CHAPTER 10

FAMILY LIFE
CYCLE
Instructor:
Wendy Crapo

Used by permission of
THE ACADEMY OF NURSING
2355 E. 3900 S.
S.L.C., UT 84124
801-506-0064

FAMILY LIFE CYLCE

BEGINNING
MARRIAGES
PREDICTION
OF SUCCESS:

Until death do us part: Not a fact for most

marriages.
What general age is best?
20-25 Youthful marriages
Up to age 25, the older
you are at marriage the
greater likelihood of
marital happiness.
Teens have higher divorce
After age 30 higher
divorces

Prediction of Success

Education = income, insight, status

Length of engagement
Childhood environment & relationship with
family of origin & attachment.
Divorced parents may cause a shying away
from marriage.
Loving each other did not have affect on
whether or not they fought.
HONEYMOON EFFECT: Overlooking
problems

PREDICTION OF SUCCESS
FACTORS
Communicate well
Resolve conflict in a constructive way
Realistic expectations of marriage
Like each other as people (opposites
attract doesnt work)
Undesirable traits are magnified in
marriage
Agree on religion & ethical issues
Balance leisure activities with each other

ENGAGEMENT (More of a
ritual than a binding
How long should
engagement be?
commitment)
The longer you are engaged the more likely
you are to discover compatibilities.
But it can go too long too.
24% are pregnant when marry.

Purpose of engagement
Commitment to marry (try out how it feels).
Think about realities of married life.
Beginning of kinship (start making ties with
in-laws).
Become a couple.

Feelings during
engagement
Anxiety
Maturation &
dependency
Losses
Question partner choice
Gender role conflict
Idealization &
disillusionment
Get to know self
(weaknesses &
strengths)

WEDDING RITUAL (65% church

weddings)

Symbolized profound life transition & step

into adulthood
Give the bride away (when father received
pledge of money he gave bride away)
Exchange of rings (From Egypt =
timelessness & to give it back is symbolic
gesture)
Not wearing a ring is symbolic statement
about the marriage
Carrying bride over threshold (Greece &
Rome symbolic of abduction because bride
would not willingly leave her fathers house)
Eating of cake (offering made to household
of
Gods & made union sacred)
Jumping the broomstick (African tradition)
Honeymoon (Pagan time of intoxication
to insure fertility)
Flower girls (carried wheat to symbolize
fertility)

In groups brainstorm all expenses

for a wedding and estimate the cost.

HONEYMOO
N
HONEYMOON PURPOSES

Rest and Recreation

Time for being alone
Initial adjustment to marriage

GUIDELINES WHEN PLANNING

A HONEYMOON
Dont go into debt
May delay to a better time
Honeymoon not necessary for a happy marriage
NATIONAL SURVEYS SHOW:
50% of couples interviewed report their honeymoon was
not happy at all.
People most unhappy with honeymoons are young
women who have always lived at home.

ENDURING MARRIAGES
Couples who are happily in love.
Unhappy couples who continue marriage out
of habit and fear.
Couples in between who are neither happy
nor unhappy and accept the situation.
20% were happy and 20% were unhappy.
Little correlation between happy marriages
and stable ones.
In general, however, the quality of the marital
relationship appears to show continuity over
the years.

HAPPILY MARRIED
Whats the Secret?
When they met they felt immediately at home
with each other. Early on there is a strong physical
and/or emotional attraction they feel a sweeping
sense of connection.
Happy couples often experience themselves as
being the same and different. Similar
backgrounds but each wants to embrace the others
differentness; each wanted to be more like the other.
Happy couples establish and follow daily
routines. This promotes confidence and trust.
Happy couples usually describe their mate as
their best friend. They like each other very much,
above all others. They spent a lot of time together.
Happy couples share a life dream. They work
together to make the dream come true.

HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

Happy couples dont hold a grudge. High

capacity to resolve conflict and move on.
Happy couples expect each other to do their
best. They believe in their partner.
Happy couples roll with the changes. People
do change and good marriages change for their
partner and for the better.
Happy couples agree to have or not to have
children. They usually share a dream of
creating a family.
Happy couples understand the importance
of sex & romance. Friendship was more
important than sex but sex was the strong force
binding them together through the years.

HAPPILY MARRIED cont.

