Dating and Courtship

Courtship
• Allows people to ‘win’ the affection of those to
whom they are attracted
• Most societies have ‘rituals’ - men have to prove
their ability to being able to provide and women
be the ‘alluring’ and nurturing
 In Canada?
• Are there still courtship rituals in today’s modern
Canadian society?
 Early Canada
• In early Canadians followed the British system –
men had to leave ‘calling cards’ with families that
they wished to visit
• Young ladies and their mothers had ‘at homes’
where young men were invited to tea
• Each young man was expected to compete for
the young lady’s attention
 Bundling
• In agricultural communities, the practice of
bundling occurred
• Because of the distance between farms etc,
afternoon visits were difficult, so families
practiced ‘bundling’
• The young couple were allowed to be tucked into
bed together – with a board in between, in order
to ‘get to know’ each other
• However the result was that almost 1/3 of brides
were pregnant on their wedding day!
 Dating
• During the 2oth century, the concept of dating began
• Young people would meet at church or community
events, such as dances etc and went out initially in larger
groups of friends
• By the 1920s men began taking the initiative and asking
women out and paying for the event
• 1930’s – the idea of ‘going out’ meant you were an
exclusive couple but not necessarily discussing marriage
• 1950s – Western idea of ‘romantic love’ – dating,
falling ‘in love’ and then marriage
• “Market experience perspective” – dating was
effective because you could get to know the
person , judge their character etc and then decide
on the characteristics that you were looking for
in a ‘mate’
• Bernard Murnstein – individuals pass their dates
through a series of ‘filters’ to screen out
unacceptable partners and to select someonemre
like themselves
 Murstein’s Filter Theory
• Bernard Murstein explained the relationship
among dating, social homogamy, and social
exchange as a multi-step process. He uses the
analogy of ‘sifting’ to suggest that individuals
pass their dates through a series of ‘filters’ to
screen out unacceptable marriage partners. This
process of filtering leads an individual to only let
one acceptable partner through, which
ultimately leads to marriage.
• Field of Eligibles
Who is out there, the general population
Propinquity Filter
Who is close to us. An available group to choose from.
(proximity )
Attraction Filter (Physical Attraction/Personality)
• Judgment based on appearance and individual
characteristics
Homogamy Filter (Age, Race, Education, Socio-Economic
Class, Religion)
• Judgment based on how similar these factors are to the
individual
Compatibility Filter (Temperment, Attitudes and Values,
Needs, Roles, Habits
• Judgment based on similarities of these more
intangible qualities
Trial Filter (Cohabitation, Engagement)
• Statement of commitment here. Test of the
compatibility of all previous filters.
Decision Filter
• Final decision is made here to see if individual is
the right choice
• Marriage
 So what does dating have to do with
Marital Success?
• According to Martin King Whyte, not much
• He found no correlation between dating experience,
length of dating, engagement, degree of premarital
intimacy, and marital success
• In dating, you have to decide yes or not on one person
at a time
• He found that marriages are slightly less successful with
more dating experience – it increases an individual’s
expectations and therefore it is more difficult to make a
choice or feel ‘satisfied’ in a relationship
 If Dating is not an indicator of
marital success, what is?
• Actually, love
• Whyte found that being in love when you marry is the
best indicator of marital success
• The process of getting to know someone is
increasingly, in our society, being combined with sexual
intimacy before marriage
• To the point that , if you think about Sternberg, the
expression of passion through sexual activity precedes
the development of intimacy and commitment to the
relationship
 The 21st Century
• courtship behaviour of Canadians have changed
• Cohabitation and the delay in marriage are changing
society’s norms
• The idea of ‘being with someone’ seems to always have
a sexual connotation or expectation of that happening
• The text book speaks of a shift from ‘competing’ to
win someone’s affection to being very selective about
what the other has to offer
• There is a much less formal pattern of courtship today
– and it is a much more complicated process