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Arnie & Ann Serra
 ANGER MANAGEMENT
Dr. Andrew T. Mercurio

Looking at Anger in Dynamic & Healthy Perspective

WITH ONE ACCORD MINISTRY ARNIE & ANN SERRA

 GOAL
At the end of the session, participants may be able
to have SELF-CONTROL and be able to use anger
in healthy & productive ways.

WITH ONE ACCORD MINISTRY ARNIE & ANN SERRA

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the
bones. Proverbs 17:22
 1. CONTROLLING / DEMANDING

Anger is often expressed in this form which

may become emotionally abusive. Many
people feel angry when they are either out-of-
control in a situation or when they are being
challenged in some way. The bullet of anger
is loaded into the gun of pride and pointed at
another in an attempt to gain control once
again. This distorted expression of anger denies
a trust in Gods authority and control.
 2. EXPLODING / ABUSING
This is one way of punishing another. Also it is a way of
getting attention, understanding, or results. It provides
short-lived satisfaction. This misuse of anger often takes
abusive forms such as verbal abuse, violence, or sexual
assault. The over-reaction of exploding may be caused by a
tagging into or a piggy-back with some other past hurt
in your life which may still be unresolved. Some people
may be actually addicted to this inappropriate expression
of anger. For them, their anger may serve as a shield which
protects them from expressing other emotions such as
grief, fear, loneliness of guilt.
Repressed anger is similar to the call waiting
feature on the telephone. You can go on with
your life as if it werent there but it is there. It
wont go away. It will find ways to leak out in
the form of depression, bitterness, mistrust,
self-pity, anxiety, criticalness, and so on.
-David Stoop, Forgiving Your Parents, Forgiving
Yourself
 This is an indirect, underhanded, non-direct approach
to expressing anger. It may take the form of gossiping,
teasing, sarcasm, stubbornness, forgetfulness,
indecision, perfectionism, procrastination, saying one
thing and doing another, being constantly late to keep
others waiting, or being a sophisticated pouter or critic.
People who manage their anger in a passive-aggressive
way feel unable to express their anger directly to
another. Thus, their anger takes in a subtle, indirect
form. When confronted, the passive-aggressive person
usually denies their anger. They may or may not be
aware of it.
This misuse of anger involves separation or
cut-off with the one with whom you are
angry. This distancing may be physical,
verbal, & emotional. In marriage, it may
involve leaving ones house, giving the
silent treatment, not spending time
together, financial or sexual neglect.
 Be angry but sin not Eph. 4:26
Many people are uncomfortable with anger.
Some, viewing it as sinful, totally deny not only
the expression of anger, but the very reality of
the feeling of anger within. Denied and
unexpressed anger often leads to depression a
frozen rage. When anger is not expressed
through ones mouth, it may be expressed
through ones body. Unexpressed anger may be
the fuel which drives people into aggressive-
compulsive forms of behavior where ones anger
may have a place to flow.
 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the
bones. Prov. 14:30
Bad headaches, ulcers, colds, hypertension may
be the result (at times) of unprocessed,
unresolved anger. Resentment is like acid in our
bodies which can chew on our insides.
Psychosomatic illnesses are often designed to
block that which is considered to be a less
desirable alternative such as facing the
actual frustration, fear or hurt in ones life which
is feeding their anger.
 How many times have we heard someone say,
Well, dont take your anger out on me! Anger
can never stand still. It always has to flow
somewhere. Unfortunately we may misuse out
anger by dumping it on someone when
reminded of the one who hurt us or some
aspect of that injury. Or, we may dump our
anger on any innocent bystander with no
apparent connection to the past hurt at all.
 9. REPRODUCING

We misuse anger here by playing the game of

pay back or revenge. Anger, poorly expressed,
not only creates pain, but it tends to multiply
itself. This is evidenced as a counter-attack
launched by the one who is hurt. Again, we
cannot control others actions and our own
anger reaction, but we may control our anger
response or retaliation through hatred,
bitterness, or revenge.
 ANGER
A BIBLICAL/HEALTHY/PRODUCTIVE
PERSPECTIVE
I will unleash my anger against you. Ezek. 7:3
I would spend my anger against them in
Egypt. Ezek. 20:8
I will direct my jealous anger against you
Ezek. 23:25
When Gog attacks the land of Israel, my hot
anger will be aroused Ezek. 38:18
 Anger in itself is not sin. If it
were sin, then God would be a
sinner.

Jesus not only felt anger, but expressed it.