Happy couples see each others best self. They see

each other clearly as they are but also what they can
become.
Happy couples strongly believe in and practice
monogamy. Fidelity was simply expected and an open
marriage was not appealing to happily married couples.
Happily married couples share a complete absence
of power struggle. Considered each other to be equal
and their money, especially, was always theirs, not
mine.
Happy couples support each other in all areas.
Always support each others dreams, even when they dont
agree or understand.
Happy couples feel a great deal of faith in each other
even when one thinks the other is wrong. May not
think they are making the right choice but they give their
support.

ESCENTIAL
CHARACTERISTICS:
Marriage is #1, even over the kids
Fidelity
Commitment
Unselfishness
Time spent together
Talk & listen
Touching
Be positive about mate & marriage

STAGE 1 - INITIAL
ADJUSTMENT TO MARRIAGE

Before marriage, you are afraid of losing each

other.
After marriage, you are afraid of losing yourself.

Identity bargaining: The process of role adjustments in a

relationship
Identify with a role
Having the role validated by others
Negotiating with the partner to make changes in the role
Establishing Boundaries: Adjusting the ties with family of
origin

Stage 1 continued
MARITAL ADJUSTMENTS

Family roles
Emotional support to partner
Adjust personal habits
Negotiate gender roles
Establish family & employment priorities
Develop communication skills
Manage money
Establish kin relationship (cohabitating
partners usually never accepted as kin)
Participate in larger community

Stage 1 continued
IDENTITY BARGAINING:
Role adjustment in a relationship.
Identify & negotiate.
Relationships help us discover
ourselves.
An intimate relationship requires us to
define who we are.

Stage 1 continued
IN-LAWS
Daughters who are close sometimes
have a problem letting go.
But birth of child helps improve and
change this relationship.
Need to establish new boundaries
with in-laws

STAGE 2 - CHILDBEARING
FAMILY
(From the birth of the first child until
that child is 2 years old)
Developmental Tasks:
Adjusting to increased family size
Caring for an infant
Providing a positive developmental
environment

STAGE 3 - FAMILIES
WITH PRESCHOOLERS

(When the oldest child

is between the ages of
2 and 6)
Developmental Tasks:
Satisfying the needs
and interests of
preschool children
Coping with demands
on energy and
attention with less
privacy at home

STAGE 4 - FAMILIES
WITH SCHOOL AGE
(When the oldest
child is between the
CHILDREN
ages of 6 to 13)

Developmental Tasks:
Promoting educational achievement
Fitting in the community of families
with school-age children

STAGE 5 - FAMILIES
WITH TEENAGERS

(When the oldest child is between

the ages of 13 and 20)

Developmental Tasks:
Allowing and helping children
to become more independent
Coping with their independence
Developing new interests
beyond child care

STAGE 6
MIDDLE AGE MARRIAGES
May divorce at this time
(LAUNCHING
CENTER)
without
children
present (empty nest
which is not always
negative).
Boomerang generation:
Children return home
due to high
unemployment, housing
cost, low wages, divorce
and personal problems.

STAGE 7 - LATER LIFE

MARRIAGES (EMPTY
(More satisfying)
Higher income
NEST)
Although widows often have
Although widows often have
financial hardships
But happily married widows
choose to remarry more often
Old age not poverty stricken or
neglected

Sandwich generation: Must raise

dependent children & dependent
parents.
Intermittent extended family: Take in
other relatives in time of need.
Does parenting end when children are grown & gone?

GRANDPARENTING
Grandparents =
distance is biggest
factor in
involvement
25% of preschool
children cared for
by grandparents
Companionate
relationships most
common with
grandchildren

INDIVIDUAL TASK
Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Developing autonomy
Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Developing intimacy &
occupational identification
Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Deciding about commitment to
work & marriage
Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Deepening commitments;
pursuing more long-range goals
Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Searching for fit between
aspirations and environment
Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Re-stabilizing and reordering
priorities
State 7 (60+ yrs) Dealing effectively with aging,
illness and death wile retaining zest for life

MARITAL TASK
Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Shift from family of origin to new
commitment
Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional marital commitment
Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Commitment crisis; restlessness
Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Productivity; children, work,
friends, & marriage
Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Summing up; success & failure
and future goals sought
Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Resolving conflicts and stabilizing
the marriage for the long haul
State 7 (60+ yrs) Supporting & enhancing each
others struggle for productivity and fulfillment in
face of aging

INTIMACY

Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Fragile intimacy

Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Deepening but ambivalent intimacy
Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Increasing distance while partners
make up their minds about each other
Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Increase in intimacy in good
marriages; gradual distancing in bad marriages
Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Tenuous intimacy as fantasies about
other increase
Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Intimacy is threatened by aging and
boredom. Departure of children may increase or
decrease intimacy.
Stage 7 (60+ yrs) Struggle to maintain intimacy in face
or eventual separation, usually plateaus

