Increase

your self-
awareness
with one
simple fix.

Idhar Musyafir
1600004156
There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see
is all you'll ever be, and then you accept it or you kill yourself, or you stop looking in
mirrors. "And speaking of mirrors, someone else once said, "If we spend too much
time scrutinizing what's in our rearview mirror, we're certain to crash into a light
post.'' I've spent the last four years of my life studying people who look in
mirrors, rearview and otherwise in their search for self-awareness. I wanted to know
what self-awareness really is, where it comes from, why we need it, and how to get
more of it. My research team surveyed quantitatively thousands of people. We
analyzed nearly 800 scientific studies. And we conducted dozens of in-depth
interviews with people who made dramatic improvements in their self-awareness.
Now, initially, we were actually so worried that we wouldn't find any of these
people that we called them self-awareness unicorns. True. But thank goodness, we
did find them. Because what these unicorns taught me would create a ground-
breaking revelation for how all of us can find genuine self-awareness. And that's
what I want to share with you. Today, I want you to reflect on how you're
reflecting. I know that's a mouthful. And to get there, we're going to need to
shatter one of the most widely held beliefs about finding self-awareness. But first
things first. 
What is this thing we call self-awareness anyway? It's the ability to see ourselves
clearly, to understand who we are, how others see us and how we fit into the
world. Self-awareness gives us power. We might not always like what we see, but
there's a comfort in knowing ourselves. And there's actually a ton of
research showing that people who are self-aware are more fulfilled. They have
stronger relationships. They're more creative. They're more confident and better
communicators. They are less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. They perform better at
work and are more promotable. And they're more effective leaders with more
profitable companies.
In the world of self-awareness, there are two types of people: those who think they're
self-aware, and those who actually are. It's true. My team has found that 95% of people
think they're self-aware, but the real number is closer to 10 to 15%. You know what this
means, don't you? It means that on a good day - on a good day - 80% of us are lying to
ourselves about whether we're lying to ourselves. Pretty scary, right? So you can imagine
the challenge we had in figuring out who was truly self-aware. What do you think
would've happened if I had said, "Hey! How self-aware are you?" Exactly. So to be part of
our research, our unicorns had to clear four hurdles. They had to believe they were self-
aware as measured by an assessment my team developed and validated. Using that same
assessment, someone who knew them well had to agree. They had to believe that they'd
increased their self-awareness in their life, and the person rating them had to agree.
We found 50 people out of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds who met our
criteria. They were professionals, entrepreneurs, artists, students, stay-at-home
parents. And we didn't find any patterns by industry, age, gender or any other
demographic characteristic. These unicorns helped my team discover a most
surprising truth. That approach you're using to examine your thoughts, your
feelings, and your motives, you know, introspection. Well, you're probably doing it
- there's no easy way to say this - you're probably doing it totally wrong. Yes, there
is a reason so few of us are self-aware.
So let me tell you about the evening that I first discovered the ugly truth about
introspection. It was about 10 p.m. on a beautiful Colorado spring evening. And I
was in my office, hopped up on Diet Coke and Smartfood popcorn. And I just
analyzed a set of data, and to say that I was surprised would be an
understatement. My team and I had just run a simple study looking at the
relationship between introspection and things like happiness, stress and job
satisfaction. Naturally, the people who introspected would be better off. Wouldn't
you think so? Our data told the exact opposite story. People who introspected
were more stressed and depressed, less satisfied with their jobs and their
relationships, less in control of their lives.
THANK YOU