Attraction and Love

Attraction: The Force That Binds?

• Physical Attractiveness
– Is beauty in the eye of the beholder?
• Cultural standards for physical attractiveness exist.
– Can lead to taking measures to meet cultural expectations
» Anorexia nervosa: Potentially life-threatening eating
disorder characterized by refusal to maintain a healthy body
weight; intense fear of being overweight; a distorted body
image; and, in females, lack of menstruation (amenorrhea).
– Men prefer women to be somewhat heavier than women think
men do.
– Women prefer men to be somewhat leaner than men think
women do.

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 Attraction: The Force That Binds?
• Lesbians’ physical preferences:
– Prefer heavier women than men
– Reject excessive slenderness as attractive
• Nonphysical traits
– Perceived beauty may be enhanced by such traits
as familiarity, liking, respect, and sharing of values
and goals

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 Attraction: The Force That Binds?
• Some facial features associated with beauty appear
to be the same across cultures.
• Gender-role expectations affect perceptions of
physical attractiveness.
– People who act consistent with gender-role expectations
typically are viewed as more attractive.
• People’s names affect perceptions of attractiveness.
– Matthew versus Sylvester
– Christine versus Gertrude

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 Symmetry of Facial Features

http://videos.howstuffworks.com/hsw/25265-prescribing-beauty-evolving-beauty-
video.htm

http://videos.howstuffworks.com/discovery/35976-science-of-sex-appeal-facial-
symmetry-importance-video.htm

http://videos.howstuffworks.com/discovery/35975-science-of-sex-appeal-attractive-
facial-features-video.htm
 Attraction: The Force That Binds?
• Men report valuing the physical attractiveness of
prospective partners more than women do.
• Women report valuing the earning potential of
prospective partners more than men do.
– Although some evidence may support an evolutionary
explanation for attractiveness preferences, it does not fit all
the data.
• Both men and women report that personal characteristics (e.g.,
honesty) matter more than physical features do when considering
long-term partners.
• And many women also prefer physically attractive partners.
• Cultural influences can explain the findings, as well.
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Attraction: The Force That Binds?
• Attraction-Similarity Hypothesis
– People tend to develop romantic relationships
with people who are similar to themselves in
attractiveness and other traits.
• Exceptions to this hypothesis happen when a lack
of attractiveness is compensated for by other
factors.
– Matching can apply to similarity in ethnicity,
age, educational level, and religion.

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Attraction: The Force That Binds?

• Attitudes: Do “Opposites Attract” or Do “Birds of

a Feather Flock Together”?
– Similarity in attitudes is an important factor in
attraction.
– Propinquity (nearness) – we tend to live near those
who are similar to us in many ways
– Similarity is more important to women than to men
• Reciprocity
– Mutual exchange
• People like those who they think like them.

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 What is Love?
Is it Biological?
– Bodily changes occur when we feel love:
• Chemicals in the brain’s pleasure system
• Hormones
• Increased nerve growth factor

Is it Psychological – lodged in the individual?

Is it Cultural – a function of shared beliefs?

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Love and Greek Heritage
• Philia
– Friendship love
– Based on liking and respect rather than sexual desire
• Eros
– The kind of love that is closest in meaning to the modern-day concept of passion
• Storge
– Loving attachment and nonsexual affection
– The type of love that binds parents to children
• Agape
– Selfless love
– A kind of loving that is similar to generosity and charity

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 Romantic Love in
Contemporary Western Culture

• Western culture idealizes the concept of

romantic love.
• In the U.S., most people believe romantic love is a
prerequisite for marriage or other kinds of long-term
or permanent relationships.
• Romantic love involves emotional highs and lows.
• Women justify sexual activity with love, but men do
not need to attribute love to sexual urges and behavior

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 Love Vs Infatuation
Infatuation
– A state of intense absorption in or focus on another
person
– Usually involves sexual desire, elation, general
physiological arousal or excitement; passion
– If relationship develops, it typically is enforced by feelings
of attachment and caring.
– Often a passing fancy, but may develop into deeper
feelings and an enduring relationship

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 Contemporary Models of Love

– Love as appraisal of arousal (Berscheid & Hatfield)

• Romantic love
– A kind of love characterized by feelings of passion and
intimacy
» Physiological arousal that is attributed to feelings of love
» Culture that idealizes romantic love

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Styles of love (Hendrick & Hendrick)
– Logical love (pragma)
• “I consider a lover’s potential in life before committing myself.”
– Possessive, excited love (mania)
• “When my lover ignores me, I get sick all over.”
– Selfless love (agape)
• “My lover’s needs and wishes are more important than my own.”
– Romantic love (eros)
• “My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately.”
– Game-playing love (ludus)
• “I get over love affairs pretty easily.”
– Friendship (storge, philia)
• “The best love grows out of an enduring friendship.”

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Sternberg’s triangular theory of love

– Three main components of loving relationships

• Intimacy
– Feelings of closeness, bondedness, and connectedness
– Desire to share one’s innermost thoughts with the other
– Desire to give and receive emotional support
• Passion
– Intense romantic or sexual desire for another person, which is
accompanied by physiological arousal
• Commitment
– Commitment to maintain the relationship despite potential
hardships

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 Love: “The Morning and the
Evening Star”?
• Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
Intimacy

Passion Commitment

Copyright 2008 Allyn & Bacon 16

 Love: “The Morning and the
Evening Star”?
• Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
– Types of love
• Nonlove
– All components of love are absent.
• Liking
– Intimacy is present.
– Passion and commitment are absent.
• Infatuation
– “Love at first sight”
– Passion is present.
– Intimacy and commitment are absent.

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• Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
– Types of love
• Empty love
– Commitment is present.
– Passion and intimacy are absent.
• Romantic love
– Passion and intimacy are present.
– Commitment is absent.
• Companionate love
– Intimacy and commitment are present.
– Passion is absent.

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• Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
– Types of love
• Fatuous love
– Passion and commitment are present.
– Intimacy is absent.
• Consummate love
– Full or complete measure of love
– Combination of passion, intimacy, and commitment
– An ideal type of love
– Harder to maintain than to achieve

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 Sternberg’s triangular theory of love

Liking
Intimacy

Romantic Companionate
Love Love

Consummate
Love
Passion Commitment
Infatuation Fatuous Empty Love
Love

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 Study Guide
• Symmetry Ludus
• Physical features Sternberg’s Triangular Theory
• Wealth and power Intimacy
• Personality traits Passion
• Attraction-similarity hypothesis Committment
• Philia Empty love
• Storge Liking
• Eros Infatuation
• Agape Romantic love
• Romantic love Fatuous love
• Pragma Companionate love
• Mania