POWER
Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Testing of power
Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Establish pattern of conflict
resolution
Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Sharp vying for power and
dominance
Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Establish patterns of decision
making and dominance
Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Power in outside world is tested
via power in the marriage
Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Conflicts often increase when
children leave and security appears threatened
State 7 (60+ yrs) Survival fears stir up needs for
control and dominance

MARITAL BOUNDARIES
Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Conflicts over in-laws
Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Friends and potential lovers; work
versus family
Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Temporary disruptions including
extramarital sex or reactive fortress building
Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Nuclear family closes boundaries
Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Disruption due to reevaluation;
drive versus re-stabilization
Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Boundaries are usually fixed
except in crisis
State 7 (60+ yrs) Loss of family & friends leads to
closing in of boundaries, important to maintain ties
with outside world

INDIVIDUAL STAGE
Stage 1 (18-21 yrs) Develop roots
Stage 2 (22-28 yrs) Provisional
adulthood
Stage 3 (29-31 yrs) Transition at age 30
Stage 4 (32-39 yrs) Settling down
Stage 5 (40-42 yrs) Midlife transition
Stage 6 (43-59 yrs) Middle adulthood
State 7 (60+ yrs) Old age

RETIREMENT
Earlier 75%
choose to retire
before age 65
(WHY?)
More egalitarian
marriages
Highest degree of
marital satisfaction
since early marriage
Improved health

Read Ann Landers

Old folks are worth a fortune

CARING FOR AGED

How could an over abundance of support do more ha

good?
Can chronic illness help with family cohesiveness?

Caregiver Conflict
Earlier unresolved antagonisms and conflicts.
Caregivers inability to accept the relatives
increasing dependence.
Conflicting loyalties between spouse or children and
caring for the elderly.
Resentment towards the elderly relative for
disrupting family routines.
Resentment of lack of involvement by other family
members.
Anger if elderly relative tries to manipulate others.
Conflicts over money and inheritance.

COPING STRATEGIES
Plan for legal and financial incapacities
Manage income and expenses
Arrange for long term care
Assess capabilities of whole family unit
Divide responsibilities among whole
family unit
Determine community backup services

Most common diseases

and causes of death
What are the most common chronic diseases of people over 75?
1. Arthritis
2. Hypertension
3. Hearing impairment
4. Heart disease
5. Cataracts
6. Deformity orthopedic impairment
7. Diabetes

What are the most common causes of death of people over 75?

1. Heart
disease
2. Cancer
3. Stroke
4. Lung
disease

CARING FOR FAMILY

MEMBER WITH CHRONIC
Strained family relations
ILLNESSS
Modifications in family

activities and goals

Increased tasks and time
commitments
Increased financial costs
Special housing
requirements
Social isolation
Medical concerns
Grieving over disabilities,
limitations and restricted
life opportunity

COPING STATEGIES
Make a place for the illness, and
keep balance in life.
Keep communication open.
Cultivate sources of support.
Develop good working relationship
with healthcare professionals.
Discuss in groups: Should a health care professional be detached?
Do families interfere with the efforts of practitioners to help patients?
Should healthcare professionals address things beyond the physical such as
economical, emotional, psychological and spiritual issues?

DEATH
WHY STUDY ABOUT
Our society is unusual,
we shut death in a closet
DEATH?

Death is a natural part of life

Death is often emotional and unpleasant
Death must be faced
Part of our society
We used to be more open about death
People used to die at home more often
Funerals and viewings were at home
Friends and family were there at moment of
death
Illnesses were short

DEATH
DENIAL: remove dead from home, not telling children.
EXPLOITATION: Desensitized and deny the realities of
death
ROMANITCIZATION: Those lead to think of death as
beautiful can be disillusioned.
Fear: Fear of death keeps us alive.
Denial healthy, it keeps us from
dwelling on morbidity of death.
Acknowledging that death exists can
help us prioritize & appreciate.

Do handout Will you live to be 100?

STAGES OF DEATH
A dying person should not
be expected to behave in a
certain manner, only
his/her own way.
Denial & isolation
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

GRIEVING PROCESS
Guilt is common,
1st year is hard at
holidays.
Consoling: Listen,
dont avoid, give
practical support.
Needs: Death with
dignity (respect as
human being).
Hospice can help.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO THE

BEREAVED
Cheer up
Time to heal all wounds
Come on, you need to
get over this
We want the old you
back
Ill help you get rid of
their things
Theyre better off
It was Gods will
Call me if you need me

WHAT TO SAY TO THE

BEREAVED

Its OK to cry
I want you to know Im thinking about you
Im sad for you
I care about you
Im here if you want to talk
You dont have to be strong or apologize for crying.

