dovoljno vredno ljudsko biće da bi
zaslužilo ljubav nepoznatih. Zato dete koje se na ulici ili u razredu oseća nedovoljno vrednim, na razne
načine pokušava da ga sva druga deca prihvate.
Pokušavajući da „zasluže" prihvatanje,mnoga deca čine stvari koje njihovi roditelji ne odobravaju:
poklanjaju igračke „kupujući" naklonost druge dece, ponašaju se nevaspitano kako bi zadivila drugu decu,
postaju jako duhovita ili zauzimaju ulogu dvorske lude... Međutim, čak i onda kada je dete uspelo da
postane omiljeno među decom „popularno dete" ono i dalje izjednačava ličnu vrednost sa prihvaćenošću.
Vrhunac ove logike su dečje fantazije o slavi. Prema toj logici,što veći broj ljudi nekoga prihvata i voli,
to je njegova vrednost veća. A vrhunac lične vrednosti jeste kada nekoga prihvata i voli ogroman broj ljudi
koje ta osoba i ne poznaje. Tome odgovara popularnost javne ili slavne ličnosti. I zato deca sanjare o tome
kako će jednoga dana postati slavna, kako će se dogoditi neka situacija u kojoj će ona svima pokazati svoju
vrednost spasavajući zajednicu ili čovečanstvo, pokazujući svoj talenat i konačno biti voljena od svih.
Emocionalno zreli ljudi znaju da je pogrešno poistovetiti prihvatanje i ličnu vrednost. Lična vrednost
suviše često izaziva diskvalifikacije motivisane zavišću. Pa ipak mnogi odrasli nose u sebi ono „unutrašnje
dete" sebe kao devojčicu ili dečaka koje i dalje fantazira o slavi kao dokazu lične vrednosti i motiviše ih na
izuzetna, društveno korisna dostignuća. Pored njih je danas sve više onih koji misle da im slava pripada
samo zbog toga što postoje.
[16. 04. 2011.]
 BEING FAMOUS

Many people would like to become famous. What is the connection between love and popularity?
To love someone means to show that person that they are a valuable human being for the person
who loves them. That’s why one’s sense of being loved imbues with their personal value. A young child in a
loving familiy finds other’s love and acceptance to be the same as its personal value. When the child leaves
its home, its intimate social circle and goes into the world of the people in the streets, only then it discovers
a fact that there is a world which doesn’t accept it and loves a priori. There are major differences between
these two worlds. In the world of intimacy there is acceptance and love, while in the social world there is
distance and, eventually, politeness.
Not understanding the differences between the intimate and the social world, especially when not
guided by its parents, the child applies the rules of the intimate world on the social one. Although distance
between people in public communication is perfectly natural, the child believes it a sign that others love
him/her, and they hold themselves responsible. It sees itself as a human being not worthy enough to seek
love from the people it doesn’t know. That’s why a child who feels unworthy seeks acceptance from all
other children in any way possible.
Trying to “earn” acceptance , many kids act in ways their parents disapprove of: they “buy” other
children’s affection by gifting them toys or misbehave to impress them, they try hard to be funny, play a
fool etc. However, even when the child succeeds in becoming a favourite amongst kids, the so called
popular kid, it still perceives personal value and acceptance as same.
This logic can best be seen in children’s fantasies of fame. According to it, the more people accepts
and loves someone, the higher that person’s value is. The peak of personal value would then be that
someone is accepted and loved by lots of people who that person doesn’t even know. That’s equal to the
popularity of a famous person or a celebrity. And that is why children dream of becoming famous one day.
They dream of a situation where they would show their peronal value to everyone by saving the community
or the human kind. They would show their talent and finally be loved by everyone.
Emotionally mature people know that it is wrong to identify acceptance with personal value.
People are envious of others and too often disqualify them. This is motivated by their personal value. Yet
still, many adults carry an “inner child”; themselves as a boy or a girl which still creates fantazies of fame as
a proof of personal value and as motivation to perform incredible, socially useful deeds. Additionally, today
there are more and more of those who think that they deserve fame solely for their existence.
 BEING FAMOUS

Many people would like to be famous.What is the relation between love and popularity?

Loving someone means showing that person that they are valuable human being for the one who loves them.

That is why a person’s sense of being loved imbues with their personal value.
A young child in the loving family finds other’s love and acceptance to be the same as its personal value.

However, when child enters the outer world,away from its intimate social circle into the public, that’s when it
learns the fact that there is the world that isn’t accepting and loving apriori.

There are major differences between these two worlds. The intimate world is filled with love and acceptance ,
while the distance and eventually, politeness, prevail in the outer world.

Not fully grasping the differences between the intimate and the public world, especially without the guidance
provided by its parents, the child consequently sticks to the rules that apply to the intimate world, but not the
public one.
Although distance between people in public communication is perfectly natural, the child believes it a sign
that others love him/her, and they hold themselves responsible.

They assume that they are unworthy of stranger’s love. That’s why the child who feels that it’s not good
enough, in various ways tries to win the admiration of other kids, whether it be in the classroom or in the
streets.

Trying to „earn“ the affection from other kids, children tend to do things that their parents would
diapprove of: ,,buying,, acceptance by gifting toys, misbehaving to impress other kids, trying to be
funny, or taking on a role of a fool… However, even when the child succedes in being the favorite
amognst other kids, so called, popular kid, it stills equates personal value with acceptance.
This logic can best be seen in children’s fantasies of fame. According to it, the more people accepts
and loves someone, the higher that person’s value is. The peak of personal value would then be that
someone is accepted and loved by lots of people who that person doesn’t even know. That’s equal to the
popularity of a famous person or a celebrity. And that is why children dream of becoming famous one day.
They dream of a situation where they would show their peronal value to everyone by saving the community
or the human kind. They would show their talent and finally be loved by everyone.

Emotionally mature people know that it is wrong to identify acceptance with personal value.
People are envious of others and too often disqualify them. This is motivated by their personal value.
Yet still, adults carry that inner child, a boy or a girl inside themselves, who still fantasizes about their fame
as a proof of their personal value and are therefore motivated for extraordinary socially useful deeds.
Alongside them, there is a growing number of those who think that they deserve fame merely for their
existence.