A godly expression of anger is valid. He is
to be our model in the ways He
demonstrates both peace and anger to
others.
 Nehemiah yet we have to subject our sons and daughters to
slavery but we are powerless because our fields and our vineyards
belong to others. When I heard their outcry and there charges, I was
very angry. Neh. 5:5-6
Moses When Moses approached the camp and saw the calf and the
dancing, his anger burned and he threw the tablets out of his hands,
breaking them to pieces at the foot of the mountain. Ex. 32:19
Samson Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon him in power. He
went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men burning with
anger, he went up to his fathers house. Judges 14:19
Ezekiel The Spirit them lifted me up and took me away, and I went
in bitterness and in the anger of my spirit, with the strong hand of the
Lord upon me. Ezek. 2:14
As we see sin, evil, and injustice in our lives and
in our world we should react with the Lords
feelings. As God is grieved, saddened and
angered over such things, so should His people
be. Yet, like God, we should hate the sin, but
love the sinner.
In your anger do not sin; when you are in your beds, search
your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4
 Having anger is not sinful in itself. Yet we are to
examine ourselves (count to 10) to put thought
to this very powerful emotion. Understanding
the reasons for our anger will help us to manage
our anger in an appropriate and godly way.
QUESTION TO ASK:
Do I know why I am angry? Amid my angry feelings,
can I pause to think it through or pray?
 Mental Process

Emotional Process
Emotional Process
Mental Process
 Mental Process

Emotional Process
In your anger do not sin Psa. 4:4 (NIV)

Be angry but sin not Eph. 4 (KJV)

 Anger and aggressions are significantly different.
Anger is an almost automatic inner response to
hurt, frustration or fear. Anger is a neutral reaction
to pain, like screaming when you burn your hand.
Anger is an emotional scream or reaction to pain.
What you do with your anger (how you respond to
it) determines whether it becomes sinful or not.
Anger must be seen as different from hatred,
revenge, bitterness, and aggression, which are
sinful responses to our anger.
QUESTION TO ASK:
How will I choose to respond to my anger? or, How will I
choose to express my anger?
 Anger may be expressed in a godly way which is valid.
Or anger may be expressed in an ungodly way which is
sinful. Here, the sins of Rachel and Saul are not in their
anger, but in their inappropriate management of their
anger. Rachels justified anger at not having children
became sinful when it was expressed in a demanding,
blaming and controlling way. Sauls unjustified anger
became sinful when it was expressed in a violent and
aggressive way.
QUESTION TO ASK:
Am I expressing my anger in a godly way which is direct,
constructive, and non-blaming or am I expressing my anger
in an ungodly way which is demanding, punishing, bitter, or
abusive?
 Do not let the sun go down while you are still
angry; and do not give the devil a foothold. Eph.
4:26-27

QUESTIONS TO ASK:
How quickly does it take me to acknowledge my anger?
How quickly do I try to deal with my anger?
What happens to me when anger harbors within
me too long?
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and
slow to become angry. James 1:19
A fool shows his annoyance at once Prov. 12:16
Love is not easily angered. 1 Cor. 13:5
Since an overseer must be not over bearing, not
quick-tempered, not given to much wine, not violent
Titus 1:7

QUESTIONS TO ASK:
How short or long is my fuse?
What are my anger buttons that set me off?
A fool gives full vent to his anger. But a wise
man keeps himself under control. Prov. 29:11
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man
who controls his temper than one who takes a
city. Prov. 16:32
 There is a significant difference between
assertiveness and aggression. Assertiveness
involves the direct expressions of ones feelings,
thoughts, and desires. Aggression is one form of
anger-reaction which is intended to threaten or
hurt another person. We may express our anger
constructively by saying I am angry or I feel
angry. Though it may be true that another person
made me have an angry reaction, the other
person does not make me have and angry
response (i.e. aggressive or bitter or vengeful).
That is my choice.
Then Moses became very anger and said to the
Lord, Do not accept their offering. Num. 16:15

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me? How
long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every
day have sorrows in my heart? How long will my
enemy triumph over me? Psa. 13:1-2
 Abraham Sarah Hagar

Anger and animosity between

Sarah & Hagar

Isaac Rebekah Ishmael One of the

One of the sons is wives is loved
favored; anger & & favored;
animosity between competition
brothers; to save the between the
home one son was sent two women;
away. both gave
maid-servants
to husband;
Leah anger & Rachel
One of the sons is animosity
favored; animosity between
between brothers; Esau Jacob sisters;
exchanged birth-right (G30:15).
for food; to save
life/the home one
son was sent away.
The Twelve Tribes Dinah Joseph Benjamin
Two of the sons are favored; anger &
animosity between brothers; envy &
jealousy.
Exodus 20:5-6 (NKJV)
5 you shall not bow down to
them nor serve them. For I,
the Lord your God, am a
jealous God, visiting the
iniquity of the fathers on the
children to the third and
fourth generations of those
who hate Me, 6 but showing
mercy to thousands, to those
who love Me and keep My
commandments.
 In your anger do not sin Psa. 4:4 (NIV)
Be angry but sin not Eph. 4 (KJV)

*What is your natural tendency when you are

angry?
*Please that the Holy Spirit would replace your
natural tendency (sinful ways) with Godly
tendency.