Teens & Parents Speak Out: On

Substances and Success

Carl Shan & Kevin Tang
 Our Survey 我们的研调
• We asked 4 questions to Parents and Teens:
• 我们向父母和青少年们问了四个问题：
– “How do you feel about alcohol/tobacco/marijuana?” 你们是如
何看待酒精、香烟和大麻的？
– “Do you have friends that take drugs/drink alcohol on a regular basis?”
你们是否有朋友吸毒、酗酒？
– “What does it mean to you to be successful in everyday life?” 你们
对于每天都是成功的一天的定义是什么？
– “What do parents think it means to be successful?” 父母们对成
功的定义是什么？
 Views Of Parents 父母们的看法
• 14 Parent Responses 十四个父母回答了问题
“How do you feel about alcohol/tobacco/marijuana?” 你
们是如何看待酒精、香烟和大麻的？

“What does it mean to you to be successful in everyday

life?” 你们对于每天都是成功的一天的定义是什么？

“What do parents think it means to be successful?”

父母们对成功的定义是什么？
Parents On Substances: Our Survey

One parent said that medicinal marijuana was acceptable. . 一

位家长说医用大麻是可以接受的。
 Views Of Teens 青少年的看法
• 53 Teen Responses 53 位青少年回答了问题
“How do you feel about
alcohol/tobacco/marijuana?”

你们是如何看待酒精、香烟和大麻的？
“Do you have friends that take drugs/drink alcohol
on a regular basis?”
你们是否有朋友吸毒、酗酒？
 Teens On Substances

• According to a 2010 national survey, 39% of teens have drank

alcohol in the last month.

• In another survey, teens cited adult and youth acceptance

saying, “alcohol is everywhere,” and “alcohol is not viewed as
a drug” as top reasons why teen drinking is so prevalent.

依照 2010 年的全国民调， 30% 的青少年在上个月喝了酒。

另一份民调显示，青少年们引证成年人对此地接受态度
“酒精无处不在，酒精不是毒品。”这恐怕是最主要的原
因为什么喝酒在青少年中是如此的流行 .
Teenage Views: Our Survey 青少年的看法：我们的研调

Conditionally Acceptable meant the respondents thought alcohol was acceptable under certain
conditions. 人们对此有条件式地接受意味着他们认为喝酒在某种条件下是被许可的。
 What does this all mean? 这意味着什么？

• Around 8% of parents thought certain substances (i.e. alcohol

and marijuana) were conditionally acceptable for teens. 大约
百分之八的父母们认为在某种条件下，酒精和大麻对于青
少年使用者来说是可以接受的。

• However, almost 30% of teens answered that they were

conditionally acceptable. And even one teen answered that
they were completely acceptable! 大约百分之三十的青少年
回答他们可以接受有条件的使用。甚至有一位青少年回答
他完全接受 .
 Now What?
• This shows a large difference in understanding and
viewpoints between teens and parents that we need to
bridge and confront!

这显示对这个问题的理解和看法， 父母们和青少年们
有着很大的差距。我们需要面对此一差距并且沟通两
代人的认知。

• Please talk to your teen about your views and make sure
that they understand what is and what is not appropriate!
 Parents on Success: Our Survey 父母对成功的看法
• “What does it mean to you to be successful in
everyday life?” 你们对于每天都是成功的一天的定
义是什么？
Teens on Success: Our Survey 青少年对成功的看法
“What does it mean to you to be successful in everyday
life?” 你们对于每天都是成功的一天的定义是什么
？
What does this mean? 这意味着什么
？
• 100% of parent responses said that to be
successful for their children is for them to be
happy. 百分之百的父母回答他们孩子的成功
意味着孩子感到快乐和幸福。
What does this mean? 这意味着什
么？
• However, 24% of teens said that
grades/money mattered the most!
• Different priorities!
但是，百分
之二十四的青少年说他们的成
绩和金钱意味着一切。
Teenage Views on Success contd. 青少年对成功
的看法
• “What do parents think it means to be successful?”
父母们认为成功是什么？
What do teens think? 青少年又怎样想的
？
• Teens seem to think that their parents
OVERWHELMINGLY prefers grades/$money$ rather
than happiness. 青少年似乎认为他们的父母过于把
成绩和金钱放在了快乐和幸福之上。

• Large communication problem! Parents need to tell

this to their children! 巨大的沟通问题！父母们需
要告知他们的孩子。
 Now What?
• This shows that we need communication
between parents regarding what is ‘success’!

• Please guide your children while still

respecting their views!

• It’s important to talk WITH your teen and not

talk TO them. Have a two-sided conversation!
Pressures
压力
Teens 青少年
 Number 1 Pressure: 最大的压力是：
 Grades/Academics 分数 /功课
 Magnitude varies with person 大小因人而异

 “In high school, there is a lot of pressure to get the

'best' grades … and to become what your parents
want you to be.”
高中生很多压力，要考最好的成绩， ..., 做父
母要孩子做的事。
Responses to Pressures
对压力的回应
 Suppress feelings 对压力的回应
 Depression 焦虑
 Sacrifice passions 牺牲爱好
 Some gave up hobbies to focus on school 为了功课
放弃爱好
Parents-Help or Hurt?
父母的作用 --- 帮助还是伤害？
 Hurt. 伤害
 Even most lenient parents place some pressure
所有的父母都会给孩子一定的压力
 Teens feel that parents hardly help relieve pressure
青少年觉得父母几乎无法帮助他们释放压力
Relief 释放压力
 Most teens don’t turn to parents
大多数青少年不会求助于父母
 Many choose their hobbies, such as sports
通常他们会去做他们爱做的事，如运动。
 Others entertain themselves (music, games)
或者音乐，游戏等
 Many also turn to their friends
很多人会向他们的朋友求助。
Relief 释放压力
 Also
a good number who keep it in and do nothing
也有不少人闷在心里，什么也不做。