Do accept them and their feelings

Let them cry when they want to
Let them talk about the dead person (They are in their
thoughts often)

DEFINITIONS OF DEATH
LEGAL DEATH: Court says it has
irreversible cessation to total brain
function
THEOLOGICAL DEATH: Occurs when
soul leaves the body
MEDICAL DEATH: Occurs when
functions of human life stop
UNRECEPTIVITY & UNRESPONSIVITY:
Irreversible coma

DEFINITIONS OF DEATH
continued
NO MOVEMENTS OR BREATHING:
No muscle movement or respiration
for at least 1 hour
NO REFLEXES: Pupils fixed and
dilated will not respond to bright
lights
FLAT ELECTROENCE PHALGRAM:
EEG no brain waves for a period of
time

DEATH VOCABULARY
AUTOPSY: Post mortem exam
BEREAVEMENT: Being grieved by the
loss of a loved one.
CASKET: Small chest or box (coffin)
COFFIN: A box or chest for burying a
corpse
CREMATION: To reduce a dead body to
ashes by burning
CREMATORIUM: A furnace for cremation

DEATH VOCABULARY
continued
CRYPT: A chamber or vault wholly or partly
underground, a vault under the main floor of
a church
DEATH CERTIFICATE: A certificate that
certifies the death of a person
DECEASED: No longer living
EMBALM: To treat a dead body so as to
protect from decay
EPITAPH: An inscription on or at a tomb or
grave in memory of the one buried there

DEATH VOCABULARY
continued
EULOGY: A commendatory formal statement or set
oration
EUTHANASIA: The act or practice of killing individuals
that are hopelessly sick or injured for reasons of mercy.
FUNERAL HOME: An establishment with facilities for
the preparation of the dead for burial or cremation, for
the viewing of the body and for funerals.
HEARSE: A vehicle for conveying the dead to the grave
INHERITANCE: The act of coming into possession of
something
INTERMENT: The act or ceremony of depositing the
dead body in the earth or the tomb.

DEATH VOCABULARY
continued
MAUSOLEUM: Large tomb usually a
stone building for places of entombment
for dead above the ground.
MORGUE: A place where the bodies of
persons found dead are kept until
identified and claimed by relatives or
are released for burial.
MORTICIAN: Undertaker
MORTUARY: Relating to the burial of
the dead

DEATH VOCABULARY
continued
OBITUARY: A notice of a persons death
with a short biographical account
PALLBEARERS: People who help to
carry the coffin at a funeral
PYRE: A combustible heap for burning
a dead body as a funeral vile
REINCARNATION: Rebirth in new
bodies or forms of life
SARCOPHAGUS: A stone coffin

DEATH VOCABULARY
continued
TOMB: An excavation in which a
corpse is buried
URN: A vessel that is particularly an
ornamental vase on a pedestal to
preserve the ashes after cremation
VAULT: A burial chamber
WAKE: The watch held over the body
of a dread person prior to burial and
sometimes accompanied by festivity

CULTURES
Jewish: 7 days of
restrictions like
shaving, working,
sex, 11 months pray
for parent daily
Mexico: Dead
honored with gifts
of food, prayer,
nightly vigils

VOCABULARY
1. Bereavement: The response to a loved ones
death, including customs, and the grieving process.
2. Boomerang Generation: Adults who return to
family home and live with parents.
3. Caregiver role: The one who provides the most
physical care and decision making.
4. Duration of Marriage Effect: Accumulation over
time of negative factors that affect marital
satisfaction.
5. Empty Nest: When last grown child has left
home, usually not associated with mothers
depression.

VOCABULARY contd
6. Family Life Cycle: The families changing roles
and relationships at various stages, beginning
with marriage and ending with death of a spouse.
7. Honeymoon Effect: Tendency of newly
married couples to overlook problems.
8. Hospice: A place or program caring for
terminally ill, emphasizing patient care and
family support.
9. Identity Bargaining: The process of roles
adjustments in a relationship, involving
identifying with a role, role validated by others,
negotiated with partner

VOCABULARY contd
10. Intermittent Extended Family:
Taking into the family other relatives
in times of need
11. Sandwich Generation:
Individuals who care for both their
own children and aging parents at
the same time.