 “My boyfriend and friends; all of them were really

understanding and helped me get through high
school when I was feeling incredibly stressed out.”
当我赶到喘不过来气的时候，是我的朋友们能
真正的理解 我，帮过度过我的高中生活。
How to help teens
怎样帮助青少年？
 Slowly open up to your child
不要急于帮助你的孩子
 Offer assistance with schoolwork
帮助孩子的学校的功课
 Encourage your child to take breaks from
schoolwork
孩子在做学习的功课时，鼓励孩子休息一下。
Parents 父母亲
 Pressures were also academic in their high school
在他们高中时也有功课的压力。
 Their parents were often busy working
他们的父母当时忙于工作。
 Thus, little ability to help relieve pressures
所以，几乎没办法帮他们释放压力。
 Some parents did chores for kids to increase studying time
有些他们的父母帮助他们做家事，以增加孩子读书的
时间。
 Current pressures are to earn money and raise children
父母现在的压力是挣钱养孩子。
 Also want to send children to college
以及送孩子去好的大学。
Parents’ Relief
父母怎样释放压力
 Vacation 度假
 Talk to spouse/kids 和配偶或孩子交谈
 Hobbies 娱乐
How to help parents
如何帮助父母
 Parents need to communicate pressures to teens
父母需要和青少年沟通压力的事
 Harder for teens to ask about parents
孩子很难开口向父母求助
 Getting angry at children increases pressure/stress
when
对孩子发怒只会增加孩子的压力
 Dating and Marriage
约会和婚姻
Understanding perspectives and differences
明白两者的不同之处
 What is/was dating
like in high school?
高中生男女约会是怎么回事？
 What is/was dating like in high school?

• Actually quite similar 事实上非常接近

• Differences 不同之处
– Then: Dating in high school was RARE.
以前：高中生男女之间很少约会
– Now: More physical intimacy
现在：很多亲密肢体接触
– Then: No hook-ups 以前：没有男女间短期身
体接触
• What is a hook-up? 什么是男女间短期接触
 What to look for in a
significant other?
怎样去寻找生命中重要的那一半？
 What are you looking for in a significant other?

• Most Important: Personality, good moral

character, compatibility
最重要的：性格，好的品德，性情相近
• Some importance: Physical appearance
也重要：外貌
• Parents: Security (Financial and
Emotional), Education
父母：经济上和情绪上的安全感，教育
What is the right age?
多大年龄是合适的？
 What is the right age?

• Most Important: Depends on maturity

最重要：和成熟度有关
• Parents: College 父母：大学
• Teens: Average 16 years old
青少年：平均年龄 16 岁
– (ranging from 8th grade to 17)
（从八年级到十七岁）
What is the purpose of dating in high
school/college?
高中生和大学生约会的目的是什么？
 What is the purpose of dating in high
school/college?

• Overall: It just happens! 总的来说：它发生了！

– Or companionship, close friendship 伴侣，密切的关
系
• Parents: for some, marriage 父母：有些，婚姻
• Teens: variety of reasons 青少年：不同的原因
– Physical intimacy, hormones 肢体接触，荷尔蒙
• Hook-up culture 短期接触的文化
– Experience for future more serious dating
为将来更加认真的约会得到一些经验
– Fun, self-esteem, identity 好玩，自我意识，自我认同
– NOT marriage 不是为了婚姻
Is there pressure to date?
约会会有压力吗？
 Is there pressure to date?
• Overall agreement: No pressure
大多数同意：没有压力
• Parents: Only in later years, of course, for
marriage 父母：仅仅在将来的岁月里，才
是为了婚姻
• Teens: Depends on friends 青少年：根据
朋友不定
– Dances, Mixers, Prom 舞会、晚会、毕业狂欢
• A Date? 约会？
How long do relationships last?
男女关系能持续多久？
 How long are relationships?

• Overall agreement: Varies!

大多同意：各式各样！
• Parents: Typically 3-4 years
父母：典型的 3-4 年
• Teens: Typically 6 months
青少年：典型的六个月
• What does that show? 这说明什么？
Parents’ rules?
父母的规矩？
 Parents’ rules?

• Overall agreement:
Not too much discussion on the topic
大多数：不大谈论这个话题
– Or one-sided 或者是一方的
• Parents say: no interference with school/studies!
父母说：别影响学业
– Teens agree somewhat 青少年某种程度上同意
• Parents say: someone who is good for you!
父母说：找个配得上你的！
Emily and Her Mother,
艾米莉和她的母亲
 "When I was 16 years old, I had my first date with
a boy who I liked. But, in China, dating cannot be
in public to our parents, so when he wanted to see
me, the only thing we could do together would be
to study. Even then, the school and teachers found
out, and gave us a talk about dating.”
 “Our parents ended up finding out, and tried to
stop us from dating, but couldn't. So what
happened, in the end, our studies dropped
dramatically and we both did not make it into our
first year in college. I had to redo my last year in
high school all over again and I promised myself
that I had to make it into college this time, so I
broke up with him. ”
“He didn't realize how much college meant, so he
kept dating around and still did not make it into the
second year of college, but I did.

So when you're a teenager, you cannot control

your desires, you end up doing what you want to
do than what is really important. Teens should
know what they're doing and realize how much
dating could effect someone in their school life."
Jackie’s Story
何小然的故事